Noise Marines

Possibly the most derp of all of the grimderp things to come out of GW, the Noise Marines are Chaos Space Marines sworn to Slaanesh.

What?

Yeah, so Slaanesh is the god of excessive pleasure: lots of sex, lots of drugs, lots of weird sex, lots of pain, lots of weird sex that's painful, lots of weird sex while on drugs that's painful, you get the picture.

So, when it comes to making up Slaanesh's flavor of Space Marines, what does GW come up with?

Rock stars, naturally. Rock stars with sound-laser guitars. Because in the 80s, everything was awesome.

They've since moved away from giving them actual guitars in favour of sonic guns, but the parallel is still there. Why have they moved away from something awesome into something kind of meh? Because Games Workshop doesn't know a good thing when it sees one. You really should know this by now.

On the Table Top

Fuck if I know, let someone who plays Chaos Space Marines tell you. I'm sure one will be around shortly to write this up. They're super dependable and all.

Oh hai there. So, lemme tell you all a story, so just sit right down. The Noise Marines are a strictly balanced choice. Much like any other troops in the Chaos codex, they are very balanced, so will be run off the table by the overpowered Wardian codexes unless supported by other Warp-fueled goofyness. That aside, this unit is a less-played but very fun choice. They come as basic marines, with +1 initiative. Naturally, they get the edge on other Marines in close combat, especially a power-sworded Noise Champion (the sergeant equivalent). However, you want to keep them as close-range support choices due to their special weapons. Any model can upgrade to a Sonic Blaster (the new sound-laser guitars, which look like pipe-organ guns). They are 24" Assault 2 or Heavy 3 bolters, so be prepared to bring down the rain on massed infantry waves. The Blastmaster (which I can't even describe) dumps an Assault 2 and Pinning Heavy Bolter or a Heavy 1, 48", Small Blast Battlecannon once per turn. Fun on many levels. The Noise Champion can be given an Angry Pipe Organ for a backpack, which spits out a S5, Ap3, Assault 1 Flamer, which is fantastic news for you and terrible news for anything near that champion. The downside, of course, is balance. These guys cost a ball-busting ton. They are 20 points a model, +5 for Sonic Blasters, a Blastmaster costs 40 points, a Champion is +15, his sword is +15, the Doom Siren (Angry Organ) is another +15 points, and you need a transport as well. Thank god they can hold points.