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Vikings

2021-08-28T06:05:31Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* In Modern Fiction */

{{Topquote|It was not as if we'd stayed home and wasted our lives drinking wine with pretty girls.|A recurring motif in the Lay of Kraka}}
[[Image:VikingShip.jpg|500px|thumb|right|A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o' [[rape]] (literally) back in the day.]]
'''Vikings''' were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, which at the time was unheard of among the peoples of Europe. Probably because they had to have about two dozen dudes on a small boat for a long time, so you would regularly bathe if you didn't want to be [[That Guy]]. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy (deriving its name from the French word for Vikings, meaning Northmen), the northern part of France to duke Rollo. One of his descendents by the name of William (the Conqueror) ended up with a claim to the throne of a place populated with Anglo-Saxons named Anglo-land (later known as England), and ultimately became its king. So in other words, in an attempt to stop Viking raids, France ended up creating what became their arch-enemy for 800 years, making it one of the biggest cases of [[not as planned]] in history.

[[file:Movie_game_viking_vs_historical_viking.png|400px|thumb|right|Only equalled by the [[Ninja]] in this regard]]
Unlike popular belief, they did not wear horned helmets. This is for the practical reason that a big horned helmet might catch a sword unintentionally, which is all sorts of bad for the wearer; horned helmets were used on occasion, but only for ceremony. The ol' "horn-headed people eater" image was popularized during the 1800s. In general actually, historical Vikings don't have much in common with their pop-culture image aside from longships and fondness for raiding, as the pop-culture image tends to be that of a barbaric dirty warrior carrying unwieldy weapons and wearing stinky fur and leather clothes when in reality, Vikings appreciated hygiene as mentioned above, groomed their beards and had clean clothes, making them in many ways more civilized than rest of Europe at the time. Their weapons consisted mostly of simple spears, bearded axes and dane axes and of course the trusty round shield. While most Vikings had helmets, few had swords or armor as they were very expensive at the time. The pop-culture image of dirty barbarians derives mostly from the fact that history comes mostly from the writings of the Anglo-Saxons and the French, as in, those who were raided by the Vikings so naturally they didn't have particularly good or unbiased image of them.

As a final note "Viking" is not a noun, but a verb. Proper usage would be something like "Hey Olaf, I'm bored and need some spending money, want to go viking?" (The noun form would be ''víkingr'', a person who goes ''viking''). The people who went Viking were known as Norse.

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead. The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, [http://www.badassoftheweek.com/turgeis.html for a good reason]. During their raiding parties, they would kill, enslave and/or rape the non-Viking people they encountered. Afterwards the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' that wasn't nailed down.]] If it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd ''burn'' it. If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it! And remember, they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves.

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard.

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. Here are some of them (Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories [[Skub|assuming they survived unchanged before this]] (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed) and even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.

==In Modern Fiction==
Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to [[dwarves]], but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for [[axe]]s and could use anything, [[Dwarf Fortress|including body parts and broken furniture]], as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that [[Toothless Dragon|rode Dragons]] even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with [[barbarian]]s either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. [[Warriors of Chaos|Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos]] and becoming [[Space Wolves|werewolf supersoldiers]].

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich. It is about the saga of Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons; Bjorn Ironside, Ivar the Boneless, Sigurd Snake-eye, Halfdan, Hvitserk, and Ubbe, as well as the tales of Duke Rollo of Normandy, King Harald Fairhair, and Alfred the Great of Wessex. On a side note, most stories and documentaries about real-life Vikings demonize either the Norse or the Saxons at the very least (the aforementioned TV show zig-zags between them); which side gets demonized '''will''' depend on how the writers feel about the Saxons or Christianity.

==Viking Longships==

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships (or LongBOAT if you're not [[skub|American]]). Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans. One thing that helped made the Longships such a gamechanger was that the vikings worked out that properly curing and drying out timbers it made it stronger and more resistant to being eaten at sea by nematodes and similar grody things. Another thing is that the ship didn't go much under water, which allowed it to be used in almost any river. This led to things such as a fleet of 120 ships and 5000 men suddenly appearing in the middle of Paris in 845. It was also possible to bring the mast down for increased aerodynamics and decreased risk of detection when the ship was moved by rowing.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though. One of them (Oleg, the prince of Kievan Russ) even mounted his longships on wheels to quickly move them into Constantinople harbor, bypassing the defensive chain pulled across the path (which possibly inspired the Ottoman sultan Mehmed II when he used a similar trick to help him capture Constantinople).

Their Longships also had an [[derp|early warning system]] so that people could tell wether they were going to fuck them up or not. It's to do with the shields:
If the Shields were on the outside of their Longships, then they were coming to trade goods.
If the Shields were not on the outside of their Longships, then they were going to use them in battle, and you should run for the hills (if you get that far...)

==Viking Berserkers==
There's lot of bullshit about these guys on the internet and in general beliefs. Hell, the word itself had became the synonym of uncontrollable rage in many languages. The truth, however, is quite boring - berserkers (which comes from the Old Norse for "bear hide", as it was their signature piece of clothes they wore above armor, or sometimes instead of it) were equivalents of champions in the Norse culture with a pitch of warrior-priest flavor added - i.e. the guys who fought in duels on behalf of the tribe or some wealthy noble. And Norse culture had a fuckton of things settled with duels. As best of the best professional warriors among already brutally strong vikings they kicked all kinds of asses, and were rightfully feared for their skill and bravery. As you may guess, they where quite rare, so no "hordes" or even "squads" of berserkers for you - at best you'd have two or three per raid, and most often only one. As for uncontrollable rage... well, sagas mention a total of ZERO berserkers going into what we now call "[[Khorne|berserker]] rage" - there are mentions of jarls and ordinary warriors going to battle biting shields, foaming with mad anger and killing friend and foe alike, but never berserkers. WRONG:

{{topquote|-And as the foemen's ships drew near, The dreadful din you well might hear Savage berserks roaring mad, And champions fierce in wolf-skins clad, Howling like wolves; and clanking jar.|Harald Fairhair Saga ch 19.}}
Mushroom brew painkiller that allow to fight despite heavy or even fatal wounds likewise weren't their exclusive, although proper brew (that wouldn't ruin your liver, therefore sentencing you to a lame death in your bed if you survive the battle) was quite expensive, and berserkers, as pretty much second-in-command of jarls were among those wealthy enough to afford it.

==D&D==
{{dnd-stub}}

==Pathfinder==
===1e===
Viking is a [[Fighter]] archetype from ''People of the North'', that was reprinted with small changes that buff it in ''Ultimate Wilderness''. In exchange for heavy armor, and weapon training it gives the ability to rage like a [[Barbarian]] and take rage powers in place of feats. It also replaces armor training with some bonuses to using a shield. It's not a ''terrible'' archetype, but suffers from the fact that rage+shield lacks synergy as a fighting style, weapon training being the source of most fighter support, and the question of "why don't you just play a Barbarian when you've given up everything that makes Fighter competitive with Barbarian?" having few good answers, so it winds up a suboptimal archetype.

===2e===
{{dnd-stub}}
An archetype that any class can take if you want to be a melee guy that knows some things about sailing and moving through water. You learn how to best use a shield, not be slow by wet terrain, in addition, to throw things while Running. Works well as an early investment in a sailing campaign where your often fighting in the ocean surf or in a swamp, while also dipping into additional weapon proficencys and shields usage in the same tree.

{{Pathfinder-2nd-Edition-Archetypes}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Elspeth_and_Vikings.png|When [[Elspeth Tirel]] needs backup, these are the people she calls.
Image:WarbandViking.jpg| JEG SKALL DRIKKE FRA HODESKALLEN DIN!!!.
Image:Lego_Viking_ship.jpg|Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Pirate]]
*[[The Poetic Edda]]
[[Category:History]]

Vikings

2021-08-28T06:02:37Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* Norse Mythology */

{{Topquote|It was not as if we'd stayed home and wasted our lives drinking wine with pretty girls.|A recurring motif in the Lay of Kraka}}
[[Image:VikingShip.jpg|500px|thumb|right|A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o' [[rape]] (literally) back in the day.]]
'''Vikings''' were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, which at the time was unheard of among the peoples of Europe. Probably because they had to have about two dozen dudes on a small boat for a long time, so you would regularly bathe if you didn't want to be [[That Guy]]. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy (deriving its name from the French word for Vikings, meaning Northmen), the northern part of France to duke Rollo. One of his descendents by the name of William (the Conqueror) ended up with a claim to the throne of a place populated with Anglo-Saxons named Anglo-land (later known as England), and ultimately became its king. So in other words, in an attempt to stop Viking raids, France ended up creating what became their arch-enemy for 800 years, making it one of the biggest cases of [[not as planned]] in history.

