Busty Barbarian Bimbos
Braindead Bimbo Barbarians is an in-progress /tg/ homebrew system where the players take on the roles of the titular characters in a "swords and sluttery" setting. Everything here is, at best, an early beta.
SLUT Engine
Slap: is a Bimbo's physical strings and capability to bring the hurt. It's the key component of melee combat and athletics.
Legs: is limberness and physical reflexes. It's key in shooting, throwing, acrobatics, stealth, etc.
Uhm: is the closest thing Bimbos have to Int. It's used for dealing with traps, using tech if things get sci-fi-ish, counting, and possibly some magic.
Tits: is charisma, sexuality, and lust. These are inseparable to a Bimbo. It's used for manipulation, feats of sexual pleasure, and possibly some magic.
These stats have a minimum of 1 and a maximum of 6 (though items and temporary mods can change this). When a bimbo attempts an action that has a chance to succeed or fail, the GM will call for a check against one of these stat. Always roll three 6-sided dice. To avoid confusing the players, each should have exactly three dice and always roll all of them. For an easy check one success is needed. For a normal check two successes are needed. For a difficult check, all dice shown must be successes. In all checks, if all dice rolled are equal to or below the bimbo's stat, she succeeds.
Rolling two or more ones results in a critical success, while rolling two or more sixes results in a fumble (critical failure). The GM will adjudicate the benefit or consequence of critical successes and of fumbles. Suggestions for ruling on these are found in the sections below covering the various types of actions (including combat and spellcasting)
At the GM's discretion, a player may "raise" to increase the difficulty of a roll in exchange for a better result. This effectively turns a success into a critical success.
A Word on Math
Math is like, hard n' stuff. The SLUT engine is as math-lite as possible to accommodate in-character play and because it's funny in the context of the premise.
Character Creation
To create a bimbo, roll 3d6. The first d6 is the bimbo's Slap, the second is her Legs, and the third is her Uhm. Subtract the total from 19, and whatever is left over becomes her Titties. This process cannot take any stat over 6, so randomly assign any points that are left over. Bimbos have a base movement speed of 3. The GM may choose to allow starting equipment as well, usually a weapon and a generic, poor quality outfit that provides no modifiers.
Alternate character gen:
Produces lower-powered bimbos but has less random redistribution of points:
To create a bimbo, roll 3d6. The first d6 is the bimbo's Slap, the second is her Legs, and the third is her Uhm. To determine Tits, start from zero and add one for each roll of 3 or 4, add two for each roll of 1 or 2. If the total Tits is under 2, subtract 1 each from Slap, Legs, and Uhm for being a filthy cheater, and set Tits to 1. Equip your bimbo with one accessory, one top, one bottom, and footwear. This starting equipment grants no bonuses or special abilities. Roll up one heavy weapon and one light weapon from the table below. At the GM's discretion you may select your own equipment.
Beginning Abilities
Next, choose two of the following features.
Bounce
any character attempting to engage a bimbo with the Bounce ability must make a Difficult check instead of the normal Medium check.
Cleave
When you hit with a Slap or Legs-based attack, you may make another attack. May only be used against opponents you are currently engaged with.
DTF
Upon a successful Legs check to engage an enemy, a bimbo with the DTF ability may make her immediate attack attempt as an Easy Legs or Slap check (if it normally would have been Medium), or as a Medium Legs or Slap check (if it would normally have been Difficult).
Flash
When you would be hit by an attack from an appropriately oriented enemy, force a re-roll. Lose any abilities and modifiers attached to your top, and your top may not be used for a wardrobe malfunction again, until the end of your next turn.
Flex
When you would make a Titties check, make a Slap check instead. On a failure, lose access to Slap for one turn.
Ms. Smarty Pants
A bimbo with the Ms. Smarty Pants may opt to bring her Tits score to 0 for one combat turn (or the remainder of a scene outside combat) to make Uhm checks at reduced difficulty. Make an Easy check where it would otherwise be Normal. Make a Normal check where it would otherwise be Difficult.
Rawr
When you grab an enemy, you cannot let go or be forced to let go while that enemy is capable of fighting back. Neither you nor this enemy may attack or be attacked by other characters.
Upstage
When an ally of a bimbo with Upstage is engaged with an enemy, the bimbo with Upstage can engage that same foe or foes with a Medium Tits check instead of a Legs check (this check is unaffected by Bounce). On success, the ally is no longer engaged with anybody.
