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Heinrich Kemmler

2021-03-12T13:09:11Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:6803:67A0:9F38:54A9:

[[File:Kemmler Art.jpg|thumb|right|500px|"-and I'd have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling lich!"]]
{{topquote|A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man.|Miguel de Unamuno}}
{{topquote|[[Meme|Where is Krell?]]|Heinrich Kemmler}}

'''Heinrich Kemmler''' is a Necromancer character from [[Warhammer Fantasy]], first introduced in the [[Terror Of The Lichemaster]] campaign for second edition, all the way back in 1986, of which he was the star.

A little known fact is that this guy is one of the OG Special Characters of Warhammer Fantasy. Heinrich Kemmler is Warhammer Fantasy's first Special Character.

==The Legend==

===Old Canon===
Back in the days of yore, when Warhammer Fantasy was a combination of tabletop game and role-playing game, the campaign "Terror Of The Lichemaster" (for the tabletop) introduced Heinrich Kemmler as the first playable 'special character' (along with the skavens as a race). "Terror Of The Lichemaster" dealt with Kemmler's rise to power and eventual downfall (at least in canon, it was possible for Kemmler to actually 'win' the campaign in play).

Kemmler however wasn't destroyed, he returns in "Vengeance Of The Lichemaster". (Written as a RPG-supplement, where he is the Big Bad Evil Guy.) It turned out that after his first defeat, he managed to flee retribution and attempted to find a moment of respite at the Abbey A la Maisontaal in the Grey Mountains, pretending to be a pilgrim. The residing abbot (a powerful cleric of Taal) saw through his magical disguise and hammered Kemmler with a spell that severed him from his magical power source permanently. (What would today be known as Shyish, but back then was left nebulous).

Still, Kemmler managed to escape once again and spent many years as an insane hermit in the mountains; his old foes believing him dead and the abbot never realising who he'd driven off and secure in the knowledge the black mage would not regain his powers. But he was wrong: in his errance, Kemmler chanced upon a daemon which offered to restore his powers if he would kill in Chaos' name; each soul he claimed for the daemon's patron(s) granting him a measure of power. (It is left unclear who exactly Kemmler bargains with, the demon he encounters is said to be 'serving Nurgle' but 'showing an unusual interest in the necromantic arts'). Kemmler, eager for revenge, and at that point utterly batshit insane after years of barely surviving, agreed to the bargain.

"Vengeance Of The Lichemaster" then deals with Kemmler's slow restoring of his power with terror attacks meant simply to kill and secure magical power (striking at prospectors, lone altitude hovels and farms, an isolated human village and a small dwarven mine outpost; with the PC's getting the chance to limit the damage in most places), until he felt secure enough to raise 'a famous chieftain having terrorised the region in ages past' as his champion. (Back then called Hans Zwemmer, but who would later become Krell) With enough raw magical power from his wanton killing and undead under his command, he then launches an all-out attack against the Abbey A la Maisontaal, where he is eventually defeated for good. (The player characters having to either bargain with Skaven or chance risking using an artefact made of pure warpstone to counter his magicks.)

===Modern Canon===

====Origin====
Heinrich Kemmler burnt with the need for power. Having recognised the limits that mortality placed upon him in his early years, Kemmler made it his life's work to escape them. He plunged into the world of necromancy as a young man, and by the time he had reached his fortieth year he was able to raise entire graveyards of corpses to do his bidding.

Kemmler became a great and much-feared Necromancer, plundering every Wizard's tower and ancient temple he could find in his search for dark truths. In the hills beyond Quenelles in Bretonnia his army had smashed the zombie legions of the Council of Nine, an alliance of nine powerful necromancers. In the dark woods beyond the town of Bögenhafen in the western Empire, he had overcome the three Vampire Wizards of Blutwald and all their armies of walking dead. In the crypts beneath castle Vermisace he had overcome the ancient Liche wizard and all his acolytes and was since known as The Lichemaster. His star was in the ascendant for many decades until ambitious rivals began to usurp his power. United, those who Kemmler had defeated proved stronger than even the self-styled Lichemaster. At the Battle of Ten Thousand Skulls, Kemmler's foes succeeded in driving him to his knees. Although he finally managed to scatter his attackers with a great spell of confusion, his body was broken and his mind blasted in the battle.

====Tomb of Krell====
For many years Heinrich wandered the Grey Mountains and the Border Princes as little better than a half-sane beggar. It was in the Vaults where by some quirk of fate, he uncovered the tomb of Krell; a long dead Chaos Champion whose burial mound was so magnificent it towered high above him. Here Kemmler struck a terrible pact with the gods. They restored him to his former power and in return, Heinrich swore to slay and destroy in their name. The name of the Lichemaster once again struck terror into the hearts of ordinary folk.

====Later activities====
The tales of these two monsters were many. In 2491 IC they attacked Brettonian abbey at la Maisontaal which contained a powerful artifact stolen from the Skaven. It was only thanks to the skill and heroism of Duke Tancred of Quenelles that the abbey wasn't destroyed utterly in a three-way battle. Kemmler escaped and fled back in the Grey Mountains while the Skaven returned to Skavenblight with their prize. Tancred returned with much honour and spent the rest of his life chasing the Lichemaster. The Duke was eventually killed at the Battle of Montfort Bridge, smashing Kemmler's forces.
The Wood Elves remember Kemmler for the Battle of the Cairns, when he raised a huge army from the many cairns in the forest, ancient human burial mounds long forgotten that were site of great mystical energy closely linked with the health of the Elves woodland home. By attacking in winter the Elves were at their weakest and it was thanks to the great and venerable treeman Durthu who roused the native wood spirits, and the sacrifice of a warrior-elder Sceolan (who grievously wounded Kemmler before Krell cut Sceolan's head off) that the necromancer fled and his army was defeated, though not before he caused great swathes of devastation to the forest, managing to strike further into the realm than any previous attacker. Funnily enough Kemmler showed up in the woods many times before this point, seemingly being one of the few outsiders who can enter and leave the woods of Athel Loren without issue (sometimes he'd even show up with Krell). If he was ever spotted he'd either turn the sentries to dust or have Krell hack them apart, and if the Elves ever gathered in number to catch him he'd just vanish on the spot, like mist in a breeze. Presumably thanks to this he learned where the cairns were and also how to navigate the woods without fail, allowing him and his army to set their path straight to the Oak of Ages before his defeat. After his loss the Elves celebrated because he wouldn't show back up in their forest again... for a few years anyway.

Though he perhaps never knew it, Kemmler's wanderings in the mountains were subtly guided by the spirit of Nagash - part of an evil plan that would free Krell and unite him with the forces of the Undead. Nagash's plans suffered a minor setback following the heavy casualties that the Lichemaster's armies suffered at the Battle of Maisontaal Abbey, but in time they bore rich and terrible fruit.

====[[End Times]]====
Despite his honored place in the history of the game, Kemmler is hit by a third set of retcons that are hard on him. GW mixed up the business relationship, with Krell becoming so independent that it appears that Krell is the master and Kemmler is the servant. He gets enlisted by Arkhan the Black to help him retrieve Nagash's staff, Alakanash. But Kemmler is so independent, he chafes at the idea of servitude to the point of mania. The two of them summon an army and attack the abbey where it is being held, getting caught in a protracted battle against a Bretonnian army. At this point Kemmler gets called a servant of Nagash one too many times by Arkhan, so he goes goes "fuck it!" and turns his back on Nagash to serve the Chaos Gods. He abandons the battle to sneak into the abbey's vaults to try and take the staff for himself.

Just as Kemmler grabs the staff, Arkhan confronts him and Kemmler triumphantly proclaims his new allegiance. He tries to get Arkhan to join him, but the liche is actually loyal to Nagash and genre savvy. Arkhan rebuffs Kemmler, telling him that the Chaos Gods will fuck him over on a whim and calling Kemmler a loser. This enrages the necromancer and the two engage in a destructive magical duel, Lichemaster vs Liche (which Arkhan, being the smartass that he is, comments on). Despite being evenly matched in magic power, following Kemmler's power boost from the Chaos Gods, Arkhan's thousands of years more experience with magic prove decisive. A beam-of-war between the two results in Kemmler being ripped to pieces. The magical backlash causes the abbey to explode and the blast floors most of both armies. To add insult to injury for Kemmler, Arkhan survives and laughs it off with nothing more than charred robes.

Thus, Warhammer Fantasy's first Special Character was the first Special Character killed off in the End Times (the jury’s still out on whether this was intended or not). In hindsight, this seemed to be foreshadowing for what GW [[Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies|would end up doing to the Warhammer Fantasy setting]].

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==On The Tabletop==
Being the oldest Fantasy character, Kemmler naturally has had a number of rules variations on the tabletop and has appeared in most of the editions of the game (thanks to White Dwarf more than the individual army books). This is so long as we include his original appearance(s), which means he's had a total of 7 variations of his own rules (6th edition gave him rules twice as well for some odd reason), with the only thing remaining the same across all editions being that he had the Undead rule.
His appearance record is quite impressive, if for no other reason than GW remembered he existed and felt like giving him rules in a game where named characters were abruptly dropped from books for no reason (until AoS anyway, where he was first given very poor rules before being removed entirely).
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===4th Edtion===
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 350-512 || 4 || 7 || 7 || 5 || 4 || 4 || 6 || 5 || 10 || -
|}
As anyone familiar with HeroHammer would be able to tell you, Kemmler's stats and weapons back in these editions were fucking bullshit. Having a statline that would allow him to annihilate most combat lords of 6th, 7th and 8th edition Kemmler also could get his own magic items and a skeleton steed (for +2 points) that made him harder to lock down and kill (optional, since this was back when named characters could buy their own magic items and with his cloak there was little reason to get the horse). Speaking of which, he was also a level 4 wizard who could equip the following:
*'''Chaos Tomb Blade''': Kemmler's trusty sword that he's almost never without. In this edition it cost a whopping 75 points, but it was worth it as the Chaos Tomb Blade granted Kemmler a free spell every time he killed something (and if you take a look at his statline, you'd realize there's never a time he isn't going to be killing something).
*'''Skull Staff''': Kemmler's gibbering staff, which oddly enough received very few changes throughout the editions. In this edition it cost 35 points, it made enemies reveal all magic items when they came within 12" of Kemmler and it gave him +1 to dispel enemy spells (which given his level and how spells used to work, meant he dispelled nearly everything on a 2+ or very rarely, a 3+). In future editions the Skull Staff would usually keep one of these abilities (or both) and otherwise get something new in place of the one it lost.
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': Like the Skull Staff, the Cloak of Mists and Shadows rarely gets changed around and is tied for having the fewest variations. In this edition it cost 50 points and gave him a free cast of Dark Mist, which made Kemmler Ethereal and allowed him to instantly move 24" so long as it wasn't dispelled or Kemmler hadn't decided to end it. Yes, this meant a combat monster was free to roam around the field at 24" a turn until the game was over, it's hardly a wonder he was changed around later.

