Paladin

The typical Paladin, note the colors, and the symbol of the eagle, an important core of their faith

Born to raze hell

Paladins are a class from Dungeons and Dragons. They are divine warriors of a somewhat more martial bent than Clerics, receiving a variety of powers generally focused around smiting the enemies of their god. Many a fictitious maiden has benefited from a Paladin's Laying On of Hands (HURR HURR HURR).

The burden Paladins bear to follow a strict code of conduct else they fall is often abused by dickish DMs, who seem to derive some sort of twisted pleasure out of forcing a player's Paladin into hideously arbitrary situations where any choice they take results in falling from grace and the stripping of powers. Even otherwise reasonable DMs seem to turn into complete dicks when presented with a chance to make a paladin player's life a misery. As a result, many avoid playing paladins entirely due to bad experiences with evil DMs.

Your party will never have to deal with the dilemma of "you can only save one: the baby or the nun" situations unless you have a paladin in the group.

Dragonladieshere tells it like it is

There is none of that, "Oh well if you're truly sorry, there's nothing I can do." horseshit. No, he coup de graces your ass because he's a goddamn paladin. His job is killing evil. You know what his job doesn't entail? Being a sympathetic ear for every whiny NE or CN or LE douchebag who's only being evil because the world is unfair to him or every punk that lets his own dislikes or laziness overcome his own personality. You know what unfair is? Being able to know what kind of person everyone is before you even talk to them. Smelling evil so potent on a motherfucker that you want to sink your fingers in his chest and pull that tar out until the screaming stops. Having the psychotic urge to murder people that you've never even met, for the sole reason that your God decided that you ought to be his right hand without your choice in the matter, that's unfair.

But unlike Evil McBlacknails over there, that Paladin puts on his helmet, sharpens his sword, and then continues walking through crowds of people day by day, resisting the urge. Seeing evidence of injustice so black it makes him sick. Seeing murderers and rapists walk the street, watching good men hang as evil ones pull the lever. Saving his righteous violence for when the situation exactly, specifically, precisely calls for it. Surgically removing that which is most evil. Because he's a Paladin. And if he gave in to the urge, what would he be? Who will right the true wrongs if not he? It's not about not falling as a Paladin. It's about falling so fucking hard you crash through the planet and stand up on the other side.'
 - Dragonladieshere

For a player who understands what a paladin is like, see also Powder Keg of Justice.

Paladins in different editions of D&D

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1st Edition

Lawful Good. If you fuck up at being Lawful Good, you're busted down to Fighter at the same level, and your church shuns you.

2nd Edition

A sub-class of Warrior, I think. This space unfortunately left blank

3rd Edition

Lawful Good, with an explicit Code of Conduct. However, fuckup paladins who decide to embrace evil had the option to multiclass into the evil prestige class Blackguard (described in the DMG), which receives bonus abilities if the character trades in levels of Paladin.

4th Edition

In 4th Edition, the paladin must be the same alignment as their diety; no more Lawful Stupid. The slightest deviation from one's alignment no longer results in a DM bitchslap and losing class features; instead, you get vague threats that the other faithful of the paladin's religion will seek you out to administer chastisement for your failings. Paladin abilities are more focused on being a meat-shield than being a holy avenger; for more smite-evil action, you want the Avenger class from Player's Handbook 2. The paladin can no longer fall, so remember that the next time you find youself hanging from a cliff edge or dropping from an airship, you can float gently back to solid ground.

Gallery

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  No John, you are the smiteings

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  Unfunny cynicism.

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  PRO DM SKILLZ

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  Moar unfunny cynicism. Also, those aren't Paladins. Those are some order of medieval Crusading knights. Small difference.

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  Nothing says paladin like smiting your teammates.

See Also

• Sameo
• Lawful stupid
• Space Marines
• Grey Knights

External Links

• Suptg archive of the saga of Rapeguard, Part 1
• Suptg archive of the saga of Rapeguard, Part 2