Setting:Harem Knights

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Map of the land of TeeGee, courtesy of Dorf Strongfast, Dwarven cartographist

The Harem Knights are the result of one of the most epic derails in the recent history of /tg/. What begun as another typical thread of "Wizard takes you to a fantasy world, WAT DO?" quickly took a life of its own after one bold individual, a brave visionary, the first of the Knights, fiercely proclaimed that all he wanted to do was to rub some elf ears. But not without romancing them ears first, of course. What followed then was a thing of beauty, made of epic writefaggotry and, above all, love for all monstergirls.

Welcome to Castle Waifu.

The story so far, more or less

After clicking on a picture of their favorite monster girl that turned to be a magical portal, a group of Fa/tg/uys were teleported to an abandoned castle in the middle of a forest where a wizard was waiting for them. Somehow the wizard got killed and the poor anons soon found themselves trying to survive the winter without food and being used for target practice by the neighboring Elves. Many died, everything was Grimdark as fuck and, right when all hope was lost, a refugee group of cat girls Felim bumped into our heroes and took pity of them. Turns out Humans in this fantasy world were a bunch of xenophobic assholes, so when the Fa/tg/uys, grateful to their saviors, offered to share the castle with the catfolk, they couldn't believe it and most of them took the offer, happy to have a place to call their own.

But things were not well in the nascent land of Teegee, for still many Fa/tg/uys and Felim were given the cheapest hedgehog costume in the world (read: shot full of arrows) by the Elven assholes. The Council of DMs, an improvised consultative body made to organize the different groups of anons back during the early days, held a meeting with everybody present to discuss the Elven problem. It was then were our valiant Gavran stood up to the more prudent voices and announced that the only thing that mattered to him was to rub some elf ears. The Harem Knights were born that very night, an elite group of warriors interested only in glory and waifus. The combined forces of Teegee launched a successful attack against the Elven village responsible from the deaths of their friends. Apparently Elves are a bunch of misogynistic assholes who consider their females nothing more than property. After the Fa/tg/uys liberated the Elven women, many chose to leave the village and move to the castle, which by then was already being called Castle Waifu.

Soon the other monster races in that world took notice of Teegee and how everyone was welcomed to Castle Waifu. Migrants arrived, businesses were open and more waifus were romanticized. Unfortunately, the Human realms also took an interest in TeeGee: there were spies, assassination attempts and many other shenanigans were our adventuring Knights were involved. Fa/tg/uys began trying to bring the industrial revolution to this world by making large quantities of gunpowder, creating a primitive printing press and many other things that somehow involved a very unfortunate incident with an automatic shovel launcher. It was a time of high adventure (the Teegee nation is mainly funded by dungeon crawling), prosperity and interspecies erotica.

Then the Orks came in 4 A.A Midyear, stormed Castle Waifu, ravaged the place and they were about to kill the surviving inhabitants where the Ork females turned on their males because, if so many females of so very different species were willing to sacrifice their lives for the anons it must then mean that they were the Alpha males to end all Alpha males and not joining their tribe and mating with them would be an unforgivable mistake. Many brave defenders and their waifus died that night, but then we learned that the Elves Realms were behind the Ork attack, wanting to know what our defenses were in order to retaliate for our attack to their village. What a bunch of assholes.

What'll happen next? That's for writefags to decide, it's not like there is an actual timeline or anything here, really, some say all of this happened over the span of five years, others say that a decade. We don't care, actually, as long as it's fun and has waifus in it.

The Code of Bro

  • Every person, be they man or woman, is born with the right to seek out their Waifu.
  • A man’s Waifu is his Waifu alone, to make a move on another man’s Waifu is the dickest of moves.
  • Do not insult another man’s Waifu. Everyone is someone’s Waifu and everyone thinks their Waifu is the best. To argue about this is to invite dissension and forsake Brotherhood.
  • Do not insult the size of a mans harem. Some men have one Waifu, some have many. This does not make either more pure or lecherous nor more or less skilled than the other, it is merely a choice and nothing more.
  • Do not attempt to take a woman as your own if she is not your Waifu. The world is plentiful, there is no need to be greedy and forsake others the right to their Waifu.
  • Always cherish your Waifu. She is there for you as you are there for her. Honor this bond.
  • Eat well, drink well, and adventure well, but most importantly, love well.