===5th Edition===
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 450 || 4 || 4 || 4 || 4 || 4 || 4 || 6 || 3 || 10 || -
|}
5th Edition started to reign back the crazy profiles that appeared all over 4th, but that didn't mean it didn't have its own fair share of bullshit with its heroes. As such Kemmler's stats were dropped down a bit and his points increased... sort of (going up by 100 points base, but automatically given all his toys, so he's 60 points cheaper than a maxed-out 4th edition Lichemaster). He also lost 3 Weapon/Ballistic Skill, 1 Strength and 2 Attacks, but everything else with his profile remained the same. He also lost the ability to get a horse, something that would stay with him for the rest of Warhammer Fantasy since there was never a need for anyone to use him on one. Kemmler was still a level 4 wizard and armed with the following:
*'''Chaos Tomb Blade''': Surprisingly this edition saw no changes to the Tomb Blade (unlike the latter editions). It was listed as the same price and still gave Kemmler free magic spells per kill, although thankfully he'd be doing a whole lot less killing in this edition.
*'''Skull Staff''': The Skull Staff is entirely unchanged in this edition. It still cost 35 points, made enemies reveal all magic items when they came within 12" of Kemmler and it gave him +1 to dispel enemy spells (which given his level and how spells used to work, meant he dispelled nearly everything on a 2+ or very rarely, a 3+).
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': Dropped 20 points in cost (down to 30), but otherwise remained the same. In this edition it cost 50 points and gave him a free cast of Dark Mist, which made Kemmler Ethereal and allowed him to instantly move 24" so long as it wasn't dispelled or Kemmler hadn't decided to end it.

===6th Edition v1.0===
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 450 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 1 || 9 || -
|}
6th Edition once again kicked Kemmler right in the stats, dropping him down another 1 WS/BS, 1 Strength, 3 Initiative, 2 Attacks and 1 Leadership. It did help him out a little as far as his rules went though, even if he still cost a metric fuckton. He was still a Level 4 Necromancer, but this time with a whole host of new gear under his cloak and a shiny new rule:
*'''Sword''': Kemmler dropped the Chaos Tomb Blade off somewhere, or was scared the Skaven might find it shiny and decide to steal it (since he was working alongside them at the time of getting these rules) so he only uses a normal sword in this version.
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': In this edition it still makes Kemmler Ethereal, though for some reason loses its massive movement. It also makes it so that he can only attack other Ethereal creatures in close combat, although you were hardly going to have him in close combat to begin with unless it was to troll a combat lord who hadn't bought a magic weapon (they're more common than you think).
*'''Skull Staff''': The Skull Staff had a minor change. While it still makes enemies reveal all magic items when they came within 12", it no longer gives +1 to dispel, instead it allows Kemmler to re-roll the result on the Miscast table. Very handy for making sure he doesn't instantly die. Technically too the next four items are a part of his staff somehow:
**'''Power Stone''': Once per game Kemmler could immediately give himself 2 free Power dice. Handy, if a little odd to see such a common item with him.
**'''Black Periapt''': Kemmler apparently became fond of jewelry in this edition, as this is his second (and more useful) piece. It allows him to store one unused power/dispel dice, and then use it in the next magic phase (turning a power dice into a dispel dice and vice versa).
**'''Spell Familiar''': Aside from picking up jewelry Kemmler also started keeping pets (aside from Krell). This one allows him to know an extra spell atop the usual 4 he already knows.
**'''Power Familiar''': The second pet Kemmler keeps tied to his staff. This one gives him a free power dice and dispel dice every single magic phase.
Most of Kemmler's magic items work really well with the special rule he gained in this edition, you could potentially use the Power Stone, the Power Familiar and the Black Periapt to gain +4 power dice in one phase, just in case you felt like lubing up to use the rule to its full potential:
*'''Master of Necromancy''': Kemmler can cast any spell he wants as many times as he wants so long as he still has power dice. It's essentially Khaine magic before Khaine came out and it's equally as broken. Presumably this is the reason Kemmler costs so much as he could heal up his entire army before scooting everyone across the battlefield, or just spamming Gaze of Nagash to annihilate annoying skirmisher units.

===6th Edition v2.0===
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 550 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 9 || 5++
|}
Yes he got rules twice for this edition, and you know what? His first showing was just a warmup to what he can really do. While he lost a few toys here and there (deciding two pets were too hard to care for, losing interest in his Power Stone and trading 1 Wound for 1 Strength) Kemmler's second version, despite being 100 points more expensive is easily one of the most powerful spellcasting Lords Warhammer Fantasy has seen, primarily due to still being Level 4, keeping the Master of Necromancy rule and gaining '''his own unique magic lore''', as well as his own entire '''ARMY LIST'''. Before getting to that though, here's what he's armed with:
*'''Chaos Tomb Blade''': In this edition it allows Kemmler to re-roll failed to Wound rolls and would be a great weapon if it was on anyone else. Fortunately it did have a use, if you combined it with Desiccating Grasp it gave a very welcome buff to the spell.
*'''Skull Staff''': No change here either. It still makes enemies reveal all magic items when they came within 12" and it allows Kemmler to re-roll the result on the Miscast table. Very handy for making sure he doesn't instantly die.
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': A slight change here, Kemmler's still Ethereal but he's no longer forced to only be able to attack other Ethereal creatures. Now he's free to walk up to anyone he wants and attempt to murder them with Desiccating Grasp while fearing no retaliation unless they have a magic weapon.
*'''Black Periapt''': Luckily Kemmler decided to keep this over his Power Stone. It allows him to store one unused power/dispel dice, and then use it in the next magic phase (turning a power dice into a dispel dice and vice versa). No longer tied to his staff so you're not fucked if that gets destroyed.
*'''Power Familiar''': The one pet Kemmler decided to keep under his coat. This one gives him a free power dice and dispel dice every single magic phase and like the Periapt it's no longer tied to his staff.
Aside from his gear Kemmler keeps the following rule, and gains a new one:
*'''Master of Necromancy''': Kemmler can cast any spell he wants as many times as he wants so long as he still has power dice. Like before it's really powerful, and now even more so since his own spell lore is even better than regular Necromancy.
*'''Spells of Protection''': Because only pussies gain their Ward saves from magic items. Kemmler finally decided he needed at least some save of some kind, so he cast a few spells on himself that give him a permanent 5+ Ward save that cannot be removed by any normal means (such as destroying a magic item, since this is a rule unique to him). Kemmler and his unit (should he be in one) also ignore one point of crumble, which can certainly help out if you lost because of something minor like musicians or outnumbering.

===8th Edition===
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 350 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 4 || 1(3) || 8 || -
|}
Kemmler had a very sad showing in 8th edition. After becoming an absolute magical beast in 6th which led his own unique army with its own unique units, 8th neutered him pretty hard and took away nearly all of the previous reasons you'd bring him. In here he's stuck in a bizarre dual role of being a mediocre combat character thanks to trading -1 Ld for +1 Initiative (for some reason) and getting +2 attacks from his weapon, as well as being a good spellcaster (still level 4). However aside from the smaller games or a themed list where you wanted to avoid using vampires he'd see little use. He had the following equipment:
*'''Chaos Tomb Blade''': Kemmler's sword underwent a weird change in 8th, here it gave him +2 Attacks, and when he kills enemies they turn into extra models for the unit he's leading (so long as he was with Skeletons or Grave Guard). This could be very handy if he was in a souped-up unit of Grave Guard since it was essentially letting you get extra points, or helping you replenish your casualties from crumble, but most of the time you didn't want him in combat since any decent combat lord would kick his shit in and Kemmler has always cost a fuckload of points.
*'''Skull Staff''': Oddly enough the Skull Staff went back to the rules it had in 4th/5th edition, making enemies reveal magic items when they get within 12" and giving Kemmler +1 to dispel. Handy, but you could recreate this for less than his cost.
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': In this edition it gives Kemmler ''either'' the Fly or Ethereal rule. Most of the time this meant he was Ethereal as he was way too easy to kill otherwise.
That's all the stuff he gets, 8th dropped him down to his bare-basic gear and also removed his unique rules, which included removing his Ward save and anti-crumble. They did give him the following generic rules though:
*'''Loremaster (Lore of Vampires)''': Kemmler knows all of the Lore of Vampires spells. This is to be expected since he already had a similar rule in the previous edition.
*'''Master of the Dead''': Kemmler can increase Skeleton units to be larger than their starting size. Whoopee.

===Age of Sigmar===

In the "warhammer legends, hero of the old world" compendium, Kemmler returns with rules, but without points cost (those rules are for nostalgic and narrative play, after all). Here, Kemmler doesn't have a command ability, neither such a good unique spell (CV 5, every "vampire counts" model within 12" heals one wound. Only good with multi wounds models like varghaists or bats). For the rest, he can put some really nice tricks, like teleporting around the table at the start of the HERO PHASE (yes, he can move after), adding one to casting and unbinding rolls, and can pass wounds and mortals wounds to another "vampire count" unit at 2+ (no limitations about which unit can get the wounds, so this can have hilarious outcome: "hey Mannfred, can you step in front of me and take those incoming arrows in my place?" "why the hell i shou... Wait, what am I doing?! PLEASE NO! AAAAAH, RIGHT IN THE EYE!" "thanks Mannfred, you are the best bro ever" "FUCK YOU!")
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==Lore of the Lichemaster==
Yep, at one point, back in 6th Edition Kemmler had his own spell lore. Only he could use it and he knew all of the spells in it (naturally). This was also back when Kemmler was built up to being close to Nagash in power and both his rules and his lore reflected this.

