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Skub

2018-06-05T05:59:49Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* The Arguments */

{{stub}}
{{Template:Heresy}}
{{awesome}}
[[Image:Skub comic.gif|thumb|400px|center|Skub in all its glory]]
[[File:SkubIRL.jpg|thumb|200px|right|thumb|Skub IRL]]
'''Skub''' is a fictional substance of unclear purpose created by webcomic ''[http://pbfcomics.com/20/ The Perry Bible Fellowship]''. The comic features "Pro-Skub" and "Anti-Skub" characters fighting each other over their skub affiliation. It is never explained why skub incites such violence, and thus skub has become synonymous with things that cause unnecessary [[RAGE|rage]] and difference of opinion for <s>mundane</s> very important things; for instance, ''[[Warhammer 40,000]]'' and ''[[WARMACHINE]]'' are often referred to as ''Skubhammer'' and ''Skubmachine''.

'''Politics''' is often thought to be Skub for grown-up, respectable people.

==The Arguments==
<s>Its good</s> It's Great

<strike>FUCK SKUB.</strike> SKUB FOR LIFE (if you can call it a life, you filthy skub user.)

<strike>SKUB KILLED MY SISTER AND TURNED HER CORPSE INTO A GIANT FUCKING MONSTER.</strike> THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR SISTER WAS A [[heresy|HERETIC]] THAT DIDN'T BELIEVE IN SKUB.

<strike>SKUB WILL BRING US THE SALVATION!</strike> TO EMBRACE SKUB IS TO EMBRACE DEATH

<strike>PRAISE BE TO SKUB! SKUB FOR THE SKUB GOD!</strike> <strike>Beware the heresies of false gods! Skub will lead thee unto temptation!</strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*'''}} Oh you, stop that.

Skub is skub and nothing will change that.

 >Still arguing over skub. 

Hey... won't you believe in it? That... even if there is no God or Buddha... there is Skub. (Until we destroy it all, SKUB SHALL FALL TO THE MIGHTY HANDS OF CORAX!) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

<s>Kaldor Draigo will save us from Skub!</s> LIES. HE IS THE AVATAR OF SKUB. (Not sure that's a good thing)

LOUD NOISES!!!!!

<s>DEATH TO MEPHISTON, LORD OF SKUB, DON`T FALL TO LIES OF SKUB. IT WILL BRING DEATH!!</s> [[Matt Ward]] HAS NOW WRITTEN SKUB INTO IT'S 5TH EDITION, WHERE IT IS NOW YOUR '''''[[Roboute_Guilliman|SPIRITUAL LIEGE]]'''''!

<s>SKUB IS DELICIOUS, AND PURPORTEDLY TASTES GOOD ON TOAST</s> LIES AND [[HERESY]], SKUB IS [[Nurgle|CARCINOGENIC]] AND TASTES LIKE [[Grey Knights|SHIT]]

<s>skub smells of oxygen (HURR DURR)</s> Skub smells are the smells of heaven!

<s> Can't we all just sit down and talk about this?</s> FUCK YOU SKUB FOR LIFE!

<s>The Imperium lives to serve skub</s> BULLSHIT!!! The Imperium finds skub and KILLS IT WITH FIRE

Essentially <s>marmite.</s> fuk marmite real men go for <s>vegemite</s> A True, Strong and Healthy Anglo-Saxon would accept nothing less than <s>Bovril</s> WHOLESOME BLOODY SKUB on his toast.

<s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s>
<s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>Pro Skub </s> <s>Anti Skub </s> <s>PRO SKUB!!</s> <s>Nope, anti Skub.</s> <s>Nope.avi, #skubislife</s>
Fuck yo-SKUB FOR LIFE-u, you nasty <s>Skub user</s> GOD.

<s>[[Just As Planned]].</s> Skub users can't plan for shit.

<strike>'''ALL PRAISE BE TO SKUB!!! SKUB IS A GLORIOUS GIFT GIVEN TO MAN BY ''GOD''!!!'''</strike> don't be so bloody ridiculous SKUB FUCKIN SUCKS

<strike>Skub is all right, I guess...</strike> <s>No, it isn't.</s> <s>Yes, it is.</s> Skub is the fucking greatest, go hide in your <s>metal</s> skub box.

<s>What about guys who are neutral on skub personally... fuck 'em, indecisive bastards.</s> Such men don't exist HAVING AN OPINION ON SKUB IS MANDATORY!

SKUB IS LOVE SKUB IS LIFE

SKUB IS HATE SKUB IS DEATH <s>But that's heresy!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}}

on a side note, this is great once you get into it http://1d4chan.org/wiki/File:Slaanesh's_sacrifice.pdf

Skrub feels great if you stick your dick In it

ALL HAIL SKUB!!!
ALL HAIL SKUB!!!
SKUB IS FOR SKRUBS.

I HAVE A VERY STRONG OPINION ON THE SUBJECT OF SKUB

YOU'RE ALL HERETICS AND DESERVED TO BE PURGED!{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}} {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}} (The Commissar uses skub too)

What the fuck is skub?{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|That's double heresey!}}

More like hearsay amirite?{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}}

Skub, like <s>Hershey</s> [[HERESY]], tastes <s>delicious</s> SHITTY!

<s>SKUB FOR THE SKUB GOD!!!</s> CHEESE FOR THE CHEESE THRONE!!!

Skub? Get that away from me or I'm calling the Coast Guard {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''''}}

Fact: A lack of Skub in your life can cause you to turn into a Chaos Spawn-OH FUCK NOOOOOOOOGLARBABLAHBALHABALAHHBLBLBLBL...

<strike>
''IT WILL BE MY FINEST SPREADABLE, THIS SKUB WHO GIVES OF ITSELF TO ME.''

''LIKE MARMITE I WILL MAKE IT DECISIVE AND IN THE FURNACE OF /tg/ FORGE IT.''

''IT WILL BE OF LEMON TANGINESS AND MELT-IN-YOUR-MOUTH GOODNESS.''

''IN GREAT MARKETING SHALL I CLAD IT AND WITH THE MIGHTIEST OF VARIANT FLAVOURS IT WILL BE ARMED.''

''IT WILL BE UNTOUCHED BY ALLERGIES AND INSECT BITS, NO SICKNESS WILL BLIGHT UPON IT.''

''IT WILL HAVE FLAVOUR, ADDICTIVITY AND MAMA'S-HOME-COOKED FEELING SO THAT NO FOE WILL BEST IT IN SALES.''

''IT IS MY BULWARK AGAINST ANTI-SKUBS.''

''IT IS MY DEFENDER OF PRO-SKUBS.''

''IT IS MY'' '''''SKUB''''' ''AND IT'S SUPPORTERS SHALL KNOW NO COUNTER-ARGUMENTS.''
~The God-Emperor of Mankind ''On the creation of skub.''</strike>

''>2017 ''
''><s>still</s>not using skub ''

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AND WHY AM I SCARED!!!!???

<strike>2017 and you anti-skub bigots are still out there spreadig LIES about SKUB</strike> SKUB IS DEGENERATE AND YOU KNOW IT!!!

SKUB IS AMAZING AND USING IT AS A SKIN OINTMENT IS PROVEN TO GRANT ETERNAL LIFE AND EXFOLIATE LIKE NO OTHER!!!

Skub is truly a unholy substance,and the above is heretical twaddle. Heed it at your own peril.
LIES, SKUB IS THE '''EMPRAHS''' SPREADABLE OF CHOICE. The Emperor had Skub for breakfast before he fought Horus! Look where he is now! If he hadn't had skub for breakfast, he would have won the Horus Heresy!

In the end, there is only Skub.

Funfact: [[Warmachine|Menoth]] and the [[Hordes|Devourer Wurm]] are fighting over a pot of skub. ''It's just that <strike>good</strike> <strike>bad</strike> Good.

I have such faith in <strike>humanity</strike> <strike>skub</strike> <strike>humanity</strike> <strike>skub</strike> <strike>skubmanity</strike> <strike>nothing</strike> <strike>everything</strike> <strike>Nietzsche's way of thinking.</strike> The ability of <strike>people</strike> all sapient beings to argue endlessly over the <s>pettiest</s> greatest bullshit.

^ Disregard the above implication. Muh middleman fallacy. You can only be <strike> pro-skub </strike> or anti-skub. No in between. No sidelines.

*So which are you then, eh?

Filthy neutrals get OFF OUR PAGE <strike>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE</strike> Stop that autistic screeching at once
*This, only filthy skub users screech like that.
Skub is great, fuck you.
[[Category:meme]]

Skubbary Execution (skub limbo)

Skub is so great the tyranids came to this galaxy to harness its <strike>powers</strike> tightness. All hail Cypher the true Warmaster! Codename '''Greatness'''

Snap selfies of the tyranid queen is the reason for such heresy and heredity

One must be enlightened to the Greater Good (The Greater Good) and it's message of harmony between Scub and Anti-Scub join me brothers and siste- *BLAM* DAMN TAU SCUM!

<s>You anti-scub fuckers squander the greatest thing in the universe</s>

If you like it so much, at least spell the goddamn name right, you ass-backwards Skub-lover.

SKUBPRIDE WORLDWIDE

SKUBPRIDE WORLDWIDE

SKUBPRIDE WORLDWIDE

SKUBPRIDE WORLDWIDE

Sly Marbo sneakily takes your Skub and proceeds to defecate all over it.

Skub caused my forge world to get taken blown up by the forces of Nurgle.

<s>Pro-skub and anti-skub need to shut the fuck up [[Exterminatus|OR ELSE.]]</s> In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only skub.