[[file:Movie_game_viking_vs_historical_viking.png|400px|thumb|right|Only equalled by the [[Ninja]] in this regard]]
Unlike popular belief, they did not wear horned helmets. This is for the practical reason that a big horned helmet might catch a sword unintentionally, which is all sorts of bad for the wearer; horned helmets were used on occasion, but only for ceremony. The ol' "horn-headed people eater" image was popularized during the 1800s. In general actually, historical Vikings don't have much in common with their pop-culture image aside from longships and fondness for raiding, as the pop-culture image tends to be that of a barbaric dirty warrior carrying unwieldy weapons and wearing stinky fur and leather clothes when in reality, Vikings appreciated hygiene as mentioned above, groomed their beards and had clean clothes, making them in many ways more civilized than rest of Europe at the time. Their weapons consisted mostly of simple spears, bearded axes and dane axes and of course the trusty round shield. While most Vikings had helmets, few had swords or armor as they were very expensive at the time. The pop-culture image of dirty barbarians derives mostly from the fact that history comes mostly from the writings of the Anglo-Saxons and the French, as in, those who were raided by the Vikings so naturally they didn't have particularly good or unbiased image of them.

As a final note "Viking" is not a noun, but a verb. Proper usage would be something like "Hey Olaf, I'm bored and need some spending money, want to go viking?" (The noun form would be ''víkingr'', a person who goes ''viking''). The people who went Viking were known as Norse.

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead. The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, [http://www.badassoftheweek.com/turgeis.html for a good reason]. During their raiding parties, they would kill, enslave and/or rape the non-Viking people they encountered. Afterwards the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' that wasn't nailed down.]] If it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd ''burn'' it. If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it! And remember, they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves.

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard.

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. Here are some of them (Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories [[Skub|assuming they survived unchanged before this]] (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed) and even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.

==In Modern Fiction==
Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to [[dwarves]], but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for [[axe]]s and could use anything, [[Dwarf Fortress|including body parts and broken furniture]], as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that [[Toothless Dragon|rode Dragons]] even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with [[barbarian]]s either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. [[Warriors of Chaos|Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos]] and becoming [[Space Wolves|werewolf supersoldiers]].

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich. It is about the saga of Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons; Bjorn Ironside, Ivar the Boneless, Sigurd Snake-eye, Halfdan, Hvitserk, and Ubbe, as well as the tales of Duke Rollo of Normandy, King Harald Fairhair, and Alfred the Great of Wessex. On a side note, in most stories and documentaries about real-life Vikings, you '''will''' see either the Norse or the Saxons get demonized (the aforementioned TV show zig-zags between them), with the chosen side depending on how the writers feel about the Saxons or Christianity.

==Viking Longships==

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships (or LongBOAT if you're not [[skub|American]]). Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans. One thing that helped made the Longships such a gamechanger was that the vikings worked out that properly curing and drying out timbers it made it stronger and more resistant to being eaten at sea by nematodes and similar grody things. Another thing is that the ship didn't go much under water, which allowed it to be used in almost any river. This led to things such as a fleet of 120 ships and 5000 men suddenly appearing in the middle of Paris in 845. It was also possible to bring the mast down for increased aerodynamics and decreased risk of detection when the ship was moved by rowing.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though. One of them (Oleg, the prince of Kievan Russ) even mounted his longships on wheels to quickly move them into Constantinople harbor, bypassing the defensive chain pulled across the path (which possibly inspired the Ottoman sultan Mehmed II when he used a similar trick to help him capture Constantinople).

Their Longships also had an [[derp|early warning system]] so that people could tell wether they were going to fuck them up or not. It's to do with the shields:
If the Shields were on the outside of their Longships, then they were coming to trade goods.
If the Shields were not on the outside of their Longships, then they were going to use them in battle, and you should run for the hills (if you get that far...)

==Viking Berserkers==
There's lot of bullshit about these guys on the internet and in general beliefs. Hell, the word itself had became the synonym of uncontrollable rage in many languages. The truth, however, is quite boring - berserkers (which comes from the Old Norse for "bear hide", as it was their signature piece of clothes they wore above armor, or sometimes instead of it) were equivalents of champions in the Norse culture with a pitch of warrior-priest flavor added - i.e. the guys who fought in duels on behalf of the tribe or some wealthy noble. And Norse culture had a fuckton of things settled with duels. As best of the best professional warriors among already brutally strong vikings they kicked all kinds of asses, and were rightfully feared for their skill and bravery. As you may guess, they where quite rare, so no "hordes" or even "squads" of berserkers for you - at best you'd have two or three per raid, and most often only one. As for uncontrollable rage... well, sagas mention a total of ZERO berserkers going into what we now call "[[Khorne|berserker]] rage" - there are mentions of jarls and ordinary warriors going to battle biting shields, foaming with mad anger and killing friend and foe alike, but never berserkers. WRONG:

{{topquote|-And as the foemen's ships drew near, The dreadful din you well might hear Savage berserks roaring mad, And champions fierce in wolf-skins clad, Howling like wolves; and clanking jar.|Harald Fairhair Saga ch 19.}}
Mushroom brew painkiller that allow to fight despite heavy or even fatal wounds likewise weren't their exclusive, although proper brew (that wouldn't ruin your liver, therefore sentencing you to a lame death in your bed if you survive the battle) was quite expensive, and berserkers, as pretty much second-in-command of jarls were among those wealthy enough to afford it.

==D&D==
{{dnd-stub}}

==Pathfinder==
===1e===
Viking is a [[Fighter]] archetype from ''People of the North'', that was reprinted with small changes that buff it in ''Ultimate Wilderness''. In exchange for heavy armor, and weapon training it gives the ability to rage like a [[Barbarian]] and take rage powers in place of feats. It also replaces armor training with some bonuses to using a shield. It's not a ''terrible'' archetype, but suffers from the fact that rage+shield lacks synergy as a fighting style, weapon training being the source of most fighter support, and the question of "why don't you just play a Barbarian when you've given up everything that makes Fighter competitive with Barbarian?" having few good answers, so it winds up a suboptimal archetype.

===2e===
{{dnd-stub}}
An archetype that any class can take if you want to be a melee guy that knows some things about sailing and moving through water. You learn how to best use a shield, not be slow by wet terrain, in addition, to throw things while Running. Works well as an early investment in a sailing campaign where your often fighting in the ocean surf or in a swamp, while also dipping into additional weapon proficencys and shields usage in the same tree.

{{Pathfinder-2nd-Edition-Archetypes}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Elspeth_and_Vikings.png|When [[Elspeth Tirel]] needs backup, these are the people she calls.
Image:WarbandViking.jpg| JEG SKALL DRIKKE FRA HODESKALLEN DIN!!!.
Image:Lego_Viking_ship.jpg|Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Pirate]]
*[[The Poetic Edda]]
[[Category:History]]

Vikings

2021-08-28T06:01:36Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* In Modern Fiction */

{{Topquote|It was not as if we'd stayed home and wasted our lives drinking wine with pretty girls.|A recurring motif in the Lay of Kraka}}
[[Image:VikingShip.jpg|500px|thumb|right|A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o' [[rape]] (literally) back in the day.]]
'''Vikings''' were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, which at the time was unheard of among the peoples of Europe. Probably because they had to have about two dozen dudes on a small boat for a long time, so you would regularly bathe if you didn't want to be [[That Guy]]. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy (deriving its name from the French word for Vikings, meaning Northmen), the northern part of France to duke Rollo. One of his descendents by the name of William (the Conqueror) ended up with a claim to the throne of a place populated with Anglo-Saxons named Anglo-land (later known as England), and ultimately became its king. So in other words, in an attempt to stop Viking raids, France ended up creating what became their arch-enemy for 800 years, making it one of the biggest cases of [[not as planned]] in history.