As for how the spells themselves worked, the Lore of the Lichemaster was essentially a far more powerful version of Necromancy. Every spell has been upgraded in some way, shape or form and Kemmler has renamed some of them after himself, presumably to show up the original creator(s) (which are Nagash and Vanhel respectively).
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*'''Invocation of the Lichemaster''': This spell has two uses and three casting levels. The use must be declared before the spell is rolled and they are to raise new skeletons and heal Wounds on a unit respectively. How many skeletons are created and how many Wounds are healed depend on the respective casting level. The first is 3+, and this created D6 Skeletons, or it heals D3 Wounds on any existing unit. The second value is 7+, which creates 2D6 Skeletons or heals 2D3 Wounds. The final one creates 3D6 Skeletons or heals 3D3 Wounds and its value is 11+. All Skeletons are armed with Hand Weapons and Shields, however if you create less than 5 Skeletons the spell fails to work.
**The way this spell is superior to the Invocation of Nehek is simple, it heals far more Wounds. In 6th the spell would only heal 1/2/3 Wounds respectively, as opposed to 1D3/2D3/3D3 Wounds, and you could use this spell on anything, from Vampires to Zombie Dragons and if you were playing for fun, you could use it in 7th to heal stuff like 3D3 Wounds that were on Blood Knights, whereas normally they could only be healed one Wound from any other source. On its own this spell is a good reason to take Kemmler, let alone the other shit he can do.
*'''Desiccating Grasp''': A remains in play spell. If Kemmler casts this on himself (and he can only cast it on himself) then his attacks ignore armour saves, and if he causes even a single unsaved while this spell is active then he instantly kills whoever he hurt, no matter who/what they are and how many Wounds they had left.
**You know what's sweet about Hand of Dust? It's how it can instantly kill your opponent. You know what would make it even better? If it had a lower casting value (6+ instead of 7+), didn't take your attacks away and turned whoever it killed into a skeleton instead of turning them into dust. If you can find some sort of creative way to give Kemmler his attacks back (as well as some way to up his Strength) then you can emulate his 4th/5th edition versions where he can kill a ridiculous amount of things. Even with only one attack Kemmler has a 30% chance to Wound even T6 creatures (and better than 50% on T5) thanks to his sword, so using him to kill monsters even while he isn't buffed isn't out of the question. Think of it like Heroic Killing Blow but it always works so long as you Wound successfully.
*'''Eternal Vigour''': The upgrade to Hellish Vigour. The targeted unit gains the Always Strikes First rule (Zombies also lose Always Strikes Last) and they re-roll all failed To Hit rolls, as well as all failed To Wound rolls. Cast this on pretty much anything and they become combat blenders.
**In this edition Hellish Vigour only granted re-rolls on To Hit rolls as well as Always Strikes First. They both had a 7+ casting value but the re-rolls on To Wound rolls are quite nice, and make stuff like Sword and Board Grave Guard hit harder (normally you'd have to choose whether you wanted them to be the hammer, or the anvil and this way they could be both).
*'''Withering Gaze''': Kemmler shoots beams of light from his eyes, [[Samurai Jack|Aku style]] and kills whatever he's looking at. It's a magic missile with 8+ to cast, and causes 2D6 Strength 4 hits, with a 36"(!) range.
**This is straight up Gaze of Nagash with an extra 12", presumably because Kemmler wanted to show Nagash up in this magic dick-measuring contest.
*'''Kemmler's Danse Macabre''': Pick an undead unit within 24" and isn't in close combat. That unit now gets to make a free 8" move as if it was the movement phase. This means this move can even be a charge, following the usual charge restrictions with the exception being that this move allows the unit to ignore the effects of both terrain and obstacles, and a failed charge (in the event that the charged unit flees since they get normal charge reactions and they have to take the appropriate Psychology tests) will still have the unit move 8".
**This is Vanhel's Danse Macabre but better because not only does the move ignore terrain and obstacles (it's like that forest or that house wasn't even there) but it works up to 24", as opposed to Vanhel's meager 18", because Kemmler can't get away with only showing up Nagash. The only downside is that it has a casting value of 10+ instead of the 9+ of Vanhel's spell.
*'''Curse of Eternities''': Arguably Kemmler's greatest spell. Pick an enemy unit within 24", even one engaged in close combat, then roll a dice for each model in the unit. On a 5+ that model takes a Wound with no Armour saves allowed. To make matters better, this spell is a Remains in Play spell that only grows stronger over time, at the start of the next magic phase every model takes a Wound on a 4+, then in the next phase it's a 3+, then it's a 2+, where it finally caps. This spell even affects characters in the unit, although if they leave they become free of its effects.
**This spell is Curse of Years on steroids. Curse of Years only has a 10+ to cast as opposed to Curse of Eternities 13+, however Curse of Years cannot be cast into combat, and its first roll is only on a 6+ before it gets better (making it lag behind by a significant amount and limiting its use).
Overall the Lore of the Lichemaster is an incredibly powerful lore that is even preferable to the 7th and 8th edition Lore of Vampires due to its many uses and having many advantages to its spells that the regular lore lacks. It's a shame Kemmler didn't feel like teaching it to anyone, as having such a powerful lore without having to pay his 550 points cost to get it would've been awesome. Thankfully his Master of Necromancy rule softens the blow somewhat when you realize you have no limitations to the amount of times each of the spells can be used in a single magic phase.
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==Army of the Lichemaster==
Yep, as if having his own spell lore wasn't enough, Kemmler had his own fucking '''ARMY LIST'''. This wasn't even one of those half-assed army lists either (like that Kislev bullshit), Kemmler's army is comprised of 13 units (almost being as big as the actual rulebook armies), 9 of which are entirely unique to his army and it also has its own magic items completely unique to it (which is a shame because most of them are fucking awesome and would be great choices in other armies). The army is based on the entities Kemmler summoned from the Barrows when he attacked the Wood Elves, and as such many of them have not been seen before or since. Even now it can still be fun to experiment with as it has oddball stuff like Wight Kings with Great Weapons riding Chariots (it made more sense in the editions when charging allowed you to strike first with them), Ethereal undead spellcasters that were T2 and could use the Lore of Heavens, and core choices that were Strength 5, Toughness 5, with three Wounds and 4 Attacks!
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===Army Rules===
All units in the Army of the Lichemaster are governed by the following:
*'''Undead''': Universal. Like usual it's a mishmash of other rules:
**'''Break Tests''': When you lose combat, you take an unsaveable amount of Wounds equal to the amount you lost by instead of taking a break test. In the even of multiple combats, these Wounds apply to all units on the losing side.
**'''Immune to Psychology''': Exactly what it says on the tin.
**'''Cause Fear''': Same as above.
**'''Charge Reactions''': Undead can only Hold when they're charged, a shame as Kemmler's army can actually get shooting attacks.
**'''Marching''': No unit can March unless they're within 12" of Kemmler.
*'''The Lichemaster''': Kemmler must be in the army and he must be the general. If he's ever killed (as much as he can be anyway), then at the end of the phase (and the start of every controlling player turn afterwards) everyone in the army must take a Leadership test, taking a Wound for every point they fail by, unless they're a character. If units have characters in them they can use the character's Leadership, which oddly enough means that Kemmler dying hardly affects most of his army. The average Ld is 8 and characters are either Ld9 or Ld10. If there was anybody else who could use Necromancy in this list then Kemmler dying could be entirely healed off. Oddly enough too the rules state that if Kemmler is taken below 0 Wounds but somehow gets them back then the army-wide crumble ceases to apply.

====Lords====
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Heinrich Kemmler:''' || 550 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 9 || 5++
|}
*Naturally Kemmler is the one and only Lord of this army. He's compulsory so you might as well learn to like him, despite his 550 points cost. He's an absolute magical beast especially if he teams up with a Shadow Druid carrying the right items and he has the following profile and items/rules:
{| class=wikitable
*'''Unit Size''': Just Kemmler.
*'''Chaos Tomb Blade''': This allows kemmler to re-roll failed To Wound rolls and stacks nicely with Dessicating Grasp.
*'''Skull Staff''': Enemies have to reveal all magic items when they come within 12" and it allows Kemmler to re-roll the result on the Miscast table. Very handy for making sure he doesn't instantly die to a bad casting/miscast roll.
*'''Cloak of Mists and Shadows''': Kemmler's Ethereal. A very nice survivability bonus and it allows Kemmler to troll a few heroes/lords and their mounts who don't have magic weapons (they're more common than you might think).
*'''Black Periapt''': Kemmler can store one unused power/dispel dice, and then use it in the next magic phase (turning a power dice into a dispel dice and vice versa).
*'''Power Familiar''': Kemmler gets a free power dice and dispel dice in their respective magic phases.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Kemmler also has the following rules:''
*'''Magic''': Kemmler is a level 4 Wizard who knows all the spells in Lore of the Lichemaster.
*'''Master of Necromancy''': Kemmler can cast any spell he wants as many times as he wants so long as he still has power dice. An extremely powerful rule that almost justifies his obscene points cost on its own.
*'''Spells of Protection''': Because only pussies gain their Ward saves from magic items. Kemmler finally decided he needed at least some save of some kind, so he cast a few spells on himself that give him a permanent 5+ Ward save that cannot be removed by any normal means (such as destroying a magic item, since this is a rule unique to him). Kemmler and his unit (should he be in one) also ignore one point of crumble, which can certainly help out if you lost because of something minor like musicians or outnumbering.
*'''Undead''': As described above.

