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Ungrim Ironfist

2021-05-15T09:57:21Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

{{whfb-stub}}
[[File:Ungrim Ironfist 8ª.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Ungrim. Too suicidal to live, too manly to die.]]
{{Topquote|Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.|Anne Lamont}}
{{Topquote|I must fulfill my slayer oath!|Ungrim Ironfist, summing up his character in a single sentence}}

Ungrim Ironfist is the most recent - and as of [[The End Times]], the last - [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarf]] to hold the title of Slayer King of Karak Kadrin. Heir to the twin oaths of his great-great-great-great-great-granddad, Baragor, Ungrim Ironfist is thusly compelled to both lead his people wisely and safely and to seek out a glorious death in battle. In earlier editions, he had a son; [[Garagrim Ironfist]], but Garagrim decided that he needed to save his father from the Slayer Oath. To this end, Garagrim became his father's War-Mourner - a dwarven champion whose honor and the king's are one, and pursued the life of a Slayer. He planned to exploit the loophole that, as War-Mourner, if Garagrim was killed under the Slayer Oath, his father and any future sons would be free of the Slayer Oath, ending the reign of the tormented Slayer Kings.

Then eight edition came along and said that Garagrim had succeeded in dying a heroic death, perhaps a nod to the [[Storm of Chaos]].... [[Fail|And Ungrim promptly took up a]] '''[[Fail|NEW]]''' [[Fail|Slayer Oath out of his grief at Garagrim's death, rendering his son's sacrifice absolutely fucking pointless!]]

But then again, if Warhammer dwarves were ''smart'', they wouldn't be as badly off as they were.

==On the Tabletop==
===In 6e===
Ungrim Ironfist made an appearance in the [[Storm of Chaos]] army book, a Special Character and mandatory general available to both the normal [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarf]] and to the [[Slayers of Karak Kadrin]] army, where he uses up a Lord slot AND a Hero slot. He has Movement 3, WS 7, BS 4, S 4, T 5, W 3, I 5, A 4 and LD 10. He wears Gromril Armor (Armor Save 4+), the Dragon Cloak of Karak Kadrin, and the Slayer Crown, and wields the Axe of Dargo. He costs 465 points and has the special rule Slayer King, which is a variant of the normal Slayer rule; he gets the bonus powers of Slayer, Hates Greenskins and is Unbreakable, but the other attributes of Slayer do not apply to him.

The Dragon Cloak of Karak Kadrin bears a Master Rune of Spite (4+ Ward Save), a Rune of the Furnace (Ungrim is Immune to Fire), and a Rune of Luck (Ungrim may re-roll a single dice per battle).

The Axe of Dargo bears the Master Rune of Smiting (successful Wounds inflict d6 Wounds) and a Rune of Parrying (Ungrim can nullify one enemy attack in close combat).

The Slayer Crown bears a Rune of Fortitude (+1 Wound, so Ungrim has 4 Wounds) and a Rune of Stone (+1 Armor Save, boosting his Gromril Armor to a 3+ Armor Save).

===In 8e===
Ungrim Ironfist is a melee '''monster'''. Though slow as any Dwarf, his WS 9, S4, I5 4 Attacks are made with the Axe of Dargo, which means he's dishing out Killing Blow attacks with +2 to his Strength. When it comes to survival, he wears gromril armor and the Slayer Crown (which adds +1 to armor save and boosts his Toughness by +1, making him T6), not to mention the Dragon Cloak of Fyrskar (Ward Save 4+, improves to 2+ against Flaming Attacks) and sports 3 Wounds, so he doesn't go down easily. He's got the special rules Ancestral Grudge, Daemon Slayer, Deathblow, Dragon Slayer, Relentless, Resolute, Slayer, Unbreakable, and the unique rule of Slayer King. This means he can only join Slayer units, but he can still be the Army General. If he leads the army, a single Slayer unit may take a runic standard of up to 100 points.

===In The End Times===
So, Ungrim's pretty killy as he is. But what if he could burninate stuff too? [[The End Times]] decided they'd let folks find out, by having Aqshy, the Wind of Fire, latch onto Ungrim's soul and make him the [[Rape|living avatar of flame.]]

Ungrim the Slayer, Incarnate of Fire, starts with Ungrim himself. It then pumps him up with +1 to Strength, Wounds and Attacks, gives him a Strength 4 Flaming Attacks Breath Weapon, and an innate bound spell (power level 5) called Lord of Fire, that lets him fling a 2D6 S4 Flaming Attacks magic missile a range of 24".

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Ungrim Total War.png|Ungrim in [[Total War: WARHAMMER]]
File:Ungrim model.jpg|His miniature
</gallery>

[[Category: Warhammer Fantasy]]
[[Category: Dwarfs]]

Ungrim Ironfist

2021-05-15T09:54:10Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

{{whfb-stub}}
[[File:Ungrim Ironfist 8ª.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Ungrim. Too suicidal to live, too manly to die.]]
{{Topquote|Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.|Anne Lamont}}
{{Topquote|I must fulfill my slayer oath!|Ungrim Ironfist, summing up his character in a single sentence}}

Ungrim Ironfist is the most recent - and as of [[The End Times]], the last - [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarf]] to hold the title of Slayer King of Karak Kadrin. Heir to the twin oaths of his great-great-great-great-great-granddad, Baragor, Ungrim Ironfist is thusly compelled to both lead his people wisely and safely and to seek out a glorious death in battle. In earlier editions, he had a son; [[Garagrim Ironfist]], but Garagrim decided that he needed to save his father from the Slayer Oath by becoming his father's War-Mourner; a dwarven champion whose honor and the king's are one, allowing him to exploit this loophole that if Garagrim was killed under the Slayer Oath, then it freed his father and any future sons that his father might sire from the need to uphold the Slayer Oath, ending the reign of the tormented Slayer Kings.

Then eight edition came along and said that Garagrim had succeeded in dying a heroic death, perhaps a nod to the [[Storm of Chaos]].... [[Fail|And Ungrim promptly took up a]] '''[[Fail|NEW]]''' [[Fail|Slayer Oath out of his grief at Garagrim's death, rendering Garagrim's sacrifice absolutely fucking pointless!]]

But then again, if Warhammer dwarves were ''smart'', they wouldn't be as badly off as they were.

==On the Tabletop==
===In 6e===
Ungrim Ironfist made an appearance in the [[Storm of Chaos]] army book, a Special Character and mandatory general available to both the normal [[Dwarfs (Warhammer Fantasy)|Dwarf]] and to the [[Slayers of Karak Kadrin]] army, where he uses up a Lord slot AND a Hero slot. He has Movement 3, WS 7, BS 4, S 4, T 5, W 3, I 5, A 4 and LD 10. He wears Gromril Armor (Armor Save 4+), the Dragon Cloak of Karak Kadrin, and the Slayer Crown, and wields the Axe of Dargo. He costs 465 points and has the special rule Slayer King, which is a variant of the normal Slayer rule; he gets the bonus powers of Slayer, Hates Greenskins and is Unbreakable, but the other attributes of Slayer do not apply to him.

The Dragon Cloak of Karak Kadrin bears a Master Rune of Spite (4+ Ward Save), a Rune of the Furnace (Ungrim is Immune to Fire), and a Rune of Luck (Ungrim may re-roll a single dice per battle).

The Axe of Dargo bears the Master Rune of Smiting (successful Wounds inflict d6 Wounds) and a Rune of Parrying (Ungrim can nullify one enemy attack in close combat).

The Slayer Crown bears a Rune of Fortitude (+1 Wound, so Ungrim has 4 Wounds) and a Rune of Stone (+1 Armor Save, boosting his Gromril Armor to a 3+ Armor Save).

===In 8e===
Ungrim Ironfist is a melee '''monster'''. Though slow as any Dwarf, his WS 9, S4, I5 4 Attacks are made with the Axe of Dargo, which means he's dishing out Killing Blow attacks with +2 to his Strength. When it comes to survival, he wears gromril armor and the Slayer Crown (which adds +1 to armor save and boosts his Toughness by +1, making him T6), not to mention the Dragon Cloak of Fyrskar (Ward Save 4+, improves to 2+ against Flaming Attacks) and sports 3 Wounds, so he doesn't go down easily. He's got the special rules Ancestral Grudge, Daemon Slayer, Deathblow, Dragon Slayer, Relentless, Resolute, Slayer, Unbreakable, and the unique rule of Slayer King. This means he can only join Slayer units, but he can still be the Army General. If he leads the army, a single Slayer unit may take a runic standard of up to 100 points.

===In The End Times===
So, Ungrim's pretty killy as he is. But what if he could burninate stuff too? [[The End Times]] decided they'd let folks find out, by having Aqshy, the Wind of Fire, latch onto Ungrim's soul and make him the [[Rape|living avatar of flame.]]

Ungrim the Slayer, Incarnate of Fire, starts with Ungrim himself. It then pumps him up with +1 to Strength, Wounds and Attacks, gives him a Strength 4 Flaming Attacks Breath Weapon, and an innate bound spell (power level 5) called Lord of Fire, that lets him fling a 2D6 S4 Flaming Attacks magic missile a range of 24".

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Ungrim Total War.png|Ungrim in [[Total War: WARHAMMER]]
File:Ungrim model.jpg|His miniature
</gallery>

[[Category: Warhammer Fantasy]]
[[Category: Dwarfs]]

Religion

2021-05-15T09:37:00Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Religion as a Bad Thing/Detractors */

{{flamewar}}
{{topquote|Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge, which is power; religion gives man wisdom, which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals.|Martin Luther King, Jr}}

:'''Dracula''': ''I was called here by, huuuuumans, who wish to pay me tribute!''
:'''Richter Belmont''': ''Tribute?! You steal men's souls! And make them your slaves!''
:'''Dracula''': ''Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.''
::--An excerpt from the infamous exchange that also gave us "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets" in [[Castlevania#Castlevania:_Symphony_Of_The_Night_.28Castlevania_9.29|Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.]]

Because it's important to several settings and RPG systems, particularly ones that are high-profile or relevant to /tg/, we have a religion article. Let's try and keep it focused on the directly-related-to-/tg/ stuff and not descend into the pure [[skub]] that can arise in discussions of real-life religions, okay?

==Definition of Religion==
Almost since the inception of the term, scholars have failed to agree on a definition of religion. While there are some belief systems that always count as religions, some have applied the term to various things such as political ideologies, or groups when they reach a certain point. There are however two general definition systems: the sociological/functional and the phenomenological/philosophical.

The two most widely accepted are:
* "a unified system of beliefs and practices relative to sacred things, that is to say things set apart and forbidden - beliefs and practices which unite into one single moral community called a church, all those who adhere to them."
* "a comprehensive worldview or 'metaphysical moral vision' that is accepted as binding because it is held to be in itself basically true and just even if all dimensions of it cannot be either fully confirmed or refuted".

As stated before, one common element that every religion which fits the criteria has is humanity's relation to supernatural forces, as all of them have at least one [[God|god]] and/or an afterlife even where there are exceptions; Buddhism doesn't have any gods or its own idea of the cosmos' origins but has afterlives and the existence of the eternal soul (unless a persons achieves nirvana), and Taoism doesn't have an afterlife in the conventional sense but is pantheistic and has supernatural beings. Religions with a God/god/gods fall under monotheistic (one God) or polytheistic (more than one god), though some of the latter have a variant called henotheistic (multiple gods but only one of them is served). Interestingly, most polytheistic religions have an all-powerful Creator God as the supreme authority in the cosmos who also created the other gods (such as Ptah from Egyptian mythology, Brahma in Hinduism and Nyame from West African mythology for Ghana's Akan people).

Like other terms for heavily [[SJW|debated]] [[communism|subjects]], religion and religious have also been used as insults or Snarl Words in social and political discussions (especially from the 20th century and onwards) to ridicule groups openly promoting something the user disagrees with. This snarl creates a caricature of the group to smear them by association with the worst excesses/negative stereotypes of religious people (like being preachy, judgmental, irrational, hypocritical).

==List of Real-Life Religions==

Too many to list, even without debates about the term. In lieu of a list on this site, here are two complied lists that should cover everything that fits the bill. Otherwise, check out the [[Mythology]] page.

* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_religions_and_spiritual_traditions Wikipedia's list of religions and spiritual traditions]
* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_religious_groups For a simplified version from Wikipedia that focuses more on major religions]

==Religion vs. Mythology==
While [[Mythology|mythologies]] aren't religions in and of themselves, every religion has a mythology. While mythologies are merely the accounts of supernatural events, religions add rituals, practices and hierarchies that link those mythologies directly to the lives of their believers in one form or another, typically by describing how to properly serve to a god (or multiple gods, it depends) a significant role in the mythology a given religion is derived from. [[Skub|Whatever the source]], the mythology almost always predates the religion. As a result, especially since the Fantasy genre deals in supernatural beings and forces, most if not all fantasy settings have religions. Science fiction does to a lesser degree, mostly because during the Golden Age of sci-fi empiricists and secular humanists were attracted to the genre and their views often seeped into their stories. Despite this, given that most real-life societies have had religions playing a role in or since their founding, religions are still found in sci-fi.

Religions involves belief systems and practices, where an adherent can call upon the power/being the religion is focused on to give them aid in [[cleric|various]] [[Paladin|ways]], depending at the very least on the religion and the task in question. Given that religions are about people's place in the world, how it was made, ideas on how life should be lived and how humans should relate to the supernatural, they have major implications for societies. Given that people can become [[Exarch|dangerously single-minded]] about a cause, people can be become extremists about their religion, regardless of the fact that [[Heironeous|some]] are more benevolent than [[Asmodeus|others]] and in numerous cases even [[Heresy|if it involves going against the religion's teachings]]; in conjunction with the above this means religious conflicts can become widespread, long-lasting, cause carnage and also involve other elements such as politics- both in fantasy and in the real world.

==Role in Society==
{{skubby}}
While it varies depending on the society and the religion in question, at least as long as human civilization has existed, religiosity has existed and has almost always been interconnected. There is no human civilization in real-life where religion was never part of its development; every society that pursued secularization or [[Imperial Truth|state atheism]] started off at least mostly religious.

A person's religious beliefs (for or against) are a major factor in their worldview, often being the undercurrent for all others. This is because this belief shapes people's views on big issues such as the purpose of life, how life should be lived in relation to oneself and others and what happens to people after they die. On the upside, this often leads to teachings with the goal of unity, peace and co-operation as per the teachings of most religions (some of which also make their way into non-religious systems). On the downside, this can lead to clashes over carrying out the will of the Powers-that-be, which religion should be followed or whether or not people should follow a god or religion at all. This can involve arguments and factionalizing, or worst case scenarios like pogroms and wars. Since they are an overarching and fairly common element in cultures, they often appear or are referenced in fiction.

In many societies throughout history, medicine and religion were interconnected. In many ancient religions, the clergy were also the doctors or well-versed in medical knowledge of the time, tending to physical health as well as spiritual health. A lot of the bedrock of modern medical science was established by religious people (such as the friar Gregor Mendel who founded the scientific field of genetics, and the Christian biologist/chemist Louis Pasteur who helped pioneer vaccination and preservation of food among other things - in fact, the process of ''"pasteurization"'' is named after him). In numerous parts of the world today, numerous hospitals were based around specific religious people or founded by people from a specific religious group, and many religious charities, such as the Salvation Army, have a medical branch.

Some religions have also codified the concept of charity; in these cases, religion and charity have been inextricably entangled throughout their long history. For example, the three Abrahamic religions Christianity, Islam, and Judaism each have doctrines that require their members to do good for others in various ways such as caring for the destitute or those in need.

Throughout history religions have frequently been enshrined in law as the "state religion", giving them special privileges such as extensive influence over the government or tax exemptions. In some cases, the clergy or a religious institution are the government (usually on behalf of the Powers-that-be for the religion in question) in a system known as theocracy. Today, several theocracies exist, with the two full examples being Vatican City and Iran.

Within the last few centuries, due to events such as the French Revolution, there has also been a significant amount of anti-religious sentiment, which regards religion as at best redundant and at worst destructive (beyond historical grievances with specific groups within religions, reasons for this view and whether or not those arguments have any merit, shall not be discussed here). For the most part, a combination of people identifying more with their culture or nation than their religion and the concept that religion and functions of state should not interfere with each other has turned into more of a "live and let live" mentality that doesn't really support or oppose any one religion and only reacts when said religions begin actively defying the state or the state starts bringing the boot down on religion. Most of the world's population is religious, with the amount of piety varying from country to country, and of course there are plenty of non-religious people who don't necessarily oppose religion despite not following any themselves.

Throughout history, numerous tyrannical regimes have tried to restrict or stamp out religions. This is usually because religious teachings put the figure/object of worship before the state in a conflict of interest and most religions' teachings condemn tyranny or [[Slaanesh|the vices tyrannical leaders indulge]]. Other reasons include tyrants dislike being answerable to anyone besides themselves and a tyrant may have some form of anti-religious prejudice. While nations have usually tried to block specific religions deemed "false" (read: religions opposing the state-sponsored religion in any way), several nations have tried purge and/or even replace it with an atheistic system, albeit with horrifying [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/League_of_Militant_Atheists results] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khmer_Rouge_rule_of_Cambodia#Religious_persecutions each] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_atheism#Human_rights time], often practicing the traits that religion gets criticized for by its detractors (as while Marx's "opiate of the masses" quote was just passive theory, [http://www.stephenhicks.org/2013/02/18/marxs-philosophy-and-the-necessity-of-violent-politics/ he flip-flopped on whether he endorsed revolutionary violence for his cause]).
Best case scenario, they sidegrade from one set of problems to another as cults of personality (commonly ones based on the ruler in charge) spring up to exploit the newly created power vacuum while believers who survive the regime try to continue their activities in secret. Worst case scenario, the society crumbles as the people degenerate into a [[Commorragh|violent, fractious and nihilistic mass]].

Aside from the aforementioned theocracies, the most religious nations are countries such as Brazil in South America or Zambia in Africa (Zambia even has a state religion alongside a law that allows for freedom of religion). China is - at the time this was written - the world's least religious and most atheistic country (followed by Japan and Sweden, the situation around North Korea is [[Skub|debatable]], since even though they violently suppress religions [https://www.foxnews.com/world/north-korea-publicly-executes-80-some-for-videos-or-bibles-report-says to the point that merely having copies of religious texts can be grounds for execution], they also have the Kim Cult blended with the Marxist-Leninist offshoot ideology Juche).

==How this impacts /tg/==
A few major ways. Since most if not every society in real-life has had religion either be the basis for its founding or play a role in it - in addition to the various roles religion continues to have in society - religion is just as involved in the backstory or current lore of settings. There are three major "modes" of /tg/ settings and related fictions:
* Purely functional use of religion as a story device. (What we might call "Functionalists")
* Endorsement of religion and/or religious people. (What we might call "Religion is Good" types)
* Criticism of religion and/or religious people. (What we might call "Religion is Bad" types)
For ease of categorization, writers who use these modes will also be called proponents, detractors or functionalists (who can be pro, anti or neutral).

===Religion as a story device/Functionalists===
Compared to the two types of writers found below, these writers are usually just attempting to model their work after real-world [[Mythology]] and are frequently attempting to keep their views of Religion separate from their work. Frequently comes in one of two subspecies:
* The [[Standard Fantasy Setting]] default: The world is ruled by an ordinary polytheistic pantheon, usually close to some admixture of Norse and Greek mythologies. Some of them also have a Top God more powerful than all the others, and maybe the in-universe creator of everything who is mostly hands-off in cosmic affairs. The gods of these religions tend to focus on specific areas (gods of [[Paladin|Justice]] and [[Druid|Nature]] are common, for subtly obvious reasons) and frequently want their followers to propagate or promote these things.
* The kind of setting they wanted to make dictated the nature of the divine. For example, in [[Exalted]] just about all the figures anybody would call a "God" (besides the Exalted) are Useless, because the Exalted (which includes the Player Characters) are the guys who were made specifically to do whatever the gods needed them to do for reasons inherent to the setting, to go with the main theme of the setting for the PCs: "You can do ''almost anything'', except '''avoid the consequences of doing that anything'''".

===Religion as a Bad Thing/Detractors===
There are several writers of Science Fiction and Fantasy that are of the opinion "Religion Is Bad", having an axe to grind (sometimes warranted, sometimes not) with either one or more specific real-life religions. This is more common in Sci-Fi than fantasy because the focus on science appeals to the naturalist, empiricist and/or humanist worldview of such writers, with the supernatural being seen as an obstacle to that. Despite that, the view is found among some fantasy authors as well, such as Philip Pullman (who wrote the "His Dark Materials" series as atheistic pushback against C.S Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia" series). Whatever the genre, this comes in flavors of "The Gods are Incompetent" (more on that below), "The Gods Don't Exist" or "The Gods are Evil". Cosmic Horror also tends to use the latter two or combine them into "The Gods are actually Incomprehensible and Destructive Aliens" ([[H.P. Lovecraft]] himself was an avowed anti-religious atheist - which is why cults are recurring villains in his stories). This also has the side effect of inclining science fiction towards an atheistic perspective.

Another major component is personal issues of the author such as grievance or prejudice, but that's case-by-case and a major can of worms. A writer could resent a specific religion or even the higher power a religion reveres - opposition to a god or gods being called anti-theism - and single them out in their works due to personal bias or an agenda. Worst case scenario, the story is an anti-religious wish fulfillment story or power fantasy; two examples are Frank Miller's "Holy Terror" comics against Islam - which Frank later admitted was a careless response to the September 11 attacks, and Garth Ennis' "Preacher" comics against Christianity - Garth was likely influenced by misblaming Christianity for the Irish conflict The Troubles.

Whatever the motivation, writers saying this message either model their fictional religions on the worst excesses of real world religious people, distorted versions or a fictional stand-in (the former is occasionally exaggerated and the latter two are often strawmen). The most frequently targeted religions are Christianity, Islam, faiths that practiced human sacrifice such as the Aztec's and Scientology. Cults, especially those with beliefs that mainstream religions consider unorthodox or outright heretical, are especially fertile ground for this message, albeit running the risk of being misapplied to tar other groups with the same brush.

===Religion as a Good Thing/Proponents===
There are several Science Fiction and Fantasy writers who either are religious themselves and want to promote their worldview, look upon religion positively and put that into the story or both. This is more common in Fantasy than Sci-fi, partly because with the supernatural being THE fundamental element of the genre, this gives opportunities to explore many aspects of religiosity. This is less common in science-fiction, but not unheard of, such as Carl Sagan's novel "Contact" where God's signature is found in the digits of pi. These authors usually put more thought into their fictional religion plus its central figure (although they have a tendency to go all "Crystal Dragon Jesus"; that is, resemble real-life religions but with a few details changed), and try and have it be at least a somewhat good influence, although religious institutions and leaders are usually hit-and-miss affairs.

Some people make a fictional setting with figures from real-world religions, either in the real-world or [[CS Lewis|an alternate world like Narnia]]. Others use fictional religions that either visually resemble real-life religions or figures from them. Religions that often get this treatment are the Abrahamic faiths (most often Christianity), Greek mythology, Egyptian mythology and Norse mythology (albeit often a sanitized version of the latter three). In other cases they all but abandon any form of subtlety, with the fictional religion being distinguished from the real-world religion by only a handful of minor changes. Naturally, those kinds of works tend to come off as preachy, to say the least.

Another route this uses is the route that faith itself provides the power as per "[[Belief Function|Belief Function]]" (think Morpheus' "your mind makes it real" quote, but applying at the cosmological level). In fact, Warhammer often goes the route that the gods are powered by faith as well as from their sphere of influence which has either [[Sigmar|caused some people have risen to godhood]] or [[Ynnead|caused new gods to be born in the setting]]. In fact, this has proven the greatest weapon against Chaos in every Warhammer setting (and why the Emperor's plan to starve the Chaos Gods with atheism was doomed to fail from the start).

===Somewhat special cases===

One somewhat special case is the "Religion of Evil"; in many settings, there is a religion that is explicitly capital E Evil and seeks one of the usual "Card Carrying Villain" goals of Control, Conquest, Corruption, or Destruction. Frequently has some admixture of the worst aspects of Roman Paganism, Norse practices, the Aztec, Scientology and/or the various Abrahamic religions. They also often draw from those found in the writings of H.P Lovecraft. If this cult directly worships an individual Evil God, expect whatever makes sense for that deity to be some form of destructive activity--e.g., the cult of the God of Murder demands human sacrifice on a regular basis, with a certain portion of that explicitly being not-careful-enough cultists. Regardless, Religions of Evil can show up in all three above modes, and usually has a special purpose in all three:

* All three types need bad guys. In particular, a group who by definition is Evil is always good for some no-need-to-worry-about-the-ethics-or-morality-of-killing fodder (based on the idea that everyone in its group is evil because you have to commit evil deeds to be made part of the group in the first place).
* Religion is Bad types tend to use them to say either "while they're all Bad, some are worse then others", that "Religion can be used to justify anything", use it as a strawman to tar all with the same brush or they have a personal axe to grind (either against an entire religion, a group within that religion or specific religious people the author dislikes).
* Religion is Good types or the sincerely religious tend to use them as analogies with fanaticism, criticize Real World cults, compare different beliefs or deal with negative aspects of religion (occasionally making jabs at competitive religions, or fellow believers the author disagrees with). Another approach is to have a Religion of Good fighting against a Religion of Evil - either as the heroes of the story or a valued ally - to say "there is good religion, so don't tar all with the same negative brush".
** As a side note, a lot of fantasy has moved slightly away from pure Religions of Evil, for much the same reason as [[Always Chaotic Evil]] races (questions of whether this fosters prejudice against real-life groups and audiences and authors demanding more motive for their villains). While there are still plenty of them, they usually add some reason that justify their existence (e.g. [[Ecclesiarchy|faith in the God-Emperor]], while horrible in its own right and despite all its excesses is still orders of magnitude more benign than the Chaos it keeps at bay) or makes them at least morally neutral under their own lights (if not that of the reader/protagonist). Popular options are for them to be an off-shoot/subset of another religion and/or be taking vengeance for an injustice (real or perceived, both of which have '''plenty''' of real-life precedent).

[[Urban Fantasy]] writers are another special case, since almost all Urban Fantasy is set in something that might be called "the real world with a twist", with all the usual political trouble that implies. As a result, they can take one of a few routes:
* The most common route is "there are many possible explanations" and vague things up as much as possible ([[True Faith|Faith]] being the power that repels [[Vampire]]s rather than than a cross having any actual connection to a deity is a popular one).
* The second most common route (albeit rarer outside of Cosmic Horror) is the "Religion as a Bad Thing" route. The story is straight up [[Imperial Truth|atheistic/"Religion is Bad" propaganda]] for the more preachy (pun intended) anti-religious writers. It's also frequently used by writers going for [[Edgy|"edgy"]] stories with religious subject matter; in practice, both most often target Christianity or any contemporary cults. Fictional religions or cults are usually thinly-veiled stand-ins for real-life ones and the quality of the plots themselves range from good to terrible.
* Some Urban Fantasy works with a clear correct religion exist thanks to the above mentioned sincerely religious authors, which are typically [[Chick Tracts|barely veiled proselytizing]] or [[Twilight|just straight up terrible]], though [[Monster Hunter International|there are some good ones]].
* The fourth route, taken most notably by [[Supers|DC and Marvel comics]] among others, is to take an "All Myths are True" approach: All religions are sort of true, but none have any exclusivity to the Truth, so Thor and Athena might have the Archangel Michael on speeddial when the Orochi teams up with Apep to get up to no good and start making trouble in their neighborhoods (because "Mikey really likes kicking serpent tail, and gets annoyed when we don't at least try to invite him to an evil serpent ass-kicking."). Differs from the "vague things up" route by being clearer on some details, and also much more gonzo. The Abrahamic God is the exception here: He's usually kept especially vague, albeit more powerful (and yet infinitely less accessible) than anyone else in the setting, and only referred to by some codephrase (Marvel likes "The One Above All", DC generally goes for "The Presence" or "whatever is behind the Source Wall").

===Miscellaneous Observations===

Doing the "The Gods are Incompetent" thing (the similar but different "The Gods are Insane", "The Gods Are Assholes" and "The Gods Don't Actually Do Anything" routes also falls under this umbrella) can go into any of the three modes; in a sincere monotheist's (such as Christian) work, it can be a "Take That" to polytheistic religions; in a "Religion is Bad" atheist's, it can be one to religion in general; in a Buddhist-influenced work, it can be a part of the whole "even the Gods are tied up in the Wheel of Karma" concept; and, even if the author is not pushing any religious message in any way, there's a neutral, plot-structural reason to go "Incompetent Gods": it can make the adventurers the Most Competent People Available since if that wasn't the case there wouldn't be anything for the adventurers to do.

If a work has multiple writers, (as frequently happens with RPG and Wargame settings, and quite a few popular SciFi/Fantasy ones as well) there's a tendency for the writers to try and pull the setting into one of the other two "modes" depending on their personal views. This leads to the theme changing from one side to the other as the story progresses. A recent example is [[World of Warcraft|the spate of retcons to the cosmology of the Warcraft universe]] and the morality of its fundamental forces/dominant higher powers, the Light and the Void. If the story doesn't get focused on a pro-religion or anti-religion message, it may end up swinging back and forth between both sides or settle in a mid-point which doesn't take a strong stance either way.

Note that members of the "Religion is Bad" and "Religion is Good" brigades will get involved in arguments over the relative morality or "goodness" of various factions in the story and the accuracy of any messages a writer presents. Often history buffs will throw their hat into the ring as well.

==Examples of /tg/ connected fictional religions==
===Warhammer 40k===
* The [[Imperial Truth]] was originally the Emperor's plan on beliefs, which he and his servants propagated throughout the galaxy during the Great Crusade. Attempting to wean mankind away from Chaos and being a firm member of the "Religion is Bad" brigade, the Emperor proclaimed there are no gods, and religion had to be abolished willingly or by force while science or reason are to be used for explaining the universe and morality. Everything transpired according to his design, except theistic religiosity in the 40k universe is the best weapon against Chaos so Emps' interstellar state atheism policy gave them a major opening. Things went from bad to worse when people started looking up to the Emperor as a god himself, [[Exterminatus|he responded accordingly]], and the Chaos Gods got a new tool in the form of [[Lorgar]]. After the Horus Heresy and the Emperor's removal from galactic politics: the Imperial Truth was slowly shelved in favor of the Imperial Cult, to the point that espousing the teachings of the Truth is ironically considered heresy. Only a few practitioners of the Imperial Truth remain, most notably the Custodes and the Space Marines (both of whom know The Emperor better than anybody to worship him as a god. Plus, their religious autonomy.).
** The [[Imperial Cult]] is the present-day religion of the Imperium of Man, and is a mix of several Abrahamic Religions along with copious amounts of warmongering, fanaticism and xenophobia. Derived from the Lectitio Divinatus penned by [[Lorgar]] pre-HH, the Cult decrees that because the Emperor is capable of all these miracles and power: he ''must'' be a god, and why you should worship and pledge loyalty to him. Its a complete 180 from the Emperor's original teachings, and has simultaneously been responsible for damning and saving the Imperium past the clusterfuck of the Horus Heresy. It's unknown whether the Emperor still abhors godhood and religion and would abolish it the moment he could, or if he's resigned himself to becoming the very thing he fought against for mankind to persevere in these trying times. Whatever the case, he didn't want to be a god, but now he has no choice but to become one.
** The [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Cult Mechanicus]] (Machine Cult) is the religion of the Adeptus Mechanicus, placing a heavy emphasis on machines, viewing them as gifts from the Machine God called "The Omnissiah" Officially, the Omnissiah is The Emperor, which allows the Mechanicus to sidestep the more puritan pundits of the Imperial Cult (we worship The Emprah, just not how you do it). Unofficially, the Omnissiah may or may not be the C'tan god: The Void Dragon. It also has a high emphasis on the collection of knowledge, and one of the Admech's roles in the galaxy is to explore remote and uncharted regions of space to find and search for knowledge that has been lost throughout the millennia. The last of these, is guidelines on machines and knowledge. Officially, heretic(tek) and xeno works are to be abhorred and disposed of, viewing them as perversions of the holy Machine God's works. Unofficially however, more liberally-minded and higher-ranked Magos would happily hoard heretek/xeno works, seeing their potential over the more restricted and constrained works of the Mechanicus.

* Chaos is a violent and complicated henotheistic (believing in multiple gods but only worshipping one) or polytheistic religion with dozens, if not hundreds of interpretations. Even then, there's more sub-cults that worship their particular god in a specific way, either minutely or vastly different from everyone else among followers of the Big 4. And this doesn't even get into the realm of Chaos Undivided (which worships the concept of Chaos itself, instead of the individual gods) and [[Malal]]. Chaos has very little established guidelines regarding worship, apart from their patron god's/gods' general likes/dislikes, so any religious practices or rituals are either based on commands from the god/s or up to the imagination of the cult.
** Interestingly, there is a Space Marine of the Chaos faction who follows the Imperial Truth, and that is [[Fabius Bile]].

* All Greenskins worship Gork and Mork (jury's out on whether the [[Gretchin Revolutionary Committee]] do), but are too disorganized to have anything like a formal religion, though they do make effigies of Gork and Mork and call on them. The closest thing they have to tenants is that Gork favors violence, Mork favors cunning. Greenskins have gotten into fights over this, but violence is part of their nature and that of their gods. While they fight over religion, they also fight over almost any dispute anyway, and may even start a religious argument just to enjoy a good fight among themselves (though the only theological argument they can formulate is "is Gork the god of cunning or is Mork?" or vica versa). On the surface, religion does not play a big-enough role in Ork society compared to other races, being just another outlet for Orks to fight about. But if [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka|Ghazghkull]] is any indication: religion can have a great impact on Orks, with him being becoming one of the greatest Warlords in the galaxy, primarily because he thinks he's personally blessed by Gork and Mork themselves. So if you throw in the Orks' gestalt field into the mix, its likely that its not that religion doesn't matter to them, it's under-utilized.

* The Tau's creed "The [[Greater Good]]" is a specie-wide philosophy that was adopted ever since the initial unification of the Tau in the olden days. In a nutshell, the Greater Good emphasizes the co-existence of all Tau and sapient life in general into working together for a common goal to further the Tau's progress, seeing everyone's potential and hoping to utilize that for an, ahem, greater good. Personal religion isn't forbidden, but it must not contradict or override The Greater Good, and must be disregarded if it ever does so. Technically, this means Tau can be religious or non-religious, as the Greater Good is not a religion (due to lacking an afterlife and supernatural aspects, with the closest things to figures of worship being the Ethereals). This sounds all fine and dandy, but the Ethereal class, who are responsible for maintaining The Greater Good, have been shown to be less benevolent than believed and have been using their unnaturally powerful charisma to subtly oppress the Tau and use them to further their own agendas.
**The Farsight Enclaves, who have thrown off Ethereal rule, are the exception in that they have rejected The Greater Good, seeing it as the method of oppression used to keep the T'au under complete control of the ethereals. Due to this, if one considers the Greater Good a religion, The Enclaves are irreligious.
**As of the 4th Sphere Expansion disaster, Chaos Tau are starting to become a thing.
**At one point, the Earth Caste gathered Genestealer-infected Tau and studied them to see what would happen. Of course, a Genestealer cult developed and naturally they violently escaped control and surveillance. According to rumors, they've even produced a Genestealer-infected Ethereal.

* The Eldar have varying views on religiosity depending on their type. Their religion is polytheistic, with henotheistic offshoots, and Ausryan was the highest ranking god. However all of the Eldar gods were murder-raped to death by Slaanesh except for Isha (taken by Nurgle), Khaine (shattered and flung into realspace), Cegorach (hiding in the Webway) and Ynnead (born long after Slaanesh's birth). Their Pantheon's religious practices aren't fleshed out save for those of Cegorach, Isha, and Khaine, via the Harlequins and Aspect Warriors. With most of their gods out of commission, Eldar religious worship is of a deistic bent.
** Craftworlders and Exodites almost exclusively worship the original Eldar pantheon, though some engage in henotheistic worship of only one of the gods. Asuryan is more popular among Craftworlders while Isha is among Exodites, though nearly all give Khaine some tribute during war.
** Corsairs are all over the place, though Khaine is a popular choice given their more militant nature.
** Being agents of the Laughing God himself, the Harlequins' worship is centered around [[Cegorach]], whilst still paying minor tribute to the other gods.
** The new faith around Ynnead, the Ynnari, is rapidly growing but have yet to establish teachings or rituals.
** Unique among the Eldar, the Dark Eldar are irreligious for the most part and while they believe some gods exist they're too self-centered to worship them (this is canon). They're often also anti-religious to boot; a major landmark of Commorragh is a landfill of religious icons called Iconoclast's Mound, and one Wych cult - the Pain Eternal - revolves around killing religious people and destroying shrines and holy sites. The sole exception, except for Dark Eldar who stop being Dark Eldar, are the [[Incubi]] who hold [[Khaine]] in high regard.
** The Ynnari have encountered atleast one ancient Craftworld that turned into an entire Genestealer cult in a misguided attempt to avoid getting their souls consumed by Slaanesh as their ship had no infinity circuit present. We're not sure if this worked to any capacity (if at all, given the Hive Mind does not absorb souls), but they were taken down by the Ynnari for obvious reasons.
** There are numerous rumors of a very small number of Chaos Eldar, but these are barely fleshed out and heavily classified in-universe. There have been verified Nurgle-worshipping Eldar and persistent rumors that some have embraced Slaanesh without becoming soul-food. Apart from this, some Dark Eldar have been willing to summon Chaos Daemons or work with Chaos worshippers ([[Fabius Bile|or allies of Chaos]]) to further their own ends.

* While the Necrontyr had religions before certain [[C'tan|star entities]] [[Necrons|roboticizied them]], those aren't fleshed out or detailed. Its also heavily implied the C'tan co-opted the Necrontyr religion beforehand. With the change to Necrons taking the higher though processes of most of them, any Necrons who can comprehend faith and religiosity either worship the C'tan or have become irreligious.

* The Tyranids themselves are irreligious, being spehss bugs and all, but understand at least a few of the advantages of religion. [[Genestealer]]s infect people and together they establish cults on targeted worlds, such as one worshipping "Children of the Stars", a perversion of the Imperial Cult (such as one that worships a [[Swarmlord|four-armed]] version of the Emperor) or something else like "Celebrants of Nihilism" (yes, that's a canon Genestealer cult name). Psychic influence is often involved and, notably, the Genestealers do not consider themselves gods. Once the Tyranids arrive en-masse, the cult-gets assimilated along with all non-Tyranids willingly or not. An interesting tidbit is that the Hive Mind stops the Tyranids from attacking the cultists in early stages of the invasion and leads them on, only to later override the Genestealers' wills and and make them slaughter the cultists.

===Dungeons and Dragons===
* Among Dungeons and Dragons settings, [[Planescape]], [[Eberron]], and [[Pathfinder]] are notable for having some coherent things that could be called "Religions", rather then the usual generic Pantheism.
** Most of Planescape's Factions effectively count as religions, to the point they can produce [[Cleric]]s ([[Planescape: Torment#Fall-From-Grace|Atheist ones at that]]). Yes, even the Athar. (Perhaps ''especially'' the Athar.)
** Half of Eberron's religions aren't worship of deities. The [[Blood of Vol]] seeks to unlock the divinity within one's self and rejects the gods (if they even exist) and the [[Path of Inspiration]] seeks to improve their next reincarnation. The Undying Court worships not gods but their undead ancestors that make up their government. The [[Path of Light]], [[Warforged_Mysteries#The_Becoming_God|Becoming God]] and [[Warforged_Mysteries#The_Reforged|Reforged]] all seek to ''create'' a deity. Even some interpretations of the [[Sovereign Host]], like the one most common among dragons, don't worship them as deities. Due to the way divine casting works in Eberron, all of these can produce divine casters.
** There's a handful of religions on [[Golarion]] that aren't merely worship of pantheons. The most prominent (read: Actually has mechanical support) is the [[Prophecies of Kalistrade]], which is basically fantasy [[Star Trek|Ferengi]].

* [[D20 Modern]]'s [[Urban Arcana]], unusually for urban fantasy, has D&D deities bleed into reality alongside the monsters. You are still able to play a <s>cleric</s> "acolyte" of any real world deity despite this.

===Star Wars===
* [[Star Wars]] is inconsistent on if the [[The Force]] is a religion. The Jedi and the Sith ''could'' both be considered religions as they are considered monastic, but mix in several other traits such as being meritocratic (Jedi) and kraterocratic (Sith) and Lucas himself has axed at least one prototyped book for portraying them too much as a religion. On the other hand, there's the Imperial officer in ''"A New Hope"'' who disses Vader's ways as "sad devotion to ancient religion", only to get [[Meme|chided for his lack of faith with a Force choke]]. It's also notable that the Sith were former Jedi who left the Jedi path for several reasons including [[Heresy|disagreements over the teachings of that creed]]. Aside from that, religion is nearly always a non-human tradition, something noted in a culture's historical background and never seen implying its extinction, or a scam. The religiously linked "damn" and "hell" are the two real world swear words that exist in-universe, purely because Han Solo used them in the films and while a young Anakin told Padme about "angels" in the prequel film these are later revealed to be in-universe aliens, albeit mysterious and powerful ones.
** There are rare exceptions where a religion is fleshed out and explored, and the writing goes various directions for better or worse. A notable example is the aggressive polytheistic religion of the antagonistic Yuuzhan Vong from the EU (which the story gradually revealed was long ago perverted from benevolent roots, and this perverted form takes a few cues from Islam, Maori beliefs and Aztec mythology).

===Star Trek===
* Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry had a low opinion of religion and in his vision humanity had done away with it and was better off for it and he had no interest in adding it to the aliens. However, some of the cast and crew disagreed and occasionally references to religions found their way into the show, which increased after Roddenberry's death. The Federation's culture is distinctly humanistic (extending the concept to alien species) in its outlook, in which religion is regarded as a thing of the past.
** While there are plenty of "Godlike" entities in Star Trek, almost all are treated as Sufficiently Advanced Aliens in the Arthur C. Clarke sense--and in particular, in ST:TNG, the flip side, that Picard and his crew are frequently shown to look like Gods to sufficiently primitive aliens, is gone into in more than one episode.
** The primary religion of the Federation's main frenemies, the Klingons, is a deistic religion where a Klingon warrior killed their gods, and in their belief Klingons who live according to those tenets get to live in a pseudo-Valhalla.
** The Bajorans are a highly religious alien race, with the majority following peaceful teachings and a minority of violent extremists.
*** Of some note, the Bajoran religion is of interest because their "Gods" actually exist, and can be (somewhat incomprehensibly) talked to (a rarity outside of [[Science Fantasy]]). In other words, they were frequently a method of having some religion vs. science debates where the divine entity (A) explicitly exists, (B) is explainable as "sufficiently advanced and unusual aliens", and (C) aren't jerks, just bad at communication with those of us who experience time linearly--in other words, with a deck that wasn't quite as badly stacked. The religiosity was meant to be as a way of contrasting the Starfleet personnel with the native population and to draw a parallel between Bajorans under the Cardassian Occupation and various real world recently freed oppressed religious-slash-ethnic groups.
** <s>In the fifth Star Trek movie, ''"The Final Frontier"'', some of the crew steal the Enterprise to look for God and instead find a powerful alien being impersonating God in the center of the universe</s> '''Just like there is no live-action movie of Avatar: The Last Airbender, there is totally no Star Trek 5!'''

===World of Darkness===
* Very large books could be written about religion and [[World of Darkness]]/Chronicles of Darkness. We'll just cover a few highlights:
** From [[Vampire: The Requiem]], there's the the Lancea et Sanctum, which might be best described as "Christianity for Vampires", and the Circle of the Crone, which is "Pagan Vampires". Both have Vampire miracles on tap (pun intended).
** [[Hunter: The Vigil]] has various religious organizations among the Compacts and Conspiracies, some very similar to real world ones, others...not so much.
** [[Mage: The Ascension]] has various religious Traditions, portrayed in that highly-stereotypical and highly-depending-on-the-author way typical of old WoD.

==See also==
* [[Mythology]]
* [[True Faith]], a common mechanic to weaponize religion in [[Urban Fantasy]].

[[Category:Not related]]
[[Category:History]]

Low Fantasy

2021-05-15T09:17:11Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

{{stub}}

'''Low Fantasy''' is a fantasy [[Setting Aesthetics]] term which practically no two people agree on the precise definition of, beyond being the polar opposite of [[High Fantasy]]. At its core, it adheres much closer to a "realistic" version of a semi-historical world - it's usually set on a world other than Earth, though, which helps distinguish it from historical fantasy, but not always.

A Low Fantasy world generally has a "shades of gray" approach to morality, often slanting towards the cynical, which is why the term is often confused with [[Dark Fantasy]]. Magical elements and users are either extremely rare, weak and/or either very subdued; alternatively, they can be quite powerful but coming at a terrible price for the user/their allies/everyone else, so there are few who dare use it, and terrible punishments for the practitioners if found out. [[Dinosaur]]s are more likely to appear than [[dragon]]s, and even then still be rare; the world is distinctly humanocentric, with minimal (if any) [[demihuman]] presence and even less [[god|divine]] prescence. [[Adventurer]]s are usually normal people who have taken up a cause, if not just [[Murderhobo|wandering psycho bastards.]]

[[Category: Gamer Slang]] [[Category: Setting Aesthetics]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2021-05-15T09:13:56Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire */

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''' (more better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''') is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy. Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors, which would probably explain its sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing a story about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes [[edgy|dark (occasionally grimderp)]] fantasy is not lost on most.

