DOOM: Repercussions of Evil
A now-notorious fanfiction created by Peter Chimaera, noted for being a representation of the human condition fucking hilarious. It is so easily adaptable and so ubiquitous that it's become one of the most beloved Memes on the Internet, achieving a popularity, even on /tg/, that's seldom seen from memes that arrive on it as migrants. Taglines from it are eminently quotable and led to literally thousands of variations of the story, which means, that it's a rare case of pretty much everyone indulging in something for the sake of its silliness.
And that, most believe, is something worth appreciating, unless you realize that is not a very original idea (oh, rly?) (yay- "Sentry" by Fredric Brown).
DOOM: Repercussions of Evil
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy..."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
Variations
Macross: Repercussions of Culture
Britai waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were microns in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to the others were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Britai was a Zentraedi for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY MELTRANS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered she stopped. But now in the space station base of the Zentraedi he knew there were microns.
"This is deculture" the radio crackered. "You must fight the microns!"
So Britai gotted his Glaug and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the microns
"I will shoot at him" said the SDF-1 and he fired the Daedalus Attack. Britai fired beams at him and tried to blew him up. But then they hyperspace folded and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the microns" he shouted
The radio said "No, Britai. You are the microns"
And then Britai was an miclone.
X-com
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were aliens in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was an X-COM agent for fourteen years. hen he was young he watched the Skyrangers and said to dad "I want to be on the Skyranger daddy." Dad said No! You will be KILL BY SECTOIDS" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the underground base of X-COM he knew there were aliens. "This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the Sectoids!" So john gotted his plasma rifle and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US" said the sectoids "I will shoot at him" said the Commander and he fired the blaster bombs. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the turn units fell and he was trapped and not able to kill. "No! I must kill the aliens" he shouted The radio said "No, John. You are the aliens." And then John was a Chryssalid.
From somewhere in 4chan
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were mexicans in the border. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the border patrol trucks and he said to dad "I want to be on the trucks daddy." Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY MEXICANS" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the border base of the UAC he knew there were mexicans. "This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the mexicans!" So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US" said the mexicans "I will shoot at him" said the drug dealer and he fired the taco missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. "No! I must kill the mexicans" he shouted The radio said "No, John. You are the mexicans" Y entonces Juan era un inmigrante.
Adam was a kike for fourteen years
Adam L. Goldstein waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Anons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them for years. His warnings to his 3 lawyers were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Adam was a kike for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the sysadmins and he said to dad "I want to be a sysadmin daddy."
Dad said "NO! YOU WILL BE KILLED BY ANONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the apartment complex of New Jersey he knew there were anons.
"This is your 3 lawyers" the radio crackered. "You must sue the anons!"
So Adam gotted his account referrals and blew up the wall.
"HE IS GOING TO SUE US" said the anons
"I will shoot at him" said the raidfag and he fired the dox. Adam referred at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No, I must sue the anons" he shouted
The radio said "No Adam, you are the anons"
And then Adam was a butt.
No, Brandon, you are the Xbox
Brandon Crisp waited.
The Xbox was disconnected right in front of him. His parents carried it from the room. He didn't see it, but had expected it now for years.
His warnings to Captain Price were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. Brandon had played Tour of Duty 4 for fifteen years. When he was young he watched the consoles and he said to dad "I want to play on the consoles daddy."
Dad said "No! You will be FROZEN IN THE WOODS". There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in his bedroom he knew he had to escape.
"This is Price" the radio crackered. "You must run away!" So Brandon gotted his bike and ran off without a coat.
"HE GOING TO GET FROZEN" said the onlookers
"I will freeze him" said the weather and it fired snow at him. Brandon climbed up at him and tried to dodge him. But then the snow fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must get my Xbox" he shouted. The radio said "No, Brandon. You are the Xbox." And then Brandon was frozen.
Dwarf Fortress: Repercussions of mining
Urist McMiner waited. The torches above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were cats in the fortress. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Urist McNoble were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Urist was a miner for fourteen years, When he was young he watched the expeditions and he said "I want to be on the expeditions daddy."Dad said, "No! You will be KILL BY KITTENS" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the mountain fortress of Geniusponders he knew there were kittens.
"This is McNoble" The alcohol barrel crackered. "You must fight the kittens!"So Urist got his corssbow and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the kittens. "I will stare at him" said the cybercarp and he fired the stare of death missiles. Urist crossbowed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling collapsed and they were trapped and not able to kill."No! I must kill the kittens!" he shouted.
The alcohol barrel said "No, Urist. You are the kittens."
And then Urist was adopted by a cat.
Shakugan no Shana: Repercussions of Flame Hazing
Shana and Yuuji waited. The fuzetsu above them blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Tomogara in the city. She didn't see them, but had expected them for years.
Her warnings to Alastor were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now anyway.
Shana had been a Flame Haze for many years. When she was young she watched the Fuzetsu in the sky and sayed, "I want to be a Flame Haze daddy." Dad sayed NO YOU WILL BE KILL BY TOMOGARA
When she was younger, Shana believed him. But then as she got oldered, she stopped. But now in the Fuzetsu she knew there were Tomogara.