====Heroes====
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Krell:''' || 190 || 4 || 5 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 6 || 4+/4++
|}
*Like Kemmler, Krell is compulsory and how much you like him will depend almost entirely on how well you do with Stupidity tests, as Krell unfortunately has that rule and Kemmler's only Ld9. Still, Krell's more of a melee powerhouse in this edition than he is in later iterations and no matter who you point him towards, so long as it isn't a monster he's practically guaranteed to fuck shit up. He has the following profile and magic items/rules:
*'''Unit Size''': Just Krell.
*'''Black Axe of Krell''': Way better in this edition than it was in later editions, the Black Axe of Krell is a Great Weapon that aside from the usual rules, also causes whoever it Wounds to roll a dice at the start of each player's magic phases. On a 1-2, the model suffers an additional Wound that ignores Armour saves, and this effect lasts for the rest of the game. Even if Krell is killed, this ability is likely to finish off whoever killed him.
*'''Crown of the Damned''': Krell has a 4+ Ward save and suffers from Stupidity. In addition the crown has fused to Krell and the two have become one entity, in practice this means the item is indestructible, in effect meaning it cannot be destroyed by spells such as Vaul's unmaking.
*'''Chaos Armour:''' Krell was a former Chaos champion after all, so naturally he has Chaos Armour. Given how he's armed though it's more of a mulligan compared to stuff like his crown.
:''In addition to his fancy hat and axe, Krell has the following rules:''
*'''The King of Wights''': Krell's killing blow works on a 5+ instead of a 6+. If you use Eternal Vigour on Krell you're practically guaranteed 4 Wounds, about half of which benefit from Killing Blow. This in turn also means Krell's a close combat monster and a terrifying opponent against anyone who can be affected by Killing Blow.
*'''Undead''': As described above.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Barrow King:''' || 100 || 4 || 4 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 2 || 4 || 3 || 9 || 5+
|-
| '''Chariot:''' || - || - || - || - || 5 || 5 || 4 || - || - || - || 4+
|-
| '''Skeletal Steed:''' || - || 8 || 2 || 2 || 3 || - || - || 2 || 1 || - || -
|}
*Yet another compulsory choice, so you might as well learn to love them. It's a Wight King that always comes mounted on a Chariot; Their statlines and points costs are pretty bad, but their chariots are quite good and the magic items they can take are fantastic, so their impact largely depends on how they're built and when you use them. Done properly they can very well surprise you with the destruction they can bring.
*'''Unit Size''': One Barrow King on a Chariot pulled by two Skeletal Steeds.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon, Heavy Armour and Great Weapon.
*'''Options''':
**Barrow Kings can choose Magic Items from the common lists or the Archeological Artefacts list of up to 50 points.
:::It's rather a shame they can't choose shields aside from magic ones. With some editions this would provide them a massive armour boost against missile fire (in 7th for example, having a 4+ save on a 4+ Chariot would mean you had a 2+ Armour save against missile fire).
:''In addition to the above equipment, Barrow Kings have the following special rules:''
*'''Magical Attacks''': Exactly what you think it means.
*'''Killing Blow''': Same as above.
**At the time this was actually a bit different than the regular book, because back then Wight Kings gained both of their abilities from the weapons they used, and as such they could be taken away by spells like Vaul's Unmaking. Since these are special rules they are exempt to such tactics, and in one case Killing Blow can cause a ridiculous chain reaction of deaths thanks to a certain sword (think beheading lightning).
*'''Undead''': As described above.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Shadow Druid:''' || 70 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || -
|}
*The first choice that isn't compulsory, although these guys are awesome enough you're going to want 1-2 of them anyway. They have the single worst profile out of all characters in Warhammer Fantasy (presumably because they're ghosts and have no physical body), however their rules certainly make up for it and their magic items are must-haves.
*'''Unit Size''': One Shadow Druid.
*'''Magic''': Shadow Druids are Level 1 Wizards who can use the Lore of Death or the Lore of Shadow.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon. With a statline like theirs it's not like they should have anything more anyway.
*'''Options''':
**Shadow Druids can choose Magic Items from the common lists or the Archeological Artefacts list of up to 50 points.
**Shadow Druids can be upgraded to Level 2 Wizards for +35 points.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Shadow Druids have the following special rules:''
*'''Undead''': As described above.
*'''Ethereal''': Awesome. This means that your Shadow Druid can go with units or on their own, and like Kemmler they can be challenge trolls, holding up anyone who doesn't have a magic weapon.
**A nice thing to note is their Ld of 10 on top of being Wizards. This means that one of them can babysit Krell while still being able to cast spells should Krell fail his stupidity test.

'''Those are all the heroes that the Army of the Lichemaster gets, which unfortunately means you get no Battle Standard Bearer. This is quite unfortunate as unless Krell has a babysitter it's easier for him to fail his test than you'd think and some of your other choices die if they fail their Leadership tests. In turn this means Krell either goes along on his own beside other units, or you pair him with a Shadow Druid the entire time which admittedly doesn't work out all that badly.'''

====Core Units====
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Skeleton Warrior:''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 2 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 6+
|-
| '''Skeleton Chieftain:''' || - || 4 || 2 || 2 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 2 || 2 || 3 || 6+
|}
*One unit of these are compulsory, which is unfortunate as they pale in comparison to literally every other choice in the army. You might as well find a use for them though since you have to take at least one unit, whether it's as a small unit of charge re-directors, a large tar pit, small javelin throwers meant to annoy or just a bunker to hide Kemmler in. Fortunately they're also the last the Compulsory units and from here on out you're free to choose what you wish.
*'''Unit Size''': 10-40 Skeleton Warriors.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon and Shields.
*'''Options''':
**Any unit may replace their Shields with Great Weapons for +2 points per model. This is actually a good idea if you want to make them useful, as S5 models for only 9 points each are a pretty decent deal, especially if Kemmler casts Eternal Vigour on them, you'll end up with Core than can wreck the shit of most Special choices.
**Any unit may be equipped with Javelins for +2 points per model. An iffy prospect at best, especially depending on the edition you're playing at. In the editions before 8th, you'd hit on a 5+ so long as then enemy had no cover (regardless of moving and long range) and you could pick away at a few wounds each turn, but at 9 points and the comparatively short range of Javelins made them little more than an annoyance that cost too much.
**Any unit may be equipped with Light Armour for +1 point per model. A good choice if you want to keep them with sword and board.
**Any unit may be equipped with Spears for +1 point per model. Skeleton Warriors can make for a decent horde and like with Great Weapons, casting Eternal Vigour on them can have them put out a surprising amount of damage. Cheaper than Great Weapons though they're slightly more durable and not as likely to kill as much.
**Skeleton Warriors can buy Command for the respective costs: Musician (+5 points), Chieftain (+10 points), Standard Bearer (+10 points).
:''In addition to the above equipment, Skeleton Warriors have the following rule:''
*'''Undead''': Slap yourself if you thought otherwise.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Ghost:''' || 60 || 6 || 2 || 0 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 1 || 0 || 10 || -
|}
*These work similarly to Banshees, although they are far better at it than those ghosts. Unfortunately this is balanced out by the fact that they have a chance to die each turn (and when that happens, they can't come back). Don't be scared off by their terrible statlines, thanks to their special rule proper use can have them kill models that are worlds above them in terms of points quite easily and even models that have magic items/weapons aren't safe.
*'''Unit Size''': 1 Ghost.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon. They can't actually attack so it's not like they need anything else.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Ghosts have the following rules:''
*'''Undead''': It figures.
*'''Ethereal''': Fucking duh.
*'''Tormented''': Ghosts always act as if Kemmler had died, following the Lichemaster rule described in the Army Rules. If Kemmler ever dies then they have to take the test twice. Of course if they fail at all (a little hard on Ld 10, but you'll be taking a lot of tests) they instantly die. Lorewise this is because they're constantly fighting Kemmler's control as they don't actually want to hurt the living (whereas Banshees and Cairn Wraiths do), but Kemmler uses them anyway because (former) beggars can't be choosers.
*'''Chill Attack:''' The main reason you take these guys. This attack can only be used in close combat and doesn't work on units that are Immune to Psychology. At the start of the close combat phase, the unit(s) engaged with the ghost must take a Leadership test on 2D6+2, taking a Wound for every point that they fail by. These Wounds ignore Armour saves, are distributed like combat casualties (so in editions earlier than 8th would take away the attacks that the targeted unit(s) could make back) and count towards combat resolution, which is awesome. On their own these guys can slaughter monsters, wipe out skirmishers and utterly break units of elite models. They also combine extremely well with anything that decreases the enemy's Leadership, as well as any other unit of yours (since they even work before Always Strikes First and as stated, can take away attacks from enemy units, therefore protecting your own units) and they're absolute hell for any cavalry that can be affected by them.
*'''Core Units''': Ghosts do not count towards the minimum amount of Core units you must have. A real shame because they can be pretty awesome, skeletons can seem like sub-par choices, and the next choice is really expensive. If Ghosts didn't have this rule they'd be the perfect Core choice filler.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Simulacra:''' || 65 || 5 || 4 || 0 || 5 || 5 || 3 || 1 || 4 || 10 || 5+
|}
*These are walking statues made in the appearances of the various gods of death, and they're fucking awesome. Simulacra work like Tomb Kings Ushabti, except they're even better and they're core! While they might be limiting as far as static resolution goes, Simulacra are murder machines that only get better with Eternal Vigour cast upon them.
*'''Unit Size''': 3+ Simulacra.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon. With a profile like that who needs anything else?
:''In addition to the above equipment, Simulacra have the following rule:''
*'''Undead Constructs''': Simulacra have the Undead rule and on top of that suffer one less Wound from Crumble than normal (which really helps save them in case the enemy outnumbers/has a musician) and it also gives them a 5+ Armour save.