[[file:Movie_game_viking_vs_historical_viking.png|400px|thumb|right|Only equalled by the [[Ninja]] in this regard]]
Unlike popular belief, they did not wear horned helmets. This is for the practical reason that a big horned helmet might catch a sword unintentionally, which is all sorts of bad for the wearer; horned helmets were used on occasion, but only for ceremony. The ol' "horn-headed people eater" image was popularized during the 1800s. In general actually, historical Vikings don't have much in common with their pop-culture image aside from longships and fondness for raiding, as the pop-culture image tends to be that of a barbaric dirty warrior carrying unwieldy weapons and wearing stinky fur and leather clothes when in reality, Vikings appreciated hygiene as mentioned above, groomed their beards and had clean clothes, making them in many ways more civilized than rest of Europe at the time. Their weapons consisted mostly of simple spears, bearded axes and dane axes and of course the trusty round shield. While most Vikings had helmets, few had swords or armor as they were very expensive at the time. The pop-culture image of dirty barbarians derives mostly from the fact that history comes mostly from the writings of the Anglo-Saxons and the French, as in, those who were raided by the Vikings so naturally they didn't have particularly good or unbiased image of them.

As a final note "Viking" is not a noun, but a verb. Proper usage would be something like "Hey Olaf, I'm bored and need some spending money, want to go viking?" (The noun form would be ''víkingr'', a person who goes ''viking''). The people who went Viking were known as Norse.

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead. The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, [http://www.badassoftheweek.com/turgeis.html for a good reason]. During their raiding parties, they would kill, enslave and/or rape the non-Viking people they encountered. Afterwards the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' that wasn't nailed down.]] If it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd ''burn'' it. If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it! And remember, they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves.

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard.

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. Here are some of them (Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories [[Skub|assuming they survived unchanged with only paintings and word of mouth to preserve them]] (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed) and even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.

==In Modern Fiction==
Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to [[dwarves]], but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for [[axe]]s and could use anything, [[Dwarf Fortress|including body parts and broken furniture]], as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that [[Toothless Dragon|rode Dragons]] even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with [[barbarian]]s either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. [[Warriors of Chaos|Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos]] and becoming [[Space Wolves|werewolf supersoldiers]].

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich. It is about the saga of Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons; Bjorn Ironside, Ivar the Boneless, Sigurd Snake-eye, Halfdan, Hvitserk, and Ubbe, as well as the tales of Duke Rollo of Normandy, King Harald Fairhair, and Alfred the Great of Wessex. On a side note, in most stories and documentaries about real-life Vikings, you '''will''' see either the Norse or the Saxons get demonized (the aforementioned TV show zig-zags between them), with the chosen side depending on how the writers feel about the Saxons or Christianity.

==Viking Longships==

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships (or LongBOAT if you're not [[skub|American]]). Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans. One thing that helped made the Longships such a gamechanger was that the vikings worked out that properly curing and drying out timbers it made it stronger and more resistant to being eaten at sea by nematodes and similar grody things. Another thing is that the ship didn't go much under water, which allowed it to be used in almost any river. This led to things such as a fleet of 120 ships and 5000 men suddenly appearing in the middle of Paris in 845. It was also possible to bring the mast down for increased aerodynamics and decreased risk of detection when the ship was moved by rowing.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though. One of them (Oleg, the prince of Kievan Russ) even mounted his longships on wheels to quickly move them into Constantinople harbor, bypassing the defensive chain pulled across the path (which possibly inspired the Ottoman sultan Mehmed II when he used a similar trick to help him capture Constantinople).

Their Longships also had an [[derp|early warning system]] so that people could tell wether they were going to fuck them up or not. It's to do with the shields:
If the Shields were on the outside of their Longships, then they were coming to trade goods.
If the Shields were not on the outside of their Longships, then they were going to use them in battle, and you should run for the hills (if you get that far...)

==Viking Berserkers==
There's lot of bullshit about these guys on the internet and in general beliefs. Hell, the word itself had became the synonym of uncontrollable rage in many languages. The truth, however, is quite boring - berserkers (which comes from the Old Norse for "bear hide", as it was their signature piece of clothes they wore above armor, or sometimes instead of it) were equivalents of champions in the Norse culture with a pitch of warrior-priest flavor added - i.e. the guys who fought in duels on behalf of the tribe or some wealthy noble. And Norse culture had a fuckton of things settled with duels. As best of the best professional warriors among already brutally strong vikings they kicked all kinds of asses, and were rightfully feared for their skill and bravery. As you may guess, they where quite rare, so no "hordes" or even "squads" of berserkers for you - at best you'd have two or three per raid, and most often only one. As for uncontrollable rage... well, sagas mention a total of ZERO berserkers going into what we now call "[[Khorne|berserker]] rage" - there are mentions of jarls and ordinary warriors going to battle biting shields, foaming with mad anger and killing friend and foe alike, but never berserkers. WRONG:

{{topquote|-And as the foemen's ships drew near, The dreadful din you well might hear Savage berserks roaring mad, And champions fierce in wolf-skins clad, Howling like wolves; and clanking jar.|Harald Fairhair Saga ch 19.}}
Mushroom brew painkiller that allow to fight despite heavy or even fatal wounds likewise weren't their exclusive, although proper brew (that wouldn't ruin your liver, therefore sentencing you to a lame death in your bed if you survive the battle) was quite expensive, and berserkers, as pretty much second-in-command of jarls were among those wealthy enough to afford it.

==D&D==
{{dnd-stub}}

==Pathfinder==
===1e===
Viking is a [[Fighter]] archetype from ''People of the North'', that was reprinted with small changes that buff it in ''Ultimate Wilderness''. In exchange for heavy armor, and weapon training it gives the ability to rage like a [[Barbarian]] and take rage powers in place of feats. It also replaces armor training with some bonuses to using a shield. It's not a ''terrible'' archetype, but suffers from the fact that rage+shield lacks synergy as a fighting style, weapon training being the source of most fighter support, and the question of "why don't you just play a Barbarian when you've given up everything that makes Fighter competitive with Barbarian?" having few good answers, so it winds up a suboptimal archetype.

===2e===
{{dnd-stub}}
An archetype that any class can take if you want to be a melee guy that knows some things about sailing and moving through water. You learn how to best use a shield, not be slow by wet terrain, in addition, to throw things while Running. Works well as an early investment in a sailing campaign where your often fighting in the ocean surf or in a swamp, while also dipping into additional weapon proficencys and shields usage in the same tree.

{{Pathfinder-2nd-Edition-Archetypes}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Elspeth_and_Vikings.png|When [[Elspeth Tirel]] needs backup, these are the people she calls.
Image:WarbandViking.jpg| JEG SKALL DRIKKE FRA HODESKALLEN DIN!!!.
Image:Lego_Viking_ship.jpg|Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Pirate]]
*[[The Poetic Edda]]
[[Category:History]]

Vikings

2021-08-28T05:57:24Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* Norse Mythology */

{{Topquote|It was not as if we'd stayed home and wasted our lives drinking wine with pretty girls.|A recurring motif in the Lay of Kraka}}
[[Image:VikingShip.jpg|500px|thumb|right|A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o' [[rape]] (literally) back in the day.]]
'''Vikings''' were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, which at the time was unheard of among the peoples of Europe. Probably because they had to have about two dozen dudes on a small boat for a long time, so you would regularly bathe if you didn't want to be [[That Guy]]. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy (deriving its name from the French word for Vikings, meaning Northmen), the northern part of France to duke Rollo. One of his descendents by the name of William (the Conqueror) ended up with a claim to the throne of a place populated with Anglo-Saxons named Anglo-land (later known as England), and ultimately became its king. So in other words, in an attempt to stop Viking raids, France ended up creating what became their arch-enemy for 800 years, making it one of the biggest cases of [[not as planned]] in history.

