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Eldrad

2018-09-13T21:06:54Z

2600:1006:B168:336F:8D2:FB72:2E4C:8412: /* Current Activities */

{{awesome}}
[[Image:450px-EldradThroneworld.jpg|thumb|right|350px|Helmetless Eldrad, looking suspiciously like Mon'Keigh actor Hugo Weaving. What are the odds? 5 to 1 that GW gets sued again in the near future.]]
'''Eldrad Ulthran''' is renowned as one of the most powerful and far-sighted [[psyker]] of an entire race of powerful psykers, the [[Eldar]], and '''was''' the Chief [[Farseer]] of [[Craftworld]] [[Craftworld Ulthwé|Ulthwé]]. He is awfully fond of engaging in overly elaborate plots to tweak the balance of fate, presumably to preserve the Eldar as a species. Also, he engages in only the highest forms of [[dick]]ishness, as the accounts from one of his retinue warlocks attest. Possibly father to Farseers [[Taldeer]] and [[Macha]]. [[Love Can Bloom]] is ambiguous on the matter, but current [[/tg/]] canon operates on the assumption that he is. Basically Spock's dad Sarek from Star Trek.

Some time ago, [[Abaddon the Despoiler]] led an assault on Craftworld Ulthwé, to attack the Eldar Farseer Council there. After slowly slogging through the nearly deserted Craftworld while his [[Black Legion]] suffered massive casualties as the Eldar forces still present, picked them off in hit and run attacks, Abaddon finally got to the council's Dome but found Eldrad waiting for him. Eldrad quickly made a mockery of Abaddon's combat skill; he dodged Abaddon's strikes with the daemon sword [[Drach'nyen]] and the [[Talon of Horus]] with ease. In just two strikes, Eldrad cleaved through Abaddon's Terminator armor with virtually no effort and separated him from his arms (hah, I see what you did there). The Eldar then stuffed the remainder of the attack force into a [[Dreadclaw]] with "Failbaddon the Armless Failboat" as well as other demeaning terms and images painted all over it and launched it back into the [[Eye of Terror]] while laughing hysterically. And that is why Abaddon has no arms.

As of the 13th Black Crusade, Eldrad is getting more active. After stealing the crystallized bodies of Farseers from every Craftworld, he attempted to prematurely summon [[Ynnead]], the yet-to-be-born Eldar god of Death who would save them from [[Slaanesh]] before every single Eldar dies, which was when it was supposed to be born. Just before the events that would lead into the events of 8th edition the [[Deathwatch]] intervened in the Battle of Port Demesnus, that had been orchestrated by Eldrad to distract everyone whilst he performed a great ritual upon a moon made of psychic crystal. When the Deathwatch discovered what was going on they immediately made all haste to Eldrads location. Eldrad attempted to reason with the Marines, explaining that what he was doing would strike a devastating blow against the true enemy. The Marines, of course, refused to listen and promptly fucked the whole thing up (marking one of many times ''he himself was out-[[dick]]ed'' by Space Marines) whilst claiming that they would rather see the universe burn than trust Xeno scum. Said summoning ritual required the bodies of ''every'' Crystal Seer, and when the Ulthwe's Seer Council learned of it, only the intervention of the [[Ynnari]] and the [[Harlequin]]s saved him from being executed. Instead, he was then was exiled from the Craftworld on pain of death if he returned.

Currently, a member of the Ynnari, although he travels separately from the main group, joining their quest to bring forth Ynnead in its full power with the Croneswords. He is one of the Eldar that guided the [[Black Crusade|survivors]] of [[Cadia]] on [[Kalisus]] to [[Macragge]] to resurrect [[Roboute Guilliman]]. In this way, the fates of two most prominent dicks in the galaxy intwined.

He used to be presumed dead, eaten by Slaanesh during the [[13th Black Crusade]]. [[Meme|He got better]] in 6th edition.

==History==
===Early Life===
The only thing known of Eldrad's life, before becoming trapped on the path of the Seer, was that he used to be a musician, and apparently still has quite an ear for that kind of stuff. Although he is most well-known as the High Farseer of Ulthwe, he did not begin that way, and his time on the Seer Council of Ulthwe was a surprisingly volatile one. Eldrad was the one responsible for much of what the Path of the Seer would become (Runes and all). Eldrad would be introduced to the idea of the Path system by [[Asurmen]] and would apply these ideas to reform the Witch path into what we know it is today (the original seers were more like ancient soothsayers and mystics).
*There was also a subtle hint in "The Throne World" that claimed that at some time in the past both Eldrad and the Emperor had been "friends". What form or how this friendship came about is unknown, but it is clear that by the time of the Heresy something '''cough'''Molech'''cough''' had bought their friendship to an end, even if their shared goals to fuck over Chaos still aligned, hence why Eldrad took steps to ensure that Vulkan could return to Terra as well as fucking up the Cabal's plans to get Horus to win. Note that after splitting from the Emperor, Eldrad’s life basically became one failure after another with a few potentially accidental successes in-between. The Emperor failed very few times albeit with extreme consequences. If Eldrad had just trusted the guy with tens of millennia more experience and knowledge and god-like wisdom, the Emperor would have had him around to help him avoid the mistakes he made and grimdark wouldn’t have happened. And the Imperium would have been good to the Eldar due to Elrad’s presence, securing a wonderful future for both species.
:''"Foolish mon-keigh!"''
:''"No threat! The Emperor and the Farseer are known to each other. Though they long diverged from friendship, they are not yet opposed."''
:Lhaerial Rey- Shadowseer of the Ceaseless Song

Whilst he served on the [[Seer Council]], but before actually becoming its High Farseer, there was a bizarre tendency for all of Eldrad's superiors to be conveniently (by fate or design, you decide) killed on missions, often just as a [[Phoenix Lord]] arrived. This occurred twice in the days before the Great Crusade, first when Eldrad and an older female Farseer journeyed with [[Asurmen]] to try to find a legendary Exodite Oracle. Said Oracle, believed to have been the first Eldar to ever foresee the Fall, turned out to be a Keeper of Secrets in disguise and, in the ensuing fight, killed Eldrad's superior. This pattern was repeated when Jain Zar visited the Craftworld, advising it against attacking a nascent Ork Waaagh, which the Crafworld's, at the time, most senior Farseer agreed with. Eldrad, however, wanted to attack and destroy said Waaagh (Mainly because Jain Zar's plan was to make sure this Ork Waaagh ended up destroying Ulthwe, so as to prevent an even bigger disaster later on; Eldrad disagreed), convincing the Craftworld to follow him and rousing the [[Avatar of Khaine]]. Despite all this the attack was a total failure, with the High Farseer dying, the Avatar of Khaine being destroyed (in one of its earliest defeats) and Eldrad himself almost being killed. Discovering that the presence of the Phoenix Lord was what was reshaping the strands of fate to bring about Ulthwe destruction, Eldrad moved to sacrifice himself to prevent it. He gave Jain Zar an ultimatum, she could continue on her chosen path and see him dead, or she could choose to trust in the path he would forge for the Eldar. In the end, it was only because Jain Zar changed her mind and decided to believe in Eldrad that she moved to intervene. In the aftermath, though, despite his colossal cock-up (the first of a career of failures; to be fair the plan was working until the mere presence of Jain Zar started twisting fate to suit her goals; Phoenix Lords are fucking freaky like that), Eldrad's arrogance continued to rub Jain Zar the wrong way, and he refused to allow the former High Farseer's Spirit Stone into the [[Infinity Circuit]], deciding he could make better use of it personally (which probably means it just got chucked into his big collection of tokens).

*In a strange case of "Just as planned" this apparent failure, actually turns out to be a complete success. Despite the lives lost, Eldrads actions ultimately destroyed two Ork Waaagh's, whilst also preventing the inter Craftworld wars that would have bought about a far greater loss of life. What at first glance looks like an utter failure, actually, not only saved countless Eldar and non-Eldar lives but also reserved him a seat at the big table for the Rhana Dandra. Which only goes to prove that in order to be the hero sometimes you have to be a dick. Or have Jain Zar bail you out.

Were these simple coincidences or Eldrad's way of conniving his way to the top by ensuring his superiors all met with tragic fates? The answer to that probably depends on how much of a dick, and how competent, you think Eldrad is, although it is true that one skill he certainly has is getting other Eldar killed, in many ways Eldrad is the most successful murderer of Eldar since Slaanesh. But then again, he is a dick.

===Horus Heresy and later===

After ascending to the position of High Farseer Eldrad would try to interfere in the course of the Horus Heresy a few times, rarely to much success. First he attempted to warn [[Fulgrim]] of [[Horus]]' corruption but failed, costing the life of one of Ulthwe's greatest Wraithlords and his friend, and also seeing the Avatar of Khaine slain, yet again, on his watch when Fulgrim [[Wat|throttled]] it (one assumes that Ulthwe's Seer Council has become a bit suspect about letting Eldrad use the Avatar since he seems to always come back with it broken). After this, he became pretty unpopular with both Ulthwe and the Cabal alligned part of the Eldar race, and decided to go solo to get things done. He aided John Grammaticus and Vulkan, making clear also that he opposed the plan of the [[Cabal]]. Said opposition went so far he even killed the entire Cabal eventually. Apparently, according to him, at some point he and Vulkan did something together (with Eldrad disguising himself as an old man representing Mount Deathfire to guide Vulkan towards Terra) which resulted in Vulkan giving him a Salamander's tooth, probably to join the huge collection of knick-knacks Eldard has along with the former High Farseer's Spiritstone.

Following the Heresy Eldrad next interfered in the affairs of the Galaxy when he and the Seers of Ulthwe allowed a group of Harlequins to infiltrate the Imperial Palace during the height of the [[War of the Beast]]. It is not exactly clear what he hoped to gain from this, as the [[Harlequin]]s butchered the palace's mortal guards as a greeting and even managed to kill a good number of Custodians before they themselves were methodically cut down until only the Shadowseer remained, prostrate and wounded before the Eternity gate with a load of understandably pissed off Custodians. Her only message was to say that Chaos was the real threat and not to get distracted, whilst Orks were literally moments away from destroying Terra itself, so its not clear how any of this really helped anyone. Maybe he really wanted those Harlequins dead and this was... somehow... the best way to do it. Or the more plausible theory; Eldrad is just really bad at getting things done.
*Even as the Harlequins danced through the Imperial palace Eldrad and the Ulthwe seer council did help out the defenders of Terra by calming a path through the Warp allowing the combined Imperial Fists successor fleet to reach Terra and help defeat the Ork forces.
*These events would also directly influence the two who would go on to create the [[Ordo Malleus]], whose responsibility it is to investigate and destroy the physical manifestations of Chaos throughout the Imperium, and the [[Ordo Xenos]], that investigates and eliminates alien influence and plots against the Imperium (you can probably guise which one was more prepared to listen). Members of the [[Ordo Malleus]] and the [[Ordo Xenos]] have been known to "fraternize" with the Eldar, and along with members of the [[Illuminati]] (who are frequently involved on some level with the Eldar, in particular, the Harlequins. And just so happen to have members placed throughout all levels of the Imperium) have been allowed access to the Black Library. Eldrad's actions not only created two of the main Ordos of the [[Inquisition]] but may have allowed Eldar affiliated humans to infiltrate to the very heart of the Imperium itself (take that [[tzeentch]], let's see you top that "just as planned" plot twist).

Since then Eldrad has been involved in a few events; he saved Saim-hann from a Hrud infestation, tried to forewarn Iyanden of the invasion of the [[Hive Fleet Kraken|Tyranids]], defeated the Ork Warboss [[Nazdreg]] and also took part in the battle of Blood and Tears. He seemed particularly invested in the small Craftworld of [[Idharae]], engineering the entire 2nd War of Armageddon to save said Craftworld, although it amounted to nothing in the end as the Invaders Space Marine Chapter simply destroyed Idharae instead. So much for that.

Indeed Eldrad has a poor reputation when facing off against Space Marines (but that's true of everyone), beginning with his battle against Fulgrim. On Maedrax the Ulthwe forces under his direction were mauled by a single Blood Angels Battle Barge and failed in their mission to stop an awakening Necron Dynasty. In fact, if you were to believe the mountain of Space Marine bolter porn that gets released by GW, you might come to believe that Eldrad (and everyone else for that matter) has, in over ten thousand years, never won a single battle against any Space Marines. This of course is not true as his humiliation of Abaddon in single combat will attest (but then again he is also a memetastic failure himself, so maybe it cancels it out). He has had more luck when working with Space Marines, such as when he interfered to save Blood Angels Chief Librarian Mephiston.

===Gathering Storm===

In many ways, it was Eldrad, along with Abaddon, who started the whole set of events which have lead to the changes beginning in the Gathering Storm. Showcasing his extreme level of dickishness Eldrad stole Crystal Seers (remains of past Seers, which ''obviously'' contain a lot of psychic fuel to awaken a god) from every single Craftworld and endangered the entire Eldar species in an abortive attempt to awaken [[Ynnead]] which failed when [[Deathwatch]] Captain Artemis intervened and defeated him and his Harlequin associates. Whilst Eldrads full attention was focused on maintaining the energy required to birth a god, he took a dreadnought's plasma cannon to the face. Subconsciously diverting a tiny amount of energy to protect himself proved to be enough to course the ritual to collapse, and the moon to explode. Ynnead awakened, but only at [[Yncarne|a fraction of its full power]], choosing [[Yvraine]] as its first servant, and beginning the entire Fracture of Biel-tan storyline.