====Special Units====
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Embalmed One:''' || 12 || 3 || 3 || 0 || 4 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 1 || 8 || -
|-
| '''Cadaver:''' || - || 3 || 3 || 0 || 4 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 2 || 8 || -
|}
*The anvil to end all anvils. The Simulacra's points costs hold them back from being a great tar pit, but the Embalmed Ones have no issue, having good Strength and fantastic Toughness. Just watch out for poisons and other auto-wounding effects. They're also basically 4th edition mummies with fewer Wounds (and use the same models) which is awesome.
*'''Unit Size''': 5-20 Embalmed Ones.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon. Unfortunately they can't get anything else which is a real shame.
*'''Options''':
**One Embalmed One can be upgraded to a Cadaver for +14 points.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Embalmbed Ones have the following rule:''
*'''Undead''': Yep, the mummies have it too.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Horseman:''' || 16 || 4 || 2 || 2 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 5 || 4+
|-
| '''Chieftain:''' || - || 4 || 2 || 2 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 2 || 2 || 5 || 4+
|-
| '''Skeletal Steed:''' || - || 8 || 2 || 0 || 3 || 3 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 5 || -
|}
*Kemmler's poorly named and overpriced cavalry, good for flank charges and that's about it. Their points costs are very prohibitive so if you're taking them, make sure you're going to get your money's worth and break the enemy on the charge, otherwise they're just going to waste. At least their points cost have an explanation as far as the lore goes, that being the Barrow Kings couldn't find many uses for cavalry in a forest, so they hardly had any.
*'''Unit Size''': 5-16 Unquiet Horsemen.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon, Spear, Light Armour and Shield.
*'''Options''':
**Any unit may replace their Spears with Lances for +1 point per model. The points cost for this unit might as well be 17 points per model as this is a near-mandatory upgrade.
**Any unit may replace their Light Armour with Heavy Armour for +2 points per model. Not too bad an idea, you're already paying out the nose for this unit, so you might as well make them survivable.
**Unquiet Horsemen can buy Command for the respective costs: Musician (+5 points), Chieftain (+10 points), Standard Bearer (+10 points).
:''In addition to the above equipment, Unquiet Horsemen have the following rule:''
*'''Undead''': Yep, they've got it too.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Barrow Guardian:''' || 12 || 4 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 1 || 8 || 5+
|-
| '''Dread Guardian:''' || - || 4 || 3 || 3 || 4 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 2 || 8 || 5+
|}
*Grave Guard with a different name and newer options/rules for the time. They used to be outright better than regular Grave Guard as their magic attacks/killing blow weren't dependent on the weapons they used, but the later editions of VC changed them to make them almost identical to these guys. In effect these are going to be the elite troops of your army, as there is nothing in the game they cannot handle with the right equipment and Eternal Vigour.
*'''Unit Size''': 10-30 Barrow Guardians.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon, Corroded Heavy Armour (it has the same effect as the normal stuff).
*'''Options''':
**Any unit may be equipped with Great Weapons +3 points per model. You're paying out the ass for this upgrade, but in turn you get a unit that can slaughter everything in its path. If you are buying this upgrade, make sure you're not letting their unit-wide S6 go to waste.
**Any unit may be equipped with Shields for +1 point per model. Mandatory if you're not taking Great Weapons, otherwise you can skip it.
**Barrow Guardians can buy Command for the respective costs: Musician (+6 points), Dread Guardian (+12 points), Standard Bearer (+12 points).
**A Standard Bearer can carry a Magic Standard worth up to 50 points. This is quite handy since aside from the obvious, you're not limited to only having one unit of these with a Magic Standard (unlike many other armies).
:''In addition to the above equipment, Barrow Guardians have the following rules:''
*'''Undead''': Figures.
*'''Magical Attacks''': Just like their Barrow Kings.
*'''Killing Blow''': Not exactly reliable, but it is handy when it goes off.

{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Tomb Stalker:''' || 45 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 5 || 5 || 4 || 3 || 4 || 8 || 5+
|}
*A bizarre unit for more than a few reasons. Like the Simulacra they are stone constructs (usually) with awesome statlines, however they're very limited in size and despite their Undead Construct rule are prone to being killed through static combat resolution. Thanks to their very cheap points cost (comparatively) you might want to take quite a few, but that eats up your special choices very quickly and even in 8th you're only allowed 3. As such they're better for keeping smaller units in check, taking out Skirmishers and hunting down more annoying units that you wouldn't want to spare an entire unit block to deal with.
*'''Unit Size''': 1 Tomb Stalker.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Claws/Tails/Fists/Whatever they're modeled with, aka a Hand Weapon. Like the Simulacra they don't need anything else.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Tomb Stalkers have the following rule:''
*'''Undead Constructs''': Just like their Core choice stone buddies, Tomb Stalkers have the Undead rule and on top of that suffer one less Wound from Crumble than normal. Unfortunately as mentions this hardly helps them survive static combat resolution and is more of a mulligan. It also gives them a 5+ Armour save.

====Rare Units====
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Gloom:''' || 6 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || -
|}
*A strange case, essentially being zombie ghosts. Meant to be a tarpit but they usually end up dying to their own rules more than anything else. Even so they can be quite good at holding up very high Strength units that the Embalmbed Ones can't handle even with their T5. If you're left with the power dice to spare however, Invocation of the Lichemaster can keep them in perfect shape without much issue and they might impress you against stuff like units with Great Weapons.
*'''Unit Size''': 10-20 Glooms.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Throttling Dead Hands (aka a Hand Weapon, or two if your opponent is generous and/or you want to try rules lawyer arguing it).
:''In addition to the above equipment, Glooms have the following rules:''
*'''Ethereal''': The main reason you're taking them. Think of them as a unit of very weak Wraiths.
*'''Tormented''': Like Ghosts the Glooms tend to destroy themselves. Unlike Ghosts, the entire unit doesn't die when they fail the test once. Unfortunately this also prevents them from using Kemmler's Leadership when they take the test.
*'''Spirit Levy''': Basically the Skaven rule Strength in Numbers, the Glooms add their rank bonus to their Leadership. In practice this means they'll pass their tormented test more often than not provided they're at full Strength. If you're still worried about them even with Ld8, you could put a Shadow Druid in their unit as they're also Ethereal and have Ld10, therefore making sure the unit isn't going anywhere.
*'''Undead''': Yep, they're spirits.

*'''Winged Nightmares''':
{| class=wikitable
! || Pts || M || WS || BS || S || T || W || I || A || Ld || Sv
|-
| '''Winged Nightmare:''' || 175 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 5 || 5 || 4 || 2 || 3 || 5 || -
|}
*Because Kemmler's powerful enough to have several of these things running around without other necromancers to power them. Winged Nightmares are of dubious use in this army, filling mostly the same role as the Tomb Stalkers (albeit for 130 points more) and having the added bonus of being able to hunt War Machine crews. However even in that role they're outdone by a Barrow King with a certain magic item (who's also 25 points cheaper). Still they're not actually bad at what they do, just outdone by some others in certain situations/with certain equipment, however if you've got other uses for Tomb Stalkers/you can't get a Barrow King on a Sky Chariot then you'll find they can do their job very well indeed. Depending on the edition you can also get great use out of their Terror rule as well.
*'''Unit Size''': 1 Winged Nightmare.
*'''Generic Equipment''': Hand Weapon. It's not like a monster can get anything else.
:''In addition to the above equipment, Winged Nightmares have the following rules:''
*'''Undead''': Kemmler's Nightmares are Frankenstein creations between stuff like Manticores and Griffons, so naturally they're undead too.
*'''Terror''': As it says on the tin. Either really good or mediocre depending on the edition you're playing.
*'''Impale''': The Winged Nightmare gets +1 Strength on the turn it charges. In turn this means it Wounds even Dwarf artillery crews on 2+ when it makes the charge to ensure it makes the kill.
*'''Fly''': Awesome, and the main reason you're taking them. Unfortunately it also makes them a big target which isn't helped by the next rule.
*'''Large Target''': On the one hand it's nice that it can help them see over terrain (depending on the edition), on the other hand it really hurts to see them get shot. A lucky bolt thrower can definitely put them down.

====Archeological Artefacts====
:Kemmler's Magic Items. Both Barrow Kings and Shadow Druids can take common items, but these ones are almost all universally good as well as entirely unique to the army, so you might as well use them.

=====Magic Weapons=====
*'''The Stormsword of Medhe''': A magic sword costing 50 points. A sword that discharges lightning in each strike. Every time the bearer delivers an unsaved Wound from this sword, everyone in base contact with that model who took the Wound automatically suffer a Strength 4 hit. Thanks to how it's written, it's easily argued that such extra hits benefit from the Killing Blow ability, should the user be a Barrow King. Unfortunately the weapon also hits the user of the Stormsword (as well as any mount/chariot they might be on), which means that by killing enemies your Barrow King can easily decapitate himself with his own lightning (and thanks to his poor statline, he's quite likely to kill himself even without killing blow). Still, it's a high risk/high reward weapon that can easily wipe out more points than your King is worth, it's just a shame that at 50 points it takes up his entire magic allowance.

=====Magic Armour=====
*'''Shield of the Ancients''': A magic shield costing 50 points. One of the few ways to give your Barrow King a shield (which can buff him to a 2+ save against missile fire and working really well with his hand weapon depending on the edition), it's a shame that it uses up his entire points allowance. Still, it adds +1 Toughness and if you get a flank charge with a character as tough as their chariot, you're virtually guaranteed to stay lodged in there until the enemy breaks.

=====Talismans=====
*'''The Ring of Cailledh''': 30 points. An odd item, it gives you a 5+ Ward save that also grants you Frenzy (despite being Undead) should you pass it. Can be quite nice if you only wanted a 5+ since it's outright better than the 8th edition rulebook equivalent, and a Barrow King with 4 Attacks is awesome. Otherwise you should avoid it as Barrow Kings aren't especially durable anyway.

*'''Hide of Retribution''': A 25 point cloak. An awesome item, every time you get hit, the model who did the hitting automatically strikes themselves with an equal amount of hits and at the same Strength. This is great for setting up traps and dealing a ton of damage without actually paying that much (a Barrow King who exposes their flank can wipe out an entire unit of Blood Knights for example). The model who has it isn't likely to survive, however so long as you kill more points than you spend you shouldn't regret a suicide run or two, and the psychological effect it can have on an opponent who knows you took it but not who you took it on can't be underestimated.

=====Arcane Items=====
*'''Staff of the Trickster''': A staff costing 50 points. A great reason on its own to take a Shadow Druid, as it allows you to modify one of your dispel dice to match the number on a casting dice. In effect you can turn one of your ones into a six which is fantastic. Combined with one of the later items and you'll be ruling the Magic phase.

*'''The Storm Cauldron''': A cauldron costing 50 points. Another great reason to take a Shadow Druid, as not only does it allow them to take spells from the Lore of Heavens, but it also gives them +1 to cast such spells. Such a bonus is always welcome, it's much cheaper than the 8th edition common equivalent and the Lore of Heavens has plenty of useful spells to help you, regardless of edition.

=====Enchanted Items=====
*'''The Casket of Shadows''': A scary coffin costing 50 points and containing a bound spell (Shades of Death, power level 3). Your use of it will depend on the edition in which you're playing, as this can be really good or really bad. In effect whoever it's cast on now causes Terror instead of Fear.

*'''Sky Chariot''': A special chariot for 50 points that can only be taken by Barrow Kings. This chariot grants the user the fly rule, and it's awesome, especially if you pretend the Barrow King's on a normal chariot right up until you suddenly fly him from atop a hill across the table and into a flank. It's a shame that the Barrow King only has a points allowance of 50 as there's so many good items for him to take.

*'''Charm of Defiance''': 15 point charm that might as well be mandatory. It gives you two free dispel dice with no consequence in each enemy magic phase. It's probably supposed to have the ''one use only'' rule attached to it, but it doesn't!