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the pervious war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves]]. They have a tendency towards [[Lawful Stupid]] that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]]. They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_york House of York].
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend, but still a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation.
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, [[Lawful Stupid]] King Arthur-like hero. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]].
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. After breaking away (in the TV series) from the Faceless Men she heads back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. Is currently back with her sister Sansa, acting as a general "troubleshooter". Kills the Night King like a fucking champion [[Skub|(or, alternatively, in a nonsensical plot twist)]] in Season 8, and is now riding south to add Cersei to her kill count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she decides to sail into the unknown west.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young! Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Currently revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt. He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a psychiatric break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and his only speech is to repeat a garbled phrase of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. The inbreeding would also lead to a line of almost alternatingly great and lunatic kings, culminating in Aerys "The Mad King" Targaryen and a palace coup. Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war, the remnants trying to gather armies to retake the Iron Throne which they see as rightfully theirs. Basically a family of inbreeding girly-men with a massive sense of superiority and as arrogant as they come, forgetting that most of what they accomplished was due to the fact that only they had dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear.
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* [[Mary Sue|Daenerys Targaryen]], ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]). She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. While she's stuck with a Khalassar in the books, in the TV series she made it to Westeros invading the place with an army of elite hoplites, a massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Has officially gone Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and Red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. Is now the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your bases are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Is now dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]</div></div>

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===House Lannister===

''Hear Me Roar"/"A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House Lancaster combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia.
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operates as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he was an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He is completely blind to the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself, [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Cunt Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy a Gypsy made when Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Gypsy was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge. She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? to don't die sooner, for the seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, and then later he even grows out of ''that'' as well when he realizes what a bitch she is, gets thoroughly humbled to boot after losing his sword hand and having some time to rethink his life and study the legacy of his predecessors, many of whom were legitimately righteous dudes. (And realizing that there are several other women who are interested in him.) Also, the only person in his family who treats Tyrion well, along with one of his aunts and two dead uncles. Essentially, a more incestuous [[Blood Angel]] - but more douchey, so make that [[Flesh Tearer]]. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart. In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by all of the civilized characters in the books, except his brother Jaime who treats him well and Jon Snow who tolerates him. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with). Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was the literal truth. (Admittedly he'd earned some PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. Sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her. In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Mycella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. She had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Ten years old. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei. In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather, they're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a brotherhood front/orpganage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, has sex with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central river lands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). A useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Tully's house in Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. Currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again. Tries to make a case for himself as king in the final episode, only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish. (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?) Ended up holed up in Riverrun, and got the fuck out right before the end of the siege, so that the Lannisters couldn't dick him over as a prisoner (or so he can keep dicking them over before he became a prisoner). Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual. In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. The true mastermind behind Robert's Rebellion was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit, and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa, so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or The Iron Price; seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in conquest rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via The Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler and general shithead who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]].
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). Dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers, so evil]] that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons of women he's raped around the world during his raids. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Honsou|the sickest fuck in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]]. In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear who wants to bang Cersei and Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode. </div></div>

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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and backstabbers par-excellence and owners of a lot of fertile land. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour. They're basically France. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].
*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" that poisoned his wine. Now she keeps her family in line and is hailed as a more progressive version of Tywin. Became a fan favourite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and telling the Sand Snakes to shut up. [[Fail|Later killed off in the show]], but not before revealing to Jaime that [[Awesome|she was the one who killed Joffrey and asking him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the series, which might explain why he's yet to make an appearance. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handed wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the series. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]] then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, she is capable of manipulation. In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]]. Their sigil is a flayed man, their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of eternal suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto... which shows how stupid the Starks were for allying with them.
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: The bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the original Reek, the paedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Eldar|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek; Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed. In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, he is disarmed, beaten rather brutally and detained to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Desert dwelling survivalists who pride themselves on having never been conquered by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. [[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely FUBAR in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys while trying to keep the rest of his psychotic family members in check. Wheelchair-bound due to his gout. [[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]].
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. Exists only in the books, where she is currently helping her dad get ready to topple the Lannisters after fucking everything up with her own stupid plan to crown Myrcella, which is what got the poor girl maimed.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard. His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a fight, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a somewhat decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, avenging his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. Though it's probably a win for Oberyn, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist.
*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books. [[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters]] and get killed by Euron's men, except for one who gets captured and poisoned by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.</div></div>

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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it.

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Hates everyone for "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it. Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Stabs everyone in the back because he's actually trying to bring the Targaryens back in order to strengthen the realm. Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a paedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya. According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby.
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of [[Khorne|testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. Tortures Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Davos Seaworth, ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime. In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits Bear Island after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version).
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Westeros, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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===Gods and Such===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers. (Though none of that shows up before Daenerys wakes her dragons. Authorial sleight-of-hand, retcon or retroactive restoration of magic to the world? YOU DECIDE!)

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in, which gets both sympathetic (books only) and unsympathetic (books and show) characters associated with it. Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians.
** High Septon 1: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2: Successor of High Septon 1. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon 2. After the second High Septon died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|retconned]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to kingdom come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation ''wins''.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. Their powers are limited to the North, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
* R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]] such as fire magic and Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, every other god is him in a different form and he requires his assassins to utterly forget their past identities in service to him. Has a heyday during the Battle of King's Landing and the Red Wedding. His most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched. In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
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==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it.

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system or the plot hinging on a macguffin. On the other hand, it does have [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]
After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant, at best, due to the fact that a whole lot of his content would've been cut out to be fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George, before giving them his consent, asks them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb).

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 3 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless faggots do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their Star Wars ideas after the backlash towards the final season.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle intended to be epic but chock full of plot armor and tactical [[Fail|fails]] that'd make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre giving the Dothraki flaming swords instead of flaming arrows to fight the wights, putting soldiers in front of the ditch and walls instead of behind/on them, no flanking charges and the living hiding all their non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and the winter also ends. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Despite being their best chance to take down Cersei and having helped save them from an icy zombie apocalypse, the Westerosi inexplicably go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Even Sansa starts defying Daenerys because she wants to be queen now, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being someone who could easily kill Sansa for such treason. Everyone inexplicably starts rallying around the idea of Jon being king, despite his attempts to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, doing the uncharacteristically stupid thing of trying to kill Dany, culminating in Varys being reported by Tyrion and executed by Drogon's fire breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships from the air, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing they'd be there at the time. After Daenerys and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet single-handedly (amid poorly animated weather**), they reach King's Landing. Despite King's Landing being prepared for a siege, Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte*)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and also snuck in to take down -zombie-Gregor in a battle that kills them both while Arya gives up her revenge on Cersei despite having strong non-revenge reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells, despite every Westerosi character knowing the bells aren't signals for surrender. Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and she uses Drogon and her army to destroy King's Landing and kill everyone despite coming to liberate and lead them. This is followed by a sudden evil wardrobe switch and Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Meanwhile, Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being willing and borderline eager to kill Cersei himself earlier. Tyrion is also arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given the writers' obsessive anti-religious circle jerk for the past three Seasons in contrast to the books' even-handedness).

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason - Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason. The meeting ends with Tyrion being freed and made Hand of the King to Brann, Brienne being made Commander of the Kingsguard, Bronn being made Master of Coin, Samwell being the new Grand Maester and the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he wanted to go back up north with the Wildings. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting and **the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon solo the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he does have a point. Ironically he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who then went on to make a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting, spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a d20 RPG in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, White Wolf. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with Green Ronin games.

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games because they have become some sort of endless source of amusement and frustration for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is roughly speaking the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after star wars, and some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF based games is Fantasy Flight Games

First and foremost we have the Game of Thrones board game, a game that after two editions still ranks high in the BGG top 100 board games, and has recently had an expansion. The Game of Thrones board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced risk, in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.

Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is the game of thrones card game. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike other card games, the game has a "living card game" release format, in which players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

Finally, the last game to mention in the FFG venerable trilogy of games is "Battles of Westeros", arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the Memoir 44/battlelore rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15 mm and for their time and scale they were quite detailed, some commanders are real standouts(I´m looking at you Robb Stark(with his wolf jumping at his side) and Rickard Karstark). Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the battle of the blackwater (the hybrid invasion of kings landing by Stannis the Mannis). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

And then the miniature producing Kickstarter juggernaut CMON decided to produce its own wargame, with AMAZING miniatures.

As this is CMON the game began with a [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game]kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.

The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games such as KOW combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck.
A new page is in the works [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants.

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don'tinvolvethe main continentin the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For example: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom.

Whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate, in other words.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2021-05-15T09:12:52Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''' (more better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''') is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy. Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors, which would probably explain its sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing a story about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes [[edgy|dark (occasionally grimderp)]] fantasy is not lost on most.

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the pervious war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves]]. They have a tendency towards [[Lawful Stupid]] that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]]. They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_york House of York].
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend, but still a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation.
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, [[Lawful Stupid]] King Arthur-like hero. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]].
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. After breaking away (in the TV series) from the Faceless Men she heads back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. Is currently back with her sister Sansa, acting as a general "troubleshooter". Kills the Night King like a fucking champion [[Skub|(or, alternatively, in a nonsensical plot twist)]] in Season 8, and is now riding south to add Cersei to her kill count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she decides to sail into the unknown west.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young! Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Currently revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt. He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a psychiatric break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and his only speech is to repeat a garbled phrase of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. The inbreeding would also lead to a line of almost alternatingly great and lunatic kings, culminating in Aerys "The Mad King" Targaryen and a palace coup. Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war, the remnants trying to gather armies to retake the Iron Throne which they see as rightfully theirs. Basically a family of inbreeding girly-men with a massive sense of superiority and as arrogant as they come, forgetting that most of what they accomplished was due to the fact that only they had dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear.
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* [[Mary Sue|Daenerys Targaryen]], ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]). She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. While she's stuck with a Khalassar in the books, in the TV series she made it to Westeros invading the place with an army of elite hoplites, a massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Has officially gone Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and Red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. Is now the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your bases are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Is now dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]</div></div>

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===House Lannister===

''Hear Me Roar"/"A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House Lancaster combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia.
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operates as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he was an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He is completely blind to the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself, [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Cunt Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy a Gypsy made when Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Gypsy was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge. She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? to don't die sooner, for the seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, and then later he even grows out of ''that'' as well when he realizes what a bitch she is, gets thoroughly humbled to boot after losing his sword hand and having some time to rethink his life and study the legacy of his predecessors, many of whom were legitimately righteous dudes. (And realizing that there are several other women who are interested in him.) Also, the only person in his family who treats Tyrion well, along with one of his aunts and two dead uncles. Essentially, a more incestuous [[Blood Angel]] - but more douchey, so make that [[Flesh Tearer]]. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart. In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by all of the civilized characters in the books, except his brother Jaime who treats him well and Jon Snow who tolerates him. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with). Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was the literal truth. (Admittedly he'd earned some PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. Sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her. In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Mycella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. She had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Ten years old. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei. In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather, they're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a brotherhood front/orpganage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, has sex with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central river lands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). A useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Tully's house in Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. Currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again. Tries to make a case for himself as king in the final episode, only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish. (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?) Ended up holed up in Riverrun, and got the fuck out right before the end of the siege, so that the Lannisters couldn't dick him over as a prisoner (or so he can keep dicking them over before he became a prisoner). Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual. In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. The true mastermind behind Robert's Rebellion was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit, and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa, so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or The Iron Price; seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in conquest rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via The Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler and general shithead who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]].
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). Dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers, so evil]] that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons of women he's raped around the world during his raids. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Honsou|the sickest fuck in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]]. In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear who wants to bang Cersei and Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode. </div></div>

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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and backstabbers par-excellence and owners of a lot of fertile land. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour. They're basically France. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].
*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" that poisoned his wine. Now she keeps her family in line and is hailed as a more progressive version of Tywin. Became a fan favourite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and telling the Sand Snakes to shut up. [[Fail|Later killed off in the show]], but not before revealing to Jaime that [[Awesome|she was the one who killed Joffrey and asking him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the series, which might explain why he's yet to make an appearance. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handed wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the series. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]] then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, she is capable of manipulation. In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]]. Their sigil is a flayed man, their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of eternal suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto... which shows how stupid the Starks were for allying with them.
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: The bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the original Reek, the paedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Eldar|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek; Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed. In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, he is disarmed, beaten rather brutally and detained to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Desert dwelling survivalists who pride themselves on having never been conquered by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. [[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely FUBAR in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys while trying to keep the rest of his psychotic family members in check. Wheelchair-bound due to his gout. [[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]].
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. Exists only in the books, where she is currently helping her dad get ready to topple the Lannisters after fucking everything up with her own stupid plan to crown Myrcella, which is what got the poor girl maimed.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard. His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a fight, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a somewhat decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, avenging his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. Though it's probably a win for Oberyn, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist.
*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books. [[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters]] and get killed by Euron's men, except for one who gets captured and poisoned by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.</div></div>

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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it.

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Hates everyone for "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it. Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Stabs everyone in the back because he's actually trying to bring the Targaryens back in order to strengthen the realm. Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a paedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya. According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby.
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of [[Khorne|testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. Tortures Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Davos Seaworth, ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime. In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits Bear Island after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version).
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Westeros, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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===Gods and Such===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers. (Though none of that shows up before Daenerys wakes her dragons. Authorial sleight-of-hand, retcon or retroactive restoration of magic to the world? YOU DECIDE!)

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in, which gets both sympathetic (books only) and unsympathetic (books and show) characters associated with it. Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians.
** High Septon 1: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2: Successor of High Septon 1. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon 2. After the second High Septon died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|retconned]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to kingdom come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation ''wins''.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. Their powers are limited to the North, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
* R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]] such as fire magic and Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, every other god is him in a different form and he requires his assassins to utterly forget their past identities in service to him. Has a heyday during the Battle of King's Landing and the Red Wedding. His most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched. In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
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==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it.

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system or the plot hinging on a macguffin. On the other hand, it does have [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]
After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant, at best, due to the fact that a whole lot of his content would've been cut out to be fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George, before giving them his consent, asks them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb).

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 3 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless faggots do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their Star Wars ideas after the backlash towards the final season.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle intended to be epic but chock full of plot armor and tactical [[Fail|fails]] that'd make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre giving the Dothraki flaming swords instead of flaming arrows to fight the wights, putting soldiers in front of the ditch and walls instead of behind/on them, no flanking charges and the living hiding all their non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and the winter also ends. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Despite being their best chance to take down Cersei and having helped save them from an icy zombie apocalypse, the Westerosi inexplicably go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Even Sansa starts defying Daenerys because she wants to be queen now, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being someone who could easily kill Sansa for such treason. Everyone inexplicably starts rallying around the idea of Jon being king, despite his attempts to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, doing the uncharacteristically stupid thing of trying to kill Dany, culminating in Varys being reported by Tyrion and executed by Drogon's fire breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships from the air, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing they'd be there at the time. After Daenerys and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet single-handedly (amid poorly animated weather**), they reach King's Landing. Despite King's Landing being prepared for a siege, Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte*)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and also snuck in to take down -zombie-Gregor in a battle that kills them both while Arya gives up her revenge on Cersei despite having strong non-revenge reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells, despite every Westerosi character knowing the bells aren't signals for surrender. Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and she uses Drogon and her army to destroy King's Landing and kill everyone despite coming to liberate and lead them. This is followed by a sudden evil wardrobe switch and Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Meanwhile, Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being willing and borderline eager to kill Cersei himself earlier. Tyrion is also arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given the writers' obsessive anti-religious circle jerk for the past three Seasons in contrast to the books' even-handedness).

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason - Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason. The meeting ends with Tyrion being freed and made Hand of the King to Brann, Brienne being made Commander of the Kingsguard, Bronn being made Master of Coin, Samwell being the new Grand Maester and the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he wanted to go back up north with the Wildings. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting and **the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon solo the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he does have a point. Ironically he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who then went on to make a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting, spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a d20 RPG in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, White Wolf. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with Green Ronin games.

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games because they have become some sort of endless source of amusement and frustration for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is roughly speaking the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after star wars, and some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF based games is Fantasy Flight Games

First and foremost we have the Game of Thrones board game, a game that after two editions still ranks high in the BGG top 100 board games, and has recently had an expansion. The Game of Thrones board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced risk, in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.

Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is the game of thrones card game. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike other card games, the game has a "living card game" release format, in which players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

Finally, the last game to mention in the FFG venerable trilogy of games is "Battles of Westeros", arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the Memoir 44/battlelore rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15 mm and for their time and scale they were quite detailed, some commanders are real standouts(I´m looking at you Robb Stark(with his wolf jumping at his side) and Rickard Karstark). Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the battle of the blackwater (the hybrid invasion of kings landing by Stannis the Mannis). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

And then the miniature producing Kickstarter juggernaut CMON decided to produce its own wargame, with AMAZING miniatures.

As this is CMON the game began with a [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game]kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.

The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games such as KOW combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck.
A new page is in the works [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants.

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don'tinvolvethe main continentin the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For example: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom.

Whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate, in other words.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2021-05-15T09:12:34Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''' (more better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''') is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy. Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors, which would probably explain its sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing a story about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes [[edgy|dark (ranging from edgy to grimderp)]] fantasy is not lost on most.

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the pervious war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves]]. They have a tendency towards [[Lawful Stupid]] that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]]. They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_york House of York].
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend, but still a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation.
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, [[Lawful Stupid]] King Arthur-like hero. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]].
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. After breaking away (in the TV series) from the Faceless Men she heads back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. Is currently back with her sister Sansa, acting as a general "troubleshooter". Kills the Night King like a fucking champion [[Skub|(or, alternatively, in a nonsensical plot twist)]] in Season 8, and is now riding south to add Cersei to her kill count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she decides to sail into the unknown west.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young! Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Currently revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt. He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a psychiatric break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and his only speech is to repeat a garbled phrase of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. The inbreeding would also lead to a line of almost alternatingly great and lunatic kings, culminating in Aerys "The Mad King" Targaryen and a palace coup. Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war, the remnants trying to gather armies to retake the Iron Throne which they see as rightfully theirs. Basically a family of inbreeding girly-men with a massive sense of superiority and as arrogant as they come, forgetting that most of what they accomplished was due to the fact that only they had dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear.
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* [[Mary Sue|Daenerys Targaryen]], ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]). She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. While she's stuck with a Khalassar in the books, in the TV series she made it to Westeros invading the place with an army of elite hoplites, a massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Has officially gone Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and Red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. Is now the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your bases are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Is now dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]</div></div>

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===House Lannister===

''Hear Me Roar"/"A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House Lancaster combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia.
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operates as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he was an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He is completely blind to the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself, [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Cunt Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy a Gypsy made when Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Gypsy was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge. She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? to don't die sooner, for the seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, and then later he even grows out of ''that'' as well when he realizes what a bitch she is, gets thoroughly humbled to boot after losing his sword hand and having some time to rethink his life and study the legacy of his predecessors, many of whom were legitimately righteous dudes. (And realizing that there are several other women who are interested in him.) Also, the only person in his family who treats Tyrion well, along with one of his aunts and two dead uncles. Essentially, a more incestuous [[Blood Angel]] - but more douchey, so make that [[Flesh Tearer]]. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart. In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by all of the civilized characters in the books, except his brother Jaime who treats him well and Jon Snow who tolerates him. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with). Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was the literal truth. (Admittedly he'd earned some PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. Sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her. In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Mycella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. She had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Ten years old. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei. In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather, they're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a brotherhood front/orpganage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, has sex with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central river lands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). A useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Tully's house in Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. Currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again. Tries to make a case for himself as king in the final episode, only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish. (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?) Ended up holed up in Riverrun, and got the fuck out right before the end of the siege, so that the Lannisters couldn't dick him over as a prisoner (or so he can keep dicking them over before he became a prisoner). Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual. In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. The true mastermind behind Robert's Rebellion was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit, and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa, so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or The Iron Price; seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in conquest rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via The Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler and general shithead who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]].
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). Dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers, so evil]] that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons of women he's raped around the world during his raids. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Honsou|the sickest fuck in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]]. In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear who wants to bang Cersei and Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode. </div></div>

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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and backstabbers par-excellence and owners of a lot of fertile land. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour. They're basically France. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].
*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" that poisoned his wine. Now she keeps her family in line and is hailed as a more progressive version of Tywin. Became a fan favourite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and telling the Sand Snakes to shut up. [[Fail|Later killed off in the show]], but not before revealing to Jaime that [[Awesome|she was the one who killed Joffrey and asking him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the series, which might explain why he's yet to make an appearance. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handed wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the series. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]] then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, she is capable of manipulation. In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]]. Their sigil is a flayed man, their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of eternal suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto... which shows how stupid the Starks were for allying with them.
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: The bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the original Reek, the paedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Eldar|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek; Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed. In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, he is disarmed, beaten rather brutally and detained to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Desert dwelling survivalists who pride themselves on having never been conquered by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. [[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely FUBAR in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys while trying to keep the rest of his psychotic family members in check. Wheelchair-bound due to his gout. [[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]].
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. Exists only in the books, where she is currently helping her dad get ready to topple the Lannisters after fucking everything up with her own stupid plan to crown Myrcella, which is what got the poor girl maimed.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard. His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a fight, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a somewhat decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, avenging his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. Though it's probably a win for Oberyn, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist.
*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books. [[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters]] and get killed by Euron's men, except for one who gets captured and poisoned by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.</div></div>

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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it.

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Hates everyone for "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it. Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Stabs everyone in the back because he's actually trying to bring the Targaryens back in order to strengthen the realm. Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a paedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya. According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby.
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of [[Khorne|testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. Tortures Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Davos Seaworth, ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime. In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits Bear Island after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version).
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Westeros, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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===Gods and Such===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers. (Though none of that shows up before Daenerys wakes her dragons. Authorial sleight-of-hand, retcon or retroactive restoration of magic to the world? YOU DECIDE!)

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in, which gets both sympathetic (books only) and unsympathetic (books and show) characters associated with it. Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians.
** High Septon 1: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2: Successor of High Septon 1. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon 2. After the second High Septon died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|retconned]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to kingdom come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation ''wins''.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. Their powers are limited to the North, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
* R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]] such as fire magic and Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, every other god is him in a different form and he requires his assassins to utterly forget their past identities in service to him. Has a heyday during the Battle of King's Landing and the Red Wedding. His most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched. In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
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==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it.

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system or the plot hinging on a macguffin. On the other hand, it does have [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]
After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant, at best, due to the fact that a whole lot of his content would've been cut out to be fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George, before giving them his consent, asks them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb).

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 3 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless faggots do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their Star Wars ideas after the backlash towards the final season.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle intended to be epic but chock full of plot armor and tactical [[Fail|fails]] that'd make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre giving the Dothraki flaming swords instead of flaming arrows to fight the wights, putting soldiers in front of the ditch and walls instead of behind/on them, no flanking charges and the living hiding all their non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and the winter also ends. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Despite being their best chance to take down Cersei and having helped save them from an icy zombie apocalypse, the Westerosi inexplicably go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Even Sansa starts defying Daenerys because she wants to be queen now, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being someone who could easily kill Sansa for such treason. Everyone inexplicably starts rallying around the idea of Jon being king, despite his attempts to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, doing the uncharacteristically stupid thing of trying to kill Dany, culminating in Varys being reported by Tyrion and executed by Drogon's fire breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships from the air, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing they'd be there at the time. After Daenerys and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet single-handedly (amid poorly animated weather**), they reach King's Landing. Despite King's Landing being prepared for a siege, Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte*)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and also snuck in to take down -zombie-Gregor in a battle that kills them both while Arya gives up her revenge on Cersei despite having strong non-revenge reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells, despite every Westerosi character knowing the bells aren't signals for surrender. Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and she uses Drogon and her army to destroy King's Landing and kill everyone despite coming to liberate and lead them. This is followed by a sudden evil wardrobe switch and Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Meanwhile, Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being willing and borderline eager to kill Cersei himself earlier. Tyrion is also arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given the writers' obsessive anti-religious circle jerk for the past three Seasons in contrast to the books' even-handedness).

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason - Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason. The meeting ends with Tyrion being freed and made Hand of the King to Brann, Brienne being made Commander of the Kingsguard, Bronn being made Master of Coin, Samwell being the new Grand Maester and the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he wanted to go back up north with the Wildings. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting and **the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon solo the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he does have a point. Ironically he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who then went on to make a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting, spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a d20 RPG in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, White Wolf. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with Green Ronin games.

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games because they have become some sort of endless source of amusement and frustration for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is roughly speaking the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after star wars, and some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF based games is Fantasy Flight Games

First and foremost we have the Game of Thrones board game, a game that after two editions still ranks high in the BGG top 100 board games, and has recently had an expansion. The Game of Thrones board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced risk, in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.

Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is the game of thrones card game. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike other card games, the game has a "living card game" release format, in which players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

Finally, the last game to mention in the FFG venerable trilogy of games is "Battles of Westeros", arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the Memoir 44/battlelore rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15 mm and for their time and scale they were quite detailed, some commanders are real standouts(I´m looking at you Robb Stark(with his wolf jumping at his side) and Rickard Karstark). Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the battle of the blackwater (the hybrid invasion of kings landing by Stannis the Mannis). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

And then the miniature producing Kickstarter juggernaut CMON decided to produce its own wargame, with AMAZING miniatures.

As this is CMON the game began with a [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game]kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.

The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games such as KOW combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck.
A new page is in the works [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants.

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don'tinvolvethe main continentin the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For example: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom.

Whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate, in other words.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2021-05-15T09:11:48Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''' (more better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''') is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy. Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors, which would probably explain its sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing a story about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes edgy fantasy is not lost on most.

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the pervious war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves]]. They have a tendency towards [[Lawful Stupid]] that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]]. They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_york House of York].
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend, but still a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation.
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, [[Lawful Stupid]] King Arthur-like hero. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]].
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. After breaking away (in the TV series) from the Faceless Men she heads back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. Is currently back with her sister Sansa, acting as a general "troubleshooter". Kills the Night King like a fucking champion [[Skub|(or, alternatively, in a nonsensical plot twist)]] in Season 8, and is now riding south to add Cersei to her kill count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she decides to sail into the unknown west.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young! Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Currently revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt. He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a psychiatric break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and his only speech is to repeat a garbled phrase of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. The inbreeding would also lead to a line of almost alternatingly great and lunatic kings, culminating in Aerys "The Mad King" Targaryen and a palace coup. Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war, the remnants trying to gather armies to retake the Iron Throne which they see as rightfully theirs. Basically a family of inbreeding girly-men with a massive sense of superiority and as arrogant as they come, forgetting that most of what they accomplished was due to the fact that only they had dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear.
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* [[Mary Sue|Daenerys Targaryen]], ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]). She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. While she's stuck with a Khalassar in the books, in the TV series she made it to Westeros invading the place with an army of elite hoplites, a massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Has officially gone Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and Red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. Is now the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your bases are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Is now dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]</div></div>

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===House Lannister===

''Hear Me Roar"/"A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House Lancaster combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia.
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operates as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he was an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He is completely blind to the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself, [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Cunt Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy a Gypsy made when Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Gypsy was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge. She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? to don't die sooner, for the seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, and then later he even grows out of ''that'' as well when he realizes what a bitch she is, gets thoroughly humbled to boot after losing his sword hand and having some time to rethink his life and study the legacy of his predecessors, many of whom were legitimately righteous dudes. (And realizing that there are several other women who are interested in him.) Also, the only person in his family who treats Tyrion well, along with one of his aunts and two dead uncles. Essentially, a more incestuous [[Blood Angel]] - but more douchey, so make that [[Flesh Tearer]]. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart. In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by all of the civilized characters in the books, except his brother Jaime who treats him well and Jon Snow who tolerates him. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with). Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was the literal truth. (Admittedly he'd earned some PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. Sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her. In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Mycella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. She had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Ten years old. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei. In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather, they're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a brotherhood front/orpganage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, has sex with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central river lands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). A useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Tully's house in Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. Currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again. Tries to make a case for himself as king in the final episode, only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish. (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?) Ended up holed up in Riverrun, and got the fuck out right before the end of the siege, so that the Lannisters couldn't dick him over as a prisoner (or so he can keep dicking them over before he became a prisoner). Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual. In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. The true mastermind behind Robert's Rebellion was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit, and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa, so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or The Iron Price; seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in conquest rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via The Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler and general shithead who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]].
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). Dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers, so evil]] that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons of women he's raped around the world during his raids. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Honsou|the sickest fuck in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]]. In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear who wants to bang Cersei and Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode. </div></div>

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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and backstabbers par-excellence and owners of a lot of fertile land. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour. They're basically France. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].
*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" that poisoned his wine. Now she keeps her family in line and is hailed as a more progressive version of Tywin. Became a fan favourite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and telling the Sand Snakes to shut up. [[Fail|Later killed off in the show]], but not before revealing to Jaime that [[Awesome|she was the one who killed Joffrey and asking him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the series, which might explain why he's yet to make an appearance. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handed wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the series. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]] then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, she is capable of manipulation. In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]]. Their sigil is a flayed man, their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of eternal suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto... which shows how stupid the Starks were for allying with them.
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: The bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the original Reek, the paedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Eldar|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek; Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed. In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, he is disarmed, beaten rather brutally and detained to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Desert dwelling survivalists who pride themselves on having never been conquered by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. [[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely FUBAR in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys while trying to keep the rest of his psychotic family members in check. Wheelchair-bound due to his gout. [[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]].
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. Exists only in the books, where she is currently helping her dad get ready to topple the Lannisters after fucking everything up with her own stupid plan to crown Myrcella, which is what got the poor girl maimed.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard. His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a fight, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a somewhat decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, avenging his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. Though it's probably a win for Oberyn, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist.
*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books. [[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters]] and get killed by Euron's men, except for one who gets captured and poisoned by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.</div></div>

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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it.

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Hates everyone for "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it. Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Stabs everyone in the back because he's actually trying to bring the Targaryens back in order to strengthen the realm. Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a paedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya. According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby.
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of [[Khorne|testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. Tortures Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Davos Seaworth, ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime. In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits Bear Island after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version).
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Westeros, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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===Gods and Such===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers. (Though none of that shows up before Daenerys wakes her dragons. Authorial sleight-of-hand, retcon or retroactive restoration of magic to the world? YOU DECIDE!)

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in, which gets both sympathetic (books only) and unsympathetic (books and show) characters associated with it. Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians.
** High Septon 1: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2: Successor of High Septon 1. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon 2. After the second High Septon died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|retconned]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to kingdom come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation ''wins''.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. Their powers are limited to the North, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
* R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]] such as fire magic and Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, every other god is him in a different form and he requires his assassins to utterly forget their past identities in service to him. Has a heyday during the Battle of King's Landing and the Red Wedding. His most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched. In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
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==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it.

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system or the plot hinging on a macguffin. On the other hand, it does have [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]
After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant, at best, due to the fact that a whole lot of his content would've been cut out to be fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George, before giving them his consent, asks them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb).

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 3 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless faggots do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their Star Wars ideas after the backlash towards the final season.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle intended to be epic but chock full of plot armor and tactical [[Fail|fails]] that'd make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre giving the Dothraki flaming swords instead of flaming arrows to fight the wights, putting soldiers in front of the ditch and walls instead of behind/on them, no flanking charges and the living hiding all their non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and the winter also ends. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Despite being their best chance to take down Cersei and having helped save them from an icy zombie apocalypse, the Westerosi inexplicably go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Even Sansa starts defying Daenerys because she wants to be queen now, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being someone who could easily kill Sansa for such treason. Everyone inexplicably starts rallying around the idea of Jon being king, despite his attempts to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, doing the uncharacteristically stupid thing of trying to kill Dany, culminating in Varys being reported by Tyrion and executed by Drogon's fire breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships from the air, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing they'd be there at the time. After Daenerys and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet single-handedly (amid poorly animated weather**), they reach King's Landing. Despite King's Landing being prepared for a siege, Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte*)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and also snuck in to take down -zombie-Gregor in a battle that kills them both while Arya gives up her revenge on Cersei despite having strong non-revenge reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells, despite every Westerosi character knowing the bells aren't signals for surrender. Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and she uses Drogon and her army to destroy King's Landing and kill everyone despite coming to liberate and lead them. This is followed by a sudden evil wardrobe switch and Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Meanwhile, Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being willing and borderline eager to kill Cersei himself earlier. Tyrion is also arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given the writers' obsessive anti-religious circle jerk for the past three Seasons in contrast to the books' even-handedness).

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason - Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason. The meeting ends with Tyrion being freed and made Hand of the King to Brann, Brienne being made Commander of the Kingsguard, Bronn being made Master of Coin, Samwell being the new Grand Maester and the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he wanted to go back up north with the Wildings. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting and **the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon solo the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he does have a point. Ironically he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who then went on to make a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting, spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a d20 RPG in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, White Wolf. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with Green Ronin games.

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games because they have become some sort of endless source of amusement and frustration for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is roughly speaking the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after star wars, and some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF based games is Fantasy Flight Games

First and foremost we have the Game of Thrones board game, a game that after two editions still ranks high in the BGG top 100 board games, and has recently had an expansion. The Game of Thrones board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced risk, in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.

Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is the game of thrones card game. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike other card games, the game has a "living card game" release format, in which players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

Finally, the last game to mention in the FFG venerable trilogy of games is "Battles of Westeros", arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the Memoir 44/battlelore rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15 mm and for their time and scale they were quite detailed, some commanders are real standouts(I´m looking at you Robb Stark(with his wolf jumping at his side) and Rickard Karstark). Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the battle of the blackwater (the hybrid invasion of kings landing by Stannis the Mannis). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

And then the miniature producing Kickstarter juggernaut CMON decided to produce its own wargame, with AMAZING miniatures.

As this is CMON the game began with a [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game]kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.

The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games such as KOW combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck.
A new page is in the works [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants.

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don'tinvolvethe main continentin the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For example: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom.

Whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate, in other words.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

A Song of Ice and Fire

2021-05-15T09:11:02Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[image:Game_of_Thrones_Title-DVD.png|300px|thumb|WIENER PARTY! WIENER PARTY!]]

{{Spoilers}}
{{Grimdark}}
'''Warning: This article contains so many spoilers we're ruining books that haven't even been released yet.'''

{{Topquote|If you think this story has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.|Ramsay Bolton, nailing the grimdark theme of this series}}

'''''A Song of Ice and Fire''''' (more better known as '''''Game of Thrones''''') is a [[Grimdark]] fantasy book series for people who hate fantasy. Its central themes include [[Tzeentch|political Machiavellian scheming]], [[Khorne|ultraviolence]], [[Slaanesh|incest/sex with exposition]], and [[Nurgle|everyone trying to survive in such a Crapsack World of perpetual suffering]]. Thus it has become one of the most popular series of our generation and its author, [[George R. R. Martin]], has been praised for his highly realized world and gritty low fantasy style. He was even called "the American [[Tolkien]]" by <s>Time magazine</s> gormless idiots who lump diametrically different writers together for no other reason than that they're both fantasy authors, which would probably explain its sudden spike in popularity following the TV show (at least [[Skub|to a point, anyway.]]) The great joke of an actual World War veteran writing a story about heroic knights and elves being compared to and contrasted with a conscientious objector who writes [[edgy|dark (ranging from edgy to grimderp)]] fantasy is not lost on most.

The series itself is set on the [[Original character, do not steal|totally not medieval European ripoff]] realm of Westeros as it is wracked by a massive succession war drawing its realms into conflict. Everyone's picking up the pieces from the pervious war until one family's bid for power starts another war (book one), A bunch of dudes declare themselves kings (book two), they're burning the continent down in their scramble for power, and somehow all the fuck-ups managed to lose anyway (book three). Just when the guys who lost the least start thinking they get to rule over the remaining chaos, more fuck ups happen and more dudes show up (book four). Sadly, winter has finally come and, unbeknownst to most people, [[Thousand Sons|evil ice wizards leading soulless undead]] [[Alpha Legion|assumed to be only myths by most people]] are about to invade the continent from the north. By the fifth book, things are going and/or will go to shit even for the bad guys.

According to a leaked fan conversation, George R. R. Martin jokingly stated the series would end with an epic cock-slap fight between Samwell Tarly and Jaime Lannister.

TL;DR: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Roses War of Roses] with a helpin' of <s>cliched fantasy</s> George's old sci-fi writing plots given a fantasy overhaul and [[/d/]]-lite.

[[ASOIAF Miniature Game|Miniature game has their own page now]]

==Characters==
{{cleanup}}
Since these books have some thousand named characters, you won't remember most of them without an obsessive disorder over details.
Here's a relatively shortlist (mostly based on the TV series rather than the books, but seems to randomly switch between the two) for the characters you'll care about.

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">
===House Stark===

''"Winter Is Coming"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Honourable, bro-tier northerners who always [[Space Wolves|compare themselves to direwolves]]. They have a tendency towards [[Lawful Stupid]] that proves to bite them in the ass due to naivete about how [[Tzeentch|Westerosi corrupt politics actually works]]. They're also arguably the protagonists of the setting. Basically Scotland and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_york House of York].
* Eddard Stark, ''The Quiet Wolf'': Patriarch, lord and POV death-puppet. Not nearly as stupid as everyone tries to pretend, but still a dead man walking. Honorable to a fault and deeply repulsed by the politicking that goes on around him, which eventually leads to a mild case of death by decapitation.
* Robb Stark, ''The Young Wolf'': Shiny, [[Lawful Stupid]] King Arthur-like hero. After waging a successful war to avenge his murdered father, he was betrothed to a noblewoman but he ended having comfort sex with a virgin noblewoman which may have been arranged by her scheming bitch mother, while in softcore porno he got the hots for a commoner. Cacks it nastily: he got his head cut off and his pet's wolf's head stuck on his body, which was paraded around while his enemies chanted "HERE COMES THE KING IN THE NORTH!" In other words, he's a Scottish [[Roman Empire|Hannibal Barca]].
* Sansa Stark: Useless teenage girl extraordinaire at the start of the series with dreams of marrying a prince and "having lots of babies", but gets shat on hard by reality. Becomes Littlefinger's replacement goldfish when Catelyn's no longer around, her father got killed and her best friend was sold as a sex slave, and ended up in the worst relationship we can possibly imagine with King Joffrey. [[Grimdark|Even got deflowered via rape by Ramsey Bolton]] and married to him before managing to escape with the help of others. Currently acting as a co-ruler to her brother/cousin Jon Snow, and has learned much from her suffering, allowing her to kick Littlefinger out of the Great Game via throat slitting. While in the book Littlefinger is/was setting her up at House Arryn to claim the Vale and the North, the show version becomes QUEEN IN DA NORF in the final episode.
* Arya Stark: Little tomboy assassin. Has a kill list, but doesn't get to use it so long as she is an amnesiac apprentice of [[Officio Assassinorum|the Friendly Neighborhood Assassins Guild]]. After breaking away (in the TV series) from the Faceless Men she heads back to Westeros to get revenge on a LOT of people, giving her one of the highest kill counts in the series. Is currently back with her sister Sansa, acting as a general "troubleshooter". Kills the Night King like a fucking champion [[Skub|(or, alternatively, in a nonsensical plot twist)]] in Season 8, and is now riding south to add Cersei to her kill count. Instead, the Hound talks her out of it and she decides to sail into the unknown west.
* Catelyn Stark (nee Tully): A woman who trusts the wrong people at the worst time, causing a lot of misery. Gets killed along with Robb, then comes back (books only) as an undead witch bent on killing all the Boltons, Freys, Greyjoys, Lannisters... pretty much everyone she thinks was tangentially involved in betraying her and her family, or somebody who just pissed her off.
* Bran Stark: Intelligent little boy, named after the founder of House Stark, Brandon the Builder (basically Tony Stark combined with [[Leman Russ]]). He was crippled in the first sign of major [[GrimDark]]. Has prophetic dreams and becomes a [[druid]]. In the TV series, fucks things up by alerting the Others to where he's hiding, which gets all of the Children, his loyal wolf, the Three-Eyed Crow and Hodor killed. For good measure, turns out to have accidentally ''caused'' Hodor to become, well, Hodor, as he was using his druid powers to figure out why Hodor is only able to say Hodor, resulting in Hodor's gruesome death-by-zombies being beamed directly into young! Hodor's brain. He's now the Three-Eyed Raven and likes going around being creepy as fuck and generally weirding people out. Becomes King of the <s>Seven</s> Six Kingdoms in a hilariously nonsensical plot twist in the finale.
* Rickon Stark: Four years old at the start, turning into a real little [[Barbarian]] from not being raised properly, because everyone who would have raised him was dead or missing. In the show, he ends up hanging out at the Umbers, then is handed over to Ramsay as a prisoner when Smalljon becomes afraid of the Wildlings living north of him (who were invited by Jon Snow to fight the Zombie Apocalypse), and finally dies via arrow in a sick game of "dodge the missiles" courtesy of Ramsey.
* Jon Snow, ''The White Wolf'': A bastard living in the Stark household before leaving for the Night's Watch (basically [[The Last Chancers|Colonel Schaeffer]] with more convicted rapists under his command) and excels there because nearly every one of his fellow recruits are peasants who have never had a formal days of training while Jon has had the serious training afforded to all lords. After he takes over by becoming the Watch Commander secures and alliance with the Wildlings, ancient barbarian enemies of the Night's Watch, because when the end of the world is coming you tend to think outside the box. Currently revived by R'hllor in the series after being stabbed to death by the senior members of the Watch. Isn't actually Eddard's bastard son, but rather the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, meaning that he is, in fact, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. The new KING IN DA NORF according to his supporters after he killed Ramsay Bolton and took back Winterfell, and is also currently hooking up with his own aunt. He turns on Daenerys once he realizes she's lost it and kills her in the throne room. The Unsullied want his head, but instead, King Bran exiles him to the Night's Watch and he fucks off into the far north to live with the Free Folk.
* Hodor: Hodor. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor. <s>An enormous and possibly retarded stable boy, and Bran's faithful steed.</s> Hodor. Ok, in all actual seriousness, this guy is probably one of the most tragic figures in this series (and that's saying something). [[Grimdark|The guy basically received horrible visions of his own death fighting a horde of zombies, buying time for his friends to escape by literally holding the door shut as he was hacked apart]]. This causes him to suffer a psychiatric break, leading him to develop Immature Personality Disorder and his only speech is to repeat a garbled phrase of his friend's last request "hold the door" for all of his adult life; the logic here is that "hold the door" devolves into "hol' th' door" and eventually "Hodor". You now feel bad for at laughing at the guy.
* Osha: A Wildling woman who surrendered to the Starks and becomes their servant in exchange for not getting killed. Now dead in the show thanks to Ramsay's dickery.</div></div>

<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width:100%">

===House Targaryen===

''"Fire and Blood"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The former Dragon kings and rulers of Westeros, [[Eldar|fair-haired purple-eyed beautiful people]] who have descended from the [[Dark Age of Technology|ancient technologically-advanced superpower]] of [[Roman Empire|Valyria]], which collapsed because of [[Fall of the Eldar|their colossal hubris]]. After the anarchic [[Age of Strife|Century of Blood]], the Targaryen patriarch Aegon I, instead of reconquering the lost cause of Essos and of Valyria's former empire, looked towards the rather primitive continent of Westeros, and its squabbling Seven Kingdoms, [[Great Crusade|to establish his own Imperial dynasty and unify the Realm]]. Aegon I is essentially the Low Fantasy version of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_the_Conqueror William the Conqueror] and/or the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], with a little dash of [[/d/|incest]].

[[Rules Lawyer|Thanks to a loophole]], the Targaryens were immune to the moral objections relating to incest. Common sense (and common decency) took back seat to a time-honoured policy of [[/d/|catastrophic inbreeding]], which made a number of problems. Aegon I married his older and younger sisters and had several kids with each, which would be the start of another Targaryen tradition: the occasional succession crisis. The inbreeding would also lead to a line of almost alternatingly great and lunatic kings, culminating in Aerys "The Mad King" Targaryen and a palace coup. Eventually, the lineage was banished to Essos after a brutal civil war, the remnants trying to gather armies to retake the Iron Throne which they see as rightfully theirs. Basically a family of inbreeding girly-men with a massive sense of superiority and as arrogant as they come, forgetting that most of what they accomplished was due to the fact that only they had dragons. Still, they occasionally did have genuinely good people like Aegon V (aka Egg), Jaeherys I the Conciliator, his wife Good Queen Alysanne and complete badasses like Brynden Bloodraven and Baelor Breakspear.
Pseudo-Romans and/or the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Normandy House of Normandy].

