Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka
Ghazy started out as an Ork of very little standing or prestige in the Goff's Klan on the planet of Urk, where he also got his name 'Uruk', Yeah, we thought it was a LoTR reference too. Anyway, this meant that he was at least slightly tougher than the regular git, but hey, who's counting?
Anyway, an unknown group of Spess Mehreens decided to get down there and fuck those Ork faggots in Uruk. Oh, poor Ghazghkull tried to fight, (and the key word being 'tried') but a single bolter round tore into his skull, destroyed over 30% of his skull and pulped most of his brain. Rough, considering like most Orks he had little there to begin with. After the Spess Mehreens systematically raped everything with green skin and stupid, unfunny cockney accent on Uruk, Ghazghkull, face down and ass up, was found by a particularly... creative Painboy known as Mad Dok Grotsnik, who rebuilt the small Ork's head with adamantium for... some reason.. it was never really explained..
Apparently metal plates unleash Psyker potential within Orks. Which also gave Ghazghkull some visions from Gork and Mork, convincing him he was blessed. So yeah, Orks can be religious too. So, after this, he became delusional- sorry, I mean't DESTINED FER GRAET DINGZZZ and rose to become Warboss of his tribe after a short period of 6 years. Guess he needed to check in with his Ork Minister. Anyway, here's where the lulzy shit starts going down. A year or two later, Uruk's sun began to die, killing boyz with radiation from severe Solar Flares. However, conveniently enough, a massive Space Hulk appeared and provided Ol' Ghazy a chance to be someone for a change. He decided to get all them boys on Uruk together and made for that Space Hulk. It failed to start up several times. In the warp of all places. Which also meant they got to fwack some lesser daemons while they waited.
Anyway they finally managed to reach Armageddon and the fine wars that we all know and love started out. They were all great failures, especially considering that every fucking strategy he tried was fucked over by Yarrick in the Second Armageddon War anyway. Then the SPESSSH MEHREEENZ arrived and it all went as well as you would expect things to go for the Orks when the Oh-So Awesome Hyper-Religious Muslim Nazi Warriors of the Imperium decide to get their act together. Then the Third War for Armageddon started and Ghazgkhull got his ass kicked by an Old Man with a oversized and silly looking Claw. What the fuck? Sometime between all of this, Yarrick swore to avenge the dead of Armageddon and kill Ghazgkhull. A rather strange thing to hear from a man who's job it is to kill his own soldiers when they even so ever put their hands up or ask a question, but hey, we'll buy it.
Ghazgkhull developed a.. equally unhealthy relationship with Yarrick, regarding him as; 'the bestest 'umie evar'
So in closing, blame those fucking Space Marines for the Second and Third Wars of Armageddon and the legions of Ork Fanboys who venerate Ghaszghkull like he was the friggin Emprah
Ghazghkull was killed by a Khornate Chaos Lord on Khorne's order just to troll Yarrick though.
Awesome Quotes
I'm da hand of Gork and Mork, dey sent me to rouse up da boyz to crush and kill ‘cos da boyz forgot what dere ‘ere for.
I woz one of da boyz till da godz smashed me in da ‘ead an’ I ‘membered dat Orks is meant to conquer and make slaves of everyfing they don’t kill.
I’m da profit of da Waaagh an’ whole worlds burn in my boot prints. On Armour-Geddem, I led da boyz through da fire deserts and smashed da humies’ metal cities to scrap. I fought Yarik, old one-eye at Tarturus, an’ he fought good but we smashed iz city too.
I’m death to anyfing dat walks or crawls, where I go nothin’ stands in my way. We crushed da stunties on Golgotha, an’ we caught old one-eye when da speed freeks blew da humies’ big tanks ta bits. I let ‘im go ‘cause good enemies iz ‘ard to find, an Orks need enemies ta fight like they need meat ta eat an’ grog ta drink.
