2d4chan - User contributions [en]

Tzeentch

2023-06-13T23:34:09Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

[[File:934501-tzeentch mark.png|center]]
[[File:Tzeentch the Architect of Fate.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Tzeentch thinking to himself: [[Troll|"Hmmm... I wonder what plans I would foil again?"]]]]
{{awesome}}
{{sick| The curse of tzeentch might mutate you into an unholy abomination or kill you if you use magic. If you bow to the blue birdbrain and sacrifice everything you love he may quit cursing you or fuck your brain into mush just before or after you ask for his boon.}}
{{heresy}}
''JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE...'' - The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter

{{Topquote|O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable, ever waxing and waning. Hateful life, first oppresses, and then soothes as fancy takes it; poverty, and power it melts them like ice. Fate - monstrous and empty, you whirling wheel, you are malevolent, well-being is in vain and always fades to nothing, ...|Oh Fortuna, from the Carmina Burana}}

{{Topquote|I'm a scientist; because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it.|Rick Sanchez}}

{{Topquote|I'm beginning to think that to hope isn't the same as to expect something. To hope is to believe that life is an acceptable chaos.|Goenawan Mohamad}}

{{Topquote|The great proof of madness is the disproportion of one's designs to one's means.|Napoleon Bonaparte.}}

==Introduction==
[[Image:Tzeench_political_poster.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Tzeentch has a fetish for birds, as seen by this sorceress getting her bird mutations on in a proper Tzeentchian <s>and weirdly hot</s> fashion. Wait, that's Slaanesh's schtick! JUST. AS. PLANNED. Tzeentch is a Cosmic Harem Nerd Protagonist confirmed.]]
'''Tzeentch''', (may or may not be pronounced Zeench) also known as '''the Great Conspirator, the Changer of the Ways, the Architect of Fate, Tchar, Chen the Deceiver, Chi'an Chi (奸奇), Tsien-Tsin, [[H.P. Lovecraft|Nyarlathotep]], the Troll Master, Cheenzh, the Raven God, the Trickster, the Archmage God, the Lord of Nerds, [[/b/]], Emperor Lollercoaster/Trollercoaster, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Indecisive Mollusk]], Master of Madness, [[Total War: Warhammer|Chi’an Chi]], Space Obama, the Lord of Social Media, The Monarch of Operating Updates, the Terror of Tumblr and Tik Tok, [[Star Trek|Q]], The ''other'' [[/pol/|Q]], The Great Lovecraftian Geek, [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Joseph Joestar]], Loki, Otto von Bismarck, Bugs Bunny, The Cuttlefish of Keikaku, The Patron God of “Well, actually...”, the King of Kek, 2020's Living Incarnation, Lelouch vi Britannia, the Champion of [[Cheese]], the Patron God of Internet Prank Videos, [[Old Man Henderson|Old Man Henderson's Avatar]], NoobMaster69, TheLegend27, Skankhunt42, the "[[Not as planned|Do I look like the kind of guy with a plan]]?" Planner, the Octopoda Occultist, Mr. "I Have Your IP Address", [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Father Number Three]], Filthy Frank''' and 9936 other names is or is not the [[Chaos God]] of change, curiosity, hard-to-spell names, lies, cunning, ambition, opportunity, creativity and inventiveness, mutation and evolutionary processes, [[Entropy|'Pure Chaos']], Machiavellian scheming, CEOs, politics, governmental power, manipulation, trolling, the internet, everything ever posted on Twitter by anyone (except the Slaaneshi stuff anyway...), your politically obsessed uncle’s Facebook profile, all recorded information and all forgotten knowledge, leadership, any smartphone platform like Apple or Android, every OS written or yet to be written, the BSOD, supervillain geniuses, progress, knowledge, magic, [[psykers]], [[Chess]], lawyers and other high-functioning psychopaths/sociopaths, hope (despite there being [[God-Emperor of Mankind|a contender for God of Hope]]), constant article editing, poor grammar and grammar Nazis, canon and “head canon”, and massively overlong lists.

In [[Warhammer Fantasy]] he may or may not have already existed before the world like the other Chaos Gods, and the [[Old Ones]] actively tried to prevent [[Daemons]] from ever successfully invading the world by creating the different races of the game in an attempt to find something that could cheese Daemons in every battle until the very Warp Gates that the Old Ones used to come to the planet in the first place collapsed forming miniature [[Eye of Terror|Eyes of Terror]] at the poles of the world (''Just as planned''). He is said to have a fetish for [[Blood Ravens|Ravens]] amongst the [[Warriors of Chaos|Norse]] tribes and Condors amongst [[Warriors of Chaos|Kurgan nomads]]. There's no real picture for Tzeentch since the weird bastard always and never but always changes his appearance every time he sits for his yearbook photo. Some of the more or less memorable appearances have been: an opaline serpent constantly slithering in-place; a no-neck blue greater daemon with a skin pocked with faces that each repeat what the main head just said with different emphasis or tone; a rainbow-hued cloud of mist that speaks by casting echoes off nearby structures without making the original sound; a featureless green-skinned human in an archaic grey suit with the words "NO PICTURE AVAILABLE" suspended in the air where his face would be; and perhaps the most or least prominent, a giant imp with two penises growing out of its head. No, srsly. Unless... he could be Slaane-- {{BLAM|''*URGLBURGL*''}}

Strangely, Tzeentch was often/rarely/usually attributed to hope in the two settings, despite there being Chaos Gods of Order in Fantasy, and in 40k the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] serving as The God of Hope in his career even if he never wanted to be worshiped as such. To be fair, there is a difference between hope and order (or is there?). The Chaos Gods embody traits that can be directed for good or evil (how can hope be evil? To invoke Godwin's Law, Hitler hoping his genocide plans would succeed was evil, or as in Pandora's Box where hope prolongs suffering). It is entirely possible or not that what Games Workshop incorrectly called Hope is more or less but more accurately called selfish Ambition, the sort that would drive people to commit Machiavellian backstabbing, because in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium [[God-Emperor of Mankind|actual selfless Hope]] is pretty much [[Nurgle|a rotting corpse]].

He is or isn't typically the second strongest of the Chaos Gods, however he has advantage over Khorne when it comes to IQ, manipulation and leadership. In canon Chaos God vs Chaos God stories he has the largest number of victories and [[Just As Planned|fewest number of defeats]]. He rarely does things directly and prefers to trick one of the Chaos Gods or their servants into fighting with one another (to the point that one can assume anytime a Chaos God goes to war with another one, he's probably behind it). He got Skarbrand, the then mightiest Bloodthirster, to attack his master. Skarbrand hit with all his strength but only put a chink in Khorne's armor and Khorne got unbelievably, incomprehensibly, all-consumingly pissed and grabbed Skarbrand and threw him so hard that he went sailing in the sky for days before finally crashing into the ground so hard that his wings broke. and whenever Tzeentch gets caught into these antics (most especially by an enraged Khorne) he could simply recite the rules (Yes, Chaos have strange rules) and testify to the circumstances proving that he wasn't responsible. If everyone including the Emperor and the Chaos Gods want to find him guilty for cheating then he will just twist it back to them because he wasn't violating the rules set by the highest authorities in the tabletop: the [[Mod]]s. in other words, Tzeentch is a Cosmic Attorney.

Except that millions of his followers will likely be slaughtered and his faith likely has a new enemy... but Tzeentch, like every Chaos God, is beyond our petty definition of victory and defeat. Which makes the above paragraph idiotically inaccurate, like most of our concepts of reality when the Warp gets involved.
[[File:Tzeentch Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Tzeentch in Warhammer art.]]
Once Tzeentch was the strongest of all the Chaos Gods and basically made the Warp his bitch. In 40k this was actually tied to a Materium time period now known as a Dark Age of Technology - the golden age of prosperity, '''hope''', '''ambition''', and '''progress''', when Humanity and Eldar, who dominated the Galaxy defeated the diseases and poverty with their sophisticated science and sorcery and waged their wars through emotionless constructs and robots - no wonder Tzeentch was supercharged by these events and the other two gods were at their lowest of the lows. Unfortunately for him, he uncharacteristically didn't plan (or is it?) on the other two Chaos gods agreeing to team up against him and was shattered into countless fragments (it was his crystal staff in the old lore). [[Khaine|Unlike a certain other god]], he was able to put himself back together again, but he's still missing several pieces of himself. In Fantasy those pieces went on to become the first magic, and in 40k they caused a massive burst of powerful psykers being born, which combined with a robot rebellion humans experienced and pleasure cults Eldar went into brought the downfall of both civilizations, effectively ending their golden ages. Although, given the nature of gods, it's possible that the cause-consequence chain was the other way around with a war in the Warp being the representation of two great prosperous empires falling from their grace. [[The Blue Scribes]] are tasked with recollecting these fragments. Tzeentch also claims the Realm of Chamon in the [[Age of Sigmar]]. The [[Slann]] managed to create the Halosphere as a passageway to Tzeentch's lair.

Basically, if Chaos wins you better hope (pun!) Tzeentch comes out on top. At least he'll just mess with you if you make convoluted plans because he likes out-smarting you but otherwise will leave you alone and pat you on the head for being smart or something. Those pats may or may not include mutations that may or may not be useful (although you can probably use sorcery to correct it anyway). This is absolutely heavenly compared to literally everyone else.

Tzeentch's sacred number is 9, which under occultism symbolises intergrity and wisdom. It represents natural charisma, being a good leader and selflesness, if blocked it symbolises a negative possessive nature and a lack of direction.

If Tzeentch had a voice actor... Tzeentch would need different ones all the time (or would he?). A good candidate is Aidan “CIA” Gillan, who helpfully can't keep his accent straight for longer than a scene at a time. Q and Garak from Star Trek are also good choices. Especially Q, considering that the character himself is basically just who Tzeentch would be in the Trek universe.

==Elf/Eldar Gods==
In 40k, he was ''seemingly'' the only Chaos God who didn't try to intervene when Slaanesh went on his/her/its "just-born" raping and killing spree as far as we know. But Tzeentch seldom works directly, so there's no way to tell for sure. For all we know he could have been involved in the survival of fellow troll-god [[Cegorach]] or something.

In Warhammer Fantasy, [[Asuryan]] is something of the Road Runner to his Wile E. Coyote. While Tzeentch's flawless and infinitely intricate plans of dickery seem to culminate with the Warp enveloping the world, something always goes wrong at the last minute and usually the High Elves or an ally of the High Elves are at the center of it. That's because Asuryan also has a plan, one he actually shares with mortal [[High Elves]] who take a vow of silence and become his monks. Asuryan's plan is NOT flawless however, and culminates in one giant last battle with a 50% chance of success or fail on his behalf between "good" (Order) and "evil" (Destruction). The outcome of that battle will decide if the Chaos Gods win or lose once and for all. Apparently, dragons will go extinct either way though. It turns out that his plan [[The End Times|didn't work out]].
Tzeentch also has direct relations with [[Morai-Heg]] who is a goddess of prophesy who can actively change fate at her will. Morai-Heg is a True Neutral kind of being who fucks with everyone's plans in ways that end up with them indebted to her one way or another. Usually because she manipulates things in a way to force you to come to her to undo the change she already made (you don't know she did this in the first place) and make a third result, which someone else probably asked for due to a change someone else made and...well, let's just summarize it as "''Everyone's plans are all going according to plan''".

==[[Just as planned]]...==
Tzeentch will always be '''at least''' three steps ahead of you; he out-dicks [[Eldrad]], [[Cegorach|The Laughing God]], both [[Sigmar|God]] [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprahs]] (though just barely in regard to the second one...a fact he likes), and the [[C'tan|Deceiver]] hands down. Just an example: He tricked [[Slaanesh]] into provoking [[Khorne]], a fight she promptly lost. Why did he do it? He did it for fun...and as a favor for a friend. Though considering what turns Slaanesh on, she might not have been tricked... or perhaps Tzeentch planned around Slaanesh planning to pretend to be tricked.

Just [[The Game (Tzeentch)|don’t mention]] [[Creed]] around him...or Kitten.

In Warhammer Fantasy, he's notable for never really doing much of anything really (except trapping [[Sigmar]] for years in the Wind of Heaven until Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed and the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death.) His champions either have magical powers or limited ability to see and manipulate the future. Some just follow more charismatic champions of other Chaos Gods into battle, although when that champion inevitably falls Tzeentch's almost always survive to mutate another day. The setting's China equivalent, [[Cathay]], has wizards actively stealing Tzeentch's magic and using its effects to affect the world with greater power than normal magic can. They do this entirely without worshiping him or suffering Chaos mutations or taint (according to the fluff, they do worship Tzeentch, they just know him by another name and don't know his true nature... this is most likely a reference to Daoism and ''Yi Jing'', the Book of Change). Clearly Tzeentch mostly just focuses on 40k while the other three Chaos Gods play two tables at once (or maybe Tzeentch is lulling the Cathayans into a false sense of security...).

In AoS he seems a little more involved, but not by much, he manages to corrupt entire civilizations (one who is Greek themed appropiatly for the Lord of "I am very smart") who loved phylosophy just as much as they loved backstabbing each other, creates the infamous "Silver Towers" in witch the first AoS Warhammer Quest game revolved around (and was subsecuently destroyed by Be'lakor and his maquinations), has conquered 90% of the realm of Change and Metal, Chamon, (again until Be'lakor got involved and pretty much fucked the realm with his chaos clouds and now he rules it)and probably has the most competent subject under his rule, Valium Maliti, a changeling who designed an industrial nightmare of a city in the realm of Alarielle and the Sylvaneth just so they can get into more conflict, while his machinations still have not reached his 40K levels, he is at least as engaged as Khorne, though they are both behind Nurgle, and ironically, the three of them are behind the now imprisioned Slaanesh, who is far more involved into AoS, you know with the whole getting imprisioned thing.

The funny thing is, Tzeentch's plots will never come to true fruition. They just go on and on, forever and ever, twisted and tangled for the sheer joy of it with no end goal or even a purpose behind them. Tzeentch is a god of ''chaos'', and a plan satisfied, tied up, finished, is a plan that has left his purview. There is no victory, no defeat, no end. Ends are stagnation, [[Nurgle|the opposite of all he represents]]. [[Games Workshop|There will only be the endless clatter of dice in]] [[Warhammer 40K|the mad, cruel games the gods play with the fates and souls of men]]. Rolled without end, amen. In this sense, Tzeentch truly is the Chaos God of hope because he will never allow Chaos to defeat the mortal plane if he can- at least, not if it doesn't lead to further changes. While most everyone else plays to win, Tzeentch plays for fun, for as long as he can. In older fluff, Tzeentch was also the Chaos God of magic and intellect, so if anyone wanted Tzeentch to win, they just had to make a clever plan that would further Tzeentch's goals and pull it off, increase the amount of magic in the world or become a wizard (so technically everytime a [[Storm of Magic|Storm of Magic]] happens would be a victory for Tzeentch), [[Matt Ward|though GW has downplayed that aspect of him]], or maybe he's just trying to appear more menacing, who knows.

Possibly the god of "I meant to do that", "I was just pretending to be retarded," and "we can still make this work...".

==Followers==
Tzeentch's followers tend to be Librarians/wizards, Sorcerers, nerds, psykers/magical beings, unstable mutants, and red-nosed misfits, but instead of [[Nurgle]]'s "I love you just for who you are," Tzeentch encourages his followers to [[/tg/|revel in what makes them dweeb outcasts]] and go even further, constantly finding new ways to push limits and try things out just because they can. It's not enough that you've made this former Guardsman loyal, harder and better, faster and stronger, you could also fit another three arms on the guy, and if you added a head on his pelvis he would never be surprised, and he can't talk anymore so why not replace his larynx with a flamer sac? [[Chaos Spawn|Whereas other Chaos Gods accidentally pour too much love into their subjects]] (Slaanesh quite literally), Tzeentch does it on purpose because he actually knows what he's doing when he does so.

* Tzeentch Daemons are:
** '''[[Pink Horrors]]''': Ever-shifting gleeful balls of psychic rape. Really powerful ones are Heralds of Tzeentch. Courtesy of sixth edition 40k, these guys are now brotherhood of sorcerers, and a blob of 16 or more horrors can cast 3 spells per turn, and since they're daemons of Tzeentch they test on Ld10. Unfortunately, all the powers they have are '''FUN*'''. 8th edition Fantasy sees them as a blob of level 1 wizards who can't miscast, which are fun due to the randomness of them but aren't really competitive. The best-known of these is a being called the Changeling, who has the ability to transform into any being it wants, usually for the purposes of wreaking havoc behind enemy lines (although it has also been known to do so for pulling pranks as well, like planting Nurglings on the Skull Throne just as Khorne is about to sit down or cutting Slaanesh's hair while he/she/it sleeps). Apparently it's changed its form so many times it doesn't even remember what it originally used to look like.
** '''[[Horror#Blue_Horror|Blue Horrors]]''': When you kill a pink horror, it splits into 2 tiny, manic-depressive blue horrors. In 40k it just means your pink horrors hit back at S2 every time you kill one in close combat, which is kind of useless. Why are your horrors in close combat anyway? The Fantasy version of them are summonables that enter onto the field when the magic lore of Tzeentch sees a spell cast very well (since your Pink Horrors cannot miscast, throwing a fuckload of dice into a spell to produce more Blue Horrors is nifty). They're pretty weak though anyway, which is what keeps full Tzeentch armies from really being viable. A particularly notable pair of Blue Horrors are P'tarix and Xirat'p, also known as [[The_Blue_Scribes | Blue Scribes]]. Tzeentch sent them out to catalog every single magic spell in reality, knowing that they weren't smart enough to know how easily abused the power of said spells might be. Finally fixed in Age of Sigmar as they're now just weaker pink horrors that you place two when a pink horror dies.
*** '''[[Horror#Brimstone_Horrors|Brimstone Horrors]]''': Also known as Yellow Horrors. Recently added in Age of Sigmar and 40k, oddly never mention until now since three is a running theme for Tzeentch. When a Blue Horror dies they turn into a pair of angry little fire daemons.
** '''[[Flamers_of_Tzeentch|Flamers]]''': like Horrors but less limb-y and way more mouths to breathe fire with. Also, this fire is S4 AP4. If you inflict wounds on a unit they have to take a toughness test, and if they fail they suffer D3 wounds with no saves allowed. On the other hand, if they pass the toughness test [[FAIL|they get feel no pain (6+) which can stack if they keep passing.]]. They're the main Daemon ranged option in Warhammer Fantasy, although they're pretty close range. Best used to shotgun an enemy right in the flank while it's engaged with something from one of the other Chaos Gods in melee. ''Just as planned'', right there in the crunch.
** '''[[Screamers of Tzeentch]]''': the Tzeentchian notion of cavalry; levitating manta rays with buzzsaw fins. Also melta-teeth for some reason. In Fantasy they function as chaff by harassing units and weakening them (with great luck killing something important like a mage) or [[DISTRACTION_CARNIFEX |forcing them to devote a turn killing them and thus leaving that unit open to whatever other Daemons you brought]].
***'''Jet Screamers''': screamers that are really fast, Gold colored, and capable of shooting magic missles, and can teleport limited distances...so basically space cliffracers, (though the don't make any annoying sounds, every 5 seconds). very rarely seen, (tzeentch reserves them from combating other chaos gods), and those who see them even more rarely come out intact.
** '''[[Burning Chariots of Tzeentch]]''': One-man vehicles for heralds of Tzeentch or Exalted Flamers, which are like flamers but... exalted. In 40k this is where the AP2 Tzeentch Flame attack went after Flamers got a buff (but it's assault D3, for optimal '''FUN*''', and it also has a S5 AP3 torrent attack. These both follow the same warpflame rules as flamers do, but they also won't be leaving so many survivors so it's not as big a deal. Fantasy sees them as the surprise buttsecks machine, once again tearing through an enemy that's engaged with something else. Like Tzeentch's architectural styles though it's a glass cannon that WILL break if damn near anything short of an anemic [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] peasant orphan with a cold attacks it.
** '''[[Lord of Change|Lords of Change]]''': huge birdlike sorcerers that look like a [[Furry|werewolf's in-between state, only it's a werevulture-snake-velociraptor...thing]] (So, a Skeksis from Dark Crystal?). They have the power to predict the future at any given time so they're almost invincible, unless Tzeentch wants them to die, which going by all the times Tzeentchian Chaos Daemon and Thousand Sons armies lose, happens surprisingly often. They're the best non-named spellcaster available to Daemons in Fantasy. Chief among their number is Tzeentch's right-hand daemon [[Kairos Fateweaver]], who was gifted the ability to know everything that will ever happen (along with a second head). It's said that he knows the answers to all questions, but if you ask him, [[Troll|both heads give contradicting answers, with no way of knowing which head is telling the truth]], just [http://www.wobblymodelsyndrome.com/comic-80.html Don't ask him his name]. (Then again, there's nothing saying it's the same one lying every time.) So, ask them what your name is first so you know which one is telling the truth.
* Tzeentch's Chaos Marines come with an [[Thousand Sons|Egyptian motif]], and plenty of psykers and Sorcerers. Aside from that Tzeentchian marines are usually warband leaders, their advisors or prominent ambitious champions wishing to become one. Many of them hold their dedication to the Architect in secret, if only to keep their advantage of god's favor over other marines - ambition after all is the big deal for them. Fully Tzeentchian warbands do exist, but they are usually comprised of either complete madman who hear voices, see futures, hear all the lies in the world (simultaneously), can shape-shift or mutate at will or have some other mind-blowing (sometimes literally) "gifts" from the Architect, or body-less drones commanded by extremely powerfull mages, and a few elite commandos armed with psychicly reloading flame bolters (he values quality over quantity). It helps that Tzeentch is likely based on the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. (also known as Jehuty who has been called a death god by some...)
** FYI, Tzeentch is always looking for [[Soul Drinkers|ways to convert more marines.]]
* Tzeentch's [[Warriors of Chaos|viking followers]] are usually the outcasts and elders of the tribes of the Norsemen rather than being a united group. They like to rock the "evil wizard" look with hooded cloaks and sacrificial daggers to compliment their tentacles and 3 faces on one head.
* He also has a presence in [[Cathay]], and is the only Chaos god who is interested in this country. Cults of Tzeentch are the royal pain in the collective asses for all members of Dragon family and is their biggest threat.
*In AoS, his mortal worshippers are the [[Tzeentch Arcanite]]s. They hide in the cities of Sigmar and Order, slowly amassing power and influence, before rising up in a spectacular display of both Just as Planned and fiery mutated goodness.