* Aerys II, ''The Mad King'': [[Kharn|A pretty fun guy to be around]]. Had a psychotic fascination for fire, which extended to being a psychotic fascination for burning traitors, a category of people that eventually grew to include anybody he disliked for any reason, anyone who disagreed with him, and a few people who were unlucky enough to be caught in the crossfire. [[Goge Vandire|Teamkilled by his bodyguard Jaime for planning to burn the city down with everyone inside it, and even refused to accept his death until he actually died]].
* [[Mary Sue|Daenerys Targaryen]], ''Stormborn'': She was sold by her brother to a barbarian leader [[Genghis motherfucking Khan|Khal (warlord) Drogo]] in exchange for the promise that he'd use his Khalassar (Warband/tribe) to conquer Westeros. She found her self esteem as his wife, then her husband killed her idiot brother Viserys and promised to conquer the world for Daenerys, making her a full-fledged badass barbarian war queen. Unfortunately, her husband died when [[Derp|Daenerys trusted one of the slaves whose town Drogo had pillaged and burnt to heal an infected wound of his]] and his horde fell apart (though the book is somewhat ambiguous as to whether the slave did kill Drogo). Then she hatched three dragons (completely by accident when she tried to commit suicide) bringing them back from extinction, and now everyone wants to marry her because she is now one of the most powerful people around due to said dragons and being good-looking (in the books this is by the age-of-consent in Westeros standards, where girls are women when they start getting their periods and boys are men at age 13). [[Gets shit done]] except the entire fifth book, in which she mopes around about wanting to marry an annoying, flamboyant mercenary instead of saving herself for political marriage. After banging the flamboyant mercenary, she later marries a Meereenese noble who guarantees he can get her some peace (more likely [[Just As Planned|just as he planned]]). She also does nothing while insurgents kill her men, a horde of plagued refugees spread disease to her city and standing idly by while an enemy army besieges her walls, all for realistically political reasons because the world is a horrible place. Learns how to train her dragon. While she's stuck with a Khalassar in the books, in the TV series she made it to Westeros invading the place with an army of elite hoplites, a massive horde of Dothraki and her dragons. By the time she gets to King's Landing she's taken significant losses, including two of her dragons, and is fucking her nephew (Jon Snow). Has officially gone Mad Queen as of S8E5, wherein she burned most of King's Landing after the city attempted to surrender. Jon kills her in the series finale so that she won't go around burninating the rest of the world.
* The dragons: The three dragons that Daenerys hatched. They're wyverns that breathe fire, [[Awesome|have blood hot enough to melt steel]], and [[List of /tg/ Cuisine|cook their meat before eating it]]. Naturally, some of the coolest things in the story.
** Drogon; named for her late husband, Khal Drogo. Black and Red, the biggest and [[Gork|most aggressive dragon]]. Starts eating people and then escapes, leading to the other two getting imprisoned. Interrupts a gladiator tournament, killing a lot of people before being whipped by Daenerys into flying her to a Khalassar that broke off from her husband's after his death. Is now the last dragon standing after Viserion bites it north of the Wall and his undead body is put down at Winterfell and Rhaegal gets shot down over Dragonstone. Takes Dany's body, destroys the Iron Throne and fucks off to who knows where after Dany is killed.
** Rhaegal; named for the first of her dead brothers, Rhaegar. Green and gold, the [[Mork|cunning one]] and the loudest (with a roar "...that would have sent a hundred lions fleeing,"). Kills Quentyn Martell when the latter is trying to goad Viserion (see below). After breaking out of jail with Viserion they go "all your bases are belong to us" on Meereen, killing people and taking over the pyramid of a loyal family as his lair. Last seen playing "sack the town" with Viserion in the books. Is now dead in the show thanks to Euron Greyjoy and some Diabolus ex Machina bullshit.
** Viserion; named for her other brother Viserys. White and gold and the [[Vulkan|friendliest]] (as dragons go, he still eats people). Dug cave for himself in his jail then moved into another pyramid after his and his brother's great escape. Gets killed by the [[Vampire Counts|Night's King in the show via a magic spear, then his corpse is reanimated to be the Night King's zombie dragon steed]] and blasts a hole in the famous Wall, allowing the armies of snow elves and zombies to start flooding Westeros. Now perma-dead thanks to the Night King biting it.
* Viserys Targaryen, ''The Beggar King'': Daenerys' physically abusive older brother. Best known for being a bully with incestuous lust for her, and an arrogant and incompetent fuck with a massive sense of entitlement. He eventually got himself killed for being an all-around jerk and whiny idiot, which culminated in him threatening his sister and unborn nephew with a sword while drunk in a sacred Dothraki place where weapons and bloodshed are forbidden on pain of death (execution is done by bloodless death - having a scarf wrapped tight around the neck and being drowned in a barrel). Daenerys' husband [[awesome|poured molten gold over his head and called it his promised crown, also ensuring his death didn't technically shed any blood in their sacred place]].
* Aegon Targaryen, ''Aegon VI'': Daenerys' nephew, the son of her brother Rhaegar. Been hiding in Essos for the entire length of the series, but recently raised an army of Westerosi exiles and threw them all a massive Welcome Home party with rape and pillage. Wants to marry his aunt because she has dragons, and might not actually be a member of House Targaryen if you believe some fans. He can actually count past 6, can multiply numbers, can read different language and has a minor understanding of geometry thus cementing him as one of the most educated people in this overwrought series. Can also do his own laundry.
* Brynden Rivers ''Bloodraven'': A Targaryen bastard who came to prominence about a hundred years before the series as sort of sorcerer, he later became known as the "Three-Eyed Raven/Crow" after encountering the Children of the Forest, and uses his powers to help advert the Long Night and train Bran. He's described as having long, white hair, missing an eye, bound to a tree, knows all and sees all, associated heavily with ravens and omens... [[Vikings|yeah, he's very much Odin, come to think of it. Just a lot more of an asshole than the Warrior King of legend.]]</div></div>

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===House Lannister===

''Hear Me Roar"/"A Lannister Always Pays His Debts"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Monopoly|Westeros' richest family]], proud, pompous, selfish and fabulous assholes. Not much of a martial tradition but if you cross them [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7t7cnwlOgY they will fucking cut you]. You can tell they are the bad guys because they have an army of sick fucks, including a zebra-riding mercenary band and 7' 8" Khornate Champion <s>not-Goliath</s> Gregor Clegane. House Lancaster combined with the House of Rothschild and the Mafia.
* Tywin Lannister, ''The Lion of Lannister'': The Godfather, head of the house, and obsessed with his reputation as a Magnificent Bastard extraordinaire. Lawful Evil Personified. He was a most feared general whose greatest achievement was [[Exterminatus|erasing House Reyne from existence]], which was immortalised in his own sweet-yet-creepy-as-fuck theme song (The Rains of Castamere) that became used as a warning against anyone standing against him. During his tenure as Hand of the King (i.e. Prime Minister), he was a political genius who operates as the true power behind the Iron Throne, keeping the realm stable and prosperous despite the stupidity of Aerys II and Joffrey. However, despite all of his achievements, he was an [[Emperor|absolutely terrible father]], who treats his children as nothing more than tools to further his political agenda. He is completely blind to the incestuous relationship his two oldest children had, and hated Tyrion and made his life a living hell for very poor reasons. He humiliated Tyrion whenever it wouldn't threaten the family's reputation, berated Tyrion for being a whore-monger despite secretly being one himself, [[Grimdark|tried to get him killed multiple times]], and as the capstone of awful parenting, he taught Tyrion not to marry commoners after he married one called Tysha - by forcing Tyrion to watch Tysha get gang-raped, forcing him to rape her too and then annulling their marriage. The only person Tywin truly loved was his wife. He eventually gets his comeuppance when Tyrion finds out the truth about the Tysha incident and kills him with a crossbow, all while mentioning that out of all his children, Tyrion was the most alike to Tywin himself. He's based on [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Neville,_16th_Earl_of_Warwick Warwick the Kingmaker].
* Joanna Lannister: Tywin's late wife and first cousin, meaning the next three characters are inbred as well, ironically. Dies giving birth to Tyrion, which is part of why Tywin hates him, though Cersei hates him for other reasons. Caught wind of Cersei and Jaime's incestuous tendencies, but she died before she could tell Tywin. It is implied that her ghost visits Jaime in a dream and mourns the current state of her family.
* Cersei Lannister, ''Cunt Queen'': Tywin and Joanna's first child. Twin sister to Jaime Lannister and wife to King Robert Baratheon. She fucks her brother Jaime all the time and had three of his children, whom she passed off as Robert's to grab power. She is a massive narcissist who thinks of herself as "female Tywin" and hence seeks to rule Westeros as the Queen, and will do anything to keep her power... even when [[Abbadon the Despoiler|most of her plans end up becoming utter failures]]. Crazy as all fuck and prophesied to be killed by the "little brother." This is because of a prophecy a Gypsy made when Cersei was a child that she'd be a beautiful queen, lose everything, her children would die before her, and the "Valonqar" would kill her. Though that does explain why she hates Tyrion as hard as all fuck, [[Just As Planned|the exact translation of the term]] that was used is "younger sibling", and not necessarily her sibling, which opens the door to all sorts of characters who hate the fuck out of her. Since Jaime is technically younger by a few seconds, him killing Cersei would be an interesting twist not without buildup. Possibly the Gypsy was messing with her head because of what a bitch Cersei was being to her, something Cersei never grew out of. Cersei is currently alive only because Varys wants her to be, [[Just As Planned|as she's a terrible queen who'll destabilize the realm enough for him to bring back the Targaryens]]. She was completely shaved, stripped of power in all but her royal heritage and forced to do a nude walk of penance throughout the city by the High Sparrow (ASOIAF Pope- equivalent/[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther Martin Luther] except he won the Reformation) after he uncovered her crimes. Now she's waiting for her hair to grow back and maybe thinking of revenge. She gets it in the show by blowing up the Great Sept of Baelor (ASOIAF [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canterbury_Cathedral Canterbury Cathedral]) with everyone she doesn't like inside it, having her cousin killed near the Wildfire then capturing the nun who was her jailer and [[Grimdark|leaving her to be tortured to death by zombie Gregor Clegane]]. She is in short [[Thanquol]] disguised as a beautiful blonde woman. Gets anticlimactically squashed by a collapsing ceiling along with Jaime during Daenerys's assault on King's Landing. (her biggest issue? to don't die sooner, for the seven's sake!)
* Jaime Lannister, ''The Kingslayer'': Younger twin brother (by about three seconds) to Cersei Lannister and commander of the Kingsguard. He loves his sister in every sense of the word and had three children with her. Killed the last king despite his oath, and is widely hated for it, even though everyone agrees that dying was a massive improvement for Aerys. The reason for this betrayal was that Aerys had a huge stockpile of Acme Brand Magic Napalm stockpiled under the city, ready to be set off the moment a siege broke through the town walls, and Jaime's options were to let it happen or kill Aerys before the crazy fuck got ''everybody'' killed. His desire to openly love his sister and win the respect he feels he deserves eventually causes Cersei to reject him. Starts off as an arrogant douche who [[Grimdark|tried to murder Bran Stark, but accidentally crippled him instead]]; as the series progressed he became progressively more bro-tier besides the whole wants-to-fuck-his-sister thing, and then later he even grows out of ''that'' as well when he realizes what a bitch she is, gets thoroughly humbled to boot after losing his sword hand and having some time to rethink his life and study the legacy of his predecessors, many of whom were legitimately righteous dudes. (And realizing that there are several other women who are interested in him.) Also, the only person in his family who treats Tyrion well, along with one of his aunts and two dead uncles. Essentially, a more incestuous [[Blood Angel]] - but more douchey, so make that [[Flesh Tearer]]. In the books, he is currently being lured into a trap by Lady Stoneheart. In the show, he has finally told Cersei to get fucked after realizing that she has well and truly lost it, and rode north to help fight the White Walkers. He survived the Battle of Winterfell, hooked up with Brienne, and then rides south [[Derp|because he just can't let Cersei go.]] Winds up getting shanked by Euron Greyjoy and dies [[Fail|via collapsing ceiling]].
* Tyrion Lannister, ''Halfman'': a very intelligent dwarf who is awesome, but hated by all of the civilized characters in the books, except his brother Jaime who treats him well and Jon Snow who tolerates him. He seems to do much better when getting drunk with whores, rogues, bastards and barbarians. His silver tongue is one of his greatest strengths (he's witty and good at persuading people) and weaknesses (he's quick with insults and the truth in a city ruled by sociopaths and liars). Tyrion is also one of the only characters with an actual sense of the bigger picture, and an interest toward steering the world toward an outcome that ''doesn't'' involve a [[The End Times|Warhammer End Times]] scenario. Unfortunately, the world's movers, shakers, and those who generally have the power to make a difference are increasingly either a) dead, b) scattered to the winds or c) hate his dwarf guts. Despite the increasing difficulty and fruitlessness of his task, however, [[Awesome|Tyrion still fights]]. After being framed for killing Joffrey, he killed his own father and is currently in exile in the Free Cities, weaselling his way into leading a merc band and trying to sign them up with Daenerys' forces, recognizing her as one of the few chances Westeros has got of fixing its shit (provided she can get her own shit together, which she's having a bit of trouble with). Since characters in this series tend to either be walking tropes, rip-offs of other fantasy characters, or historical people with different names, Tyrion is probably based on the great [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miles_Vorkosigan Miles Vorkosigan] (who was himself based on a few people including Sir Winston Churchill) and is a nod to King Richard III (a deformed but competent king later demonized by historiographers of his era). Even if he is usually the smartest one in the room at any given time, though, Tyrion is still not above having some derp moments. Exhibit A, when Tyrion asked his father what happened to his first wife (right before killing him), he took an ''obvious'' "I don't know and I don't care" response ("Wherever whores go") as if it was the literal truth. (Admittedly he'd earned some PTSD at the time, which is not great for your brain.) The show version meets Daenerys and becomes her Hand only to [[Fail|fuck up a bunch of stuff]] and lose her trust. Sells her out when he realizes that she's gone round the bend and winds up becoming Hand to King Bran.
* Kevan Lannister: Tywin's younger brother, considered "the reliable one". One of the few decent Lannisters, though saying that he is perfectly happy carrying out Tywin's bidding. Tried to talk sense into Cersei and was later called in to try and fix her mess. He did such a good job of it that Varys decided to personally thank him. With a crossbow. And a group of knife-wielding children. In the show he dies with the rest of the crowd when the Great Sept got nuked by Cersei - the manner of his book death was given over to Grand Maester Pycelle at the exact same time.
* Cersei and Robert's (actually Jaime's) children:
** Joffrey Baratheon: Spoiled brat and sociopath to the extreme. "Heir" of the throne, and the technical king of Westeros during the War of the Five Kings since he lives in King's Landing and sits on the throne. Turned out to be worse than Aerys. He died and there was much rejoicing. [[Fail|Except by his mother, who instead had sex on his corpse]]. Fourteen years old at the time of his death.
** Tommen Baratheon: The new king on the Iron Throne. Nine years old. Married to a teenaged shotacon wife who's (unknown to him) the granddaughter of his brother's true killer. Trying to litigate the criminalization of beets. Loves [[Cats|kittens]]. He's pretty well-rounded and non-fucked up, which is a miracle considering his parents, both putative and biological. Also seems to be trying to take kinging seriously, but his mom is trying to quash that in her subliminal attempt to hold power indefinitely, so whether it holds is another matter entirely. Prophesied to die before Cersei, which doubly tragic due to his age and being a much better person than her. In the show, he commits suicide after Cersei blows up the Great Sept (head office of the fantasy knockoff Church of England), killing his godfather, great-uncle, wife, and all his religious friends, because of course her power hunger was more important than his happiness and well being.
** Mycella Baratheon: Princess, and Cersei and "Robert's" second oldest child. She had her face fucked up because of Arianne Martell's amateur intrigues, which overlapped with poor planning, general stupidity, and another guy's backstabbing. Ten years old. Before the maiming, she was quite decent and non-evil. Who knows how she'll turn out now with half of her face cut off. Also prophesied to die before Cersei. In the show, she had a crush on Oberyn's surviving nephew but was killed by Elia in revenge for Oberyn's death, but alive in the books though missing an ear. Also, the readership all got on George's balls for maiming this girl, mostly because it was a sign that he had run out of ideas and was basically just milking Diabolus ex Machina ([[Just As Planned|or that's what he wants us to think]]).
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===House Baratheon===

''"Ours is the Fury"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Ascended to the Iron Throne after a successful rebellion against the Mad King Aerys II Targaryen. Produces no less than three claimants to the succession, each one very different from the other. Technically a cadet branch of House Targaryen as their founder Orys was allegedly a Targaryen bastard, who took the original Storm Kings (House Durrandon) deer sigil after killing the last one and fucking his only child Argella and then 200 odd years later, King Egg's daughter married their grandfather, they're pretty much the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Plantagenet House of Plantagenet].
* Robert Baratheon, ''The Usurper'': Fat, old, former badass who led the rebellion, and now the king who married Cersei Lannister. Then he fucked a bunch of other women and had lots of illegitimate kids. He was killed while mixing boar hunting and drinking, but whether this death was planned or not is uncertain. On the surface, a king with a thing for easy laughs and partying; right underneath the surface, he's irresponsible and leaves the actual ruling of a nation to his staff, deeper under the surface he's pretty much a sad, lonely old bro who would rather not have been king. Comparable to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_IV_of_England Henry IV], in that both were powerfully built military geniuses who overthrew the existing monarchy and later succumbed to an unhealthy lifestyle.
* Stannis '''The Mannis''' Baratheon: Robert's younger brother, an all-around badass who swings between [[Lawful Stupid]] (more so in the show than the books) and [[gets shit done|getting shit done]]. [[Judge Dredd|believes so strongly in the rule of law]] that he feels compelled to take the Iron Throne for himself despite wanting nothing to do with it. Is advised by a priestess of the God of light, Melisandre, and a lowborn smuggler named Davos Seaworth raised to knighthood and nobility. [[C.S Goto|His character is ruined in the show into an incompetent pawn of Melisandre and gets killed off just because one of the showrunners didn't like him]].
** Shireen Baratheon: Stannis's kid daughter. The sweet, charming, and intelligent little lady who was left with a deformity on her face from a disease called greyscale. Teaches Davos how to read, and is probably the most innocent person in the series alongside Tommen, Myrcella and a few others. Being the grim and dark universe A Song of Ice and Fire is, however, this means that she's likely going to end up becoming fuel for a vicious fire god. In the show she does, but in the books, she is safe and sound since Stannis isn't stupid enough to bring him with her while campaigning. His wife, on the other hand, being such an idiotic fanatical pyromaniac... well, her odds aren't exactly looking that great.
* Renly Baratheon, ''That Gay Guy'': Robert and Stannis's youngest brother. Took Loras Tyrell (a.k.a. Knight of Flowers, Pretty Boy, etc.) as his lover. Decided he was better suited to be king, though the bizarre and outdated laws of the land stated Stannis was next in line (though Joffrey and then Tommen were first since they were [[Pretend|officially]] Bobby B's legitimate kids). Was hugely popular since he had Robert's charisma, which led to him getting the most support, but he lacked Stannis's conviction and devotion to the duty of actually doing the work of a king, or even Robert's ability to wage war. Killed by Melisandre with some "help" by Stannis ''The Mannis'' for trying to steal his crown, though in the books Stannis may not have been completely aware of the role he played in Renly's death. He's basically [[That Guy]] of ASOIAF, since quite a lot of shit is his fault, indirectly or otherwise.
*Gendry Baratheon, the Bastard Son. One of Robert's many, many bastard children, and the one who gets the most page and screen time. He starts out as a humble blacksmith in King's Landing, who first comes to Ned's attention when Lord Stark is investigating the death of Jon Arryn. From there, he gets shipped off to the Night's Watch to avoid the imminent purge of Robert's bastards and winds up becoming friends with Arya and Hot Pie. After some adventuring and sexual tension with Arya (at least in the show), he joins the Brotherhood Without Banners. In the show, they sell him to Melisandre so she can use him for a blood magic ritual, while in the books he just goes on being a smith and doesn't get involved in anything particularly weird or shady. He's helping run an inn as a brotherhood front/orpganage when he reappears in the books, but in the show, Ser Davos sets him free and tells him to fuck off, which he does for a few seasons. He eventually turns up back in King's Landing, where Davos finds him and recruits him (and his comically oversized LARPing hammer) for Team Snow. He helps Jon capture a wight to show Cersei, makes dragonglass weapons for the Army of the Living, has sex with Arya, and fights in the Battle of Winterfell, after which Daenerys legitimizes him as the new lord of House Baratheon.</div></div>

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===House Tully===

''"Family, Duty, Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> Lords of the central river lands. Being the obligatory central nation they spend a lot of the series being fought over like a cake in between fat kids. Basically Poland/Netherlands, given they have so many rivers and how hard they've been fucked over.
*Edmure Tully: Basically the SoIaF universe's eternal butt monkey (because he happens to be a decent fucking person). A useless ponce with a dense streak a mile wide and a bad habit of bragging about things he shouldn't be proud of. It took hanging in a stockade for a few months to make him experience some growth. When Jaime was brought in to unfuck the situation and end the siege at Tully's house in Riverrun, Jaime's "negotiation" pressured him into convincing his house to surrender, but he made sure [[Troll|that Brynden got out first]]. Currently spending his days at the Lannister house as a hostage to make sure that the Tullys don't try to ruin the situation again. Tries to make a case for himself as king in the final episode, only to get shut down by Sansa.
*Brynden Tully ''the Blackfish'': He didn't catch the memo that he was part of the joke faction, and proceeds to spend the entire series fucking Lannister shit up and generally being a boss. Thought to be the black sheep in a family of fish. (Thus "Blackfish", geddit?) Ended up holed up in Riverrun, and got the fuck out right before the end of the siege, so that the Lannisters couldn't dick him over as a prisoner (or so he can keep dicking them over before he became a prisoner). Also widely accepted by the fans to be a closeted homosexual. In the HBO show, he gets killed when resisting arrest from Tully forces by order of Edmure. [[Rage|And it happens offscreen.]]</div></div>

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===House Arryn===

''"As High as Honor"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Mountain lords turned [[NEET|neurotic shut ins]]. Goes through lords about as quickly as you would expect a castle equipped with a door that opens into empty air. Basically Switzerland/Afghanistan, seeing as how they stayed neutral in the War of Five Kings, their land is covered by nothing but mountains, and they're constantly fighting with the local tribes. They were being entertainingly screwed over by Littlefinger until his death.
*Jon Arryn: Only appears posthumously and is the catalyst for the whole plot. Used to be a foster father of sorts to Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark. The true mastermind behind Robert's Rebellion was killed by Littlefinger via Lysa when he figured out that Robert's kids are bastards of Cersei and Jaime. His death was blamed on the Lannisters to destabilize Westeros.
*Lysa Arryn: Loli bride turned Lady of the Vale after the Lannisters forcibly retired her husband from life, at least officially. In reality, Littlefinger convinced her to poison her husband and blame the Lannisters [[Just As Planned|which pretty much started this whole clusterfuck to begin with]]. A closeted, crazy woman who spends the entire series in her castle "the Eyrie" being useless, breastfeeding her own son at age 10, obsessing over Littlefinger's cock, and [[Derp|refusing to help her sister and nephew in the war she and Littlefinger pretty much started]], which may have guaranteed their eventual horrific murders by their enemies. Finally gets her comeuppance when Littlefinger kicks her out the moon door (post-taunting, of course), putting her out of our collective misery. Long live the Lord Protector.
* Robert Arryn: ''Littlefuck'', Lysa's equally mentally unstable autistic son, who still sucks on his mom's tit, and enjoys seeing people "fly" out the moon door to their deaths. He actually seems to be a bit smarter than you would first think and is a really, really good judge of character, except with Sansa. Secretly being poisoned by Littlefinger and Sansa, so she can take over the Vale and North. Named Robin in the show because the showrunners were afraid that having two characters with the same name would be too confusing. The show version doesn't get poisoned but turns up in the series finale as the Lord of the Vale.</div></div>

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===House Greyjoy===

''"We Do Not Sow"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">[[Awesome|A house founded by Cthulhu-worshipping Norscans]]. While not actual Vikings in any sense of the word, there is little other way to describe them. They live on some islands and almost their entire culture is based around raiding and the ocean. Their religion holds it shameful for a man to pay for personal possessions, and states they have to get things either by trade, washing up from the ocean or The Iron Price; seizing something from the body or belongings of someone he defeated in conquest rather than paying or trading for it. Also, only possessions acquired via The Iron Price command respect among the Ironborn. As an interesting bit of trivia, their local variety of baptism is to be ritually drowned in seawater and resuscitated by their priests.
*Balon Greyjoy: Asshole dad, crappy ruler and general shithead who rebelled against Robert Baratheon and failed miserably. All of his sons were killed, except for Theon, who was taken as a hostage to ensure his good behaviour. Despite being in a position to join either the Lannisters or the Starks during the War of Five Kings and thereby get whatever he wanted from either (independence and the North, or independence and Casterly Rock, respectively), he does the absolute stupidest thing possible and declares himself independent without support from anyone, attacking the North and the rest of Westeros, thereby virtually guaranteeing that he'll be on the receiving end of another one-sided battle. Never got that far, though, since he was pushed off a bridge during a storm by an assassin his brother Euron sent.
*Victarion Greyjoy: Admiral of the Iron Fleet. [[Gets shit done]] while wearing [[Dark Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)|Lokhir Fellheart's]] armour during boarding actions. Does it for vengeance, the lulz and as a ticket to Ironborn heaven (which they believe men can reach if they die in battle or by drowning). Worships both R'hllor and the Drowned God. For all his badassery, is far too stupid to realize that his black Red Priest sidekick's constant rambling about his "great destiny" is inevitably going to end in his burning to death on a sacrificial pyre. Said Red Priest impressed Victarion by surviving being marooned at sea for 3 weeks and turning Victarion's infected arm into a super-strong volcano arm. Seriously.
*Aeron Greyjoy ''Damphair'': A priestly Alan Moore who drank seawater. Once a fun-loving party animal, he nearly drowned during the Greyjoy Rebellion and became a dour and devout priest of the Ironborn [[Cthulhu]] religion. Confirmed to have been raped by Euron when they were kids. Planned to overthrow Euron, who bribed and manipulated his way into becoming king of the Ironborn. [[Grimdark|Was captured by Euron and tortured to try and make him renounce his faith, including feeding him spoiled food, drugging him and burning him. Later Euron tied Aeron, naked, to the prow of Euron's ship alongside Euron's tortured, pregnant former lover because she showed Aeron kindness by once giving him proper food]]. He tried to console her by saying their suffering will end in underwater Valhalla, [[Awesome|showing Euron failed to make him deny his faith]].
*Theon Greyjoy: Son of the Lord/King of the Iron Islands. Had the personality of a stereotypical high school jock, being an excellent archer and womanizer and proud of it. He was given to Ned Stark by his father after Balon failed to successfully rebel against Robert Baratheon. Swore an oath to Robb, but then ditched him out of a desperate need to please his father. Ends up castrated and acts as the personal slave of Ramsay Bolton after Ramsay puts him through horrific torture to turn him into Reek. Rescued by his sister, but the psychological trauma meant it took a while before he could stop calling himself Reek and start getting back to normal mentally (physically he's now missing a few parts that don't heal or grow back). Dead in the show, thanks to charging the Night King by himself while protecting Bran.
* Asha Greyjoy: Theon's older sister and a commander of some renown which is quite a feat - almost every man on the Iron Islands except her father either tried to get in her pants or told her to [[-4 STR|stop playing around and go do some actual women's work]], before she kicked enough ass that they respected her. Rescues Theon after he escapes Ramsay but then loses him to Stannis. Is named Yara in the show because the showrunners thought her name sounded too similar to Osha the wildling chick and is also apparently [[PROMOTIONS|bisexual]]. Eventually becomes Lady of the Iron Islands in the show because she's the last Greyjoy standing.
*Euron Greyjoy ''Crow's Eye'': A [[Chaos|sick fuck Lovecraftian pirate armed with unnatural sorcerous powers, so evil]] that Balon banished him from the Iron Islands. Every member of his crew is a mute because Euron ripped all their tongues out. Many of them are also the illegitimate sons of women he's raped around the world during his raids. Uses an eyepatch to conceal a pitch-black eye, his personal "obviously a villain" mark. Raped his brother Victarion's wife, then claimed she wanted it so Victarion had to kill her. Raped his younger brother Aeron. Also showed back up in the Iron Islands the day after Balon died, despite having been raping and pillaging in Essos before that, which is suspicious as fuck. Now the new Iron King. Plans to conquer Westeros and has some unknown plan to deal with Daenerys. Revealed in the book ''Winds of Winter'' to be [[Honsou|the sickest fuck in an entire setting of sick fucks (and that's saying something)]], including having a god complex while hating religion so much he [[Grimdark|tortures any clergymen he captures to try and make them give up their faiths using ironic tortures themed around their religions - such as preachers have their tongues cut out and burning priests of the fire god to death]]. Euron tried and failed to break his priest brother Aeron's faith so he lashed Aeron to the front of his ship to die [[Grimdark|alongside Euron's own pregnant lover Falia]]. In the show he's just a psycho pirate turned king without any magic powers or gear who wants to bang Cersei and Jaime kills him in the second-to-last episode. </div></div>

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===House Tyrell===

''"Growing Strong"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Lords of Highgarden and backstabbers par-excellence and owners of a lot of fertile land. Unlike the current lot of Lannisters they understand the value of good PR, balancing ruthlessness with being somewhat amicable, political savvy and not being stuck-up on honour. They're basically France. [[Fail|Unfortunately, they've all been wiped out in the show]].
*Mace "The Ace" Tyrell: Lord of Highgarden. Massively fat and overweight, while being stupid, overreaching and constantly mocked by everyone else, he's otherwise known as a friendly man, a good Lord when it comes to management and a good father; unfortunately, this isn't enough to save a man in the Game of Thrones. Gets killed with the rest of the noble houses when Cersei blows up the Great Sept of Baelor.
*Olenna Tyrell: The brains behind House Tyrell's schemes. Known as the ''Queen of Thorns'' for being an outspoken, prickly and venomous old lady. Schemed with Littlefinger to have Joffrey killed, but she carried it out with compressed powder "gems" that poisoned his wine. Now she keeps her family in line and is hailed as a more progressive version of Tywin. Became a fan favourite for constantly dropping awesome one-liners and telling the Sand Snakes to shut up. [[Fail|Later killed off in the show]], but not before revealing to Jaime that [[Awesome|she was the one who killed Joffrey and asking him to make sure Cersei knows it]].
*Willas Tyrell: Mace Tyrell's eldest son and heir, crippled at a very young age when jousting against Oberyn Martell. Probably one of the most pleasant and sensible characters in the series, which might explain why he's yet to make an appearance. Very fond of breeding animals, especially horses.
*Garlan Tyrell ''The Gallant'': Second-born son. Badass extraordinaire considered one of the best swords in Westeros, and one of the few people kind to Tyrion. Trains for real combat (often against multiple opponents by himself) unlike Loras, who's a tourney fighter. Single-handed wrecks many notable knights fighting for Stannis during the War of The Five Kings. And he is the only person other than Tywin to put Joffrey in his place, at his own wedding. Sadly no POV chapter yet and omitted from the TV series (Loras takes credit for his deeds).
*Loras Tyrell ''The Knight of Flowers'': The Tyrell who appears most in the series. Considered to be an example of the perfect knight, despite his youth. Is secretly Renly's gay lover and conspired to take the throne with him and his sister. Last seen badly injured in the books attempting to take Stannis' castle. In the show he ends up tortured by the members of the Faith for being gay [[C.S Goto|because the showrunners retconned them to hate gay people]], [[Protectorate of Menoth|later joins their ranks of questionable willingness]] then dies when Cersei blows up the Sept of Baelor.
*Margaery Tyrell: The would-be Queen of Westeros, she has married, in order, Renly Baratheon (gay), Joffrey Baratheon (evil), and Tommen Baratheon (8 years old) and has been crowned as queen three times. While she is nice, she is capable of manipulation. In the show, she marries and uses sex to control Tommen. Was arrested by the resident Chamber Militant The Sparrow and asked for a trial by faith in the books. In the show, this also happens but she tries to be pious in an attempt to save herself but ended up getting killed when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor.
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===House Bolton===

''"Our Blades Are Sharp"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Starks' most important (and most despised) vassal, a former arch-rival made of [[Grimdark]] because their entire theme [[Dark Eldar|revolves around Torture]]. Their sigil is a flayed man, their castle is [[Commorragh|a complex of eternal suffering called the Dreadfort]], and just look at their House motto... which shows how stupid the Starks were for allying with them.
*Roose Bolton, ''The 'Leech Lord'': A Lawful Evil sociopathic health nut who's called the Leech Lord because he gets leeched regularly, believing they get rid of bad blood. Second-most powerful Lord in the North with ambitions to depose the Starks. Since the Starks are unable to think like crafty people and are blinded by honour this doesn't prove too difficult. He gets his wish when he stabs Robb Stark in the back, at his uncle's wedding no less, and has anyone associated with Robb killed. He then makes over Winterfell in his bloody image and is currently trolling Stannis. Believes in the abolished practice of "[[Rape|Droit du seigneur]]" (a tradition that allowed a lord to have sex with subordinate women, whether they wanted to or not) and killed at least one man for trying to hide his wife from Roose (before fathering Ramsay with her via rape). Believed that he and his son could be as evil as they wanted as long as no one found out. Killed by Ramsey in the show, which Ramsay tried to cover with a lie despite the witnesses to his actions.
*Ramsay Snow/Bolton: The bastard son of Roose Bolton and a peasant woman he raped [[Grimdark|(under the hanging corpse of the woman's husband, for fuck's sake!)]]. One of the most fucked up people in all of the Seven Kingdoms (alongside the original Reek, the paedophile marauder Rorge and Euron), because he [[Dark Eldar|loves to torture and kill people openly for the lulz]], such as Theon Greyjoy, who he crippled, knocked his teeth out, castrated, and brainwashed into calling himself Reek; Reek was originally a peasant appointed to try and control a young Ramsay, but instead Ramsay warped him into a mentally unstable necrophiliac before killing Reek to fake his death, but Ramsay seemed to hold some twisted affection for him. He also sent Theon's severed appendage to Theon's dad in a cutesy box with a letter mockingly detailing his evilness. Will torture anyone who points out his illegitimate heritage though now he's legally recognized as a Bolton. Also has a pack of hunting dogs he names after women he hunts, rapes and kills. Married a fake Arya Stark and regularly mistreats her, including forced bestiality. Not a fun guy to be around. The only reason he's gotten away with it for so long (as pointed out by his father) is that no one is strong enough to stand up to him yet, but [[Powder Keg of Justice|when they are]] he's going to be killed. In the show, he killed his father with a knife, fed his stepmother and newborn half-brother to his dogs, then married Sansa Stark and deflowered her via rape. Ramsay was such a monster even Iwan Rheon, THE ACTOR WHO PLAYED THE GUY, hoped he'd die horribly. He got his wish: The consequences of Ramsay's actions catch up with him when Jon Snow shows up with an army capable of threatening him, and after surprise reinforcements from Littlefinger and his own fucked-up teamkilling, the Starks crush the Bolton army, forcing Ramsay to flee back to Winterfell. Despite this, the gate is smashed down, he is disarmed, beaten rather brutally and detained to await trial. Before the trial Sansa sets his dogs on him, which he had deliberately starved so they would eat Jon. Apparently they found him quite tasty.
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===House Martell===

''"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Desert dwelling survivalists who pride themselves on having never been conquered by the Targaryen dynasty (though they later married in). Moorish Spaniards, kinda. [[C.S Goto|Their story arc was completely FUBAR in the show, as Elia and Oberyn's daughters kill Oberyn's brother and nephew for taking too long to avenge him before being captured and killed themselves by Euron and Cersei]].
*Doran Martell: Lord of Sunspear and of royal descent. Still mad at the Lannisters about that whole "murdered-my-sister-and-infant-niece thing". Playing the longest of long games with Varys while trying to keep the rest of his psychotic family members in check. Wheelchair-bound due to his gout. [[What|Killed off in the show by Ellaria as part of her plan to avenge Oberyn]].
*Arianne Martell: One of GRRM's characters who seems to exists solely to fuck everything up at the worst conceivable moment. Still hot as Dornish girls come. Exists only in the books, where she is currently helping her dad get ready to topple the Lannisters after fucking everything up with her own stupid plan to crown Myrcella, which is what got the poor girl maimed.
*Oberyn Martell ''The Viper of Dorne'': Doran Martell's brother, a bisexual swinger, former mercenary, and a drunkard. His girlfriend is a spectacularly beautiful bastard named Ellaria Sand and he has many illegitimate children, mostly daughters, collectively called "The Sand Snakes". Crippled the Tyrell heir in a fight, causing a rift between the two houses; despite this, he's actually best mates with the aforementioned heir, due to Willas Tyrell being straight up the nicest and most balanced man in the series and Oberyn being a somewhat decent person. Known for poisoning his weapons, as well as his battle-cry. Died from a mutual kill, with Gregor Clegane crushing his skull in rather graphically, avenging his sister Elia who Gregor had raped and murdered. Though it's probably a win for Oberyn, since he got Clegane with a horribly painful and slow-acting venom which stretched his death over days or even weeks, during which time he was ruthlessly experimented upon by a mad scientist.
*Quentyn Martell: Didn't realize he was in Dark Low Fantasy and thought he was in High Fantasy, poor bastard. A member of House Martell, sent to marry Daenerys to secure an alliance between the families since the original marriage plan to hook Arianne up with Viserys won't work with Viserys dead. Leaves Westeros and goes all the way to the city of Meereen to marry her, but he's too late, as she marries the Meereenese noble Hizdahr, and like Jorah he's not her type (Dany likes her bad boys). Tries to tame two of her dragons to impress her; the attempt goes wrong, he gets horribly burnt and gradually dies in agony from his wounds.
*The Sand Snakes: Oberyn's children. All daughters he had with various women throughout his travels (all consensual encounters, mind you). Mixed race and all hot with various skills including combat training and mastery of poisons. Working with Doran and Ellaria in the books. [[C.S Goto|Ruined in the show where they don't accomplish anything, are given atrocious dialogue (the "you need the bad pussy" line comes to mind), aren't great fighters]] and get killed by Euron's men, except for one who gets captured and poisoned by Cersei so an imprisoned Ellaria is forced to watch her die and decompose.</div></div>

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===House Frey===

''"We Stand Together"''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> House of weasels who are always grumpy and have a thing for overreacting to perceived slights. Wouldn't be that important except for the fact that they own the only bridge over a strategically important river, and regularly extort anyone attempting to cross it.

*Walder Frey: The ancient, terrible, ornery old man in charge of the Twins. Hates everyone for "looking down on him" (can't imagine why), and will readily betray an important ally for immediate gain, or if he feels he has been slighted in some minor way. His descendants are literally so numerous that no one except GRRM himself has been able to count them all, so we aren't even going to attempt it. Now dead in the show due to getting his throat slit by a vengeful Arya after she serves him two of his sons as meat pies. </div></div>

===Minor Houses and non-Houses===
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'''Night's Watch'''
<div class="mw-collapsible-content">The Night's Watch are an apolitical force in charge of manning The Wall, a giant ice wall that separates the relative tranquillity of the south from the Lovecraftian fucked-up-itude of the true north. They are chronically undermanned and undersupplied since nobody believes their stories of a barbarian army or the impending zombie apocalypse. Basically everybody else thinks they're in a game of [[Diplomacy]] and the Night's Watch are the only ones who realize they're actually in [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]], though it's been so long since the last snow elf invasion that even they had forgotten about the undead hordes and focused too much on barbarians. They've allied with the Wildings and the North, but in the TV show, the Night's King used the undead dragon Viserion to burn a hole through The Wall.
*Jeor Mormont, ''The Old Bear'': 997th Lord Commander of the Night's Watch at the start of the series. Sees Jon Snow as something of a second son (since his own son Jorah was exiled for enslaving and refused to take the black for his crimes). Leads a ranging north of the Wall to investigate reports that the Others have returned. Ends up killed during a mutiny of survivors after the Others wiped out most of his force.
*Alliser Thorne: Prick of a knight who was favourite to be the next Watch Commander, but was passed over by Jon Snow. Unable to accept Jon Snow letting the Wildlings live on the other side of the wall in an alliance against the zombie hordes, he staged a coup against Jon. It failed because Jon was brought back to life. He is now dead in the show, having been executed for his treason by Jon Snow. Despite of his many personal failings, he's one of the very few capable fighters (and a pretty good one, even) of the Watch and a skilled commander.
*Aemon Targaryen: Maester of the Citadel at Castle Black. Despite being the third born son of King Maekar I Targaryen, he declined the right to sit on the Iron Throne. One of the few people in the series to die of old age, at 102.
*Samwell Tarly, ''The Slayer'': Fat bookworm who was forced to take the black after his father Randyl threatened to murder him for being unmanly. Jon Snow's best friend among the Night's Watch, and knows everything because he "read it in a book". Despite being a self-professed coward, Sam became the first person in thousands of years to slay an Other with an obsidian dagger. George Martin himself said Sam's based on Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings. Since then, he has started improving his combat skills and balls (in more ways than one for the latter, finding his spine and losing his virginity). He abandons the Night's Watch to help fight the dead and tell Jon who he really is, and winds up becoming the new Grand Maester by the end of the show.
*Eddison Tollett, ''Dolorous Edd'': Probably the most badass member of the Night's Watch. Responds to situations by making sarcastic jokes about them, and known for being a grim motherfucker in a setting of grim motherfuckers. In the show he [[Awesome|became the new Lord Commander]] while Jon was dead, but gave the title back to Jon when he was brought back to life, and then Jon handed it right back because he needed to go sort out Ramsay Bolton. Dies in Season 8 at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Benjen Stark: The [[Dune|Duncan Idaho]] of this series, the dead guy all the other characters and all the ''readers'' love so much someone has to bring him back from the dead in later books. Benjen is Eddard Stark's youngest brother and the prime motivation why Jon wants to join the Night's Watch in the first place. Joined the Watch for reasons unknown and disappears without a trace even before Jon arrives. In the TV series, he returns as a benevolent Wight that retained his free will and helps Bran to get back to the Seven Kingdoms.
*Qhorin Half-Hand: Badass extraordinaire that killed a shitton of Wildlings in his long time of service, rumoured to have spent more time north of the Wall than anyone living southerner in the setting. Lets himself get killed by Jon in a gambit to earn Mance Rayders respect.
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'''Wildlings'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Groups of nomadic hunter-gatherer tribes who live north of the Wall. Mostly First Men by blood, they have been heading toward the Wall for the past decade with the reputed reemergence of the Others. Nomadic, aggressive, and very much believing in "might makes right", they do not get along with anyone south of The Wall since they view them as "Kneeling weaklings". Basically every Celtic/Scandinavian/barbarian stereotype combined.
*Mance Rayder, ''The King Beyond The Wall'': A Wildling orphan who was taken in by the Night's Watch, he became their best Ranger before he deserted to join his people. He united the Wildlings and lead them south to escape the Others. Also a trained bard, but that was not enough to save him from death in the show while he's merely MIA in the books.
*Tormund Giantsbane: Claims to have a ten-inch penis, and invites his enemies to use their mouths if they want to clean it. Cool as fuck old guy who [[Furry|fucks mother-bears]] in his free time. Tough as nails motherfucker who preaches the merits of using one's cock for everything. He teams up with Jon Snow for the fight against the White Walkers, then fucks off back to the north once the Night King is dead, making him one of the most sensible people on the show. He and Jon go off to be bros at the end of the show.
*Ygritte: Wildling woman who Jon Snow ends up falling for and who returns his affections. Has red hair which is considered lucky among the Wildlings. This being ''A Song of Ice and Fire'', she ends up dying because her worldview is not compatible with Jon's.
*Craster: A sick bastard, formerly a member of the Night's Watch turned polygamous isolationist. By the way, [[Grimdark|his current wives are his many daughters and granddaughters who he fucks regularly to have more children. Girls grow up to become more wives, boys get sacrificed to the Others]]. This keeps the Others at bay - and is implied to be a way the Others reproduce themselves, and that sanctuary is why the Night's Watch barely tolerates him. Fortunately, he's been killed off in the story and his offspring go their separate ways.
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'''Commoners, Knights, and Petty Lords'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Basically any character not associated with any of the Great Houses.
* Varys, ''The Spider'': The eunuch spymaster of Westeros. You can't take a shit in the Seven Kingdoms without Varys finding out where, when, and how watery or dry it was. He does this through paid informants and his "little birds", a spy network of children who sneak through the castle's passageways and air flues to eavesdrop on everyone. Stabs everyone in the back because he's actually trying to bring the Targaryens back in order to strengthen the realm. Dead in the show, having decided to try and put Jon on the throne instead of Daenerys; Jon says no, Tyrion sells him out when he realizes Jon absolutely means it, and Dany has Drogon barbecue him.
* Petyr Baelish, ''Littlefinger'': The Master of Coin (the ASOIAF equivalent of a treasurer) and the closest person the Game of Thrones world has to a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Tzeentch]], up to even declaring "[[Chaos]] is a Ladder". A dangerous manipulator who manages to trick and steal his way to positions of lordship and wealth because no one takes him seriously, and stabs all the Lannisters in the back when they become inconvenient. As a child, he wanted Catelyn Stark and was tricked into thinking she wanted him when her sister Lysa fucked him while he was drunk. Challenged Catelyn's betrothed Brandon Stark, Ned's older brother who was murdered by Aerys, for her hand in marriage and got his ass kicked because he was a small skinny boy and Brandon Stark was a big strapping man, making that his start of darkness. The guy responsible, directly or indirectly, for the War of the Five Kings because he was the mastermind behind poisoning Jon Arryn, the capture and execution of Ned Stark, feeding several half-truths to Catelyn to motivate her to arrest Tyrion, and eventually Joffrey's death by having Dontos and Olenna Tyrell carry out the plan to kill Joffrey and letting Tyrion take the fall; but no one in the story knows this, not even Varys. People think he can pull gold out of thin air, but he's really been buying debt while letting Robert Baratheon's extravagances and Joffrey and Cersei's dipshittery pull the country into a serious debt of its own. So he's pledged himself to [[Chaos]] and destroying Westeros all because he couldn't have Catelyn as his girlfriend, though he changed his focus to her daughter Sansa now, making him a paedophile. Hasn't yet got his comeuppance in the books, but is currently dead in the show after he was out-gambitted by Sansa and killed by Arya. According to GRRM, he's based on the title character from the Great Gatsby.
*Gregor Clegane, ''The Mountain'': A 7' 8" 400 pound mass of [[Khorne|testosterone, muscles, steroid overdose and murderous RAGE]], Gregor is Tywin Lannister's top muscle. Killed his own father and sister and permanently scarred his brother. Hobbies include rape, arson, murder, and random torture; he's also been married a few times but not now with the implication he kept killing his wives. He played an important part in destroying the Targaryens by killing a couple of Rhaegar's kids in rather brutal fashion, then raping and murdering his wife. Spends a few novels doing Tywin's dirty work before a Trial by Champion leads to him dying after being poisoned by Oberyn Martell. Qyburn later resurrected him as... something... called "Ser Robert Strong", and is now even stronger, less prone to psychotic rages, and is completely obedient. He's based on accounts of French knight Gilles de Rais and maybe also the scriptural giant Goliath. Tortures Cersei's nun jailer to death in a brutal and unspecified fashion kills Qyburn during the Siege of King's Landing and then nearly kills his little brother, only for Sandor to tackle him through a collapsing wall and into a gigantic inferno that claims both.
* Sandor Clegane, ''The Hound'': Younger brother to Gregor Clegane, called the Hound because of his hound-face helm, his family's heraldry, and being the king's hired muscle without being a knight. He hates knights due to the hypocrisy of being a professional "noble warrior" but mostly since his monstrous brother is a knight, showing it's not so much of a noble promotion. Terrified of fire after Gregor put his head against a brazier for playing with one of Gregor's old toys when they were children, burning half his face, but he's still the second-strongest person in Westeros. A brutal anti-hero with a soft spot for Sansa, but a better person than his brother. After falling sick from Biter's nasty teeth, he ends up being a silent monk burying people in the Silent Isles. In the show, he joins the Brotherhood without Banners and goes north to help fuck up the White Walkers. As of Season 8, he's survived the Battle of Winterfell and is riding south with Arya to put the boots to Gregor. Dies killing his now undead brother in a pretty epic fight amidst the crumbling ruins of the Red Keep.
*Grand Maester Pycelle: A shrewd, dangerous man putting on a "harmless old man act" and a high ranking scholar from the science/medical guild the Maesters. The longest-serving member of the King's advisory staff, and is actually Tywin Lannister's biggest lackey. He convinced the Mad King to let Tywin in as Baratheon's armies were marching on the capital, where Tywin proceeded to sack the city and claim it for Robert. Gets his head bashed in by Varys in the books and murdered by Qyburn in the show.
* Qyburn: Formerly a maester, who was kicked out of the order for unethical experiments on the living (taking people and performing vivisections to be precise). Introduced as a part of a mercenary company serving Roose Bolton, which should be a red flag. He moves up in the world when he's sent to escort Brienne and Jaime back to King's Landing and ends with Cersei employing him to replace Pycelle as "science advisor" and eventually Varys's Spymaster. Serves Cersei loyally as long as she lets him indulge his sick experiments, serving as a black magic variety of the court mage. He has resurrected Gregor Clegane as... something. [[Fabius Bile]] if he traded his robot limbs, eugenics and power armour for necromancy. He overestimated his hold on Gregor and got his head caved in for it as of the second-to-last episode of the show.
*Barristan Selmy, ''The Bold'': Knight of the Kingsguard. Which Kingsguard? Take your pick. He's served pretty much every king since Aerys and understandably feels pretty bad about it. Another sad old man who pretty much just wants to die until he decides to go pledge his services to Daenerys. Even in his old age, he is considered one of the most dangerous men in Westeros. [[Fail|Dead in the show]] (to be fair they gave him a huge last stand), but [[Awesome|alive]] and [[Roboute Guilliman|appointed himself Daenerys' steward in her absence to try and fix Meereen's situation in the books]].
*Melisandre, ''The Red Witch'': A priestess of R'hllor, the god of fire. Proclaimed Stannis to be the messiah-king and is doing everything in her power to make sure he wins (considerable given that she can scry, make shadow baby assassins and set things on fire with her mind). She'd be pretty bro-tier if her god wasn't so vicious. As it stands she's kind of in the grey (in the books, the show seems to zig-zag on her being evil 'cos the showrunners seem to hate religion). Most of the people she set on fire deserved it, and she hasn't ''succeeded'' in killing any babies yet. Show version now dead from suicide via rapid ageing after ensuring the Living defeat the Dead.
*Jorah Mormont: A knight and son of Jeor Mormont, exiled for trying to sell poachers into slavery and eventually joining the exiles of House Targaryen. He is offered a pardon in exchange for spying on the Targaryens but ultimately decides to stay with them after falling in love with Daenerys. Unfortunately, he gets friend-zoned hard. Despite saving her life from an assassin while she was pregnant, she still votes him off the Khalassar after learning he was a spy. He still loves her and follows her in secret, though. In the show, he goes on a quest to prove himself to her and contracts the dangerous disease Greyscale (it's like the unholy lovechild of smallpox and leprosy), but he gets cured and is now back at her side. He dies protecting her at the Battle of Winterfell.
*Davos Seaworth, ''The Onion Knight'': A former smuggler and bannerman to House Baratheon, and a top-tier hype man, pulling speeches out on the spot on several occasions to convince people to support Stannis and later Jon. During Roberts Rebellion he ran a blockade with a cargo of contraband onions to a castle Stannis Baratheon was besieged in. In exchange for the food he had, Stannis knighted Davos, but Stannis's law-worshipping mindset compelled him to remove four digits from his left hand. Despite this, Davos has served Stannis with unquestioning loyalty, because Stannis knighting him gave his children a future. The fact that Stannis's war for the throne has ended up killing several of his sons hasn't dented his loyalty at all. Doesn't like Melisandre because he sees her as a user and her beliefs as brutal. He's a devout follower of the Faith of the Seven in the books and the first season of the show [[C.S Goto|but is clumsily retconned into an anti-religious atheist in later show seasons]]. In the show, he's now pledged to DA NORF and is basically Jon's Hand of the King, except he doesn't get a fancy pin. He survives the Battle of Winterfell and the Second Sack of King's Landing and becomes Master of Ships in the final episode of the show.
*Shae: A former camp follower and Tyrion Lannister's squeeze for most of the story. Fled from an abusive family and became a camp follower to earn a living. Seems to fall in love with Tyrion, but it turns out she's a gold-digging bitch. When Tyrion doesn't marry Shae she sells him out to Cersei for a better offer, then fucks Tywin when she realizes Cersei won't keep her promise. Tyrion found her in his father's bed and strangled her to death with a necklace for betraying him. The discovery of Shae's corpse in Tywin's bed - posthumously outing him as a whoremonger - upsets Cersei to the point she unpersons Shae.
*Bronn: A mercenary who acts as Tyrion's enforcer and personal killer until Cersei outbids him and he settles down with a little wife and title. Routinely kills knights by exploiting how arrogant and stupid they are even after becoming one himself. Only in it for the money, which he'll happily tell you himself. The only character other than Littlefinger to end every book in a better position than he started it. In the show, he makes the very sensible decision to sit out the fighting and wait for his promised castle (Riverrun if Cersei wins, Highgarden if Daenerys wins). He gets Highgarden and is named Lord Paramount of the Reach and Master of Coin in the final episode.
* Brienne of Tarth, ''The Beauty'': Surprisingly badass lady knight wannabe (since no women can be knighted), legendarily unattractive but still pretty idealistic despite the shit she gets for her looks. Fate frequently gives her the shit end of the stick, because no matter how hard she tries to finish her quests, she ends up failing or stuff happens that makes it impossible. Secretly crushes on Renly and unaware he's gay. After he dies, Brienne switches her loyalty to Catelyn and helps her bring Jaime to King's Landing as Tyrion promised Sansa's return in exchange for Jaime. She later developed a crush on Jaime. Things don't go well because Jaime lost his hand and the Red Wedding happened. Next, Jaime sends her out to find and keep Sansa safe to make good on Tyrion's promise, since he isn't the complete dick everyone thinks he is. Brienne ends up getting captured by Cat, now known as Lady Stoneheart and an insane undead, who was going to hang Brienne for working with Jaime. Brienne was spared at the last moment to capture/manipulate Jaime. In the show, she's now sworn to House Stark and gets knighted by Jaime just before the Battle of Winterfell and then she and Jaime hook up afterwards, only for him to take off and break her heart. She is now Lady Commander of the Kingsguard as of the final episode.
* Lyanna Mormont: A badass ten-year-old girl who inherits Bear Island after her mother and older sister die horribly in the Riverlands - at least if we are going by the show; in the book, her mother is still alive somewhere in the Neck and her older sister Alysanne is the de-facto head of House Mormont. Her activities include pimp-slapping bitches, leading men twice as old as her, and being completely loyal to the Starks despite all their misfortunes. [[Awesome|"Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK."]] She dies killing an undead giant at the Battle of Winterfell, which is pretty badass.
* Wyman Manderly, ''Lord Too-Fat-To-Sit-A-Horse'': The Lord of White Harbour and one of the few Northerners who worship the Seven. Fervently loyal to House Stark, he pays lip-service to the Iron Throne long enough for his eldest son to return home, all to mask a plan to restore the Starks to power, mostly by destabilising the Frey-Bolton alliance, building a navy, marshalling the forces of the lands east of the White Knife river, "losing" Freys in the wilderness and sending Lord Davos Seaworth to rescue Rickon Stark from Skagos. His favourite food is lamprey, although he has also developed a taste for Frey Pie. Also a remarkably graceful dancer, and can survive taking a knife to the throat.
** Wylla Manderly: Granddaughter to the above. Another badass little girl, her activities include openly declaring undying loyalty to House Stark and dying her hair green. She and Lyanna Mormont would probably be best friends if they met. [[Awesome|"The city is built upon the land [the Starks] gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!"]]
* Jon Umber, ''The Greatjon'': At first he seems to be your stereotypical, boisterous Northern Lord. However, he becomes one of Robb's most loyal supporters, being first to declare him as 'King in the North' after Ned's execution. Had his moment of awesome [[Awesome|when he killed and wounded four Freys at the Red Wedding, all the while being drunk and needing eight additional men to take him down.]]
* Beric Dondarrion, ''The Lightning Lord'': Minor lord who agreed to head an expedition to take out Gregor Clegane. This being Game of Thrones, however, his party is ambushed by the Mountain and is beaten rather badly, and he loses his life in the process. Thanks to his drunken Red Priest friend, however, he manages to come back not once, but eight times, and each time he comes back, he becomes more powerful, though at the cost of his memory. He now heads an outlaw faction of grimdark Robin Hood types called "The Brotherhood Without Banners", who are dedicated to punishing those who abuse and mistreat the smallfolk. Ironically, he's one of the few book characters to have died (permanently) in the books but remain alive in the show, except now he's dead for real as of the Battle of Winterfell.
* Thoros of Myr: Aforementioned drunken priest who is dedicated to R'hllor, though at first he doesn't really give a rat's ass about the Red God, as he prefers to party it up with wine and women, but after he 'accidentally' resurrects Beric, he becomes quite serious about his religion and vows to curb his excesses in drinking. Dies on a mission beyond the Wall to capture a wight (show-version).
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'''The Free Cities'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Nine city-states to the West of Westeros, for the most part, the old colonies of the Valaryian Freehold. Mostly they are ruled by Merchant Princes. They look down on the Westerosi for being a bunch of up jumped backwards war-mongering morons who are only a few silverware sets and maesters away from absolute barbarism. In turn, the Westerosi look down on the Free Cities as being money-grubbing effete cowards ruled by cheesemongers who use bribery, tall walls and dirty tricks to get ahead in the world.

