4 chan anime Writefaggotry

A collection of Writefaggotry for the 4 chan anime

/TG/ and /V/ at the LGS

(scene) In the LGS. TG is working, someone wearing a trench coat and sunglasses with most of his face covered comes in.

TG - Welcome to the Local Gaming Store....*looks at the man*.......sir?

A (aside to TG) - I know a few things about androgyny, that's a male.

Man - I'm here for some of that....*whispers* dungeons and dragons stuff.

TG - Sure. Which edition are you looking for?

Man - Uh....uh....the first one.

TG - .....

Man - What?

TG - We're out of stock sir, might I suggest either 3rd or 4th?

Man (voice accelerating) - Why don't you just tell me when you'll get the shipment in andIcangiveyoumyaddressandyoucanshipittome

TG - Sir?

Man - And you can ship it to me.

TG - When we get our first edition shipment in....

Man - Yes. Would that be Ok?

TG - I don't think we're expecting a shipment for the next....year at least. Are you a first time player?

Man - How did you know!

TG - Lucky guess sir. Might I suggest 4th edition then? Excellent for beginners such as yourself.

Man *taking off his sunglasses to get a better look*

A - V?! Is that you!?

Damnit /k/ What did I tell you about the landmines!!

• BOOM*

C: waaaaaaah

TG: What the hell was that?

C: A squirrel just exploded! It was watching it from my window, and it was colecting nuts, and it was really cute and then it explodeeeed whaaaaaaaa!

TG: DAMN IT, K, what did I tell you about the mines!

K: I though I got them all! I must have forgot one!

• X leaves the room*

...

K: Damn it, how am i supposed to find them now.

• X returns to room*

X: I have a metal detector.

TG: Really? Why?

X: In case i needed to know if you were a secret robot.

• holds it up to TG*

X: See? now I know I can trust you if the robot revolution comes.

TG: Oh, X. There's no such thing as secret robots.

• R9K walks through the room with a sandwhich, passing behind TG.*

metal detector: BEEP BEEP BEEP.

• R9K stops and looks around*

• awkward silence*

R9K: What?

Thieves attempt to break into this building. Hilarity ensues.

K: DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA!

Burglar: OMFGWTF! *runs into X's room, slams door closed.*

X: What was that? WHO ARE YOU?

Burglar: Help me, he has a gun!

X: *whips out holy symbol* LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Burglar: I will! I'll leave, I swear! *scrambles for the window*

X: It worked? *pause* AAAAAAAAAAAAH Its a demon! Demon!

• THUD* on the door.

• Burglar looks at the door in fear.*

• TG Bursts into the room with a bastard sword in hand*

TG: "I KICK IN THE DOOR!"

Burglar: OH GOD *leaps out window, makes a break for it.*

X: Glad that's over.

• BLAM!*

V: Boom, headshot!

K: Don't take credit for my kill.

TG and K do some wargaming

"TG," K's eyes were level with the board, only a slight glimmer of moisture suggesting there were eyes in those wrinkled sockets, "You're distracted."
"What tells you that?" TG asked.
"Princess Patricia's Light Infantry appears to have been recruiting Catachan's to replenish its lost numbers to the Kaiser's Regiment Nr. 459," he growled, standing up.

Embarassed, TG fumbled, snatching the bemuscled and screaming figure from the Canadian light infantry arrayed in the trench, "Uh, sorry K, I just-"
"What'd I tell you about being saying sorry," growled K, as he reached for the dice.
"Uhm," TG hesitated, his Catachan still in his fingers, then shrugged, "'Only say sorry when their's a gun in your hand-'"
"Or a bullet in their head," K pulled the cigarette from his mouth, and smiled, "Look's like Princess Patricia's got to get some new boyfriends."
"What- oh come on K," TG gave the veteran a weary look, "Do I have to explain line of sight again?"
"What?" K scowled, "My men have been shooting that shed to shit, it only counts as light cover-"
"COMBINED with the trench that my men are in-"
"IT'S ARTILLERY, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO-"

Rent Day!!

