Vikings

A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o rape (literally) back in the day

Summary

Vikings were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, unlike the heavy cavalry jerks that were taking over Europe. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy. Once they were allied, they started going soft, so to counteract that conquered Saxony and helped form England. Some of them even got down to Sicily, and a whole boat load (pun intended) got all the way to modern Turkey and formed the Byzantine Emperors personal body guards, the Varangian Guards.

Vikings believed that when they died in battle (Preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to the Fólkvangr, which probably isn't as cool, but most people ignore that(Fólkvangr is the realm controlled by Freyja, the nordic god of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell. She's also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place. All in all Freyja's hall Sessrúmnir is not at all a bad place to end up.), where they would chug booze, eat all the meat and cheese they wanted, and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! EVER! And if that weren't bad enough, The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but raw fish. The exception is if you dying giving birth, then you got to Valhalla, go woman! That said, There was the third way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, the lame ones went to Hel. The Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to dwarves, but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for axes and could use anything, including body parts and broken furniture, as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that rode Dragons even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with barbarians either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos and becoming werewolf supersoldiers.

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, for a good reason. During their raiding paries, they would steal anything that wasn't nailed down. if it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd burn it, and if they couldn't burn it, they'd FUCK it!

Viking Longships

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships. Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though.

Gallery

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  When Elspeth Tirel needs backup, these are the people she calls.

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  Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.