You guys ''know'' Skub is actually Orc snot,right? AN' WUT DA ZOG IS RONG WIFF DAT? BEIN' ORKY ONLY MAKEZ IT BETTAH, YA GRETCHIN GIT

<center><gallery>
File:1448773355358.jpg|Democracy at its finest!.
</gallery></center>

* What pro-Skub say:

* What Anti-Skub say:

* What they have in Common:[[Rage]]

<s>Both [[Neckbeard|Pro-Skub]] and [[Neckbeard|Anti-Skub]] [[Exterminatus|need to shut the fuck up]].</s> '''STFU CENTRIST FAG. SKUB!!!!'''

I have found the solution to this terrible civil war of Skub and Anti Skub and it is! Oh wait I don't feel very good *One of the One half culled by Thanos*

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:Skub.GIF|Pandora's Box
File:Proskub.png|<s>disgusting</s> GLORIOUS AND TRUTHFUL pro-skub propaganda
File:Antiskub.png|<s>disgusting</s> <s>GLORIOUS AND TRUTHFUL</s> disgusting anti-skub propoganda
</gallery></center>

Flak Armor

2018-06-05T05:55:51Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

{{wh40k-stub}}

'''Flak Armour''' is the most common form of armor employed by the [[Imperium of Man]] and especially the [[Imperial Guard]]. Cheap and easy to make and manufacture by the average Imperial world, it is composed of multiple layers of ablative material, shock resistant material and ballistic textiles. Fairly similar to modern body armor in regards of rough construction, though the materials are more advanced. It is resistant to shrapnel and stab attacks done by human combatants armed with regular knife while offering pretty good protection against bullets from [[Stubber|combustion guns]] and glancing hits from directed energy weapons comparable in power to a [[Lasgun]].

For example, modern Earth ballistic vests either light weight vests that provide reasonable protection only against shrapnel and weaker rounds or poor penetrating (will stop a shotgun slug but broken ribs galore), or equip heavier armour that provide more coverage and withstand more powerful rounds, all the way up to armour piercing sniper rounds (assuming the wearer has some sort of steel or ceramic insert). With Flak armour gives a chance to not only survive a direct hit from a light machine gun, but to remain in a shape to continue fighting (assuming it hits the chest piece), all while not weighing down the soldier significantly. When dealing with a local rebellion or facing pirates, bandits, [[Necromunda|hive-gangsters]] or the rag tag forces of the [[lost and the damned]], a suit of flak armour is an [[Emperor]]send and often means the difference between survival and a gruesome death. After all, it's said that any stubber at and below rifle caliber will ([[skub|supposedly]]) not pierce any part of the Flak Armour. So you can play Space Marine basically.

That said, when it comes to protecting its user from guns which shoot [[Bolter|20mm rocket bullets]], [[Shuriken Catapult|hyper-sonic monomolecular ninja stars]], [[Plasma|bolts of compressed plasma]] as hot as a star's core and similar, they are of little more use than a common T-shirt.
{{Template:40k-Imperial-Weapons}}
[[category:warhammer 40,000]]

Gellar Field

2018-06-05T05:23:44Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* Let's Take an Example */

The '''Gellar Field''' is a energy field that protects a space ship, oneself, and crew from getting a Class 10 Clusterfucking from [[Chaos]] while traveling in the [[Warp]].

As everyone knows, the ''only'' way to get ''anywhere'' without taking fucking forever is to use the Warp. That is, unless you are the [[Eldar]], in which case you can go much faster with [[Webway]]s as long as you don't get lost. Or you are the [[Tyranid]]s and can use [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcubierre_drive gravitational Star Trek bullshit]. Or you are the [[Necron]]s and can screw the laws of physics seven ways till Sunday. Or you are the Tau who invent new and less-shitty-then-previous but still-shitty-non-Warp-limit-as-x-goes-to-the-speed-of-light drives like every 20-30 years. So maybe not everyone knows. But everyone ''definitely'' knows that all sorts of fucked up shit lives in the Warp, whose '''ONLY''' goal is to fuck you up (both literally and metaphorically) in 57 (or more) different variations. The Gellar Field prevents this from happening, so the Servants of the [[Imperium]] can go to your planet and kill your [[Cultist|Chaos-worshiping]] ass!

== Let's Take an Example ==
The [[Orks]] are a fantastic test case of what happens when someone who doesn't use Gellar Fields travels through the Warp.

The Orks ''can'' use a ''similar'' device to a Gellar Field, that focuses the power of the WAAAGH! into an energy field to keep the Daemons and other warp monsters away. It involves jamming [[Awesome|Really Big Teef]] onto the ship in an effort to frighten passing Warp-monsters. Hell yeah! This may or may not be a kind of ferryman payment to Gork or Mork for safe passage. Of course, if that technique doesn't work, the Orks will usually just give the unlucky daemons that tried to board their spacecraft a good stompin'. Either way, the Orks like both outcomes.

Many grassroots WAAAGH!s get underway by hitching a ride on a passing [[Space Hulk]]. These are convenient because they can enter and exit the Warp (saving on having to make a very complicated Warp Drive), have tons of cargo space (for all of the boyz to ride in), and frequently come equipped with friendly passengers such as Genestealers, Daemons, Chaos Cultists, or other some forgotten horror (for in-flight entertainment). This travel method, while common for Orks, would be ''utterly disastrous'' for any other race. Space Hulks have no guidance systems: they can spend decades in the Warp and come out right where (and when) they started, or spend a few days in the Warp and arrive hundreds of years in the past around a totally uninhabited planet. While all of this waiting around is happening, the totally unshielded Hulk is ripe for invasion from Daemons, who not only look at Realspace beings as a food source but are actively drawn to anything Real that happens to pass by. Brainsuckers, sanity-feeders, life-drainers, and eight-million copies of [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-106 Radical Larry] are on standby to slither into the Hulk and track down any Ork stupid enough to have hitched a ride in the first place. All of that would be bad enough, but because the Warp and Realspace don't mix well, Space Hulks are constantly in danger of of doing things like [[wat|phasing into themselves, having infinitely-looping corridors]] and generally getting all M.C. Escher.

It's lucky for the Orks that they don't care much. Any other race would be driven mad, slaughtered entirely, and/or be devastated to learn that they arrived decades too late to stop the conflict they were sent to fight. Orks by contrast will readily fight anything and everything, including themselves (and terrifying horror-movie antagonists) as a general first response to unpleasant or unfamiliar circumstances. Due to their below-average intelligence they generally take eldritch horror with a puzzled chin-scratch and eventual dismissal (or assault and battery). Ork WAAAGH!s are also fairly independent of things like nations or strategic timelines, so "showing up too late" is almost always a non-issue. (In one instance the Orks in question showed up too ''early'', catching their own WAAAGH! right before it left. Long story short, the Warboss killed himself to get two of his favorite gun and the WAAAGH! stopped in it's tracks) The above is not to say that Orks who hitch a ride on Space Hulks are perfectly fine. They aren't. Many would-be WAAAGH!s begin and end when the horde jumps aboard a Space Hulk, and it shows up on the other side of the galaxy with a few thousand new sets of Ork skeletons inside.

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Warlords

2018-06-04T22:46:43Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* Notable Warlordz */

[[File:Warlordz.jpg|355px|right|thumb|LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M DA WARLORD NOW!]]
'''LIZTEN UP YA GITZ! IT IS TIME TO KRUMP DA IMPERIUM, DA CHAOS GITZ, DA ELDAR PANZIES, DA TAU SKINNIEZ AND DA ZOGGIN BUGZ CAUSE I AM THE WARLORD! BLESSED BY GORK AND MORK'IMSELF! WAAAAAGGHHH!'''

''Not to be confused with [[Warlord]]''

Warlordz are the biggest of the big, the head honcho of an entire Ork empire, the bigwigs of the Greenskins, the [[Alpha Legion|alpha alpha]] [[Space Wolves|wolf]], that one big motherfucker of all Ork-kind. These are the guyz you see bossing even [[Warboss|Warbosses]] around. Warlordz are thus fucking huge, as in the size of a fucking [[Rhino|METAL BOX]] huge. Whereas a Warboss may lead a single Ork Warband on a single planet, a Warlord rules over multiple star systems with underling Warbosses acting as advisors.

The Warlord consolidates power through cunning, ruthlessness and sheer force of will, bringing together disparate Ork tribes, mobs, and warbands under his banner to serve some greater purpose. Usually, this greater purpose is simply to sweep through star systems to fight as many fights as they can and to collect as much treasure as they can carry. Occasionally, however, such an army turns into a full-blown WAAAGH!, numbering in the hundreds of thousands or even millions of Orks, and can pose a grave threat to even the most strongly fortified Sector or Segmentum (Just look at [[The Beast]] for example). Army upon army will flock to the banner of a prominent Warlord until he commands a horde of terrifying size. Ork Warlordz often command forces so large that they can wipe out entire armies and conquer whole star systems with the greenskinned fury of a WAAAGH! They can on rare occasion successfully face entire Imperial armies, the hordes of the Forces of [[Chaos]], but most Warlords have rather poor records.

An Ork Warlord is always intimidating in his war panoply, as a fierce appearance is essential when ruling with an iron fist. He will claim the lion's share of the spoils of war, even if it means strangling a few Deathskulls [[Lootas]] that have got to them first. Warlords often ride at the head of their armies in clanking great [[Battlewagon|Battlewagons]] or [[Battlefortress|Battlefortresses]] covered in personal glyphs and banners. Or sometimes their very own [[Gargant]] if they manage to have one built. (This entirely depends on whether the Warlord thinks getting stuck in personally to show the example or yelling orders from atop an [[awesome]] moving shrine to [[Gork]] and [[Mork]] is the most effective way to lead.)

