Tarrasque

The Tarrasque is a pure fucking engine of destruction (which not coincidentally resembles Godzilla). Dreaded by adventurers for its high hp value and its obscenely high regeneration ability, only surpassed by Zargon in the Elder Evils book, it is known to rampage across nations eating everything. It cannot fully be killed through normal means; therefore, anyone lucky enough to reduce a Tarrasque to negative 30 hp will then have to use a wish or a miracle spell to completely destroy it, with only a 50% chance of success. If unsuccessful it will wake up again x years later and fuck more shit up. Also, no matter how big your army is (assuming your adventuring party had enough cash to recruit mercenaries), the Tarrasque's fast metabolism will allow him to produce such powerful flatulence that all your troops will die by suffocation in just one turn.

He only wakes up for 1-4 days every 2-12 months, but every now and then he stays up for several weeks before napping for several years for some reason that's never explained. Yeah, he's a heavy sleeper. Must be all the binge drinking.

As 3.Xe went on, more and more monsters were introduced to constantly one up the Tarrasque who already had to compete with Great Wyrm Dragons. In the monster manual II, we at first got the Leviathan and the Phoenix, neither of which had an comparable hit point count (though the phoenix has some fuckawesome spell like abilities, and goes boom with the force of a disintegration spell when killed, after which it promptly COMES THE FUCK BACK TO LIFE!) and Linnorms, who are massively over CRd. Nothing really similar to the Tarrasque was introduced in the other three monster manuals save for Dalmosh, who the Tarrasque would eat for breakfast, and then there was this giant prismatic...hamster...thing. But then a (lot of) challenger(s) approached when the Epic Level handbook, and the very first monsters that were undoubtedly bigger and stronger than the Tarrasque appeared in the form of Abominations, Colossuses...Colossusi...Colossi...Colossen...Colo-fuck it, Prismatic and Force Dragons, Ruin Vermin, and other such shit (like the bullshit permanent HP loss inducing wights.) Then came the books of Vile Darkness and Exalted Deeds which gave us the outsider lords, then came Deities & Demigods, and the fiend folio which gave us thunder worms, after which wizards didn't make much more uber-high CR shit. The Tarrasque got a break when the Fiendish Codex 1 nerfed the fuck out of the demon lords, though the Fiendish Codex 2 kept the Lords of the Nine where they were. Then came the Elder Evils book (a fuckawesome splatbook) and now the Tarrasque was literally swimming in competitors.

But salvation came when Dragon Magazine and the WotC website offered advanced and templated Tarrasque statistics, allowing the Tarrasque to reclaim his rightful spot as the strongest creature in all of D&D. That's right, you Atropals and your other abomination pals can fuck off, the big T is number 1!!!111ONEONEONE According to some, however, the Tarrasque is actually a pretty swell guy.

tl;dr

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? YOU CAN FLY? YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE NOW? THE TARRASQUE HAS ONE THING TO SAY!

BRING IT.

How to Kill A Tarrasque

This article or section contains opinions shared by all and/or vast quantities of Derp. It is liable to cause Rage. Take things with a grain of salt and a peck of Troll.

The following are mental exercises, not meant for actual gameplay. In a real game, a halfway-decent Dungeon Master would come up with a creative solution, and hopefully a player wouldn't really optimize a character solely for the sake of killing a unique creature that might never appear in the campaign.

So stop bitching about how "this would never happen in a real game."

(3.5) How to Kill A Tarrasque in 20 Easy Levels

First, the feats for each level (and source book if it's not the PH):

Human extra feat: Power Attack
Fighter 1: Anus Stab
Fighter 2: Improved Bull Rush
Fighter 3: Mage Slayer
Fighter 4: Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
Fighter 6: Leap Attack (Complete Adventurer), Shock Trooper (Complete Warrior)
Fighter 8: Blind-Fight
Fighter 9: Pierce Magical Concealment (Complete Arcane)
Fighter 10: Melee Weapon Mastery: Slashing (Player's Handbook II)
Fighter 12: Greater Weapon Focus: Greatsword, Pierce Magical Protection (Complete Arcane)
Fighter 14: Greater Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
Fighter 15: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Claw at the Moon (Tome of Battle)
Fighter 16: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Sudden Leap (Tome of Battle)
Fighter 18: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Pouncing Charge (Tome of Battle), Weapon Supremacy: Greatsword (Player's Handbook II)
Fighter 20: Improved Initiative

Key Equipment:

+5 Speed, Valorous (Unapproachable East), Adamantine Greatsword: 166,050 gp, provides an extra attack at your highest attack bonus when making a full attack, and deals double damage on all charge attacks
+1 Soulfire (Book of Exalted Deeds), Heavy Fortification, Mithril Armor: 100,000 gp + the cost of the mithril armor, provides immunity to critical hits, death effects, and negative energy effects
Manual of Gainful Exercise +5: 137,500 gp, provides a +5 inherent bonus to Strength
Belt of Giant Strength +6: 36,000 gp, provides a +6 enhancement bonus to Strength
Ring of Freedom of Movement: 40,000 gp, provides immunity to grappling and movement impedances
Ring of Mental Protection (Player's Handbook II): 110,000 gp, provides immunity to mind-affecting effects
Mask of True Seeing (Unapproachable East): 75,000 gp, provides continuous True Sight

Strength:

18 base from point-buy
+5 from level ups
+5 inherent bonus from Manual of Gainful Exercise
+6 enhancement bonus from Belt of Giant Strength

Total Strength: 34, with a Strength modifier of +12

Attack bonus with +5 greatsword when charging:

20 Base
+1200 Strength bonus
+1 Weapon Focus
+1 Greater Weapon Focus
+2 Melee Weapon Mastery
+5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon
+2 charging

Total attack bonus when charging: +43

Damage with +5Q2D4 greatsword:

2d6 base damage
+18 Strength bonus and a half
+2 Weapon Specialization
+2 Greater Weapon Specialization
+2 Melee Weapon Mastery
+5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon

Total damage: 2d6+29

So, you're a Human Fighter 20, standing 60 feet away from the death machine that is the Tarrasque. This is the moment of ultimate truth. If you lose initiative, you're supremely and irrevocably fucked like a bunny on fire in a bucket of gasoline with poo for a brain, since although you can survive a charge of the Tarrasque, you probably won't be able to survive the AoOs from repositioning you. If you wins initiative though, with the help of some initiative-boosting items I forgot to list down then it's game time.

You spend a full-round action using your Pouncing Charge manoeuvre, which lets you charge and make a full attack at the end of it, while getting the +2 bonus to attack rolls on all your attacks. As part of your charge, you make a Jump check (easy enough with your ranks and Strength bonus) to activate Leap Attack, as you Power Attack for your full Base Attack Bonus, transforming the attack penalty into an AC penalty using Shock Trooper. So, you're making a full attack at +80 damage on each hit, at the cost of -20 AC and then another -2 AC from charging. Now, at this point, the damage on each of your attacks would normally be 2d6+109 (average 116) from your Leap Attacking shenanigans. However, your Valorous weapon makes you deal double damage on any and all charge attacks, shooting it up to a ludicrous 4d6+218 (average 232). This isn't including critical hits, but we won't be needing them, and they're a pain to calculate in 3.5 anyway and bring the boys to the yard with my milkshakes.

So then, as you charge past the Tarrasque's threatened squares, it takes an AoO against you, using its bite. It damages you some, but it won't be able to score a crit thanks to your Heavy Fortification armour, and your Ring of Freedom of movement prevents a grapple and a swallow. You then make five attacks, at +43/+43/+37/+32/+27. The Tarrasque has "only" 35 AC. The first three only miss on a natural one, giving them a 95% hit chance. For the fourth one, you activate your +5 bonus from Weapon Supremacy, shooting it up to +37, and thus giving that one a 95% hit chance as well. The fifth and final attack is where you take 10, also using Weapon Supremacy, to make it automatically hit. So then, four attacks at a 95% hit chance, and one attack automatically hitting. 0.95 * 4 + 1 = 4.8.

4.8 * average 232 damage on each hit = average 1,113.6 damage in total. The Tarrasque has damage reduction 15/epic, however, subtracting a total of 75 damage from five hits, but that's still an amazing 1,038.6 damage inflicted on the Tarrasque's hit point total of 858 anyway. At this point, the Tarrasque should be down to -180 or -181 hit points, meaning it will be back in action in 5 rounds, and that's why I hope you've got a means to cast Wish right then and there.

(3.5) How to Kill A Tarrasque in 17 Easy Levels (or 1, if you are wealthy)

Start off as a Cleric or Wizard. Add whatever full spellcaster PrC's you want/qualify for. Reach 17th level.

Key Equipment:

Holy Symbol (Cleric) or Spellbook (Wizard). If you're a Wizard, you'll need to have learned the Gate spell.
Some method of flying for around 10 rounds or so (yes, you can use a spell if you have a suitable one). Or just be able to run quickly.

