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Gotrek & Felix

2019-10-04T14:40:21Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* The Dwarf and Associates */

The characters and name of a classic series from GW's [[Black Library]], the series is on the top tier of the library's publications alongside [[Tanith First (And Only)|Gaunt's Ghosts]] by [[Dan Abnett]].

== The Dwarf and Associates ==
[[File:GotrekandFelix.png|300px|thumb|right|Gotrek & Felix ([[Mark Gibbons|MG]])]]
'''Gotrek, son of Gurni''': The most <s>manly</s> dwarfy Dwarf ever, he's butchered his way through so many legions of monsters, horrors and demigods it just makes your balls shrivel in honest to gods jealousy (and more than a little fear). The Slayer is armed with a mighty rune axe that was probably forged and used by the Dwarf ancestor god of war and vengeance in the first big throw-down with Chaos. The axe is also mutating him into some sort of super-Dwarf.

The result is a Dwarfen demigod of violence and vengeance, a mythical ass-kicker of truly earth-shattering proportions. He wants to die in battle, but is just too good at winning. Also, the axe won't let him. Before taking the Slayer Oath, Gotrek was just an engineer with a wife, Helga, and a daughter, Gurna. Then, his best friend Snorri convinced him to sign on for a crazily ambitious plan to travel to the Chaos Wastes and recover treasure from a lost Dwarfhold. The expedition went wrong and Gotrek got lost. During his trek home, he discovered the axe on the corpse of a Dwarf lord. When he finally made it home, goblins had burned down his village and murdered his family. And then some dick of a dwarf thane (possibly his own, since Snorri confirms Gotrek is a "kinslayer") provoked him until he snapped and killed the prick.

Gotrek finally meets his Doom in the novel ''Slayer'', in combat with none less than Grimnir himself. Grimnir then resurrects Gotrek, cedes his position as the Dwarfen God of Vengeance, and presumably retires. His last moments show him rejoicing in the prospect of eternal war, and sends Felix back to the "real" world before going to slaughter an infinite army of daemons.

More recently, he found himself spat back out into the [[Age of Sigmar|Mortal Realms]]. While the Slayers have ceased to exist as he knows them, Gotrek has a sense that he was called to the Mortal Realms for a reason and believes that if he can reunite with Felix he will be able to return to his doom. The stories of the [[Stormcast Eternals]] he has heard have led him to wonder if his old friend might be among their number, and he plans to find out for himself.

Gotrek eventually realized that even if Felix became a Stormcast, he wouldn't remember Gotrek so it would be pointless to try and find him (and if you really buy the idea that Felix isn't coming back sooner or later, I can give you a great price on this one bridge in Brooklyn...). His current quest is to find Grimnir's axe again, and use it to kill Thanquol and Nagash.

In the latest audio drama, Realmslayer, [[Awesome|he is voiced by the legendary BRIAN BLESSED]].

'''Felix Jaeger, Esq.''': The Robin to Gotrek's Batman, the Samwise to his Frodo (or the other way around, since Samwise does all the heavy lifting while Frodo frequently fucks up and needs saving). Felix is, despite appearances and his occasional obnoxiousness, the real hero and narrator of the series. To Gotrek, Felix is his pet human/toy/best friend/memoirist/biographer who is travelling with the dwarf to record his death in an epic poem. Felix is pretty much permanently terrified of dying randomly while Gotrek throws down with godlike evil, and his constant whining about the same is one of his least endearing characteristics, at least during the early books. He also typically acquires a wench-of-the-week in the early books. His [[Sanguinius|long golden hair]] must have a magic appeal ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8 it does nearly get him raped by mountain men in the first book "In the mountains I'm from, anything like that looks good"]).

At some point, after realizing he's made about 1% as many corpses as Gotrek, Felix finally wises up to the fact that he, too, is not only a formidable combatant but probably not entirely human. The point is driven home in one of the later books when he returns home to Altdorf and meets his older brother Otto, who is about 70, while Felix still looks 20. Whatever enchantment affects him, he also comes to crave violence and danger, if to a lesser extent that Gotrek. In the final books, after Felix has married one of the aforementioned wenches and had a daughter, he finds himself despondent at domestic life and utterly uninspired by taking over the family business or restarting his once-promising poetry career. Thankfully, Gotrek shows up and sucks him back into the fight and indeed into the End Times, where both he and Gotrek play pivotal roles. It turns out that the Axe of Grimnir's super-Dwarfifying aura is affecting Felix (and Felix's own enchanted sword, Karaghul), too, nudged along by an enchantment placed on Felix by a witch who wanted to make sure Gotrek fulfilled the axe's destiny, as well as Felix's own, which turned out to be preventing Bel'akor's ascension to become the fifth Chaos God.

'''Dr. Maximillian Schreiber''': A badass Gold (later retconned to Light) Wizard and scientist who accompanies Gotrek, Felix, and bunch of other Dwarfs on a giant air battleship to investigate the fate of the lost hold Karak Dum, in the Chaos Wastes. Originally a slightly disgraced wizard, having been expelled from the Imperial College for his insistence that Chaos must be understood if it is to be defeated, Max was hired to magically ward the airship. On the subsequent adventures, Max proves himself a valuable asset in combat against all sorts of nasties, a steadfast companion and good friend. Initially involved in a love triangle with Felix and the Kislevite noblewoman Ulrika (who later became a vampire, for reasons too idiotic to go into), which was a source of pointless tension between them and prevented them from becoming real friends, even though holy shit! they're the only two Empire dudes for hundreds of miles. Disappeared from the series when Gotrek and Felix got teleported to Albion. Showed up again much later, and was the guardian of the most butt-fuck retarded witch girl in the entire Old World; this caused yet another quarrel between Felix over a girl, but this time it was because the loopy bint came on to Felix and Max thought Felix was being a lech. Reappears in Kinslayer as a prisoner of Throgg. His capture prompts the gang to reunite in order to rescue him. By Slayer he's returned to his old badass self as he has grown to encompass multiple schools. He dies after being blasted off an airship, after fighting Be'lakor one-on-one and banishing him from the material plane. It's even implied by Be'lakor that Max might have utterly destroyed him if Max hadn't been also protecting Felix, which is badass as fuck.

'''Lady Ulrika Magdova''': A tomboyish (even having short hair) Kilsevite noblewoman. Very lusty because, despite resisting Felix's advances throughout his stay at her father's manse, she throws herself at him the night before he leaves by showing up in his bed nude. She becomes Felix's girlfriend for awhile, though tensions emerge due to their respective duties. Ulrika eventually grows close to Max after he saves her from a Nurglite plague and a lot of unrequited attention, ending her relationship with Felix. Before Ulrika and Max can consummate their relationship she gets kidnapped by the vampire Adolphus Krieger, first as a human shield but then Krieger takes a liking to her and turns her into a vampire. She leaves with Krieger's vampiric sire to work with the Lahmian vampires. The events are covered in two novels [[Skub|that the fanbase is divided on]]. Reunites with Felix twice later to help him record Gotrek's doom and live to tell about it. Though their relationship is completely finished Ulrika occasionally teases Felix about it. Then she succumbs to her vampiric bloodlust and Felix is forced to kill her in self-defense.

'''Snorri Nosebiter''': Gotrek's best Dwarf friend and fellow Slayer. Complete idiot without two brain cells to rub together, he's still a badass and can almost keep up with Gotrek. He and Gotrek go way, way back, when they were the sole survivors of an expedition to the Chaos Wastes. A massive sweetheart for a Dwarf, he's good friends with Felix as well. Disappears from the series around the middle, he returns much older and even more befuddled, to the point where he can't remember the shame that drove him to become a Slayer, which is a massive dishonor in and of itself. This is exactly as pathetic and sad as it sounds. Still kicks ass, though, and finally manages to find his doom with his memory restored, and go on to whatever awaits. It turns out his shame is his blaming himself, justifiably, for Gotrek's taking up the Slayer Oath. He was the one who convinced Gotrek to go on the disastrous expedition, which is bad enough. But on the way back, he got drunk and got into a fight with some rangers, preventing them from stopping a goblin raid, which is heavily implied to be the same one that killed Gotrek's home town. And then it turns out Gotrek's daughter was killed by goblins, but '''he''' killed Gotrek's wife on arriving at the burnt out village, since he was drunk and it was smokey, so he mistook her for a goblin that had remained behind to loot, she was on fire and would have died anyway. Gotrek finally kills him, reluctantly, after Snorri recovers his memory and confesses to Gotrek, thereby technically fulfilling the sad old Dwarf's Slayer oath. This shit here is real tragedy, you stone-hearted monsters. His ghost makes a cameo in Realmslayer, apparently the realm of Shyish is also home to people who died from the World-that-was. He mentions seeing Max and Ulrika once long ago, but not Malakai Makaisson.

'''Malakai, son of Makai''': Insane genius Dwarf Slayer engineer, who designed the above air battleship and countless other super-badass but ultimately overambitious war machines. Speaks with an awesome Scottish funetik aksent that makes him one of the funniest (and funnest) characters in the whole series. Only side-character to make the jump to the fantasy game besides Thanquol; one of his war-machines was part of the Slayer Army of Karak Kadrin in [[Storm of Chaos]]. He comes back in Slayer, still alive and having invented the Dwarven version of the Vindicare assassins. He has also rebuilt his airship and was planning on using it to drop bombs on Chaos, before being convinced to seek out the Temple of Grimnir. His fate at the end of the series is unknown. Though he is not shown to have died unlike everyone else, a character mentions that Malakai died; [[FAIL|so the story killed him off in a footnote]]. It is hinted at during Realmslayer that he might of survived.

'''[[Teclis]] of the White Tower''': Showed up in one book to help Gotrek and Felix kill possibly the greatest threat (though not the greatest physical challenge) they ever faced, the sorcerer twins below and a brainwashed giant (of the ancient 600-foot Sky-Titan variety, not the current 60-foot inbred variety). Earned something within shouting distance of Gotrek's grudging respect by kicking almost as much ass, which speaks volumes considering how much he hates elves. Also spends most of the book with an Amazon girlfriend/bodyguard.

'''Grey Seer [[Thanquol]]''': The primary recurring villain, a [[Skaven]] wizard whose incredible power is matched only by his incredible arrogance and exceeded only by his incompetence. Seriously. In one of his spin-off novels, a [[Slann]] deliberately makes sure Thanquol survives to get back to the Under-Empire because he is such a [[Transformers|Starscream]] that he will certainly cause unparalleled disaster for the Skaven whilst he lives. Yeah, that's right, this guy is so good at screwing things over for his own damn team that a member of a race dedicated to the destruction of his race considers him more useful alive than dead. Is the only member of the novels to repeatedly get playable rules in [[Warhammer Fantasy]] throughout multiple editions. Loses a hand in ''Elfslayer'', but uses warpstone paste to grow a new one. Ended up playing a major role in The End Times when the Horned Rat appointed him as his new Seerlord. Survived into Age of Sigmar, and when Gotrek arrives in the Mortal Realms in ''Realmslayer'', the dwarf and rat immediately resume their old animosity (following a hilarious panic attack on the rat's part).

'''Assorted Slayers''':Thoughout the series, starting in the book Dragonslayer, Gotrek and Felix are joined by several slayers. The most notable two are mentioned below, the others include a former cowardly Dwarf who's a loudmouth, a slayer with a hate-boner for the dragon, a Dwarf who's hairless due to Skaven weapons and a lecherous Dwarf (he's so horny he bangs a half-elf chick despite Dwarves usually hating elves) who gets more nooky than even Felix though he's in fewer books.

'''Various monsters/villains of the week''': Axe fodder.

'''Tens of thousands of trash mobs''': Wet toilet paper.

'''Maleneth Witchblade''': Gotrek's new travelling companion for his Mortal Realms adventures. A former [[Daughters of Khaine|Witch Aelf]], she joined the Order of Azyr for protection after killing her own mistress (whose soul is now contained in a vial of blood around her neck). She was sent on a mission to steal the Master Rune from a Fyreslayer lodge, and after Gotrek lodged it in his body to prevent it from falling into the hands of a Chaos arny she sees it as her duty to follow him around and hopefully either badger him into visiting the Order so the rune can be studied or take it from his body once he dies in battle. She is very much aware that both of these are rather unlikely knowing Gotrek's history.

Gotrek obviously dislikes her for being a filthy dark elf, and she dislikes him for making her mission such a hassle, though their shared struggles have given them a mutual respect (to say nothing of Gotrek's admitted need for someone to teach him about how the Mortal Realms work). Despite this shared respect, Maleneth is exceptionally opportunistic, seizing every chance she sees to tear the master rune from Gotrek’s chest, even if it means she’d have to fight a God-Beast on her own.

In case you haven't noticed from her name, opportunistic nature and her constant arguing with a malevolent voice only she can hear, she's basically a gender swapped Malus Darkblade, albeit more neutral than evil and without the beloved cool steed or the owner of the malevolent voice having any control over her body.

'''Jordainn''': A prince of the african-esque nation of Edassa who Gotrek befriends in Aqshy. After Jordainn died in battle, Gotrek starts wearing his lion-engraved pauldron as a memento. He eventually gets resurrected as the Stormcast Prosecutor Jordaeus and reunites with Gotrek, only for Gotrek to hate him because he broke his oath to defend his fortress, which got overrun by Skaven while he was absent. This results in him being riddled with guilt, yet still following Gotrek out of a belief that Sigmar intended him to guide Gotrek to his destiny. Also he hears the voice of Grimnir whenever he tries praying to Sigmar.

== Feats of the Dwarf ==

Gotrek's feats are legend. Read this and wet yourself in terror/awe/appreciation:

* Killed some orcs and daemons and mutants and werewolves and goblins and some more daemons and mutants and lots more orcs (''Trollslayer'' and every other book too)
* Cleansed the sacred tombs of Karak Eight Peaks of a warpstone-mutated [[troll]], returning countless Dwarf spirits to their rest. In the process, Felix acquired the sword Karaghul and the name of Dwarf Friend (''Daemonslayer'')
* Stopped the Skaven from conquering Nuln, by killing them (''Skavenslayer'')
* Killed a million skaven, and some rat ogres too (Various)
* Killed a Bloodthirster of Khorne aided by Felix Jaeger who threw an ancient magical dwarven hammer belonging to the dwarf king of Karag Dum at the bloodthirster weakening it giving Gotrek the chance to slay it with his even more formiddable rune axe formerly wielded and crafted by the dwarf slayer god Grimnir. (''Daemonslayer'')
* [[Leman Russ|Outdrank a bunch of Kislevites]] in a vodka drinking contest
* Killed a million orcs (Every book)
* [[Wat|Drank two beers at once]] (''Skavenslayer'')
* Slew the ancient chaos dragon Skjalandir (ok, that was mostly Malakai's rockets and a Dwarf gyrocoptor's kamikaze attack, then Felix struck the deathblow) and then immediately dove into a battle between greenskins and human bandits after the dragon's hoard. Gotrek slew the Orc warlord while an airship bombing run shredded his army. (''Dragonslayer'')
* Killed a chaos lord of Tzeentch in hand to hand combat and stopped his beastmen armies from conquering Praag (''Beastslayer'')
* Slaying a vampire lord in the seat of his power while that vampire lord was supercharged by one of Nagash's artifacts (''Vampireslayer'')
* Killed a mind-controlled Sky-Titan including cutting out it's eye and rappelling down with it's optic nerve (''Giantslayer'')
* Helped Teclis stop a pair of mad Tzeentch wizard twins from blowing up the world (''Giantslayer'')
* Making [[Teclis]] walk carefully around him (''Giantslayer'' again; yes one of the most powerful spell casters in the world is wary of him and his axe)
* Became the tyrant of an ogre tribe by defeating the former tyrant in unarmed combat (''Short Story - Ogreslayer'')
* Killed a million billion orcs (''Orcslayer'')
* Killed his best friend Hamnir (he knows what he did - ''Hamnirslayer'')
* Killed a giant psychic alien insect (the fuck is this, 40k?) (''Orcslayer'')
* Killed a daemon made of cannons and blood, possessed by the souls of dead chaos sorcerers (''Manslayer'')
* Drank enough to almost die of alcohol poisoning (a feat no dwarf has ever come close to before)
* Killed a Sea Monster and the Dark Elf knight riding it despite being in the water with them (''Elfslayer'')
* Nearly killed a Greater Daemon of Slaanesh, [[FAIL|it ran away because it was scared]] (''Elfslayer'')
* Sank a Dark Elf Black-Ark and tanked an explosion from destroying a world ending artifact (''Elfslayer again'')
* Stops a beastman shaman from turning every human in the Empire into beastmen (''Shamanslayer'')
* Killed two of every animal
* Killed some zombies (''Zombieslayer'')
* Killed so many things he ran out of things to slay and they had to stop using '------slayer' in his book titles for a while
* Killed a ton of Khornate warriors culminating in a Lord of Khorne that was one skull away from opening a new Chaos Rift. Also cockblocked the [[Ungrim_Ironfist|King of the Slayers]] to do it. (''Road of Skulls'')
* Teamed up with some Tomb Kings to destroy a vampire empire in the Southlands. (''The Serpent Queen'')
* Killed [[Mordheim]], City of the Damned. More or less. (''City of the Damned'')
* Constantly giving a middle finger to the chaos gods and spoiling every plan they try to put in motion
* Causing Grey Seer Thanquol countless losses and headaches, to the point where Thanquol considers Gotrek his greatest nemesis, even though Gotrek and Felix never learned Thanquol was behind all the Skaven plots they fucked up
* Probably killed like half of all the orcs that have ever been killed by dwarves. At least
* Defeats Throgg, the Troll King, officially making Gotrek the greatest Trollslayer ever (''Kinslayer'') '''Confirmed''' Throgg was in the battle for Middenheim at the end of Lord of the End Times and crushes [[Sigvald]]'s head with his club, clearly very much alive. Then again, Throgg's regeneration is overpowered even by troll standards so it is possible Gotrek killed him but he just [[Wat|walked it off]] after a while.
* Killed the same Bloodthirster of Khorne from ''Daemonslayer'' in single combat. Again. (''Slayer'')
* Prevented Be'lakor's ascension to the fifth God of Chaos by hitting him with that same Bloodthirster (''Slayer again'')
* Ascends to Godhood (''Slayer was pretty awesome'')
* Holds the line against an infinite army of daemons, forever. (''Go buy Slayer - it's the least you can do'')
* Kills Felix by sending him back to suffocate under a temple of rubble. (''Slayer again, you missed alot if you didn't read it'') Probably -1 to his tally.
* Comes to the [[Warhammer:_Age_of_Sigmar|Mortal Realms]] to fix that last one (''Realmslayer'') (But gave up, so still -1 so far. Although word is Felix is not in the [[Warhammer:_Age_of_Sigmar#Shyish_.28Death.29|Realm of the Dead...]])
* Fights his way out of the Realm of Chaos, bites off the nose of a Fyreslayer Runeson who got up in his face, effortlessly wields a legendary Fyreslayer Greataxe that kills most duardin who even touch it, intimidates a Godbeast into running away, slaughters his way across Aqshy and Shyish killing Chaos worshipers, mad Sylvaneth, undead, skaven, saves the city of Hammerhal Aqsha from being destroy from within by a Tzeentch cult, and has a Fyreslayer Master Rune implanted into his chest, signifying him as a living avatar of Grimnir in the eyes of the Fyreslayers. Also gets drunk and headlocks a Stormcast Eternal. Gotrek is ''back'', baby. (''Realmslayer'')
* Made a Nighthaunt so depressed it killed itself (''Short Story - One, Untended'')
* Got ambushed by a bunch of rogue Kharadron Overlords and then proceeded to escape by crashing their ship, roasting them by saying Malakai was a better pilot. (''Short Story - The Bone Desert'').
* Picks up and uses an Anvil of Power as a projectile weapon, something Maleneth claims no mortal can lift. Before he gets the Master Rune. (''Realmslayer'')
* Kills six drakes one at a time. And who knows how many more non-winged ones, according to Maleneth. And tanks their landslide breath without a scratch which could have leveled a fortress (''The Neverspike'')
* Kills a hundred foot tall ghoul. (''Ghoulslayer'')
* Finds the only portal to the World That Was, and destroys it after finally accepting that he belongs in the Mortal Realms now. (''Reamslayer: Blood of the Old World'')
* Killed (or at least defeated) a Godbeast (''Realmslayer: Blood of the Old World'')

== The Doom of the Dwarf and the End of All Things ==
With [[The End Times]] upon us and the world's destruction, Gotrek has finally met his doom. Although the last book heavily teases [[Be'lakor]] as his killer, the actual doom is at the hands of Grimnir, the God of the Slayers who has been waging a ceaseless war against the forces of Chaos for time untold. Grimnir tells Gotrek that ever since Gotrek found his axe, he has been reshaped into Grimnir's heir, then proceeds to effortlessly kill the Slayer.

He then laughs at Felix's attempts to attack him, resurrects Gotrek, and proceeds to endow him with the axe of Thorgrim Grudgebearer, and instructs Gotrek to head off and prevent Be'lakor from ascending to Godhood inside the Realms of Chaos. Gotrek fights first the Bloodthirster he beseted in Daemonslayer, and then once Felix draws the aggro of every daemon present faces off against Be'lakor, beating him back and cutting off the daemon's arm.

The series ends with Gotrek inheriting the mightiest doom of all - Grimnir's. He is charged to forever hold back and endless tide of daemons to prevent them from overwhelming all of creation. This news seems to put Gotrek at peace for the first time ever, and he sends Felix back to the real world so that someone can write down and remember his story.

Then the world ends and presumably everyone else dies. However bare in mind

# Every Elf in the world is now dead.
# Every Grudge in the Book of Grudges is counted as fulfilled.(yeah but the dwarfs are fucking destroyed so yes!!! <strike>but not really</strike> Whatever, for a dwarf death is a small price to pay for settling a grudge)
# Gotrek gets to fight everything forever.

== Gotrek in the Age of Sigmar ==
[[File:BLLiveReveals-Jun1-GotrekMini1coiy.jpg|400px|thumb|right|"GOTREK'S ALIVE!" -Gotrek Gurnisson's new model based on his appearance since the audio drama Realmslayer, where he is voiced by [[Awesome|BRIAN BLESSED!]]]]{{Topquote|Tell your master that Gotrek Gurnisson hasn't forgotten his oaths! I'm coming for [[Nagash|them]] [[Chaos_Gods|all]]! And I want my axe back!|Gotrek Gurnisson, Realmslayer}}

[https://www.warhammer-community.com/2018/02/14/the-slayer-returns/ Looks like we might have been a bit premature there.] Gotrek's back in the realm of the living, getting used to the [[Age of Sigmar|Mortal Realms]] and ready to find his old friend Felix. He has no idea how he got spat out of the Realm of Chaos or why he was unable to meet his long awaited doom (although he is very cross with Grimnir, who he feels has betrayed him by not letting him meet said doom), but it seems Grimnir might have had even greater things in store for the dwarf. Ever since he absorbed a powerful rune from the Fyreslayers and unintentionally became an avatar of Grimnir in their eyes, there's also been lot of folks affiliated with Order who have an interest in keeping him alive. Much to his annoyance, of course.

Naturally, [[Thanquol]] was [[Rage|less than happy]] to learn his arch-enemy had survived the End Times.

== The Dwarf in Print ==
Written first by [[William King]] (before it taken off him by BL for some random reason) and then given to a bunch of other writers to continue, the series at first followed the ingenious idea of naming the book after whatever is going to feel Gotrek's axe thumping into their heads. So you ended up with titles such as Trollslayer, Skavenslayer, Dragonslayer etc. Recently though they have dropped this brilliant approach to whack any old title on the cover. This can only confirm the fact BL and GW is stretching out the series as far as they can, as they have literally used up all the possible names to slay things with that they can. In practice this is because the ones that are part of the main story follow this pattern, the side stories don't. The last entry before AoS, appropriately enough, is just called Slayer.

== The Dwarf on the Tabletop ==
As mentioned in passing above, Gotrek and Felix ''were'' playable special characters, once upon a time. But that was way back in the mists of time, 6th edition specifically, before William King stopped writing, and so they haven't gotten rules since; officially, they're so insanely awesome that they can't figure out how to make them balanced characters. Sadly, [[The End Times]] came and went with no sign of the duo on the tabletop.

For those chasing them up, here's their last set of rules, from Dogs of War back in 6e: http://www.bugmansbrewery.com/tutorials/article/82-gotrek-and-felix/

Good news everybody! Gotrek is back for Age of Sigmar. Felix is currently indisposed as discussed earlier, but Gotrek is back with a fancy new model in all his badass slayer glory, much to the annoyance of many Skaven players. Not mountable without some overlap on a square base unless its 40x40mm (best Unit Filler ever though) or you cut him off his badass base, which is forgivable if you stick him on something more impressive than some rubble and dead Skaven (so Be'lakor's severed head doesn't count).

Gotrek is the biggest murder machine in AoS now, bar none. Greater demons, gods of death, even archaon, all have no chance. His axe, Zhangrom-Thaz, is a 6-attack 3+/3+/-2/3 monstrosity, but the real frosting on the cake (or in this case, the beard on the dwarf) is that he gets to reroll all to-hit and to-wound rolls, which is damn insane. But's that's not all! Each time he rolls a 6 to hit, he deals ''D6 MORTAL WOUNDS''. with six attacks, that's an average of once every time he fights. Just to top it all off, if anyone's still alive at the end of the combat phase, Gotrek can fight ''again.'' he's also a tough bastard: The ''Avatar of Grimnir'' ability not only reduces the damage value of any multi-damage attack to one, but if a spell or ability would outright slay him, it just deals one mortal wound. Throw on that he ignores wounds and mortal wounds on 3+, he can eat up a frankly disgusting amount of punishment.
Perhaps the only way to kill him (or at least slow him down enough) is through massive tarpits that have access to mortal wound saves, and all the better if you can resurrect those models. In short, a massive blob of Spirit Hosts with all the resurrection abilities you can afford.
All in All, Gotrek is back in style and ready to cut a bloody path across the mortal realms.

== [[Total War: Warhammer]] ==

[[File:Gotrek headpile03 rainbow-1024x576.jpg|400px|thumb|right|I'll '''''RUIN''''''em alright, WITH MY AXE!!!]]

Confirmed to appear in Total War: Warhammer II on October 17th (though [[White Dwarf]] readers can get a code with the September issue just the same way it was with Grombindal) and available for The Empire, Dwarfs and Bretonnia as a mercenary Legendary Lord (Gotrek) and Hero (Felix) - and yes, [[Awesome|BRIAN BLESSED has reprised the role of Gotrek for the game]]. Their use is time limited (but long enough to do a big job) and they will disappear when Gotrek's deathseeker instinct triggers. Though they will reappear to the player after some time later even better.

[[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]][[Category:Black Library]][[Category:Dwarfs]] [[Category:Regiments of Renown]]

Idoneth Deepkin

2019-10-04T14:28:46Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* History */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Idoneth Deepkin|Logo=Fucking_Idoneth.jpeg|Alliance=Order|Motto=Soul-Hunting Pirates riding Sea Monsters.}}

{{topquote|Marge. Kids. Everything's gonna be just fine. Now go upstairs and pack your bags. We're gonna start a new life... under the sea.|Homer Simpson - "Homer Badman".}}
{{topquote|I got no soul, but I am a soldier|The Killers - "All These Things That I've Done". Well, that's how we remember it going.}}
{{topquote|We have been hiding long enough. The time has come for Atlantis to rise again.|Prince Orm of [[/co/|Aquaman]] fame}}

The Idoneth Deepkin are fucking [[awesome]]. They are fish elves who ride giant fish into battle, what’s not to love?

AHEM.

The '''Idoneth Deepkin''' are a new faction of [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]], composed of marine aelves and asorted sea fauna. As the previous writer said, they are rather awesome in their uncommon design and the creatures they bring. Also, elves riding sharks and eels. Yeah, sweet looking.

==Origins==
After [[Teclis]], [[Tyrion]], [[Malekith|Malerion]], and [[Morathi]] made [[Slaanesh]] start shitting out elf souls, Teclis took the devout of [[Mathlann]] (the deceased elf god of the ocean) and made a new home for them in Hysh called Leiriu, a luminescent city also known as the Bright Haven or City of Reflection. There, Teclis taught these newborn aelves, the "Cythai", about the old world and their gods hoping to re-create the High Elves.

However, they weren't exactly model elves: they were withdrawn, resentful and traumatized by their time within Slaanesh. Upon learning this, Teclis wasn't thrilled with them. He tried to find what went wrong, but the Cythai weren't cooperative ; Teclis' methods made some fall into madness, so they weren't exactly without reason. Afraid for their lives and unable or unwilling to cope with Teclis' methods, they fled into the oceans of the Mortal Realms. Teclis, being a [[Eldrad|dick]], tried to exterminate them for good measure, but his brother Tyrion convinced him to be merciful so he let them go.

Over time, each of the Cythai's enclaves developed differently, but all were affected by their new environs and self-imposed isolation. The magic they learned from Teclis was adapted so they could live underwater, even at the most crushing of depths. They grew attuned to their new surroundings, learning to trust vibrations and changes in pressure more than sight or sound. Some of them even became adept in the art of seeing the flaring soul-stuff that animates the living.

==History==
The elves, now the ‘Idoneth’, didn't learn that Tyrion had made Teclis cool down and stayed in hiding. After making their new societies, they calmed down and took stock of their situation. They feared that their time in Slaanesh had contaminated them, and decided to research this and discovered two problems that effected them. The first was ''mallachi'', their name for a state of raging madness that ended in savage debauchery, but this only happened to a few. The second and much worse flaw was found when they started having babies as [[Grimdark|only one in a hundred Idoneth babies survived past infancy]]. The Idoneth soon found out the cause was that their progeny were born with souls that swiftly withered.

In desperation and without divine intervention, they turned to magic to fix the problem without success. With the combination of a high infant mortality rate, wars and the dangers of the ocean their numbers rapidly dwindled. Things only changed when they found out [[Dark Eldar|if you kill something with a soul and put that soul into an elf, they won't die prematurely]]. They first tried this on animals, but animal souls only brought them days, so they decided to go to the surface and start doing this to other people. Though other souls, such as those of human, duardin, orruks and even sylvaneth worked equally well for the Idoneth's purpose, it often took a half-dozen souls to empower an elf to live even a third of their normal lifespan.

At first it was only for survival, since the withering of souls remained as aggressive and frequent as ever and has so far proven incurable, but later they did it for the expansion of their newly found enclaves. At first it was only one in Hysh, but after the discovery of the '''Whirlways''', whirlpools that work as underwater Realmgates, they started to get into the rest of the realms. Due to [[Skub|differences among the Cytharai]] and a growing population, they expanded to all Mortal Realms save [[Azyr]] and founded several enclaves in all of them.

But their swift raids, their memory-changing magics or their ruthless "leave no witnesses" policy did not fool everyone. [[Sigmar]] suspected that something dangerous was in the oceans, but had other concerns so he didn't go looking. They first came to common knowledge in Ghyran. They attacked a coastal enclave of Sylvaneth which drew the attention of [[Alarielle]], who personally defeated them in battle. They learned the secret was out, to their shock, because Alarielle was immune to their memory-altering magic due to being a goddess. Luckily for them, Alarielle was pretty isolationist so she didn't tell many in Ghyran and no-one outside who wasn't a Sylvaneth. Still, the Idoneth dialed back their attacks on Sylvaneth or anyone else in Ghyran. [[Archaon]] long suspected that there were more aelves than would seem, but didn't confirm this until he captured and tortured a [[Keeper of Secrets]] whose warband was destroyed by them into spilling the beans.

The Idoneth became quite the hikkikomori: betrayed by their creator, forced into bad habits for survival and hated by many. They thought that they didn't need the surface world and limited themselves to the oceans, leaving only for raiding souls. During the Age of Chaos this started to change. They fought the forces of Chaos wherever they found them, either leaving Chaos' other opponents alone or killing them and taking their souls too. High King Volturnos realized that they'd have to ally with others to fight off Chaos. Though most Idoneth didn't approve of his idea, he stuck to his guns. First, he reached out to Alarielle for peace talks but, wary of trickery and aware of the Idoneth's past actions, Alarielle turned them down.

