Slaanesh

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PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaneesh wants YOU to believe in

Introduction

Chaos God/dess of perversion, rape, excess and the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting heresy of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and his/her daemonettes.

Slaanesh was born at the fall of the Eldar, when all their torture, rape, S&M, bondage, decadence, listening to American pop, etc, especially listening to American pop, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, this also killed the majority of their race. As a result Slaanesh owns every last Eldar soul in the galaxy and in the event an Eldar should die without a spirit stone, s/he becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever. That is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into exterminating each other just to save one of their own (The Dark Eldar takes this up to eleven by sacrificing other souls to Slaanesh so that they don't get eaten). Khorne hates Slaanesh because s/he's a prissy faggot but Slaanesh only gives a thought about hating Khorne or any of the other Chaos Gods after s/he's done playing with herself which is about 1 nanosecond every millennium, so about 13 nanoseconds total so far. Rumors that their relationship is beyond hate and occasional angry sex are just that; Khorne is not telling.

Of course, that paragraph is Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Amongst other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs & rock n' roll. And the disgusting Heretical abomination that is Western ('cause, you know, J-Pop, K-Pop, etc, is true art) pop music. He/she is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the God-Emperor of Mankind and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all to enthusiatic in whipping heretics.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(dess) of sexual pleasure. While fluff claims this is not true, in practical terms the only Slaaneshi cultists anyone has ever seen are ones who go in for either ridiculous perversions or self-mutilation because of ridiculous perversions. One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh were the lord of all pleasure then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing does anything simply because to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). Even Khorne, her opposite, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in Just as Planned. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slannesh being a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as the God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the fluff, it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Slaanesh being usually named the "God of Excess" it's more that he/she gains power from OVER-indulging in the small things like sex and eating, which in 40k is actually more rare than people would think. Considering that it's damn hard for anyone to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before a grueling 48 hours of avoiding death in the name of the Emprah in the far corner of some forgotten forge-world, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh on your average imperial world, is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil, bastard.

~~SLAANESH AND HIS/HER/ITS WORSHIPERS WILL BE YIFFED IN HELL!!!!~~ Awright, which one of you guys let the Commissar in here? My bad. Yiffed in hell, you say? Oh, it sounds so... exciting. Sign me in!