[[file:Movie_game_viking_vs_historical_viking.png|400px|thumb|right|Only equalled by the [[Ninja]] in this regard]]
Unlike popular belief, they did not wear horned helmets. This is for the practical reason that a big horned helmet might catch a sword unintentionally, which is all sorts of bad for the wearer; horned helmets were used on occasion, but only for ceremony. The ol' "horn-headed people eater" image was popularized during the 1800s. In general actually, historical Vikings don't have much in common with their pop-culture image aside from longships and fondness for raiding, as the pop-culture image tends to be that of a barbaric dirty warrior carrying unwieldy weapons and wearing stinky fur and leather clothes when in reality, Vikings appreciated hygiene as mentioned above, groomed their beards and had clean clothes, making them in many ways more civilized than rest of Europe at the time. Their weapons consisted mostly of simple spears, bearded axes and dane axes and of course the trusty round shield. While most Vikings had helmets, few had swords or armor as they were very expensive at the time. The pop-culture image of dirty barbarians derives mostly from the fact that history comes mostly from the writings of the Anglo-Saxons and the French, as in, those who were raided by the Vikings so naturally they didn't have particularly good or unbiased image of them.

As a final note "Viking" is not a noun, but a verb. Proper usage would be something like "Hey Olaf, I'm bored and need some spending money, want to go viking?" (The noun form would be ''víkingr'', a person who goes ''viking''). The people who went Viking were known as Norse.

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead. The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, [http://www.badassoftheweek.com/turgeis.html for a good reason]. During their raiding parties, they would kill, enslave and/or rape the non-Viking people they encountered. Afterwards the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' that wasn't nailed down.]] If it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd ''burn'' it. If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it! And remember, they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves.

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard.

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. Here are some of them (Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories [[Skub|assuming they survived unchanged with only paintings and word of mouth to preserve them]] (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed) and even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.

==In Modern Fiction==
Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to [[dwarves]], but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for [[axe]]s and could use anything, [[Dwarf Fortress|including body parts and broken furniture]], as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that [[Toothless Dragon|rode Dragons]] even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with [[barbarian]]s either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. [[Warriors of Chaos|Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos]] and becoming [[Space Wolves|werewolf supersoldiers]].

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich. It is about the saga of Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons; Bjorn Ironside, Ivar the Boneless, Sigurd Snake-eye, Halfdan, Hvitserk, and Ubbe, as well as the tales of Duke Rollo of Normandy, King Harald Fairhair, and Alfred the Great of Wessex.

==Viking Longships==

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships (or LongBOAT if you're not [[skub|American]]). Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans. One thing that helped made the Longships such a gamechanger was that the vikings worked out that properly curing and drying out timbers it made it stronger and more resistant to being eaten at sea by nematodes and similar grody things. Another thing is that the ship didn't go much under water, which allowed it to be used in almost any river. This led to things such as a fleet of 120 ships and 5000 men suddenly appearing in the middle of Paris in 845. It was also possible to bring the mast down for increased aerodynamics and decreased risk of detection when the ship was moved by rowing.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though. One of them (Oleg, the prince of Kievan Russ) even mounted his longships on wheels to quickly move them into Constantinople harbor, bypassing the defensive chain pulled across the path (which possibly inspired the Ottoman sultan Mehmed II when he used a similar trick to help him capture Constantinople).

Their Longships also had an [[derp|early warning system]] so that people could tell wether they were going to fuck them up or not. It's to do with the shields:
If the Shields were on the outside of their Longships, then they were coming to trade goods.
If the Shields were not on the outside of their Longships, then they were going to use them in battle, and you should run for the hills (if you get that far...)

==Viking Berserkers==
There's lot of bullshit about these guys on the internet and in general beliefs. Hell, the word itself had became the synonym of uncontrollable rage in many languages. The truth, however, is quite boring - berserkers (which comes from the Old Norse for "bear hide", as it was their signature piece of clothes they wore above armor, or sometimes instead of it) were equivalents of champions in the Norse culture with a pitch of warrior-priest flavor added - i.e. the guys who fought in duels on behalf of the tribe or some wealthy noble. And Norse culture had a fuckton of things settled with duels. As best of the best professional warriors among already brutally strong vikings they kicked all kinds of asses, and were rightfully feared for their skill and bravery. As you may guess, they where quite rare, so no "hordes" or even "squads" of berserkers for you - at best you'd have two or three per raid, and most often only one. As for uncontrollable rage... well, sagas mention a total of ZERO berserkers going into what we now call "[[Khorne|berserker]] rage" - there are mentions of jarls and ordinary warriors going to battle biting shields, foaming with mad anger and killing friend and foe alike, but never berserkers. WRONG:

{{topquote|-And as the foemen's ships drew near, The dreadful din you well might hear Savage berserks roaring mad, And champions fierce in wolf-skins clad, Howling like wolves; and clanking jar.|Harald Fairhair Saga ch 19.}}
Mushroom brew painkiller that allow to fight despite heavy or even fatal wounds likewise weren't their exclusive, although proper brew (that wouldn't ruin your liver, therefore sentencing you to a lame death in your bed if you survive the battle) was quite expensive, and berserkers, as pretty much second-in-command of jarls were among those wealthy enough to afford it.

==D&D==
{{dnd-stub}}

==Pathfinder==
===1e===
Viking is a [[Fighter]] archetype from ''People of the North'', that was reprinted with small changes that buff it in ''Ultimate Wilderness''. In exchange for heavy armor, and weapon training it gives the ability to rage like a [[Barbarian]] and take rage powers in place of feats. It also replaces armor training with some bonuses to using a shield. It's not a ''terrible'' archetype, but suffers from the fact that rage+shield lacks synergy as a fighting style, weapon training being the source of most fighter support, and the question of "why don't you just play a Barbarian when you've given up everything that makes Fighter competitive with Barbarian?" having few good answers, so it winds up a suboptimal archetype.

===2e===
{{dnd-stub}}
An archetype that any class can take if you want to be a melee guy that knows some things about sailing and moving through water. You learn how to best use a shield, not be slow by wet terrain, in addition, to throw things while Running. Works well as an early investment in a sailing campaign where your often fighting in the ocean surf or in a swamp, while also dipping into additional weapon proficencys and shields usage in the same tree.

{{Pathfinder-2nd-Edition-Archetypes}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Elspeth_and_Vikings.png|When [[Elspeth Tirel]] needs backup, these are the people she calls.
Image:WarbandViking.jpg| JEG SKALL DRIKKE FRA HODESKALLEN DIN!!!.
Image:Lego_Viking_ship.jpg|Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Pirate]]
*[[The Poetic Edda]]
[[Category:History]]

Vikings

2021-08-28T05:56:03Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* Culture */

{{Topquote|It was not as if we'd stayed home and wasted our lives drinking wine with pretty girls.|A recurring motif in the Lay of Kraka}}
[[Image:VikingShip.jpg|500px|thumb|right|A Viking Longship, A thirty meter long can o' [[rape]] (literally) back in the day.]]
'''Vikings''' were Scandinavian people from the 8th to 11th century, a period in which societies based in Denmark, Norway and Sweden, making use of their long-ships set forth to trade and colonize areas including Northern France, the British Isles, Russia, Iceland, Greenland and even reached North America (though the settlements they set up there did not last). They also made a habit of bathing and washing their hands frequently, which at the time was unheard of among the peoples of Europe. Probably because they had to have about two dozen dudes on a small boat for a long time, so you would regularly bathe if you didn't want to be [[That Guy]]. They only stopped when France, of all countries, rolled a nat 20 on Diplomacy by offering Normandy (deriving its name from the French word for Vikings, meaning Northmen), the northern part of France to duke Rollo. One of his descendents by the name of William (the Conqueror) ended up with a claim to the throne of a place populated with Anglo-Saxons named Anglo-land (later known as England), and ultimately became its king. So in other words, in an attempt to stop Viking raids, France ended up creating what became their arch-enemy for 800 years, making it one of the biggest cases of [[not as planned]] in history.

