Battle for Dominus Pillowus

On a backwater Imperial planet. a Guardsman buys a Celestine Bodypillow from a passing Rogue Trader. Fearing reprise from an angry Commissar, he tattles on the Commissar's xenofucking habits to a Priest. Said priest turns out to be an undercover Inquisitor investigating Commissar Xenofucker. The Inquisitor begins a sting operation and the local Regiment splits between the loyalists and the Taufuckers.

What started it all

Characters

This section includes all characters involved in this clusterfuck.

Imperial Forces

Imperial Guard

• Commissar Xenofucker:

• Saint Waifu Commander:

• Sanctioned Psyker who was almost raped by Daemonette:

• Marcus:

• Guardsman who was almost raped by Eldar:

• Assortment of Kriegers:

• Random Harmonica Guardsman:

Space Marines

• Penicillus, Apothecary of the Deathwing

• Ultramarine Bro

• Minotaurs

• Blood Ravens

• Deathwatch

Sisters of Battle

• Living Saint Celestein (not Celestine)

• Living Saint Celestine (not Celestein)

• Canoness Olivia III, Order of the August Vigil

• Sister Lydia

• Animal-loving Sister Hospitaller

Mechanicus

• Enginseer Mike L33: Used an Earthshaker Cannon on Daemon Prince Commissar Xenofucker.

• Magos Xenobiologis: Realised entire biosphere of planet was in fact devolved Tyranids.

• Dominus Exitium Imperator-Class Battle Titan responsible for the recovery of the Æonic Orb. Got smacked about by Orknids

• Archmagos Magnificus Apparatos Responsible for the deployment of Titan legions on the planet as a means to both capture the Orb and avoid an Exterminatus

Inquisition

• Xeno Hunting Inquisitor: Puked in the back of a Rhino.

• Ordo Malleus Inquisitor: Showed up late to the party, and when he found out about the Tau-Slaanesh-Daemon Engune-Craftworld, left for the nearest Imperial Port to get drunk.

Xenos

Eldar

• Thirsty Farseer: Was infected by a disease made by Nurgle, who wanted to boost Eldar birthdates so as to make Isha happy. Tried to rape Guardsman, but Psykerbro kept her away.

• Constantiy-respawning Eldar: Died over and over again, eventually defecting to Imperial forces. Was a titan at one point in time.

• Dark Eldar: Went raiding. Some of them took advantage of the vorefest between the Hive Fleet and the Daemon Engine Craftworld to get more suffering and ecstasy.

Tyranid/Ork/Orkanids?

• Freeboota Gitsmacka

• Freeboota Kaptin Snikstabba 'F. Merkury' Goldteef

• DokTank

• Hivefleet

• Planetary Hivemind

• Rapevines

Necrons

• Necron Lord I

• Necron Lord II

• Unnamed Destroyer Lord

• Æonic Orb

• Flayed Ones: The Flayed Ones were driven further into madness by their curse (and probably the body pillow they were told to get) as they started to make body pillows out of the bodies of their foes. Eventually, the curse started to spread from neuron to Necron, even infecting the Spyders and Scarabs. Later on, some Flayed Ones became corrupted by the forces of chaos turning to either Nurgle or Slaanesh, the ones who followed Nurgle simply hung out with the Nurglings while those of Slaanesh started using the Rape vines for sexual pleasure and probably robot-fucked each other. After a while, the Necron Lord ordered for all the flayed ones to be killed, those who were not killed either escaped into the rape forest or escaped into the warp.

Tau

• Ethereal

• SlaaneshTau Leader

• SlaaneshTau Diplothot

Chaos Forces

Slaaneshi

• Daemonette: Developed a hug fetish. Has a crush on Psykerbro.

• Chaos Lord Vögeln: Chaos Lord of the "Alluring Ostriches" warband. Failed in his mission by Slaanesh him/her/itself to cum on the Celestine Bodypillow, and was turned into Chaos Spawn for his failure. Wait no-AAASJEHDUBEUJSIJSJ

Gallery

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