Doomrider

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

Doomrider is the Chaos version of Charlie Sheen crossbred with Snowflame. His head burns with his sheer amount of awesome...... And drugs in his system. He does cocaine and every other drug known to the galaxies. Plus other stuff that makes every drug known to man and xenos (combined) look like powdered milk. He is a pretty fun guy to be around just like Kharn. I'm afraid that's all we know. He bangs 700 gram rocks that make Mick Jagger and Keith Richards look like droopy eyed armless children.

Doomrider is an old Warhammer 40,000 Slaaneshi special character that had to be summoned, and would disappear if the player rolled a one on a special die roll at the end of his turn. This could lead to him disappearing on the same turn he was summoned, completely wasting the points spent on him which sucked ass. As for his performance, think of a titan moving like a skimmer that requires the constant blessing of Lady Luck and Admiral Awesome.

He and Warboss Wazdakka Gutsmek fought once, the planet they were on promptly exploded because no planet can contain that much motorcycle related awesome.

The Ballad of Doomrider

"Out of the mists of chaos he rides, bike in his crotch and sword at his side!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
He fights his own war, takes his own track, If he doesn't bail he might make his points back!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
Son of Slaanesh, full of desire, He does cocaine and his head's on fire!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom rider.
Na na, na na.
Fights with fury of a dozen men, Spends two turns on the field then he's gone again...
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
His bike squeals as it ploughs on through the nearest guard, His skull is flaming as his daemon sword gets hard!
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Rider!
Doom Rider.
Na na, na na.
He's a killer and he's bursting out for fun! Screaming off, now he's gone, someone rolled a one!"

Summoning Ritual

Oh great Lord Slaanesh, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!

Let our enemies tremble in ruptured awe before his fearsome visage!

Grant them an exquisite death, crushed beneath the flaming wheels of his chromium steed!

Permit them the ecstasy of being slaughtered by Doomrider's throbbing Daemonsword and his pulsating gun of gushing plasma!

Bestow on them one fleeting moment of pleasure as they stare in wonder and orgasmic delight at one of your most divine creations before dying at his hand!

Oh great Lord Slaanesh, for these reasons and many others that tease and titillate our imaginations, we beseech you, send forth your servant, the Daemon Prince Doomrider!

The song of Doomrider

[music]
Faster than a Las-bolt
Terrifying scream
He's fueled by coke and Metal
He is Daemon and machine
He's the Daemon biker
Breathing coke and fire
Summoned by the cultists he is nigh

He. Is. The Doomrider
This. Is. The Doomrider

Planets devastated
Mankinds on its knees
A Daemon comes from out the Warp because a psyker sneezed
Drowning out arty thunder
Brandishing his steel
Evil is now riding deadly wheels

He. Is. The Doomrider
This. Is. The Doomrider
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

*Instumental*

Faster than a Bolter Rocket
Louder than a Noise Marine
Chromium plated daemon metal
Better than the Thousand Sons

*Instumental*

Riding high on co-caine
Wreathed in eldrich fire
Armed with daemon weapons
He lights their funeral pyres
Firing Plasma weapons
Forever he will ride
He's bringing Armageddon to them all-


He. Is. The Doomrider
This. Is. The Doomrider
Bane. Of. Man. Doomrider
Dead. Ly. Wheels. Doomrider

*Instrumental*

He. Is. The Doomrider
This. Is. The Doomrider
He. Is. The Doomrider
This. Is. The Doomrider

Doom. Doom. Rider. Rider.
Doom. Doom. Rider. Rider-

Can't. Stop. The Doomrider--
DOOM.

Death

Doomrider's luck would not last forever though...one day Doombreed, greatest of all of Khorne's servants found Doomrider while he was busy wrecking the shit of Fulgrim's Daemon world with Angron, An'ggrath, Kharn, and the other World Eaters. Doombreed found Doomrider filling up his Bike with Cocaine and took the opportunity to chop Doomrider's head off with his giant flaming axe, then he burned his essence into ash with his fire breath and threw the ashes into a Black Hole. And that kiddies, is why Doomrider isn't in the recent Chaos codices.

This editor was found dead several days later, dildos shoved in both of his eye sockets. The only evidence authorities found were traces of cocaine on the body and motorcycle tracks that lead straight into a wall, up it, and then end without explanation.

Anway, the real reason none of us have seen Doomrider for a while is beacuse of his "experiment", which involved him taking EVERY SINGLE DRUG known to sentient creatures(and quite a few that aren't) in under a minute. It took him three weeks of repeated testing untill he got it under a minute, after which he fell off his bike, blacked out and has spent the last few editions comatose.

This editor was also found dead several days later with dildos shoved into his ears. The only evidence authorities found was traces of cocaine and some heroin needles on his body and motorcycle tracks that lead straight into the wall, up it, and on to the roof before it disappears without any explanation. The only suspect is a spider bike.

Anyway, Doomrider is busy in other galaxy trying to find stronger drugs, because the ones he did before did not do ANYTHING to him, he might come back in future editions (or not). But we will know that Doomrider is- OH GOD THE COCAINE'S ON FIRE!