Warriors of Chaos

Warriors of Chaos

Remember when the Followers of the Dark Gods were badass Viking Warlords encased in badass looking armor and not emo Space Marines? Remember when the Chaos was a thing to be feared, and was not a mob of incompetents led by a certain armless failure? Remember when Warhammer's greatest villain that could be fielded in the tabletop was capable of wrestling a Bloodthirster to the ground? Remember when Warhammer was a fantasy universe?

We do too. These are the Warriors of Chaos; the Granddaddies of Chaos Space Marines.

Guys in big imposing armour from some of the most inhospitable areas of the world. They follow the four Gods of Chaos (Nurgle, Tzeentch, Slaanesh and Khorne). Love their mutations like the French love wine. Like to fight either among themselves or with anyone else who happens to be nearby. Sometimes form a huge army lead by a particularly favored champion of the Gods. This army will then attack the countries of the old world(a bit like black crusades in 40K, with the major diffrence being that their leader usually has something resembling arms). These large incursions seem to be getting more frequent. Yet, have stopped for now, due to Games Workshop refusing to do ANYTHING with this setting. How much moar SPESS MEHREEN can people possible take?!

They are also Vikings, which makes them innately superior to the Chaos Space Marines, their 40k brothers. Even more so, as they do not have an obsessive wolf fetish. In fact, in Mark of Chaos, there was a Warrior of Chaos called 'Engrik Wolfbane'. In teh fluff, they are known as 'Norscans'.

They regard the Empire as shooty fags who would rather stay on a hill or behind walls instead of in the thick of glorious battle like real men and the Empire thinks that they're uncivilized barbarians who must be cleaned up.

Some believe that Leman Russ fathered this race after being lost in the warp and falling to Chaos. NO! KEEP YOUR PUSSIFIED WARHAMMER 40K SHIT OUTTA HERE, FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD BOY! Sigmar is all but officially considered a primarch, deal with the crossover or GTFO! Unberogen ain't no Preemerk 'cause he's too awesome for the Emperor's pussy ass to handle.

Who the Fuck?

The undisputed main antagonists of Warhammer Fantasy; these guys forged the foundations for the popularity of Warhammer as a franchise. Yes, before it was plagued by endless GRIMDARK and endless villain sues, Warhammer was a badass fantasy universe filled with badass Vikings and Holy Roman Empire Germans killing each other for glory, bloodshed, and the lulz.

Norsca: A peninsula located in the extreme north of the Old World, just slightly south of the Chaos Wastes, wherein lies a bona-fide portal to hell. Oh, you think the Eye of Terror is worth anything? That place cries every night due to the fact it will never be as badass as the Chaos Wastes. Dwelling in Norsca itself? Giants and Trolls fill the icy forests, providing the badass Northmen with ample opportunity for their young to cut their teeth before manhood.

The harsh, ice-bound Northland produces the most powerful, savage and terrifying warriors in the setting. The Norscans literally breathe war, which sends many to gravitate to Khorne. That's right. Norscans are BORN into worship of Chaos. No 'corruption' or 'crisis of faith' here. Worshiping the Satanic Eldritch Gods of Evil is the state approved religion. Also something that makes them superior to Chaos Marines is that these guys are actually feared. And led by badasses. And rather amusingly, they seem a lot smarter, but mostly because the fluff doesn't have them acting like complete and utter dumbasses all the time. Norse Longships are a feared sight on the misty seas of the Old World. Wherever they pass, they bring devastation. They are also cheerful adventurers! Consistently travelling the lands and placing outposts just cause they can. Particularly toward Lustria, which is basically the equivalent of the Vikings colonizing the Americas. Except they did this simply to start a fight with the Lizardmen.

Hell yeah, you think Orks like war? Norscans wrote the book on killing and raping.

Alas, nothing is perfect, and as per Warhammer Fantasy's analogues to real history, some Norscans have unfortunately turned to the soft civilized ways of the South. As per their Norse codes of honor, every Norscan, be he for Chaos or another Faith, must face the world with some dignity. Which basically means, fight with honor, meaning don't fight with shit like poisons and ambushes, and honesty in dealings. Though some of this is influenced by the most Southernmost Norscans cavorting with the people of Marionburg.

They usually get their asses raped when their Northern cousins reign down from the Chaos Wastes. Thus correcting the obvious quirk in the genepool. Common Norse tribes, by location, include;

Northern Tribes:

• Grælinger
• Aeslinger
• Varg

The tribes of north are closest of the Norse to the dread Chaos Wastes and the roving Kurgan tribes of the steppe, hence they are the most warlike of the northmen. Mutation is common among these tribes and they are often at the forefront of incursions, driving the way for the Kurgan tribes, willingly or not. They are a brutal and bloodthirsty lot. Merciless, they kill for the love of killing.

Southern Tribes

• Bjørnlinger
• Skælinger
• Sarls
• Bærsonlinger

The southern tribes are somewhat milder than their northern counterparts. While they raid and blunder like the rest of their kin, it is from these tribes that the new efforts for peaceful communications originate. They raid when necessary for survival, but are more interested in acts of heroism and adventure over the carnal slaughter embraced by their savage kin. More civilized as they may be, they still fight with rival tribes. In fact, the Bjornlings are fierce rivals of the Graelings, and the Sarls regularly fight the Aeslings and the Baersonlings. That said, during the Chaos Incursions, these southern Norse banded together to wage war against the Empire as it was demanded by their Gods. Refusing the call of battle is grounds for annihilation.

