Reasonable Marines
Reasonable Marines, also known as the Forced Meme Marines, are a chapter of Spess Mehreens that were fabricated one sorry night on /tg/ when some would-be troll came along asking for advice on how to troll die hard 40kfags. While still being 'subtle'.
The rest, was history. History that we, at /tg/ [And by We, we mean "I"] , would like so very much to forget.
The Reasonable Marines 'charm' comes from their utterly asymmetrical nature. In any other setting, they would be nothing to look twice at. But given the overwhelmingly GRIMDARK nature of 40K, they become an unfunny metaphor on how the Imperium does not fit idealized western democratic values.
Using stealth tactics is nothing unique amongst the Adeptus Astartes, given the Raven Guard. Camouflage, however, is useless, considering that most alien species of the 41st Millennium don't see in human perception of color. Thus causing this joke to backfire. What causes Forced Meme Marines to evoke such horrific nerdrage is that they dare to ask questions before they shoot. This has been carried on to some players of Forced Meme Marines to keep an off table POW camp for beaten models. Then having the utter gall to say to their opponents, "were treating your men nicely."
Arrogant bastards.
Once again, keep in mind that 'reasonable' does not mean 'practical' or 'effective'. As in Warhammer 40K, the only way to survive is to be a bloodthirsty fanatic and sociopath.
It is also speculated that Reasonable Marines are Space Marines who fell to the wiles of Reasonable Daemonettes. This makes them closeted heretics who must be purged for the sake of the Emperor and the lulz.
Synopsis
Heresy begets retribution.
Imperial Thought for the Day.++
A Rather Content Marine you might say Reasonable Marines operate with efficiency. They fulfill their orders and fight valorously and without hesitation, unless they see a more sensible solution that can fulfill the same goals. They always prefer to force a surrender rather than routing the enemy, and take prisoners to interrogate them humanely and use as bargaining chips. It's not so much that they don't like to fight as it is that they're not bloodthirsty - they understand that fighting puts their own in harm's way and is detrimental to their cause due to its great expense.
Seeking vision without prejudice, yet understanding that this ideal may be unattainable, the most important thing to them is to successfully serve the true interests of the Imperium. If this involves negotiating with or even protecting xenos, then that is what they will do.
Heroism and a thirst for glory are frowned upon in their ranks, as they are wasteful of personnel and other resources, and perpetuate the conflict. They wish to create a stable end to the war with mankind in a comfortable and free position. Victory is their goal only insofar as a civilization vanquished in this conflict is sure to be subjugated or annihilated.
In battle, they employ sophisticated and highly coordinated group tactics not commonly associated with normal space marines. Their armor is painted to blend into their environment in order to limit visibility (maybe camouflaged in multiple spectra so that, for example, their heat signature is harder to detect). No matter how cool it looks, a Reasonable Marine still needs to request permission from their commanding officer to carry nonstandard equipment into battle, and must justify this in a way that demonstrates its effectiveness in combat.
One of their mottoes is Sun-Tzu's saying, "For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill", which is actually pretty fucking long for a motto.
As such, they're super happy sunshine puppy best friends with the Tau since they are the only other faction who have the word "Reasonable" in their dictionaries.
Writefaggotry!
Captain Darren of the 3rd Company was one of the most decorated members of the Reasonable Marines for three reasons: He was a supreme executor of reason and logic, he was a formidable warrior, and he had a certain manner about him that put many non-Astartes at ease. He was massive, well over eight feet, but he perpetually wore a rather mild facial expression improved with a slight smile. His eyes invited conversation from those around him, and unlike many Astartes from their brother legions, he did not attempt to tower over those Xeno/Heretics/Imperials that they bothered to talk to. He stood well outside of their personal space, and nodded politely as they talked, only offering his own input when it was necessary.
As such, Captain Darren possessed the honorific "Master of the Deal", essentially meaning that diplomacy was his forte. He excelled at it, and was greatly respected for his record of avoiding bloodshed when other Astartes would have simply engaged in a ferocious battle.
