Sisters of Battle

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "Bolter Bitches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

Sisters of Battle are essentially Warhammer 40k's female equivalent of Space Marines, and are warriors devoted to the Emprah. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear power armour and are armed mainly with the eponymous Bolter. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the "Adepta Sororitas", though the Adepta Sororitas refers to their entire organization, while the term Sisters of Battle refers only to their militant branch. They are more colloquially known by players as "Bolter-bitches" or "Nuns with guns".

Overview

The Sisters of Battle are part of the Ecclesiarchy, the religious arm of Imperial government, and often work closely with the Inquisition. They have somewhat of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover their enemies with as much holy promethium as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a modified Rhino with giant flamethrowers stuck on it. They also own a giant mobile organ that sprays missiles like a garden hose, yep they do some missile spam too.

The Sisters may or may not be giant pedophiles. They also may or may not be flaming lesbians (Insert Rimshot Here).

Though they are technically a part of the Ecclesiarchy and not the Inquisition, they are more or less the chamber militant of the Ordo Hereticus, much like how the Grey Knights are technically an independant chapter but work with the Ordo Malleus so much that they are more or less its chamber militant.

When compared to the Extremely Experienced and specialized Deathwatch and the Extremely well equipped and Psychic Grey Knights, the Sisters of battle are quite clearly inferior in virtually every way on an individual basis. However, while there are only 3-5,000 or so Grey Knights (strike that, Ward retconned 3/4ths of them out of existence) and an unknown number of Death Watch Space Marines (probably 10,000 or so), there are millions or perhaps tens of millions of Sisters of Battle.

This in addition to the numbers of inquisitorial stormtroopers keeps a firm balance of power between the three branches of the Inquisition as well as between the Departmento Munitorium (Imperial Guard), The Imperial Navy, the Inquisition, the Adeptus Arbites, the Adeptus Mechanicus, the Adeptus Astartes, the Officio Assasinorium, and the Ecclesiarchy as none of the armed orders of the Imperium are able to defeat another.

Sisters Snuff

In 2002 when the Necrons were launched Games Workshop demonstrated the Necrons' awesomeness by having them exterminate a whole convent of Sisters (Sanctuary 101). Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously. It's notable that the Sisters of Battle tend to get killed and mutilated repeatedly when Matt Ward writes fluff, leading many to ask uncomfortable questions regarding Ward's sexual deviancy that nobody really wants the answers to.

Fa/tg/uys masturbate furiously to fanfics of Sisters engaging in bdsm fetish sex with the likes of servitors, children, Schola Progenium cadets, or even the likes of Nurgle.

Some highlights include:

A whole Order turned to Chaos by one Slaaneshi Keeper of Secrets.

A whole Order Mind Controlled by one chaos Psyker.

A strike force of Celestians and an Inquisitor being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy. (Imperium does nothing......apart from declaring them heretics anyway.)

A whole Commandery being killed by Flesh Tearers Astartes chapter (who were eating allied milita at the time). (Imperium does nothing.)

Three whole Orders killed by the Space Wolves Astartes chapter when they try to inquire about that ship full of unarmed priests the Space Wolves shot down earlier. (Imperium does nothing.)

99% of sisters in the galaxy vanishing due to to a retcon in the two whole paragraphs of fluff given them by the 5e rulebook.

A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by Chaos Dreadnought. Said dread shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple Exorcist volleys, a Living Saint even gives up her divinity to stop it, and fails. It's destroyed instantly when a Marine throws a hammer at it.

An entire Order of Sisters of the Order of the Sacred Rose dying and ultimately destroying their base and everyone in it, who were sent to the Kaurava Campaign and killed by Vance Motherfucking Stubbs after they refused to fuck off.

An entire convent of Sisters killed by Grey Knights, their bodies violated and their blood applied to the Grey Knights' armor, so the Grey Knights could acquire a Daemon Sword. Unlike a few examples on this list put here for comic effect, this one actually happened; see also: Khornate Knights. Alternatively, this can be viewed as a middle finger at the feminists. God-Emperor knows that those are nothing but trouble.

The Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal

This article or section involves Matthew Ward, Spiritual Liege, who is universally-reviled on /tg/. Because this article or section covers Ward's copious amounts of derp and rage, fans of the 40K series are advised that if they proceed onward, they will see fluff and crunch violation of a level rarely seen.

As of August 1, it seems Games Workshop has finally decided to put a bolter round the in the still-twitching body of the entire Witch Hunters playerbase, and cast it's corpse down into a sacrificial pit - with a Ward-grade codex update that is considered by most to be one of the most horrific nerfings of an already-nerfed army in the history of 40K Tabletop.

Featured in White Dwarf (Now only $8.99!), and written by none other than your SPIRITUAL LIEGE, it appears to be one of the most brutal, loathsome updates ever inflicted on an army. Seriously, it's worse than the Squats incident. Faith is now randomized on a D6 and doesn't scale with game size, immolators lost all their fire points along with their ability to move and shoot, and ~~Repentia somehow got worse (And when one of the worst units in the entirety of 40K TT gets worse, you know things are going to shit).~~ Actually, Repentia are better now. FNP +6 Invuln > 4+ armour, they can move fast and Fleet without having to lose half their numbers to shooting, twice the number of attacks they used to have and they actually have a chance of tearing shit up even if they technically die.

To top it off GW has declined to re-release or Finecast Sisters of Battle models, confirming what most players have known for a while: This is goodbye, since it is now completely impossible to acquire new Sisters of Battle Miniatures. This was probably inevitable for the nuns with guns, considering Matt Ward's Chris-Chan-esque enjoyment at seeing them raped/murdered in every single bit of fluff he wrote - meaning that this coup de grace is functionally granting the Emperor's Peace for an army already long-since ailing and which is now, in all fashions, completely nonviable.

So the Bolter Bitches are the new Squats.

(Actually, it's not that bad. But that shouldn't stop us from having a good old nerdrage. Like many of our dealings with women, it seems we came in a bit... prematurely.) Also, Matt Ward can't have wrote the fluff for this Codex, because it has the Bolter Bitches killing Daemons before the Grey Knights show up. And, ya know, surviving in most of their encounters.

Tactics

The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:

1.Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons.
3.~~Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium.~~ HERESY. *BLAM*
4.Set them loose.
5.If they so win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired.

External Links

suptg archive about Sisters of Battle and pedophilia.

Costume Gallery

Sister Shoju

Gallery

They aren't actually this cute.
Love Can Bl-- wait.
Can't read my, Can't read my, No he cannot read my Purging Face (She's got no one to spare)
There are not too many men in Adepta Sororitas so they have to improvise.
dum dum dum... dummmm
Sisters Repentia are supposed to repent.
Not that they are fanatical about it.
Cum my sisters!
OMNOMNOMNOM
Post whenever you need to make a fa/tg/uy rage that he doesn't understand the role and jurisdiction of Commissars.
GENESTEALERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. *But they should*
What is this I don't even
Sister in deep trouble.
Sisters love delicious xeno shota.
The lesser known loli chapter.
moar
Yes We Can