Noh
Noh is an adorable young girl with a magical rapier and chainmail shirt. The character originates from a story from a DM about how his players approached a puzzling challenge in a rather unorthodox manner, and found so much resonance with /tg/ that much drawfaggotry was inspired and many fa/tg/uys include references to or variations on the character in their own games. She is named for one of her catchphrases, which is simply "No."
The Story of Noh
My group was in a dungeon where, unbeknown to them, they were being tested by the spiritual forces that resided within, in order to see if they were worthy of... bla bla bla, the same old shtick.
They find a secret door, and inside is a pedestal with a highly ornate and obviously magical rapier (which two of the characters used), resting upon a similarly ornate/magical chain shirt that the two other characters used.
Next to them, a young girl, with a blank expression, simply requests, "Please do not take these items." Of course, my players didn't want to pass up such great items, but they knew that something bad would happen if they just took them, they decided they needed more information before they could make a decision. Pretty standard method of action. And, the only way they could get more information was from the girl.
I didn't want to spoil everything, and more importantly I wanted this to just be a short test so we could go on to the next part. Also, since she was just the physical manifestation of a minor spiritual entity, she didn't need to do any more than fulfill her task as a test giver. So, I decided she would be like a NPC from a video game. She would only respond with "No" or, if a negative answer would confuse the players or the players decided to get crafty and ask something like "Can we NOT take these items?", she would simply reply "Please do not take these items."
The conversation was pretty much:
P1: Can you tell us about these items?
DM: No.
P2: Can we ask your name?"
DM: No.
P1: What are you doing here?
DM: No.
P3: Are these items important to you?
DM: Please do not take these items.
The players kept at it for a few minutes, until the bard decided to use a perform check to "Awaken her dormant soul etc." and rolled a 19. As such, I decided I might as well say that she shed a single tear.
At this point, my players could no longer stand it. And they ended up doing something I was completely unprepared for.
One of them scooped her up, put her on his shoulder, and decided they were going to take her. They quickly began to argue as to which one of them was going to carry her, completely ignoring the amazing magical items less than an arm's reach away, and talking about how she was the cutest thing in the entire world. They decided to name her "Noh", since it was what she replied when asked her name.
They then carried her through the dungeon, risking themselves many times in order to keep/protect her. After the third time she slowly walked back towards the items when she was left alone during a battle (accompanied each time with each player screaming her name), they decided to go back, put the items on her, and then continue carrying her around.
I had added this whole test as a bit of a side thing, and didn't know what to do. At the completion of the whole thing, their reward was to have a spirit bound to one of their magic items, corresponding with what virtues they exhibited the most through out the dungeon. As a bit of a side bonus (since she was practically a construct anyway), I decided that a spirit would also be bound to Noh, but the complete binding would take some time, and that the players would be able to take her out of the dungeon. My players were so happy, and they concluded that along with the rest of the adventure (which they seemed to enjoy), this was the best session they've had in years.
I feel bad.
Writefaggotry
Some chaps felt inspired to write their own extensions to Noh's story, which can be found below.
Good End
Sunlight filtering through a canopy of leaves, a young girl resting beneath the trees.
She just lay there thinking... thinking. Another new experience. She had more thoughts in her head now than she’d ever imagined before... mostly because she didn’t have much of one up until now, she thought. So many things to see, to think about, to experience.. it was almost overwhelming at times. This must be the way they feel all the time! she thought. All these thoughts, ideas, decisions- and she knew she barely understood anything yet! Having a self is more difficult than she thought... or would have thought, she guessed, if she did any thinking back then.
It was so... different. For so long, all she knew was one room, a pedestal, two items. Her purpose was to be a test, nothing more. She fulfilled her function with no concept of time, no idea of want, not a thought, not a care, not a need; a construct like her had no need of such things.
So then, why?
She was barely aware when it happened, as she was taken away. The feeling of strong arms lifting her, carrying her. The familiar pedestal and its contents dwindling away in the dark. She had struggled weakly, then; her nature forbade her from leaving her charge, her purpose. But then, they took her back, gave her the items- her own charge! Gave them to her!-and took her, and them, along. For the first time, in her whole existence, she felt something, a sense of shock, mixed with fear, mixed with wonder.
Since then, things were... different. There must be another word, she decided, but she must not know it yet. So much happened, and in such a short time. Time. Another new concept. Every day, she understood something more. Suddenly, there was more than a dark room, a single task; suddenly she was more than a test, more than a simple construct. They freed her from her duty, gave her things to call her own.
She even had a name...
It was all so confusing. She had learned so much, in the past few months, but still understood so little. What was she to do? Her purpose was already gone, the items taken from their resting place, even if she was the one who took them. Now, she could think, could feel, but for what? For-
“Noh! Hey, Noh!”
