Trazyn the Infinite

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

He's come to steal your shit! (Probably literally, if it's rare enough) And if you're (un)lucky, he might even steal you.

"I welcome all...to a place in my carefully curated collection!"

– The kleptomaniac himself, presenting the Necron faction in Battlefleet Gothic Armada 2

"In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom"

– J. G. Ballard

Trazyn the Infinite, also known as Trollzyn the Tarpit Breaker and Trazyn the Grave Robber, or Possibly Trazyn the shiny Stealer, is the best Necron Overlord/Phaeron (while technically his title is Overlord, he has his own Overlord subordinates and rule his own little empire like Phaeron). Basically what you'll get if you combined Doctor Doom, a Tomb King, a Bloody Magpie and the Terminator, with a hint of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Trazyn the Infinite, ruler of the Tomb World named Solemence (which happens to be a Dyson Sphere powered by a C'tan), is a self-proclaimed preserver of histories, artifacts and events. In his possession are technologies and relics that are so valuable as to be priceless. Amongst his collection are the fabled wraithbone choir of Altansar, the preserved head of Sebastian Thor, the ossified husk of an Enslaver and a suit of baroque power armour, complete with the Space Marine who was still wearing it. (Who according to a recent White Dwarf issue hints that it may or may not be Vulkan It's a Custodes.) This means that he is the only creature in this or any other universe that rivals the stealing power of the Blood Ravens. In such a dangerous galaxy, Trazyn is loath to go out and explore it himself, but with so many exquisite artifacts to see and catalogue, he cannot afford to miss out. As a result he will send out substitutes of himself to do his dirty work. On the battlefield this can become increasingly irritating, as killing what appears to be Trazyn may simply be a Lychguard or a Necron Lord. Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, the real Trazyn is busy smashing his way through his foes to get his metal hands on his latest acquisition. Now has a voice actor via Battlefleet Gothic: Armada II

(That's how the fluff handles it; the crunch rules imply that he simply takes over the body of another Lord, Lychguard, or Cryptek. He was there; you killed him; he just ran like the troll he is. Oh, and you didn't get Slay The Warlord by the way. Just imagine this guy politely trolling with the voice of Terl from Battlefield Earth : "Oh, dear ! What a wonderful contingent of Imperial Guards ! I shall thank you with all my heart, General, for this marvelous gift. Please tell them to strike a nice pose while I prepare a stasis grenade...")

/tg/ has gained a fondness for him, due to his thieving ways, his Doctor Doom-esque body doubles, and his polite yet trollish attitude, he is also known for using completely self-evident aliases, which nevertheless seem to work quite well. It is generally agreed that he is one of the only good things Matt Ward has ever put into the fluff.

"A war-torn city in the Ultramar system. The Ultramarines, aided by an Imperial Guard regiment led by Lord Castellan Ursarkar Creed, prepares to face an Ork incursion in a final battle. The Orks are numerous, but the Imperium has the upper hand, just barely, as Lord Creed's tactical genius has proven invaluable. As the Orks begin their final assault on the city, the Ultramarines ready their defenses. Creed, ever oddly silent, gazes intently at a large flagpole in the center of town, watching through binocs as the Orks' charge is funneled towards the center of the city. Suddenly, as the Orks near the square, the tip of a Baneblade's main gun can be seen coming around the flagpole. The great tank begins to emerge from behind the thin metal object, perfectly and impossibly concealed. It begins to move into its firing arc, and a great shout is heard from the Warboss down below, just barely carrying over the rest of the din. "CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" Suddenly, the cry cuts off in confusion, as Creed spits out his cigar. Where the Baneblade once stood, there is air, thin air. Not a trace remains of the enormous tank. It has vanished completely. Then, gradually, a green, crackling, electrical rune appears hanging in the air where the Baneblade was. It extends gracefully, for its platonic geometric form. If Creed was given to poetry, he might even say it resembled a rose. But he knew better. A rage he had felt only once before began to boil deep within, and his cry shook the world as the Orkish tide began to hack his guardsmen and the Marines to pieces. "TRAAAAAAAAAAAAZYYYYYYYYN!"