Watch Where You're Going
While engaged with the same opponent as a allied bimbo, if the ally misses a Slap or Legs-based attack, you may make a medium Slap check. On a success the ally make make an additional attack attempt and loses access to Uhm for a single turn. Of failure, the bimbo that tried to use this ability loses access to Uhm for a single turn. This ability may be used outside the normal turn order, but only once per turn.
Character Advancement
Generally speaking, a braindead bimbo improves her effectiveness by acquiring nicer clothes, a fancier weapon, and better-coordinated accessories. From time to time, typically after a significant achievement by the player characters, a milestone in the overarching story of the game, or a particularly good spa session, the GM may dictate that the characters themselves, not their garments, accessories, and weapons, have improved significantly. Inherent character advancement takes place in the form of changes to a bimbo's list of abilities, and consists of adding to or modifying the bimbo's list of abilities.
Advanced Abilities
When instructed to by your GM, select an additional ability from the list above (under Character Creation) or one of the advanced abilities below:
Brazen Disregard
A bimbo with Brazen Disregard may make a ranged attack against a target that is currently engaged in melee as a Normal Legs check.
Frugal
A bimbo with the Frugal ability may make a Medium difficulty Uhm check to resist purchasing any Medium or High quality equipment that is labeled as being "on sale." She may also attempt a Difficult Uhm check to resist purchasing any Medium or High quality equipment that is labeled as "buy two get one free."
Oh No You Didn't
A bimbo with Oh No You Didn't that sacrifices an article of clothing to negate an attack may reduce the difficulty of checks to engage with or strike the attacker in melee at a reduced difficulty. Legs checks to engage with the attacker are reduced from Difficult to Normal or Normal to Easy. Slap or Legs checks to harm the attacker are reduced from Hard to Normal or Normal to Easy. This benefit lasts for the rest of the combat.
Quick Shots
A bimbo with Quick Shots that is making a ranged attack may increase the difficulty of her Legs check to include an additional target. This makes what would have been an Easy attack against one target a Normal attack against two, or make what would have been a Normal attack against one target a Difficult attack against two.
SlapStorm
A bimbo with SlapStorm that is making a melee attack may increase the difficulty of her Slap or Legs check to include an additional target. This makes what would have been an Easy attack against one target a Normal attack against two, or make what would have been a Normal attack against one target a Difficult attack against two.
Tittiemancy
Upon selecting Tittiemancy as an advanced ability, a bimbo immediately received a number of Mana Tokens equal to her Tits attribute and may select a number of Tittiemancy Spells equal to her Uhm stat. See the Magic section for more information.
Modifying Abilities
Sometimes an ability just doesn't turn out to be as handy as you thought it would be. Every time your GM instructs you to add a new ability to your bimbo, you may also select a single ability you already had and replace it with a new one (either from the beginning abilities list or the advanced abilities list, player's choice).
NPCs
NPCs in Braindead Bimbo Barbarians have one stat, which is based on what they are. For example, a dragon might have the stat "Dragoning (6)," which it would roll against to burn peasants, fly, and horde treasure. For other actions, the dragon would roll against the target number of 2. NPCs may have special abilities as well.
For any rule that describes the use of a specific bimbo stat (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits), the NPC's single stat may be substituted at the GM's discretion.
Combat
Sometimes bimbos get into fights. In Braindead Bimbo Barbarians they get into fights a lot.
Attack
To attack, a Bimbo or NPC rolls against the appropriate stat (usually Slap or Legs for bimbos). Normally, attacking is a medium check, but circumstances may increase or decrease the difficulty, most notably flanking, which renders it an easy check.
Sometimes simply lashing out at an opponent does not do exactly what you want to accomplish. The following are suggestions for alternate uses of an attack roll:
Grab
A character with a empty hand (or other suitable appendage) may attempt to grab hold of another combatant with a successful Slap check against an opponent that is at Close or Skin-to-skin range. The grabbing character may immediately choose which grabbing range she wishes to be at, Close or Skin-to-skin.
While grabbed, a character must make a Difficult Legs check to disengage or change the range of engagement. Alternately a grabbed character may grab back on her own turn to change the range of engagement. A grabbed character may make a Slap or Legs check to escape the grab itself, but does not get to move as a result.
A bimbo that has grabbed another character and is at Skin-to-skin range may make a Normal Slap check to choke out, crush, or inflict a joint-lock on her opponent. This is treated as a normal attack and the grab is maintained.
Either character involved in a grab may attack the other normally.
