Touhou

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This is a /v/ related article, which we tolerate because it's relevant and/or popular on /tg/... or we just can't be bothered to delete it.
Touhou is usually seen in character optimization threads because the major Touhoufags are min-maxers.

The Touhou Project is a series of Japanese "danmaku" ("bullet hell") vertical shooter games made by a skinny Japanese man known as ZUN. ZUN loves beer. The more you know about Touhou, the more obvious it becomes how much ZUN drinks. The series is known for its vast array of lolis (although it's debatable how many are actually supposed to be lolis considering that ZUN is just a genuinely terrible artist; seriously, look up the original character artworks) and the plethora of fanart they have inspired. In fact, there is so much Touhou fanart that it is commonly held that no matter what the situation, there is at least one Touhou picture that is appropriate. This has also resulted in the creation of the Touhou Power Cards for 4e Dungeons & Dragons. There is a certain irony in this, as in early requests for 4e torrents, /tg/ discovered instead Touhou futa doujins.

A fellow referred to as Touhoufag used to be seen in D&D threads, particularly ones involving character optimization. Fa/tg/uys generally didn't mind Touhou (except for certain faggots from Alabama who coined the nonsensical epithet "pork eye"), as long as it was kept from taking over the discussion, but instead used to further it or spice it up, or just as eye candy while the discussion continued. Sadly, he got on the janitor's bad side and was permabanned for trumped-up charges of spamming and ban evasion.

For Touhou-centric posts not related to traditional games, we recommend visiting /jp/, considering the now-infamous Touhou Hijack was used as an out to create the board in the first place.

If you want a quick introduction to Touhou, this video is here for you.


Characters

Touhou characters are often referred to as Touhoes, Toehoes (a pun on how the Japanese word is properly pronounced) or 2hous. There are an Imperial fuckton of Touhoes - according to the Touhou wiki, over a hundred of them. A quick rundown of a few of the more prominent Touhoes follows (feel free to add your favourite 2hou for extralulz, we know you want it):

