Sly Marbo

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

It's a motherfuckin' lead farm!

This video will tell you everything there is on the image of Sly Marbo:[1]

Sly Marbo (A.K.A Rip-Off of Rambo, The One-Man Army, Chuck Norris/Sylvester Stallone made grimdark) is a renowned Catachan Jungle Fighter, however, he operates separately from other Catachan units as he's a lone wolf almost all the time.

Marbo in Game

Marbo WAS an elite unit choice for the Imperial Guard rather than an HQ (as is the case with most special characters), which makes sense because he's an operative, not a commander. He costs the bitchin' low amount of 65 points (so the same as a 10 man squad of Guardsmen with grenade launcher and power weapon). Marbo also carries a Demo charge around with him so when he's deployed onto the field from reserves, he drops a S8/AP2 pieplate of death that's designed to ruin some squad's day anywhere on the map, after that he pretty much plays out like a regular unit (except he is alone and far less effective than an entire unit of most things).

Marbo, if you strike him into enemy lines, will inevitably die because your opponent will really want him dead due to the threat he poses against infantry. Marbo, however, IS the shit. All of his weapons are 2+ poisoned, he's pretty good at assault and shooting (although his shooting attack is somewhat short ranged, so you're better off charging the enemy lines) and will invariably wreck some expensive squad's day before he dies a glorious death, assuming he gets close. If he ever DOES die, reality will stop for a brief moment and The Emprah will be heard to shout "What's wrong? Sly? Sly? SLYYYYYYYY!"

Then He'll lock Himself in His room and cry for three days and three nights.

Marbo in Novel

Marbo appeared in the novel Deathworld. In the novel, the main characters, though in a squad of 10, were already having trouble surviving the planet and its life. It was made impossible to fall asleep and wake up (because you'd already be dead!) without someone keeping watch over you. How the hell then did Sly Marbo do it? Nobody really knows, maybe it's because of the facts below. In fact, he is one of the most poorly developed characters in the entire 40k history; some speculate that he is on par with Boreale and Carron. And in the Codex the little that is mentioned of him makes him out to be even more of a badass; he is known to have been awarded multiple Stars of Terra (the highest military award in the Imperium), so many in fact that he stopped caring and needed someone else to hold them for him.

Death of a Hero

According to the new codex, he isn't listed anymore (rumored due to ultra marine fans bitching) . Then again a lot of things are changing, so we might see his return in a small offshoot book or support text. Pray to your gods for the return of Marbo. The Emperor protects.

PRAISE TEH EMPRAH! Marbo's model is now available for purchase again (for now) still no rules though... Sly doesn't need rules. Fielding him is an instant victory.

Sly Marbo Facts

(Note: Try to place as many facts as you can)

• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is recursion.
• Sly Marbo is the oldest being in the universe as he killed everything else. So when he created the chaos gods they were so afraid of him they created their own dimension to flee from him. They think they are safe from Sly Marbo but the truth is they are not.
• Sly Marbo is not actually silent, but is actually screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". The only reason why people cannot hear him is because only the most badass people to exist can hear it, which is why the emprah has a single continuous headache on the golden throne.
• Sly Marbo is never added to an army. Army lists are added to Sly Marbo. Watch here for the reversed demonstration: [2]
• Exterminatus destroys planets. Sly Marbo destroys segmenta.
• Sly Marbo can and will single-handedly destroy the Tyranids. By looking at them.
• Sly Marbo eats Carnifexes for breakfast, with or without the aid of sauce.
• Sly Marbo created Carnifex Sauce
• Sly Marbo models assemble and paint themselves.
• Sly Marbo can out AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! an Ork WAAAGH! and a Space Wolves RAAAAAAAAAARGH!
• Sly Marbo does not sleep, he waits.
• Sly Marbo slayed all the Dark Eldar by himself and yelled out his mighty AAAAAAAAAAAAAA to free all of the captives from their cages. [3]
• Sly Marbo goes to war waitwalking.
• Even Cato Sicarius admits Marbo is better than him.
• Sly Marbo is Little Kitten from Emperor's text to speech device.
• No matter the conditions Sly Marbo smells like victory.
• Sly Marbo can stay so still that not even his atoms vibrate.
• Sly Marbo is the reason the Void Dragon is hiding.
• Sly Marbo scares the living shit out of all the Ordo Malleus, Ordo Hereticus, and Ordo Xenos put together.
• Sly Marbo passes any characteristic test he is required to take including Toughness, Leadership, STD, Genetic, Initiative, and Paternity.
• Abaddon stole the planet killer off the shelf in his local supermarket. When he got home and opened the box he found Marbo sitting inside.
• In Dawn of War 2: Retribution, Tyranid ending, the swarm strips all life from subsector Aurelia. Well, 99.999% of it; Marbo is still there.
• Sly Marbo's mini was once used in Dungeons and Dragons. His player killed the Dungeon Master. And then got killed by the Sly Marbo mini.
• In the movement phase, Sly Marbo remains stationary and moves the gaming table 6" in any direction.
• Lightsabers are powered by Marbo's toenail clippings.
• Sly Marbo once fought Nurgle and changed him into a flower.
• When Sly Marbo falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Sly Marbo.
• They developed a new branch of the Inquisition specifically for Marbo - Ordo Marbicus.
• Sly Marbo killed Batman's parents.
• Sly Marbo knows where in the galaxy Leman Russ is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
• The Emperor isn't on the Golden Throne, he just left a dummy there to keep Marbo off his trail. Marbo's not fooled.
• The Grim Reaper doesn't come for Sly Marbo, Sly Marbo comes for the Grim Reaper.
• Sly Marbo has two speeds, Stalk and Exterminatus.
• Sly Marbo made Slanesh his bitch.
• Sly Marbo bitchslap Hourse
• If Marbo's demo charge scatters back on him, he kicks the template back so that it lands on the enemy general.
• The Emperor quit the crusade because Sly told him to.
• Sly isn't the missing Primarch. He is the entire Missing Legion!
• Sly Marbo really loves kittens and puppies. He thinks they're best served rare.
• Sly Marbo never washes. Dirt is too afraid to touch him.
• Sly Marbo ALWAYS eats soup with a fork.
• if he can't find a fork, a chainsword will do.
• Sly Marbo eats Tyranid Rippers for breakfast. Without any milk.
• When MC Hammer is around, it's Hammertime. When Marbo is around, you know poor MC will never be back.
• Jesus can walk on water. Marbo can swim through solid rock.
• Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo gets discounts from Games Workshop.
• Sly Marbo's paints thin themselves.
• Sly Marbo looks good in parachute pants.
• Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. It looked away.
• Medusa turned to stone when she made eye contact with Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo helped Chris-chan get china.
• Sly Marbo can touch this.
• Marbo destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Sly Marbo made Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt's spare camo cloak out of fibers from his own chest hair.
• Sly Marbo doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
• Sly Marbo has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a little jar next to his bed. Don't worry; it was an evil child that had killed its parents.
• Sly Marbo stole my heart. I think he ate it.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a pillow under his gun.
• Exterminatus is Marbo's breath, bottled.
• Sly Marbo is the Shadow in the Warp.
• It is said that Sly Marbo's tears can bring back The Emperor. Sadly, Marbo never cries and never will.
• Sly Marbo does not sweat from his eyes. Nothing escapes those soulless pits.
• Sly Marbo doesn't drive vehicles, the vehicle drive themselves trying to get away.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fire his weapon, it's just that the ammo inside his gun is scared and fires itself.
• Krieg was never purged by the Death Korps. Marbo just ate too many beans.
• SLY MARBO MADE THE GOLDEN THRONE, THE GAUNTLETS OF ULTRMAR AND THE IMPERIAL PALACE ON TERRA BUT LOST THEM IN A POKER GAME AGAINST THE SLANN. THAT'S WHY THEY'RE NOT HERE ANY MORE. HE GOT THEM.
• Sly Marbo can beat a royal flush with a high card 7
• The Death Star didn't fire lasers, it fired Marbo's fist.
• Grievous isn't wheezing because of a force attack, he just inhaled pure Sly Marbo particles and couldn't handle the awesome.
• The Tyranids actually came to our galaxy fleeing from Mr. Popo. What they don't realize, however, is that Popo, in a classic pincer maneuver, has sent them right into Sly Marbo's waiting arms.
• The Nightbringer doesn't go outside at night because he's worried that Sly Marbo is waiting for him.
• A Lictor bit Sly Marbo and after 2 weeks of pain and agony the Lictor died.
• It's enough for Sly Marbo to just glance upon you, for you to feel your ass get ripped in two.
• Sly Marbo isn't addicted to lho sticks, lho sticks are addicted to Sly Marbo.
• Techpriests aren't looking for STCs, they're looking for the sacred atoms of metal that came off Sly Marbo's junk that power them.
• Most Vindicare Assassins want to grow up to be just like Sly Marbo, most however grow up to be killed by him.