==Total War: Warhammer 3==
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Be'lakor and get to Ursun. If you never were a big fan of Tzeentch before, crack your knuckles and prepare to load, load and load some more as his realm is the epitome of randomness. There are portals everywhere, and each one has a chance of taking you to the island where you fight his daemon prince; prepare for mental exhaustion as you roll the dice time and again praying you get to the right island. However, there is a small trick you can do: take pencil and paper or a notepad app and calculate and document which portals you go through and where they take you. Eventually you'll find the right portal to fight Tzeentch's prince, though it will still come down to a healthy dosage of luck. May the odds be in your favor!

Unlike the other gods he doesn't appear at random during his survival battles but his (many) eyes constantly watch from above.

Mechanically, Tzeentch's big gimmick is a barrier that all his mortal and daemonic followers get. It regenerates quickly, but only if the unit goes long enough without getting attacked. This encourages Tzeentch armies to be constantly cycling in and out of combat to regenerate the barrier, and his cavalry and anti calvary units are basically invincible, since getting your cav units in a protracted fight is suicide. Tzeentch also has access to a Teleport stance, which allows you to ignore terrain in the campaign map and guarantee a successful ambush if you use it to attack an enemy, which is something even the Skaven can't manage.

==Facts==
*Sly Marbo is the only person that Tzeench cannot control. That and Creed, that sneaky fucker, who is currently holding a gun to my {{BLAM}}.

* The name Tzeentch was originally going to be "Thence" of Change (which is a six letter anagram of Tzeentch) the TZ was latter added and the name reworked at the suggestion of [[John Blanche]] returning from holiday in Tanzania, where he saw a blue feathered bird performing tricks at the request of a tribal priest named Tuz Tuz.

* Tzeentch is likely inspired by the Ancient Egyptian god Thoth. Thoth was the bird-headed god of writing, science and magic; remember what Tzeentch's Greater Daemons look like.

* Tzeentch explained Chaos to a group of mathematicians. The ones who didn't go insane or start worshipping him came up with Chaos Theory.

* Tzeentch's favorite author changes from time to time. Some of his recurring favorites are Niccolo Machiavelli, Charles Darwin and Michael Crichton.

* A little-known fact: Tzeentch is anon.

* Tzeentch was responsible for the Great Depression and the 2008 financial crisis. Also, the First Gulf War? That was him too.

* Tzeentch does it for the lulz.

* Tzeentch is surprizingly good friends with Doomguy, due to the fact that Doomguy thinks most of his plans are hilarious, and he follows him...also for the lulz. (he got bored of "cleaning out" the Citadel of Brass every day and wanted a change).

* You know when your first puppy died? <s>Tzeentch did that too</s> it might have been Slaanesh.

* Tzeentch (much like [[Sly Marbo]]) knows and sees everything; thusly, he sees you masturbate and knows what fantasies you're having. And he laughs at you (again, much like [[Sly Marbo]]).
** Slannesh used to pay him “good money,” to tell you what you masturbate to, but an "agreement" with Khorne made him stop accepting bribes. (he only took it because Doomguy told him it would further their plans).
* Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because of an incident involving Doomguy’s friend Valen’s son being turned into a meat puppet for his and the C'tan's [[Doom|Earth invasion plan]]. The fact that Khorne is very easy to string along is a good bonus.

* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because Slaanesh's desire for a new high makes him/her/it very easy to string along, and also because it makes khorne laugh.

* Starscream is a servant of Tzeentch; he's got a huge amount of ambition. Too bad that Tzeentch won't let him succeed until he actually forms a plan instead of just saying "I am the new leader!" if Megatron so much as sneezes.

* Tzeentch is the god of hope among other things, yet he's a lot less friendly than the god of despair. Probably because most every being in the universe has had their fair share of despair and has learned to cope with it, while hope tends to show up just before you get ground into the dirt again. When the Despair-god comes knocking, you open a bottle and sigh, when the hope god shows up, you immediately wonder how you're going to get raped this time.

* Tzeentch has only ever truly lost to two beings: Creed and a [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|little kitten wearing a silver banana armour]].

* Tzeentch is a very morky god due to the fact he could set in motion a string of events that could lead to a lasgun in the back of the head when you aren't looking.

* Tzeentch is the <s>only</s> first contestant to ever be banned from entering Deal or No Deal after winning $1,000,000 9 times in a row.

* During their early days, Tzeentch once put on a magic show for the 3 other Chaos Gods. Among the 3, Khorne asked Tzeentch how he made Nurgle's Plaguefather disappear and reappear beside Slaanesh before their very eyes, which Tzeentch refused to tell and responded with "A good magician never reveals his tricks.", which caused Khorne to burn with unfathomable rage. <s>To this day</s> for over 50,000 years, Khorne had extremely low tolerance for magic users and psykers, which became evident when the [[World Eaters]] killed all their Psykers when they defected to Chaos. Like always, Tzeentch just said "Just as planned".
**Khorne has accutally relaxed this tendency after watching one of Tzeentch's chosen warriors [[awesome|light his sword on fire with his psychic powers]]. the fact that said warrior was Doomguy may have helped a bit...he still hates Zaraphiston though.

* Tzeentch is slightly pissed over the fact how his only representation in DoW are the Pink Horror daemons and the Chaos Sorcerer, unlike Khorne who gets Berzerkers, Chaos Marines chant "Skulls for the Skull Throne!" on attack and how he got an epic unit, the "Bloodthirster" and the fact that he has two Chaos Lords dedicated to him and the fact that his legion shows up in Winter Assault as one of the primary opponents, Khorne then goes on to get Bloodletters, Bloodcrushers, The Chaos Lord, who is the best damn commander in the game (though the Warboss has funnier dialogue) in DoW II, while in contrast, he's stuck with the sorcerer and his marines aren't even Rubrics. Still, better than Slaanesh, who only ever got the Emperor's Children default color scheme throughout the entire series. But now Slaanesh is getting Noise Marines in Retribution, which are sorta like SM Plasma Cannon Devastators. All Tzeentch gets are marks for certain units, which turns everyone of them into tank/infantry raping death machines, especially the generic marines.

* However, in DOWII, Tzeentch is still reveling in the fact how he got [[Scott McNeil]] to voice the generic Chaos Sorcerers again. '''HOWEVER!!!''', the Sorcerer's voice then became more soft, monotonous and unenthusiastic, which '''GREATLY''' angered Tzeentch.

* Tzeentch appears to be GW's least favorite of the Chaos Gods, his units tend to be the worst out of the four Chaos Gods, his stuff gets the least amount of attention, and the least amount of fluff written for him. Hell, there's often cases where despite magic/psykic powers being his specialty, Nurgle and/or Slaanesh give a better selection than he does. (Except for Age of Sigmar, where he's really good.) Arguably not true since 8th given how often Arhiman is used in Chaos armies and Magnus being the best of the Primarchs currently out.

* Some people play chess with reality and manipulate events and people like chess pieces, others play pool/billiards with it, moving things along like a cue ball and cue stick, others play poker with the universe, bluffing and cajoling things to receive favorable outcomes, other play roulette with the cosmos, making all the little movements needed for that lucky roll. But Tzeentch, Tzeentch does it all at once in the nightmarish game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]], or PBVRFDHCSP a game that only a true master of dickery and the ability to perceive the past, future, and present can really play without looking like a massive tool.

* Every Saturday night, Tzeentch gets together with the [[C'tan|the Deceiver]], [[Cegorach]], and the [[Emperor]] for a rousing game of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]]. The sheer amount of dickery and [[JUST AS PLANNED]] that goes on during these games is so vast that if you were to watch one of these games, your head would 'asplode into a shower of [[Necrons]], [[Daemon|Daemons]], [[Eldar]], and [[Space Marine|SPESS MEHREENS!]]. Even Khorne is afraid to watch one of these games for fear of his head's un...asplodedness... Nobody ever wins though, (mainly because the Emperor take too long on his turns). Creed was banned from these tournaments after infiltrating queens into the games and somehow rigging the roulette tables beforehand one too many times.

* Tzeentch's favorite characters in Mortal Kombat are Quan Chi, Shinnok and Shang Tsung. Though Tzeentch favors Quan Chi more than the other two due to him being (arguably) the most manipulative bastard in all of Mortal Kombat. Hell, he is mostly responsible for almost all the events that happened. In fact, Quan Chi is considered the most untrustworthy character in all of Mortal Kombat considering that he has chronic backstabbing disorder, constantly lies and never fulfills his promises.

* Tzeentch's favorite Black Library novel is "A Thousand Sons". This is mostly because he relishes over the fact that he is such a magnificent bastard for all the things he did in said novel.

* Tzeentch created [[C.S. Goto|C.S. Multilazor]] to specifically troll Khorne's fluff.

* Tzeentch has planned everything you do, even this. Who knows what this article is distracting you from? Tzeentch does because he's why you're here. Woah! Where do you think you're going? You're leaving, eh? 'Just as planned'...

* Tzeentch didn't write this article. But he set in motion [[Just As Planned|every single event]] that contributed to it. Yes. Even this specific author's decision to write this paragraph.

* And this.

* The one place Tzeentch is afraid to go is the Well of Eternity; he believes that it is the beginning and end of the universe. He was wrong, it is where Sly Marbo lives. To find out what was in there, he sent in expeditions of Lords of Change and Horrors but they never came back out. Finally he just grabbed Kairos Fateweaver, his vizier, and threw him in. Due to lots and lots of [[Just as planned]] Fateweaver survived but was horribly disfigured. Marbo slapped himself for letting that one get away and forced himself to keep doing pushups until a planet the size of Jupiter was split in half as self discipline.

* The [[Warcraft]] and Starcraft franchises' existence are both Tzeentch's doing, he is the one that caused GW to turn down Blizzard's initial offer to make an RTS game. When Fateweaver was interrogated about why Tzeentch did that, the lying head dodged the question and the truth telling one said that there was no reason. Or did it.....

* Created Facebook....regretted it instantly but managed to troll the whole planet by making them buy Oculus Rift, no real logic just to fuck up Oculus's release schedule - It worked just as Planned!

* Contrary to what many would assume, Tzeentch is terrible at RTS games because he can never focus on one goal for a long enough period of time to focus on winning, or least that's the reason he claims why he lost at Supreme Commander to an illiterate [[Ork]] that did nothing but hit random keys the entire game.

* Tzeentch claims that [[Snowflame]] was his doing, arguing who else could be insane enough to create such a character. Slaanesh claims that Tzeentch is lying and that Snowflame is his/her/its doing, but Tzeentch points out that Slaanesh is also a liar, meaning that nobody knows who is lying.

* Tzeentch's realm is guarded by a labyrinth that can only be passed by the mad. It was only defeated once, by a little girl with a small black dog, and even Tzeentch doesn't know how because the guardians refuse to discuss it. This is canon.

* Tzeentch invented Scrappy Doo because he was bored.

* Tzeentch was the first being to create the Death Note. Possibly the one who made the idea of it all and gifted this to the Shinigami themselves.

* Since Tzeentch achieves his goals by having his many plans constantly foil each other and benefiting from the fallout of said foiled plans, this makes him one of the few beings who achieves [[Just As Planned]] as a direct consequence of [[Not as Planned]]. Depending on how you think about it, this means Tzeentch could technically be considered a god of both.

* If the Deceiver and Tzeentch battle and the Deceiver wins Tzeentch actually wins in disguise. and vice versa. and this effect is cumulative. therefore an unending cycle of win or don't win is created there are currently over 9000 such cycles in existence

* Tzeentch has a pet cat that is both [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat alive and dead].

* Tzeentch can be or be not defeated with the following train of logic.
:* You: So Tzeentch, you are a god of chaos?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So you would say that you are completely unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: Yes.
:* You: So that means it is predictable that you will be unpredictable?
:* Tzeentch: ...

* Tzeentch is the reason the internet hyperlinks are blue.

* Tzeentch coined the phrase "You activated my trap card".

* Tzeentch created the bug that causes Gandhi to go nuclear in Civilization.

* Greedo shooting first was Tzeentch's doing.

* Tzeentch's favorite Gundam character is Char Aznable, the sheer amount of JUST AS PLANNED that the Red Comet uses put a grin on his face-for a brief moment.

* Tzeentch is the reason the Isekai harem hero was born. He wanted nerds to show off meta knowledge to numerous harem simulations to rub in slaaneshs face that nerds have to use their smarts and wits to get pussy instead of being a rapist or a loser who Slaanesh posses women to have sex with.

* Influenced ''Event Horizon'' to become a prequel to Warhammer 40,000.

==See Also==
*[[Thousand Sons]]
*[[Ballad of the Thousand Sons]]
*[[Thousand Son and Guardswoman]]
*[[The Game (Tzeentch)]]
*[[Rubric Marines]]

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-tzeench.jpg
Image:Just as planned tzeentch.jpg
Image:Tzeentch_lord_of_change.jpg
Image:Tzeentchies.JPG|Tzeentchs followers
File:A_Typical_Sorceror_of_Tzeentch.jpg|A typical sorcerer of Tzeentch.
File:Tzeentchian Cultists.jpg|Pretty much how his cultists operate.
File:TzeentchianDie.gif|Tzeentch's dice change a lot when rolled.
File:TzeentchPinup.jpg|Even your masturbatory habits are just as planned.
Image:Tzeentch's_True_Form.png|This is speculated to be the true appearance of Tzeentch.
Image:1ksons pokeymans.JPG| "I choose ''YOU;'' teach them all that Power demands Sacrifice!!"
File:Tzeentch servant.jpg|Different demon, same thing, or is it? Just as planned!
Image:Tzeentch_mark.png|His Mark. Side effects may include growing extra eyes and rambling about the plans.
Image:Sexualyeti_tzeentch_daemonette.png|A daemonette of Tzeentch drawn by SexualYeti.
Image:69e497e8f2453c415cfc4a91f9e8e20f5eb69fa9.jpg|Lord Tzeentch makes sure all his servents get laid albeit the trick each other and manipulate each other to sleep with one another.
File:R34 Tzeentch 1.png|Tzeentch using the power of boobs and anime.

</gallery>
</center>

{{ChaosGods}}

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category: Disciples of Tzeentch]]

Slaanesh

2023-06-13T23:29:46Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite god/goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN! - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Austin Powers}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor''' (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), '''Shornaal''' (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), '''Sharon''' ( to Cockneys), '''She Who Thirsts, The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Se Nie (色孽), Big Tiddy Goth Prince, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert, Creator of Rule 34''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', '''the Transgender Trashgirl''', '''[[If_the_Emperor_had_a_Text-to-Speech_Device|Xenololi Futanari Vore Garbage]]''', '''the Trap God''', '''Mx. Transition Goals''', '''Mega-Mommy Milkies''', '''the L.G.B.T. (the Liege of Gutter-Brain Thirst)''', '''[[Heresy|Blue Archive's True Creator]]''', '''the Maker of [[Eldar|Knife-Ear]] Fleshlights''', [[Cornholio the Cultist|'''Tiddycaca''']], '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''[[Fall of the Eldar|the]]''' '''''[[Erebus|Other]]''''' '''[[War in Heaven|Other]]''' '''[[Cybernetic Revolt| Other]]''' '''[[Fall of the Eldar|Thing That Ruined Everything]]''', '''the New Guy/Girl/Whatever''', '''literally Satan but add some crab claws''' and 6969 other names.

Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]], sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and her [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' during the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, and decadence eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit; Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself; and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died; in essence they sacrifice others to him/her in order to live. However this isn't done ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics. It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

Slannesh's sacred number is 6 which in occultism symbolises vision and acceptance, it represents beauty, purit, high ideals and a well balanced unselfish disposition. If blocked it can instead symbolise an obstinate, domineering nature and a tendency to be judgemental.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all wary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. In this, Slaanesh treads in on Tzeentch's territory as the Architect of Fate also likes to play muse. But Slaanesh is all Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true, but for elves in general as there is no sign of Aliathra yet.
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to [[Archaon]] in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

The release of the first Daughter of Khaine battletome revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]] - now gods of Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]] - god of Ulgu, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape (in theory). That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the aelf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the elf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh took advantage of it and emitted a stream of saliva (more likely some ''other'' bodily fluid that begins with "S") that gained sentience. The entity followed Morathi out of Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and spoke to Hedonites. It eventually became two demigods called Dexcessa and Synessa, who are filling in for Slaanesh until he/she is freed from Uhl-Gysh. The twins make their first appearance when they try to take advantage of the rampage of the newly awakened god of Earthquakes [[Kragnos]] to conquer the city of Excelsis, a plan which falls flat on its ass when the twins get banished by the actions of a set of witch-hunters and the sacrifice of the local stormcast eternal leader. Be'lakor then approaches the twins in the epilogue of the book and proceeds to throw shade at them for such a lackluster first showing on their part, when they diss him back about fleeing from one Dwarf, Be'lakor points out that the Dwarf was actually a powerful god and tells them to be prepared as the storms of chaos he unleashed by blowing up realmgates are spreading throughout the mortal realms.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and gives them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Proxy|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless led by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Khorne Berzerkers|Berzerkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''': The Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpy#Warhammer|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave whose skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''': Not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gate]]s they are, the more they are like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''': Rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
*'''[[Hellstriders]]''': Warriors of Chaos mounted upon Seeker mounts. Unlike most Chaos Gods, who give daemonic mounts as rewards for their best followers, Slaanesh (or Keepers of Secrets in Age of Sigmar given Slaanesh's imprisonment) gives out Seekers to the weak-willed and lazy looking for a quick path to power. Those who fall for this trap find that although they gain power, they also gain a crippling addiction to the souls of their enemies that quickly results in them losing all pleasure outside of killing. If a Hellstrider is unable to kill, they will quite literally die from withdrawal.

=== [[Age of Sigmar]] ===
* '''Lord of Pain''': BDSM-freak Chaos Lords who are obsessed with giving and receiving pain. Not only does their high pain tolerance make them almost Nurgle-level tough, but they can even reflect their pain back to their enemies.
* '''Shardspeaker of Slaanesh''': Slaaneshi sorcerers who use their magical mirrors to force their enemies to submit to their most shameful hidden desires.
* '''Myrmidesh Painbringers''': The warrior elite of the Hedonites. Myrmidesh Painbringers are unusually chosen for their ability to withstand temptation, denying all carnal pleasures for a single minded focus on perfecting combat and ensuring their enemies die in the most beautiful and painful ways possible.
* '''Symbaresh Twinsouls''': Trying to be a disciplined aescetic warrior while being surrounded by perverted freaks is hard. So it isn't suprising that some Myrmidesh find themselves unable to keep up their eternal No-Nut November and fall off the deep end, allowing their souls to be possessed by daemons. Expectedly, this fusing of daemon and mortal blood makes the Twinsouls a favored unit of [[Syll'Esske]].
* '''Blissbarb Archers''': The dregs of Hedonite warbands excluded from the rush of melee combat. They coat their arrows in the eponymous Blissbarb poison that’s one part aphrodisiac and another part paralyzing agent.
* '''Blissbarb Seekers''': When the aforementioned Archer gets their first taste of steel cutting their skin (and lives to tell about it), they’re likely to become addicted to this feeling and seek to claim a Seeker as their mount in order to chase after this exquisite sensation.
* '''Slickblade Seekers''': Elite Hellstriders with a nasty jealous streak against anyone who dares to steal the killing blow from them. They ride on the unique Exalted Seeker of Slaanesh rather than the stock variant.
* '''Slaangor Fiendbloods''': [[Slaangor]]s are back baby! The shock troopers of the Hedonite hosts, they are venerated by other Slaaneshi followers as physical avatars of the Dark Prince.