Fun facts

  • Teegee uses the Elder Scrolls calendar.
  • The Harem Knights have their own drinking song composed by Sir Fearghaile.
  • 'That Guy' is the worst insult in the Teegee Cant.
  • The Felim worship the Nine Divines, who may or may not be taking an active role in the world.
  • A.A means after arrival. So 2 A.A is two years after the summoning. There is no year 0.

Notable characters

  • Sir Artorias, Knight Sergeant: A warrior of renown, he attributes his success to the enchantments in his gear and the aid of his four waifus, Bethany, Karrigan, Melena, and Prescilla.
  • Sir Dustyn Howle: Founder and leader of the Order of Blades, a group of knights that specialize in espionage and unconventional warfare.
    • Sir Antoine, Schrodinger's Knight: A Knight in the Order of Blades, so titled because if you're not looking directly at him, you can never tell if he's there or not.
  • Engineer Fatwelder: Metalworker and armor smith, attempting to create old realm power tools and other technologies, using magic where unable to replicate mundane equivalents.
  • Sir Fearghaile: Captain of the Dragoons and Diplomat extraordinaire. Typically accompanied by his Felim companion, Kikki.
    • Kikkirin "The Flash": Kikki for short. Companion of Fearghaile and expert in daggers. While her relation to Lem has never been confirmed by either of them, pretty much everyone assumes she's his waifu.
    • Sir Perrin, Banner Bearer of the Dragoons: Felim Lieutenant and second in command of the Dragoons. Sees to the cavalry unit while Sir Fearghaile and Kikki are away on diplomatic missions.
  • Sir Gavran Earstroker: it was his rallying cry for Elven ears to rub that set all this madness in motion and convinced the other Fa/tg/uys to retaliate against the Elves.
  • Sir GearHeart, The Wanderer: Is a strong and weathered man, to say the least. He has seen more than his fair share of hardships, and each one seems to only make him tougher. How he manages to keep a positive attitude, I am not sure. However, he will never abandon his life policy; treat others as they treat you.
    • Lilly, The Good Succubus: Sir GearHeart's Waifu, a succubus who is trying to put aside her old ways and live a life of good. She tries real hard, most of the time she comes out Neutral Sexy as apposed to Lawful Good.
  • Sir Giovanni: Captain of the Castle Waifu Guard and founder of the Harem Knights order.
  • Sir Kasai: Sergeant-Major of the Castle Waifu Guard and Slaver hater. Married to Tomoe, a firey Kitsune and Guardswomen of TeeGee, and Larissa, a shy Lamia and hatmaker.
  • Harbinger, The Mortician:A rather detached librarian, necromancer, and medic. Vivisected an elf in the battle. Has two elven waifus, Eryana and Aryana, and Helbrey, a salamander. He got his name when he ASSUMED DIRECT CONTROL of several undead while battling a lich. Is also immortal now, apparently. Fae magic is weird shit.
  • Reginald, the Mountain: A seven foot tall giant of a man, wielding a maul known as the Boulder. Has a ghostly waifu. During the battle for Castle Waifu against the orcs Reginald defeated the chieftain of one of the orc clans, and by right of secession became the new Warmaster of the Splinter Tusk orcs, inheriting the chieftain's wife and magical battle axe Crag.
  • Vincent The Cook: With out a doubt the most powerful man in Castle Waifu. He is responsible for feeding those who reside in Castle Waifu.
  • Sir Iris: A noble soul, who made but one fateful mistake; to gaze lovingly into the eyes of his waifu. Who was a Gorgon.
  • Ahelub, the Serridian Merchant: A spy in the service of Caliph of Serrid (May the cleft of his buttocks never itch). Killed by a knight known as Dythier as he attempted to send his report by falcon.
  • Sir Virgil: Founder and leader of the Merchant Guard. They guard merchants.
  • Olin, the Librarian: Chronicler, used to be a history professor at Stanford. Is the object of his assistant's affections.
  • Silver, The Witch of TeeGee: One of the most accomplished spell casters of TeeGee, who travels into Fey lands and explores those dangerous places. Despite being sickly, she teaches the basics of her eclectic selection of skills to any who want to learn, including martial, magical, or mundane. Long since discarded her actual name.
  • The Clover Journals: A book with a history long enough to be its own character, the author remains unknown. Appearing to only describe an Island to the West, home to Obsidos, City of Black Glass, and the Fruit of Life, it nonetheless manages to drive most of its readers mad. Most suspect its a form of mind magic, or cursed. Few know better.
    • B and K: Two spies who are very interested in acquiring one of these books, they make do with second hand accounts and reports from the many races it has encountered. Very mysterious folks, the only things known about them is that both are Outrealmers, base themselves in TeeGee, and that B is the field agent, while K is the handler. Oh, and K's getting married.