The Rawr ability improves use of this generally-available maneuver.
Push
A character at Close or Skin-to-skin range may make Normal Slap check to shove her opponent away. Upon success, the pushing character may select a new range (Close, Medium, Long, or unengaged) for herself and her opponent. If she chooses unengaged range, the target is considered to be not engaged by any other character in melee. The
Upstage ability is an improved version of this generally-available maneuver.
Trip
A character at Close or Skin-to-skin range may make a Normal Slap or Legs check to knock her opponent prone. Upon success, the target remains engaged at the same range, but must make a Normal Legs check to simply stand up, or a Difficult Legs check to stand up and attack.
All melee attacks against a prone character that would have been Normal difficulty become Easy. Any melee attacks against a prone character that would have been Difficult become Normal.
Damage
Successful attacks against an unavailable stat render that character incapacitated in a manner chosen by the DM.
Wardrobe Malfunction
Losing use of a stat for a full turn can be pretty bad, and two successful hits in a row can incapacitate a character, but hit points and status effects are complicated and make a bimbo's head hurt. Instead, a bimbo that has been successfully attacked may make a Medium Tits check and sacrifice an article of clothing (top, bottom, or footgear) to negate the attack. The object sacrificed is ruined. Additional articles of clothing may be sacrificed if the first (or second) attempt fail. Objects sacrificed in this manner are rendered useless.
Plot Armor
At the GM's discretion, some NPCs pose too significant a challenge to be rendered vulnerable with a single attack. Perhaps this is a particularly large and fearsome opponent, and the GM wants some assurance that it will survive to at least attack once when facing a group of well-armed and aggressive bimbos. A monster may have a number of Plot Armor elements of the GM's choice. This should be determined before combat begins, and each element of Plot Armor entitles the NPC to a single save against damage similar to the Wardrobe Malfunction mechanism used by bimbos. An NPC with plot armor that has been successfully attacked may make a Medium check with its main single stat and sacrifice one element of plot armor to negate the attack. That element of plot armor is no longer available for the remainder of combat.
Ideally each element of plot armor is some specific descriptive and interesting one-time evasion of harm by the NPC. Perhaps a Black Knight's shield is splintered, saving him from harm for the moment, or a giant plate of chitin is torn from the thorax of a giant soldier ant. This isn't strictly necessary for the plot armor mechanic, but makes for better play. For NPCs wearing garments, the Plot Armor mechanic is functionally identical to a Wardrobe Malfunction, but replacing the NPC's one stat for the Tits check.
Critical Hits in Combat
A critical success, whether by a bimbo or an NPC, should provide a meaningful benefit to the character involved. The critical benefit should be appropriate to the method of attack and the abilities and thematic niche of the attacker, and should provoke delight and pride in the attacker's player and entertain everybody else at the table.
Some suggested Critical Hit benefits:
- When attacking an opponent that currently has Plot Armor or garments available to for a Wardrobe Malfunction or Flash remaining: the target is denied the use of plot armor or flash to negate the attack. PENETRATING BLOW!
- When attacking an NPC with no Plot Armor that still has use of its main stat: Nevermind disabling the stat, go straight to incapacitating the target. DEVASTATING BLOW!
- When attacking a bimbo with no garments available for a Wardrobe Malfunction that still has use of her targeted stat: take out an additional stat on the target. MULTITASKING!
- When engaged with multiple opponents in melee but the attacker doesn't have Cleave or Slapstorm: The attacker may immediately attack another target. WHIRLWIND OF DEATH!
- When the attacker has Bounce and really would rather not be engaged a the moment: attacker may immediately disengage from any and all melee. I'M OUTTA HERE!
- When the attacker has the Tittiemancy ability and is short more than one mana token: hand the player back a mana token. REFRESHING ATTACK!
- When the attacker is only engaged with one of several opponents and would have finished it off with a normal success: immediately allow the attacker to make a Legs check to engage (and attack) another opponent. DEADLY SKIRMISHER!
- When circumstances inspire a better idea for a benefit: whatever seems appropriate. IT'S YOUR GAME DO WHAT YOU WANT!
Critical Misses in Combat
Much like a critical success, a critical fumble should be meaningful, appropriate, and interesting.
- When an allied character is engaged with the same target: fumbling attacker gets in her comrades' way, increasing the difficulty to attack (easy -> normal, normal -> difficult). BITCH, YOU'RE IN MY WAY
- When the attacker is using a bow: bowstring breaks, miss a turn or switch to another weapon. TWANG!