From Ward Himself

"Trazyn's also no slouch in combat. Whenever his empathic obliterator kills an enemy, it has a chance to kill all other enemies of the same type in the same combat - perfect for Ork mobs. This isn't so useful against characters, but that's why Trazyn also carries a clutch of mindshackle scarabs - why kill an enemy when you can take over his mind and have him kill for you...?"oh wait nope, mss are now just a useful fear test.So now the only real use you'll find for him in a duel is whacking them with a stick.

Letter to Inquisitor Valeria

This is the (in)famous little piece of fluff that has made Trazyn so likable to /tg/, contrasting nicely with all the grim darkness around. Do note that it is unclear whether he's straight serious, indulging in some elaborate trolling or even both at once.

Dear Lady, let me express my fulsome appreciation for your most generous gift. It is so very rare to discover another of my own kind that appreciates my work, therefore to find understanding amongst a member of another race is nothing short of a revelation. I realise that you briefly trod my galleries, but the fact that you spotted in so short a time that my Acabrius War collection was lacking three regiments of Catachan warriors reveals that you truly have a collector's eye for detail. And to send five regiments! Such generosity will allow me to weed out and replace a few of the more substandard pieces in my collection. If I might level a minor criticism, the instructions issued to your gift were manifestly not as clear as you thought, as most of them had to be forcibly restrained. Sadly it seems that the lower orders will always behave like an army of invasion, whether that be their purpose or not. However, this is a minor complaint and seems almost churlish under the circumstances, so please allow me to repay your gift with one of my own. Accompanying this message is the Hyperstone Maze, one of a series of Tesseract Labyrinths constructed at the height of the Charnovokh Dynasty. It is a trinket really, only of interest to scholars such as you and I, but I trust you will find it amusing; assuming you have the wit to escape its clutches, of course.

It should be noted that an Inquisitor can actually use a Tesseract as a relic.

The Infinite List of Dickings

Daww

Trazyn is universally regarded as a huge dick pretty fun guy to be around due to his rampant kleptomania erudition and wit. Here is a list of his crimes many-splendored accomplishments, compiled for the warning edification of /tg/.