• Cypher keeps running to escape Sly Marbo. Sly Marbo is aware of that and waits for the perfect time to strike.
• The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo punched a star with his bare fist.
• Sly Marbo allows the Emperor to borrow his Golden Throne.
• Sly Marbo conquered the whole Ultima Segmentum once twice four times.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fear Nurgle's rot, Nurgle's rot fears Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo let the dogs out.
• Sly Marbo beat Papa smurf in arm wrestling using his little finger.
• Even the Angry Marines are scared of Marbo. Even their chapter master: Temperus Maximum, can't curse or even look at him with the slightest bit of anger.
• A Bloodthirster once challenged Sly Marbo. The experience was so traumatizing that it has refused to manifest into realspace since he fears being in the same plane of existence as Marbo.
• Konrad Curze wasn't killed by a Callidus Assassin, Marbo just dropped by and kicked him in the happy sack so hard that he hasn't gotten up to this day. The Imperium just used the Assassin as a cover story to make it look like the Assassinorum still has its uses.
• Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "I mindfucked an Eldar Farseer with my non-psychic mind" Straken, and Sly Marbo regularly get together for poker night in a secret dimension which only pure essences of awesome may visit. Creed doesn't get invited because nobody likes it when a stack of ordinary poker chips turns out to be a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers, just lying in wait.
• Sly Marbo can beat a squadron of Leman Russ Demolishers with a High Card 7
• When Marbo fails his armor or invulnerable save, the one who caused it gets the wound.
• Sly Marbo stared into Slaanesh him/her/itself, Slaanesh later lost his/her/it's soul to Marbo.
• Sly Marbo took a stroll through the Gardens of Nurgle, it became disease free after he left.
• Sly Marbo gave Nurgle the clap.
• Sly Marbo got into Tzeentch's forbidden library, blindfolded, in just 5 seconds. And only because he gave the library a 4.5 second head start.
• Khorne didn't cause the endless chasm in his brass citadel out of rage, Marbo just put his foot down in front of Khorne's throne.
• Sly Marbo once gave a riddle to the Deceiver, which the Deceiver still haven't solved.
• Khaela Mensha Khaine only shattered into a bajillion pieces after Marbo punched him in the gut.
• Horus is said to have killed Sanguinius because the Angel was tired from battle. That battle was losing an arm wrestling match with Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo could heal Roboute Guilliman and Lion El'Jonson. Experience has just taught him they won't be awesome enough to receive it.
• Lorgar is said to be on Sicarius communing with the Chaos Gods. He's really just trying to hide from Sly Marbo.
• Logan Grimnar once challenged Sly Marbo to a drinking contest. The Great Wolf fell into a coma trying to beat Marbo. As punishment, Logan must now ride a pretty little sleigh dragged by wolves.
• Dante's Death Mask curses anyone who looks at him. He's terrified of what will happen if he looks at Sly Marbo while wearing it.
• Eldrad takes everything into account when making a plan. Sly Marbo is the one unpredictable factor.
• Sly Marbo once banished an entire daemonic horde by giving it a mean look.
• Marbo once dueled an Eversor assassin in close combat, he managed to literally rip the assassin in half with his bare hands and end the fight in just 10 seconds flat.
• Whenever Marbo spits at someone, his spit turns into a plasma bolt. Whenever he fails his "Gets Hot" roll, the one he spat at explodes. (Note: Sly Marbo never fails any rolls unless he chooses to do so.)
• Sly Marbo pisses melta fire.
• Marbo can be an Ultramarine, but hates them anyway, so he doesn't care.
• The Administratum once attempted to impose a higher tithe on Catachan. Sly Marbo was sent to deliver their counteroffer. The Administratum quickly lowered Catachan's tithe.
• A Miral land shark once tried to ambush Marbo like Straken, the land shark's teeth shattered and died the second after it bit Marbo.
• Sly Marbo makes Khorne Berzerkers take morale checks and makes them squeal like little girls when they see him.
• Marbo once defeated Tzeentch in a chess game..... with just 3 moves.
• Kaldor Draigo is actually Marbo is disguise, he just assumes this form to troll fa/tg/uys for fun.
• Sly Marbo is the reason the Emprah is on the Golden Throne.
• Marbo once killed a Hierophant bio-titan by bitch-slapping it in the face, he then killed the entire brood of Tyranids following it by ripping-off one of the dead Hierophant's scything talons and using it as his own melee weapon.
• Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka is said to have left the Third War for Armageddon because he got bored. He really left because he learned Sly Marbo was coming.
• Sly Marbo once cut himself to see what all the fuss was about. The resulting blood formed into Ollanius Pius.
• Sly Marbo's sweat is what poison lines his weapon.
• Orks wear Gork and Mork pajamas. Gork and Mork wear Sly Marbo pajamas.
• Sly Marbo sleeps waits with a nightlight, not because he's scared of the Night Lords, but because the Night Lords are scared of Marbo.
• A Daemon Prince once saved a Cadian regiment from Necrons; the Guardsmen were baffled until they realized the daemon had been possessed by Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo can kick a Bolter Bitch to the balls.
• The Crimson Fists got their name after Sly Marbo played bloody knuckles with Pedro Kantor.
• Sly Marbo once took Moondrakken for a joyride. He brought it back with all the radio presets changed and the seat readjusted. Kor'sarro Khan didn't dare complain.
• The Salamanders hold that Vulkan will return when they collect all nine of his sacred artifacts. So far they've recovered five. Sly Marbo has not seen fit to return the other four.
• Marbo once ate a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. He thought it was bland.
• Sly Marbo once broke the battlements of Medrengard in an hour.
• Sly Marbo was once on a planet subjected to virus bombing. Sly Marbo's immune system killed the viruses before they infected him. And then his immune system killed everyone else on the planet.
• Sly Marbo once looked into the Eye of Terror. They say a Chaos God looked back at him. Sly then went into the Eye of Terror to beat it senseless for looking at him funny.
• Sly Marbo taught tactics to - wait, what's that Titan doing there?