Races

Main article: Harem Knights: Races
  • Angels
  • Batpeople
  • Coininoch/Scottish Rabbitpeople
  • Demons
    • See subsection on Demons
  • Dragons
  • Dryders/Spiderpeople
  • Dwarves
  • Elves
    • The Elves are futher divided into High and Low varieties. High Elves are approximately six inches taller then Low Elves, and have an olfactory organ at the base of the spine that compels Low Elves to follow their commands. This effect can be resisted, however, should the Low Elf in question be aware of it. Harbringer's report on the subject can be found below.
  • Felim/Catpeople
  • Fey
  • Ghosts
  • Gnomes
  • Goblins
  • Harpies
  • Holstaurus/Cowpeople
  • Kanin/Dogpeople
  • High Orcs, Savage Orcs, and Orks
    • High Orcs are greyish skinned and live in the mountains. Savage Orcs live in coastal regions and are in a way the average Orc as they are in the middle on just about everything between the High Orcs and the Orks. Orks are big strong and dumb, they live in the southern plains.
  • Lamia
  • Mantis
  • Telidron
    • War Angels of Ter the Orc god of war

Types of Demons

Main article: Harem Knights: Fey and Faetouched

Demons are the go to bad guys for dungeon crawls and the like. They are broken down into basic blocks of power levels. Minions, Rank and File, Monsters, War Demons, Lords. There are countless types of demons out there new ones being born all the time.

  • Bull Demons: Monsters
  • Capra: Rank and File
  • Imps: Minions
  • Succubi: Monsters

The Calendar

  • Morning Star: 31 days
  • Sun’s Dawn: 28 days (29 on a leap year)
  • First Seed: 31 days
  • Rain’s Hand: 30 days
  • Second Seed: 31 days
  • Midyear: 30 days
  • Sun’s Height: 31 days
  • Last Seed: 31 days
  • Hearthfire: 30 days
  • Frostfall: 31 days
  • Sun’s Dusk: 30 days
  • Evening Star: 31 days

Holidays

  • Summoning's Eve - 14th of Sun's Dusk

Day before the day of arrival. Feast, revel, tell stories, rub ears, etc.

  • Day of Arrival and 56 days following - 15th of Sun's Dusk - 10th Morning Star

Day we were summoned. Somber day of remembrance of those who died that winter and comrades who have died since. Knights are expected to fast or do service if possible. Sir Kasai leads a Dawn Service every year on the 15th of Sun's Dusk, followed by a shotgun breakfast and a day long patrol through the forest to all the sites of the First Fat-Elven War.

  • Ear Day - 13 Evening Star

Half-way through the 56 Hard Days, a day of casting off the somber tones of the Hard Days for feasting and courting (and rubbing ears, of course). To remind us of the hope that comes on Savior's Day.

  • Savior's Day/Day of Salvation - 11th Morning Star

Day we were saved. Grand feasting and celebration. Gifts are exchanged, but mostly a day of giving and cherishing that which we have. Rubbing noses is a customary gesture among couples

  • Day of Union - 12th First Seed

Day we were united as a people against the Elves, a Brotherhood of Knights for our people, and our people as a nation. Popular for taking vows, both of marriage and knighthood.

On the Subject of Magic

  • Extract from the graduate papers of Zerion Eindclar, student of the Midyahs University of the Arcane, 12 of Sun's Height, 4th year after Arrival

Broadly speaking, one can assume that any wizard you meet suffers from at least some form of autism, in one way or the other. This rule is not absolute, but there is a very good reason why it holds true; the laws of magic are such that the very specific mindset of an autistic person has a much easier time grasping them. To some, magic is an art, or form of expression, to others, it's just a science, but for whatever reason, autistic individuals have an easier time manipulating the arcane. This, of course, is not the only way to attain magical mastery, but it is among the easiest.