RENT DAY! m00t goes to collect rent and everyone pays in their own unique way:

• /ck/ gives him a pie
• /r9k/ notes that he paid in advance.
• /k/ shoots a hole through the door when moot knocks, screaming that moot shouldnt sneak up on him like that. moments later, a hand pops through the blast-hole with a check.
• /d/ just opens and says that her/his payment will come at the usual time. What perversion could be planned?
• /b/ flings feces and howls about mudkips

Finally moot gets to /tg/. There is a not scrawled on the door stating that /tg/ is at work with /co/ (they co-own a game/comic shop) but the money is on the table. As he enters, moot is thrown into a dungeon crawl, and must brave traps, monsters and slay a dragon, and retreives a bag of gold as the hallway starts to collaps!

Moot returns to him room, and opens the bag of gold to see a note from /tg/; "Sorry the place is a mess, wasnt expecting company".

Moot relaxes into his chair, and /d/ walks in, drops a package in his lap, and walks out. moot opens the box, and inside it is a wig and a cute little girly dress, with a note pinned on it reading "Wash it before you return it this time."

A Visit to the Diner!

Scene: Diner

• /tg/ enters, /k/ shortly after

K: Why are we here, you said we were going to the hunting store after picking up your paycheck. (K pauses for a moment, seemingly lost in though.) Come to think of it, why would you wanna go to a hunting store anyway?

TG: Well the hunting store has a good variety of combat knives and daggers; and I want to check their critical threat ratings. Also we're here because I didn't have lunch-

• He's interrupted by the rather high pitched voice of /c/

E: Welcome to TGINF, how many in your party?

TG; Uh just two, and we'll take a seat at the counter...

• TG takes a look at C, about to say something.

K: Aren't you a little young to be working here /c/?

E: Yeah but nee-chan /a/ buttered but the manager and got me a part time job!

TG: Is that even legal- Cut off again as /b/ comes screaming from the kitchen knocking over busboys and waiters alike, several links of sausage in hand.

B: NEVAH GONNA CATCH MEEEEE!

• /ck/ shorty thereafter bursts from the kitchen waving a frying pan in her hands

CK: Get back here you little maggot!

B; AHAHAHHA-

• As /b/ leaves the Diner he is clotheslined by /co/ at the door. He falls to the ground dropping the sausages and coughing heavily.

• /co/ looks down at him, disapprovingly, shakes his head and sighs.

CO: Man, we really should keep him on a leash.

Laundry Day!

|TG ENTERS| "Anyone seen my D20 shirt?"

|A (lounging in chair, watching tv. Faint japanese-esque dialogue can be barely heard)| "Where'd you last see it?"

TG "When I was doing laundry."

A "Maybe you left it in the dryer?"

• Basement: The washing machine hums, theres no light, just the glow from /G's monitors*

TG (Head in dryer) "Not in here... what's this?" *pulls out six-breasted corset* "Eh..." G "D was down here doing her laundry earlier." *CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK* "You lose something?" TG "Yeah, my D20 shirt. The one with the amusing critical hit reference." G "Maybe she found it?"

• Outside D's room*

TG (staring at door, has 6-breasted corset in hand) "Well, here goes..." (walks up to door, knocks)

• Switch to view of door from inside room. Door opens, we see TG* "Hey, I was doing laundry earlier an- SAN CHECK SAN CHECK! OHGODOHGODOHGOD"

Back of D's head. "Oops! Thought you were... someone else. Is that my corset? I was looking for that." *takes corset, which TG had started to shield his face with* "Oh, and you left your shirt in the dryer." (tosses shirt, shirt lands on TG's face, TG has remained totally still during this time. "Thanks!" *door closes*

TG "Th-the horror...."

A Walk Down the Street.

Scene: Sidewalk, maybe 4 blocks away from 4chan apartment. /tg/ and /k/ exit the Hunting Store

TG: Man none of those had any decent critical threat!

K: I can't believe how ignorant that clerk was, he didn't even know the difference between a glock and a deagle. How do retards like that get hired anyway!

• The two begin to slowly walk back towards the apartment, quietly muttering about what the didn;t find at the store, when /k/ spys /an/, on her knees, staring at the grass looking in the abandoned lot.