They also have kind of a big issue with [[Nagash]]. You see, Nagash knew about the disappeared souls and is kind of territorial in regards to the dead. So, because they're stealing souls to save themselves, he's not happy with them (read: really hates these guys). At first he had no idea what was taking them or where, despite extensive searching on his part. After the accidental drainage of a sea in Shyish (''How the hell do you drain a sea "accidentally"?!'') by the [[Skaven]] (''...oh, THAT's how. Even better, [[Thanquol|everyone's favorite Grey Seer]] was responsible''), [[Nagash]] caught on to their existence and location. Now he’s emptying an entire ocean in Shyish and sending waves of undead after them in all the realms just to make sure he can stamp them out because he’s the only guy who believes himself to be allowed to have dead souls. In their desperation, the Idoneth of Shyish changed their foreign policy and allied with the Forces of Order, starting with the Stormcasts.

==Society==
The Idoneth society is divided in three clear castes. First we have the '''Namarti''', composed of those 90% of Idoneth who were born wth imcomplete souls, extremely pale skin, short lifespan (for an aelf anyway, they may still live more than us puny humans) and without eyes that are the majority of the population and are the workforce. Then we have the lucky 10% dudes that were born with complete souls (aka, average aelves): the '''Akhelians''', the warrior caste and those who ride the sweet-looking eels, sharks, Deepmares and Leviadons; and the '''Isharann''', that are the magic users and priests. However, the first ones among all of them were the '''Cytharai''' which due to accidents, wars or other shenanigans all of them have died out save the exception of the [[Volturnos|High King of the Deep Volturnos]], who is still alive after millennia and a being a fighter who leads from the front.

One of the more weird phenomena that happens around these guys on land is the so-called '''Ethersea'''. This is a manifestation of their marine magic, taking the form of a mist that enables them to use their superior sea-faring abilities and allow their sea beasts to survive where there's no water in miles and move as if they were in water. The Ethersea also have the secondary effect that it manipulates the land and makes it gain deep-sea characteristics spontaneously, like shipwhrecks, coral, fish shoals to start running freely, bubble breath...

==Enclaves==
The "factions" of the Deepkin are the Enclaves, city-states founded under the seas of the realms connected by underwater realm gates called Whirlways. Whilst there are, as expected with such a large setting, countless Enclaves, there are six main ones that have been fleshed out.

*'''Ionrach''': [[Ultramarines|The posterboys, who have their armour painted a shiny blue and also have a venerable leader from a forgotten age]]. The Ionrach are one of the first enclaves that ran from the rays of Teclis into the seas of Hysh, though they have since emigrated to Ghyran. Notably the most "friendly" of the enclaves, to the point where they will actually co-operate with the other forces of Order.
*'''Dhom-Hain''': The polar opposites of the Ionrach, being the first to part ways with their fellow Deepkin to settle in the ''literal hellscape'' that are the seas of Ghur. Seriously, imagine every lethal predator in our seas but 10x larger and there's ridiculous amounts of them. They settled in a deep chasm, where lots of the Fangmora Eels lurked. This meant that they use more Akhelians than other enclaves.
*'''Fuethan''': Living in the seas of Aqshy means that these Deepkin are especially aggressive and mean spirited when collecting souls. Whilst enclaves like the Ionrach would spare the soul of say, a child, the Fuethan would do no such thing. In fact, they take such glee in raiding that they are found [[RIP AND TEAR|still hacking away at bodies even when they're long dead]].
*'''Mor'Phann''': Dour and pale, the Mor'Phann inhabit the dark seas in Shyish. They use lots of mist and pale tentacled creatures,many were hit especially hard by the Necroquake to the point where they had to ally with the Stormcast to not die.
*'''Briomdar''': These guys used to be a part of the Ionrach, before declaring independence and settling in the middle of a kelp field in Ghyran. Started attacking the people of Ghyran - especially the Sylvaneth - to harvest their souls until Alarielle kicked their asses over it, so now they mostly keep a low profile. They camouflage themselves in it to leap out at unsuspecting passerbys.
*'''Nautilar''': An enclave that literally [[Awesome|lives on the shell of a giant crusteacean]] called the Giant Scaphodon. Recently they took quite a beating from some [[Skaven]] that tunnelled underwater. Also used to be a part of the Ionrach.

==An Interesting Note==
Amazingly, Mantic Games started making a range of seaborn elves for the Kings of War game in the form of The Trident Realm of Neiritica. These existed prior to the Idoneth Deepkin, but still feel quite similar, albeit with more "straight up" sea people that have less of an elfin look.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
file:Fucking_Idoneth.jpeg
file:Idometh_army.jpeg
file:Battleshark.jpg|WE'RE RIDING A SHARK! WE'RE RIDING A SHARK! SUCK OUR DICKS, WE'RE RIDING A SHARK!
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Age of Sigmar/Tactics/Order/Idoneth Deepkin|Tactics/Deepkin]]

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Idoneth Deepkin

2019-10-04T14:26:11Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* History */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Idoneth Deepkin|Logo=Fucking_Idoneth.jpeg|Alliance=Order|Motto=Soul-Hunting Pirates riding Sea Monsters.}}

{{topquote|Marge. Kids. Everything's gonna be just fine. Now go upstairs and pack your bags. We're gonna start a new life... under the sea.|Homer Simpson - "Homer Badman".}}
{{topquote|I got no soul, but I am a soldier|The Killers - "All These Things That I've Done". Well, that's how we remember it going.}}
{{topquote|We have been hiding long enough. The time has come for Atlantis to rise again.|Prince Orm of [[/co/|Aquaman]] fame}}

The Idoneth Deepkin are fucking [[awesome]]. They are fish elves who ride giant fish into battle, what’s not to love?

AHEM.

The '''Idoneth Deepkin''' are a new faction of [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]], composed of marine aelves and asorted sea fauna. As the previous writer said, they are rather awesome in their uncommon design and the creatures they bring. Also, elves riding sharks and eels. Yeah, sweet looking.

==Origins==
After [[Teclis]], [[Tyrion]], [[Malekith|Malerion]], and [[Morathi]] made [[Slaanesh]] start shitting out elf souls, Teclis took the devout of [[Mathlann]] (the deceased elf god of the ocean) and made a new home for them in Hysh called Leiriu, a luminescent city also known as the Bright Haven or City of Reflection. There, Teclis taught these newborn aelves, the "Cythai", about the old world and their gods hoping to re-create the High Elves.

However, they weren't exactly model elves: they were withdrawn, resentful and traumatized by their time within Slaanesh. Upon learning this, Teclis wasn't thrilled with them. He tried to find what went wrong, but the Cythai weren't cooperative ; Teclis' methods made some fall into madness, so they weren't exactly without reason. Afraid for their lives and unable or unwilling to cope with Teclis' methods, they fled into the oceans of the Mortal Realms. Teclis, being a [[Eldrad|dick]], tried to exterminate them for good measure, but his brother Tyrion convinced him to be merciful so he let them go.

Over time, each of the Cythai's enclaves developed differently, but all were affected by their new environs and self-imposed isolation. The magic they learned from Teclis was adapted so they could live underwater, even at the most crushing of depths. They grew attuned to their new surroundings, learning to trust vibrations and changes in pressure more than sight or sound. Some of them even became adept in the art of seeing the flaring soul-stuff that animates the living.

==History==
The elves, now the ‘Idoneth’, didn't learn that Tyrion had made Teclis cool down and stayed in hiding. After making their new societies, they calmed down and took stock of their situation. They feared that their time in Slaanesh had contaminated them, and decided to research this and discovered two problems that effected them. The first was ''mallachi'', their name for a state of raging madness that ended in savage debauchery, but this only happened to a few. The second and much worse flaw was found when they started having babies as [[Grimdark|only one in a hundred Idoneth babies survived past infancy]]. The Idoneth soon found out the cause was that their progeny were born with souls that swiftly withered.

In desperation and without divine intervention, they turned to magic to fix the problem without success. With the combination of a high infant mortality rate, wars and the dangers of the ocean their numbers rapidly dwindled. Things only changed when they found out [[Dark Eldar|if you kill something with a soul and put that soul into an elf, they won't die prematurely]]. They first tried this on animals, but animal souls only brought them days, so they decided to go to the surface and start doing this to other people. Though other souls, such as those of human, duardin, orruks and even sylvaneth worked equally well for the Idoneth's purpose, it often took a half-dozen souls to empower an elf to live even a third of their normal lifespan.

At first it was only for survival, since the withering of souls remained as aggressive and frequent as ever and has so far proven incurable, but later they did it for the expansion of their newly found enclaves. At first it was only one in Hysh, but after the discovery of the '''Whirlways''', whirlpools that work as underwater Realmgates, they started to get into the rest of the realms. Due to [[Skub|differences among the Cytharai]] and a growing population, they expanded to all Mortal Realms save [[Azyr]] and founded several enclaves in all of them.

But their swift raids, their memory-changing magics or their ruthless "leave no witnesses" policy did not fool everyone. [[Sigmar]] suspected that something dangerous was in the oceans, but had other concerns so he didn't go looking. They first came to common knowledge in Ghyran. They attacked a coastal enclave of Sylvaneth which drew the attention of [[Alarielle]], who personally defeated them in battle. They learned the secret was out, to the shock, because Alarielle proved immune to their memory-altering magic due to being a goddess. Luckily for them, Alarielle was pretty isolationist so she didn't tell many in Ghyran and no-one outside who wasn't a Sylvaneth. Still, the Idoneth dialed back their attacks on Sylvaneth or anyone else in Ghyran. [[Archaon]] long suspected that there were more aelves than would seem, but didn't confirm this until he captured and tortured a [[Keeper of Secrets]] whose warband was destroyed by them into spilling the beans.

The Idoneth became quite the hikkikomori: betrayed by their creator, forced into bad habits for survival and hated by many. They thought that they didn't need the surface world and limited themselves to the oceans, leaving only for raiding souls. During the Age of Chaos this started to change. They fought the forces of Chaos wherever they found them, either leaving Chaos' other opponents alone or killing them and taking their souls too. High King Volturnos realized that they'd have to ally with others to fight off Chaos. Though most Idoneth didn't approve of his idea, he stuck to his guns. First, he reached out to Alarielle for peace talk but, wary of trickery and aware of the Idoneth's past actions, Alarielle turned them down.

They also have kind of a big issue with [[Nagash]]. You see, Nagash knew about the disappeared souls and is kind of territorial in regards to the dead. So, because they're stealing souls to save themselves, he's not happy with them (read: really hates these guys). At first he had no idea what was taking them or where, despite extensive searching on his part. After the accidental drainage of a sea in Shyish (''How the hell do you drain a sea "accidentally"?!'') by the [[Skaven]] (''...oh, THAT's how. Even better, [[Thanquol|everyone's favorite Grey Seer]] was responsible''), [[Nagash]] caught on to their existence and location. Now he’s emptying an entire ocean in Shyish and sending waves of undead after them in all the realms just to make sure he can stamp them out because he’s the only guy who believes himself to be allowed to have dead souls. In their desperation, the Idoneth of Shyish changed their foreign policy and allied with the Forces of Order, starting with the Stormcasts.

==Society==
The Idoneth society is divided in three clear castes. First we have the '''Namarti''', composed of those 90% of Idoneth who were born wth imcomplete souls, extremely pale skin, short lifespan (for an aelf anyway, they may still live more than us puny humans) and without eyes that are the majority of the population and are the workforce. Then we have the lucky 10% dudes that were born with complete souls (aka, average aelves): the '''Akhelians''', the warrior caste and those who ride the sweet-looking eels, sharks, Deepmares and Leviadons; and the '''Isharann''', that are the magic users and priests. However, the first ones among all of them were the '''Cytharai''' which due to accidents, wars or other shenanigans all of them have died out save the exception of the [[Volturnos|High King of the Deep Volturnos]], who is still alive after millennia and a being a fighter who leads from the front.

One of the more weird phenomena that happens around these guys on land is the so-called '''Ethersea'''. This is a manifestation of their marine magic, taking the form of a mist that enables them to use their superior sea-faring abilities and allow their sea beasts to survive where there's no water in miles and move as if they were in water. The Ethersea also have the secondary effect that it manipulates the land and makes it gain deep-sea characteristics spontaneously, like shipwhrecks, coral, fish shoals to start running freely, bubble breath...

==Enclaves==
The "factions" of the Deepkin are the Enclaves, city-states founded under the seas of the realms connected by underwater realm gates called Whirlways. Whilst there are, as expected with such a large setting, countless Enclaves, there are six main ones that have been fleshed out.

*'''Ionrach''': [[Ultramarines|The posterboys, who have their armour painted a shiny blue and also have a venerable leader from a forgotten age]]. The Ionrach are one of the first enclaves that ran from the rays of Teclis into the seas of Hysh, though they have since emigrated to Ghyran. Notably the most "friendly" of the enclaves, to the point where they will actually co-operate with the other forces of Order.
*'''Dhom-Hain''': The polar opposites of the Ionrach, being the first to part ways with their fellow Deepkin to settle in the ''literal hellscape'' that are the seas of Ghur. Seriously, imagine every lethal predator in our seas but 10x larger and there's ridiculous amounts of them. They settled in a deep chasm, where lots of the Fangmora Eels lurked. This meant that they use more Akhelians than other enclaves.
*'''Fuethan''': Living in the seas of Aqshy means that these Deepkin are especially aggressive and mean spirited when collecting souls. Whilst enclaves like the Ionrach would spare the soul of say, a child, the Fuethan would do no such thing. In fact, they take such glee in raiding that they are found [[RIP AND TEAR|still hacking away at bodies even when they're long dead]].
*'''Mor'Phann''': Dour and pale, the Mor'Phann inhabit the dark seas in Shyish. They use lots of mist and pale tentacled creatures,many were hit especially hard by the Necroquake to the point where they had to ally with the Stormcast to not die.
*'''Briomdar''': These guys used to be a part of the Ionrach, before declaring independence and settling in the middle of a kelp field in Ghyran. Started attacking the people of Ghyran - especially the Sylvaneth - to harvest their souls until Alarielle kicked their asses over it, so now they mostly keep a low profile. They camouflage themselves in it to leap out at unsuspecting passerbys.
*'''Nautilar''': An enclave that literally [[Awesome|lives on the shell of a giant crusteacean]] called the Giant Scaphodon. Recently they took quite a beating from some [[Skaven]] that tunnelled underwater. Also used to be a part of the Ionrach.

==An Interesting Note==
Amazingly, Mantic Games started making a range of seaborn elves for the Kings of War game in the form of The Trident Realm of Neiritica. These existed prior to the Idoneth Deepkin, but still feel quite similar, albeit with more "straight up" sea people that have less of an elfin look.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
file:Fucking_Idoneth.jpeg
file:Idometh_army.jpeg
file:Battleshark.jpg|WE'RE RIDING A SHARK! WE'RE RIDING A SHARK! SUCK OUR DICKS, WE'RE RIDING A SHARK!
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Age of Sigmar/Tactics/Order/Idoneth Deepkin|Tactics/Deepkin]]

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Warhammer Adventures

2019-10-04T14:22:31Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* Age of Sigmar */

{{WTF}}
{{Heresy}}
{{HurfDurf}}

{{topquote|Life in the 41st Millennium is hard.|Cavan Scott making the greatest understatement of all time.}}

Warhammer is the [[Daemonculaba|worst]] [[Haemonculi|possible]] [[Marines Malevolent|setting]] for a children's series which could exist even in theory, so of course it now has its own "junior" product line. It makes perfect sense.

Enter '''Warhammer Adventures''', a series of middle-school (ages 8 to 12) novels published by [[Black Library]] and based on [[Age of Sigmar]] and [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition]], which were released during February 2019.

Each novel will feature a group of children going on amazing adventures, like in every kids novel ever released. Given that this is a generic plot template expect this to be nothing like the Warhammer we grew up with. The whole series has been described by Black Library sources as "The Grim Darkness of the far future, but with a nightlight on". Black Library have recruited writers with a track record for commercial tie-in fiction and books for children, which is good for children's books like these but not so much in regards to their adhering to canon (at least, that's the current view). While that description also fits [[Dan Abnett]], many fans predict expect high levels of derp instead of quality canon stories - especially when you consider how much of the setting they have to lighten up on to make sure it doesn't scare away any parents.

The intial books have apparently sold very well, according to Games Workshop's own social media and book sales tracker Nielsen BookScan.

==Novels==
===Warped Galaxies (40k)===
*''Attack of the Necron'' by [[wikipedia:Cavan Scott|Cavan Scott]]
*''Claws of the Genestealer'' by Cavan Scott
*''Secrets of the Tau'' by Cavan Scott

===Realm Quest (Age of Sigmar)===
*''City of Lifestone'' by <strike>Loki</strike> Tom Huddleston
*''Lair of the Skaven'' by Tom Huddleston
*''Forest of the Ancients'' by Tom Huddleston

==Characters==
Something you'll notice is that both settings follow a particular set of generic cliche characters: a peace-loving leader, a brash misfit of a brawler, and a prodigal artisan. Who, despite never going past their teenage years, are somehow just as, if not more, proficient as full-grown professionals in their settings.

Yep, you're essentially getting the same template used for literally every other book series marketed towards pre-teens. Bear in mind they are from a licensed novel series by professional authors being sold for real money, and not something you dug out of the crusty underbelly of DeviantArt or Fanfiction.net that you read for laughs; on the other hand, [[C.S. Goto|sometimes that's a distinction without a difference.]]

=== 40k ===

'''Zelia:''' The female leader that every young adult novel seems legally required to have these days. A young daughter of a [[Rogue Trader|galactic explorer]], she [[Heresy|helps her mom dig up ancient alien artifacts]] and [[Derp|hates weapons in a setting where everything that's alien and most things that aren't actively trying to kill you.]] Instead, she believes that the best way to overcome fear is by [[Magnus|learning]]. Voted most likely to be slowly tortured to death by the [[Inquisition]] for seeking out [[Chaos|the truth]]. Either that or Guilliman has her earmarked to become a historitor.

'''Talen:''' The son of an [[Imperial Guard]] officer, Talen decided to run away from home to [[Heresy|avoid military conscription]] and became a hive ganger. He's fairly aggressive and kind of a brute; however, that is offset by his [[noblebright|loyalty to his friends]]. He carries around a [[miniature|toy soldier]], which is one of the only reminders he has of his older brother who went off to war. All in all, the only character whose preview is not a thinking-emoji level setup, let alone one of [[C.S. Goto|potentially multilasered]] proportions. Expect someone to make a greenstuff version of him as a [[Necromunda]] Juve. It would be ironic if his gang got conscripted by the Imperial Guard anyway, as they are known to do - he just better hope that the Commissar never finds out about the whole desertion thing.

'''Mekki:''' What happens when you cross a [[tech-priest]] with Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. (...so "Young Sheldon"?) He hails from [[Mars]] and is described as an [[Heretek|inventor]], due to his creation of a small robotic swarm that assist him with certain duties. His right arm is paralyzed, so instead of doing the normal, cool Mechanicus thing and replacing it with cybernetics he decides to just build a brace to help him move it. Omnissiah only knows why he wasn't forcefully re-purposed as a [[servitor]] for his blatant tech-heresy yet, especially considering he's from Mars; even on backwater Forge Worlds things like Vorax Automata are shunned and forbidden because of their animalistic intelligence. This goes double as this is post-Great Rift, where Guilliman's protection of Cawl's tech heresies (one of which includes AI-tech) has the AdMech inching closer to another civil war.

'''Fleapit the [[Jokaero]]''': Yes, a frigging techno space-ape is in this book series and it is helping the children. Yes, his name is "Fleapit". Apparently Cavan Scott thought that what 40k really needed to bring in the kiddies was Scooby-Doo.

'''[[Space Marines]]:''' Here as usual. Depicted in [[Primaris Marines|Primary-sue]] armour, so this bright and happy tale is happening post-[[Great Rift]]. Naturally, they're using the [[Ultramarines|Ultrasmurfs]], as they're "[[Matt Ward|bravest of all the heroic Space Marines]]", and not because they're just the most easily recognizable Chapter that gets the most publicity, honest.

'''[[Necrons]]:''' The cold and unfeeling [[Derp|"enslaving tyrants"]] we all know and purge, probably chosen because killing robots is much more family-friendly than shooting at living things, and some of their [[Gauss|primary weapons]] kill cleanly too. Less retarded than it sounds, since Wardcrons have enough variation in their personalities that some random Phaeron keeping Enfleshed as pets makes perfect sense, especially considering [[Trazyn]]'s "collection." Ol' Trollzyn as an evil space collector who traps living beings to keep as exhibits in his space museum would actually make him a pretty good kid-adventure villain (possibly leaving out the eternal agony parts in regards to some of his captives).

=== Age of Sigmar ===

'''Elio:''' Token black kid from the realm of life. His medical skills are "second to none," presumably among his age bracket of a mere 14 years. Obsessive about [[Drycha|plants]], but apparently interested in all critters great and small, up to and including monsters like [[manticore]]s. Also, he's not much of a fighter - because that's not a concern with giant man-eating monsters, right? Basically the embodiment of the gentle giant/pacifist healer trope, in a setting where people like that exist to be fed to Chaos warriors to show the audience how evil they are.

'''Alish:''' A 12-year old from the Realm of Light, who is "restless, inquisitive and highly intelligent" and has the instinctive ability to repair "almost any mechanical device." She also loves inventing and has apparently designed and built everything from clocks to airships, despite being 12. Mary Sue classic. And to make her extra stupid, the one thing she refuses to build is weapons, despite A) walking around with a sodding huge hammer and B) living in the monster-and-barbarian-filled world of AoS where access to weapons can and will save lives. Basically Zelia, but in fantasy.

'''Kiri:''' At fifteen, she seems to be the oldest of the bunch, coming from the realm of metal. Kiri is "as strong and steadfast as steel" who was raised in the barbarian slave camps of Aqshy (because the whole character would probably have been a lot different if it was a Slanneshi warband) where she learned to fight as soon as she could walk. "Somehow this harsh life hasn't made her cruel or resentful" - direct quote, and we're pretty bloody surprised too. She uses a slingshot. She fought in Chaos gladiator pits '''and won''' with a ''slingshot''. And a toy one at that. Before you bring up David, leaving aside the element of divine aid which depends on one's beliefs, at least he fought one giant in a 1-v-1 challenge not several and he had a real weapon. This is just silly.

'''Thanis:''' A 12-year old gal from the realm of Fire. The big sister type of the group who protects her friends.

'''Kreech:''' A cunning Skaven packlord of the clan Quickfang YES YES. An unusual Skaven who has adopted the man-thing's behavior and their ability to be creative, very unusual since most Skaven look down on anything that's not Skaven. Currently scheming with a heretical woman-thing in order to gain more power in the man-thing hierarchy. He also owns a man-thing play-thing called Scratch. YES YES.

'''Scratch:''' A 12-year old from realm of Beast and currently Kreech's plaything; his true name is forgotten. Like how [[Leman Russ]] and [[Lion El'Johnson]] was raised by the wild and had adopted it's behavior, Scratch has adopted Skaven's cunning thinking and has fashion himself to be like one of them.

'''[[Stormcast Eternals]]:''' As they are. Nothing particularly odd or inaccurate in their bio blurb - they even mentioned the whole "died and was reborn" bit.

'''Darkoath Barbarians:''' One of many tribes serving <s>[[Chaos]]</s> [[Derp|the forces of Evil]] (they're probably lumping all non-Order Grand Alliances into one big "bad guys" group, because Order ''totally'' lacks [[Drycha|any]] [[Daughters of Khaine|dark]] [[Idoneth Deepkin|side]]). Plundering, pillaging, enslaving... typical villain stuff. Their name is still less stupid than 99% of what GW Legal's shat out, though.

==Reception==
Initial reception has been [[Skub|polarizing]], to say the least. Many consider this series a futile attempt to dilute the grimdarkness of both Warhammer settings to try and appeal to a younger demographic, with the slim but worrying possibility of the dumbing-down and "modern" approach to writing working its way into the setting proper in a greedy lunge for Daddy's credit card. ([[End Times|It's not like GW isn't known for terrible ideas, after all.]]) Characters hating weaponry, gleefully searching xenotech and running away from conscription in 40k certainly don't give people that much confidence, leading to pointed questions regarding how they would deal with darker groups like Dark Eldar/Elves, Daughter of Khaine, Idoneth Deepkin, Chaos, Undead or Tyranids; when asked, Black Library deflected the question or gave non-answers to the effect of "very carefully." There's also the argument that many kids prefer fantasizing about characters older than them (i.e they hope that they might grow up to be like them), and that by making the protagonists kids, they are invariably just making it corny and unappealing to the very audience they want to attract (as if the protagonists are their age, they already have no chance of becoming them).

It's also inevitable that some parents will catch on to the fact that these kid-friendly adventures actually take place in a universe where the literal gods are embodiment of concepts like genocide and sexual violence. Less abstractly, Warhammer is full of things like [[Dark Eldar|race-wide mandated mass torture]], machines who [[Flayed Ones|wear the flayed and bloody flesh of their foes]], and [[Daemonculaba|horrifically mutated]] [[/pol/|sub-sapient]] [[Skaven|breeding slaves]]. Daddy and Mommy are going to be upset when they realize just what Warhammer is actually like. For once in human history, the parents who just bought their kids something which causes permanent psychological damage will have a valid point when they blame the company that sold it to them. Of course, all the above is moot if GW ends up depicting a comparatively whitewashed version of the setting with most of the nastier parts stripped out or otherwise not alluded to directly, but that still doesn't stop the kids from stumbling over the unabridged versions anyway (and their parents putting two and two together from there).

Defenders argue that this could be an opportunity to flesh out groups and aspects of the setting that often get ignored, showing positive aspects of the galaxy in a setting so focused on grimdark. There's also the possibility of new mini-lines being produced, probably somewhat cheaper than the mainline series to not scare children (or their parents) away, which could help flesh out the more neglected armies, assuming they don't just keep drowning us in Spacesigmarines and Stormhammer shit because that's what Marketing wants to sell. And the most obvious benefit being that parent gamers will be able to introduce their younger children to the setting with age-appropriate material before weening them into the more mature stuff (like it is meant for ages 8-12, older people aren't suppose to like it) thus giving young kids more options.

Considering that GW themselves have said that their ideal demographic is “an intelligent 18 year old,” it's somewhat baffling why they’ve chosen to write for a demographic so young. At best, they should have started with young teens, giving them more room to stay closer to the grimdark of 40k while still being able to pull back. Perhaps their reasoning is that younger kids are easier to sell merchandise to, which is probably true if properties like Skylanders are anything to go by. That being said, we don’t know what’s GW’s long-term strategies are for drawing in and maintaining this younger demographic, or what the parent’s reactions will be when their kids start screaming “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD” or “HERESY” at every opportunity.

The positive reception of the initial books dashed the hope that poor sales would put an end to the series before it could start, so for better or worse we're stuck with it.

==Gallery of Memes==
One of the few unambiguously good things to spring from the announcement of Warhammer Adventures is the number of lulzy images produced by /tg/ as anons interpret what little they know in their own "unique" way.
<gallery>
File:WHAdventuresWTF.jpg|Everyone's first reaction upon reading Zelia's bio
File:WHA-Commissar.jpg|The Commissar's first reaction upon reading Talen's bio
File:WHA-Mekki.gif|The Mechanicus' first reaction upon reading Mekki's bio
File:WHA-TheNecroning.png|How the Necron book should've ended
File:WHA-ChaosSchoolbus.jpg|"Hey kids! Today we're going to learn about MURDERFUCKING!"
File:WHA-Scooby.jpg|"Jeepers! It was old man Abbadon the whole time!"
File:Warhammer Adventures.jpg|They ripped-off the rip-off!
File:WHA-Thanos.jpeg|This is why you don't play in front of the anti-tank guns, kids.
File:90EE3FA4-8EF1-43A7-AE7A-6CC30E92D56D.jpeg|Preview of the upcoming Dark Eldar book
File:Look_what_i_found_mom%2C_an_alien%21.jpg| Look what I found, mom, an alien! Can we keep it?
File:WHA-ZeliaLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Zelia (one step closer to canon with the upcoming "Claws of the Genestealer" book)
File:WHA-TalenLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Talen
File:WHA-MekkiLore.jpg|Lore-friendly Mekki
File:Warhammer adventures.jpg|A sneak peek into the secret psyker character.
File:WHA-Chaos.jpg|"The spiky guy said he'd take us all over the galaxy, surely we can trust him!"
File:Change.jpg|Pictured; Zelia's father, Zelia's father's second-in-command, unnamed warrior from the Kabal of the Black Heart.
File:HardLife41.jpg|Life in the 41st Millenium is [[Derp| hard]].
File:WHA-Ultramarines.jpg|Meet the Ultramarines.
File:WHA-Trooper.png|Bio of the fan favorite character, Trooper 3959-9945.
File:WHAIntroduction.jpeg|Sage advice on how 40k should be introduced to children.
File:Warhammer-adventures-orgy.png|Child-friendly content.
</gallery>
[[Category:Games Workshop]]
[[Category:Literature]]
[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]
[[Category:Black Library]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Drug

2019-10-04T14:14:01Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* IRL drugs */

Drugs are the most useful daily product for any human beings. EVER. They are primarily used for controlling your body's conditions by giving effects like healing(medical), waking your ass up for the day (coffee) or controlling your emotions so you won't rage quit on any board games. The most popular drugs are the illegal ones, like cocaine. They are popular among every chaos warband, especially [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]] cultists and that [[Doomrider|bat-shit insane demonic biker]]. The good thing about drugs is that they get shit done. You wanna win the war? Poison the enemies' water supplies and let them have it! You wanna get stronger and beat up everyone? Use steroid(s) and wreck everybody!!But be warned, side effects ensue.

It is worth noting how edgy talking about drugs even in fictional sci-fi settings like 40k and Necromunda was in the 80s and 90s. None other than [[Rick Priestly]] talks about this [https://yaktribe.games/article/the_loaded_dice_table_talks.4/ here].

== On /tg/ ==
Drug plays a big part in RPG where it can be consumed as some kind of buff to your character. The classic red HP potion and Blue magic potion count as drugs, mind you.

Warhammer 40k contains a lot of reference to drugs thanks to the likes of the Dark Eldar and Slaanesh. Other than the likes of depraved alien species and daemon-worshiping cultists, having a universe set in a technological cyberpunk grimdark future means that the possibility of making a drug with unseen disastrous effects is very much possible, and the imperial assassins take the credit for being a bunch of drug addicted killing machines.

Cocaine is probably the most well known drug on /tg/ thanks to Doomrider and Snowflame.

== Drugs in 40k ==
===Warp Infused Drugs===
*'''[[Spook]]''' originates in [[Necromunda]], the exact type of substance it is derived from being inconsistent, perhaps because the [[Orlocks]] don't want you to know —ranging from [[Nurgle|decayed corpse starch]] to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybe_cubensis a fungus] growing, both found deep in the Underhive. It is highly illegal and highly dangerous due to it's connection with the [[warp]], propensity to invite [[Daemon|uninvited guests]], and how it can either [[Psyker|heighten psych]]<s>edel</s>[[Psyker|ic abilities]] to [[Chaos Spawn|turn one into a thingamajig]]. It is nonetheless popular, however, both as a recreational drug and a tool for upping a wyrd's [[Meme|powerlevel]], throughout all levels of Necromundan society and in the wider galaxy.

* There are a number of other [[warp]]-infused drugs going around, including ''flects'' (literal pieces of mirror which have reflected Chaos from within the Eye of Terror), which play a key plot point in the [[Ravenor]] books while the titular inquisitor is running around playing Inquisitorial DEA agent for a while, and the similar but distinct and seemingly milder ''gladstones''.

* ''Icrotic slime'' is another [[Necromunda|Necromundan]] narcotic drug which is apparently actually some sort of blob that you put on your head containing a brain eating amoeba that beyond some point of no return will basically reduce you into a zombie, and you'll be too blissed out to unplug. [[Grimdark]]. Better bring a friend to remove the gelatinous blob from your head in time. Apparently up in the Spire there are drugs that can counteract this and let the uphivers go ''sliming'' without the risk. Whether this actually has to do directly with [[chaos]] is left unsaid but it probably does.
===Combat Drugs===
*'''The ones used by [[Eversor]] assassins''': The reasons why they wreck shit so much. They consume some sort of special cocktail of combat enhancement drugs and ALL THE ADRENALINE/COKE that allows them go WRYYYYYY and shit on everyone nearby. But these drugs can be used only by Eversor assassins, who have had their immune systems enhanced to the point that they can handle the toxicity of the combat drug. Also has the nice side effect of making the assassin's corpse explode upon death.