[[file:Movie_game_viking_vs_historical_viking.png|400px|thumb|right|Only equalled by the [[Ninja]] in this regard]]
Unlike popular belief, they did not wear horned helmets. This is for the practical reason that a big horned helmet might catch a sword unintentionally, which is all sorts of bad for the wearer; horned helmets were used on occasion, but only for ceremony. The ol' "horn-headed people eater" image was popularized during the 1800s. In general actually, historical Vikings don't have much in common with their pop-culture image aside from longships and fondness for raiding, as the pop-culture image tends to be that of a barbaric dirty warrior carrying unwieldy weapons and wearing stinky fur and leather clothes when in reality, Vikings appreciated hygiene as mentioned above, groomed their beards and had clean clothes, making them in many ways more civilized than rest of Europe at the time. Their weapons consisted mostly of simple spears, bearded axes and dane axes and of course the trusty round shield. While most Vikings had helmets, few had swords or armor as they were very expensive at the time. The pop-culture image of dirty barbarians derives mostly from the fact that history comes mostly from the writings of the Anglo-Saxons and the French, as in, those who were raided by the Vikings so naturally they didn't have particularly good or unbiased image of them.

As a final note "Viking" is not a noun, but a verb. Proper usage would be something like "Hey Olaf, I'm bored and need some spending money, want to go viking?" (The noun form would be ''víkingr'', a person who goes ''viking''). The people who went Viking were known as Norse.

==Culture==
Vikings believed that when they died in battle (preferably in a totally fuck-awesome way) they would go to a place called Valhalla to become one of the Einherjar (Chosen Slain) or to Fólkvangr (the realm controlled by Freyja, the Nordic goddess of love, prosperity, spring and being foxy as hell; also a death goddess and war goddess, which is why she gets half the chosen warriors in the first place), where they would chug booze, [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|eat all the meat and cheese they wanted]], and (if that actually managed to get dull) participate in massive murderfests only to be fully healed the next day and ready to do it all over again. On the other hand, if they died in bed or in a totally lame way (such as AIDs or cancer or... actually anywhere but battle is lame) they would instead go to a totally boring place called Hel where NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! '''EVER!''' (As you might imagine, this became problematic for many of their folk heroes who were just that fucking hard to kill). And if ''that'' weren't bad enough, people who committed what the vikings saw as the unforgivable sins, like oathbreaking, went to a prison overseen by the goddess of the dead. The ceiling is made from the bones of serpents, which drip burning venom, the halls are waist-deep in cold, slimy blood, and there is nothing to drink but goats piss and nothing to eat but rotten food (basically a Minnesota Vikings game, but one that never ends and the weather's always bad). The exception is if you died while giving birth, then you got go to Valhalla; the vikings were surprisingly fair for their day in their attitudes towards the sexes.

That said, there was the ''third'' way to die. Dying at sea was totally cool for the Vikings, for while the Battle-junkies went to Valhalla and Freya, and the lame ones went to Hel, the Sea-Bears went to the Halls of Aegir, god of the sea, where they got their own Watery Valhalla.

Vikings aren't known for being nice, [http://www.badassoftheweek.com/turgeis.html for a good reason]. During their raiding parties, they would kill, enslave and/or rape the non-Viking people they encountered. Afterwards the Vikings would [[Blood_Ravens#Bloody_Magpies|steal ''everything'' that wasn't nailed down.]] If it was nailed down, they'd try and steal the nails and if that didn't work, they'd ''burn'' it. If they couldn't burn it they'd ''''SMASH'''' it! And remember, they weren't above attacking people or places that couldn't defend themselves.

They continued doing this until they inadvertently stole Christianity and equipped it without reading the effect text, whereupon Viking warlords started to conquer shit rather than rape, pillage and kill everything in their sight. For quite a long time a large chunk of France and Italy, and the entirety of England and Russia were ruled by Vikings or their descendants, although they all got quickly assimilated into the nations they've conquered, to the point when they started to think of themselves as French/Russians in just a two or three generations after settling in. The Vikings also had a level of prestige in the Byzantine Empire, as they were the preferred recruits for the Emperor's bodyguard, the Varangian Guard.

=== [[Mythology#Norse Mythology|Norse Mythology]] ===
Like Greek mythology, the Norse have their own version of creation, different sets of gods, and heroic stories of manly feats. Here are some of them (Note that, much like Celtic mythology, Norse mythology was only written down long after Scandanavia had become Christian, so there remains a massive amount of missing stories (for example, while the war between the Vanir and the Aesir is mentioned, we don't actually have the full description of it, even though at one time it probably existed) and even much of what has survived should probably be taken with a grain of salt since whoever wrote it probably didn't hear about it first-hand or wanted to be syncretistic about it to help make it palpable for a Christian audience.

==In Modern Fiction==
Vikings and the honorable Neanderthals are some of the closest that the real world has ever had to [[dwarves]], but they should not be confused as such. While they had a penchant for [[axe]]s and could use anything, [[Dwarf Fortress|including body parts and broken furniture]], as a weapon, Vikings were just unspeakably awesome humans (they couldn't handle as much booze as a dwarf, though only just). Vikings that [[Toothless Dragon|rode Dragons]] even more so. Vikings are not to be confused with [[barbarian]]s either, despite any combination with the former resulting in awesome. [[Warriors of Chaos|Vikings are also notable for pledging themselves to Chaos]] and becoming [[Space Wolves|werewolf supersoldiers]].

The Vikings have also finally gotten their own TV show starring Vladimir Kullich. It is about the saga of Ragnar Lothbrok and his sons; Bjorn Ironside, Ivar the Boneless, Sigurd Snake-eye, Halfdan, Hvitserk, and Ubbe, as well as the tales of Duke Rollo of Normandy, King Harald Fairhair, and Alfred the Great of Wessex.

==Viking Longships==

The thing that put the Vikings on the map were their Longships (or LongBOAT if you're not [[skub|American]]). Basically these were large canoes made from planks with a mast to catch the wind. They could, however handle rough northern seas very well, and allowed some Vikings to reach such exotic locales as Newfoundland centuries before other Europeans. One thing that helped made the Longships such a gamechanger was that the vikings worked out that properly curing and drying out timbers it made it stronger and more resistant to being eaten at sea by nematodes and similar grody things. Another thing is that the ship didn't go much under water, which allowed it to be used in almost any river. This led to things such as a fleet of 120 ships and 5000 men suddenly appearing in the middle of Paris in 845. It was also possible to bring the mast down for increased aerodynamics and decreased risk of detection when the ship was moved by rowing.

Sometimes to save travel time, the Vikings would pull their Longships overland for kilometers. No joking, no hyperbole. A few tricks (like log rollers) helped, though. One of them (Oleg, the prince of Kievan Russ) even mounted his longships on wheels to quickly move them into Constantinople harbor, bypassing the defensive chain pulled across the path (which possibly inspired the Ottoman sultan Mehmed II when he used a similar trick to help him capture Constantinople).

Their Longships also had an [[derp|early warning system]] so that people could tell wether they were going to fuck them up or not. It's to do with the shields:
If the Shields were on the outside of their Longships, then they were coming to trade goods.
If the Shields were not on the outside of their Longships, then they were going to use them in battle, and you should run for the hills (if you get that far...)

==Viking Berserkers==
There's lot of bullshit about these guys on the internet and in general beliefs. Hell, the word itself had became the synonym of uncontrollable rage in many languages. The truth, however, is quite boring - berserkers (which comes from the Old Norse for "bear hide", as it was their signature piece of clothes they wore above armor, or sometimes instead of it) were equivalents of champions in the Norse culture with a pitch of warrior-priest flavor added - i.e. the guys who fought in duels on behalf of the tribe or some wealthy noble. And Norse culture had a fuckton of things settled with duels. As best of the best professional warriors among already brutally strong vikings they kicked all kinds of asses, and were rightfully feared for their skill and bravery. As you may guess, they where quite rare, so no "hordes" or even "squads" of berserkers for you - at best you'd have two or three per raid, and most often only one. As for uncontrollable rage... well, sagas mention a total of ZERO berserkers going into what we now call "[[Khorne|berserker]] rage" - there are mentions of jarls and ordinary warriors going to battle biting shields, foaming with mad anger and killing friend and foe alike, but never berserkers. WRONG:

{{topquote|-And as the foemen's ships drew near, The dreadful din you well might hear Savage berserks roaring mad, And champions fierce in wolf-skins clad, Howling like wolves; and clanking jar.|Harald Fairhair Saga ch 19.}}
Mushroom brew painkiller that allow to fight despite heavy or even fatal wounds likewise weren't their exclusive, although proper brew (that wouldn't ruin your liver, therefore sentencing you to a lame death in your bed if you survive the battle) was quite expensive, and berserkers, as pretty much second-in-command of jarls were among those wealthy enough to afford it.

