Johnny
 | This article or section is about something oldschool - and awesome. Make sure your rose-tinted glasses are on nice and tight, and prepare for a lovely walk down nostalgia lane. |
"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."
- – Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146
In ye olde days, when marines were made of metal (either of the musical or chemical kind) and Land Speeders were made of deoderant, a range of models was released.
Among these models, was Brother Craig.
Background
Back around 1988, long before even the Dark Age of Technology, Games Workshop put out some new Space Marine models, specifically, their second wave of Mark VI "Beekies". Back in those days, just about each model was given a unique name to make referencing it easier. As coming up with a lot of names would be tiresome, Games Workshop decided to name these new models after actors from the 1960's Batman TV show, giving us names like Brother (Adam) West, Brother (Burt) Ward, Brother (Cesar) Romero (these actors playing Batman, Robin, and the Joker respectively), and, most importantly, Brother (Yvonne) Craig (the actor that played Batgirl), among others.
Now, this would've been the end to the story if not for Games Workshop being incompetent. You see, in 1990, when Citadel published their blue catalogue, all previously released models got part numbers and perfunctory names ("Bolter #10", "Plasma Gun #2", etc.) except for Brother Craig, who was nowhere to be found. Needless to say, this made an already rare model even more difficult to track down and he was largely forgotten.
It was in this relative obscurity that Brother Craig would bide his time, waiting for the right moment to strike down those who had wronged him...
Introduction to /wip/
It was almost 30 years later that Brother Craig would finally resurface, finding purchase in the hearts of the /wip/ (Work In Progress) threads on 4chan's /tg/. As recounted by a random /wip/persnapper, the story went as follows:
>A few years ago, somebody took a photograph of Brother Craig that was floating around here on /wip/ and inserted it into the "Kill 'em all, Johnny" meme that comes from the Cartoon Network show Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy. There's a character on that show named Johnny who walks around having one-sided conversations with a wooden board ("Plank") that has a face drawn on it. Similarly, Brother Craig looks like he's having a conversation with his bolt gun's magazine.
Johnny steadily evolved from meme to mascot and, to this day, continues to confuse newfags who don't get the reference.
Johnny Collage
If you paint a Johnny, be sure to post him in /wip/ so he can be added to the collage. Failure to do so will result in summary execution.
Finding a Johnny
This is a gamble at best and a fool's errand at worst. Finding Brother Craig in specific is not easy feat seeing as how, in addition to being a somewhat rare and old model, the only major reference to his name is an obscure old ad and he is not mentioned in a collector's guide. This means that people generally won't know what they have and won't list him as "Brother Craig" and especially not "Johnny". To make matter worse, those that do put in the effort to actually figure out what they have will generally charge an exorbitant amount seeing as how, once again, Johnny is somewhat rare and obscure.
Your best bets are to check on eBay with the search string:
(oop,"rouge trader","rogue trader",metal,vintage) ("space marines","space marine","blood angels","blood angel","space mariens","blood angles) -chaos -epic -atax -kenner -ccg -maelstrom -cryomek -grendel -void -vasa -dirtside".
That should bring up a lot of older models, beakies especially. Sift through those regularly enough and you might find one. Past that, lurk /wip/ since people sometimes post links to those they find there.
Another place to check would be buy-and-trade groups, either locally or on an internet forum (Dakka-Dakka, the Oldhammer Forums, Bartertown, even certain Facebook groups).
Finally, while it's hard to say what the "going rate" is for a Johnny, it is suggested that you avoid paying over $20 for one.*BLAM* Johnny is priceless, like all servants of the Emperor!
Gallery
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The original ad for the wave of Rogue Trader Space Marine models featuring Brother Craig.
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Jonny/Johnny and Plank from the TV show Ed, Edd, n' Eddy.
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The edit that caused Brother Craig to be renamed "Johnny".
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Comm link established.
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Johnny Diagram.
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Picture of Johnny's font of wisdom from the top. Bolts are clearly seen, meaning that this is indeed a magazine and not an auspex.
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Johnny featured in oldhammer art. Note how the artist changed his boltgun magazine into an auspex.
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Johnny featured in a /wip/ OP image.
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A Johnny painted in 2018 by Savage Orc-anon, aka Louise Sugden, a painter for Forge World. This makes this the first known Johnny (aside from the original) to be painted by Games Workshop staff.
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Proposed Chaos Johnny.
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Johnny works in mysterious ways.
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An accurate representation for how Johnny owners act.
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ゴゴゴゴ
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Johnny-aniki art.
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A Flesh Eaters Johnny proudly wears the hat gifted to him by an overly curious Inquisitor.
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A collage of Johnnys. Current as of 2/22/19.
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Period accurate backpacks for use with a Johnny.
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Primaris Johnny tutorial.