- When the attacker is using a melee weapon: weapon dropped. BUTTERFINGERS!
- When the target is unarmed but capable of using the attacker's melee weapon: weapon transferred to target's possession. USE THE POINTY END!
- When the attacker has already fumbled in this combat: attacker hits herself. OW! OW OW OW OW OW OW!
- When the attacker has been missed repeatedly by its opponents: attacks against the fumbling character are reduced in difficulty for a turn (Difficult -> Normal, Normal -> Easy). GUARD? WHAT GUARD?
- When the attacker has been making bad decisions generally: attacker loses a turn. WAIT, WHAT WAS I DOING AGAIN?
Movement
Outside of combat, movement happens at GM discretion. Generally speaking, you cannot expect a bimbo in high heels to walk for more than an hour or two at a time; those things are uncomfortable.
Engaging an Opponent
Characters in combat are either engaged in melee with another character or not; let's not spend a lot of time tracking distances and stuff. That's complicated.
If two characters aren't engaged in melee and one of them wants to change that (maybe somebody with a sword wants to make an attack), she may make a medium Legs check to close the gap. Failure means that her opponent outmaneuvered her. NPCs use whatever their stat is, as usual. The person being engaged may opt to concede that melee is starting up and just skip the die roll.
If a bimbo successfully engages an opponent, she may immediately make an attack roll based on Legs or Slap. An NPC that successfully engages an opponent may immediately make an attack if the GM deems it appropriate. This represents the attacker having charged in swinging or thrusting her weapon.
Disengaging from an Opponent
Once engaged, a Bimbo may disengage with a Medium check against Slap, Legs, or Tits. If there are multiple opponents engaged, a Difficult check is required instead. This represents her shoving, dodging, or bluffing her way out of peril.
If a bimbo successfully disengages an opponent, she may immediately make an attack roll based on Legs or attempt to engage a different opponent as described above.
Other uses of Movement
Flanking
When engaging an opponent that is already engaged, a character may choose to flank her opponent. All Slap, Legs, or Uhm-based attacks against a flanked opponent that the attacker is engaged with is an Easy check if it would otherwise have been Medium. Such attacks are Medium checks if they would otherwise have been Difficult. Tits-based attacks suffer from the flanked target being already distracted, and become Medium checks if they would otherwise have been Easy, or a Difficult check if it otherwise would have been Medium.
Cover
At the GM's discretion, a combatant that is not currently engaged may make a Legs check to seek cover. The GM's discretion is important here because there may be no cover available. A character benefiting from cover cannot be attacked by opponents that have not engaged her. A character seeking to make a ranged attack against an opponent benefiting from cover may make a Difficult Legs check to remove the cover status (this represents finding an angle of attack from which the cover is irrelevant).
Grids / Hex Maps
From time to time, the GM may find it convenient to use a map to present the details of how various terrain features and characters are positioned during a tactical situation. In this case, assume that each square or hex is one yard or meter, and that each bimbo may move four squares or hexes plus her Legs stat as part of a normal Medium Legs check. Moving half that distance is an Easy Legs check. Moving twice that distance is a Difficult Legs check. All counting of movement must be performed by the GM, as counting is math, and math is hard for bimbos.
If everybody at the table agrees to a given move action, any character may move anywhere on the map. Die rolls and counting should be resorted to only when there is an objection.
Equipment
The following are intended as master tables for randomly-stocked purveyors of equipment, items found in treasure hordes and abandoned closets, et cetera.
Outfit Material Generation Tables
To randomize entire outfits, use these tables to generate a garment material, primary decorative material, secondary decorative material, and lining material. Fill in these materials as needed for all parts of the outfit. Otherwise, you may generate items individually.
