Angry Marine-Bomb
The Angry Marine-Bomb is a weapon of mass destruction and/or carnage used exclusively by the Inquistion,usually as an option of last resort.
Very basically, the Angry Marine-Bomb involves strapping a sedated Angry Marine onto a chimera, driving it to the enemy lines and letting the marine do all the dirty work.
Required Parts
To create this weapon most horrifying,thou shalt take:
- Four chains made of of his most sacred plaststeel and durable enough to hold back a Khornate Berserker.
- One old chimera, of whom thou shalt remove the roof plating (note that this will utterly anger the machine spirit, but that effect is truly desired) Using a Rhino instead of a chimera is considered questionable,as it would be a waste of His most sacred ressources.
- One large pole, from the very same forge that fabricated the chains. It shall be no less than 20 feet high.
- One member of the Angry Marines, which must be known for his relatively calm temper (lest he will break the contraption before building up the necessary level of rage
- One expendable Servitor (making use of a soldier that is awaiting his execution is also possible)
- Large amounts of sedatives.
Construction
First,you shall mount the pole atop the opened chimera. Note that it must be fastened to the tank in such a manner that it will persist against both bolterfire and the passenger it will carry.
Then, thou must sedate one of the Angry Marines - it is strongly advised that you should request the aid of either the Apothecarius of the company you draw the marine from, or the..helping hand..of the Officio Assassinorum. Anything else will result in you getting your ass handed over by a dramatically pissed off marine.
Once this is done ,you must make use of servitors to bind the Angry Marine to the pole and secure him with the plaststeel chains you have at hand. Keep in mind that the Marine must remain sedated,lest he will break free,rip out your spine and strangle you with it.
As the marine is firmly bound to the pole, which is in turn bound to the chimera, you shall place the servitor into the vehicle,so that he may guide it to the enemy,when the time comes.
Usage on the battlefield
When you finally face your enemy,be it the foul followers of Chaos or the monstrous Orks, you shall instruct the servitor to drive the Angry Marine-Bomb on the shortest way to the enemy formations and park it there,making the Marine face the bulk of the heretical or xeno forces. At this point,the sedative applied to the marine should rapidly fade (take good care of the right dosage), allowing him to quickly muster his foes and letting the anger of the very chapter consume him.
The marine will thus attempt to tear the chains that hinder him from reaching his enemies, cursing with a voice that can be heard across miles and should be understood as a signal,which shows the safe positioning of the bomb. Furthermore, the heretics or xenos in front of the marine, foolish and simple-minded as they are, will begin to mock the chained marine. This finally sets off the bomb: As the marines anger grows to inhuman levels,he will finally shred his chains, roaringly jumping into the fray and starting a massacre amonst the enemy's ranks that even the most murderous Eversor would envy. In the end, little else beside bloodstained mud and small pieces of gore should be left on the battlefield.
And,naturally,the mighty Angry Marine.
Ironically, few if any Angry Marines seek revenge against the Inquisitors that used them as a weapon,partly because,for them, the slaugther combined with the infinite amount of rage they experience leads to a feeling an Angry Marine may rarely find elsewhere: Bliss
Indeed, many Bomb-Veterans voluntarily wish to go for a second bomb run. As Sargeant Furius Angraw once stated,it
"...IS LIKE BEING LED TO A GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH A FUCKING BLINDFOLD, BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN KILL ALL THE FUCKING GUESTS,YOU FUCKING FUCK! NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SITTING AROUND AND ASKING QUESTIONS? COCKMONGLER!"
However,this request is usually denied, simply because it makes the marine angrier and therefore, better. FUCK YOU DAMN RIGHT THEY LET US DO IT. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK.
CAUTION !
It should be noted that the chains binding the marine must not be too thick, as he of course has to rip them off at some point. Indeed, if the chains are made with such mastery that they will effectively resist the marine for more than 10 minutes after his sedation wears of, His most devout warrior will explode from anger.
Literally.
The blood pressure of the marine will rise to such unthinkable magnitudes that even his superhuman hearts and arteries will be unable to handle it,thus resulting in a most violent blast that will hurl parts of flesh,bone and power armor in all directions,usually impaling and/or crushing large parts of your foes formation.
Still,this method is highly frowned upon,not only because it means wasting the life of a mighty space marine in a way most heretical,but also because the Chapter Master of the Angry Marines,Tempustus Maximus himself, will demand your presence in order to punish you for this lavishness by "TEARING OUT YOUR GODDAMN SKULL THROUGH YOUR GODDAMN ASSHOLE" (sic.).
Notes
- Another version of the Angry Marine bomb also involves tying a dreadnought to a landraider,though most inquisitor would rather prefer making use of an Exterminatus instead of relying on this scarcely used method. It is cleaner.
- Unlike Orks or Eldar, the forces of Chaos never attempt to actually shoot the Angry Marine bound to the chimera. Radio Chatter indicates that they actually seem to be fond of him because he is not "hiding in the box". It is unknown wether this is a codeword or some kind of ruinous mantra.
- Various Ork Clans have desperately tried to loot the Angry Marine-Bomb.
Luckily, all attempts have failed.OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DID. YOU THINK WE'D LET ONE AS ANGRY AS US BE LOOTED BY THOSE GREENSKIN SCOTTISH FUCKTARDBALLS? FUCK YOU!!
- Video footage shows that Necron Destroyers react with a facepalm when seeing the Marine strapped to the pole. The reason for this is unknown.