Black Templars
The Black Templars. These Spess Mahrehns are as manly as the Manly Marines and as angry as the Angry Marines. They're righteously angry for the Empra, they rely primarily on close combat and their idea of a charge is a giant zerg rush of a thousand angry crusaders who won't hesitate to skullfuck the nearest alien/mutant/heretic with their powersword just because they look funny.
About the Black Templars
Rather than express this fury through cursing, ordering 10,000 pizzas to a rival chapter's fortress, or simply pounding the shit out of their opponents using a variety of power weapons: they do so by burning heretic texts(as kindling for the actual heretics), pwning mutants, and skull fucking aliens. But you might say, "Isn't that what every other Spess Marine chapter does?" Well you'd be right, but unlike other chapters that are borderline-extinct, closet furfags, Mary Sue faggots, or flaming homosexuals, these marines get shit done and they do this by zerg rushing their enemies with a hundred or more heavily power armored super humans holding power weapons while screaming a litany of curses at the top of their super human lungs. They generally fly around on their battle barges exterminatusing planets the Inquisition is too lazy fuck with itself or starting crusades against xenos faggots. Also unlike other Chapters, they don't have scout teams as they think they're not righteously angry enough. Instead: All new Neophytes are given some crap and schooled in the field by a fully appointed Marine (called an "Initiate").
-Black Templar Training-
Brother-Initiate Teuton McTemplar: Neophyte, get your ass over here and hold my lascannon while I charge that Carnifex with my sword.
Neophyte Random'O'Germansoundingname: But sir I have not yet earned my power armor and a lascannon weighs 100 kilos.
Brother-Initiate Teuton McTemplar: You are going to pick up that spotlight and burn some fucking xenos, and you are going to like it! DO IT FAGGOT!
Note: It would be nice for this to occur, but in reality, you can only arm the Neophytes with shotguns (not the SMURF-GRADE S4 ones, the old S3 ones *FIXED* Check the FAQ) or a bolt pistol with CCW.
The Black Templars is the largest loyalist chapter with 3,000-10,000 Catholic Space Nazis in its ranks, this is primarily because they're scattered through out the galaxy so their approximate number is unknown. This means that their chapter alone could wipe out the weeaboo communists if they were drawn together in one place. Of course this would twist the nipples of the Inquisition and move the setting of 40k along, so don't expect it to happen anytime soon(read: ever). Their rage does have the side effect of making them unwilling to fight beside psykers(and giving them the option to make any enemy a preferred enemy on the table top, which is fucking awesome), but screw that, they're so filled with rage that they charge forward when retreating and charge forward when they're FUCKING ANGRY. They are descended from the Imperial Fists, but obviously got Dorn's most manly spooge. They sometimes get to wear cool crusader helms, but they aren't quite as awesome as the beakies' corvus helms.
Their accomplishments include:
Taking back a hundred planets that were stolen by the blue space socialists after the Smurfs ran home like little babies to deal with a single hive fleet(Which cost them their entire 1st company).
Launching a 10,000 year crusade as part of their deal during the second founding.
Killing an alien psyker and accidentally blowing out ten billion astropaths in the process, oops.
Basically, when the Space Wolves are busy getting shitfaced, the Blood Angels are busy arranging their hair, the Ultrasmurfs are busy boosting their own egos, the Dark Angels are busy being paranoid heretics, the Salamanders are busy setting things on fire, and the Imperial Fists are busy being pious, you can count on the Black Templars to get shit done(albeit very badly). Righteously and with no fucking around.
Notable members
- High Marshall Helbrecht: Their current Chapter Master.
- Chaplain Grimaldus: THE most badass Chaplain in the entire Godsdamn Imperium. He held off a massive Ork WAAAGH on a very old temple that had relics and artifacts that's sacred to the Imperium. The battle only ended after the temple collapsed and buried every Ork and Marine under the rubble. But since Grimaldus was too badass to die: He crawled out of the temple with a few relics he managed to save. And besides the guy has the word grim in his fucking name! How can he not be badass? Plus he looks kinda like Darth Vader.
The main caveat about his description is in his depiction in the book Helsreach, featuring Grimaldus' service in Armageddon leading up to his title as "Hero of Helsreach". The majority of the book is him being a 10-foot tall, whiny, bitch who hates his job. We're not joking. He tells off some Salamander allies to fuck off for caring about civilians more so than finishing off some Orks (and, most importantly and vicariously, GLORY).
- Tankred: He who endures. Also is partial to bitches.
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
 | This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen. |
Recently it was confirmed that Games Workshop intends to release a new Black Templars codex, either before or after the Necrons get a codex update. Ignoring for a moment that Chaos still hasn't recieved a 5th edition codex when 6th Edition is on the horizon, and the Sisters of Battle are now hopelessly out-of-date, /tg/ emitted manly tears of pain and rage when it was discovered that Matt Ward would be writing it.
Considering that Matt has previously has bitched out any army with the audacity to go against the word of his spiritual liege, as he did so eloquently in articles and in Codex: Space Marines, there are only two ways that this could possibly end. Either:
- He proceeds to rape their codex and leave them as gimped as 5th-edition Tyranids at the hands of Robin Cruddance (though at least Cruddance gave the Tyranids badass fluff...which makes it all the more painful because their crunch doesn't match it. Then again, it was mostly that horrible FAQ that ruined 'Nids.)
He does exactly to them what he did to the Blood Angels and Grey Knights, and turn them into overpowering table-destroying death machines that rape every single army prior to the codex's release.They already do that. We only have one option here...
Either way, we lose. The God-Emperor of Mankind wept sat immobile on his throne.