• Killed five invading regiments of Catachans, then turned them into miniatures for his collection.
  • Sent Inquisitor Valeria fan mail (maybe, we can't tell if he was being sarcastic in the letter) attached to an armed tesseract labyrinth as a reward for "gifting" him said Catachan regiments. Being a true gentleman, when Valeria managed to unravel said tesseract labyrinth and use it 'safely', he took it with good grace and they became pen pals of sorts... But since no good deed stays unpunished, as of Fall of Cadia Trazyn has revealed that while Valeria became his human waifu for some time she eventually got BLAM'med for consorting with xenos, hence why he releases Greyfax the Angery instead of getting Valeria to tag along (Just as planned? How about Tau start summoning daemons for battle? And maybe Orks start building their own webwayThey already did it using superior gravitational corridors which don't need the warp during the War of the Beast.)
• Banned from the Necron throne world of Mandragora after trying to loot Imotekh's staff.
  • Pops in whenever he feels like it anyway.
• Stole Sebastian Thor's head. Maybe (there's like five other museums claiming to have his skeleton; the only reason Trazyn stands out is because his Thor head is preserved in a jar, rather than a skull).
• Took the World Spirit Shrine of Carnac, an Exodite world as a trophy for helping to conquer it.
• Uses other Necron Lords as body doubles without telling them.
• Told the greatest amongst us all he was old pals with Rawbutt Girlyman. Considering that one of the pokeballs he unleashed against Chaos at the Fall of Cadia was a bunch of Ultramarines fresh from the aftermath of the Horus Heresy, he might be telling the truth ("old pals" by his definition, of course).
  • And then informed them that maybe he was going to take Papa Smurf, as he'd be better off with him than in the company of the Ultramarines.
    • And with Rowboat coming back, somehow, for 40k End Times, we might actually get to see how the two know each other. If they actually do. There's every possibility that Trollzyn was just lying.
• Has a fucking PRIMARCH stored at his pad, supposedly... Possibly Vulkan according to White Dwarf. Technically it's a Primarch clone, but it's still a perfect copy of the pre-Heresy Fulgrim, courtesy of Fabius Bile.
• Told Vulkan He'stan he had the Song of Entropy, luring the Salamanders into a 10-year war with the Necrons. At the end of it, Trazyn pretty much said "just kidding, I don't have the Song of Entropy," as he tried to steal the Spear of Vulkan. Kind of back fired when Vulkan He'stan decided to just give him the Spear. Tip first. He'stan was pretty pissed when he learned Trazyn just jumped into another body.
  • Twice.
• Invaded the Imperial planet of Midgardia and nabbed a C'tan shard of Nyadra'zatha, despite Logan Grimnar's attempts to stop him. It's notable that he pulled this off in Logan's own codex supplement, where most other battles in the book were a resounding Space Wolf victory. To be fair, Space Wolves destroying (and thus accidentally freeing) a C'tan shard would make them look like an assholes. I mean even more assholes than they already are.
  • In retribution, Logan hunted him down to another planet, Vhaloth IV, and ended up kicking Imotekh's ass instead. (Just As Planned. The dick deserved it for hanging on to his staff anyway.)
• Captured an Ork warboss and the Deathwatch kill team that was hunting said warboss, and sat them in front of each other in his collection for all eternity. And he double-checked they were both still self-aware, just to feel them suffer.
• Caught a bunch of tech priests evacuating from the necron invasion of Magogue, and set them up in stasis as a monument to that planet's fall. Notable because he pulled it off in the Skitarii codex. Trazyn's apparently the go-to guy for being able to win outside of his own codex.
• May or may not be the one pulling the strings behind the events of Xenology, as probably he won't have any problems impersonating a C'tan shard.
• Has been hanging out on Cadia for who knows how long as the "man of iron" which all but confirms the pylons are necrons made.
• Steals Creed himself after the fall of Cadia.
• Steals Papa Smurfs' (The Ultramarine bloke that can't spell Robert properly) pillow from his lumber.
• Stole an Emperor's Children's gene-seed tithe ship containing thousands of progenoids.
• Traded it for the only perfect clone of Fulgrim, thus dashing the only hope of the Third Legion rebuilding itself and becoming more than a bunch of depraved sick fucks.
• Planning to add to his collection all the stuff from Battlefleet Gothic: Armada II, World Engine and Hiveships included!

A man of culture always enjoys a tour for his collection...

Things on Trazyn's 'Must Have' List

There can only be one true magpie.