| d6 | Garment Material | Primary Decorative Material | Secondary Decorative Material | Lining Material |
| 1: | Cloth | Cloth | Metal | Cloth |
| 2: | Cloth | Cloth | Metal | Cloth |
| 3: | Metal | Metal | Metal | Fur |
| 4: | Fur | Fur | Gem | Fur |
| 5: | Leather | Leather | Gem | Leather |
| 6: | Leather | Leather | Gem | Leather |
- For footwear, add two to the garment material type (more likely to be leather, won't be cloth). Roll footwear separately if creating a full outfit and the garment material would otherwise be "cloth"
| d6 | Low Quality | Medium Quality | High Quality |
| 1: | canvas | satin | silk |
| 2: | canvas | satin | silk |
| 3: | cotton | satin | silk |
| 4: | cotton | velvet | fishnet |
| 5: | wool | velvet | fishnet |
| 6: | wool | velvet | fishnet |
| d6 | Low Quality | Medium Quality | High Quality |
| 1: | copper | bronze | gold |
| 2: | copper | bronze | gold |
| 3: | chrome | iron | platinum |
| 4: | brass | iron | platinum |
| 5: | tin | steel | titanium |
| 6: | nickel | silver | titanium |
| d6 | Low Quality | Medium Quality | High Quality |
| 1: | beaver | wolf | leopard |
| 2: | beaver | wolf | leopard |
| 3: | deer | wolf | tiger |
| 4: | deer | bear | cheetah |
| 5: | rabbit | bear | zebra |
| 6: | rabbit | bear | zebra |
| d6 | Low Quality | Medium Quality | High Quality |
| 1: | raw | black | white |
| 2: | raw | black | white |
| 3: | raw | black | white |
| 4: | brown | maroon | red |
| 5: | brown | maroon | red |
| 6: | brown | maroon | red |
| d6 | Low Quality | Medium Quality | High Quality |
| 1: | rhinestone | lapis lazuli | diamond |
| 2: | rhinestone | lapis lazuli | diamond |
| 3: | bone | lapis lazuli | sapphire |
| 4: | bone | amber | sapphire |
| 5: | cubic zirconia | amber | ruby |
| 6: | cubic zirconia | amber | ruby |
Decorations
Many pieces of equipment, whether garments, weapons, or accessories, have additional embellishments on them. The following is a general table for use in random equipment creation:
| d6 | Decoration Type |
| 1: | studded with [secondary decoration material] |
| 2: | lined with [lining material] |
| 3: | encircled by bands of [primary decoration material] |
| 4: | menacing with spikes of [secondary decoration material] |
| 5: | decorated with an image of [image type] in [primary decoration material] |
| 6: | decorated by hanging rings of [primary decoration material] |
| d6 | Image Type |
| 1: | a skull |
| 2: | a heart |
| 3: | foreign calligraphy |
| 4: | the designer's mark |
| 5: | a diamond |
| 6: | an eye |
Equipment Generation Tables
To generate equipment using these tables, start with the sentence at the top and roll d6s to fill in the brackets. These tables are an optional tool for the DM.
Shoes
This is a pair of [garment material] [base shoes]. They are [heel type] [decoration type].
| d6 | Base Shoes |
| 1-2: | sandals |
| 3-4: | [boot size] boots |
| 5-6: | pumps |
| d6 | Boot Size |
| 1: | ankle high |
| 2: | mid calf |
| 3: | below the knee |
| 4: | knee high |
| 5: | above the knee |
| 6: | thigh high |
| d6 | Heel Type |
| 1: | flats |
| 2: | short wedges |
| 3: | high wedges |
| 4: | stilettos |
| 5: | platforms |
| 6: | stilettos, with platformed toes |
Bottoms
This is a [garment material][base bottoms]. It is [decoration type].
| d6 | Base Bottoms |
| 1: | thong |
| 2: | miniskirt |
| 3: | loincloth |
| 4: | pair of hotpants |
| 5: | skirt |
| 6: | pair of panties |
Tops
This is a [garment material][base tops]. [Pauldron Base] It is [decoration type].
| d6 | Base Tops |
| 1: | bodice |
| 2: | tube |
| 3: | string bikini top |
| 4: | titplate |
| 5: | bra |
| 6: | halter top |
| d6 | Pauldron Base |
| 1: | Skip. |
| 2: | It has one small [garment material] pauldrons attached. |
| 3: | It has two small [garment material] pauldrons attached. |
| 4: | It has one large [garment material] pauldrons attached. |
| 5: | It has two large [garment material] pauldrons attached. |
| 6: | It has one large and one small [garment material] pauldrons attached. |
Accessories
This is a [garment material][base accessory]. It is [decoration type].
| d6 | Base Accessory |
| 1: | pair of glasses. |
| 2: | bag. |
| 3: | [Headwear Type]. |
| 4: | ring. |
| 5: | [Bracelet Type]. |
| 6: | [Necklace Type]. |
| d6 | Headwear Type | Bracelet Type | Glove Length | Necklace Type |
| 1: | crown | [Glove length] glove | wrist length | collar |
| 2: | tiara | bracer | wrist length | choker |
| 3: | headband | wristband | elbow length | necklace |
| 4: | skullcap | armguard | elbow length | neck guard |
| 5: | helmet | armband | shoulder length | ruffle |
| 6: | hair tie | elbow pad | shoulder length | tie |
Heavy Weapons
This is a [weapon material][base weapon][decoration type]. The grip is made of [lining type].