I iz more cunnin’ than a grot an’ more killy than a dread, da boyz dat follow me can’t be beat. On Pissenah we jumped da marine-boyz an’ our bosspoles was covered in da helmets we took from da dead ‘uns. We burned dere port an’ killed dere bosses an’ left nothin’ but ruins behind. I’m Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka an’ I speak wiv da word of da gods. We iz gonna stomp da ‘ooniverse flat an’ kill anyfing that fights back. We iz gonna do this coz’ we’re Orks an’ we was made ta fight an’ win!
Makari
Once upon a time (read: 2nd edition) Ghazghkull had a personal standard bearer, Makari the Gretchin. He was quite fond of Makari. Makari had no battle application, he had no guns and poorer fighting ability than a Guardsman. But he had a banner, a BIG banner, that he waved about eagerly. In fact, so eagerly he often got shot at, but Makari was a special Gretchin. He was ridiculously lucky, so lucky in fact, he had an unmodifiable 2+ save (equivalent of a 2+ invul save). So walking into the most dangerous battle zones in the whole of the grimdark Universe was one plucky little Gretchin with a banner, standing side by side with the most powerful Ork in existence.
Then Games Workshop decided that big bad Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka having a personal Gretchin wasn't grimdark enough. So big G sat on Makari by accident and fed him to a squig.
Fuck. That.
The Truth about Makari
Orks are creatures of war and death. Deprived of it they waste away as other species would deprived a vital part of their diet. It is the slowest and most agonizing death an Ork can face. But that is not to say that Orks do not have a kind side, a decent side. A side that allows them to feel fondness of others.
"Oi, Boss, where ya goin'?" asked Graknob, before a sharp smack to the back of the head from one of his fellow Nobs silenced him. Ghazghkull Thraka, greatest Ork Warlord the Orkoid race has ever seen, did not even stop in his plodding steps as he walked away from his main tent in the camp. Some of the boyz had objected to moving the Waaagh off course to visit this small, unknown, out of the way planet. 'Itz already been smashed, why we'z goin' here?' some had asked, but never loud enough for the boss to hear. The Nobz waited for their mega-armoured warboss to be out of earshot before answering the new member of Ghazghkull's retinue.
"'E's off rememberin'" said one, an old Ork named Griksnak who had served their boss for many many years.
"'E can remember jus' fine round 'ere. What's 'e rememberin'?" asked the curious Nob, uncaring of the death-stares he was receiving from his fellow Nobz.
"Think 'bout it dis way, ya git. Us Orks love ta fight, yeah?"
"Yeah, even a snotling knows dat!"
"But da boss keeps sendin' us 'gainst da 'umies. Dis is cuz 'e hates dem. Now, why'd da boss hate 'umies?"
Graknob remained silent for a few seconds, pondering the question he was asked. "Cuz dey got ugly faces?"
The other Nobz just shook their heads. "'E lost someone ta 'em." Graknob looked around, confused. Everyone knew it didn't matter if an Ork died, he just got belched back into another body. He couldn't understand the feeling of loss.
Ghazghkull had shed most of his mega armour by the time he got to the top of the hill. Being an Ork, the act of removing armour seemed... unusual, to say the least, but it seemed appropriate to approach this site somewhat vulnerable. After all, he was meeting with the one being he knew would never harm him.
"'ey. Uhh... not sure what's I suppose'ta say 'ere. Jus' wanted tah, y'know, say 'ello. See how ya's was. Dose 'umies who got dat lucky shot off on ya? Yeah, dey dead. 'Dere planet is dead. Got lotsa da bastards. 'Ope dat helps out somehow. Wells... I's be goin', den. I... I misses ya, boy." Ghazghkull Mag Thraka turned and began walking down the hill again, leaving the grave he had been speaking to behind. A grave that simply said:
Makari
Banna Wava
Everyone knew Orks were belched back into another body after they died. Not Gretchin though. No Gretchin could ever replace Makari.