• Old one eye's lost eye
• Kartoth the Bloodhunger, both so he can say he won the game as well as rip holes to go back in time for more collecting.
• Abaddon. No, really, that's (one of) the reason(s) he came to Cadia in the first place: he wants to add the Warmaster of Chaos to his collection!
• Saint Celestine. (Go read The Fall of Cadia, this is not a joke!)
• A lock of the Emperor's hair (Assuming it hasn't rotted away by the time he gets to Terra).
• Magnus the Red's favourite eye.
• An 8th edition Sisters of Battle codex.
  • An 8th edition box set of plastic sisters. (We've got good news for you!)
• The Sanguinor in a stasis field.
• A living Tyranid zoo (no stuffed dolls for our old collector). Would be much easier to accomplish if 'Nids didn't try to keep the fuck away from Necrons and their worlds. Never mind. He gave up on this one after his specimens broke out of their exhibit and ate half of Solemnace. Attempting to redo it on another planet near Solemnace.
• One of each type of Eldar Aspect Warrior, arranged in complementing color order.
• Each Phoenix Lord, including the fallen Ahra or Drazhar (just in case he's Ahra); bonus points for the originals. Otherwise, something from them, such as one of Asurmen's twin-linked Shuriken Catapults or a lock of Jain Zar's hair (bonus points for getting things from all of their incarnations).
• A signed autograph from each Primarch. (Still asking Orikan for "access" to his time machine so he can get one from Ferrus Manus, Horus, Sanguinius, and Konrad Curze since they're all presently busy being dead.)
• A signed autograph from each chaos god.
• A sweet ride so he can cruise the galaxy looking for new junk.
• The Fortress of Arrogance, preferably with Commissar Yarrick as well.
• Sammael's Jetbike.
• A shoulder pad from each space marine chapter (Pre-heresy legions and post-heresy chapters all together of course, going for the complete set!)
• A Space Marine from each of the first Legions (this collection would be easily finished if not for the fact that he cant find any marines from the two missing legions).
• A painting of one of the Emprah, Tzeentch, Cegorach, and the Deceiver's card games.
• A circus filled with nothing but Eldar Harlequins.
• A school report and childhood items first set of kid-sized slave shackles of Asdrubael Vect.
• A garage filled with one of each type of the Imperial Guard's tanks.
• A feather from Sanguinus's wing.
• An Imperial Titan that has been CREEEEEEEDed.
  • A snap shot of the look on Abaddon's face upon seeing aforementioned Titan in the middle of his battle line, shouting CREEEEEEEED
• Abbadon's arms. Creed hid them so well that even Trazyn is having trouble finding them.
• A matching pair of Angry Marine Powerfeet.
• A pair of a Sisters Of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties from each Order, stolen from their quarters while they are asleep. Is surprisingly hard to pull off, even for Trazyn.
• A set of Lelith Hesperax's Combat Attire after a fight. This is even harder to pull of than the Sisters of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties.
• One of the fingers from the Talon of Horus.
• Slaanesh's entire porn collection.
• One of Ferrus Manus's hands. He isn't picky which.
• An Imperial Knight from each house.
• The Panacea STC.
  • And since Lady Malys got there first, anything cool she owns, as well as a selfie with her before and after she realizes he stole her stuff.
• The Eye of Horus. As in the actual Eye.
• Commander Puretide and/or all of his students.
• A calm and rational World Eater marine.
• A clean and disease free Death Guard marine.
• A Emperor's Children marine who shows restraint.
• Alive and fleshy non-sorcerer Thousand Son marine. (As of Ahriman: Unchanged, there is now exactly one of these)
• Remnants of the Inquisitorial acolyte who died of old age. Ones aged by a Hrud's entropic field do not count.
• The cure for the Red Thirst.
  • A photo of The Blood Angels' shocking reaction when Trazyn smashes the cure in front of them.(bonus for Dante's reaction with his mask off)
• The cure for the Curse of the Wulfen.
  • A photo of The Space Wolves' shocking reaction when Trazyn smashes the cure in front of them.
• The right hands of Helbrecht, Eldorath Starbane and anyone else who had their right hands cut off by Imotekh.
• At least one Jokaero.
  • And anything they make/modify.
• A Female Space Marine.
• As many catgirls as possible.
  • Along with a selfie with each of them.
    • And as many kitsunes as possible, along with selfies and a shrine to their name.
• Any 100% reliable information about Alpha Legion.
• Any 100% reliable information about Alfa Legion.
• The Blood Ravens Armoury. Since most of the above was already "gifted" to the Chapter.
• A machine to control the Warp so he can create impossible things.
• A complete and unblemished cosmetic kit 'gifted' by a Pretty Marines' Company Captain, still with a wrapping bow attached. (Getting one each from both Loyalist and Chaos Pretty Marines Captains would be even better!)
• The very Ethereals who united the Tau race back when they were limited to only their homeworld, or their bodies.
• A picture with Kharn.
• One of each type of Imperial Assassin in the position they held before trying to kill him. This wouldn't be so problematic if it wasn't for the fact that he has yet to convince the Assassinorium to send a Culexus assassin against him.
• A 1st Edition copy of the Codex Astartes with Roboute Guilliman's autograph on the dust jacket.
• A recording of Warboss Ghazghkull famous: "Wez gonna Waagh!"speech.
• A prison capable of holding Cypher, containing the man himself.
• A STC detailing how to finally have enough Dakka. *KRUMP* HERE...HERESESS...BLOODY 'ELL WHOTEVER DAT WORD IS YOU 'UMIES KEEP SAYIN' BEFORE Y'SHOOTS EACHUVVER!
• An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Warhammer Fantasy.
• An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Lord of the Rings. (Trazyn has now accomplished this according to some writefaggotry posted on fanfiction.net. Much nerd rage shall ensue. You have been warned.)
• An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Wars. (He has also accomplished this due to MORE Writefaggotry on Fanfiction.net.)