Another method is magical breeding. Over the course of several generations, the children of magic-using parents start to be born with an inherent talent for magic. This manifests in the form of increased reserves of magical energy and a natural aptitude for the easier spells, even to the extent of instinctively knowing how to use magic, without tuition, in some of the oldest bloodlines. The first signs of this predilection are usually seen in the second generation born to a line. In Mithterrah, most magical institutions boast the progeny of many generations of focused breeding. It is often thought that magic is itself a CAUSE of autism, but this is not the case. In fact, it is simply that the families of Mithterrah's mages were mostly founded by autistic mages, their natural ability for magic having been passed on, along with the magical talent.

Of course, having neither autism, nor magical lineage is not a complete barrier to learning magic. Some individuals have managed to become mages while lacking either of these traits, some even becoming magic-users of great renown. It is simply a much harder trail for them to grasp what their peers take to naturally.

It is worth noting also, that 'autism' has been discovered to be a somewhat catch-all term. Several of the knights of deviant kingdom of Teegee have demonstrated at least passing talent for magic and sorcery, despite not being autistic in the strictest sense of the word. The current suspicion is that this is in some way tied to their uniquely sane brand of madness, utterly unknown elsewhere in the world.

  • From Magic, Insanity, and You: A Beginers Guide to the Base Magics: In my time studying the nature of magic I came across two “Schools” of magic. “Faith” magic can be divided in to two “Classes” shamanistic magic which is magic drawn from the earth and clerical magic which is prayer powerd. The other “school” is the arcane type of magic, which can be divided into three classes. Sensate magic is based almost entirely on the feel of things, you can't cast something till you know how it feels. As such they have a tendency to specialize in one element. In a way they are very much like sorcerers. The next class is Autistic Magic. Which is the magic of orderly chaos, it's formulaic in nature and being a bit crazy helps. However studying is the most important part. The last class was what I have labeled drunk magic, though compulsion magic would be more accurate. I first discovered it while studying enchantments. It originated in the Dwarven Mountains. In this magic type a compulsion strikes the caster and they sort of force the idea they have into an object. The reason there are so many strange enchanted things out there, is because a lot of enchanters use stimulants to force the creative strike. Hence Drunk magic.

Everyone falls on a sort of spectrum of the arcane magic. With Sensate on one end and Drunk on the opposite end, Autistic magic in the middle. Where one falls determines their starting strengths and weakness. One of the most famous examples is that of Sir Lyrik Kitril, who in my opinion fell far with in the Sensate area, but still has touches of the Autistic magic.

Some claim that magic breeding occurs over time, where the offspring of magical creatures inherit magical skill from their parents. This theory leads to stronger generations over time. I like to refer to this theory as Bloodline Sorcery. I am no expert on the subject as it would take skills I don't have and a lot of time and research to figure it out.


"...According to Aenor, anyone can use magic (though few could do so well), since everyone is born with the “blood of the arcane” as he called it. You had to look deep inside yourself, find the spark of magic within you, and bring its power to the surface. In all honesty I was reminded of that part of Dragon Ball Z where Gohan was training Videl, only instead of one of the most skilled practitioners in all of creation I was stuck with Yamcha. Still I tried my best, trying to think of electricity non-stop from every movie, show, and vidya game I could think of that had it, along with everything I learned about it from science classes. Unfortunately, it seemed that there’s quite the difference between the blood of the Old World and the blood of the New World. I couldn’t get anything for the whole two weeks we were on that boat, and as soon as we got to Serrid, Aenor just fucking ran off. Damn wizard, skipping out before I had made any progress, no sense of right and wrong I tell you.... Then it hit me, all this time I had been thinking of all the electricity I had ever seen or heard of, but I had completely forgotten all the electricity I had felt. I started scouring my brain for every event in my life that had involved me being electrocuted; the spoon in the toaster, fixing the fridge’s ice maker, unplugging the broken fridge, changing car batteries, setting up Christmas lights, playing Legos, everything I could think of. By the end of the day, I kept an arc of blue light dancing between my fingers. I knew the way electricity felt, and I could control it. Granted it took a long time and purposefully getting struck by a full sized bolt of lightning before I could put any real power behind my bolt, but I could still act as a human stun gun and charge the electronics that managed to survive (we brought a LOT of porn with us to this world), though granted unless I sat there for hours the charge only lasted for a few minutes after I let go. Some people say that it wasn’t the bolt of lightning that super charged me, but that crazy people just have better control over magic and actively trying to get struck by lightning was the last shred of my sanity burning away." -Excerpt from the journal of Sir Lyrik Kitril