| d6 | Weapon material: |
| 1-2: | iron |
| 3-4: | steel |
| 5-6: | bronze |
| d6 | Base Weapon: | Ranged | Long | Normal | Close | Skin-To-Skin | Save |
| 1: | [sword type] sword | n/a | penalty | normal | penalty | n/a | medium (2) difficulty |
| 2: | [axe type] | n/a | penalty | normal | n/a | n/a | hard (3) difficulty |
| 3: | [hammer type] hammer | n/a | penalty | normal | n/a | n/a | hard (3) difficulty |
| 4: | [flail type] flail | n/a | penalty | normal | n/a | n/a | hard (3) difficulty |
| 5: | [mace type] mace | n/a | penalty | normal | n/a | n/a | hard (3) difficulty |
| 6: | [spear type] spear | normal | normal | penalty | n/a | n/a | hard (3) difficulty |
| d6 | Sword Type: | Axe type: | Hammer Type |
| 1: | straight bladed, single edged | single bladed | single headed, round |
| 2: | straight bladed, double edged | single bladed, bearded | single headed, square |
| 3: | curved bladed, single edged | double bladed | single headed, round, spiked |
| 4: | curved bladed, double edged | double bladed, bearded | single headed, square, spiked |
| 5: | wave bladed | single bladed, spiked | double headed, round |
| 6: | serrated | single bladed, bearded, spiked | double headed, square |
| d6 | Flail Type | Mace Type | Spear Type |
| 1: | single headed | round | broad headed |
| 2: | spiked | flanged | narrow headed |
| 3: | flanged | studded | flanged |
| 4: | triple headed | spiked | barred |
| 5: | triple headed, spiked | headless, spiked | serrated |
| 6: | triple headed, flanged | banded | barbed |
Light Weapons
This is a [base weapon], [decoration type].
| d6 | Base Weapon | Ranged | Long | Normal | Close | Skin-To-Skin | Save |
| 1-2: | [Dagger Type] dagger | normal | n/a | penalty | normal | normal | easy (1) difficulty (hard when flanking) |
| 3-4: | [Whip Type] whip | n/a | normal | normal | penalty | normal | easy (1) difficulty, can trip and disarm without penalty |
| 5-6: | [Bow Type] bow | normal | n/a | n/a | n/a | n/a | easy (1) difficulty |
| d6 | Dagger Type | Whip Type | Bow Type |
| 1: | long bladed | weighted | flat |
| 2: | short bladed | black leather | short |
| 3: | wave bladed | brown leather | long |
| 4: | serrated | multi-tailed | decurve |
| 5: | tapered | barbed | recurve |
| 6: | broad bladed | woven | composite |
Magic
Many NPCs have attacks, defenses, and other abilities that could be readily described as "magic," but this section is mostly meant to govern how bimbos make supernatural use of their assets.
Items
Advanced weapons, accessories, and garments should grant alternate stats, special actions, or access to abilities rather than numeric modifications to a character. This is in keeping with the "math is hard" ethic.
Some example items may be something like
- Tyrant Lizard Boots These calf-high go-go boots are crafted from the hide of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and goes nicely with any black, white, or green garments. A bimbo wearing these boots gain one free Wardrobe Malfunction per turn when engaged in melee with more than one opponent (the boots are not damaged by this one free use).
- Moonsilk Bustier This alluring top is woven from mystical moonsilk, and goes nicely with white, red, and blue garments. A bimbo wearing this bustier gains the benefits of the Bounce ability.
For a broad variety of adventure concepts suitable for BBB, there is no good reason for the villains to have items that a bimbo would be interested in using, which would tend to limit opportunities to replace ruined equipment and participate in the time-honored process of character advancement by way of getting better stuff. Magic is one way to allow bimbos to turn available materials into weapons, accessories, and garments without skinning anything or ruining their nails.
Each form of decoration from the equipment tables can influence the type of magical effect that equipment can grant (this list is incomplete and meant to spark player & GM ideas):
- bone: necromancy, lots of skeletal hands shooting up out of the ground and grasping at things to limit movement, bringing forth temporary undead minions.