* Illyrio Mopatis: A rich fat bastard and a Magister of Pentos. Old buddies with Varys and a bigtime schemer.
* [[Officio Assassinorum|The Faceless Men]]: A cult of shape-shifting assassins who worship The Many-Faced God of death based in the free city of Braavos that give up personal identity. They claim descent from escaped Valyrian slaves who considered death to be a better fate than perpetual slavery. Their mission hence became being servants of the Many-Faced God of Death. You can hire them to off your rivals, but they request a steep and equivalent price. Their motto is "Valar Morghulis": All Men Must Die.
* Xaro Xhoan Daxos: One of the thirteen leaders of the city of Qarth. A flamboyant, languid, bald rich man who looks after Daenerys while she stays in Qarth and gives her many gifts. He wants her dragons as much as anyone else and even tries to marry her despite his homosexual tendencies. He stops wanting the dragons later in the book series after seeing [[RIP AND TEAR|their work in Astapor]], and no longer wants her around as her anti-slavery stance is hampering his wealth, so he offers Daenerys ships to leave the area and declares war on her when she refuses. In the show, he's heterosexual, helps steal her dragons, fucks one of her handmaidens and gets locked in a vault for conspiring to have her killed. He's also black and fat in the show when he's white and lanky in the books, being Qartheen and all.
* Syrio Forel: The former First Sword of Braavos (aka the ruler's personal bodyguard) and later Arya's mentor in King's Landing. He teaches her the way of Braavosi fencing, called "Water Dancing", and sacrifices himself to save her from Lannister thugs, taking down at least six of them with a wooden sword. May have inadvertently set her on the path of becoming a badass assassin by telling her of his belief in the God of Death.

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'''The Dothraki'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">Horse people who live in a country of endless grass plains referred to by others as the Dothraki sea. They only have one city, called Vaes Dothrak, which is less of a city and more of a place they all meet when important things have to be discussed. Have traits borrowed from several cultures, including Mongols and Native Americans, all filtered through European misconceptions of those cultures of course, such as the Dothraki's antipathy for heavy armour, despite the fact that the Mongols were very heavily armoured and also excelled as infantry, see the Battle of Leignitz. They fear the ocean because of its size and the fact that horses won't drink from it, calling it the "poison water".

* Khal Drogo: An Expy of <s>Genghis Khan</s> Yesukhei Baatyr (his son would have been the equivalent to Chinggis Khaan). Leads the largest Khalassar among the Dothraki. Despite being a barbarian warlord, Drogo is surprisingly intelligent and treats Daenerys well. After an assassin tries to kill her he promises to conquer Westeros for her and their unborn son and immediately starts raiding towns for slaves and ships. At one town he gets cut in a leadership challenge and Daenerys gets a captive wise woman to heal him. However, the woman hates him because his tribe destroyed her hometown, raped/slaughtered or enslaved her friends and raped her three times so she curses him to become catatonic (along with killing his unborn son), leading a devastated Daenerys to perform an arguable mercy kill by smothering him with a pillow. After she burns herself, her stillborn child and the wise woman on his funeral pyre, Daenerys survives and it brings her dragons to life. GRRM named Drogo after [[The Lord of the Rings|Frodo's father]].
* Daenerys' handmaidens.
** Doreah: Daenerys' handmaiden and a wedding gift from Illyrio. A woman from Lysene brought by her brother to teach her how to pleasure a man. In the book she dies of fever and starvation crossing a desert, in the TV show, she betrays Daenerys for [[Salamanders|Xaro's BBC]] and gets locked in a vault to starve to death.
** Irri: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches Daenerys how to ride a horse. [[PROMOTIONS|Also pleasures Daenerys twice after catching her masturbating once]], yet this canonical girl-on-girl action was left out of the show. The character was even killed off there when she survived in the books, but in this case, it was because her actress' visa had expired rather than [[C.S. Goto|author railroading]].
** Jhiqui: Daenerys' handmaiden who teaches her the Dothraki language and squabbles with Irri over wanting one of Daenerys' bodyguards when he becomes a badass. Also dies in the TV show while staying alive so far in the books.

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'''Slavers Bay'''

<div class="mw-collapsible-content">A civilization of [[Stupid Evil]] slavers. The remains of a previous civilization that was once the big powerful empire thanks to having phalanxes of obedient, pain-resistant soldiers which Valyria conquered a long while ago because phalanxes don't do too well against motherfucking dragons. They are ruled by wealthy slave mongers who buy slaves, train them up to do specific things and generally are a bunch of stuck up, decadent, puppy-eating (literally) assholes. Basically a civilization so repugnant even most hippies will be cheering when Dany decides to conquer them.

* The Unsullied: Eunuch phalanx fighting slave soldiers trained the Spartan way to produce totally obedient infantry that never break ranks. They also don't feel pain due to drinking a special drink daily, and each one has to take a new name from the name box each day so they can't develop a sense of identity. At least until Dany "bought" the lot of them, had them sack the city which trained them, and freed them.
* Grey Worm: The Unsullied Commander and a no-nonsense badass. When given a chance to take a new name he keeps his slave name because it's the name he had when freed so he considers it lucky. He is completely loyal to Daenerys, considering her his saviour, and in the show, he falls in love with fellow freed-woman, Missandei. This being ASOIAF, however, he can only watch helplessly as his lover is beheaded in front of him by the Mountain. This drives him into a rage, and he eagerly takes part in the sacking of King's Landing in revenge for her death. After the war is over and both Daenerys and Cersei are dead, he takes the Unsullied forces to Naath, in order to fulfil his promise to Missandei that he'd protect her homeland.
* Strong Belwas: A fat but skilled eunuch gladiator. Loves liver and onions and referring to himself in the third person. Travelling companion/guide of Ser Barristan. Has an awesome scene where he beats the champion of Meereen then mocks the Meereenese by taking a shit in their direction and wiping his ass on their dead champion's cloak. Also saves Daenerys from eating poisoned sweets. [[FAIL|Left out of the show]].
* Daario Naharis: A Tyroshi mercenary captain who dyes his hair blue. Betrays his fellow commanders for Daenerys because he loves her as a queen. Fortunately for him, Daenerys loves him back and they pursue a romance for a time, though she doesn't marry him as she's still otherwise smart enough to know she has to save herself for a political marriage. Goes to Yunkai as a hostage in the war on Meereen. Also potentially a shapeshifter, if the show is to be believed.
*Missandei: A young female slave with a remarkable talent for linguistics and one of the more empathetic people in this dark world, Missandei is freed by Daenerys during her campaign to liberate Slaver's Bay, eventually becoming one of her closest confidants and advisers. While a child in the books, in the show Missandei is a grown woman, falls in love with the Unsullied leader Grey Worm, but later is captured by Cersei and beheaded by the zombified Mountain in front of all her friends, but not before telling her friends to burn the Lannisters to ashes.

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===Gods and Such===
<div class="mw-collapsible-content"> The world of ASOIAF has various religions and faiths abound, just like in real life. Similarly, they range between fucking awesome to utterly useless. Dissimilarly, some of them have very tangible, undeniable magic powers. (Though none of that shows up before Daenerys wakes her dragons. Authorial sleight-of-hand, retcon or retroactive restoration of magic to the world? YOU DECIDE!)

*[[Ecclesiarchy|The Faith of the Seven]]: The Catholic Church/Church of England stand-in, which gets both sympathetic (books only) and unsympathetic (books and show) characters associated with it. Holds an anti-slavery stance. The god/s are considered seven aspects of one deity with three male aspects (The Smith, the Father, the Warrior), three female aspects (The Maiden, the Mother, the Crone) and a sexless one representing Death. The places of worship are called Septs, and their system includes Septons, nun-equivalents called Septas and a Pope equivalent called a High Septon. The High Septons all give up their names when they become one to confuse future historians.
** High Septon 1: A fat, greedy man who used the position for personal gain. He ended up being [[Grimdark|torn apart in a riot]], because the people resented that he had enough food to stay fat while they were starving.
** High Septon 2: Successor of High Septon 1. Chosen by Tyrion so the Faith would be loyal to the Lannisters. Only ''slightly'' corrupt, being a pro-Lannister yes-man. Murdered on Cersei's order in the book, while in the show he's retconned into a whoremonger who gets deposed by the Sparrows (see below).
** High Septon 3/The High Sparrow: Successor of High Septon 2. After the second High Septon died, the smallfolk burst into the meeting to pick a successor and ordered their chosen candidate to be put in charge when his original successor was caught whoremongering. He'd been a wandering preacher beforehand, and his feet were dark and gnarled from lots of walking. When he reaches the position he starts [[gets shit done|getting things done]]. Since he was appointed by a smallfolk religious movement called Sparrows, he's given the moniker "The High Sparrow". The nobility underestimates him, either due to having other matters or disregard for religious people, but he turns out to be smart, well-meaning and somewhat ruthless. Under the High Sparrow, he and the other clergymen sell their fancy clothes and decorations [[Noblebright|replacing them with simple wool tunics, using the money to buy food and clothes for the poor in King's Landing]]. He also has their Knights-Templar-equivalent reformed to [[Inquisition|protect the faithful and help them root out]] [[heresy]] and sin. He also outwits Cersei and has her arrested and tried for all her evil deeds. While Cersei's scheming does lead to Margaery's arrest, Cersei confesses to some crimes while concealing others, leading to Cersei taking a nude walk of penance in front of the entire city. After this, he somewhat reined in the nobles' politicking to actually look after the commoners and the Faith, though this does make some enemies. In the show, he and the Sparrows are [[C.S Goto|retconned]] from assorted smallfolk and clergymen tired of the nobles' lawlessness and power plays into one-dimensional stereotypes and thinly-veiled jabs at the Catholic Church [[Imperial Truth|in a shoe-horned anti-religion message]]. While they do arrest Cersei and Margaery like in the books, during the trial most of the Faith, including the High Sparrow himself, get blown to kingdom come when Cersei has her agents ignite a massive amount of magical napalm underneath the Great Sept. In the books they're much more like Martin Luther and the Lutherans, except that the Protestant Reformation ''wins''.
* [[Old Ones|Old Gods]]: Native American/Japanese Kame/Druid/nature spirits that reside in places called Godswoods. Their powers are limited to the North, where the last remaining Godswoods remain, but they can grant gifted individuals awesome psychic powers like Warging (mind-controlling animals) and Greensight (Time Travel). For some reason, Martin claims they're based off the Norse Gods. Probably has to do with the way the Vikings made sacrifices to their gods, by hanging them in Ash trees, a symbol for the World Tree Yggdrasil. The Weirwood trees are sacred to the followers of the Old Gods in a similar way. Mostly worship of them is quiet and informal.
* R'hllor: The God of Fire and Light, and like the Old Gods, actually shows evidence for existing. [[/tg/ gets shit done|He gets shit done]] such as fire magic and Resurrection. Has a nasty habit for burning heretics, though. GRRM said this faith is roughly based (read: poorly modelled after) upon Zoroastrianism and Gnosticism. His nemesis is The Great Other: the god of cold and darkness, the leader of the Others, and prophesied to be defeated by the chosen one, or messianic figure: [[Star Child|Azor Ahai/The Prince That Was Promised]], a figure who is the prophesied warrior that will fight with the Great Other/Night's King during the Apocalypse. Interestingly enough, the prophecy may not refer to a single person, but three (Jon, Tyrion/Bran, and Daenerys). Supposedly, one of these three will also receive an [[Emperor's Sword|awesome flaming sword called "Lightbringer"]].
* Him of Many Faces: The god of the Dead of the religion whose followers are the [[Officio Assassinorum|Faceless Men]]. According to his cult of assassins, whom Arya joins, every other god is him in a different form and he requires his assassins to utterly forget their past identities in service to him. Has a heyday during the Battle of King's Landing and the Red Wedding. His most awesome followers are granted shapeshifting abilities and powers to be the ultimate assassins.
* Drowned God: Cthulhu combined with Odin. Runs an underwater Valhalla were all Ironborn go whey they either if they drowned at sea, the men die a manly death or the women die in childbirth. Probably doesn't exist or he would have done something about Euron Greyjoy... at least in the books. There, Euron is [[Imperial Truth|proudly scornful]] of him, and his brother Aeron fruitlessly and endlessly mutters "no godless man can sit the Seastone Chair". In the show, Euron is perfectly happy to go through the traditional Drownie coronation ritual and Aeron performs it.
* The Night's King: This is completely different depending on whether you prefer the [[oldfag|books]] or [[newfag|show]]. Book version: A long time ago, when the Night's Watch was just barely getting set up, its Lord Commander, the thirteenth in line, decided to climb over the Wall and explore some. While in the woods to the north of the Wall, he found a beautiful [[Monstergirls|Other female]]. He fell in love with her, had [[/d/|sex with her on top of the Wall]], which somehow changed him into an albino version of [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]], and set himself up as King of the Wall, making everyone in the Watch his slaves and sacrificial fodder. Naturally, this didn't sit too well with the Starks and the Wildlings, and so they banded together to free the Watch and kick his ass, which they managed to do successfully. Now everyone thinks him as dead or a myth. Show version: he was the very first White Walker ever created by the Children, and he decided to get back at them by wiping out all life. Also, whilst he was apparently beaten in the ancient past and sealed away behind the Wall, he's still "alive" and well, [[Daemonculaba|turning infant human boys into new White Walkers]]. Also, he can apparently raise up entire legions of undead, just by raising his arms and looking completely smug about it; unlike regular Others, who can just raise up maybe a village at most. Given that he's the resident [[BBEG|Dark Lord]] of the series, it makes sense that he can take down a dragon with seemingly little effort (a simple throw of his spear), and resurrect it to be his personal steed a la Arthas. (Whether that particular nonsense is going to show up in the books is up in the air, it's suitably grimdark and not particularly [[derp]] so it might.) Then he used the dragon to blow a hole in the Wall and begin [[The End Times]] for Westeros. But [[FAIL|dead]], thanks to Arya's magic ninja haxx which let her [[what|kill the BBEG and his entire race and army of zombies ''in one blow.'']]
** The Others/The White Walkers: A mysterious race from beyond the Wall, known to [[newfag|HBO fans]] as "the White Walkers". Can be described as ice demons/snow elves with necromancy. Eight thousand years ago, they invaded Westeros during a decades-long winter (even longer than the usual years-long winters) known as "the Long Night". With an army of undead warriors, they proceeded to fuck Westeros up every which way to [[Sunday]] before the locals finally drove them out, established the Night's Watch, and built the Wall to keep them out. Like all fantasy aspects of ASOIAF, they are very cliched. In the TV series, it's revealed that they were created from human captives by "The Children", the pseudo-[[Elf]] fair folk race that lived in Westeros before humanity arrived, as an attempt to create a super-weapon. The idea was since humanity bred faster than the Children could keep up with, they would create icy [[lich]]-creatures that could create [[undead]] soldiers, and these would then wipe out all human life. Instead, it went disastrously wrong because it turned out that the Children actually couldn't control what they'd created, so the Others [[Ork|just want to exterminate '''all''' life.]] In both versions the Night's King is in control.
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==The appeal of A Song of Ice And Fire==
Exactly what catches the eyes of [[Skub|a given fan/critic/lout who complains about how bad it is anytime the show is mentioned within earshot]] to ASOIAF and its TV adaptation varies from individual to individual. Still, there's a couple of major draws.

'''The Worldbuilding:''' The main reason why this series gets compared to [[The Lord of the Rings]], ASOIAF is literally ''drowning'' under the weight of its worldbuilding, being crammed as full of facts about fictitious regions, histories, cultures, dynasties and races as GRRM can fit it. Your mileage will vary on how ''good'' that info is, but there's plenty of info in it.

'''Mainstream [[Dark Fantasy]]:''' Dark Fantasy is not exactly a mainstream niche. ASOIAF stands out by deliberately trying to market itself to the mainstream, despite embracing an abundance of dark fantasy tropes; gratuitous violence, sexuality and sexual violence, moral ambiguity, political intrigue, and a willingness to suddenly kill off any character, even the most likeable or heroic of them.

'''[[Low Fantasy]]:''' On the surface, ASOIAF is an old-school Low Fantasy setting, being a medieval-tech world with the story openly focused on the mundane lives of people struggling for political power and though supernatural elements do exist, they tend to be used sparingly.

'''[[High Fantasy]]:''' But if you scratch the surface, ASOIAF is also a High Fantasy setting, which is always the more marketable of the two, with the big backstory about how the world is facing impending doom from an army of wintery [[fey]] and their [[undead]] minions. There are also non-evil higher powers working against them, but they get swept under the rug in the show. Also, [[dragon]]s. As the more marketable genre, it's also inevitably the more skubby one, for whatever that's worth.

'''[[Magical Realm|Gratuitous Sexuality]]:''' More a thing for the TV show than the books; GRRM's scenes were [[Rape|raepy]] in the earlier volumes, and apparently our boy must have overheard the nickname "George Rape Rape Martin (I ''Like'' Rape)", because he dialed back the forced boning in #4-5. The frequent scenes of nudity and sex in the early seasons of the show were a ''big'' selling point for many people (the casting of people from the sex industry for some of these scenes also helped).

'''Not much in terms of generic fantasy tropes:''' Hate how almost every fantasy just has to have things popularized by Tolkien such as elves, dwarves, orcs and all that stuff? You're in luck because ASOIAF doesn't have a "five races" system or the plot hinging on a macguffin. On the other hand, it does have [[dragon]]s, [[Medieval Stasis]], [[undead]] and at least two contenders for [[BBEG]] status, so if you hate them too, well...

==Oh Yeah, About The TV Show==
[[image:KnightsWhoSayFuck.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Yeah, pretty much.]]
After the first three books became hits, many Hollywood producers and directors had come to the sadistic neckbeard, asking him about making a movie adaptation. At first, he was reluctant, at best, due to the fact that a whole lot of his content would've been cut out to be fit into a movie trilogy (see the Lord of the Rings live-action films). Then, a couple of dudes, David Benioff and D.B/Daniel Brett Weiss (AKA D&D, or more accurately as of the final season, Dumb & Dumber), decided to contact him and asked him at a local restaurant about turning ASOIAF into a Television show produced by HBO, the top-rated soft-core porno channel. The story goes that George, before giving them his consent, asks them a very specific question (Who is Jon Snow's mother?). Satisfied with the response they gave, he gave them permission to start work on the show, which would be titled after the first book, ''Game of Thrones''. They would later go on to prove that this is not a good way of choosing who should adapt your work.

The television show casts several well-known performers, such as Sean Bean as Eddard, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion, Lena Headey as Cersei, and Charles Dance as Tywin. They have also cast some comparatively less well-known actors and even ones new to cinema, such as Sophie Turner (Sansa), Maisie Williams (Arya), Kit Harington (Jon), Iwan Rheon (Ramsay), Alfie Allen (Theon), and Richard Madden (Robb).

Thus, book snobs seem to think that every episode post-season 3 is nothing more than Emmy-bait. Regardless of the fact Kit Harington still [[Fail|doesn't have an Emmy]], there's a valid contention in that regard, with the number of liberties taken overshadowing the initial appeal.

The final season (more on that below) was eventually revealed to be such a train wreck because Dumb & Dumber did not want to work on the series anymore and had let the success with the earlier seasons go to their heads. In their arrogance, instead of handing the reins to someone else, they decided to plan out their own ending and use it as an audition to Disney so they could write for Star Wars. By then, they'd run out of books to adapt, there was no superior writing for them to leech off of and there was no one to gainsay them in their echo chamber of a writer's room (even George himself was cut out). The result was absolutely shit writing that caused a glorious breakage in the [[skub]] dam that left [[Butthurt|many a fan's anus weeping]] (provided they weren't early seasons fans, book series fans, or any of the other assorted onlookers [[Lulz|taking part in the mightiest of keks]]) and, if anything proved <s>George's </s> Ramsay's quote at the beginning of the article true. Goddamn Dumb & Dumber, could you talentless faggots do any worse if you tried? Luckily, comeuppance came after them and Disney, having some sense, told them to fuck off with their Star Wars ideas after the backlash towards the final season.

'''TL;DR'''

[[GM|Producers Dumb&Dumber-style change characters and railroad the plot at a whim,]] [[/d/M|the tits and ultraviolence spigot is opened even wider than the books,]] and most scenes are made for the actors to show off their skills at making their signature angry/murder/brooding/etc. faces.

===The Final <s>Dumpster Fire</s> Season===
The Final Season kicks off with the Night King's army attacking Winterfell in a battle intended to be epic but chock full of plot armor and tactical [[Fail|fails]] that'd make General Custer look like Sun Tzu. The most infamous examples include Melisandre giving the Dothraki flaming swords instead of flaming arrows to fight the wights, putting soldiers in front of the ditch and walls instead of behind/on them, no flanking charges and the living hiding all their non-combatants in a crypt while fighting necromancers. The battle is resolved when Arya teleports directly to the BBEG and kills him with some sleight-of-hand that destroys his entire army Keystone Army trope-style and the winter also ends. Also Theon, Jorah and Melisandre die, but the story sweeps their deaths under the rug like they're nameless background characters.

Despite being their best chance to take down Cersei and having helped save them from an icy zombie apocalypse, the Westerosi inexplicably go full-retard and start hating Daenerys. Even Sansa starts defying Daenerys because she wants to be queen now, despite having no claim to the rest of Westeros and Dany being someone who could easily kill Sansa for such treason. Everyone inexplicably starts rallying around the idea of Jon being king, despite his attempts to abdicate, and Jon himself even starts thinking Aunt Daenerys might be a bad queen... but that doesn't stop him from [[Incest Smith|starting a sexual relationship with her]]. The fact that Robert's bastard son Gendry is now a lord, giving him a claim to the throne at least as strong as Dany's or Jon's, is swept under the rug. Varys also jumps ship from Dany to Jon for no reason, doing the uncharacteristically stupid thing of trying to kill Dany, culminating in Varys being reported by Tyrion and executed by Drogon's fire breath.

Then Daenerys press-gangs people who should logically be happy to fight for her into an army to attack King's Landing and brings them there by sea. Along the way Rhaegal, one of Daenerys' two surviving dragons, is killed by ballistae from Euron's ships. This is despite the facts that Daenerys and her dragons should've easily been able to spot the ships from the air, they were flying well out of ballista range and Euron had no way of knowing they'd be there at the time. After Daenerys and Drogon destroy the Iron Fleet single-handedly (amid poorly animated weather**), they reach King's Landing. Despite King's Landing being prepared for a siege, Cersei's artillery does nothing despite Daenerys, all her advisors and her dragon being within lethal range. They in turn do nothing but watch Daenerys' friend Missandei, who was captured offscreen earlier, get executed by zombie-Gregor (despite the fact Cersei and co. had no reason to believe Missandei was anyone of import to either capture or execute. Maybe someone left a copy of the script in Cersei's solar next to her Starbucks latte*)

The battle for King's Landing has Daenerys' forces break in and battle through the streets. Meanwhile Jaime snuck though the tunnels [[Fail|to find and reconcile with Cersei. The Hound regresses to his old violent self and also snuck in to take down -zombie-Gregor in a battle that kills them both while Arya gives up her revenge on Cersei despite having strong non-revenge reasons to kill her]]. The famed Golden Company is quickly killed off and Cersei signals a surrender by ringing the bells, despite every Westerosi character knowing the bells aren't signals for surrender. Then, in the capstone of bad writing for this season, Daenerys' switch flips from good to evil because the writers want it to happen, and she uses Drogon and her army to destroy King's Landing and kill everyone despite coming to liberate and lead them. This is followed by a sudden evil wardrobe switch and Hitler-esque speech that has nothing to do with her former character. Meanwhile, Cersei and Jamie die together in a cave-in and Tyrion mourns their deaths despite being willing and borderline eager to kill Cersei himself earlier. Tyrion is also arrested for criticizing Daenerys by saying "If this is liberation, I don't believe in liberation theology." Yes, [[Derp|the writers think theology and ideology are the same thing]] (an unsurprising mistake, given the writers' obsessive anti-religious circle jerk for the past three Seasons in contrast to the books' even-handedness).

In the aftermath, Jon assassinates Daenerys for the King's Landing massacre... [[Derp|right in front of her dragon]]. Drogon, due to Jon's stronger-than-Valyrian-steel-plot-armor, doesn't kill him but melts the Iron Throne ([[What|accidentally according to the showrunners]]) while chucking a tantrum before grabbing Dany's body and flying away. Jon is somehow charged with Dany's murder despite there being no evidence that he did it, but surprisingly none of the surviving characters still loyal to Dany try to kill Jon (such as the Unsullied or the Dothraki). Despite there being several legitimate choices of king still available, including Gendry, the nobles decide to replace a dynastic monarchy with an elective one and make Bran king. Bran is nominated by Tyrion for a nonsensical reason - Tyrion somehow getting a say in the meeting despite being imprisoned for treason. The meeting ends with Tyrion being freed and made Hand of the King to Brann, Brienne being made Commander of the Kingsguard, Bronn being made Master of Coin, Samwell being the new Grand Maester and the North secedes and becomes independent under Queen Sansa. [[The Lord of the Rings|Arya sails to the West]] for some unknown reason and Jon is exiled but doesn't care because he wanted to go back up north with the Wildings. The end.

This trainwreck of a plot is a testament to how two morons can royally fuck up a show beyond any redeeming qualities the cast and crew can put forward. And even then there were screw-ups among the production staff, such as *not removing the actors' water bottles and coffee cups from the set before shooting and **the animators being unable to decide whether the sky is sunny or overcast when Dany and Drogon solo the Iron Fleet - which mattered because Dany's plan to not get shot down involved having the sun behind her.

==GRRM and [[Your Dudes]]==
Want to make your own ASoIF setting for a role-playing game? Well, readers have enough room to fantasize about their own minor noble House (or kingdom during the Age of the Hundred Kingdoms).

A good example of what you could do is the House from the old [[/v/|"Telltale Game of Thrones"]], House Forrester. Their relationship to the canon is as follows:

House Forrester (lords of someplace in the Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Glover (overall lords of the entire Wolfswood) '''-> is sworn to ->''' House Stark (rulers of the North).

There's also an actual tie-in tabletop RPG now, which uses its own system and looks kind of like [[Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay]] with a heavy helping of resource-management strategy feel.
Players are assuming the role of a minor House to guide to glory, or, more accurately given the setting we're in, NOT to ruin utterly in a season or two, which would still be more than many A-list players mustered in canon. Each PC has a specific position within said House, and only the role of official Head is mandatory; the rest could be wife/children/brothers and sisters/all other kinds of siblings, bastards (with rules for obtaining the legitimate recognition), maesters, sworn/subservient knights, or most of anybody else. This naturally opens up near-infinite possibilities for families screwed up seven ways to high heavens, which would make Lannister's brand of infighting-slash-inbreeding look as sane as the High Septon.

The setting is also ill-suited for "adventures in Westeros" style of gaming for two reasons:
#In the grim darkness of low fantasy, a roaming nobody with no banner to talk about, no House allegiance, no nothing isn't generally treated to a Tavern With Quest Givers, but rather more to a Tavern Where You Are Shanked For Your Sword And Boots And Dumped At The Nearest Forest. Heck, even the big wheelers and dealers are routinely seen invited to the latter when they are slow to properly introduce themselves.
#Working on your initially-puny House will quite realistically involve thy neighbours first and foremost, then liege lords from the higher House yours is sworn to, and on occasion shopping around for an advantageous marriage - there simply ain't gonna be that much spare time to "travel to see places". Both of these are also why tourism wasn't a very popular pastime in medieval Europe and why those who were "living on the road" usually enjoyed the lowest social standing.

A note to aspiring Lords: do NOT, under any circumstances, allow your "combat-optimized" siblings an unsupervised minute in a social setting. Game's "social combat" system is a thing more brutal than the physical one, and it takes a socially-optimized character all of a few minutes to mindfuck one who is not (read: everyone but dedicated diplomats and Heads of the Houses, and not every one of the latter, to boot, as illustrated by several amazing boneheads in canon) into believing pretty much anything short of Grumpkins and Snarks. Stupid NPCs or a stupid GM will make said mindfuck obvious, allowing you to "mindfuck 'em back" without abuse of OOC info; cunning ones will not.

On a side-note; GRRM is said to take a dim view of fanfiction, saying it kills creative ability. This is kind of a double-edged statement, since a lot of George's characters here are either rehashes of his characters from previous works, references to other fictional characters (like Littlefinger and Samwell being based on Jay Gatsby and [[The Lord of the Rings|Samwise Gamgee]]), walking tropes (such as Ned Stark and Robb Stark being the "[[TVTropes|Honor Before ]] [[Lawful Stupid|Reason]]" characters) or historical references (such House Lannister ripping off House Lancaster and House Tyrell being totally-not-House-Tudor - to the point that Margaery Tyrell is played by Natalie Dormer from "The Tudors" TV show). While this makes everything he wrote just another...fanfiction, and his disapproval hypocritical. Still, given the "creative" output of the average neckbeard, he does have a point. Ironically he sold the rights to make a TV series of the books to HBO, who then went on to make a glorified fanfic.

==Games==
[[image:AGot-2nd-ed-cardfan.png|thumb|250px]]
Like any fantasy author who finds themselves unexpectedly in the warm embrace of commercial success Martin quickly licensed the shit out of his setting, spawning everything from resin miniatures to replica great swords. While most of this is worthless junk to foist on [[Neckbeard|obsessive fanboys]] /tg/ has agreed that a few of the games are made of win. The first two are a collectable [[CCG|card game]] put out in 2002 by [[Fantasy Flight Games]] and a [[risk]]-esque board game that followed shortly after in 2003. One of [[White Wolf]]'s subsidiaries also put out a d20 RPG in 2005 but it quickly tanked because, come on, White Wolf. Martin since wrested the rights back and developed a new version with Green Ronin games.

Now let's have some serious talks about the Game of Thrones games because they have become some sort of endless source of amusement and frustration for the gaming fanbase. Game of Thrones is roughly speaking the second franchise with the most licensed board games, after star wars, and some of them have acquired quite a legendary status and a fanbase that goes beyond the book or series fans.

The great juggernaut for all the ASOIAF based games is Fantasy Flight Games

First and foremost we have the Game of Thrones board game, a game that after two editions still ranks high in the BGG top 100 board games, and has recently had an expansion. The Game of Thrones board game has become some sort of meme for the modern board gamers and it could be considered the equivalent of a more advanced risk, in which dice and blank character got replaced by a very flavourful and brutal combat system and a lot of thematical mechanics fueling the engine. Overall this game has been associated with concepts such as requiring maximum player count to really be entertaining, having an amazing amount of length and depth and being a very faithful representation of the political feeling the series inspired. Almost any boardgamer or wargamer worth his salt has played this game and enjoyed its highs, its lows and the amazing amount of frustrations it brings. This is probably the most well known of all the ASOIAF games and it was released way before Game of Thrones was a cultural phenomenon back in 2003.

Another game that bears mention, both for its excellent mechanics and its historical significance is the game of thrones card game. It is one of the most balanced card game experiences you can get, also full of flavour and with quite a great amount of balance and non-linear thinking. The best part is, unlike other card games, the game has a "living card game" release format, in which players know exactly what each booster pack brings and can buy cards in a more responsible manner rather than playing bingo and hoping to get a rare card. Also, the sole core set already provides more replayability than some fully-fledged board games.

Finally, the last game to mention in the FFG venerable trilogy of games is "Battles of Westeros", arguably the most ambitious and least successful of the three. Battles of Westeros was a fully-fledged wargame that used the Memoir 44/battlelore rules as a base, but then evolved into its own by introducing mechanics such as commanders, tactic cards and very creative scenario rules. Miniatures were made in 15 mm and for their time and scale they were quite detailed, some commanders are real standouts(I´m looking at you Robb Stark(with his wolf jumping at his side) and Rickard Karstark). Thanks to its scale, the game was able to provide players with a great number of options and units at a fraction of the price of other board games. With a core set that was already stacked with units and variety and then faction-specific expansions that added several more units and commanders. The game also came with scenario books that provided narrative play with quite creative rule variants, such as storming palisades, having decoys in escort missions and bombarding enemies with catapults. One scenario even tried to bring to life the battle of the blackwater (the hybrid invasion of kings landing by Stannis the Mannis). The game was incredible and quite a creative wargame, but its main issue was that the setup time was just terrible. Incredibly complex and tiresome when compared to the actual gameplay time.

And then the miniature producing Kickstarter juggernaut CMON decided to produce its own wargame, with AMAZING miniatures.

As this is CMON the game began with a [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cmon/a-song-of-ice-and-fire-tabletop-miniatures-game]kickstarter], and after that, the game has had at least 2 dozen more releases with 3 more factions added.

The game has some mechanics taken from rank and file games such as KOW combining them with mechanics taken out of "battles of Westeros" particularly the tactics deck.
A new page is in the works [[ASOIAF Miniature Game]]

==Books==
*''A Game of Thrones''
*''A Clash of Kings''
*''A Storm of Swords'': Split into 2
*''A Feast for Crows'': half the characters, the point where the series goes down the toilet
*''A Dance with Dragons'': split into 2 the first is about the other half of the characters, and manages to pick things up a bit
*''The Winds of Winter'': First rumored to be ready by late 2018, then given an official release date of Summer 2020, those times have come and gone and the book is unreleased. Though he has shared chapters of the book.
*''A Dream of Spring'' : Unreleased and unlikely to ever be.
** GRRM will most likely die before writing this, though he has given an outline for how he wants the series to end that might be made public knowledge if he dies before the book series is finished.
*''The Dunk and Egg Series'': A story about a landless hedge knight travelling across Westeros with a Targaryen squire, so he can teach him how not to be an asshole to peasants.

==On The "Grimdarkness" of the Setting==

One important note: While the setting is usually held to be "Grimdark", it is also very true to Real Life in its nastiness, with real consequences for assholes. George himself has said, quote; "No matter how much I make up, there's stuff in history that's just as bad, or worse." Book one is almost exactly the beginning of the War of the Roses, except with England enlarged to a continent's size and the seasons stretched out to let the travel times work. (...And then the dragons wake up, the ice elves and their undead armies return and magic makes a comeback. It's not a perfect analogy. All that stuff is closed in their own sub plots and they don'tinvolvethe main continentin the book, that is left to "common" war and plotting.)

For example: The King can order the execution of the head of the leading noble family of the North, for essentially no reason, but now he doesn't have hostages to exchange when their armies come after him seeking revenge. (And all this is modeled on various occasions where more or less '''exactly''' this kind of thing happened in real life medieval Europe.)

In other words: Truly heinous shit goes on, and there's nothing ''stopping'' that kind of shit... but there are ''consequences'' to that kind of shit that act as an effective counterbalance against being seen to do that kind of shit to the smarter nobles in the kingdom.

Whether the setting fully qualifies for "Grimdark" is a matter for debate, in other words.

==See Also==
*[[/tg/ Song of Ice and Fire Houses]]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U7NpSubAJQ Weiner, Weiner weiner]

[[category: Literature]]

Edgy

2021-05-15T08:59:40Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Comics */

{{Topquote|As far as I can make out "edgy" occurs when middlebrow, middle-aged profiteers are looking to suck the energy--not to mention the spending money--out of the "youth culture." So they come up with this fake concept of "seeming to be dangerous when every move they make is the result of market research and a corporate master plan".|[[Daria 40k|Daria]], Episode [3.05] The Lost Girls.}}

{{Topquote|My name is Not Important; what is important is what I'm going to do. I just fucking hate this world, and the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred, and I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance, and no life is worth saving, and I will put in the grave as many as I can. It's time for me to kill and it's time for me to die; my genocide crusade begins... here!|The player character of ''Hatred''}}

{{Topquote|Make it [[World of Darkness|dark]], make it [[Grimdark|grim]], make it [[ANGRY MARINES|tough]] but then, for the love of God, [[Comedy Marines|tell a joke]].|Joss Whedon giving a nice example on how to avoid being edgy even while creating a dark world}}

[[File:Marvel Edge.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Unabashed Edginess from the 1990s]]
'''Edginess''' refers to people pushing violent and controversial subject matter in their stories, especially when they're doing it to to try and be popular with tragic, violent or controversial stories. This often takes the form of senselessly driving a vague argument, a plotline or a scenario to its darkest possible outcome, all the while openly expressing their disdain for whoever "the establishment" is, rationalizing villains or finding a middle ground in discourses. Like most internet terminology, it has been beaten to death, resurrected hastily, and then beaten some more. Has no relation to ''[[Hunter: The Reckoning]]''.

Another far less negative use of the term is to describe something on the 'edge' of what's acceptable, pushing established boundaries of convention. For example, by this definition ''Batman: The Animated Series'' was edgy for making an animated series which defied expectations of how true to its base concept and generally well-written a show designed to sell toys could be. Some more examples of this would be Ren and Stimpy (which was crude and vulgar) or Invader Zim (which could get dark in subject matter, and used a fair bit of black humor); in both cases, a decent bit of the comedy was of the "I can't believe that they did ''THAT'' on a kid's cartoon show!" variety. A milder version of this was Sonic the Hedgehog in contrast to Mario. In 1989 the Simpsons was the Edgy take on the classic family sitcom archetype and in 1999 Family Guy had slotted itself in as the Edgy version of The Simpsons. For the 1990s and early 2000s Edgy was a favored term of cynical marketing types which drew the attention of the world's sarcastic snarkers, many of which came to congregate on sites such as 4chan.

An "edgelord" is someone who essentially is guilty of serial attempts to be edgy, like [[that guy]] at your tabletop role playing group who always, without fail, makes a specific type of self insert or wish fulfillment character; brooding loners skilled at violence who hate anyone else having authority over them, are anti-conformist and have a troubled past - all without the nuance or skill to actually pull it off (with their opponents often being stand-ins for whoever the edgelord considers "The Man™" such as big business, law enforcement or organized religion). The end result is they makes themselves look silly. "Art" done by edgelords contain characters who are as dark, brooding and as painfully unhappy as possible, conflicts have zero compromise, institutions are the villains unless the edgelord made them and any conflict of interest will have the worst possible outcome. In writing, edgelords will go out of their way to make the story extra depressing, and subject multiple aspects of it to an increased shock factor when it's clearly '''illogical''' to do so. Needless to say, it can drive a perfect idea to make an entertaining story into the shitter, grating the nerves of even the most jaded audience. When commenting, the "edgelord" will simply push any predicament in the artwork to the darkest, deepest, worst outcome, while describing his fantasies. For example: In an adult and/or bondage predicament picture, edgelords can be found describing a paragraph of horrible fate the captive would suffer, *should* suffer because slaves are shit, and *deserve* abuse, even when the picture was of a predicament with nothing in context. Or he will simply fill the comment of any NSFW picture with his own sick fantasies, surely adding "women DESERVE it".

This is not to say that said dark elements like murder, slavery, rape and bodily harm are bad for literature, but rather that their sloppy execution with no regard to their depth is. As shown above, even the most "edgelord" of concepts can be salvaged and even made bearable with proper handling, especially going by the latter definition - but if you do it enough, the boundaries shift and what was edgy becomes the new norm, and there is always the risk of falling ''over'' the edge. This is why the old definition has fallen increasingly out of favor as time has gone on — people began seeing the dross sold under the title of "edgy", and the idea of what it meant thus moved away from the positive connotations marketing execs desired and closer to the qualities described above. Plus, this is the internet, and people would rather a word just be an insult or a compliment to reduce confusion.

==The Anatomy of Edginess==
Edginess is in some ways like a cargo cult. During WWII in the Pacific, the US military set up bases on remote, but inhabited islands, bringing with them a lot of stuff like planes and cars and so forth that was quite amazing to the stone age natives, to whom the world had been a few dozen square kilometers of land surrounded by ocean, with hazy stories of other such islands. When the military left, some of the natives took to making coconut and wooden radios and flight towers based off of some vague recollection of the military variants, unaware that making the shape alone does not get you the functional item.