As such, when the Tau attacked the Imperial colony on the planet Teron I, Darren was chosen as the ideal candidate to reason with them. The Imperial forces in the sector were baying for blood, but the Reasonable Marines were in the lead: the Imperial Guard forces of the XIV "Rip and Tear" Doom II (a large planet in the Quake system) regiment had no choice but to defer to the command of the Space Marines.
Arriving on the planet, the Reasonable Marines ordered the XIV Regiment to garrison the drop zone and absolutely refrain from hostilities unless fired upon. Darren himself took a squad of Marines and requested negotiations from the Tau commander, which was accepted. A half-company of Guardsmen led by the Regimental Colonel Voss accompanied him.
Arriving at the designated meeting zone, the Tau Commander was wearing his Crisis Suit and was accompanied by a squad of similarly suited warriors. Darren inclined his head, and extended his hand to the larger figure:
"I am Captain Darren of the Reasonable Marines, and I come in peace." The Guardsmen murmured and grumbled seditiously, and some of the Astartes politely requested they keep quiet.
The Tau Commander was taken aback by Darren’s manner, and looked to his personal bodyguard, who raised an arm in a gesture equivalent to a shrug. “I am Shas’O B’aw, and I welcome you here to Bah’ntowhn, outpost of the Tau Empire.”
Darren smiled graciously, though Colonel Voss’ back stiffened at the presumptuousness of this Xeno. “I respect your claim to this area Shas’O, but I’m afraid this is an Imperial planet. You have to buy term papers for your claims. Have you filed the necessary forms to annex an established area of Imperial space?”
The Tau seemed confused. “No…”
“Well I am here to help you in this regard. While I have the greatest respect for your race’s right to expand space, surely there is no need for aggression in doing so? There are unclaimed planets in the area, it isn’t necessary for you to attack an Imperial planet.”
“Well…”
“I am willing to overlook your intrusion into this area and supply you with anything you need as recompense for the effort it must have taken to control this outpost. I however must request that you leave for now.: if you still desire to take control of this planet I will forward the necessary papers to the local Departmento, which will be forwarded to the system Administratum, which will be forwarded to the Imperial Administratum, and I will have the necessary forms you must sign to request the forms for annexation of an Imperial planet within the decade. Is this acceptable?”
“Gu’ela…you do realize we Tau are not as long-lived as your race, right?”
“I do, and you have my sincere condolences.”
Only a few days later, completely baffled by the willingness of Darren and his Astartes to help at every opportunity, the Tau vacated Teron I and the Reasonable Marines helped rebuild the damage done. The locals were simply thankful further destruction was avoided.
Colonel Voss filed a formal complaint to the local Departmento in regards to what he saw as treason by Darren in bargaining with a Xeno, but was not willing to wait for a response. Accompanied by a company of his men, he challenged Darren to a duel. Darren politely accepted, and offered to make things fair by allowing Voss to choose nine men to assist him during the duel.
There were no survivors. The Reasonable Marines are suckers for such gentlemanly acts of violence.
Campaign Data
Accessing Reasonable Marine Date Ref. No. 435-CD...
Permission granted. Loading excerpt from "Tales of Imperial Liberation" by Scribe Tedecis.
When the Warp Storms abated about the Derelis System after three hundred years of isolation, the Imperium's first contact with the primary production world of Derelis II was disheartening. With the taste of freedom on their lips, the ruling Government split away from the Imperium, and demanded the explorator vessels leave immediately under pain of death.
Nearest of Imperial Forces able to mobilize swiftly, the 3rd Company of the Reasonable Marines led by Captain Sensibus (Ref. The Comforting of Colot) dropped out of the warp a scant week later, striking swiftly at the seat of power of Derelis II's primary hive. Before any of the citizenry knew what was occurring, the Astartes had set up an intense negotiation with the rulers, and convinced them through an old planetary law that their succession was invalid.
Parting amiably from the system, the Reasonable Marines stopped to improve space-born defense systems, and promised to return with a nice gift they would pick up from their next campaign.
Upon news of the system's swift re-absorption into the Imperium of Man, Inquisitor Explodor (Ref. The Big Book of 101 Exterminatus Methods) kicked a nearby wall, and was heard to utter "Dangit".