*'''Charm of Destruction''': Another 15 point charm that functions as a one use only bound spell (power level 4). If the Hide of Retribution is used on another model, you can certainly save this trap for somebody else. You can take as many of these as you'd like, even stack them on the same character and like the Hide of Retribution they can pull off an awesome performance if you pull a Barrow King up alongside another unit to get a ridiculous amount of hits (getting up to 21 automatic S4 hits on the 20mm bases, and 18 automatic S4 hits on 25mm bases) before combat even starts. Unfortunately pulling up alongside somebody like this likely means sacrificing your impact hits and charge bonuses, so you're going to have to decide whether or not this suicide run is worth it.
</div>
</div>

==Trivia==
It is possible, especially considering GW's love of basing things in both 40k and Fantasy on actual history, that Heinrich Kemmler takes the basis of his name from the German priest Heinrich Kramer, the guy who wrote the ''Malleus Malificarum'', the book that started the European witch craze and was basically "Witch Hunting for Dummies", complete with claims that witches went around stealing dicks and hiding them in birds-nests for the lulz.

Alternately, Heinrich Kemmler is named after Heinrich Himmler, the man most responsible for how the Holocaust was carried out.

Unrelated trivia: A necromancer of the same name existed in the [[Dresden Files]] series' book Dead Beat; he was the biggest BAMF to ever raise a corpse, and now that he's dead, his apprentices are the runners-up. The author outright said [https://wordof.jim-butcher.com/index.php/word-of-jim-woj-compilation/woj-on-future-df-works/ Warhammer fans would have recognized some of the names within the book].

==Total War: Warhammer==
Heinrich was one of the starting legendary lords for the vampire counts in Total War: Warhammer. Unfortunately his rather lackluster stats, the absence of Krell and lack of differentiation from a generic master necromancer have led to him becoming something of a joke to the playerbase. Indeed it got to the point where Helman Ghorst, an extremely minor character that a significant portion of the fanbase were unaware even existed, was generally considered more useful than Heinrich. Granted, Heinrich is more or less the same as his tabletop version, a cheap necromancer lord with Krell on his side, at least until you start grabbing his magic items in the campaign, whereupon he becomes a great necromancer who casts well and isn't fucked if he gets in melee combat.

As of 20/07/2017, Krell has been added in the free DLC An Old Friend. Sadly, he is not a unique lord like The Red Duke, but a special summon usable only by the Lichemaster himself. He also comes with the downside of constantly deteriorating due to his summon status, but he can be kept around longer with Invocation of Nehek and has his own skill tree to make him even more powerful in Kemmler's skills list (one of which removes his deterioration). Still, Krell is a solid lord slayer who is capable of challenging and killing powerful heroes with nary a problem.

With the free Bloodlines DLC, Heinrich splits off from Manfred in a new subfaction called the Barrow Legion and has a new location in the Grey Mountains, along with some new tricks. He gets his own mount, bonus relations with Chaos factions (so Beastmen don't instantly try to wipe your towns off the map) and attrition immunity for his army (which is huge). Caveat that this faction only appears in the Mortal Empires campaign, which requires both TW1 and TW2; in the Old World campaign of Total War 1 Kemmler is still Manfred's underling. Still, this gives him a much-needed boost in usefulness as he actually plays differently from the rest of the Counts, and his new location makes confederating with Mousillon actually viable for once. His attrition immunity also means his army can traverse in climates usually hostile to undead leading his AI to wander the old world like actual Warhammer Gandalf.

A mod is currently in progress to grant the Barrow Legion the old Army of the Lichemaster units.

THE MOD IS HERE! thanks to cataph, the lichemaster now own a horde-kind army. Even if probably not everyone love this or the fact that his faction can only have four armies, ruled by legendary lords, this greatly reflect his errand life, going around all over the old world, looking for knowledge and artifacts. Plenty of units from his army are now at your disposal, with a unique perk. When you explore a destroyed settlement, you can open the barrow, having all your barrow units back at full capacity. Nasty!

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Kemmler Mini Old.jpg|Kemmler's original model.
Image:Kemmler New.jpg|His "new" model.
Image:Kemmler New Better.gif|A better paintjob of his newer model.
Image:Terror Of The Lichemaster.jpg
Image:Lichemaster Blanche.jpg
Image:Lichemaster Book Cover.jpg
File:Kemmler Total War.png|Kemmler in Total War:Warhammer
</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]]
[[Category:Vampire Counts]]

Azhag the Slaughterer

2021-03-12T12:57:10Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:6803:67A0:9F38:54A9:

{{stub}}
[[File:Azhag the Slaughterer.png|400px|thumb|right|Two minds aren't always better then one]]
'''Azhag the Slaughterer''' is one of the most famous [[Orc]] [[Warboss|Warbosses]] in the history of [[Warhammer Fantasy]], as he lead his massive [[WAAAGH]]! of [[Orcs & Goblins]] to nearly defeat the [[The_Empire_(Warhammer_Fantasy)|Empire]], thanks to the wisdom and sorcerous might he gained due to wearing the haunted crown of [[Nagash]].

==Finding the Crown==
'''Azhag the Slaughterer''' got this freaky piece of jewellery in his college years as a minor Warboss in Troll Country where, after having his ass handed to him by a band of Chaos Warriors, he and his mob ran away into the ruins of Todtheim where they end up fighting a big-ass multi-headed troll. During the fight, a mysterious voice started giving Azhag tips on how to beat the troll. After he won the fight, he followed the voice to the troll's little treasure stash and found a fancy little crown. Which Azhag, in all of his orcish wisdom, put on his head.

Now this wasn't any little crown, but the crown of [[Nagash]] himself; yes, the Bone Daddy bastard who created necromancy and destroyed Nehekhara.

Now, rather than most living being where, upon having a voice suddenly appear in your head saying "Hey bro! Want some help getting out of these ruins", they would throw said crown as far away as possible, all the time going "nope nope nope nope nope nuh-uh" Azhag just thought, "Sweet! Now there are two voices in my head!" and, following the Crown's directions, promptly waddled his demented green ass out of there. Imagine the movie Venom but with the symbiote screaming "no DON'T bit this dude's face off!" at green Tom Hardy.

Now the crown wanted to be reunited with Nagash, and to this end it tried to control Azhag completely. But though Azhag was simple-minded, he was strong-willed - and wasn't undead - so the crown couldn't control him completely. As a result, the crown decided teamwork was the best option.

==The Slaughterer==
From a time, Azhag continued to build up his warband, due to the general cracking heads and kicking ass tried and tested method used by all orcs. And so Azhag would have lived, WAAAAGHED and died happy and green. But then the totally-not-evil crown started going "Hey, have thought of using 'tactics'?" and, after explaining that they were not delightful little minty sweets, started to educate Azhag that running screaming headfirst at the enemy was not a great idea. And by "educate" we mean the crown proved Orcs are somewhat susceptible to ECT.

And so, with battle tactics above that of a 5-year-old and magical powers on behalf of Totally-not-[[Nagash]]-crown Azhag continued to kurb-stomp the entirety of the orc world, recruiting more orcs to his warband, to the point where he garnered so much respect that, from Red-eye night goblins, Azhag was given a [[Wyvern|MASSIVE WYVERN]], which might have been a trap. You see, standard procedure for Orcs getting a wyvern mount is to steal an egg or a hatchling and train them young, because even "tamed" adult Wyverns will spend half their time trying to eat or throw off the Warboss riding them, so imagine how much less cooperative wild ones are.

But to the surprise of every orc and Goblin, Azhag walked up this this massive lizard, looked it dead in the eyes and (with a little help of not-[[Nagash]]-crown), cowed into submission. He immediately hopped onto its back with the Wyvern suddenly as submissive and tame as a faithful pet, becoming known as "Skullmuncha".

== Waaagh! Azhag ==
Eventually (whether this was the decision of Azhag or the Crown) Azhag decided to follow the paths of his ancestors and shouted to his massive Waaagh <span style='color:green'>'''''"OI BOYZ! OI RECKONS WE SHUD GO KRUMP DESE EMPIRE GITS!"'''''</span><br>And that's what they did.

Now, the Empire was used to WAAAAGHs in the past, the simple fact that Orcs had no plan past "Run screaming towards the guns Zulu style" meant that the orc hordes could be easily out-maneuvered and crushed. So imagine the Empire's surprise when on the field of battle, the Green savages instead used a fairly complex strategies (courtesy of totally-not-Nagash-Crown) to utterly decimate the Empires armies. The crown also gave Azhag a fraction of Nagash's magical ability, which he used in battle, and though his fellow Greenskins disapproved of his "Un-Orcy" magic, they enjoyed the results.

Unfortunately, Azhag's demented jewelry also ended up being his downfall as, despite having a tactical genius as a shiny headband, Azhag was still an orc and so often wanted to just "WAAAAGH WIV DA BOYZ" often to the dismay of the Crown, and the Crown wanted to get back to [[Nagash|the skull it was made to sit on]], so tried to goad Azhag to lead his WAAAGH! towards Nehekhara with mixed results. Still, nothing that a good bit of electric shocks can't do!

So the boyz were often confused at Azhag gurning to fight off the Crown's mental attacks, channeling Dril: [https://twitter.com/dril/status/247222360309121024| Who the fuck is scraeming "USE YOUR BRAIN" inside my head. show yourself, coward. i will never use my brain]. One minute he'd speak with a dry, unnatural voice, the next he'd be back to a proper Orcish growl.

Unfortunately for Azhag, the Crown was like a cat waiting for you to leave your WiP miniatures unattended so it can swipe them off the table. And so, whilst in a particular scrap at the '''Battle of Ostland''', Azhag flew Skullmuncha into the middle of the fight to go krump some of the Knights Panther. The crown was tired of Azhag mucking around with Empire armies, so launched a complex mental battle with Azhag to control him while he was fighting with fully trained knights. Azhag resisted, but the fight left him dazed. As you may expect, the grandmaster of the Knights Panther took advantage of the orc warboss having a mental breakdown in the middle of a battle and quickly cut him down - the other knights lancing Skullmuncha to death for good measure, causing Azhag's waaagh to route from fear and lack of leadership.

== Legacy ==

After the Grand Theogonist saw the crown he demanded that the grandmaster of the Knights Panther hand it over. Despite thinking it would have made a pretty cool trophy, the grandmaster knew better and handed the crown over to the Grand Theogonist who promptly threw the Crown into the deepest vault in the Temple of Sigmar, where it waits to this day, twiddling its non-existent thumbs waiting for papa-[[Nagash]] to save it or just have some moron go "Ooh Shiny!"