K: well hey there /an/, what ya lookin at?

AN: Shhhh! You'll scare away the beetles.

K: Oh well, I'll be careful then.

• K walks away again, then raises his hand, as if a light bulb went off in his head.

K: By the way, I got rid of all the landmines. I finished my tests on my new detonators.

/an/ face lit up as she looked at K, knowing that her little critters would be safe.

An: That's wonderf-

• An explosion from the 4chan apartment interrupts her sentence.
• TG and K, recovering from the shock of the explosion, look at each other and exclaim simultaneously:

TG & K: My traps!

Both bolt towards the 4chan building.

Why Bother With Combat Skills When You can get Bluff?

Scene: /tg/'s room

• BAM BAM BAM* /tg/ is startled from his BLUHD REHVENS (or whatever army the board decides on) army list, hearing /r9k/'s voice slightly muffled though the door.

R9K: I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE /tg/! GET OUT HERE NOW!

• /tg/ puts down his notebook, codex and pen, and slows walks to the door, reaching his hand behind his head to satisfy an itch.

TG: Yeah yeah, what is it this time. (mutters to himself: It's always something different with him)

• /tg/ opens the door, quietly mumbling "I open the door." He is greeted by an astoundingly pissed /r9k/

TG; yeah yeah *yawn* what is it this time?

R9K: YOU! You ate the rest of my Chinese leftovers didn't you!

TG: Wha? Ive never been in your room. ( TG's face sharpens as his brain clicks together the peices.) Wait, you don't keep your door locked?

R9K: Well, yes, but not when im in the building...That's beside the point! You took my food and I want it back!

TG (leaning on the frame of his door, arms crossed): And how do you know *I* took your food?

R9K: My olfactory sensor-I mean I could smell it coming from your room! ( R9K points his finger towards /tg/'s mini fridge)

TG: You know I can't afford to order out, I just bought a Land Raider and some more d20's on Tuesday. ( does a hitchhikers thumb towards the plastic spruces laying next to his notebook on his desk)

R9K: BS! I wanna look in your frid-

• R9K suddenly turns his head to the left at an exact 90 degree angle, watching /g/ walk up the stairs slurping some Chicken Lo Mein from a pint box.

G: *slurp* Oh, by the way, thanks for the food 9k.

• /g/ waves at R9K before taking another spoonful (forkful?) of the food and shoving it into his mouth. He then notices R9K's belligerent look and a grimace of panic overtakes him as he dashes back down the stairs slurping up as many noodles as he can before R9K gives chase.

R9K: Excuse me for my rash actions earlier.

• R9K looks down the stairs, and without looking back:

R9K: Now if you'll excuse me.

• R9K leaps down the entire flight of stairs chasing after /g/

TG: Well, that was entertaining.

• /tg/ shuts the door to his room and sits back down at his desk, reaches to his mini fridge and pulls out some leftover Chinese food.

TG: I love Bluff.

• As TG inhales the food, and single d20 reads 20 on his desk.

/tg/ moves in

SCENE: Outside. A pigeon lands on a powerline. Suddenly, it explodes into a puff of feathers with a loud BANG. K:(voiceover) "Damn winged rats."

Scene: /B is scratching his overlapping beer belly, walking away from the front door, camera follows. B: "Rent is due on the first of the month. Every month. You pay, you stay. You forget, I sell your shit. *turns around and glares into camera, pulling a limp cigar out of his mouth* "You -can- pay, right?" TG: *nearly walks into B when he turns, a poorly-balanced Leman Russ nearly falls off the stack of rulebooks he's carrying* "Y-Yeah. I have Profession (sales) at the shop down the street." B: *nods, replaces cigar* "Right. C'mon. I'll show you the room."

They walk, passing doorways. We see Ck in the kitchen, washing a cookie sheet while C laughs and stirs a bowl. In the living room, V and A's faces reflect on-screen explosions. They near the basement door, open just a crack. When they've passed, a red eye is there. B: "If you ever hear chanting coming from there, stay out. That bitch is fuckin' nuts."