Like a Warboss, whenever a Warlord is killed, the largest Ork Nob (Although in this case it will be other Warbosses) in his retinue will take his place, after brutally restoring order among the klan or WAAAGH! and establishing himself as the new Warlord. At times a Warlord's authority may be challenged by his rivals. The outcome of such struggles for power can be resolved in a number of ways. Some Orks prefer low kunnin' (such as assassination or ambush), whilst others will engage in some ritual duel, whether simple brawls, or more elaborate ritual contests such as the famous "Eadbuttin' Kontest" where two Orks keep headbutting one another until one of the contestants passes out from cranial trauma. Among the Orks present in the Jericho Reach, the second option is much preferred, and every Ork settlement in the Reach possesses a fighting pit where the outcome of such challenges can be determined. In fact, many of these pit fights are used as a crude form of Greenskin judicial system, with the outcome of the fight resolving any kind of dispute over loot or position.

==Boss Poles and Trophies==
Orks judge the worth of a Warlord by the quantity and quality of the enemies he has overcome. The Warlords of ages past adorned their thrones and trophy racks with the skulls of their rivals. The modern spacefaring Ork has a far wider range of foes to conquer, and takes great pleasure in twisting off the heads of his hardiest foes and displaying them for all to see. Space Marine helmets usually occupy pride of place on a Warlord's trophy rack (This is because of the rarity of space marine helmets found on 'umies in leadership positions). To display the remains of the finest warriors of Humanity upon a trophy rack is a great testament to a Warlord's prowess and right of leadership. Furthermore, Space Marine helmets come in a variety of bright colours; a real plus for the more ostentatious Warlord. To commemorate past victories over vanquished foes, Warlords will often display a boss pole, a tall pole with a cross arm about a quarter of the way from the top, worn on the Boss' back when he rides into battle. Hung from the boss pole above the Boss' head are a number of banners, pennants, trinkets, gubbins, and skulls of various vanquished enemies.

==Notable Warlordz==
There have been so many Warlordz since the 10,000 years after old [[Emprah|Empy]] was given the boot to the [[Golden Throne|Golden Toilet]]. Here are the most notable examples of Warlordz that plagued or is plaguing the Imperium.

*'''[[The Beast]]''' - There was, in truth, no single Beast but, rather, an alliance of six Warbosses. The exact specifics of their arrangement, if one was considered above the others or even if they were somehow the same being with six bodies, was never made clear as they all died rather shortly after being revealed. They were the most famous of Orks, The Beasts were FUCK HUEG Orks even by Warlord standards. They were the size of damned [[Titan]] and were so powerful and intelligent that they even formed [[What|Ork diplomats]] of all things. Heck they was so powerful they all but destroyed the [[Imperial Fists]] and then went on a joyride straight to [[Holy Terra]], the most heavily defended region in the Galaxy, although at the time the Imperium did not respond effectively to their intrusion, holding back important military assets due to internal bickering. They were so bad that it even made the [[Iron Warriors]] of all people to feel disgusted. Their legacy literally created the [[Ordo Xenos]],the [[Deathwatch]] and the [[Ork#Ork_Klanz|Ork Klanz]].
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''' - The other famous Warlord, and now Prophet of the WAAAGH! by the decree of Gork and Mork themselves. Ghazghkull gained a promotion from Warboss to Warlord after his fun little defeat on [[Armageddon]]. Have a weird [[Weeaboo|Tsundere]] relationship with [[Yarrick]] [[/d/|which creates plenty of disturbing images for]] [[/tg/]]. Is on his way to [[Octarius War|Octarius]] to join the great clusterfuck and krump some Nids.
*'''[[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]''' - While his status might be a bit [[Skub|skubby]], Gorgutz string of getting out of situations have made him sort of a quasi-Warlord in making as he has certain influences over other Nobz and Warbosses from other planets such as Kaurava. Has a habit of collecting heads on his pointy stikk and escaping impossible situations.
*'''[[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]''' - One of the [[Lulz|lulziest]] Warlordz. Tuska was widely known for going inside a [[Khorne|Khornate]] [[Daemon World]] with his band of merry [[Ork Boy|Boyz]] before raising hell (Quite literally in this sense) on said Daemon World. They all died fighting but Khorne was so impressed that he resurrected Tuska and his gang over and over again in an endless bloodbath. Both sides literally loving the heck out of it and is closest thing 40k has to happy ending.

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}

'Ardboyz

2018-05-27T22:10:31Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

[[File:Ork 'Ard Boy.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Ork Boys wear 'Ard Armour because they are right 'ard. ]]

A 'Ardboy is pretty much an [[Ork Boy]] given an upgrade, making him one step closer to becoming a full fledged [[Nob]] and enough to give a [[Space Marine]] a run for his money. 'Ardboyz are so called due to the amount of thick metal scraps they have bolted on to their armor which, over time, has made them as Dead'Ard as a Tank. Usually things like blasted tank armor, tank treads, broken down security doors and shattered ceramite from destroyed [[Space Marine]] [[Power Armor]] are used as components that makes up Eavy Armor or 'Karapace' as some would like to call it. This is the stuff that makes up their armor and despite poor maintenance, the result is armor than can withstand most small arms fire. This gives the 'Ard Boyz the unfortunate appearance/targets of walking magnets both in [[Fluff]] and in [[Crunch]], though it is considered [[Rage|unwise to tell them.]]

'Ardboyz are best known for their appearance in [[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine|SPESS MEHREEN: THE VIDYA]] and were notorious for being a tough and challenging opponent. Soaking up so much [[Dakka]] for a non-boss unit that it borderlines obscene and ironically being a more difficult opponent to fight than the [[Nemeroth|last boss]] [[FAIL|of the game.]]

==Overview==
[[File:Ard_boy.png|300px|left|thumb|The most annoying enemies to fight.]]

An 'Ard Boyz Mob consists of 10 to 30 'Ard Boyz which may include a [[Nob]]. For every ten Orks in the Mob one might be armed with either a big shoota or a rokkit launcha. 'Ardboyz are heavily armored Ork Boyz who own and wear 'Eavy Armor. Only veterans who have managed to survive many battles and slaughtered many foes have the chance to scavenge sufficient materials to build or purchase such an Armor. This also means that 'Ardboyz are [[Lootas|excellent scavengers]] even above the normal Ork ability.

On the battlefield, 'Ardboyz will congregate together in warbands, and simply charge forwards, trusting in their heavy armor to keep them alive long enough to reach their targets and chop the enemy to bits.

Because of their role as a moving shield, other Orks view them with merit and therefore, 'Ard Boyz spearhead Ork advances to take advantage of their increased durability which allows them to survive heavy fire fights with barely a scratch and protect their fellow ork comrades from being picked off. Of course, some Boyz may view their bros as nothing more than a [[DISTRACTION CARNIFEX|useful distraction that attracts all their firepower to one direction]] [[Just As Planned|whilst the rest of the mob close in and attack a vulnerable position.]]

Mobs of 'Ardboyz retain all the versatility of classic Boyz mobs, thus being able to fill the roles of [[Ork Boy#Shoota Boyz|Shoota Mobs]] or [[Ork Boy#Slugga Boyz|Slugga Mobs,]] but usually go for the latter, as their armor proves more useful when close to the enemy.

In the Ork hierarchy, 'Ard Boyz tend to hold a position just below Nobs (though given the unpredictability and flexibility of Orks this is not a hard rule). More techno-hesitant Ork Clanz (such as the Snakebites) tend to look down upon 'Ard boyz, seeing their love for heavy armor as a sign of weakness and cowardice. 'Ard Boyz are more frequent among the Bad Moons and Deathskulls Clanz, as both of those Clanz tend to be naturally wealthy or streetwise enough to gather the materials for the armor. They usually grow arrogant and laugh at their less-armored comrade casualties, who in turn call them [[Troll|"walking magnets"]] (referring to their attitude to pick up scraps for their armor as they proceed in the battle) when not heard.

==Equipment==

A typical warband of 'Ardboyz is composed of between half a dozen and a score of Orks, more often than not lead by an 'Ardboy Nob. All of them are equipped with their 'Eavy Armor, and each 'Ardboy wields either a Shoota or a combination of Slugga and Choppa. 'Ardboyz are often equipped with Stikkbombz and a couple of them will wield either a Big Shoota, Rokkit Launcher or Burna to add more punch to their warband's firepower. Some of them even carry around giant riot shields that are actually thick, metal doors which provides further protection from bolter fire. The 'Ardboy Nob will have his own personal wargear, often a large Power Klaw that can rip through anything that tries to resist his Boyz.

{{Orks-Forces}}

Armor Save

2018-05-21T01:00:23Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

Armour Saves are a mechanic from both [[Warhammer Fantasy]] and [[Warhammer 40K|40K]], and represents the model in question's armor, as well as the durability of it. In both games, armor comes in many shades and sizes - Most standard troop armor ranges from [[Orks|a patch of metal]] [[Kroot|on the shoulder]] to [[Centurion Squad|small vehicles]], but though the function and look of the armor in question can vary, they function the same in game and are performed the same. Each model has exactly one armor save, and if it wishes to defend itself against a wound, armor saves are incredibly handy - Mostly because most dudes have one. [[Cover Save|Cover Saves]] are only gained in cover or when behind someone else, and in those cases, they are still pretty weak stuff, and [[Invulnerability Save|Invulnerability Saves]] are even rarer, if better, as they can't be passed by powerful weaponry.

When throwing an Armor Save, you roll a single [[D6]] per model - If the roll exceeds the Armor Save of the model in question, the wound is discarded with no further effect, but if the roll is below, the armor failed to deflect the attack and the model takes the wound. Therefore, the lower the save, the more reliable it is.