In the introduction to Sigmar's blood, [[Mannfred von Carstein]] distracts the Empire special characters by throwing a witch hunter through the window while 3 vargheists break into the vaults and steal the crown. Most secure place in the empire is succeptable to a unit worth less than 150 points.

Yeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh, the crown did go back to Bone Daddy(the necromancer, not our lord and saviour) and it's staying there for the long run. Even in AoS, Nagash still harbours a strong dislike of greenskins so perhaps he thinks of Azhag like his least favourite ex.

[[Category: Warhammer Fantasy]]

[[Category: Orcs & Goblins]]

{{Orc-Gitz}}

Gordrakk

2021-03-12T12:28:45Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:6803:67A0:9F38:54A9: /* About Da Git */

{{AoS-Stub}}

[[File:Gordrakk.jpeg|thumb]]
{{topquote|[[Sigmar|Hammer God]] never understood Gorkamorka, never saw. Gorkamorka wants to fight forever, but the Hammer God doesn’t. Hammer God wants to build walls and towers and castles... But what’s the point of that if you never knock them over? Even the Chaos-things don’t understand. They think the point is to [[End Times|kill everyone]], but then who’d be there to fight? Nobody understands but Ironjawz, because we’re the smartest and the toughest.|Gordrakk, showing everyone that da humiez and da pointy eared gits don't have a monopoly on philosophy.}}

'''Gordrakk''' is the fist of [[Gork]] (no nancyin' about here with [[Mork]]) and essentially the lone iconic character for the [[Orcs & Goblins|Orruks]] (particularly the [[Ironjawz]]). He's also the closest thing to a central leader to Grand Alliance: Destruction as a whole, his army also including [[Gloomspite Gitz|Grots ,Troggoths]], [[Ogor Mawtribes|Ogors]], and [[Sons of Behemat|Gargants]].

==About Da Git==
So this guy's supposed to be the equivalent of [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka|Ghazghkull]] and [[Grimgor Ironhide]] as "that one super-powerful Orc who's supposed to bring about the next great big WAAAGH!" And sure, he's well-equipped with a super-heavy suit of armor and magical axes that were supposedly broken from a legendary axe known as "Worldchoppa".

Gordrakk, though, shines versus the other two on a single factor: he's an actual character. Whereas Grimgor was a borderline mindless brute (one incredibly effective, all said and done.) and Ghazghul is essentially a walking plot point, the fist of Gork has been consistently shown to have fairly deep insights, to be more than "da greenest of dem all!".

"OIH YA FORGOT SUMFINK YA GROT!!!"

Yes what is it?

"OWH DA BOSS BECAME DA BOSS"

Oh, yeah his "origin" story.

So the origins of Gordrakk are unknown, but one tale told by many in the Ironjawz tribe is that, Years ago during the early age of chaos, a powerful chaos warband grew tired of the local greenskins namely the ironjaw tribe, raiding everything that wasn't nailed down, so to counteract this they made a great citadel in order to keep the orks out. When they finished the citadel they witnessed something strange, the local ork tribes started to stand around the entire citadel and do nothing, suddenly a giant green fist smashed the entire citadel flat and killed everyone inside. When the dust cleared there stood a single ork megaboss. This Megaboss being Gordrakk, and as such he also earned his title "The Fist of Gork".

As of late, he’s been working on finding the biggest siege weapon around. Why? Because he thinks [[Sigmar|Hammerboy]]’s gone soft, and wants to lay siege to [[Azyr]] itself. And he succeeded in find that weapon, uncovering the bone of a massive Godbeast and using to make an unstoppable (in theory) battering ram. It’s been stated that he’s going to take it for a test drive on the city of Excelsis, possibly hinting to a new campaign book.

==See Also==
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]], his 40k equivalent.
* [[Grimgor Ironhide]], his fantasy equivalent.

{{AoS-Gitz}}
[[Category:Ironjawz]]
[[Category:Orruk Warclans]]

Tzarina Katarin

2021-03-12T12:22:32Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:6803:67A0:9F38:54A9:

{{Whfb-stub}}
[[Category:Kislev]]
'''Tzarina Katarin Bokha''', The Ice Queen of Kislev, is the ruler of [[Kislev]] and the most powerful [[Ice Witch]].
And for the record... Yes, she is basically Russian Elsa, but existed before Frozen was a thing (Oh the jokes one can make about them), though not the story that inspired Frozen, The Snow Queen.
<gallery>
Katarin 1.jpg
Katarin 2.jpg
Katarin 3.jpg
Katarin 4.webp
Katarin model 1.jpg
Katarin model 2.jpg
Katarin model 3.jpg
Katarin elsa.jpg|Prime example of jokes about Frozen
TheTzarinaApproaches.jpg|Katarin about to make a battlefield a lot colder.
BloodAndIce.jpg|The Tzarina thinks that even the veins of a Bloodthirster can run cold, and she means to prove it.
TotalFrozen3.png|Because of course her reveal in Total Warhammer 3 led to more Frozen jokes
</gallery>

Slaanesh

2021-03-12T11:29:22Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:6803:67A0:9F38:54A9: /* What? Warhammer? */

[[File:Slaanesh_mark.png|center]]
{{awesome}}
{{heresy}}
{{Promotions}}
{{/d/}}
{{sick|The hermaphrodite god/goddess of rape who wants to eat everyone's souls and rape them forever.}}

[[Image:Slaanesh_by_baklaher-d7dvohn.jpg|thumb|500px|right|Slaanesh... tempting you to join a [[rape|party in which you will never forget...]] [[Rule 34|also now in even more NSFW!]]]]

<span style='color:purple;font-size:100%'>'''''PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN!<br> - The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in'''''</span>

{{Topquote|Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.|Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show}}

{{Topquote|To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open.|Anton LaVey}}

{{Topquote|An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.|Charles Baudelaire}}

{{Topquote|Everything is good when it is excessive.|Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade}}

{{Topquote|Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like.|Divine, Pink Flamingoes}}

{{Topquote|OO! KINKY!|Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh}}

==Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition==
[[Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|thumb|500px|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated.] Wait, one whip is held in the hand and the other is held in the...]]
Behold '''Slaanesh''', also known as '''Shaarnor (to [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Elves and some humans]]), Shornaal (to [[Warriors of Chaos|humans and some Elves]]), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Big Tiddy Goth Prince, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert, Creator of Rule 34''', '''the Ultimate Trap''', [[Cornholio the Cultist|'''Tiddycaca''']], '''Never Went to Rehab''', '''Slut4Evar''', '''the one who ruins everything,''' '''the new thing, and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the [[Chaos God]] of [[/d/|perversion, Hentai]], [[Extra Heresy|shamelessness]], [[Furry|excess]], [[Rebecca Black|the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever]], sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting [[heresy]] of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their [[daemonette]]s.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the [[Eldar]], when all their torture, [[rape]], S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the [[Eye of Terror]], killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the [[Cegorach|great clown]] himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into [[Exterminatus|exterminating]] each other just to save one of their own. The [[Dark Eldar]] take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died. However this isn't done ''just'' for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]] and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While [[fluff]] claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel ''Shadowsword'', a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests ''imagine'' themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all ''pleasure'' then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in ''any'' pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person ''could not'' and ''would not'' ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even [[Khorne]], Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in [[Just as Planned]]. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the [[fluff]], it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (''It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all wary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.'')

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo Tim Curry] and/or Tilda Swinton.

==What? Warhammer?==
[[File:Slaanesh Old.jpg|thumb|right|150px|The first depiction of Slaanesh in Warhammer art.]]
In the new [[Age of Sigmar]] setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the [[Horned Rat]]. Derp. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIMg2Xw4_8s While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul], this is revealed to be mostly true, but for elves in general as there is no sign of Aliathra yet.
[[File:AoSBeholdSlaanesh.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)]]

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

The release of the first Daughter of Khaine battletome revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]] - now gods of Hysh, [[Malekith|Malerion]] - god of Ulgu, and [[Morathi]]. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape (in theory). That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the aelf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the elf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh took advantage of it and emitted a stream of saliva (more likely some ''other'' bodily fluid that begins with "S") that gained sentience. The entity followed Morathi out of Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and spoke to Hedonites, becoming the true steward for Slaanesh's throne.

== Followers ==
[[File:Slaanesh Banners.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Slaaneshi banners.]]
Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become [[Chris-Chan|colossal perverts]]; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already [[Ultramarines|colossal perverts]], and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. [[Just as planned]].

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and gives them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the ''best'', gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, [[/v/|that perfect 360 noscope,]] to [[powergamer|hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be]], or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. [[Troll|They also get off on the reactions they get from others]]-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more [[Heresy|literal]] in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from [[AIDS|the obvious]], Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the [[Isha|qt Eldar waifu]] Slaanesh wanted to keep for [[/d/|some]] [[rape|after-party]] [[FATAL|entertainment]], but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. <s>But they're mostly over that</s> Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

[[File:Slaaneshi Forces.JPG|thumb|right|500px|Slaaneshi forces in their realm.]]

Slaanesh units are:
* '''[[Daemonettes]]''', hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use [[Raging Heroes|proxies]] randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
* '''[[Seekers of Slaanesh]]''', Daemonettes mounted upon [[Steeds of Slaanesh]] which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor [[dinosaur]]; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
* '''[[Fiends of Slaanesh]]''', large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
* '''[[Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky [[tarpit]] removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least [[Distraction Carnifex|target mitigation]] to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded [[Tau|fire warriors]] or some [[High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Spearmen]] can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
* '''[[Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh]]''', what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally [[/d/|dripping]] with excitement at being in battle.
* '''[[Keepers Of Secrets]]''', Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
* '''[[Daemon Prince]]''', a human (with [[Dechala|one Elf]] as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

=== 40k ===
* '''[[Chaos Space Marines]]''', the traitor marines of the [[Emperor's Children|third legion]] worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
** '''[[Noise Marines]]''', the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's [[Berserkers]], Nurgle's [[Plague Marines]] or Tzeentch's [[Thousand Sons]]. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using [[Sonic Weaponry]] because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berghain Can be found IRL also.]