[[File:Pizza-slicer.jpg|200px|thumb|right|The ultimate apotheosis of an edgelord: All edge, no point.]]
In that vein, most of what comes to mind when people envision "edgy" artworks tends to be the result of people who wanted to make ''morally grey'' characters and subject matter, but lack the maturity/experience/focus necessary to NOT end up with anything other than a multiple-personality-disordered mess or a power fantasy wrapped in propaganda. Someone with (at best) mediocre creative abilities sees some fiction that makes good use of melodrama, gritty settings, dark humor and such, made by people who know what the hell they're doing and figures "I can do that!", leading to said person haphazardly applying those elements incorrectly. The results of such efforts are either tiresome, unintentionally funny or just painful. The stereotypical teenager, especially one with gothic/emo tendencies or problems with authority, commonly embody this - all too eager for "adult" things (eg: violence, sex, etc.) in their limited perception of such, often born of denial. Individuals who pander to said demographic (or are otherwise just downright hacks) will favor this approach over any sense of complexity, subtlety, nuance and some actual understanding of the human condition.

===Edgy and [[Grimdark]]===
While edginess is frequently associated with invoking grimdark [[Derp|for the sake of it and nothing else]], it's important to remember that this alone does not edgy make. As an example, [[WH40K]]'s [[Imperium of Man]] has reasons to be fair and kind when capable: though it has plenty of genocide, xenocide (completely annihilating species even when they are gentle and kind), torture, forced labor (they draw the line at commercialized chattel slavery, but un-unionized indentured servitude is fair game), witch hunts and militarism that would give Hitler a chubby beyond the grave, said horrors have reasonable justifications. Aliens were buying and selling humans like pets and culling them by the billion, operating slaver outposts even in our solar system before the Emperor came into leading humanity into a roaring rampage of revenge. And regarding souls and the universe after the Heresy, any deviation from faith in the Emperor will ''literally'' send a human to hell upon death, with their soul becoming dæmon food (and/or sex toys).

Any mistreated machinery will attract foul entities and corruption that will fuck you up seven ways till Monday and chew you out; any ill-coaxed [[Machine Spirit]] will jam and blow up in your face; and any laxity will make [[Chaos]] cults pop up by the billion in a week. Then there's [[Necrons|the genocidal robots from another age]], [[Eldar|space elves that would murder a planet on the off chance that their]] [[Farseer]] would break a nail otherwise (and they're still the nice space elves despite that, as their [[Dark Eldar|webway dwelling cousins are even worse - murdering entire planets just because they like the sound of millions of people screaming]]), [[Orks|the ambulatory (AND belligerent) fungi that plague the entire galaxy in a series of wars]], and [[Tyranids|extragalactic horrors that intend to eat everyone's face.]] [[TL;DR]] The Imperium acts like an asshole Hitler/Hirohito bastard child because the alternative is much, MUCH worse.

At the level of narrative, the fact that things are very very bad is a core thematic element of this world. As pointed out there are reasons why things are so miserable in this world which flow logically and despite this there can be points of contrast. Imperials still have the same potential to love and be kind like modern real world humans do. The Tau are hopeful despite the evils of this world. Occasionally pragmatism can overcome the deep seeded prejudices to overcome greater evils, if only for a while. And even if it is preformed by Conscript Guardsmen, Commissars or Space Marines, each the product of horrendous military institutions, can fight to achieve acts of genuine (if still typically brutal) heroism.

Now if you want a senselessly edgy story in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, an example would be the now non-canon [[Khornate Knights]].

===Who's An Edgelord?===
<small>Who's a cute little Edgelord? Yes, you, you adorable little mass-murderer, you!</small>

"Edgelord" gets applied to two groups: '''Authors''' fixated on making edgy material, and the '''Edgy characters''' they write. While most of this article assumes the latter definition (as we at least try to avoid authorial mind-reading), it's quite possible for an Edgelord author to create an edgy work without an Edgelord character<ref>How? Well, just to start with, picture a modern retelling of The Little Match Girl (the one where the title character freezes to death on the street--looking back on it, Hans Christian Anderson was Edgelord as fuck).</ref>, and a non-Edgelord author to create an Edgelord character (either unintentionally, satirically, or de-constructively).

===Edgy Villains===

There's an important argument to be made about villains and edginess. Frequently, it's necessary to engage in authorial behavior that would be considered edgy in order to properly develop a bad guy. There are a few important questions to ask in this case, the largest ones being "is this a [[Mary Sue|Villain Sue]] situation, and if so, what kind of Villain Sue are we dealing with?"<ref>For an example of a non-Edgelord Villain Sue, there are plenty of Villain Sues who the author clearly hates, but can't bring themselves to kill off for reasons of marketability. It's usually only when the Doylist definition of Mary Sue comes into play, where the Author sees themselves as the villain and has more sympathy for them than the protagonist, that Edgelordery starts to set in.</ref> and "is the author's sympathies clearly with the villain's agenda?"<ref>Not with the villain himself; plenty of villains clearly have the author's sympathy (what [[TVTropes]] might call a "Villain Woobie" or "Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds"); what matters here is does the author believe what the villain believes. That may sound odd, but many cases of "The Bad Guy Was Right" involve characters created by another author, or are (usually bad) parody of such.</ref>

===Edgelords and [[Mary Sue]]s===

A lot of edgy characters also qualify as [[Mary Sue]]s. This is because many writers who aim for "edgy" in their works are terrible at writing, and writing a [[Mary Sue]] is a common result of terrible writing. Another reason is the "Power Fantasy" route, where the author uses their work and the character in question to attack something or someone from real-life that they oppose. There are a few important questions to ask in this case, the largest ones being "is this a Jerk Sue situation?", "do the villains represent a work the author hates?" and "do the villains represent a real-life person or group the author is against?"

Be on the look out for plot armor, protagonists who not only share their author's values, but are not challenged on these views in any way, and the other major Sue factors covered in our [[Mary Sue]] article.

===Sidenote: Chunni===

In some Weeb circles, an "Edgelord" is called "Chuuni", short for "Chuunibyou". This delightful Japanese word combines the concepts of "Sophomoric" ("Chuunibyou" literally translated means "Middle [School] 2[nd Year] Syndrome") and "Edgelord", with an optional side note of "I have supernatural powers". Importantly, the "Stupid and Lame" part is baked right into the word, while "Edgelord" is usually only ''implies'' stupidity.

===In closing===
There are many paths to success for a storyteller, some of which include going over dark territory in various ways or by innovating and pushing boundaries. However, all of them require care and attention to detail to pull off well. Being dark is not a magic bullet for achieving profoundness without trying, and using it as an outlet for personal grievances is the writing equivalent of walking through a minefield.

==How Can I Tell If My Character Is An Edgelord?==

Every edgelord has at least four qualities; skilled at violence, aggressive, has easy access to weapons and are some kind of non-conformist. These alone or even together do not make a character an edgelord. If the character has these four traits, each "Yes" answer from the list below gives your character a piece of edgelorddom;

* Are they a power fantasy against "The Man™"? Note, while it's possible to have an edgelord who's not targeting "The Man™" (since their targets can be enemies of what is usually called "The Man™", such as criminals or foreign enemies), a "yes" answer here automatically grants the character edgelord status (with one exception below).
** Bonus points if the writer's idea of "The Man™" is [[Capitalism|big business]], organized [[religion]], education or law enforcement. Double bonus points if it ''is'' a real-life group or industry, and triple bonus points if the real life group is already frequently targeted this way (like oil companies for industries or the Catholic Church for religious groups).
** The one exception are antagonistic characters who '''start out''' as merely mildly edgy (particularly antagonists of the "right target, wrong methods" variety), and only graduate to full edgelord status if other writers are allowed access to them or the current writer gets carried away.
* Do they openly mock altruistic traits like hope and love, compromise or faith or the Powers-That-Be (the latter ranging from openly mocking religious characters to an outright war on the gods)? Bonus points if they do so without suffering negative consequences for it.
* Do they have a backstory full of suffering?
* Are forgiveness and redemption things the character disregards if not actively despises?
** Partial credit is granted if they themselves are seeking redemption... by using the exact same methods they used to use, just against a different set of targets.
* Do they not care if they live or die? Or do they want to die?
* Do they have problems with authority? As in a negative attitude towards anyone besides themselves having authority over them.
* Are they heavily scarred individuals? (physical, emotional, whatever...)
* Do they regularly quote-mine philosophers or works of fiction and spout these quotes to validate their worldview? Bonus points if they alter the original quote.
* Do they share any of the same beliefs as the work's creator and openly express them? (for example, the protagonists of stories by [[Ayn Rand]] or [[Jack Chick]]). Bonus points if they're nihilistic. <ref>This item is more a [[Mary Sue]] trope, but there is significant overlap between edgelords and Mary Sues.</ref>
** Are these views never challenged or refuted in the story? Or, for partial credit, are the challengers clearly strawmen?
** The [[Star Trek]] Captain Exception: If said belief is cleanly confined to one speech towards the end of the story/episode, and the author seems to be legitimately trying to just sum up and state the message of the story, it usually doesn't count. (Normally not an issue for edgelords, but it has happened occasionally.)
* Do they always wear sinister-looking attire?
** Do they wear a cloak, a coat or an overcoat that looks like a cloak.
** Does their attire have [[Chaos|blades or spikes]] built in to it?
** Is it emblazoned with insults, profanities, curses or threats of violence?
** Does it come in dark colors?
* Do they wear warpaint?
* Do they have body modification, ranging from minor such as tattoos to extreme examples such as horns or wings? Bonus points if the modifications can be weaponized.
* Do they swear like a drunk pirate?
* Do they have a vice, such as smoking? Bonus points if they have an addiction (fantastical addictions count).
* Do they have plot armor? (such as the Punisher being able to go toe-to-toe against superpowered beings who’d mop the floor with him otherwise)
* Are they a protagonist or antagonist written by [[Gav Thorpe]], Garth Ennis, Mark Millar, Warren Ellis, [[A Song of Ice and Fire|George RR Martin]], Pat Mills or Alan Moore? (Note, an edgelord can be written by someone who's none of these people. And Moore and Martin, at least, are capable of writing protagonists and antagonists who aren't Edgelords despite lots of their characters being unnecessarily edgy.)

==Notable Edgelords==

===Comics===
* The Punisher (pictured above), depending on the writer but especially when it's Garth Ennis. The ultimate example being Ennis' professionally published Hate Fic [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punisher_Kills_the_Marvel_Universe "Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe"].
* Billy Butcher from "The Boys", a comic series using [[Original character, do not steal|knock-offs of Marvel and DC supers]] in an anti-superhero genre power fantasy, with Billy himself being a racist Punisher knock-off and author mouthpiece.
* The Joker, depending on the writer.
* Lord Edgelord, later Lord Edgegod from Slackwyrm Keep. He's aware, and <s>he's loving it</s><span style='color:red;font-size:100%'>***CLANG!*** There's no love in edge, only chaos!</span>
* Adversary from DC comics (pictured below), as a jab at edgelord characters and perhaps also their fans. In addition to meeting most of the criteria above, he works for a demon named Lord Satanus who gave him his powers and is actually a kid in a wheelchair.

===Film===
* Jared Leto's Joker in "Suicide Squad (2016)".
** Compare this to Heath Ledger's Joker in ''The Dark Knight'' and Joqauin Phoenix's Joker in ''Joker''. Ledger's and Phoenix's portrayals were "edge with a point"; the former was about exploring human evils regarding terrorism and the latter was about exploring the origins of evil (both avoiding ideological baggage).
* Tyler Durden from "Fight Club". While he started out as "edge with a point" trying to give men catharsis from, and criticizing, the growing cultural and familial vacuum of the 90's, later in the film he descended into being a full-blown edgelord.
* [[Star Wars|Kylo Ren]] AKA Krylo Ben AKA Ben Swolo. The writers were doing it on purpose, to play up the First Order's dogmatic North Korea in space schtick, and to that end made Kylo an incredibly unsubtle Darth Vader pastiche. While "Kylo" may be the worst Skywalker ever, there is no denying that the edge is strong in his family. His mom's side are a bunch of crybaby desert backworlders with an incestuous sex drive and his dad was a scruffy, nerf herding spice smuggler - and all were war criminals, some with body counts in the hundred thousands and some with children's blood on their hands... He probably fits the mold better than we'd like to admit. Also his edge is undermined by fact that he never won a fight against [[Mary_Sue|Mar-Rey Sue Palpatine]] which doesn’t help things either.

===Live Action TV===
* Stargate's Sohkar- It's hard to get more edgelord than literally masquerading/cosplaying as Satan.

===Video Games===
* [[/v/|Shadow the Hedgehog]] for the PS2/XBox/Gamecube. For the unfamiliar: An edgy game about a cartoon hedgehog shooting enemies, yet ESRB rated for Everyone 10 and up.
** The villain Infinite from ''Sonic Forces'', as a parody of edgy Villain Sue characters.
* Several characters from World of Warcraft, prime examples being Deathwing, Sylvanas, Sargeras and Illidan Stormrage (pictured below).
** Special mention goes to pre-retcon Sargeras. Originally, Sargeras was so traumatized by the evil of the demons he fought... [[Stupid Evil|he became convinced that good was futile and conscripted those same demons into an army to destroy the cosmos]]).
* Reaper from Overwatch.
* Caesar's Legion and Caesar himself in [[Fallout|Fallout: New Vegas]] (along with some of their fans and the writer who created them).
* Not Important aka The Antagonist aka The Crusader from Hatred. Imagine every trope related to nihilistic spree shooters, push them to their uncomfortable extremes and then plop the result in a monochromatic mess of a game. What you get is the story about a very unlikable man with dialogue written by less likeable people (including an edgy as fuck death metal band) going around and killing everyone because...fuck you, it's edgy.

===Literature===
* [[Elric]] of Melnibone, arguably the first one.
* Euron Greyjoy, Littlefinger, and Ramsay Bolton from [[A Song of Ice and Fire]].
* Hamlet (yes, THAT Hamlet), possibly an example predating Elric. After his father dies dies, he wears black, becomes foreboding, dramatic and revenge obsessed for at least 6 months, monologues with skulls and murders his friends including the harmless father of his girlfriend (though to be fair he thought he was stabbing the man who he suspected killed his father).

===Tabletop Games===
* [[Blackguard]]s
* Vlaakith, the Queen of the [[Githyanki]]. On top of being a callous, violent, paranoid tyrannical lich who hates systems of authority unless they benefit her, especially religion... but she wants to become the goddess of her people. She values strength... but kills people who ''might'' become powerful enough to challenge her; textbook edgelord.
* [[Lolth]] from Dungeons and Dragons. Started with trying to overthrow her divine husband because she didn't like her job and it all went downhill from there. For more information, look at the [[Drow]] and remember they're like that because her laws require it.
* Warhammer settings have too many to list them all;
** 40k is the worst offender in that regard, so let's just say the [[Black Templars]], the [[Marines Malevolent]] and most [[Chaos Space Marine|traitor marines]] for this one.
*** On that note [[Konrad Curze]]...
*** ...[[Fabius Bile]]...
*** ...and the [[Dark Eldar]], to such a degree they each deserve a separate bullet point all to themselves..
** For Warhammer Fantasy there's [[Valnir the Reaper]], [[Nagash]] and most [[Dark Elves]]. (None of whom are quite so ''needlessly'' edgy as to deserve their own separate bullet points, unlike the 40k Edgelords above.<ref>Nagash might come close, but is presented as more "he's just an asshole", compared to the "he might have a point" presentation of Bile or full Tragic Backstory of Curze. A similar point can be made about the Dark Elves (just assholes) compared to the Dark Eldar (who need to feed Slaanesh because if they don't s/he eats them).</ref>)
** On that note, [[Malal]] among the other [[Chaos Gods|Ruinous Powers]].

===Fan Works===
* [[Drizzt]] clones with extreme Alignment leanings, either towards good or evil.
* Various [[Original character, do not steal|fan-made]] and canon Sonic characters, particularly Shadow.
* The protagonist of "Ambience: A Fleet Symphony" and the story itself. A Fallout KanColle crossover fanfic that thinks it's a regular KanColle fanfic. It revolves around rape, killing, eugenics and an violent solipsistic protagonist with enough plot armor to make Ciaphas Cain look like a [[Star Trek|redshirt]] one day away from retirement. When the story was posted to a forum and scorned, the writer went ballistic against their critics.
* The whole "*teleports behind you* Nothing personal kid. *stabs you*" [[meme]] originated as a parody of edgelord characters.

===Anime===
* Half of the [[Animu]] protagonists in existence. Bonus points if the genre is [[Isekai]], triple points if there's a harem involved.
* Bakugo from My Hero Academia probably counts as a deconstruction/parody of one. What else do you say about somebody who chooses the codename "King of Explodo-Kills" and later "Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight" while training to be a super''hero''?

[[Category:Gamer Slang]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Lord_of_the_edge_by_takfloyd-d99sq48.png|The edgelord mindset in a nutshell.
File:1699592-elric_of_melnibone_by_isra2007.jpg|If any fictional edgelord could be called well-written, it'd be Elric.
File:Adversary_01.jpg|"Adversary" from DC Comics. Sinister clothes, aggressive name, smoking, swearing, trying to kill Superman for "rep"...
File:Tyler-durden-7.jpg|The face that launched a thousand edgelords (ironically doesn't wear dark clothes).
File:Darion Mograine.jpg|There's a small but distinct line between edgy...
File:531939-vertical-blizzard-wallpapers-2560x1440.jpg|... and edgelord.
</gallery>

Lumineth Realm-Lords

2021-05-15T06:33:08Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Great Nations */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Lumineth Realm-Lords|Logo=Eltharion's essence.jpg|Alliance=Order|Motto=FOR <s>ULTHUAN</s> HYSH!!!!!}}
{{Topquote|The phoenix must burn to emerge.|Janet Fitch}}
{{Topquote|Have you heard of the High Elves?|LaFave Bros Oblivion youtube video}}
{{Topquote|We must be swift as the coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!|Be <s>a Man</s> an Aelf}}
{{Topquote|MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!|Avalenor, the Stoneheart King}}
The Lumineth Realm-lords (also known as '''High Elves 2.0''', '''Lu-methheads''' and '''Loony Meth-Heads'''. Officially "Realm-lords", without the second capital.) are a bunch of stone and crystal obsessed elves residing in the Realm of [[Hysh]] and led by Teclis. Forced onto the defensive by Chaos, they harness the magic of their realm and refuse to go down without a fight... just like the High Elves of old, but without the "dying race" element (and the accompanying lore inconsistencies) and a surprising amount of Dorfiness, given their love of hammers, runic magic and elementals.

With a heavy Greek aesthetic, new model and the return of [[Eltharion]], good times are abound if you were a fan of the High Elves back in the world that was.

==History==
===Origins/Age of Myth===
Once upon a time, [[Teclis]], [[Tyrion]], and [[Malekith|Malerion]] found a previously assumed dead [[Morathi]] who was very much alive, who then led the odd trio to the morbidly obese [[Slaanesh]] in a cave where they beat the shit out of him until he coughed up all of the Elven souls he had consumed after [[The End Times]]. A good chunk of these souls were given to Teclis, in order to recreate the High Elves of old and bring their race back to their former glory. The initial race that came from Teclis's attempts were the [[Idoneth Deepkin]] and, well... [[FAIL|He tried]].

This new batch of Aelves seem to have come out of the oven much better, far more sane and stable than any other Aelf so far. Given the Idoneth's hostile estrangement from Teclis while the Lumineth worship and fight side-by-side with him, relations between the two are... strange. In the Lumineth Battletome the Idoneth Deepkin are their only ally option, while in the Allegiance Matrix for multiplayer games in the General's Handbook they are listed as a Desperate Coalition (to put that in perspective, that's worse than the relationship between Khorne/Slaanesh or Tzeentch/Nurgle and is the only Desperate Coalition that isn't between factions from two entirely seperate Grand Alliances. Even Drycha the crazy, genocidal racist can act nicer to other factions). Best explanation is that they do utterly despise each other, but realize there are WAY bigger threats to their own societies, so they grudgingly tolerate each other for now.

Anyways after their initial inception they went on to colonize all parts of the realm of Hysh. After learning how to utilize the native realmstone Aetherquartz to Lumineth society grew to be one of if not the most advanced and grand civilization in all the realms. With art, architecture and learning being the envy of many other civilizations. Lumineth society was built on self-improvement, absurdly impractical headgear and the accumulation of wisdom, fueled by the power of Aetherquartz to amplify their bodies and minds. They however, in the typical elven arrogance, assumed that because Slaanesh was imprisoned they no longer had to worry about Chaos and decided to abuse the Aetherquartz like [[Skaven]] to [[Warpstone]], leading them to be the butt of many jokes about drugs.

===Age of Chaos===
Unfortunately for the Lumineth, in conjunction with the elves' own hubris, Tyrion and Teclis were very hands-off about godhood after the civilization was built. As a result, the subtle whispers of the Dark Gods entered their minds, causing envy and bitter rivalry. The subsequent campaigns of defamation and sabotage culminated in a massive civil war called the Ocari Dara, or Spirefall. The entire realm of Hysh was devastated, as the Lumineth had a habit of inventing uber-spells and doomsday devices just to see if they could, justifying it by claiming they were too enlightened to ever use such weapons for evil (which they obviously weren't). To make matters worse, the overflow of passion, pride and obsession from the war became a beacon for Slaaneshi daemons, who then invaded Hysh and would've wiped them out if Tyrion hadn't personally intervened to save the last survivors.

Teclis searched for some way to save his race from themselves, and found it when he managed to commune with Celennar, the spirit of Hysh's moon. He taught the Lumineth a new way of self-discipline, where they would bond with the elemental spirits to gain their power and wisdom. This rearrangement of Lumineth society was called the Reinvention Wars, which lasted the remaining years of the Age of Chaos and is widely credited with preventing them from becoming extinct altogether.

===Age of Sigmar===
The Lumineth were mostly unseen during the Age of Sigmar, being too focused on rebuilding their own realm in order to care about the other races.

During the Time of Tribulations, Teclis predicted the upcoming Necroquake, and ordered the construction of Aetherquartz towers in order to mitigate its effects. While this helped protect the Lumineth cities from undead invasion, Teclis failed to predict the arrival of Endless Spells, which would become a common plague upon the already magically battered landscape of Hysh.

During a meeting between Teclis and the other Aelven gods, Morathi started claiming that Slaanesh will inevitably escape. While the other Aelven gods dismissed this as the rantings of a madwoman, Teclis took this seriously and decided that the Lumineth must end their isolationism in order to purge Chaos from other realms. This hasn't endeared them well with the other races of Order, as they tend to deploy their legions without permission or warning out of the arrogant assumption that the lesser races can't be trusted to solve their own problems (arrogant ''and'' hypocritical coming from the Lumineth, who [[Eldar|nearly caused their own extinction through selfish obsessions]]). Adding to the fact that they have no problem with killing civilians and allies if they view it as necessary to cleanse Chaos, it’s understandable why some people don’t like it when they arrive unannounced. While the Stormcast have also used this approach, unlike them the Lumineth haven't earned a good reputation beforehand, and are a bunch of Johnny-Come-Latelys compared to the Stormcast's Big Damn Heroes.

At some point, Teclis had found the remnants of [[Eltharion]]'s spirit as he was way too badass to be claimed by Nagash. After putting his soul back together, Teclis ordered armor and weapons made in the Yvressian style, found a dude who looked near identical to Eltharion, created a soulless clone of that guy's body and tried to shove our old boy's soul right in. Sadly, [[Arkhan the Black|Arkhan]] evidently cursed Eltharion so bad that any body his soul is put in crumples to dust, starting with the aforementioned souless clone. As Teclis cried like a bitch, he noticed that Eltharion's soul was able to inhabit the armor, turning him into [[Thousand Sons|a hollow suit of armor powered by light]]. Since then, Eltharion became one of the leaders of the Lumineth, as Teclis tries to figure out how to give him a normal body.

===Broken Realms===

As Morathi attempted to gain godhood and accidentally loosened the chains of Slaanesh, Teclis started pushing his army against the forces of the undead and [[Nagash]]. He planned on bringing an end to The Soul Wars and clapping Nagash's boney cheeks for unleashing the Necroquake. Of course, bone daddy won't take this laying down...only to take it standing, as Eltharion freaking killed Arkhan, Teclis destroyed the Nine Books of Nagash, and then sealed Nagash in his city, though SOMETHING may have escaped. The price? Teclis was cursed by some sort of Death magic. The Necroquake has been undone!

==Society==

The Lumineth themselves are split between numerous different kingdoms within Hysh, known as the Ten Paradises. These Kingdoms each reside on a separate Island, which used to be one landmass before it was sundered in the Age of Chaos. The center Island is Xintil, where Teclis awoke in the Age of Myth and where most of the Sigmar worshiping mortals of Hysh live. Xintil is surrounded by eight islands, each ruled by a separate kingdom. Syar, Iliatha, Ymetrica and Zaitrec are known as the Teclian nations, essentially the Athens compared to the more Spartan Oultrai, Aurathrai, Helon and Alumnia who emulate Tyrion. Each has their own culture, such as Iliatha being matriarchal and doing some cloning shit.

These Lumineth have also come to treasure Aetherquartz, a crystal mineral native to their realm. These crystals gave their wearers great knowledge and power, but it also involves [[Eldar|sucking out their emotions and personalities - a sacrifice they consider worthwhile since unfettered emotions are the Dark Prince's favorite snack]]. In this way, they're similar to [[Stormcast Eternals|Sigmar's golden bois]] in that they're constantly approaching that point where they become effectively logic-driven, uncreative and unfeeling automatons except these guys see it as an acceptable ending compared to the Stormcast's mad search to end the flaw. The emotions drained into the Aetherquartz are used as a source of power by the mages known as Scinari <s>Crack Whores</s> Cathallars, weaponizing their suppressed negative emotions to spread terror and despair among their enemies.

After the Reinvention Wars, an important part of their society has become the Aelementari Temples, cults dedicated to bonding with the landscape of Hysh, in the form of the rivers, winds, mountains or even the light of Hysh's sky (Zenith). To join these cults is extremely difficult; first one must abandon all worldly possessions, then spend years meditating and seeking oneness with the spirit of their chosen location. The final trial is fatal if the spirit deems the aspirant unworthy: those dedicated to the rivers must weigh themselves down and jump into the water, while those dedicated to the mountains must let themselves get buried alive. Yet if they survive, they gain new powers ([[Avatar: The Last Airbender|please tell me there is some legendary Aelf who has the powers of all the Aelementari.]]) While the mages get elemental magic, the warriors get more subtle powers, like the Stoneguard who can enter the "mountain stance" to become immovable bulwarks in battle. The Aelementari can also be petitioned to possess a construct body and directly fight with their disciples.

The only Aelementari temple initially playable on tabletop were the mountain worshippers of the Alarith, who have taken a mountain yak called the "Ymetrican Longhorn" as their symbol, resulting in them being the butt of many cow jokes. The second temple to be officially revealed is the Wind Temple, known as the Hurakan; get it, Hurakan = Hurricane, GET IT!). They too were met with a barrage of memery due to their troops riding on creatures known as the Treerunners which very closely resembled Kangaroos. Aelementari Temples were intended to teach the Lumineth humility, and it half-worked; although their civilization no longer has the unchecked hubris that led to the Spirefall, many Lumineth have become humblebraggers under the impression that after the Reinvention they have successfully overcome all their flaws and created a perfect society. It seems that the arrogance of the (A)elves is the one flaw they can never overcome.

In terms of combat strategies and tactics, their design and combat is heavily reminiscent of Ancient Greek warfare combined with a bit of Roman. The traditional Spearmen, called the Vanari Auralan Wardens, are essentially hoplites, who form phalanxes to hold the enemy in place while the archers, mages and cavalry get set up to do their stuff. Each of these phalanxes are lead by a High Warden, essentially a Lochagos, who stands at the rear to make sure shit isn't going wrong. Most of these hoplites also adorn their shields with runes. These runes represent learning and enlightenment for the Realm Lords, but seem to be more for decoration than serving an actual battlefield purpose. These Wardens are also capable of forming into phalanxes called Shining Legions, difficult to harm but also slow. These legions are also present among their brethren who wield swords and bows. The Battletome also mentions unseen chariot and scout units, so they’re probably going to show up in a future release. Other major leaders include the Loreseekers, a mix of mage and warrior who are tasked with [[Blood Ravens|recovering ancient artefacts from the other races, allies or not, and bringing them back home where they belong]]

==Great Nations==

*'''Ymetrica:''' A mountainous kingdom with a great dedication to the Alarith Temple. Were the first Lumineth kingdom to succesfully discover how to bond with the Aelementari, which they won't hesistate to remind you at any moment. Form the vanguard of Teclis' campaign to purify the Mortal Realms. Recently endured a massive [[Ossiarch Bonereapers|boning]] from Arkhan's army. Essentially Caledor, but replace Dragons with bovine-headed earth elementals.
*'''Syar:''' The greatest craftsmen of the Lumineth, and the richest nation too. Created a lot of horrible weapons for the Ocari Dara, and swore to never create weapons again...until Teclis persuaded them that Chaos would win without their help. Just when they thought they were out, Chaos pulled them back in. Most likely suppose to resemble Eataine due to the focus on wealth, though instead of trade they got it through weapon dealing and trade so it's Eataine + the Anvil of Vaul.
*'''Zaitrec:''' The land of master wizards, and thus the place where Teclis likes to hang out most. They worship Celennar even more than Teclis though, and if they ever get to meet Teclis they're more interested in what the spirit has to say, claiming "it is better to learn from the source". Teclis is secretly [[butthurt]] over this having learned from an older source himself in the World-That-Was, much to Tyrion's amusement. For if you miss Saphery, with Celennar filling in for Lileath.
*'''Iliatha:''' This <s>simp</s> matriarchal kingdom revered women due to their belief that creating life was holy. However, they decided that the traditional method of childbirth was too gross for them, and invented a method to create clones by splitting souls. This lead to horrible excesses during the Ocari Dara, which were so dark that the other nations refuse to speak about it. Afterwards the technology was strictly regulated so that only one copy could be created per person, resulting in Iliatha having the largest population of the nations, the majority of whom are soul-bound twins. Avelorn, only with magic cloning.
*'''Alumnia:''' A land of explorers and pioneers who wish to explore the most dangerous parts of the Mortal Realms just to say that they can. They believe that they must spread to the rest of the Realms and spread the light on enlightenment to the darkest parts of the Mortal Realms. This usually means a LOT of them end up as snacks for hungry monsters and those who don't are disliked as colonial Imperialists, but that doesn't stop them. Many seek to replicate Tyrion's adventure across Haixiah, which is often considered a one way trip but those who make it back are revered highly. Acts as outriders and scouts for the Lumineth armies. (Tiranoc pre Sundering.)
*'''Helon:''' A widely open country that has winds so strong they can straight up send you flying. Now while normal people would view this as dangerous or horrifying, The Aelves here do it for fun! These guys have gotten so good at controlling winds that they can outright carve shit with wind and erosion. To no one's surprise, this place has the largest amount of Hurakan Temples of all of the nations. Their favorite battle strategies involve using the winds to help their archers fire off more shots and get out of danger when needed. (Ellyrion, only SUPER windy.)

==Named Characters==
*'''[[Teclis]]:''' The <s>a</s>elf, the myth, the literal legend, everyone's favourite (former!) anaemic cripple is back as one of the two gods of light (the other being his brother Tyrion). He now rides along a giant sphinx that's the literal spirit of Hysh's moon.
*'''[[Eltharion|The Light of Eltharion]]:''' The soul of Eltharion himself, now in a sick looking [[Thousand Sons|hollow suit of armour.]]
*'''Avalenor:''' The Aelementiri spirit of the largest mountain in Hysh, Avalenor is a mystery as instead of being bound into a war-form by a temple he just kinda showed up by himself one day.
*'''Sevireth:''' The "Lord of the Seventh Wind", the manifestation of one of the seven great gales that blow throughout all of Hysh. He used to hang out in a desert until he got baited into a Slaaneshi BDSM chamber and got roughed up. After he broke out, he became more of a merciless warrior, striking down the enemies of Hysh and all manner of tyranny.
*'''Lyrior Uthralle:''' Warden of Ymetrica, and quite martially-inclined for someone from a realm on the Teclican half of Hysh. He also acts as Tyrion's right-hand man and - apart from some major angst issues behind closed doors - look like he's being set up to inherit Tyrion's mantle of being the Big Damn Hero for Aelfkind.
*'''Ellania & Ellathor:''' A pair of twins, one a powerful sorceress, the other a skilled warrior, who fight on the battlefield as a single unit like the Sisters of Twilight. Seeing the similarities to themselves, Tyrion and Teclis have taken them on as proteges. One big difference between them and the original twins is that they both seem to agree that helping out the Non-Lumineth is a benefit in the fight against Chaos, where as Tyrion and Teclis always argued over it.

==Soulbound==
Released with the ''Champions of Order'' supplement in 2021.

As it turns out, the whole Soulbinding thing is a rather familiar matter to them. After all, the aelementeiri (those aelves who serve in the temples of elemental spirits, so the Alarith and Hurakan characters thus far) already bind their souls to become part of a greater whole and it was in this way that the people of Hysh clawed their ways out of the messes of the Age of Chaos. That said, there are those Lumineth that hesitate to do so because it would require them to sever their ties to Hysh and instead spread their elitist philosophies and knowledge to the lesser-fortunate peoples of the mortal realms. Doing so actually teaches them far more about the other realms than they would otherwise have learnt within their education-prisms, as well as teaching them about all the Saturday-morning ideals of cooperation and teamwork.

The following great nations are available for Lumineth heroes to hail from:
*'''Iliatha:''' Knowing how valuable knowledge is, many of their number seek to sire children to inherit what they have learned and surpass them. This urge is so strong that some even undertake an unsettling ritual that sees them split their soul among two bodies. Aelves in such a situation do not enter the same Soulbound. Indeed, knowing the price of the Soul-binding gives them a further drive to to do more for their comrades than they would ever have done raising a child. Heroes from Iliatha have a separate twin, one who will take their place should they die. This twin may start with the same starting stats, skills, and talents as their original, but may otherwise spend the rest of their XP as you wish.
*'''Syar:''' More than any other nation, Syar is a nation that takes their humility to heart. As a nation of artisans, they have a perfectionist's eye of their craft. Even as Soulbound, Lumineth from this nation see only ways that the world around them can be improved and how other viewpoints can improve them. Heroes from Syar add a special trait to a single weapon or set of armor they begin with. Whenever they undertake an endeavor to make something, they double any dice they get from their training in Crafting.
*'''Ymetrica:''' Residing the great peaks of Hysh, Ymetrica is considered the birthplace of the Alarith and legend has it that it was here that Teclis taught the aelfs in the art of binding their souls to the mountains. They take on the slow and contemplative sureness of the mountains, never acting in haste. Even the matters of the Soulbound are only undertaking after considerable contemplation, for they are hesitant to adapt to the hot-blooded and impulsive natures of their colleagues. Heroes from Ymetrica always act last in the first round of combat but can always act first in any round afterward unless someone else seizes the initiative. Additionally, the Thoughtful talent is available to all archetypes.
*'''Zaitrec:''' Lumineth from this realm house an irrepressible curiosity and seek questions from any source, including from the moons of Hysh. It is because of this that they tend to heed the spirit of Celennar, the lunasphinx representative of the greatest of Hysh's moons, more frequently than those of Teclis. It is because of this curiosity that they often join the Soulbound as they see all sorts of knowledge as equal. Heroes from Zaitrec add the Spellcasting talent to all archetypes, even allowing them to learn spells from lores that are otherwise inaccessible to them. When undertaking the Learn Spell endeavor, they can learn an additional common spell on top of everything else.

The archetypes available are '''Alarith Stoneguard''', '''Alarith Stonemage''', '''Scinari Cathallar''', and '''Vanari Warrior'''

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Aelve Spearmen.jpg|AELVES, WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?
File:Aelve Cav.jpg|Gee, I wonder what ancient civilization these guys where based on.
File:Elf_elite_guard.jpg|Heavy armor, hammers and a stone motif... [[Dwarfs (WFB)|where have I seen this before?]]
File:Eltharion AOS.jpg|I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, ARKHAN!
File:Befriending furries.jpg|'''Asserting dominance'''
File:Realm Lord Runes.jpg|No one tell the Dwarfs that the Elgi figured out how runes work....
File:Sitting Bull.jpg|An Alarith Stonemage. I wonder how Dwarfs would react to an elf controlling stone with magic.
File:Alarith.png|Alarith, Spirit of the Mountain. And you thought [[Settra the Imperishable|Settra]] had a lot of titles/aliases.
File:Scinari.jpg|A Scinari Cathallar. That's pronounced SIN-ar-ee CATH-ull-arr, according Geedubs themselves.
File:Sad Lady.jpg|She feels your pain.
File:Lumineth vs Khorne.jpg|A fun game of Whack-a-reaver
File:Minotaur mountain.jpg|Avalenor in all his red, stony glory.
File:Elf with heavy burden.jpg|[[Snowflame|Weaponized magic Crystal Meth]] (Doomrider approves).
File:Lumineth Box.jpg|Available now (quartz not accepted as an alternative to money)
</gallery>

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]
[[Category:Games Workshop]]

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

Lumineth Realm-Lords

2021-05-15T06:31:45Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Broken Realms */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Lumineth Realm-Lords|Logo=Eltharion's essence.jpg|Alliance=Order|Motto=FOR <s>ULTHUAN</s> HYSH!!!!!}}
{{Topquote|The phoenix must burn to emerge.|Janet Fitch}}
{{Topquote|Have you heard of the High Elves?|LaFave Bros Oblivion youtube video}}
{{Topquote|We must be swift as the coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!|Be <s>a Man</s> an Aelf}}
{{Topquote|MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!|Avalenor, the Stoneheart King}}
The Lumineth Realm-lords (also known as '''High Elves 2.0''', '''Lu-methheads''' and '''Loony Meth-Heads'''. Officially "Realm-lords", without the second capital.) are a bunch of stone and crystal obsessed elves residing in the Realm of [[Hysh]] and led by Teclis. Forced onto the defensive by Chaos, they harness the magic of their realm and refuse to go down without a fight... just like the High Elves of old, but without the "dying race" element (and the accompanying lore inconsistencies) and a surprising amount of Dorfiness, given their love of hammers, runic magic and elementals.

With a heavy Greek aesthetic, new model and the return of [[Eltharion]], good times are abound if you were a fan of the High Elves back in the world that was.

==History==
===Origins/Age of Myth===
Once upon a time, [[Teclis]], [[Tyrion]], and [[Malekith|Malerion]] found a previously assumed dead [[Morathi]] who was very much alive, who then led the odd trio to the morbidly obese [[Slaanesh]] in a cave where they beat the shit out of him until he coughed up all of the Elven souls he had consumed after [[The End Times]]. A good chunk of these souls were given to Teclis, in order to recreate the High Elves of old and bring their race back to their former glory. The initial race that came from Teclis's attempts were the [[Idoneth Deepkin]] and, well... [[FAIL|He tried]].

This new batch of Aelves seem to have come out of the oven much better, far more sane and stable than any other Aelf so far. Given the Idoneth's hostile estrangement from Teclis while the Lumineth worship and fight side-by-side with him, relations between the two are... strange. In the Lumineth Battletome the Idoneth Deepkin are their only ally option, while in the Allegiance Matrix for multiplayer games in the General's Handbook they are listed as a Desperate Coalition (to put that in perspective, that's worse than the relationship between Khorne/Slaanesh or Tzeentch/Nurgle and is the only Desperate Coalition that isn't between factions from two entirely seperate Grand Alliances. Even Drycha the crazy, genocidal racist can act nicer to other factions). Best explanation is that they do utterly despise each other, but realize there are WAY bigger threats to their own societies, so they grudgingly tolerate each other for now.

Anyways after their initial inception they went on to colonize all parts of the realm of Hysh. After learning how to utilize the native realmstone Aetherquartz to Lumineth society grew to be one of if not the most advanced and grand civilization in all the realms. With art, architecture and learning being the envy of many other civilizations. Lumineth society was built on self-improvement, absurdly impractical headgear and the accumulation of wisdom, fueled by the power of Aetherquartz to amplify their bodies and minds. They however, in the typical elven arrogance, assumed that because Slaanesh was imprisoned they no longer had to worry about Chaos and decided to abuse the Aetherquartz like [[Skaven]] to [[Warpstone]], leading them to be the butt of many jokes about drugs.

===Age of Chaos===
Unfortunately for the Lumineth, in conjunction with the elves' own hubris, Tyrion and Teclis were very hands-off about godhood after the civilization was built. As a result, the subtle whispers of the Dark Gods entered their minds, causing envy and bitter rivalry. The subsequent campaigns of defamation and sabotage culminated in a massive civil war called the Ocari Dara, or Spirefall. The entire realm of Hysh was devastated, as the Lumineth had a habit of inventing uber-spells and doomsday devices just to see if they could, justifying it by claiming they were too enlightened to ever use such weapons for evil (which they obviously weren't). To make matters worse, the overflow of passion, pride and obsession from the war became a beacon for Slaaneshi daemons, who then invaded Hysh and would've wiped them out if Tyrion hadn't personally intervened to save the last survivors.

Teclis searched for some way to save his race from themselves, and found it when he managed to commune with Celennar, the spirit of Hysh's moon. He taught the Lumineth a new way of self-discipline, where they would bond with the elemental spirits to gain their power and wisdom. This rearrangement of Lumineth society was called the Reinvention Wars, which lasted the remaining years of the Age of Chaos and is widely credited with preventing them from becoming extinct altogether.

===Age of Sigmar===
The Lumineth were mostly unseen during the Age of Sigmar, being too focused on rebuilding their own realm in order to care about the other races.

During the Time of Tribulations, Teclis predicted the upcoming Necroquake, and ordered the construction of Aetherquartz towers in order to mitigate its effects. While this helped protect the Lumineth cities from undead invasion, Teclis failed to predict the arrival of Endless Spells, which would become a common plague upon the already magically battered landscape of Hysh.

During a meeting between Teclis and the other Aelven gods, Morathi started claiming that Slaanesh will inevitably escape. While the other Aelven gods dismissed this as the rantings of a madwoman, Teclis took this seriously and decided that the Lumineth must end their isolationism in order to purge Chaos from other realms. This hasn't endeared them well with the other races of Order, as they tend to deploy their legions without permission or warning out of the arrogant assumption that the lesser races can't be trusted to solve their own problems (arrogant ''and'' hypocritical coming from the Lumineth, who [[Eldar|nearly caused their own extinction through selfish obsessions]]). Adding to the fact that they have no problem with killing civilians and allies if they view it as necessary to cleanse Chaos, it’s understandable why some people don’t like it when they arrive unannounced. While the Stormcast have also used this approach, unlike them the Lumineth haven't earned a good reputation beforehand, and are a bunch of Johnny-Come-Latelys compared to the Stormcast's Big Damn Heroes.

At some point, Teclis had found the remnants of [[Eltharion]]'s spirit as he was way too badass to be claimed by Nagash. After putting his soul back together, Teclis ordered armor and weapons made in the Yvressian style, found a dude who looked near identical to Eltharion, created a soulless clone of that guy's body and tried to shove our old boy's soul right in. Sadly, [[Arkhan the Black|Arkhan]] evidently cursed Eltharion so bad that any body his soul is put in crumples to dust, starting with the aforementioned souless clone. As Teclis cried like a bitch, he noticed that Eltharion's soul was able to inhabit the armor, turning him into [[Thousand Sons|a hollow suit of armor powered by light]]. Since then, Eltharion became one of the leaders of the Lumineth, as Teclis tries to figure out how to give him a normal body.

===Broken Realms===

As Morathi attempted to gain godhood and accidentally loosened the chains of Slaanesh, Teclis started pushing his army against the forces of the undead and [[Nagash]]. He planned on bringing an end to The Soul Wars and clapping Nagash's boney cheeks for unleashing the Necroquake. Of course, bone daddy won't take this laying down...only to take it standing, as Eltharion freaking killed Arkhan, Teclis destroyed the Nine Books of Nagash, and then sealed Nagash in his city, though SOMETHING may have escaped. The price? Teclis was cursed by some sort of Death magic. The Necroquake has been undone!

==Society==

The Lumineth themselves are split between numerous different kingdoms within Hysh, known as the Ten Paradises. These Kingdoms each reside on a separate Island, which used to be one landmass before it was sundered in the Age of Chaos. The center Island is Xintil, where Teclis awoke in the Age of Myth and where most of the Sigmar worshiping mortals of Hysh live. Xintil is surrounded by eight islands, each ruled by a separate kingdom. Syar, Iliatha, Ymetrica and Zaitrec are known as the Teclian nations, essentially the Athens compared to the more Spartan Oultrai, Aurathrai, Helon and Alumnia who emulate Tyrion. Each has their own culture, such as Iliatha being matriarchal and doing some cloning shit.

These Lumineth have also come to treasure Aetherquartz, a crystal mineral native to their realm. These crystals gave their wearers great knowledge and power, but it also involves [[Eldar|sucking out their emotions and personalities - a sacrifice they consider worthwhile since unfettered emotions are the Dark Prince's favorite snack]]. In this way, they're similar to [[Stormcast Eternals|Sigmar's golden bois]] in that they're constantly approaching that point where they become effectively logic-driven, uncreative and unfeeling automatons except these guys see it as an acceptable ending compared to the Stormcast's mad search to end the flaw. The emotions drained into the Aetherquartz are used as a source of power by the mages known as Scinari <s>Crack Whores</s> Cathallars, weaponizing their suppressed negative emotions to spread terror and despair among their enemies.

After the Reinvention Wars, an important part of their society has become the Aelementari Temples, cults dedicated to bonding with the landscape of Hysh, in the form of the rivers, winds, mountains or even the light of Hysh's sky (Zenith). To join these cults is extremely difficult; first one must abandon all worldly possessions, then spend years meditating and seeking oneness with the spirit of their chosen location. The final trial is fatal if the spirit deems the aspirant unworthy: those dedicated to the rivers must weigh themselves down and jump into the water, while those dedicated to the mountains must let themselves get buried alive. Yet if they survive, they gain new powers ([[Avatar: The Last Airbender|please tell me there is some legendary Aelf who has the powers of all the Aelementari.]]) While the mages get elemental magic, the warriors get more subtle powers, like the Stoneguard who can enter the "mountain stance" to become immovable bulwarks in battle. The Aelementari can also be petitioned to possess a construct body and directly fight with their disciples.

The only Aelementari temple initially playable on tabletop were the mountain worshippers of the Alarith, who have taken a mountain yak called the "Ymetrican Longhorn" as their symbol, resulting in them being the butt of many cow jokes. The second temple to be officially revealed is the Wind Temple, known as the Hurakan; get it, Hurakan = Hurricane, GET IT!). They too were met with a barrage of memery due to their troops riding on creatures known as the Treerunners which very closely resembled Kangaroos. Aelementari Temples were intended to teach the Lumineth humility, and it half-worked; although their civilization no longer has the unchecked hubris that led to the Spirefall, many Lumineth have become humblebraggers under the impression that after the Reinvention they have successfully overcome all their flaws and created a perfect society. It seems that the arrogance of the (A)elves is the one flaw they can never overcome.