Since his act of incredible treason caused the Craftworld to declare that Eldrad had interfered with fate one time too many, Eldrad has been involved in aiding the Ynnari. He has also been removed from the Seer Council of Ulthwe as a part of his exile, instead now moving with a small roving group of followers, interfering where he sees fit and playing his role in the alliance (that he himself proposed) by aiding the besieged Imperial forces all across the galaxy, and by taking up missions from the Primarch [[Roboute Guilliman]] when requested. His dedication to helping out his new allies in the Imperium goes so far that he even directly defies his peers in the Black Library to rather do as Roboute wishes. He did return to aid his home when it was invaded by [[Kairos Fateweaver]] though, assisting them in banishing an attempt by Daemons of Tzeentch to attack the Craftworld.

==Explanation==
Where did Eldrad’s reputation for being such a dick come from?

He gives candy to young races.

And that candy will contain a slow-spreading gingivitis bacteria that will fester in the new race and slowly spread amongst their entire species. The gum pain will be considered a normal part of everyday life, and they will regularly take painkillers.

When the [[Tyranid|’Nids]] invade them in 3000 years, they too will be infected by the gingivitis disease—but they are mindless beasts, who know nothing of painkillers. Living in constant pain, only worsened by eating, this massive hive of ’Nids will starve and become extinct, a result of their own adaptation abilities.

And of course, Craftworld Ulthwé would have been the next target for that particular hive to eat. [[Just as planned|Just. As. Planned.]]

And that is why Eldrad is a dick. [[Asdrubael Vect|There is only one mortal being in 40k who is a bigger dick than Eldrad]].

Many [[Tales of Eldrad Ulthuan, the Dick]].

==Current Activities ==
As of 8th edition, and his exile, Eldrad is pulling old strings while fighting alongside the Ynnari and their new allies, his devotion to this new great alliance of Elves and Men--I mean Eldar and Imperium has seen him going so far as to oppose the White Seers, the leaders of the Black Library itself, in favour of doing what was requested by Roboute, doing so without any of the usual Eldar trickery (by the gods, the sheer amount of dickishness that he must be holding back is mind-boggling). Perhaps he has realized that all the grimdark is his fault and figures swallowing his pride and bowing to the will of someone infinitely bis greater whose goals align with his is a good idea after all. A shame he couldn’t have realized it sooner. Existing much like a Corsair fleet, Eldrad and his renegades now travel the galaxy, regularly offering sage wisdom or aid to those who fight against the overwhelming forces of Chaos, or occasionally getting into the fray himself like during the War in the Labyrinth. Despite his exile when Daemonic forces invade the defenseless Ulthwé due to Ulthwe sending its entire force to every corner of the galaxy in order to fight Chaos, Eldrad returned and kicked some major Chaos arse.

He also turns out to be a bit of a hoarder, with whole towers stuffed with all manner of strange knick-knacks and other totally pointless items gifted to him over his long life, that he was apparently too polite to refuse but too lazy to dispose of (what a dick). Or in a kinder way maybe he feels it would be disrespectful.

Yvraine has taken to making fun of him because of his old age. I tell you, these youngsters today, have absolutely no respect for their “Eldars”.

==Phoenix lord of the Witch Path==
Could Eldrad possibly become the Phoenix Lord of the Witch Path? He certainly has lived far longer then is natural for even the most long-lived Eldar, and it was his introduction with Asurmen and the ideas of the Path system that caused him to reform the Witch Path into the highly controlled and focused Path that it is. Even Jain Zar, who had less than friendly interactions with Eldrad, claimed that she knew when she was in the presence of another "Immortal". Of course, seeing as Eldrad is still on his first life there is no telling if this is true or not, but given that his previously retconned death had him splitting his soul into multiple soul stones (in a similar way to a horcrux) and that several were still active, even after his supposed "death" may indicate that GW may have planned on resurrecting him eventually if they had chosen to continue that storyline.

==What is his ultimate plan (or how to make the biggest dick in 40k even more of a dick)==
The Eldar as a whole have many ambitious plans in the works for dealing with Chaos, each as desperate and dangerous as the last, but what is Eldrad's grand plan, and why is he so interested in keeping humanity alive?

It could be that he ultimately wants Eldar and humanity to join hands and sing kumbaya, as we skip merrily into the sunset, but what's the fun in that.

First of all a warning, there will be spoilers below.

During the Horus Heresy Eldrad disagreed with the Cabal (of which he was a former member) regarding what should be done, and actively sort to keep humanity from being annihilated; believing that there was actually a third option. But why?

Now this is were it gets interesting; the Emperor upon the destruction of his great work, possessed Vulcan's, at the time, dead body to forge his ultimate "fuck you" button. It was a talisman that could create flames that can permanently kill daemons. Eldrad made great efforts to make sure Vulcan made it back to terra with this weapon, were it was then permanently fused with the Golden Throne. If the Throne fails or the Emperor slain, then the device will feed upon the power stored within the Golden Throne, and Terra will burn. Any daemon's nearby will be perma killed, and seeing as they are all extensions of the Gods themselves, this is going to seriously hurt. On top of that if the Gate is open, these flames will potentially flow into the Warp, were they may even reach the Gods themselves.

It is unlikely that this explosion will be able to kill the Gods, but it will likely weaken them seriously. It goes without saying that the more powerful the explosion, the more damage it will do. So how do you make the explosion more powerful? Easy you add more fuel to feed it.

For 10,000 years humanity has been feeding the Throne and the Emperor. Was Eldrad's plan all along, to keep humanity around so they could ultimately fuel this terrifying warp doomsday device in order to strike a devastating blow against the Gods themselves, a blow that they would never recover from.

*This would also go a long way to explain why he sent harlequin's to breach the Imperial Palace during "The Throne World". As long as Terra was properly defended, then Chaos, or some other enemy would stand no chance of actually reaching the Golden Throne; you don't want your secret doomsday device being deactivated, or worse, set off prematurely, before it is powerful enough to do what it needed to do. The Imperium had grown lazy and lethargic during a brief time of peace, and had let the defences around the Throne slip. The Imperium was never going to listen to the warnings of xeno scum, so the only way to get their attention was to show them.

*It should be pointed out that this does not mean humanity itself is destroyed as the majority of humanity would be nowhere near the explosion. In fact with the weakening of the Chaos Gods it might actually serve to save humanity as a whole, alongside the Eldar.

When you add this too:
*The Phoenix Lords running around, getting everything setup and ready for the Rhana Dandra, whilst at the same time holding it back for as long as possible.
*Cegorach and his great jest, to trick Slaanesh into saving the Eldar.
*The birth of Ynnnead and a new way to protect Eldar souls from the creatures of the Warp.
*The possibility of a small reformed pantheon, to counter balance the Dark Powers.

You get the distinct impression that the Eldar have no intention of pulling their punches, and are fully intending to fuck Chaos up big time. Even if their time is up, if their going down, their taking Chaos with them. Out of all the factions (despite their many splinter groups not always seeing eye too eye) in 40k they seem to be the only ones who actually know what the bloody hell they're doing, and actually have a plan for the Endgame unlike the Imperium which is just running around and putting out the fires and the Tau who are sitting in a circle holding hands and singing John Lennons Imagine.

==This Dick On the Tabletop==

Eldrad is probably THE mainstay special character for Eldar armies. As we all know, the dude is rivaled as a (non-[[Magnus the Red|cheese]]) psychic powerhouse only by [[Ahzek Ahriman]]: he's got Mastery Level 4, meaning that if you go for Psychic Focus and roll on a single table, you've got access to every power on there except for one (something his Tzeentchian peer can only do with the Tzeentch discipline since he has to generate at least one power from it). He knows [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Daemonology|Sanctic Daemonology]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Telepathy|Telepathy]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Divination|Divination]], and, of course, [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar(7E)#Runes of Fate|Runes of Fate]]. Whereas Ahriman is all about the volume when it comes to mind bullets, Eldrad is all about stability and reliability. He has the usual Farseer toys: Runes of the Farseer, which allows him to re-roll once per turn any number of dice on a psychic test or a Deny the Witch test, and a Ghosthelm, which allows him to spend a warp charge to nullify a wound caused by Perils of the Warp. So like any Farseer, he's already much less likely than other psykers to get turned inside out by daemons or to have his powers fizzle out, even when casting big WC3 stuff. Furthermore, his staff gives him a 33% chance to generate an extra warp charge every time he successfully casts a power; so not only does he have those 4-5 powers, but he's usually got the charges to use all of them.

Besides his psychic prowess, Eldrad also has some nifty wargear. Armour of the Last Runes gives him a 3++ Invulnerable save, which, coupled with his T4, allows him to take more punishment than the average Farseer, though his resilience still isn't anything to write home to Craftworld Ulthwé about. He's got a shuriken pistol (always good to have a Bladestorm weapon handy, and it's an extra close combat attack), a witchblade (Fleshbane! Always wounds on 2+), and let's not forget his all-important psyker disco stick, the Staff of Ulthamar, which is S-User (which doesn't really matter), AP3 AND has Fleshbane and Force. Anything he hits with it gets wounded on 2+, probably doesn't get an armor save, and dies instantly if you activate Force. Enough said. Oh, and his special rules are Fleet, Ancient Doom, Independent Character, Battle Focus, and Psyker. Naturally, his Warlord Trait is An Eye on Distant Events—because, you see, Eldrad is a dick.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:What'sthisinmyhand.jpg|He's a dick
Image:Eldrad shows abbadon who the boss of this gym is.jpg|He beat the shit out of [[Abaddon]] in close combat despite knowing full well what kind of reputation he had. What a dick.
Image:EldradCandy.jpg|Shas'la should always call for their nearest Shas'o if approached by a strange dick.
Image:Eldrad by astarsis86.jpg|He's a cheeky dick waffle.
</gallery>

{{Eldar-Characters}}

[[Category:Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]

Eldrad

2018-09-13T20:44:36Z

2600:1006:B168:336F:8D2:FB72:2E4C:8412: /* Early Life */

{{awesome}}
[[Image:450px-EldradThroneworld.jpg|thumb|right|350px|Helmetless Eldrad, looking suspiciously like Mon'Keigh actor Hugo Weaving. What are the odds? 5 to 1 that GW gets sued again in the near future.]]
'''Eldrad Ulthran''' is renowned as one of the most powerful and far-sighted [[psyker]] of an entire race of powerful psykers, the [[Eldar]], and '''was''' the Chief [[Farseer]] of [[Craftworld]] [[Craftworld Ulthwé|Ulthwé]]. He is awfully fond of engaging in overly elaborate plots to tweak the balance of fate, presumably to preserve the Eldar as a species. Also, he engages in only the highest forms of [[dick]]ishness, as the accounts from one of his retinue warlocks attest. Possibly father to Farseers [[Taldeer]] and [[Macha]]. [[Love Can Bloom]] is ambiguous on the matter, but current [[/tg/]] canon operates on the assumption that he is. Basically Spock's dad Sarek from Star Trek.

Some time ago, [[Abaddon the Despoiler]] led an assault on Craftworld Ulthwé, to attack the Eldar Farseer Council there. After slowly slogging through the nearly deserted Craftworld while his [[Black Legion]] suffered massive casualties as the Eldar forces still present, picked them off in hit and run attacks, Abaddon finally got to the council's Dome but found Eldrad waiting for him. Eldrad quickly made a mockery of Abaddon's combat skill; he dodged Abaddon's strikes with the daemon sword [[Drach'nyen]] and the [[Talon of Horus]] with ease. In just two strikes, Eldrad cleaved through Abaddon's Terminator armor with virtually no effort and separated him from his arms (hah, I see what you did there). The Eldar then stuffed the remainder of the attack force into a [[Dreadclaw]] with "Failbaddon the Armless Failboat" as well as other demeaning terms and images painted all over it and launched it back into the [[Eye of Terror]] while laughing hysterically. And that is why Abaddon has no arms.

As of the 13th Black Crusade, Eldrad is getting more active. After stealing the crystallized bodies of Farseers from every Craftworld, he attempted to prematurely summon [[Ynnead]], the yet-to-be-born Eldar god of Death who would save them from [[Slaanesh]] before every single Eldar dies, which was when it was supposed to be born. Just before the events that would lead into the events of 8th edition the [[Deathwatch]] intervened in the Battle of Port Demesnus, that had been orchestrated by Eldrad to distract everyone whilst he performed a great ritual upon a moon made of psychic crystal. When the Deathwatch discovered what was going on they immediately made all haste to Eldrads location. Eldrad attempted to reason with the Marines, explaining that what he was doing would strike a devastating blow against the true enemy. The Marines, of course, refused to listen and promptly fucked the whole thing up (marking one of many times ''he himself was out-[[dick]]ed'' by Space Marines) whilst claiming that they would rather see the universe burn than trust Xeno scum. Said summoning ritual required the bodies of ''every'' Crystal Seer, and when the Ulthwe's Seer Council learned of it, only the intervention of the [[Ynnari]] and the [[Harlequin]]s saved him from being executed. Instead, he was then was exiled from the Craftworld on pain of death if he returned.

Currently, a member of the Ynnari, although he travels separately from the main group, joining their quest to bring forth Ynnead in its full power with the Croneswords. He is one of the Eldar that guided the [[Black Crusade|survivors]] of [[Cadia]] on [[Kalisus]] to [[Macragge]] to resurrect [[Roboute Guilliman]]. In this way, the fates of two most prominent dicks in the galaxy intwined.