[[File:Slaanesh TWW3.png|300px|thumb|right|Slaanesh as he appears during survival battles in Total War: Warhammer 3, not taking kindly those who refuse the temptation events]]

==Total War: Warhammer 3==
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Be'lakor and get to Ursun. Slaanesh's realm is both the easiest and the hardest; the Arch-Temptress lives up to the name and thus while going down the circle, besides fighting various AI armies you will be given scenarios that you can either ignore or play in order to fight Slaanesh's daemon prince. The positives it gives are beyond good - a beyond enormous amount of gold which lets you buy anything you want, increasing Public Order up to 200, really good replacement, and more. However, if you choose to take one of these gifts, you'll be kicked out of the realm and have to wait till it appears again, so steel your heart and march onward while slapping yourself in the face for good measure, and struggle on till you get that soul. Or use the warp portals to teleport to your rivals and use your Slaanesh buffed forces to kneecap them on the world map. Not like they can mount a decent defense when their best army is tooling around in the chaos realms.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of [[Doctor Who|timey wimey]] Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by crisscrossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger; others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines vast beyond counting awaited him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life; he stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a youth possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with vigour. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== The Philosophy of Slaanesh ==
Obviously, a god created from the excess of a society that used to look like [[Dark Eldar|this]] isn't exactly going to be benevolent. It doesn't help that its followers are encouraged to act much more selfishly than the other chaos gods, usually performing horrible deeds for their own self-satisfaction, rather than in the name of a [[Nurgle|community]], [[Khorne|patron]], or [[Tzeentch|greater cause.]] The Dark Prince very much acts as a sort of posthumous reflection of the mindset that prevailed in the age of the Ancient Eldar empire.
However, the few virtuous values it has are the bait for corruption but can be seen more clearly if they are compared to the black magic colour in MTG. Like the other gods, Slaanesh corrupts and distorts it in an extreme and destructive manner, but at its core, Slaanesh values the care and improvement of one's self to the point that you eventually do a 180 and arrogantly assert already being perfect while in reality being a mutated abomination. Part of the reason why the lord of excess is often the weakest Chaos deity is the sheer lack of individuality the average person gets in the 40th-42nd millennium. After all, most being born into the galaxy will find themselves in one of the following:

• [[Imperium|A massive bureaucratic machine that expects you to give your life for a small contribution to its cause without recognition or appraisal]], [[Tau|all the while aggressively discouraging independent thought and expression.]]

• [[Craftworld|The remnants of a dying race that live dry, ascetic lifestyles that'll either end off with a trip to smut hell or purgatory in an unfeeling machine.]]

• [[Tyranid|Or a race genetically incapable of harbouring true independent thought]], [[Ork|save for a few individuals who]] [[Necron|even then have a limited amount of free will.]]

A life spent exclusively in the name of others is a life where you can never hold a passion for a job you love, a hobby you enjoy, or a friendship/relationship you can cherish. It is a life where you can never express yourself through music, art, cuisine or overpriced plastic miniatures, where you’ll never truly discover the type of person you are, as there’ll be simply nothing there to find. Although these sorts of things are the least important things in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, on top of the fact that not everyone needs to create the next Mona Lisa or 5th Symphony, if an individual wants to truly feel content with themselves, they will require some sort of self-actualization at some point in their lives if they wish to truly be happy.

[[Heresy|Or at least, so a Slaaneshite would claim.]]

Slaanesh is the demon of addiction its temptations are more subtle than its foul brethren in a sense it will bait you with your base desires into selfish hedonistic behavior slowly chipping away at your personality untill you end up as a distorted parody of your former self. Fulgrim felt shame for murdering his brother and admired the human form [[fail|now he boasts of his murder and is an aesthetically unpleasing snake thing]].

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* Though Khorne stans and /tg/ will deny it, Slaanesh is secretly the strongest chaos god.
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
*** Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex.
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of McDowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and McDowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, McDowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, McDowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods. He/she lets them do it, and could probably beat them if they tried.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm, which is why she/he ''lets'' Khorne does it).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** ''Hellraiser'': Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** ''A Serbian Film'': Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** ''Pink Flamingos'': Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** ''A Clockwork Orange'': One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm McDowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** ''The Rocky Horror Picture Show'': Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** ''Legend'': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** ''Caligula'': The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm McDowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** ''Eyes Wide Shut'': Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** ''Event Horizon'': A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** ''High Rise'': Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** ''Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom'': Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** ''The Stuff'': A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, [[Tzeentch|cloaca]], [[Tyranids|ovipositor]], [[Isha|stamen, pistil]], and [[Nurgle|pilus]].
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
* Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy. Still, they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
* Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
** Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
** Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
* Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience. So basically a really cerebral ''Hellraiser'' Cenobite.
* Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
** Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
** However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, apart from <s>including</s> Nurgle, who would simply hug his <s>whose</s> female double and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot. <s>would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.</s>
* Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
* Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.
* Slaanesh's deepest, darkest, most perverted and debased desire is to hold hands with someone and have loving [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position]] with lots of cuddling before, during and after - because when you are the embodiment of excess itself, the only truly outrageous thing left is wholesome normalcy.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-slanesh.jpg
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than its boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Giger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:She_Who_Thirsts.jpg|<s>Still lusting after her now?</s> Who Am I kidding, of course we are.

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children.
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
Image:SlaaneshWH3.png|Slaanesh, as depicted in Total War: Warhammer 3 once the skybox filter is removed.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[/d/]]
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Shalaxi Helbane]] Slaanesh main [[Keeper of Secrets]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]] and [[Age Of Sigmar]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]

Nurgle

2023-06-13T23:20:11Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

[[File:220px-Nurgle Symbol.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{sick|He's the god of filth. Of course he's disgusting.}}

[[File:Nurgle.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Get up, come on, get down with the sickness!]]
<div style="font-size:1.10em;font-weight:bold;font-style:bold;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em">{{Topquote|'''NURGLE IS LOVE! NURGLE IS LIFE! ALL PRAISE THE PLAGUE FATHER WITH THE CORPSE OF DEATH!'''|The Pact of Nurgle in a Nutshell}}</div>
{{Topquote|Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host and then a master?|Kahlil Gibran}}
{{Topquote|To me death is not a fearful thing. It's living that's cursed.|Jim Jones}}
{{Topquote|Behold the floral magnificence of Nurgle. Budding flowers of flesh growth, the tessellating landscapes of mould spore. There is no beauty to the unadorned. Nurgle is first and foremost an artist. Tzeentch, he is a mere mischief maker, and young Slaanesh no more than a libertine. Let us not even begin with the linear, narrow-minded aggression of Khorne.|Opsarus "the Crow", [[Plague Marine]] Captain, Champion of Nurgle}}
{{Topquote|If everything is shit, why worry about it?|Unknown Wehrmacht Soldier}}
{{Topquote|These germs of disease have taken toll of humanity since the beginning of things--taken toll of our prehuman ancestors since life began here. But by virtue of this natural selection of our kind we have developed resisting power; to no germs do we succumb without a struggle. . . By the toll of a billion deaths man has bought his birthright of the earth, and it is his against all comers; it would still be his were the Martians ten times as mighty as they are. For neither do men live nor die in vain.| H.G Wells, ''War of the worlds''}}

'''The total "wet weight" of humanity on [[Terra]] (ca. 020.M3 anyway) is 7.33×1011 kg.

'''The total weight of bacteria, 9.9×1011.

'''Facts.'''

{{BLAM|Facts? Nay... HERESY!}} {{BLAM}}

==Introduction==

WARNING: HE'S FUCKING GROSS!!! And often used as a verb for busting a squat (by which we do not mean inflicting violence on a [[Squat]]) in the bathroom stall. Example: “Hang on, I gotta go Nurgle.”

Required listening: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uor4IrNN0N4

https://youtu.be/MzMshNafGFs

The unholy combination of your loving grandfather and Santa, if all he gave you were plagues, and every day was Christmas. Just shaking hands with him is probably a good way to catch... well, ''everything'', probably. All at once.

'''Nurgle''', also known as '''Nurgleth, Neiglen, Onogal, Nurglitch, Lord Leech, the Plague Lord, the Plaguefather, the Lord of Death and Decay, the Lord of Pestilence, the Fly Lord, the Great Corruptor, Grandfather Nurgle, Na Gou (纳垢), A Supernatural Garbage Bag, the Almighty COVIDiot, Papa/Grandpa Nurgle, the Ebola Emperor, the Collective Asscrack of Fa/tg/uys Everywhere, Your Mom, the Patron God of Anti-Vaxxers, the Champion of Contagion, That One Guy Who Plays Nothing But Plague Inc. Every Day, Pus in Boots, the Intergalactic Fatass, [[TV Tropes|Squick]] Incarnate, the Omniscent Basement Dweller, Never Took A Shower, The Gutbuster Reaper''' and 7738 other names, is the god of misunderstood sick fucks ([[Slaanesh|no, not ''those'']], we mean ''literally'' sick) and all [[disease]]s. Nurgle is primarily the god of despair, stagnation, death, decay, and (in a way) entropy signifying the end of things in the material realm (though this is technically a position he shares with [[Tzeentch]], something that '''both of them''' question and hate). Nurgle can be considered the god of everything, because no matter how permanent anything may seem, it will always eventually wither and decay in the end. While death is inevitable, sapient creatures will also fight against it with all available power, even to the point where they'd bargain with the Gods of the Warp to flip death the [[Lord of Change|bird]]. While some may turn to Tzeentch (or [[Nagash]]), only the children of Grandfather Nurgle transcend the feeble divisions between life and death, achieving true immortality (or at least unnatural resilience and eventual rebirth as [[Plaguebearer]]s).

An alternate way to interpret him is simply as the god of life, but life in all it's forms, including pathogens. Mostly pathogens...

We get an actual description of his appearance in the Age of Sigmar novel, Hallowed Knights Plague Garden: [[Awesome| "Through the ragged shroud of smoke, Gardus saw what lay below the Inevitable Citadel, at the heart of Nurgle’s garden. Almost immediately, he closed his eyes and turned away, unable to bear it. It was impossible to describe. Impossible to comprehend. To his eyes, it was a wallowing swamp of black stars and dying worlds, of rotting galaxies alive with immense, writhing shapes as large as nebulas. Cosmic maggots, gnawing at the roots of infinity. Galactic plagues, eating away at the very flesh of existence, reducing all that was to leprous ruin in their unending hunger. It was a dark mirror of Azyr, corrupted, reduced, strangled. All glory vanished, all hope quashed. A thunder of screams echoed upwards, driving him back. A million million voices, raised up in anguish and despair. Forever crying out for that which would never come. Down below, something began to crawl out of the black heart of that cancerous infinity. It was no shape, and all shapes. Fat and thin, a plume of smoke, a puddle of oil, spreading ever upwards. There were eyes in the smoke, as round as cold, dead suns, and teeth that stretched in a grin as wide as the horizon. Fingers like comets clutched at the void, as the Lord of All Things stirred from his manse, and began the long, arduous climb to his garden. Moons crumbled beneath that impossible bulk, and stars were snuffed out."]] '''DAMN.'''

Nurgle is also the god of other stoic emotions, such as: empathy, kinship, happiness, struggle, love, tradition, inevitability, mercy and memory. While Tzeentch seeks to twist fate and change reality, Nurgle teaches to accept entropy and rot and persevere despite it, with solace and happiness. His followers will vigorously spread the joyous teachings of Papa Nurgle and if those living fleshbags won't listen, they'll be shown all the pleasant ways for them to experience the unending cycle of death and rebirth.

In occultism, Nurgles sacred number 7 symbolises trust and openess. It represents a desire to learn, having a scientific outlook and tendency towards perfection, which fits Nurgle and his servants desire to learn about plauges, attempts to create new ones and refining them. If blocked a persons characteristics trends towards aloofness and a sarcastic and derisory nature.

In the [[1984]]-esque cold grimdarkness of outer space, where life sucks and everyone's a dick, Nurgle cares. And he loves you. He brings you family, love and the time to embrace that love fully and become one with it. He accepts you for who you are, as long as you stay that way. Also don't wash, don't shave, don't change your underwear. You're great the way you are. He knows that you have been abandoned by your past lovers, friends and family. He knows that you need the feeling of belonging, security and stability in your life. He will embrace you if you trust him to bring you an eternal, painless existence. Just ignore the pus and the smell coming from the forming folds inside and outside your body.

Nurgle's chosen champions are the Warriors of Chaos/Plague Marines, who have willingly accepted his myriad diseases and let him turn them into shambling, bloated zombie-like carrions that no longer feel any pain. The nature of Nurgle is that anyone suffering from one of his plagues is counted as one of his worshipers, and he'll grant Chaos blessings freely to them.

In 40k, he saved the Eldar goddess [[Isha]] from [[Slaanesh]], to become his Poxfulcrum (a guinea pig for Nurgle's concoctions, who can't be killed by them) and wife. Slaanesh is still upset and doesn't really like Nurgle for that. [[Cake|Nowadays, Nurgle and Isha live as a happy couple in Nurgle's Garden somewhere in the Warp. Nurgle likes to cook, and Isha is always eager to taste his stewings]].

In Fantasy, Nurgle kept the human goddess [[Shallya]] captive as his Poxfulcrum, until she was rescued by Dante Alighieri ([[Kaldor Draigo]]), and two Elves, with the second (a female) taking Shallya's place. In Age of Sigmar he becomes fixated on [[Everqueen|Alarielle]] and her [[Dryad]] daughters.

Generally speaking he's the third most powerful Chaos God after [[Khorne]] and [[Tzeentch]], respectively. All the chaos gods have their power wax and wane, but Nurgle's strength is the most subject to change. His power waxes during great plagues and times of great despair, decay, stagnation and when individuals let go of their ambitions. He becomes less influential during periods of great hope, change, evolution and when cures for his plagues are found, as well when individuals give in to their ambitions. During an especially big plague and/or period of stagnation (even more so than is usual for Warhammer any way, excluding GW's own stagnation of the story-line (as well as their business), which would in theory make him the strongest god, but as soon as this is acknowledged, things would no longer be stagnant, just as Tzeentch had planned), decay and despair, he can temporarily become the mightiest chaos god and his realm will encroach upon the realms of the other Chaos Gods and the neutral (Undivided, Law or unaligned) parts of the Warp. But as all power in the Warp is in constant change due to the life in the material realm being what it is, events that fuel his burst of power will eventually end and he will return to the position of being in the third place.

Ironically, he's easily one of the most successful of the Chaos Gods in Fantasy, having had the champion sworn to him specifically, rather than Chaos Undivided, get closest to claiming the Throne of Chaos, and having contributed the most to the End Times.

Nurgle is hero of all fa/tg/uys; ripe, fat and smelly! Other than being bloated, living corpses filled with wriggling vermin, Nurgle followers have other iconic traits: singular or triple eyes arranged in a triangle, long tongues or insectoid appearances, singular horns, and ringing bells. They usually paint their armor in snotty greens, dookie browns, or biley yellow. Most often greens, though. As can be expected, of all the Chaos Gods, Nurgle is the most likely to corrupt [[Orcs & Goblins]]/[[Orks]]. As if those sons of bitches couldn't get any tougher...

And then he was permanently injured by Emperor possessing Guilliman and got his garden burned down in Godblight.

==The Philosophy of Nurgle==

Nurgle's underlaying Philosophy is that you should leave things as they are. Why change the world? The world is perfect in its flawed state. Why improve yourself? You're perfect just the way you are. No don't bathe, don't try to loose that extra weight, don't move from that spot. You are perfect just the way you are.

Nurgle therefore creates an endless cycle of entropy where emotions and feelings are self-perpetuating, and constantly feeding on themselves instead of letting you get out of them. Rather than trying to overcome these desires, you end up allowing them to continue in perpetuity, in that you are not proactive to combat them, and so let them fester and stew.

Essentially, Nurgle is about justifying taking that path of least resistance, like a corrupted idea of Taoism or Traditionalism that halts any and all progress in favor of a macabre fatalism about the universe. After all, if all things are destined to end through destruction and entropy, why waste the time to build them to begin with? Why try to improve anything at all if it will inevitably all be for naught?

You can see why such negative ways of thinking would be prevalent in settings like 40k, Fantasy, or AoS, where conditions tend to be-quite frankly-shit at the best of times, whether it be the high mortality of the brutal conditions in the never-ending imperial war machine, or the horrible conditions your average empire commoner lives in with over-populated and dense cities, enclosed within tight and claustrophobic walls to keep out the roaming bands of rogue undead, cantankerous beastmen, pillaging orks, or the myriad other creatures that seek to end your existence, the depressive spiral of the world you're living is likely to fuel these emotions eventually, and lead to bad lines of logic.

Nurgle, therefore, embodies a sort of toxic positivity: an underlying ethos of amor fati that rather than trying to futilely change yourself or others, or trying to prevent what is inevitable, you should instead embrace it whole-heartedly and let it consume you. All your thoughts and feelings must be valid. All the bitterness, loneliness, anger, resentment, depression, sadness, joyfulness...They're all completely justified. And he will love you regardless of it, just as he loves all living things unconditionally. In fact, he loves them so much he'll fill you full of as much life as you can carry in the form of disease, until you're numb to all feeling except for the emotions you had to begin with.

Or at least, so a Nurglite would claim.

==Papa Nurgle's Forces==
[[File:Nurgle Old.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Nurgle in Warhammer art, back when an obvious phallic symbol as a sigil was nothing to be sneezed at (except by Nurgle himself, if this picture is any indication).]]

* '''[[Great Unclean Ones]]''' - Greater Daemons with great sense of humor and a jolly split belly ready to jiggle with laughter. These merry guffaws make their entrails dangle from their open festering wounds, which Nurglings and Beasts love to jump up and down on and play with. You can smell the tangy perfume of ruptured boils, and it's said Nurgle himself is kind enough to coat their swords in the contagion of his own throne! What a swell chap; never too high and mighty to help his followers!
* '''[[Beast of Nurgle|Beasts of Nurgle]]''' - These are ''the'' puppydogs you asked Santa for! Complete and equipped with wagging tails, a long tongue to lick you in the face, the scampering excitement of youth, a slug-like texture and paralytic toxins!! If they get a little too excited they might piddle corrosive acid! Become a stalwart Nurgle follower and get one today!
* '''[[Rot Fly]]''' - Beasts of Nurgle who have become bitter and have transformed into a giant insect. Typically ridden by Plaguebearers into battle.
* '''[[Plaguebearers]]''' - Reincarnated souls of Nurgle's followers or the victims that fell to Nurgle's Rot. Nurgle is so generous that the gift of Daemonhood isn't just for Daemon Princes! They look like the bloated corpses of the drowned, but instead of water, they swell with pus and black bile. They are typically surrounded with swarms of buzzing flies, who make the plaguebearers much more complicated targets of shooting attacks. Really love to share their gifts. Their arms are made for hugging!
* '''[[Nurgling]]s''' - look like a tiny child's toy versions of Nurgle himself. They are CYOOOT and every Nurgle trooper wants the "shlorp, pitter, drip" of a pet Nurgling of their own, which is great because Nurglings can grow inside the skin of any Nurgle worshiper: the more plagued you are, the more likely you are to be "pregnant" with a few or more of these cute buggers at any given time.
* '''[[Poxwalkers]]''' - Mortals infected by Walking Pox and perhaps representing the transitional stage before one becomes a Plaguebearer after succumbing to Papa Nurgle's blessings. They are basically demon-powered zombies, shambling forward slowly and carrying only improvised melee weapons.
* '''[[Plague Marines]]''' - mostly consist of members of the [[Death Guard|Fourteenth Legion]], although a substantial number of the [[Black Legion|Sixteenth Legion]] are now also "blessed" with Papa Nurgle's gifts. As Astartes who are immune to pain and minor injuries, these guys are particularly difficult to kill.
* '''Plaguetouched Warbands''' - [[Warriors of Chaos]] who worship Nurgle, 'nuff said.
*'''[[Nurgle Rotbringers]]''' - His mortal servants in Age of Sigmar.
** Putrid Blightkings - Plaguetouched who are blessed with a living rot by Nurgle via his Daemonflies. Many have lost their internal organs and either constantly give birth to Nurglings or use it as a fungus-infested storage space (much like refrigerators in student corridors) or a place for hanging bells.
** Pusgoyle Blightlords - Elite Putrid Blightkings who have been given the right to ride a Rot Fly into battle.
** Harbingers of Decay - more corpses than men who ride from settlement to settlement spreading Nurgle's plagues.
** Rotbringers - the Wizards of Nurgle.
** Maggoth Lords - Blightkings who are particularly favored by Nurgle and are granted giant eyeless ogre-like Daemons with gaping maws called Pox Maggoths to ride.
** Feculent Gnarlmaw - Daemon-trees from the Garden of Nurgle that pop up in the wake of Nurglite incursions.

==Anecdotes about Nurgle==
[[Image:Nurgle_hug.JPG|thumb|Grandfather Nurgle loves all of his Children.]]
*About a year ago, I was out having a few drinks with the bois, when in walks Nurgle. He bought drinks for everyone in the bar. When we were all too hammered to drive home, he loaded us all up in his old Mazda 96 and bused us around town until we all made it back home. And when that cop pulled us over and tried to make trouble, Nurgle boiled his eyes out of his anus. Nurgle is a great guy.