=== Fantasy ===
* '''[[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Druchii]]''': The Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the [[Cult Of Slaanesh|Cult Of Pleasure]]. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen [[Morathi]] being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her [[Malekith|son]] and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of [[Khaine]], Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept [[Harpies|her own]] as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of [[Atharti]], [[Hekarti]], and [[Ereth Khial]], three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.
* '''[[Warriors of Chaos]]''': Not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the [[Warp Gates]] they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
* '''[[Beastmen]]''': Rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
*'''Hellstriders''': Warriors of Chaos mounted upon Seeker mounts. Unlike most Chaos Gods, who give daemonic mounts as rewards for their best followers, Slaanesh (or Keepers of Secrets in Age of Sigmar given Slaanesh's imprisonment) gives out Seekers to the weak-willed and lazy looking for a quick path to power. Those who fall for this trap find that although they gain power, they also gain a crippling addiction to the souls of their enemies that quickly results in them losing all pleasure outside of killing. If a Hellstrider is unable to kill, they will quite literally die from withdrawal.

=== [[Age of Sigmar]] ===
* '''Lord of Pain''': BDSM-freak Chaos Lords who are obsessed with giving and receiving pain. Not only does their high pain tolerance make them almost Nurgle-level tough, but they can even reflect their pain back to their enemies.
* '''Shardspeaker of Slaanesh''': Slaaneshi sorcerers who use their magical mirrors to force their enemies to submit to their most shameful hidden desires.
* '''Myrmidesh Painbringers''': The warrior elite of the Hedonites. Myrmidesh Painbringers are unusually chosen for their ability to withstand temptation, denying all carnal pleasures for a single minded focus on perfecting combat and ensuring their enemies die in the most beautiful and painful ways possible.
* '''Symbaresh Twinsouls''': Trying to be a disciplined aescetic warrior while being surrounded by perverted freaks is hard. So it isn't suprising that some Myrmidesh find themselves unable to keep up their eternal No-Nut November and fall off the deep end, allowing their souls to be possessed by daemons. Expectedly, this fusing of daemon and mortal blood makes the Twinsouls a favored unit of [[Syll'Esske]].
* '''Blissbarb Archers''': The dregs of Hedonite warbands excluded from the rush of melee combat. They coat their arrows in the eponymous Blissbarb poison that’s one part aphrodisiac and another part paralyzing agent.
* '''Blissbarb Seekers''': When the aforementioned Archer gets their first taste of steel cutting their skin (and lives to tell about it), they’re likely to become addicted to this feeling and seek to claim a Seeker as their mount in order to chase after this exquisite sensation.
* '''Slickblade Seekers''': Elite Hellstriders with a nasty jealous streak against anyone who dares to steal the killing blow from them. They ride on the unique Exalted Seeker of Slaanesh rather than the stock variant.
* '''Slaangor Fiendbloods''': [[Slaangor]]s are back baby! The shock troopers of the Hedonite hosts, they are venerated by other Slaaneshi followers as physical avatars of the Dark Prince.

==Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k==
With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the [[War in Heaven]]? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, [[Drug|drugs]] and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: [[/d/|Lust]], [[RAGE|Wrath]], [[Blood Ravens|Greed]], [[Perturabo|Envy]], [[Giles|Gluttony]], [[Lazy Marines|Sloth]] and [[Cato Sicarius|Pride]] all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in [[Age of Sigmar]] no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

==The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh==

(AKA [[Kaldor Draigo]] becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

== Facts ==
[[File:Nope.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Alright, who's next for "Purifying"?]]
* Though Khorne stans and /tg/ will deny it, Slaanesh is secretly the strongest chaos god.
* [[Ynnead]] is secretly Slaanesh
*[[Sanguinius]] is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-{{BLAM}}
* Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
* Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
** Slaanesh is dyslexic.
***Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
* The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman''(ayyyyy)''
* Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the [[Emperor's Children]] paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
**However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still <s>pissed off of not getting enough representation</s> OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
* Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards [[Nurgle]]. But just like [[Fulgrim]] his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
* Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
* If it exists, [[PROMOTIONS|Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it]].
* Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. [[C.S.Goto|And this pleases them.]]
* Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a [[PROMOTIONS|positive]] and [[RAGE|negative]] sense.)
** Also, Nurgle has ''all'' the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
* Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods. He/she lets them do it, and could probably beat them if they tried.
* Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
* Khorne [[Rip and Tear|regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms]] and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm, which is why she/he ''lets'' Khorne does it).
* Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
** Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
* Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
* Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
** Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... <strike>That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.</strike> Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
** A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
** Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
** A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. '''BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!!''' Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbRSag-L-GQ Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!].
** The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
** Legend: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3J91bPrW9A Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh].
** Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and [[FATAL|you don't want to know what the woman does with it]]).
** Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
** Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
** High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
** Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
** The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
* Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
* Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
* Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
* Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
* Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
* Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
* Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really [[cheese|cheesy]] ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
*Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
** Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
*Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
* As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
* Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
** Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
**Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
** Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
**Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
*Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
*Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking. <br/> '''{{Blam|DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!}}'''
**Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
*[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.]]
* [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed]]
* Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
**However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, <s>apart from</s> including Nurgle, <s>who would simply hug his</s> whose female double <s>and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.</s> would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
*Slaanesh is the patron <s>god</s> <s>goddess</s> deity of bonobos (look them up).
*Slaanesh's ''only'' criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
* Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

== Gallery ==
{{heresy}}
{{promotions}}
{{/d/}}
<gallery>
Klaher-baklaher-slanesh.jpg
Image:Slaaneshfaggot.jpeg|A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Image:Slaaneshi.JPG|Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|That's a real [[commissar]], just look at the [[hat]].
Image:Daemonette02.JPG|DDaemonette
Image:Daemonette01.JPG|It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.

Image:Daemonette.JPG
Image:Slaaneshi2.JPG|Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Image:Daemonxmas copy.jpg|Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Image:Lurvemudkipz.JPG|Evidence that it is possible that some [[pokémon]] are susceptible to Chaotic influence.

Image:Slaaneshi mudkips.JPG|Oh god. ;_;
Image:Slaanesh trainer.jpg|There is no excuse or explanation for this.
Image:Slaaneshijack copy.jpg|This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Image:Irresistible.jpg|Simply Irresistible

Image:Dranon5.jpg|Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Image:Not_too_abysmal_by_Mr_Culexus.jpg|Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
Image:1271157389405.jpg|What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Image:daemonette_minerva.png|Who else did you think furries worshiped?

Image:Slaanesh_LAWL.jpg|LAWL
Image:Trapmarine.jpg|Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
Image:Trapmarine_BW.jpg|... which may not be so "little".
Image:Daemonette_with_seeker_mount.jpg|She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.

Image:643214 - Daemonette Eldar Warhammer 40k howling banshee warhammer yuliapw.jpg|The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Image:Slaanesh cosplay 1 by zk87-d2zo47q.jpg|Now 262.71% more real!
Image:Slaanesh Time.jpg|You might be mixing up love and lust.
Image:Slaanesh_miniature_closeup.jpg|Gimme some sugar

Image:Slaanesh+hr giger.jpg|H. R. Geiger is pleased
Image:Slaanesh by zk87-d2z4bpv.jpg|Lashes of Torment!
Image:Slaanesh-153102-SweetAngel.jpg|She Who Thirsts indeed
Image:Khorne-and-Slaanesh.jpg|Khorne is sooo tsundere...
Image:Slaanesh by genzoman-d2y8ylf.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2qT7GylRxw And to think... I hesitated]

Image:Dark_Prince_of_Pleasure_Slaanesh_wfrp.jpg|From the old [[WFRP]] days
Image:MoeSlaanesh.png|How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly <s>adorable</s> heretical?
Image:1419021850273.jpg|Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Image:Anons_fall_to_Chaos.png|Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
Image:Champion of Slaanesh RL.png| We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
Image:HereticalUseOfChainswords.gif| When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Image:Cultist-chan24.jpg|Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Image:Wildslaanesh.png|Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Image:Slaanesh-sorcerer.jpeg|Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.
</gallery>

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

==See Also==
*[[Azazel]] - The oldest existing [[Daemon Prince]] of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[Shalaxi Helbane]] Slaanesh main [[Keeper of Secrets]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]] and [[Age Of Sigmar]].
*[[Dechala]] - The oldest existing Chaos Champion special character of Slaanesh in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]].
*[[The Masque]] - Slaanesh's former fav fab Daemonette stripper, and current PR rep.
*[[Sigvald]], Slaanesh's favorite not-Caligula/not-Joffrey.
*The [[Emperor's Children]] legion - The largest contingent of sick fucks on this side of the warp. And on that side of the warp.
*[[Fulgrim]] - Primarch of the largest contingent of sick fucks ever.
*[[Fabius Bile|Fabulous Bile]] - What you get by combining a self-obsessed homosexual and Dr. Frankenstein, only this one is played by geriatric [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane_%28wrestler%29 Glenn Jacobs] instead of young Tim Curry.
*[[Lucius]] - Considered by some as the Sickest of Fucks amongst the living.
*[[Doomrider]] - He does COCAINE!
*[[Miriael Sabathiel]] - The most infamous [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] to fall to Slaanesh. Commonly mistaken as the ''only'' Chaos Sister of Battle by people who haven't read [[Ephrael Stern|Daemonifuge]]. Last seen hunting Eldar to give them [[Rape|hugs]].
*[[Codex - Fallen Sororitas]] - An entire homebrew army of Slaaneshi Sisters of Battle.
*[[Daemonette]] - Daemons of Slaanesh. Viewing said content is heretical, in 20 seconds or less after clicking the link, expect a squad of inquisitorial storm troopers to barge-in and blam you to hell.
*[[Reasonable Daemonette]] - Slaanesh's perversion knows no bounds. Hers does, and she respects yours.
*[[Loli D]] - The [[loli]] variant of the Slaaneshi Daemonette. Viewing said content is [[Extra Heresy|extra heretical]]. E-Commissars can and will [[Exterminatus|blam you from your monitor with the utmost prejudice]] if you click on this link.
*[http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf Slaanesh's Sacrifice] - Some Slaaneshi writefaggotry for the more heretical among you.
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRPIsrxUc_E Rick and Morty's visit to the Realm of Slaanesh]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-gHgcmFB6Q Slaanesh's visit to the Realm of Rick and Morty]
*[https://pastebin.com/5QZMB7nH Excessively Vanilla] - AKA the '''one''' time Slaanesh goes full-on vanilla, including actual marriage, handholding, and under the cover missionary sex for the sole purpose of procreation
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[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Age of Sigmar]][[Category:Hedonites of Slaanesh]]