Alice
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This is a /v/ related article, which we tolerate because it's relevant and/or popular on /tg/... or we just can't be bothered to delete it. |
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
| This article is bad, and you should feel bad about it. |
Good sweet zombie Emprah, no.
Goddamnit, no. I know we needed a fucking article on this, but...
Fuck it. Fine. Let's go. Alice Abernathy, also known as Janus Prospero.
Who?
For the uninitiated, Alice Albernathy is a protagonist in the in-name-only Resident Evil movies. She is patient zero of the Mary Sue label; the Mary Sue by which all other Mary Sues must be judged. She is completely invincible, exceedingly effective, and the entire purpose all other characters in the movies serve is to die horribly or reinforce how awesome Alice is. Or both. Even if the characters in question were main characters from the books and games. She can kill you with mind bullets. Or regular ones.
The protagonists of Maradonia Saga and Bella Swan of Twilight have nothing - and I mean nothing on Alice. Kaldor Draigo is less of a fucking stretch than Alice. Chris-Chan's CWCVille-centered Sonichu fantasies are roughly the same level of ridiculous as Alice. She was solely included in the movies because Mila Jovovich, the actress who plays her, wound up marrying the director, Paul Anderson, who has done nothing but turn his wife's character (with her encouragement) into the equivalent of a horrifically-bad fanfiction... If the writer was able to spend millions on his deranged waifu insert and given carte blanche to completely destroy the source material in the process.
A Quote from the Actress
"Oh yeah, there are, like, 15 people in the world that spend all day really hating me. Like horrifically hating me with a passion." -- Milla Jovovich, with bold for emphasis by /tg/'s experts
A Brief List of Alice's Exploits
- Fights and/or kills every major antagonist in the movies.
- Has mind-powers that let her explode heads. Through video consoles.
- Is cloned numerous times, and uses her super-powered clones as an army before the superpowered clone-army is summararily dealt with in the intro of one of the later movies.
- Renders the entire cast irrelevant in all movies, even when they're main characters from Resident Evil main series.
- No one else, video game protagonists included, is permitted to accomplish anything while she is around. Monsters completely immune to gunfire suddenly lose their invincibility as long as she is the one shooting. Chris and Claire Redfield are only allowed to start shooting the downed Albert Wesker after Alice won her over-choreographed wire fu battle, like a couple of dogs licking dinner scraps off the floor.
Alice and /tg/
Alice is considered the worst possible combination of traits - That Guy paired with a Mary Sue and blended with a self-insertion. Picture every 13-year old Forgotten Realms fan's Dungeons and Dragons character, only backed with enough money to literally force the resulting Drizz't-clone into everyone's fucking face. Almost every DM can point at Alice and immediately use her as a classic example of how to utterly fail on every level.
This faggot rather infamously ran a d20 Modern campaign in which the players had to hunt down and kill the godlessly-powerful Mary Sue using their witz and copious amounts of high explosives. Shenanigans and high adventure alike ensued. You can read about it here.