*Me and Nurgle were going to go see this movie, I can't remember the name, and we were passing through the bad part of this Khornate neighborhood. Some fucking bloodletters ran out in front of the car and started denting up the damned thing. Nurgle just sits there, waiting for them to get out of the way, with that big goofy smile on his face. It wasn't until one of them busted my window and tried to drag me out of the car that Nurgle absolutely flips out. Before I know it, the whole road is ground zero for like an army of little black things. I couldn't figure out what they were until the bloodletters start screeching, running around in circles and clawing at their nuts, as their genitals just start exploding, one by one. Nurgle drives off, just wearing a smile. Fucker gave them all a case of super crabs. We laughed all the way to the show. I love Nurgle. He is a pretty fun guy to be around, just like Khârn.

*When I visited the Nurglette's family and met Papa Nurgle, he greeted me at the doorstep, football in hand, wearing an old fuzzy sweater and funny orange slacks, with a big goofy grin that said, "I like you already."

*Y'know, its a good thing in that grimdark universe, with [[Eldar|pointy aliens]] blowing off your limbs, some [[Necron|undead robots]] trying to de-atomize you, the Imperium with its Throne Vegetable for an emperor and the Inquisition trying to [[Exterminatus]] the shit out of everybody, you get to have the most loving family circle ever. Sure, you start to smell a little funny, get a sore here and there, a rash in your ass, but hell, you never ever feel pain or get upset since you no longer fear death, you get to have an immortal, eternal father that spreads joy and gifts all around, with plenty to spare, and a nurglette wife that is most loving and caring, if you can stand her burps and farts. And while you will be the most hideous thing in the universe, what use is appearance and health if everybody else is willing to take it away from you?

*When i was about 7 years old, my mother got diagnosed with lung cancer. After a month or two, her condition became worse and she started to have these random coughing fits and shortly thereafter, she started to cough blood. My father was not allowed to take a loan to try to find a trustworthy and professional (and thus expensive) doctor to set up a recovery program. So my mother decided to just live on pain pills and do as much as possible for our family before her body gave up. Then one day, completely out of nowhere, my mother collapses on the stairs of our home and does not wake up even as we put wet blankets on her face. My father takes the car and immediately drives us to the hospital. The physicians tell us that her body is dying. She is in great pain and there is nothing we can do. As we are standing there, next to her bunk, exhausted from unrest and tears, i see Nurgle standing next to me. Time freezes and the room suddenly fills with a sweet scent, like those white flowers of blooming apple trees. Nurgle has this goofy smile on his face. He reaches down towards my mother and just as i see his finger make contact with her shoulder, she gasps and her face lights up as if she instantly got 20 years younger. She looks so beautiful and innocent, laying there. Nurgle tells me that he is sorry, but for my mother to stop feeling pain, he needs to take her with him. Her goodness, beauty and love will live for ever. As i see my mother's skin darken and fall off, to reveal corrupted and worm-infested flesh, sliding off in heaps to eventually reveal the bones turning into milky paste, i hear her last words: "Thank you...". Nurgle saved my mother and for that, i am eternally thankful. Nurgle is love, Nurgle is life.

==Relationship with other Gods==

* [[Tyranid]] [[Hive Mind]] : You might think that the Hive Mind hates Nurgle, as he causes biomass to go bad and be unrecyclable, but really the Hive does not care. Meat just becomes fungi and bacteria which are also in turn subsumed into the swarm. In turn Nurgle though dislikes the Tyranids as they not only have a high disease resistance and quickly become immune to any disease he throws at them, they also end the cycle of life and death by consuming everything and leaving nothing behind to rot anew.

* [[Tzeentch]]: Nurgle and Tzeentch are archenemies, though their relationship is still a great deal friendlier than Khorne and Slaanesh. Nurgle thinks that Tzeentch should accept people for who they are, consider the feelings of the people that he steps on in his many schemes and plots and be more loving to his followers and daemons - y'know, treat them like a family, instead of faceless pawns. Tzeentch's opinion was pretty difficult to understand, due to frequent tourettes-like outbursts of "[[JUST AS PLANNED]]". Half of our crew report that he thinks that Nurgle should stop dwelling on the past, get used to collateral damage and stop being such a wuss, while the other half think the complete opposite. Empirical evidence show that they are still far more likely to cooperate than Khorne and Slaanesh would be, if only for a little while. After all, one can flow into the other: grief and despair can be fertile ground for hope, and crushing someone's dreams can drive them into depression.

* [[Khorne]]: Nurgle isn't very comfortable with Khorne's "Kill 'em all, fuck sorting them out"-policy, though he likes the fact that Khorne refuses to allow his mortal followers and daemons to attack the innocent and helpless (except in most of Khorne's fluff, when the writers forget this, but hey, this is clearly Imperial propaganda to make Khornites look bad), even if the reason for it is... questionable. Nurgle thinks that Khorne should calm down, stop fighting anything that looks like it would present anything resembling a challenge and actively protect those who can't fight for themselves, rather than punishing those followers who can't live up to his expectations. When asked what he thinks of Nurgle, Khorne responded with a long stream of curses, oaths and obscenities, strung together while foaming at the mouth. Empirical evidence shows that they did, however, help to save Khaela Mensha [[Khaine]] from being killed, raped and eaten by Slaanesh, though Khaine unfortunately ended up being broken in pieces in the process.

* [[Slaanesh]]: Nurgle isn't big on Slaanesh's omniphilia and sadomasochism. Nurgle likes Slaanesh the least of all Chaos gods; the biggest reason to this has its root during Slaanesh's inception, when Nurgle watched in horror as the newborn hermaphrodite killed and raped nearly all the Eldar Gods and Goddesses. Nurgle saved [[Isha]] from the perverted freak and cheered Khorne on as he fought to save Khaela Mensha Khaine, while helping Cegorach to hide in the [[Webway]]. Our interview with Slaanesh on the subject of Nurgle took the longest time of all. The details of the interview shall not be revealed in public documents as these, but simply put, Slaanesh sees Nurgle as an ugly, fat, boring and "unsexy" amoeba; let that sink in, the omniphile calling someone "unsexy". Slaanesh is in addition cranky that all STDs are accredited to Nurgle and not her/him/it.

* [[Nightbringer]]: Nurgle isn't very happy about how coldly and mercilessly the C'tan butchers all living things and then devours their souls. Nightbringer was surprisingly calm during our talk and even offered us a cup of tea. We sat down and listened to him talk for hours about how he can't fight his own nature, that he is rather upset with Nurgle often stealing his Grim Reaper schtick, as well as that Nurgle is a no-good two-bit youngster. These two apparently represent the polar opposites of how death could come for you.

* [[The Deceiver]]: Nurgle thinks that the Deceiver is like Tzeentch without all the magic, while having the dickish aspects of personality multiplied tenfold. When asked about his opinion, the Deceiver gave us a set of riddles, caused one third of our interview crew to walk away, convinced another third to attack us, and made the rest of us hallucinate as if on acid.

* The [[Void Dragon]]/[[Omnissiah|Machine God]]: Nurgle isn't very fond of the fact that the Void Dragon eats the souls of those who have metal parts in their bodies and is quite unnerved of what he'll do when he wakes up. The Void Dragon was quite impossible to reach for an interview, since the Adeptus Mechanicus simply laughed in our faces when we asked for entry to the Noctis Labyrinthus.

* [[C'tan|The Outsider]]: Nurgle isn't sure what to think of the Outsider, but then again no one is, because he doesn't want to come out of that big sphere of his. We knocked, left gifts outside and even detonated a warp drive a couple of kilometers away, but he wouldn't come out for an interview.

* [[Emperor|The Emperor]]: When asked about the Emperor, Nurgle's typical goofy grin widened when he said: "I don't like referring to that old friend as The Anathema, but i sure love to irritate him in all kinds of ways. He is a nice chap, that one, but he really has no sense of humor.". Nurgle then proceeded to make most of our team fall asleep by nostalgically telling us of their poker nights and how happy he was when he [[TTS|invented the infamous nose-itch that has been irritating the Emperor for some thousands of years now.]] Unfortunately for Nurgle, Emps didn't really returned the favour and proceeded to burn his entire fucking garden down and wounding him '''''permanently'''''.

* [[Isha]]: Nurgle turned very serious when asked about his wife, which unnerved those awake and woke up those still asleep from his tales about poker nights with the Emperor. Nurgle gave us the impression of being overly protective, when he adamantly forbid us to get even close to the garden where Isha resides. He told us about how he rescued her from Slaanesh ten thousand years ago and how he cooks for her. His love is serious and very strong. In the end, Nurgle got so excited from talking about how he shows his affection towards Isha, that he showed some of his favorite food recipes to us, which accidentally made the majority of our reporters to hemorrhage or internally combust. For those unfamiliar with the Eldar pantheon, Isha is the goddess of life, fertility and healing, which makes her immune to Nurgle's cooking and infamously poor hygiene. This arrangement is begging for a romantic sitcom. In Warhammer Fantasy universe, she is known as [[Shallya]] and/or Kalara.

* [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]]: Nurgle is still upset that he and Khorne couldn't save Khaine from breaking during the fight with Slaanesh. Nurgle tries to be nice to the Avatars of Khaine that pop up every now and then, even if they don't often return the favor, since being the Eldar god of War and Murder precludes silly things like friendship and interviews.

* [[Cegorach]]: While Nurgle thinks that the Laughing God was more than a little selfish to hide behind Khaine and then Khorne, he is rather fond of the galaxy's greatest comedian and plays poker with him on a regular basis. When asked what Cegorach thinks of Nurgle, our interview crew died laughing, so we had to recruit a completely new one. Recording this joke would need the help of a typically humorless mechanicum tech adept, but recruiting one for this task is simply impossible. The joke would simply have to rest for now.

* [[Malal]]: Nurgle is concerned for Malal's self-destructing tendencies and self-inflicted solitary confinement. To demonstrate, he took some pastries and cooked a can of tea and took our crew out on a stroll to visit Malal. We knocked and the door opened just little enough for some anti-particles to escape the room beyond. Next moment, the door was slammed in our face with a force that sent everyone except Nurgle flying. Having the patience on the level not rivaled by anyone else, Nurgle simply put the tray down outside the door. On our way back, Nurgle told us that every next time he visits Malal, he finds the tray empty of its contents. That's nice.

* [[Great Horned Rat]]: A combination of a putrid, corrupted beast and Tzeentch, who squats in Nurgle's Garden. ''Nobody'' likes The Horned Rat and thus no interview was bothered to be made. After Slaanesh was kidnapped by Elves in Age of Skubmar, Nurgle joined the other Chaos Gods in voting The Horned Rat into the Great Game as Slaanesh's replacement. That being said, Great Horned Rat has been compared to an unwanted bastard child, and the analogy is well deserved.

*[[Gork]] and [[Mork]]: Whilst attempting to interview Nurgle about the Greenskin Gods, the one we assumed to be Gork smashed through the wall and crushed the coffee table, whereupon Mork burst through and attempted to disembowel him with a table leg. Our team was unable to describe what occurred next so we shall put it down to Warp trickery, but the next thing they knew Nurgle was holding them both at arms length while insisting that they make up. Mork begrudgingly held out a hand which Gork took, and as soon as they were put down, Gork heaved his brother over his shoulder and through the other wall. Sighing, Nurgle told us that they were good boys at heart, but that most of the time he had to repair the house after they have left. We managed to track down the two Gods while they were calmer and asked them for their opinions. "He's a good guy beneath all rotten flesh, and unlike a certain feathery c**t he doesn't cheat at cards" we assumed that this was Mork. "'at's roit." our suspicions were confirmed. "He doesn't try to interfere with our domains and isn't a dick to his servants" continued Mork. "'at's roit." Gork supplied. "Unlike Khorne and aforementioned feathery c**t. He also doesn't mind being stuck with driving duties come Saturday." Mork said. "'at's roit." Gork said, nodding sagely. "Shut up Gork. You sound like you're f**king brain-dead!" "'at's roit!" Finished a very happy Gork.

* [[Archaon]]: Nurgle's opinion of Archaon is the same as of the other Chaos Gods. He can test Archaon whenever he wants and Archaon always passes. Archaon can be counted on as being a useful tool that can destroy entire universes, but his hatred of the Chaos Gods ensures none of them will ever have any more control over him than anyone else. This resulted in Nurgle putting everything he has under Archaon's command.

*[[Ynnead]]: Nurgle isn't really big on Ynnead stealing his "God of death" shtick. More info soon.

== Side Effects ==
Side effects of worshiping Papa Nurgle may include (and are not limited to):
mild discomfort of the neck, aches, pains, boils, scabs, heavy scarring, cysts, abcesses, internal bleeding, external bleeding, bleeding from the gums, bleeding from eyes and ears, pissing blood, sweating, dehydration, carbuncles, rash, zits, pimples, pustules, buboes, pus-filled sores, sore-filled pus, flatulent boils, smelly bellybutton (AKA smellybutton), swollen bellybutton, exploding bellybutton, bellybutton fluff, bellybutton crunch, nausea, vomiting, bloody vomit, black vomit, black & bloody vomit, fecal vomit, bloody fecal vomit, spicy fecal vomit, bad breath, shortness-of-breath, excess-of-breath, yellow fingernails, cabbage burp, Down's syndrome, Up Syndrome, Left-Right-'N-Center Syndrome, Dave's Syndrome, delerium tremens, sneezing, dry nose, wet nose, running nose, sprinting nose, coughing, dry cough, wet cough, not-so-dry-but-still-raspy cough, tickly cough, dude-not-funny cough, fever, hay fever, Dengue fever, yellow fever, red fever, green fever, fuchsia fever, rainbow fever, plaid fever, transparent fever, color-out-of-space fever, cabin fever, jungle fever, Saturday Night Fever, meat sweats, vegetable sweats, jock itch, nerd itch, athlete's foot, athlete's arm, athletes, swimmer's ear, water on the knee, gravy on your tie, tennis elbow, scholar's elbow, farmer's tongue, ploughman's bottom, milkmaid's nipples, browning of the nipples, tender nipples, hard nipples, kitten nipples, third nipples, shitting dick nipples, [[Furry|udderballs]], postman's anus, vertigo, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, sleepiness, lockjaw, slackjaw, Southern Drawl, slack vagina, slack everything, cut me some slack, insomnia, mad cow disease, mad snail disease, mad Welshman disease, <s>mad</s> disgruntled postal worker disease, loose bowels, obstructed bowels, impacted bowels, Bowels Of The Earth, constipation, diarrhoea, sonic diarrhoea, explosive diarrhoea, implosive diarrhoea, impulsive diarrhoea, convulsive diarrhoea, compulsive diarrhoea, repulsive diarrhoea, propulsive diarrhoea, verbal diarrhoea, rectal ventriloquism, love handles, hate handles, jiggly handles, nasal leakage, anal leakage, genital leakage, general leakage, [[Brundlepenis]], black death, pink death, black eye, pink eye, Evil Eye, genetic disorders, memetic disorders, heretic disorders, [[BLAM|sudden onset of BLAM]], heart attack, art attack, dart attack, fart attack, shark attack, farting shark dart attack, lung cancer, lung Saggitarius, loss of skin, loss of hair in places you want it, growth of hair in places you don't want it, loss of teeth, loss of cartilage, loss of bone, loss of dick, loss of sense of smell (be grateful), loss of self-esteem, loss of job, blood clots, crud blots, spilling guts, mopping up guts, blue balls, blue ovaries, blue sphincter, scabies, folliculitis, dermatitis, hives, BEES!, frothing mouth, cotton mouth, foot-and-mouth, foot-in-mouth, well-shut-my-mouth, The Innsmouth Look, rabies, fear of soap, fear of water, pus excrement, mild gas, moderate gas, medium gas, severe gas, holy-shit-who-died gas, Jumpin' Jack Flash it's a gas gas gas, whooping cough, hollering cough, mortality, sudden mortality, not-so-sudden mortality, sudden immorality, sudden surreality, baby mortality, super-mortality, immortality, almost-but-not-quite immortality, nurglopromorphism, nurgleaproposism, nurgleabilia, smallpox, super small pox, large pox, medium pox, medium-rare pox, chicken pox, eagle pox, turducken pox, fox-in-socks-eating pox, the sudden urge to eat ham, baldness, blood clotting, AIDS, super-AIDS, space AIDS, STD's, STI's, STQ's, zombification(Voodoo), zombification(Romero), non-sparkling vampirism, artificial insemination, traditional insemination, artificial exsemination, uncontrollable exsemination, uncontrollable exsanguination, uncontrollable lactation, uncontrollable Croatian, crabs, giant crabs, super-crabs, dire crabs, giant dire super-crabs, giant enemy crabs, spycrabs, spylobsters (AKA uncontrollable crustacean), typhus, malaria, polio, diptheria, Tom please come home your mother is scared and the cat is missing, tuberculosis, dick rot, sniffles, jungle dick rot, dick sniffles, jungle dick sniffles, rotten dick jungles, raging murder boner, salmonella, spamonella, Sam O'Nella, random and painful erections, pseudorandom and painful erections, random and painful injections, random and painful ejections, the condition known as hotdog fingers, mummification, daddification, Ebola, everything tasting of goats, reduced sex drive, reduced sex walk, spontaneous breakouts of "HEUHEUHEU", moderate discomfort of the neck, scurvy, the bends, auto-brewery syndrome, cheese, The Dreaded Lurgi, encephalitis lethargica, harlequin icthyosis, multiple prolapsed organs, becoming a sphere, eye loss, eye growth, eye see what you did there, ancient rotten smegma (don't look up what that word means) everywhere, several kinds of helminthiasis including dracunculiasis, tapeworm, threadworm, pinworm, ringworm, squareworm, The Great Worm, hookworm, lineworm, sinkerworm, psychadelic mushrooms in your armpits, attracting flies, [[SCP Foundation|SCP-008, SCP-610, SCP-835]], WD-40, Covid-19, Covid-20, Covfefe, mutations, permutations, transmutations, [[Chaos Spawn|sanity destroying mutations]], it all going to your thighs, and then blowing up. In most cases, side effects are generally in the extreme and permanent.

Nurgle is not for women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. If you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours then please <s>give Slaanesh your phone number</s> seek immediate medical attention. Do not worship Nurgle while driving or operating heavy machinery. Consult your physician before worshiping Nurgle. Batteries not included, no purchase necessary; void where prohibited, see store for details.

==Disclaimer==
If you join Nurgle, we can't promise that you'll become the most attractive person in the world, or that you will be accepted in many places, but Nurgle has a place for each and every one of us in his great big ol' diseased heart.