That said, there are vastly different systems for how armor works in the two systems.

== Warhammer Fantasy ==

In ages past, the writers at [[Games Workshop]] decided that instead of a nice traditional armour save, <s>Fantasy</s> both systems used an extremely in-depth system of modifiers, increasing and decreasing values and other such things. Where 40k's third edition got rid of that early for a much less bookkeeping-intensive approach of 'fixed value that can be negated altogether' (Amusingly enough, eight edition is reintroducing them; see below), Fantasy kept the intricate system of save modifier for a much longer time.

[[Fail| Fuck those guys.]]

So, from the top, armour saves in Warhammer Fantasy work differently to those of 40k. Instead of a flat value, all forms of armour in the game increase the unit's armour value. So for example, an Empire Spearman has light armour, which gives him a 6+ armour save. Simple right? Well now you gave him a shield, for some reason since he [[Derp|can't use it in close combat with his spear]], which gives him +1 to his armour save as well, meaning he now has a 5+ save, as well as a 6+ parry save in close combat (which again he can't use with his spear you fucking simpleton). Every form of armour in the game works similarly, even the really strange stuff like Scaly Skin (mainly seen on the [[Lizardmen|Lustrian Reptile Regiment]] but sometimes on other people) and stuff like Chaos Armour, unique to [[Warriors of Chaos]] and bestowing a 4+ save on your common Warriors, becoming [[MEQ|Space Marine levels of bullet-spongy]] when given a shield as well. Being mounted also gives you +1, and then [[The Elder Scrolls|horse armour]] adds a whole other side to the armour calculations.

Now comes the fun part.

Y'see, the problem with this system is that light armour is fucking useless and mounted heavy-armoured burly bastards are broken beyond belief, since they'll get a 2+ save for almost no points on top of riding a motherfucking Daemon horse. So the writers at GW decided that life was too simple for us Fantasy peasants, and introduced armour-affecting attacks. So let's take our old friend the Empire Spearman. He looks too damn smug with his 6+ save, poncing around the place looking at his reflection in his speartip. Let's get an Ogre to smack some fucking sense into him. {{BLAM}} Thank you (Ogres hit roughly as hard as a bolt pistol to the head). Now the Ogre is a solid S4, which means that he reduces the armour save of his opponent by 1 when he wounds. so the Spearmen now has a 7+ save. Whoops! That doesn't exist, so he has no save and is now fucking paste. But wait! He has a shield! That means the -1 modifier from the Ogre's attack makes his 5+ save a 6+! Hooray! Oh shit here comes an Ogre Tyrant {{BLAM}} who is S5, which reduces armour saves by 2. 5+2 (yeah reduce is add and add is reduce, deal with it this isn't fucking 40k anymore) equals 7 so there's no saving this Spearman. Wait! (again), his shield gives him a 6+ parry save, which is a ward save for combat, so he still has a very small chance! Whoops, he failed and died, ah well, better luck next time.

So the basic function of the negative modifier system is to ensure that heavy attacks are actually useful and feel like something happened when you use them, and also to make sure strong armour saves aren't complete bullshit. Because let's be fair, a mounted heavy-armoured shielded Knight ain't surviving shit when he's taking a cannonball to the gut. As the Strength of the attack increases, the armour save negative modifier also increases, so at S4 you reduce 1 from the save and at S10 you remove 7. This means that 1+ saves are actually legal in Fantasy, since reducing the defense they afford means they are breakable, and the "always fails on 1" rule still applies. There are also attacks that have extra armour piercing rules, like Skaven Warpfire Throwers that reduce the armour save by 2 as well as being S5, giving a healthy -4 to the save overall.

This system is often infuriating, but also helps make the game feel more authentic, and is genuinely fun at times.

== Warhammer 40K ==

The Armor Save at first worked much the same in 40k (Albeit with its own brand of [[lulz]]. 2+ save on 2d6 for Khornate Terminators, anyone?) 3rd edition introduced a much more streamlined system. You see, 40K has armor saves flying out the arse - pretty much everyone has some kind of armor (Unlike Fantasy where your troops generally are lucky to have any sort of armor at all). Horde armies like [[Orks]] and [[Tyranids]] tend to have very low armor saves though, while more elite armies like [[Space Marines]] tend to have much better armor.

If you are new and just got your first Space Marine Codex, you might marvel over how your troops only die on 1's and 2's, believing that your new superhuman warrior models can wade out in a firefight with impunity... And you would be right. If it wasn't for every single fucking thing in the game sporting multiple weapons who laughs at armor saves without any sort of trade off to the weapon or the bearer. See, where higher strength weaponry decreases the effectivness of armor saves in Fantasy, they are simply ignored through a special stat called AP that all weapons have. The number specifies how strong an armor the weapon will ignore, which means if a weapon like the [[Bolter]] has an AP of 5, it can completely ignore every armor save of both 6+ and 5+, completely negating the need for these fuckin' saves. Seriously, if a weapon doesn't have any kind AP it is deemed weak unless it spits out a large amount of decently strong (or rending) dakka. Do note that this is one often overlooked weakness of armor : It will statistically fail. No matter how lowly a weapon is, no matter how ridiculous or nonsensical it looks that it may get through your precious armor save, '''it will'''. This is why while you may think that huge blob of lasguns won't do jack to your terminators, it may just as well, with a bit of luck, a good order and the help of the rapid fire rule, wipe it.

So, armor in 40K is basically just a suggestion. No matter what, the enemy will have plenty of weapon to deal with heavy armor by simply ignoring it like [[Plasma]] Rifles, so don't be fooled by the Centurion and how it has an 2+ T5 save - If the enemy brings S 7 AP 2, there really isn't any reason to take them over another Tactical Squad. Also do note that the AP mechanic means gaining one point of armor is not simply 1/6 more chance of stopping your enemy's wounds : Not only will it do that, but against weapons that negated exactly your old armor save, you'll get a full new one. Also notice that, quite logically, best AP weapon get rarer and rarer. This is why armor gets exponentially better.

However: while armor saves are more like to get negated it's more likely for a soldier in 40k to snag a cover save (since they're not forming into rank and file to fight), which works just like an armor save in practice only reliant on terrain rather than something intrinsic to the model. So it's possible for even units with an armor save of 6+ to get a 4+ cover save. Of course these have their own counters most often, but often there are different sorts of counters, you rarely get low AP ignore cover weapons and when they do show up the [[Cheese|cheddar]] rage is real.

That said, here are the armor saves:

*'''6+:''' A few plates here and there to stop the odd shot from killing the wearer, or leather braces to stop tiny flying rocks from [[Dark Angels|slitting your wrists]]. Used mostly by the Orks and the Termagaunts and Hormagaunts of the Tyranids, and could just as well not be there - Most weapons ignore them anyways. Other units like Kroot have this paltry save not to protect them, but as a final fail safe if they somehow end up outside of a forest. Everybody will laugh at it, especially weapons that will by definition be effective against their wearer - typically, low value / high number units - like flamers and grenades. Plus you can get better by standing in almost any cover. Don't count on it.
*'''5+:''' What would be flak armor today - Can stop a normal bullet pretty reliably, but this is 40K we're talkin'. Mainly possessed by the Imperial Guard and their fuckloads of infantry, as well as Eldar Guardians. Better than 6+. but doesn't do much to save your sorry ass if something wants you dead. Treat like 6+ - Better save but still ignored by an unreal amount of stuff (Pulse Rifles, Bolters, Gauss Flayers, etc). Still gives you a save against lasguns, shootas, frag grenades/missiles and multi-lasers, so marginally better than 6+ in fact.
*'''4+:''' Futuristic armour covering most of the wearers body. In other words, Carapace Armor. Usually not mechanical or technologically advanced, however. The 4+ is a save you can trust more reliably - Though still a toss-up, it is harder to ignore and a lot of sorta cheap troops have it, namely [[Fire Warrior|Fire Warriors]], [[Necron]] Warriors and the [[Space Marine Scout|Space Marine Scouts]] among others. Protects from bolters and their non-heavy cousins, which is a great plus. Probably the most cost-efficient armour around in both fluff and crunch, as 5+ is ignored by pretty much anything, and 3+ costs too much money/points and still suffers from the abundance of low-AP weapons. There are still things that ignore them, so watch out - You should be safe against most other troops, however.
*'''3+:''' [[Power Armor]] that covers the entirety of the body with technologically advanced plate of awesome. This would be the sweetest save there were, as most Marines have it and others Elites tend to have it too, like the [[Battlesuit|Crisis Suits]] and Immortals, if there weren't so fucking many "Marine Killer" weapons around. It certainly has the best usefulness ratio as it will protect against most if not all non-vehicle-mounted or non-specialized weaponry, while the next armor ( 2+ ) will probably not fare any better against those weapons that do ignore 3+. Will defend your dudes reliably, but keep away from Plasma and anything that ends with -cannon.
*'''2+:''' The granddaddy of Armor Saves, this is heavy [[Power Armor]] like [[Terminator]] Armor and the armor of heavy walkers. Again, fuckin' a if there are no AP 2/1's around, but you'd be lucky to encounter that. Combined with the usually low number of troops carrying these kinds of saves, make sure you know how to keep the big guns from them - Can you manage that, then you are golden.

== [[Age of Sigmar]]/[[Warhammer_40,000_8th_edition]] ==

The latest version of both games have turned to a simple, hybrid version of both save systems. Today:

*All units have a given base save value.
*All weapons have a given modifier to save (Rend in AoS, AP in 40k), independent of who or what is using it/it is being used against.

And that's basically it. Roll dice, apply modifier, compare with base value: equal or bigger, wound gets negated.