The Evolutionary Hierarchy of the Elves, and Reactions to Outside Stimuli

Too long, moved to Harbringer's Studies


On Orcs and the Differences within

  • An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I: Orcs and Orcish sensibilities. In this world there are three know subgroups in the Orc family. They are Orcs, Orcs, and Orks. As you can no doubt see this can get a bit confusing at times. The one type of Orc is the Savage Orc, this type lives in the coastal area, tend to be illiterate. Next there is the High Orc, these can be described as the noble savage. They have a higher percentage of literacy and have a form of government, While as the Savage Orcs are a pack group that follows the alpha alpha male, which is arguably a form of governance. The High Orcs are so called as they live in the mountain regions unlike other Orcs. The easiest way to tell them apart is usually skin color Savage Orcs are green and High Orcs are more of a grayish color with touches of green. Course there is no mistaking an Ork for any other group as they are the biggest of the lot and it is important to note that the other Orcs tend to see them as we would see inlaws. Orks live in the southern plains and are the most violent of the lot and largest group, they were the also the ones who went to war on us. And Finally on the topic of Orc opinion, never ever call an Orc anything but an Orc. They all insist that they are the real Orcs and that it is the other groups that are not being very Orcy and as such take offense at Labels like those used in this book.
  • An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I, High Orcs: High Orcs are a society based off of power and it is common for lovers to try to embarrass their lovers in front of others and make them seem more powerful than the other. As such Females tend to enjoy trying to put their lover in embarrassing situations while males tend to use pure strength. It should be noted though that in healthy relation ships it stays purely a game. The Introduction of BDSM to Orc society was probably the most potent change us Outrealmers have made to High Orc society. The High Orcs have two gods. Ter the war and moon god, the twin moons are said to be his eyes watching on his mate and their children. Tera the Earth Mother the god of life and the earth, Ter's mate and the mother of all living things. The High Orcs are a proud warrior race. The males are in charge of warfare and the females are in charge of religion, there is a lot of other lap though. One important thing to remember is that High Orcs do not like being told what to do and can react violently.


  • Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I, Orks

Orks are from the low plains. They are illiterate and are slightly smarter than a young child. However they are big and ridiculously strong. The females are larger than the males. Female Orks respect only the strongest.

Demons and Succubi

  • An excerpt from An Outlanders Guide to Indigenous Species volume I, Succubi Succubi are normal women who fail into deals with demons, over the course of time the women are indoctrinated and converted to succubi. The length of transformation is dependent on countless factor. Succubi are characterized by two things sex and rules. As such young succubi are required to be pierced and wear nothing, so as when an infraction of a law occurs an elder succubi can pull her aside easily. A Succubi is no longer required to dress as such after going five years with out breaking a law, some Succubi take longer than others and some never manage this feat still others continue to dress in such a fashion for their own reasons.
  • Back before the elves ruled the land. It was the age of demons. Chaos was rampant and death a constant or quite possibly the other way around. So one day the age of demons came to an end and the elves took over. Not because of the strength of the elves but because of the weakness of the demons. They had nearly driven themselves to the point of extinction. There were only five demons left at the time. In comes Nebiroth the Trickster, he has a plan, two in fact. The first to repopulate the demon race, he proposed the creation of what is now know as succubi. The second to ensure that such an event never took place again they would create laws by which they would abide. So the first succubi was created when they captured and elven girl of the name Lilith, they corrupted her soul and infused her very being with demonic energy. And so the newly made succubi would repopulate the demon race either by corruption or by birth. Over time laws changed and new ones were made and demons ended up as you know them today.

Gallery

The good stuff

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