  • Reimu Hakurei is an undead zombie a red-white miko a wonderful shrine maiden of paradise. She is one of the two main characters of the series. Her good points are her armpits. Her abilities include flight, utter invincibility invoked when she feels like it (Fantasy Heaven), killing everyone with her balls, and overpoweredness, that's because she can fly away from reality, hence making her utterly invulnerable, even against concept manipulators such as Yukari, in other words, if she decided to fight seriously, Reimu could go hand to hand with the C'tan, the Emperor and the Chaos Gods all together and win by default (Well, what did you expect? Japs consider a point of national pride making characters as OP as possible), exemplifying the concept of CoDzilla in D&D 3.5. or a 1++ Invulnerable Save/Eternal Warrior/It Will Not Die/Feels No Pain/Reanimation Protocols, all rolled in one, this video shows her in a totally canonical way, we wish we were making this up. She is a favored soul.
  • Mima is a sadly forgotten resident Lich, and the one who taught Marisa nearly everything she knows. Gives no fucks and with even bigger ego than her student, she is basically Naga to Marisa's Lina. Also one of the very few who is genuinely friends with Yuuka Kazami.
  • Sakuya Izayoi is a maid with a known fondness of Time Stop, Haste spells, and just around five billion knives. Her race, origin, or how she got that many 9th level slots are all unknown. May or may not be a female Dio Brando in an alternate universe. Sakuya gains Time Stop as an At-Will ability in 4.0, honorary member of the Ordos Chronos, or what is left of it.
  • Alice Margatroid, when not hopelessly lusting over Marisa, spends all her time stuck in her house crafting and playing with dolls, much like certain fa/tg/uys.
  • Shinki is the Power who rules over her own hand-made plane of Makai (Demon Realm, not to be confused with the myriad of Japanese Hells) as its Mother-Goddess. She is also the closest being to the Capital-G God the setting has, and during the fight with the "heroes" got so worked up that she accidenly set the whole of Makai on fire. And last, but not least, she is Alice's doting stepmom.
  • Patchouli Knowledge is a pajama-wearing, century-old, Vancian wizzart who spends all her time in a library reading books. Constitution was her dump stat, and hence she is asthmatic, anemic, and generally sickly like Raistlin Majere. Changes her prepared spells list depending on the day of the week.
  • Ran Yakumo is Yukari's 10% furry familiar. (70% if you go by volume, but it's mostly tail-fluff.) When not being molested by Yukari, as is customary for humanoid familiars, she is a hard-working streaker and pedophile.
  • Chen is Ran's catgirl familiar. Sometimes Ran touches her in bad places, but Chen is cute, so it's okay.
  • Youmu Konpaku is too soft, but the things that her masterwork bastard sword cannot cut are next to none. Also happens to be half-ghost. No, we have no idea how that happens, but her ghost side is also very soft, so basically how a Damned Legionnaire would have looked in a moe anime universe.
  • Yuyuko Saigyouji is a princess of the underworld, and can kill people by thinking at them. Always hungry.
  • Reisen Udongein Inaba is a moon rabbit who deserted her frontline military position and went AWOL as Primarch Neil Armstrong and his SPEHSS MAHREENS were purging xenos filth in the Lunar Capital in the name of the God-President of America. If you look into her red eyes and fail your Will save, you will go batshit insane. May or may not be completely useless except for her sex appeal. Gun-porn of her can be found all over the /a/ parts of /k/, and none of the /k/omrades know who she is or why.
  • Tewi Inaba is an extremely old earth rabbit of good luck who has achieved quantum immortality through being obscenely lucky. Her alignment is Chaotic Shenanigans.
  • Chiquita Dragonforce Tenshi Hinanawi is a dragon celestial gish with a perpetually rotating rock that floats, peaches on her hat that vaguely resemble butts, powers over the earth overlapping with another character's abilities, and a prismatic Holy Avenger with the ability to shoot multilasers.
  • Cirno is an intellectually-challenged fairy with an ego problem the STRONGEST and SMARTEST of all the Touhoes, and can control ice. She goes by many names, and it is recommended that you memorize all of them before she fucks your shit up.
  • Utsuho "Okuu" Reiuji a crow who used to stoke the fires of hell, before there was an argument and a subsequent change of management. Despite the fact that she holds dominion over both nuclear fusion and nuclear fission, and has a right arm that is made of nukes and lasers, she somehow is on-par with most of the other Touhoes. No critical thinking skills whatsoever, there is a cool video of her fight with Reimu, in 3D!
  • Hijiri Byakuren is the Jesus of Gensokyo. She tried to obtain equal rights for youkai but was crucified sealed away for her transgressions. She has huge boobs. Since later games she has a lightsaber and a motorcycle which she uses to roll over her enemies (read Toyosatomimi no Miko), we wish the sororitas where this cool. Rumored to be acquainted with Shinki. Also an SJW.
  • Yuuka Kazami the flower Youkai is one of the oldest and most powerful beings in Gensokyo. Also known as an Ultimate Sadistic Being. She is an original user of the Master Spark spell, the fuck huge kamehameha-like laser beam that annihilates everything in its path. Obviously, Marisa stole that too.
  • Komachi Onozuka is a local busty Grim Reaper/Charon equivalent. Lazy as fuck.
  • Eiki Shiki Yamaxanadu is the judge of the dead. Short and flat chested. Sees reality in clear, absolute black and white perception (both inside and outside morality), which is why even Yukari doesn't bother going against her (since her hax powers rely on vagueness). Gensokyo's resident rules lawyer.
  • Suika Ibuki is an oni(a demon-ogre, for those who don't know). Her hobbies involve drinking and fighing, usually both. Usually hangs around the Hakurei Shrine, but is said to own a chunk of Heaven she won from fucking up Tenshi Hinanawi's shit. Hasn't been sober in over 300 years. No, seriously, that's actual canon.
  • Yuugi Hoshiguma is Gensokyo's resident Muscle Wizard. She can best be described as Kord/Cayden Cailean reimagined as a female Oni with huge boobs. Some MANLY depictions of her also incorporate big muscles. Total bros with Suika Ibuki.
  • Mamizou Futatsuiwa a granny-tanuki of the outside world who was invoked into Gensokyo to deal with Miko, likes to play pranks on people and see how they get all confused, she can also invoke daemons and do all kind of crazy stunts, so we are not really sure if she is an acolyte of Cegorach or Tzeentch.
  • Clownpiece 'murican fairy from hell who invaded the Moon (no oil or WMDs involved), honouring the american practice of overwhelming firepower she eats your continues like they were delicious cookies while unleashing dakka equivalent to a sector battlefleet, lately she decided to move to Gensokyo, discussions between Cirno and Clownpiece fans attempting to define who is the strongest still rage across the web.

ZUN's bizarre fondness for drawing silly hats on his lolis leads to persistent rumours that Touhoes may die if their headwear of choice is removed, though certain bare-headed exceptions such as Kaguya Houraisan, Yuka Kazami, or Byakuren Hijiri cast doubt on this theory. It is also of note that since Zun's official artwork in the games and manuals depicts most of the cast as chubby little girls, doujin artists, some ZUN-approved printed media and the official Tasofro fighting games have generally felt free to decide on their own exactly what physiques the characters have, leading to many conflicting versions of the same character.

See Also

External Links

Gallery

Please, note that if we were to post just the high-end fanart people have made of Touhou we would probably collapse 1d4chan servers:

  • Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of Discworld, but it would be awesome if it did.

    Gensokyo, the setting of Touhou, does not actually look like this Yukkuri head version of Discworld, but it would be awesome if it did.

  • The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.

    The 40k drawfags do Touhou work on rare occasions.

  • There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.

    There is a Touhou pic for nearly every situation. Even situations that will never ever be brought up otherwise.

  • Take it easy.

    Take it easy.

  • Touhou is made of girls and lasers.

    Touhou is made of girls and lasers.

  • Bet you'd never see this again, huh?

    Bet you'd never see this again, huh?

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