He used to be presumed dead, eaten by Slaanesh during the [[13th Black Crusade]]. [[Meme|He got better]] in 6th edition.

==History==
===Early Life===
The only thing known of Eldrad's life, before becoming trapped on the path of the Seer, was that he used to be a musician, and apparently still has quite an ear for that kind of stuff. Although he is most well-known as the High Farseer of Ulthwe, he did not begin that way, and his time on the Seer Council of Ulthwe was a surprisingly volatile one. Eldrad was the one responsible for much of what the Path of the Seer would become (Runes and all). Eldrad would be introduced to the idea of the Path system by [[Asurmen]] and would apply these ideas to reform the Witch path into what we know it is today (the original seers were more like ancient soothsayers and mystics).
*There was also a subtle hint in "The Throne World" that claimed that at some time in the past both Eldrad and the Emperor had been "friends". What form or how this friendship came about is unknown, but it is clear that by the time of the Heresy something '''cough'''Molech'''cough''' had bought their friendship to an end, even if their shared goals to fuck over Chaos still aligned, hence why Eldrad took steps to ensure that Vulkan could return to Terra as well as fucking up the Cabal's plans to get Horus to win. Note that after splitting from the Emperor, Eldrad’s life basically became one failure after another with a few potentially accidental successes in-between. The Emperor failed very few times albeit with extreme consequences. If Eldrad had just trusted the guy with tens of millennia more experience and knowledge and god-like wisdom, the Emperor would have had him around to help him avoid the mistakes he made and grimdark wouldn’t have happened. And the Imperium would have been good to the Eldar due to Elrad’s presence, securing a wonderful future for both species.
:''"Foolish mon-keigh!"''
:''"No threat! The Emperor and the Farseer are known to each other. Though they long diverged from friendship, they are not yet opposed."''
:Lhaerial Rey- Shadowseer of the Ceaseless Song

Whilst he served on the [[Seer Council]], but before actually becoming its High Farseer, there was a bizarre tendency for all of Eldrad's superiors to be conveniently (by fate or design, you decide) killed on missions, often just as a [[Phoenix Lord]] arrived. This occurred twice in the days before the Great Crusade, first when Eldrad and an older female Farseer journeyed with [[Asurmen]] to try to find a legendary Exodite Oracle. Said Oracle, believed to have been the first Eldar to ever foresee the Fall, turned out to be a Keeper of Secrets in disguise and, in the ensuing fight, killed Eldrad's superior. This pattern was repeated when Jain Zar visited the Craftworld, advising it against attacking a nascent Ork Waaagh, which the Crafworld's, at the time, most senior Farseer agreed with. Eldrad, however, wanted to attack and destroy said Waaagh (Mainly because Jain Zar's plan was to make sure this Ork Waaagh ended up destroying Ulthwe, so as to prevent an even bigger disaster later on; Eldrad disagreed), convincing the Craftworld to follow him and rousing the [[Avatar of Khaine]]. Despite all this the attack was a total failure, with the High Farseer dying, the Avatar of Khaine being destroyed (in one of its earliest defeats) and Eldrad himself almost being killed. Discovering that the presence of the Phoenix Lord was what was reshaping the strands of fate to bring about Ulthwe destruction, Eldrad moved to sacrifice himself to prevent it. He gave Jain Zar an ultimatum, she could continue on her chosen path and see him dead, or she could choose to trust in the path he would forge for the Eldar. In the end, it was only because Jain Zar changed her mind and decided to believe in Eldrad that she moved to intervene. In the aftermath, though, despite his colossal cock-up (the first of a career of failures; to be fair the plan was working until the mere presence of Jain Zar started twisting fate to suit her goals; Phoenix Lords are fucking freaky like that), Eldrad's arrogance continued to rub Jain Zar the wrong way, and he refused to allow the former High Farseer's Spirit Stone into the [[Infinity Circuit]], deciding he could make better use of it personally (which probably means it just got chucked into his big collection of tokens).

*In a strange case of "Just as planned" this apparent failure, actually turns out to be a complete success. Despite the lives lost, Eldrads actions ultimately destroyed two Ork Waaagh's, whilst also preventing the inter Craftworld wars that would have bought about a far greater loss of life. What at first glance looks like an utter failure, actually, not only saved countless Eldar and non-Eldar lives but also reserved him a seat at the big table for the Rhana Dandra. Which only goes to prove that in order to be the hero sometimes you have to be a dick. Or have Jain Zar bail you out.

Were these simple coincidences or Eldrad's way of conniving his way to the top by ensuring his superiors all met with tragic fates? The answer to that probably depends on how much of a dick, and how competent, you think Eldrad is, although it is true that one skill he certainly has is getting other Eldar killed, in many ways Eldrad is the most successful murderer of Eldar since Slaanesh. But then again, he is a dick.

===Horus Heresy and later===

After ascending to the position of High Farseer Eldrad would try to interfere in the course of the Horus Heresy a few times, rarely to much success. First he attempted to warn [[Fulgrim]] of [[Horus]]' corruption but failed, costing the life of one of Ulthwe's greatest Wraithlords and his friend, and also seeing the Avatar of Khaine slain, yet again, on his watch when Fulgrim [[Wat|throttled]] it (one assumes that Ulthwe's Seer Council has become a bit suspect about letting Eldrad use the Avatar since he seems to always come back with it broken). After this, he became pretty unpopular with both Ulthwe and the Cabal alligned part of the Eldar race, and decided to go solo to get things done. He aided John Grammaticus and Vulkan, making clear also that he opposed the plan of the [[Cabal]]. Said opposition went so far he even killed the entire Cabal eventually. Apparently, according to him, at some point he and Vulkan did something together (with Eldrad disguising himself as an old man representing Mount Deathfire to guide Vulkan towards Terra) which resulted in Vulkan giving him a Salamander's tooth, probably to join the huge collection of knick-knacks Eldard has along with the former High Farseer's Spiritstone.

Following the Heresy Eldrad next interfered in the affairs of the Galaxy when he and the Seers of Ulthwe allowed a group of Harlequins to infiltrate the Imperial Palace during the height of the [[War of the Beast]]. It is not exactly clear what he hoped to gain from this, as the [[Harlequin]]s butchered the palace's mortal guards as a greeting and even managed to kill a good number of Custodians before they themselves were methodically cut down until only the Shadowseer remained, prostrate and wounded before the Eternity gate with a load of understandably pissed off Custodians. Her only message was to say that Chaos was the real threat and not to get distracted, whilst Orks were literally moments away from destroying Terra itself, so its not clear how any of this really helped anyone. Maybe he really wanted those Harlequins dead and this was... somehow... the best way to do it. Or the more plausible theory; Eldrad is just really bad at getting things done.
*Even as the Harlequins danced through the Imperial palace Eldrad and the Ulthwe seer council did help out the defenders of Terra by calming a path through the Warp allowing the combined Imperial Fists successor fleet to reach Terra and help defeat the Ork forces.
*These events would also directly influence the two who would go on to create the [[Ordo Malleus]], whose responsibility it is to investigate and destroy the physical manifestations of Chaos throughout the Imperium, and the [[Ordo Xenos]], that investigates and eliminates alien influence and plots against the Imperium (you can probably guise which one was more prepared to listen). Members of the [[Ordo Malleus]] and the [[Ordo Xenos]] have been known to "fraternize" with the Eldar, and along with members of the [[Illuminati]] (who are frequently involved on some level with the Eldar, in particular, the Harlequins. And just so happen to have members placed throughout all levels of the Imperium) have been allowed access to the Black Library. Eldrad's actions not only created two of the main Ordos of the [[Inquisition]] but may have allowed Eldar affiliated humans to infiltrate to the very heart of the Imperium itself (take that [[tzeentch]], let's see you top that "just as planned" plot twist).

Since then Eldrad has been involved in a few events; he saved Saim-hann from a Hrud infestation, tried to forewarn Iyanden of the invasion of the [[Hive Fleet Kraken|Tyranids]], defeated the Ork Warboss [[Nazdreg]] and also took part in the battle of Blood and Tears. He seemed particularly invested in the small Craftworld of [[Idharae]], engineering the entire 2nd War of Armageddon to save said Craftworld, although it amounted to nothing in the end as the Invaders Space Marine Chapter simply destroyed Idharae instead. So much for that.

Indeed Eldrad has a poor reputation when facing off against Space Marines (but that's true of everyone), beginning with his battle against Fulgrim. On Maedrax the Ulthwe forces under his direction were mauled by a single Blood Angels Battle Barge and failed in their mission to stop an awakening Necron Dynasty. In fact, if you were to believe the mountain of Space Marine bolter porn that gets released by GW, you might come to believe that Eldrad (and everyone else for that matter) has, in over ten thousand years, never won a single battle against any Space Marines. This of course is not true as his humiliation of Abaddon in single combat will attest (but then again he is also a memetastic failure himself, so maybe it cancels it out). He has had more luck when working with Space Marines, such as when he interfered to save Blood Angels Chief Librarian Mephiston.

===Gathering Storm===

In many ways, it was Eldrad, along with Abaddon, who started the whole set of events which have lead to the changes beginning in the Gathering Storm. Showcasing his extreme level of dickishness Eldrad stole Crystal Seers (remains of past Seers, which ''obviously'' contain a lot of psychic fuel to awaken a god) from every single Craftworld and endangered the entire Eldar species in an abortive attempt to awaken [[Ynnead]] which failed when [[Deathwatch]] Captain Artemis intervened and defeated him and his Harlequin associates. Whilst Eldrads full attention was focused on maintaining the energy required to birth a god, he took a dreadnought's plasma cannon to the face. Subconsciously diverting a tiny amount of energy to protect himself proved to be enough to course the ritual to collapse, and the moon to explode. Ynnead awakened, but only at [[Yncarne|a fraction of its full power]], choosing [[Yvraine]] as its first servant, and beginning the entire Fracture of Biel-tan storyline.

Since his act of incredible treason caused the Craftworld to declare that Eldrad had interfered with fate one time too many, Eldrad has been involved in aiding the Ynnari. He has also been removed from the Seer Council of Ulthwe as a part of his exile, instead now moving with a small roving group of followers, interfering where he sees fit and playing his role in the alliance (that he himself proposed) by aiding the besieged Imperial forces all across the galaxy, and by taking up missions from the Primarch [[Roboute Guilliman]] when requested. His dedication to helping out his new allies in the Imperium goes so far that he even directly defies his peers in the Black Library to rather do as Roboute wishes. He did return to aid his home when it was invaded by [[Kairos Fateweaver]] though, assisting them in banishing an attempt by Daemons of Tzeentch to attack the Craftworld.

==Explanation==
Where did Eldrad’s reputation for being such a dick come from?

He gives candy to young races.

And that candy will contain a slow-spreading gingivitis bacteria that will fester in the new race and slowly spread amongst their entire species. The gum pain will be considered a normal part of everyday life, and they will regularly take painkillers.

When the [[Tyranid|’Nids]] invade them in 3000 years, they too will be infected by the gingivitis disease—but they are mindless beasts, who know nothing of painkillers. Living in constant pain, only worsened by eating, this massive hive of ’Nids will starve and become extinct, a result of their own adaptation abilities.

And of course, Craftworld Ulthwé would have been the next target for that particular hive to eat. [[Just as planned|Just. As. Planned.]]

And that is why Eldrad is a dick. [[Asdrubael Vect|There is only one mortal being in 40k who is a bigger dick than Eldrad]].

Many [[Tales of Eldrad Ulthuan, the Dick]].

==Current Activities ==
As of 8th edition, and his exile, Eldrad is pulling old strings while fighting alongside the Ynnari and their new allies, his devotion to this new great alliance of Elves and Men--I mean Eldar and Imperium has seen him going so far as to oppose the White Seers, the leaders of the Black Library itself, in favour of doing what was requested by Roboute, doing so without any of the usual Eldar trickery (by the gods, the sheer amount of dickishness that he must be holding back is mind-boggling). Existing much like a Corsair fleet, Eldrad and his renegades now travel the galaxy, regularly offering sage wisdom or aid to those who fight against the overwhelming forces of Chaos, or occasionally getting into the fray himself like during the War in the Labyrinth. Despite his exile when Daemonic forces invade the defenseless Ulthwé due to Ulthwe sending its entire force to every corner of the galaxy in order to fight Chaos, Eldrad returned and kicked some major Chaos arse.

He also turns out to be a bit of a hoarder, with whole towers stuffed with all manner of strange knick-knacks and other totally pointless items gifted to him over his long life, that he was apparently too polite to refuse but too lazy to dispose of (what a dick).

Yvraine has taken to making fun of him because of his old age. I tell you, these youngsters today, have absolutely no respect for their “Eldars”.

==Phoenix lord of the Witch Path==
Could Eldrad possibly become the Phoenix Lord of the Witch Path? He certainly has lived far longer then is natural for even the most long-lived Eldar, and it was his introduction with Asurmen and the ideas of the Path system that caused him to reform the Witch Path into the highly controlled and focused Path that it is. Even Jain Zar, who had less than friendly interactions with Eldrad, claimed that she knew when she was in the presence of another "Immortal". Of course, seeing as Eldrad is still on his first life there is no telling if this is true or not, but given that his previously retconned death had him splitting his soul into multiple soul stones (in a similar way to a horcrux) and that several were still active, even after his supposed "death" may indicate that GW may have planned on resurrecting him eventually if they had chosen to continue that storyline.