"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED"

• Sly Marbo can strangle you with a cordless Vox.
• Sly Marbo is the GOD DAMN BATMAN!
• Sly Marbo will never, ever say "GO! Get to the Chopper!" That's the kind of thing a neckbeard says.
• Sly Marbo has constipation issues, because he knows his feces could be used to track him in the field.
• Sly Marbo refused to be hidden in plain sight by CREED. He called Creed "A cheap man's Copperfield".
• Indrick Boreale once spoke Sly Marbo's name and the sheer awesomeness fixed his speech impediment.
• A greater Daemon once possessed Sly Marbo… No one knows what happened to it.
• Sly Marbo doesn't need meltabombs. He just pisses on a tank and it explodes.
• The Necrons went into stasis because Marbo was killing everything else.
• Any time a Farseer says "Just as planned", Marbo will be standing behind them with murder in his eyes.
• Marbo can murder with his eyeballs.
• Sly Marbo's favorite sandwich is a Catachan Barking Toad between two meltabombs.
• Sly Marbo is the stig.
• Sly Marbo's glare is treated as a Plasma Blastgun With the rate of fire of a punisher Gatling Cannon
• Kharn The Betrayer once fought Marbo. Kharn was found embedded in the hull of an orbiting starship. He took the defeat pretty well.
• Plasma weapons use a synthetic form of Marbo's testosterone. In its natural state it is white-hot and obliterates everything it touches.
• Sly Marbo does not and never has owned a machete. That's just his arm hair.
• Sly Marbo once had intestinal parasites. Once he shat them out they became known as Catachan Devils.
• Marbo once allowed a Guard player to use his mini, the Necron player he fought wasn't allowed to take Reanimation Protocol rolls, the Tau player he fought got into melee and the Daemon player he fought tried and failed to dance An'ggrath around the map out of Marbo's reach.
• When the emperor was finally re-awoken, he rose and said, "I am the god emperor of mankind. Who dared to wake m- Oh... It is you my master."
• Slaanesh needs to masturbate every time Sly Marbo kills a Carnifex. Chaos Realm suffers chronic floodings.
• Sly Marbo stole the Blood Raven's home planet.
• Creed played chess with Tzeentch and won. Sly Marbo played chess with Chaos Undivided and it ended in a draw, but the four gods were so scared that they refused to play when Marbo asked for a rematch.
• Sly Marbo's internet seems slow. That's just because he's faster than it.
• Sly Marbo gives out a special rule... Feel MORE Pain.
• The Milkshake doesn't bring Sly Marbo to the yard, Sly Marbo was already there.
• Sly Marbo has no hair on his balls. Hair doesn't grow on steel.
• If you have five bucks, and Marbo has five bucks, Marbo has more money than you.
• You are only alive because Sly Marbo is too busy Stirring Coals with his Penis to kill you.
• Sly Marbo can drown a fish.
• Sly Marbo simply walks into Mordor.
• A Lictor once tried to ambush Sly Marbo while he was waiting; it did not expect Marbo to ambush it while ambushing him.
• The poisons on Marbo's rounds and knife is actually made from his sweat and it's the only poison that even Nurgle daemons cannot resist.
• Marbo can seduce Slaaneshi Daemonettes at will. After they do they dirty, Sly doesn't have to kill them because they're already dead from ecstasy (and not the drug).
• After Sly Marbo killed a Tyranid swarm out of boredom, the Swarmlord was deployed to kill Marbo. After six months of trying (and dying), the Swarmlord finally gave up and stopped reincarnating.
• Sly Marbo’s testicles are of such might they ignore armor saves in close combat.
• The only reason Sly Marbo isn't a primarch is because it would be a demotion. The same with being a Daemon Prince.
• Khorne used to have a gold pedestal just for Marbo's skull. He has since melted it down and sold it at a Cash-4-Gold shop.
• When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. When Sly Marbo stares into the abyss, the abyss averts its gaze to the left.
• Sly Marbo bowls overhand.
• When Sly Marbo has to stitch up a deep gash, he doesn't use a needle and thread, he uses a tent spike and bailing wire.
• Trayzn's 'hood' is a neck brace. Marbo effortlessly sniffed out the real Trazyn and ripped his spine out. Trayzn still hasn't gotten it back.
• Sly Marbo once snuck up on Lucius the Eternal and slit his throat from behind. Lucius was unable to possess him, as Sly Marbo's thirst for killing can never be satisfied.
• Sly Marbo once got into a theological debate with Erebus, and pointed out thirty-nine logical fallacies in the Book of Lorgar, which Erebus was unable to explain.
• SLY MARBO OWNS THE ONLY COPY OF WARHAMMER FANTASY NINTH EDITION. HE'S GOT A SILVER GOLDEN DEMON TROPHY FOR HIS CLANRATS.
• Darnath Lysander once struck Sly Marbo with the "Hammer of Dorn". Not only did the Hammer break on impact with Marbo, but so did Lysander's storm shield, Terminator armor, and pride.
• Sly Marbo once hugged Typhus. Not only did he remain clean of disease, but his sweat infected the Destroyer Plague in Typhus's body.
• The Adeptus Mechanicus once dug deep underground in an attempt to find a Necron tomb. They found Sly Marbo instead, ruining his power nap wait. By the end of the day the entire star system was devoid of all life.
• The Emperor might be able to walk on water but sly Marbo can swim through land.
• The Necrons dug their own graves and went into stasis when they heard Sly Marbo was coming.
• The reason Malal/Malice is no longer mentioned in Canon is because he ran afoul of Sly Marbo.
• The Outsider would come back to our galaxy if Sly Marbo wasn't waiting for him.
• When the Space Marines are in trouble, the Legion of the Damned come to their rescue. When the Legion of the Damned are in trouble, Sly Marbo come to their rescue.
• Contrary to popular belief, Doombreed is not camera shy, it’s just that he foolishly thinks Sly Marbo doesn't know what he looks like, and thus continues to fool himself.
• Sly Marbo won a staring contest with Mephiston.
• Nemesis Dreadknights are believed to be ancient pieces of xenos tech; they're actually Sly Marbo's childhood toys.
• Marbo once broke an Eldar soulstone but Slaanesh got nothing because he grabbed the soul first. He's still got it on him.