==D&D==
{{dnd-stub}}

==Pathfinder==
===1e===
Viking is a [[Fighter]] archetype from ''People of the North'', that was reprinted with small changes that buff it in ''Ultimate Wilderness''. In exchange for heavy armor, and weapon training it gives the ability to rage like a [[Barbarian]] and take rage powers in place of feats. It also replaces armor training with some bonuses to using a shield. It's not a ''terrible'' archetype, but suffers from the fact that rage+shield lacks synergy as a fighting style, weapon training being the source of most fighter support, and the question of "why don't you just play a Barbarian when you've given up everything that makes Fighter competitive with Barbarian?" having few good answers, so it winds up a suboptimal archetype.

===2e===
{{dnd-stub}}
An archetype that any class can take if you want to be a melee guy that knows some things about sailing and moving through water. You learn how to best use a shield, not be slow by wet terrain, in addition, to throw things while Running. Works well as an early investment in a sailing campaign where your often fighting in the ocean surf or in a swamp, while also dipping into additional weapon proficencys and shields usage in the same tree.

{{Pathfinder-2nd-Edition-Archetypes}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Elspeth_and_Vikings.png|When [[Elspeth Tirel]] needs backup, these are the people she calls.
Image:WarbandViking.jpg| JEG SKALL DRIKKE FRA HODESKALLEN DIN!!!.
Image:Lego_Viking_ship.jpg|Pillaging colorful brick villages since 576 A.D.
</gallery></center>

==See Also==
* [[Pirate]]
*[[The Poetic Edda]]
[[Category:History]]

Blizzard

2021-08-28T04:08:45Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:84BD:731F:D0F0:F33D: /* Scandals */

{{/vg/}}
{{topquote|Imitation is the sincerest of flattery.|Charles C. Colton, ''Lacon: Or, Many Things in a Few Words: Addressed to Those Who Think''}}

{{Infobox Deity
|Name = Blizzard
|Symbol = [[File:Fluff Accurate.jpg|300px]]
|Alignment = Stupid Chaotic Evil
|Divine Rank = AAA
|Pantheon = Activision
|Portfolio =
|Domains = Greed, Falls From Grace, Bad Ideas, Terrible Writing (Formerly: Polish, Execution, Unoriginality)
|Home Plane = California
|Worshippers = Gamers,
|Favoured Weapon = Exploit worker, Union Breaker, Retcons, Virtue Signal, Weinsteinian culture, IP theft
}}

__NOTOC__
'''Blizzard Entertainment, Inc.''' is an American-owned servant of the PRC and [[/v/|video game]] developer founded in 1991. Consumed by corporate merger shenanigans in 2008, they are now a subsidiary of parent company Activision Blizzard. They are well known in the gaming community for rising to prominence by shamelessly ripping off a long list of things, the most pertinent to [[/tg/]] being the similarity between its flagship franchises and ''[[Warhammer 40k]]''. Blizzard is akin to Apple Inc.: they never ''really'' did anything original, and instead took inspiration/borrowed/stole content from other sources, marketing it as though they're pretty much posterboys of the brand, and took the credit for being "pioneers of said genre". [[Games Workshop|Let it not be said they didn't steal their business/creative practices from the best]].

While not as skubtastic as [[Kaldor Draigo|the]] [[Matt Ward|other]] [[Grey Knights|things]] [[Ultramarines|present]], it still does cause tensions in /tg/ when brought up. Especially if it concerns one of their games' [[fluff]].

While Blizzard does [[Blood Ravens|"borrow"]] other people's ideas, there's no denying marketing spends a lot of time and effort studying those ideas, figuring why they are successful, and what parts of these ideas should be improved or removed to make them better. This leads to creating a few extremely well done and successful games, in turn earning a [[Profit|LOT of money]]. While other studios may create revolutionary content, Blizzard is more about ''evolution,'' with their games becoming golden standards of quality, and "easy to learn, hard to master" learning curves. They are also responsible for creating the game-dev meme ''"when it's done,"'' which means they could literally spend a decade on mismanagement one game, probably spending too much time doing drugs in the office, and another decade to force the dev team into crunch with a shit-ton of balance patches, while management pisses off to GDC but it's to be expected, given all other major game developers are the same, if not [[EA|much, much worse]].

[[Skub|There's contention]] between the legions of GW and the hordes of Blizzard in regards to copyrights, who invented which idea first, and whether any ripping-off in fact occurred. Facts seem to lean in the direction of yes, actually. Blizzard's co founder Allen Adham wanted to get the license to the Warhammer Universe however the [https://kotaku.com/how-warcraft-was-almost-a-warhammer-game-and-how-that-5929161 business side of the deal fell through], and the team wasn't keen on working for someone else. The exaggerated features and painted art style of the table top minis was adapted for low poly games. It boggles the mind that there still hasn't been legal trouble for this, and leads many to speculate that there's an off the books deal. Fa/tg/uys tend to accuse Blizzard of ripping off most of [[Games Workshop]]'s content, and they're right. They often write long angry posts about why Blizzard an evil company, what was stolen from their precious settings, and why Blizzard games sucks so much. But this is normal operating procedure for khornporation, Ip for the Ip throne after all. This sounds hilarious when you think about Games Workshop, who does steal '''all''' of its content from other settings. Blizzard only concentrates what's awesome about James Workshop and repackages it after doing minimal rework.

If you ever meet a raging fan, crying about plagiarism, <s>ignore the fucking troll</s> [[lulz|throw oil on the fire and get a-trolling]]. Alternatively, keep raging about [[The Ultimate Necron Cheese List|Necron Flyer Lists]]/[[rage|Terran Hellion Drop]] imbalance.

'''TL;DR''': Good [[crunch]], meh fluff (their memorable humor is arguably the best part of it), they are the [[Tzeentch]]/[[Slaanesh]] to GW's [[Nurgle]].

==Scandals==

From the late 2010's onwards, the company has experienced a steadily worsening fall from grace; whereas Blizzard was usually the universally beloved grand-daddy of the gaming world, albeit with one skubby exception in the form of Diablo 3, a number of PR-fuckups, shallow cashgrabs, [[Communism|grievances of the developers that actually make the games]] and the revelation of pervasive sexual harassment of staff have all but crushed their reputation. In a funny twist of fate, when it comes to their products, Blizzard is currently making a lot of the mistakes Geedubs made before [[Kevin Rountree]] took over. Here are some of the biggest failures and crimes - yes, really - in recent times;

'''November 3, 2018:''' During Blizcon, Diablo Immortals was announced as a mobile game. Gamers were livid, with one asking if it was an out of season April fools joke. The Gamer rage made an notable impact on stock price, taking months to recover afterwards.

'''Feburary 12, 2019:''' Blizzard fired 800 employees after reporting record earning.

'''October 6, 2019:''' During a tournament, Chinese [[Hearthstone]] pro-player Blitzchung appeared wearing a gas mask and goggles in a live stream and showed support to the Hong Kong Protests. Near the end of the live stream he said “Liberate Hong Kong. Revolution of our age”, a recognized slogan in the Hong Kong protest. After the interview Blizzard disqualified Blitzchung and stripped him of his prize money, and banned him for a year. Backlash was immediate, users deleted Blizzard accounts and destroyed games while #BoycottBlizzard trended with thousands retweeting.