==What is his ultimate plan (or how to make the biggest dick in 40k even more of a dick)==
The Eldar as a whole have many ambitious plans in the works for dealing with Chaos, each as desperate and dangerous as the last, but what is Eldrad's grand plan, and why is he so interested in keeping humanity alive?

It could be that he ultimately wants Eldar and humanity to join hands and sing kumbaya, as we skip merrily into the sunset, but what's the fun in that.

First of all a warning, there will be spoilers below.

During the Horus Heresy Eldrad disagreed with the Cabal (of which he was a former member) regarding what should be done, and actively sort to keep humanity from being annihilated; believing that there was actually a third option. But why?

Now this is were it gets interesting; the Emperor upon the destruction of his great work, possessed Vulcan's, at the time, dead body to forge his ultimate "fuck you" button. It was a talisman that could create flames that can permanently kill daemons. Eldrad made great efforts to make sure Vulcan made it back to terra with this weapon, were it was then permanently fused with the Golden Throne. If the Throne fails or the Emperor slain, then the device will feed upon the power stored within the Golden Throne, and Terra will burn. Any daemon's nearby will be perma killed, and seeing as they are all extensions of the Gods themselves, this is going to seriously hurt. On top of that if the Gate is open, these flames will potentially flow into the Warp, were they may even reach the Gods themselves.

It is unlikely that this explosion will be able to kill the Gods, but it will likely weaken them seriously. It goes without saying that the more powerful the explosion, the more damage it will do. So how do you make the explosion more powerful? Easy you add more fuel to feed it.

For 10,000 years humanity has been feeding the Throne and the Emperor. Was Eldrad's plan all along, to keep humanity around so they could ultimately fuel this terrifying warp doomsday device in order to strike a devastating blow against the Gods themselves, a blow that they would never recover from.

*This would also go a long way to explain why he sent harlequin's to breach the Imperial Palace during "The Throne World". As long as Terra was properly defended, then Chaos, or some other enemy would stand no chance of actually reaching the Golden Throne; you don't want your secret doomsday device being deactivated, or worse, set off prematurely, before it is powerful enough to do what it needed to do. The Imperium had grown lazy and lethargic during a brief time of peace, and had let the defences around the Throne slip. The Imperium was never going to listen to the warnings of xeno scum, so the only way to get their attention was to show them.

*It should be pointed out that this does not mean humanity itself is destroyed as the majority of humanity would be nowhere near the explosion. In fact with the weakening of the Chaos Gods it might actually serve to save humanity as a whole, alongside the Eldar.

When you add this too:
*The Phoenix Lords running around, getting everything setup and ready for the Rhana Dandra, whilst at the same time holding it back for as long as possible.
*Cegorach and his great jest, to trick Slaanesh into saving the Eldar.
*The birth of Ynnnead and a new way to protect Eldar souls from the creatures of the Warp.
*The possibility of a small reformed pantheon, to counter balance the Dark Powers.

You get the distinct impression that the Eldar have no intention of pulling their punches, and are fully intending to fuck Chaos up big time. Even if their time is up, if their going down, their taking Chaos with them. Out of all the factions (despite their many splinter groups not always seeing eye too eye) in 40k they seem to be the only ones who actually know what the bloody hell they're doing, and actually have a plan for the Endgame unlike the Imperium which is just running around and putting out the fires and the Tau who are sitting in a circle holding hands and singing John Lennons Imagine.

==This Dick On the Tabletop==

Eldrad is probably THE mainstay special character for Eldar armies. As we all know, the dude is rivaled as a (non-[[Magnus the Red|cheese]]) psychic powerhouse only by [[Ahzek Ahriman]]: he's got Mastery Level 4, meaning that if you go for Psychic Focus and roll on a single table, you've got access to every power on there except for one (something his Tzeentchian peer can only do with the Tzeentch discipline since he has to generate at least one power from it). He knows [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Daemonology|Sanctic Daemonology]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Telepathy|Telepathy]], [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Psychic 101#Divination|Divination]], and, of course, [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar(7E)#Runes of Fate|Runes of Fate]]. Whereas Ahriman is all about the volume when it comes to mind bullets, Eldrad is all about stability and reliability. He has the usual Farseer toys: Runes of the Farseer, which allows him to re-roll once per turn any number of dice on a psychic test or a Deny the Witch test, and a Ghosthelm, which allows him to spend a warp charge to nullify a wound caused by Perils of the Warp. So like any Farseer, he's already much less likely than other psykers to get turned inside out by daemons or to have his powers fizzle out, even when casting big WC3 stuff. Furthermore, his staff gives him a 33% chance to generate an extra warp charge every time he successfully casts a power; so not only does he have those 4-5 powers, but he's usually got the charges to use all of them.

Besides his psychic prowess, Eldrad also has some nifty wargear. Armour of the Last Runes gives him a 3++ Invulnerable save, which, coupled with his T4, allows him to take more punishment than the average Farseer, though his resilience still isn't anything to write home to Craftworld Ulthwé about. He's got a shuriken pistol (always good to have a Bladestorm weapon handy, and it's an extra close combat attack), a witchblade (Fleshbane! Always wounds on 2+), and let's not forget his all-important psyker disco stick, the Staff of Ulthamar, which is S-User (which doesn't really matter), AP3 AND has Fleshbane and Force. Anything he hits with it gets wounded on 2+, probably doesn't get an armor save, and dies instantly if you activate Force. Enough said. Oh, and his special rules are Fleet, Ancient Doom, Independent Character, Battle Focus, and Psyker. Naturally, his Warlord Trait is An Eye on Distant Events—because, you see, Eldrad is a dick.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:What'sthisinmyhand.jpg|He's a dick
Image:Eldrad shows abbadon who the boss of this gym is.jpg|He beat the shit out of [[Abaddon]] in close combat despite knowing full well what kind of reputation he had. What a dick.
Image:EldradCandy.jpg|Shas'la should always call for their nearest Shas'o if approached by a strange dick.
Image:Eldrad by astarsis86.jpg|He's a cheeky dick waffle.
</gallery>

{{Eldar-Characters}}

[[Category:Stories/Warhammer 40,000]]

Caerys

2018-09-13T19:44:55Z

2600:1006:B168:336F:8D2:FB72:2E4C:8412:

{{Promotions}}
{{Topquote|They shall come, expecting the obvious, the simple, the artless. They shall stab at the shadows with confused minds and troubled hearts. Meanwhile, we shall appear unseen from '''ten''' directions, and from every one strike a fatal blow.|Caerys in ''[[Dawn of War]]: [[Dawn of War#Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'' Showing her ignorance of the enemy. They’d just blow everything up instead.}}

[[Image:Caerys.jpg|Farseer Caerys|thumb|right|250px]]
[[Image:Caerys puts on a few by IronShrineMaiden.jpg|She isn't enough of a bitch to get away with this|thumb|250px|right]]

Farseer Caerys AKA Farseer Careless, is an [[Eldar]] [[Farseer]] from ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' who belongs to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]. She is usually depicted with black hair tied into a ponytail, and she's sometimes thought of as a lesbian, and also a vague female version of [[Eldrad]] (she inherited his pistol). She seems to have the largest breasts of the female Eldar characters in the games thus far. Some say she has a bizarre attraction to [[Taldeer]], and was consequently infuriated when she supposedly lost her to a certain [[LIIVI|Mon'keigh]], and took her frustration out on the [[Sisters of Battle]]'s [[Canoness]] Selena Agna during the Kaurava campaign. She eventually released Selena, but only after the both of them did both lewd and heretical acts which is detailed [[The_wet_dream_of_selena_agna|here]]-(NSFW).

She's supposedly with [[Macha]] now, as she's the only one left that desperate to be with her.

With her not returning in Dawn of War 3, Macha's reappearance, and [[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]] evident victory, we can either assume that she ran away like a bitch, or her head now rests on Gorgutz boss pole, along with the likes of [[Indrick Boreale]],[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] and [[Commander Or'es'Ka]]. Though her, Or'Es'Ka, Tahril, and Stubbs are never seen actually being killed and make mention of getting away to try and fight another day.
==Soulstorm==
After somehow foreseeing the [[Necron]] awakening on Kaurava III, Caerys decides to go and fuck them up. Thanks to some conveniently placed [[Webway|Webway]] Gates, Caerys, along with some Ulthwé Eldar, decide to create a super-sneaky stealth base (completely invisible) at an equally super-sneaky location. Being the slow mindless bastards that they are, the Necrons have no fucking idea that the Eldar are even there (probably because most of them are [[Indrick Boreale|incapable]] of forming ideas).

If Caerys succeeds in conquering the [[Kaurava System]] (non-[[Canon|canon]]), then the Ulthwé Eldar under her command will "scour" the planets for any remaining survivors. Eventually, they discover that some [[Imperial Guard|human fodder]] had actually survived the crazy fuck-fest that was Soulstorm. Being the complete pussies that they are, the Eldar simply run away, and leave the Imperials to recolonize the system. Later, when the Imperials attempt to recolonize Kaurava III, they are subsequently sabotaged by the Eldar who were hiding there (sneaky bastards!). After several failed colonization attempts, the new governor general (who happens to look exactly like [[Colonel Carus Brom]], but is actually someone else) decides to abandon the worthless piece of shit.

If the Ulthwé Eldar fail to conquer the Kaurava System (which she did, given that it's now Orky), then Caerys will pussy out, and retreats back to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]
through an active Webway Gate, therefore leaving the remaining Eldar to deal with her mess, lazy bitch.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Caerys1.png|Caerys during the Eldar victory ending for Soulstorm.
File:Caerys2.png|That's Caerys on the left..no the right..wait no...left!
File:Caerys3.png|Caerys watching the rest of the Ulthwé Eldar getting rekt on Kaurava III.
</gallery>

{{Eldar-Characters}}

[[Category:Dawn of War]]

Caerys

2018-09-13T19:42:47Z

2600:1006:B168:336F:8D2:FB72:2E4C:8412:

{{Promotions}}
{{Topquote|They shall come, expecting the obvious, the simple, the artless. They shall stab at the shadows with confused minds and troubled hearts. Meanwhile, we shall appear unseen from '''ten''' directions, and from every one strike a fatal blow.|Caerys in ''[[Dawn of War]]: [[Dawn of War#Soulstorm|Soulstorm]]'' Showing her ignorance of the enemy. They’d just blow everything up instead.}}

[[Image:Caerys.jpg|Farseer Caerys|thumb|right|250px]]
[[Image:Caerys puts on a few by IronShrineMaiden.jpg|She isn't enough of a bitch to get away with this|thumb|250px|right]]

Farseer Caerys AKA Farseer Careless, is an [[Eldar]] [[Farseer]] from ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' who belongs to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]. She is usually depicted with black hair tied into a ponytail, and she's sometimes thought of as a lesbian, and also a vague female version of [[Eldrad]] (she inherited his pistol). Some say she has a bizarre attraction to [[Taldeer]], and was consequently infuriated when she supposedly lost her to a certain [[LIIVI|Mon'keigh]], and took her frustration out on the [[Sisters of Battle]]'s [[Canoness]] Selena Agna during the Kaurava campaign. She eventually released Selena, but only after the both of them did both lewd and heretical acts which is detailed [[The_wet_dream_of_selena_agna|here]]-(NSFW).

She's supposedly with [[Macha]] now, as she's the only one left that desperate to be with her.

With her not returning in Dawn of War 3, Macha's reappearance, and [[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]] evident victory, we can either assume that she ran away like a bitch, or her head now rests on Gorgutz boss pole, along with the likes of [[Indrick Boreale]],[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] and [[Commander Or'es'Ka]]. Though her, Or'Es'Ka, Tahril, and Stubbs are never seen actually being killed and make mention of getting away to try and fight another day.
==Soulstorm==
After somehow foreseeing the [[Necron]] awakening on Kaurava III, Caerys decides to go and fuck them up. Thanks to some conveniently placed [[Webway|Webway]] Gates, Caerys, along with some Ulthwé Eldar, decide to create a super-sneaky stealth base (completely invisible) at an equally super-sneaky location. Being the slow mindless bastards that they are, the Necrons have no fucking idea that the Eldar are even there (probably because most of them are [[Indrick Boreale|incapable]] of forming ideas).

If Caerys succeeds in conquering the [[Kaurava System]] (non-[[Canon|canon]]), then the Ulthwé Eldar under her command will "scour" the planets for any remaining survivors. Eventually, they discover that some [[Imperial Guard|human fodder]] had actually survived the crazy fuck-fest that was Soulstorm. Being the complete pussies that they are, the Eldar simply run away, and leave the Imperials to recolonize the system. Later, when the Imperials attempt to recolonize Kaurava III, they are subsequently sabotaged by the Eldar who were hiding there (sneaky bastards!). After several failed colonization attempts, the new governor general (who happens to look exactly like [[Colonel Carus Brom]], but is actually someone else) decides to abandon the worthless piece of shit.