• Contrary to popular belief, it is unknown if Sly Marbo is bulletproof. Whenever someone fires at him, the bullet/bolt/plasma/las/shuriken stops twenty centimeters from Marbo, turns 180 degrees, and hits the person who fired the shot.
• Sly Marbo controls all of Games Workshop's prices. He's just waiting for the right time to lower them.
• Being headbutted by Ghazghkull is like being struck by a mag-train, being poked by Sly Marbo is like being smacked by an Imperator class titan.
• The Adeptus Mechanicus is looking for the STCs. Marbo has most of them in a flash drive that the AdMech knows about but doesn't dare lay claim to it.
• Sly Marbo is the one person Alpharius never confuses.
• He knows where all the Tomb Worlds are. This is because he destroyed most of them.
• Sly Marbo takes on Genestealers in close combat for fun.
• Sly Marbo uses his Uplifting Primer as toilet paper. No commissar would dare execute him for this. (well, with possibly one exception....)
• The Dark Eldar didn't know what pain was until they met Marbo.
• When Sly Marbo Deep Strikes, everything else has to roll scatter die, including the terrain itself.
• A Tau Ethereal can order entire Cadres to commit mass suicide. Marbo can make entire Tau planets kill themselves by looking at them funny.
• Sly Marbo once took on two Stompas in a no DQ one-on-tag handicap match with one arm tied behind his back. Records are scarce, but according to eyewitness reports he German suplexed them both for three hours straight before getting bored and wandering off to find a Mega Gargant to fight.
• The Kroot once conspired a plan to eat Sly Marbo and use his DNA to create perfect Kroot warriors. Marbo fried them in batter and sprinkled them with eleven herbs and spices, never revealing what the eleventh one was (but the first ten herbs and spices were all steak).
• Marbo only ever eats slow-roasted Carnifexes (over an open fire, with a sprinkling of Catachan Bloodvenom Juice).
• Sly Marbo doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the planet down.
• What colour is Sly Marbo's blood? TRICK QUESTION - Sly Marbo doesn't bleed!
• Sly Marbo never takes his Feel No Pain roll. He doesn't understand what this "pain" issue is everyone else is struggling with.
• Sly Marbo is the original owner of Blood Reaver, Gabriel Seth's chainsword. Sly Marbo used it as a toothbrush, but it wasn't powerful enough so he let Seth borrow it.
• Sly Marbo stuffed his mattress with those 100 missing Baneblades. It's still too soft for him.
• Sly Marbo doesn't kill everything in the galaxy because it's funny watching them try to kill him.
• Sly Marbo can fold a bowling ball in half.
• Sly Marbo once entered a Dark Angels rap battle. All who witnessed his mad skills on the mic perished. The only reason his opponent survived is because he ran as soon as he heard Sly Marbo's first breath into the mic.
• Dark Eldar aren't hiding from Slaanesh in the webway, they're hiding from Sly Marbo.
• Marbo never dies, he just wants to be a good sport and let them win.
• Marbo once challenged Lord General Castor to a duel to see which could slay a Carnifex first. Marbo lost, but only because he spent the last few seconds of his kill's life taunting it.
• Emperor is actually Sly Marbo in disguise.
• Sly Marbo is the Angry Marines primarch.
• Sly Marbo once bro-fisted a Imperator Titan. All that remains of said titan was the hellstorm cannon on Kronus.
• Khorne spills blood for Sly Marbo.
• Every Sister of Battle is crazy with lust for Marbo. He doesn't take advantage of that because he's a gentleman. Banging even one of them would get the rest of the Sororitas in that order pregnant; and no woman in the galaxy has a womb strong enough to bear his children (except Samus).
• Sly Marbo can "out-CREEEEEED!" Creed; Marbo lets Creed do it when he can't be bothered to himself.
• The Hive Mind of the Tyranids drives people insane because IT is insane too. Said insanity came about when Marbo let it psychically touch his mind.
• Sly Marbo can say Chaos Spawn without being turned into one. (And I can too... OH SHIT! FTHWREGWARBLBLBLBL...)
• Sly Marbo is Roboute Guilliman's Spiritual Liege.
• Sly Marbo is America and so can you.
• A necron lord once shot Marbo in the knee with a tachyron arrow, but Marbo was unhurt because his body is STRONGER THAN ANY MATTER.
• Sly Marbo doesn't steal the initiative, the initiative is given to him.
• Sly Marbo powers the Morphin' Grid.
• Princess Celestia fears the day Marbo Visits Equestria.
• I was once a Guardsman like you, but then I took a Sly Marbo to the knee.
• Sly Marbo is the reason Matthew Ward quit working at Games Workshop. Now that he's gone, Marbo's planning on tormenting that Robin Cruddace prick next...
• The only way to banish Sly Marbo is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
• He got his own squad after what happened last night.
• Sly Marbo is the one who killed Zordon! Andros was a cover story.
• Sly Marbo stalks Slenderman.
• Supernovae don't exist, it is just Sly Marbo's farts.
• The Celestial Orrery is actually one of Sly Marbo's kidney stones.
• Sly Marbo was once shot by a Nova Cannon before, after the devastating explosion, the Nova Cannon as well as the entire Imperial Navy in the sector died.
• A prophecy was announced recently in the Imperium, if Sly Marbo, Vance Motherfucking Stubbs, Colonel "My bionic fists can bitch-slap Titans for Tuesday" Straken, Creed, Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Commissar Holt, Commissar Fucklaw, Commissar Yarrick, General Sturnn, Merrick, Commissar Gaunt, Lord General Castor and Ollanius Pius ever teamed up, they would destroy all four Chaos Gods, shatter reality and break open the fourth-wall while punching you in the face as an extra measure (You will be honored if you WERE punched in the face by these guys, admit it, you know it will be true).
• Sly Marbo is secretly the Six Samurai.
• Sly Marbo once peed into the oil tank of a truck, that truck was then used as inspiration to make the baneblade.
• Sly Marbo beat Slaanesh and Doomrider in a cocaine and orgy competition while sleeping waiting.
• Sly Marbo is so stealthy he even gets past Spider-Man's spider sense and Pinkie Pie's Pinkie Sense!!