== Fun Nurgle Facts ==
* Nurgle, despite being the third most powerful Chaos God, has possibly the smallest fanbase in Warhammer 40k. Apparently having [[Khorne|RAGE]] fits, being allowed to scream [[Tzeentch|JUST AS PLANNED!]] and receiving [[Slaanesh|PROMOTIONS]] is better than friendship and love, or anything else that Papa Nurgle offers. In contrast, he has the single largest fanbase in Warhammer Fantasy, partially due to how easy his models are to modify with greenstuff and how overpowered his army has always been.
* Despite being the God of despair and decay, he's ironically a lot friendlier than the [[Tzeentch|God of change and hope]].
* As discussed in a /tg/ thread, the "Garden of Nurgle" may be a metaphor for Isha and Nurgle being the same entity. This works great with the idea of Grandpa Nurgle in a dress, pretending to be a space elf princess and fits quite nicely with the "king of the [[Neckbeards]]"-theme some fa/tg/uys had developed.
**Nurgle has a strong association with fungi, bacteria and virus, things which cause or profit from sickness and death. Funny thing about all three is that they also are were humanity's strongest medicines come from. Penicillin comes ''penicillium mold'' for example and it is hardly a one-off. Could Isha be giving us a hand? "Whispering" the cures of his poxes to us?
* According to [[Storm of Magic]], when Nurgle gets upset or depressed, he wanders off into the many bogs of his region of the Realm of Chaos to hunt [[Plague Toads]], squashing them to cheer himself up. They make a fun squishing sound (we're actually not joking here, this is legitimately canon).
* Nurgle's triple-circle symbol looks like a stylized fly (the animal most commonly considered holy to Nurgle), a stylized version of the biohazard symbol, and also represents the cycle of death, decay and rebirth, over which Nurgle has dominion.
* Nurgle is the only Chaos God whose Daemons look just about like him. Plaguebearers don't, but that's because they're the possessed souls of fallen enemies.
* According to the Tome of Decay for [[Black Crusade]], Nurgle sees his role in the cosmos as a sort of galactic recycler. Entropy rises when life grows so old that Order stagnates and decays, meaning Chaos's job is to consume and destroy everything, leaving rot in abundance for new, verdant life to be born from, clean and pure, until the cycle repeats again. Imagine forest fires that occur naturally to set a clean slate to the flora, before it almost chokes itself to death by overgrowing. Nurgle's job, as he sees it, is to euthanize the galaxy as quickly and as painlessly as possible, and as far as he's concerned, the galaxy is well over due the time where it should have been cleansed to start a new life cycle.
** Ironically, this is a valid argument for Nurgle and Tzeentch to work together in harmony for a common goal. Nurgle clears out the trash and gives Tzeentch the room to begin again. The galaxy becomes a blank slate for Tzeentch to experiment and coax new life to take shape and rise in the next cycle. Contrarily, this is also an argument for Nurgle and Tzeentch to fight with each other, as the God of Change is not doing his job properly. Instead, he is, ironically again, perpetuating the status quo for whatever reason, rather than letting Nurgle do his thing. Possibly Tzeentch is still helping him, since his plans might appear to maintain the status quo, while really planing seeds for the final collapse. Even in real-life scenarios, in many cases of stagnation, the measures that are applied to hold a society or system afloat, eventually become too many until everything eventually collapses all over itself.
*** He apparently succeeds at this goal in [[The End Times]] of [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. Perhaps fitting, along with the various analyses on this page. Tzeentch seemed mostly cool with the fact, while Slaanesh wasn't.
* Nurgle's main daemon unit, the Plaguebearers, are the second-most fucking impossible to kill enemies in Warhammer Fantasy, surpassed only by Plaguemarines in 40k and Great Unclean Ones in Fantasy. Worth noting that the Plague Marines are just Plaguebearers with cool armor and guns, while Great Unclean Ones are miniature versions of Nurgle himself. Each one can soak up 13.5 bolter shots on average, before dropping dead (do not ever 100% trust mathhammer though), which some find unreasonable, considering that they cost one point less than regular space marines, meaning that a more expensive model will have little hope in killing it by the time it usually takes to complete a full game. You don't want to know how many lasgun shots is needed to be fired at one to kill it (36). Then you get into Fantasy, where you need fire, and as much of it as possible... and cannons. Lots and lots of cannons.
* Nurgle's the reason you're itching right now.
* Despite what you may think, Nurgle can fail. And he knows it. Case in point: [[Luke]].
*Mentioning the name of Pasteur in front of Nurgle makes him go into such a rage even Khorne gets appalled: he still hasn't managed to catch the old doc's soul, ''hon hon hon''. For that matter, count Jensen, Fleming, and Yersin among Papa Nurgle's blacklist too.
* Slaanesh pissed off Nurgle by constantly wanting to get Isha back. Nurgle in retaliation created STDs.
* According to the 8th Edition Chaos Codex, Nurgle once attempted to create a flesh-eating disease but [[Fail|accidentally created a disinfectant]]. Not even the bravest of Great Unclean Ones dare bring up the subject again. Again, this is legitimately canon. Even make sense if you think about it, Penicillin does come from a mold.
* Nurgle does not extend his "free hugs" policy to Tzeentch. Not out of hate, but because they will cancel each other out of existence.
* Nurgle once tried his hand at [[World of Warcraft]]. The result was the Corrupted Blood incident.
* Nurgle's daemons, particularly the Great Unclean Ones, are among the most characterful daemons in all Warhammer lore and literature, though this largely because they are among the only daemons actually allowed to have personalities.
* When the COVID-19 pandemic began, Nurgle developed a taste for Corona beer jokes and declared China to be his favorite country of 2019. Unsubstantiated rumors say Nurgle sent a gift basket to the city of Wuhan in China's Hubei province. He'd also like China's President Xi Jinping more after this, if not for the man's Tzeentchian scheming.
** The Plague Marine Propaganda Department is the reason for the Anti-mask protests in places like America and Australia.
* Nurgle enjoyed watching the series "Primal" by Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky. After hearing that Khorne was looking for pet dinosaurs, Nurgle decided to give it a go, but being less bloodthirsty than Khorne he chose plant-eaters instead, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXRsgFSaT9Y starting with a duck-billed hadrosaur and a long-necked sauropod].
* When Nurgle refers to his "Swamp Crotch," it's not a figure of speech. There's a complete fucking food chain down there.
* Despite appearances, Nurgle is actually one of the Smart Chaos Gods. Khorne is only interested in killing things and Slaanesh is all about being overwhelmed with sensation, but Nurgle deeply cares about everything and takes a keen interest in every fine detail and it's context.

==Famous Servants==
*Bubonicus - Nurgle's version of Khorne's [[Doombreed]], Slaanesh's [[N'kari]], and Tzeentch's [[M'kachan]]. Like Slaanesh's second in command, Bubonicus has no chance of being a real life historical figure unlike M'Kachan and Doombreed since he was born a good deal after humanity became a space faring species and was not in fact, born on Terra, but instead hailed from the same planet as N'kari. He is something of an oddity among the four Great Daemon Princes, since he's not roughly as old as Nurgle, while the other three are about as old as their respective gods. He has a huge line of dancers on one planet that goes across said planet's equator and they keep on dancing until they catch Uber-Syphillis and become Plaguebearers, at which point they leave to fight for Nurgle while someone else takes their place. The absolute fucking life of the [[Krieg|party]]. His primary rival among the Daemon princes is not M'Kachan as one would expect, but N'Kari, as they were enemies in their mortal life.
*[[Scabeiathrax]] - Nurgle's version of Khorne's An'ggrath, Slaanesh's Zarakynel and Tzeentch's Aetaos'Rau'Keres (say that five times fast). Famous for having T9 and 10 wounds meaning that he's completely impervious to any attack that doesn't at least have S6. He's the biggest and strongest of all of Nurgle's Greater Daemons and is probably the strongest of all of his servants in general. If Ulkair has 2,800,000 hit points, then Scabeiathrax would have 280,000,000,000.
*[[Ku'Gath]] - Ku'Gath was once a small nurgling sitting on the shoulder of Nurgle while he was concocting his greatest disease yet. Suddenly, Ku'gath slipped off of Nurgle's shoulder and straight into the pot he was cooking in, accidentally swallowing it all and becoming a Great Unclean One in the process. Nurgle laughed the whole incident off, but Ku'Gath felt guilty of robbing Nurgle of his greatest achievement. Since then, Ku'Gath has been trying to recreate the disease that he ruined in his ascension to greater daemonhood.
*[[Rotigus]] - A Great Unclean One worshipped throughout both the Mortal Realms and the Milky Way as a fertility god. Known as the "Rainfather" for his ability to conjure up Nurgle's Deluge, a rain of filth that perpetually surrounds him.
*[[Epidemius]] - A Herald of Nurgle and his greatest Tallyman.
*[[Horticulous Slimux]] - A Herald of Nurgle said to be his first Daemon he ever made (and by implication, probably was patient zero for Nurgle's Rot). Is Nurgle's chief Gardener, and rides a giant snail called Mulch.

===40k===
*[[Mortarion]] - Daemon Primarch of the Death Guard that hasn't done much since ascending to Daemonhood but to sit around all grumpy up until the Great Rift and Guilliman woke up. Mortarion has now reunited the Death Guard and are now having a party.
*[[Typhus|Typhus The Traveler, Herald of Nurgle]] - A rational fellow, mostly famous for being a tough son of a bitch to kill which is owed to the fact that he is encased in [[Terminator]] armor and is fully pledged to Nurgle. Typhus to Nurgle is what Khárn is to Khorne, which means that he's Nurgle's favorite mortal servant. Also famous for grabbing guardsmen and Marines alike with his scythe to drag them closer to his hug-friendly arms as well as causing zombie-plagues. Too bad that everyone who gets too close to him rot away into a pile of green slop. Typhus is also the name of a disease, because GW are nothing if [[Oinkbane|not subtle]].
*[[Ulkair|Ulkair the Great Unclean One]] - Ulkair is notable due to his history with the [[Blood Ravens]], and was imprisoned by Kyras a thousand years before the story line of Chaos Rising. Came back when Eliphas sacrificed a bunch of Blood Ravens and provided him with a Plague marine to possess. A notoriously tough bastard.
*[[Foulspawn]] - Foulspawn is the only known case where, after becoming a [[Chaos Spawn|you-know-what]], it did not die, but rather continued it's existence by swallowing its victims whole. Currently keeps the record of giving the best hugs in this galaxy.
*Cor'bax Utterblight - Cor'bax Utterblight is a daemon prince that was summoned by the [[Word Bearers]] during the [[Horus Heresy]]. He was created by [[Forge World]] for the Horus Hersey tabletop game. For [[ The Horus Heresy: Legions]] he is absolutely bombastic.
*Deacon Mamon - A demagogue of Nurgle who ascended to become a Daemon Prince after his efforts in corrupting the planet [[Vraks]]. Another Forge World Nurgle Daemon Prince.

===Fantasy===
*[[Orghotts Daemonspew]] - The child of a human Witch and a Great Unclean One (don't ask, imagine the details yourself) who wants to join his father by becoming a Daemon. Tried to contract Nurgle's Rot and become a Plaguebearer, but when his already quasidaemonic nature made that fail he decided it was better to become a Daemon Prince. Leader of the Maggoth Lords.
*[[Festus the Leechlord]] - A man who fancies himself to be Nurgle in mortal form. Constantly makes concoctions from experimental diseases and forces his enemies to drink them.
*[[Bloab Rotspawned]] - A Maggoth Lord made up mostly of flies wearing a human skin as "punishment" for torturing tiny insects out of petty spite.
*[[Morbidex Twiceborn]] - A Maggoth Lord who resembles a Nurgling, and commands a vast swarm of them. Has a grudge against Tzeentch due to being severely burned as a child and his tribe believing that Tzeentch was the god of fire.
*[[Tamurkhan]] - An extremely successful Maggot Lord blessed with the power to [[Lucius the Eternal| claim the flesh and bodies of his enemies as his own if defeated in combat]], albeit in a much more... direct way than his obvious comparison. Very successful, and almost claimed the Throne of Chaos before being undone in his hour of triumph by a carefully-orchestrated suicide attack.
*[[The Glottkin]] - A trio of Daemonic brothers: Ghurk - that has become something akin to a Great Unclean One, Otto - the tactician of the three, and Ethrac - the Wizard.
*[[Gutrot Spume]] - A highly mutated servant of Nurgle who's known for his arrogance. Leads a vast fleet of Nurglite pirates.

===/tg/===
*[[Puc'Kao]] - Nurgle's daemonic tooth rot fairy, gum disease and sweets. Often seen as an overweight, pus-dripping cherub who likes to play pranks on people, usually by removing healthy teeth from the mouths of unsuspecting mortals as they sleep. As you can expect he is a fun guy.
*[[Luke]] - I don't know where to start. Just... Ugh.
*<s>Chris-Chan</s> {{BLAM| THIS INFORMATION HAS BEEN REDACTED BY ORDER OF THE HOLY INQUISITION OF THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND. CARRY ON, CITIZEN}}
*Cystus The Malignant - The sickest fuck to inhabit realspace since Typhus himself. Fan created Chaos lord whose endeavors are still being written.
*[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/220879.php Chairlord of Nurgle] - A morbidly obese Ohio man whose very flesh became fused to his recliner, rendering him unable to be removed from it. There he remained seated in the recliner for multiple years soaking in his own filth and bodily excretions and covered in maggots, being fed by his underlings. When the news of his death reached /tg/ around 2011 they immediately recognized the man as a herald of Nurgle, dubbing him the Chairlord.
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Mallon Mary Mallon] - The namesake for the term "Typhoid Mary". An Irish woman born in the 19th century, Mary emigrated to the US and became a cook. In the 20th century when Typhoid Fever broke out, people she served started falling ill, and after testing Mary was found to be an asymptomatic carrier of the pathogen associated with typhoid fever (she had the virus, was immune to the virus herself but could infect others - like a true champion of Nurgle). Despite the test and being quarantined, Mallon was adamant she wasn't sick and escaped multiple times to go back to her cooking job, even using different names to avoid detection. Eventually, she was recaptured and incarcerated in high level security for the rest of her life (over 30 years) before dying of pneumonia. During her life, at least three deaths are attributed to an infection from her, with estimates putting the actual number as high as fifty.
** Interestingly, there were others like her who had more deaths attributed to them from Typhoid Fever, such as the men Tony Labella, Alphonse Cotils and a tour guide nicknamed "Typhoid John", but Mary was the most high profile (likely due to repeated escapes).
*Anti-vaxxers.
*Anyone who's worked on developing a bioweapon.
*Healthy At Every Size ''un''activists (so most, if not all of, the fat acceptance movement)

As a general note, the followers of Nurgle usually retain high levels of common sense compared to followers of the other Chaos Gods. Probably because they don't usually go insane to the point of uncontrollable defecation, they just defecate uncontrollably (sanity has nothing to do with it). They usually get creative in their conquests and tend to get cool gear and use it well. Plague Marines for example, got bored with regular frag - and krak grenades and decided to instead use the SEVERED HEADS of their enemies: zombified, plague-ridden, embalmed, severed heads.

Here we have [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUAqdPpWGZo a typical conversation between two Nurgle cultists].
[[File:Nurgle TWW3.png|400px|thumb|right|Nurgle as he appears during survival battles in Total War: Warhammer 3]]
==Total War: Warhammer 3==
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Be'lakor and get to Ursun. Nurgle's realm is an absolute slog-- as it should be! Unlike the other realms, in Nurgle's you always take attrition damage; this means it's a race to get the spot to fight Nurgle's daemon prince. However you are a human and have a brain, so unlike the AI who will never set up camp, you can force march to get there a bit faster, encamp, replenish your numbers, crush a weakened AI army, force march, and repeat. This can be a slog but it's better than, say, Tzeentch. On a side note, if you're playing Kugath you will not suffer any attrition so while his campaign might suck at the moment, at least Nurgle is pretty easy on you.

==Famous Diseases==
You thought Khorne was bad? You ain't seen nothin'. Here's what Nurgle cooks up for his grandkids.

*Destroyer Plague - Plague flies burrow into every [[PROMOTIONS|orifice]] and fill you with their eggs. This causes you to burst in an explosion of more plague flies, which literally fill the assholes of everyone nearby. Plague flies are also [[SCP Foundation|spread via reading about plague flies]]. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Bonewrack - Your own bones rip your body apart and suffocate you, à la [https://doom.fandom.com/wiki/Codex/Monsters#Revenant_III the Revenants from Doom 2016]. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Doubtworm - A [[SCP Foundation|memetic]] virus which is spread by hearing a very specific phrase, "The Emperor Isn't Real." Those infected turn into zombies, turn back into humans, and then turn into big cuddly worms. This is the best Nurgle plague, because The Emperor Isn't- {{BLAM|EXTRA FUCKING HERESY!}} {{BLAM}} {{BLAM}} {{BLAM}}
*Fydae Strain - AKA "10% of the reasons why psykers are killed on sight in the Imperium of Man". Basically turns psykers into Typhoid Mary. You, a latent psyker, are infected by the Fydae strain and are forever [[Plot armor|immune]] to it's effects. You are also likely immune to all diseases, forever. The downside is that you are now unknowingly and invisibly spewing out the Fydae Strain virus everywhere. You do just fine, it's just that everything else around you rots away, spreading to cover the entire planet. The disease is sapient, holy fuck, and does what it can to remain undetected. Everybody starts rotting away almost at the same time, and then they usually have seizures so hard they get killed. This also summons a bunch of Nurgle cultists, but honestly at this point it doesn't matter. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[Obliterator]] Virus - You turn into [[Dakka|guns]]. This is the best Nurgle plague.
*Walking Pox - Similar to Zombie Plague, but [[Grimdark|worse]]. Instead of a regular zombie, you become a shambling, rotting abomination which is extra spiky and bloated. You are fully conscious and aware as you watch your disgusting rotsack body kill everyone you love. Walking Pox is spread by moaning. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Nurgle's Rot - Your body and soul start rotting away. This is a slow process with no cure, because Nurgle is an asshole (not the kind that gets filled with fly eggs though). A disgusting seed pod is created in Nurgle's [[Magical Realm|realm]] in the warp. When your body inevitably fails and your soul has been sucked into Nurgleville, the seed pod drops and opens. A [[Age of Sigmar|new, much shittier version]] of you shambles out as a plaguebearer. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*Witch-curse - You, a psyker, get supercharged so hard you kill everyone nearby. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Phantom Itching]] - An itching sensation in body parts that you no longer have, inducing madness in the infected due to being unable to scratch said itch. [[The Emperor]] himself is unfortunately inflicted with this particular disease, and even if he weren't immobile he can do nothing about it. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Crotch-Rot]] - a disease invented specifically to piss off [[Slaanesh]], since it directly targets the genitals and causes them to fall off, followed by painful death. This is the worst Nurgle plague.
*HIV- One of Nurgle's most insidious diseases which was first unleashed on Terra mid-to-late M2. It attacks the body's immune system, leaving it ripe for conquest by other viruses. [[Meme|Most infamous for closing pools]].
*The Spanish Flu- After the first world war in late M2, Nurgle realized that Khorne was in ascendancy due to the sheer carnage and slaughter that went on, decided he could do better and unleashed a plague that ended up killing more people than the previous war.
*COVID-19 - A plague created on Terra in M3 that caused a massive pandemic and lockdown causing everyone to stay home, slowly let go of social norms, and just waste away in their own filth, increasing his power even more. [[Just as planned]].

Nurgle's diseases are far less damaging in the big picture than one would think. Given the literally crotch-liquefying horribleness of Nurgle's diseases (to get into some epidemiology; more deadly diseases generally burn themselves out very quickly, as they can't go to enough people before killing the host. TL;DR Nurgle needs to keep making diseases like COVID-19) , and the demostrated fact that a couple of Nurgle cultists can destroy a solar system's worth of planets, Papa N has remarkably little impact. Somehow everyone's not [[Necron|dead]] [[Nagash|yet]]. The meta reason is that WH40K: Medicae would be a truly shitty game. In universe, it could be that these sicknesses are warp-augmented and are not viable in a place free of warp interference. The lack of challenging the status quo with a superplague could also be because Nurgle is ''literally'' the god of "status quo is god". We've also got some [[Lord of Change|guardian angels]] watching over us, and [[Isha|two]] [[Tzeentch|gods]] working constantly to fuck up Nurgle's [[Just as planned|plans]].

== Trivia! ==
*Nurgle has been modelled after [[wikipedia:Nergal|Nergal]], the Assyrian deity of pestilence, disease, underworld, decay and hunting. He is the only Warhammer deity which has connotations to the real life deities.

*In Nurgle’s garden, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uor4IrNN0N4| the Plague Inc. theme plays on loop for eternity.]

== Gallery ==
'''<nowiki>*WARNING! NURGLINGS ARE NOT THIS CUTE!*</nowiki>
{{Promotions}}
<center>
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-nurgle.jpg
Image:Nurgbeard.jpg|A neckbeard dedicated to Nurgle.
Image:Chaos God DnD.png|He brings a lot to the table.
Image:Nurglies.jpg|Nurgle's followers.
Image:Nurglette.png|Nurgle also has daemonettes. Too bad they all have chlamydia. (Then again if you worship Nurgle, it doesn't really matter!)
Image:Loli-daemonette_(12).jpg
Image:Loli-daemonette_(4).png
Image:Loli-daemonette_18.png
Image:Nurgmonette.jpg|You can touch those boobs, but don't complain if your hands fall off.
Image:Loli-daemonette_(20).jpg|Cultists devoted to Nurgle have a different relationship with their daemons than those devoted to [[Rip and tear|Khorne]], [[Rape|Slaanesh]] or [[Not as planned|Tzeentch]].
Image:Nurgle_troops.jpg|At home with the family.
Image:Chaos.jpg|She slept with the judge!
Image:Mallon-Mary_01.jpg|Typhoid Mary: A famous 20th century Nurgle champion. Nurgle's followers are not always easy to spot.
Image:GreatUncleanOne.jpg|Greater daemon of Nurgle, the Great Uncle One.
Image:pool.jpg|The powers of Nurgle laugh in the face of chlorine.
Image:laidbacknurglette.jpg|Daemonette of Nurgle (don't fap, it'll fall off).
Image:Nurgle trainer copy.jpg|None loves his Pokemon more than the Nurgle Trainer.
File:Typhus the traveller by chameleonbot.jpg|The Herald of Nurgle, charged with organizing everything for the big guy's arrival at concerts, parties, etc.
File:Dranon8.jpg|It's so mushy that it causes disease. Literally.
Image:Plaguemarines.jpg
Image:Decent Nurgmonette.jpg
Image:Cultist-Nurgle.jpg
Image:I Don't Know What This Was About But I'll Upload It Anyway.jpg
Image:Nurgle_aspiring_champion.jpg|An aspiring champion of Nurgle. Aspiring because he got caught.
Image:Nurgles True Love.jpg|A good illustration of Nurgle's "love"
</gallery>
</center>

{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category: Maggotkin of Nurgle]]

Khorne

2023-06-13T23:07:47Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

[[File:Khorne mark.png|center]]
{{heresy}}
{{awesome}}
[[File:khorne_by_baklaher-d7335e6.jpg|500px|thumb|right|Special K in all his glory, Sitting comfortably on his Skull Throne, being pissed off at everyone and everything, because to him it's all bullshit]]
<div style="font-size:1.10em;font-weight:bold;font-style:bold;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em">{{Topquote|BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!|The creed of Khorne being Overused to Death}}</div>
{{Topquote|Anger, which, far sweeter than trickling drops of honey, rises in the bosom of a man like smoke.|Homer}}
{{Topquote|The important thing in life is not victory but combat: it is not to have vanquished but to have fought well.|Pierre de Coubertin}}
{{Topquote|[[Chaos Gods|They]]'re none of them good, but Khorne's the worst. Battle without honour and oath shouldn't be encouraged.|[[vermintide 2|Bardin Goreksson]]}}
{{Topquote|[[Rip and Tear|Rip....and....TEAR!]]|Doomguy}}

==Introduction==
[[RAGE|'''Khorne''']], also known as '''the Blood God ([[Derp|obviously]]), Kharnath, Arkhar, Khorgar, [[Viking|Kjorn]], Khar, the Great Brass Bull, the Bloody Handed, the Axefather, the Bloodwolf, Kong Nüe (恐虐), The Great Khorneholio, Special K, Kevin, the [[Ulric|Wolf-Father]], Frowny Face McMurderaxe, Sergeant Slaughter, the Lord of Fighters, the Messiah of Mayhem, Call of Duty: Demon DLC, [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|The Paraplegic Sociopath]], [[If_the_Emperor_had_a_Text-to-Speech_Device|MegaSatan]], Definitely not fucking Khaine, [[Dwarf Fortress|Armok]], Stone Cold Steve Austin, Khornelias Fudge, Kellogg's Khorneflakes, Big Red, K-Dogg, Chile Con Khornage, Daddy’s little princess (HEY, FUCK YOU!), [[Nasuverse|Actually Satan]]''' and 8860 other names is the [[Chaos God]] of war, murder, savagery, hatred (though he is starting to question that one at times thinking it belongs more to [[Slaanesh|his arch enemy]] than it does him), murder, destruction, rage, wrath, murder, battle, barbarism and [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs|manliness]]...oh and did we mention murder. He is also the mofo that the Klingons worship. As well as this he symbolises courage, athleticism, determination, daring, discipline, sportsmanship, honor, impulsiveness, struggling onward in the face of any odds, and survival of the fittest. But mostly he's simply about being angry.