An individual unit's special rules sometimes modify this a bit (e.g. Skeleton Warrior units have a +1 modifier to save if the enemy's weapon has a rend of 0) in order to differentiate units and armies, but those rules are kept simple in order not to bog gameplay down.

Gretchin Revolutionary Committee

2018-05-15T20:11:29Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

Oi, dese gits iz az ridikulous as dey'z entertainin'. See, on da planet of GorkaMorka (known as Angelis to dose 'umie gits) all da boyz an' da mekz decided to institute a tikket system. Wot for? For getting off da zoggin' rokk and getting back do da WAAAAAAAAGH, ya git. See, 'ooeva kontributted bitz towards building da fing dat would get all da boyz off da planet would get 'imself a tikket, dat's only proppa. But wot can a lousy grot kontribute? Zog all, is wot. So, no tikketz for grotz. So den da grotz, dey get upset. Sez dey want to WAAAAAAAGH as well. Dey kontribute too, dey sez. Wot a load o'mukkin about, if'n you asks me. So, dey's "strike", and ask fer negoshiashunz. So, we'z negoshiate, hur hur. Stomped a 'hole mess of 'em, stomped 'em roight an' proppa. Most of 'em calmed down, but some ran away, and started dis Revolushun nonsense. So dat's 'oo dese GRK gits iz, dey manage dere Revolushun. Wot a zoggin' lot o'mukkin about, don't da grotz know we' got 'em stomped pri-empta... premptiv.... in advanze? Orkz is neva beaten in battle!

''The previous author was later found dead, riddled with slugga rounds, with "Viva la Revolushun!!!" scrawled on the wall next to him.''

== The current state of the Committee and Da Revolushun==
[[File:Red_Gobbo.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Da Red Gobbo, perennial leader of the GRC]]

The '''[[Gretchin]] Revolutionary Committee''' (often referred to just as '''Rebel Grots''') are a faction of Socialist Greenskins in [[Gorkamorka]], one of [[Games Workshop]]'s (former) [[Specialist Games]] set in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. Unlike most Grots (who are slaves/food for the bigger Greenskins), the GRC fights back against this oppression, and even, occasionally, [[/tg/ gets shit done|manages to get shit done]]. This is mostly because they're slightly smarter than Orks and they're better shots, so they're pretty good at that whole "guerrilla" thing.

In the story of Gorkamorka, the GRC was originally made up of Grots upset that they couldn't get "tags," which would enable them to leave the planet Gorkamorka as soon as the Mekboyz finished their contraption. However, they got shot up and thrown out of Mektown (the main hub of Gorkamorka), and so they hide out at Skid Row, a rundown region that the Orks don't particularly care for. Since the beginning, the GRC has been lead by Da Red Gobbo, although there are reasonable suspicions that "Da Red Gobbo" is merely a position, and that the actual Grot in charge changes. Needless to say, discussing this is [[Blam|strongly discouraged]] by the GRC.

The GRC's main way of conducting their Revolushun is formation and funding of Rebel Grot mobs, each headed by their own Head Honcho, and some occasionally even joined by Da Red Gobbo himself. Of course, Grots are hilariously ineffective when fighting even the weakest of Ork mobs, and the Committee is rather stingy with their teef to boot. This has led many a Head Honcho to blatantly lie to the Committee to try and secure extra teef. Some even get away with it. Of course, all this means that Da Revolushun has a poor chance of succeeding.

==See Also==
[[Gnoblar Horde: The Unwashed Masses]] for the [[Warhammer Fantasy]] equivalent.

[[Category:Orks]][[category:warhammer 40,000]]

Commissar

2018-05-03T23:25:20Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* What not to do around a commissar */

[[Image:Comissar.png|frame|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}]]
''But sir -- ! 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!}} 
''-- but....your....zipper sir... it's open... 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' Looking at my groin is Slaaneshi worship! <strike>And that's good!</strike> ''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' No! That's HERESY! Who let that damn cultist infiltrate the commissariat?}} 

{{Topquote|I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.|Alexander the Great}}
{{Topquote|Kerls, wollt ihr ewig leben? - Rascals, do you want to live forever?|Frederick II of Prussia, to his reluctant-to-attack soldiers, battle of Kolin}}
{{Topquote|Last one to die's an Eldar!|A Commissar}}
{{Topquote|You're going back to the front lines and you may get shot and killed, but you're going to fight. If you don't, I'll stand you up against a wall and have a firing squad kill you on purpose. In fact, I ought to shoot you myself, you goddamned whimpering coward.|George S. Patton to a shell-shocked soldier in the hospital}}

In the times long before these dark hours of the forty-first millennium, commanders of various Terran military entities and their successors in the colonial states of galactic expansionism remained in relative safety throughout the duration of various conflicts instead of charging the lines of their enemies with vitriol and froth issuing from their mouths in equal rabid measure. The instruments of the will of higher officers on the battlefield were men of inflexible will and intolerable zealotry, men greatly respected and feared by their underlings who inspired entire battalions with selfless example and were willing to sacrifice themselves for the success of their company and their empire. These times, while flawed, <s>were much better, more efficient and, perhaps, possessing greater sanity than this current era of strife.</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}} Regardless, these times have long passed.

In this current moment of the history of man, war has become a very different thing. Lasguns firing, explosives detonating, great beasts of unimaginable terror charging the trenches without fear, death of all sorts stalking behind every wisp of smoke... and that's just at the front. Behind every line of trembling conscripts is a man, sanctimonious, who fires not upon the hordes of the enemy, but his own troops.

That man is the '''Commissar'''.

They get a cool [[hats|hat]], a [[Nazi]]-esque longcoat, a sword or power fist they seem all too happy to hit the enemy with and their iconic bolt pistol which they use to boost the morale of their men, although they sometimes trade it for las or plasma pistols (but seeing your buddy's head explode or melt down does indeed motivate you better than just seeing a laser beam go through it). In reality however they're nothing more than a couple of faggots who overcompensate for their lack of fighting skill by executing their men to look tou{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. It's a well known fact that most of their morale enhancement (Unless they're [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Ciaphas Cain]], or [[Commissar Yarrick]].) consists of being scary merciless bastards to rival the enemy merciless bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.

A Commissar that lacks any guardsmen to execute and is in the proximity of any vehicle proceeds to clamber on the said vehicle and threaten the crew into charging the enemy so he can hit the enemy with his close combat weapon. Hilarity ensues depending on the kind of closest vehicle, close combat weapon and closest enemy.

Commissars also have a tendency to get killed suspiciously far from the front lines. Fucking [[Catachan]] heretics... And yet, I cannot help but applaud the Catachans! You've got my support, Jungle Bo{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}}

They also have mad shooting skills, some can even execute '''ENTIRE SQUADS OF COWARDS''' in the time it takes to drop their hats. If only they could shoot the enemies that fast, what with their phenomenal accuracy when shooting their own men and all.

<s>'''THEY'RE SONS OF BITCHES!'''</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!'''}} <s>YOU SEE HE SHOT ME, WHAT AN ASSHOLE!</s> {{BLAM|'''QUIET, HERETIC! *BLAM*'''}} <s>I'm not dead!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!-BLAM!* DOUBLE HERESY! ONLY CHAOS INFESTED HERETICS REFUSE TO DIE FOR THEIR COMMISSARS'''}} <s>I FEEL FINE!</s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!-BLAM!*'''}} <s>I don't want to go on the cart!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!'''}} <s>[[Necrons|I'll be back!]]</s> [[Avenger Strike Fighter|BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT!!!!]]

They are preceded with Discipline Masters in Great Crusade era.

==On a more serious note==
Beyond their reputation as [[Khârn|team-killing fucktards]], the presence of Commissars make a lot of sense in the Imperial Guard. Copy-pasted straight from the Civil War Soviet real world commissars (save for the uniform) with a dash of Great War era "charge the enemy or i'll execute you" british army officer thrown in, they're political officers with everything that entails.

First of all, they are the warrants of doctrine. They will deal with any disciplinary issue coming up whenever a Guardsman misbehave. The punishment for cowardice and desertion is death and the Commissar will apply the sentence on the spot, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. As a Guard regiment travels around the Imperium, they will come in contact with other cultures and ideas. Ideas that could potentially be dangerous and morale-ruining (looking at you [[Tau]] propaganda, but not only). Just like they real-world counterparts made sure random Ivan remained true to the ideals of communism, the Imperial Commissar will ensure such heretical ideas are suppressed and the regiment remains loyal to the Imperium and fit for duty. Where to the simple Guardsman this translates into being constantly watched by a terrifying enforcer of discipline that does not hesitate to shoot a deserter on the spot, to the higher echelons of the Guard they're a (frankly necessary) constant reminder they're supposed to do their job as defined by [[High Lords of Terra|the old coots back home]] and not go rogue to seize a planet for their own or carve out their own little kingdom. Yeah, it takes a lot to become a Commissar, tactical and strategic training included: after all, they have to judge the competence of everyone, up to and including Lord Solars.

A second part of their job is to ensure cooperation between elements of the Guard. You see, the Imperium is vast. Extremely vast. And only very loosely unified as a whole. Hence what is considered quite normal on one world would have denizens from another throw a massive bitchfit, if not worse. Imagine the result of stuck-up [[Mordian Iron Guard]]s in the same room as rowdy [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] unsupervised, you'll get the idea. Commissars will to make sure discipline is maintained and rules are adhered to (by force of arms if necessary), no matter the origin of the warriors under their care.