• Sly Marbo once built a robot. That robot is known as the Void Dragon.
• Sly Marbo once banished Skarbrand back to the Warp.
• Sly Marbo is actually THE Dragonborn.
• Sly Marbo turned my Battle Brother into the creature that shall not be named.
• Sly Marbo occasionally indulges himself in a grilled cheese after he is done bitch-slapping Rowboat Jellyfan with his ceramite balls.
• Sly Marbo once almost made a Chuck Norris joke, but then didn't because Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny.
• When Sly Marbo builds models, he is really building the Mechanicus' Imperator Titans.
• Sly Marbo actually shits out Demolisher Shells.
• Sly Marbo broke into the Black library, told Cegorach how to actually be funny, and then punched Ahriman in the face. Did I mention he was high after out cocaining Doomrider? No? Well he had No drug is powerful enough to get Sly Marbo high.
• Sly Marbo has turned many an Ultramarine into a heretic. His manly jawline, well defined biceps, and thousand yard stare seem to have found a trait not previously noted from their geneseed. That is, to put it simply: Sly Marbo turns Ultramarines gay.
• While anyone else chews tobacco, Sly Marbo chews glass.
• Sly Marbo is deadly to vampires, werewolves, zombies and any other undead. And regular dead. And not dead.
• Sly Marbo won the game.
• Gabriel Seth was in a brawl with Marbo, when Emperor knows how, he found an opening in his guard and tried to kick him in the balls. Not only did he break a leg in an attempt, Marbo was so pissed off that most of the Flesh Tearers are now overcome with black rage .
• Sly Marbo once stopped a Black Crusade by tricking the Chaos Lord leading it into saying "You and what Hulk?" Said Chaos Lord and his warband were then crushed by a Space Hulk thrown at them by the Incredible Hulk( who was really sly marbo wearing green paint).
• The Emprah's stats are all E. Sly Marbo's stats are all E^E.
• Sly Marbo once visited the Warhammer World a long time ago; this event is known to us as the coming of the Old Ones.
• Sly Marbo is never cut from a Codex - he just chooses to go back into the shadows to stalk you.
• It's said that Bjorn the Fell-Handed is the oldest Space Marine. Marbo was his babysitter.
• Trazyn has to change his collection every century or so because Marbo keeps asking for his toys back.
• Sly Marbo knows EXACTLY where Carmen Sandiego is. (Spoilers, he killed her)
• Sly Marbo knows where you're not; safe.
• The Emperor kneels before no man. But then again, calling Marbo a man is hardly fair.
• The Primarchs were just Marbo playing fancy dresses.
• The Primarchs weren't stolen by chaos, they were running from their grandfather - Sly Marbo.
• Rumor has it that the reason Sly Marbo isn't in the AM Codex is because he'll get his own multi-part E-Codex just to describe his countless acts of MANLINESS. He will also count as his own army.
• Sly Marbo once had an arm wrestling match with Abbadon, with the loser's arms as the bet. You know how it ended.
• Sly Marbo's section was removed from the codex in a vain attempt by Games Workshop to delay his wrath for their many sins against the Guard. They have failed.
• Sly Marbo ate Schrodinger's Cat, while it was both dead and alive.
• Sly Marbo sheds his skin every month. He hands the skin over to the Adeptus Mechanicus, who then use it to reinforce suits of Tartaros-pattern Terminator armour. It is assumed that most of these are in the possession of the Minotaurs.
• Sly Marbo has enough dakka.
• Sky Marbo destroyed all the dolphins.
• Sly Marbo has never killed a man. He just beats them so bad they are turned to little girls before they die.
• Sly Marbo is the name of the Doctor.
• The spaceballs brake for nobody. Except Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo expects the Spanish Inquisition.
• Sly Marbo is the reason thehub network is changing its name to Discovery Family.
• Sly Marbo was the one who build a text to speech device for the EMPRAH.
• Marbo once banged a Dominatrix and the product was the Swarmlord.
• Sly Marbo looked straight at SCP-096's face, blinked while staring at SCP-173, and insulted SCP-076 in front of the entire SCP Foundation. None of the fuckers dared to make a move.
• Sly Marbo can release Half Life 3.
• Sly Marbo beat Doomrider in a crack-snorting contest.
• Sly Marbo can out-transform Optimus Prime.
• Sly Marbo talks about Fight Club.
• Sly Marbo has a pet Carnifex called cuddles, although most know him as Old One Eye.
• Kaldor Draigo isn't trapped in the warp. He's hiding from Marbo.
• Black holes are created every time Sly Marbo rips his way into our universe and the universe is too scared to seal the breaches.
• Sly Marbo can outsmart bullets.
• Sly Marbo's eyes made flamethrowers obsolete.
• Jesus Christ saves souls. Sly Marbo saves everything else.
• Sly Marbo can slam a revolving door.
• Death had a near-Sly Marbo experience.
• Sly Marbo will never get a heart attack. His heart isn't stupid enough to attack him.
• There is no Theory of Evolution. Just a list of animals Sly Marbo allows to live.
• Sly Marbo flashed before Life's eyes.
• Sly Marbo doesn't turn the light on, he turns the dark off.
• Sly Marbo's favorite color is blood.
• Sly Marbo is the one who touched the Heavy's gun.
• Sly Marbo can smack air.
• Sly Marbo solved Imotekh's favorite Tessaract Labyrinth with an abacus.
• Sly Marbo shot a man with a knife.
• Sly Marbo can divide by zero.
• Sly Marbo protects his air bags in car accidents.
• One of Sly Marbo's discarded fingernails fell into the real world from the Warp. It reformatted into Audie Murphy.
• Commander Farsight found one of Sly's discarded dinner knifes on a planet that he had a picnic on. Said knife was the Dawn Blade, and the previously verdant and inhabited world became a dead world after what Sly did after lunch.
• The only reason SAXTON HALE!!! is in charge of Mann Co. is because Sly Marbo isn't interested in such a pathetic company.
• Sly Marbo knows how Gordon Freeman and Chell sound like.
• Sly Marbo once ran a 0-second mile. Than did it again, just to piss off physics.
• All the skulls in Khorne's realm actually belong to Sly Marbo. Khorne just minds them for him.