• An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Trek (Risky, considering the technologies in Star Trek, he just might actually end up as a collectible himself or be tracked back to his home dimension).
• A TARDIS so he can learn the name of The Doctor
• All the NON-Grimdarkness of the 41st millennium in a bottle. So nothing in bottle then.
• Temperus Maximus' Adamantium Cigar. Trazyn almost managed to loot this, but Temperus suddenly called an Orbital Strike on top of himself before this happened. Temperus' armor received minor scorch marks when the strike ended and Trazyn's body double was obliterated.
• One marine from each chapter of the cursed founding.
• A death corps of Krieg gas mask serial number 0000000000000000000000001.
• Names, addresses and personal phone numbers of the two unknown Primarchs.
• Cardinal Anton Fedelicus and his collected writings, which if introduced would have allowed for a very large degree of sexual freedom to have been integrated into the ecclesiarchical theology without increasing the risk of Slaaneshi corruption.
• A living Astral Knight.
• A "lucky" Lamenters marine (also count as one of the cursed founding collection).
• A working time travel device create by the Ordo Chronos (if it was ever made). The purpose for this device being, you guess it, collect more artifact from the past.
• His own body double in an alternative universe, if only he did not manage to turn into dimensional sponge in the process or lost to his alternative self in a collection contest.
• A lock of hair from each of the infamous baldraven marines.
• A "My First Assault Cannon* box set (even better if unopened).
• A photo of the Emperor as a boy.
• As well as all of his photographic recording scatter throughout the time, whether it is rock scribble from the stone age or painting in the Da Vinci Era or the youtube video he has made back in 20XX.
• A Squat.
• A living Boneripper.
• The personal battle standard of Gabriel Angelos used at his ascension to chapter master.
  • The Blood Ravens also want one of Trazyn's personal banners.
• An Ogryn's 'Guardsman's Primer: Colour Book Edition' and matching 'The Great Crayon Crusade' coloring set.
• The oldest dreadnought of each Space Marine chapter.
• Samus' armor.
• The Entire first Season of "If The Emperor had a text-to-speech device" in blue-ray signed by Chapter Master Alfabusa.
• Limited collectors edition of Half life 3(After all, it's only been 38,000 years in development, maybe Valve will finish it before chaos/da WAAAAGH/the Tyranids/Imotekh's ego consumes the entire world!)
• Sly Marbo's personal pistol, though not even Trazyn is willing to try and collect it.
• An actual ork sniper.
• Butlin-Class Titan.
• The Man of Iron.
• The Cigar Creed always chews but never smokes. Acquired as part of the new Creed exhibit.
• The legs from an Imperial Sentinel (must have attachment for his own legs)
• A list of names of the fallen to wave at the Dark Angels.
• A ham personally provided by the Ordo Draigo.
• A book borrowed from the black library with a selfie of him and Cegorach.
• A picture of himself before he turned to necron.
• The best pole dancer in the Commorragh in a stasis chamber.
• The best pole dancer out of all Slaanesh cultist in a stasis chamber.
• A photograph of a Cyclonic torpedo the moment it impacts the ground.
• A group photo of Thunder Warriors with Arik Taranis and the Emperor.
• An acknowledgement from GW that Malal does indeed exist.
• An actual affordable GW Warhammer 40k miniature from any faction.
• Carlos McConnell, or at least one of his catgirls, in a stasis chamber.
• A jar of Skub.
• The book "Standard Template Construct" for dummies.
• Sensible Blood Angels.
• Hairless Space Wolves. Being shaven doesn't count, the Marine has to be hairless naturally.
• A copy of Battletoads.
• The Statue of Liberty, shrunk to 10 feet size and taken from Nova Yourk hive of Merica.
• Blueprint of Angron's Butcher's Nails.
• A WW2 Era Luger pistol, original.
• Enough Blood for the Blood God.
• Enough Skulls for the Skull Throne.
• One of Roboute Guilliman's new Super Space Marines.
• A Pokeball that can Hold a C'tan.
• A Living member of the Interex.
• A Picture of Eldrad and Vect trying to out-dick one another.
• An STC that has technology that will allow him to do some Dark Eldar Drugs.
• A video of Nemesor Zahndrekh putting on glasses and realizing that he is now a Skeleton Robot and the Other Necrontyr are not what they seemed to be
• An member of an Alien race the Imperium actually gets along with. (Pretty damn impossible. (Yvraine. Next?)
• An Ork who can actually think.
• An Autograph from Nagash.
• A video of Yarrick taking over the Orks. (Only a Matter of time now It's mentioned in the 8E rulebook that the Orks and Humans on Armageddon formed an alliance to fight chaos, so this is pretty much canon now.)
• The Golden Throne. That means Trazyn is not allowed on Holy Terra.
• Belisarius Cawl.
• Enough DAKKA.WUT DID WE SAY 'BOUT DAT?
• An official GW ninth age tournament.
• The Dawn Blade.
• A clone of Fabius Bile, not as an exhibit but just to make conversation with. He nearly got one if Fabius Bile didn't decide to trade him his Fulgrim clone instead.
• Lorgar's diary, the single largest source of heresy in the universe. He puts this one off due to the aura of discomfort that radiates from anything Lorgar has touched.
• A portal into an alternate past reality where GW doesn't constantly use the Eldar as fluffy punching bags, and where xenos factions actually get as much attention as GeeDub's poster boys.
• A pyrophobic Salamander.
• The Emperor's text-to-speech device.
• Old Man Henderson's gnomes.
• All Nintendo World Championship cartridges, both regular and gold.
• One of those Noise Marine sonic guns that looks like a sweet guitar.
• A member of the Death Korps of Krieg with self-preservation instincts.
• A living Sensei.
• A set of Rogue Trader era Beakie Armor.
• The rest of the Blackstone Fortresses.
• Commissar Fuklaw's cap.
• Cultist-chan in a sound-proof cell.
• A recording of Tzeentch saying JUST AS PLANNED in every know language.
• One of Dranon's cigars.
• Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM's missing fingers.