Noh looked up, across the clearing, to where the rest of them stood. A small group, ragged adventurers all of them, packing up gear into well-used packs. To some, they would be an unwelcome or unpleasant sight, but to Noh, they seemed to be the smartest and the strongest and the bravest...
“Come on, Noh, break’s over, we’re moving on!” one of them called.
Noh jumped to her feet. Thinking was nice, she decided, but you can’t just sit and think forever. After all, there are plenty of places yet to see, things yet to learn, new things to think about. So, with a small smile on her face, she ran over to join the group, to join her... her...
Family?
Yes. That was the word, she thought. Family. Another new thing she’d gained since that day. Perhaps there was a better word, she thought, to describe her feeling, but for now, as she joined them once again, that was enough.
Bad End
And as the pain in his body escalates, he turns to his 'daughter'... the little girl with a blank stare whom he just saved from certain death.
Noh looks at the wounded warrior, curious and seemingly looking for an emotion. The warrior coughs up blood, further increasing the party's anxiety as they look upon him.
"Noh... I'm so glad you're safe. Do not cry for me, for this is another facet of life you must learn." He reels in agony as he speaks. "Before I go, I want you to know that I, no WE love you. You are our daughter, our family."
Noh's gaze pierces the warrior deeply, taking him great amounts of strength to hold his tears back. "Alas... this is the end. Noh... can you smile for me...?"
The little girl looks around, confused and troubled. She then looks straight at the poor warrior and says
"Please don't take the items."
He then died painfully.
Best End
"Well, Noh, it's been a long year, hasn't it?"
Noh nodded, and Kharazon Malakath, the Lichlord once feared through all four corners of the world, ruffled her hair. He was rather glad they'd taught her nonverbal responses, when even the best magic they could buy couldn't teach her new words.
"I know you have a hard time remembering dates..."
"No."
"Yes you do, and we both know it. However, this is a very special day, Noh. Do you know why?"
"No?" Inflection, another thing she'd had to learn.
"Just take my hand, and trust me." He hated to do this, to use his powers on her, but he couldn't have her knowing what she was getting into. The second their hands touched, he funneled dark power into her, stealing her sight...
Thomas Lightfoot, the Realm's Rogue, was having far better success with his underworld contacts.
"So this will work, guaranteed, as long as the target knows what it does?"
The 'street rat' he was chatting with was far from it, but they both knew to keep up appearances. In truth he was a Mercane, an interplanar merchant that always had whatever you needed. "Oh, yes sir! I bet my savings on this working exactly as advertised. Do you need anything else?"
"No, this will do nicely..." The mercane took a step back, seeing the look on Thomas' face.
A few seconds later, Thomas walked out of the alley alone, whistling to himself and running his fingers over his new prize. Behind him, under a pile of trash, lay the Mercane.
All through the Outer Planes, favors were being called in. Something momentous was going to happen soon, and no-one wanted to be caught unprepared. Asmodeus, as was his habit, paced circles around his dark throne while he thought.
"I can't afford to bungle this. It would simultaneously make the girl mine, turn the tide of the Blood War thanks to favors gained, and force those damned Good-gods to admit my power. Ranbar! Go fetch me..."
Pelor was in a panic. He'd known that it was the right thing to place that thing in Asmodeus' care at the time, but he'd had no clue how much power it would give him. He called for a meeting of the Gods; they HAD to get it back before tonight!
Brightsword Darkbane, Champion of Pelor and Light of the Sun, held his blade to the corrupt merchant's throat. While he lived, such injustice would not stand.
"What do you mean you're out of Elven Sweet Bread?!" He demanded. "Do you have any idea how important today is?"
The merchant made an open-palm gesture, knees knocking together. "I can have some for you, maybe, next week if I hurry. Elves don't rush, sir, I'm sorry."
"Fine, maybe across the way..." Lightbringer, the sword that had retaken an entire Circle of the Hells, was sheathed again, and the great paladin started out.
"Can I ask you what this is for, sir? Just simple curiosity, you understand."
Everything was in readiness. The call had gone out through the Realms, and it had been answered several times over. The ones that sent it out knew what sort of a group they were assembling, but it was the only way to make this work.
Noh didn't know what was going on, just that one of her fathers had taken her hand and the world had gone away. Any attempt to find out what was going on brought 'ssh'-ing, which reminded her somehow of something...far back. Before the cave, maybe? She entered a new room, and felt the cold, bony hand on her shoulder, somehow still paternal.
Brightsword Darkbane was a patient man. He tried very carefully to remember this, at the sixth bakery in town. "So...you're saying..."
"Yes, sir. The last of our Elven Sweet Bread got mice-nibbled, and since there's been no call for it, we haven't replaced it."
"THERE'S CALL NOW, DAMMIT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TODAY IS?!" His hand twitched for his sword, and only his oaths to the church and to his god saved the bakery that day.