• The reason the Eldar Phoenix Lords are immortal is truly because Sly Marbo finds them tolerable enough to keep alive; whenever one dies he performs CPR, as CPR from Sly Marbo can raise the dead.
• Sly Marbo destroyed a titan by pointing his finger at it and saying 'BANG'.
• A Commissar tried to execute Sly Marbo. The bolter round was so scared it backfired and shot the Commissar in the head.
• Sly Marbo uses a live Genestealer as a backscratcher.
• Sly Marbo can believe it's not butter.
• Sly Marbo shaves by punching himself in the face as they only thing that can cut Sly Marbo is Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is the true king of Westeros.
• Sly Marbo trained Discord and Q out of boredom.
• Sly Marbo drinks distilled Warp.
• Sly Marbo once saw his life flash before his eyes, it was accredited as film of the millenium.
• People say Sly Marbo defies physics, but really physics just obey Sly Marbo.
• Chaos once fell to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo taught Simo Hayha how to snipe.
• They say that there are only two ways to get the entire Deathwing company into a Mini Cooper, one is by telling them that Cypher is in the glovebox. Sly Marbo is the other one.
• Sly Marbo is behind you right now.
• Sly Marbo once went back in time, during which, a hair fell off his chest. That hair grew up to be Teddy Roosevelt.
• Sly Marbo doesn't die from bullets, mainly because they are all scared shitless.
• The only time a lasgun is useful is when Sly Marbo uses it.
• Soaking a lasgun's power pack in Sly Marbo's sweat will give it Exterminatus-level power.
• Sly Marbo doesn't fail his Morale checks. He gets bored and wanders off. No one is brave/stupid enough to stop him.
• Sly Marbo never dies. He falls asleep waits in combat and no one dares to acknowledge his body.
• Sly Marbo had sex before his father.
• The Fallen Angels are hiding from Sly Marbo.
• No Plasma weapon dares to overheat in Sly Marbo's hands.
• Sly Marbo is the one who put Lord Tirek in Tartarus, then broke him out years later.
• Luna is not the best Princess, Marbo claims that title, and Luna.
• Sly Marbo is the Mighty Morphin White Ranger.
• Sly Marbo OutCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!S Creed.
• Sly Marbo once ate a bowl of Milk without any milk.
• Sly Marbo has banged Lilith Hesperax.
• Unicron fears Marbo, for he is the matrix.
• In America, Sly Marbo kills You. In Soviet Russia, Sly Marbo still kills You.
• Sly Marbo can SHOOT WHILE MOVING!!.
• Slaanesh lost its virginity to Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo's name is a killing sound.
• There is an urban legend in the Guard that if you say Sly Marbo's name three times in front of a mirror, Sly Marbo will appear and slit your reflection's throat. This has never been confirmed, as nobody has ever survived saying Sly Marbo's name twice.
• The Emperor was created in 8000 BC when hundreds of shaman were packed into a Volkswagen by Sly Marbo.
• The Eye of Terror was created when Sly Marbo tried to break his previous packing-people-into-a-Volkswagen record, this time using Eldar.
• The Astral Knights only managed to penetrate the World Engine's void shields because Sly Marbo gave them a push.
• Sly Marbo once gave the Blood Ravens a gift, but only because watching them fail to steal it from him stopped being funny.
• When Sly Marbo heard about Daemonic possession, he decided that it sounded like a challenge and went to the Eye of Terror to experience it first hand. However, he got bored after all the Daemons he forced himself into exploded before he could make them do stuff.
• Sly Marbo is a psyker so powerful, the Greeks had to invent a new alphabet to classify him.
• Sly Marbo taught Macgyver everything he knows, except how to kill.
• Dark Matter is incredibly difficult to detect because it has been hiding from Sly Marbo ever since he caused the Big Bang.
• The Big Crunch will never happen, because the Universe is desperately trying to run from Sly Marbo, thus exceeding the escape velocity.
• Sly Marbo has the only complete map of the Webway tattooed on his penis.
• Ships carrying Sly Marbo through the Warp only turn their Gellar fields on to protect the Warp from him.
• Sly Marbo can play Ride of the Valkyries on bagpipes
• Sly Marbo caught them all. Twice.
• Sly Marbo finished the Neverending Story.
• When Sly Marbo played Chaos Rising, there was no traitor.
• Sly Marbo can never have the Monster Hunter rule. They're too easy.
• Sly Marbo CAN assault a zooming flier.
• Demons disappear when Sly Marbo's around. He's not a Blank or anything, they just shit themselves when they realize he's there.
• A dying Necron Lord once told Marbo he'd be back. Marbo said No. He stayed dead.
• You never roll reserve for Sly Marbo. He shows up whenever he feels like it.
• Sly Marbo has beaten Dorf Fortress.
• Asurmen taught Karandras how to fight. Sly Marbo taught him how to be sneaky. Living in perpetual fear for your life will do that.
• Jain Zar originally called her aspect the Banshees. One night with Sly Marbo and she just couldn't stop Howling though.
• Fuegan was inspired to create the Fire Dragons after Sly Marbo let him light his cigar.
• Sly Marbo outplayed an entire Noise Marine warband using only an air guitar. He then opened a Webway portal and left by playing Stairway to Heaven.
• Sly Marbo wondered what it would be like if everyone lived in medieval times. So he used some of the Old One's left over stuff and made Warhammer Fantasy.
• A Lord of Change once tried to make Sly Marbo less awesome. Tzeench caught wind of this and killed him. There are some things that can never change.
• Sly Marbo never accepts promotions. He's already everyones boss.
• He gave his father "the talk".
• He once brought a knife to a gun fight to even the odds.
• His tree houses have fully furnished basements.
• When Sly Marbo grabs the Blade of Antwyr it has to resist being possessed by Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo's favorite pet is named Ickle Snootums and follows his every command. Said pet is also a Greater Khornate Daemon.
• Sly Marbo wakes his alarm clock up in the morning.
• A Genestealer tried to infect Sly Marbo, it went back to the brood and started a Sly Marbo cult.