He is commonly held to be the strongest [[Chaos]] God by default (though this is technically incorrect) and is associated with wolves and powerful hunting dogs, as well as lions and bulls. For another reason that is inspired by occultism, Khorne's sacred number is Eight, which represents abundance and power. In occultism the number signifies a strong sense of authority, ability to make decisions and forcefulness. If blocked it gives way to over-ambition, mismanagment and abuse of power. Thus, his followers tend to organize themselves into groups of eights and their multiples. Fun fact, this also means that the names of Khornate daemons are usually comprised of eight letters...Though exceptions exist. (The Chinese, Vietnamese, and Koreans value the number 8 due to its similarity with the Chinese character for prosperity does that make them Khornate worshippers?).
[[File:SkullThrone.jpg|400px|right|thumb|The Big K in all his glory contemplating on whose rectum he is going to shove his chainaxe into with extreme prejudice.(Spoiler: its everyone)]]
Khorne, by virtue of being the most prominent Chaos God, is also the second most powerful general "deity" in both iterations of Warhammer ([[Nurgle]] has him beat but only because of the fact that everything eventually comes to him) In both versions of Warhammer, his followers are characterized by an overbearing need to spill blood and engage in honest battle, as well as a violent code of martial honour and a "survival of the fittest" approach to morality. They tend to be dutiful, as well, but said duties involve whacking their axes into their enemy and painting their blood all over villages gargling their blood as mouthwash (if only because Khorne's only real command is to spill worthy blood in his name).

This is where Khorne and Slaanesh generally clash directly and openly as enemy gods, aside from the fact that everyone in the warp hates Slaanesh. While Khorne instills discipline, honor and a sense of selfless duty in his followers to obey a single purpose (usually spill blood in his name), Slaanesh is the polar opposite. Slaanesh instead tells his/her followers to do <strike>whoever</strike> whatever they want in their own selfish pursuit of pleasure, caring not for the consequences of their actions (e.g; using your authority to hoard food from your starving citizens, so you can indulge in bottomless gluttony every day).

This is also why Khorne is at odds with Tzeentch: Tzeentch sees things like honor and discipline as unnecessary hamstrings towards one's advancement and opts that everything is on the table when one wishes to further their position (why duel your Lord for his position when you could arrange for an "accident" to befall him, instead? Sure its a low-blow, but if your lord was too stupid to see that car bomb coming, was he really deserving of loyalty?). The same can be said of his disdain for sorcery. Tzeentch thinks that mortals using the power of the gods themselves is fair game in their pursuit of progress (so long as you can control it), while Khorne thinks that using anything else but your own strength alone means you are weak and his "survival of the fittest" ideal has no place for you.
That being said they have some points they agree on. for example using the power of the gods to augment your abilities (i.e. Cloaking your weapons in Warp-fire or Warp-Lightning), can be interpreted as simply using your power to control the power of the gods for your benefit. They also think it looks awesome, And Khorne is perfectly fine with using underhanded methods to deal with someone who is not worth your time (i.e. A “governor” of Jopall), which Tzeentch finds interesting.

Khorne also has the distinction of being the only Chaos God (or any god for that matter) whose word you can take at face value. The other gods don't realize that disdain for scheming and backstabbing isn't the same as being stupid. Nor do they realize that over-complicating things is actually the worst thing a planner can do. The more unnecessary variables to a plan, the easier it is for something to break. ([[Just as Planned|that said Tzeentchian plans have divination included into them, eliminating most tactical miscalculations]], [[Not as Planned|unless Tzeentch wanted it to happen.]]). So - you actually want results? Be practical. Involve only as many steps as you need. Beat someone until they're reduced to a bloody smear on the ground - no step 2 required.

Basically, Khorne isn't a stupid brute, he's actually pretty smart. The god of battles knows a thing or two about tactics and warfare. That said, Khorne's doctrine is inflexible. One, straightforward approach to anything. Simply put: Break everything in half. Which means that it all rides on an "all-or-nothing" deal. If his battering ram approach doesn't work there's little to be done to salvage the situation beyond everyone dying a glorious death. Usually this isn't the case for most battles, the Khornates' overwhelming need to quench their bloodlust gets in the way of reorganization. Of course, if things go according to plan, there are only few things that can stop the demonically-possessed no brakes hate train.

If Khorne had a voice actor it would have been BRIAN BLESSED but BRIAN chose Gotrek instead, the rejection sending Khorne's rage to new heights (unsubstantiated rumors say Khorne's considered sending Skulltaker and Karnak after BRIAN BLESSED, but Khorne realized all he'll get from that is two dead daemons with burst eardrums).

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8ZqFlw6hYg Here is his theme song.]

===Appearance===
Khorne is described as resembling a giant, iron-hewed warrior clad in red armour, with a massive sword and a winged helm that conceals a snarling face like that of a wolf. This humanoid form could be seen as something darkly meaningful, were it not for the fact that more or less everyone in both settings is conveniently human-shaped.
[[File:Khorne First.jpg|thumb|right|400px|The first depiction of Khorne in Warhammer art.]]
Of course, most artists at GW forget that he's supposed to look a giant Chaos Warrior and instead make him look like an overgrown Bloodthirster on a chair.

===Khorne and His Worship===
Khorne is the easiest god ever to worship. Where [[Tzeentch|other]], [[Slaanesh|more]] [[Nurgle|pussified]] gods may demand you to memorize overly long prayers and hymns, or to build huge houses of worship and other such unmanly bullshit, Khorne is venerated with one thing and one thing only: the time-honoured tradition of [[rip and tear|hack'n'slash]].

Khorne is worshipped on the battlefield. His hymns are the sound of steel on steel, his sacraments are the blows of hammer and axe, his only prayer the bellowing of the warcry "Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne!" and his libation is the blood spilled in his name.

In essence, you worship Khorne by being a good warrior. And as a warrior, you'll find your interests and his tend to generally align; he wants death but isn't picky on who, and you want to live to fight another day. Thus, the mere act of preserving your life will earn the pleasure of the god of battle. In a setting where there is no peace, only war, Khorne is always going to be massively powerful. Further, most of the armies embody one of his aspects - [[Space Marine|Powerful]] and [[Necron|fearless]] warriors are the [[Chaos|chosen]] of Khorne, but he favors those who use [[Ork|brute force assaults]] carried out with [[Tyranid|singular purpose and no remorse]] just as well. [[Just As Planned|Khorne wins in fights his forces weren't even involved in]].

However, Khorne is one of those honourable war-gods. So don't think that beating your enemies by anything other than sheer strength, skill and aggression will make him happy. And for the love of Sigmar/Emprah, don't try to cheat by picking fights with the weak or helpless or by giving him baby skulls. Khorne expects a form of savage, viking-esque dignity from his followers and for them to be generally [[Fist of the North Star|manly]], this means you have to fight worthy opponents and those generally able to at least hold up a sword. ''Only after'' the worthwhile enemies are out of the way; then you can gorge yourself on the blood of women and children all you want (or make them fight amongst themselves and recruit the survivors, or enslave them, or whatever). Most of the writers forget this, thinking that Khorne really gives no fucks about what you kill, and it makes Khorne [[Rage|snarl in anger]]. Though he continues to send his flesh-hounds to hunt down those who flee and abandon their brothers on the battlefield, be they Chaos or non-Chaos.

Aside from that and (obviously) never backing down from a fight, Khorne has no commandments whatsoever. But deviating from the aforementioned in the slightest is begging for the flesh-hounds to tear your ass apart.

Such as it is, it would be incorrect to think Khorne doesn't have priests dedicated to him. Though, being a warrior god, these priests tend to be warriors themselves and are often marked by their god. In essence, the only difference between them and a Chaos marauder/Space Marine is several pounds of armour. In Warhammer Fantasy, these priests are called 'Bloodfathers', and in lieu of magic that is gifted to their priests by other gods, Khorne just gives [[AWESOME|HOLYSHITAWESOME]] fighting skills and visions of bloodshed. In [[Age of Sigmar]], they're called Slaughterpriests and they basically lead by example, killing while screaming out Khorne's name. If the killing is good enough, Khorne will empower the priest and/or his allies; but if the killing is unworthy, the priest himself will feel Khorne's wrath.

Khorne is also venerated by working brass into your armour and weapons and donning fashionable high collars. Occasionally, a warrior so pleases Khorne that he gifts him with specially made ones that in addition to looking fabulous can also grant total fucking immunity to magic. After all, who needs spellcasting when you can make a motherfucker's spine disappear - with your bare hands no less?

Anyway, Khorne is worshiped by warriors, generals and basically anyone who likes battle. His chosen Space Marines legion is of course the World Eaters, in Warhammer Fantasy, the Norscans tend to venerate him with the greatest piety, especially the Aesling tribe, who are Khorne's most devoted servants in Fantasy.

===Khorne's take on magic===
As posted some time ago by an Anon who managed to perfectly sum up what Khorne's opinion on magic is: FUCK WIZARDS!!!!

While that's a pretty accurate summation, there's also some nuance to it that is not at all helped by GW's habit of changing things every new edition or keeping shit consistent between writers. With that in mind, let's get into the details of what the "FUCK WIZARDS" thing means.

The hate of psykers/wizards/etc is pretty much the exact same and works by the same logic for both Khornates and the Adepta Sororitas/Black Templars/etc: it's a [[Conan the Barbarian|Conan-esque]] swords and sorcery thing. Khornates hate wizards for [[3e|trivializing encounters with a single spell and overshadowing fighters]] and turning what should be a clash of might or a military endeavor into a weird wizard show where people turn into frogs and beguile their opponents into killing one another. They hate Slaaneshi for the same reason, due to how they often take what should be a wholesome murderfest and make it into something creepy and weird, what with them "discomporting themselves with the dead" and all that. In Realms of Chaos, its entirely possible for a librarian or wizard to go to Khorne; they just refrain from using their psi/magic powers for anything else but resisting spells in combat from that point onward.

Khorne and his followers are okay with laser beams. They are okay with sniper rifles ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygHaGY85e-U| as long both you and your opponent have them]). They are okay with flaming swords. They are okay with running people over with tanks. They are okay with blitzkriegs. They are okay with chemical gas. <s>They are okay with holocausts</s> <s>we do '''not''' target civilians, or discriminate...that often</s> bullshit just look at Armageddon. They are okay with exterminatus. They are okay with good tactics. They are okay with berserker charges. They are okay with honorable duels at dawn.

They are ''not'' okay with turning people to frogs, mind control, raining glitterdust from the skies to blind everyone, raising armies of zombies to do the killing for you, and so forth. They are not okay with someone pointing a finger and their opponent dropping dead (but if you point a finger and they explode in a messy cloud tho then that's cool). And they are most definitely not okay with someone who got their power solely by bargaining with daemons instead of earning it themselves. (While it's quite possible to get power via daemonic bargains and not earn Khorne's ire, that requires you to have already become a powerful fighter or be willing to risk death and inflict grievous bodily harm on others, i.e. ''earning'' it.)

They are okay with daemonic summoning rituals because Khorne's daemons are all about the hack-and-slash ultraviolence. They are okay with using psychic abilities or daemonic aid to navigate the warp because that means they don't end up crashing into suns or getting whisked to some distant corner of the universe where there's nothing worthwhile to kill. They are okay with sending and receiving astropathic messages because they recognize the value of relatively fast interstellar communication. They are okay with chaining wizards up and forcing them to eternally forge magic items on pain of death because that lets the fighters kill things more easily.

One may consider it hypocritical that Khornates are okay with blatantly unfair TECHNOLOGICAL murder, but not okay with blatantly unfair MIND/MAGICAL murder. The point, or at least one interpretation, is that wizards/psykers fucking cheat. They do. They steal the power of the Warp for their own ends. As long as they stay in line, and do nothing but permit the warrior to enact his craft as he so wills, fine, let them live (albeit in terror and likely enslaved by chains of brass) until the day they are no longer useful, at which point their skulls can join Khorne's throne.

But stealing the Gods' own fire and using it to do what mortals should do through their own skill and strength is unacceptable. Remember that technology is completely valid to Khorne. Stealth is completely valid to Khorne. Skill is completely valid to Khorne. Cleverness is completely valid to Khorne. The nuclear bomb and other innovations that come after it could be seen to be unfair. But it is a mortal invention. Mortals should give honor to Khorne by murdering each other through the sweat of their brow. Granted the lines got pretty blurry when AoS introduced the [[Slaughterpriest]].

The scientist who devises new ways to kill is a saint. His work can be put to any other use -- [[Slaanesh|enriching human life]], [[Nurgle|ending hunger, fighting diseases]], [[Tzeentch|answering great questions]]. But the scientist who devises new bombs and weapons is, in his own way, a champion of Khorne. He takes his limitless human potential and nobly limits himself to new ways to kill. Whether you kill with a sword or a bomb, you are killing using good old fashioned mortal strength and genius. You aren't stealing warp energy from the gods in the form of a fireball and cravenly calling it your own.

The forger of enchanted weapons is an exception and an ideal symbol. It is fitting that spell energy is subjugated to and entombed within cold steel, just as cowards deserve to be subjugated to warriors until they lie cold and headless in the ground or else burnt to ash. The magic weapon is a symbol of might's superiority to magic-- or in the case of actual daemon princes, the unity of both.

The jury is still out on how okay Khorne is with magically imbued people who didn't get their power from him, but [[Tzeentch|given]] [[Nurgle|the]] [[Slaanesh|other]] [[God-Emperor_of_Mankind|possible]] [[Sigmar|benefactors]], he's probably not the biggest fan.

Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull Throne! When the Galaxy burns, we will define righteousness!

tl;dr Magic is unmanly, grab a sword (or a 16-inch battleship cannon, if that's your thing) and go kill like a real man already.

===Khorne and other Chaos gods===
As a rule, Khorne despises [[Slaanesh]] because they're an effeminate milk-sop who can't grow a beard or swing an axe like they've got a pair (even though Slaanesh probably has the biggest pair, but less on that), and also because he personifies acting outwardly (ie: seeking the deaths of others), while Slaanesh acts inwardly (ie: seeking their own pleasure). Khorne also finds Slaanesh's obsession with luxury and torture wasteful and dishonorable. Slaanesh is about living it up while Khorne is about tearing it the fuck down. Not to mention its apparent belief that those who wrong you are meant to suffer for it, which Khorne surprisingly doesn't agree with. One of the few Slaaneshi things Khorne ''doesn't'' have a problem with is the desire for perfection in battle; spending year after year training to master an aspect of combat, constantly pushing your limits and never being satisfied until you get it ''just right'' is a perfectly acceptable way to live, so long as you remember to shed blood and take skulls.

Khorne also hates [[Tzeentch]] - though they are not fundamental rivals - because his reliance on magic is seen as a sign of weakness and his desire not to face his foes in person is decried by Khorne as cowardly. Khorne sees his penchant for deceit and trickery as dishonorable. Also, Khorne prefers muscles over books (plus Tzeentch is a huge NEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD). Tactics and stratagems are all well and good because that's how armies win and seemingly-doomed warriors eke out a victory against seemingly-impossible odds.

Khorne thinks he hates [[Nurgle]] also, because while the ability to endure immense pain is good - great, even! - and calmly acknowledging defeat is just as acceptable as trying to kill your opponent with the last dregs of strength your dying body has left, the fat fuck doesn't even try to get shit done. Thus, his embodiment as sloth runs contrary to the active, vital aspect of Khorne, but he's all for death if its by homicide or genocide.

There's also [[Solkan]], the not-Chaos Chaos God of Law and a rival of Khorne, being the only Chaos god that can match him in sheer RAAAAEG. Khorne likes to sit back and have a chuckle at Solkan's outbursts, if only because the last time he actually tried to move in on Solkan's turf he lost that fight. Not even the Blood God can top the sexually frustrated wrath of a guy looking for his [[Arianka|sisterwife]].

Of all the Chaos gods, Khorne actually hates [[Malal]] the least. For one thing, he respects the lost god for sticking to his guns: he hates the other gods, wants them dead and is actively working towards that goal. Since Nurgle just sits there being a scabby procrastinator, Tzeentch just has to have his fingers in everyone's business and Slaanesh is fucking Slaanesh (really, they are), this is something Khorne can sympathize with. Also, Malal is one of the only chaos gods to put up a halfway decent fight when Khorne manages to find him, which would mean that they would be best buds if Malal wasn't a self-destructive, omnicidal lunatic.

In short, he has problems with almost everyone and pissed at almost everyone, including you even if you worship him (usually it's a matter of how pissed he is at you). And they hate him too, except for Nurgle, who's too nice to hate anyone. If you earn his respect however, he will give you it (he has high standards though, meeting them is quite hard.)

===Khorne and non-Chaotic Gods===
Well, [[Ulric]] is his little brother and they tend to get along rather well. Ulric's still ridiculing Khorne over the fact that one of his greatest champions, Haargroth, got his head smashed in by Ulric's Ar-Ulric, Khorne usually replies by pointing out that ''Storm of Chaos'' isn't canon anymore. Not that it stops Ulric. Khorne and Ulric often get into arguments over which one of them is moar Viking; with Khorne usually winning by pointing out that his top worshipers actually are Vikings and that he has a Valkyrie. They also settle this with arm wrestling and drinking contests. There's a lot of belligerence, but you can sense the brotherly love underneath. Indeed, it's kind of a [[Fist of the North Star|Raoh/Ken relationship]].

Despite both being war-gods, Khorne has a poor relationship with [[Myrmidia]]. Khorne, despite being a master of tactics and sieges and the finer points of warfare, vastly prefers a manly head-on charge, and Myrmidia's sissy "planning" approach to warfare therefore offends Khorne. Most meetings between the Blood God and the Maiden of Strategy end with the Blood God fuming impotently because his strict code of martial honour does not permit him to hit girls (or pull their hair) and retreating to his tree house.

Khorne is the only Chaos God who tolerates Sigmar because he thinks he's pretty bad-ass AND respects the idea of a mortal man becoming a god. That and Sigmar's comic book series, Sigmar the Emprahrian, has great splashpages of fights and no SWORDSWORDSWORDS. However, this tolerance is only one-sided, and while Khorne respects him, it doesn't mean he won't try to put an axe in his head for being a sworn enemy of Chaos.

When asked about the [[Emperor]], Khorne usually responds with a streaming torrent of bloody curses and oaths which causes a bloody froth to start leaking from his helmet. In short, he is remarkably indifferent to the old man. Ironically, they share many of the same beliefs: They both disliked psykers, they both have a kick ass thrones, and they both have units dedicated to close combat. Hell, even the Emprah's head is a skull. What's not to like...oh maybe the fact that he's a COMPLETE FUCKING HYPOCRITE!