If the Ulthwé Eldar fail to conquer the Kaurava System (which she did, given that it's now Orky), then Caerys will pussy out, and retreats back to [[Craftworld Ulthwé]]
through an active Webway Gate, therefore leaving the remaining Eldar to deal with her mess, lazy bitch.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Caerys1.png|Caerys during the Eldar victory ending for Soulstorm.
File:Caerys2.png|That's Caerys on the left..no the right..wait no...left!
File:Caerys3.png|Caerys watching the rest of the Ulthwé Eldar getting rekt on Kaurava III.
</gallery>

{{Eldar-Characters}}

[[Category:Dawn of War]]

Imperial Guard

2018-09-13T19:01:43Z

2600:1006:B168:336F:8D2:FB72:2E4C:8412: /* Play Style */

{{Awesome}}
[[File:Macharius Charge.png|500px|thumb|right|And his name struck fear into the hearts of men.]]
{{Topquote|Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood."<br>"Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men.|George S. Patton}}

{{Topquote|Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them.|Napoleon Bonaparte}}

{{Topquote|Quantity has a quality all of its own.|Atrributed to Joseph Stalin}}

{{Topquote|To each of us falls a task, and all the [[Emperor]] requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do ''best'' - we die standing.|[[General Sturnn]] of the Imperial Guard}}

{{Topquote|When one has two hundred artillery pieces per kilometer of the frontline, he does not report contact with the enemy or ask for whereabouts. He reports successful breakthroughs and asks for further orders.|Attributed to Aleksandr Vasilevsky}}

The '''Imperial Guard''' (officially titled the '''Astra Militarum''' as of [[Warhammer 40,000 6th Edition|6th Edition]], ‘cause fuck your original name if GW can't trademark it), also known as [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device| '''THE WALL OF GUNS''']], are the foot soldiers of the [[Imperium]] in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. They exist only to die gloriously in the [[Emprah]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure that they do so regularly, and any cowards or deserters tend to be summarily executed. During the [[Great Crusade]], the Emperor only intended for them to be [[Solar Auxilia|auxilia]] for his [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHRENS]] (and to man masses of tanks, artillery, and aircraft), since the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a [[Lasgun|flashlight]] at his enemies (although much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks]] [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|from very long ways away]]); but after [[Horus Heresy|Horus' little tantrum]] and the [[Second Founding|breakup of the Legions]], trillions upon trillions of humans were drafted to make up for the difference, even if [[Grimdark|entire squads and even regiments are generally not expected to survive their first combat action]]. Or training. Or just meeting their Commissar for the first time. Even so, many consider their dogged perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds to be what makes them so balls-to-the-wall [[awesome]].

==Overview==
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are:
* [[Necron|Ancient homicidal zombie robots that destroy the laws of physics with their tech and don't die even if they are nuked]].
* [[Space Marines|Genetically-engineered killing machines]].
* [[Chaos Space Marines|The evil twin brothers of the aforementioned genetically-engineered killing machines, with a variety of evil powers]], equally-evil goatees, and possibly being [[Nurgle|moving vectors of literal death]].
* Clad in [[pauldrons|power armor]].
* [[Ork|Extremely warlike genetically-engineered fungi able to grow bigger and stronger the more they fight]].
* [[Eldar|Manipulative space elves]] in possession of hyper-advanced technology and psychic powers, who can jump around while making shots that would make hardcore Quake players jealous.
* The aforementioned space elves' [[Dark Eldar|emo, bondage-obsessed cousins]], who like to meet interesting people, shoot them a little, then torture them for eternity.
* Highly-advanced [[Tau|space pseudo-communists]] with actual Battlemechs and god-like firepower that rivals the Guard’s.
* [[Tyranid|Mutant space monsters]] that come in such huge swarms that you literally run out of ammo before your guns can chew through half of them, and that also come in a wide range of shapes and sizes that all want to dissolve you into goo.
* [[Daemon]]s that have a billion tentacles to rape, kill, and/or burn you, in no particular order.
* [[Rak'gol|Reptilian/insectoid abominations that kill you and mutilate your body for shits and giggles]].
* [[Hrud|Skaven with a natural entropy field that makes things fall apart just by being in their general vicinity]].
* [[Adeptus Mechanicus|The guys that built ALL of your technology, and who have no qualms letting you die so their crap can be saved]].
* Some unholy combination of the above.

[[File:Trance.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games!"]]
—The foot soldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, a copy of the [[Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer]] (<strike>if they have not already used it for toilet paper</strike>.{{BLAM}} Note: it is highly recommended that you do not use it as toilet paper, to prevent BLAMing), and a pair of Mars-pattern, titanium-plated balls. While the lasgun and [[Flak Armor]] (in essence an oversized SAPI plate) are very good by modern standards, they're just flashlights and t-shirts compared to the automatic mini-rocket launchers and power armor pretty much everyone else uses. Thus the reason why they have standard-issue balls of solid steel (to the point that Duke Nukem himself would say, "Holy shit! I thought I had balls of steel!").

Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond even this inherent badassery, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful: [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself (<strike>which unfortunately has been retconned. Several times</strike>. {{BLAM}} HERESY! How dare you profane the memory of such a brave and loyal Guardsman!). Another example in the original [[Dawn of War]] game features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. These same guardsmen (led by the ever awesome [[Merrick|Sergeant Merrick]]) SURVIVE the suicidal mission and fight on for TEN MORE YEARS against the remnants of the Tyranids/Orks/Eldar. Even still, a different group consisting of up to 72 still-loyal Guardsmen in six separate blob-groups on frozen-over Aurelia during those same ten years managed to hold out against their late fellows who fell into Papa Nurgle's arms, who were also supported by the remnants of the Black Legion in the area, while just outside the new temple to Nurgle.

Although the average frontline Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer, putting even the fucking SPESS MEHRENS to a billion shames. Disturbingly, if Imperial Guard tactics advanced from WWI-style warfare (overuse of artillery and mass charges against machine guns and tanks) to modern military strategies (such as taking cover and using air/armor/support, which while many elite regiments often do, there’s so much damn variety you can't really have good quality control), the Imperial Guard ''could'' become the most feared army in the whole universe. But '''NO''', that's not [[grimdark]] enough! Also, that's the Tau's whole schtick. However, do note that some commanders themselves shove off this fact and order their men to charge enemy lines with or without heavy armor/artillery support and regardless of terrain.

Dan Abnett and the Guard’s latest Codex turned the IG into gods of mechanized warfare, and yet they still suck compared to 8-foot-tall Daemonic killing machines with chainaxes. To be fair, though, that's like comparing a sedan to a tank. How are you NOT supposed to suck against things that can slice through meter-thick steel armor like so much cheese?

The cold, hard truth of the matter is that the lowest currency in the Imperium is human life. Whereas the modern day commander would sacrifice expensive equipment (a cruise missile ain't cheap) to save even a single life, in the grim darkness of the far future, emphasis on civilian morale and "leave no man behind" ideals would screw up a already overtaxed bureaucratically fucked Munitorium. Instead, commanders do risk assessment. They're not going to devote resources just to save one lowly grunt if they will expend resources more expensive in return. Although to be fair, commanders who make these decisions know the moral implications of what they're doing while the Imperium treats this as a perfectly normal act.

[[File:Lord Solar Macharius.jpg|250px|left|thumb|"The meaning of victory is not to defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavors, to crush utterly his every achievement and remove from all record his every trace of existence. From that defeat no enemy can ever recover. That is the meaning of victory."]]

A bit of maths, if you will. There are 32,380 Hive Worlds in the Imperium. The average population of these worlds is around 200 billion each. We put these together and we get 6.476E15 (6,476,000,000,000,000 or 6.476 Quadrillion) people on Hive worlds ALONE. Eventually there would be more human retard-babies than there would be soylens viridiens and lasguns to come out of the Forge World assembly lines.

So now you see why humans are worth so little. But this also means that once they get their ass in gear and onto the battlefield, they ALWAYS win, because they have practicaly unlimited manpower and resources. Compare it to water bashing against rocks. A few gallons won't do jack, but countless billions of tonnes crashing down on it WILL destroy it in a surprisingly short amount of time. Apply actual tactics, as every regiment that isn't Kriegan does, and it becomes [[rape|even more effective]] (Do keep in mind, it's not like they commit trillions of troops to one battle. The Imperium frequently has to withdraw, but it's like saying "We lost the battle, BUT NOT THE WAR!").

In fact, it is point-blank stated numerous times that guardsmen are way cheaper than their lasguns, because there are far more Hive Worlds to ''produce'' humans than there are Forge Worlds to produce lasguns. And to add more grimdark, the Imperium lost numerous forge worlds and mining worlds during the [[Time of Ending]], so there are even fewer lasguns and cardboard jackets coming from assembly lines. The [[Death Korps of Krieg]] have a specific guy who runs around battlefields shooting the wounded and collecting their gear (as well as blood and organs to fix those who still can be saved to fight next day).

Think of the Red Army from the Hollywood movie [[wikipedia:Enemy at the Gates|Enemy at the Gates]]: Soviet Russia there had a fuckton of soldiers to draw from, but many were not issued spare ammunition or even rifles, and were expected to loot supplies off dead bodies. On an individual level the Germans had the obvious advantage, but send in enough cannon fodder to keep them pinned inside they city, then cut them off, and they eventually cracked.

But what the Imperium does have going for itself is the individual heroism of its protectors. The Guard bears countless heroes, without whom the Imperium would have fallen ages ago. Notable heroes of the Imperial Guard include: [[Ollanius Pius]], [[Straken]], [[Creed]], [[Lord Solar Macharius]], [[Ciaphas Cain|Ciaphas Cain HERO OF THE IMPERIUM]], [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]], [[Yarrick]], [[Sly Marbo|SLY FUCKING MARBO]], [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt| Colonel-Commissar fething Ibram Gaunt]] , and countless others. These extraordinary men and women inspire the masses around them to truly heroic deeds, and through those deeds, ensure that the Imperium will never falter.

==Play Style==
[[File:Glory.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Men of the Brimlock Eleventh, fighting on Voor against Orks. Note the [[Judge Dredd]] pattern frown.]]

''"You see, the [[Necron|Killbots]] have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down."'' - Zapp Brannigan, Twenty-five Star General of the Imperial Guard.

The Imperial Guard are notorious for their SIGAOD methodology: Shooty Imperial Guard Army Of Doom for the less than nerdy. The basic lasguns are downright pathetic, but can [[Dakka|still be effective if used en masse]], and we mean ''en masse''. The effect is a little like how cavemen throwing rocks could still be a threat to fully armored knights. It only takes one lucky shot and they don't stop shooting until they get lucky.

The IG has loads of vehicles. ''Loads'' of vehicles. They can take a whole squadron as a single Fast Attack or Heavy Support slot, and most are fairly cheap and most pretty good for what you pay for. There are 4 principle IG ground vehicles of note:
* First is the [[Chimera]], which is basically a troop transport with a turret. Its armor is fairly light and it is not particularly fast, but it's cheap and the passengers can still shoot while inside. Bread and butter, it's also used as the chassis for various other vehicles. At least it's more useful than the Rhino.
* The second is the iconic [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]. It is in every way a solid, dependable, warhorse. Everything from the optional heavy sponsons, to the BFG on the turret, to the completely exposed engine in the rear. Apparently, they ran out of badass when they designed it.
* Third is the Sentinel. It's a support walker that, while not generally as effective as the other big 3, earns its place by virtue of utility. The sentinel can serve as a reliable escort that grants numbers to vehicle armies and durable fire support to infantry lists. Versatile and a cheap way to add single use missiles. Not impressive, but good when you need a little extra ______.
* The last vehicle of note is the [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]]. Apparently, some tech-priest decided to take a Chimera, rip off the turret and troop compartment and replace it with the biggest piece of artillery he could find. Unfortunately, there weren't any Titan legions nearby so he settled for the Earthshaker cannon. The Earthshaker is far more powerful than even the BFG they stuck on the Leman Russ and has ten times the range. No WH40k game has been played where a target has been out of range of the Basilisk.

The four vehicles above are only a small selection of what the Guard has to offer, but they provide pretty reliable workhorses of most builds and strategies. Most other vehicles are specialized variants of the above, being largely situational units.

Let's not forget the Deathstrike Missile, which GW used to give UNLIMITED RANGE. Players have called up GW stores the next town over and told them that they're dropping a Deathstrike in the middle of whatever battle is closest, and they've accepted. ''The Range is 200" as of 8th edition, but 16 feet is still ridiculous. ''

Also of note is 6th Edition's contribution of flyer units. The IG has the most non-apocalypse flyer units in 40k, and while some of them are absolutely useless for anything but flavor, some of them kick all kinds of ass. Triple twin-linked Lascannon, twin-linked Punisher Gatling cannons, or a flying tank-busting mega-bolter kinds of ass to be specific. Rape from above.

In summary, the Imperial Guard wins by having firepower, cannon fodder, and lots of both, transported in a massive variety of [[METAL BOXES]].