• Sly Marbo disproved that you are what you eat. If it was true he would be Doom Breed.
• Sly Marbo skips over step one, two and three. He goes strait to profit.
• Sly Marbo calmed Khorne down, made Slaanesh chaste, made Nurgle sneeze, made Tzeench forget his plans.
• Sly can describe the taste of water.
• Tyranids didn't eat the Squats, it was Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo went to khornes iron keep and shook hands with tuska deamon killa *BLAM*
• Khaine once tried to touch Sly Marbo, his hand is still bleeding to this day.
• Even Assholetep do not dare being an asshole with Sly Marbo.
• It is believed that Horus was slain by the Emperor, because that's what Dorn said. That's because Marbo left just after defeating the heretic, so Dorn never actually knew the truth.
• Dorn gave up designing the perfect fortress when he remembered to factor in Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is the only one who can defeat Chapter Master Smashfucker in 1 turn.
• Sly Marbo can smash titans with his balls.
• Sly Marbo doesn't mutate when he says Chaos Spa-BRLLBRBREBRBERBER
• Many people wishes for Sly Marbo to run for the position of High Lord of the Imperial Guard, even though that would be troublesome for the whole order giving thing.
• Sly Marbo doesn't require a laspistol to kill people. He simply needs to point at them with his finger and say "Bang!"
  • Alternatively, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• The MURDER SWORD is just Sly's old Boy Scout pocket knife.
• Pepperidge Farm doesn't remember Sly Marbo
• The Black Library? Sly Marbo used to go to there all the time during his childhood
• Sly Marbo is the one who knocks.
• The universe is expanding because it's trying to run away from Marbo
• Food getting into Sly Marbo's digestive system gets disintegrated immediately, thus he never uses a bathroom.
• Sly Marbo does not eat soup with a fork, he does so with a power sword thats on fire.
• The real reason for fall of the Eldar and the eye of terror creation was that the Khaine was stupid enough to challenge Marbo to a boxing match. The first punch caused the fall of the Eldar and ripped a whole in the fabric of reality.
• In fact Sly Marbo can take off of a planet or land without need the need for transportation. The reason he does not is because it's too loud and causes too much damage to the planet.
• Sly Marbo brings a knife to a Titan and Demons fight. Needless to say he still wins.
• When monsters go to bed, they check to see if Marbo is there. They never find him even if he is there.
• Sly Marbo became a Wulfen and got affected by the Black Rage, despite not been a Space Wolf or Blood Angel, and cured himself of both.
• Ghost took videos of marbo, and used the videos in a movie called "Sly Activity."
• Sly Marbo can say Beetle Jucie three times without Beetle Juice appearing. Beetle juice sa- oh fuck.
• As my the previous editor was saying, Beetle Juice says Sly Marbo three times.
• Cocaine gets addicted to Sly Marbo.
• On a visit to Terra, Marbo sneezed. The Primarchs were blown across the galaxy as a result, forcing the Emperor to begin the Great Crusade to search for them.
• Sly Marbo once got kicked backwards in time and knocked u a woman who named her son 'Chuck Norris'. Through the forty thousand years since, Chuck Norris's progeny have given birth to the perfect warriors up until Sly Marbo. Yes, that's right; Sly Marbo essentially made himself.
• Sly Marbo is rumored to have survived sexual intercourse with Slaanesh itself.
  • This rumor is indeed a fact. In hindsight Sly regards Slaanesh as an "easy" in bed (and everywhere else).
• Sly Marbo once fought Deadpool. They got bored after three days and pranked Commissar Yarrick and Wolverine after eating a mountain of chimichangas.
• Sly Marbo does not fear death, death fears Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo was once attacked by Tyranids. As soon as one bit him, the entire swarm died instantly.
• Sly Marbo and Creed once played chess. Creed's taktikul jeenyis was no match for Sly Marbo's pure badassery.
• Sly Marbo shaves his balls with an angle grinder.
• Sly Marbo likes his meat so rare that he only eats Primarchs. That's why two are unknown.
• Sly Marbo once poked the Eye of Terror.
• Sly Marbo can catch a cold without getting sick.
• The Emperor created a rock he couldn't lift. Sly Marbo had no trouble.
• In space, no one can hear you scream. Except for Sly Marbo.
• Sly Marbo is secretly in a shouting match against Khorne and all of the Orks which has lasted since the time of the old ones. Update, Sly Marbo won.
• Sly Marbo is what actualy killed Squats.
• Jace Beleren once planeswalked into the Warhammer 40k universe right as Sly Marbo killed a Carnifex. He had to planeswalk away and wipe the memory from his mind to avoid going insane.
• Sly Marbo can planeswalk without a spark, but he enjoys dicking around in the 40k universe most of all. In fact, he's the reason the Eldrazi on Zendikar died: he saw them as a rip-off of Tyranids and blew up Ulamog and Kozilek the same time Chandra Nalaar (uselessly) pryoblasted them. When Emrakul heard this, she made Tamiyo seal her inside Innistrad's moon (as if that would save her).
• Sly Marbo can cross the streams.

Gallery

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  Mini in action.

Famous members of the Imperial Guard
Commissars:	Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt Commissar Anton Gebbet Commissar Ciaphas Cain Commissar Holt Commissar Lord Bernn Commissar Severina Raine Commissar Yarrick
Senior Officers:	Colonel Carus Brom Colonel Greiss Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken General Sturnn Governor-Militant Lukas Alexander Lieutenant-Colonel Mikail Leonid Lord Castellan Ursarkar E. Creed Lord Castellan Ursula J. Creed Lord General Castor Lord Solar Macharius Lord Solar Arcadian Leontus Vance Motherfucking Stubbs
Junior Officers:	Captain Al'Rahem Commander Kubrik Chenkov Knight Commander Pask
Enlisted Guardsmen:	Colour Sergeant Jarran Kell Gunner Ferik Jurgen Mogul Kamir Nork Deddog Ollanius Pius Sergeant Harker Sergeant Lukas Bastonne Sergeant Merrick Sly Marbo Trooper Arden