'''October 28, 2019:''' Blizzard announced a $660,000 prize pool for their annual arena/mythic dungeon world tournaments, after previously releasing a set of promotional in-game toys, promising 1/4 of the sales would go towards said prize pool. Most fans believed the money made from the sales would be added to the $500,000 minimum that Blizzard had promised. However, after competing players confronted Blizzard officials, it was revealed that Blizzard had instead chosen to rely entirely on the sales profit for the prize pool, making off with ~$2 million themselves from the other 3/4 of the sales and contributing nothing out of their own pockets. Nerd rage ensued.

'''January 28th, 2020:''' Blizzard released the remastered version of Warcraft 3. The game came out in a notoriously unfinished, buggy and featureless state and used advertisement that borders on being fraudulent (Australian and EU authorities actually filed a lawsuit against Blizzard for misleading advertisements), was missing features the original game had ''13 years ago'', [[RAGE|'''claimed ownership of any custom content created for the game in the ToS in a really, really stupid move that is also illegal under US and EU law''' - especially since Blizzard is a US company]] and even refused to offer refunds, which prompted another lawsuit by EU authorities against them. The game also completely replaced the original Warcraft 3 on the launcher, locking players out of the original unless they have the physical discs and instead prompting them to download the "improved" version.

'''August 4, 2020:''' Employees shared a spreadsheet of salaries and recent pay increases showing that few were given raises after crunch, and overtime. Many employees, despite working at one of the biggest video game companies were struggling to pay rent and using the company's free coffee as an appetite suppressant as they cut meals. Apparently that 5 year service sword does not also pay rent.

'''October 16th, 2020:''' Blizzard announced that they would put Starcraft 2 into maintenance mode, ceasing any content updates in the future. This has left a lot of players angry and sad, especially since Starcraft 2 is one of the very last remaining RTS with a decently sized playerbase and competitive scene.

'''July 22nd, 2021:''' California's Department of Fair Employment filed a civil lawsuit against Activision/Blizzard for sexual harassment of numerous employees - especially female employees, some of the incidents going back years. The final catalyst was the suicide of a female employee who was one of the victims of said harassment. According to the lawsuit, the culprits are from several levels in the company (former Senior Creative Director Alex Afrasiabi and former CTO Ben Kilgore are among them), the charges include unwanted groping and posting intimate pictures without their consent, and that other execs knew of the abuses but did nothing. The situation wasn't helped when several Blizzard employees lashed out at several high-profile WoW commentators and streamers such as Asmongold for criticizing them, trying to shift blame onto them despite those streamers having nothing to do with the company or the abuse. With morale at an all-time low and widespread stress, the development of new projects (or at least World of Warcraft) has been stopped until the situation is resolved. Sponsors have started to turn on Blizzard and executive-level employees, such as J. Allen Brack and Jesse Meschuk, have been leaving the company (unclear whether it's voluntary resignations or firings as per the standard sugar-coated dismissals for top level business execs).
* '''July 28, 2021:''' After delivering a open letter to the upper management, a portion of Blizzard staff staged a walkout protest that gained considerable news coverage. There has been increasing support for staff to unionize, with Blizzard's Board of Directors responding by consulting the same legal firm whose lawyers prevented Amazon's staff from unionizing.
* '''August 3rd, 2021''' J. Allen Brack is succeeded by "co-leaders" Jen Oneal and Mike Ybarra following his departure (with accusations being leveled that Brack left to deliberately avoid being confronted over knowing about the abuses but not stopping them).
* '''August 25th, 2021''' Members of Activision Blizzard are caught interfering with the investigation by doing witness tampering - requiring employees to speak with the company ahead of contacting the DFEH, amending the complaint and destroying evidence by shredding records from the HR archives. This was added to the lawsuit, and could take the case from a civil lawsuit to a criminal lawsuit.

==Franchises relevant to /tg/==

*'''''[[Warcraft|WarCraft]]:''''' A real-time strategy (RTS) series; initially [[Orc]]s vs [[Human]]s but then later games added more races. Then it became a [[MMORPG]] with [[World of Warcraft|all kinds of crazy shit]]. Particularly notable to /tg/ because it spilled over into multiple genres: There were [[World of Warcraft: The Roleplaying Game|two separate editions of a ''D&D'' campaign setting]], a physical [[Card_Game#Collectible_Card_Games|trading card game]] and has its own board games too.
*'''''[[StarCraft]]:''''' RTS IN SPHESSSSS! <s>[[Space Marines]]</s> [[Imperial Guard|Terrans]] vs [[Tyranids|Zerg]] vs [[Eldar|Protoss]]. Beyond being the national sport of Korea, the ''StarCraft'' franchise has its own board game and has its own unique version of ''[[Risk]]'' which alters the rules just enough so that it isn't merely a re-skinned version of ''Risk''.
*'''''[[Diablo]]:''''' [[Grimdark]] [[Dark Fantasy]] setting involving the wars between [[Angel]]s and [[Demon]]s, and also not actually made by Blizzard. It was made instead by an outfit named Condor, which got bought out by Davidson & Associates, which also bought out a little outfit named Chaos Studios. Then, Chaos Studios got renamed '''Blizzard''', and Condor was renamed '''Blizzard North''', which is why Diablo ended up being playable on battle.net. Meanwhile, another group of guys named Synergistic Software got bought out by Sierra On-Line, which was in turn acquired by CUC International, which gobbled up Davidson & Associates, which was how the job of making Diablo's expansion pack, Hellfire, got farmed out to Synergistic. However, Condor and Blizzard both had veto power over Synergistic's ideas, and Condor, which was already working on Diablo II, didn't want anything to be in Hellfire that was also going to be in D2, which is why the Barbarian and secret cow quest had to be cut and why Hellfire couldn't be played over Battle.net even though the code totally worked. There was a [[fail|short-lived]] attempt to port the Diablo franchise into both [[Advanced Dungeons & Dragons#AD&D 2nd Edition|2nd Edition]] and [[Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition|3rd Edition]] ''Dungeons and Dragons'', though the results were not particularly successful or well-remembered.
*'''''Hearthstone:''''' A digital collectible card game. Think ''[[Magic: The Gathering|MtG]]'' but all the depth and complexity got replaced with RNG bullshit. Also it only costs you one kidney to gather a good card collection rather than [[Forgeworld|both, one leg, one testicle, and the soul of your firstborn child]] , but Blizzard seems dedicated to catch back on that missed profit by adding more content that cannot be bought with in-game currency (gold) and going the way of the battlepass...wait, what do you mean they have two passes?

==Blizzard things that aren't (/tg/ related) rip-offs==
In 1992, they made ''Battle Chess'' for the Commodore 64 & MS-DOS, and also a ''[[Lord of the Rings]]'' [[RPG]] for the Amiga. The ''LotR'' game was supposed to be just the first book, with two sequels, but they never got around to finishing it. They made ''RPM Racing'' (allegedly the first American-made SNES game) and ''Rock n' Roll Racing'' for the Super Nintendo and the Sega Megadrive but that's [[/v/]] shit. They also made a side-scrolling Superman beat 'em up and a shitty Justice League fighting game for a dose of [[/co/]] crap too. There's also their game ''The Lost Vikings'', a platforming puzzle game where you control three [[vikings]], each of them with their own special abilities (Erik the Swift can run faster and jump higher than the other two and also bash through walls with his horned helmet, Baleog the Fierce can shoot an arrow and kill enemies with his sword and Olaf the Stout can block with shield which he can also use like a hang-glider.) Since the game has vikings in it, /tg/ might be interested in it due to their [[Warriors of Chaos|viking fetish]]. A sequel was also made, ''The Lost Vikings 2'', which added two more characters, a [[werewolf]] named Fang and Scorch the [[dragon]], but it's kind of a rarity. Fast forward to more recent times, trying to cash in on the growing MOBA-craze, Blizzard developed ''Heroes of the Storm'' by throwing all their decent franchises into a blender to make one mediocre new game, which is ironic considering highly customized user-made ''StarCraft'' and ''WarCraft III'' maps pretty much spawned the MOBA genre in the first place. Blizz's most recent success is the first-person shooter ''Overwatch''. Though hilariously similar to ''[[Team Fortress 2]]'' and [[Blood Ravens|drawing upon]] various sci-fi and fantasy sources, it presents a somewhat unique (albeit poorly fleshed-out) [[noblebright]] setting and characters that are mostly [[/d/|fapbait/schlickbait]].