- rhinestone/cubic zirconia/diamond: light effects
- diamond: defensive toughness perk
- amber: snare/grab/trap effects
- lapis lazuli/sapphire: cold/water effects
- ruby: fire/blood effects
- fishnet: snaring, immobilizing, disarming effects
- satin & silk: facilitate movement, evade snaring/grasping/trapping effects
- copper: electricity
- bronze: fire
- wolf/bear/leopard fur: melee combat perk
- bear fur: defensive perk
- cheetah fur: speed/movement perk
- zebra skin: lesser speed/movement perk
Ideally the effect of a magic item should be thematically appropriate to the decoration and type of item. A bracelet probably wouldn't grant a movement advantage, but a pair of eyeglasses might aid with perception or ranged attacks.
Spellcasting
Start with an advanced ability called Tittiemancy (the magic of Tits). This does a couple of things:
Tokens
A bimbo with Tittiemancy gets a number of poker chips equal to her Tits attribute. Having physical chips to represent how much magical oomph she has will help avoid having to write down exactly how many she has at any given time, which could quickly turn into math. All Tittiemancy spells cost a single token to invoke, which avoids any mandatory counting; just grab a chip and hand it to the GM while you declare your action.
Replenishing Tokens
- Once per day, when a bimbo puts on her makeup, she regains 1 mana token. On a successful Normal Tits check, she receives two instead.
- Whenever a bimbo receives a new garment or accessory of Medium Quality, she regains 1 mana token.
- Whenever a bimbo receives a new garment or accessory of High Quality, she regains 2 mana tokens.
- If replenishing mana would otherwise take a bimbo over her maximum quantity (normally her Tits score), she may make a Difficult Tits check to go over her maximum. Petty rules like that don't apply so much to pretty people.
Spells
Upon selecting the Tittiemancy ability, a bimbo gains access to a number of spells equal to her Uhm stat. A smart and beautiful Tittiemancer is a terror.
Each spell should have both a success state and a fumble state. If all dice are 6's, the fumble effect kicks in.
- Check These Out, Boys - roll a normal Tits check. On a success, all the caster's allies are immediately rendered invisible in respect to any character with line of sight to the caster. Creatures affected by CTOB return to normal upon being attacked for damage, losing line of sight with the caster, or if the caster performs any action other than moving. On a fumble, the caster's failure to entice her opponents is so embarrassing that her Tits is effectively reduced to 0 for one round.
- Clairvoyance - Roll a Difficult Tits check. On a success, the bimbo spaces out severely, her mind wandering to other places. Literally. The material component here would be a shiny object or nice pair of shoes, not necessarily in the immediate possession of the caster. On a fumble, the bimbo spaces out so much her mind gets lost on the way back. She's stuck outside of her body for one extra hour and has to make an Uhm check in order to remember what she left her body for.
- Create Item - spend a token on a suitable incapacitated enemy ("suitable" as the GM's discretion) and render it into a garment, accessory, or weapon. Consult with the GM and the equipment tables to determine the exact item and its benefits. On a fumble the target was not properly incapacitated and its life force lingers in the transformed object. Accessories require a Uhm check in order to be worn properly. Clothing and weapons come to life and will require being tamed through combat before being usable.
- Defensive Flaking - roll a Difficult Tits check. On a success, the caster is not considered to be engaging any other character, no other character is considered to be engaging her, and no character may target her for any purpose (friendly or hostile) for a full turn. This must be the only action the caster takes this turn. On a fumble the caster flakes to the point of rendering herself completely open. The next attack roll against her is considered automatically successful; don't even roll for a fumble.
- The Difference is I Make This Look Good - make a Normal Tits check and pay a mana token to cast this spell. You may immediately make an attack that would normally be governed by Slap or Legs with a Tits check instead. On a fumble the attack is instead made with the lowest stat of your character.
- Future Lower Back Pain - cast this spell and make a Tits check at normal difficulty. If successful, the caster is treated as having a 6 score in Tits for the remainder of the scene/combat. On a fumble the caster's Tits score is treated as 1 for the rest of the scene/combat.
- Hands Off - When a bimbo with Hands Off successfully uses a Wardrobe Malfunction or Flash to negate a melee attack, the range of engagement with the attacker is shifted to whatever the bimbo prefers, up to and including disengagement. On a fumble, the target may instead shift to the range of engagement it prefers, and may immediately make a grab attack against the caster.