Close-up of red eye shows the reflection of B and TG walking away, followed by CO who is carrying a box from which a piece of cape and a sword protude. The trio turn a corner.

SCENE: Upstairs landing. B, followed by TG and CO appear from the stairwell. On of the doors near the stairs opens and /D steps out, carefully closing the door so as not to allow anyone to see inside her room. As the three men walk by she turns around and smiles impishly, her single cat ear popping out of her hair.

B: "We gots rules. No niggers. If you don't want someone to eat your food, label it. No jews. This here's the room." SCENE: Inside TG's empty room. There's an old four-poster bed with only 3 posts, a pair of empty floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and a card table folded against one wall. TG and CO set down their loads. B: "Where was I? No spicks...?" He turns around, notices the cape that's falling out of CO's box. "..." He pushes TG out of the way and grabs CO by his hoodie, "What the fuck is this? You lettin' ANOTHER one of those fuckin' yiffers in here?" He points at the cape, which has a fur-lined collar.

CO (decidedly not-at-all-threatened) "Relax, B. It's just a cape, he wears it for games. I wouldn't bring one of them in here. Especially not after last Friday."

B looks from CO to TG, who looks puzzled. He puts his hand into a pocket, which rattles. B lets go of CO and opens the door to head out. "Whatever. I'm out of here. Enjoy your AIDs, fags. Oh, which reminds me." He turns to TG. "We got a pool, but you can't swim in it."

TG (with a few 40K vehicles in his arms) "Why not?"

B: (facing camera on his way out) "Pool's closed."

Scene: Living Room. No sound. A and V are still gaming, in the background. In the foreground is the apartment building's stereo. A bleary-eyed be-headphoned MU walks over to it, hits the 'Play' button. Montage music starts.

SCENE: TG's room. He's opening his boxes. We see paperback books going up on shelves, a LOTR poster goes up on the wall by the bed, a pegboard getting over the desk to hold minature-painting implements, TG puts up another poster as CO comes in with another box and TG accidentally staples his thumb when he looks over, 3.5 rules going onto a shelf, a sourcebook being lifted, then casually thumbed through, 3.5 is taken off the shelf and 4E is put up instead, the card table is set up, a shoebox full of technicolor spess mahrines is opened, 4E gets spaced out and then the gaps filled with 3.5, the cloak from before is hung on a hook inside the closet door, the spess mahrines are now dominating the card table. (For simplicity, the previous montage needn't be animated, but with still images panning across the screen).

Camera pulls back to TG's shoulder, showing the whole room. He goes over to his desk and empties his pockets.

• knock at door*

TG: "Just set it beside the card table, I'll- who?" The D20 lands on an 5, on the desk.

CK: *holding a plate of cookies that look so good they're probably not legal in one hand, and a glass of milk in the other* "Hi. I'm CK. Welcome to the house. I hope you're not diabetic?"

TG: "No, I er... thanks." Takes plate, sets it on the only bare spot on the card table. "I'm TG, I'm.. well, the new guy."

/TG/ meets /JP/

TG: God damnit, I'll never let /a/ borrow one of my books again, fuck, I really wanted to play MAID with X.

• Knocks on the door*

• silence*

• Knocks on the door louder*

TG: You can't critically fail skill checks, what the hell is going on in there?

• Opens the door*

JP: GET BACK! THE LIGHT!

TG: Woah, what the-?

• Closes the door, followed by an awkward pause, JP then opens the door*

JP: Who are you? *heavy Japanese accent

TG: Uh....sorry, I didn't catch that

JP *strained*: Who are you?

TG: I'm TG, uh... *looks at the obviously American JP* are you...from around here

JP: You're here for the book?

TG: You haven't answered my que-

JP: I was praying that game with A, C and D rast night, it was fu-

TG: Wait...D?

JP: Yes, what of it?

TG: You know what? I know better to read a book after D went through it. Keep it, I've played too much CoC to-

JP: CoC?

TG: I'll just let you keep it. I'll see you around.