Method:

Stand (or fly) far enough away from the Tarrasque so that it can't attack you. Cast Gate, to Call an Angel (Solar). You should be able to get one with at least 34 HD. Have the Solar attack the Tarrasque with Slaying arrows. Be ready to hit the Tarrasque with ongoing damage once it goes down, but stay out of melee range of it. Use the Solar's Wish (Spell Like ability) to kill it. If that fails, have the Solar cast Miracle (one of its standard spells).

Note: Anyone with 8,400 gp (including a wealthy 1st level Commoner) can also accomplish this by using a Good aligned Candle of Invocation.

(3.5) How to Defeat The Tarrasque in 3 Easy Levels

No particular feats required.
No particular items required.
Be a wizard of level 3.
Put on your robe and wizard hat.
Cast Command Undead on an allip (it's a CR 3 monster, if you can't find any just learn to cast Summon Undead.)
Cast Silent Image in front of the Tarrasque or Invisibility on yourself.
Have the allip attack it. Every hit will take off 3 wisdom on average with no saving throw, and the Tarrasque has an abysmal touch AC, with no way to hit incorporeal targets.
Once at 0 wisdom, it'll be unconscious until its ability score is restored. Cast Unseen Servant and have it shovel dirt into the nasal passages and lungs of the disabled Tarrasque so it can't breathe.
Per the MM, regeneration does not restore HP lost from suffocation, so it will be stuck at negative hit points, at least until some retard unpacks the dirt from its sinuses.
Congratulations! For defeating the Tarrasque, you're now a level 4 wizard, with 1 XP away from level 5. Make some wealth by opening a Bar and Grill on its back.
For added hilarity, take the Precocious Apprentice feat and with some mildly lucky rolls do this at level 1.

Equally Legal Alternative: Works at level 18.

Cleric/Master of Shrouds with the time domain.
Greater Rod of Maximize spell or the Maximize Spell feat and DMM or Illumian race with the Naenhoon sigil word.
Start your turn within close range and cast Maximized Time Stop giving you 5 turns to prep.
For five turns use the Master of Shrouds ability to summon shadows, 4 each time for a total of 20.
Master of Shrouds gives +2 damage to all summons, Shadows deal 1d6 str damage on touch turning it into 1d6+2 str damage.
All shadows ready action to touch Big T when time stop ends.
Assuming one rolls a 1 and misses 19*3(min str damage) = 57, no save, no SR.
Big T has a str score of 45 (only 15 actually have to hit) and the shadow ability specifies that when a living creature has its str reduced to 0 it dies.

(3.5) How to defeat The Tarrasque in 1 Easy Level

Pazuzu, Pazuzu, Pazuzu...gets knocked out by thrown DMG.
ONLY WORKS IN FORGOTTEN REALMS.

(4E) How to Defeat The Tarrasque in 1 Easy Level

Be a 1st Level Human Wizard.
Grab the Implement Focus and Arcane Reserves feat.
Buy a riding horse for 75g.
Put on your robe and wizard hat.
Exhaust all of your arcane encounter attack powers before engaging the Tarrasque.
Cast Magic Missile on the Tarrasque while 20 squares away. Your Magic Missile when you have 20 does 7 damage, plus 1 from your Implement focus feat, and 2 from your Arcane Reserves feat (which isn't a feat bonus so it stacks) for 11 damage. The Tarrasque resists 10 of this and takes 1 damage.
Ride away from the Tarrasque until you're far enough that it can't close the distance with you in one of its turn.
Repeat the last two steps 1,419 more times.
Congratulations! For defeating the Tarrasque, you are now level 17.
For added hilarity, have some friends roll Warlords or other basic attack factories with their own horses, and switch off leading the Tarrasque while receiving extra basic attacks which can be used to fire more Magic Missiles.
Beware the Tarrasque's burrow and action points - once it has exhausted its action points, it is easy game but you can't hit it while it is burrowing. However, the rules state you can use an attack on a location and Magic Missile isn't rolled for and therefore isn't penalized by cover, so if you can justify to your DM that you can "hear" where it is and fire at it (which the rules say is Perception vs. Stealth and I doubt the Tarrasque is going to try to be very stealthy) then not only will this still work, but it works better especially if you lure the Tarrasque through solid rock. The rules never state that burrowing removes line of sight, only that the creature cannot be seen, which is different (for example, you can still attack an invisible enemy or an enemy you cannot see due to blindness.)