This page is now about Rome

It is a well known fact that Sigmund Freud was a Slaaneshi cultist (with all the "pleasure principle" and the "everything is about penis and having sex with your mom" psychobabble), and the Emperors Nero and Caligula were ~~worshipers~~ Avatars of Slaanesh, when Slaanesh decided he/she/it wanted to troll Rome. Though frankly, Rome and it's Empire was run like Commorragh from start to end, their founding myth involving men having a town led by only one brother, who murdered the other, and these citizens invited the other towns over for a festival, kidnapped and raped the women of their neighbors, the Sabines, out of the intention of to have population growth, and the ensuing war is stopped by the women all voting in favor of Stockholm Syndrome. Roman male rulers, be they senators, lawyers, priests, or emperors, and their legions could never understand women as equals to men, generally treated them as chattel, which, depending on their sexual preference, were only good for kids and keeping house, or good for kids, keeping house and for messing with. It was so bad that it was the aristocratic women who went on protest (though only to cut taxes). Legally speaking, they were property too. Further, Romans were quick to enslave people who couldn't possibly stop them or provide some sort of economic trade. This resulted in lots of foreign relation problems, such as the Roman governor of Britain (it was really just England, but they gave it the name) laughing at Queen Boudicca refusing to let her territory be annexed, dispatching soldiers to rape and then kill her daughters, and suddenly every Celtish man and woman with a weapon from Hadrians' Wall to Dover join up in the ensuing revolt. Durr. Even Dark Eldar would know that would happen. Apparently the Fuck-That-Thing-Called-Physics nature of the Warp let Slaanesh do that, since the Eldar hadn't orgied Slaanesh into existence for about 30,000 years yet. When the Roman Senate (which became the Vatican) split Christianity with the Byzantine Emperor, Slaanesh didn't get bored till recent times, the Popes up to the renaissance, in fact, the position, was well known as one of corruption among noble circles. The interpretation of Christianity that was so utterly misogynistic, that is to say, so utterly Roman, is no thanks to St. Paul of Tarsis, a fanatic for roman sports, bloody or otherwise, decreeing women get no position of religious leadership in the church and are to be subjugated and overruled by men in that field, which opened up that leading into every other one. The mythologies of Europe are symbolically shown as inferior by the Church, such as the myth of St. George, which is about a saint fighting a dragon, usually a red dragon, the symbol of Wales, and King Arthur Pendragon, whose own legend was also rewritten by a French dude in jail to be utterly dedicated to the fundamentalist christian lady-breaking cause, and somehow involving Merlin, who did it out of jealousy, and found himself catatonic and stuffed in a tree by the Lady of the Lake he had been after. And it wasn't just the Pope. If the Inquisition got you, man or woman, you'd really hope they'd put you under house arrest like Galileo or tortured and burned like the Templars (who actually went out of their way to provide sanctuary to 'witches' from the mobs the Church no longer had to spur to cut down old ladies, female intellectuals, women guys messed with that they didn't want found out about, and lastly, women capable of fighting, demonstrating leadership, in short, contradicting the Church as much as saying: the Earth orbits around the sun), if you ended up in one of their prisons, even when Napoleon was kicking, it was pretty typical for them to get frisky. At any rate, sexual perversion and gender slavery wasn't the only thing on the menu of excess. The Roman rulers set a trend of building giant entertainment and pleasure buildings (Nero had a palace built on a boat, on a lake), the very legal system they had for the people who could vote was screwed up: you could cast votes on a ratio of how rich you are. Mr. Plebe over there gets to cast one vote, Julius Caesar, Pompey, Cicero and Cato could each cast hundreds of votes. It should also be mentioned the Caesar was the religious head of the Roman priesthood, and a senator, and general, and that was legal, before he dug an archaic emergency power rule that involed three dictators, the two of which he got rid of one way or the other. Oh, and not to mention the gladitorial games. Caesar once put on a show so big it had to be done in the Circus Maximus instead of the Colosseum, involving over a hundred thousand gladiators, decked out in silver armor with war elephants to boot, split in equal forces to fight each other to death. The crowd loved it. Oh, and don't forget the last excess: the bureaucratic one. Essentially, Rome was the only city that actually mattered politically in the entire empire, the rest were effectively resource producers for Rome, and they made a point of stealing everybody else's art that wasn't of a woman (e.g. they took the Statue of Zeus, but not Pallas Athena and the Parthenon) or building around it. They were also perfectly happy to sit by and let the good christian (as in, universal suffrage, a loving god, civil rights, etc.) movements get slaughtered barely three centuries into A.D. by christian mobs. Slaanesh would have not been able to do anything but be deliriously hyped bouncing off the walls of Warp, salivating and screaming, by this horrid regime that got more than two-thousand years worth of ruling an empire in. May it stay dead and not rise by a resurrection orb or the Nurgle manipulation of the physics of the decomposed to skeletal level dead.

What? Warhammer?

Slaanesh is the weakest and youngest out of the four Chaos Gods by a fairly good margin; even on his/her/its best day he/she/it can't fight Khorne at his worst. Though to be honest, none of the other Chaos Gods can except for Tzeentch; however, they can all theoretically put up better fights than Slaanesh.

Followers

Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, he/she/it may attract followers from those who are already colossal perverts, and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. Just as planned.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of their bitter rivalry. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the best, gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, to hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be, they're Slaaneshi. If the thrill lies in just killing people, the pure joy of murder with the skill just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate.

