Pyrovore
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
Pyrovores are a Tyranid unit widely considered to be the worst unit in all of Warhammer 40k, especially now that Chaos you-know-whats got buffed. They are representative of Robin Cruddace's awful, awful Tyranids codex, in which at least half of the units have absolutely no idea what they're supposed to be doing or are so abysmally awful at what they are supposed to be doing that no one ever takes them--and Pyrovores are the worst of the worst.
6th edition codex is out. Pyrovores are EVEN WORSE! (how's that even possible?). At least before their Acid Blood auto-wounded. Now it's S5.
Fluff
Pyrovores are living fuel refineries for the Hive Fleet, they gain said fuel by eating. They can pretty much eat anything, from organics to inorganic material like rocks or metal, which they're able to digest thanks to the corrosive acids inside their stomatchs, which explodes if they get bumped too hard.
A Pyrovore has two brains, one for that lumbering hunk of fail that eats like an obese kid and another for the giant flamespurt cannon on its back. This allows the Pyrovore to devour everything like a neckbeard eating meatbread while the cannon keeps watch. The funny thing about this is that it's cannon is much smarter than the beast itself, the Pyrovore is only driven by it's need to eat while the cannon's smart enough to target enemies on it's own. This might very well explain why the Pyrovore's terrible in melee combat.
Why the Hive Fleet thought it was a good idea to put a derp-grade brain into a beast that needs a modicum of intelligence to handle itself in combat, especially given it's ability to explode, while putting the smart brain on a gun, which really isn't that powerful compared to the other races, and make them incapable of working together, begs the question: why?.
How Bad Is it?
Pyrovores are worse than Old One Eye, a DISTRACTION CARNIFEX special character in a codex that hates DISTRACTION CARNIFEXES, who is renowned for costing MORE than a Land Raider and dying to a stiff breeze... but at least he has a general idea of what the fuck he's supposed to be doing and would be tolerable if he was cheaper.
Pyrovores are worse than Chaos Sp... uh, that one Chaos unit that was terrible in 5th ed... but they got a proper Phil Kelly-granted buff in the newest Chaos Space Marine codex, and before that they could occasionally win assaults in large area terrain.
Pyrovores are worse than Mandrakes, the worst infiltrators in the game... yet at least Mandrakes have better fluff, approach tolerable when they get a pain token (5++ save and FNP, 2 S4 AP4 pinning shots per model, fleet and 3 S4 attacks on the charge); that plus few a tweaks to their rules (cough*RendingCCattacks*cough) and they would be decent.
Pyrovores are worse than Flayed Ones, who are arguably worse than Mandrakes... though they had cool, grimdark fluff and passable crunch prior to the 5th edition Necron codex. Also, at least when Flayed Ones die they don't screw over their side and there's a chance that they can come back and still be used in the game.
Pyrovores are worse than Fire Warriors in melee, who are unceremoniously chopped up in seconds... but at least that's funny, things have gone wrong when squads assault Firewarriors, they can do that "Overwatch + Markerlights + other squads nearby can Overwatch for them + Markerlights", and can kill Land Raiders in melee with Haywire Grenades.
Pyrovores are so bad that fluff writers and writefags try to forget that they even exist. In fact they appear only in one BL book (The Last Ditch) and they are as terrible there as on tabletop (like accidentally blowing apart a hive Tyrant and his guards and getting mocked for being terrible in universe). Which we choose to take as further proof of Sandy Mitchell's awesomeness by taking the now memetic godawfulness of the Pyrovore and making it canon.
Pyrovores are so terrible that why they are even a thing remains a point of debate because holy shit who in their right mind would think that this... this... thing... was a good idea? It serves no conceivable purpose and there are much better platforms for a flamethrower in the Tyranid bestiary than the body of an indirect fire mortar carrier never intended to even get in visible fucking range of the god damn enemy. I mean fuck, there's even one in the same motherfucking Codex, all you'd need to do for the Tyrannofex is light its acid spray on fire and then BAM! You have a flamer on a non-shitty platform. Or Warriors or something, because they're basically crapsack Terminators and Terminators get a Heavy Flamer! Or just anything!
Why are they so bad?
The biggest problem comes down to the fact they're in the Elites slot, which is easily the most jam-packed slot in Tyranids. They're competing with Hive Guard (tied with the Eldar Wave Serpent for best anti-transport unit in the game, which is a big deal for Tyranids), Zoanthropes (incredibly powerful psykers that can throw down an ABSURD amount of mental dakka each turn), Venomthropes (an excellent support unit that provides mobile cover, defensive grenades, and hilarious 2+ Poisoned attacks), Ymgarl Genestealers (basically the only unit in the game that can assault the turn they appear), the Doom of Malan'tai (an incredibly cheesy unit powered by the tears of Eldar players) (Not in the codex anymore, damnit GW, damnit Cruddace!), Deathleaper (a much-maligned unit that at least gives a nifty -1 Ld to an enemy character) (Now a HQ but Pyrovores still suck), and Lictors (a unit that... okay, Lictors are pretty awful too, but at least they have an idea what the hell they're supposed to be doing).
Additionally, they have one of the most schizophrenic loadouts in the game. Their attacks ignore all armor saves, which would be invaluable in 6th edition... except the rest of their stats make them absolutely awful in close combat, including I1, WS3, and only one attack. They're too slow to keep up with an assault-based army (and largely pointless there anyway), and in a shooting army they compete with Hive Guard (which are basically the only way 'Nids can take down light vehicles efficiently). Their Flamespurt ability is AP 4, meaning you can't take out MEQ with it. They can explode, which could see them used as a suicide unit... except that affects your (pitifully weak, vulnerable to AoE explosions) units as well. Plus it's only when Instant Death is inflicted, which means melta or plasma... but it dies much easier to massed bolter shots. On top of that, good luck just getting the damn thing in close enough to actually have it affected. Not to mention that wasting an extremely valuable Elite slot on an (expensive for) suicide unit is just stupid.
So, all in all, the worst fucking unit the game. Completely pointless, no idea where it wants to be, competes with good units (units that are basically compulsory if you want Tyranids to win). The other thing is that it's a new unit. It's not a derped unit from a previous edition, it's one added in this one. And it's terrible.
Countless ideas are thrown about to unfuck the unit, but the cocksucking piece of shit is fundamentally contrary to the basis of the entire army. To make it fit homebrewers have pretty much had to make the pile of fail unrecognizable from it's origins. It is that bad.
Saving Grace
There is one saving grace to all of this. They look almost identical to Biovores (a unit that is a cheap source of assault pie plates that can also be used as a barrage, and has one of the derpiest faces around), but they have a much newer, much less derpy model (although their gun does look strangely like an erect throbbing penis). As such, pretty much everybody buys the Pyrovore models and uses them as Biovores. But this has the possible side effect of convincing GW that the Pyrovore is actually good...
Also, due to GW being unable to into grammar you can cluster a unit of termagants as closely around a pyrovore as possible and shoot it with a Heavy Venom Cannon. If you manage to hit and ID the Pyrovore then a number of S3 AP- hits equal to the number of models within 6" of the Pyrovore will be done against EVERY UNIT ON THE TABLE. Regardless of where they are. Needless to say, you should try to have all of your units in reserve as you do this.