The third part is military counselling. Officially, a Commissar is outside the chain of command and can only advise on military matters, the ultimate decision remaining in the hands of the commanding officer. But, as mentioned, they also have the authority to execute any soldier if they conclude they're severely derelict in the prosecution of their duties (this includes high ranking officers, as both [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] and Viktor Hark have demonstrated). This means that Commissars will most of the time stay close to the action and lead by example and that people will listen to what they have to say (and almost always agree outright) for fear of {{BLAM}}. One of the core tenets of the [[Imperial Creed]] is [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Mankind's right to be the sole owners of the Galaxy]], and the Commissar is always ready to personally prove it to any [[Harlequin|particular]] [[Exodite|breed]] [[Corsair|of]] [[Eldar|Space]] [[Dark Eldar|Elf]], [[Ork]], [[Necron]], [[Tyranid|space bug]] or whoever was stupid enough to question Mankind's right to rule the stars with their existence that day. (They're helped by often being the most well-equipped and hardest motherfuckers in the squad.)

Should it come to pass that the leader of a squad or regiment has fallen (one way or another, either due to the enemy or {{BLAM}}), the Commissar will assume command himself. Most Guardsmen dreads when this happen for this all too often results in a <strike>pointless last stand for anyone involved</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY! No death in the Emperor's name is pointless!'''}}; anyone attempting to retreat being helped to a bolter shell to the back of the head for cowardice. This is often all too true, but the Commissar has no choice: he simply cannot flee or order a retreat as he's well aware this would be the surest way for morale to collapse immediately, especially if he just executed the commanding officer. And in many cases the situation has already gone so FUBAR when he assumes command that standing his ground and taking as many enemies of the Emperor with him as he can is the only meaningful choice left to him and the men close to him; [[Fist of the North Star|for they are already dead]]. This said, it is not always a bad thing when it happens. [[awesome|The most famous example]], of course, is [[Commissar Yarrick]] assuming command of the defense of [[Armageddon]]; whose undaunted contest of Golgotha hive made [[Ghazghkull Thraka]] lose sight of the larger battle because he couldn't see it as anything but a personal challenge and answered in kind, leaving the flanks of his hordes wide open for the Imperial counter-attack.

Last but not least, the Commissars are also trained to look out for xenos or chaotic taint. Not all enemies of the Imperium [[Ork|conveniently charge at the Guard straight on]] but use much more insidious methods. So the Commissars are taught a little bit (just what is needed) about Chaos, [[Genestealer Cult|Genestealers]], Enslavers and all those kind of joyful things that could fuck over their regiment and how to look out for it, with the strict instruction to {{Blam}} anything they find out on sight. Any [[psyker]] in their regiment will be under their constant scrutiny because where Average Joe just has a vague knowledge he should 'abhor the witch', the Commissar know what would happen if he would get [[Daemonhost|possessed]]. Better safe than sorry.

With the above in mind, you easily understand why Commissars are at best tolerated and often hated with a passion by the men under their care. They are hard and pitiless men, but that is a sad necessity in the [[grimdark|just as hard and pitiless 40k universe where the alternative is even worse]]. It should also be noted, that not all Commissars are trigger-happy fucknuts. The intelligent ones that live long lives learn that the right words can often inspire men just as well, if not better, than a bolt to the head. These Commissars learn to tell the difference in situations. After all, the Commissars first job is to inspire the troops, through whichever means are most appropriate. Off course, the trigger-happy fucknuts do tend to spoil the bunch for the good ones.

==Choices of equipment==
*Badass longcoat, badass sash and even more badass hat straight out of Hugo Boss during the Nazi era.
*Mars-Pattern ceramite balls
*Flak armour- Standard guardsman issue Commissar armoured underwear.
*Carapace armor & Refractor field- A better armour and a force field for genre-savvy Lord Commissar.
*Camo-cloak. Serves to hide said badass garments and get less fire from the enemy and guardsmen.
*Special Mask for a Lord that weeps tears of blood near traitors! Oh and scares people. Also gives a force field.

*Saber- Often carried to swing towards enemies while riding a Leman Russ tank so that he could drive closer and hit enemies with his sword.
**[[Chainsword]]- For a sword that's actually useful more often than not.
**[[Power weapon|Power sword]]- For slaying armored enemies and hassle-free decapitations.
**Power fist- For punching through enemy [[METAL_BOXES|Metal Bawkses]].

*[[Laspistol]]- Clean, precise, and efficient working tool of the Commissar that doesn't waste ammunition. Less satisfying to execute people with though.
*Bolt pistol- Produces very satisfying {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming sound that raises self-esteem of the worthless ponce hold-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}, can also get through standard issue imperial flak armor if you need to blam someone in the chest on the battle field.
*[[Bolter]]- Good for shooting underarmoured enemies and your entire squad if you suspect them all of {{BLAM|HERESY}}.
*[[Plasma|Plasma pistol]]- Good for shooting armoured enemies dead. Bad for summary executions since it's poor form for it to over heat when trying to "inspire" your squad.
*Baleful Eye- [[Commissar Yarrick|Lasgun built in the eye socket to kill Orks with a glare]].
*Grenades & bombs.
*Titanium balls.
*Two pairs of balls, (see above)

==Reasonable Commissars==
Reasonable Commissars do not execute those who flee. However, they do carry a potent stun-gun to bring down those who break ranks and save the bolter shells for those who have willingly became servants of Chaos or Xenos. Afterwards, the accused is brought before a military tribunal to judge what the appropriate punishment will be. Reasonably Hard Labor is a common punishment. If a not-so-reasonable commissar is present the punishment is invariably a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ing. The bas- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

Reasonable Commissars can often be found in units operating alongside [[Reasonable Marines]].

Reasonable Commissars understand their duty is to instill courage within the Imperial Guard, not to instill discord and discontent. Thus they lead by example and be the first to die and last to retreat.

Reasonable Commissars only exist because there are Commissars who are *ahem* ''dicks''...such as Commissar Jericho of the 8th Cadian Whiteshield division:

{{topquote|Lil' Timmy: "Commissar? My helmet won't fit. Can you please help me fasten it?" Jericho: "IF YOU CANNOT FASTEN YOUR OWN HELMET, YOU'RE AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER! AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER IS THE SAME AS A HERETIC IN MY BOOK! SUMMARY EXECUTION FOR YOU!" {{BLAM}} "SO. ANY OF YOU OTHER CHILDREN WANT HELP WITH SOMETHING? WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLIVER? DO YOU STILL WANT MORE PORRIDGE? OH WAIT, YOU'RE DEAD! HAH! GET BACK TO FIGHTING YOU LITTLE PIECES OF SLIME!|From the records of Inquisitor Murtho}}

To some extent, they do actually exist in Warhammer canon, with [[Ciaphas Cain]] ('''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!''') and [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] being the most iconic examples, the fact that they became tremendously famous (OK, Gaunt - not so much) and idolized is implied to have led to many newer Commissars using their less trigger happy and more reasonable methods. Proof that sometimes, you can make a positive difference in Warhammer.

It could be argued that all Commissars are reasonable as most don't hold malicious intent when killing their own, or don't kill their own unless in extreme (Read: Chaos) circumstances, since most of the time shooting your own men can be counterproductive when they're light infantry fleeing from a Super heavy tank. Or if they, you know, have orders to pull back. Obviously they are evil fucks for killing their own men but usually it is done because it has to be done. Rules are rules, heresy is heresy, and Commissars have to show some authority. Not saying that they are necessarily nice guys but no Commissar ever sleeps well at night, except Gaunt, he was pretty fucking cool!

==Female Commissars==
A female Commissar is a rare sight, except by the Vostroyans, otherwise, there is little to no representation in the fluff.

Females of the [[Schola Progenium]] are far more likely to end up in the [[Adepta Sororitas]] and when they are becoming guardswomen, they are far more likely to be put in auxiliary and support roles than front lines combat, thus reducing their chances to be sent to a Schola and becoming either a Storm Trooper or an Inquisitor, when they don't get transferred to the Sisters. Nevertheless they do exist and perform the same functions on the battlefield as their male counterparts, and have been known to be even more nasty than your regular commissar if the regiment is mostly made up of men for obvious reasons.

However, there have been all female regiments of guardswomen, and they only had female Commissars.

In the recent [[Lemartes]] novel, there was a Female Commissar Stromberg attached to the [[Mordian Iron Guard]]--she died like she lived, making and infantry charge against motherfucking [[Skarbrand]] of all things before being ripped into 3 bits with one axe swing. Buying enough time for the Blood angels to regroup and therefore get all the glory of banishing the Daemon. Typical.

[[Commissar Raege]] is one of the rare cases of a female that became a Commissar.

==Commissar in Squat Regiments==
It was considered a common occurrence for a Commissar to be grouped with a [[Squat]] regiment when they were still relevant in 40k lore. However unlike in the Guard, the Commissars being stationed with the stunties act as advisers rather than a force of morale. That is mainly because to keep an eye on the Squats. Of course a Commissar is forbidden in {{BLAM|Blamming}} a Squat since while he has a Bolt/Laspistol, you basic [[Squat Trooper]] has Plasma Guns, Conversion Beamers and captured [[Eldar]] D-Cannons as their flashlight equivalent. So if the Commissar is a idiotic prick and thinks he/she has near impunity with the Squats he is stationed with, he will soon find his face kissing the barrel of a Squat Melta Gun.

Wish we still have some of our Dorfs back, then we can teach these red-capped bastards on what it is like on the firing li-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' insulting a Commissariat is ''HERESY''! BLAM! BLAM! BLA-}} '''*FFSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!* Oi! Ye Boltshell hit Grimmly in the eye! Your payment for harming us is swift ye Red-Capping Boggort!'''

Yeah, the Space Dorfs did not fuck around back in the day. Commissars act not only as advisers but also supporting leaders. But their leadership is often ineffectual when compared to that of [[Squat Warlord]], [[Guildmaster]] or heck, even a [[Living Ancestor]].