"This is Alastor" her medallion crackered. "You must fight teh demons"
So Shana gotted her Nietono no Shana and blew up the wall. "SHE GOING TO KILL US" sayed Sorat. "I will shoot at her" sayed Tiriel and she fired the cradel garden. Shana nietono'd at her and tried to blew her up. But then the building fell on Margery Daw, who was trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must fight the demons" sayed Yuuji Alastor sayed, "No Yuuji you are the demons"
And then Yuuji was a Torch.
Warhammer 40k: The Repercussions of Heresy
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were heretics in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Inquisitor Varnus were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a Inquisitorial Pact for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be in the Inquisition daddy." Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY HERETICS" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base over Kaurava he knew there were heretics. "This is Varnus" the vox crackered. "You must fight the heretics!" So John gotted his flashlight and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US" said the renegades "I will shoot at him" said the pysker and he fired the doombolt missiles. John pew pewed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. "No! I must kill the heretics" he shouted The radio said "No, John. You are the heretics" And then John was a nurgleitte cultist.
Kaiserreich: Repercussions of the Weltkrieg
John Stahlhelm waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Syndicalists in the Reichstag. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Keiser Willey were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. John was a monarchist for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the panzers and he said to dad "I want to be on the tanks daddy." Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY SYNDIES" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the Reichstag base of Imperial Germany, he knew there were Syndicalists. "This is Willey" the phone crackered. "You must fight the Syndies!" So John gotted his panzrfoust and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US!" said the Syndicalists "I will shoot at him" said the trade union leader and he fired the labor missiles. John fousted at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill. "No! I must kill the Syndies!" he shouted The phone said "No, John. You are the Syndicalists" And then John led FAUD.
Repercussion of Soulstorm
Commander Boreale waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were enemehs in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to holy Emprah were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. Boreale was a Spess Mehreen for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the Steel Rehn and said to dad "I want to be on the Drop Pods daddy." Dad said No! You will be KILL BY THE ENEMEH" There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the fortress of the Blod Revehns he knew there was the Enemeh. "This is Emprah" the radio crackered. "You must fight the Enemeh!" So boreale gotted his bloter rifle and blew up the wall. "HE GOING TO KILL US" said the enemeh "I will shoot at him" said Carron and he fired the flamer fire. Boreale boltered at him and tried to blew him up. But then the Steel Rehn fell and he was trapped and not able to kill. "No! I must kill the enemeh" he shouted The radio said "No, Boreale. You are the enemeh." And then Boreale was a Cultist.
4chan: Repercussions of Faggotry
Anon waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were weeaboos in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Moot were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Anon was a moderator for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the imageboards and he said to dad "I want to be on the 4chan daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE BAN BY WEEABOOS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the /tg/ base of the 4chan he knew there were weeaboos.
"This is Moot" the chatroom crackered. "You must ban the weeaboos!"
So Anon gotted his banhammer and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO BAN US" said the weeaboos
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberweeaboo and he fired the rocket missiles. Anon banned at him and tried to blew him up. But then the bandwith fell and they were trapped and not able to post.
"No! I must ban the weeaboos" he shouted
The chatroom said "No, Anon. You are the weeaboos"
And then Anon was a faggot.
Sonichu: Repercussions of Autism
Chris Chandler waited. The light on his PS3 blinked and sparked out of the air. There were trolls in his house. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His threats to Clyde Cash were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. Chris was mayor of CWCville for fourteen years. When he was young he watched Sonic the Hedgehog and he said to Bob "I want to zap to the extreme daddy."
Bob said "No! You will BE KILL BY TROLLS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the bedroom of 14 Branchland Court he knew there were trolls.
"This is Sonichu" the radio crackered. "You must fight the trolls!"
So Chris gotted his PSEye and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the trolls
"I will shoot at him" said BILLY MAYS and he fired the homo missiles. Chris screamed impotently at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the trolls" he shouted
The radio said "No, Chris. You are the trolls"
And then Chris was a tomgirl.
Metal Gear Solid: Repercussions of Nanomachines
Solid Snake waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Metal Gears in the base. He didn’t see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Kaz Miller were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Snake was a super soldier for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the snakes and he said to dad “I want to eat the snakes daddy.”
Dad said “No! You will BE KILL BY SNAKES”
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the secret base of the Cipher organization he knew there were Metal Gears.
“This is Kaz” the radio crackered. “You must fight the Metal Gears!”
So Snake gotted his basics of CQC and knocked down the wall.
“HE GOING TO KILL US” said the Metal Gears
“I will shoot at him” said the Metal Gear and he fired the rocket missiles. Snake CQC'd at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
“No! I must kill the Metal Gear” he shouted
The radio said “No, Snake. You are the Metal Gear”
And then Snake was a Metal Gear.
Gallery
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GRIMDARK: Repercussions of Heresy
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