Khorne is utterly sick and tired of anyone who dares associate him with [[Khaine|40Khaine]]. Before eviscerating anyone who makes that connection, he will often give a short PowerPoint presentation, explaining how Khaine is an honourless god of murder and sadism while he himself is a god of honourable and forthright battle and courage, and how sadism is contrary to his code (Khorne indeed used to be about honorable combat, but now he's just about mindless violence and hating everyone for either piss-poor reasons or for no reason at all. Goddammit, GW). Khorne then reiterates that Khaine's elfishness and love for scantily clad women is sickening and makes him more like Slaanesh and trashes the elf god in a brutal punching bag sorta way like the prince of pleasure... Of course, this is just a front on Khorne's part. Khaine's love of war combined with his elfness and that his most ardent worshippers are scantily-clad women proves Khaine to be the secret love-child of Khorne and Slaanesh (tsundere confir- *sounds of violent, painful evisceration* '''{{Blam|WHO DARES? IN MY OWN PAGE, OF ALL THINGS? FUCK YOUUUUUUUU}}''' '''''[[Slaanesh|Search your feelings you know it to be true]]. Actually, if you consider Ka'Bandha is tsundere for the Blood Angels and Angron was for Horus to the point during the Siege of Terra he made him feel ashamed for implying he didn't trust him AND the natural state of tsunderes is raging, insulting and violent, well...

That being said, Khaine does have a dual nature in Fantasy thanks to being worshiped by [[Dark Elves]] and paid respect to by [[High Elves]], where one side is indeed honorable and just wants to keep fighting and being badass which means Khorne can tolerate him approximately half the time. The fact that both are patrons of [[Blood Bowl]] teams is usually the common ground, with Khaine and Khorne crashing/trashing some other God's house to watch on game nights while downing can after can of Bloodweisers and shoveling Dwarf Rinds in their faces. Khaine periodically tries to invade the realm of Khorne whenever the Khornate team beats the Dark Elf team, with such meetings ending with Kaine being khorne punching bag and letting his servants brutally take their anger on the incapacitated god and his elven servants. When Khaine's team beats Khorne's, Khorne takes out his aggression by beating the fuck out of Slaanesh (no homo) while Dark Elves go on safari hunting [[Warriors of Chaos|Khorne's worshipers]].

Khorne has absolutely no patience for the [[Horned Rat]], who is a favorite of Nurgle and Tzeentch respectively. It's a weak vermin whose very existence pisses him off. As a result, Khorne is much more fond of [[Sotek]] who encourages killing the fuck out of [[Skaven]] whenever they appear, and is also a fan of blood sacrifice (the fact that Sotek wants hearts and cares nothing for skulls is reassuring since they don't intrude on each other's fetish); this fondness is entirely one-sided.

Like the other Chaos Gods, Khorne has no fucking clue what the Great Maw is. However, it doesn't seem to complain when [[Ogre Kingdoms|Ogres]] worship Khorne, so he's got nothing against him...her...it...schclim...whatever, the big god-thing that wants to eat.

The pantheon of the [[Tomb Kings]] mostly stick to themselves, so Khorne only knows they exist..

Khorne is impressed with the [[Bretonnia|Bretonnian]] race by the fact they're the epitome of honor and glorious valor. On the other hand, their entire race has been tricked by a single fucking Elf Goddess into doing their every command which fills Khorne with incomprehensible fury. As it stands, the first being that's going to get the axe when Khorne manages to get an avatar to manifest in the material plane is Lileath.

[[Mork]] and [[Gork]]/Gork and Mork are Khorne's old drinking buddies. They piss him off more than any other beings in existence, but after a good 3-way beatdown and a few billion cases of squig beer he realizes they're alright company.

Khorne has a feeling that he'd get along with the gods of the [[Dwarfs]], but even their introductions (being long ass winded descriptions of their primary worshipers and their lineages) irritate him so much he can't even get into a conversation with them. One of them is STILL giving his own introduction, and has been for about 20,000 years or so now (and he hasn't even reached the changes that have happened since he started). Unable to make him aware of what's going on around him, Khorne simply moved him into the guest room and bricked it off with a wall of skulls.

As for the [[Tyranid|Bugs?]] Khorne hates them '''''Especially''''' due to them not having real blood, just vile alien ichor.

==The Philosophy of Khorne==

Unlike the other Gods of Chaos which prey on more complex moral intuitions and lines of logic, Khorne's philosophy is fairly straight forward. It is simply the philosophy of a warrior who seeks honor and glory, and to reach higher highs and find purpose in the seemingly senseless adrenaline rush of contempt, hatred, fury, rage, and relentlessness that war brings out in a man. It's the primal "might makes right" that underpins all societies and the dynamics of power and force that keep them in line.

Any good khornate is very aware of power and force and seeks to challenge these false hierarchies that have been constructed in favor of the most primal and true one. One that is not only fair and meritocratic, but which seeks to rip the false pretenses out of society and boil man down to the core of what he is: a mindless animal that must fight to survive against overwhelming odds.

Khorne is not like the other gods in that he is not one who is seeking to actively deceive. He only wishes to make society fair-make the world fair-through the most primal and instinctual way all beings most operate.

Unlike what is commonly thought, the mindless berserkers are not necessarily the most favored of Khorne's servants. It is instead those who are able to use their strength and cunning to control their rage and power to unleash it at the perfect moment to maximize the carnage and establish themselves as a victor. The rage he feeds into you, and the constant pain of not killing only seeks to make you stronger, a challenge you must overcome to make yourself better than you and more effective at becoming the best.

Or at least, so a Khornate would claim.
==His portrayal in Warhammer Fantasy==
He's a half-way mythologically accurate version of [[Viking|Odin]], whose very name means Fury (and one translation means 'frenzy'). You could also make the case that Khorne is Thor minus any protective instincts towards humanity, as both are whirling vortices of blood and spit who are associated with the colour red and its connotation of anger.

No, that's it. Get the fuck out; he's an axe-crazy, psychopathic, evil-as-balls daemonic version of Odin - so basically the Norse god of wisdom, with wisdom actually treated the way Vikings would have recognized. Currently there's a bit of a debate about how much of Odin he represents (see discussion page) so this bit will list the similarities and some of the differences.

Well, for one thing, Chaos worshippers in Warhammer Fantasy actually are Vikings. Read about them [[Warriors of Chaos|here]]. Secondly, Khorne is closely associated with wolves in that setting (one of Odin's names literally translates to 'Battle Wolf'), and even has a wolf-like pet in [[Karanak]], thus, fulfilling a role similar to Freki and Geri, or more closely, Garmr (having three heads, Karnak also parallels Cerberus from Greek Mythology). Also, it's revealed in Knight of the Realm that Khorne owns two hunting wolves/giant fleshhounds called Garmr and Gormr, with whom he partakes in a wild hunt across the heavens.

Another point of similarity is that both Odin and Khorne are war gods explicitly connected with berserker rage. They have their own warrior-cults associated with them who fight with said rage and Odin's Olfhednar are practically the same as Khorne's Chosen in both form and function.

Additionally, thanks to Valkia, Khorne also has a Valkyrie to further the similarity between him and Odin. This was inevitable, of course, given that the Warriors of Chaos are indeed an evil version of the Vikings as has already been stated. It should also be noted that Valkia's similarity to the Valkyries is not a superficial one. She is actually referred to as 'the Sword-Maiden of the Blood God' in the WoC codex, and is Khorne's Chooser of the Slain who carries those worthy champions and warriors of his to fight on in the Blood God's halls after death.

Finally, we got a glimpse of his neck of the Realm of Chaos in the Valkia novel written by Sarah Cock-well. It was basically Chaos Valhalla, and here's some of his quotes:

"A cleaved head no longer plots." "A head stuck on a pike no longer conspires." "Put to the sword they who disagree."

Now for the differences, aside from the obvious physical ones Odin also scries, it's woman's magic taught to him by Frigg and Freya. He's got the rage, yeah, but he's also all about fate and averting ragnarok, (directly opposed to Khorne's goals) even if he knows he can't stop it since fate works that way; in that regard Khorne is more like Surtr from Norse Mythology (the fiery giant who wages war and brings flames that would consume the Earth - the instigator of Ragnarok). We see this in the Havamal, Grimnismal, the Voluspa, and the Lokasenna. Hell, in Lokasenna, we learn he cross dresses, ie was tied into shamanic practices (Indo-Europeans have a thing for seers in drag). He can also get to Tzeentch levels with his planning and Odin's perfectly fine with Runic magic, whereas Khorne hates that shit.

==Champions Of Khorne==
===In 40K===

* [[Kharn the Betrayer]]: Embodiment of Crazy Awesome and Patron Saint of fun guys everywhere. Kharn is Khorne's greatest mortal champion in 40K and has a wholly deserved reputation as a team-killing nutso. Once upon a time, Kharn was a straight-laced, meticulous Assault Captain of the World Eaters 8th company. [[Horus Heresy|After a certain chain of events]] he dedicated himself wholly to Khorne, thus becoming one of the most fucking lethal warriors in the galaxy as well as probably the most religiously devoted of Khorne's servants. Also notable for shattering two entire Space Marine legions by himself with a flamethrower in a single night. Despite this, since his first appearance (where he was no different from other Berzerkers) he became more and more coolheaded when not in combat (and even then there are moments when he is coolheaded in combat). He's become a swell guy because of this.

* [[Angron]]: '''HE! GETS! SHIT! DONE!!!''''. Khorne's foremost Daemon Prince alongside Doombreed. PERIOD.

* [[Doombreed]]: Khorne's greatest Daemon Prince ever and possibly either Genghis Khan or Turgeis the Devil IRL (probably Genghis Khan, Turgeis the Devil's infamy mostly came from cowardly tactics - he attacked churches because non-combatants like clergymen and monks didn't put up the best fights and to steal all the holy relics and decoration made from precious metals). Notable for launching an actually successful Dark Crusade that wiped out two Space Marine chapters. Which is more than a [[Abaddon|certain armless failure has pulled off]].

* [[Svane Vulfbad]]: EVEN IN 40K KHORNE'S CHOSEN ARE VIKINGS. Svane Vulfbad was a motherfucking badass [[Awesome|Chaos Terminator Space Wolf Chaos Lord]] who grew tired of the Imperium's sickening effeminate inability to GET SHIT DONE and the Space Wolves' sickening fur-fetishes and instead decided to dedicated himself to a god worthy of his kickassery. He thus became a badass Chaos Lord dedicated to Khorne (because a berserker god of war who likes axes meshes well with Vikings) and was killed, anticlimactically, by a thunderbolt while fighting Harald Deathwolf.

* [[Crull]]: A Chaos Lord from Winter Assault notable only for making idiotic statements, and utilizing Sorcerers in his warband when there's some possessing to be done. Also has a weird way of saying "drown".

* [[Azariah Kyras]]: A Librarian who somehow became a Champion of Khorne and who ascended to daemonhood. Presumably, his [[Awesome|speaking skills were great enough that the Blood God was able to give him slight leeway in regards to the 'no Psyker rule']], likely because he was a philosopher of carrion and slaughter, showing Khorne's way as freedom, freedom in meaningless, in mindlessness, which he accuses the functionings of the universe of. Khorne loves that stuff, existentialism for skulls, especially when it's an arch-traitor responsible for the deaths of billions, then declaring openly his allegience of Chaos to his fellow Mehreens as he is about to ascend as one of the most powerful daemon princes ever. A psyker who uses psykic powers to bring about good old kinetic Exterminatus, their reputation to raise covert cults of slaughter, discover their lust for combat and seek to encompass it, and ultimatedly be the poster child of Khornist Existentialism is too good of a chance for Khorne to pass up, who either wins against the galaxy or gets to devour Kyras' soul in a good long bloodbashing and probably still make a good Greater Daemon of Khorne out of him, probably the one and only Chaos tactical genius who could actually lead a Black Crusade properly. That's another reason Khorne likes him. Kyras' no funny business style of simply tearing a sector apart however possible tends to draw other Chaos God devotees under the wing of a Khornate champion. Here is the speech of doom that he gives the player's army (before the last level of the game ) or per canon, the Blood Ravens following Captain Diomedes before the climax:

"Faithful... enlightened... ambitious... brethren.

In but a single decade, a few mere swipes of the pendulum, we have gathered a sacrifice to Khorne that will be made legend.Though it was a simpler, weaker voice that illuminated me during my centuries upon the Judgement of Carrion... it was Khorne's messenger that showed me the true path of freedom from our pathetic corpse-Emperor.

And what is this path? This meaning, this purpose to which we gather the skulls of our foes? It is nothing. There is no meaning, no purpose. We murder. We kill. It is mindless savagery, this UNIVERSE IS MINDLESS!

In mere hours, billions will die. Innocent! Guilty! Strong and weak! Honest and deceitful! ALL of them! They will scream, they will burn, and for no purpose but that mighty Khorne may revel in their bloodshed! And united in this void of purpose, fear, or duty... we shall at long last be free!

BLOOD! FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!! SKULLS! FOR THE SKULL THRONE!!! LET... THE GALAXY... BUUUURRRRNNN!!!"

Also notable as the single longest-to-fucking-kill-boss in the history of the Dawn of War series other than [[Ulkair]]. (Not that we haven't found ways to cheese him in under five minutes, namely Tyranids spamming warriors with venom upgrades alongside Hive Lord with his anti-daemon gun) Still, pure undiluted awesome.

===In Fantasy===
'''VIKINGS!!!''' '''VIIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNGSSSSSSSS!!!'''

* [[Valkia the Bloody]]: A pissed off badass Valkyrie who chooses who will fight on in the Halls of the Blood God after they die in glorious battle. She managed to kill a motherfucking DAEMON PRINCE as a lowly, un-Marked, un-augmented human in SINGLE COMBAT to earn Khorne's favour, CUT ITS FUCKING HEAD OFF, AND THEN CARRIED IT BACK TO THE NORTH TO PLACE AT THE FOOT OF THE SKULL THRONE. And then she died on the way. But Khorne was so impressed by this badassery/pissed off by her death, he resurrected her as a fucking Daemon Princess. Now she flies around the battlefields of the world slaughtering anything that looks at her funny and bearing Norsemen to the Khorne's place for a glorious afterlife of fighting and drinking. She is also far more attractive than anything of Slaanesh's menagerie, much to the Prince of Pleasure's eternal rage and the Bloodfather's great amusement, primarily due to having hair.

* [[Garmr Hrodvitnir]] aka Billy Squigins: A Chaos Lord of Khorne who managed to almost kill Gotrek Fucking Gurnisson in a fight. 'Nuff said.

* [[Hrothgar Daemonaxe]]: A Chaos Lord who only had his rules and miniatures released at a Games Day. He had the statline of a Bloodthirster. His miniature also depicts him throttling an elf, which makes him a good person.

* [[Arbaal the Undefeated]]: Nicknamed 'Arbaal the Easily Defeatable' due to his rules from Champions of Chaos having been shockingly awful. Arbaal's been effectively retcon'd out of existence under the excuse that he's journeyed into the Realm of Chaos to challenge Khorne himself to a fight. <s>Good luck with that.</s> It went about as well as you expected.

* [[Scyla Anfingrimm]]: The greatest [[Chaos Spawn|You-Know-What]] ever to walk the earth. Scyla was a Chaos Lord of Khorne who got one too many mutations before his time and devolved into a YKW. But he's the most badass YKW ever, and is a leadership 10 general. Which is impressive considering the only thing he can say is "'''KILL FOR KHORNE! KILL FOR KHORNE! KILL FOR KHORNE!'''".

* Chaos Lord [[Varmisgal]]: A Chaos Lord whose blood has turned to liquid bronze. He is responsible for the stalking brass bull of Nuln and the great raid into the Misty Mountains... it is also alleged he ate his own penis.

* [[Valmir Aesling]]: A Norscan king and Champion of Khorne who destroyed the Norse Dwarf Hold of Kraka Drak. Managed to get a fucking Daemon Prince to work for him, slaughtered a metric fuck-ton of Norse Dwarfs (roughly 8 times the manliness of a regular Dwarf and thus worth 24 Space Wolves). [[Awesome|Also rode a motherfucking chariot pulled by skinless bears]].

* [[Egil Styrbjorn]]: A Norscan High Yarl of the Skaeligs and probably the greatest epitome of manliness a Chaos Warrior devoted to Khorne can achieve. He slew a lot and took names, kicked Bretonnian arses, sexed many women(all which said was impotent and didnt really find pleasure in, poor guy) yet never got a proper heir (only daughters). It was so bad for him that he adopted a boy that became later his personal shamanistic seer and advisor...that is until he banged a Kurgan Sorceress that was prophesied by said shaman to bear Egil's son, yet the damned cheese eating surrender monkeys took her and his unborn son away, which he answered them with apocalyptic RAAAAAGE and titanic slaughter (then again, said Sorceress wanted to sacrifice the unborn child for immortality, and she was actually possessing a Bretonnian noblewoman when doing deed with Egil so Egil's son was in that Bretonnian's womb and the Bretonnian Knights were rescuing her). And thus there was an epic campaign to retrieve the boy. Wields two badass flaming axes called Garmr and Gormr. Really dislikes the Lady of the Lake and other Southerner gods. So manly he is that he let a Grail Knight stab him only to throw back his sword to him. Also known for embodying Khorne's tactical take on war, which he mercilessly used against the Bretonnian Knights that stubbornly charged his warriors head on (until said knights realized that they were duped and slaughtered in seconds).

* [[Skarr Bloodwrath]]: Deranged respawning berserker with axes that double as flails. Joined [[Archaon]]'s posse during [[The End Times]] as one of the many Khornate forces that helped hasten the end of the world.
[[File:Khorne TWW3.png|400px|thumb|right|Khorne as he appears during survival battles in Total War: Warhammer 3]]
===Total War: Warhammer 3===
In the game you must collect the souls of 4 daemon princes, one from each Chaos god, in order to fight Be'lakor and get to Ursun. Khorne's realm is to some extent the easiest; in order to fight the daemon prince, you must fill up a bar that hangs over your army by fighting various AI armies. To summarize it, it is the ultimate monster mash: name a monster from any faction and it's there. Treekin? Yes. Squigs? Yes. Chaos Sp-- those things? Yes. Hellpit abomination? Yes! Now if you're a '''MAN''', you bring your best monster hunting troops and get to stabbing as you fill that bar up... or you take the easy way and blow up Khorne's animal Sanctuary using copious amounts of artillery while Khorne cries manly tears after seeing the hard work he put into his zoo destroyed in the most unmanly way possible. Either way you then fight the daemon prince and get the soul in order to go and kick Be'lakor's ass.