Slaanesh units are:

Daemonettes, hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many daemons their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models.
Fiends of Slaanesh, looking like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion, these units are best used for hit and run attacks against armour.
Seekers of Slaanesh, daemonettes mounted upon Steeds of Slaanesh; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of bolter fire.
Chaos Marines, the traitor marines of the third legion worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host.
- Noise Marines, the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's Berserkers, Nurgle's Plague Marines or Tzeentch's Thousand Sons. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using Sonic Weaponry because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore.
Keeper of Secrets, the Greater Daemon of Slaanesh, like a daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. One possessed the primarch Fulgrim (Though only for a short time) Fulgrim and the demon later became best Friends and merged into one, later the now demon Fulgrim would mortally wound Rowboat Girlyman (though since nobody saw what happen it possible Gulliman did it to himself),for which we should be all eternally grateful. In WHFB the demon gets its ass handed to it by lord Malekith.

Facts

Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
Slaanesh turns all His/ Her followers into the opposite sex.
Slaanesh's daemonettes possess men and then jack off.
Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how his/her/its only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, he did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones.
- However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still ~~pissed off of not getting enough representation~~ OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while he/she/it only gets a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
If it exists, Slaanesh faps to it.
Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne, Slaanesh always loses these fights and loses them hard. Tzeentch then gets a dose of lulz out of it. Slaanesh gets to take it hard. And this pleases him/her/it.
Slaanesh is secretly depressed that he/she/it has no friends. Khorne is a dick, Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is, and Nurgle stole his Eldar goddess.
Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it.
- Slaanesh is secretly turned on from the dickish bullying of the other Chaos Gods.
Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string him along with offers of porn, whores, and/or drugs.
Khorne regularly cuts off Slaanesh's arms and beats him/her/it over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
Slaanesh was using steroids when he/she/it killed the Eldar Gods, he/she/it couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs.
- Slaanesh is always on drugs.
Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, he/she/it got his/her/it's left boob for his/her/it's trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six).
Hellraiser is Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, He/she/it took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects......~~That is, of course, a lie. He actually ripped off Hellraiser.~~ Hellraiser ripped him/her/it off.
A Clockwork Orange is one of Slaanesh's favorite movie's. He/she/it likes to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. He/she/it also finds the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!. His/her/its other favourite movie is The Rocky Horror Picture Show, mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
He/She also love Gore Vidal's Caligula for similar reasons.
He/She is directly responsible for fucking up humanities first venture into the warp. For more information, rent the documentary "Event Horizon".
Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex.
Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, though arguably just as much (if not more) cock.
Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized.
Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really cheesy ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better.
- Still, he/she/it faps/shlicks/???-PROFIT at this.
Slaanesh hates Warhammer Fantasy because all its worshipers are either very clearly only male or ugly shit-smeared Huns.
Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:

Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.

Sight Marines, whose weapons create wonderously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailled and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.

Nerve Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, not necessarily dead, though they would wish they would be.

Taste Marines-I am not describing that. Just leave it there. No one is dealing with this.

also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for understanding and experience. Enter the primary antagonist of (spoiler if you have not seen this, stop reading here, stoppp.....):

Full-Metal Alchemist Brotherhood.

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.
DDaemonette
It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.
Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Slaanesh can be festive as well.
It is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.
Oh god. ;_;
There is no excuse or explanation for this.
This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Simply Irresistible
Mr Culexus' interpretation. Notice the bulge in the crotch.
Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Who else did you think furries worshiped?
LAWL
Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
... which may not be so "little".
She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me.
The more common and usual fate of female Eldar.
Now 262.71% more real!
You might be mixing up love and lust.
Gimme some sugar
H. R> Geiger is pleased
Lashes of Torment!
She Who Thirsts indeed
Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Slaanesh.. now even more NSFW

Slaanesh.. now even more NSFW
From the old WFRP days
How can you not want to serve something this ~~adorable~~ heretical?

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

Slaanesh

Contents

Introduction

This page is now about Rome

What? Warhammer?

Followers

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Slaanesh

Introduction

This page is now about Rome

What? Warhammer?

Followers

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Search