Unfortunately for the Guard, though, the Imperial Navy has a bad habit of taking ships that were designed to launch atmospheric craft in support of the Guard (such as Marauders) and instead sticks void combat attack craft inside (such as Furies). The result of this is painfully obvious if you're a Guardsman on the ground. Not to say they don't have air support, but that their air support has a presence that is completely at odds with the number of atmospheric fighters and bombers a ship can carry. The Navy literally fits whatever atmospheric fighters and bombers they can into whatever excess space remains after putting their Furies and Starhawks into hangers designed for holding countless Lightnings, Thunderbolts, Marauders, and Avengers, instead. Grimdark? Yeap, thanks to [[Roboute Guilliman]]s reforms the inability of Guard to fight at maximum efficiency (or make it to their destination in time without borrowing civilian transport ships) is kinda the point - it makes revolt much harder, and he didn't care if countless Imperium worlds would go to shit thanks to this, to exclude the possibility of [[heresy]] was much more important. Of course the reason why a third of the Imperial Army rebelled was due to the Imperium violently conquering their worlds. Fortifying and consolidating conquests post-Heresy would have helped prevent rebellion and Administratum control (it was efficient back then) would have prevented the populace from feeling rebellious because their lives would be great. Damaging the Guard only prevented them from doing their job and really, any rebellious Guard regiments would be (and usually are) quickly annihilated by the loyalists surrounding them. Generally, they steal transports and Chaos forges provide plenty of aircraft for them. Defeating the point of weakening the Imperial Guard and actually making rebel regiments stronger.

Enter the Hydra. The only tank designed to take out aircraft. That is BADASS. Screw the navy. Hell, some regiments have a Leman Russ for every infantry squad! Do that with Thunderbolts or Lightnings in addition to the Russ and...yeah, epic-stomp.

==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard==
[[File:Stormtrooper vs Ork.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Who's "ded 'ard" NOW, you fat, grammatically challenged cucumber?!]]
*[[Ciaphas Cain]] - '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM''' (Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman/Edmund Blackadder tradition.)
*<s>Colonel-Commissar</s> <s>Lord Militant Commander</s> [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|First Lord Executor Militant Ibram Gaunt]] - (Rambo + Sharpe + 40,000 king of awesome) Main protagonist of Gaunt's Ghosts, and a REAL hero of the Imperium, [[grimdark|unjustly doomed to lowly obscurity]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] - Old one-eye. Saviour of Armageddon, twice. Known for having an Ork Klaw on his arm, having a personal Baneblade, and a [[gay|bizarre]] relationship with the ork warlord [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]].
*[[Holt|Commissar Holt]] - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation. Don't you dare to simply call him Holt. {{BLAM}}
*[[Commissar Dan]] - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run!" "Commissar Dan is a ''maniac''! Never listen to anything he says." Also canon thanks to FFG.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] - Currently in service with the [[Angry Marines]].
*[[Commissar Raege]] - Currently trolling faggoty [[Space Marines]].
*[[General Sturnn]] - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from [[Dawn of War#Winter Assault|Dawn of War: Winter Assault]]. Struggles with grammar because of the grit in his teeth.
*[[Castor|Lord General Castor]] - Sporting a manly mustache and known for having a trophy room full of Tyranid heads.
*[[Ollanius Pius]] - The catalyst for the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] finally ''erasing'' [[Horus]] out of existence. (Erased from canon at one point, later restored, and as of the Horus Heresy book series the fluff for him is a bit complicated, but he's still awesome in his own way.)
*[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, <s>famous for "losing" a hundred [[Baneblade]]s.</s>{{BLAM}}{{BLAM|LIES AND CHAOS PROPAGANDA!!! There is nothing written about the Baneblades being lost.}}
*[[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken]] - Yet another manly fucker and another solid contender for biggest balls in the Imperial Guard.
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Knight Commander Pask]] - Rain man in 40k. An autistic Leman Russ tank ace that has destroyed Titans and Gargants. With a Leman Russ. He somehow manages to wreck his tank in every battle, always getting a new one and renaming it "hand of steel." He's managed to claw his way out of hundreds of burning wrecks somehow.
*[[Colonel Greiss]] - Straken's former commander and proof that the manliest fuckers the Imperial Guard have aren't necessarily the biggest.
*[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. Must have been the work of some sort of tactical geniu-CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!
*[[Merrick]] - Tough bastard who survived a Tyranid Invasion, a Chaos uprising, ten years of nonstop combat, and putting a gun to his superior's head. Also fucking strong, since he can carry an entire heavy weapons setup on his own.
*[[Sly Marbo]] - ...by time you have read this... you are already dead... <strike>Gone, just like Creed's ability to scout titans, because GW hates awesome things.</strike> He's ''baaaaaaack...''
*[[Doom]] Marine - because, why the hell not?
* Engineseers - All of them. Want to repair your own tank, do you? HERE'S THE FUCKING MANUAL. By the way, it's [[Heresy]] to do it yourself.
* [[Lord Commander Solar Macharius]] - A Brilliant tactician who [[Gets Shit Done]] (in fluff) and the most useless command choice from the Second Edition Codex: Imperial Guard who would habitually screw up your entire battle plan since he rolled for his strategy rating on a D6 (which decided who got the first turn) and 4-6 would stop you firing your army-fucking pre-battle barrage. On a 6 you also had to put everything you had in reserve on the table. He also had no model and the fluff gave no idea what he looked like. IMPROVED IN 3RD ED WHEN HE GOT BETTER RULES AND A MODEL: Baseline stats are: WS D3+2, BS4, S3, T3, W4, I4, A D3+1, LD10
**Because he is slow in his old age, he has an initiative of 4, which is pretty bad, but he can potentially have four attacks with a mastercrafted power weapon at a WS of 5. He's still too wild of a character to use in a serious game, so save him for your fuck-around games, or Apocalypse.
**In conclusion, he has a terrible crunch but have a ridiculously awesome fluff being as the most successful Warmaster ever existed since the Great Crusade
*Colonel Schaeffer - The most crazy, malicious, heinous and downright evil imperial guard officer to ever exist. Most other officers are either incompetent when battlefield tactics are concerned or egocentric to the point of believing nothing else around them has a pulse, ultimately resulting in the average footslogger having such a brief lifespan. Colonel Schaeffer on the other hand, intends to make those under his command suffer in the most grueling, painful and surprisingly productive way possible.
*Colonel Jurten - Nuked the living shit out of his own planet, 'cuz Krieg ain't belonging to no one but the Big E. Then inhabited it solely with clones, mostly of himself.
*[[Commander Kubrik Chenkov]] "Now see here comrade, is all for great glory of great Stalin empero- Нет! Вернись, свинья! {{BLAM}} Essentially a sterotypically Soviet General IN SPESS. Known for being the most famous user of the "send in the next wave" tactic, [[Grimdark|wherein a squad of 50 conscript guardsman are sent into a minefield to clear it by triggering them and another 50 are sent in immediately when they all inevitably die]]. The biggest waste of flesh the Imperial Guard will likely ever see, he's only survived by dint of never running out of soldiers and somehow clawing together victories. Emperor help Chenkov's ass if he meets Ibram Gaunt, Ciaphas Cain or Vance Motherfuckin Stubbs as he will most likely end up in the Penal Legions if they hear how that idiot spends his men like autogun bullets. Heck its a surprise that no other Imperial Guard leader or commander above Chenkov has shanked his ass yet. His only redeeming factor is that he considers his life no more important that anyone else's and leads his men from the front.

==Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army==
*Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield[[File:tautears.png|500px|right|thumb|Sweet, sweet salty tears.]]
*'''[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|BASILISKS]]'''
*'''[[Baneblade|BANEBLADES]]'''
*'''[[Manticore Rocket Launcher|MANTICORES]]'''
*'''[[Leman Russ Battle Tank|LEMAN RUSSES]]'''
*'''[[commissar|*BLAM*]]'''
*[[Creed|Titans acting as scouts]].
*Reasonable prices for vehicles.
*Tank Squadrons.
*The first and best [[Hydra Flak Tank|Flak Tank]].
*Loyal soldiers that can and will [[Ollanius Pius|hold the line to the bitter end]].
*[[Commissar Yarrick]]
*Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.
*Standard issue adamantium balls.
*'''YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY FORGET THAT YOUR GUYS FIELD ''THE BEST TANKS OF THE GAME'', RIGHT?'''
*'''VANQUISHERS, FUCK YOU [[tau|BLUE SKINNED PANZIES]]'''
*Did we forget to mention that all units have standard issue balls of steel? Except for Yarrick. He has adamantium balls. And [[Sly Marbo|that guy in the cardboard box]]. <del>He has Power Balls.</del>(No one has ever been able to confirm what kind of balls he has (EXCEPT FOR YO MAMA! OOOOOH!) no one fucks with Sly is any form of the word and lives to tell the tale)

==<del>Downsides to being a Guardsman</del> Highly fanciful scenarios that most likely will not occur during your glorious service as a Guardsman==

While your local propaganda might say that being in the guard is the most honorable thing you could ever get into, and it is! Here is a small list of things that will very likely never happen to you and are entirely preventable with forethought, your trusty lasgun, and endless faith in the Emperor:

[[File:709869c659acffb373baece7b5d00582-d6lzjxz.jpg|right|thumb|300px|[[Awesome|Heroic last stands]] not included, [[Grimdark|but encouraged greatly]].]]

*You will die in the line of duty and no-one but your family and friends will remember you unless you've done something that only a Space Marine could do in combat. ''Anyone can do it!''
*You're expendable in every sense of the word. ''Freedom isn't free and you're the currency that pays for it!''
*Your Commissar might execute you to make your friends fight harder. ''You deserved it.''
*Your Commissar might execute your friends to make you fight harder. ''They deserved it.''
*Unless you're in a special forces division like the Kasrkin, you're really just a meatshield in large scale assaults. ''A glorious, spiffy looking meatshield!''
*"See how great this is? Your very own laser gun!" Too bad it's a bad joke compared to everyone else's guns. ''You're just using it wrong.''
*You can't even die when you want to. ''You don't want to be a quitter, do you?''
*You might be: [[Chaos Space Marines|mutilated, disemboweled]], [[Tyranids|eaten alive]], [[Orks|chopped into meat chunks by a rusty slab of metal]], [[Necron|disassembled into your component atoms]], [[Chaos Gods|sacrificed to the Chaos Gods]], [[Imperium|left for dead]], [[Dark Eldar|tortured for fun by xenos]], [[Chaos|mutants, heretics and zealots]], [[Eldar|stuffed with shurikens and lasers better than yours]], or blasted by [[Tau|Railgun]] rounds. ''But you'll earn the eternal gratitude of the Emperor!''
*You will be sent into hopeless situations and your superiors expect you to fight without retreating or showing cowardice. ''Just do it, no one likes a crybaby!''
*You may be used as mine clearance. By being marched through the minefield. ''That's right boys, you can teach those dastardly mines who's boss by blowing them up!''
* Even if after losing your entire regiment, watching your last-minute friends die horrendous deaths, and generally do the most gruesome work to win the day; the minute Space Marines come crashing down from the sky; They'll take all the credit for it, even if the Marines themselves attribute the win to you. ''They deserve it.''
* Those same Space Marines might [[Marines Malevolent|bomb you and the civilians you're trying to save into mulch because you're too weak to be worth rescuing.]] ''You deserve it, weakling.''
*You will be taken from your home planet and dropped on the other side of the universe to fight in a war you didn't know existed. ''Think of the interesting people you'll meet, and then subsequently possibly kill!''
*You will NEVER see your home planet again unless you are stationed there. In which case it is likely under siege by yet another one of the Imperium's foes, and will likely remain so for the remainder of your short life. ''Think of the interesting places you'll see, and then subsequently blow up!''
*5 Million of you dying under a four hour assault by orks, is considered a flawless victory by Segmentum Command (Then again that would likely be either a very large ork warband or a WAAAGH!, so GOOD JOB!). ''Better than 5 million and one, am I right?''
*If you fight along side Grey Knights, you will be *BLAMMED*, or mindfucked and lobotomized, after the battle in the interest of secrecy. ''Grey Knights don't exist, that's silly.''
*Hell, just fighting Chaos has a slight chance of you getting disposed off after the battle because the Inquisitor investigating your regiment thinks that you may be a slight, bit, tad tainted. ''You wouldn't want to spread that taint would you?''
*Even when your army are the only ones that still uses combined arms warfare, your army still sucks, since it's routinely losing entire brigades (complete with Armor vehicles and aircraft) to any single bog-standard Space Marine and/or xeno mook. ''But not you! Your buddies and you can definitely take 'em!''
*God forbid you dare complain. Fucking Commissars. ''Morale must be maintained!''

==Memorable Quotations==

[[File:Astra Militarum Symbol.jpg|right|400px]]

- ""The meaning of victory is not to merely defeat your enemy but to destroy him, to completely eradicate him from living memory, to leave no remnant of his endeavours, to crush his achievement and remove all record of his very existence. From that defeat there is no recovery. That is the meaning of victory." - [[Lord Solar Macharius]]

- "The enemies of mankind may employ dark sciences or alien weapons beyond Humanity's ken, but such deviance comes to naught in the face of honest human intolerance backed by a sufficient number of guns."

-DRIVE ME CLOSER! I want to hit them with my sword! (originally a meme that started from a picture of a Commissar standing up in a tank hatch brandishing his sword, the phrase became so popular it is one of Commissar Lord Bernn's in campaign/skirmish/multiplayer lines when he gets in a Chimera in Dawn of War II, Retribution)

- "When in doubt, throw more men at it."

- “You see, Necrons have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own Whiteshields at them until they reached their limit and shut down.” - General Brannigan of the Cadian 25th

- "Look at me. Look at me! ''This'' is home now, Trooper! This is the zone! It doesn't like you, but by the Throne, it's where you are! The Emperor wants you, boy! Did no one ever tell you that? The Emperor wants you to make his glory for him! And if you're scared, I'm terrified. The [[Chaos|archenemy]] is no playmate. You're going to see things, and be expected to do things your poor mother would have a fit at. But the Emperor expects, and the Emperor ''protects'', all of us, even you. Especially you - I promise you that." - [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]]

- "That which I cannot crush with words alone, I shall crush with the [[Baneblade|tanks]] of the Imperial Guard!"

