Vampire

"A monster I am, lest a monster I wankity wank wank..."

These guys suck. Blood, mostly, but in recent portrayals they've learned there's more to sucking than just sustenance. Vampires were originally people that died and came back as undead, blood-craving monsters (Actually, vampires were originally bloated walking corpses that would attempt to eat the hearts of the living) or perhaps were infected by another vampire to become one, but now they're an overrated, over-glorified "race" that emo fags love, and at times the entertainment industry circle jerks to. Possibly the most notorious example of the ruination of vampires in contemporary media are the Twilight vampires from the book/movie series written by Stephanie Meyer, which are less like undead fiends and more like mysterious pretty-boys, who sparkle in the sunlight rather than burning to death, as in older portrayals.

Vampires used to be badass motherfuckers that struck at night and hypnotized you into obedience so they could feed on you and turn you into a zombie, but then emo teens started to pretend that they were vampires until it stopped meaning "Dark Creature of the Night, Here to Devour your Soul", and started meaning "Faggot". Now, vampires are created through the use of make-up, bad poetry, and incense lit to conceal the smell of pot so the goth kid's parents don't come in and scold them in front of his friends from high school.

If you want vampires in their original, non-emo bad ass form, check out the Warhammer Fantasy Battle game created by GW, or go to Youtube, and look up Hellsing Ultimate. I mean, FUCK! Also, Team Four Star abridged episode one of Hellsing Ultimate, and had Alucard kill Edward Cullen. You know you want to watch it. Why aren't you? Have we offended you in some way?