- Oh That's Where I Put It - A bimbo with OTWIPI that has had equipment damaged or destroyed during a scene may, immediately after the scene is resolved, make a Normal Tits check to discover that one of the objects was not actually harmed at all, and was simply misplaced. Oops. This ability may only effect items that were in the immediate posession of the bimbo with this ability when they were damaged or destroyed, and can only effect one item per scene. On a fumble, the caster instead discovers that another accessory or garment of hers has been damaged (consult with the GM to pick which one).
- Offensive Flaking - Roll a Difficult Tits check. On a success, the target is not considered to engage others (though it may still be engaged by others that wish to). The target considers all other creatures (friend or foe) to be invisible and inaudible until it is struck by a damaging action or the scene ends. On a fumble, the caster accidentally affects her allies instead of her opponents. Friendly bimbos may recover with a Normal Uhm check or upon being struck by an enemy.
- They Followed Me Home - This spell causes a garment or accessory the caster can see to animate as if worn by an invisible copy of the caster. It proceeds to do as mentally instructed by the caster for the remainder of the scene/combat. The difficulty of the Tits check depends on who owns the item and whether it is already being worn or not. For objects owned by the caster, make an Easy check for an unattended item or a Normal check for an attended item. For objects not owned by the caster, make a Normal check for an unattended item or a Difficult check for an attended/worn item. Upon a fumble, a less desirable article of clothing animates instead, or the item is placed in the direct control of the GM for the rest of the scene/combat (either at the GM's discretion).
Assumed Setting Information
Braindead Bimbo Barbarians assumes that all player characters are attractive young women in skimpy clothing that go around adventuring for some reason or other, often involving getting into fights with enemies that would just as soon kill, kidnap, enslave, and/or ravage them (any or all of the above, not necessarily in that order). Adventures do not happen in a vacuum, so there must be a setting for these adventures to happen in and challenges for the bimbos to overcome.
The following is one take on a setting appropriate for a BBB game:
Dark Moon, a Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland
Once this was a verdant, fertile, propserous land. The menfolk toiled in the fields and protected the towns, and the world was as it should be. Then the man-kings rose to power. Using forbidden technology and foul magics, the man-kings leeched the very manliness from the air, water, and soil around them, gathering its power and hording it for themselves. The women-folk looked on in horror as their husbands, fathers, and sons withered before their very eyes, their masculine stubble thinning out to peach fuzz, their muscles shrinking away to near-usefulness, their vitality and enthusiasm in the bedroom almost completely sapped. The man-kings captured and enslaved thousands of subjects to toil in their factories. They castrated hundreds and pressed them into service as eunuch-soldiers for their incessant wars against each other. They thundered across the wastelands in their Ford F-150s and Dodge Rams with the KC lights and lifted suspension kits bringing down wild game with guns and spear and their own bare hands.
Grimdark cities surrounded by parched, craggy badlands belch black smoke into the sky. Storm-ravaged seas crash dark waves against rocky shores. Forboding mountains quake with volcanic eruptions and landslides. Bones and broken weapons litter battlefields ancient and new along the borders between the realms of the individual man-kings. Dragons wheel in the sky, vomiting flame and lightning at each other, sometimes at the man-kings' behest, sometimes as wild predators. In the realms of the man-kings this is an era of gasoline, magic, and heavy metal. In the wilds, it is a primitive struggle for survival, as man-kings greedily keep their secrets of automotive repair, barbecue cuisine, and other manly arts hidden away.
Humanity is now a shadow of what it once was. Continuous war, a ravaged environment, and premature ejaculation have taken their toll on the population. Only one child in ten is a boy now, and only one in ten of them survives to a effeminate adulthood without falling prey to sickness or being press-ganged into a man-kings' legions. In the man-kings' territories, women perform nearly all the labor, toiling in the hot sun or sweatshops. The fairest are taken away to serve in the pleasure palaces and temples. But not all people live under the man-kings' thumbs. In the icy mountains and deep jungles, small bands of free women live simple but desperate existences. These women rely on hunter-warrior women to bring food to their tables and fend off ravenous dinosaurs, great apes, and slavers.
Dark Moon, as a setting, provides a handful of character background archetypes for players to work with, a some stock antagonist types for the GM, and a veneer of an explanation as to why bimbos in bikinis might be running around with axes and swords killing stuff. About as skimpy an explanation as one of the heroines' miniskirt, but we aren't aiming for verisimilitude here. Verisimilitude is way too big a word to be involved.
Reference Material worth looking into
- The Dark Sun D&D campaign setting
- The movie Heavy Metal
- Every Iron Maiden album ever