Kender
 This article is a stub. You can help 1d4chan by expanding it |
Kender are a fantasy race in D&D's Dragonlance setting. They are basically halflings, with ADHD and kleptomania thrown in. No one apparently saw how terrible a decision that was. They survive getting the shit kicked out of them only because every one of the little shits seems to be wearing plot armor.
Most of their fluff involves them stealing things and getting pissed when they are accused of it ("It must have fallen into my pocket"). What fluff doesn't involve theft directly is more focused on how much everyone loves the cute little Kender anyway. They aren't even decent comedy relief since they have childlike naïvety and "d'awwww" written into the race description.
They generally cause a lot of rage in anyone who reads anything about them.
All Kender must fucking die.
There's no good reason why Kender should have survived this long anyways:
- Physically diminutive in an environment rife with monsters, with nothing but agility and pickpocketing to defend themselves with.
- There's no trade nor commerce with outsiders; nobody would let a kender get near a marketplace or bazaar, and even if they were trading one-on-one at village borders, some other Kender would probably steal the wares while you were still discussing the prices.
- Hell, being pathological liars about theft means any non-Kenders would treat them as little sociopaths.
- There's no construction; the minute you turn your back on any materials, it's gone to be used in someone else's building project.
- No Kender is going to have the attention span do the boring but necessary work like stockpiling food, learning to write, or digging latrines.
- The only way they could survive a frosty winter is by raiding villages and travellers with their cute smiles and compulsive thieving behaviour... leaving any villages that didn't exterminate the long-haired rats starving themselves.
- Fuck! Any villages in Northern climates that DIDN'T threaten Kenders with violence to stay the fuck away would just starve during winter and die out from their unwilling charity and insufficient locks on the grainary. There shouldn't be any Kender sympathizers left, they should've died out generations ago. Kenders are a plague.