Newsflash
NEWSFLASH: Livejournal Wasteland Expands!
(A man in a flamboyant suit sitting in a chair - his suit is checkered a hideous green and blue.)
Greetings, here's our top story for this evening. The LiveJournal wasteland, notorious for it's extreme levels of danger and relative lack of habitability, is being reported to be EXPANDING based on reports from leading scientists.
The scientists, hailing from 4chan and Something Awful as well as several other major and minor webforts, have observed that LiveJournal's total area has increased by 5% in the last year.(Graphs and a pie chart) This has caused alarm among leading scientists, as LiveJournal is among the most dangerous places on the Internet as a whole. (Graphs and fatalities, timeline of incursions into LiveJournal)
"Of course we're concerned about it" says Magos ANON#412 of 4chan. "The Internet is a dangerous place as it is, we don't need larger areas of it to be inaccessible to research and recovery teams". "We're keeping an eye on it, but research teams that we have sent into LiveJournal or it's surrounding polluted areas have always taken losses to both equipment and personnel. To be honest we've got bigger threats from CHINANET and BRAZILNET we need to watch for the moment."
In addition we also managed to get some input from Moderator Tyrean of Blizzard for his thoughts on the situation, which he downplays:
"This expansion - even if it were true - wouldn't be a major threat to the Blizzard webfort and defense zone. We've created an ideal society here and nothing can threaten us. We're pretty much perfect and soon everyone will become one ---" (Feed severs: Reasoning - Violation of Anti-Blizzard Protocols 2A, 2D.)
(Cuts back to anchor abruptly) "----Whatever the case may be, the threat by LiveJournal and it's polluted areas continue to be a concern for the citizens of the internet no matter where they dwell.