*'''Polymorphine''': Used by [[Callidus]] assassins. Note that it's POLYMORPH-ine, not poly-MORPHINE. This drug allows the user to alter their body shape and appearance, allowing them to impersonate other persons, members of the opposite sex, and even humanoid xenos like Orks and Eldar. That's why it is so easy to troll [[Macha]]. Sometimes also given out by [[Inquisition|morally ambiguous types]] to make infiltrators minus the superhuman assassin part. Cheaper and effective, but less flexibility.

*'''The Chirurgeon''': Used by that [[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bill]] after learning the trade from [[Urien Rakarth|the sickest of fucks]]. It is a part-sorcerous and part-technological device that acts like an unholy mix of a life-support device crossed with a set of surgeon's tools, constantly patching Mr. Fabulous' failing body up. The device is charged with warp energy and Fabius can use it on persons other than himself if he wants. Naturally, it has the typical consequences of jamming warp-based shit into your bloodstream.

*'''Commorite Stimm-Rack''': Another variant of chirurgeon. Sick ass slurpy drug chemical rack things that comes in [[Mountain Dew|three different flavors]]. One of [[Lucius|Lucius's]] prized possessions after winning the contest of sickfuckery in the Dark Eldar arena and installed by the [[Fabius Bile|fabulous one]] himself.
**'''Laemon Green (Bylestim)''': Green blood of some lesser daemon with some wraithbone dust to go with it. Yummy!
**'''Tyranberry Red (Tyrphous)''': Fucking Tyranid blood. Harvested from their adrenal glands.
**'''Wych Cola (Serpentin)''': Drained from the blood of the Dark Eldar wyches.

*'''Combat Drugs''': Used by the [[Emperor's Children]] and the [[Dark Eldar]], particularly Wyches, to liven up the combat. Like all things associated with Chaos and Dark Eldar, can have a variety of useful effects, or go hilariously wrong.

===Common Drugs===
*'''Amasec''': A type of good ol' fashioned booze. Ranges in quality from really good stuff that is favored by Guard and Naval Officers, the more flamboyant Inquisitors, Rogue Traders, nobles and the like, to cheap stuff good only for killing brain cells and degreasing engines (usually called ''Rotgut''). Usually implied to take the social position whisky or maybe brandy do in our day to day, or occasionally more exotic liquors like ''arrack'' (which can mean different things in different parts of the Orient, e.g. in Sri Lanka or Persia.) Definitely hard liquor though, and fairly ubiquitous.

*'''Real rotgut''': hope that the ethanol to promethium ratio is in your favor. The worst of the worst, distilled on a small scale and often with plenty of impurities, found in declasse establishments and holes in the wall in the underhives of Necromunda and similar, or improvised by Guardsman.

*'''Cigar''': Why the fuck not? These candy sticks hanging in your mouth prove that you are the manliest of men in the grimdark future. By the 41 millennium, tobacco seems to have been one of the plants that died off when [[Earth|Terra]] [[Hive|went industrial]], and has been replaced with tabac or lho leaves. However, it's only available to the high ranking offcers, the rich and beautiful, and [[commissar|officers with big hats]]. Cigars are often used for celebrating victory, but [[Creed|this fucker]] smokes one all the time because he knows [[Just as planned|you have already lost]]. Also used surprisingly by Orks, though they probably fill theirs out with an inferior product like squig droppings or fungus cuttings or something like that

*'''Frenzon''': A common combat drug that makes people fearless and crazy in combat.

*'''Fenrisian Ale (Mjød)''': A type of alcohol beverage from Fenris that is soooooo toxic it can even intoxicate an Astartes. Still does not stop the frigging space wolves from competing each others with it. Although the Astartes are unable to get drunk from any alcohol beverages of the Imperium due to their implanted kidney gene seeds, they can from the ale due to a very special toxic from a Fenrisian plant life that temporarily neutralises the Kidney implant of an Astartes. When Space Wolves offer other non-Space Wolves chapters their drink, they have to make sure to add some anti-toxin in the mix in order to not kill their <s>less manly cousins</s> {{Blam|+++LION FOR LIFE DOG FUCKERS!!!+++}}

*'''Fungus beer''': Orky beer. Nothing more, nothing less. Usually brewed by enterprising gretchin to sell to their masters. Whether it works on humans or is even actually beer in the sense of being a brewed ''alcoholic'' beverage (as opposed to something uniquely orky) isn't totally clear. Note that since it's a fungus and so are orks, and orks are innately psychic, there may be sort of a spook like dynamic going on there, too.

*'''Juvenat Drugs''': Extend your lifespan. Available to [[High Lords of Terra|the rich and beautiful]] and others in power, usually [[Imperial Guard|Guard]] generals, churchmen, and nobles. Heavily implied to be [[Grimdark|made of children]]. Also depicted as being part of various surgical procedures to achieve the same effect. Their effect isn't indefinite as the treatment's start having diminishing returns after a while, although life can easily enough (with enough money and, ugh, babies) be extended past two centuries with women so modified often being described as still being beautiful but noticeably having had "work done."

*'''Kalma''': If you need to make a man stoned off his ass, this is your drug. Sometimes used by Astartes and the Mechanicum to keep unruly ship serfs in line.

*'''Lho-Stick''': Future version cigarettes. Lho is implied to be a tobacco or marijuana analogue depending on how PG-rated the authors are. Also considered to be the smaller, lesser version of cigar, often smoked by measly soldiers who, despite standard issue [[Imperial Guard|balls of steel]], are still bent over and railed by [[Administratum|an uncaring colossal behemoth that only sends them to die somewhere]] and only seek some form of release. It makes up by being as addictive as nicotine, and depending on which regiment you're in, you either get shot or given more of this stuff. Go figure.

*'''Obscura''': Drug introduced in [[Dan Abnett]]'s works, which spread to become the number one illegal drug of the [[grimdark]] future. Either smoked or injected, Obscura causes a pleasant dream-like sensation, but after the high is over leaves the user depressed and wanting more. A clear analogue to opium or even heroin.

*'''Recaff''': Grimdark era Coffee, or at least something caffienated. Varies from fancy samovar brewed stuff served in thimble glasses to awful bivvie tin mugs served to the guard in the trenches with stimms poured on the top like a latte. It's unknown if they actually come from organic material like beans and leaves or is chemically reconstituted (the Mechanicum, it seems, prefer the latter method.) Most likely it is some sort of ersatz "coffee" (the British in WW2 had a number of substitutes made from various plants, beans, and nuts) with caffeine (or perhaps something a bit stronger) added chemically.

*'''Sacra''' : Tanith derived alcoholic drink, understandably rare since the planet got wiped. Inferred to be rough homebrewed spirit, probably similar to Poitín, given the gaelic influences on the Tanith.

*'''Slaught''': A combat drug, those who use it are said to be "On-slaught" (and ready to "slaught-er"), which is a mildly clever word play. It makes people much more aware and faster, with the unfortunate side-effect of 'roid-rage. [[Cult of the Redemption|The Redeemer]] called it "Sacred Libation and Unguent which Gives Heart to the Terrified".

*'''Stimm''': Generic name for various combat drugs/painkillers for the 41st millennium. Always make sure your [[Power Armor]] has enough. Increases awareness and alertness while diminishing felt pain and possibly treating shock (like epinephrine/adrenaline) letting you go on fighting not conceding to your enemies that you're dead. There seem to be many kinds. Think the berserker juice from [[Doom]].

*Other combat drugs, such as used by the Dark Eldar, Lucius, Bob and the prevalent in the IIIth as a whole, go even beyond this to include shit like extracts from Tyranid spores and daemon blood. Will wreck your enemy's shit real bad by means of wrecking yours.

*'''[[Spook]]''': Magic Mushrooms crossed with Soylent Green. Magic is rather apt in the case as using it results in psychic abilities developing or, rarely, the users soul in the warp crossing over into their material body. More often than not, the person's life gets sucked into the warp instead. It's been given a number of origin stories but most often said to be made (perhaps exclusively) on Necromunda by mutated fungi infesting ancient synthration food (read: compacted human protein, NO not THAT kind of human protein. Braaaaains.) Seeing as it can allow anyone to open a conduit straight to the warp, the Imperium mega-murders anyone caught making, selling, and / or using it. It can be used recreationally or to give a psyker a power up. Both dangerous as fuck.

*'''Yellodes''': Also from Dan Abnett's works. A "mind expanding" drug (think psychedelics), sometimes used by heretics diving into the mindbending lore of the Warp to, like, ''understand'', man. Probably grimdark Ecstasy to spook's grimdark LSD/shrooms.

===Warp Dust===
[[Warp|Hell]]-cocaine. But only [[Kaldor Draigo]] and [[Matt Ward]] sniff it, because THEY MAKE IT HAPPEN. This is probably why [[Draigo]] believes he could just burn down [[nurgle|some nasty old man's garden]] or smash into the [[Tzeentch|fortress of impossible]]. <s>[[meme|Warp Dust, not even once.]]</s> [[Doomrider]] says you're a faggot.

== The Companitas ==
<s>The drug cartel of the 40k</s> A cult of drug-using chaos heretics dedicated to Slaanesh. They used a drug that could induce a hysterical state in the user and could even bring the deceased back to life for short periods. Like all Slaanesh cult, they like to have fun by placing the corpses of the royal imperial citizen in rendering plants to burn the bodies to ash, then placed this ash in air-burst warheads and exploded them all over those cities on the world that remained loyal to the Imperium. Sadly, they were pwned by the [[Flesh Tearers]].

== Drugs in Star Wars ==
In [[Star Wars]], most drugs are known as '''spice'''. Alcohol, caffeine (though obtained from "caf" beans instead of coffee or tea) and tobacco (or an analogue for it: the only things to actually call the stuff in cigars and cigarettes "tobacco" are some really early books already notorious for not really fitting into the universe stylistically) exist, but they seem to not count as spice. During Republic and Imperial control most spice is illegal. This has created a large network of smugglers willing to supply the people. This network was further augmented by the Empire's high tariffs (to pay for its new standing army) on mundane goods allowing smuggling to be seen as heroic, even if they ''also'' smuggled drugs.

[[Star Wars RPG|Star Wars D6]], [[Star Wars D20|Star Wars D20 and Saga Edition]] assume drugs are largely background fluff or a plot device. ''[[Star Wars Roleplaying Game|Edge of the Empire]]'' on the other hand assumes the player characters will be drug dealers to some degree and just about every book included details on new spice. This involvement could be as small as looting drugs captured from enemies and selling them to criminal contacts or the entire campaign/adventure being about spice smuggling.

===Avabush Spice===
Derived from the prickly Avabush plant that is common on Baros but virtually unheard of elsewhere. It causes relaxation, lethargy and truthfulness.

===Bacta===
Not a spice, but absolutely a medicinal drug. This fluid made by the insectoid Vratix is basically healing magic ''in space''. Can cure anything from physical wounds to disease given sufficient amounts of it. No indication has been made of a bacta addiction being a thing.

Bacta is relatively new to the galaxy, only being discovered ~4100 years before the Battle of Yavin and post-dating the Republic (founded 25,053 years before the battle of Yavin). It was proceeded by Kolto, which was made from deep sea seaweed. Kolto's artificially high prices from monopolistic control backfired when the more effective and cheaper bacta became known. It faded from galactic memory and could only keep a small marketshare as a weaker, cheaper substitute or for those poor bastards with allergies to bacta.

===Booster Blue===
Huffing this starship paint (it ''actually is'' paint, or at least a component of it) leads to enhanced agility and thinking, but causes high strain on the body.

===Death Sticks===
The only type of spice actually mentioned by name in the films. Ground alien mushroom suspended in liquid. Mildly hallucinogenic but has severe health detriments. Unusually Death Sticks are not illegal on most planets, merely restricted, paralleling tobacco.

===Glitterstim===
"Mined" in the prison mines of Kessel. It's actually the ground up webs of alien spiders. Allegedly gives telepathy. Since it provably increases sensitivity it is frequently combined with other spice.

Most Glitterstim goes through official channels to be used in legitimate medical drugs. The Kessel Run instead focuses on smuggling it out of Kessel through an un-patrolled but hazardous back door full of black holes. Completing the Kessel Run requires a fast ship to avoid being pulled into a black hole, with really fast ships able to get closer to the black holes without dieing horribly (this is why Han Solo's completion is measured in a unit of distance. Even though the script and Obi-Wan's reaction show Han is just trying to bullshit the farmboy this has become accepted Star Wars lore because Aspergers is a thing.).

During the New Republic the mines are openly run by paid volunteers. The fact that such prominent figures as Nien Nunb, Lando and Mara Jade are involved in running it suggests the New Republic has a much friendlier drug policy that its predecessor, likely because the Alliance depended so heavily on smugglers..

===Lesai===
Derived from a fungus that grows on lizards native to the Zebitrope system. Is temporarily removes the need to sleep, but causes high dependency.

===Ryll===
''Actually'' mined on Ryloth, the home planet of the [[Twi'lek]]. It causes hallucinations and memory loss. The fact that it's the only non-slave export for the planet kept anti-drug crusaders away from it till the Imperial era, which banned it. The New Republic combined it with Bacta to create a cure for the horrific Krytos Virus.

===Yarrock===
Berserker... something grown by old Zabrak Shamans. What it actually ''is'' was never detailed. Quite rare off its home planet.

== IRL drugs ==
*'''Marijuana''': (Addiction Rating: Low, Fort DC: 4) Probably the most well known and widely used drug worldwide, with [[Skub|quite a bit of controversy as to whether or not it's socially acceptable to use]]. Chances are there is either someone in your gaming group that smokes it regularly or your gaming group smokes it together regularly.

*'''Cocaine''': (Addiction Rating: Medium , Fort DC: 10) I DO COCAINE!!!!1!!! Originally used by Colombian natives who chewed the leaves of the coca plant. Your friendly neighborhood drug dealer probably sells the freebase "crack" cocaine, which is a cocaine compound that contains baking soda, sugar, salt, sand, ground glass, and whatever else he can use to bulk out his supply and [[Games Workshop|sell you less for more]]. [[Snowflame]]'s weapon of choice.

*'''Bath Salts''': (Addiction Rating: varies, Fort DC: 14) Although quite memey, it isn't an actual drug itself, but rather a group of '"Designer Drugs"' which are substances chemically close to illegal ones and can give the user a similar high. To avoid any legal action, they are hidden in "non-consumable" items, like bath salts, candles, and soaps. Typically substituted cathinones (ultimately derived from amphetamine-like ketones found in an African shrub.) The same game goes on with so called "synthetic marijuana," marketed as "Spife" or "K2" or various "incenses" (which smell awful and distinctively chemical) which are just psychoactively inert plant matter laced with a vast variety of synthetic cannabinoids. These chemicals are generally found by scouring medical and pharmaceutical journals for failed drug candidates. Some are relatively benign, some horribly dangerous, and when buying "bath salts" or "incense" you almost never know what you're going to get or how potent it will be, even with the same brand.

*'''Opiates''': (Addiction Rating: High, Fort DC: 6) The dried latex harvested from the opium poppy is one of the oldest drugs known in human history. Morphine is the principal psychoactive component of opium, which has legitimate medicinal uses but most developed nations heavily regulate it. It can be further refined into diacetylmorphine, better known as heroin. More recently has expanded into a wide variety of highly addictive pain medications. The blissful high these produce is exactly what leads people to start making shit like Krokodil. Once provoked a literal drug war; as in [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium_Wars two countries' governments - Britain and China - actually went to war each other to control the trade in the 19th century].

* '''Psychedelics''': Mind altering substances that produce hallucinations. Most famous for LSD, or acid, which increases color saturation and induces visual hallucinations like perceived movement of still objects and seeing nonexistent patterns. Also includes a variety of hallucinogenic mushrooms which have been used both religiously and rectreationally by various cultures around the world for thousands of years. Although some effects may be similar in high dosages, over the counter medications like Dramamine, Benadryl, and DayQuil are not psychedelics. AKA [[Spook#Spook IRL|IRL spook]].

*'''[[Mountain Dew]]''': (Addiction Rating: Negligible, Fort DC: 4) A soda drink known for its high caffeine and sugar. It should be consumed with Doritos in the name of pope Geoff Keighley. Side effects may include tooth decay, acid-reflux, and insomnia. Interestingly marketed as a mixer for hard drinks, see below.

*'''[[Alcohol]]''': "I am not an Alcoholic I am a drunk, Alcoholics go to meetings." There is much debate whether or not Alcohol is considered to be a drug or if it is considered to be a Food and Drink [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Category:Food_and_Drink]. when it is used in moderation it can be fun but when it is used in extreme it has some of effects to that of a drug (such as organ damage). Consuming enough of this substance tends to result in a loss of inhibition, causing people to do stuff they're normally too shy or smart to do. Depending on the person, this drunken behavior can range from silly, to depressed, to mean. The last, and probably most important, thing to note about alcohol is not its effects, but what happens when they wear off after having drunk too much: a massive headache similar to a migraine known to many as a "hangover".

== Drug Addiction ==
The effects of drug addiction and a list of additional drugs can be found in the [[Book of Vile Darkness]] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Vile_Darkness]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Warp dust.jpg|Order your warp dust now, and get mindfucked for free!
Image:Kaldo warp dust.jpeg|Warp Dust is GOOOOOOOD.
Image:Druggie slaanesh marine.jpg|Slaanesh cults' own equivalent of the [[World Eaters|Butcher's Nails]].
Image:Commissar dont do drug.jpg| Normally, we would go to rehabilitation centre if we have drug addiction. In the Grimdark future, however, [[Blam|only the commissar can cure your addiction.]]
Image:Stimm-Rack.png| Lucius's awesome slurpy-machine. Do not steal! As you can see from the fluff text this is some hard core shit even Mick Jagger would look probably askance at.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Assassin]]
*[[Slaanesh]]
*[[Doomrider]]
*[[Fabius Bile]]

[[Category:Not related]]

Drug

2019-10-04T14:13:23Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* IRL drugs */

Drugs are the most useful daily product for any human beings. EVER. They are primarily used for controlling your body's conditions by giving effects like healing(medical), waking your ass up for the day (coffee) or controlling your emotions so you won't rage quit on any board games. The most popular drugs are the illegal ones, like cocaine. They are popular among every chaos warband, especially [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]] cultists and that [[Doomrider|bat-shit insane demonic biker]]. The good thing about drugs is that they get shit done. You wanna win the war? Poison the enemies' water supplies and let them have it! You wanna get stronger and beat up everyone? Use steroid(s) and wreck everybody!!But be warned, side effects ensue.

It is worth noting how edgy talking about drugs even in fictional sci-fi settings like 40k and Necromunda was in the 80s and 90s. None other than [[Rick Priestly]] talks about this [https://yaktribe.games/article/the_loaded_dice_table_talks.4/ here].

== On /tg/ ==
Drug plays a big part in RPG where it can be consumed as some kind of buff to your character. The classic red HP potion and Blue magic potion count as drugs, mind you.

Warhammer 40k contains a lot of reference to drugs thanks to the likes of the Dark Eldar and Slaanesh. Other than the likes of depraved alien species and daemon-worshiping cultists, having a universe set in a technological cyberpunk grimdark future means that the possibility of making a drug with unseen disastrous effects is very much possible, and the imperial assassins take the credit for being a bunch of drug addicted killing machines.

Cocaine is probably the most well known drug on /tg/ thanks to Doomrider and Snowflame.

== Drugs in 40k ==
===Warp Infused Drugs===
*'''[[Spook]]''' originates in [[Necromunda]], the exact type of substance it is derived from being inconsistent, perhaps because the [[Orlocks]] don't want you to know —ranging from [[Nurgle|decayed corpse starch]] to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybe_cubensis a fungus] growing, both found deep in the Underhive. It is highly illegal and highly dangerous due to it's connection with the [[warp]], propensity to invite [[Daemon|uninvited guests]], and how it can either [[Psyker|heighten psych]]<s>edel</s>[[Psyker|ic abilities]] to [[Chaos Spawn|turn one into a thingamajig]]. It is nonetheless popular, however, both as a recreational drug and a tool for upping a wyrd's [[Meme|powerlevel]], throughout all levels of Necromundan society and in the wider galaxy.

* There are a number of other [[warp]]-infused drugs going around, including ''flects'' (literal pieces of mirror which have reflected Chaos from within the Eye of Terror), which play a key plot point in the [[Ravenor]] books while the titular inquisitor is running around playing Inquisitorial DEA agent for a while, and the similar but distinct and seemingly milder ''gladstones''.

* ''Icrotic slime'' is another [[Necromunda|Necromundan]] narcotic drug which is apparently actually some sort of blob that you put on your head containing a brain eating amoeba that beyond some point of no return will basically reduce you into a zombie, and you'll be too blissed out to unplug. [[Grimdark]]. Better bring a friend to remove the gelatinous blob from your head in time. Apparently up in the Spire there are drugs that can counteract this and let the uphivers go ''sliming'' without the risk. Whether this actually has to do directly with [[chaos]] is left unsaid but it probably does.
===Combat Drugs===
*'''The ones used by [[Eversor]] assassins''': The reasons why they wreck shit so much. They consume some sort of special cocktail of combat enhancement drugs and ALL THE ADRENALINE/COKE that allows them go WRYYYYYY and shit on everyone nearby. But these drugs can be used only by Eversor assassins, who have had their immune systems enhanced to the point that they can handle the toxicity of the combat drug. Also has the nice side effect of making the assassin's corpse explode upon death.

*'''Polymorphine''': Used by [[Callidus]] assassins. Note that it's POLYMORPH-ine, not poly-MORPHINE. This drug allows the user to alter their body shape and appearance, allowing them to impersonate other persons, members of the opposite sex, and even humanoid xenos like Orks and Eldar. That's why it is so easy to troll [[Macha]]. Sometimes also given out by [[Inquisition|morally ambiguous types]] to make infiltrators minus the superhuman assassin part. Cheaper and effective, but less flexibility.

*'''The Chirurgeon''': Used by that [[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bill]] after learning the trade from [[Urien Rakarth|the sickest of fucks]]. It is a part-sorcerous and part-technological device that acts like an unholy mix of a life-support device crossed with a set of surgeon's tools, constantly patching Mr. Fabulous' failing body up. The device is charged with warp energy and Fabius can use it on persons other than himself if he wants. Naturally, it has the typical consequences of jamming warp-based shit into your bloodstream.

*'''Commorite Stimm-Rack''': Another variant of chirurgeon. Sick ass slurpy drug chemical rack things that comes in [[Mountain Dew|three different flavors]]. One of [[Lucius|Lucius's]] prized possessions after winning the contest of sickfuckery in the Dark Eldar arena and installed by the [[Fabius Bile|fabulous one]] himself.
**'''Laemon Green (Bylestim)''': Green blood of some lesser daemon with some wraithbone dust to go with it. Yummy!
**'''Tyranberry Red (Tyrphous)''': Fucking Tyranid blood. Harvested from their adrenal glands.
**'''Wych Cola (Serpentin)''': Drained from the blood of the Dark Eldar wyches.

*'''Combat Drugs''': Used by the [[Emperor's Children]] and the [[Dark Eldar]], particularly Wyches, to liven up the combat. Like all things associated with Chaos and Dark Eldar, can have a variety of useful effects, or go hilariously wrong.

===Common Drugs===
*'''Amasec''': A type of good ol' fashioned booze. Ranges in quality from really good stuff that is favored by Guard and Naval Officers, the more flamboyant Inquisitors, Rogue Traders, nobles and the like, to cheap stuff good only for killing brain cells and degreasing engines (usually called ''Rotgut''). Usually implied to take the social position whisky or maybe brandy do in our day to day, or occasionally more exotic liquors like ''arrack'' (which can mean different things in different parts of the Orient, e.g. in Sri Lanka or Persia.) Definitely hard liquor though, and fairly ubiquitous.

*'''Real rotgut''': hope that the ethanol to promethium ratio is in your favor. The worst of the worst, distilled on a small scale and often with plenty of impurities, found in declasse establishments and holes in the wall in the underhives of Necromunda and similar, or improvised by Guardsman.

*'''Cigar''': Why the fuck not? These candy sticks hanging in your mouth prove that you are the manliest of men in the grimdark future. By the 41 millennium, tobacco seems to have been one of the plants that died off when [[Earth|Terra]] [[Hive|went industrial]], and has been replaced with tabac or lho leaves. However, it's only available to the high ranking offcers, the rich and beautiful, and [[commissar|officers with big hats]]. Cigars are often used for celebrating victory, but [[Creed|this fucker]] smokes one all the time because he knows [[Just as planned|you have already lost]]. Also used surprisingly by Orks, though they probably fill theirs out with an inferior product like squig droppings or fungus cuttings or something like that

*'''Frenzon''': A common combat drug that makes people fearless and crazy in combat.

*'''Fenrisian Ale (Mjød)''': A type of alcohol beverage from Fenris that is soooooo toxic it can even intoxicate an Astartes. Still does not stop the frigging space wolves from competing each others with it. Although the Astartes are unable to get drunk from any alcohol beverages of the Imperium due to their implanted kidney gene seeds, they can from the ale due to a very special toxic from a Fenrisian plant life that temporarily neutralises the Kidney implant of an Astartes. When Space Wolves offer other non-Space Wolves chapters their drink, they have to make sure to add some anti-toxin in the mix in order to not kill their <s>less manly cousins</s> {{Blam|+++LION FOR LIFE DOG FUCKERS!!!+++}}

*'''Fungus beer''': Orky beer. Nothing more, nothing less. Usually brewed by enterprising gretchin to sell to their masters. Whether it works on humans or is even actually beer in the sense of being a brewed ''alcoholic'' beverage (as opposed to something uniquely orky) isn't totally clear. Note that since it's a fungus and so are orks, and orks are innately psychic, there may be sort of a spook like dynamic going on there, too.

*'''Juvenat Drugs''': Extend your lifespan. Available to [[High Lords of Terra|the rich and beautiful]] and others in power, usually [[Imperial Guard|Guard]] generals, churchmen, and nobles. Heavily implied to be [[Grimdark|made of children]]. Also depicted as being part of various surgical procedures to achieve the same effect. Their effect isn't indefinite as the treatment's start having diminishing returns after a while, although life can easily enough (with enough money and, ugh, babies) be extended past two centuries with women so modified often being described as still being beautiful but noticeably having had "work done."

*'''Kalma''': If you need to make a man stoned off his ass, this is your drug. Sometimes used by Astartes and the Mechanicum to keep unruly ship serfs in line.

*'''Lho-Stick''': Future version cigarettes. Lho is implied to be a tobacco or marijuana analogue depending on how PG-rated the authors are. Also considered to be the smaller, lesser version of cigar, often smoked by measly soldiers who, despite standard issue [[Imperial Guard|balls of steel]], are still bent over and railed by [[Administratum|an uncaring colossal behemoth that only sends them to die somewhere]] and only seek some form of release. It makes up by being as addictive as nicotine, and depending on which regiment you're in, you either get shot or given more of this stuff. Go figure.

*'''Obscura''': Drug introduced in [[Dan Abnett]]'s works, which spread to become the number one illegal drug of the [[grimdark]] future. Either smoked or injected, Obscura causes a pleasant dream-like sensation, but after the high is over leaves the user depressed and wanting more. A clear analogue to opium or even heroin.

*'''Recaff''': Grimdark era Coffee, or at least something caffienated. Varies from fancy samovar brewed stuff served in thimble glasses to awful bivvie tin mugs served to the guard in the trenches with stimms poured on the top like a latte. It's unknown if they actually come from organic material like beans and leaves or is chemically reconstituted (the Mechanicum, it seems, prefer the latter method.) Most likely it is some sort of ersatz "coffee" (the British in WW2 had a number of substitutes made from various plants, beans, and nuts) with caffeine (or perhaps something a bit stronger) added chemically.

*'''Sacra''' : Tanith derived alcoholic drink, understandably rare since the planet got wiped. Inferred to be rough homebrewed spirit, probably similar to Poitín, given the gaelic influences on the Tanith.

*'''Slaught''': A combat drug, those who use it are said to be "On-slaught" (and ready to "slaught-er"), which is a mildly clever word play. It makes people much more aware and faster, with the unfortunate side-effect of 'roid-rage. [[Cult of the Redemption|The Redeemer]] called it "Sacred Libation and Unguent which Gives Heart to the Terrified".

*'''Stimm''': Generic name for various combat drugs/painkillers for the 41st millennium. Always make sure your [[Power Armor]] has enough. Increases awareness and alertness while diminishing felt pain and possibly treating shock (like epinephrine/adrenaline) letting you go on fighting not conceding to your enemies that you're dead. There seem to be many kinds. Think the berserker juice from [[Doom]].

*Other combat drugs, such as used by the Dark Eldar, Lucius, Bob and the prevalent in the IIIth as a whole, go even beyond this to include shit like extracts from Tyranid spores and daemon blood. Will wreck your enemy's shit real bad by means of wrecking yours.

*'''[[Spook]]''': Magic Mushrooms crossed with Soylent Green. Magic is rather apt in the case as using it results in psychic abilities developing or, rarely, the users soul in the warp crossing over into their material body. More often than not, the person's life gets sucked into the warp instead. It's been given a number of origin stories but most often said to be made (perhaps exclusively) on Necromunda by mutated fungi infesting ancient synthration food (read: compacted human protein, NO not THAT kind of human protein. Braaaaains.) Seeing as it can allow anyone to open a conduit straight to the warp, the Imperium mega-murders anyone caught making, selling, and / or using it. It can be used recreationally or to give a psyker a power up. Both dangerous as fuck.

*'''Yellodes''': Also from Dan Abnett's works. A "mind expanding" drug (think psychedelics), sometimes used by heretics diving into the mindbending lore of the Warp to, like, ''understand'', man. Probably grimdark Ecstasy to spook's grimdark LSD/shrooms.

===Warp Dust===
[[Warp|Hell]]-cocaine. But only [[Kaldor Draigo]] and [[Matt Ward]] sniff it, because THEY MAKE IT HAPPEN. This is probably why [[Draigo]] believes he could just burn down [[nurgle|some nasty old man's garden]] or smash into the [[Tzeentch|fortress of impossible]]. <s>[[meme|Warp Dust, not even once.]]</s> [[Doomrider]] says you're a faggot.

== The Companitas ==
<s>The drug cartel of the 40k</s> A cult of drug-using chaos heretics dedicated to Slaanesh. They used a drug that could induce a hysterical state in the user and could even bring the deceased back to life for short periods. Like all Slaanesh cult, they like to have fun by placing the corpses of the royal imperial citizen in rendering plants to burn the bodies to ash, then placed this ash in air-burst warheads and exploded them all over those cities on the world that remained loyal to the Imperium. Sadly, they were pwned by the [[Flesh Tearers]].

== Drugs in Star Wars ==
In [[Star Wars]], most drugs are known as '''spice'''. Alcohol, caffeine (though obtained from "caf" beans instead of coffee or tea) and tobacco (or an analogue for it: the only things to actually call the stuff in cigars and cigarettes "tobacco" are some really early books already notorious for not really fitting into the universe stylistically) exist, but they seem to not count as spice. During Republic and Imperial control most spice is illegal. This has created a large network of smugglers willing to supply the people. This network was further augmented by the Empire's high tariffs (to pay for its new standing army) on mundane goods allowing smuggling to be seen as heroic, even if they ''also'' smuggled drugs.

[[Star Wars RPG|Star Wars D6]], [[Star Wars D20|Star Wars D20 and Saga Edition]] assume drugs are largely background fluff or a plot device. ''[[Star Wars Roleplaying Game|Edge of the Empire]]'' on the other hand assumes the player characters will be drug dealers to some degree and just about every book included details on new spice. This involvement could be as small as looting drugs captured from enemies and selling them to criminal contacts or the entire campaign/adventure being about spice smuggling.

===Avabush Spice===
Derived from the prickly Avabush plant that is common on Baros but virtually unheard of elsewhere. It causes relaxation, lethargy and truthfulness.