- "You're a fearsome warrior! Act like it!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

- "[[Commissar|You don't die until I say so!]]"

- "[[Commissar|Glory to the first man to die! CHARGE!!!]]"

- [[Grimdark|"Yes, you shall die when assaulting a well maintained fortress]] under a [[Creed|competent]] [[Commissar|commander]]. But at least strive to make your death useful." (Paraphrased)

- "We go beyond [[Astronomican |the emperor's light]]. To the darkest reaches in the galaxy. Good thing we brought our [[lasgun|flashlights]]!"

- "To each of us falls a task, and all the Emperor requires of us Guardsmen is that we stand the line, and we die fighting. It is what we do best: We die standing." - General Sturnn, Dawn of War: Winter Assault

- "All right men! TIME TO WAGE TO WAR!" - [[Sturnn]]

- "Remember, we have more numbers men!" - sergeant in skirmish/multiplayer line from Dawn of War II Retribution

- "Let's see them fight ALL of us!" Guardsman, Dawn of War: Soulstorm

- "We died so that others may live" - Unkown Brimlock Dragoon

- "Infantry wins firefights, tanks win battles, artillery wins wars." - Tactica Imperialis

- "A Guardsman's LIFE is to die. My job has always been to send them where they CAN die. I'm not afraid to spend men, but I never waste them!" - [[Dawn of War II|General Castor]]

- "Your foe is well equipped, well-trained, battle-hardened. He believes his gods are on his side. Let him believe what he will. We have the tanks on ours." - Colonel Joachim Pfeiff, [[Death Korps of Krieg|Krieg]] 14th Armoured Regiment

- "We'd offer a pension if we thought you needed it..." - Unknown Recruiting Officer.

- "When in mortal danger, when beset by doubt, run in little circles, wave your hands and shout." - Parody of the Litany of Command. (More popular then you think)

- "LET ME PREACH HIS NAME!" - Priest

- "A good general does not lead an army to destruction just because he knows it will follow." - The Tactica Imperialis

- "If at first you don't succeed, bring heavier firepower!"

- "[[Blam|THERE WILL BE NO COWARDICE IN THE EMPEROR'S SERVICE, GUARDSMAN!]]"- Unknown Inquisitors

- "They just keep coming!" Heretic Stevos, counting troop ships.

- "GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- "Did I give you permission to get shot soldier? Then don't let those heretics shoot you!"

- "Tanks! Where are the bloody tanks!?"

- "Remember your training and you ''will'' make it back alive" - Unknown deceased Guardsman

- “Have you seen my flashlight?”

- "Let my epitaph be this; I was born nameless and abandoned in the gutter of a sunless pit, but I have died a conqueror of worlds." - Reputed last words of Lord Militant Erais Slaithe

==A Piece of Writing That Explains the Imperial Guard==
At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through [[Warp|hell]] on a ship that's ten thousand years old to some godforsaken, war-torn rock; though he deployed from high orbit with nothing but a grav chute; though he is one of ten million men and women snatched from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands; though he has been given a weapon that fires small suns and may annihilate him as he fires because the knowledge of how it functions has been lost; though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn; though he wages war against a [[Tyranid|devouring hivemind]], ravenous [[Daemon|demons]] and [[Ork|hordes]] of [[Eldar|hyper-advanced]] [[Tau|aliens]] with strange technologies and sorceries he never dreamed existed; no one will remember his sacrifice, there will be no records of his deeds, no glorious parades in his honor, and no remembrance of his name. All he will earn is a shallow, unmarked grave on a forgotten world untold lightyears from home.

Yet for all this thankless sacrifice a Guardsman is a man, just like you. He has no [[Space Marines|millennia-old genetic engineering]], no [[Emperor|prophetic leader]], no [[Sisters of Battle|miracles of faith]]. He has his lasgun, his orders, and those beside him. He is an Imperial Guardsman.

[[Awesome|And he will hold the line.]]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=139wRZ83gKg Now in Manly Tear inducing audio format!]

==The Imperial Guard's Anthems==

For more Imperial anthems, consult your Uplifting Primer.
While the Ecclesiarchy and several, if not all, Chapters of Space Marines look down upon the frivolities of music (unless said music is sung in somberly in High Gothic and praises the Emperor) as distracting to any soldier in carrying out his Divine Duty, the Imperial Guard still makes heavy use of marching themes and anthems. Examples are given below:

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AwIWi6r0p4 - A well known march of the Imperial Guard known galaxy wide, it was first used by the Imperial Army during the Great Crusade. Its origins are thought to be much older, and it is rumored to have originated in the 2nd millennium.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmX1NlxYt_k - Imperial Guard in a nutshell
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bcRCCg01I - Baleeted no longer
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWBoMWZJkeI - (none of that faggy 'mercan shite)(It's pronounced 'Murican)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxapTnODhCs - A marching song that most Training worlds use to this day.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJNz2QgSNsk - Standard cadence song sung by veteran units.
*https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n7hHlh2IusY - Commonly sung by Trench and siege regiments, thought to be about an ancient civil war
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XCNshTP3ig - Sung at the Funeral of Fallen Death Korps soldiers.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjvKZHJeayg - Rumored to be used by Praetorian Guard Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRIAw6LkqlE - Again, a rumored anthem.
*https://youtu.be/4p4XfQeuXZk - This is sung by extremely hardcore and grim regiments, is rumored to have originated from Krieg.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS1lBID2Mtw - Popular parade piece for the Phantine Air Corps
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n_QBxBs0QQ - Sung at the funerals of the nameless heroes
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCGB81DBzOc - Rumored to be used by the Men of Tanith
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Tye_bzl9U - Sung by many of the Imperial armored regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91kdwxFsthI - National Anthem of the Valhallan Ice Warriors
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZujhoHZBsg - National Anthem of the Death Korps of Krieg
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9fSEdZIM08 - March of the Death Korps of Krieg
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIVSpY8xY9I - March of the Praetorian Lifeguard (This video is unavailable.)
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1Qkzj5bStU - sang by Cadian Regiments, also popular with Imperial Navy Pilots
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5W1NCmV_OM - Planetary Anthem of Cadia
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NWEmnRbkRw - Regimental march of the Kronus 1st "Liberators"
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G5rfPISIwo - Heard being sung by Praetorian Hussars returning from deployment in the Crimean sector
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo6KdeCvESw - Sung by the guardsmen of the Armageddon Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXH3QJrx98U - Another favorite of the Steel Legion
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUQCmDfKFac - Often sung by Veteran Guardsmen of Cadia during planetary deployment between outbreaks of combat.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWgsdexkv18 - Elysian Drop Troops are sometimes required to memorize the lyrics as part of their training.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzTisgf8p8E - The Elysians also love singing that while they are maintaining their FAMAS Accatran Lasgun
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26cr_rBQu74&list=UUlvMzsGbi7LACFNRPTLhJjw&index=10 - A traditional folk/drinking song of the Vostroyan Light Armor and Mounted regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY - Traditional Catachan folk song. Catachan Guardsmen are sometimes heard either humming, warbling or whistling this song while on Guard duty.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU - This is song is inevitably played over loudspeakers whenever there are two or more Valkyries entering the battlefield.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVcD1gW-cQE - This song begun to resurface throughout Valhallan Armored Regiments after a few joint missions with Knight Commander Pask's Cadian 423rd Armoured Regiment.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOOhfQI13s - another anthem for Cadian Shock Troops.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1uGm_dIqBI - Quite popular among Vostroyan artillery regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZpbCLdg-r8 - Heard from a regiment of Storm Troopers surfacing from an extensive period hiding behind enemy lines on an Ork-controlled world.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnaF4_LTovk - A list of Commonly sung Krieg songs.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uTnl78HLDQ- Common song by the Elysian drop troops commemorating famous battles.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eji8eWwOu3g- Sung by many Kreig units that found themselves in city warfare.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLTpKs2ylP4- A common tune by Valhallan snipers between warzones.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrJAwCBbnuc- Often sung by storm troopers during risky and/or frontal assaults on enemy forward positions or leading massive charges.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNv-uAUqr9k - Played after a particularly heavy victory, one where the casualties mount to more than 90%
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkxHiQO6vjw - Popular piece played by Elysians,Phantines and Harakoni on any available vox systems while commencing an orbit or air-borne mass scale invasion, specifically on enemy fortresses and the like during limited orbital bombardments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKT7qxk9-pw - A campfire song often heard from Drookian Fen Guard encampments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J__ZdvsZaE - Commonly sung by Valhallan Armoured Regiments as they drive into battle.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkrTf729Gzk - A fight song of various Cadian regiments heard while on long marches, or before an offensive push.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L740ESYghT0&index=40 - A song of Armoured Regiments of the Armageddon Steel Legion.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JKar_hChU4 - Another Krieg March song.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ift85e38H3M - Schola Progenium's unofficial anthem.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_AXybK015o- The Anthem of the Krieg Armoured Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umzRoqtWvrA- Sometimes heard while the Drookian Fen Guard are on the march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YsMCqgZPKE- Heard when the Drookian Fen Guard are in battle.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqWHIq-aZw- Undisputed Anthem of the Imperial Guard.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6MgTQ-56P0- Ballad of the Imperial Guardsman
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRhg2zvalXc- A favoured marching hymn of particularly devout Guardsmen Regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je6tcrVEzW8 - A traditional song used by Imperial Guard regiments of all types raised from the Nippon Sector of the Ultima Segmentum.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLBy2IZVgKI - An ancient march used by Imperial Guard regiments across the galaxy, and rumored to date back to ancient times.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6K6-JomneA - A popular theme originally used for propaganda pieces, but since adapted for victory marches.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIVkl34Vig - A litany often sung by Kasrkins and various veterans of campaigns against the forces of Chaos, said to greatly aid in the banishment of daemons and other forces of the Arch Enemy.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLtNE6MMGR4&t=0m9s - This piece first resurfaced during the Siege of Terra, and has since become a staple march for the Imperial Guard, especially in Cadia.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iOJ99eb-j8 - This piece is usually played when Vostroyans are on the march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7VLTqGCOC8&t=0m8s - This ancient piece initially resurfaced in a loyalist propaganda video during the Horus Heresy, and has become a standard march among the Mordian Iron Guard.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AB0k4Itneg - March of the Maccabian Janissaries. Or you know, the original one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulg1ahV552g or if you are interested in some visuals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZr1ibaFE_4
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PxlJLUqFzY - Valhallan Ice Warriors, ''especially'' those under Commander Kubrik Chenkov, march to this tune.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6EIv9GULJU - Initially intended as a titan legions' march, this intimidating piece quickly spread to the few baneblade companies still active, and was then expanded into the appropriately named litany of war that the ''entire army'', from the general down, is supposed to chant prior to making contact with the enemy. Only the most badass forces of the Imperial Guard know of its existence.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBa5tf4BZ10 - Lord General Castor personally commissioned this music so that he and his men sound more glorious than other guard armies marching to war.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNv1ImIa1-4 - This is often played in recruitment ads alongside an imperial guard training montage.(seriously though, try exercising to the sound of this; the running to war and urging to never stop gave me so much gains and confidence that I [[Heresy|seduced an elda-]] I mean, [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|assert human Dominance over inferior xenos!]])
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRmES6IJk_o - A song sometimes sang by PDF Regiments, preferably when a Commissar is absent.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXSk-WVLS2A - This piece is often used to signify the both the domineering, incalculable might of the Imperial Guard, as well as to mark planetfall.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geB2bIV9_v4 - At the gates of Cadia
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW310pS8aNY - This march is favored by more [[Hua Yuan Exterminators|oriental-themed]] guard regiments. Anyone who mentions to them that it sounds like the music of [[Tau|Blueberries]] are reminded that humanity invented oriental music first, that the Tau have committed massive copyright infringement and owe the Imperium trillions in royalties, and are then executed.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3KlpFBIb00 - This piece is often played in imperial triumphs and victory marches. [[Grimdark|Those seem to be happening less and less these days.]]
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeNrhMix2Sw - A Popular music piece among the [[Harakoni Warhawks]] and [[Elysian Drop Troops]], usually played on Vultures,valkryies' and other rapid insertion/deployment or Attack aircraft on the eve of a shock-and-awe offensive. Also (although originating from Harakoni-adjacent cadets)used from time to time by Imperial Navy.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeyDfVjq6sw&t=12s - A Vostroyan ditty that has since become popular among cavalry regiments.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMDPwBikzps - Musical piece last heard and recorded by the orbital satellites around [[Cadia]] before the eye of terror completely devoured it. Apparently found playing from numerous vox casters around the fortress cities while the 8th made their last stand. Now an unofficial anthem of vengeance by Surviving Cadian regiments
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrNUnUMSQk4 - Vostroyan parade march.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G136GODWKhc - An immensely popular Vostroyan campaign march, also used as a litany of battle against heretics and chaos, and a variant was created for victory parades https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWBh8Q_VOHM
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BhGWO01pIs - ancient anthem that came from the Death Korps of Krieg, of all places; [[grimdark|they don't sing it anymore]]
There is a disturbing lack of hell march in this list. Whoever is responsible report to your local commissar and prepare for summary blamming.

