VTNL
 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
This article is a work in progress so just cool your engines. The game is written in a dead language called "Russian" that only 12 people on earth actually speak. Our translators are working tirelessly to decode this text. If you want to speed up the translation process, check out this thorough review of the game -> https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Ixq8V1MpFRQWVjQmFEeEticnc/view
VTNL is a Russian RPG that may be the usurper of FATAL's claim to Worst Fucking Roleplaying Game Ever Made. It was made by some lunatic who goes by the name Elenorn Maethor on the interwebz. He claims he spent 14 years working on this piece of shit. Probably constipation, he should get that checked.
VTNL is as acronym for Via The New Legends, whatever the fuck that even means.
To give you a short glimpse on what this game is about, here's the translation of the "mission statement" from that book. Full quote:
"An important feature of the game is its rather strict set of rules. To avoid breaking the game balance, several limitations to what the players can do in this game are in place, and actions outside these limitations will probably fail. For example, in this game, when the players visit a store, they cannot steal items from it, or attack the vendor, because the rules of VTNL do not describe such actions. Same goes with dice rolls. This game follows very strict rules for rolling dice, and if they are not followed exactly, the roll doesn't count. Roleplaying isn't one of the lead elements in this game, and isn't necessary. Players can freely choose to formulate the personas of their characters and the only thing that has any impact on them is the player's chosen race. Immersion and roleplay depends on the choice of the player. Because of the unique mechanics of the game, in the world of VTNL, adventures also basically generate themselves and "GM's artistic vision" is practically nonexistant in this game. Nobody of the people playing know the storyline, which makes the game incredibly entertaining and captivating."
And this is just the beginning!
System
No one knows for sure how to play this. The author claims he hasn't played an RPG in a decade in a half because he wanted this VTNL to be exactly like a videogame. He drew his autism - er, I mean - his inspiration from Diablo 1.
The book contains 2 pages on rolling dice. Hold up. Let me be clear about this. I don't mean two pages about what to roll and how to interpret the dice. No, I mean two pages on how to physically pick the dice up and throw them. Two pages. These are not optional rules. If you don't use the rules correctly, the author encourages GMs to beat the fuck out of the offending player. I'm not making this shit up. It's even outlined in one of the gameplay examples.
>This game follows very strict rules for rolling dice, and if they are not followed exactly, the roll doesn't count.
>The game recommends the use of classical casino dice, with a 16mm side.
>Players may use their own dice, but all dice in their collection must be of equal size and form - the only allowed difference of the dice is the color.
>Sharing dice with other players is strictly forbidden.
>All rolls are to be made on the dicefield only, and they are to be rolled only in the direction from the open, longer side towards the opposite border. Rolling over the wooden borders is forbidden.
>You must make a roll by rolling all the dice together, rolling 2d6 or 3d6 (only multiple rolls in the book) cannot be made by rolling a single dice multiple times.
>After the roll, all the dice must remain on the dicefield. During the roll, at least a single dice must touch the opposite border, and at least a single dice must cross both lines on the dicefield, either while it's still in the air, while rolling.
>It is strongly recommended to shake the dice in your hand for a short while before making a roll. Using dice cups is forbidden.
>If a dice drops out of hand, while shaking it, then it's called a "Single Drop", if two dice fall out, it's a "Double Drop" and if all three fall out from the hand, it's a "Full Drop" There are also multiple types of drops: "Shake Drop" when the dice fall out of hand, while shaking them, "Lost Drop" when a dice falls on the floor and is subsequently lost, and "Noob die drop" when you manage to lose one or more dice, during a shake drop.
>In case of a drop, all dice must be re-rolled. Some players might abuse this rule, committing intentional drops, so I propose another house rule - if a player drops his dice more than three times per session, each other time there is a drop, the GM should punch the player in the face.
You will need a desk bell to play this. The kind you ding when you need help at a store and no one is around. Every time you buy something in the game, players will bang this little bell. That would make at least some sense, but according to rulebook: "Ringing bell stops defining of current item and signals start of defining of next item. Players should follow golden rule: do not ring without reason!" You think we're making this shit up but we swear, we are not. Which is sad.
You can buy dice field and dices in VTNL shop (once it opens, "soon" probably means in this decade). No desk bell in stock yet.
Setting
The setting is on a planet called Kreat. The sun is called The Great Dragon. A long time ago a volcano boiled the sea and then there was an ice age and some continental drift. All this happened for unspecified reasons. And that's it. That's all we really know. A paragraph or so on geological history and a friendly reminder that planets are spheroids.
Rollplaying
Actually roleplaying is not important when playing VTNL. I'm not saying that to insult this game. The designer himself said it.
>Roleplaying isn't one of the lead elements in this game, and isn't necessary. Players can freely choose to formulate the personas of their characters and the only thing that has any impact on them is the player's chosen race. Immersion and roleplay depends on the choice of the player.
To summarize so far: Roleplaying is optional. Punching people in the mouth is optional. What you roll your dice on is NOT OPTIONAL.
Closest thing to roleplay among given examples is showing middle finger to sleeping city guard.
DLC
There are a few expansions promised. We can all look forward to a book on magic and a book on equipment. Did I forget to mention? All characters have a Wizardry skill but there are no rules for magic. As for equipment? The book does not have any tables for gear. Go ahead and re-read that again if you need to. This book has no gear. You will need to buy a separate book for that. Seeing as how it took him 14 years to make this busted-ass book, we might be waiting a while.
According to author, to play this game, you also need access to "game area" on his website (not available now, of course), which will contain "hypertext components of the game".
On the other hand, I guess we should be thankful that it isn't same-day DLC.