==Fun Khorne Facts==
* Interestingly the word "Khorne" in Ancient Cypriot Greek literally means to "Shit Blood". Kh' - "To force outward", ORN - "Back passage", Ee - "Blood".
*Doombreed, Khorne's second daemon prince servant, might actually be Genghis Khan himself.
*Khorne's looking for ways to incorporate dinosaurs into his armies, due to the sheer amount of [[RIP AND TEAR]] they can unleash on their enemies. He's unbelievably pissed that he hasn't managed to get any yet- '''{{Blam|YOU GAVE IT AWAY?!?!? FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU}}'''
*Khorne <strike>secretly</strike> ''{{Blam|BLATANTLY}}''' hates everyone who kills the defenseless in his name. He'd plot ways to kill them, but he's too mad to do that. (So what else is new?)
*Khorne was just able to stand watching Jurassic World once it got going due to the Indominus Rex and how it made everything else look like bitches. He raged when it died. He's looking for its skull 'cause he wishes he could have it as one of his servants- *sounds of swords and blood* '''{{Blam|FAGGOT!}}''' (Why couldn't Khorne just seek the skull of the Mosasaurus that killed it? Or Rexie, T-rex is classic, I hear you say.) To that, I answer that coz without the Mosasaurus then Rex would'a DIED.
*Khorne is unsure whether or not he hates [[Cultist-chan]], due to a) the fact that she can't do anything except scream about 'kap-tooring eet for kay-oss' and get purged and b) the fact that she's so good at spreading [[RAEG]] amongst various unlucky meatsacks and fa/tg/uys. And that indecisiveness makes him foam at the mouth in an unending rage.
*Khorne practically invented flipping the table when you lose at card games, or it goes too slowly. He does this whenever the major Warp entities play cards in the Formless Wastes.
*Followers of Khorne actually have the ability to pull off [[LIIVI]]/[[Eldrad]] level dick-style moves in battle. They just choose not to do this.
*Khorne wanted [[Settra the Imperishable]] as one of his servants once. However, Settra won't ever serve Khorne, even going so far as to give ALL OF CHAOS the '''motherfucking middle finger''' before going off to hunt down [[Nagash]]. That said, Settra may well be one of the few mortal beings besides his own servants Khorne has any respect for. He still hates Settra though.
*Slaanesh once created some Kayos Spess Mehreens with his/her colour scheme, but with armour nicked off fallen Khornate warriors. And when Khorne saw this, '''his wrath was legendary'''.
*Slaanesh and Khorne also have regular 'plans' on Friday night- *sounds of something even bigger than a [[Bloodthirster]] coming through and much ripping and tearing* '''{{Blam|NO! YOU'RE LYING!}}'''
* [[Emperor|That Twat With The Chair]] and Khorne haven't '''SMACKED DOWN''' yet, but Khorne is secretly looking forward to it when it happens- he wants to test Spess Jaysis's might against his own. Tickets are now on sale!
*If an internet hyperlink comes up red, it's not because the page doesn't exist, it's because Khorne looked at what was once on the other end, and '''he didn't like what he saw''', so much so that the hyperlink is stained with the blood of what once was.
* Khorne's favorite form of grouping is in ogdoads, for reasons that should be obvious once you know what that word means.
* Khorne's favorite [[video game|vidja]] was [[Doom]]. he abandoned it in a strange combination of terror and appreciation once he learned it was Biographical/Autobiographical.
* If Khorne is acting calm towards you, don't relax. He doesn't like anything, he just hates some things less than others. There is such a thing as cold-hatred.
* Khorne was '''ALMOST''' pleased when [[Iskandar Khayon]] smashed his ship, the ''Tlaloc'', into the Slaaneshi world of Harmony, killing a whole shitload of Slaaneshi fucks and breaking the planet in half. Then he remembered Khayon was a damn Thousand Son Sorcerer. Fuck.
*[[TTS|Khorne will not stab you in the back. He will simply stab you in the face until your face stops resembling a face.]]
*Very few beings have ever earned Khorne's respect. but the most notable is the '''MOTHERFUCKING DOOMGUY!!!''' (another is Valen the ancestor of [[Kharn]]).
*DOOM 2016 <s>tells of a "Wretch" who made the Doom Slayer an adamantine Amour from the deepest parts of the forges of Hell. And since Khorne CAN craft absolute destructive Weapons and impenetrable Armour...</s> (he did not make the armor for him but he approves of him using it.)
*Khorne is mixed on snipers. Partly because they sneak and hide like pussies and don't get into a proper fight, and partly because headshots ruin perfectly good skulls. However, sniping is the most skillfull form of shooting. It’s also Slaaneshi.
*Khorne's favorite author is Sun Tzu. Three guesses why if you know what he's written.
*Khorne is the patron god of Chimpanzees (no seriously, look them up; those bastards are the fucking marauding barbarians of the jungle, especially since their cousins the Bonobos seem like milktoast Slaanesh followers).
*Thanks to his relationship with Valkia the Bloody, Khorne may or may not be married to the devoted blood and gore addicted maiden of war.
*Despite his association with canines, Khorne also <s>has</s> had a pet rabbit, which he [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmu5sRIizdw loaned out to appear in a certain comedy film].
** Doomguy killed it his own pet rabbit to one of Khorne’s rogue operator warbands. (RIP daisy)
*Khorne is also the god of tsunderes, no, seriously, as stated in a previous section, which is even further added by many tsunderes being red themed, this makes Khorne RAAAAEEEG! even more as his followers are supposed to be manly armored guys and not teen girls in school uniform, but hey, that's the internet for you!

==Gallery==
{{promotions}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-khorn.jpg|The [[Doom|Throne Guy]] himself, likely an inaccurate portrayal but still badass.
Image:Khornate.JPG|Khorne's followers off the battlefield. REVERSE ARMWRESTLE!!!
Image:khornewaffel.JPG|Waffles for the Blood God!
Image:Khornetrainer.JPG|Khorne's trainers prefer violent Pokémon.
Image:Khorne_tattoo.jpg|Mark of Khorne.
Image:Free like a riding demon by Ragathol.jpg|Khornette.
Image:Backwardsthrone.jpg|Just as Planned. Always. As. Planned.
File:Khornette.jpg|Khorne wants to know why the drawfags never give them noses.
File:Tea Time.jpg|In the grim darkness of the far future, there is still time for tea...
File:Khorne-Art.jpg|Warriors of Chaos: making everything in 40K look like bitches since 2002.
Image:You're_madder_than_Khorne.png|There '''is''' such a thing as being too mad for Khorne!
Image:Khorneholiover2.png |The [[Cornholio the Cultist|Great Khorneholio]]. He needs blood and skulls for his bunghole.
Image:Anon_pleases_Khorne.png|Who knew Berzerkers came in ''Shrimp'' size?
Image:Khorne Flakes.jpg|The tastiest of all! Add blood for more flavor.
Image:Khorne_flakes.jpg|Literal <s>corn</s> Khorne Flake Cake! Some absolute madlad/madlass actually did it!
Image:Khorny Meme.jpg|Whoever made this has too much time on their hands. And access to imgflip.
</gallery>

==See also==

*[[Brass]]
*[[Khorne Berzerkers]] - Chaos Space Marines with Axes and a bad attitude.
*[[Angron]] - Daemon prince of Khorne and the Primarch of World Eaters.
*[[World Eaters]]
*[[Khârn|Khârn the Betrayer]] - A pretty fun guy to be around.
*[[Valkia the Bloody]] - Scarousal in it's purest form.
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Khorne_Daemonkin(7E)|Tactics/Khorne Daemonkin]] - That's right, meatsacks! The servants of Khorne have their own codex!
*[[Age of Sigmar/Tactics/Chaos/Blades of Khorne|Tactics/Blades of Khorne]] - Khorne's servants in AoS.
*[[Rage]]
*[[Sorcerers of Khorne]] - Double heresy!
*[[Doombreed]] - One angry son of a bitch.
*[[Doom|the one guy Khorne respects]]
* This pretty much sums up his forces: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-gSJW3sHXE&feature=channel_video_title
*[[Katanas_are_Underpowered_in_d20#Khorne_is_underpowered_in_40k|Khorne is underpowered in 40k]]
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vljHBXA3UKE - death metal song devoted to Khorne.
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml3sjEiViXc - better death metal song.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8mEOiI4pjs - thrash metal song summing up Khorne pretty well.
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edNUp4GkukI - can't forget the blackened thrash.
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUB9QGKCNmI - a bunch of anime Khorne worshippers. Better than it sounds.
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8mEOiI4pjs - another metal song devoted to Khorne. GW actually commissioned this one. Yes, they really were that awesome back in the day.

{{Template:ChaosGods}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Blades of Khorne]]

Vashtorr

2023-06-13T12:51:47Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

{{Wh40k-stub}}
{{Heresy}}
{{topquote|In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.|President Dwight D. Eisenhower's Farewell Address}}

{{topquote|As the mad men play on words And make us all dance to their song To the tune of starving millions To make a better kind of gun|Iron Maiden, Two Minutes To Midnight}}
{{topquote|[[Meme|The future is now, old man]].|Vashtorr, trading barbs with [[Hashut|his predecessor]]}}
[[File:Vashtorr against some unlucky primaris.jpg|420px|thumb|right|We've been trying to reach you about your [[METAL BOXES|car]]'s extended warranty.]]
'''Vashtorr the Arkifane''' is a [[daemon]] unaligned to any of the [[Chaos Gods]] who holds dominion over the Forge of Souls; though he has no loyalty to any of the four major Chaos Gods, he has established himself as a demigod by acting as their shared [[Soul Grinder|arms dealer]], thus making him important enough to deter any of them from trying to attack him. A being born from humanity's drive to create and invent, his technological skills have made him not only a figure of adoration among the [[Dark Mechanicus]] and [[Warpsmiths]] among the dark powers, but also the mastermind behind the newfangled [[Arks of Omen]], weaponized [[Space Hulk]]s molded by his own flesh that are part of [[Abaddon]]'s renewed offensive on the Nachmund Gauntlet. The two of them now seek the fragments of an ancient relic known only as "The Key", which if reassembled would give its wielder the power to define the fate of the galaxy itself. This is because the Key would allow its wielder to open a portal to anywhere in existence, including to a secret vault hidden in the [[Webway]] which is apparently jam full of all kinds of weapons and knowledge left behind by the [[Old Ones]] during the [[War in Heaven]].

Curiously enough, Vashtorr might actually be more along the lines of [[Lawful Evil]] rather than whatever spectrum the big 4 decide to be on any given day. While the contracts he brokers with daemons willing to become Soul Grinders are never exactly fair, he's a stickler for the exact terms of each contract and will always uphold them. Often, it's the contracted daemons who grow too greedy and thus break the terms of their own accord.

In any event, despite the best efforts of the [[Imperium of Man]], [[Farsight Enclaves]], or his demonic rival [[Be'lakor]] to stop him he ultimately managed to get all the artifact pieces he needs. So at the end of the Arks of Omen narrative, he is able to form the Key or “dissonance engine” as it’s also known by rebuilding the shattered remnants of the [[Dark Angels]] homeworld of [[Caliban (Warhammer 40,000) |Caliban]] and turning it into a [[Daemon World]] which Vashtorr rechristened as Wyrmwood. As it turns out the whole damn planet was the key the whole time, with it being confirmed that, as had been theorized by fans from the three time-warping relics of Caliban, the Old Ones actually made it to create and expand the Webway. <s>[[Derp|Guess Big E looks mighty stupid for not using this instead of the Golden Throne, eh-]]</s> {{BLAM}} All he was missing was the final piece, [[The Rock]]; lucky for him the Dark Angels were already rightly pissed off by fact their home world was now fully a demonic hellhole and charged right in. However before the Dark Angels or their newly returned Primarch [[Lion El'Jonson]] (and some Blood Angels who arrived in Jonson's request) could try and kill Vashtorr or his Chaos allies for this offense, Vashtorr activated the Dissonance Engine and opened a new portal into the Webway that absorbed Wyrmwood and thus allowed him and his allies to escape. Now the rest of the galaxy can only hope and pray that someone amongst them can track Vashtorr down and stop him before he can locate the Webway vault and uses it to ascend to godhood.

Notably, there's been no word about his presence in the [[Age of Sigmar|Mortal Realms]]. On one hand, his presence is so recent that there was likely no chance for him to even appear in the most recent Chaos Battletomes, meaning that GW has plenty of time to write up some sort of plot hook to add him in and preserve the pan-universal theming of daemons. However, it's also likely that he just won't show up there as the forces of Chaos in that setting don't really have much on the tech angle - but c'mon, there's no way you wouldn't want Warp-corrupted [[Kharadron Overlords|steampunk dwarf zepplins]]. <strike>Also, [[Hashut]] is the one filling his niche of "evil god of industry" for fantasy/AoS.</strike> Not necessarily. Hashut in both Fantasy and Age of Sigmar is the Chaos God of Tyranny, whereas Vashtorr seems to be more of the embodiment of the innovative spirit. For Hashut, it is not the Dawi Zarr's use of technology that feeds him, but the subjugation and suffering that they use to fuel their infernal forges and their binding of technology with souls of the damned and daemons forever bound within Daemon Engines. Vashtorr does not operate in the same way, as he does not deceive or manipulate, but instead seeks to innovate, modify and grow as people are pushed to ever more dangerous extremes of development. In that sense, Hashut and Vashtorr are just complimentary in that tyranny does not necessitate the harsh conditions of the forge, but in the grim darkness of the far future where technological innovation is dying, the two may overlap more than one would hope.

While holding considerable power in the [[Warp]], his efforts to become a [[malal|fifth Chaos God]] have so far been stymied by a lack of influence over the Materium, and so he sees his alliance with Abaddon as an opportunity to establish himself in realspace. Thus far, the only real opposition he faces is from [[Be'lakor]], who undoubtedly does not like the competition for his own attempts in ascending to godhood. However, like his parents, even he hesitates at making a direct offensive lest he find himself thrown into a pit of thousands of daemon engines.

His epithet of 'Arkifane' spells out his role within the Forge of Souls, 'Arki' coming from Ancient Greek and Latin for 'chief or leader' and comes from the older árkhō meaning 'to lead, rule, govern or begin'. While 'Fane' comes from the Latin 'fanum' meaning shrine or temple. So Vashtorr the Arkifane literally means Vashtorr the master of the shrine. Digging into meanings a little you also get Vashtorr 'the first of the shrine', in the ancient Greek/Roman sense of the 'first citizen' being the oldest and most respected man within the Senate and unspokenly the most influential and powerful member. A title that was taken and used by all Roman Emperors for that very reason, to demonstrate that they were the most powerful person in the Senate. Roman Emperors were also deified after death, and later were deified while they were alive and regarded as gods within the Roman pantheon, which is the goal of Vashtorr within the Chaos Pantheon. So you can read his epithet as:
Vashtorr the first, the most powerful, the leader, The God or soon to be God, of the shrine (The Forge of Souls).

==Crunch==
[[File:VashtorrArkifane.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Ooooo, pointy!]]
As you might expect from the lord of the Forge of Souls, Vashtorr's abilities excel in both empowering allied Daemon Engines and crippling the machines of his enemies. His main ability, ''Will of the Arkifane'', has one of three modes that can be chosen from in each Command Phase. The first one adds +1 to hit to all Chaos Space Marine Daemon Engines (other than aircraft, Characters, and superheavies) within 3" of him, the second causes an enemy unit within 18" to have their guns' range get cut in half, and the last one halves the movement and Attacks of an enemy vehicle within 18".

He's fairly good in a fight himself, with plenty of Wounds, the {{W40kKeyword|FLY}} keyword, Warp Strike, a 4++ invulnerable save, and the ability to reduce incoming damage by 1. His weapons are his claws (a 12" S5 AP-2 flamer) and his hammer (an AP-2 power fist that deals 4 mortal wounds to a targeted vehicle on a 5+). As an Agent of Chaos he can join any Legion or Chaos faction without breaking their mono-faction bonuses, making him a good way of supplementing any army that could use a little extra mechanized oomph (particularly when supplemented by his Army of Renown rules).

{{Template:Daemons-Characters}}
[[Category:Dark Mechanicus]]

Vashtorr

2023-06-13T12:39:59Z

2001:8003:DC2D:9900:7847:63A9:C2F1:F563:

{{Wh40k-stub}}
{{Heresy}}
{{topquote|In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.|President Dwight D. Eisenhower's Farewell Address}}

{{topquote|As the mad men play on words And make us all dance to their song To the tune of starving millions To make a better kind of gun|Iron Maiden, Two Minutes To Midnight}}
{{topquote|[[Meme|The future is now, old man]].|Vashtorr, trading barbs with [[Hashut|his predecessor]]}}
[[File:Vashtorr against some unlucky primaris.jpg|420px|thumb|right|We've been trying to reach you about your [[METAL BOXES|car]]'s extended warranty.]]
'''Vashtorr the Arkifane''' is a [[daemon]] unaligned to any of the [[Chaos Gods]] who holds dominion over the Forge of Souls; though he has no loyalty to any of the four major Chaos Gods, he has established himself as a demigod by acting as their shared [[Soul Grinder|arms dealer]], thus making him important enough to deter any of them from trying to attack him. A being born from humanity's drive to create and invent, his technological skills have made him not only a figure of adoration among the [[Dark Mechanicus]] and [[Warpsmiths]] among the dark powers, but also the mastermind behind the newfangled [[Arks of Omen]], weaponized [[Space Hulk]]s molded by his own flesh that are part of [[Abaddon]]'s renewed offensive on the Nachmund Gauntlet. The two of them now seek the fragments of an ancient relic known only as "The Key", which if reassembled would give its wielder the power to define the fate of the galaxy itself. This is because the Key would allow its wielder to open a portal to anywhere in existence, including to a secret vault hidden in the [[Webway]] which is apparently jam full of all kinds of weapons and knowledge left behind by the [[Old Ones]] during the [[War in Heaven]].

Curiously enough, Vashtorr might actually be more along the lines of [[Lawful Evil]] rather than whatever spectrum the big 4 decide to be on any given day. While the contracts he brokers with daemons willing to become Soul Grinders are never exactly fair, he's a stickler for the exact terms of each contract and will always uphold them. Often, it's the contracted daemons who grow too greedy and thus break the terms of their own accord.

In any event, despite the best efforts of the [[Imperium of Man]], [[Farsight Enclaves]], or his demonic rival [[Be'lakor]] to stop him he ultimately managed to get all the artifact pieces he needs. So at the end of the Arks of Omen narrative, he is able to form the Key or “dissonance engine” as it’s also known by rebuilding the shattered remnants of the [[Dark Angels]] homeworld of [[Caliban (Warhammer 40,000) |Caliban]] and turning it into a [[Daemon World]] which Vashtorr rechristened as Wyrmwood. As it turns out the whole damn planet was the key the whole time, with it being confirmed that, as had been theorized by fans from the three time-warping relics of Caliban, the Old Ones actually made it to create and expand the Webway. <s>[[Derp|Guess Big E looks mighty stupid for not using this instead of the Golden Throne, eh-]]</s> {{BLAM}} All he was missing was the final piece, [[The Rock]]; lucky for him the Dark Angels were already rightly pissed off by fact their home world was now fully a demonic hellhole and charged right in. However before the Dark Angels or their newly returned Primarch [[Lion El'Jonson]] (and some Blood Angels who arrived in Jonson's request) could try and kill Vashtorr or his Chaos allies for this offense, Vashtorr activated the Dissonance Engine and opened a new portal into the Webway that absorbed Wyrmwood and thus allowed him and his allies to escape. Now the rest of the galaxy can only hope and pray that someone amongst them can track Vashtorr down and stop him before he can locate the Webway vault and uses it to ascend to godhood.

Notably, there's been no word about his presence in the [[Age of Sigmar|Mortal Realms]]. On one hand, his presence is so recent that there was likely no chance for him to even appear in the most recent Chaos Battletomes, meaning that GW has plenty of time to write up some sort of plot hook to add him in and preserve the pan-universal theming of daemons. However, it's also likely that he just won't show up there as the forces of Chaos in that setting don't really have much on the tech angle - but c'mon, there's no way you wouldn't want Warp-corrupted [[Kharadron Overlords|steampunk dwarf zepplins]]. <strike>Also, [[Hashut]] is the one filling his niche of "evil god of industry" for fantasy/AoS.</strike> Not necessarily. Hashut in both Fantasy and Age of Sigmar is the Chaos God of Tyranny, whereas Vashtorr seems to be more of the embodiment of the innovative spirit. For Hashut, it is not the Dawi Zarr's use of technology that feeds him, but the subjugation and suffering that they use to fuel their infernal forges and their binding of technology with souls of the damned and daemons forever bound within Daemon Engines. Vashtorr does not operate in the same way, as he does not deceive or manipulate, but instead seeks to innovate, modify and grow as people are pushed to ever more dangerous extremes of development. In that sense, Hashut and Vashtorr are just complimentary in that tyranny does not necessitate the harsh conditions of the forge, but in the grim darkness of the far future where technological innovation is dying, the two may overlap more than one would hope.

While holding considerable power in the [[Warp]], his efforts to become a [[malal|fifth Chaos God]] have so far been stymied by a lack of influence over the Materium, and so he sees his alliance with Abaddon as an opportunity to establish himself in realspace. Thus far, the only real opposition he faces is from [[Be'lakor]], who undoubtedly does not like the competition for his own attempts in ascending to godhood. However, like his parents, even he hesitates at making a direct offensive lest he find himself thrown into a pit of thousands of daemon engines.

His epithet of 'Arkifane' spells out his role within the Forge of Souls, 'Arki' coming from Ancient Greek and Latin for 'cheif or leader' and comes from the older árkhō meaning 'to lead, rule, govern or begin'. While 'Fane' comes from the Latin 'fanum' meaning shrine or temple. So Vashtorr the Arkifane literally means Vashtorr the master of the shrine. Digging into meanings a little you also get Vashtorr the first of the shrine, in the ancient Greek/Roman sense of the 'first citizen' being the oldest and most respected man within the Senate and unspokenly the most influential and powerful member. A title that was taken and used by all Roman Emperors for that very reason, to demonstrate that they were the most powerful person in the Senate. Roman Emperors were also deified after death, and later were deified while they were alive and regarded as gods within the Roman pantheon, which is the goal of Vashtorr within the Chaos Pantheon. So you can read his epithet as:
Vashtorr the first, the most powerful, the leader, The God or soon to be God, of the shrine (The Forge of Souls).

==Crunch==
[[File:VashtorrArkifane.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Ooooo, pointy!]]
As you might expect from the lord of the Forge of Souls, Vashtorr's abilities excel in both empowering allied Daemon Engines and crippling the machines of his enemies. His main ability, ''Will of the Arkifane'', has one of three modes that can be chosen from in each Command Phase. The first one adds +1 to hit to all Chaos Space Marine Daemon Engines (other than aircraft, Characters, and superheavies) within 3" of him, the second causes an enemy unit within 18" to have their guns' range get cut in half, and the last one halves the movement and Attacks of an enemy vehicle within 18".

He's fairly good in a fight himself, with plenty of Wounds, the {{W40kKeyword|FLY}} keyword, Warp Strike, a 4++ invulnerable save, and the ability to reduce incoming damage by 1. His weapons are his claws (a 12" S5 AP-2 flamer) and his hammer (an AP-2 power fist that deals 4 mortal wounds to a targeted vehicle on a 5+). As an Agent of Chaos he can join any Legion or Chaos faction without breaking their mono-faction bonuses, making him a good way of supplementing any army that could use a little extra mechanized oomph (particularly when supplemented by his Army of Renown rules).

{{Template:Daemons-Characters}}
[[Category:Dark Mechanicus]]