Thought for the day: I quite like butterflies.
+++++
More Writefaggotry!
"Incoming signal."
"Hail, Eldar. I am Force Commander Spock of the Reasonable Marine Chapter of the Imperial Adeptus Astartes."
"What is your buisness here, Mon'Keigh?"
"We have become aware that this system harbors a Necron Tomb World, a Chaos incursion, an Orkish WAAAGH! and a Dark Eldar army. We are here to cleanse it."
"Your hostility will not be tolerated!"
"We hold no quarrel with you, Farseer. If we keep out of each other's way there's no reason we can't both fight the true threats here. In fact, if we coordinated against the Necrons..."
"I will not be deceived by your clumsy trickery! This system was once ours and it shall be ours again! I HAVE FORESEEN IT!" <end signal>
"Your orders, Commander?"
"Prepare to land on the Necron Tomb world, and inform the Battle Brothers that the Eldar are now targets as well. If we can kill their high-and-mighty Farseer, we might be able to route them back into the Webway without much fighting."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Sir, Tau signals inbound."
"This is wonderful, the Tau are famous for listening to reason, hail them!"
"Greetins Gue'la, this is Shas'Or'es'ka, this system will be made into a sept of the Tau Empire to defend it's borders against Gue'la madness. Have you come to join us?"
"If by join us you mean fight side by side against a common enemy then yes. If you would be so kind we could fight the Orkish tide on Kaurava II as one."
"Erm...no I mean become part of the Tau Empire."
"Oh...well...I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Then I must regretfully inform you that we must do battle Gue'la. Prepare the Ar'ka cannon for firing!"<end signal>
"Oh dear...Change of plans, land on Kaurava II and make plans to invade the Nan Yaonoi moonbase and deal with the Orks."
"Commander! Incoming signal from an Imperial Guard regiment!"
"What? Excellent! Now we can..."
"So, you Space Marines think you can just tromp in on your battle-barge and steal the glory of the Imperial Guard, do you?"
"...I..."
"Well we'll show you! I, Vance MOTHERFUCKING Stubbs, declare myself Governor-Militant of this system, and will claim it in the name of the Imperial Guard!" <end signal>
"What just..."
"Brother-Captain, Heretical signals inbound, identified as Fieravious Carron."
"I see your Metal Boxes in orbit! YOU COWARDS! YOU FOOLS! We....we shall take away your metal boxes."<end signal> "But...."
"Sir incoming Dark Eldar signals."
"Don't Hail the-"
"-Your screams shall satiate our thirsts for pain and pleasure Mon'keigh!"<end signal>
"Ugh...."
"Necron signals inbound."
"Oh come o-"
"You...shall die here....Space Marines....The Deceiver....Grants us strength..."<end signal>
"..."
"My Lord! The Inquisition has arrived in the system!"
"Oh what now..."
"Commander Spock! Don't think we didn't detect you sending a signal to those filthy xenos! ALL IS TAINTED! ALL WILL BE PURGED BY THE FIRES OF THE SISTERS OF BATTLE IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY EMPEROR! <DEAN SCREAM>!" <end signal>
"Sir..."
"WHAT!?!?"
"Ork signals, identifying self as Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'unta."
"WAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! MY BOYZ IZ GONNA KRUMP YA 'UMIE GITZ!!! Ya 'eadz gonna look nice on me pointy stick."<end signal>
"Sir, fellow Astartes signals coming from the Blood Ravens chapter, it's from Brother-Captain Indrick Boreale"
"Yes! Finally someone who will work with us!"
"Heretic! You parlay with xenos! But we are blod rehvens, we are SPEHSS MEHREENS!! Face the rath of multiple, simuhltaneouhs, devahstating, defensive, deep strikes in what the Codex Astartees calls Steehl Rain! We are teh Emprah's Fureh!"<end signal>
"Oh for the love of..."
...
"My Lord?"
"This is going to be a long fight."
External links
- http://oldsuptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/graveyard/1009422/ (The original idea)
- http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1470967/ (Discussion on a 40K army that would make players rage turns to Reasonable Marines)