===Bacta===
Not a spice, but absolutely a medicinal drug. This fluid made by the insectoid Vratix is basically healing magic ''in space''. Can cure anything from physical wounds to disease given sufficient amounts of it. No indication has been made of a bacta addiction being a thing.

Bacta is relatively new to the galaxy, only being discovered ~4100 years before the Battle of Yavin and post-dating the Republic (founded 25,053 years before the battle of Yavin). It was proceeded by Kolto, which was made from deep sea seaweed. Kolto's artificially high prices from monopolistic control backfired when the more effective and cheaper bacta became known. It faded from galactic memory and could only keep a small marketshare as a weaker, cheaper substitute or for those poor bastards with allergies to bacta.

===Booster Blue===
Huffing this starship paint (it ''actually is'' paint, or at least a component of it) leads to enhanced agility and thinking, but causes high strain on the body.

===Death Sticks===
The only type of spice actually mentioned by name in the films. Ground alien mushroom suspended in liquid. Mildly hallucinogenic but has severe health detriments. Unusually Death Sticks are not illegal on most planets, merely restricted, paralleling tobacco.

===Glitterstim===
"Mined" in the prison mines of Kessel. It's actually the ground up webs of alien spiders. Allegedly gives telepathy. Since it provably increases sensitivity it is frequently combined with other spice.

Most Glitterstim goes through official channels to be used in legitimate medical drugs. The Kessel Run instead focuses on smuggling it out of Kessel through an un-patrolled but hazardous back door full of black holes. Completing the Kessel Run requires a fast ship to avoid being pulled into a black hole, with really fast ships able to get closer to the black holes without dieing horribly (this is why Han Solo's completion is measured in a unit of distance. Even though the script and Obi-Wan's reaction show Han is just trying to bullshit the farmboy this has become accepted Star Wars lore because Aspergers is a thing.).

During the New Republic the mines are openly run by paid volunteers. The fact that such prominent figures as Nien Nunb, Lando and Mara Jade are involved in running it suggests the New Republic has a much friendlier drug policy that its predecessor, likely because the Alliance depended so heavily on smugglers..

===Lesai===
Derived from a fungus that grows on lizards native to the Zebitrope system. Is temporarily removes the need to sleep, but causes high dependency.

===Ryll===
''Actually'' mined on Ryloth, the home planet of the [[Twi'lek]]. It causes hallucinations and memory loss. The fact that it's the only non-slave export for the planet kept anti-drug crusaders away from it till the Imperial era, which banned it. The New Republic combined it with Bacta to create a cure for the horrific Krytos Virus.

===Yarrock===
Berserker... something grown by old Zabrak Shamans. What it actually ''is'' was never detailed. Quite rare off its home planet.

== IRL drugs ==
*'''Marijuana''': (Addiction Rating: Low, Fort DC: 4) Probably the most well known and widely used drug worldwide, with [[Skub|quite a bit of controversy as to whether or not it's socially acceptable to use]]. Chances are there is either someone in your gaming group that smokes it regularly or your gaming group smokes it together regularly.

*'''Cocaine''': (Addiction Rating: Medium , Fort DC: 10) I DO COCAINE!!!!1!!! Originally used by Colombian natives who chewed the leaves of the coca plant. Your friendly neighborhood drug dealer probably sells the freebase "crack" cocaine, which is a cocaine compound that contains baking soda, sugar, salt, sand, ground glass, and whatever else he can use to bulk out his supply and [[Games Workshop|sell you less for more]]. [[Snowflame]]'s weapon of choice.

*'''Bath Salts''': (Addiction Rating: varies, Fort DC: 14) Although quite memey, it isn't an actual drug itself, but rather a group of '"Designer Drugs"' which are substances chemically close to illegal ones and can give the user a similar high. To avoid any legal action, they are hidden in "non-consumable" items, like bath salts, candles, and soaps. Typically substituted cathinones (ultimately derived from amphetamine-like ketones found in an African shrub.) The same game goes on with so called "synthetic marijuana," marketed as "Spife" or "K2" or various "incenses" (which smell awful and distinctively chemical) which are just psychoactively inert plant matter laced with a vast variety of synthetic cannabinoids. These chemicals are generally found by scouring medical and pharmaceutical journals for failed drug candidates. Some are relatively benign, some horribly dangerous, and when buying "bath salts" or "incense" you almost never know what you're going to get or how potent it will be, even with the same brand.

*'''Opiates''': (Addiction Rating: High, Fort DC: 6) The dried latex harvested from the opium poppy is one of the oldest drugs known in human history. Morphine is the principal psychoactive component of opium, which has legitimate medicinal uses but most developed nations heavily regulate it. It can be further refined into diacetylmorphine, better known as heroin. More recently has expanded into a wide variety of highly addictive pain medications. The blissful high these produce is exactly what leads people to start making shit like Krokodil. Once provoked a literal drug war; as in [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium_Wars two countries' governments - Britain and China - actually went to war each other to control the trade]]

* '''Psychedelics''': Mind altering substances that produce hallucinations. Most famous for LSD, or acid, which increases color saturation and induces visual hallucinations like perceived movement of still objects and seeing nonexistent patterns. Also includes a variety of hallucinogenic mushrooms which have been used both religiously and rectreationally by various cultures around the world for thousands of years. Although some effects may be similar in high dosages, over the counter medications like Dramamine, Benadryl, and DayQuil are not psychedelics. AKA [[Spook#Spook IRL|IRL spook]].

*'''[[Mountain Dew]]''': (Addiction Rating: Negligible, Fort DC: 4) A soda drink known for its high caffeine and sugar. It should be consumed with Doritos in the name of pope Geoff Keighley. Side effects may include tooth decay, acid-reflux, and insomnia. Interestingly marketed as a mixer for hard drinks, see below.

*'''[[Alcohol]]''': "I am not an Alcoholic I am a drunk, Alcoholics go to meetings." There is much debate whether or not Alcohol is considered to be a drug or if it is considered to be a Food and Drink [http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Category:Food_and_Drink]. when it is used in moderation it can be fun but when it is used in extreme it has some of effects to that of a drug (such as organ damage). Consuming enough of this substance tends to result in a loss of inhibition, causing people to do stuff they're normally too shy or smart to do. Depending on the person, this drunken behavior can range from silly, to depressed, to mean. The last, and probably most important, thing to note about alcohol is not its effects, but what happens when they wear off after having drunk too much: a massive headache similar to a migraine known to many as a "hangover".

== Drug Addiction ==
The effects of drug addiction and a list of additional drugs can be found in the [[Book of Vile Darkness]] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Vile_Darkness]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Warp dust.jpg|Order your warp dust now, and get mindfucked for free!
Image:Kaldo warp dust.jpeg|Warp Dust is GOOOOOOOD.
Image:Druggie slaanesh marine.jpg|Slaanesh cults' own equivalent of the [[World Eaters|Butcher's Nails]].
Image:Commissar dont do drug.jpg| Normally, we would go to rehabilitation centre if we have drug addiction. In the Grimdark future, however, [[Blam|only the commissar can cure your addiction.]]
Image:Stimm-Rack.png| Lucius's awesome slurpy-machine. Do not steal! As you can see from the fluff text this is some hard core shit even Mick Jagger would look probably askance at.
</gallery>

==See Also==
*[[Assassin]]
*[[Slaanesh]]
*[[Doomrider]]
*[[Fabius Bile]]

[[Category:Not related]]

Nagash

2019-10-04T14:08:40Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* The Great Necromancer */

{{cleanup}}[[File:Age Nagash.jpg|right|600px|thumb|What an [[Assholetep|asshole]] and a colossal skeletal dickhead.]]
<div style="text-align:left;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:italic;font-style:bold;font-family:MS Gothic;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> THOSE SOULS ARE MINE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! - Nagash bitching at Sigmar and co.'''</div>

{{Topquote|There will be no escape, no blessed oblivion. I can end your life as easily as I can extinguish a candle, and before your corpse is cold, I can reach out and grasp your soul. You will be my slave for all eternity, and I shall laugh at the depths of your pain. Such is the power of Nagash.|Nagash the Undying}}

{{Topquote|The only greatness for man is immortality.|James Dean}}

'''Nagash''' the Undying, also known as Skelepope and Big Bone Daddy, is the first [[Necromancer]] and arguably the second <s>most evil character</s> <s>biggest asshole</s> most evil badass asshole character to ever curse the [[Warhammer Fantasy]] world. Ever. After [[Drachenfels]], of course.

Nagash has practically zero redeeming factors and was an obvious sociopath from day one (more on that below).

He went into hand-to-hand combat with the likes of [[Sigmar]], and has plans to kick [[Khorne]], [[Tzeentch]], [[Slaanesh]], and [[Nurgle]] (as of Age of Sigmar, the [[Horned Rat|Great Horned Rat]] as well) out of the [[Warp]] and become [[Chaos]] itself. Despite being the setting's main villain apart from [[Archaon]] and the Chaos Gods, he hasn't been directly involved in as much as you think. To be fair, he did destroy Nehekhara, nearly killed Sigmar (but successfully handicapped him until his ascension) and used his armies of undead to [[Awesome|fight THE ENTIRE SKAVEN EMPIRE to a stalemate]], but until the End Times (see below), his main mark on the setting was creating Necromancy and what his various [[Vampire Counts|fan-clubs]] and [[Tomb Kings|critics]] did with it. In [[Age of Sigmar]], he leads [[Grand Alliance: Death]].

==Early life==
Nagash was the firstborn son of King Khetep of Khemri. Unlike most places, in Nehekhara the firstborn sons of the royal family were given to the temples and the second sons would become kings. He joined the Nehekharan Mortuary Cult and quickly rose to become High Priest. Like all Mortuary Priests, he was searching for a means of achieving immortality; following the command of the by then (oh irony!) long-dead [[Settra the Imperishable]]. Unlike most Mortuary Priests, Nagash hated his job and wanted to be king instead, lamenting that in every other nation he knew of firstborn sons took the throne. He also coveted even greater magical power. Then one day he saw the hot chick his brother was betrothed to; before then Nagash considered sex a distraction from work, but she made him want some. Realizing she could've been Nagash's if he was heir to the throne instead of Thutep, and that the required celibacy for priests was another reason he couldn't have her, this was the final straw for Nagash, but for the time being there was nothing he could do about it.

After their father, King Khetep, died horribly in battle against the Zandri army, Nagash's younger brother Thutep took to the throne and became the ruler of Khemri. Nagash was none too pleased with this, considering Thutep to be a weak king, a belief that was only reinforced by Thutep's diplomatic concessions. When tending to his father's body, instead of mourning his father's death (which was the first red flag for the uninitiated that something was wrong with the guy), Nagash was more interested in what killed him, for his corpse bore the marks of powerful dark magic. To put it in detail, while extracting his dead father's organs to put them in a canopic jar, Nagash discovered that his father's inner belly organs has been blackened, twisted together by some unknown foul magic, a power that should not be possible for any Nehekharan mortuary cult priest to wield at that time.

Unfortunately for the Khemrians and the world as a whole, Nagash found the source of this magic. During his father's burial ceremony, a Zandari diplomat had arrive and offered [[Dark Elves|three unidentified humanoids with snow white hair, pale skin and pointy ears]] as sacrificial slaves. This immediately drew Nagash's attention, and he speculated that they may have been used by the Zandri army as slaves/mercenaries against his father, but had become so feared thanks to their dark magic that the Zandari chose to betray them. Nagash, quick to seize opportunities when he saw one, ostensibly agreed and took custody of the three elves. Although they were supposed to be poisoned and entombed along with his father, he ordered his priest to drug them with sleeping medicines instead and had them imprisoned somewhere else.

An interesting piece of trivia is that these trio of Dark Elves were the leaders of the covert-op unit that was killing Dwarf caravans to start the [[War of the Beard]]. So we can place Nagash in the timeline properly; the first Nagash novel occurs approximately just after the second War of Vengeance novel and demonstrates another way the Dark Elves have helped fuck up the world. Another interesting thing is that, before being put under, the male among the captives spoke to the Nehekharan crowd in their language claiming that whoever killed them would have their flesh slough from their bones and their land would fall to ruin, which would come true, just not in the way anyone would've predicted.

[[File:Wallpaper-nagash-sorcerer.jpg||thumb|right|400px|Nagash; once was human, always was an asshole.]]
But back to Nagash: he trapped the three magic-users in his father's pyramid, beneath about a gazillion of lethal traps; and forced them to barter their sorcerous knowledge for him revealing what and where the traps were. Despite this, they were far from subdued, demanding whatever they could from Nagash, from silk pillows to books (particularly ones about tomb construction and architecture...). From the trio, Nagash learned of the Chaos Gate in the far north and the Winds of Magic that blew from it, and how they could be harnessed by a careful practitioner. Unlike the sorceries of Khemri, which relied on the intercession of gods, Nagash learned that mortals could manipulate magic for themselves. He learned of Dark Magic and of how it coagulated into warpstone. Although the Dark Elves withheld the full depths of their knowledge, Nagash, a twisted and brilliant genius in his own way, had become one of the few humans to truly master Dark Magic from what they had taught him and his own brilliant and twisted deductions. It quickly became clear that Nagash's very human nature limited his ability to draw and channel magical energy (the reason why [[Teclis]] would create the Imperial Schools of Magic drawing on a single aspect instead of the full raw power like High/Dark magic does). He performed many experiments of his own along with other evil magic-y things; combining what he could use of the dark Elves' craft with ways to call upon power as a human (all of which invariably involved mass human sacrifices, which was how the Dark Elves showed him the limits of his power, but Nagash couldn't be bothered to give another fuck beyond remaining discreet).

Eventually The Dark Elves gathered enough knowledge to escape the tomb. Near the exit, they found Nagash standing in their path to freedom, who told them they were free only if the bested him in a magical contest. Although the Dark Elves outnumbered Nagash, one had been crippled by a poison dart from the tomb's traps and one underestimated Nagash, so he still ended up brutally killing them and consuming their souls (you know that when someone can out-evil and out-betray '''Dark Elves''', they're cold mothafuckas). Taking everything he’d learnt, Nagash created an elixir out of human blood which allowed him to stay alive through death (although the body degenerated, becoming essentially a lich without a Phylactery). He wandered the Necropolis of Khemri, summoning spirits of the departed and daemons with his new power, and learned great secrets. He penned nine different [[Necronomicon]]s/Books of Vile Darkness which contain all of his work and experiments (which nobody to date has ever managed to attain the same degree of working knowledge of; because Nagash took a leaf from [[The Lord of the Rings|Sauron]] and inscrolled part of himself in each of his artefacts so no one but him could master them). The books explain the details and use of Necromancy, a form of magic that Nagash had codified from Death magic along with the rituals of the Tomb Kings and the Dark Magic tidbits his Dark Elf tutors gave him (He was not the first to attempt this, but he was the first to be so unequivocally successful). Necromancy, although usable by the forces of Chaos, also repels it; in a way the Undead are artificial Daemons made of equal amount of magic and material which flips the middle finger at the laws of physics (as much as Chaos can be said to have such laws anyway) of both.

==King of Khemri==
During his studies Nagash also planned to overthrow his brother, scheming with several disgruntled military officers and nobles ([[Arkhan the Black|including a certain wastrel called Arkhan who would go on to become his infamous right-hand man]]). He gave them all a sip of his elixir, with Arkhan being the first to take it. When Thutep learned of Nagash's experiments with dark magic via investigating the disappearances of the people he sacrified, he took some royal guards and confronted Nagash. While many of Nagash's followers died, his inner circle didn't and Nagash used his dark magic to kill all but Thutep. Nagash then killed his brother by entombing him alive in their father’s pyramid.

The next morning, Nagash claimed the throne of Khemri for himself along with Thutep’s wife. Despite being the only woman he felt attracted to, Nagash was a terrible husband to her. It's all but stated he abused her, used her as a sex object with no care for her pleasure, her handmaidens were terrified of him and his murder of Thutep was about as secret as [[A Song of Ice and Fire|the incestuous habits of the Lannister twins]]. To secure his throne, he secretly murdered her son (also his nephew) and used his body and soul to make a variant of the elixir to make her his sort of undead sex-slave. Nagash contracted the services of the [[Skaven]], and assembled the largest pyramid in Nehekhara (a big feat) made entirely out of black [[Warpstone]] (or made entirely out of black marble because he didn't even know Warpstone and Skaven existed yet. The undead backstory is inconsistent as fuck). However, doing so was expensive, and Nagash demanded such a large tribute of building materials and slaves that he nearly bankrupted Nehekhara; the fabulously wealthy kingdom became as poor as Detroit. During this time, his unholy work had become an open secret, and many others in Khemri flocked to his promise of immortality and power as well as a third of the Priests of Khemri.

However, the other Kings of Nehekhara were aghast at Nagash's reign of terror. Enraged at the corruption he had brought, and in fear of the wrath of the gods, the kings from seven other lesser cities formed an alliance to force Nagash from his throne. A powerful army was raised against Khemri.

Nagash, in turn, used the Black Pyramid to channel the energies of his Necromancy and raise an army of the undead - a horde of skeletons to destroy the attacking armies. [[Just as planned]]. Such a thing was unheard of, and in the death-obsessed culture of Nehekhara, it was recognized as the greatest of obscenities. Hundreds fled, terrified by the thoughts of battle versus the departed. Things got even worse when Nagash had his undead wife killed, ending her bloodline and breaking the covenant between the Nehekharans and their gods. However, all was not lost. Although many did flee the sight of the dead army, the forces of the other kings rallied; Lybaras brought with them new technologies (including [[Awesome|steam-powered hot air balloons]]) and Lahmia brought guns from Cathay. With the awesome new tech and the fact that though the priests no longer had the god's blessings they still had magic, they managed to push the undead back to Khemri and after a final battle they defeated Nagash. He retreated to his sarcophagus in the Black Pyramid while Arkhan, and an army of undead covered his retreat.

After the battle, it was generally decided at that time that all that Nagash had wrought during his accursed reign should be destroyed: the cabal of twisted followers he had ensnared to his ghastly practices were put to the sword, and great fires consumed much of what Nagash had done and written — even his precious Nine tomes were believed to be among the ashes...

==The Great Necromancer==
Nagash had not been destroyed, but had fled into the desert, the Saharan-style one with no water anywhere. He wandered through the desert, yelling and raging to scare off the hungry jackals that followed him, until he got far enough into the desert that even they abandoned the chase. Without any of his elixir, he was doomed to perish in the wastes. One night, he did die. During this time his brother Thutep's soul found his and rightfully castigated Nagash over all of his evil. He pointed out that breaking the covenant with the gods had made it hard for the dead to find Nehekhara's version of heaven, and that many vengeful dead wanted payback against Nagash. However, the next morning, Nagash returned to his body, got right back up and kept walking.

[[Awesome|That's right, Nagash went "fuck this!" to being dead and just kept going.]] (Once again, another being who makes the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprah]] look like a failure. [[Archaon|It's sort of a theme in Fantasy though]]).
[[File:Nagash-necromancer.jpg|400px|thumb|right|"Death? Been there, done that, no thanks."]]

This is where he first encountered the Skaven. During his exile, he was traveling towards the direction to the Sour Sea (the area on the upper right of the Nekehara). He met a group of 4 Skaven hunters, who were searching for the recent warp stone comet landing site. Nagash, like the smooth undead assassin he is, pretending to be dead when one of the rat hunters found and decided to eat him, then surprised the rat with a bite to the neck. The others were also killed as well, having their blood devoured by Nagash, and he found that a mysterious power within the rat's blood gave him more replenishment compared to all the elixir he had consumed in the past. It was there he first discovered the existence of the warpstone on one of the rat hunters' clothing, its faintly glowing green light attracting Nagash's attention. As he examined the rock, he found some bite marks on it, prompting the assumption that it was not only edible, but also the source of power that he had felt when he consumed the rat. He then decided to eat the stone, the smallest piece out of the 3 he had smashed it into. The stone gave Nagash a painful sensation like never before, but also gave him enough power to travel toward his destination. Sadly, the stone also fucked up his vision and his sense of direction, forcing him to [[Fail|wander the wasteland for 100 fucking years]].

He eventually came upon a mountain inhabited by various tribes of humans formed during Nagash's 100-years-[[drug|warpstoned trip]]. These human were but barbarians, but not like the Norscan barbarian slaves Nagash had owned back in his day of Khemri. These barbarians' appearances had much more in common with Nehekharans, with a few mutated appearance caused by the warpstone's influence. While studying the daily lives and the behaviour of these barbarian tribes, he realized that while most of the tribesmen had a mutated appearance, a few of them, namely their "high priests" (who wore long robes and carried out funeral rites and other rituals) were not mutated due to their thorough understanding and control of the stones. These priests sat at the top of the barbarian hierarchy, and were in fact a type of necromancer who used the barbarians to harvest souls and dead bodies for their own means while chilling in the hill top castle like the nobility they are. In order to gaining more power and information to control the stone, Nagash decided to take over the barbarian tribe. With some luck and his undead magic, he secretly resurrect the dead for his warpstone manual labour, even gained a living follower after he "accidentally" spared him. He then used his undead armies and his magic power (further powered up by the warpstone he had mined) to conquer them and, with an army of living and undead, made a new domain for himself. After some fighting with the chaos worshippers just to the north that were lead by 3 sorcerers, he began turning the mountain into a fortress-city to inspire terror and awe the world over - Nagashizzar. The mountain's highest peak was its tower. During his exile, Nagash learned how to manipulate the warpstone, and at Nagashizzar he forged many of his famed artefacts of power including his wretched sword Mortis (AKA Zefet-nebtar), his Crown of Sorcery, and his Black Armour (AKA Morikhane). Prolonged exposure to the mutagenic warpstone twisted Nagash into a hideous monster, no longer recognisably human. It increased his size and his strength but left him little more than a walking skeleton.

Such a large amount of warpstone drew other creatures, namely Skaven, who fought a massive war against Nagash for control of Cripple Peak. Initially, Nagash sensed the absence of his skeleton miners, which he believed the work of the traitorous "living" barbarians among his army. When he actually saw the image of an armored rat through the vision of one of his undead miners, Nagash was PISSED OFF. He hated the Skaven for being cowardly, coyote-like beasts that used any means to get their dirty little paws on the warpstone, so he decided to hunt these rat bastards until he razed whatever rat hole they came from, erasing their existence from the world for good. The Skaven armies were vast, but Nagash's magic abilities were also great, as were his armies of undead. At the time, the Skaven had a very old version of a warpfire launcher - a very large bronze device mounted on a wooden cart pushed by four ratmen - and it was powerful enough to melt some of Nagash's living servants. The warpfire launcher even almost killed Nagash himself, though he raised the corpse in front of him fast enough to avoid getting completely facefucked, and destroyed it with a magic missile to the back as the rats turned the weapon away. After years of war led to a bitter stalemate, Nagash offered the Skaven a truce: he would give them warpstone if they would give him slaves in exchange. The Skaven, wary of his plans but coveting the warpstone, agreed; luring several Orc tribes into the pits beneath his fortress for Nagash to slaughter and use for his rituals.

When Nagash checked in on Nehekhara, he found that the folks in Lahmia had been up to mischief. For hundreds of years the kings continued to rule Nehekhara much as they had before. In Lahmia the reigning Queen Neferata had come across a copy of one of the Books of Nagash; they hadn’t been destroyed, but had been taken there by the Queen’s power-hungry brother. She was captivated by the dark lore contained within and had begun studying Necromancy.

Finally driven by her quest for immortality to make a pact with Nagash, she took an elixir distilled from his own blood. The moment the elixir reached her lips, Neferata's fate was sealed. She had chosen damnation and exile: Her heart stopped beating, and she became something both more and less than human. She became the first true vampire. Nefereta gathered to her the eleven greatest minds and champions of Lahmia, and gave to them each a portion of this elixir. They were the Master Vampires, from whom all other vampires in the world are descended.

But Nagash had underestimated his former countrymen. Alcadizaar the Conqueror was the greatest general of his age (the 6th dynasty of Nehekhara) -- and some argue the greatest king to rule Khemri since [[Settra the Imperishable|Settra]] -- and led a unified army against the undead invaders. After many years of bloody war the hordes of Nagash were pushed back. After a night of duelling and name-calling the vampires made a run for it (other than W'soran's followers, most of whom refused to leave Nagash's burning library. For W'soran's part, he grabbed as many books as he could carry and made off into the night). As such the Master Vampires decided to flee, with only W'soran remaining at Nagash's side, eager for more necromantic lore.

Nagash was so furious he cursed all vampirekind to burn in the rays of the sun and threw a tantrum for a fortnight. Once he stopped killing failed minions and wrecking things, he sat down and brooded. Nagash had gained knowledge of all of the Winds, including those that did not blow through Nehekhara, and became one of the only mortals to gain a grasp of understanding about the Chaos Gods without his mind breaking. Far from it in fact, he saw them as a goal; to become Chaos and rule over the material plane consisting only of the mindless Undead. His first targets were the Nehekharans. He paid the Skaven to poison the River Vitae and unleashed a magical plague to decimate every living thing in Nehekhara (ironic, considering Nagash and Nurgle don't get along later). He then sent an undead army to Khemri to slaughter the rare few who had survived the plague, except Alcadizaar, who was to be captured and brought to Nagash.

Nagash had a massive plan, and he had spared Alcadizzar for a reason, even working his magical plague so Alcadizzar wouldn't be infected no matter what. Nagash needed him as a focus for his new master plan: [[Grimdark|a massive spell that would kill EVERYTHING living in Nehekhara and render it a literal no-man's-land with no water anywhere, no vegetation, no animals, nothing; just skeletons up the ass which he would raise into a gigantic undead army under Nagash's command. Nagash would then use this army to kill every living thing in the world and turn it into a kingdom of undeath, where only he would rule for all eternity]].

After the biggest summoning in history, Nagash was weakened so he needed to recuperate for the last part. He had Alcadizaar thrown into a dungeon for later torture and took a power nap on his throne. Fortunately for the rest of the world, Alcadizaar was spirited away by the VERY frightened Skaven into Nagash's throne room itself and given [[Fellblade#Warhammer_Fantasy|a sword made of pure Warpstone which was SO deadly, Alcadizaar only had a short amount of time to use it before he himself died just from touching it]]. During this time, Nagash was confronted by the ghost of his ex-wife/his brother's widow, who was enraged at all he did and subtly mocked him about the coming beatdown he was going to get. Cue our "hero" arriving in the big bad's throne room, where he charged in and chopped off Nagash’s hand before he could react. While the Skaven DIDN'T directly attack Nagash themselves, the Council of Thirteen did use their magic to protect Alcadizaar from Nagash's magic even as it slowly killed them; the fact that SKAVEN were co-operating with each other AND a non-Skaven, knowingly risking their lives, shows just how bad things had gotten.

Despite both being fatigued and weakened by their ordeals, the ensuing battle was titanic. The battle lasted for ages, for even in his weakened state, Nagash was a foe to be reckoned with. But finally, it was Alcadizaar who emerged victorious. Flying into a rage, Alcadizaar flew at Nagash and hacked away at him until he was dead and his corpse left in many small pieces. Alcadizaar took his crown as a trophy and staggered off, with Skaven agents gathering all of Nagash's body parts (except for his right hand, which crawled away unnoticed during the fight...) and burninhg them in Warpstone fire. For Alcadizaar, it was the ultimate sacrifice; killing Nagash cost Alcadizaar literally everything. His kingdom (the largest empire in the world) was killed to a man during the final battle, his family died of plague which ended his line forever, his sanity was shattered, and the weapon he needed to use to kill Nagash was slowly killing him as well since he was too broken to even think of abandoning it ([[Grimdark|or maybe Alcadizaar wanted to die at that point]]). And die he did: Alcadizzar fell dead into the River Vitae, and his corpse was washed out to sea (likely untouched by scavengers due to the Fellblade, which he was still clutching in death).

==Nagash’s Return==
Nagash's nine books were lost, popping up in various times and places. Alcadizaar's body, bearing the Crown of Sorcery made by Nagash and still carring the Fellblade, washed up on shore in the [[Old World]] along the Mediterranean equivalent. The Skaven tracked him down and took the Fellblade back from his lifeless body, but left the corpse and crown alone. Later the sorcerer Kadon found Alcadizzar's body and the crown. Taking both, he interred Alcadizzar's body in a cairn and used the crown which gave rise to the Necromantic kingdom of Mourkain.

Nagash did not stay dead. Using the power of his Black Pyramid, he was able to knit his body back together, piece by tiny piece, over 1,111 years minus the severed hand. The next time he rose, he found the lands of Nehekhara defended by many jealous undead kings with their combined armies of skeletons equal to anything he could muster. Nagash challenged the reigning king of Khemri, the first King Settra, for the rule of Nehekhara. Settra and the other Kings, furious at what Nagash had done, chased him from Nehekhara. They had no fear of his monstrous form or the undead hordes he commanded, for they commanded skeletal legions of their own and had become just as monstrous in appearance as him. And while powerful, Nagash no longer had the power to bend them all to his will, despite being their creator. He had lost too much, and the Tomb Kings had gained in power and independance while he regenerated.
[[File:The Black Pyramid.PNG|thumb|right|300px|The Black Pyramid, when active.]]
Returning to his fortress, Nagash found the Skaven had mined most of the warpstone away. Nevertheless, he took command of a horde of Ghouls, and in one night they drove all the Skaven from Cripple Peak, venting his frustrations on the ratmen. The Skaven made many attempts at regaining Cripple Peak, but after being defeated by Arkhan who once again joined his master, they eventually decided that they had gathered enough of the warpstone, and left Cripple Peak for good.

After wiping out the Skaven who'd taken over his fortress, Nagash realized that he needed his old magical artefacts to reassert his power, including his stolen crown. So Nagash forged a new hand to replace his missing one out of a warpstone alloy. The crown had been taken north into the Badlands, where it fell into the hands of Orcs who raided across the Black Mountains and seemingly disappeared. Nagash led a great army into the nascent Empire to reclaim it. During the final battle he fought in a duel with [[Sigmar]] himelf and nearly defeated him. Sigmar, realizing what was at stake went on a [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Humanity Fuck Yeah!]] [[Rage|rampage]] and finally crushed Nagash's skull with his hammer. The spirit of Nagash fled the battlefield and went back to his fortress where he recovered, having learned that the world now has powers capable to match him. Even Sigmar at the height of his power only just managed to defeat Nagash, and even then only by wearing Nagash's own crown to protect him from Nagash's magic. A crown that had pretty much sent Sigmar insane the last time he wore it. Even then, fighting Nagash crippled Sigmar; while he still kicked a lot of ass he did not regain his full strength until much later.

Nagash did pop up a few times more after that, but each time he did, he was weaker than the time before; pre-retcon every time he died the ghosts of people he killed would gang up on him in the Afterlife and hurt him a bit more each time. Post-retcon the Fellblade was ''so'' deadly, its killing blow was continuing to eat away at Nagash's very spirit, slowly making him less and less with each incarnation. Nagash once again returned to life, 1,666 years after his death at the hands of Sigmar, in the night known as the Night of the Restless Dead because his return prompted undead to awaken across the world, but was so weak he was only alive for a single night before his power weakened and he slipped back into the afterlife. Between this and knowledge of the Chaos Gods, he made a plan to come back for good and be free of what the Fellblade did to him. To this end, he charged Arkhan with working to restore him.

During the downtime, Nagash recruited a "young" Vampire named [[Mannfred von Carstein]] to serve him, and teamed him up with Arkhan the Black to resurrect their master. Now the time has come... FOR [[Games Workshop|GAMES WORKSHOP]] TO UNLEASH THEIR LATEST CASH COW IN THE NAME OF NAGASH!

==[[The End Times]]==
[[Image:Nagash White Dwarf.jpg|500px|thumb|right|1000 points in WFB and costs 100 <strike>Naggaroth</strike> 'Murican dollars, now 70-99% derp free! (Percentage largely depends largely on your opinion of the pope hat to end all pope hats; some players cut it down, or replaced it with the larger skeleton head from the Necrosphinx. Also ignore the derp-faced staff)]]
'''GUESS WHO'S BACK!!!!!!!'''

