Chakat
 | This article or section is about something involving/related to /d/. Expect PROMOTIONS and possible mental scarring. Also rape. |
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
In every subculture, there are outcasts.
Even Furries. And that is where Chakona Space, and its resident, the Chakat, come in.
The penultimate creation of deranged mental-patient Bernarde Doove, a notoriously bad writer whose books are reminiscent of the Pinelight series, Chakats are a spacefaring genetically-engineered group of hermaphrodite Mary Sue Telepathic Space Cats that make your average Furry look as reasonable as Reasonable Daemonette. Widely mocked for their race being a group of flagrant Mary Sues, Chakats are an ideal example of a threat to every single internet subculture in existence; as despised by Furries as they are by fa/tg/uys and ca/tg/irls. Whilst they have roughly one-twelfth of one percent (and that's being generous) the exposure any other spacefaring subculture of any other existing universe, from Star Wars to the the 41st Millenium, fans, usergroups, and communities keep running into these fucking things, invariably with facepalm-worthy results.
But some of you here would ask, "But if the Chakats are Mary Sue's like any other, then why can't you ignore them and their fanbase?". Here is when you are wrong, compared to some Mary Sue which are a blend of a few different types and classifications, the Chakats are classified as a 100% distilled and purified fusion of a Mary Sue, Child Sue, Marty Stu (When in male mode), Suenomorph, Sympathetic Sue, Black-Hole Sue, Purity Sue, Einstein Sue, Invoked Sue, Fan-Service Sue (Although how anybody can fap to these beasts is beyond reasoning), Implausible Sue, Suemanimals, Chosen-One Sue, Holy Sue and a Mary Sue Race. Essentially they are the ultimate Mary Sue. You're off the hook for now, Draigo.
Important Warning
For your own sake, never try looking them up on Google Image Search if you have safe-search off. You have been warned.
Overview
Pair a cat-taur hermaphrodite with the sort of godless "we is superior" fluff provided by the likes of Matt Ward for the Ultramarines, and crank the dial to 11, and you get your average Chakat. Engineered to be perfect survivors and colonizers (according to their creator), they were also engineered to be attractive and psionically gifted with empathetic abilities, making them always able to understand everyone all the time. They are the most psychologically stable race in the universe and they can use their psychic abilities to listen to your thoughts from a solar system away.
They are the strongest physically and for the most part perfect in every single way. Hating them at all makes you a horrible person who, in the eyes of the rest of the world in Chakona Space, should be killed or forced to repent, and not wanting to fuck one makes you a horrible deviant who needs to be cured. By turning you into a Chakat yourself, if need be.
Even TVTropes openly acknowledges that they are basically an entire race of Mary Sues.
They prefer to be called by Hermaphroditic pronouns, such as Sie and Hir, but the Commissariat advises you to fuck that noise and grab a fucking gun. If /d/, /tg/, and fchan had a child, the Chakat would be the product of their sweaty lust, and all three would advocate immediate abortion before the abomination had a chance to fester. It is, perhaps, one of the only things in existence that furries and not-furries can agree upon - the Chakats are that fucking bad.
In their native works of fiction, Chakats are festering piles of sexual derangement; they are hermaphrodites, take on multiple mates (of multiple species), and general lend themselves to the most horrifying fetishes the internet has available. They, along with a term that adequately describes most Chakats started as a fan-fic race in Star Trek, and have since moved on into their own universe which is barely different from it (just enough so it can say it's its own setting).
Rather like Maradonia Saga is for bad literature, Chakats represent everything that is foul and disgusting about Furries in general. Incest is rampant, and humans who oppose the likes of the Chakats are a persecuted minority, treated as Terrorists. Some players of Dark Heresy and d20 Modern have staged glorious campaigns around these, in which the Chakats are cast down for the glory of the Imperium.
The Foul Threat
In case it wasn't obvious from the above, Chakats are so bad that even other Furries wish to cause an Exterminatus on them via their mere presence; Cultist-chan wishes she could inspire this kind of rage. The problem is that Chakats (or rather, fans thereof) routinely invade other spacefaring universe RPs and games, bringing with them this awesomesauce new race that they just HAVE to play as.
You don't believe us? You will soon enough.
Whilst Warhammer 40K has not been impervious to their foul attempts (as demonstrated here), the fact that every race in existence hates everyone else has done an amicable job of keeping the spread down. Wargames such as Wing Commander, Star Wars, and so on, however, have not been nearly as fortunate, with small and thriving Chakat cross-over communities in each. When rooted out as the shameless Mary Sues they are, they are often given the same mercy one might give a pedophile or serial rapist, which is, to say, they are handled with the Commissar Fuklaw approach.
If you encounter these deranged psychopaths, you are to finish them off immediately, or failing this, immediately contact the Commissariat, if not the Inquisition. You do not want the infection to spread. Perhaps the most thoroughly infiltrated fandom, however, is Star Trek, with entire websites devoted to nothing but Chakat/Star Trek crossover porn. God save us.
On that note, fucking Bernarde Doove deserves to get brutally and mercilessly beaten up. Goddamn Chakats.
A fitting death for the Chakat species
This is a place for anyone to write out their frustrations in exterminating these beasts with extreme prejudice. Here are some fitting examples:
- The Flood from Halo enters Chakona space and proceeds to OMNOMNOM their entire species with extreme prejudice, pain and suffering within a span of a few minutes...then proceeds to crush their worlds into singularities via Star Roads.
- The emperor awakens, with his first words being, "Can I get some tacos I'm starving!", after that he starts a crusade purging the Chakats from the galaxy with a legion of pissed off Black Templars in terminator suits, armed with volkite weaponry.
- Unleash the C'tan and watch them consume the very souls of these hermaphrodite cat-faggots.
- A werewolf is sent back in time to kill the first Chakat from being born in a lab, he then later goes around killing the leading scientists and saving the future.
- Release the fury of the Daleks as they proceed to erase the Chakats from space and time itself.
- Send in the Reapers or the Borg.
- Send an army of dinosaurs with volkite chainsaws after them.
- Have Enslavers eat the fucking brains out of their telepathical asses and watch the mayhem unfold with popcorn and drinks.
- Send in the Grey Knights and then watch who's Mary Sue would reign supreme.
- Declare orbital bombardment on them by using the F.E.V virus from Fallout.
Gallery
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Wow.
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Whenever someone asks you why Chakats are tripe, link this image.
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Would you believe that her "condition" is that she's constantly sexually aroused? (The fact that she has a penis is apparently not a condition)