"S-Sir, I can't help you! It doesn't matter what you do to me, it just isn't here!"
"Dammit! There has to be someone in this city willing to sell it! I CAN'T let her down!"
"..."
Thomas walked along again, whistling and flipping his new treasure in the air, when something happened that made even him stop and take notice. One of the Celestial Host appeared before him in a brilliant corona of light, its mere presence enough to sent the common folk to their knees.
"Oh, hey Cevis."
"Thomas, I've told you not to be so informal. I come before you today to give you a proposal."
"What's that?" Wasn't every day Heaven came to you, after all. Best to at least hear them out.
"At the...event you have planned, Asmodeus will appear. He's going to make a very tempting offer to your young charge. If you can get her to say no to it-"
"Not that hard."
"Har har. If you can get her to REJECT it, I will guarantee both your soul and hers go to Heaven and skip the petitioner phase of development. I don't expect you to say yes right now, but..."
"Got 'ya. I'll see what I can do."
Asmodeus paced down his domain, carefully allowing every soul that saw him just enough hope to make his walk double as a tasty treat. Among the souls, he found the one in particular he needed, ignoring the rotten hands of the greedy grasping to take one last coin. "You." He said, pulling it from the eternal muck. "You may give your daughter one last service."
Noh was indicated to sit down on something, and there were a few shuffling sounds around her and the muffled pop of dozens of teleports. Suddenly, sight was returned to her, and she saw that she was sitting at a table in their dining room, looking out at her fathers and everyone who she'd helped save. "SURPRISE!" Went out the cry, then in perfect sync "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear noh! Happy birthday to you!" A particularly dramatic Satyr stepped forward. "And many moooooooore!" Noh looked around, shocked, not sure what to say or do, at all the faces. There was the leader of the Water Genasi tribe they'd saved! And here, the djinn they had freed, in sync with each other as always. A moment's pause, and the table, previously bare, filled up with all sorts of presents in front of you. "Happy birthday! It's been a full year since we found you in that cave, and woke you back up. We'll let you choose whose present to open first!"
Noh looked around, and saw the ambassador from the Heavens, when they had beseeched them for aid against the Fell Beast Densador, trying to hide himself. "Please, do not take these items!" She demanded, pointing at him, and the beautifully wrapped but modest box in front of him.
"Noh, maybe you should choose someone else fi-"
"Items!" She demanded, and Brightblade sighed, heading down the table and picking up the gift, then giving it to her. She set into it with the fervor only a greedy child can, and found under the paper a copy of 'prayers for the mute' as penned by one Homer E. Oneous.
"The bosses insisted! I wanted to get her a necklace." It's a rare thing, seeing an angel pouting, but he was.
The Satyrs laughed, sparking a ripple that went around the table at the poor Hound Archon's expense. "I mean it. it was going to always glow." He muttered. "Besides, at least she opened mine." "Please!" Noh pointed at another box, this one held by a halfling princeling who had tried to woo her and only been drawn up into the world-shattering event her parents always stayed involved in.
"Well, nothin' for it but hopin'!" the halfling laughed weakly, pushing the box down the table at her, passed along by a multitude of hands. This time, she opened the box to find tissue paper, and carefully pressed it aside to find a beautifully tailored dress, at her size, with a pattern of white clouds on its blue material. "It'll make 'ya float, so you can be on eye level with everybody else! We use them in negotiations sometimes. You know, to get a leg up?" He waited for laughter, that didn't come, as nobody else thought it was funny and Noh was admiring the material.
It was when Noh was reaching for her third present, the one held by the satyrs, that things became interesting. All of the lights dimmed,flickering for just a second, and then standing at the foot of the table was a guest that nobody invited: Asmodeus, Lord of the Ninth and ruler of the Hells. Everyone was instantly ready for an attack, but he stayed still, letting them realize that he was unarmed and not trying to be a threat. "Noh...oh, sweet aberration of fate, glorious little girl whose speech has been shattered...I come offering you a proposal."
That was when they realized, as he had intended, that Asmodeus wasn't alone. "A certain soul wound up in my possession...you might recognize him. I rather hope that you do." An old man stared vacantly into the distance, floating in the manner of ghosts, next to the Hell-Lord. "I'm willing to offer you his soul back, Noh, and a return of all of your speech, if no-one here ever attacks my home again. What do you say?"
"Well? What do you say? Your father, and your speech, for my safety..."
Thomas realized precisely what was going on, as he looked over everyone who was assembled. Noh had wanted nothing more, for months, than to be able to talk again. He knew that if something didn't happen, she would accept that offer, and doom everyone there. Except...
"Noh...before you answer him, why don't you open this?" He handed her his present, smiling paternally, and Asmodeus' expression soured. It grew even worse when the box was opened and a golden medallion carefully carved in her likeness was revealed, its magic obvious to all. "Put it on!"