Nagash is back, with fuckawesome (and fuckexpensive) model (*It would be 100% if not for the derpy skull face on the staff - which can be solved by using the sword instead, the ridiculous skeleton pope hat that is the size of a man standing on another man's shoulders - though that is meant to evoke [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pschent the Pschent crowns] of real-life Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs, the [[/d/|naughty tentacle]] spinal cords borrowed from Doctor Octopus, the buck-teeth on the ghosts and that long bone hanging between his legs - which is meant to be a loincloth made from a spine but it looks like something else...) and another storyline chapter that involves everyone this time.

His primary goal is to bring order to the world; with the dawn of the End Times we see the [[High Elves]] and [[Dark Elves (Warhammer)|Dark Elves]] getting railed by massive chaos incursions while the [[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]] sit in their forest laughing about how everyone is gonna be speared on [[Slaanesh|Slaanesh's]] dick but them. The [[Beastmen]] who are massing disagree with this assessment however. The [[Empire]] is currently taking it from behind by nearly every faction in the game (mainly the [[Warriors of Chaos]] lead by [[Archaon]] who is determined not to end up looking like a little shit this time) at the moment, with [[Kislev]] having been almost entirely wiped out (assuming this "End Times" is a wash like the last one they'll have rebuilt their green wood castles in a week, but still). [[Bretonnia]] was in flames as civil war tore through the country, but has mostly united now, even if 50% of the population died. The [[Orcs & Goblins]] have been decimated by the attacks of [[Eltharion]] against their race as WAAAGH!s that lasted since the dawn of time were obliterated with fire magic, leaving no spores to repopulate. The remainder of their race (barring individuals and their bands such as [[Skarsnik]], Warlord of the Eight Peaks and [[Grimgor Ironhide]]) are heading straight for eastern [[Ulthuan]] into a trap that could possibly work and wipe out most of the greenskins. The [[Skaven]] backstabbing and plotting against the world hasn't changed of course and are currently conquering the majority of the southern human nations with numbers that even vampires think is excessive.[[Lizardmen]] are under assault from [[Chaos|Daemons]], and Mazdamundi declares that the great plan has failed and that a great exodus must begin. [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarfs]] have barricaded themselves in their holds, or else gone about trying to retake and rebuild the [[Eight Peaks]] thanks to being shunned by both the Empire and [[Tyrion]] when help was offered in their missions against the Undead (of course, thanks to the fact that Dwarfs will rather destroy their own race than let grudges go, it's unlikely that the Dwarfs will be around long after reunification and the chance to avenge themselves at each other with impunity).

Of course since this is [[Games Workshop|Games Whiteshop]], we wouldn't have heard about what's going on in the rest of the world with the browns and Asians... if not for Josh Reynolds. Cathay was embroiled in a civil war instigated by local Tzeentch worshippers along with them and everyone else being clusterfucked by Chaos, Skaven and/or Undead too.

Just before the End Times, Teclis managed to contact Nagash with an offer of gaining the Wind of Shyish and forming an anti-Chaos alliance with the living. Nagash, being Nagash, threw Teclis' offer back in his face. However, he secretly co-opted Teclis' plan with a few alterations: harness the Wind of Shyish to control all Death magic (something even Nagash himself hadn't thought of and grudgingly commended Teclis for), overthrow the Chaos Gods and become the only god of a world of undead. To this end, Nagash had Arkhan fast-track his resurrection plan. In his own End Times book, after much scheming, magic and war from Arkhan and Mannfred, Nagash has risen again. By the way you can read the efforts of Arkhan and Mannfred to bring back Naggy in the "The Return of Nagash", brought to you by Black Library, among the highlights of the novel you get Count Nyktolos "Count Von Count", finally fulfilling the long time wish of /tg/ to get the old Sesame Street star as a vampire Count.

Once he came back he held up his hands for quiet, then told the assembled peoples of the world this; "Guys, I got a plan. Everyone just take off your skin and meat, and line up over there. Trust me guys, this'll work for sure." As one can imagine, that isn't going over so well. The first to get crushed was [[Settra the Imperishable]], who united the [[Tomb Kings]] (and punished those who refused to kiss the ring and get in line by ordering their unliving skull by used as artillery ammunition) against just such a threat. The idea that anyone rule over SETTRA THE FUCKYOU was too much for the old man, but it turned out badly and his army (plus one of his gods) were destroyed/eaten by Nagash. Likewise, Archaon stopped his march into the Empire and instead followed a route that would lead him to the massive Undead fuckhead that DARED to take HIS rightful place as big-bad of the setting.

Following similar logic, [[Queen Neferata]] has gathered a massive army pulled from the Undead across the world, as well as the living armies whose leaders have been under her thumb since day one. But she has not yet decided who she'll follow; on one hand, serving Nagash would be beneficial as he's seeking to become the Chaos God of Undeath (replacing all four of the other Chaos Gods and BECOMING Chaos Undivided) which would make her ruler of all beneath him. On the other hand..."serving" isn't something she does, to the point that one of her earliest decisions after leaving his service originally involved [[Ushoran|pooling all the forces available to her to go fuck up one of her closest allies and his entire kingdom because he implied that he was better at ruling than her.]] If she DOES choose to serve however (as in, if the player who shells out $79 for her model fields her as a model in the [[Undead Legion]] army) she becomes known as the Mortarch of Blood and takes place in Nagash's trinity of servants.

But Nagash has planned for his return well. His first servant and first in the big three Mortarchs, [[Arkhan the Black]], became known as the Mortarch of Sacrament. Arkhan leads Nagash's main army against the forces of the world. Meanwhile [[Vlad von Carstein]], Mortarch of Shadow, leads a detachment of Nagash's forces against Archaon's Chaos army to ensure that the <s>Nordic fuckup</s> half-blooded EMPIRE Daemon Prince fuckup that got boo-ed offstage in [[Storm of Chaos]] doesn't interfere with Nagash's big moment in the spotlight. He even cemented power by entering the Afterlife, defeating and consuming the god of the dead for humanity Usirian (AKA Morr and all the other names humans have for their god of the dead in Warhammer Fantasy). He even tore Settra apart, though didn't kill him, and forced Settra to watch the destruction of Khemri. Nagash then went on to bitch-slap the Tomb Kings into submission, destroying the few that resisted and finally has his FUCKHEUG undead army to conquer the world, which he will use to ruin the day of Chaos' forces, he also has now <s>a Necron Monolith</s> his own Flying Black Pyramid.

Nagash landed the Black Pyramid in Sylvania, surrounded by a River Styx expy where the magic builds up, and spent the next three books chilling in a sarcophagus, slowly absorbing the wind of Death Magic. During that time Arkhan took a leaf from [[The Lord of the Rings|the Witch King and the Mouth of Sauron]], keeping the undead legions in order. When Isabella and the turncoat Nameless lead a Nurglite host attack Sylvania, Arkhan arranged a battle plan. The undead hold them off but they force their way to the front, even slaying Krell and Arkhan. Just after Arkhan is killed by Isabella, Nagash wakes up and enters the battle, but while Isabella distracts Nagash by trolling him her Skaven allies destroy the Black Pyramid with warpstone bombs (the warpstone equivalent of nukes) placed by tunneling teams. Nagash gets pissed enough to impress an [[Angry Marine]] and destroys all the daemons, including a Great Unclean One, with a single blast of magic. After venting, Nagash took stock. Between that epic, magical temper tantrum and the Black Pyramid's destruction he can't reach godhood as he originally planned. After much introspection Nagash swallowed his pride and conceded that he would either have to serve the Chaos Gods or ally with the living to survive. He reluctantly chose the latter, bringing back Arkhan and Krell; despite his frustration over their failure, he needed loyal, intelligent servants.

He leaves Neferata to rule Sylvania and its undead legions before going to Athel Loren, sending Mannfred as a messenger to parley. During the meeting Nagash tries to engender goodwill by handing Mannfred to the elves as compensation for Aliathra's death, but he also taunts Alarielle and Tyrion about Aliathra's fate and withholds Arkhan's involvement because he's too useful (the only reason Nagash even did this was because Malekith had nearly convinced the other Incarnates that they didn't need Nagash and, combined, the six Incarnates present could have destroyed him). His army is ordered to stay out of Athel Loren, except for Vlad and Arkhan. Nagash and his accompanying two Mortarchs are escorted everywhere under heavy guard including at least two other Incarnates because (understandably) no-one trusts him. When the forces of Chaos arrive, Nagash goes "Bitch Please!" and gives a beatdown to anything thrown at him, from Beastmen warbands to monsters; he even solos A [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]... AND WINS! After being teleported to Middenheim with Arkhan, Krell, Vlad and part of his army he roftstomps his way through the Chaos forces occupying Middenheim until they get to the the excavation. Along the way he kills Chaos' prisoners, bringing back all the dead as zombies under his control. His forces do take losses, including Krell being killed by Sigvald. He then he meets Settra, who was restored by the Chaos Gods. He tells Nagash he was sent to kill him, before killing a daemon that was about to attack Nagash. Settra explains that NO ONE COMMANDS HIM, that he's going to take down the Chaos Gods for offering him rulership for service, then he'll come back and Nagash had either better bend the knee or be slain. Settra then goes off to fight the Chaos army, leaving Nagash to join with the others. Nagash gives Arkhan the remaining Morghasts and tells him to cover his retreat and hold the line until dead.

Nagash reaches the artefact with the other incarnates and tries to fight the forces of Chaos, providing a rearguard of zombies raised from the combined dead of Middenheim. He continues curbstomping anything that directly engages him, only fighting an opponent who can match him in the form of a stronger than average Bloodthirster, Ka'bandha.

After all the Chaos forces are defeated with Archaon MIA, the Old Ones artefact destabilizes, creating a magical rift that will consume the world. The surviving Incarnates and Teclis (who takes two winds of magic into himself) start to contain the Rift but fail when Mannfred disrupts the ritual by killing Balthazar. This led to Teclis' death as he tried to re-stabilize the magic by taking a third wind but the power is too much and he is disintegrated. Free of their control, the rift grows; when it touches the surviving Incarnates it sucks out all of their magic, including Nagash's. He is last seen collapsed and panicking while his body crumbles to dust.

==[[Age of Sigmar]]==
In the new setting Nagash has achieved godhood, but not on his terms and with others who can challenge him. According to Black Library, after the End Times Nagash was originally trapped by the Chaos Gods in "a crypt of forgotten moments, burying him in the weft of time itself"; we still wonder how is that Sigmar managed to free him, maybe [[Azyr]] celestial mechanics magic or something? Once freed (and being the asshole that he is), he immediately set up shop in the realm of Shyish, declared himself its king and tried claiming ownership of everyone who died (despite not running the place or providing its afterlives, just being the biggest kid on the playground). He also planned to betray all of the other gods in the setting (who are at this point his allies), with his reasoning being that they were probably going to betray him sooner or later so he might as well be the first to do it. Given what happens later, it's not really a surprise so many races chose to ignore his (unsubstantiated) claim to their people's souls.

For a while he was allied with the other incarnate gods in this new era, mutually tolerating Sigmar (not counting his planned betrayal) and providing order and occasional undead reinforcements. Morathi eventually found her way to the pantheon in her aelven form and, as is her style, tried to seduce the other members. Sigmar ignored her so she focused her efforts on Nagash. Nagash responded with an epic pimp slap that struck Morathi down, revealing her true serpentine form, which caused Morathi to flee in humiliation and rage. At one point Alarielle, now the ruler of Ghyran, managed to strike a bargain with him to deal with some rampaging undead in the Realm of Life; Nagash could consider the undead-infested part of Ghyran his sovereign territory, in exchange he kept the undead contained to it. Nagash agreed to Alarielle's terms, likely with his finger bones crossed behind his back.

At the onset of the Age of Chaos (and when things were looking bleak) the various gods started going their separate ways to defend their own lands. Surprisingly, Nagash was the last one to abandon Sigmar and step out on [[Grand_Alliance:_Death|his own]]. Unsurprisingly he did so in the most dickish way, kicking Sigmar's forces in the balls on the way out (and fucking over any hope the pantheon had of holding Chaos in check, meaning he also fucked himself over). This was the last straw, with Sigmar going back to being a barbarian god-king and roflstomping his way through Shyish to try and teach Nagash a lesson. They 'fought' twice, with Nagash running like a bitch both times before Sigmar could finish him. After working out his rage, Sigmar finally bothered to check his inbox... and found out that in his absence Chaos went "all your bases are belong to us!" on the realms. This made Sigmar head back and seal off his realm before working on [[Stormcast Eternals|his newest weapons]]. Nagash on the other hand tried fighting off the forces of Chaos, only to get his shit kicked in by Archaon (who destroyed his body) and having his armies destroyed while his territory was claimed by Chaos. From this point on, instead of trying to fight Chaos in any way Nagash just gave up and waited for somebody else to do it, only stepping back into the fray when Sigmar showed up with the Stormcast Eternals. This time he rejected Sigmar's request to team up against Chaos, figuring he can do just fine against them on his own, because that worked out so fucking well for him last time. He also later had a rematch against Archaon where he once again lost, his army being destroyed and being forced to run like a bitch.

Unsurprisingly Nagash didn't take kindly to Sigmar keeping the souls of his dead to remake into Stormcast Eternals, with him claiming he'd never forgive Sigmar for his 'soul-theft' and whining that he'd been betrayed (ignoring that he'd planned well before this to betray everyone else and that the souls don't technically belong to him). He began plans to fight Sigmar's forces and take back what he saw as his, because that worked so fucking well the last two times he got his ass kicked by Sigmar who didn't have superhumans helping him at the time. To add insult to injury Nagash is the reason the Stormcast Eternals degrade with each death, whenever they die Nagash sticks his skeletal fingers in Sigmar's pie to try and grab some each time; the bits of memory and personality that each Stormcast loses with each death and rebirth are the bits Nagash claims. It took a while, but Sigmar eventually learnt of this (actual) soul-theft. In response, Sigmar marshaled his forces and directed them to Shyish to find Nagash and/or liberate the souls.

The first expedition, led by Lord Celestant Tarsus Bullheart, found Nagash with predictable results. Nagash threw their message and Sigmar's offer back in their faces, and then attacked (Nagash struck first). When the rest of the Stormcast attacked Nagash, he killed all but Tarsus. Tarsus got up and noticed that the Stormcast's souls are being trapped by Nagash and that he's unable to return to Azyrheim and Sigmar. He mocked Nagash and hit him with a bolt from of his cape hammers, which hurts Nagash enough to distract him, the lapse in concentration allowing the Stormcasts' souls to escape. Livid, Nagash killed Tarsus with a wave of amethyst fire and imprisoned Tarsus soul, gloating to the imprisoned Stormcast about how he would torture Tarsus' soul and pry as many of Sigmar's secrets as he can from him.

Sigmar isn't the only one who pissed Nagash off however, the new book revealed that Nagash ''really'' wants aelf souls, as they can be manipulated more than most others, being more easily used in more complicated craftings like weapons of war, rather than just becoming more undead servants. He was unable to acquire them however, thanks to Slaanesh eating them all. Furthermore, when Tyrion and Malerion cut Slaanesh open Nagash sensed the souls spilling out, though once again (and perhaps, unsurprisingly) he wasn't able to get any, he was really steamed about that. He's also equally pissed at the Idoneth Deepkin who steal the souls of their victims, though he hasn't been able to catch them either. Furthermore there's a number of other factions who do whatever they want to their souls and the souls of their dead, and unless Nagash or his forces show up in person there's fuck-all he can do about it. When he does show up though, he makes sure to let everyone know it by punishing those who keep their souls in as dickish a manner he possibly can, although sometimes it fucks him over too (since Nagash is just the king of foresight), like altering a city so that the souls of anyone in it can't leave the city and preventing him from doing anything with them (Other than creating more Nighthaunt.)

Nagash still likes his black pyramids, so much so he built many of them, turned them upside down (because why not) and made them all fly, in theory making them Skaven-proof although in practice they definitely are not. He also managed to get some use out of them, in the ''Malign Portents'' campaign he built a new inverted black pyramid and surrounded it with realmstone, think crystals that are literally magic in solid form. His plan was to cause all the magic in the realm to coalesce into the center, where he'd absorb it all to become the true master of death, giving him control over all the dead in all the realms, [[The End Times|because that worked so fucking well the last time he tried it.]] Unsurprisingly he got the exact same fucking outcome as last time, drawing all the magic to himself, finding he's not as awesome as he thinks he is, because just like last time, the ritual is corrupted (this time by the Skaven, who could have predicted they'd fuck him over) and having the magic spill back into the land, fucking things up for everyone in the setting (while his pyramid started spinning and [[FAIL|accidentally burrowed into the ground]]). During this ritual the Chaos Gods themselves show up to first get laughed at by Nagash, then laugh at Nagash, then get laughed at by Nagash again, who viewed his failure as success. As a by-product, souls everywhere coalesced into the Nighthaunt, under the dictations of Nagash's ironic sense of justice. The sudden influx of spooky ghosts resulted in Sigmar having to open up his special mage chamber, the ones formerly guarding his anvil-of-apotheosis. The failures in Sigmar's reforging process have become more common because of the Necroquake, making him more desperate to fix the flaw of reforging.

Out of all the diety's in the setting, Nagash is easily the most impotent. While Nagash claims every soul for himself, and every soul has to travel to the Shyish underworlds, many of the other Deities do what they will with their souls of their people. Necromancers are likewise free to do as they please because unless Nagash happens to be right there, he's not going to be affecting shit as Nagash seems unable to enforce anything from afar. He still sticks his bony fingers into everything he pretends is his, see Shadespire, where they cheated death using shadeglass and Nagash weaved a great ritual to trap their souls in a prison of eternal torment. Among other things, Shyish consists of afterlives that are created by beliefs of mortals of what happens after they die. Most people who die go to one of these places, where they remain until those places fade away (if the civilization they're from is destroyed) upon which they can just go elsewhere - except, since the Necroquake, many of those underworlds are being dragged to the epicenter of the ritual and are ripped apart into more raw magic, and more nighthaunt. Additionally, since Nagash's claimed dominion over Syhish, many of those underworlds have been twisted by his presence - pyramids, obelisks, and other monuments to his vainglory dot the various landscapes.

He might as well be a cartoon villain given how often he tries to repeat past events while forgetting their outcomes. Each and every time he seems surprised he's getting exactly the same results and then he holds a grudge because he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those/that meddling Skaven/Chaos gods/Sigmar/Archaon. Luckily this never gets him down, since Nagash sees negatives as positives, his cowardice during the Age of Chaos was just him biding his time, his petty and unreasonable grudges are him punishing thieves who are stealing his (unjust) due. His planned betrayals of his closest allies were just him demonstrating how much foresight he has (aka, none) and his routine failures have just instilled in him the confidence [[Skaven|that he is never to blame for any of his mistakes]], so he carries no doubt in his unbeating heart that he will, one day, rule over everything.

Sigmar considered Nagash his closest ally back in the 'good old days', in fact, they initially went on a super smash bros tour cleaning the still forming Mortal Realms from eldritch abominations which would have given even Chaos a run for his money. Arkhan the Black believed that the two need to be reunited in order to beat back Chaos. Neither of the two gods seem keen on that idea, in Sigmar's case he gave up on forming an alliance after getting betrayed again by having an entire army of Stormcasts wiped out during the Allpoints' Shyish gate siege due Nagash never sending the promised reinforcements, in Nagash's case, well, as Sigmar apointed out, he still hasn't learned the frakkin' lesson.

==On The Tabletop (Warhammer Fantasy)==
[[Image:Nagash_Derp.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Nagash in all his [[Derp|derptastic]] evilness.]]
Nagash was actually a special character back when it was just ''Warhammer Armies: Undead'' and all the dead boys were united in one armybook. Despite being described as "a pale shadow of his former self" he was an unholy rapetrain - a statline with the lowest stats being 6's (init and attacks) and everything else being a 7. Add in a completely unmodifiable 4+ save against everything (including any and all spell effects), a sword that gives him +1 str and lets him use any wounds he causes to heal himself and being one of the most powerful mages in the game making him pretty much unstoppable. (<s>''Unless you threw a High Mage at him with Drain Magic and Banishment which resulted in epic lulz.''</s> Foolish Elf. Nagash would take High Magic with his book just to prevent you from doing that.)

It used to be speculated, before Games Workshop advanced their storyline with [[Skub|The End Times and Age of Sigmar]], that Nagash getting off his bony ass and doing shit would be a game ender. There were only a handful of non-divine characters equal to or more powerful than him such as Sigmar (who'd beaten him once before), Kroak (though now he's much weaker as a ghost-Slann) and other First Spawning Slann who would simply think Nagash out of existence if they were still alive. Arguably Morathi, Malekith and Aenarion could stand up to him, Teclis is described as being if not his equal in magic, then close behind, and Archaon the Everchosen would be a fine matchup.

In those days Games Workshop chose to give him what might very well be the single most [[Derp|derptastic]] model to ever blight a tabletop with its presence, an unholy abomination of fail so ridiculous that it makes the [[Tyranid]] [[Biovore]] look like a towering monument of awe and might in comparison. Even the beardiest of [[cheese]]mongers thought twice before fielding it, knowing all too well that they would pay for it not only in army points, but in dignity and self-respect. There was a running joke that the model was made stupid-looking to prevent people from using Nagash, therefore keeping him from changing the status quo.

Then the End Time rolled around.

[[The End Times]] update brought Nagash back into the game as a powerhouse, boasting higher stats and better spellcasting than anything else in the entire game. In short he's a Level 5 Wizard with access to the Lores of Death, Light (he's Nehekharan, remember?), Vampires, Nehekhara, and a new Lore called "Undeath". He carries his nine books of Nagash which lets him carry NINE spells (total), one being "Ryze, the Grave Call", with the rest generated from any combination of the mentioned Lores as he pleases (with the newest rules from the Khaine book, he will have ALL spells from all 5 of those lores, plus a special Summon Arcane Fulcrum spell, giving him 41 spells in total). But wait, there's more. He re-rolls any Miscast (but must accept the new result) and can store, at any time in the Magic Phase, up to four Power Dice for later, surpassing the six-dice-per-spell-limit; he can also empower attacks by adding the ''Heroic Killing Blow'' to his already powerful sword (+1 Strength and Multiple Wounds (D3), but only one die per attack has that rule), and being a Monster he also has the Thunderstomp Attack; this guy is a rape machine in close combat.

Thought that was bad? It gets worse; any Undead within 12" suffer two fewer wounds from Unstable, plus any other rule that stacks (for example, Battle Standard Bearer). And the cherry on this hell cake: each time he casts a summoning spell of Undeath the points summoned and the range are TRIPLED (e.g. Ryze, The Grave call he ALWAYS has: with difficulty 9+, anyone else can summon 50 points of troops within 12" or 100 at 14+. At best(16+) 150 points worth of Monstruous Infantry at the same range. Nagash summons 150, 300 and '''450''' respectively at 36"). This also includes Raise the Dead tokens, so spend five tokens and now Nagash can raise 600 points worth of models, whereas all other wizards can only raise 200.

Lastly he's 1000 points to field, which is fine because End Times came with a rule update allowing half your army points to be spent on Lords and Heroes, so fielding Nagash has to be at a 2000 point game at the minimum, <s>although you will have no other characters at all (including a Battle Standard Bearer</s> and thankfully Lords and Heroes have a SEPARATE allowance, so if you get Nagash in a 2000 point game you cannot have any other lords (don't forget, he can summon characters with a base 195pt cost, not to mention any tokens he spends to up that total), but you can have plenty of heroes (which a BSB is). He costs a whopping $105 Ameribucks, although considering the size of his model it's not a terrible deal (for GW anyway). He also currently has the biggest hat in either Warhammer setting, proving that he's the single biggest force to be reckoned with.

Nagash can only be fielded with the [[Undead Legion]], his own army that consists of everyone from [[Vampire Counts]] and [[Tomb Kings]] that he's brought under his rule. As a result there's no "wrong" way to field Nagash; everything you CAN field him with is supported in fluff. His army is even Neutral in alignment, meaning you can get in a 2v2 battle with any army in the game supporting any army in the game. Throwing an Empire army lead by Karl Franz on the field being BFFs with Nagash against Wood Elves and Ogre Kingdoms is completely copacetic in the fluff.

==On the Tabletop (Age of Sigmar)==

Luckily on the Tabletop Nagash isn't the complete bitch he is in the lore. Not only does Nagash sport a whopping 16 Wounds with a 3+ Save, he hits really hard both with magic and with melee. He not only knows every spell known to all Death Wizards on the board, but by default he gets +3 to all his casting/unbinding rolls (which can be buffed further with his army rules/artefacts, provided he's near the ones who have them), while being able to cast/unbind 8(!) spells by himself at default. On top of this, he has one of the most notorious spells in the game, Hand of Dust, which can instantly kill any model in the game, no matter who they are or how well protected they are, unless they're like Archaon and have a rule that triggers once an enemy wizard uses a spell on them. For a laugh take 3 Warscroll Battalions and then use Arkhan's command ability for times to give the spell a 27" range, just to say 'fuck you' to your opponent's general right off the bat. He also has Soul Stealer, a spell that tests the units Bravery in a similar manner to a banshee, with them suffering D3 to D6 mortal wounds if they fail, and with Nagash regaining wounds that are successfully allocated.

In the combat phase he's no slouch either, boasting solid hits, rends and damages across the board, doing so much damage that most elite units will easily be ripped apart in only one round (provided he didn't get charged by something like a large group of blood/chaos knights or Morghasts), and his own Command Ablity further helps this, as well as his entire army by boosting hit and wound rolls.

Like many other monster Nagash has a wounds table, with his performance getting worse the more he is hurt. Thankfully it's relatively minor, not only can he heal himself, but the bonuses lost are just attacks with his sword and the number of bonus spells he can cast, as well as the extra amount he casts/unbinds with (which can be boosted through other means). Thankfully he also has a way to prevent his stats from dropping too fast due to mortal wounds, he wears armour that protects him on a 4+, with a 6+ reflecting the MW back to the unit that caused it.

Unfortunately Nagash still struggles somewhat against hordes. Despite doing a lot of damage, he can easily be brought down if he's charged and his (justifiably) high points cost mean your opponent can likely swamp him with models (if they're so inclined, and somehow you have let him get through your never ending hordes). While he's trying to deal with the major threats your opponent brought, they can surround him with clanrats, stormvermin or (ironically) zombies, all of which can pile on so many wounds and who have so many models to remove (especially since with a command point they auto-pass their bravery test) that his stats can be knocked down quick, causing him to do less damage and becoming a weaker spellcaster in general. Given he also has an ability to revive slain models and heal wounds dealt to units (healing 5 summonable units for D3 each) you should make sure that such units are only fighting the ones they should be up against (at least until you've whittled them down some), leaving Nagash free to take on the enemy's elite.

Nagash also has the exact same issue in this edition as he had in Warhammer Fantasy: Artillery. Cannons in general can royally fuck him over since each shot brings him down to a 5+ save and does D6 damage when he fails it. Rockets are even worse, their presence on the field virtually guarantees he's going to be having a very bad day. If you're going to use him, just be aware of his limitations, as well as what can bring him down quick as while he's certainly tough, he's not invincible.

==Why Nagash is so evil==
While most evil characters on the game have done their share of bad deeds, Scumbag Nagash has a special place amongst them thanks to sheer volume and scope from the very personal like domestic abuse and rape to various genocides and mass slaughters. Also, unlike most of the poor bastards that live in a Warhammer setting, he doesn't do these for survival, being tricked into it or to seek the favor of a more powerful being. He does it because he is a fucking prick. The following lists illustrates how sick this fuck is:
* Started out learning magic through sacrificing people. Although it was due to Nehekhara's desert lacking much of the winds of magic and the people Nagash sacrificed were usually unwanted sons and daughters of nobles who were despair ridden from gambling and drinking. But the Nagash did not feel a pang of sympathy for them and was being taught by Dark Elves at the time, so it's not like he had a heart to begin with.
* Out Betrayed the Dark Elves, whom were one of the most evil creatures in the setting (besides the Skaven) and were far superior than the humans at that time (in terms of military, magic and economy).
* During his first and last violent encountered with his brother Thutep, Nagash used his followers as meatshield, having them killed by Thutep's much superior bodyguard then absorbed their souls as magic sources for his magic missiles. After all the bodyguards were dead, Nagash restrained his brother with magic, taunted him for his inability to move/use his Khopesh while sadistically watching his brother furiously trying to move his body, face red and tears flowing from his eyes.
* Entombed his own brother alive and stole his wife. Right before the entombment, Nagash even told Thutep about him stealing his wife just to watch his painful and tormented expression for extra sadism.
* After taking the throne, Nagash married Thutep's widow and was a cruel husband to her. Her handmaidens fled in fear when he entered their room and she got this look of stoic resignation (she even says to him "just get it over with" at one point, with it likely being sex); because on top of being a usurper and an evil wizard, he was a domestic abuser and a rapist.
* Turned said wife into an agony-ridden walking corpse and kept her that way for centuries. The process he used to accomplish this involved tricking her into drinking the blood of her murdered son; who was also Nagash's nephew. Sadistically, the trick was based around a mocking promise he would never harm said nephew again.
* His reign was responsible for the deaths of at least tens of thousands of people, and he even cancelled out his excuse of wanting the throne because he considered Thutep an ineffective king, since Nagash nearly destroyed Nehekhara's economy to build his Black Pyramid.
* Captured the spirits of his enemies and kept them in eternal torment.
* Started a war which destroyed many of the Nehekharan cities and killed even more of the population.
* Broke the covenant between the Nehekharan gods and their people, not only removing the divine powers of the Nehekharans but ensuring that after death they wouldn't be able to go to their gods and would have to stay in a nether dimension forever. Especially jarring if you remember that he used to be the High Priest of their Death Cult.
* Indirectly corrupted some of the nobility of Nehekhara, who became the first vampires.
** Also letting the Vampire spread their corruption and turned others into vampires. Nagash only sees humans as cattle while treating his vampire servants like pawns. To him, the only thing worth about the vampire is their ability to produce other vampires as well as creating other undead (because more undead things = more power for Nagash!). One of primary reason to keep them around despite their constant treachery.
* Turned a whole tribe of his followers into ghouls because they annoyed him several times by asking him to give them a promised reward.
* Used his loyal vassals as tools in a terrible incantation to make himself a magic set of armour and then, for the only time in any of his fluff, he does something nice for someone besides himself and he compliments them for exceeding his expectations. After complimenting them he devoured their souls anyway. Some of those souls were sent to the '''now destroyed afterlife''' where they will tell the dead Thutep and others that their vengeance will never come.
* Started a new war against Nehekhara which cost thousands more their lives.
* Used a horrible plague spell to annihilate the entire Nehekharan civilization after losing the war against them; because on top of being a mad wizard and an immoral bastard, he's a sore loser.
* Raised the Nehekharan dead, turning them into millions of undead minions with the idea of annihilating all life in the world.
* Almost destroyed the Empire and nearly crippled Sigmar in a duel by using a poisoned blade.
* Cursed the [[Vampire Counts|Vampires]] with a vulnerability to Sigmar's power and other curses after the assholes were too self-absorbed to help Nagash out during the two major battles: war with the Empire and the Nehekhara war. While this might seem like a good riddance because of Vampire's treacherous and dickish nature, the evil thing about these curses is that it prevents vampires from enjoying life with their new found immortality.
* The End Times adds killing several demigods, including [[Valaya]], the ancestor goddess of the Dwarfs, while she slumbered and a god so he can take destroy the Chaos Gods (and then failing to do that).
* After defeating Settra and uniting nearly all of the Tomb Kings under his banner, he destroyed Nehekhara despite all the resources the nation held (not to mention depriving Neferata of ever going to Lahmia again).
* Killing messengers from the Empire asking for his help when a 'no' would have been enough, then turning around and expecting to get help when he's forced to ask the living for it.
* Mocked Tyrion and Alarielle about the fact that he was brought back to life by their daughter being sacrificed ([[That Guy|notable because Nagash did so while he was asking for their help]]). The actual quote was something like "MY DESTRUCTION WILL NOT BRING HER BACK... THE SOUL (OF THE EVERCHILD) IS NOT MINE TO GIVE. LIKE ALL YOUR KIND, SHE IS ALREADY FODDER FOR THE DARK PRINCE!" Gotta hand it to Nagash for this one, since he clearly hasn't lost his funny bone despite being a cold-blooded lich who kill people as he pleases.
* Nagash's evil extends beyond his universe. Apparently, GW must have bribed Naggy with souls or whatever, because in the new Death Faction Nagash didn't see fit to bring back the Tomb Kings.
* Murdered even more death gods in order to take over the realm of Shyish.
* Betrayed Sigmar and the forces of Order to try to become the supreme god, which allowed Chaos to take over seven eighths of the realms while he got beaten down by Archaon.
* When a group of queens ruling island-nations, collective called the Skull Isles, offered themselves to Nagash if he would spare their people, Nagash claimed them for himself... then had their kingdoms destroyed by his undead armies (in that same audio drama, Nagash outright states he does not have mercy, honor or pity).
* [[Warhammer Underworlds|At some point while ruling his realm of Death, he punished the citizens of Shadespire for cheating death with the use of some magic mirrors by throwing the entire fucking city into the void of between the realm of life and shadow, forcing them into an unlife of torment.]]
* When a necromancer and tribal leader named Tamra ven Drak begged for mercy after she released some spirits he imprisoned in order to save her people (who also happened to worship him) from a nurglite invasion. Nagash spared her... and then killed off her entire people and turned them into an undead army. He stated this preserved their souls for all eternity and is his idea of mercy (he did make her a Deathlord). He also only did so at the insistence of Arkhan and Neferata, who had to work together to convince Nagash she was more useful if he spared her.
* He never showed up during the siege of the Allpoints Shyishian Gate despite promising reinforcements in a supposedly renewed alliance, which meant not only making Sigmar lose (temporally) an entire army of Stormcasts, but allowing Archaon to keep a direct avenue of attack to his own realm.
* Attempted to enact a ritual that would raise all dead in the Mortal Realms in order to exterminate all life. This would also deprive all the other gods of their worshipers so they would have to bend the knee to him as well.
* About that ritual, he started it long before the Age of Chaos, which means he outright planned to betray Sigmar despite freeing him from the atemporal tomb.
* His Nighthaunt armies include Dreadscythe Harridans, spirits of healers who he has turned into tormented killing machines for the 'crime' of saving people from dying and thus preventing their souls from coming to Shyish ''even though this is temporary since mortals all die over time''. He also enslaved the ghosts of betrayed people to the ones who killed them; these are two examples of his idea of "justice". Yes, he is so evil he can deny good people from going to their specific afterlife paradises, which actually ''do exist'' in the Age of Sigmar setting.