In terms of combat strategies and tactics, their design and combat is heavily reminiscent of Ancient Greek warfare combined with a bit of Roman. The traditional Spearmen, called the Vanari Auralan Wardens, are essentially hoplites, who form phalanxes to hold the enemy in place while the archers, mages and cavalry get set up to do their stuff. Each of these phalanxes are lead by a High Warden, essentially a Lochagos, who stands at the rear to make sure shit isn't going wrong. Most of these hoplites also adorn their shields with runes. These runes represent learning and enlightenment for the Realm Lords, but seem to be more for decoration than serving an actual battlefield purpose. These Wardens are also capable of forming into phalanxes called Shining Legions, difficult to harm but also slow. These legions are also present among their brethren who wield swords and bows. The Battletome also mentions unseen chariot and scout units, so they’re probably going to show up in a future release. Other major leaders include the Loreseekers, a mix of mage and warrior who are tasked with [[Blood Ravens|recovering ancient artefacts from the other races, allies or not, and bringing them back home where they belong]]

==Great Nations==

*'''Ymetrica:''' A mountainous kingdom with a great dedication to the Alarith Temple. Were the first Lumineth kingdom to succesfully discover how to bond with the Aelementari, which they won't hesistate to remind you at any moment. Form the vanguard of Teclis' campaign to purify the Mortal Realms. Recently endured a massive [[Ossiarch Bonereapers|boning]] at Arkhan's command. Essentially Caledor, but replace Dragons with cow-headed earth elementals.
*'''Syar:''' The greatest craftsmen of the Lumineth, and the richest nation too. Created a lot of horrible weapons for the Ocari Dara, and swore to never create weapons again...until Teclis persuaded them that Chaos would win without their help. Just when they thought they were out, Chaos pulled them back in. Most likely suppose to resemble Eataine due to the focus on wealth, though instead of trade they got it through weapon dealing and trade so it's Eataine + the Anvil of Vaul.
*'''Zaitrec:''' The land of master wizards, and thus the place where Teclis likes to hang out most. They worship Celennar even more than Teclis though, and if they ever get to meet Teclis they're more interested in what the spirit has to say, claiming "it is better to learn from the source". Teclis is secretly [[butthurt]] over this having learned from an older source himself in the World-That-Was, much to Tyrion's amusement. For if you miss Saphery, with Celennar filling in for Lileath.
*'''Iliatha:''' This <s>simp</s> matriarchal kingdom revered women due to their belief that creating life was holy. However, they decided that the traditional method of childbirth was too gross for them, and invented a method to create clones by splitting souls. This lead to horrible excesses during the Ocari Dara, which were so dark that the other nations refuse to speak about it. Afterwards the technology was strictly regulated so that only one copy could be created per person, resulting in Iliatha having the largest population of the nations, the majority of whom are soul-bound twins. Avelorn, only with magic cloning.
*'''Alumnia:''' A land of explorers and pioneers who wish to explore the most dangerous parts of the Mortal Realms just to say that they can. They believe that they must spread to the rest of the Realms and spread the light on enlightenment to the darkest parts of the Mortal Realms. This usually means a LOT of them end up as snacks for hungry monsters and those who don't are disliked as colonial Imperialists, but that doesn't stop them. Many seek to replicate Tyrion's adventure across Haixiah, which is often considered a one way trip but those who make it back are revered highly. Acts as outriders and scouts for the Lumineth armies. (Tiranoc pre Sundering.)
*'''Helon:''' A widely open country that has winds so strong they can straight up send you flying. Now while normal people would view this as dangerous or horrifying, The Aelves here do it for fun! These guys have gotten so good at controlling winds that they can outright carve shit with wind and erosion. To no one's surprise, this place has the largest amount of Hurakan Temples of all of the nations. Their favorite battle strategies involve using the winds to help their archers fire off more shots and get out of danger when needed. (Ellyrion, only SUPER windy.)

==Named Characters==
*'''[[Teclis]]:''' The <s>a</s>elf, the myth, the literal legend, everyone's favourite (former!) anaemic cripple is back as one of the two gods of light (the other being his brother Tyrion). He now rides along a giant sphinx that's the literal spirit of Hysh's moon.
*'''[[Eltharion|The Light of Eltharion]]:''' The soul of Eltharion himself, now in a sick looking [[Thousand Sons|hollow suit of armour.]]
*'''Avalenor:''' The Aelementiri spirit of the largest mountain in Hysh, Avalenor is a mystery as instead of being bound into a war-form by a temple he just kinda showed up by himself one day.
*'''Sevireth:''' The "Lord of the Seventh Wind", the manifestation of one of the seven great gales that blow throughout all of Hysh. He used to hang out in a desert until he got baited into a Slaaneshi BDSM chamber and got roughed up. After he broke out, he became more of a merciless warrior, striking down the enemies of Hysh and all manner of tyranny.
*'''Lyrior Uthralle:''' Warden of Ymetrica, and quite martially-inclined for someone from a realm on the Teclican half of Hysh. He also acts as Tyrion's right-hand man and - apart from some major angst issues behind closed doors - look like he's being set up to inherit Tyrion's mantle of being the Big Damn Hero for Aelfkind.
*'''Ellania & Ellathor:''' A pair of twins, one a powerful sorceress, the other a skilled warrior, who fight on the battlefield as a single unit like the Sisters of Twilight. Seeing the similarities to themselves, Tyrion and Teclis have taken them on as proteges. One big difference between them and the original twins is that they both seem to agree that helping out the Non-Lumineth is a benefit in the fight against Chaos, where as Tyrion and Teclis always argued over it.

==Soulbound==
Released with the ''Champions of Order'' supplement in 2021.

As it turns out, the whole Soulbinding thing is a rather familiar matter to them. After all, the aelementeiri (those aelves who serve in the temples of elemental spirits, so the Alarith and Hurakan characters thus far) already bind their souls to become part of a greater whole and it was in this way that the people of Hysh clawed their ways out of the messes of the Age of Chaos. That said, there are those Lumineth that hesitate to do so because it would require them to sever their ties to Hysh and instead spread their elitist philosophies and knowledge to the lesser-fortunate peoples of the mortal realms. Doing so actually teaches them far more about the other realms than they would otherwise have learnt within their education-prisms, as well as teaching them about all the Saturday-morning ideals of cooperation and teamwork.

The following great nations are available for Lumineth heroes to hail from:
*'''Iliatha:''' Knowing how valuable knowledge is, many of their number seek to sire children to inherit what they have learned and surpass them. This urge is so strong that some even undertake an unsettling ritual that sees them split their soul among two bodies. Aelves in such a situation do not enter the same Soulbound. Indeed, knowing the price of the Soul-binding gives them a further drive to to do more for their comrades than they would ever have done raising a child. Heroes from Iliatha have a separate twin, one who will take their place should they die. This twin may start with the same starting stats, skills, and talents as their original, but may otherwise spend the rest of their XP as you wish.
*'''Syar:''' More than any other nation, Syar is a nation that takes their humility to heart. As a nation of artisans, they have a perfectionist's eye of their craft. Even as Soulbound, Lumineth from this nation see only ways that the world around them can be improved and how other viewpoints can improve them. Heroes from Syar add a special trait to a single weapon or set of armor they begin with. Whenever they undertake an endeavor to make something, they double any dice they get from their training in Crafting.
*'''Ymetrica:''' Residing the great peaks of Hysh, Ymetrica is considered the birthplace of the Alarith and legend has it that it was here that Teclis taught the aelfs in the art of binding their souls to the mountains. They take on the slow and contemplative sureness of the mountains, never acting in haste. Even the matters of the Soulbound are only undertaking after considerable contemplation, for they are hesitant to adapt to the hot-blooded and impulsive natures of their colleagues. Heroes from Ymetrica always act last in the first round of combat but can always act first in any round afterward unless someone else seizes the initiative. Additionally, the Thoughtful talent is available to all archetypes.
*'''Zaitrec:''' Lumineth from this realm house an irrepressible curiosity and seek questions from any source, including from the moons of Hysh. It is because of this that they tend to heed the spirit of Celennar, the lunasphinx representative of the greatest of Hysh's moons, more frequently than those of Teclis. It is because of this curiosity that they often join the Soulbound as they see all sorts of knowledge as equal. Heroes from Zaitrec add the Spellcasting talent to all archetypes, even allowing them to learn spells from lores that are otherwise inaccessible to them. When undertaking the Learn Spell endeavor, they can learn an additional common spell on top of everything else.

The archetypes available are '''Alarith Stoneguard''', '''Alarith Stonemage''', '''Scinari Cathallar''', and '''Vanari Warrior'''

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Aelve Spearmen.jpg|AELVES, WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION!?
File:Aelve Cav.jpg|Gee, I wonder what ancient civilization these guys where based on.
File:Elf_elite_guard.jpg|Heavy armor, hammers and a stone motif... [[Dwarfs (WFB)|where have I seen this before?]]
File:Eltharion AOS.jpg|I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, ARKHAN!
File:Befriending furries.jpg|'''Asserting dominance'''
File:Realm Lord Runes.jpg|No one tell the Dwarfs that the Elgi figured out how runes work....
File:Sitting Bull.jpg|An Alarith Stonemage. I wonder how Dwarfs would react to an elf controlling stone with magic.
File:Alarith.png|Alarith, Spirit of the Mountain. And you thought [[Settra the Imperishable|Settra]] had a lot of titles/aliases.
File:Scinari.jpg|A Scinari Cathallar. That's pronounced SIN-ar-ee CATH-ull-arr, according Geedubs themselves.
File:Sad Lady.jpg|She feels your pain.
File:Lumineth vs Khorne.jpg|A fun game of Whack-a-reaver
File:Minotaur mountain.jpg|Avalenor in all his red, stony glory.
File:Elf with heavy burden.jpg|[[Snowflame|Weaponized magic Crystal Meth]] (Doomrider approves).
File:Lumineth Box.jpg|Available now (quartz not accepted as an alternative to money)
</gallery>

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]
[[Category:Games Workshop]]

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

Trazyn the Infinite

2021-05-15T06:20:54Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Inner Sadness of Trazyn */

{{MattWard}}
{{Awesome}}
{{Heresy}}
[[File:Trazyn.jpg|300px|right|thumb|He's come to steal your shit! (Probably literally, if it's rare enough) And if you're (un)lucky, he might even steal you.]]
{{topquote|I welcome all... to a place in my carefully curated collection!|The kleptomaniac himself, presenting the Necron faction in Battlefleet Gothic Armada 2}}
{{topquote|I give my all to all I see, see? And all I see I give to me!|Huxley, Sesame Street villain}}
{{topquote|What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too!|Repo Man, WWF wrestler}}
{{topquote|Greetings, [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]]! I apologise for having to borrow back my astrarium. I know how deeply you appreciated it, but you work too hard, my astromancer. Consider this a relaxing break. And what is more relaxing than a hunt? These creatures are from an [[Catachan|Imperial jungle planet]], and so famous that [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|the locals]] named their local regiment after them. Highly venomous - not that it would bother you, dear colleague - and can grow to over fifteen ''khut'' long when they reach maturity. But the real challenge is how quick they breed. In fact, I would recommend you start the pursuit quickly. Fourteen juveniles were in this particular gift. Or was it sixteen? Anyway, within twelve hours the population will have established roving kin groups to place their eggs. Did I forget to mention the eggs? Half of the breeding pairs already have sacs. The population will double in less than twenty-four hours, provided they don't eat too many of the young. Happy hunting!|A letter written by Trazyn to Orikan after stealing an ancient artifact from him}}

'''Trazyn the Infinite''', also known as '''Trollzyn the [[Tarpit]] Breaker''' and '''Trazyn the Grave Robber''', or Possibly Trazyn the shiny Stealer, is the best [[Necron]] Overlord/Phaeron (while ''technically'' his title is Overlord, he has his own Overlord subordinates and rule his own little empire like Phaeron). Basically what you'll get if you combined Doctor Doom, a [[Tomb King]], a [[Blood Ravens|Bloody Magpie]] and the Terminator, with a hint of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Trazyn the Infinite, ruler of the [[Tomb World]] named Solemnace (which happens to be a Dyson Sphere powered by a [[C'tan]]), is a self-proclaimed preserver of histories, artifacts and events. In his possession are technologies and relics that are so valuable as to be priceless. Amongst his collection are the fabled wraithbone choir of Altansar, one of the preserved heads of [[Sebastian Thor]], the ossified husk of an Enslaver and a suit of baroque power armour, complete with the Custodes who was still wearing it. This means that he is one of only two entities in this or any other universe that rivals the stealing power of the [[Blood Ravens]] (the other being the Deffskullz.) In such a dangerous galaxy, Trazyn is loath to go out and explore it himself, but with so many exquisite artifacts to see and catalogue, he cannot afford to miss out. As a result he will send out substitutes of himself to do his dirty work. On the battlefield this can become increasingly irritating, as killing what appears to be Trazyn may simply be a [[Lychguard]] or a Necron Lord. Meanwhile, somewhere nearby, the real Trazyn is busy smashing his way through his foes to get his metal hands on his latest acquisition.

(That's how the fluff handles it; the crunch rules imply that he simply takes over the body of another Lord, Lychguard, or [[Cryptek]]. He was there; you killed him; he just ran like the troll he is. [[Butthurt|Oh, and you didn't]] [[Alpha Legion|get Slay The Warlord by the way.]] <s>Just imagine this guy politely trolling with the voice of Terl from Battlefield Earth</s> he has a voice actor now via [[Battlefleet Gothic: Armada II]], [[Lulz|who actually sounds like a mechanical version of Terl]] (though he isn't voiced by John Travolta): "Oh, dear! What a wonderful contingent of [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guardsmen!]] I shall thank you with all my heart, General, for this marvelous gift. Please tell them to strike a nice pose while I prepare a stasis grenade...")

/tg/ has gained a fondness for him, due to his thieving ways, his Doctor Doom-esque body doubles, and his polite yet [[Troll|trollish]] attitude, he is also known for using completely self-evident aliases, which nevertheless seem to work quite well. It is generally agreed that he is one of the only good things Matt Ward has ''ever'' put into the [[fluff]].

A war-torn city in the [[Ultramar]] system. The [[Ultramarines]], aided by an [[Imperial Guard]] regiment led by Lord Castellan Ursakar [[Creed]], prepare to face an [[Ork]] incursion in a final battle. The Orks are numerous, but the [[Imperium]] has the upper hand, just barely, as Lord Creed's tactical genius has proven invaluable. As the Orks begin their final assault on the city, the Ultramarines ready their defenses. Creed, ever oddly silent, gazes intently at a large flagpole in the center of town, watching through binocs as the Orks' charge is funneled towards the center of the city. Suddenly, as the Orks near the square, the tip of a [[Baneblade]]'s main gun can be seen coming around the flagpole. The great tank begins to emerge from behind the thin metal object, perfectly and impossibly concealed. It begins to move into its firing arc, and a great shout is heard from the [[Warboss]] down below, just barely carrying over the rest of the din. "'''CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-'''" Suddenly, the cry cuts off in confusion, as Creed spits out his cigar. Where the Baneblade once stood, there is air, thin air. Not a trace remains of the enormous tank. It has vanished completely. Then, gradually, a green, crackling, electrical rune appears hanging in the air where the Baneblade was. It extends gracefully, for its platonic geometric form. If Creed was given to poetry, he might even say it resembled a rose. But he knew better. A rage he had felt only once before began to boil deep within, and his cry shook the world as the Orkish tide began to hack his guardsmen and the Marines to pieces. "'''TRAAAAAAAAAAAAZYYYYYYYYN!'''"

==From [[Matt Ward|Ward]] Himself==
"[[Bullshit|Trazyn's also no slouch in combat.]] Whenever his empathic obliterator kills an enemy, it has a chance to kill all other enemies of the same type in the same combat - perfect for Ork mobs. This isn't so useful against characters, but that's why Trazyn also carries a clutch of mindshackle scarabs - why kill an enemy when you can take over his mind and have him kill for you...?"oh wait nope, mss are now just a useful fear test. So now the only real use you'll find for him in a duel is whacking them with a stick.

==Letter to Inquisitor Valeria==
This is the (in)famous little piece of fluff that has made Trazyn so likable to /tg/, contrasting nicely with all the grim darkness around. Do note that it is unclear whether he's fucking nuts, indulging in some elaborate trolling or even both at once.

''Dear Lady, let me express my fulsome appreciation for your most generous gift. It is so very rare to discover another of my own kind that appreciates my work, therefore to find understanding amongst a member of another race is nothing short of a revelation. I realise that you briefly trod my galleries, but the fact that you spotted in so short a time that my Acabrius War collection was lacking three regiments of Catachan warriors reveals that you truly have a collector's eye for detail. And to send five regiments! Such generosity will allow me to weed out and replace a few of the more substandard pieces in my collection. If I might level a minor criticism, the instructions issued to your gift were manifestly not as clear as you thought, as most of them had to be forcibly restrained. Sadly it seems that the lower orders will always behave like an army of invasion, whether that be their purpose or not. However, this is a minor complaint and seems almost churlish under the circumstances, so please allow me to repay your gift with one of my own. Accompanying this message is the Hyperstone Maze, one of a series of Tesseract Labyrinths constructed at the height of the Charnovokh Dynasty. It is a trinket really, only of interest to scholars such as you and I, but I trust you will find it amusing; assuming you have the wit to escape its clutches, of course.''

It should be noted that an Inquisitor can actually use a Tesseract as a relic.

==The Infinite List of Dickings==
[[File:Trazyn2.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Daww]]
Trazyn is universally regarded as a <strike>[[Eldrad|huge dick]]</strike> pretty fun guy to be around due to his <strike>[[Blood Ravens|rampant kleptomania]]</strike> erudition and wit. Here is a list of his <strike>crimes</strike> many-splendored accomplishments, compiled for the <strike>warning</strike> edification of /tg/.

* Killed five invading regiments of Catachans, then turned them into [[Wargame|miniatures for his collection.]]
** Sent [[Inquisitor Valeria]] fan mail (maybe, we can't tell if he was being sarcastic in the letter) attached to an armed tesseract labyrinth [[Blood Ravens|as a reward for "gifting" him said Catachan regiments.]] Being a true gentleman, when Valeria managed to unravel said tesseract labyrinth and use it 'safely', he took it with good grace and they became pen pals of sorts... [[Grimdark|But since no good deed stays unpunished]], as of Fall of Cadia Trazyn has revealed that while Valeria became his human waifu for some time she eventually got [[blam|BLAM'med]] for consorting with xenos, hence why he releases Greyfax the Angery instead of getting Valeria to tag along (Just as planned? How about Tau start summoning daemons for battle? <strike>And maybe Orks start building their own webway</strike>They already did it using superior gravitational corridors which don't need the warp during the War of the Beast.)
* Banned from the Necron throne world of Mandragora after trying to [[Ork|loot]] [[Imotekh the Stormlord|Imotekh's]] staff.
** [[Internet_Troll|Pops in whenever he feels like it anyway.]]
* Stole Sebastian Thor's [[wat|head]]. Maybe (There's like five other museums claiming to have his skeleton; the only reason Trazyn stands out is because his Thor head is preserved in a jar, rather than a skull).
* Took the World Spirit Shrine of Carnac, an [[Exodite]] world as a trophy for helping to conquer it.
* Uses other Necron Lords as body doubles [[Internet_Troll|without telling them.]]
* Told the [[Ultramarines|greatest amongst us all]] he was old pals with [[Roboute Guilliman|Rowboat Girlyman.]] Considering that one of the pokeballs he unleashed against Chaos at the Fall of Cadia was a bunch of Ultramarines fresh from the [[Great Scouring|aftermath of the Horus Heresy]], he might be telling the truth ("old pals" by his definition, of course).
** And then informed them that maybe [[Internet_Troll|he was going to take Papa Smurf, as he'd be better off with him than in the company of the Ultramarines.]]
*** And with Rowboat coming back, [[Yvraine|somehow]], for 40k End Times, we might actually get to see how the two know each other. If they actually do. There's every possibility that [[troll|Trollzyn was just lying]].
* <s>Has a fucking PRIMARCH stored at his pad, supposedly... Possibly Vulkan according to White Dwarf.</s> Technically it's a Primarch clone, but it's still a perfect copy of the pre-Heresy Fulgrim, courtesy of [[Fabius Bile]].
*Told [[Vulkan He'stan]] he had the Song of Entropy, luring the Salamanders into a 10-year war with the Necrons. At the end of it, Trazyn pretty much said "just kidding, I don't have the Song of Entropy," as he tried to steal the Spear of Vulkan. Kind of back fired when [[Vulkan He'stan]] decided to just give him the Spear. ''Tip'' first. He'stan was pretty pissed when he learned Trazyn just jumped into another body.
** Twice.
*Invaded the Imperial planet of Midgardia and nabbed a C'tan shard of Nyadra'zatha, despite [[Logan Grimnar]]'s attempts to stop him. It's notable that he pulled this off in Logan's own codex supplement, where most other battles in the book were a resounding Space Wolf victory. To be fair, Space Wolves destroying (and thus accidentally freeing) a C'tan shard would make them look like an assholes. I mean even more assholes than they already are.
**In retribution, Logan hunted him down to another planet, Vhaloth IV, and ended up kicking Imotekh's ass instead. ([[Just As Planned]]. The dick deserved it for hanging on to his staff anyway.)
* Captured an Ork warboss and the Deathwatch kill team that was hunting said warboss, and sat them in front of each other in his collection for all eternity. And he double-checked they were both still self-aware, just to feel them suffer.
* Caught a bunch of tech priests evacuating from the necron invasion of Magogue, and set them up in stasis as a monument to that planet's fall. Notable because he pulled it off in the Skitarii codex. Trazyn's apparently the go-to guy for being able to win outside of his own codex.
* May or may not be the one pulling the strings behind the events of [[Xenology]], as probably he won't have any problems impersonating a C'tan shard.
* Has been hanging out on Cadia for who knows how long as the "man of iron" which all but confirms the pylons are necrons made.
* <strike>Steals Creed himself after the fall of Cadia.</strike> Blundered into allowing Creed to infiltrate his collection.
* Steals Papa Smurfs' (The Ultramarine bloke that can't spell Robert properly) pillow from his lumber.
* Stole an Emperor's Children's gene-seed tithe ship containing thousands of progenoids.
* Traded it for the only perfect clone of [[Fulgrim]], thus dashing the only hope of the Third Legion rebuilding itself and becoming more than a bunch of depraved sick fucks.
* Planning to add to his collection all the stuff from [[Battlefleet Gothic: Armada II]], World Engine and Hiveships included!
* Has an agent in Middle Earth Shadow of War called the Trophy Hunter. How he got there is beyond this anon's mental capabilities
* Frees an AdMech Magos and a pair of Sororitas in the short story War in the Museum to deal with an escaped Lictor and Hive Tyrant. The Sororitas were supposed to be biological sisters frozen in their last moments fighting Tyranids, but one sister was dead and [[Grimdark|used as spare parts to fix up her surviving sister]]; the other Sororitas was a stand-in taken from Goge Vandire's Brides of the Emperor (the precursor of the SoB). Trazyn goes so far as to swear on his honor he will reunite them with their Lord and not put them back in the same exhibit if they accomplish their task. True to his word, he puts them in a different exhibit...facing another called 'The Beheading of Goge Vandire'. Oddly enough, Trazyn considers the magos as something of a friend and even sends the AdMech research packets on his behalf, and decided to keep the Magos in stasis with full awareness at the Magos's request. Seems he prefers to perform his computing in peace and quiet and does not mind being part of Trazyn's collection.
* Stole [[Gorkamorka]] for his Angelis display. From The Infinite and The Divine "Trukks and buggies howled corkscrews across the display, ripping across the desert shanty town built around the enormous idol of Gork – or Mork.
* Played a practical joke on [[Orikan the Diviner]] by unleashing a genestealer on him.
** Said genestealer survived the encounter and went on to infect and raise a cult on the planet which attacked a visiting naval battlegroup [[grimdark|leading to the planet being exterminatused]].
* Played another practical joke on [[Orikan the Diviner]] by unleashing a brood of catachan devils on him.
* [https://regimental-standard.com/2021/03/10/flawless-crisis-instructions-for-humans/ Briefly stole control of the Regimental Standard] in an attempt to trick Guardsmen into making themselves easier to collect.
[[File:Bfg-2-trazyn.jpg|800px|center|thumb|A man of culture always enjoys a tour for his collection...]]

==Things on Trazyn's 'Must Have' List (and how to get some of them, perhaps.) (He denies having them so far, but you can never be sure without going to check...)==
[[File:TrazynAndDiomedes.jpg|thumb|right|300px|There can only be one true magpie.]]
* The lost master molds for Cursed City
* Old One Eye's lost eye (Hire Bile to vatgrow it)
* Kartoth the Bloodhunger, both so he can say he won the game as well as rip holes to go back in time for more collecting.
* [[Abaddon]]. No, really, that's (one of) the reason(s) he came to Cadia in the first place: he wants to add the Warmaster of Chaos to his collection! (Last seen near Vigilus, should team up with the Ultramarines since the Planet Killer is coming there)
* [[Saint Celestine]]. (Go read The ''Fall of [[Cadia]]'', this is not a joke! Also, not that hard, he just kill her, keeps the body while she reincarnates somewhere else)
* A lock of the Emperor's hair (Assuming it hasn't rotted away by the time he gets to Terra). (Again, can be vatgrown by Bile in exchange of.. something)
* An Ork Time Machine, originally belonging to Grizgutz.
* <s>[[Magnus the Red|Magnus the Red's]] favourite eye.</s> Magnus has agreed to provide things for his collection in exchange for being left intact
* An 8th edition Sisters of Battle codex. (done)
** An 8th edition box set of plastic sisters. Yes, he's the reason the November 2019 set sold out so early.
*Anyone atheist in Age of Sigmar, if not then a dwarf from the Kharadron Overlords will suffice.
* The [[Sanguinor]] in a stasis field.
* <s>A living Tyranid zoo (no stuffed dolls for our old collector). Would be much easier to accomplish if 'Nids didn't try to keep the fuck away from Necrons and their worlds.</s> Never mind. He gave up on this one after his specimens broke out of their exhibit and nom-med half of Solemnace. He's currently attempting to redo it on another planet near Solemnace.
* One of each type of Eldar Aspect Warrior, arranged in complementing color order.
* Each [[Phoenix Lord]], including the fallen Ahra or Drazhar (just in case he's Ahra); bonus points for the originals. Otherwise, something from them, such as one of [[Asurmen]]'s twin-linked [[Shuriken Catapult]]s or a lock of [[Jain Zar]]'s hair (bonus points for getting things from all of their incarnations).
* A signed autograph from each Primarch. (Still asking [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]] for "access" to his time machine so he can get one from [[Ferrus Manus]], [[Horus]], [[Sanguinius]], and [[Konrad Curze]] since they're all presently busy being dead.)
* A signed autograph from each chaos god, preferably without stains or switcharoo.
* A sweet ride so he can cruise the galaxy looking for new junk.
* The [[Baneblade#Fortress of Arrogance|Fortress of Arrogance]], preferably with [[Commissar Yarrick]] as well.
* [[Sammael|Sammael's]] Jetbike.
* A [[Pauldron|shoulder pad]] from each space marine chapter (Pre-heresy legions and post-heresy chapters all together of course, going for the complete set!)
* A Space Marine from each of the first Legions (this collection would be easily finished if not for the fact that he can't find any marines from the two missing legions).
* The two missing legions.
* [[Mary Sue|Those meddling kids - and that stupid dog!]]
* <s>A painting of one of the Emprah, Tzeentch, Cegorach, and the Deceiver's card games.</s> Creed provided him a holovid of the game that got him banned. He is content with this, And believes that Creed should be unbanned
* A circus filled with nothing but Eldar Harlequins.
* The <s>school report and childhood items</s> first set of kid-sized slave shackles of Asdrubael Vect.
* Urien Rakarth's first torture kit.
* An Avatar of Khaine. He's probably killed one, given how Geedubs keeps jobbing them, but the fact that their remains melt away and reform on the Craftworld - similar to how Necrons phase out - means Trazyn hasn't gotten one yet.
* A garage filled with one of each type of the Imperial Guard's tanks.
*A Daughter of Khaine and a Khorne berzerker with Hemophobia side by side.
* A feather from Sanguinus's wings. (Dante has one in stasis)
* An Imperial Titan that has been CREEEEEEEDed.
** A snap shot of the look on Abaddon's face upon seeing aforementioned Titan in the middle of his battle line, shouting CREEEEEEEED
* Abbadon's arms. Creed hid them so well that even Trazyn is having trouble finding them.
* A matching pair of [[Angry Marine]] Powerfeet.
* A pair of a Sisters Of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties from each Order, stolen from their quarters while they are asleep. Surprisingly hard to pull off (fnar fnar), even for Trazyn.
* A set of [[Lelith Hesperax|Lelith Hesperax's]] combat attire after she's been in a fight. This is even harder to pull off than the Sisters of Battle Canoness Regulation Holy Panties.
* One of the fingers from the Talon of Horus. (Will have to force-grip Abaddon very hard)
* Slaanesh's entire porn collection. While no planet is big enough to hold all that porn, that's what parallel dimensions are for!
* One of Ferrus Manus's hands. He isn't picky which.(Not sure if Vulkan completely destroyed it)
* An [[Imperial Knight]] from each house.
* The Panacea STC.
** And since [[Lady Malys]] got there first, anything cool she owns, as well as a selfie with her before and after she realizes he stole her stuff.
* The Eye of Horus. As in the ''actual'' Eye.(Again, Bile can make one)
* The [[Eye of Terror]] and everything in it.
* Commander [[Puretide]] and/or [[Farsight|all]] [[Shadowsun|of his]] [[Shas'O Kais|students]].
* A calm and rational [[World Eaters|World Eater]] marine.
* A clean and disease-free [[Death Guard]] marine.(Hello [[Nathaniel Garro]])
* A [[Emperor's Children]] marine who shows restraint.(Hello [[Saul Tarvitz]], maybe already got him that's why they never found the body?)
* <s>A live and fleshy non-sorcerer [[Thousand Sons|Thousand Son]] marine. (As of Ahriman: Unchanged, there was one of these, and as of Gathering Storm Yvraine made a dozen more before throwing them into the Warp)</s> Provided by [[Magnus The Red]] in exchange for a deck of cards
* <s>A [[Night Lords]] Marine that is actually friendly to be around.</s> Has also been provided by [[Magnus The Red]] in exchange for the same deck of cards.
* An atheist [[Word Bearers]] marine
* A [[Kharn|certain]] swell guy.
** A picture with said swell guy
* Remnants of the Inquisitorial acolyte who died of old age. Ones aged by a [[Hrud|Hrud's]] entropic field do not count.
* The Doomsday Clock from [[The Last Church]].
** <s>Also Uriah himself.</s> After finding out he’s a chaos worshiper he has changed his mind.
*The cure for the [[Red Thirst]].(Hello Rubicon Primaris, maybe)
**A photo of The Blood Angels' shocking reaction when Trazyn smashes the cure in front of them. (Bonus for [[Dante]]'s reaction with his mask off)
* The cure for the Curse of the Wulfen.(Hello again, Rubicon Primaris, maybe)
** A photo of The Space Wolves' shocking reaction when Trazyn smashes the cure in front of them. (Bonus of [[Logan Grimnar]] shaving his beard in shame)
* The right hands of [[Helbrecht]], [[Eldorath Starbane]] and anyone else who had their right hands cut off by Imotekh.
* At least one [[Jokaero]].(shouldn't be that difficult as even a Catachan team managed to got one during the Pandorax Campaign)
** And anything they make/modify.
* As many [[Catgirl|catgirls]] as possible.
** Along with a selfie with each of them.
*** And as many [[Kitsune|kitsunes]] as possible, along with selfies and a shrine to their name.
* Any 100% reliable information about Alpha Legion.
* Any 100% reliable information about Alfa Legion.
*A recording of an Idoneth Deepkin talking in a pirate accent.
* The Blood Ravens Armoury. Since most of the above was already "gifted" to the Chapter. Not to mention there are quite a few things listed here that may be in there in the first place
* A machine to control the [[Warp]] so he can create impossible things. (Either the Golden Throne or the Tuchulcha engine may do the trick)
* A complete and unblemished cosmetic kit 'gifted' by a [[Pretty Marines]]' Company Captain, still with a wrapping bow attached. (Getting one each from both Loyalist and Chaos Pretty Marines Captains would be even better!)
* The very [[Ethereal|Ethereals]] who united the [[Tau]] race back when they were limited to only their homeworld, or their bodies...or severed heads.
* One of each type of Imperial Assassin in the position they held before trying to kill him. This wouldn't be so problematic if it wasn't for the fact that he has yet to convince the Assassinorium to send a Culexus assassin against him.
* A 1st Edition copy of the [[Codex Astartes]] with Roboute Guilliman's autograph on the dust jacket. (Guilliman probably has one)
** A 1st Edition copy of the [[Lectitio Divinatus]] with Lorgar's signature on the dust jacket to sit directly opposite the Codex. (Again Guilliman, if you are not that picky in terms of what "1st edition" means)
* A recording of Warboss [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka|Ghazghkull]] famous: "Wez gonna Waagh!"speech.
* A prison capable of holding [[Cypher]], containing the man himself.
* <s>A STC detailing how to finally have enough Dakka</s>. <span style='color:green;font-size:100%'>'''*KRUMP* HERE...HERESESS...BLOODY 'ELL WHOTEVER DAT WORD IS YOU 'UMIES KEEP SAYIN' BEFORE Y'SHOOTS STUPIDER 'UMIES!'''</span>
* <s>An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Warhammer Fantasy.</s> Done as he managed to get an STC of Steam with a Total Warhammer series warp-powered bunch of keys.
* <s>An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Lord of the Rings.</s> (Trazyn has now accomplished this according to some writefaggotry posted on fanfiction.net. Much nerd [[rage]] shall ensue. You have been warned.)
* <s>An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Wars.</s> (He has also accomplished this due to MORE Writefaggotry on Fanfiction.net.)
* An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from Star Trek (Risky, considering the technologies in Star Trek, he just might actually end up as a collectible himself or be tracked back to his home dimension).
* An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from the Mass Effect universe (Doable, but risky if he ever crosses paths with the Reapers).
* A TARDIS so he can learn the name of The Doctor (Riskier than Star Trek because of the technologies involved. Also, if anyone could track Trazyn back to his home dimension and thoroughly wreck his shit it'd be The Doctor).
* An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from the Marvel Universe (main timeline).
* An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from the DC Universe (main timeline).
* An interdimensional portal device so he can collect artifacts from the Halo universe ( dangerous because of Master Chief and his damn luck).
* The body of a Dwarf [[Slayer]] who died of old age.
* <s>All the NON-Grimdarkness of the 41st millennium in a bottle. So nothing in bottle then.</s> Already done.
* [[Temperus Maximus]]' Adamantium Cigar. Trazyn almost managed to loot this, but Temperus suddenly called an Orbital Strike on top of himself before this happened. Temperus' armor received minor scorch marks when the strike ended and Trazyn's body double was obliterated.
* One marine from each chapter of the cursed founding.
* A [[Death Korps of Krieg]] gas mask serial number 0000000000000000000000001.
* Names, addresses and personal phone numbers of the two unknown Primarchs.
* Cardinal Anton Fedelicus and his collected writings, which if introduced would have allowed for a very large degree of sexual freedom to have been integrated into the ecclesiarchical theology without increasing the risk of Slaaneshi corruption.
* A living [[Astral Knights|Astral Knight]].
* A "lucky" [[Lamenters]] marine (also count as one of the cursed founding collection).
* A working time travel device created by the [[Ordo Chronos]] ([[heresy|if it was ever made]]). The purpose for this device being -- you guessed it -- collect more artifacts from the past.
* His own body double in an alternative universe, if only he did not manage to turn into [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|dimensional sponge]] in the process or lost to his alternative self in a collection contest.
* A lock of hair from each of the [[Tarkus|infamous]] [[Boreale|baldraven]] [[Diomedes|marines]].
* A "My First Assault Cannon" box set (Even better if unopened).
* A photo of the Emperor as a boy.
* As well as all of his photographic recordings scattered throughout time, whether it is rock scribble from the stone age or painting in the Renaissance Era or those Youtube video he has made back in 20XX.
* A [[Squat]].
* A living Boneripper (plenty of chance since Thanquol is still around in Age of Sigmar).
* The personal battle standard of [[Gabriel Angelos]] used at his ascension to chapter master.
** The Blood Ravens also want one of Trazyn's personal banners. Negotiations are ongoing.
* An Ogryn's 'Guardsman's Primer: Colouring Book Edition' and matching 'The Great Crayon Crusade' coloring set.
* The oldest dreadnought of each Space Marine chapter.
* [[Samus]]' armor.
* A body-pillow of [[Lolicron|Cathy]] (Original prefered)
* The Entire First and Second Seasons of "If The Emperor had a text-to-speech device" on blu-ray signed by Chapter Master Alfabusa.
* Chapter Master Alfabusa in a stasis chamber.
* Limited collectors edition of Half life 3 (After all, it's only been 38,000 years in development, maybe Valve will finish it before chaos/da WAAAAGH/the Tyranids/Imotekh's ego consumes the entire galaxy!)
* [[Sly Marbo|Sly Marbo's]] personal pistol, though not even Trazyn is willing to try and collect it.
* An actual ork sniper.
* A Butlin-Class Titan.
* The [[Men of Iron|Man of Iron]].
* <s>The Cigar Creed always chews but never smokes.</s> Acquired as part of the new Creed exhibit.
* The legs from an Imperial Sentinel (must have attachment for his own legs)
*A picture of Sigmar hugging Draconithon
* A list of names of <s>the fallen to wave at the Dark Angels</s> COMPLETELY UNRELATED TRAITOR MARINES THAT JUST LIKE WEARING BLACK AND RED AND WINGED SWORDS.
* A ham personally provided by the Ordo Draigo.
* A book borrowed from the black library with a selfie of him and Cegorach.
* A picture of himself before he turned to Necron. (just print his memories, he is an android, duh)
* The best pole dancer in the Commorragh in a stasis chamber (that was [[Yvraine]] at one point, so her).
* The best pole dancer out of all Slaanesh cultists in a stasis chamber.
* A photograph of a Cyclonic torpedo the moment it impacts the ground.
* A group photo of Thunder Warriors with Arik Taranis and the Emperor.
* An acknowledgement from GW that [[Malal]] does indeed exist.
* An actual affordable GW Warhammer 40k miniature from any faction.
* An undisputably good codex from any faction.
* [[Carlos McConnell]], or at least one of his catgirls, in a stasis chamber.
* A jar of [[Skub]].
* The book "[[Standard Template Construct]]" for dummies.
* Sensible [[Blood Angels]].
* Hairless [[Space Wolves]]. Being shaven doesn't count, the Marine has to be hairless naturally.
* A copy of Battletoads.
* The Statue of Liberty, shrunk to 10 feet size and taken from Nova Yourk hive of Merica.
* Blueprint of [[Angron]]'s Butcher's Nails.
* A WW2 Era Luger pistol, original.
* Enough Blood for the [[Khorne|Blood God]].
* <s>Enough Skulls for the Skull Throne.</s> THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE, LOYALIST SCUM!
* One of Roboute Guilliman's new [[Primaris Marines|Super Space Marines]].
* A Pokeball that can hold a C'tan.
* A living member of the Interex.
* A Picture of Eldrad and Vect trying to out-dick one another.
* An STC that has technology that will allow him to do some Dark Eldar Drugs.
* A video of Nemesor Zahndrekh putting on glasses and realizing that he is now a Skeleton Robot and the Other Necrontyr are not what they seemed to be
* An member of an Alien race the Imperium actually gets along with. (<s>Pretty damn impossible.</s> Also [[Yvraine]]; two birds, one stone)
* An Ork who can actually think. Word has it [[War of the Beast|he might need to go back in time for that...]]
* <s>DLC for Dawn of War III.</s> Got that on the same sale he got the keys for TW:WH.
* An Autograph from [[Nagash]].
* A video of Yarrick taking over the Orks. (<s>Only a Matter of time now</s> [[wat|It's mentioned in the 8E rulebook that the Orks and Humans on Armageddon formed an alliance to fight chaos, so this is pretty much canon for now.]])
* The Golden Throne. That means Trazyn is not allowed on Holy Terra.
* [[Belisarius Cawl]]. Bonus points if he collects the Alpha Primus as well.
* <s>Enough DAKKA.</s><span style='color:green;font-size:100%'>'''WUT DID WE SAY 'BOUT DAT?'''</span>
* The name and address of the Ork that keeps Dakka blocking him.
* An official GW/[[The Ninth Age]] tournament. Will require some dimensional traveling since the latter started distancing itself from being 9th Edition WHFB.
** An official WHFB tournament that uses [[Warhammer Armies Project]] rules.
* [[Farsight#The_Dawn_Blade|The Dawn Blade]].
* A clone of [[Fabius Bile]], not as an exhibit but just to make conversation with. He nearly got one if Fabius Bile didn't decide to trade him his Fulgrim clone instead.
* [[Lorgar|Lorgar's]] diary, the single largest source of [[heresy]] in the universe. He puts this one off due to the aura of discomfort that radiates from anything Lorgar has touched.
* A portal into an alternate past reality where GW doesn't constantly use the Eldar as fluffy punching bags, and where xenos factions actually get as much attention as [[Space Marine|GeeDub's poster boys.]]
* A pyrophobic [[Salamanders (Chapter)|Salamander]].
* The Emperor's text-to-speech device.
* The Emperor's left eye.
* [[Old Man Henderson|Old Man Henderson's]] gnomes.
* Old Man Henderson's player.
* All Nintendo World Championship cartridges, both regular and gold.
* One of those [[Noise Marine]] sonic guns that looks like a sweet guitar.
* A member of the Death Korps of Krieg with self-preservation instincts.
* A living [[Sensei]].
* The only known Platypus to achieve the rank of Inquisitor along with his arch-nemesis: a bumbling non-chaotic heretek pharmacist.
* A set of [[Rogue Trader]] era [[Beakie]] Armor.
*A picture of Gorkamorka turning into Gork and Mork
* The rest of the Blackstone Fortresses.
* [[Commissar Fuklaw|Commissar Fuklaw's]] cap.
* [[Cultist-chan]] in a sound-proof cell.
* A recording of Tzeentch saying [[JUST AS PLANNED]] in every known language (would've been done sooner, but Tzeentch keeps speaking in languages that he claims are created in the future or he might be making up, just to troll Trazyn).
* One of [[Dranon|Dranon's]] cigars.
* [[Ciaphas Cain]] HERO OF THE IMPERIUM's missing fingers.
* A sextape of Cain and Amberley.
* Two copies of Shadow War: Armageddon. The second one will be a backup 'Just in case' copy.
* Some [[Primaris Lieutenant|Primaris Lieutenants]]. There is so many right now nobody is gonna notice some of them go missing.
* Roboute's body pillow of Yvraine.
* Yvraine's vibrator that she got while on Ultramar.
* The [[Silent King]]'s Sanguinus mask.
* A "Miniature" of an Emperor Class Titan in regular 40k scale.
* Dio Brando with a ROAD ROLLER DAAAAA!!!
* Kitten's Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker deck.
* Kitten himself.
* A picture of Kitten and Shadowsun kissing.
* Shadowsun's bodysuit after a fight.
* [[Commissar Yarrick]]'s right arm
* Assholetep's robes. The only thing stopping is the fact that if Trazyn accomplished this, Assholetep would immediately assume it's Trazyn and wreck his collection, so Trazyn's put this on the backburner.
* Every single person who had edited this page. Don't! I'm edi--
* Some more paper and a pencil for more lists. And Lord Admiral Spire to complete his Imperial collection.
* All the Pokémons.
** And all of the shiny versions too.
* A clear, accurate, unedited photograph of a Diglett's body.
* The official single extended version of the Tattered Sails Shanty signed by [[Luthor Harkon]].
* The Mona Lisa (will probably have to infiltrate the Imperial Palace).
* Evidence of [[Cypher]]'s true identity.
* A 1990s Holographic Charizard Pokémon Card.
* One Sergeant "Jinxie" Penlan, ideally in the process of tripping over something and preferably not somehow messing up half the collection because of it.
* And a partridge in a pear tree~
* An ork that doesn't want to fight
* A gretchin that's stronger than an ork
* One of the Artifacts of Vulkan.
*[[Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure|A Road Roller,Da.]]
* The most basic soldier of the most powerful and advanced human faction during the [[Dark Age of Technology]], just to see how much he stands up to warriors of the present.
* And some good Matt ward fluff. Besides himself. Permanently placed at the bottom of the list because even he has his limits.