Problem with that: It's Hell March. The local Commissar wants to see you.
Nothing wrong with "Hell" march, if it was "Warp" March or "Heretic" March, there'd be a problem. As it goes, does the imperial guard nor deliver the Emperor's judgement upon the Traitor, Mutant and Heretic? Their wrath(Firepower) can rightly be described as "Hell" should it be directed at you.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HUWUtTZvK4 - music piece made popular by Vostroyan and Valhallan regiments when launching all out assaults (persistent rumours that the Death Korps and Cadians have adapted the piece continue to be denied by respective parties)

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUOPvtVZwo8 - Originally used by the Frateris Templar, the song was forgotten until it's resurgence to Cadia's defenders during the 13th Black Crusade.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nFKPVfDrgU - Cadian version of popular Vostroyan/ Valhallan music piece played when launching all out assaults on enemy bases.

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHICh8PoDu8 - A traditional Catachan folk song, notably sung by bands of Jungle Fighters during particularly intense firefights, and reportedly based off of <strike>an older Catachan folktale.</strike> [[Sly Marbo]].

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRhg2zvalXc - A song often sung by Guard regiments holding out against overwhelming enemy forces to maintain moral as they Hold The Line, said to have been blasted from every available vox unit and speaker during the final days of Cadia.

*https://youtu.be/hrG0AwUJQDQ - A common marching theme for the Arkhan Confederates, said to date back to late M1

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0TzUNti3rY - A popular war hymn with Cadian forces going into battle against the hordes of Chaos, VENGEANCE FOR CADIA!

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7icNhOYXgA - An ancient piece of music often blasted as entire Super Heavy tank companies roll into battle, said to signify the doom of The Emperor's foes and the triumph of His servants

*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFkbyajVWR8 - As The Cadian 8th "Castellan's Own" makes one final stand to buy time to evacuate as much troops as possible out of Cadia, This Music was played on every Vox Channel as Creed and His Men take as many of the Heretics with them to Hell
*https://youtu.be/CIGHCoVzqtk - Associated with the 18th Cadian after defeating Hive Fleet Gorgon

==Notable Imperial Guard Forces==
Because GW was too lazy to create an original themed Imperial Guard army, they basically used RL armies as a base for them, gave them a little touch of [[grimdark]], assorted amounts of tempered ceramite balls and placed them... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE!

*[[Cadia|Cadian Shock Troops]]: (Now homeless after Cadia's fall) Generic occidental army/Colonial Marine clones... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FOR [[Imperium|IMPERIUM]] AND [[Emprah|EMPEROR]]! CADIA STANDS!
*[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]]: Vietnam War Americans (and Australians) ... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOOD MORNING CATACHAN!
*[[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]: Lawrence of Arabia's Raiders (or Mujihadeen)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! !الإمبراطور أكبر
*[[Armageddon Steel Legion]]: Wehrmacht mechanized divisions... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FÜR DEN IMPERATOR, FEUER FREI!
*[[Valhallan Ice Warriors]]: World War II Red Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ЗА РОДИНУ! ЗА ИМПЕРАТОРА! НИ ШАГУ НАЗАД!
*[[Mordian Iron Guard]]: Napoleonic Prussians (spiffing blue uniforms, iron hard discipline and ranked fire)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! GOTT KAISER MIT UNS!
*[[Death Korps of Krieg]]: WWI's Western Front (both sides)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Now that we're in space, imagine what the Clone Army in [[Star Wars]] might be if Lucas liked grimdark as much as he liked CGI and revising the original trilogy.
*[[Vostroyan Firstborn]]: Cossacks... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! YOU WILL NOT MAKE SUBJECTS OF IMPERIAL SONS, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!
*[[Elysian Drop Troops]]: French paratroopers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QUI OSE GAGNE! POUR L'EMPEREUR! (Taros Campaign=Dien Bien Phu or Operation Market Garden)
*[[Harakoni Warhawks]]: American paratroopers... IIIIIINNNN SPACE! GREEN LIGHT!!! LET'S GO!
*[[Tanith First (And Only)]]: Scots and Welsh... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! OFNI FI, OND DDILYNWCH!
*[[Attilan Rough Riders]]: <strike>Mongols</strike> Huns... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ([[White Scars|Yes, again.]])
*[[Savlar Chem Dogs]]: Post-apocalyptic raiders (and a bit of the Vietnam War tunnel rats )... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! They rule Bartertown, get out of here guardsman.
*[[Drookian Fen Guard]]: Anglo-Scottish border reivers... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! A GOT NAE PANTS ON UNDER MA KILT SO A KIN DRAPE MA BALLS ON YER FACE WHILE YE CHOKE ON YER OWN BLOOD, YE NINNY LITTLE WANKER!!
*[[Praetorian Guard]]: Victorian British Army... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! PRAETORIANS NEVER YIELD! (Ever seen the movie ''Zulu''? Like that, but against [[ork|Orks]]. And yes that is a bit racist when you stop and think about it but oh well.)
*[[Kanak Skull Takers]]: Cavemen (with some Apache)... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! ME TARZAN, YOU DEAD!!
*[[Phantine Air Corps]]: Battle of Britain RAF... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! FLIP OVER ON HIS BETTY HARPER AND CATCH HIS CAN IN THE VERTI!!
*[[Phantine Skyborne]]: British SAS... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Who dares, wins.
*[[Scintillan Fusiliers]]: 18th century French aristocrats... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! QU'ILS MANGENT DE LA BRIOCHE!! Likely doomed if their [[Commissar|Commissars]] get an STC for a portable guillotine.
*[[Maccabian Janissaries]]: Ottoman Empire's Elite Corps... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! AMINA KOYAYIM!! Nobody cared who they were until they put on the masks.
*[[Solar Auxilia]]: The first iteration of the Imperial Guard.

With such a large and diverse collection of units in the Imperial Guard that puts even the Space Marine armies to shame, you'd think that you'd have plenty of options for fielding an army, right? Well, I've got some bad news for you: Realistically, you can only field Cadians and Catachans in large numbers, as well as the Death Korps and Elysians if you're willing to pay [[Forge World]] prices. As for everyone else? Either discontinued, or frequently out of stock, and most of them are still in pewter, so good luck trying to get custom loadouts. Yes, some units like the Attilans or Harakoni may seem too out there to have broad appeal, but you'd think at least the Steel Legion would get more support, what with their intimate involvement in [[Armageddon]], one of 7th Edition's Warzone settings (or it could be a scam to make yo pay FW prices as their models look pretty similar to death korps). Luckily, there are [[Victoria Miniatures|some people]] out there who have got you covered.

==Imperial Guard forces featured in Black Library novels==
The writers from Black Library have also created some armies for Black Library novels, and while some of them only appear in one novel or short story they may be worth mentioned as a great source of custom Imperial Guard armies:

* Arkhan Confederates, Civil War American Regiments... IIIIIINNN SPAAAACE! Featured in the extremely [[grimdark]] novel ''Fire Caste'', their name seems to be a reference both to the state of Arkansas and [[H.P. Lovecraft]]'s haunted city of Arkham (also their homeplanet is Providence, so yeah), they just came out of a civil war between loyalists and rebels, with their average troopers getting the slang of "greybacks", their culture is akin to America's 19th century with a bit of northern barbarian for some measure, while the Adeptus Mechanicus have enforced Mars dogma Arkhan nobles still have a tendency to tweak and build their own machines as a form of Omnissiah worship, which have resulted in [[Awesome|jumpack sentinels and the Zouaves clockwork power-armoured elite soldiers, which are capable to stand their ground against Tau battlesuits]] (progress!), also their psykers usually come with a northern tribesman guardian who is tasked to chop the psyker's head in case it gets perils of the warp.

==[[/tg/_40,000#Imperial_Guard | /tg/ Homebrew Guard Forces]]==
Here are some of the regiments spawned by /tg/.
* [[Cendra#Armed_Forces |Cendran Abolishers]] Pyromaniacs who eat the burnt flesh of their enemies.
* [[Darmine#Darmine_Marshalls | Darmine Marshalls]] Elite sharpshooters supported by huge amounts of explosive collar-fitted penal troopers.
*[[Onóir#Onóir_First_and_Foremost | Onóir_First_and_Foremost]] Heavy troopers who use an unholy amount of [[Valkyrie|Valkyries]] and flamethrowers
* [[Ferdain#Ferdain_Mustangs | Ferdain Mustangs]] Cavalry regiment that use genetically tailored horses that are practically heavy armour.
* [[Sauristoni#Armed_Forces| Sauristoni Ghostchasers]] Renowned scouts and trackers who are experts on Eldar.
* [[1st Membranes]] A regiment made almost entirely of psykers from a black ship that crashed on a forge world.
* [[Arianius Divided Regiments]] Regiments are segregated along gender lines. Men are [[Choppa|slicey]] women are [[Dakka|shooty.]]
* [[Kandam | Kandamii Crabhunters]] A regiment made up of Augmented soldiers who specialize in Oceanic and Aerial warfare.

* [[Terranknights | Terran Knights]] Elite regiments recruited exclusively from Terra. As a result they have some of the best equipment in the Imperium.
* [[Hell Harlots|2478th Penal Legion, "Hell Harlots"]] All-female penal legion close combat drop troops made up entirely of the same religious prison gang.
* [[All_Guardsmen_Party| Generian 99th Medium Infantry]] The original regiment of the [[All_Guardsmen_Party | All Guardsmen Party]] spawning some of the most dangerous, heretical, yet pragmatic acolytes in the entire inquisition.
*[[Hua Yuan Exterminators|Hua Yuan Exterminators]] Tyranid hunters and Hive warfare Specialists that use unique 'Color And Mayhem' tactics to disorient and daze in the cramped not!Honk Kong they're from. By far the most fleshed out /tg/ regiment to date.
*[[Franchfarran Legion]]: One of the stupidest ideas to come out of thinking about 40k. Beats the Benveadig Militia though...
*[[Varkhat| The Varkhese Legionnaires]]: Heroes of the Siege of Varkhat and the infamous mechanised force used by the Mechanicus in it's recent terraforming endevours.
* [[Argo Brigade]]: Regiment of brutally effective counterinsurgency operators who really, really enjoy crucifying dissidents, dissident sympathizers, and xenosupside down and/or sideways.
* The Karthak Raiders: Purple-clad Cadians with names like Kinmar, Kinfey and Kinross. There's a short story about them coming soon.

== See Also ==
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Imperial_Guard(8E)|Imperial Guard Tactics in-game.]]
*[[Lasgun]]
*[[Chem-chan]]
*[[Sentinel]]
*[[Hellhound]]
*[[Basilisk]]
*[[Leman Russ Battle Tank]]
*[[Baneblade]]
*[[Commissar]]
*[[Imperium]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Guard|Tactics/Imperial Guard]]
*[[Only War]] - The official Tabletop RPG of the Guard!
*[[Kasrkin-chan]]
*[http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/The_Horus_Heresy/Solar_Auxilia] - The Imperial Guard before they became the Astra Militarum of today, The awesome looking [[Solar Auxilia|SOLAR AUXILIA]]! Thank the Emperor for [[Forge World]].
*[[Regulations of the Imperial Guard]] Things The Imperial Guard Is No Longer Allowed To Do.

==Gallery==
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<gallery>
File:Faces of Warriors.png|Imperial Guard Veterans... Rare but not impossible, folks!
File:Guard Regiments 1.jpg
File:Guard Regiments 2.jpg
Image:Greeting.jpg
Image:Propaganda_by_DemonMads.jpg
Image:YoDawg.jpg
Image:IG_(2).jpg|
Image:Guardsmen.jpg|But this works too.
Image:1230085088983.png|[[wat]]
Image:Winterassault.jpg|Who needs Pauldrons?
Image:Repercussions.png|Commissar in action
Image:IG_(1).jpg|What the [[Jokaero]] should have been.
Image:The Courage of Man.png|AVE IMPERATOR MOTHERFUCKERS!
Image:Magnus Kale.png|Guardsmen - They Just Never Stop
Image:Basilisk.png|[[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisks]] are [[AWESOME]]
Image:balls.jpg|Imagine this, only 4 times bigger, heck even the women have 'em!
Image:GuardsmanHelmet.jpg|This man shows doubt. He will soon be executed.
Image:Warhammer-orcs.jpg|Come and get some, fucking green-skinned faggots!
Image:Guardsman.jpg|This is painfully accurate... except for missing the FUCKHEUG BALLS OF STEEL.
Image:1267818498305.jpg|One should never underestimate the awesomeness of a Guardsman.
Image:Grimdark checkers.jpg|In the grimdarkness of the 41st millennium, there are still old men playing checkers.
</gallery>
</center>
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Image:Kasrkin_chan_sans_helmet_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:Kasrkin_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg
Image:IG_Babes_(4).jpg|"Thank the Emperor! Action!"
Image:Imperial_Guardswoman_by_IronShrineMaiden.jpg|Ponytails and light weaponry are standard issue.
Image:F0r t3h Emp3r0r by Kazuv.jpg|Even pregnant chicks get conscripted.
Image:Vostroy_chan_by_Jaekyu.jpg|Vostroya is a cold and crappy place. Still people like it there. Guess why?
Image:Vostroya san by sexual yeti-da50g3x.png|[[Promotions|PROMOTIONS]]
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