While some of the deeds on this list may have been done by your average [[Skaven]], [[Dark Elves|Dark Elf]] or [[Chaos]] Lord there is a basic difference between them and Nagash, the former usually do this either to advance their entire race, clan, tribe or to appease and/or promote their gods; and no single member of those factions has done as much as Nagash, points of case, [[Thanquol]] at least respected and paid homage to the Horned Rat, [[Malus Darkblade]] actually cared up to a certain point for his own troops and [[Archaon]] was very protective of his mentor and lover (the only people Archaon ever gave a shit about) before they died. Nagash on the other hand didn't care about anyone, despised the gods and had no empathy for his family and people. He fucked up his own nation and a large section of the world for his own personal gain and, so far as the fluff goes, he has never cared or done anything for anyone other than himself, with his ultimate plan being quite literally to turn everything into undead with no will under his command.

On one hand, Nagash honestly believed this to be the best thing for the warhammer world and had a point. Chaos had a hard time corrupting the undead, and Nagash had already managed to steal one of Khorne's favoured champions (Krell). On the other hand, undead are resistant to Chaos but can be corrupted by it. In the End Times, Chaos managed to steal two of Nagash's champions (Kemmler and Walach), not to mention Nagash himself briefly considered bending the knee to the Chaos Gods after the destruction of the Black Pyramid. And Nagash himself is already an omnicidal sociopath, even without Chaos corruption; [[Malekith]] called Nagash an evil monster who needed to be destroyed, the daemon Bea'lakor considered Nagash his equal in evil and Teclis - while using divine vision from Lileath - noted that Nagash's aura was only slightly less black than the invading Khorne daemons. Nagash is so evil he's considered only slightly less evil than daemons, which are literal embodiments of evil. In Age of Sigmar, Archaon actually managed to work on Nagash's vaingloriousness to make him betray Sigmar (more jarring when it was revealed they fought together to save the Mortal Realms from ancient abominations), and the vampire Vhordrai tried to betray Nagash to the Chaos Gods.

Black Library seemed to share the idea, since a banner promoting the book ''"The Return of Nagash"'' names him as ''"The Greatest Villain in the Warhammer World"''. He also appears to have helped GW [[Squat]] the Tomb Kings. On a side note Nagash also enjoys the occasional orphanage being slaughtered as a snack, we wonder how is that Sigmar kept him in check during the entire Age of Myth, probably judicious application of Ghal Maraz to the skull (cue squeaky toyhammer sounds).

==Trivia==
* It is possible, especially considering GW's love of basing things in both 40k and Fantasy on actual history and famous works, that Nagash could have been inspired by a variety of sources:
** Most obviously, Nagash is Warhammer's answer to [[Vecna]], being an evil man who invented necromancy, used it to decimate a kingdom, lost a hand that became a powerful magical artefact and could operate independently and went on to become a god of death and unliving. Amusingly, on the roleplaying show [[Critical Role]] the end of their first campaign involves a battle with Vecna, who is represented by a conversion of Nagash's model.
** There is also a fictional shout-out to the works of Lovecraft, as his backstory resembles that of Nephren-Ka from Yog-Sothothery (he was a tyrannical Pharaoh who set up an unholy cult, built a giant evil structure, and was overthrown by his people because of his tyranny; all evidence of his reign was purged and he became immortal after the defeat).
** His name could be derived from Nahash, which is both one of the names used for the serpent in the Abrahamic faiths that tempted Adam and Eve and is also the name for a warlike king during Old Testament days.
* If you ever wondered about what would have happened if Nagash was a elf, check Mannimarco, the Worm King from the Elder Scrolls verse. Seriously, They are both badass, evil, awesome, FAKHIGNH OLD and both became gods of death through sheer evil.
* Interestingly, there could have been a chance to have a non-derpy old-school Nagash model the whole time. The true reason for this terrible model was internal strife within the company. [[Old School Roleplaying|Years ago, when GW cared somewhat about the customers more than their money]], the sculptor wanted Nagash to have more of a desiccated corpse look, while a skeletal look was being demanded from his superiors. [[Just As Planned|In an attempt to force them to accept a resculpt with a non-skeletal face, he made Nagash's skull as stupid-looking as he could]] (oh, how he succeeded). [[Not As Planned|Unfortunately, they decided to go with that sculpt instead of demand he redo it]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Nagash.jpg|Old school Nagash art. ([[Mark Gibbons|MG]])
Image:Nagash White Dwarf 2.png|Just when you thought you had convinced the Dwarfs not to bring 6 cannons, they get justification for it.
Image:Nagash's_return.jpg|Fuck mortality
File:Uncle_Nagash.jpg|"I WANT '''YOU''' FOR UNDEAD LEGION"
Image:Settra V Nagash Dawn of Boner.jpg|The Tomb Kings undergo a... management dispute.
Image:Nagash Thirsters.jpg|Nagash, CRUSHING A FUCKING BLOODTHIRSTER in the final battle.
Image:Nagash Fanart.JPG
</gallery>

{{Tomb Kings}}
{{AoS-Gods}}

[[Category:Vampire Counts]][[Category:Undead Legion]][[Category:40k and Fantasy Gods]]

Nagash

2019-10-04T14:07:21Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* Nagash’s Return */

{{cleanup}}[[File:Age Nagash.jpg|right|600px|thumb|What an [[Assholetep|asshole]] and a colossal skeletal dickhead.]]
<div style="text-align:left;font-size:1.10em;font-weight:italic;font-style:bold;font-family:MS Gothic;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"> THOSE SOULS ARE MINE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! - Nagash bitching at Sigmar and co.'''</div>

{{Topquote|There will be no escape, no blessed oblivion. I can end your life as easily as I can extinguish a candle, and before your corpse is cold, I can reach out and grasp your soul. You will be my slave for all eternity, and I shall laugh at the depths of your pain. Such is the power of Nagash.|Nagash the Undying}}

{{Topquote|The only greatness for man is immortality.|James Dean}}

'''Nagash''' the Undying, also known as Skelepope and Big Bone Daddy, is the first [[Necromancer]] and arguably the second <s>most evil character</s> <s>biggest asshole</s> most evil badass asshole character to ever curse the [[Warhammer Fantasy]] world. Ever. After [[Drachenfels]], of course.

Nagash has practically zero redeeming factors and was an obvious sociopath from day one (more on that below).

He went into hand-to-hand combat with the likes of [[Sigmar]], and has plans to kick [[Khorne]], [[Tzeentch]], [[Slaanesh]], and [[Nurgle]] (as of Age of Sigmar, the [[Horned Rat|Great Horned Rat]] as well) out of the [[Warp]] and become [[Chaos]] itself. Despite being the setting's main villain apart from [[Archaon]] and the Chaos Gods, he hasn't been directly involved in as much as you think. To be fair, he did destroy Nehekhara, nearly killed Sigmar (but successfully handicapped him until his ascension) and used his armies of undead to [[Awesome|fight THE ENTIRE SKAVEN EMPIRE to a stalemate]], but until the End Times (see below), his main mark on the setting was creating Necromancy and what his various [[Vampire Counts|fan-clubs]] and [[Tomb Kings|critics]] did with it. In [[Age of Sigmar]], he leads [[Grand Alliance: Death]].

==Early life==
Nagash was the firstborn son of King Khetep of Khemri. Unlike most places, in Nehekhara the firstborn sons of the royal family were given to the temples and the second sons would become kings. He joined the Nehekharan Mortuary Cult and quickly rose to become High Priest. Like all Mortuary Priests, he was searching for a means of achieving immortality; following the command of the by then (oh irony!) long-dead [[Settra the Imperishable]]. Unlike most Mortuary Priests, Nagash hated his job and wanted to be king instead, lamenting that in every other nation he knew of firstborn sons took the throne. He also coveted even greater magical power. Then one day he saw the hot chick his brother was betrothed to; before then Nagash considered sex a distraction from work, but she made him want some. Realizing she could've been Nagash's if he was heir to the throne instead of Thutep, and that the required celibacy for priests was another reason he couldn't have her, this was the final straw for Nagash, but for the time being there was nothing he could do about it.

After their father, King Khetep, died horribly in battle against the Zandri army, Nagash's younger brother Thutep took to the throne and became the ruler of Khemri. Nagash was none too pleased with this, considering Thutep to be a weak king, a belief that was only reinforced by Thutep's diplomatic concessions. When tending to his father's body, instead of mourning his father's death (which was the first red flag for the uninitiated that something was wrong with the guy), Nagash was more interested in what killed him, for his corpse bore the marks of powerful dark magic. To put it in detail, while extracting his dead father's organs to put them in a canopic jar, Nagash discovered that his father's inner belly organs has been blackened, twisted together by some unknown foul magic, a power that should not be possible for any Nehekharan mortuary cult priest to wield at that time.

Unfortunately for the Khemrians and the world as a whole, Nagash found the source of this magic. During his father's burial ceremony, a Zandari diplomat had arrive and offered [[Dark Elves|three unidentified humanoids with snow white hair, pale skin and pointy ears]] as sacrificial slaves. This immediately drew Nagash's attention, and he speculated that they may have been used by the Zandri army as slaves/mercenaries against his father, but had become so feared thanks to their dark magic that the Zandari chose to betray them. Nagash, quick to seize opportunities when he saw one, ostensibly agreed and took custody of the three elves. Although they were supposed to be poisoned and entombed along with his father, he ordered his priest to drug them with sleeping medicines instead and had them imprisoned somewhere else.

An interesting piece of trivia is that these trio of Dark Elves were the leaders of the covert-op unit that was killing Dwarf caravans to start the [[War of the Beard]]. So we can place Nagash in the timeline properly; the first Nagash novel occurs approximately just after the second War of Vengeance novel and demonstrates another way the Dark Elves have helped fuck up the world. Another interesting thing is that, before being put under, the male among the captives spoke to the Nehekharan crowd in their language claiming that whoever killed them would have their flesh slough from their bones and their land would fall to ruin, which would come true, just not in the way anyone would've predicted.

[[File:Wallpaper-nagash-sorcerer.jpg||thumb|right|400px|Nagash; once was human, always was an asshole.]]
But back to Nagash: he trapped the three magic-users in his father's pyramid, beneath about a gazillion of lethal traps; and forced them to barter their sorcerous knowledge for him revealing what and where the traps were. Despite this, they were far from subdued, demanding whatever they could from Nagash, from silk pillows to books (particularly ones about tomb construction and architecture...). From the trio, Nagash learned of the Chaos Gate in the far north and the Winds of Magic that blew from it, and how they could be harnessed by a careful practitioner. Unlike the sorceries of Khemri, which relied on the intercession of gods, Nagash learned that mortals could manipulate magic for themselves. He learned of Dark Magic and of how it coagulated into warpstone. Although the Dark Elves withheld the full depths of their knowledge, Nagash, a twisted and brilliant genius in his own way, had become one of the few humans to truly master Dark Magic from what they had taught him and his own brilliant and twisted deductions. It quickly became clear that Nagash's very human nature limited his ability to draw and channel magical energy (the reason why [[Teclis]] would create the Imperial Schools of Magic drawing on a single aspect instead of the full raw power like High/Dark magic does). He performed many experiments of his own along with other evil magic-y things; combining what he could use of the dark Elves' craft with ways to call upon power as a human (all of which invariably involved mass human sacrifices, which was how the Dark Elves showed him the limits of his power, but Nagash couldn't be bothered to give another fuck beyond remaining discreet).

Eventually The Dark Elves gathered enough knowledge to escape the tomb. Near the exit, they found Nagash standing in their path to freedom, who told them they were free only if the bested him in a magical contest. Although the Dark Elves outnumbered Nagash, one had been crippled by a poison dart from the tomb's traps and one underestimated Nagash, so he still ended up brutally killing them and consuming their souls (you know that when someone can out-evil and out-betray '''Dark Elves''', they're cold mothafuckas). Taking everything he’d learnt, Nagash created an elixir out of human blood which allowed him to stay alive through death (although the body degenerated, becoming essentially a lich without a Phylactery). He wandered the Necropolis of Khemri, summoning spirits of the departed and daemons with his new power, and learned great secrets. He penned nine different [[Necronomicon]]s/Books of Vile Darkness which contain all of his work and experiments (which nobody to date has ever managed to attain the same degree of working knowledge of; because Nagash took a leaf from [[The Lord of the Rings|Sauron]] and inscrolled part of himself in each of his artefacts so no one but him could master them). The books explain the details and use of Necromancy, a form of magic that Nagash had codified from Death magic along with the rituals of the Tomb Kings and the Dark Magic tidbits his Dark Elf tutors gave him (He was not the first to attempt this, but he was the first to be so unequivocally successful). Necromancy, although usable by the forces of Chaos, also repels it; in a way the Undead are artificial Daemons made of equal amount of magic and material which flips the middle finger at the laws of physics (as much as Chaos can be said to have such laws anyway) of both.

==King of Khemri==
During his studies Nagash also planned to overthrow his brother, scheming with several disgruntled military officers and nobles ([[Arkhan the Black|including a certain wastrel called Arkhan who would go on to become his infamous right-hand man]]). He gave them all a sip of his elixir, with Arkhan being the first to take it. When Thutep learned of Nagash's experiments with dark magic via investigating the disappearances of the people he sacrified, he took some royal guards and confronted Nagash. While many of Nagash's followers died, his inner circle didn't and Nagash used his dark magic to kill all but Thutep. Nagash then killed his brother by entombing him alive in their father’s pyramid.

The next morning, Nagash claimed the throne of Khemri for himself along with Thutep’s wife. Despite being the only woman he felt attracted to, Nagash was a terrible husband to her. It's all but stated he abused her, used her as a sex object with no care for her pleasure, her handmaidens were terrified of him and his murder of Thutep was about as secret as [[A Song of Ice and Fire|the incestuous habits of the Lannister twins]]. To secure his throne, he secretly murdered her son (also his nephew) and used his body and soul to make a variant of the elixir to make her his sort of undead sex-slave. Nagash contracted the services of the [[Skaven]], and assembled the largest pyramid in Nehekhara (a big feat) made entirely out of black [[Warpstone]] (or made entirely out of black marble because he didn't even know Warpstone and Skaven existed yet. The undead backstory is inconsistent as fuck). However, doing so was expensive, and Nagash demanded such a large tribute of building materials and slaves that he nearly bankrupted Nehekhara; the fabulously wealthy kingdom became as poor as Detroit. During this time, his unholy work had become an open secret, and many others in Khemri flocked to his promise of immortality and power as well as a third of the Priests of Khemri.

However, the other Kings of Nehekhara were aghast at Nagash's reign of terror. Enraged at the corruption he had brought, and in fear of the wrath of the gods, the kings from seven other lesser cities formed an alliance to force Nagash from his throne. A powerful army was raised against Khemri.

Nagash, in turn, used the Black Pyramid to channel the energies of his Necromancy and raise an army of the undead - a horde of skeletons to destroy the attacking armies. [[Just as planned]]. Such a thing was unheard of, and in the death-obsessed culture of Nehekhara, it was recognized as the greatest of obscenities. Hundreds fled, terrified by the thoughts of battle versus the departed. Things got even worse when Nagash had his undead wife killed, ending her bloodline and breaking the covenant between the Nehekharans and their gods. However, all was not lost. Although many did flee the sight of the dead army, the forces of the other kings rallied; Lybaras brought with them new technologies (including [[Awesome|steam-powered hot air balloons]]) and Lahmia brought guns from Cathay. With the awesome new tech and the fact that though the priests no longer had the god's blessings they still had magic, they managed to push the undead back to Khemri and after a final battle they defeated Nagash. He retreated to his sarcophagus in the Black Pyramid while Arkhan, and an army of undead covered his retreat.

After the battle, it was generally decided at that time that all that Nagash had wrought during his accursed reign should be destroyed: the cabal of twisted followers he had ensnared to his ghastly practices were put to the sword, and great fires consumed much of what Nagash had done and written — even his precious Nine tomes were believed to be among the ashes...

==The Great Necromancer==
Nagash had not been destroyed, but had fled into the desert, the Saharan-style one with no water anywhere. He wandered through the desert, yelling and raging to scare off the hungry jackals that followed him, until he got far enough into the desert that even they abandoned the chase. Without any of his elixir, he was doomed to perish in the wastes. One night, he did die. During this time his brother Thutep's soul found his and rightfully castigated Nagash over all of his evil. He pointed out that breaking the covenant with the gods had made it hard for the dead to find Nehekhara's version of heaven, and that many vengeful dead wanted payback against Nagash. However, the next morning, Nagash returned to his body, got right back up and kept walking.

[[Awesome|That's right, Nagash went "fuck this!" to being dead and just kept going.]] (Once again, another being who makes the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emprah]] look like a failure. [[Archaon|It's sort of a theme in Fantasy though]]).
[[File:Nagash-necromancer.jpg|400px|thumb|right|"For you, death was the end of your existence. For me, it was Saturday."]]

This is where he first encountered the Skaven. During his exile, he was traveling towards the direction to the Sour Sea (the area on the upper right of the Nekehara). He met a group of 4 Skaven hunters, who were searching for the recent warp stone comet landing site. Nagash, like the smooth undead assassin he is, pretending to be dead when one of the rat hunters found and decided to eat him, then surprised the rat with a bite to the neck. The others were also killed as well, having their blood devoured by Nagash, and he found that a mysterious power within the rat's blood gave him more replenishment compared to all the elixir he had consumed in the past. It was there he first discovered the existence of the warpstone on one of the rat hunters' clothing, its faintly glowing green light attracting Nagash's attention. As he examined the rock, he found some bite marks on it, prompting the assumption that it was not only edible, but also the source of power that he had felt when he consumed the rat. He then decided to eat the stone, the smallest piece out of the 3 he had smashed it into. The stone gave Nagash a painful sensation like never before, but also gave him enough power to travel toward his destination. Sadly, the stone also fucked up his vision and his sense of direction, forcing him to [[Fail|wander the wasteland for 100 fucking years]].

He eventually came upon a mountain inhabited by various tribes of humans formed during Nagash's 100-years-[[drug|warpstoned trip]]. These human were but barbarians, but not like the Norscan barbarian slaves Nagash had owned back in his day of Khemri. These barbarians' appearances had much more in common with Nehekharans, with a few mutated appearance caused by the warpstone's influence. While studying the daily lives and the behaviour of these barbarian tribes, he realized that while most of the tribesmen had a mutated appearance, a few of them, namely their "high priests" (who wore long robes and carried out funeral rites and other rituals) were not mutated due to their thorough understanding and control of the stones. These priests sat at the top of the barbarian hierarchy, and were in fact a type of necromancer who used the barbarians to harvest souls and dead bodies for their own means while chilling in the hill top castle like the nobility they are. In order to gaining more power and information to control the stone, Nagash decided to take over the barbarian tribe. With some luck and his undead magic, he secretly resurrect the dead for his warpstone manual labour, even gained a living follower after he "accidentally" spared him. He then used his undead armies and his magic power (further powered up by the warpstone he had mined) to conquer them and, with an army of living and undead, made a new domain for himself. After some fighting with the chaos worshippers just to the north that were lead by 3 sorcerers, he began turning the mountain into a fortress-city to inspire terror and awe the world over - Nagashizzar. The mountain's highest peak was its tower. During his exile, Nagash learned how to manipulate the warpstone, and at Nagashizzar he forged many of his famed artefacts of power including his wretched sword Mortis (AKA Zefet-nebtar), his Crown of Sorcery, and his Black Armour (AKA Morikhane). Prolonged exposure to the mutagenic warpstone twisted Nagash into a hideous monster, no longer recognisably human. It increased his size and his strength but left him little more than a walking skeleton.

Such a large amount of warpstone drew other creatures, namely Skaven, who fought a massive war against Nagash for control of Cripple Peak. Initially, Nagash sensed the absence of his skeleton miners, which he believed the work of the traitorous "living" barbarians among his army. When he actually saw the image of an armored rat through the vision of one of his undead miners, Nagash was PISSED OFF. He hated the Skaven for being cowardly, coyote-like beasts that used any means to get their dirty little paws on the warpstone, so he decided to hunt these rat bastards until he razed whatever rat hole they came from, erasing their existence from the world for good. The Skaven armies were vast, but Nagash's magic abilities were also great, as were his armies of undead. At the time, the Skaven had a very old version of a warpfire launcher - a very large bronze device mounted on a wooden cart pushed by four ratmen - and it was powerful enough to melt some of Nagash's living servants. The warpfire launcher even almost killed Nagash himself, though he raised the corpse in front of him fast enough to avoid getting completely facefucked, and destroyed it with a magic missile to the back as the rats turned the weapon away. After years of war led to a bitter stalemate, Nagash offered the Skaven a truce: he would give them warpstone if they would give him slaves in exchange. The Skaven, wary of his plans but coveting the warpstone, agreed; luring several Orc tribes into the pits beneath his fortress for Nagash to slaughter and use for his rituals.

When Nagash checked in on Nehekhara, he found that the folks in Lahmia had been up to mischief. For hundreds of years the kings continued to rule Nehekhara much as they had before. In Lahmia the reigning Queen Neferata had come across a copy of one of the Books of Nagash; they hadn’t been destroyed, but had been taken there by the Queen’s power-hungry brother. She was captivated by the dark lore contained within and had begun studying Necromancy.

Finally driven by her quest for immortality to make a pact with Nagash, she took an elixir distilled from his own blood. The moment the elixir reached her lips, Neferata's fate was sealed. She had chosen damnation and exile: Her heart stopped beating, and she became something both more and less than human. She became the first true vampire. Nefereta gathered to her the eleven greatest minds and champions of Lahmia, and gave to them each a portion of this elixir. They were the Master Vampires, from whom all other vampires in the world are descended.

But Nagash had underestimated his former countrymen. Alcadizaar the Conqueror was the greatest general of his age (the 6th dynasty of Nehekhara) -- and some argue the greatest king to rule Khemri since [[Settra the Imperishable|Settra]] -- and led a unified army against the undead invaders. After many years of bloody war the hordes of Nagash were pushed back. After a night of duelling and name-calling the vampires made a run for it (other than W'soran's followers, most of whom refused to leave Nagash's burning library. For W'soran's part, he grabbed as many books as he could carry and made off into the night). As such the Master Vampires decided to flee, with only W'soran remaining at Nagash's side, eager for more necromantic lore.

Nagash was so furious he cursed all vampirekind to burn in the rays of the sun and threw a tantrum for a fortnight. Once he stopped killing failed minions and wrecking things, he sat down and brooded. Nagash had gained knowledge of all of the Winds, including those that did not blow through Nehekhara, and became one of the only mortals to gain a grasp of understanding about the Chaos Gods without his mind breaking. Far from it in fact, he saw them as a goal; to become Chaos and rule over the material plane consisting only of the mindless Undead. His first targets were the Nehekharans. He paid the Skaven to poison the River Vitae and unleashed a magical plague to decimate every living thing in Nehekhara (ironic, considering Nagash and Nurgle don't get along later). He then sent an undead army to Khemri to slaughter the rare few who had survived the plague, except Alcadizaar, who was to be captured and brought to Nagash.

Nagash had a massive plan, and he had spared Alcadizzar for a reason, even working his magical plague so Alcadizzar wouldn't be infected no matter what. Nagash needed him as a focus for his new master plan: [[Grimdark|a massive spell that would kill EVERYTHING living in Nehekhara and render it a literal no-man's-land with no water anywhere, no vegetation, no animals, nothing; just skeletons up the ass which he would raise into a gigantic undead army under Nagash's command. Nagash would then use this army to kill every living thing in the world and turn it into a kingdom of undeath, where only he would rule for all eternity]].

After the biggest summoning in history, Nagash was weakened so he needed to recuperate for the last part. He had Alcadizaar thrown into a dungeon for later torture and took a power nap on his throne. Fortunately for the rest of the world, Alcadizaar was spirited away by the VERY frightened Skaven into Nagash's throne room itself and given [[Fellblade#Warhammer_Fantasy|a sword made of pure Warpstone which was SO deadly, Alcadizaar only had a short amount of time to use it before he himself died just from touching it]]. During this time, Nagash was confronted by the ghost of his ex-wife/his brother's widow, who was enraged at all he did and subtly mocked him about the coming beatdown he was going to get. Cue our "hero" arriving in the big bad's throne room, where he charged in and chopped off Nagash’s hand before he could react. While the Skaven DIDN'T directly attack Nagash themselves, the Council of Thirteen did use their magic to protect Alcadizaar from Nagash's magic even as it slowly killed them; the fact that SKAVEN were co-operating with each other AND a non-Skaven, knowingly risking their lives, shows just how bad things had gotten.

Despite both being fatigued and weakened by their ordeals, the ensuing battle was titanic. The battle lasted for ages, for even in his weakened state, Nagash was a foe to be reckoned with. But finally, it was Alcadizaar who emerged victorious. Flying into a rage, Alcadizaar flew at Nagash and hacked away at him until he was dead and his corpse left in many small pieces. Alcadizaar took his crown as a trophy and staggered off, with Skaven agents gathering all of Nagash's body parts (except for his right hand, which crawled away unnoticed during the fight...) and burninhg them in Warpstone fire. For Alcadizaar, it was the ultimate sacrifice; killing Nagash cost Alcadizaar literally everything. His kingdom (the largest empire in the world) was killed to a man during the final battle, his family died of plague which ended his line forever, his sanity was shattered, and the weapon he needed to use to kill Nagash was slowly killing him as well since he was too broken to even think of abandoning it ([[Grimdark|or maybe Alcadizaar wanted to die at that point]]). And die he did: Alcadizzar fell dead into the River Vitae, and his corpse was washed out to sea (likely untouched by scavengers due to the Fellblade, which he was still clutching in death).

==Nagash’s Return==
Nagash's nine books were lost, popping up in various times and places. Alcadizaar's body, bearing the Crown of Sorcery made by Nagash and still carring the Fellblade, washed up on shore in the [[Old World]] along the Mediterranean equivalent. The Skaven tracked him down and took the Fellblade back from his lifeless body, but left the corpse and crown alone. Later the sorcerer Kadon found Alcadizzar's body and the crown. Taking both, he interred Alcadizzar's body in a cairn and used the crown which gave rise to the Necromantic kingdom of Mourkain.

Nagash did not stay dead. Using the power of his Black Pyramid, he was able to knit his body back together, piece by tiny piece, over 1,111 years minus the severed hand. The next time he rose, he found the lands of Nehekhara defended by many jealous undead kings with their combined armies of skeletons equal to anything he could muster. Nagash challenged the reigning king of Khemri, the first King Settra, for the rule of Nehekhara. Settra and the other Kings, furious at what Nagash had done, chased him from Nehekhara. They had no fear of his monstrous form or the undead hordes he commanded, for they commanded skeletal legions of their own and had become just as monstrous in appearance as him. And while powerful, Nagash no longer had the power to bend them all to his will, despite being their creator. He had lost too much, and the Tomb Kings had gained in power and independance while he regenerated.
[[File:The Black Pyramid.PNG|thumb|right|300px|The Black Pyramid, when active.]]
Returning to his fortress, Nagash found the Skaven had mined most of the warpstone away. Nevertheless, he took command of a horde of Ghouls, and in one night they drove all the Skaven from Cripple Peak, venting his frustrations on the ratmen. The Skaven made many attempts at regaining Cripple Peak, but after being defeated by Arkhan who once again joined his master, they eventually decided that they had gathered enough of the warpstone, and left Cripple Peak for good.

After wiping out the Skaven who'd taken over his fortress, Nagash realized that he needed his old magical artefacts to reassert his power, including his stolen crown. So Nagash forged a new hand to replace his missing one out of a warpstone alloy. The crown had been taken north into the Badlands, where it fell into the hands of Orcs who raided across the Black Mountains and seemingly disappeared. Nagash led a great army into the nascent Empire to reclaim it. During the final battle he fought in a duel with [[Sigmar]] himelf and nearly defeated him. Sigmar, realizing what was at stake went on a [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Humanity Fuck Yeah!]] [[Rage|rampage]] and finally crushed Nagash's skull with his hammer. The spirit of Nagash fled the battlefield and went back to his fortress where he recovered, having learned that the world now has powers capable to match him. Even Sigmar at the height of his power only just managed to defeat Nagash, and even then only by wearing Nagash's own crown to protect him from Nagash's magic. A crown that had pretty much sent Sigmar insane the last time he wore it. Even then, fighting Nagash crippled Sigmar; while he still kicked a lot of ass he did not regain his full strength until much later.

Nagash did pop up a few times more after that, but each time he did, he was weaker than the time before; pre-retcon every time he died the ghosts of people he killed would gang up on him in the Afterlife and hurt him a bit more each time. Post-retcon the Fellblade was ''so'' deadly, its killing blow was continuing to eat away at Nagash's very spirit, slowly making him less and less with each incarnation. Nagash once again returned to life, 1,666 years after his death at the hands of Sigmar, in the night known as the Night of the Restless Dead because his return prompted undead to awaken across the world, but was so weak he was only alive for a single night before his power weakened and he slipped back into the afterlife. Between this and knowledge of the Chaos Gods, he made a plan to come back for good and be free of what the Fellblade did to him. To this end, he charged Arkhan with working to restore him.

During the downtime, Nagash recruited a "young" Vampire named [[Mannfred von Carstein]] to serve him, and teamed him up with Arkhan the Black to resurrect their master. Now the time has come... FOR [[Games Workshop|GAMES WORKSHOP]] TO UNLEASH THEIR LATEST CASH COW IN THE NAME OF NAGASH!

==[[The End Times]]==
[[Image:Nagash White Dwarf.jpg|500px|thumb|right|1000 points in WFB and costs 100 <strike>Naggaroth</strike> 'Murican dollars, now 70-99% derp free! (Percentage largely depends largely on your opinion of the pope hat to end all pope hats; some players cut it down, or replaced it with the larger skeleton head from the Necrosphinx. Also ignore the derp-faced staff)]]
'''GUESS WHO'S BACK!!!!!!!'''