==Ever-increasing Trazyn's aliases List==
*Arsène Lupin
*Pepe
*Bob The regular non-necron guardsman.
*Bob the Builder
*The Fat Controller
*Sir Toppham Hatt
*Every notable persons from your childhood
*Borris the generic soul-less warrior
*Phaeron Imothephek the Thunderboltlord.
*Onionkyr the Voyager.
*Nemesor Zahnpasta.
*The grinch
*Vanguard O'Brien.
*El Bandido Dickbag de la Muerte
*Trellsin the Singular.
*[https://youtu.be/v4Y4QBL5Fmg Bender][https://youtu.be/OWPfcEOr2Yg Bending Rodríguez]
*Necropimp
*The most fabulous Necron of them all (after he said this, Sanguinius appeared before him and told him that if he ever said the word fabulous again, he would steal everything he owns)
*Illuminor Spookyras.
*Notc'tan the Diviner.
*Sissy Rack the Loud Queen.
*Dio Brando/ZA WARUDO.
*Thanquol the (In)Competent.
*Marisa Kirisame
*Shas'O Wi A'bu.
*Inquisitor Emprah of Catachan.
*Anon Y. Mouse.
*Captain Inkoc Nito.
*Dirty Dan
*Pinhead Larry
*Winona Ryder
*The Tin White Douche
*Dean Isle.
*Kaz Miller.
*Mideer Laydee.
*Eliphas the inheritor.
*Commissar Hugh Mann.
*Korporal Dick Goesinzya.
*Canoness Ivanna Purgealot.
*High Scout Henrick Day-o-midis.
*Farsighter Loldrad Gretchinbane.
*Lord-sergeant Ultramarius Sicarius.
*Archservitor Robotnik Wilhelm.
*Warboss Ghozkull Grotstealer.
*Skitarius Ranger Alpha Stroheimus JJ-1337.
*Archon Kim Ke.
*Trashbin the incompetent
*Suede O'Niim.
*John Smith.
*Alan Smithee.
*Kyon.
*Ned Cron.
*Mouse M.D.
*Victor Domashev.
*Bernie Madoff
*Carmen Sandiego
*Lara Craft
*Master Thief
*Sir Welland Dowde
*High Admiral tankcommander Pascual.
*Techpriest 01110100 01110010 01100001 01111010 01111001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100110 01101001 01101110 01101001 01110100 01100101 00001010 .
*Gordon Freeman.
*Mr. Roboto.
*Nyzart the ending
*Nafqa.
*Sly Cooper
*The God emperor of Mankind.
*Mac Tonight.
*The G-man.
*Venom Snake.
*He-Man.
*Skeltor
*Iron Man.
*Albert Wesker
*Gabe Newell.
*SLYYYY MARBOOO!! (When Trazyn assumed this disguise, every necron in the segmentum had a Catachan Fang spontaneously appear in its skull and teleported to self repair, and the knife that appeared in Trazyn's hands had "I'll let you off this time" written on the grip."
*Big Boss Final
*Zharn the Bee Trainer
*Tray the Model Man
*[[matt_ward|Matt Ward's]] dignity
*BIg BobbyG.
*alpharius.
*not omegon.
*the London Jets
*pantheon of 40k (GW)
*Belisarius Cawl
*JOHN CENA!!!
*The Immortal Jod Emper of Space-skeletonkind
*Spartacus
*Danger Powers
*The Second Coming of Matt Ward
*Fresh Prince of Ultramar
*The King of Games
*Mr E. Man
*The real thief of the Primarchs
*Sister Superior Wendy
*Chaplin Hamburglar
*The Doctor
*Thief Khee'Bler
*Norm L. Pearson
*The Lord of the [[Squats]]
*<S>Waldo</s> Wally
*The God Emperor of Mankind
*Ol’ Funnybones
*T-8 Double Zero
*Systems model 101
*Hugh Mann
*The Necron emperor of Necronkind
*The next door neighbour who is a hoarder
* YOU THIEVING BASTARD!
*Commander Griefouz
*Our Lord and Saviour
*Generic Robot #3775123
*Trashy the Incontinent
*Jimmy Neuron
*Lieutenant Crunch
*Mor'Dakka
*Alice Turning
*Shiro The Black
*Kuro The White
*Pha'Keen Weeb
*Fabricator General ES-7C
*High Lord Servitus Tenticulus Corpuscori
*Fleet Admiral Squatbar
*Jabba Da Pump
*Canoness Phat As'h
*Sister Jhail Bate
*Inquisitor Bigideas
*Huxley
*Torbin Zixx
*Sigmar Freudian
*Dr.Ankh Scotchman
*Machine Spirit R2-D2
*Clifford The Big Red Murder Beast
*Big Mac
*Chaplain Charles Chaplin
*Larry The Cable Guy
*NVIDIA GeForce GTX 970 4GB GDDR5 PCI Express 3.0 Graphics Card
*Bed Bath and Beyond Store Manager
*Rick Sanchez
*Morty Sanchez
*Stupid fucking robot that keeps stealing my shit, god damn i hate this guy

==Fall of Cadia==
Oddly enough, it appears that Trazyn decided to 'aid' the Imperium in their defense of Cadia (he decided that after 60 million years it would be interesting to play the hero for once). He knows the secrets of the Pylons on Cadia, and he even releases Imperium people from his collection (represented in game by letting you deep strike units, if you take Trazyn in your Imperium army). What a great guy giving up his collection to have more space for other exotic exhibits...
Specifically he got the feeling that something was coming after the Bell of Saint Gersthal started chiming in his collection (in Necron stasis, which shouldn't have been able to happen), messing with the programs of his Tomb World, breaking a bunch of priceless and unique shit, ruining it with [[Lulz|leaking coolant]], as it rang thirteen times before ceasing. Trazyn, perhaps more befuddled than irate, but really quite put off, promptly headed off to the Celestial Orrery on Thanatos, having to explain having stolen ''their'' shit the last time he was there, just to see what the fuck was going on (but not before casting the bell into the webway, [[Troll|hoping it would be as much of a pain in the Eldar's ass as it was his]]). And what do you know, there was but the Crons' watching over the thing could do nothing about it cause they were just meant to watch over the thing, not play galactic peacekeepers (although they eventually let him in, the guards weren't happy that Trazyn was there, due to an incident where some priceless artifact mysteriously went missing the last time he visited). Thus Trazyn decided to take up the role as a savior for once (mostly because he was bored and wanted to try something other than grave-robbing), and find the source of the corruption, which happened to be the little boring world of Cadia.

Long story short, Trazyn went off to Cadia released some parts of his collection (most notably Inquisitor Greyfax, though that is mostly just because his old Pen Pal Valeria was apparently killed by another human), and helped the Imperial forces screw around with the Pylons. Which somewhat backfired to put it lightly, though not that it mattered much to him because he stopped caring about playing the hero role and figured that while he was around he could find something for his collection to commemorate such a historic moment. And while he was originally hoping to claim Abaddon for his collection, his second choice was no less impressive.

''Creed stands alone on the ruined surface of Cadia. He sees a metal giant in a scaled cloak in front of him, hand outstretched.''

''"Ursarkar E. [[Creed]] - This is not your end. Eternity Awaits"....''

His current activities are mostly unknown, but he's been tapping into his pet C'tan shard for information about the Great Rift. It's implied that he has something rather outre in mind as he doesn't want to close it but to enter it safely himself..

==Inner Sadness of Trazyn==

Despite being such a 'happy' guy Trazyn is clearly hiding many things from everyone. He laments just how stale Necron society has become, unable to make or appreciate art and music. Just like the Tomb Kings of Fantasy, Trazyn has realized that immortality and technology alone isn't enough to make life worth living

Trazyn's collection of artifacts and history is a way for him to cope with his loss of memories, of identity and a lost of purpose. That's true Grimdark there. While he likely stole them, Trazyn expresses genuine grief and outrage when Orikan destroys several historical pre-biotransference Necrontyr relics in Trazyn's galleries (especially a walking cane topped with a hawk-head handle that actually belonged to Trazyn).

While he admires and wants to be a colleague to [[Orikan the Diviner|Orikan]], he can't help screwing him over (violence and untreated kleptomania aren't good for relationships) even when it would be disadvantageous for him and his people. Despite being a fictional alien-turned-machine, Trazyn shows just how easy and damning it can be to fall in the pitfalls of life and how it can be more depressing than death

== See Also ==

* [http://images.wikia.com/heman/images/b/bc/Skeletor.jpg Compare and contrast, comrades.]
* [http://youtu.be/jJh5PETGihs?t=10m16s Epic duel ahead.]
* [https://soundcloud.com/calvin-turner-606722642/trazyn-the-infinite An audio recording of his infamous letter.] N.B Lost in the warp, and we all know who to blame for that now don't we?
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVghX8opHJU The infamous robot magpie himself finally has a voice actor!]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT5mWEWTb6A Trazyn National Anthem]

[[Category: Warhammer 40,000]]

[[Category: Xenos]]

[[Category: Necrons]]

{{Necrons-Characters}}

Daughters of Khaine

2021-05-15T04:13:23Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Society */ I don't think Aenarion screwed her over.

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Daughters of Khaine|Logo=Daughters_of_Khaine_battletome_art.jpg|Alliance=Order|Motto=Much bloodier and less NSFW than it appears.}}
{{topquote|She could never take an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. The weak and flaccid parity would make her nearly puke. She wants an eye for a tooth, and a life for an eye.|Helen Zahavi - Dirty Weekend}}
{{topquote|Let's show the gutless pigs how the warriors of Pah-Dishah can fight! By Tarim, we'll give the devils scarlet wine to drink this dawn...|Red Sonja}}

The '''Daughters of Khaine''' are a nation of aelves (though closer to a collection of scattered religious communes than a nation) led by Morathi who combine the Khainite religion with shadow magic.

They are an army, with a few exceptions, of [[PROMOTIONS|armed aelven women and monstergirls in bikinis]]. As they worship Khaine, to them the clash of arms is the height of their religion, holy rites practiced and perfected with all the high-level skill and grace of aelf-kind. As blades flash, they shed their visage of cold and distant beauty, how they tend to be when not in battle, their ecstatic faces lighting up with each fresh kill. In contrast to even other aelves, especially the Idoneth Deepkin, many Daughters of Khaine have lived far beyond the average aelf lifespan, which is already longer than that of other races (except the males - see below).

==History==
===Age of Myth===
Being a theocracy founded by [[Morathi]] and given her character, Morathi is behind or involved in every pivotal moment of the Daughters of Khaine in history. After leaving the Great Alliance because [[Nagash]] outed her true monstrous form, Morathi sought to establish her own dwellings in Ulgu. Her son Malerion cruelly rejected her suggestion of splitting the rule of the thirteen Dominions, for he claimed of all Ulgu as his own. Morathi persisted until, as either a joke or a plot to get rid of her, Malerion granted his mother a small parcel of land in the middle of the Umbral Veil. This was the darkest and most impenetrable region in all Ulgu, so dangerous that only Malerion himself had ever returned from those cloying mists with their sanity intact. Morathi went there and exceeded her son's expectations. She bent the shadows into a protective shroud around her new land and led settlers there.

Her only followers were the aelven witch-cults that had maintained their worship of [[Khaine]]. While Morathi knew Khaine was dead, since the blood rituals no longer rejuvenated her, she supported the religion to get people to help her. To ensure their loyalty, Morathi built a temple to Khaine, naming it Hagg Nar, and over time a city grew up around it. Morathi taught them the secrets of navigating the murky currents. Hagg Nar began as a pitiful kingdom, and Morathi brooded over her mean existence.

As she sought power, she soon found a hint of Khaine's power in her dreams while scrying. Though Khaine was dead, she knew the elven gods were cyclial and could be reborn given enough power. Morathi began a secret quest that was long and difficult, but eventually brought her to the literal heart of Khaine himself. The heart was intact and throbbing with resurgent power, but it was guarded by Kharbytr, the godbeast father of Kharibdysses. Morathi suspected Kharbytr would be resistant to sorcery, and was despearte to claim the heart before anyone else could, so she used seduction instead (yes, really), but angered Kharbytr when she tried to grab the heart. The fight between them was an epic clash that lasted thirteen days and ended when Morathi constricted Kharbytr in her coils. The godbeast dealt her a lethal blow before losing consciousness, but Morathi survived by drawing energies from Khaine's heart to sustain herself.

Heading back to Hagg Nar with her prize, Morathi declared herself Khaine's High Oracle, claiming that she spoke for the god of murder and that she was his voice in this world. With that she solidified her hold over the Khainites and reshaped the society into the Daughters of Khaine. The Daughters of Khaine would often be sent out to hunt for fragments of their missing deity on Morathi's orders (unbeknownst to them, these were snipe hunts for the most part).

She continued this way for a time until Malerion arrived. He said that he and the other aelf gods had had, at last, found the lost aelf-souls from the world-that-was, and they needed her shadow magic and knowledge of Slaanesh in their grand plan. For the first and only time, Morathi spoke of the unspeakable horrors inside Slaanesh and how she'd escaped. Using this knowledge and themselves as bait, the four lured Slaanesh into a trap and started extracting elven souls from the deity.

For her role, Morathi was allowed to take souls for herself to shape into elves, who went into swelling the numbers of the Daughters of Khaine. However, some of them had been [[monstergirls|altered by their time with Slaanesh]]. There were those with [[Lamia|serpentine mutations akin to Morathi]], these became the [[Medusa|Melusae]]. Others had bat-like wings and long tails, these became the [[Harpy|Khinerai]]. Around this time Morathi reintroduced the Cauldrons of Blood and created the Mathcoir, the master cauldron, in Hagg Nar. Secretly, she made it as a repository of power only she could access. To start this, Morathi [[Drow|cursed every male born to the Daughters of Khaine to have part of their soul siphoned away and stored in the Mathcoir]].

Unbeknownst to her erstwhile allies, Morathi had added her own deceptive magics to the undertaking, so that the soul division was skewed slightly out of the agreed proportions, with extra spirits siphoned to Hagg Nar. This subterfuge was subtle, but slowly, inevitably, [[Not as Planned|altered the eldritch balance that kept the Dark Prince perfectly imprisoned between Hysh and Ulgu]].

===Age of Chaos===
As Chaos invaded the Mortal Realms, the Daughters of Khaine marched out from Hagg Nar to ambush them, using shadowshifting magics to reach Realmgates to travel anywhere the forces of Order needed them. Although Morathi and her followers weren't liked, beggars could not be choosers and they were one of the few allies the Sigmarites had during this time. To keep the more mutated members of her coven secret, the spellcasters and priestesses of the Khainites used shadow glamors to make them look like ordinary elves (how this worked when the Khinerai were flying is anybody's guess).

The Daughters of Khaine were bold and fearless in battle - willing to cross blades with any enemy, no matter how numerous or monstrous. Despite heroics by Khainite forces at many battles, the forces of Order were on the backfoot, the final retreat happening after Nagash betrayed Sigmar at the Battle of Burning Skies.

As the Chaos invasions set about their task of destroying and enslaving entire civilisations, the Shadowlands of Ulgu suffered the least after Azyr. Khorne, Nurgle and Tzeentch all devoted the greater portion of their forces to different realms, the minions that were sent into Ulgu boasted none of the most fearful greater daemon commanders and Malerion himself sent Archaon packing with his tail between his legs. This gave the Daughters of Khaine plenty of time to prey on the Chaos forces that made it to their realm; reavers of Khorne, magic-seeking conclaves of Tzeentch or followers of Slaanesh tracking calls from their god that only they could sense. They reaped a large harvest of Chaos minions, leaving mass graves from all the sacrifices (this would come back to haunt them - pun intended - in the Soul Wars, see below).

But Morathi's trickery with the soul extraction came back to bite her. Taking too many souls caused Slaanesh's prison to drift towards Ulgu and weaken it. This enabled Slaanesh's most faithful servants catch the scent of their missing god/dess. More and more Slaaneshi armies penetrated the Shadowlands searching for their lost god. So began what the aelves of Ulgu named the Cathtrar Dhule - the War of Shadows.

For the major battles of the War of Shadows, Morathi led the Daughters of Khaine from the front. She cast down the Keeper of Secrets Glittus and his Legion of Excess, and the whip-handed Krulla Sha'vhr and her Flayerhost. Battle was not her only recourse, however, for against the unbeatable six warhosts of the betentacled Bovaxx the Despoiler, Morathi's coven of Medusae summoned a gaiste-maze - a shadow labyrinth that still covers part of the Umbral Veil, a dark cloud in which those hordes presumably still wander.

Yet the Daughters of Khaine did not win every battle. As larger and more-powerful armies invaded, Morathi called the first of the Caillich Covens - the gathering of forces from all the sects. This was required to defeat Luxcious, a Keeper of Secrets so powerful that many Slaaneshi considered her a replacement for the missing Dark Prince. The daemon was defeated, but not until after the exalted fiend destroyed the Temple of Druchxar.

===Age of Sigmar===
Luxcious may well have continued her scouring search of Ulgu had Sigmar not begun his war to reclaim the Mortal Realms, drawing off many Chaos forces. The Cathtrar Dhule paused, before once more erupting anew in the bitterly fought War of the Shadowpaths.

The Daughters of Khaine win more allies during this time, for despite their brutality in battle (and occasional team-killing among their allies) they're just ''that'' good at kicking Chaos. The Stormcast, Idoneth and Sylvaneth to name a few ally with the Daughters of Khaine.

During this time, some elves start to [[Heresy|worship Morathi alongside Khaine, which causes dissent]] (an uncommon case of a heresy charge in a warhammer setting that fits the actual definition). Ironically, those who disapprove get [[Blam|quickly silenced]] by Morathi or the Medusae as [[Heresy|heretics]] (usually by a knife in the vitals or getting turned into living crystal by a Melusai).

===Soul Wars===
Prior to the Soul Wars there are increasing build-ups of death magic. Whenever there is a large gathering of Scathborn, the spirits of the dead rise up and attack them. Also, remember those mass graves full of sacrificed Chaos worshippers? Now they're fodder for armies of vengeful skeleton warriors and/or ghosts who attack the Khainites. When Nagash sent vamires and necromancers into Ulgu as a diversion tactic, they were all too happy to exploit these mass graves for armies.

The Daughters of Khaine were also called on by the forces of Order in other realms to help fight off the increasing undead attacks. Morathi herself extolled the Daughters of Khaine to greater zeal, for she remembers the taste of Nagash's pimp hand and is eager to avenge the slight.

===Broken Realms===
The Daughters of Khaine worked with Scourge privateers to get information about the Idoneth Deepkin the same way as their kin in the World-That-Was; lots of torture and mind-invading magic. From this they learn the location of a valued Deepkin artifact, the Ocarian Lantern; made by - and stolen from - Teclis, it acted as a lure for souls. Morathi sent sixty of her best soldiers to get it from its heavily guarded underwater temple; two survived, one now an Idoneth prisoner and the other returned to Morathi with the lantern.

She fused with Khaine's heart and became the goddess Morathi-Khaine. Thus Khaine as he was is gone forever, and Morathi - now Morathi-Khaine - is their goddess instead of just their High Oracle (albeit now split into two bodies, Morathi-Khaine and the Shadow Queen after [[Aenarion|her hubby's soul]] [[Rip and Tear|took exception]] to Morathi's plan while in Slaanesh).

Morathi's first action was to broker an alliance with the [[Idoneth Deepkin]], offering Volturnos the souls of his fellow Cythai elves to sweeten the deal. She then ended her alliance with Sigmar by launching a coup that brought Anvilgard under her rule and renaming it Har Kuron. The Daughters of Khaine/Morathi-Khaine now fight with a newfound zeal as they launched a <s>crusade</s> <s>jihad</s> holy war to expand Morathi's empire. When Sigmar found out, he sent a Stormcast army to re-take Har Kuron, the fighting raging until the Celestant-Prime arrived and offered to parley with Morathi. The two disappear for a night, and when they returned an agreement had been reached. Morathi was allowed to keep the city, and what she promised in return is unknown. Morathi's also [[1984|slowly re-writing the Daughters' scriptures and records of history to put herself at the center of everything]].

==Religion==
[[File:Morathi,_the_Shadow_Queen_from_DaughtersofKhaine_.jpg|300px|thumb|right|"Charge, Daughters of Khaine! For my...uh, I mean, for Khaine's glory!"]]
Unlike some other factions within Age of Sigmar, but very much like others, the Daughters of Khaine are a theocracy. There are many sects of Daughters of Khaine, each worshiping a different aspect of the aelf god of battle and bloodshed. Although the rites and rituals might differ, all the Khainites follow a strict hierarchy in their organisation. They worship Khaine and Morathi is his High Oracle, the one who discerns his will and their overall leader. Though they know about the other gods of Order, they pay no homage to them. Beneath Morathi are the High Priestesses, which include the Slaughter Queens, Hag Queens and Bloodwrack Medusae. They are the keepers of each shrine’s most sacred artefacts, and commanders of the Sisterhood of Blood. The degree of authority held by each of these figures, along with their specific title, varies between the sects, but a single word from Morathi can alter the influence of any other ranking.

Of all the warriors of the temples, the Scáthborn – the Melusai and Khinerai – are closest to Morathi herself, yet they often remain hidden from those outside the cult. The Medusae are made from Aelves converted by Morathi herself; though this is seen as an immense honor Morathi binds them with the most binding of magical oaths, but none among the Khainites would dare question her in this. This is partially due to their forms resulting from daemonic taint which would cause negative sentiment among their allies and the fact that Morathi uses them as something of a secret police. The most public-facing Khainites are the Witch Aelves and Sisters of Slaughter. Their most important shrines are the Cauldrons of Blood, gifts from Khaine himself (at least, what Morathi’s claims each time she gifts one of the great iron cauldrons to the temple of a newly founded Khainite sect). The covenites see it as a sign of their god’s favour that the cauldrons never seem to overflow, no matter how much blood is poured within them following a battle – all assume Khaine himself takes the surplus as an offering.

War covens are the most important organisations to the Daughters of Khaine, their structure laid out by Morathi herself. It is through violence that the Khainites expand their territories, defend their temples and worship their god. Weapons practice and mock duels take up the majority of their daily lives, yet these are not mere military drills, but religious ceremonies, treated with all the gravitas that others might use when reading their most holy of tomes or offering prayers to their god. From their temples in various realms, the Daughters of Khaine scour the Mortal Realms for blood sacrifices. At Morathi's edict, they also search for the shards of their god, scattered across the Realms. They do this for the glory of Khaine and to see him reborn.

[[Just As Planned|But they are nearly all of them deceived]].

Morathi claims to speak for Khaine, and she does wield his unbreakable iron heart, but none know that Morathi’s power is a lie and that Khaine is dead. While their devotions to Khaine could one day lead to his rebirth, Morathi is deliberately preventing that. The reason for this is that she is siphoning the power - either by co-opting it before it reaches the heart or pulling it from Khaine's heart - to reach godhood herself. The prayers that her daughters scream and the ritual offerings they make only serve to enhance her own power, not Khaine’s. Outside Morathi herself, only a handful of the "altered" members of the Daughters of Khaine are aware of this deception, and they, willingly or otherwise, are bound by the most binding of oaths and magic to serve Morathi and keep this secret. Also, the blood surplus poured into the Cauldron's doesn't go to Khaine. It flows back to Hagg Nar through Morathi’s magics, to the Mother of all Cauldrons, the Máthcoir, from which The High Oracle absorbs and repurposes the blood’s energies for her own nefarious gain. Which came to fruition when she used the energies and the Máthcoir in a ritual to merge with Khaine's essence to become the goddess Morathi-Khaine. However, the Máthcoir was broken by the energies of the ritual and Volturnos' actions, and Morathi has secretly been trying to repair it, but has yet to succceed.

==Society==
Their society is brutal, especially given that it's leader is [[Morathi]] and they worship [[Khaine]]. They serve Khaine with fanatical devotion, which is especially problematic considering that Khaine is the god of murder. While the Daughters of Khaine crave bloodshed and murder, they serve alongside the forces of Order – albeit tenuously. Given their tendency towards collateral damage (and rumors of kidnapping innocents and gruesome rituals), they are less respected allies and more tolerated because they're useful. Their views on the other major groups are varied. As builders of cities and civilizations, the Daughters of Khaine are at odds with the forces of Destruction. While it is said that they have an aversion to the Death faction because of a dislike for anything death-related since they nearly went extinct, it's more likely that this due to Morathi's personal grudge against Nagash for striking her and outing her true from to the rest of the pantheon. Despite their distaste for the other two, the one faction they truly hate is Chaos; they could give the Stormcast Eternals a run for their money in hating Chaos, and prosecute their crusades with particular violence against the servants of Slaanesh.

If you're wondering why Morathi is mentioned so often that's deliberate; Morathi keeps as much of a stranglehold on Khainite society as she can. It would be out-of-character for her to do anything less (she kind of a control freak). All Khainites are either warriors that serve in their religious order, or they are leathanam (see below). Temples are found only in some realms; confirmed realms are Ulgu, Azyr and Ghyran. When they are not fighting, the Witch Aelves and Sisters of Slaughter usually participate in ritualized gladiator matches or shady pit fights. They also partake of a form of bladed dancing for the entertainment of others. Despite being a theocratic society, the Daughters of Khaine don't proselytize or win converts; the adherents are themselves the result of a breeding program, choosing their partners in line with the aims and desires of their leaders.

If you're wondering "where are the men? They have to reproduce somehow", well... remember that leathanam class mentioned earlier? Apart from the Doomfire Warlocks, this class is made up exclusively of '''all''' the males in this faction; disregard menials, worker drones who do the non-fighting stuff that keeps society going in a literal gender-based [[Slavery|slavery]] system (we know what you're thinking. Something, something, feminist fantasy... and we know how [[SJW|certain groups]] would react if the genders were swapped). While the women outnumber the men, this is not the paradise [[/d/|some]] think it would be; Morathi deliberately made only a few male aelves, and then only from the weakest and most broken of souls retrieved from Slaanesh. Even male aelves a Daughter of Khaine gives birth to are literally cursed with weakness as Morathi siphons part of their souls to power the Cauldrons of Blood... and yes, Morathi instituted the rule that the males are slaves. Surprisingly, the women are usually not misandrists or female supremacists; as a society, the Daughters of Khaine respect strength above all else and a lot of the mistreatment of their own males is based on their innate weakness. But on the other hand, their males are weak because Morathi deliberately handicapped and enslaved them, so female supremacy and/or misandry could still be at work. While in theory they worship Khaine, who is male, this is superficial; Khaine is limited to his heart had no actual say over their actions, and with Morathi merging to become the goddess Morathi-Khaine he might be gone for good.

Among the men, the Doomfire Warlocks are an interesting case. They're stronger due to their mastery of shadow magic, but receive limited training, and Morathi has them branded with mind-control runes ([[Grimdark|while deceiving them into thinking they're protection against Slaanesh]]). They are treated far better than other leathanam and actually join the females in battle, but are still lower status purely because they're male, and are rarely seen by - or acknowledged to - non-Khainites.

They're also a rare example of a Warhammer society whose attitude towards sex is actually fleshed out (ironic, since Slaanesh is their greatest foe), all from the anthology novel ''Covens of Blood''. Contrary to expectations, they're mostly open about it. They can "mingle", are also fine with bisexuality, polyamory and homosexuality plus rank's not an issue. There are a few caveats; it can't interfere with their duties, males can neither proposition nor reject a female on pain of death, and if two women want the same man/men, they bargain or duel each other. Naturally, this gives females near-complete choice over who fathers their children. The women can even fuck outsiders and captives if they choose ([[Grimdark|the captives don't get a choice]]), but affection towards them or having a child with them is considered shameful (the novella also heavily imply human/elf hybrids are possible in Age of Sigmar). Plus, sex is a popular way to celebrate or spend their downtime.

The female aelves tend to dye their hair with blood and, in a throwback to Warhammer Fantasy, have rituals of rebirth keep the covenite sisters youthful in appearance and supple in body. Even among their ranks, there are some who are considered extremists; the Sisters of Slaughters' are members who graft masks of living metal to their faces with boiling blood. While the aelven members are accepted by others, the Melusae and Khinerai are not. When fighting alongside, they are concealed by a glamour so they too appear to be aelves; this could also explain some of their teamkilling tendencies among alliances with other Order factions, as they're keeping the existence of these mutated elves secret. After Morathi's apotheosis, the Melusai and Khinerai have openly appeared, and are touted as proof of Morathi's divinity.

tl;dr: They're a scheming, ruthless, misandric, theocratic elven matriarchy originating from a dark realm whose ultimate leader sometimes mutates her followers to resemble her. [[Drow|Sound familiar]]? (especially since Morathi successfully became a goddess).

One interesting contrast to the [[drow]], though, is that Morathi actually does have some semblance of a reason for all this, instead of just "dominatrixes + spiders = profit". Since Morathi is a psychopath who has, in her mind, been screwed over by the men in her life multiple times - every Phoenix King, then Malekith, then Tyrion and Teclis - it makes sense she'd hold a grudge and, as part of setting herself up as a creator-goddess, she'd vent that grudge by screwing over the male population. Hells, given that some snakes are capable of parthenogenesis (reproducing without men), it's kind of a minor miracle that she didn't decide to just drop males altogether and recreate the dark elves under her reign as lesbian [[amazon]]s. Especially since it's canon that one of the random effects of [[Ghyran]] magic is spontaneous pregnancy, [[/d/|regardless of your gender]].

==Sects==
The Daughters of Khaine are divided into Sects (previously known as Temples in past lore), in a manner similar to Stormcast Chambers or Sylvaneth Wargroves.

* '''Hagg Nar:''' Hagg Nar lies deep in the Umbral Veil, the darkest region of the Shadowlands. The first and largest of the Daughters of Khaine temples, it was built atop the Hellelux, a geyser of shadow magic that spews shrouding mists. It is home to hundreds of warcovens that are [[Drow|always at each other’s throats for the attention of Morathi, who encourages this “rivalry” as a means of weeding out the weak]].
* '''Draichi Ganeth:''' Draichi Ganeth, which translates as ‘the bladedkillers’, are the Khainite Aelves most commonly seen by other Order factions. Their main temple is found in the northern barrens of Fuarthorn in Ulgu, but their war pilgrimages and lesser shrines can be found across the realms. Every [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] has seen or is host to a small troupe of the Draichi Ganeth, who look down upon the subterfuge and deception of their sister sects. They are known to the Freeguilds as the Executioners Cult due to their blunt and forward style of combat, as well as their penchant for decapitation.
* '''The Kraith:''' The sect known as the Kraith, also called the Crimson Cult, are true disciples of slaughter, and have earned a reputation as the least compromising of all the Daughters of Khaine. Arrogant and nomadic, they have no true temple home, instead traveling from one war to the next as they believe Khaine’s one and only temple is the blood stained battlefield.
* '''Khailebron:''' This sect has learned well the arts of concealment, stealth and obfuscation. Those who worship at the temples of Khailebron revere the assassin and the unseen killer, and strive to be masters of ambushes and sudden strikes. Where these temples are is known only to Morathi and the Khailebron themselves. Otherwise, they masquerade as wandering performers who showcase an elegant “bladed-dance” for the local populace, while their top killers secretly slit the throats of their targets (including anyone who shows too much disrespect to the dancers).
*'''Khelt Nar:''' Khelt Nar has become the fastest growing of the sects established by Morathi. It began as Ironshard, a single Khainite shrine founded by the High Oracle atop a flat-topped mountain of iron known as the Rothtor. Since then it has expanded to other Realms, including a stronghold in Ghyran, and have been tasked by the High Priestess with clearing out the rampant [[Orruk Warclans|Bonesplitterz]] that plague their territories. Khelt Nar is best known for being composed of deliciously brown dark aelves.
*'''Zainthar Kai''': This reserved sect was born in the Age of Chaos when Morathi (desperate to get a leg up on the Ruinous Powers) decided to infuse a new brood of Scáthborn with three drops of Khaine’s blood. The result is a temple of veritable demi-gods who can call upon the god of murder’s strength in haze of battle, becoming the Shadow Queen’s go-to temple for making her more despised enemies disappear. The temple is mostly led by/comprised of Scáthborn, but there are contingents of Witch Aelves who function as (disposable) work horses (also maybe getting a little taste of what they put the Lethanamn through).

==Soulbound==
In [[Age of Sigmar Roleplay]], it's established that Daughters of Khaine are selected to become Soulbound when Morathi decides that a potentially stray from the ranks of her faithful is too dangerous or too useful to just dispose of outright. Soulbound Daughters are selected from the overly ambitious, those who secretly yearned for freedom, and even those who had begun to doubt Khaine's divinity, basically serving as a way to remove potential threats to Morathi's control over the faction. Despite their origins, though, Morathi often goes out of her way to maintain a good relationship with "her" Soulbound (in fact, the Binding actually servers the magical restrains that Morathi uses to control the Daughters as a whole), because, whatever else they may be to her, they are both useful as powerful yet neutral arbiters and as ambassadors of her "good intentions" to the other powers of Order. Of course, these allegiances may well have been severed due to her actions during the [[Broken Realms Saga]].

Normal Daughters of Khaine are unsure of how to regard their Soulbound "sisters", since they are simultaneously very dangerous, but not rivals due to being forever outside the hierarchy of the temples, apparently favored by the High Oracle but yet also deeply connected to and regularly traveling alongside "outsiders" who shouldn't be privy to the secrets of Khaine's temples. They tend to default to "respectful suspicion" when interacting with Soulbound Daughters.

The ''Champions of Order'' splatbook opens the following temples for a Daughters of Khaine hero to hail from:
*'''Hagg Nar:''' The capital of Morathi's bloody empire. It is a massive temple-nation that serves as pilgrimage destination for all sisters and home to a staggering number of war-covens who wage war in the name of their bloody god. Heroes from Hagg Nar add their training in both Devotion and Reflexes when determining their defenses. Whenever they make a Death test, they also add a number of dice equal to their training in Devotion.
*'''Draichi Ganeth:''' Perhaps the best-known of the temples, though not for any good reason. They are religiously devoted to the act of killing with a single stroke, and revel in their showmanship with the blade. Tact and stealth are foul words to them and disdainful. Heroes of Draichi Ganeth kill their non-minion enemies in spectacularly gory ways with piercing or slashing weapons. Once per combat, this can take the form of improving their Defense by one step.
*'''The Kraith:''' While others house temples of worship, the daughters of this temple believe that the only alter they should have is the battlefield. They scorn any other aspect that draws attention away from murder and thus disdain any other temple. Because of the grisly nature of their battle and rituals, there are few that can even stomach their presence. Heroes from the Kraith start with a dose of the Venom of Negendra, a poison made legendary a hero of their cult. Once per turn when they kill a non-minion enemy, they regain 1 point of Mettle.
*'''Khailebron:''' Where most daughters would balk at sucking up to the other forces of order, the Khailebron serve a double life as a troupe of blade-dancers and entertainers. Their true purpose is to act as shadowy assassins and spies for Morathi. Because of this, they are rarely in the spotlight and often even scorn those who showboat. Heroes from Khailebron add their training in Entertain when making Body (Stealth) checks and when determining Melee. In addition, the Spellcasting (Grey) talent is available to all archetypes.
*'''Khelt Nar:''' The reputation of this temple has often been hotly contested. They have been besieged several times by Chaos, but have fought back these invasions. They hold the secrets to forging weapons out of special shadow-metal and jealously guard their secrets from envious foes. They seek Morathi's sole favor, but this often puts them at odds with other temples, including Hagg Nar. Heroes from Khelt Nar start play with a magical dagger made of this special shadow-metal, and those harmed by it must make a Mind (Determination) check or else be stunned.
*'''Har Kuron:''' Only available if the game's set at a point in time after Broken Realms: Morathi, and for obvious reason. After all, this was what befell Anvilgard after Morathi (now ascended to godhood) decided to steal it from the clutches of Sigmar and burned any pretense of friendship with the forces of Order. Heroes from Har Kuron can murder enemies to inspire their foes. When they slay a non-minion enemy, they can spend a point of mettle to force their allies to snap out of the charmed or frightened conditions and improve their Melee by one step until your next turn.

The Daughters of Khaine have the fewest dedicated Archetypes in the Age of Sigmar Roleplay corebook, with only the '''Hag Priestess''' and the '''Witch Aelf''' open to them. The ''Champions of Order'' splatbook opens Khainite Shadowstalker archetype.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Medusae Shrine.jpg|<s>Boobflash</s> Bloodwrack Shrine in all its glory.
File:Temples of Khaine.jpg
File:Daughters of Khaine Slaughter.jpg
File:Daughters-of-khaine-4.jpg|Dark Elves, now with 50% more [[Snek|Sneks]].
File:I might you never know.jpg
File:Drkelf.png|A typical Khelt Nar aelf.
</gallery>

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]
[[Category:Dark Elves]]

Be'lakor

2021-05-15T04:03:53Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[File:Be'larkor First Greater Daemon.png|350px|thumb|right|Between this guy and [[Abaddon]] the Chaos gods sure have a sick sense of humour when choosing their champions.]]

'''Be'lakor the Dark Master''' is the first (and debatably only) [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Chaos Undivided]]. Of course, this claim of "Only" is suspect with the unclear status of [[Lorgar]] and [[Perturabo]]'s alignments, as well as whether [[Nemeroth]]'s still alive. His name likely derives from the name "Bellator", which means warrior in <s>Latin</s> High Gothic.

Due to his nature as a daemon prince of chaos, he's been sighted in both [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] as well as [[Warhammer 40,000]]. In both, he began as an ancient warlord from ages past who fought in the name of the [[Chaos Gods]] before they decided to elevate him as a Daemon Prince. Then he got cocky, thought himself better than his four owners, and then got royally bitchslapped back into line.

==Warhammer Fantasy==
Be'lakor was one of the earliest Chaos warlords, leading vast hordes of Daemons to ravage the world long before the Elves rose up against them. He impressed the Chaos Gods so much they turned him into a [[Daemon Prince]], the first time they ever did that to a mortal follower of Chaos Gods. However, his four parents began bickering for ownership, each offering some presents in exchange for his loyalty. He decided to then take all their presents and fled to the mortal realms without doing any of their favors. He came during the First Great War Against Chaos, bending many to his will and carving a warpath - unwittingly carrying out the tasks the four set before him. As time carried on, more Daemon Princes were raised, siphoning the power and attention that was once exclusively his and eventually sparking a great war as these new princes sought to carve out territory. This distracted team Chaos from stopping the elves in [[Ulthuan]] from creating the Great Vortex, thus stemming the tide of badstuffs spilling into the world.

As punishment, the big four made him become the one to crown Everchosens of Chaos while never getting to become the Everchosen himself, which pissed him off to no end. This is a retcon though, as originally Be'lakor got arrogant and thought he was better than the Chaos Gods, so Tzeentch served him a big piece of humble pie by denying him a physical body and forcing him to crown each Everchosen. At one point Be'lakor co-opted this by possessing one of the Everchosen candidates (who became known as the Shadowlord), but Be'lakor's power destroyed the host body and he was stuck back in the role. In the expansion Shadows of Albion, Be'lakor was the main bad guy there, manipulating people to take the power and artifacts of Albion for himself, before failing and abandoning that plan.

With the latest Everchosen, [[Archaon]], Be'lakor was once again forced to crown the Everchosen of Chaos with the final artifact. Be'lakor played a big part in the [[Storm of Chaos]] campaign, but that has since been retconned. Although he still shows up from time to time, he no longer appears to be quite as powerful as he once was, although he is still a Daemon Prince of [[Chaos Undivided]], which is a massive accomplishment in and of itself. In newer lore, he also took the form of a Norse warlord who conducted a raid on a Nordlander town where he raped a woman and fathered a child who would go on to become [[Archaon]].

During [[The End Times]], Be'lakor was all set to return to his former glory and then some, plotting to become the fifth Chaos God by breaking into ''Kazad Drengazi'', the Fortress of the First Slayer ([[Grimnir]], natch), a temple containing the Chaos Gate that Grimnir used to get to the Realm of Chaos in the first place. Be'lakor used the power of the Chaos Gate to break Tzeentch's curse, regain his physical form, and summon four greater daemons, one of each of the Chaos Gods; two of them had had their shit ruined by [[Gotrek_%26_Felix|Gotrek and Felix]] once before. Be'lakor and his posse planned to backstab Grimnir from behind, at which point Be'lakor would take all of Grimnir's power and ascend to become the fifth Chaos God, but Gotrek and Felix showed up and wrecked Be'lakor and the Bloodthirster, while Grimnir kicked the asses of the Keeper of Secrets, Lord of Change, and Great Unclean One. It looked like Be'lakor and Gotrek's duel could go either way at first, then Gotrek ''hit Be'lakor with the Bloodthirster'' and kicked all their asses back to the Realm of Chaos, ruining Be'lakor's plans.

He later caused mischief in Athel Loren by manipulating the Khainites and the more xenophobic forest spirits to attack the elves, but got driven away by the elves armies and the new Incarnate of Light - Tyrion. Though he did play a major role in dooming the world by freeing Mannfred von Carstein from his imprisonment and ensuring the Chaos Gods learnt of Lileath's haven. During his attempt to slay Lileath and consume her divine power, he got captured by Malekith, interrogated under threat of being Nagash's guinea pig if he didn't co-operate and was then trapped in a magic ruby by [[Alarielle]] for the rest of eternity. One true Everchosen my ass!

==Age of Sigmar==
Somehow he managed to escape into [[Age of Sigmar|the new world]]. While there are hints that he ruled Ulgu before the god formerly known as Malekith rose to power, Be'lakor's first appearance had him get his ass royally handed to him by the [[Lizardmen]] dive bombing him with Pterodactyl riders. Embarrassed by this poor showing, he has since taken into hiding from the spotlight once more. That said, [[Archaon]] seems to be following his footsteps, as Archie's been elevated to the "High Marshal of Chaos", which gives him almost free reign to control or kill the champions of Chaos while still claiming no exclusive loyalty to any of the four (now five with the [[Horned Rat]]'s ascension) - the only difference being that he's still arguably human. In Wrath of the Everchosen, it's revealed he's the Starscream to Archaon's Megatron, forming his own faction of Chaos followers with the (kinda-secret) goal of (eventually) overthrowing Archaon. Despite that, Bea'lakor worked with Archaon to defend the Eightpoints against the armies of Nagash, managing to personally slay the Mortarch Lady Olynder (As much as one can slay a Mortarch), sending her soul back to Shyish.

After this Be'lakor set some big plans he had brewing into motion, as revealed in the Broken Realms book revolving around him. He has one of his servants free one of the Stormcast Morathi captured after her ascension to godhood so the soldier can warn Sigmar of Morathi's treachery, an act which ends up distracting the two gods from Chaos' plans. While this was happening Be'lakor went and destroyed some of the Seraphon future scrying devices to blind them and then tricks them into killing one of Archaon's Gaunt Summoners by having them crash the Summoner's Silver tower into Chamon and then nuking the thing thus setting back his rival's plans to use Varanite to breach the Realm gate into Azyr. As an unexpected bonus though the explosion sets off a chain reaction that destroys several Realmgates connected to the Tower and also ends up weakening the fabric of the realms allowing Chaos stuff to seep into reality. This inspires Be'lakor with a new plan to set about nuking other realmgates both in order to cut off the realms from each other and also to allow daemonic forces to pour into reality and overwhelm the forces of order, something which Archaon had never thought to try as he and most of his forces were still technically humans and thus needed the Realmgates to move about on their campaigns. But before Be'lakor can put this plan into action there is an issue he has to deal with first. When he killed Olynder in the Eightpoints back during the Soul Wars, she put a potent curse on Be'lakor that would kill him when the sands in her hourglass ran out.

To deal with this mess Be'lakor took an army to Shyish and used it to track down Olynder, who as it happens was coping quite well with the defeat of her master from the last Broken Realms book. Having figured out how to destroy Olynder - by destroying her body in its tomb in Dolorum, he held his blade over her corpse and the two struck a bargain; he would give Olynder the souls of an entire Stormhost and she would free him from the curse. She agreed and the two attacked a realmgate known as the Golden Gate that linked a city called Vindicarum in Chamon with several other towns, before they then moved on to attack the city itself. The resulting battles end up collapsing the realmgate and causing a Chaos storm that stopped the souls of the Stormcast slain at the Battle of Vindicarum (including that of Lorrus Grymn who Be'lakor personally killed) from travelling back to Azyr thus dooming most of two Stormhosts, the Hallowed Knights and Celestial Vindicators, to utter destruction and leaving their souls to be caught in the Chaos storm, whilst a third Stormhost, the Sigmarite Brotherhood, was completely wiped out to the last warrior, a feat not even Archaon has managed. When Kharadron forces later arrive and use their fleet to evacuate the surviving civilians Be'lakor himself goes to wipe out the fleet's leaders, but the sight of a duardin steeped in ancient godlike power made him decide to retreat (as to who this was bets are it was either an avatar of Grungni or Grombrindal the White Dwarf himself). Having accomplished his goal and deciding not to push his luck Be'lakor then gave the Stormcast souls captured by the Chaos storm to Olynder, who removed her curse from him and left him to his machinations.

==Warhammer 40,000==
[[image:Old_Be%27lakor.png|thumb|right|300px|Be'lakor Classic. A fan favourite (his model not the character)]]
In [[Warhammer 40,000]], Be'lakor was the first Daemon Prince, as well as the first (and allegedly "last", but there have been plenty more since) Daemon Prince created through the action of all four Chaos Gods ([[Derp|apparently]] [[Lorgar]] and [[Perturabo]] were special exceptions or something (though knowing Pert, I wouldn't be surprised if he was 75% Khornate or something and 0% Slaanesh considering what the [[Emperor's Children|Emperor's Cunts]] wanted to do with Pert)), and quickly proved to be difficult to control even at the best of times. Apparently his creation gave him the Daemonic equivalent of daddy issues and now he spends most of his time trying to kill all other Champions of Chaos, including other Daemon Princes. The Chaos Gods tolerate him mostly because his wild-card status makes him an excellent pawn in their power struggles, something Be'lakor himself is completely unaware of (as he thinks he still has free will and just wants to cement his position as Chaos' sole champion).

Recently, he's shown up to "help" with [[Abaddon]]'s [[Black Crusade]]s by giving him [[Troll|seemingly helpful advice that often leads to unexpectedly heavy losses]], all in an attempt to undermine his credibility (well, more so than he does on his own). In a stunning display of insight, Abaddon saw through his ruse, but allowed him to remain within the Black Legion in order to keep tabs on him and better prepare for his sudden but inevitable betrayal. The Imperium isn't even that aware that he exists, as Be'lakor has been very careful about concealing his presence from history (with the unwitting help of a Magos who learned just enough about him to know that he exists, but not enough to realize that he's a Daemon Prince).

He's also been shown to be in contact with [[Ahzek Ahriman|Ahriman]]. No word on whether Ahriman has accepted his offer of being made his greatest champion in exchange for his service, however, but seeing as Ahzek rejects even Tzeentch's own offerings to be HIS chosen champion, still thinks he's independent of any god (despite having Tzeentch's mark on the tabletop), and actively tries to become the fifth Chaos god himself, it's a good bet he told Be'lakor to go fuck himself with someone else's force sword.

During Gathering Storm Be'lakor helped the [[Iron Warriors]] invade the [[Imperial Fists]] star fortress the Phalanx, attempting to upstage Abaddon by using it to attack Terra directly. The Imperial Fists turned the Phalanx's own weapons on the chaos-tainted regions, destroying them and killing most of the Iron Warriors, then the Legion of the Damned arrived. Be'lakor himself got his ass kicked by [[Tor Garadon]] (before he was even given a model!). This abject failure was unfortunately the only time Be'lakor was ever really relevant to Warhammer 40k's plot. In general Be'lakor never really is shown doing much and seems to only exist in 40k because daemons in both settings have to cross-over.

==Table Top==
===Warhammer Fantasy===
A 500pt Monster (literally), Be'lakor is a very expensive but very solid choice for either a Warriors of Chaos or Daemons of Chaos army. He's an upgraded winged Daemon prince with Lore Master in the Lore of Shadow and a 4+ Ward save and any thing shooting at him suffers -2 to hit him to keep him out of the way of any cannons aimed at him. He is very good at making units run for the hills as he has Terror and Unbreakable like a regular Daemon prince but he also reduces the leadership of all enemy units with 12" of him by -1 and if they fail a panic or break test Be'lakor gets an extra D3 power dice for his next magic phase. Finally his sword, '''The Blade of Shadows''' is the standard but extremely nasty no armour saves allowed against wounds dealt by it. Over all if you use Be'lakor he'll take up your entire lord slot (unless you play using the last 8th edition FAQ and/or End Times in which case he uses half of it) but he can be very effective at scaring off hordes of enemies will pile driving your opponents lords while also being quite hard to pick off from usual monster killing methods, like artillery.

===Age of Sigmar===
[[image:RYM7hNcBNGhu01we.jpg|thumb|right|300px|New Be'lakor, now with 70% more base and 40% more wings]]
Be'lakor's combat capabilities aren't really anything special. Sure, his melee capabilities are slightly better than your standard Daemon Prince, and ignoring rend is a neat gimmick (even if its offset by him having a lower save than the standard Daemon Prince. meaning its only really an advantage against Rend -2 weapons). He also heals himself when enemy models flee, but with battleshock being so easy to ignore its not much to speak about. His magic capabilities are better, having a good warscroll spell and being one of the few wizards that can cast twice in Slaves to Darkness. The real thing that makes Be'lakor a good pick, however, is his special rule "The Dark Master".