==What not to do around a commissar==

[[Image:Commissar_NO.jpg|thumb|200px|right|If you have to ask...]]
Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

*Do not retreat until he says so.
*Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
*Do not think about retreating before he says so.
*Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
*Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
*Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
*Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
*Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
*Do not fap to the women that are [[Shlicktau|xenos]], [[Cultist-chan|heretics]], or [[Furry|mutants]] while in the field of battle... or outside.
*Do not fap to [[-4_Str|human women]] either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
*Do not fap '''AT ALL''' Because it is heresy. No! Fap to the Corpse-Empero- wait, I kinda gave that away, didn't- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!!}}
*Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations. It's the same as treason and treason, kids, is [[HERESY]].
*Do not look at your commissar with a [[grimdark]] look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
*Do not pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not pretend to pretend to listen to your commissar.
*GODAMMIT LISTEN TO YOUR COMMIS- {{BLAM|'''*CRACK*'''}} Oops my lasgun misfired. Sorry Commissar... (not really)
*Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
*Do not change your underwear. Tzeentch worship.
*Do not neglect to change your underwear. Nurgle worship.
*Do not bring up the paradox of changing underwear. Malal worship. (There is no paradox as long as you follow the correct procedure. First remove and burn the tainted garment while reciting the litany of blessed hygiene. Instead of "Changing" your underwear, proceed to replace the purged garments with identical standard pattern guard issued underwater.)
*Do not worship the [[Chaos|ruinous powers]], even if your commissar is-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Commissars are loyal servants of the Emperor!}}
*Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think '''AT ALL''' or he'll think you are thinking about worshiping the ruinous powers.
*Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
*Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
*Do not fall seriously ill. Serious Nurgle worship.
*Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
*Do not think abou- To Hell with this, you are already thinking about getting ill! {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Do not watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", that is both Tzeentch and Slaanesh worship. (and if the excessive cuteness makes you sick than it's also Nurgle Worship.)
*Do not openly question his orders.
*Do not question his orders behind his back either.
*Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
*Do not suggest that said "''suicidal''" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
*Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
*Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}
*Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination again!}}</s> {{BLAM|Actually that's acceptable, the mutant witch must be thoroughly abhorred and constantly monitored for [[heresy]].}} '''UNBLAM!''' Commissar did I just see you execute a guardsmen and than bring him back to life? Could that perhaps be a bit of chaos sorcery? *Flashes Inquisitorial Seal* I think we need to have a little chat back aboard my ship. Seize this Commissar on suspicion of [[Heresy]]!
*Do not mention that he is the most useless unit to have in a command squad. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination again! Why won't you die!?}} Oh Holy Terra your Unblamming made him a [[perpetual]]. Take this guardsman back to the ship as well and tell the captain to prepare for [[Exterminatus]] this whole page is corrupted.
*Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone <s>unless you have a pretty good reason</s> as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout. Why? Because they'll {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} kill you all in LESS than a splitsecond, now get back to the front, or you'll join him.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give your commissar a new bolt pistol for his birthday. Just think of how fast he can {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} your squad if he goes Akimbo...
*Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He ''will'' have you flogged for cowardice.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He '''''WILL''''' have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
*Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You ''will'' have no army.
*Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have [[Exterminatus|lost a planet]].
*Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
*Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
*Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
*Do not add to this list, or else he will have you shot for insubordination. He- Yes, Sir!... No, sir... Sir? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*<strike>THIS LIST NEEDS MORE CHAOS!</strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}!!
*Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Only acceptable if having said "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
*Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
*Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
*Growing facial hair in the pres- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. More Tzeentch worship.
*Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
*Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
*Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
*Waking up lat- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. Cowardice.
*Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of pages are complete bullsh- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} )
*Calling your self a member of the "Astra Militarum" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} we are and always have been the Imperial Guard: Hammer of the Emperor!
*Do not lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} A proper Guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.
*Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''. Cursing Commissars is HERESY!!!}}
*Do not try to take the easy way out with suicide. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not kill heretics. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! Once again, MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not steal from a Commissar.
*Do not make fun of the Emperor.
*Do not act in a way that convinces your Commissar that you could be a [[Genestealer]]. After all, it could be any one of us. It could be you, it could be me, it could even b{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} Whoa, whoa! {{BLAM|What? It was ''obvious''! He's the Genestealer! Watch, he'll sprout gribbly bits any second now! ... Any... Second now... See? Gribbly bits! No, wait, that's intestines.}} So, we still have a problem. {{BLAM|Big problem. Alright, who's ready to go find the Genestealer?}}

==What to do around a Commissar==
[[File:Oh Lawd.png|150px|right|thumb|Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of a commissar (except everything)]]
*Worship the Emperor
*Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more. Besides, saying Slaanesh sucks could be considered worship, resulting in a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing.)
*Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
*Do go into [[rage]] mo-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Getting angry is Khorne worship! (Raging over the filthy xenos is acceptable though.)}}
*Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship!}}
*Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!}}
*Give him a blowjo-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' SLAANESHI HERETIC!}}
*Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get '''*BLAM!*'''ed.}}
*Go to battle even if you're feeling sic-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship!}}
*Compliment his marksmanship skills.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KISSING ASS!!?}} Pff, missed m- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Easily enough to fix.}}
*Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' NURGLE WORSHIPER!}}
*Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.
*Bring him [[An Eldar's Ears|a captive Eldar]] {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' XENOS LOVING FILTH!!}} ([[Love Can Bloom|"I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands commissar."]])
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
*If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPRAH WITH HIS SWORD!
*Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you ''haven't'' cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear look. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!}}
*Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' The Commissar does what he wants!}}
*If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed book or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.}}
*Bring an RPG or other Big Fucking Gun in case he tries to blam you. Make sure you say "you've been bla- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} (pssst! Make sure you say "You've been BLAMMED!" ''after'' you kill the Commissar and know there aren't more on the battlefield. [[Just As Planned|WHO'S LAUGHING NOW COMMISSARS!?]]){{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing that there are 10 people closer to the Commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitably inspired' so as to not blam you. {{BLAM|'''*CLICK*'''}} See it works! {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' RELOADING IS ONLY A TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCE TO THE AGENTS OF THE IMPERIUM!}}
*Be born on [https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Catachan_Jungle_Fighters Catachan] those over dressed foreigners don't have the balls to shoot you. {{BLAM|HERESY!! '''*KABOOM*'''}} "Why no sarge, I have no idea why the Commissar decided to do a patrol, through a mine field, in the dead of night.
*Be a member of the Karauvan Conservators. Vance Motherfucking Stubbs loves his motherfucking men. Also because no Commissar wants to {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} people who can {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} a Living Saint to death with flashlights.
*Instead of ''DYING'', try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: ''"DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..."'' <strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Borderline Khorne-Worship!}}</strike> ('''ALL''' foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself Commissar.) '''Unblam''' {{BLAM|Re-'''*BLAM*''' RESURRECTING THE DEAD IS SERIOUS HERESY!!}}
'''Inquisitorial Decree:''' Commissars are henceforth forbidden from '''Unblamming'''. The practice of resurrecting the dead is chaos sorcery. Loyal imperial citizens who have been accidentally {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''ed}} can take solace in the fact that their souls will spend eternity basking in the Emperor's divine light.

