Adventuring songwriting
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Observing some striking correlations between the songs found in pop culture and the DnD Multiverse, people on the internet sometimes adapt these songs to bring out their true bardic potential.
See also Grimdark Songwriting.
Johnny Cash: I've been Everywhere (I've fought everything)[edit]
I was totin' myself
Along the dusty Greyhawk southern road
When along came a party
With a halfling, dwarf, elf, and a gnome
"If you're headin’ down to Greyhawk, bard
With us you can ride."
So I climbed into the cart
And then I settled down inside
They asked me if I'd seen a group
That could dish out so much pain
And I said,
"Listen Bud,
I've battled Every beast on our home plane."
I've fought everything, man
I've fought everything, man
Heard a harpy sing, man
I've tanked the stirge’s sting, man
Battle’s kinda my thing, man
I've fought everything.
fought a cloud giant, fog giant, fire giant, wolfwere,
frost giant, hill giant, stone giant, jackalwere,
Blood Hound, Hell Hound, Jungle Hound, bugbear,
Bog Hound, Fen Hound, Trollhound, owlbear,
Immoth, Quaggoth, Draegloth, werebear,
aarokocra, amhisbaena, gorgimera, I'm a killa.
I've fought everything, man
I've fought everything, man
Heard a harpy sing, man
I've tanked the stirge’s sting, man
Battle’s kinda my thing, man
I've fought everything.
Fought a gorbel, dire camel, giant eel, Grimlock,
elemental, achromental, fundamental, Meenlock,
Fearweed, strangleweed, lashweed, Warlock,
Annis hag, Green hag, Sea Hag, werefox,
Wastrilith, Gehreleth, Marilith, Catoblepas,
Stegosaurus, Hadrosaurus, Brontosaurus, with no fuss
I've fought everything, man
I've fought everything, man
Heard a harpy sing, man
I've tanked the stirge’s sting, man
Battle’s kinda my thing, man
I've fought everything.
Fought a Stone Golem Iron Golem, Flesh Golem, Red Dragon,
Androsphinx, Criosphinx, Gynosphinx, Bronze Dragon,
Cedar Spawn, Deepspawn, Dreamspawn, Mustard Jelly,
Dracolich, Demilich, Archlich, Ochre Jelly,
Su Monster, Rust Monster, beholder, hive mother,
spectator, Cave fisher, see what I mean-er?;
I've fought everything, man
I've fought everything, man
Heard a harpy sing, man
I've tanked the stirge’s sting, man
Battle’s kinda my thing, man
I've fought everything.
I’ve fought a Dergoloth, Baernaloth, Gacholoth, Purple worm,
Marraenoloth,Yagnoloth, Nycaloth, Wraithworm,
Hook Horror, Helmed Horror, Mist Horror, Sand Cat,
Hellcat, Moat cat, Plains Cat, Crypt Cat,
Kocrachon, Cornugon, Gelugon, troglodyte,
Death knight, fiend knight, winter wight, what a fight;
I've fought everything, man
I've fought everything, man
Heard a harpy sing, man
I've tanked the stirge’s sting, man
Battle’s kinda my thing, man
I've fought everything.
I’ve fought everything.
Foster the People: Pumped Up Kicks (murderhobos)[edit]
Fighter's got a strong arm
He'll slaughter the whole room, he won't care who he harms
He's got a brewed health potion
Tied to his hip he’s an adventurer
Yeah found a magic great axe
In some dragon’s big hoard, oh in a room of fun toys
I don't even know what
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming for you
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
The DM works a long day
we be playin’ too late, and he's playin’ too late
but he's bringing me a surprise
'Cause snacks’re in the pickup and they're wrapped in bags
I've waited for a long time
Yeah the crit of my roll is now a strong weapon blow
I reason with my health potion
And say your head's on fire, you must have lost your spells, yeah
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
[run, run, run, whistling]
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, outdash my axe
All the other fiends with the magic things
You'd better dash, better dash, faster than my downswing
Robert Palmer: Bad Case of Loving You [Doctor Doctor](Bad Case of Rolling Ones)[edit]
Woah
Polymorph was cast, on my PC
already knoooo,ow its low DC
I need to, to make this save
or else my char-acters in the grave
DM DM, gimme the news
I got a, bad case of rolling ones
no skills gonna cure my ills
I got a bad case of nat,ural ones
a real good build, don’t mean no real good rolls
I’ve known thaaa,t buddy from the start
you think I should, take the lucky feat
brother, I ain’t that kind of guy
DM DM, gimme the news
I got a, bad case of rolling ones
no skills gonna cure my ills
I got a bad case of nat,ural ones
I know you like it, your save or die spells
Tell me D M, are you gonna stop?
you’ve taken out, all my good ideaaas
While you chow down on, tortillas
Roll my dice, scream and shout
My PC’s dead, without a doubt
DM DM, gimme the news
I got a, bad case of rolling ones
no skills gonna cure my ills
I got a bad case of nat,ural ones
Bee Gee's: Stayin' Alive[edit]
Well, you can tell by the HP I've massed
I'm a fightin' man: no time to cast.
The barbs are silver, the dead are tolled, I've been downed a lot
Since I was rolled
but it's all right, it's okay
the bard can heal me anyway
So now let's try to understand
The coastal wizards as a brand
Whether you're a wizard or whether you're a lizard
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
The table's quakin' and the DM's a shakin'
but we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive
Ah when you want
Well now, I roll low and I roll high
but if I can't get either, I add a die
Got an invocation on my bow
I'm an archer man and a sniping pro
You know it's all right, it's okay
The Bard will heal me anyway
We can try to understand
The coastal wizards as a brand
Whether you're a wizard or whether you're a lizard
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
The table's quakin' and the DM's a shakin'
but we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah, I'm stayin' alive
Well, you can tell by the HP I've massed
I'm a fightin' man: no time to cast
The barbs are silver, the dead are tolled, I've been downed a lot
Since I was rolled
but it's all right, it's okay
the bard can heal me anyway
So now let's try to understand
The coastal wizards as a brand
Whether you're a wizard or whether you're a lizard
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
The table's quakin' and the DM's a shakin'
but we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me, yeah
I'm stayin' alive
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me, yeah
I'm stayin' alive
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me, yeah
I'm stayin' alive
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me
Somebody Help me, yeah
Fight goin' nowhere, somebody Help me, yeah
I'm stayin' alive