Noted Personalities

Oh, with the Mighty Tribes of the Norse, it would be easier to make a list of who isn't a complete badass. If that were so, this section wouldn't have to be written. But you've asked for it, so...

Arbaal the Undefeated: This guy is basically Fantasy's answer to Kharn. And as such, he's also pretty fun to be around. But so much more awesome. He's basically a grim-dark, Viking, Berserking Conan who dedicated to Khorne. Arbaal is Khorne's most favored servitor in the cannon, and the greatest of all His warriors. As well as the most potent fighter in the setting. Countless thousands have fallen beneath his bloodthirsty axe and their skulls pile at the base of the Blood God's mighty throne. A relentless fury of destruction and blood-letting descends on Arbaal whenever he wades through his foes in battle - no one has ever been able to withstand his attacks. He is ever aware of the eyes of Khorne upon him, knowing that should he one day fail in battle, the terrible wrath of his patron deity shall descend upon him. Thus is the punishment for failure. Arbaal always rides to battle on a daemonic mount - an extremely large Flesh Hound of Khorne. During the Siege of Praag it was Arbaal who finally cracked the gates of the city with his axe, beginning the slaughter of its unfortunate inhabitants. He may have subsequently fallen in the siege of the city of Kislev, along with Asavar Kul.

Fuck that last part though, Arbaal is too awesome to die.

Archaon The Everchosen: Lord of the End of Times; Chaos Incarnate; Herald of the Apocalypse

With a title that over the top you'll find yourself expecting something big, and boy does this guy deliver. The current Champion of Chaos, he's basically Abaddon in a fantasy setting only without the fail and in possession of some actual character and entertainment value (not to mention ARMS). Archaon is basically the big bad of the Warriors of Chaos faction, which makes him, essentially, the big bad of the big bad faction.

Kind of like Abaddon, he wasn't always a big spiky villain. Archaon started out as a devout templar of Sigmar, utterly dedicated to the eradication of chaos, until he saw fit to happen across some manuscripts belonging to the heretical author necrodomo the insane, thereby giving Archaon an epiphany that saw him turn over a new, spiky, chaosy leaf. What this means of course is that, unlike Abaddon, Archaon didn't meekly follow in the footsteps of his beloved husbando spiritual liege like the happy little lapdog he is, but rather switched to Chaos entirely on his own terms, thereby further exemplifying how much more awesome he is.

Archaon then went on a happy and fun filled adventure to acquire various chaos relics belonging to his predecessors, slaughtering Elves and wierd troglodyte people and a goddamn dragon among various other crazy trials before, fully blinged out, he submitted himself to a trial by fire whereby each Chaos god tried their best to screw him over. Nurgle made pus dribble out of his eye socket; Tzeentch made him run through a crystalline maze of his own design like a spiky little mouse; Slaanesh forced him to gaze directly upon his irresistible form and... resist (!). Finally, Khorne pitted him against a powered up bloodthirster, who Archaon also stuck with his incredible daemon pigsticker... 'The Slayer of Kings'. Much better than... Drar'kyen, Drak'yen, Dry'cleanen.. or whatever the hell Abbadon calls his lamer sword.

Triumphant, Archaon won a cool, spiky helmet that pretty much function as a 50-foot tall bright red neon sign attached to his head that reads I'M THE BOSS (and also had a neat little groove for his magical eye of Sheerian). He then proceeded to invade Kislev and march up to Middenheim and attempt to take it, only he failed and then got caught by an Empire army led by some upstart twerp who in an inverse to Archaon, is actually a ripoff of a much better 40k character. He caused the big guy some trouble, but the Lord of The End of Times wrecked his shit, and even managed to punt Luthor Huss all the way across the battlefield as an afterthought (Looney toons sound effects were probably involved).

Feeling a little under the weather, Archaon didn't see Grimgor coming up behind him, got melvinned by the Greenskin who then ran as fast as he fucking could out of there (because Archaon could eat Grimgor for breakfast) hooting 'Grimgor iz da best!'. Ashamed, Archaon withdrew, the world was safe, Valten got gutted in his sleep by Snikch, and nothing of consequence really happenedNOT.

Storm of Chaos was an absolute sham. GW actually grew a brain for once and realized how sucky this resolution was and pulled a rare smart move by retconning it to the extent that Archaon is back to being poised to unleash hell on the old world rather than having lost his arms in the process of doing so. Assuming he actually gets around to doing anything, stupid non-moving story.

As if you didn't need another reason to think this guy is better than Failbaddon, GW actually makes the effort to undo any of his mistakes, unlike the buffoon of the Black Legion who is doomed to be a failure time and again (and again).

In the irony of the fact that Archeon is a far more effective villain than Failbaddon, although he's the best melee character in the game currently, with a 1+ armor save, a 3+ ward save, -1 to all rolls to hit against him, magic resistance 2, ignores armor saves, is mounted with an extra strong demonic mount, he's not used nearly as much because the current rules make him too expensive to be worth using.

Asavar Kul: Ah, Asavar Kul. The original fucking Chaos Lord. Aside from Morkar the Uniter, but we'll talk about him later. Perhaps the greatest fighter and most powerful of all the servitors of Chaos period. Asavar is basically the only person in the cannon to have almost destroyed the Empire. Before that, he mercilessly raped the Empire and destroyed all of Praag in a display of such Evil that was undreamed by Man and only barely recalled by D