==[[Skub|Legitimately unbiased comparison]]==
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">
Both of the companies' products have a bevy of similarities and differences that can be factually assessed without any real bias. Beginning here is a <s>comprehensive</s> tiny list of the comparisons between popular topics of much [[RAGE|debate]].

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">
===[[Orks]] vs. [[Orc#Warcraft|Orcs]]===

While it is true that the light green skin, angry porcine face with lots of tusks, and heavyset jawlines are traits shared across the two species of Orcoids, that's about where the similarities end. While [[Orks]] are brutal, fun-loving omnicidal maniacs who love the [[Dakka]] and only momentarily hesitate to shoot something if it's sufficiently green and orky, [[orcs]] in Blizzard's universe actually eventually filled the unique role of being good guys. For the most part, anyway, back when they were first through the portals they were extremely bloodthirsty but as time has gone on they've settled down nicely. This is actually a first, as no other universe is really known for having Orcs who can be described as friendly (''[[Strike Legion]]'' is a good example though as well as the elder scrolls). In fact the Orcs of Blizzard's universe are the glue of their faction, serving as the lynch-pin by which the other races come together as one Horde.

Similarly, Orkzes iz da biggest an' da strongest., with the lowly boy far more buff than your standard human and only getting taller and taller as they age. Orcs, while significantly physically imposing, are roughly the same height as average humans, and are dwarfed by their [[Minotaur|Tauren]] allies.

Though it should be noted, that at current state Orcs spawned a total of three [[BBEG]]s of the setting, including the first Lich King himself, while most other races, except dragons and (technically) draenei, have their count on one or zero. The Orks, on the other hand, ''are'' the BBEGs.

===Terran Marines vs Space Marines===

This should be somewhat obvious. Space Marines, as deigned by [[GW]], are one-man armies, raised from a young age to be killing machines and then augmented to become superhuman monstrosities. Terran Marines, by comparison, are pitiful. If we're being very generous, they're an analogue for the [[Stormtrooper|Tempestus corps.]], but with a worse track record. They are literally a case of the government or rebel faction finding every hick and criminal they can and shoving them in a brainwashing tank, slapping power armor on them, pumping them with drugs, handing them a gun, and telling them to [[Tarpit|keep shooting until it stops moving]]. And, considering everything in the ''StarCraft'' universe can pierce through tanks and [[/m/|giant mechs]], not to mention some power armor, those marines aren't likely to survive their first deployment. So, to put it simply, Terran Marines are really closer to Guardsmen or Penal Legionnaires, except with better guns and even more drugs. And like the Guard, they have really nice tanks and fantastic artillery.

===Zergs vs [[Tyranids]]===

Both are races of ravenous, rapidly evolving beasts under the control of a distant supreme intelligence, both use biotechnology instead of tools, most of their units are fast, deadly, fragile and numerous, and they even look almost the same. The last part is actually to GW's shame, since they all but copy-pasted the Zerg appearance into Tyranids in 3rd edition, mostly to capitalize on the ''StarCraft'' financial success (yes, they were that greedy and shameless even back then).

Secondly, while the Tyranids' hive mind is their collective consciousness, the Zerg have actual physical entities with emotions and personalities to rule them - from the lowly Overlords, to the Cerebrates, to the Overmind itself (or Overlords - Hive Queens - Broodmothers - The Queen of Blades after Kerrigan took over control), and with that they also get some actual character development and political struggles in their ranks - something 'Nids solely lack as their only real agenda revolves around planet-hopping towards that psychic light known as the [[Golden Throne]], all the while eating everything on the way. Even though most Cerebrates merged into the new Overmind and were killed by Kerrigan (and her puppets) during Brood War, the real reason that they never showed up again was that their hierarchy was similar enough to the 'Nids that the Cerebrates were killed off off-screen and cut from ''StarCraft II'' as a way of [http://comments.deviantart.com/1/359035454/2977652201 Blizzard playing nice with Games Workshop].

Zergs also do not eat worlds like Tyranids do - only conquer and colonize them, which automatically lowers their Eldritch Unstoppable Evil level by half.

There's also a variant of Zerg called the Primal Zerg, which have a strictly more reptilian/mammalian aesthetic and are notably individuals that operate in Packs. Despite being individuals, some with marked intelligence, they're all basically just focused on eating strong prey and surviving and have no ambitions or desires beyond that one dimension.

===Burning Legion vs [[Daemon#Warhammer_40,000|Daemons of Chaos]]===
Both are evil demons, who came from the [[Eye of Terror|dimension of magic]] and want to [[Exterminatus|destroy everything]]. The Burning Legion, however, is everything but chaotic, and is highly organized and structured, and even after their dark god Sargeras got himself killed, they managed to keep their shit together. Moreover, unlike Chaos Daemons, who are the manifestations of emotions and magic, creatures of the Legion are mostly normal sapient biological beings, transformed through overuse of fel magic, or artificial constructs, enlivened by said fel magic. Unlike [[Chaos Gods]], who want the eternal conflict just for the sake of it (which makes sense, given they are empowered by emotions, and conflicts stimulate more emotions), the Burning Legion have clear goals, which are: 1) Gather all the magic, 2) Use it to destroy the Creation, 3) Hope a new, better one comes along. 4) [[Meme|???]], 5) [[Profit|PROFIT]]!

===Protoss vs [[Eldar]]===
You fucking kidding me? OK, both are psychic race with small numbers and long lifespan, both have tech, superior to everything in their setting (save Necrons and Xel'Naga respectively), and both are quite arrogant about their superiority. And that's it. Protoss are tough as adamantium bunkers, can warp in infantry almost instantly any place with an energy field, are fast as a slime, hit like every fucking one of them is armed with a tank cannon or a [[Power Fist]] and tend to move in big unkillable all-destroying deathballs of doom, while Eldar are fast as hell, can be killed by a mean look, and tend to zoom around in small groups at mind-blowing speed, surgically shooting/cutting down priority targets before retreating to the safety of cover. Culture-wise Protoss are closer to [[Tau]] than to Eldar, with a rigid caste system and hierarchy, and the highly collectivist ideology of the Khala, which is actually almost the same as the Tau's Greater Good. From this perspective Dark Templar are basically the Farsight enclave, who told the Khala and its Ethe... I meant Judicators to fuck off and left to build their new home without that brainwashing <s>pheromones</s> psi-internet bullshit. Oh, wait, the Tau Empire was introduced 3 years after the release of ''StarCraft''... OOPS!

Both the Protoss and Eldar also fell out of their golden ages pretty hard, though that's about where the similarities end. The Eldar caused their empire's fall entirely on their own, between all the murder-fucking and general debauchery that was getting out of hand, to such a point that not only did it reduce their species' population to a pitiful fraction of what it once was, but also damned each and every Eldar soul that exists (or has yet to exist) by creating one of the four Chaos Gods responsible for a shit ton of the Grimdark in 40k. Even though the Eldar are fighting against all odds, and making ''some'' progress with the birth of Ynnead, the chance of them actually ever returning to a semblance of their former glory is about as likely as the God-Emperor of Mankind leaping from the Golden Throne and declaring the Imperium of Man a Xenos-inclusive democracy. The Protoss, on the otherhand, are only partially responsible for their fall from power, as the internal strife between the Judicator Caste and Templar Caste didn't exactly help prepare them for when the Zerg invaded their homeworld of Aiur. The surviving Protoss as a whole had to evacuate to Shakuras, where their Dark Templar kin granted them sanctuary (in that kind of arrogant "look at how cool and caring we are ''despite'' you exiling our kind" mindset). Also unlike the Eldar, the Protoss are notably reclaiming their former glory. Having made buddies with the Dark Templar, Purifiers (sentient Protoss AI), Tal'Darim (to the Protoss the way Dark Eldar are to the Craftworlders), the collective Protoss race took back Aiur and is currently rebuilding a unified homeworld for all Protoss.

</div>
</div>

'''TL;DR''': A game company with an emphasis on quality (usually), responsible for both awesome and terrible things. If you really want to know what's what, go look it up yourself from a better source than 1d4chan.