Ever-increasing Trazyn's aliases List

• Arsène Lupin
• Pepe
• Bob The regular non-necron guardsman.
• Bob the Builder
• The Fat Controller
• Every notable persons from your childhood
• Borris the generic soul-less warrior
• Phaeron Imothephek the Thunderboltlord.
• Onionkyr the Voyager.
• Nemesor Zahnpasta.
• The grinch
• Vanguard O'Brien.
• El Bandido Dickbag de la Muerte
• Trellsin the Singular.
• BenderBending Rodríguez
• Necropimp
• The most fabulous Necron of them all (after he said this, Sanguinius appeared before him and told him that if he ever said the word fabulous again, he would steal everything he owns)
• Illuminor Spookyras.
• Notc'tan the Diviner.
• Sissy Rack the Loud Queen.
• Dio Brando/ZA WARUDO.
• Thanquol the (In)Competent.
• Marisa Kirisame
• Shas'O Wi A'bu.
• Inquisitor Emprah of Catachan.
• Anon Y. Mouse.
• Captain Inkoc Nito.
• Winona Ryder
• Dean Isle.
• Kaz Miller.
• Mideer Laydee.
• Eliphas the inheritor.
• Commissar Hugh Mann.
• Korporal Dick Goesinzya.
• Canoness Ivanna Purgealot.
• High Scout Henrick Day-o-midis.
• Farsighter Loldrad Gretchinbane.
• Lord-sergeant Ultramarius Sicarius.
• Archservitor Robotnik Wilhelm.
• Warboss Ghozkull Grotstealer.
• Skitarius Ranger Alpha Stroheimus JJ-1337.
• Archon Kim Ke.
• Suede O'Niim.
• John Smith.
• Alan Smithee.
• Kyon.
• Ned Cron.
• Mouse