Advance Wars

2013-05-10T20:55:08Z

206.188.40.82:

[[File:AdvancedWarsTitle.jpeg|thumb|250px|HEY KIDS - WAR IS [[Dwarf Fortress|FUN]]!.]]
'''Advance Wars''' is a [[video game]] series for the Nintendo consoles and handhelds. Which means it's probably cutesy, family friendly, and costs less than competitors. To a normal person, this would sound perfect - to a veteran of [[/tg/]], this is [[heresy]] and complete opposite of things they are used to.

But despite that, it is still about war, [[derp|with all of it's glory and all of it's horrors]].

==Summary==
Advance Wars is a turn-based, [[Awesome|Panzer General]]-inspired strategy game that is set in an alternate modern and [[weeaboo]] universe (with western cultural <s>influences</s> blatant, obvious, and yet amusing stereotypes). Gameplay involves making dudes from preset bases, using those dudes to take over buildings (by stomping on them.... ''tad'' odd, I know), and using those buildings to build MORE dudes to eventually [[meme|kill all the dudes in the enemy base]] and stomp on the base itself.

However, only footsloggers can stomp on the buildings, while everything else can kill them - in a way, it's a perfect balance. On the other hand, it's annoying, because infantry is fragile as a piece of paper, when it's out of cover. And when in cover, it's slow. And there are dozen of nuances that are surprisingly simple to learn but annoying to overcome.

Oh and there's some aircraft and navy battle stuff but they're not really important, the stomping on things, is, though.

One important factor in the battle, is the CO (Commanding Officer) which leads the army. Each of them has a set of different abilities, therefore ensuring that the games will always be unbalanced as all hell.

==Factions==

The designs and COs various factions are all influenced by the four most important powers in World War 2 - or, at least, by stereotypes and cutesy re-imaginings of the 4 main powers, with less genocide and war crimes.

* Orange Star is the USA
* Blue Moon is the USSR (You don't know how lucky you are, boy)
* Green Earth is England
* Yellow Comet is Imperial Japan
* Black Hole is Nazi Germany

Also, there are [[xenos|aliens]] or something, but fuck those guys.

If you want to think in terms of Warhammer 40k, you can think along those lines:

* Orange Star are [[Space Marines]] as they are overall most average in power and style.
* Blue Moon is the [[Imperial Guard]] as they love their artillery and cheap unit spam.
* Green Earth are [[Eldar]], because they are all specialized towards a certain unit type and also tend to be [[Eldrad|dicks]] about everything.
* Yellow Comet are [[Tau|Communist Weeaboos]] for obvious reasons.
* Black Hole is [[Chaos]], especially since in the first game they were a reskin of Orange Star, and therefore were [[Chaos Space Marines]].

...You should also stop calling your cat "Xeno Scum".

==More 40k Relations and other Notes==
[[File:AWBoardgame.jpg|thumb|300px|This costs more than the actual Video Game.]]
Any [[Warhammer 40000|40k]] player who plays Advance Wars will breath with relief for the fact that he doesn't have to worry about morale of his troops. After all, the infantry for all factions are [[Imperial Guard|cheap and expendable]] - but they are fearless and don't need [[Commissars]].

However, there is still [[nerdrage]] to be had, because:
* Even the mighty [[Baneblade|Megatank]], the biggest tank in the series to date, can't even crush a puny squad of soldiers. Instead, it has to rely on it's main armaments of [[Dakka|<s>eleven</s> five barrels of hell]]. Which work on Command & Conquer logic, and therefore suck against infantry (and wasting precious ammo on infantry is painful).
* There are only two variants of infantry, although to be true, since the game is "Panzer General: Light", you don't really need dozens of different infantry units, since it can be assumed that infantry uses a variety of weapons, while only Assault Rifles/Rocket Launchers/Machine Guns are shown. It's a game for 12 year olds for [[Emperor|god's]] sake!
* No special characters appear, so all of the units are little more than minions for the slaughter. And units you can't build are also minions to be slaughtered. Truly, this is a game fit for all children in the [[Imperium|Imperium of Man]].
* The last game of the TBS series has turned [[grimdark]], but has a somewhat happy ending. Therefore it's too happy for 40k players and too dark for the [[/v/|vidja]] fans of the series. At least they gave the Megatank a [[Bolter|heavy machine gun]] so it can save its ammo for other tanks.

[[Category:Video Games]]

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Advance Wars