She did, curious, and he whispered something into her ear. Suddenly, clearly, in the mind of everyone there came the words <Like this, Daddy?>
"Yes, Noh. Just like that."
"Please, do not take these items!" She was overjoyed at what she'd just gotten, pulling the roguish man into a hug
Once Thomas managed to extricate himself, the group turned as one to face Asmodeus, who was looking furious and vengeful. The Ruler of the Hells raised his finger, as though to curse Noh, and...
<GO AWAY!> The shout echoed through everyone's mind, even some of those that weren't even in the room, and froze him in place for a moment.
"YOU dare order ME, the great..."
"I SAID GO AWAY! You're mean!"
"The great...Asmodeus..."
"I'd suggest doing what she says." responded Heaven's messenger, leaning on him with a sizzling sound and the smell of burnt ozone. "I don't think you can take all of us."
"FINE! I won't forget this, child!" And he, and her father's soul, dipped back through the floor and to their home. All that was left was a promise. "I shall see every one of you PERSONALLY flayed!"
"Well, that was an interesting diversion." said the lich-lord to Noh's right, trying to get things jovial again. "Why don't you open mine next?"
"Please do not take these items?"
"The amulet, Noh."
"Oh, right, sorry. I forgot. What is it, Daddy?"
"Well, open it and find out!"
She promptly did, to find a swirling vortex of magic, seeming to be a gate to another world. Confused, she looked back, seeing her adopted father nod, and reached into it. From it came...well...Flare, seeming to have been caught asleep and tied up by animate ropes that spewed from the vortex a moment later, left hanging from a convenient hook on the ceiling. It was rather obvious who had encountered her before, as every single one of them had looks of disgust. This changed to malicious joy when one word was said:
"Pinata."
Once everyone was finished beating up the 'innocent' dragon, they reassembled at the table, a few in different positions and a few in the same. Noh, of course,was at the head of the table,
"Okay, Noh, last present you're opening tonight. Some of us have to go and save the world tomorrow, and we need our sleep, and we still have to have the cake!" At the mention of cake, the Paladin cringed and shook his head a little, looking desperate to not admit his failure.
"Please, do not take THESE items!" She said, pointing to the druids, who snickered among themselves and pushed the box down the table. When it got to Noh, she tore into it with oblivion, finding a simple wooden box under the paper, with a hinged door on the top. She opened it, looked within, and immediately closed it with a deep blush. "No?!"
"For when you get a little older. I'm sure your parents will understand." The two druids there, a man and a woman, laughed among themselves while everyone else shared uneasy glances. "Right!" The rasping voice of the lichlord came. "Cake. and drinks. Sir Darkbane, you managed to find the sweetbread cake for her?"
Sir Brightsword Darkbane dipped his head in shame. "I tried. Everywhere in town was sold out, it seemed, and I didn't have time to check anywhere else..." An uncomfortable silence fell over the room at that, with even the usually-cheerful satyr-druids and the halfling prince being unable to find anything to say. There was no cake. how could the party move on without cake?
Fortunately, such a large group wasn't without its talents.
"I suppose I could summon some, if nobody else can." Said the dragon-woman from before, earning surprised looks and murmurs.
"Isn't this awfully convenient?" whispered Thomas.
"Isn't that how mages always are?" whispered Brightsword, relieved. "Certainly, I see no problem with summoned cake, as long as it tastes the same. Summon away!"
A wave of her hand and a whisper of power, and a large cake appeared in the center of the table, pushing presents aside and leaving the gift-givers scrambling to grab them. Everyone stared in admiration for a moment...
and then from the center of the cake popped a rather dashing warforged...door? "I just got back from a stint in a hallway, so I'm sorry if my jokes are a bit RUSTY!"
"ROOD!" Okay, I seriously need sleep soon, so I'm going to pull this forward a bit.
Everyone enjoyed the party from there - well, once Rood was convinced to leave. He was last seen in the possession of one of Thomas' skeleton keys.
The less said there the better.
but over time, the party dwindled, as a good party always does, everyone taking their own route home either magical or non. After the party was done, only the parents and Noh were left, as well as all of her presents. "You know, it's really too bad."
"What's that, Daddy?"
"We're going to have to sell a lot of this to afford besieging hell and getting your father back. But you can finally have a real life, like a normal girl."
"D-Daddies?" Noh looked around, between the three smiling faces, sniffling a little. <But...I don't want to lose you!>
"We'll still be here, Noh! You just deserve to have some real family."
"Besides." Kharazon Malakath grinned, a gaunt thing. "What sort of adventurers go around endangering a young girl every day? People might start thinking we were Evil!"
"Th...Thank you for not taking these items."
Everyone but Noh looked shocked as she hugged them, crying a little.
THE END
Gallery
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fucking furries
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Noh for Blank White Cards
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Oh Chink :3
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