Nagash is back, with fuckawesome (and fuckexpensive) model (*It would be 100% if not for the derpy skull face on the staff - which can be solved by using the sword instead, the ridiculous skeleton pope hat that is the size of a man standing on another man's shoulders - though that is meant to evoke [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pschent the Pschent crowns] of real-life Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs, the [[/d/|naughty tentacle]] spinal cords borrowed from Doctor Octopus, the buck-teeth on the ghosts and that long bone hanging between his legs - which is meant to be a loincloth made from a spine but it looks like something else...) and another storyline chapter that involves everyone this time.

His primary goal is to bring order to the world; with the dawn of the End Times we see the [[High Elves]] and [[Dark Elves (Warhammer)|Dark Elves]] getting railed by massive chaos incursions while the [[Wood Elves (Warhammer)|Wood Elves]] sit in their forest laughing about how everyone is gonna be speared on [[Slaanesh|Slaanesh's]] dick but them. The [[Beastmen]] who are massing disagree with this assessment however. The [[Empire]] is currently taking it from behind by nearly every faction in the game (mainly the [[Warriors of Chaos]] lead by [[Archaon]] who is determined not to end up looking like a little shit this time) at the moment, with [[Kislev]] having been almost entirely wiped out (assuming this "End Times" is a wash like the last one they'll have rebuilt their green wood castles in a week, but still). [[Bretonnia]] was in flames as civil war tore through the country, but has mostly united now, even if 50% of the population died. The [[Orcs & Goblins]] have been decimated by the attacks of [[Eltharion]] against their race as WAAAGH!s that lasted since the dawn of time were obliterated with fire magic, leaving no spores to repopulate. The remainder of their race (barring individuals and their bands such as [[Skarsnik]], Warlord of the Eight Peaks and [[Grimgor Ironhide]]) are heading straight for eastern [[Ulthuan]] into a trap that could possibly work and wipe out most of the greenskins. The [[Skaven]] backstabbing and plotting against the world hasn't changed of course and are currently conquering the majority of the southern human nations with numbers that even vampires think is excessive.[[Lizardmen]] are under assault from [[Chaos|Daemons]], and Mazdamundi declares that the great plan has failed and that a great exodus must begin. [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarfs]] have barricaded themselves in their holds, or else gone about trying to retake and rebuild the [[Eight Peaks]] thanks to being shunned by both the Empire and [[Tyrion]] when help was offered in their missions against the Undead (of course, thanks to the fact that Dwarfs will rather destroy their own race than let grudges go, it's unlikely that the Dwarfs will be around long after reunification and the chance to avenge themselves at each other with impunity).

Of course since this is [[Games Workshop|Games Whiteshop]], we wouldn't have heard about what's going on in the rest of the world with the browns and Asians... if not for Josh Reynolds. Cathay was embroiled in a civil war instigated by local Tzeentch worshippers along with them and everyone else being clusterfucked by Chaos, Skaven and/or Undead too.

Just before the End Times, Teclis managed to contact Nagash with an offer of gaining the Wind of Shyish and forming an anti-Chaos alliance with the living. Nagash, being Nagash, threw Teclis' offer back in his face. However, he secretly co-opted Teclis' plan with a few alterations: harness the Wind of Shyish to control all Death magic (something even Nagash himself hadn't thought of and grudgingly commended Teclis for), overthrow the Chaos Gods and become the only god of a world of undead. To this end, Nagash had Arkhan fast-track his resurrection plan. In his own End Times book, after much scheming, magic and war from Arkhan and Mannfred, Nagash has risen again. By the way you can read the efforts of Arkhan and Mannfred to bring back Naggy in the "The Return of Nagash", brought to you by Black Library, among the highlights of the novel you get Count Nyktolos "Count Von Count", finally fulfilling the long time wish of /tg/ to get the old Sesame Street star as a vampire Count.

Once he came back he held up his hands for quiet, then told the assembled peoples of the world this; "Guys, I got a plan. Everyone just take off your skin and meat, and line up over there. Trust me guys, this'll work for sure." As one can imagine, that isn't going over so well. The first to get crushed was [[Settra the Imperishable]], who united the [[Tomb Kings]] (and punished those who refused to kiss the ring and get in line by ordering their unliving skull by used as artillery ammunition) against just such a threat. The idea that anyone rule over SETTRA THE FUCKYOU was too much for the old man, but it turned out badly and his army (plus one of his gods) were destroyed/eaten by Nagash. Likewise, Archaon stopped his march into the Empire and instead followed a route that would lead him to the massive Undead fuckhead that DARED to take HIS rightful place as big-bad of the setting.

Following similar logic, [[Queen Neferata]] has gathered a massive army pulled from the Undead across the world, as well as the living armies whose leaders have been under her thumb since day one. But she has not yet decided who she'll follow; on one hand, serving Nagash would be beneficial as he's seeking to become the Chaos God of Undeath (replacing all four of the other Chaos Gods and BECOMING Chaos Undivided) which would make her ruler of all beneath him. On the other hand..."serving" isn't something she does, to the point that one of her earliest decisions after leaving his service originally involved [[Ushoran|pooling all the forces available to her to go fuck up one of her closest allies and his entire kingdom because he implied that he was better at ruling than her.]] If she DOES choose to serve however (as in, if the player who shells out $79 for her model fields her as a model in the [[Undead Legion]] army) she becomes known as the Mortarch of Blood and takes place in Nagash's trinity of servants.

But Nagash has planned for his return well. His first servant and first in the big three Mortarchs, [[Arkhan the Black]], became known as the Mortarch of Sacrament. Arkhan leads Nagash's main army against the forces of the world. Meanwhile [[Vlad von Carstein]], Mortarch of Shadow, leads a detachment of Nagash's forces against Archaon's Chaos army to ensure that the <s>Nordic fuckup</s> half-blooded EMPIRE Daemon Prince fuckup that got boo-ed offstage in [[Storm of Chaos]] doesn't interfere with Nagash's big moment in the spotlight. He even cemented power by entering the Afterlife, defeating and consuming the god of the dead for humanity Usirian (AKA Morr and all the other names humans have for their god of the dead in Warhammer Fantasy). He even tore Settra apart, though didn't kill him, and forced Settra to watch the destruction of Khemri. Nagash then went on to bitch-slap the Tomb Kings into submission, destroying the few that resisted and finally has his FUCKHEUG undead army to conquer the world, which he will use to ruin the day of Chaos' forces, he also has now <s>a Necron Monolith</s> his own Flying Black Pyramid.

Nagash landed the Black Pyramid in Sylvania, surrounded by a River Styx expy where the magic builds up, and spent the next three books chilling in a sarcophagus, slowly absorbing the wind of Death Magic. During that time Arkhan took a leaf from [[The Lord of the Rings|the Witch King and the Mouth of Sauron]], keeping the undead legions in order. When Isabella and the turncoat Nameless lead a Nurglite host attack Sylvania, Arkhan arranged a battle plan. The undead hold them off but they force their way to the front, even slaying Krell and Arkhan. Just after Arkhan is killed by Isabella, Nagash wakes up and enters the battle, but while Isabella distracts Nagash by trolling him her Skaven allies destroy the Black Pyramid with warpstone bombs (the warpstone equivalent of nukes) placed by tunneling teams. Nagash gets pissed enough to impress an [[Angry Marine]] and destroys all the daemons, including a Great Unclean One, with a single blast of magic. After venting, Nagash took stock. Between that epic, magical temper tantrum and the Black Pyramid's destruction he can't reach godhood as he originally planned. After much introspection Nagash swallowed his pride and conceded that he would either have to serve the Chaos Gods or ally with the living to survive. He reluctantly chose the latter, bringing back Arkhan and Krell; despite his frustration over their failure, he needed loyal, intelligent servants.

He leaves Neferata to rule Sylvania and its undead legions before going to Athel Loren, sending Mannfred as a messenger to parley. During the meeting Nagash tries to engender goodwill by handing Mannfred to the elves as compensation for Aliathra's death, but he also taunts Alarielle and Tyrion about Aliathra's fate and withholds Arkhan's involvement because he's too useful (the only reason Nagash even did this was because Malekith had nearly convinced the other Incarnates that they didn't need Nagash and, combined, the six Incarnates present could have destroyed him). His army is ordered to stay out of Athel Loren, except for Vlad and Arkhan. Nagash and his accompanying two Mortarchs are escorted everywhere under heavy guard including at least two other Incarnates because (understandably) no-one trusts him. When the forces of Chaos arrive, Nagash goes "Bitch Please!" and gives a beatdown to anything thrown at him, from Beastmen warbands to monsters; he even solos A [[Bloodthirster|BLOODTHIRSTER]]... AND WINS! After being teleported to Middenheim with Arkhan, Krell, Vlad and part of his army he roftstomps his way through the Chaos forces occupying Middenheim until they get to the the excavation. Along the way he kills Chaos' prisoners, bringing back all the dead as zombies under his control. His forces do take losses, including Krell being killed by Sigvald. He then he meets Settra, who was restored by the Chaos Gods. He tells Nagash he was sent to kill him, before killing a daemon that was about to attack Nagash. Settra explains that NO ONE COMMANDS HIM, that he's going to take down the Chaos Gods for offering him rulership for service, then he'll come back and Nagash had either better bend the knee or be slain. Settra then goes off to fight the Chaos army, leaving Nagash to join with the others. Nagash gives Arkhan the remaining Morghasts and tells him to cover his retreat and hold the line until dead.

Nagash reaches the artefact with the other incarnates and tries to fight the forces of Chaos, providing a rearguard of zombies raised from the combined dead of Middenheim. He continues curbstomping anything that directly engages him, only fighting an opponent who can match him in the form of a stronger than average Bloodthirster, Ka'bandha.

After all the Chaos forces are defeated with Archaon MIA, the Old Ones artefact destabilizes, creating a magical rift that will consume the world. The surviving Incarnates and Teclis (who takes two winds of magic into himself) start to contain the Rift but fail when Mannfred disrupts the ritual by killing Balthazar. This led to Teclis' death as he tried to re-stabilize the magic by taking a third wind but the power is too much and he is disintegrated. Free of their control, the rift grows; when it touches the surviving Incarnates it sucks out all of their magic, including Nagash's. He is last seen collapsed and panicking while his body crumbles to dust.

==[[Age of Sigmar]]==
In the new setting Nagash has achieved godhood, but not on his terms and with others who can challenge him. According to Black Library, after the End Times Nagash was originally trapped by the Chaos Gods in "a crypt of forgotten moments, burying him in the weft of time itself"; we still wonder how is that Sigmar managed to free him, maybe [[Azyr]] celestial mechanics magic or something? Once freed (and being the asshole that he is), he immediately set up shop in the realm of Shyish, declared himself its king and tried claiming ownership of everyone who died (despite not running the place or providing its afterlives, just being the biggest kid on the playground). He also planned to betray all of the other gods in the setting (who are at this point his allies), with his reasoning being that they were probably going to betray him sooner or later so he might as well be the first to do it. Given what happens later, it's not really a surprise so many races chose to ignore his (unsubstantiated) claim to their people's souls.

For a while he was allied with the other incarnate gods in this new era, mutually tolerating Sigmar (not counting his planned betrayal) and providing order and occasional undead reinforcements. Morathi eventually found her way to the pantheon in her aelven form and, as is her style, tried to seduce the other members. Sigmar ignored her so she focused her efforts on Nagash. Nagash responded with an epic pimp slap that struck Morathi down, revealing her true serpentine form, which caused Morathi to flee in humiliation and rage. At one point Alarielle, now the ruler of Ghyran, managed to strike a bargain with him to deal with some rampaging undead in the Realm of Life; Nagash could consider the undead-infested part of Ghyran his sovereign territory, in exchange he kept the undead contained to it. Nagash agreed to Alarielle's terms, likely with his finger bones crossed behind his back.

At the onset of the Age of Chaos (and when things were looking bleak) the various gods started going their separate ways to defend their own lands. Surprisingly, Nagash was the last one to abandon Sigmar and step out on [[Grand_Alliance:_Death|his own]]. Unsurprisingly he did so in the most dickish way, kicking Sigmar's forces in the balls on the way out (and fucking over any hope the pantheon had of holding Chaos in check, meaning he also fucked himself over). This was the last straw, with Sigmar going back to being a barbarian god-king and roflstomping his way through Shyish to try and teach Nagash a lesson. They 'fought' twice, with Nagash running like a bitch both times before Sigmar could finish him. After working out his rage, Sigmar finally bothered to check his inbox... and found out that in his absence Chaos went "all your bases are belong to us!" on the realms. This made Sigmar head back and seal off his realm before working on [[Stormcast Eternals|his newest weapons]]. Nagash on the other hand tried fighting off the forces of Chaos, only to get his shit kicked in by Archaon (who destroyed his body) and having his armies destroyed while his territory was claimed by Chaos. From this point on, instead of trying to fight Chaos in any way Nagash just gave up and waited for somebody else to do it, only stepping back into the fray when Sigmar showed up with the Stormcast Eternals. This time he rejected Sigmar's request to team up against Chaos, figuring he can do just fine against them on his own, because that worked out so fucking well for him last time. He also later had a rematch against Archaon where he once again lost, his army being destroyed and being forced to run like a bitch.

Unsurprisingly Nagash didn't take kindly to Sigmar keeping the souls of his dead to remake into Stormcast Eternals, with him claiming he'd never forgive Sigmar for his 'soul-theft' and whining that he'd been betrayed (ignoring that he'd planned well before this to betray everyone else and that the souls don't technically belong to him). He began plans to fight Sigmar's forces and take back what he saw as his, because that worked so fucking well the last two times he got his ass kicked by Sigmar who didn't have superhumans helping him at the time. To add insult to injury Nagash is the reason the Stormcast Eternals degrade with each death, whenever they die Nagash sticks his skeletal fingers in Sigmar's pie to try and grab some each time; the bits of memory and personality that each Stormcast loses with each death and rebirth are the bits Nagash claims. It took a while, but Sigmar eventually learnt of this (actual) soul-theft. In response, Sigmar marshaled his forces and directed them to Shyish to find Nagash and/or liberate the souls.

The first expedition, led by Lord Celestant Tarsus Bullheart, found Nagash with predictable results. Nagash threw their message and Sigmar's offer back in their faces, and then attacked (Nagash struck first). When the rest of the Stormcast attacked Nagash, he killed all but Tarsus. Tarsus got up and noticed that the Stormcast's souls are being trapped by Nagash and that he's unable to return to Azyrheim and Sigmar. He mocked Nagash and hit him with a bolt from of his cape hammers, which hurts Nagash enough to distract him, the lapse in concentration allowing the Stormcasts' souls to escape. Livid, Nagash killed Tarsus with a wave of amethyst fire and imprisoned Tarsus soul, gloating to the imprisoned Stormcast about how he would torture Tarsus' soul and pry as many of Sigmar's secrets as he can from him.

Sigmar isn't the only one who pissed Nagash off however, the new book revealed that Nagash ''really'' wants aelf souls, as they can be manipulated more than most others, being more easily used in more complicated craftings like weapons of war, rather than just becoming more undead servants. He was unable to acquire them however, thanks to Slaanesh eating them all. Furthermore, when Tyrion and Malerion cut Slaanesh open Nagash sensed the souls spilling out, though once again (and perhaps, unsurprisingly) he wasn't able to get any, he was really steamed about that. He's also equally pissed at the Idoneth Deepkin who steal the souls of their victims, though he hasn't been able to catch them either. Furthermore there's a number of other factions who do whatever they want to their souls and the souls of their dead, and unless Nagash or his forces show up in person there's fuck-all he can do about it. When he does show up though, he makes sure to let everyone know it by punishing those who keep their souls in as dickish a manner he possibly can, although sometimes it fucks him over too (since Nagash is just the king of foresight), like altering a city so that the souls of anyone in it can't leave the city and preventing him from doing anything with them (Other than creating more Nighthaunt.)

Nagash still likes his black pyramids, so much so he built many of them, turned them upside down (because why not) and made them all fly, in theory making them Skaven-proof although in practice they definitely are not. He also managed to get some use out of them, in the ''Malign Portents'' campaign he built a new inverted black pyramid and surrounded it with realmstone, think crystals that are literally magic in solid form. His plan was to cause all the magic in the realm to coalesce into the center, where he'd absorb it all to become the true master of death, giving him control over all the dead in all the realms, [[The End Times|because that worked so fucking well the last time he tried it.]] Unsurprisingly he got the exact same fucking outcome as last time, drawing all the magic to himself, finding he's not as awesome as he thinks he is, because just like last time, the ritual is corrupted (this time by the Skaven, who could have predicted they'd fuck him over) and having the magic spill back into the land, fucking things up for everyone in the setting (while his pyramid started spinning and [[FAIL|accidentally burrowed into the ground]]). During this ritual the Chaos Gods themselves show up to first get laughed at by Nagash, then laugh at Nagash, then get laughed at by Nagash again, who viewed his failure as success. As a by-product, souls everywhere coalesced into the Nighthaunt, under the dictations of Nagash's ironic sense of justice. The sudden influx of spooky ghosts resulted in Sigmar having to open up his special mage chamber, the ones formerly guarding his anvil-of-apotheosis. The failures in Sigmar's reforging process have become more common because of the Necroquake, making him more desperate to fix the flaw of reforging.

Out of all the diety's in the setting, Nagash is easily the most impotent. While Nagash claims every soul for himself, and every soul has to travel to the Shyish underworlds, many of the other Deities do what they will with their souls of their people. Necromancers are likewise free to do as they please because unless Nagash happens to be right there, he's not going to be affecting shit as Nagash seems unable to enforce anything from afar. He still sticks his bony fingers into everything he pretends is his, see Shadespire, where they cheated death using shadeglass and Nagash weaved a great ritual to trap their souls in a prison of eternal torment. Among other things, Shyish consists of afterlives that are created by beliefs of mortals of what happens after they die. Most people who die go to one of these places, where they remain until those places fade away (if the civilization they're from is destroyed) upon which they can just go elsewhere - except, since the Necroquake, many of those underworlds are being dragged to the epicenter of the ritual and are ripped apart into more raw magic, and more nighthaunt. Additionally, since Nagash's claimed dominion over Syhish, many of those underworlds have been twisted by his presence - pyramids, obelisks, and other monuments to his vainglory dot the various landscapes.

He might as well be a cartoon villain given how often he tries to repeat past events while forgetting their outcomes. Each and every time he seems surprised he's getting exactly the same results and then he holds a grudge because he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those/that meddling Skaven/Chaos gods/Sigmar/Archaon. Luckily this never gets him down, since Nagash sees negatives as positives, his cowardice during the Age of Chaos was just him biding his time, his petty and unreasonable grudges are him punishing thieves who are stealing his (unjust) due. His planned betrayals of his closest allies were just him demonstrating how much foresight he has (aka, none) and his routine failures have just instilled in him the confidence [[Skaven|that he is never to blame for any of his mistakes]], so he carries no doubt in his unbeating heart that he will, one day, rule over everything.

Sigmar considered Nagash his closest ally back in the 'good old days', in fact, they initially went on a super smash bros tour cleaning the still forming Mortal Realms from eldritch abominations which would have given even Chaos a run for his money. Arkhan the Black believed that the two need to be reunited in order to beat back Chaos. Neither of the two gods seem keen on that idea, in Sigmar's case he gave up on forming an alliance after getting betrayed again by having an entire army of Stormcasts wiped out during the Allpoints' Shyish gate siege due Nagash never sending the promised reinforcements, in Nagash's case, well, as Sigmar apointed out, he still hasn't learned the frakkin' lesson.

==On The Tabletop (Warhammer Fantasy)==
[[Image:Nagash_Derp.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Nagash in all his [[Derp|derptastic]] evilness.]]
Nagash was actually a special character back when it was just ''Warhammer Armies: Undead'' and all the dead boys were united in one armybook. Despite being described as "a pale shadow of his former self" he was an unholy rapetrain - a statline with the lowest stats being 6's (init and attacks) and everything else being a 7. Add in a completely unmodifiable 4+ save against everything (including any and all spell effects), a sword that gives him +1 str and lets him use any wounds he causes to heal himself and being one of the most powerful mages in the game making him pretty much unstoppable. (<s>''Unless you threw a High Mage at him with Drain Magic and Banishment which resulted in epic lulz.''</s> Foolish Elf. Nagash would take High Magic with his book just to prevent you from doing that.)

It used to be speculated, before Games Workshop advanced their storyline with [[Skub|The End Times and Age of Sigmar]], that Nagash getting off his bony ass and doing shit would be a game ender. There were only a handful of non-divine characters equal to or more powerful than him such as Sigmar (who'd beaten him once before), Kroak (though now he's much weaker as a ghost-Slann) and other First Spawning Slann who would simply think Nagash out of existence if they were still alive. Arguably Morathi, Malekith and Aenarion could stand up to him, Teclis is described as being if not his equal in magic, then close behind, and Archaon the Everchosen would be a fine matchup.

In those days Games Workshop chose to give him what might very well be the single most [[Derp|derptastic]] model to ever blight a tabletop with its presence, an unholy abomination of fail so ridiculous that it makes the [[Tyranid]] [[Biovore]] look like a towering monument of awe and might in comparison. Even the beardiest of [[cheese]]mongers thought twice before fielding it, knowing all too well that they would pay for it not only in army points, but in dignity and self-respect. There was a running joke that the model was made stupid-looking to prevent people from using Nagash, therefore keeping him from changing the status quo.

Then the End Time rolled around.

[[The End Times]] update brought Nagash back into the game as a powerhouse, boasting higher stats and better spellcasting than anything else in the entire game. In short he's a Level 5 Wizard with access to the Lores of Death, Light (he's Nehekharan, remember?), Vampires, Nehekhara, and a new Lore called "Undeath". He carries his nine books of Nagash which lets him carry NINE spells (total), one being "Ryze, the Grave Call", with the rest generated from any combination of the mentioned Lores as he pleases (with the newest rules from the Khaine book, he will have ALL spells from all 5 of those lores, plus a special Summon Arcane Fulcrum spell, giving him 41 spells in total). But wait, there's more. He re-rolls any Miscast (but must accept the new result) and can store, at any time in the Magic Phase, up to four Power Dice for later, surpassing the six-dice-per-spell-limit; he can also empower attacks by adding the ''Heroic Killing Blow'' to his already powerful sword (+1 Strength and Multiple Wounds (D3), but only one die per attack has that rule), and being a Monster he also has the Thunderstomp Attack; this guy is a rape machine in close combat.

Thought that was bad? It gets worse; any Undead within 12" suffer two fewer wounds from Unstable, plus any other rule that stacks (for example, Battle Standard Bearer). And the cherry on this hell cake: each time he casts a summoning spell of Undeath the points summoned and the range are TRIPLED (e.g. Ryze, The Grave call he ALWAYS has: with difficulty 9+, anyone else can summon 50 points of troops within 12" or 100 at 14+. At best(16+) 150 points worth of Monstruous Infantry at the same range. Nagash summons 150, 300 and '''450''' respectively at 36"). This also includes Raise the Dead tokens, so spend five tokens and now Nagash can raise 600 points worth of models, whereas all other wizards can only raise 200.

Lastly he's 1000 points to field, which is fine because End Times came with a rule update allowing half your army points to be spent on Lords and Heroes, so fielding Nagash has to be at a 2000 point game at the minimum, <s>although you will have no other characters at all (including a Battle Standard Bearer</s> and thankfully Lords and Heroes have a SEPARATE allowance, so if you get Nagash in a 2000 point game you cannot have any other lords (don't forget, he can summon characters with a base 195pt cost, not to mention any tokens he spends to up that total), but you can have plenty of heroes (which a BSB is). He costs a whopping $105 Ameribucks, although considering the size of his model it's not a terrible deal (for GW anyway). He also currently has the biggest hat in either Warhammer setting, proving that he's the single biggest force to be reckoned with.

Nagash can only be fielded with the [[Undead Legion]], his own army that consists of everyone from [[Vampire Counts]] and [[Tomb Kings]] that he's brought under his rule. As a result there's no "wrong" way to field Nagash; everything you CAN field him with is supported in fluff. His army is even Neutral in alignment, meaning you can get in a 2v2 battle with any army in the game supporting any army in the game. Throwing an Empire army lead by Karl Franz on the field being BFFs with Nagash against Wood Elves and Ogre Kingdoms is completely copacetic in the fluff.

==On the Tabletop (Age of Sigmar)==

Luckily on the Tabletop Nagash isn't the complete bitch he is in the lore. Not only does Nagash sport a whopping 16 Wounds with a 3+ Save, he hits really hard both with magic and with melee. He not only knows every spell known to all Death Wizards on the board, but by default he gets +3 to all his casting/unbinding rolls (which can be buffed further with his army rules/artefacts, provided he's near the ones who have them), while being able to cast/unbind 8(!) spells by himself at default. On top of this, he has one of the most notorious spells in the game, Hand of Dust, which can instantly kill any model in the game, no matter who they are or how well protected they are, unless they're like Archaon and have a rule that triggers once an enemy wizard uses a spell on them. For a laugh take 3 Warscroll Battalions and then use Arkhan's command ability for times to give the spell a 27" range, just to say 'fuck you' to your opponent's general right off the bat. He also has Soul Stealer, a spell that tests the units Bravery in a similar manner to a banshee, with them suffering D3 to D6 mortal wounds if they fail, and with Nagash regaining wounds that are successfully allocated.

In the combat phase he's no slouch either, boasting solid hits, rends and damages across the board, doing so much damage that most elite units will easily be ripped apart in only one round (provided he didn't get charged by something like a large group of blood/chaos knights or Morghasts), and his own Command Ablity further helps this, as well as his entire army by boosting hit and wound rolls.

Like many other monster Nagash has a wounds table, with his performance getting worse the more he is hurt. Thankfully it's relatively minor, not only can he heal himself, but the bonuses lost are just attacks with his sword and the number of bonus spells he can cast, as well as the extra amount he casts/unbinds with (which can be boosted through other means). Thankfully he also has a way to prevent his stats from dropping too fast due to mortal wounds, he wears armour that protects him on a 4+, with a 6+ reflecting the MW back to the unit that caused it.

Unfortunately Nagash still struggles somewhat against hordes. Despite doing a lot of damage, he can easily be brought down if he's charged and his (justifiably) high points cost mean your opponent can likely swamp him with models (if they're so inclined, and somehow you have let him get through your never ending hordes). While he's trying to deal with the major threats your opponent brought, they can surround him with clanrats, stormvermin or (ironically) zombies, all of which can pile on so many wounds and who have so many models to remove (especially since with a command point they auto-pass their bravery test) that his stats can be knocked down quick, causing him to do less damage and becoming a weaker spellcaster in general. Given he also has an ability to revive slain models and heal wounds dealt to units (healing 5 summonable units for D3 each) you should make sure that such units are only fighting the ones they should be up against (at least until you've whittled them down some), leaving Nagash free to take on the enemy's elite.

Nagash also has the exact same issue in this edition as he had in Warhammer Fantasy: Artillery. Cannons in general can royally fuck him over since each shot brings him down to a 5+ save and does D6 damage when he fails it. Rockets are even worse, their presence on the field virtually guarantees he's going to be having a very bad day. If you're going to use him, just be aware of his limitations, as well as what can bring him down quick as while he's certainly tough, he's not invincible.

==Why Nagash is so evil==
While most evil characters on the game have done their share of bad deeds, Scumbag Nagash has a special place amongst them thanks to sheer volume and scope from the very personal like domestic abuse and rape to various genocides and mass slaughters. Also, unlike most of the poor bastards that live in a Warhammer setting, he doesn't do these for survival, being tricked into it or to seek the favor of a more powerful being. He does it because he is a fucking prick. The following lists illustrates how sick this fuck is:
* Started out learning magic through sacrificing people. Although it was due to Nehekhara's desert lacking much of the winds of magic and the people Nagash sacrificed were usually unwanted sons and daughters of nobles who were despair ridden from gambling and drinking. But the Nagash did not feel a pang of sympathy for them and was being taught by Dark Elves at the time, so it's not like he had a heart to begin with.
* Out Betrayed the Dark Elves, whom were one of the most evil creatures in the setting (besides the Skaven) and were far superior than the humans at that time (in terms of military, magic and economy).
* During his first and last violent encountered with his brother Thutep, Nagash used his followers as meatshield, having them killed by Thutep's much superior bodyguard then absorbed their souls as magic sources for his magic missiles. After all the bodyguards were dead, Nagash restrained his brother with magic, taunted him for his inability to move/use his Khopesh while sadistically watching his brother furiously trying to move his body, face red and tears flowing from his eyes.
* Entombed his own brother alive and stole his wife. Right before the entombment, Nagash even told Thutep about him stealing his wife just to watch his painful and tormented expression for extra sadism.
* After taking the throne, Nagash married Thutep's widow and was a cruel husband to her. Her handmaidens fled in fear when he entered their room and she got this look of stoic resignation (she even says to him "just get it over with" at one point, with it likely being sex); because on top of being a usurper and an evil wizard, he was a domestic abuser and a rapist.
* Turned said wife into an agony-ridden walking corpse and kept her that way for centuries. The process he used to accomplish this involved tricking her into drinking the blood of her murdered son; who was also Nagash's nephew. Sadistically, the trick was based around a mocking promise he would never harm said nephew again.
* His reign was responsible for the deaths of at least tens of thousands of people, and he even cancelled out his excuse of wanting the throne because he considered Thutep an ineffective king, since Nagash nearly destroyed Nehekhara's economy to build his Black Pyramid.
* Captured the spirits of his enemies and kept them in eternal torment.
* Started a war which destroyed many of the Nehekharan cities and killed even more of the population.
* Broke the covenant between the Nehekharan gods and their people, not only removing the divine powers of the Nehekharans but ensuring that after death they wouldn't be able to go to their gods and would have to stay in a nether dimension forever. Especially jarring if you remember that he used to be the High Priest of their Death Cult.
* Indirectly corrupted some of the nobility of Nehekhara, who became the first vampires.
** Also letting the Vampire spread their corruption and turned others into vampires. Nagash only sees humans as cattle while treating his vampire servants like pawns. To him, the only thing worth about the vampire is their ability to produce other vampires as well as creating other undead (because more undead things = more power for Nagash!). One of primary reason to keep them around despite their constant treachery.
* Turned a whole tribe of his followers into ghouls because they annoyed him several times by asking him to give them a promised reward.
* Used his loyal vassals as tools in a terrible incantation to make himself a magic set of armour and then, for the only time in any of his fluff, he does something nice for someone besides himself and he compliments them for exceeding his expectations. After complimenting them he devoured their souls anyway. Some of those souls were sent to the '''now destroyed afterlife''' where they will tell the dead Thutep and others that their vengeance will never come.
* Started a new war against Nehekhara which cost thousands more their lives.
* Used a horrible plague spell to annihilate the entire Nehekharan civilization after losing the war against them; because on top of being a mad wizard and an immoral bastard, he's a sore loser.
* Raised the Nehekharan dead, turning them into millions of undead minions with the idea of annihilating all life in the world.
* Almost destroyed the Empire and nearly crippled Sigmar in a duel by using a poisoned blade.
* Cursed the [[Vampire Counts|Vampires]] with a vulnerability to Sigmar's power and other curses after the assholes were too self-absorbed to help Nagash out during the two major battles: war with the Empire and the Nehekhara war. While this might seem like a good riddance because of Vampire's treacherous and dickish nature, the evil thing about these curses is that it prevents vampires from enjoying life with their new found immortality.
* The End Times adds killing several demigods, including [[Valaya]], the ancestor goddess of the Dwarfs, while she slumbered and a god so he can take destroy the Chaos Gods (and then failing to do that).
* After defeating Settra and uniting nearly all of the Tomb Kings under his banner, he destroyed Nehekhara despite all the resources the nation held (not to mention depriving Neferata of ever going to Lahmia again).
* Killing messengers from the Empire asking for his help when a 'no' would have been enough, then turning around and expecting to get help when he's forced to ask the living for it.
* Mocked Tyrion and Alarielle about the fact that he was brought back to life by their daughter being sacrificed ([[That Guy|notable because Nagash did so while he was asking for their help]]). The actual quote was something like "MY DESTRUCTION WILL NOT BRING HER BACK... THE SOUL (OF THE EVERCHILD) IS NOT MINE TO GIVE. LIKE ALL YOUR KIND, SHE IS ALREADY FODDER FOR THE DARK PRINCE!" Gotta hand it to Nagash for this one, since he clearly hasn't lost his funny bone despite being a cold-blooded lich who kill people as he pleases.
* Nagash's evil extends beyond his universe. Apparently, GW must have bribed Naggy with souls or whatever, because in the new Death Faction Nagash didn't see fit to bring back the Tomb Kings.
* Murdered even more death gods in order to take over the realm of Shyish.
* Betrayed Sigmar and the forces of Order to try to become the supreme god, which allowed Chaos to take over seven eighths of the realms while he got beaten down by Archaon.
* When a group of queens ruling island-nations, collective called the Skull Isles, offered themselves to Nagash if he would spare their people, Nagash claimed them for himself... then had their kingdoms destroyed by his undead armies (in that same audio drama, Nagash outright states he does not have mercy, honor or pity).
* [[Warhammer Underworlds|At some point while ruling his realm of Death, he punished the citizens of Shadespire for cheating death with the use of some magic mirrors by throwing the entire fucking city into the void of between the realm of life and shadow, forcing them into an unlife of torment.]]
* When a necromancer and tribal leader named Tamra ven Drak begged for mercy after she released some spirits he imprisoned in order to save her people (who also happened to worship him) from a nurglite invasion. Nagash spared her... and then killed off her entire people and turned them into an undead army. He stated this preserved their souls for all eternity and is his idea of mercy (he did make her a Deathlord). He also only did so at the insistence of Arkhan and Neferata, who had to work together to convince Nagash she was more useful if he spared her.
* He never showed up during the siege of the Allpoints Shyishian Gate despite promising reinforcements in a supposedly renewed alliance, which meant not only making Sigmar lose (temporally) an entire army of Stormcasts, but allowing Archaon to keep a direct avenue of attack to his own realm.
* Attempted to enact a ritual that would raise all dead in the Mortal Realms in order to exterminate all life. This would also deprive all the other gods of their worshipers so they would have to bend the knee to him as well.
* About that ritual, he started it long before the Age of Chaos, which means he outright planned to betray Sigmar despite freeing him from the atemporal tomb.
* His Nighthaunt armies include Dreadscythe Harridans, spirits of healers who he has turned into tormented killing machines for the 'crime' of saving people from dying and thus preventing their souls from coming to Shyish ''even though this is temporary since mortals all die over time''. He also enslaved the ghosts of betrayed people to the ones who killed them; these are two examples of his idea of "justice". Yes, he is so evil he can deny good people from going to their specific afterlife paradises, which actually ''do exist'' in the Age of Sigmar setting.

