Ork Trek
"OI, BOSS - " Kommoonikations Nob Zoolork shouted, peering out of the 'scanner window'.
'"I TOLDZ YA, I'M DA KAPTAIN WHEN WE'Z ON DIS KILL KROOZER" Kaptain Jamez T Kork
"SORRY BOSS...BUT, BOSS...WE'Z GETTIN' SHOT UP!"
Kork shot to his feet, his power klaw suddenly crackling with energy. "YOU WOT?"
"DEM KILLY WATSITS...THE METAL GITS..."
"TYRANIDS?" a helpful ork supplied from somewhere nearby.
"NO, YOU THICK GITS! DA NECRONS! DEY'S ON DA STARBOARD BOW!"
Kaptain Kork pointed to the Nob manning the weapons station - a series of tubes leading back to the various gunner stations studded along the length of the Kroozer. "FIRE ALL DA GUNS! KILL DEM GITS GOOD!"
"BUT BOSS," The nob replied. "WE'Z ALREADY SHOOTING!"
"TELL DA BOYS TO SHOOT AT THE METAL GIT'S SHIP!"
"RIGHT YOU ARE, BOSS!" the Nob replied, suddenly enlightened by his Kaptain's masterful thinking.
"Why'z we all shoutin'?" one of the boyz asked as the turrets along the length of the ship suddenly blasted into life.
"Dere's no sound in spess." Another boy replied. "So ya gots ta shout LOUDER SO WE CAN HEAR EACHOTHER."
"ZOG IT ALL, IT AIN'T WORKIN'!" the Shooty Nob roared, smashing at his crude console in frustration.
Kork spun and selected one of his Boyz at random. "YOU, YA GIT! GET ME DA MEKBOY!" he shouted.
The Boy nodded, then turned and roared down the corridor. "OI, BIG MEKBOY SKOTTY! KAPTIN WANTS TO TALK TO YA!"
There was a slight pause. Then, "WOT IS IT, BOSS?" came echoing up from the engine bays.
"I NEEDZ MORE DAKKA AND MORE POWER TO DA ENGINES! AND MORE CHOPPA, IF YA CAN DO DAT!" Kork roared.
"'E NEEDS MORE - " the intervening Ork began to shout, before Kork's Big Shoota riddled him with bullets that may or may not have been fired by Ork psychic powers, depending on whether you believe certain parts of the fluff or not. But I digress;
"I CAN 'EAR 'IM, SO 'E CAN 'EAR ME, YA DAFT GIT!" Kork yelled.
"MORE DAKKA AND POWER, BOSS?" Skotty yelled. "YOU'Z CRAZY, BOSS! I CAN'T DO DAT!"
"SURE YA CAN!" Kork roared as the Necron weapons began tearing the Kroozer apart. "JUST REVERSE DA PO-LAH-ROAR-TAH OF DA WARP DRIVE DEN STICK A WEIRDBOY IN DA TORPEDO TUBE!"
There was a long pause. Certain parts of the ship - mostly armour plates, weapons turrets and other ship components that weren't actually connected to anything vital like an engine or life support - started to dissolve.
"DAT'S JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK, BOSS! I'LL TRY DAT!"
A few minutes later the screaming Weirdboy was catapulted out of the launch tube, tied to a torpedo.
The Orks of the Kill Kroozer Orkterprize cheered as the warhead smashed into the Necron scout ship and exploded with psychic energy, just before the warp engines imploded.
The two energy fields ripped into eachother.
Two hundred and eighty eight years later the crew found themselves clinging to various parts of the ship as it materialised in the atmosphere of an Imperial World.
"Aw, zog it all!" Kork yelled. "Now we'ze on da ground again!"
"Not yet, Kaptin!" Nob Zoolork yelled over the roaring wind as they plummeted towards the planet. "We'z still fallin'!"
"We're off da ship now, I'm Boss again!" Kork admonished him, giving him a backhand with his power claw. The Nob went flying off with a scream. "ALRIGHT YOU GITS, LISTEN UP! I FINK I SEE A SHIPYARD DOWN DERE! SO ONCE WE'Z HIT DA GROUND, WE'Z GONNA FORM A 'UGE WAAAGH AND GO GET ANUVVA SHIP? RIGHT?"
The orks responded enthusiastically. "Alright den." Kork nodded as the ground rushed towards them. Possibly powered maybe by orkish psychic energy (perhaps) the various chunks of the ship sprouted parachutes, retro thrusters and other lethal-fall aborting devices.
On the ground the PDF were scrambling their defences as the entire krew of the Orkterprize - all ten thousand of them - plummeted towards the ground.
"ALRIGHT GITZ!" Warboss-Kaptain Jamez T Kork roared, readying his shoota. "SET DAKKA TO WAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
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Kaptin Jamez T Kork. Red wunz die fasta!
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Mad Dok MakKoy