Be'lakor can secretly pick one unit at the start of the game, [[Just As Planned|which he has secretly been manipulating the entire time]]. At any time he can reveal his manipulations, causing the selected unit to be unable to cast spells, move, charge, or attack unless they roll a 5+ for the rest of the turn. And of course, you're going to use this ability on the enemy's strongest unit. Need that Frostlord on Stonehorn to kill that one unit on the objective? Need Nagash to cast that combo of spells you need? Too bad.

Be'lakor also has his own subfaction for the Legion of Chaos Ascendant army list called The Legion of the First Prince. It allows lesser daemons to act as meat shields for him and also allows him to reroll hits and wounds if he's surrounded by at least one lesser daemon of each god, but you mainly take it for the command ability which allows him to restore dead models to every Plaguebearer, Bloodletter, Daemonette and Horror unit on the battlefield. Which, due to the way keywords work, include big multi-wound cavalry units like [[Bloodcrushers]] and [[Plague Drones]].

===Warhammer 40k===
His 40k rules are a reworked version of his Fantasy rules which were then super charged. A winged Daemon Prince he has a 4++ invuln save and is Shrouded, and he also has fucking [[Awesome|Eternal Warrior]] so he's pretty hard to kill. The Blade of Shadows is in it's best incarnation as it's a monstrous S+1, AP2, Fleshbane, Armourbane, Master crafted murder stick, he is also a level 3 Psyker with powers from the Telepathy Discipline and he gains a bonus D3 warp charge points when enemy units fail moral tests. For 350 points he's expensive but he's a god damn steal with how killy he can be.

===8th/9th edition===
Be'lakor is pretty good in 8th edition. He's very speedy with a 14" movement and gives buffs to all Daemons so works round the restrictions of a regular Daemon prince. He has a -1 leadership debuff and he has 6 attacks. Stack that with his S+1 ap-5 D3 kill sword, he can carve his way through pretty much anything. He also has access to the Dark Heretics discipline which he knows 2 powers from (you will take Death Hex and you will like it) so he is a pretty good all rounder. The only problem is that he needs to be put in his own detachment as he doesn't have any marks of chaos (for some reason) so he can't join a god specific detachment without gimping the rest of the detachment.

==Total Warhammer 3==
It is implied that Be'lakor is going to be in Game 3 representing the Daemons of Chaos Undivided, considering that the existence of nine legendary lords was confirmed - 4 of them will probably be for [[Kislev]] and [[Cathay]], another 4 will represent [[Chaos Gods]], and the other one is currently unknown, but come on. "A shadowy source of great evil building its armies" has Be'lakors self stroking ego written all over it.

As he will (most likely) lead the Undivided Subfaction (if it will be in the game), he will presumably have access to all Daemons from 4.5 (included the few Undivided Daemons) rosters.

==Trivia==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOiQOOrj-fY He has a kickass band]

==Gallery==

<gallery>
image:UoSvSRO7D7TAZNNF.jpg|His new model...BUT IN SPESS!
File:DINOSAURS_ROCK_CHAOS.png|Techinclly this happened to a different Daemon prince who looked like Be'lakor, but that hasn't stopped people from dunking on him all the same.
File:Run Belakor Run.png|Ascended by all 4 gods. Brought low by a piece of granite.
</gallery>

{{Daemons-Characters}}

Lauka Vai, the Mother of Nightmares

2021-05-15T04:02:22Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

[[File:Lauka Vai, Mother of Nightmares.png|thumb|I don't know what the fuck that thing is, but I want it.]]
'''Lauka Vai''', the Mother of Nightmares, is the leader of the Avengorii dynasty of [[Soulblight Gravelords|Soulblight]] vampires. Her main schtick is that she, like all other Avengorii vampires, [[Blood Angels|is a bloodthirsty monster desperately trying to conceal her bloodlust behind a thinly veiled pretense of honor and nobility.]]

This is made somewhat difficult, on account of her lower half being some sort of horrifying bat/demon/dragon thing because of some vaguely defined [[Tzeentch]] [[Just as planned|fuckery.]] And by "honor" they apparently mean drinking the blood of [[DISTRACTION CARNIFEX|the biggest, baddest motherfucker on the battlefield]]. Because of this, they choose to settle in the realm of [[Ghur]], where there's more than enough big, bad motherfuckers to go around.

Incidentally, her dynasty really likes big scary monsters ([[Awesome|and really, who can blame them]]), to the point of being able to take [[Terrorgheist|Terrorgheists]] and [[Zombie Dragon|Zombie Dragons]] [[Awesome|as battleline]]! Not much else is known about her at this point, but she does have her very own [[Black Library|book]] on the way, in which a free city makes a deal with her to stave off a [[Chaos]] invasion. [[Warhammer Quest: Cursed City|Where have I seen this before?]]

{{Template:Soulblight Gravelords Characters}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]] [[Category:Soulblight Gravelords]]

Soulblight Gravelords

2021-05-15T04:01:20Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD:

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Soulblight Gravelords|Logo=Gravelords.png|Alliance=Death|Motto= I HAVE COME TO SUCK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT!!!!}}
{{Topquote|We enjoy the night, the darkness, where we can do things that aren't acceptable in the light. Night is when we slake our thirst.|William Hill}}

The Soulblight Gravelords are the new, copyright friendly AoS interpretation of the [[Vampire Counts]] and likely a replace for Legions of Nagash. Coming with updated models for Blood Knights, new skellies and zombies and tons more, it's finally time to show the Mortal Realms what goes bump in the night.

==The Five Dynasties==
*'''Legion of Night''': The old [[Von Carstein]] bloodline, led by (who else) Mannfred von Carstein. Arrogant glory-hogs who prefer to bog down enemies with waves of undead minions so the vampire commanders can swoop in for the killing blow.
*'''Legion of Blood''': The old [[Lahmian]] bloodline, led by (who else) Neferata. Cunning and alluring, they prefer the theatre of political intrigue and schemes, but are still very dangerous in combat thanks to their unnatural speed and grace.
*'''Kastelai''': Essentially the descendants to the [[Abhorash|Blood Dragons]]. A knightly order of vampires loyal to Prince Vhordrai, they follow their banished prince out from their “Crimson Keep” to slaughter and butcher all in their path.
*'''Avengorii''': Monstrous beast hunters from Ghur who are looked down upon by the other dynasties for their feral appearance and nature. Due to the shenanigans of Tzeentch, the entire bloodline bears the cursed half-vampire half-monster mutations of their matriarch. They will only drink the blood of great monsters they have killed. Roughly analogous to the Strigoi given their feral nature - the actual Strigoi broke off and [[Flesh-Eater Courts|started their own Death faction]] - and with a little bit of Blood Dragons thrown in, the Avengorii are still their own thing.
*'''Vyrkos''': A shamanistic like culture with ties to a lupine Godbeast as well as Nagash. Each of their number has wolf like mutations and an affinity for controlling Direwolves.

==Notorious Vampires==
*'''[[Neferata]], Mortarch of Blood''': The original vampire and mistress of manipulation.
*'''[[Mannfred von Carstein]], Mortarch of Night''': The bald asshole who destroyed the Old World.
*'''[[Prince Vhordrai]]''': A Vampire Lord that tried/failed to overthrow Nagash, and got cursed to be bound to a magic castle that Nagash teleports near people he wants slaughtered, earning himself the (mocking) title of “Fist of Nagash”. Vhordrai and the Kastelai dynasty within his “Crimson Keep” only have a short time to feast upon mortal blood before the castle is once again flung into the Void, so they fight with a desperate level of savagery. The Prince also rides into battle aboard a Zombie Dragon called Shordemaire.
*'''[[Lauka Vai, the Mother of Nightmares]]''': Matriarch of the Avengorii dynasty and a terrifying mixture of bloodthirsty savagery and honorable knighthood. She originally was a noble monster hunter that garnered the respect of friend and foe alike, until a fateful encounter with the Disciples of Tzeentch horribly mutated her into the vampire-dragon-centaur beast that now defines her and her dynasty.
*'''[[Belladamma Volga, First of the Vyrkos]]''': Matriarch of the Vyrkos dynasty. An ancient vampire with an unmatched affinity for Direwolves. Has the ability to transform men into wolves, with her personal mount even rumored to be [[Furry|her former lover]].
*'''[[Radukar the Wolf]]''': The uncontested ruler of [[Warhammer Quest: Cursed City|Ulfenkarn]]. A large and brutal vampire lord with a fondness for pelts to match his werewolf-like mutations. As a mortal, he once plundered the coasts aboard his vessel the ''Impaler’s Gift'' and his Ogor crew, until he came upon the tomb of the vampiric emperor Morkan. Radukar slew and skinned the two headed wolf Vilnas that guarded the tomb and claimed an enchanted blade that lay inside, all to prove himself worthy of the Blood Kiss. Radukar’s raids became more violent and gruesome after his turn, culminating in his arrival at the city of Mournhold which he “saved” from daemonic invasion...only to take it as his own and rename it to Ulfenkarn. He was defeated by a ragtag group of adventurers, but not killed. His body is now twisted and mutated into a more feral form that is simply referred to as “the Beast”. Radukar the Beast is now roaming the wilds of Shyish in a relentless quest for revenge.
*'''[[Kritza, the Rat Prince]]''': Once a treacherous nobleman of Ulfenkarn, Kritza was brutally beaten by Radukar and left for dead. What no one realized was that Kritza was mistakingly given the Blood Kiss by his assailant and is now part of the Vrykos dynasty. Uniquely though, instead of controlling wolves, Kritza has influence over various kinds of rats (living and undead), and he can divide his body into a swarm of vermin to escape enemies. It is unknown how well this works on Skaven.
*'''[[Lady Annika, the Thirsting Blade]]''': Another vampiric noble from Ulfenkarn, Annika’s lust for blood is considered excessive even among other vampires. Her personal sword Proboscian is enchanted to instantly drain its victims of all bodily fluids. A slightly more famous Vampire lord of the world-that-was...*cough* Vlad von Carstein.*cough cough*... can confirm, this can really backfire.

{{Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}
[[Category:Soulblight Gravelords]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T03:40:34Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Significant Skeletons */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad army led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh and press-ganged the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica by setting up a mini-Nadir in Hysh.

End result, the Bonereapers got worfed like a 40k Avatar of [[Khaine]] fighting Ultramarines. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from and the required amount depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second; duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used - such as for Kavalos steeds or Gothizzar Harvesters - that's not always the case and it depends on the animal (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bone doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't exempt from the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse than the above. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Bony heavy cavalry rivalling Blood Knights for the position of "best undead cavalry", each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves and formed an unexpected friendship with the Ghoul King Varshorn. When relations turned sour over the Bone Tithe, t he personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict later the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos regretted fighting Vashorn. Xaramos died permanently in the last battle, personally decapitated by Vashorn.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T03:35:33Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Forces */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad army led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh and press-ganged the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica by setting up a mini-Nadir in Hysh.

End result, the Bonereapers got worfed like a 40k Avatar of [[Khaine]] fighting Ultramarines. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from and the required amount depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second; duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used - such as for Kavalos steeds or Gothizzar Harvesters - that's not always the case and it depends on the animal (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bone doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't exempt from the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse than the above. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Bony heavy cavalry rivalling Blood Knights for the position of "best undead cavalry", each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:58:27Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* The Bone Tithe */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad army led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh and press-ganged the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica by setting up a mini-Nadir in Hysh.

End result, the Bonereapers got worfed like a 40k Avatar of [[Khaine]] fighting Ultramarines. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from and the required amount depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second; duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used - such as for Kavalos steeds or Gothizzar Harvesters - that's not always the case and it depends on the animal (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bone doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't exempt from the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse than the above. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:48:11Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Broken Realms */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad army led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh and press-ganged the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica by setting up a mini-Nadir in Hysh.

End result, the Bonereapers got worfed like a 40k Avatar of [[Khaine]] fighting Ultramarines. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:47:53Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Broken Realms */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad army led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh and press-ganged the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica by setting up a mini-Nadir in Hysh.

End result, the Bonereapers got worfed like a 40k Avatar of [[Khaine]] fighting Space Marines.. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:46:37Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Soul Wars */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

===Broken Realms===
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh to press-gang the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica and set up a mini-Nadir in that realm.

End result, the Bonereapers get worfed like an Avatar of [[Khaine]] in 40k. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:45:42Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Age of Myth */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even for undead. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

====Broken Realms====
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh to press-gang the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica and set up a mini-Nadir in that realm.

End result, the Bonereapers get worfed like an Avatar of [[Khaine]] in 40k. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:45:29Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Age of Myth */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were, even by undead standards. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

====Broken Realms====
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh to press-gang the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica and set up a mini-Nadir in that realm.

End result, the Bonereapers get worfed like an Avatar of [[Khaine]] in 40k. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:45:06Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Age of Myth */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly built beneath the cities of Order, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle with the armies of the other gods.

The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

====Broken Realms====
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh to press-gang the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica and set up a mini-Nadir in that realm.

End result, the Bonereapers get worfed like an Avatar of [[Khaine]] in 40k. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Ossiarch Bonereapers

2021-05-15T02:43:53Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* History */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Ossiarch Bonereapers|Logo=Immortis-WC2.jpg|Alliance=Death|Motto=The Skeleton War is upon us! We ride against the [[Stormcast Eternals|fuckboys]]!}}

{{topquote|Two can play at that game!|Likely Nagash after learning how Sigmar makes Stormcast}}
{{topquote|Debt, an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.|Ambrose Bierce}}
{{topquote|The bones of the skeleton which support the body can become the bars of the cage which imprison the spirit.|J. Ruth Gendler}}

The latest addition to [[Nagash]]’s ever growing hordes (designed and sculpted by [[Maxime Corbeil]], a former dentist), the '''Ossiarch Bonereapers'''
(Also known as '''The Boney Boys''', '''Bonecast''', '''Tomb Kings 2.0''', '''Bonechads''', '''Nagash's Taxmen''', '''The Boney Bean Counters''', '''Ossiarch Bean Counters''' or '''The IRS''') are the result of an eons old plan by Big Bone Daddy.

Likely inspired by the [[Stormcast Eternals]], the Bonereapers are not mere skeletons given life by necromancy, but massive constructs of bone and countless warrior souls, making them all look impressively robust for undead. Since the Legions of Nagash are the mainstay, the Nighthaunt are the shock troops and the Flesh-Eater Courts are completely insane, these buff bone boys are the elite vanguard of the Grand Alliance. Given their themes of bones, undead constructs priest characters, architect characters and skull-throwing catapults... they're currently the closest thing we've got to [[Tomb Kings]] in AoS.

They also carry out the Bone Tithe; in addition to going out and killing shit to get their bones, the Ossiarchs give settlements they encounter a contract: Give up a set amount of bones whenever we stroll by, or face annihilation now. Understandably, most choose the former. Being unable to pay or even being rude to them also provokes a slaughter.

Visually-speaking, they're what happens when Games Workshop decides to mix [[Tyranids]], [[Tomb Kings]], and [[Necrons]] into one army.

==History==
===Age of Myth===
[[File:Slaves to Darkness vs Ossiarch Bonereapers 01.jpg|right|300px|thumb|SKULLS FOR <s>THE SKULL THRONE</s> Nagash! And all the other bones too!]]
When Nagash was helping Sigmar build his cities he secretly began experimenting on undead, combining their bones and souls into newer, stronger undead warriors; the [[Morghasts/Hammurai|Morghasts]] and the first Bonereapers. Most were put into massive underground crypts Nagash secretly had built beneath the cities, but others were kept on the surface and brought into battle. The other gods saw the Bonereapers and really didn't like them because of how unnatural they were. In response, Nagash sent these Bonereapers to the edge of Shyish to lay low until he called on them (these Bonereapers who would go on to form the Null Myriad). He also sent at least twenty of them to wander the Realms on a long-forgotten mission (these would go on to become the Petrifex Elite).

Strangely, none of the Order groups noticed until however long its been since the start of the Age of Myth that there were crypts full of undead warriors beneath their cities. Especially since they know about and need to defend against [[Skaven|enemies who specialize in creating massive complexes beneath your cities that they then invade from.]]

===Age of Chaos===
The Age of Chaos only affected the Bonereapers garrisoned at the edge of Shyish. By that time they had become resistant to magic, and they fought against demonic armies, their actions blunting the assault of Chaos on Shyish. During this time, Katakros led an army against Sigmar himself on Nagash's orders while the former was pursuing the latter for his betrayal. The battle resulted in the loss of Katakros' army, the Mortarch's defeat and subsequent confinement to a Stormvault.

===Age of Sigmar===
In the lead-up to the Soul Wars, Katakros was freed from the Stormvault by fellow Mortarch, Lady Olynder. The Bonereapers on the edge of Shyish acted as a military force protecting the skeletal work crews who carried grains of Shyishan realmstone to Nagashizzar for Nagash to use to build the Black Pyramid.

===Soul Wars===
After the Necroquake, Nagash decided the time was right to wake up everyone beneath these cities, who apparently marched back home, making them relatively pointless. In that respect, these tombs seemed to mirror the Stormvaults Sigmar had strewn about the Realms to contain various dangerous contraband like [[Katakros|said Mortarch]].

When the Bonereaper legions arrived in Shyish, Nagash got back to his pet-project of making super-skellies, and perfected the process. This involves taking souls and distilling them down to their most choice elements. This involves ripping apart their identity and keeping parts considered useful (such as skills and knowledge) while discarding the parts that aren't useful (such as fear and loyalty to anything but Nagash) and replacing those parts with something better (like loyalty to Nagash), with the strongest-willed soul among them becoming the identity of the new Bonereaper. Then these fragmented souls are put into specially crafted bone constructs. By doing so, he artificially created individuals who were warriors, leaders, bodyguards, artisans, architects, philosophers and sculptors all in one, [[Adeptus Custodes|which sounds a little familiar.]]

The Bonereapers subsequently had a meteoric rise, making their mark - and several enemies - across the realms. After establishing their powerbase in Shyish, the Ironjawz Warclan the Kryptboyz have focused their efforts on fighting the Bonereapers due to wanting to destroy their settlements and wear their bones as trophies. In Chamon, the Null Myriad encountered the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizard Constellation and got embroiled in wars for control of the realm's edge. The Ivory Host legion gained a foothold in Ghur - Katakros' realm origin, and in building their cities they've positioned themselves for conflict with several Mawtribes and the free city of Excelsis. The Ivory Host also clashed with an [[Sons of Behemat|infamous Mega-Gargant who went on to become the mercenary known as One-Eyed Grunnock]].

This was followed by the Bonereapers most notable conflict; the War for the Eightpoints. Katakros led the Mortis Praetorians and detachments from other Legions into the Eightpoints alongside Olynder and a Nighthaunt army to take the Eightpoints for Nagash. They succeeded in capturing and fortifying the realmgate leading to Shyish, and established a fortified citadel around it as a base of operations. However, Katakros' campaign was halted by the return of Archaon, who personally defeated him in battle. Following Katakros' restoration, the conflict became a stalemate and a war of attrition.

====Broken Realms====
When Morathi entered the Eightpoints in her plan to secure Varanite, she secretly sent an envoy to Katakros, giving him several tonnes of bones infused with the magic of Ulgu in exchange for a Bonereaper attack on Archaon's holdings to distract the forces of Chaos. Knowing the forces of order will take losses in their unknown (to Katakros and the Stormcast) endeavor, Katakros accepted the bargain.

Shortly after this, Teclis confronted Nagash, and unsuccessfully tried to threaten him into backing down. Then, he and the Lumineth launched an invasion of Shyish to end the Soul Wars and make Nagash pay for the Necroquake. They proved a force that could match the Bonereapers in battle, winning numerous conflicts and destroying citadels before <s>fleeing</s> going back to Hysh, as the battles were to send the message that the Bonereapers aren't unbeatable. But the Bonereapers used the dead of both sides to replenish their losses, and were now eager for payback. A Null Myriad led by Arkhan himself invaded Hysh to press-gang the Mordant Courts hiding in Avalenor's mountains to join Nagash and <s>give the Lumineth a right proper boning</s> help conquer Ymetrica and set up a mini-Nadir in that realm.

End result, the Bonereapers get worfed like an Avatar of [[Khaine]] in 40k. While Mannfred and Neferata merely failed and fled, Arkhan got slain/banished off the edge of Hysh by the Light of Eltharion. The Lumineth burned their dead to limit the Ossiarch’s recruitment, forcing them to harvest the bones of their own ghoul allies, causing more trouble as the Flesh-Eater Courts fought back. Then Nagash personally arrived in Hysh to create a mini-Nadir by sacrificing Avalenor, but was forced to do battle against Teclis, with each god’s respective armies doing battle beneath their feet.

Despite managing to mark Teclis with some unspecified death magic, Teclis won due to some unexpected allies in Alarielle and several Luminarks, culminating in the destruction of Nagash's books, Nagash himself being beaten and imprisoned in Nagashizzar and Teclis personally undoing the Necroquake, with the remaining Bonereapers put to the blade.

With Nagash imprisoned (for the time being), Arkhan deader than ever before if not gone for good, and the other forces of death likely to splinter off and carve their own trails of carnage, the Ossiarch are the only remnant of their master’s will. There is also a looming Slaaneshi invasion on the horizon, as the reborn [[Sigvald]] seeks to avenge his Shadeglass imprisonment by destroying Nagash's beloved pet project.

==Society==
[[File:Ossiarch Bonereapers Society.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "pyramid scheme".]]
All Ossiarch Bonereapers are built for a specific purpose and assigned a role based on the souls from which they’re formed. This is codified through a caste system, with Nagash at the top, then Mortarchs Katakros and Arhkan, then the highest ranking Ossiarchs underneath and various ranks beneath that. The Bonereaper caste system has a cartouche representing each caste (though Nagash's is just to symbolize him). While there is a Mortarch cartouche, only Katakros wears it because Arkhan predates the Bonereaper system (and everyone but Nagash) by several eons, and despite their alliance he's too proud to wear Katakros' symbol. While they're all obedient to Nagash and fearless, the Bonereapers used in battle are sapient and the characters at least have enough individuality to have names and some personality, though they tend to be pragmatic, work-oriented and elitist. Having said that, they are still capable of doubt and camaraderie which can make them question, regret or even challenge their orders.

While many Ossiarch Bonereapers are warriors, there are castes of groups such as crafters and preachers. There is movement between castes, but only downwards, and as a punishment for failure. A Liege Kavalos who fails in their mission, for example, may be remade as a Kavalos Deathrider. If the offense was major, they might get remade as a steed. The lowest caste are the exiles collectively referred to as Parrha, consisting of the worst offenders who get broken and remade into warped skeletal aberrations incapable of fighting and the Bonereapers value them less than the Imperial Guard values the life of its rank and file soldiers (for the uninitiated, that's really saying something).

The Ossiarch Bonereapers can be found all across the Mortal Realms, aiming to conquer everything from Azyr to the Eightpoints. At present, the majority of the Ossiarch Bonereapers are concentrated in Shyish, inhabiting the nations that surround the Shyish Nadir. This allows them easy access to a vast source of magical power and establishes them as a permanent garrison around this most valuable of territories. Apart from Shyish, the largest concentrations of Bonereapers are in Ghur and Chamon.

The Ossiarch Bonereapers build according to principles laid down in the Principia Necrotopia, a set of guidelines that ensure optimal construction:

In the first stages of colonizing a new region, the Ossiarchs will establish tithing sites. Presumably, this involves mapping out surrounding settlements and segments of the region into their own tributaries, with each section's inhabitants made to sign a contract to begin paying the Tithe. They contruct shrines known as Bone-Tithe Nexus, which act as locations for vassals to dump their bones and are enchanted to give out powerful curses to ward off any scavengers seeking to steal from it.

Next, they will fortify key territories with small fortifications, following up with a number of Mortisan workshops to fuel the next stage of their expansion. These small holdings will eventually develop into vast and imposing fortresses, growing ever upward as the Bonereapers’ numbers grow. These are not just barracks, but places of culture for the Ossiarchs.

Ossiarch scholars will endlessly study scrolls in charnel libraries, recording the details of cultures in the Mortal Realms they have subjugated and those they seek to subjugate. These vast citadel-states eventually resemble Nagashizzar itself.

===The Bone Tithe===
[[File:Bone tithe.jpg|left|300px|thumb|Put your spines into it. Literally!]]
The Bone Tithe is instrumental to their society and Nagash's way of setting himself up as mob boss of the realms. Upon arriving in an area, the Ossiarchs send out scouts to get the lay of the land. When they find a settlement they want tribute from, a representative - in practice usually a Mortisan - approaches and makes them an offer they can't refuse; give "x" by the deadline at regular intervals, or we kill you all now and take what we want. To communicate, the Bonereapers draw on prior research for the local language; it doesn't matter if the vernacular's out of date by a few centuries or so, as long as they can be understood. If that doesn't work, the Bonereapers use other means, including killing a local and using their spirit as a translator if all else fails. If the locals refuse, attack them or are rude enough, [[Grimdark|the Bonereapers make good on their threat, slaughtering everything in the settlement that has bones, right down to the last child and stray animal]]. If they are feeling "nice", the Bonereapers might only kill the dissenters.

When demanding the Bone Tithe, what/who the bones come from plus the amount required depends on the situation and Bonereaper legion in question. Human bone is the most widely used, with ogor bones a close second for their size and toughness. Apart from that, duardin bones are liked for their durability but aren't common enough, aelf bones are slightly more common but don't replenish fast enough, and greenskin bones are very common but coarse, porous and prone to spontaneous fungal growth unless treated properly. While animal bones are also used, such as to repair Kavalos steeds or make Gothizzar Harvesters, that's not always the case and it depends on what animal they're from (Rhinoxen and Bleaklake crocodiles are popular choices). How the bones are acquired is irrelevant, the most common options ranging from emptying the local cemetery to [[Grimdark|having everyone eligible give a limb or holding a lottery where those chosen are killed and the bones taken from their corpses]].

The Bonereapers (though inbuilt or learned ability, it's not clear) CAN tell the difference between what race or species a specific bone comes from, so trying to cheat them with different kinds of bones doesn't work. They also respond to trickery the same way they respond to failure or refusal - immediate slaughter (as a human town learned to their cost when they tried to trick the Bonereapers by mixing pig bones in with human bones). Even other Death factions aren't immune to the Bone Tithe, as the Bonereapers' laws consider their charge from Nagash to supersede any commonalities with his other followers (callous elitism isn't good for alliances, reflected in the rules by the Bonereapers not being able to take allies outside Drogg Fort-Kicka).

Sometimes things are even worse. A particularly war-horny leader, most often from the Stalliarch Lords (more on them below), will give nigh-impossible demands to increase the chance of failure. What kinds of demands? How about asking a city's population for detailed records on everyone's family lineage going back to the founders and the condition of every bone in the city ''including bones still inside the living inhabitants''. Or maybe they ask for just one ton of bones ''every day'' (for extra lulz, the offer is made at night and has to be completed the next day). They might instead, or also, [[That Guy|arrive early to extract the Tithe just to get a good slaughter out of it]]. However it ends, the bones of the Ossiarch's victims are sorted through, the good bones taken for future use the sub-par ones discarded (same with their victims souls). Strips of skin and flesh from these unfortunates are hung from the Bonereapers' spears as a warning to anyone who considers not paying the Tithe.

Ultimately, they have a term related to the Bone Tithe called the “Terminus Concept”. This refers to the point where a society can't provide enough bones so they get slaughtered and their bones are taken. For the truth is that the Bone Tithe is ultimately unsustainable for the payers, and the Bonereapers know it. This all proves that, while Nagash is a pragmatic sort of fellow, he'll always find a way to be a <s>boner</s> [[Eldrad|huge skeletal dick]] about it.

==Forces==
[[File:Bonereaper army.jpg|right|500px|thumb|'''Angry Dooting Intensifies''']]
*'''Mortek Guard:''' Rank and file infantry of the Bonereapers. Well armored and shielded, they have the choice of swords or spears and optional greatswords as weapons. Their primary role is to create massive shield walls to protect their leaders.
*'''Morghast Harbingers and Archai:''' You know em, you love em. Nagash's original sculpted bone construct based on not-angels from the World-That-Was now served as prototypes to the current regime of spoopy skeltals. Flying blenders armed with either halberds (take these) or twin swords (dont take these). Harbingers are your chargey bois, while the Archai are bodyguard bois.
*'''Necropolis Stalkers:''' Four-armed skeletal constructs the size of Kurnoth Hunters with four faces, each one has the soul of four warriors, and switches between which one is dominant, altering their fighting style accordingly. Their name's ripped from the Necropolis Knights and the Tomb Stalkers.
*'''Immortis Guard:''' Four-armed <s>Grave Guard</s> <s>Tomb Guard</s> elite skellingtons armed with a halberd in one set of hands and a shield in the other. Like the Morghasts, Immortis are the bodyguard bois to the Stalkers' chargey bois.
*'''Kavalos Deathriders:''' Essentially bony knights somewhere between Black Knights and Varanguard in power level, and who serve Bone Daddy. Each one has the soul of dozens of warriors to draw on their knowledge and is proportionately arrogant. They have undead birds roosting on their banner poles that act as spies and messenger birds. For added creep factor, these guys normally walk at a slow and ominous trot, only sprinting when going into a headlong charge.
*'''Mortek Crawler:''' Screaming Skull Catapult 2.0 with an obligatory patent-friendly rename. In addition to flaming skulls, it can also hurl a cauldron of Death Magic that works based on bravery or a cursed stone that gets more powerful the more damage the Crawler takes. It's also powered by a bone-made hamster wheel and multiple legs.
*'''Gothizzar Harvester:''' A big monster construct with weapon hands and half a skeleton for a codpiece that helps harvest bones. The Harvester uses them to make new constructs on the fly or repair damaged ones. Their weapon arms come with either enchanted maces or scything blades for hands.
*'''Mortisan Soulreaper:''' Your offensive caster for the Bonereapers with a scythe that doesn't like hordes.
*'''Mortisan Boneshaper:''' The healers/builders of the Bonereapers. Formed from the souls of artists, they’re in charge of building the extravagant bone cities and other architecture of the legions. They all possess a friendly rivalry with each other that pushes them to one up another’s artwork.
*'''Mortisan Soulmason:''' Miniature Arkhans with four arms who are in charge of hunting and fusing souls for their various constructs. They ride into battle on bony [[Fyodor Karamazov|thrones with chicken legs]].
*'''Liege-Kavalos''': Field generals with skeleton mounts placed in charge of leading the Bonereaper armies. They are forged as a cruel mockery of Sigmar’s Lord-Celestant on Dracoth.

===Famous Legions===
*'''Mortis Praetorians''': The 10,000 strong personal army of Katakros, created out of the souls of those he personally knew in life. They have gained a fearsome reputation for their tactical acumen, especially in Shyish. [[Ultramarines|The poster boys who are a jack-of-all-trades, big on tactics and led by an ancient leader who was the basis for future generations]]. They also have the only two Bonereapers with a single original soul; Katakros himself and Zandtos.
* '''Petrifex Elite''': Made up of nomadic armies crafted from prehistoric fossilized bones, they are known for being slow-moving and a near impenetrable wall of bone. While fossilized bone tends to be fragile, the Petrifex Elite enchant them to be tough and also include already supernaturally tough bones among them (ie; the bones of godbeasts). Led by Mortisans, [[Necrons|they only exist to slay and find ancient bones to build more of themselves and make themselves even deadlier]]. They have forgotten why Nagash wants them to do this, and their leaders eschew personal identity to the point of using titles instead of names, as mandated by their leader and most senior Mortisan, the Grand Necromystic.
* '''Null Myriad''': The first Ossiarch Bonereapers made during Nagash's experiments in the Age of Myth. The Null Myriad were later refined and bolstered using the bones and souls of the countless dead who helped construct Nagash’s Black Pyramid and the best of Arkhan's Black Disciples. They are a solemn yet prideful lot with high resilience to magic and were given to Arkhan to be his personal legion; they're so loyal to Arkhan that they defer to him even over Katakros himself. Their resistance to magic extends to the power of Chaos, so they're used to inhabit the most inhospitable parts of the realms. Recently Arkhan made an alliance with Katakros, and the Null Myriad's job is to secure magic-heavy locations in the realms so Katakros can control the sources of their magic. The Null Myriad forces in Chamon have come into conflict with the Seraphon of the Thunder Lizards Constellation who also dwell there.
*'''Ivory Host''': Outwardly, they appear as honorable warriors, but hidden away in their bodies is a monstrous frenzy that turns them into clawing slavering beasts. Fitting considering they are constructed from beast and monster bones. Tasked by Nagash to conquer Ghur, they overcompensate for their bestial anger by being meticulously clean and making everything of theirs as much of a work of art as possible. Also known for [[Tomb Kings|being the only Ossiarchs who build ships, use the color gold regularly in their attire and are led by a monarch]]. Currently they’ve claimed the realmgate of Greedmouth and established the Ivory Citadel in the southwestern corner of the Ghurish Heartlands, putting them awfully close to numerous [[Ogor Mawtribes]] and the [[Cities of Sigmar|free city]] of Excelsis.
*'''Stalliarch Lords''': A cavalry centric force who are [[Creed|skillful tacticians]] and like to make impossible demands so they have an excuse to raze cities and slaughter people (on the rare occasion that someone meets their outrageous demands they keep their word... but remember the Terminus Concept). They take the freshest remains whenever possible to maximize how much they're infused with essence of the slain, which gives them more speed and vitality than other Bonereaper Legions and often a blood-slicked appearance. Basically [[That Guy]] as a cavalry-loving undead legion.
*'''Crematorians''': These Bonereapers are burning with an internal fire to the point where some of them literally explode when killed. Some of them have recently realized that they don't really have a purpose other than to fight and explode, and aren't too happy about that. In fact, their leaders [[Noblebright|have made pacts of friendship to repair each other if any of them are destroyed and the chief Liege-Kavalos scours the libraries of everyone they encounter in the hopes of finding a way to undo their fiery curse, and is implied to be on the verge of a breakthrough]].

==Significant Skeletons==
* '''[[Katakros|Orpheon Katakros]], [[Mortarch]] of the Necropolis''': In life he was the greatest strategic genius in all the Mortal Realms, and undeath has done nothing to dull his mastery of military tactics. He's been given a new body of enscrolled bone by Nagash himself which looks like a [[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure|JoJo stand]] rather than a skeleton. He goes into battle surrounded by various attendants; the Liege-Immortis, the Aviarch Spymaster, the Gnosis Scrollbearer, and the Prime Necrophoros.
*'''Arch-Kavalos Zandtos''': Both in life and in death, Patru Zandtos has been Katakros’ most trusted lieutenant. In life he was a refined, death-obsessed assassin who treated killing as a sacred art that should be as clean as possible and thus hated the loud, messy butchery of battle. In undeath, through the manipulations of Nagash and Katakros, he’s now a death-purist who wishes to “cleanse” Shyish of anything still living.
*'''Vokmortian, Master of the Bone-tithe''': The grim tallyman in charge of recording/judging the Tithe. He carries the severed heads of those foolish enough to refuse to pay the Tithe and has a coffin on his back, making him look like a giant beetle. Though officially he’s under Katakros and Arkhan in the OBR hierarchy, he’ll only receive/carry out orders from Big Bone Daddy himself...which might be a bit difficult now that Nagash was sealed away by Teclis.
*'''[[Arkhan the Black]]''': Yeah, he's part of the army despite technically being just an "average" liche as opposed to a bone golem thing. Likely because apart from Nagash, he's the most privy to understanding how they are made without being one. While he has his own private legion in the Null Myriad, his authority is recognized by all the Ossiarch legions.
*'''Xaramos''': A Mortisan Boneshaper of the Mortis Praetorians, skilled in both diplomacy and keeping the legion operating at full efficiency. He assisted Arkhan in his counter invasion of Ymetrica in Hysh, where he put his diplomatic skills to use in acquiring the assistance of the [[Flesh-Eater Courts|Vertigon Court]] to defeat the Lumineth aelves. When supplies started to dwindle however, the pragmatic Boneshaper was quick to tithe the ghouls for every bone they had, much to the horror of his unintentional comrade the Ghoul King Varshorn. Both the personal forces of Xaramos and Varshorn battled amidst the gore-caked caverns of the Starfang Mont in a conflict that would called the Charnel War, with hints that Xaramos might have felt actual camaraderie with Vashorn and regrets fighting him. The conflict ended when Vashorn decaptiated Xaramos and the Ghouls defeated the Bonereapers.

==Spooky Melodies for your Bony Boys==

*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DsZivjop_s Spooky Scary Skeletons! a remix for a revamp]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKHAX1K4sKQ The Dead March returns for AoS!]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5n5qo8b1pA March for the Tithe!]

==Trivia==
* The architecture of the Ossiarch Bonereapers was likely inspired by the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary Sedlec Ossuary] in the Czech Republic. The Sedlec Ossuary is a Roman Catholic church where the bones of thousands of people have been artistically arranged to form the decorations and the furnishings of the chapel (it's also called "the Bone Church"). This was done several centuries ago for creative interment reasons with many dead and not enough space to bury them on holy ground.
* On a comical note, "Kavalos", the name for Bonereaper cavalry, translates to "crotch" in Greek (the Greek word is "kaválos"). Makes more sense when you think of [[Katakros]]' defining trait lookswise, and how his name even sounds like the Greek word.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Bonereaper vs Kharadron.jpg|Sky Pirates vs Bone Golems.
File:Cavalry-bonereapers.jpg|As if Blood Knights weren't bad enough, Bone Daddy brings out Kavalos Deathriders too.
File:Gothizzar Harvester.jpg|"Oh those bones, oh those bones, oh those skeleton bones. Oh mercy how they scare! With the toe bone connected to the foot bone..."
File:Bonereaper city.jpg|right|300px|thumb|Welcome to Necrotopia. Please remember to remove all skin and flesh before you reach customs.
</gallery>

==See Also==

*[[Nagash]], their jerk of a god whom they give their undisputed loyalty to (yes, really!)

{{Template:Playable Factions in Warhammer: Age of Sigmar}}

[[Category:Age of Sigmar]]

Age of Sigmar/Tactics/Death/Soulblight Gravelords

2021-05-15T02:31:26Z

2406:3400:20F:FFC0:E1EB:6731:9DB5:E8AD: /* Army Building */

{{Age of Sigmar Faction|Faction=Soulblight Gravelords|Logo=Gravelords.png|Alliance=Death|Motto= I HAVE COME TO SUCK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT!!!!}}
'''UNDER CONSTRUCTION'''

Revamped Vampires.

That being said:

'''PLASTIC BLOOD KNIGHTS'''
==Overview==
==Why Play Soulblight==
===Pros===
===Cons===
==Allegiance Abilities==
===Battle Traits===
*'''The Unquiet Dead''': Like Legions of Nagash before us, you get two place four gravesites; two in your deployment area, and two outside that must be more than 1" from terrain or objectives. One of your'''Summonable''' units for every unit that you regularly deploy can be set up in reserve and pop in within a foot of one of these, so long as there are no enemies within 9", and also act as focuses for some of your other traits.
*'''Deathless Minions''': The Gravelord version of the classic 6+ death save after save affects all units wholly within 12" of both their heroes and gravesites. If a gravesite is near enough an objective, you can skip a babysitter hero for your backline campers with a little less worry.
*'''[[Recursion|Endless Legions]]''': This lets you respawn your destroyed zombie or skeleton units with the '''Summonable''' keyword wholly within 12" of one of your gravesites at the end of your battleshock on a 5+ die roll, with a +1 for each enemy unit you destroyed earlier that turn. They only come back at half strength and must be placed at least 9" from enemies as well, but you're not spending a command point like Legions of Nagash used too.
*'''Locus of Shyish''': Death armies lean heavily into magic, and Gravelords get to resolve their lore spells (NOT their warscroll spells, arcane bolt or mystic shield) twice if they get an unmodified 9+ on their cast roll, provided it's not unbound.
*'''Reanimated Horrors''': Non-death models within 6" of your '''Deathrattle''' or '''Deadwalker''' units get a -1 to their bravery, or -2 if they are within 6" of two or more of them. Begs the question on how a giant undead bat with 'terror' in its name is less frightening, but can turn the tide if leveraged properly, especially as the second level can easily be satisfied with a support unit like a corpse cart or Wight king that wants to stick tight to some of those guys anyhow.
*'''Deathly Invocation''': Peeled out of the various warscrolls, heroes can heal a number of summonable units within 12" d3 wounds/equivalent models. The Mortarchs get four units, vampires can do three, while wights and necromancers can top off two. Unfortunately, a unit can only benefit from this once per turn, and can't get the healing if they were already healed by Invigorating Aura (or vice versa), severely hampering your prospective staying power.

===Bloodlines===
There's five subfactions for soulblight each with a full complement of relics and command traits, and all of them have access to special character at least one special character.
====Legion of Blood====
====Legion of Night====
=====Traits=====
*'''The Bait''': +1 to save rolls on the first turn for '''Deathrattle''' and Deadwalker units.

*'''Ageless Cunning''': You can set up one unit in reserve for every unit you have placed on the board and bring them in with ambush 6 from a board edge outside of 9 from enemy units at the end of your movement fase. Start of battleround 4 units still in reserve are destroyed.

======Command Traits======
*'''Above Suspicion''': Deep strike the general from outflank onto the board anywhere on the battlefield at the end of your movement fase. (Outside of 9 from enemy units like normal)

*'''Swift Form''': 2+ Movement. Good if you’re using the footslogger Vampire for some reason.

*'''Unbending Will''': No battleshock wholly within 12 of the general.

*'''Merciless Hunter''': +1 to wound rolls for general in melee.

*'''Unholy Impetus''': If the general slays an enemy model in close combat, one friendly unit wholly within 12" gets +1 attack on all their melee weapons until the end of the phase. Changed to wholly within 12 instead of 3, probably your best choice.

*'''Terrifying Visage''': Subtract 1 from wound rolls against the general in melee.

====Kastelai====
Kastelai are the entourage of Prince Vhordrai in the magically teleporting crimson keep, and seem to be the replacement for the old blood dragons, and similarly lean into blood knights, who they get as battleline.
=====Traits=====
*'''The Shifting Keep''': Kastelai Blood Knights up to half your unit count can be placed in reserve instead of on the battlefield, and be setup within 6" of any table edge and more than 9" from enemies at the end of your movement phase. The pretty standard rider of them being destroyed if not place by round four also applies.
*'''Might of the Crimson Keep''': '''Vampire''' keyword units gain a characteristic bonus when they destroy units; +1 damage to non-mount melee weapons if it was a '''Hero'''/'''Monster''', +1 to it's wounds if it had 3+ wounds, or +2" to run and charge for everything else.
=====Command Traits=====

=====Artifacts=====

====Avengorii====
====Vyrkos====

===Spell Lores===

====Lore of Vampires====
*
*
*
*
*
*
====Lore of Deathmages====
*
*
*
*
*
*

==Warscrolls==
===Heroes===
*Vampire Lord:
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-vampire-lord-zombiedragon-en.pdf Vampire Lord on Zombie Dragon]''':
*Vengorian Lord:
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Downloads/ENG%20Wight%20King%20with%20Baleful%20Tomb%20Blade.pdf Wight King]''':
*Wight King on Skeletal Steed:
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-necromancer-en.pdf Necromancer]''':
====Named Characters====
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-deathlords-neferata-en.pdf Neferata, Mortarch of Blood]'''('''Legion of Blood'''):
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-deathlords-mannfred-en.pdf Mannfred, Mortarch of Night]''' ('''Legion of Night'''):
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Downloads/ENG%20Prince%20Vhordrai.pdf Prince Vhordrai, Fist of Nagash]'''('''Kastelai'''):
*Belladamma Volga, First of the Vyrkos ('''Vyrkos'''):
*Radukar, The Wolf('''Vyrkos''', if you happen to have Cursed City):
*Radukar, The Beast ('''Vyrkos'''):
*Kritza, The Rat Prince:
*Annika, The Thirsting Blade:
*Lauka Vai, The Mother of Nightmares ('''Avengorii'''):
*Prince Duvalle:

===Battleline===
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-skeleton-warriors-en.pdf Deathrattle Skeletons]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Downloads/ENG%20Zombies.pdf Deadwalker Zombies]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-dire-wolves-en.pdf Dire Wolves]''':

===Behemoth===
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-terrorgheist-en.pdf Terrorgheist'''](Battleline in '''Avengorii'''):
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-zombie-dragon-en.pdf Zombie Dragon'''](Battleline in '''Avengorii'''):
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-mortis-engine-en.pdf Mortis Engine]''':

===Other===
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-grave-guard-en.pdf Grave Guard]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-black-knights-en.pdf Black Knights]'''(Battleline in '''Legion of Blood'''):
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Downloads/ENG%20Corpse%20Cart%20with%20Unholy%20Lodestone.pdf Corpse Cart with Unholy Loadstone]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/Downloads/ENG%20Corpse%20Cart%20with%20Balefire%20Brazier.pdf Corpse Cart with Balefire Braizer]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-fell-bats-en.pdf Fell Bats]''':
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-vargheists-en.pdf Vargheists]''' (Battleline in '''Legion of Night''')
*'''[https://www.games-workshop.com/resources/PDF/AoS_Warscrolls/aos-warscroll-blood-knights-en.pdf Blood Knights]''' (Battleline in '''Kastelai Dynasty'''): The moment we've all been waiting for; Blood Knights, bane of The world-that-was, are reborn in fabulous plastic! Some of the most iconic heavy calvary since Bretonnia got squatted, these guys are both tough and hard hitting, with a 3+ save, 3 wounds and vampire kill/regen, accompanied by quality 3/3+/3+/-1/1 attacks that gets +1 damage on the charge, (along with their mounts trampling, but those rarely amount to much in the long run). They can also go over units in their movement phase, if they start within 3" of one and only over those with 3 or less wounds and without mounts (so for example, Troggoths are game but Kavalos Deathriders aren't) and deal d3 mortal wounds on a 2+ if they do. They are expensive, but worth investing in if you need a good hammer. Special mention should go to Kastelai Blood Knights, who can outflank if set up in reserves.

==Battalions==
==Army Building==
Given its contents, and depending on the bloodlines that you are going to play, Start Collecting! Flesh-Eater Counts is once again one of the best products [[GeeDubs]] has to offer. Get as many as you need or want for you Battleline Zombie Dragons, Terrorgheists or Vhargheists.

At the moment of writing this, if you local store still has a Start Collecting! Skeleton Horde, or an even rarer Battleforce with them, you can grab them and get you Mortarch of choice (except Arkhan, who is MIA in the lore and not part of the army roster) while getting extra Black Knights and Skellies, who also happen to be Battleline choices.

==Allies==
*'''Drogg Fort-Kicka''': The Mega-Gargant allocated as an ally for '''DEATH''' armies, he's a big smashy monster with the extra ability to deal out some easy mortal wounds to a bigger unit, and most importantly, the ability to destroy terrain. This includes faction terrain, so send him after that lumineth waterfall and the wizard sitting on it, the priest standing on an altar of blood, or knock a ghoul king off his throne.

==Tactics==

{{Age_of_Sigmar_Tactics}}