While some of the deeds on this list may have been done by your average [[Skaven]], [[Dark Elves|Dark Elf]] or [[Chaos]] Lord there is a basic difference between them and Nagash, the former usually do this either to advance their entire race, clan, tribe or to appease and/or promote their gods; and no single member of those factions has done as much as Nagash, points of case, [[Thanquol]] at least respected and paid homage to the Horned Rat, [[Malus Darkblade]] actually cared up to a certain point for his own troops and [[Archaon]] was very protective of his mentor and lover (the only people Archaon ever gave a shit about) before they died. Nagash on the other hand didn't care about anyone, despised the gods and had no empathy for his family and people. He fucked up his own nation and a large section of the world for his own personal gain and, so far as the fluff goes, he has never cared or done anything for anyone other than himself, with his ultimate plan being quite literally to turn everything into undead with no will under his command.

On one hand, Nagash honestly believed this to be the best thing for the warhammer world and had a point. Chaos had a hard time corrupting the undead, and Nagash had already managed to steal one of Khorne's favoured champions (Krell). On the other hand, undead are resistant to Chaos but can be corrupted by it. In the End Times, Chaos managed to steal two of Nagash's champions (Kemmler and Walach), not to mention Nagash himself briefly considered bending the knee to the Chaos Gods after the destruction of the Black Pyramid. And Nagash himself is already an omnicidal sociopath, even without Chaos corruption; [[Malekith]] called Nagash an evil monster who needed to be destroyed, the daemon Bea'lakor considered Nagash his equal in evil and Teclis - while using divine vision from Lileath - noted that Nagash's aura was only slightly less black than the invading Khorne daemons. Nagash is so evil he's considered only slightly less evil than daemons, which are literal embodiments of evil. In Age of Sigmar, Archaon actually managed to work on Nagash's vaingloriousness to make him betray Sigmar (more jarring when it was revealed they fought together to save the Mortal Realms from ancient abominations), and the vampire Vhordrai tried to betray Nagash to the Chaos Gods.

Black Library seemed to share the idea, since a banner promoting the book ''"The Return of Nagash"'' names him as ''"The Greatest Villain in the Warhammer World"''. He also appears to have helped GW [[Squat]] the Tomb Kings. On a side note Nagash also enjoys the occasional orphanage being slaughtered as a snack, we wonder how is that Sigmar kept him in check during the entire Age of Myth, probably judicious application of Ghal Maraz to the skull (cue squeaky toyhammer sounds).

==Trivia==
* It is possible, especially considering GW's love of basing things in both 40k and Fantasy on actual history and famous works, that Nagash could have been inspired by a variety of sources:
** Most obviously, Nagash is Warhammer's answer to [[Vecna]], being an evil man who invented necromancy, used it to decimate a kingdom, lost a hand that became a powerful magical artefact and could operate independently and went on to become a god of death and unliving. Amusingly, on the roleplaying show [[Critical Role]] the end of their first campaign involves a battle with Vecna, who is represented by a conversion of Nagash's model.
** There is also a fictional shout-out to the works of Lovecraft, as his backstory resembles that of Nephren-Ka from Yog-Sothothery (he was a tyrannical Pharaoh who set up an unholy cult, built a giant evil structure, and was overthrown by his people because of his tyranny; all evidence of his reign was purged and he became immortal after the defeat).
** His name could be derived from Nahash, which is both one of the names used for the serpent in the Abrahamic faiths that tempted Adam and Eve and is also the name for a warlike king during Old Testament days.
* If you ever wondered about what would have happened if Nagash was a elf, check Mannimarco, the Worm King from the Elder Scrolls verse. Seriously, They are both badass, evil, awesome, FAKHIGNH OLD and both became gods of death through sheer evil.
* Interestingly, there could have been a chance to have a non-derpy old-school Nagash model the whole time. The true reason for this terrible model was internal strife within the company. [[Old School Roleplaying|Years ago, when GW cared somewhat about the customers more than their money]], the sculptor wanted Nagash to have more of a desiccated corpse look, while a skeletal look was being demanded from his superiors. [[Just As Planned|In an attempt to force them to accept a resculpt with a non-skeletal face, he made Nagash's skull as stupid-looking as he could]] (oh, how he succeeded). [[Not As Planned|Unfortunately, they decided to go with that sculpt instead of demand he redo it]].

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Nagash.jpg|Old school Nagash art. ([[Mark Gibbons|MG]])
Image:Nagash White Dwarf 2.png|Just when you thought you had convinced the Dwarfs not to bring 6 cannons, they get justification for it.
Image:Nagash's_return.jpg|Fuck mortality
File:Uncle_Nagash.jpg|"I WANT '''YOU''' FOR UNDEAD LEGION"
Image:Settra V Nagash Dawn of Boner.jpg|The Tomb Kings undergo a... management dispute.
Image:Nagash Thirsters.jpg|Nagash, CRUSHING A FUCKING BLOODTHIRSTER in the final battle.
Image:Nagash Fanart.JPG
</gallery>

{{Tomb Kings}}
{{AoS-Gods}}

[[Category:Vampire Counts]][[Category:Undead Legion]][[Category:40k and Fantasy Gods]]

Racial Holy War

2019-10-04T14:04:41Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* External Links */ The SPLC has issues of its own, but compared to this game and the creativity movement the SPLC is like indigestion compared to stomach cancer.

{{Fail}}
{{Template:Heresy}}
[[Image:RHW.jpg|thumb|right|For those whose Klansman's Hoods are on backwards (and also [[/pol/]]).]]
{{topquote|I don't know whether to give it to a scientist to examine or a priest to exorcise!|Nostalgia Critic (regarding the Garbage Pail Kids movie, but it works here too)}}

Saying that this game should be burned at the stake is an insult to firewood. Veterans of [[1d4chan]] and [[/tg/]] in general will notice that when we tend to review and, more commonly, openly make fun of shitty RPGs, we still tend to discuss what positive features they have, if any; for example, [[Ironclaw]] may be sort of fail, but it works fine once [[Ironclaw/Furless|the furries are removed from the setting]]. Conversely, you have settings which have few directly appreciable features, but are so eminently mockable that one can't help but get a chuckle out of it. [[Poison'd]] and references to Esophagus-fucking may be a great example of this phenomenon, though the ur-example remains [[FATAL]], which for all of its hideously broken design, is a fucking singularity of humor that allows for borderline-infinite mockery. [[Anal Circumference]] alone has led to countless lulz on /tg/ and beyond.

And then you have '''Racial Holy War''', also known as '''RaHoWa''', which has ''none'' of these redeeming features.

It is below contempt, even if you're not racially/ethnically sensitive or even approve of racism altogether. It is not an RPG you can really make fun of for laughs because of its complete idiocy - everything about it is just devoid of humor. It somehow manages to out-do FATAL as being the worst RPG made, because whilst FATAL may be completely defunct mechanically, FATAL at least can, like a shitty movie being MST3Ked, get a laugh out of someone for ''being'' that broken and having ideas ''that'' stupid and actually ''having'' all its neccesary mechanics. Out-doing FATAL in badness is an achievement in and of itself, but RaHoWa takes it to the nth degree.

Putting it simply: RaHoWa is a White Supremacist RPG, an RPG that is made by - and for - the sort of people who cherry-picked the worst of [[Nazi|Hitler]]'s short-lived ideals (nevermind that they did more damage to white culture than any imaginary "other" possibly could), and still buy into the whole concept of "Whites are the best because we're white and our god told us we are" (essentially adding God to the "Manifest Destiny" philosophy, [[Heresy|even though it contradicts Biblical teachings]]). It's a ridiculous attempt to lionize this belief as a form of propaganda - in RPG format, of course - and as demonstrated below, it pretty much fails at even that. Its concept and setting are beyond /tg/'s ability to make ostensibly humorous via mockery. It is broken ruleset-wise - because of course it is - but the fact that it adds a dimension of glorifying a mindset that is all too happy to grab humanitarian ideals by their proverbial ankles and drag them, screaming, to the Lovecraftian depths is what pushes it over the pale, as the mindset it espouses has led to countless atrocities and horrors.

Seriously, [[FATAL]] is infinitely ''less'' cringe-worthy than this shit. At least FATAL has humor in its shock value. RaHoWa has none of that. It's ''almost'' too stupid to be offensive, ''almost'' too pathetic to hate, and too disgusting to pity. It is in that EXACT location where it is simultaneously "So Bad, It's Horrible", legitimately unfun to play and offensive in a non-entertaining fashion.

==Premise==
The synopsis of RaHoWa is that in the not-so-distant future, the world is on the edge of collapse, and it's all the doing of the evil non-white races and their insidious Jewish masterminds, having reduced the superior white race to a downtrodden minority (which, as always, begs the obvious question how the allegedly-superior white race was able to be so thoroughly outmaneuvered by the Jews in the first place). Fortunately for the world (but not for our sanity), a team of brave White Warriors (read: The Players) emerges in the hopes of "cleansing the world of all the vermin" (yes, this is an actual quote from the game).

Throw in such great missions as "destroying a drug cartel run by awful [[What|latrinos]]," and you have a strong case for this being the only RPG in history that makes FATAL look slightly better by comparison; that's right. Yes, folks, the bar has once again been lowered with the force of a tactical nuke.

==Mechanics==
When you open with a premise of blind racial genocide on the premise of "muh racial superiority", the only direction you have to go is straight down, unless your game is saved by a relatively decent ruleset that can still be fun to use in some way, making it infamously memorable. Unfortunately for RaHoWa and fortunately for us, RaHoWa fails just as much at being an actual RPG. In fact, just classifying it as an RPG is a grave blasphemy to the legacy of the genre in general; even FATAL has a remotely functional dice system, inane and stupid as it is.

Character creation is a relatively boring affair, with a similar points-based attribute system to most RPGs - the problem is that what these attributes actually do is only mentioned in passing, if at all. From there, you choose a class and the skills of your choice, which include Clothesmaking (suggested uses for it include making swastika shirts), [[Video games]], and [[Ecclesiarchy|Holy Books of Creativity]], the latter of which involves "the study and enlightenment of the greatest books ever written - Nature’s Eternal Religion and The White Man’s Bible", which somehow manage to heal the White Warriors by "soothing and inspiring them". You can even heal yourself by giving yourself a speech!

For the combat part, you only have 3 generic weapons: a handgun, assault rifle, and shotgun. From here, you can pretty much see how downhill things go for combat: weapon selection is so god damn basic that there's no fun to be had in variety. But all this is nothing compared to the biggest problem of all that pretty much breaks the game in half - [[FAIL|weapons themselves have no rules or stats, and there's not even a rule that explains how to calculate a player's base accuracy]]. This makes it essentially unplayable, [[Derp|as there is no way to tell whether or not your attacks hit an enemy]], because of this you can only assume that your weapons are actually imaginary guns that you attempt to materialize by making gunshot sounds with your mouth and positioning your hands like you're holding a gun, which would explain more how you're unable to hit anything at all.

Although the mental image of the last hope of the "White Empire" being completely incapable of fighting even the weakest enemies is certainly hilarious, it also makes it abundantly clear that the writers simply didn't care enough to even check if their game was complete before printing it out. One wonders if the authors involved with the creation of this game even played a single RPG before trying to make their own.

==Enemies==
As one last bit of flaming stupidity, the game takes unnecessary pleasure in categorizing enemy NPCs into ethnic stereotypes and naming them with racial slurs, each with their own special attack. It isn't even good if taken as a joke; it is completely devoid of any comedic material for even the most ethnically offensive comedian to use. It also makes whites the weakest race in the game since they are the only ones that don't get a special attack, demolishing its own claims about whites being superior. These special attacks have their use fully explained, which means that the writer was more interested in pushing his views than making his game playable.
*Niggers: "Smelly, stupid creatures" which can reduce PCs' accuracy via their [[Luke|body odor]], which is ironic given the average neckbeard who never touched a girl is fouler. Moreover, because of the aforementioned lack of any way to calculate accuracy, it's essentially devoid of function.
*Latrinos: "Lazy and criminal vermin" ([[Games Workshop|gee, that sounds familiar]]) with the ability to strike first in combat. (Because they sneak across the border so much, get it? So funny I forgot to laugh.) (Hey, I thought they were lazy. Shouldn't they attack last? These fucks can't keep their own propaganda straight for a full sentence.) Also, yes, the book consistently calls them "Latrinos".
*Sand Niggers: "Scumbags" that have "declared the White Race as one of their many enemies in their 'Jihad' or holy war" (ironic given that "holy war" is in the fucking title) which can try to blow themselves up to attack.
*Gooks: "Timid, annoying, slanty-eyed pieces of excrement that so desperately wish they were White" (never heard of [[Weeaboo]]s, eh?) which can gain extra attacks in hand-to-hand combat from watching "fake martial arts movies", which makes you wonder how they would gain extra attacks if the movies are fake.
*Kikes: "The worst and most evil parasites that the world has ever seen" who can bribe the PCs with [[Meme|jewgold]] to skip their turn, courtesy of the power of "brain pollution". (Which, paradoxically, pretty much destroys the premise of the White Warriors as "superior" beings and more of them being hypocritical race traitors who sold their race for money. As we've said previously, these people have the fluff-writing skills that would make the likes of [[Matthew Ward|Matt Ward]] and [[C.S. Goto]] seem like [[Dan Abnett]] in comparison.)

==Creator==
Many neckbeards and fa/tg/irls may ask themselves: who the fuck created this mess?

The creator is a lesser-known (thank the [[Emperor]]) racist priest of an obscure white supremacist cult calling itself the "Creativity Movement", which just ''happens'' to have the idea of a "Racial Holy War" as a part of its doctrines, and even uses the same abbreviation of "RaHoWa" for it (hence the ranting about the Holy Book of Creativity, their equivalent of the Bible). Said priest is a "game" creator and lobotomy recipient known as Reverend Molyneaux. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Molyneux No, not that Molyneux] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Molyneux or that Molyneux].

His "works", if you can even call it that, consist of RaHoWa, a shitty blog, and his hilariously exaggerated to the point of vomit-inducement white supremacy fapfic known as [[Imperium of Man|"White Empire"]], which features a [[Mary Sue|Gary Lu self-insert]], wannabe Punisher, and Tom-Cruise-in-Top-Gun-ripoff known as "John Granger". Granger neutron bombs simple African villages, wasting enormous resources to blow up a bunch of tribals in loinclothes. Then he loses a friend to a Jewish suicide bomber(???), tries to avenge him by infiltrating an underground race-mixing disco, and fails spectacularly: [[FAIL|even his Garty Stu insert fails to prevent more deaths and suddenly quits the intelligence agency he just was vetted and taken in a single mission]]. Then he joins the extermination of Chinese in an Asian campaign, and kills some Jewish nuclear combat engineers on the Asian side. The story then ends abruptly as the next generation children go around LARP'ing King Arthur's knights and the world celebrates victory.

Oh, also men of the white empire are [[Elf|vegan, eat fruits, raw vegetables and nuts,]] [[Gay|work out like fuck, admire each other's manly skills and muscles and assets]] while women are in the back as childmakers. Make of that what you will.

===The Creativity Movement===
Molyneux's cult is, if anything, at least as bonkers as Molyneux himself. Founded by former Florida state senator Ben Klassen as the Church of the Creator (later the World Church of the Creator) it distinguished itself from the average hate group by disavowing Christianity as [[Wat|being invented by the Jews to oppress white people]], and generally made a nuisance of itself in the small North Carolina town it established itself in. Following Klassen's suicide (to avoid a lawsuit brought on by the family of a black Gulf War veteran murdered by one of his followers) and several further lawsuits, the World Church of the Creator's new leader Matt Hale quickly got himself embroiled in a lawsuit with an actual church over the organization's name - [[Lulz|which it lost]].

In a stunning show of bad judgement, Hale then attempted to solicit the murder of the judge presiding over the lawsuit, only to be arrested and sentenced to 40 years in the Florence, Colorado Supermax prison (infamous for holding folks like the Unabomber) when his chief of security was revealed to be a FBI informant; the Feds had been keeping a close eye on him ever since one of his top subordinates went on a racially-motivated shooting rampage in 1999, and linked the group to several other murders and attempted bombings.

==So in Conclusion...==
Racial Holy War is a perfect example of something so terribly awful it can't even be used an example of how ''not'' to do something. If you desperately want to lose friends, there is no sure faster way then presenting this to them and going on about what a great idea you think it is. About the only good thing to come out of it is some horrible jokes that it's about as close as one can get to a Pen-and-Paper version of [[/pol/]], and even that's debatable. While FATAL can at least be delivered to one's roleplay group as some sort of sadistic April Fools joke due to its inscrutable mechanics and depth of sexual depravity, Racial Holy War truly has ''no'' redeemable qualities whatsoever. Its only function is poorly written propaganda that ought to remain hidden somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, with its unfunny racial stereotypes, broken mechanics and incomprehensible fluff accessible only by those too stupid to live.

TL;DR - A nutty game made by an equally unhinged hate group.

==External Links==
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20080212094700/http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/rahowasucks.html] A review of RaHoWa.
*[http://creativityalliance.com/eBook-KennethMolyneaux-RacialHolyWarTheGame.pdf PDF] of Racial Holy War. Best played in between cross-burnings.
*[http://revkennethmolyneaux.blogspot.ca/] The author's shitty blog, for those of you with morbid curiosity.
*[https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/creativity-movement-0] The Southern Poverty Law Center's profile of the Creativity Movement, for those of you who wish to learn the group's sordid history in full (for all the skub surrounding the SPLC even a broken clock is right twice a way).
[[Category:Roleplaying]]
[[Category:FAIL]]

Racial Holy War

2019-10-04T14:02:53Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:52F:46B9:20F6:5651: /* External Links */

{{Fail}}
{{Template:Heresy}}
[[Image:RHW.jpg|thumb|right|For those whose Klansman's Hoods are on backwards (and also [[/pol/]]).]]
{{topquote|I don't know whether to give it to a scientist to examine or a priest to exorcise!|Nostalgia Critic (regarding the Garbage Pail Kids movie, but it works here too)}}

Saying that this game should be burned at the stake is an insult to firewood. Veterans of [[1d4chan]] and [[/tg/]] in general will notice that when we tend to review and, more commonly, openly make fun of shitty RPGs, we still tend to discuss what positive features they have, if any; for example, [[Ironclaw]] may be sort of fail, but it works fine once [[Ironclaw/Furless|the furries are removed from the setting]]. Conversely, you have settings which have few directly appreciable features, but are so eminently mockable that one can't help but get a chuckle out of it. [[Poison'd]] and references to Esophagus-fucking may be a great example of this phenomenon, though the ur-example remains [[FATAL]], which for all of its hideously broken design, is a fucking singularity of humor that allows for borderline-infinite mockery. [[Anal Circumference]] alone has led to countless lulz on /tg/ and beyond.

And then you have '''Racial Holy War''', also known as '''RaHoWa''', which has ''none'' of these redeeming features.

It is below contempt, even if you're not racially/ethnically sensitive or even approve of racism altogether. It is not an RPG you can really make fun of for laughs because of its complete idiocy - everything about it is just devoid of humor. It somehow manages to out-do FATAL as being the worst RPG made, because whilst FATAL may be completely defunct mechanically, FATAL at least can, like a shitty movie being MST3Ked, get a laugh out of someone for ''being'' that broken and having ideas ''that'' stupid and actually ''having'' all its neccesary mechanics. Out-doing FATAL in badness is an achievement in and of itself, but RaHoWa takes it to the nth degree.

Putting it simply: RaHoWa is a White Supremacist RPG, an RPG that is made by - and for - the sort of people who cherry-picked the worst of [[Nazi|Hitler]]'s short-lived ideals (nevermind that they did more damage to white culture than any imaginary "other" possibly could), and still buy into the whole concept of "Whites are the best because we're white and our god told us we are" (essentially adding God to the "Manifest Destiny" philosophy, [[Heresy|even though it contradicts Biblical teachings]]). It's a ridiculous attempt to lionize this belief as a form of propaganda - in RPG format, of course - and as demonstrated below, it pretty much fails at even that. Its concept and setting are beyond /tg/'s ability to make ostensibly humorous via mockery. It is broken ruleset-wise - because of course it is - but the fact that it adds a dimension of glorifying a mindset that is all too happy to grab humanitarian ideals by their proverbial ankles and drag them, screaming, to the Lovecraftian depths is what pushes it over the pale, as the mindset it espouses has led to countless atrocities and horrors.

Seriously, [[FATAL]] is infinitely ''less'' cringe-worthy than this shit. At least FATAL has humor in its shock value. RaHoWa has none of that. It's ''almost'' too stupid to be offensive, ''almost'' too pathetic to hate, and too disgusting to pity. It is in that EXACT location where it is simultaneously "So Bad, It's Horrible", legitimately unfun to play and offensive in a non-entertaining fashion.

==Premise==
The synopsis of RaHoWa is that in the not-so-distant future, the world is on the edge of collapse, and it's all the doing of the evil non-white races and their insidious Jewish masterminds, having reduced the superior white race to a downtrodden minority (which, as always, begs the obvious question how the allegedly-superior white race was able to be so thoroughly outmaneuvered by the Jews in the first place). Fortunately for the world (but not for our sanity), a team of brave White Warriors (read: The Players) emerges in the hopes of "cleansing the world of all the vermin" (yes, this is an actual quote from the game).

Throw in such great missions as "destroying a drug cartel run by awful [[What|latrinos]]," and you have a strong case for this being the only RPG in history that makes FATAL look slightly better by comparison; that's right. Yes, folks, the bar has once again been lowered with the force of a tactical nuke.

==Mechanics==
When you open with a premise of blind racial genocide on the premise of "muh racial superiority", the only direction you have to go is straight down, unless your game is saved by a relatively decent ruleset that can still be fun to use in some way, making it infamously memorable. Unfortunately for RaHoWa and fortunately for us, RaHoWa fails just as much at being an actual RPG. In fact, just classifying it as an RPG is a grave blasphemy to the legacy of the genre in general; even FATAL has a remotely functional dice system, inane and stupid as it is.

Character creation is a relatively boring affair, with a similar points-based attribute system to most RPGs - the problem is that what these attributes actually do is only mentioned in passing, if at all. From there, you choose a class and the skills of your choice, which include Clothesmaking (suggested uses for it include making swastika shirts), [[Video games]], and [[Ecclesiarchy|Holy Books of Creativity]], the latter of which involves "the study and enlightenment of the greatest books ever written - Nature’s Eternal Religion and The White Man’s Bible", which somehow manage to heal the White Warriors by "soothing and inspiring them". You can even heal yourself by giving yourself a speech!

For the combat part, you only have 3 generic weapons: a handgun, assault rifle, and shotgun. From here, you can pretty much see how downhill things go for combat: weapon selection is so god damn basic that there's no fun to be had in variety. But all this is nothing compared to the biggest problem of all that pretty much breaks the game in half - [[FAIL|weapons themselves have no rules or stats, and there's not even a rule that explains how to calculate a player's base accuracy]]. This makes it essentially unplayable, [[Derp|as there is no way to tell whether or not your attacks hit an enemy]], because of this you can only assume that your weapons are actually imaginary guns that you attempt to materialize by making gunshot sounds with your mouth and positioning your hands like you're holding a gun, which would explain more how you're unable to hit anything at all.

Although the mental image of the last hope of the "White Empire" being completely incapable of fighting even the weakest enemies is certainly hilarious, it also makes it abundantly clear that the writers simply didn't care enough to even check if their game was complete before printing it out. One wonders if the authors involved with the creation of this game even played a single RPG before trying to make their own.

==Enemies==
As one last bit of flaming stupidity, the game takes unnecessary pleasure in categorizing enemy NPCs into ethnic stereotypes and naming them with racial slurs, each with their own special attack. It isn't even good if taken as a joke; it is completely devoid of any comedic material for even the most ethnically offensive comedian to use. It also makes whites the weakest race in the game since they are the only ones that don't get a special attack, demolishing its own claims about whites being superior. These special attacks have their use fully explained, which means that the writer was more interested in pushing his views than making his game playable.
*Niggers: "Smelly, stupid creatures" which can reduce PCs' accuracy via their [[Luke|body odor]], which is ironic given the average neckbeard who never touched a girl is fouler. Moreover, because of the aforementioned lack of any way to calculate accuracy, it's essentially devoid of function.
*Latrinos: "Lazy and criminal vermin" ([[Games Workshop|gee, that sounds familiar]]) with the ability to strike first in combat. (Because they sneak across the border so much, get it? So funny I forgot to laugh.) (Hey, I thought they were lazy. Shouldn't they attack last? These fucks can't keep their own propaganda straight for a full sentence.) Also, yes, the book consistently calls them "Latrinos".
*Sand Niggers: "Scumbags" that have "declared the White Race as one of their many enemies in their 'Jihad' or holy war" (ironic given that "holy war" is in the fucking title) which can try to blow themselves up to attack.
*Gooks: "Timid, annoying, slanty-eyed pieces of excrement that so desperately wish they were White" (never heard of [[Weeaboo]]s, eh?) which can gain extra attacks in hand-to-hand combat from watching "fake martial arts movies", which makes you wonder how they would gain extra attacks if the movies are fake.
*Kikes: "The worst and most evil parasites that the world has ever seen" who can bribe the PCs with [[Meme|jewgold]] to skip their turn, courtesy of the power of "brain pollution". (Which, paradoxically, pretty much destroys the premise of the White Warriors as "superior" beings and more of them being hypocritical race traitors who sold their race for money. As we've said previously, these people have the fluff-writing skills that would make the likes of [[Matthew Ward|Matt Ward]] and [[C.S. Goto]] seem like [[Dan Abnett]] in comparison.)

==Creator==
Many neckbeards and fa/tg/irls may ask themselves: who the fuck created this mess?

The creator is a lesser-known (thank the [[Emperor]]) racist priest of an obscure white supremacist cult calling itself the "Creativity Movement", which just ''happens'' to have the idea of a "Racial Holy War" as a part of its doctrines, and even uses the same abbreviation of "RaHoWa" for it (hence the ranting about the Holy Book of Creativity, their equivalent of the Bible). Said priest is a "game" creator and lobotomy recipient known as Reverend Molyneaux. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Molyneux No, not that Molyneux] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Molyneux or that Molyneux].

His "works", if you can even call it that, consist of RaHoWa, a shitty blog, and his hilariously exaggerated to the point of vomit-inducement white supremacy fapfic known as [[Imperium of Man|"White Empire"]], which features a [[Mary Sue|Gary Lu self-insert]], wannabe Punisher, and Tom-Cruise-in-Top-Gun-ripoff known as "John Granger". Granger neutron bombs simple African villages, wasting enormous resources to blow up a bunch of tribals in loinclothes. Then he loses a friend to a Jewish suicide bomber(???), tries to avenge him by infiltrating an underground race-mixing disco, and fails spectacularly: [[FAIL|even his Garty Stu insert fails to prevent more deaths and suddenly quits the intelligence agency he just was vetted and taken in a single mission]]. Then he joins the extermination of Chinese in an Asian campaign, and kills some Jewish nuclear combat engineers on the Asian side. The story then ends abruptly as the next generation children go around LARP'ing King Arthur's knights and the world celebrates victory.

Oh, also men of the white empire are [[Elf|vegan, eat fruits, raw vegetables and nuts,]] [[Gay|work out like fuck, admire each other's manly skills and muscles and assets]] while women are in the back as childmakers. Make of that what you will.

===The Creativity Movement===
Molyneux's cult is, if anything, at least as bonkers as Molyneux himself. Founded by former Florida state senator Ben Klassen as the Church of the Creator (later the World Church of the Creator) it distinguished itself from the average hate group by disavowing Christianity as [[Wat|being invented by the Jews to oppress white people]], and generally made a nuisance of itself in the small North Carolina town it established itself in. Following Klassen's suicide (to avoid a lawsuit brought on by the family of a black Gulf War veteran murdered by one of his followers) and several further lawsuits, the World Church of the Creator's new leader Matt Hale quickly got himself embroiled in a lawsuit with an actual church over the organization's name - [[Lulz|which it lost]].

In a stunning show of bad judgement, Hale then attempted to solicit the murder of the judge presiding over the lawsuit, only to be arrested and sentenced to 40 years in the Florence, Colorado Supermax prison (infamous for holding folks like the Unabomber) when his chief of security was revealed to be a FBI informant; the Feds had been keeping a close eye on him ever since one of his top subordinates went on a racially-motivated shooting rampage in 1999, and linked the group to several other murders and attempted bombings.

==So in Conclusion...==
Racial Holy War is a perfect example of something so terribly awful it can't even be used an example of how ''not'' to do something. If you desperately want to lose friends, there is no sure faster way then presenting this to them and going on about what a great idea you think it is. About the only good thing to come out of it is some horrible jokes that it's about as close as one can get to a Pen-and-Paper version of [[/pol/]], and even that's debatable. While FATAL can at least be delivered to one's roleplay group as some sort of sadistic April Fools joke due to its inscrutable mechanics and depth of sexual depravity, Racial Holy War truly has ''no'' redeemable qualities whatsoever. Its only function is poorly written propaganda that ought to remain hidden somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, with its unfunny racial stereotypes, broken mechanics and incomprehensible fluff accessible only by those too stupid to live.

TL;DR - A nutty game made by an equally unhinged hate group.

==External Links==
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20080212094700/http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/rahowasucks.html] A review of RaHoWa.
*[http://creativityalliance.com/eBook-KennethMolyneaux-RacialHolyWarTheGame.pdf PDF] of Racial Holy War. Best played in between cross-burnings.
*[http://revkennethmolyneaux.blogspot.ca/] The author's shitty blog, for those of you with morbid curiosity.
*[https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/creativity-movement-0] The Southern Poverty Law Center's profile of the Creativity Movement, for those of you who wish to learn the group's sordid history in full (for all the skub surrounding the SPLC, even a broken clock is right twice a way).
[[Category:Roleplaying]]
[[Category:FAIL]]