• Closes the door*

TG *whispers behind the door*: God damnit, that book is hard to find

JP *whispers behind the door*: Baka!

Rooftop Deviance

Scene: Under Construction Sky Lobby/Penthouse its on the rooftop

• /g/ is starting at some blueprints, wearing a hardhat
• /v/ walks onto the roof

V:What goin' on up here G?

G: I'm building my new apartment here. Gonna have all the best up to date tech, and it'll have breakaway walls for easy upgrades.

• /v/ takes a bite out of a Powerbar

V (while chewing): Sounds expensive (swallows) Is moot gonna allow this, is it even allowed by the building's code?

G: Not right now it isn't, he's down at town hall trying to get permissions, he wants me out of the laundry room so he can set up some more water heaters.

• /g/ finally looks up from his blueprints at /v/

G: Where'd you get that Powerbar?

V(after finishing the last bits, licking his fingers): FIT gave it to me, he said he wanted to try his new concoction. Tastes great, but I dunno what its...*yawn*.supposed..to..do...

• /v/ collapses on the ground, passes out cold.

• /d/ appears from the stairway, looks straight at /g/, looks down at /v/, back at /g/, then proceeds to drag the unconscious /v/ back into the building.

• /g/ blinks twice, then looks back at his penthouse blueprints

G: Man, I'm glad I'm moving out of the basement.

/tg/ gets his Power Hammer

Scene: Lobby of 4chan apartment building

• /fit/ enters, checking his pulse and his watch, after his afternoon 10 mile sprint

FIT: *panting* Man I just can't shave off those last 10 seconds, I'll never beat my record.

• /fit/ stubs his toe on a very heavy and oblong package

FIT: OW! What the hell! whats this weird ass box doing here?

• /fit/ picks up the box, breathing heavily, clearly worn out from his earlier activites.

FIT: hm... this must weigh at least 40 pounds, who's it for? /tg/, huh? Wonder what he wants something weighty like this for?

• /fit/ begins to walk up the stairs. SCENE CHANGE: outside /tg/'s room

• knock knock*

TG: (from inside the room) Yeah I'm coming. (Opens door) Oh hey /fit/ whats up?

FIT: I found this package for you in the lobby.(He sets it down on the floor, it lands with a loud thud) Not that it's heavy in general, just seems like ti would weigh a bit much for a shrimp like you. What is it anyway? Is it a weight set? I bet its a weight set?

TG: No, I didn't order any weight lifting equipment...(/tg/ smacks a fist into the other open hand) Aha, it's my custom Power Hammer I ordered.

FIT: A custom what?

• /tg/ bends over and begins to open the box

TG: It's a favored weapon from one of my games.

• The Power Hammer is laying on the floor on top of the opened box, gleaming with deep reds and bright gold. What appears to be a spiked tip at the end and "d12" engraved on the head of the hammer.

TG: Yeah, now that's a beaut, mmhmm d12 engraved just like I asked. (he effortlessly picks it up with one hand, a bit to /fit/'s astonishment. /tg/ turns his head, with a smug look on his face) Hand crafted in Scandinavia, cold iron core too, cost me a bundle, had to sell off my Black Templars to afford it.

FIT: How can you so easily lift it with one hand? I mean it's not that heavy, but you don;t look the muscular type.

TG: Oh, I have heavy weapons specialization.(he says offhandedly while swinging the massive hammer around)

• /fit/ takes a step back to avoid getting hit in the swing arc. /x/ comes up the stairway, rubbing her eyes, her hair is a bit of a mess.

X; Ooooh, cool mace..wait I see evil spirits inside! Give it to me I must cleanse it!

TG: Um, I don't think you should be holding it, it's kinda heavy...

X; That's because the spirits are weighing it down, now quickly let me see it!

• /tg/ hands her the hammer, she grasps it firmly with both hands, but it's too heavy, her arms wobble and the head of the hammer falls down, slamming a hole in the floor and landing squarely on /a/'s foot.

A (looking up at the trios head's peeking through the hole): FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- WHAT THE HELL! MY FOOT IS BROKEN!

TG: Don't worry, it wasn't a critical hit.