==Notable Commissars==
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] (<s>Who?</s>) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} ([[Derp|The one, who killed a Daemon Prince with 1 hit from a simple Close Combat Weapon, in the era when DP was Eternal Warrior.]])
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] Da orkiest humie eva!!
*Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]] '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!!''' Secretly believes himself to be a coward. The truth of that is up for debate.
*Commissar-General Delane Oktar: Ibram Gaunt's mentor and substitute father-figure. He should have died better.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] is tired of putting up with your heretical bullshit.
*[[Commissar Dan]]
*[[Commissar Koulick Krieg]] attached to the famed storm trooper regiment known as the Redemption Corps and an agent for the Adeptus Ministorum. Never officially trained as a commissar, but field promoted from storm trooper on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy to infiltrate the "heretical" regiment that was the free thinking Redemption Corps, eventually turning on his masters and becoming a full part of the Corps instead.
*[[Heretical Love|Commissar Max]] the Lovemachine of Yagis V. (It should be noted that he was actually a guardsman who picked up Commissar regalia and weapons.)
*[[K59|Commissar K59]]
*[[Holt]] {{BLAM|'''*SLAP*''' Commissar Holt!!!}}
*[[Commissar Raege]]
*<strike>[[Kharn|Kharn]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| The Commissar]</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Major Khorne worship!}}
*[[Colonel Greiss]] Formerly a Commissar; became a conventional officer through necessity.
* [[Commissar Lord Bernn|Commissar LORD Bernn]] (always put LORD in ALL CAPS -bold is optional-, not doing so is Heresy.) Known for making entire armies completely invincible as long as he has people to execute and beating Mega-Daemon Princes, Hive Tyrants, Land Raider Redeemers, Battlewagons, Deranged Khornate Chaos Champions (if you're so far off your rocker that other Khornates think you're crazy, you may be a wee bit nutters), and Eldar wraithlords to death with a power fist. Also notable for being able to one-shot any infantry, from lowly Ork boyz to TERMINATORS with his laspistol. He needs no words to show he's a badass.
*'''Commissar "Colonel" Schaeffer''' He had his arm shot off by a plasma gun '''AND GREW IT BACK''', had his spine rebuilt after being crushed by a tank and made a full recovery, had his eyes replaced after his other ones were destroyed and has survived being thrown into suicide mission after suicide mission for over 300 years '''LIKE A BOSS''', he gets down and dirty and is usually seen in front of his men in the battle rather than behind them. He's still brutal as fuck to deserters though. *why doesn't he have his own pag- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* '''Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen'''. Fragile, stuttering, clumsy, prone to disease, about as intimidating as a wet kitten. His enlistment was a cruel wager between two of his rich aunts to see if he would survive. He barely made his commission as commissar, and he was discarded to the Catachan 217th infantry to get rid of him. And yet he's still alive today. What's more, he leads his men from the very front, utterly fearless when the jagged teeth of Chaos spawn ('''OH GOD NOOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!! GRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!''' {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Mercy killing; continue.}}) are inches from his face, humming to himself in the middle of the shitstorm that is every battlefield. Atypical for a Catachan company, his men are quite loyal to him, well-liked for leading by example instead of inspiring fear behind the lines ... although they do tease him off-duty by playing keepaway with his hat.
*'''Commissar Viktor Hark''' - The Commissar for the Tanith First (and Only). Pretty bad ass dude with a cybernetic arm to beat heretics and a plasma pistol to melt faces with. Pretty reasonable for a Commissar, preferring {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} only when it can have the most effect on a units morale, which in some cases means {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming the guy in charge.
*'''Commissar Flint''' was abruptly reassigned to the reconstituted 77th Vostroyan Firstborn Dragoons, whose first mission was to quell a bloody rebel uprising at a penal facility on Furia Penitens. Leading a picked team of escaped convicts and Firstborn, Flint infiltrated the vast creepy facility, wrecking Stalkers, slaying giant mutants with his power sword and slaughtering literal rebel scum by the dozens, all while keeping his execution-count impressively low and displaying many feats of epic badassery. Not bad for a commissar who gets his own book who isn't Gaunt or Cain.
*'''Commissar Fenstrum Holt''': A supporting character in the ongoing '''Eagle Ordinary''' [http://www.eagleordinary.com/chapters/77723/planetfall/]webcomic. NOT to be confused with (though he constantly is, even by his own junior, Commissar Talon Gunner) that ''other'' Holt *SLAP* [[Commissar Holt]]. '''This''' Holt is an elderly badass with a creepy bionic eye who manages to beat up trigger-happy aristocratic officers despite being only 5'6. Although introduced in the comic's first page engaging in the Commissariat's trademark pastime {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*-ming'''}} Guardsmen, his character is so well-written and drawn he might just be the fan favorite. Might just be the only adult in the whole comic as well.
*'''Commissar Daridh Ahl Karif''' : Commissar of the Fifth Company, 68th Vostroyan Regiment, one of the main character in Rebel Winter. One of the few [[Reasonable Commissar]] in 40k. An unnaturally caring, nice, level-headed commmissar but also sternly ruthless then the situation demands it. Got posted down to a company-level commission in a pretty much worthless campaign for rejecting a Lord General's son homosexual love (no, seriously), leading to the rejected dude suicide. Currently serve as part of an Inquisitorial reutine.

==Commissar Mortality==
Commissars, at least those attached to an imperial guard regiment, do not exactly have a high life expectancy. Next to the many horrible fates that await your average "balls of steel" Guardsman in the [[grimdark]] WH40K universe, the Commissars have some additional aggravating factors leading to a quick demise.

Some reasons:
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachans]]'''
* A commissar's uniform is very different from those he is working with, add to that he is shouting things at people and possibly {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming them, probably without fire being returned at him, and is probably carrying different weapons than those around him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he is an obvious High-Value Target which any sniper worth the name would take note of.
* Aforementioned uniform offers little to no head protection, head protection is for cowards and cowards get {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med. (However, a Commissar's lack of headgear can get him {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med by the enemy).(subverted for death korps as they have helmets under their hats)
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming cowards, and especially {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming non-cowards, often has a side effect of *accidentally* getting shot, repeatedly, sometimes even far from the front lines. This fate is particularly common for those attached to Catachan units.
* Even when not getting *accidentally* shot/dropped in a pit/run over/... by his own troops, few Guardsmen will risk their lives to save a Commissar should he get into trouble with the enemy.
* Some Commissars both lead by example and expect their men to perform acts of suicidal courage, resulting in performing collective suicide in the name of the Emprah.
* Lots of Commissars like big flashy bolt pistols. Bolt pistols, [[Dakka|being roight flash bitz of dakka]], naturally attract orks like sugar water attracts flies, and unlike laspistols eventually run out of bolts.
* According to their most recent models some unusually ballsy Commissars carry plasma pistols, and as such possess a statistical lifespan of six shots at maximum.

It should be noted that regimental standards vary: 
- Kriegers will leave a Commisar a wreck because they have to keep convincing the men that while it's laudable to die for the Emperor you have to do so while trying to kill His enemies. It's like herding sheep: if you keep your eye off of one for too long it'll be gone. Except this sheep wears a gas mask, digs a trench, bombards the enemy with mortar fire, then goes over the top and gets gunned down without achieving anything. Oh, and there's millions more like it. 
- Serving with the Tallarn regiments that there'll be sand EVERYWHERE. There's so much fucking sand everywhere. I mean, how did it even get there? Not to mention that you'll want to wear one of their turbans to protect your head against the heat, but you can't wear your cap alongside one of those things. And many a Commissar has suffered from dehydration following being told exactly what most of the regiment's water is distilled from. 
- The Mordians employ the strictest of discipline and expect a Commissar to lead by example. When they inevitably mess up the Commissar is subjected to physical disciplinary actions, up to and including being flogged or even executed by the platoon. 
- The Vostroyans are ABSOLUTE MADMEN and expect the Commissar to lead by examples of balls-out insanity and win the day, but they have trouble following the orders of a man who has no imposing facial hair. If a Commissar's lucky he'll be approached by one of the regiment's senior female officers who offers him one of her glue-on mustaches to spare him the indignity. 
- Scintillans show utter disdain for the Commissar because of his poor breeding and low social standing (word has it the Commissar is an orphan, for the Emperor's sake!) and will have their authority undermined by even the lowest of privates and when trouble arises a senior officer steps in and takes the offending soldier away, but punishment following this is rare. 
- Praetorians are fine enough soldiers, but their culture is very strange and requires unusual degrees of politeness from both officers and the rank-and-file. Not following these labyrinthian rules will be sternly frowned upon. And their officers will never, ever duck even when taking direct fire. 
- Drookians openly hate the Commissar's guts for being an outsider and a nancy for wearing pants instead of a kilt, but a clever Commissar will figure out that if he manages to convince the platoon that the enemy has slighted the Drookians' clan honor all he needs to do is step aside and watch the men fuck the enemy up. 
- Brontians solve most of their internal struggles with knife fights, and the unfortunate Commissar who steps in to try and stop such a duel will quickly catch one, two, three or thirteen knives to the chest. The Brontians don't like them anyway due to their lack of scars. 
- Attilans laugh their asses of when the Commissar tries to ride a horse and keep falling off, and the platoon just rides ahead of him leaving the unfortunate Commissar in the dust. 
- The Steel Legions are almost entirely mechanized, so a Commissar has to hang out with the same squad all the time. And he better be able to keep up when redeploying: miss the Chimera and it ain't coming back for you. Plus, nobody respects you because you're not Yarrick. 
- With the Valhallans you constantly have to convince the commanders that yes, while it would result in a technical victory if you sacrifice a million men for that small amount of ground, it'd be better to have them attack in a different way to win slower but with fewer losses. And they'll hate you for this. 
- The Chem Dogs will hate the Commissar because people like him put them there, and will try to rob him blind without being found out. 
- Elysian, Harakoni and Phantine Skyborne regiments have a high Commissar mortality rate because they're not very well trained in the use of grav-chutes. And with those things, you'll make a mistake only once. 
-With the Phantine Air Corps it's hard to say. On the one hand they are a guard regiment and not a navy unit, so Commissars come standard. What they do is trickier to say since they can't fly and even on bombers it's hard to justify attaching a spare person just to shoot one of the valuable air crew if they start to turn around, which if our own history of strategic bombing holds true, does not really happen. Commissars therefore likely just sit around not doing much other then paper work and watching the pilots like a hawk when ever they are on the ground, thus proving that even in the 41st millennium the chair force meme still exists. 
- Kanak Skull Takers will hate the Commissar because he prevents them from taking skulls, and they do so anyway. If he becomes forceful about it they'll take a skull with a fancy hat.

==Quotes==

* "Fear me...'''''but follow!'''''"
* "You can give the Emperor your loyalty, or I can take it from your corpse."
* "You DARE shoot at me?...{{BLAM|'''AT ME?!'''}}
* "What I cannot crush with words, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard."
* "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
* "Trooper, the enemy ''may'' kill you, but if you try to run I '''will''' kill you!"
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"It is our duty to muster the Guardsmen's courage and loyalty under fire and it is our duty to - '''GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!'''"{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]
* "Follow my example or I will MAKE YOU ONE!"
* A compilation of some -if not all- of DowII Commissar quotes can be found: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isLz_8ppLig here].
* <s>Heil Hitler!</s> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!!!'''}} Heil Emperor!
** Wouldn't it be "Heil der Gott-Kaiser"? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY!!!''' It is "Heil dem Gott-Imperator!" Good job on the hyphen, though.}}
*** Also wasn't the Emperor Hitler back in the 1930s? {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "If you will not serve in combat, ''then you will serve '''on the firing line!'''''" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "SHUT UP ZATHRAS"
*"GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN TO DIE!"
*"DO NOT FAIL UPON MY RETURN!"

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Commisarmoti.jpg|The real reason why Guardsmen do not revolt en masse.
Image:Closer.jpg|Commissars never let practicality get in the way of their awesomeness.
Image:Commissar Surfing.jpg|Again, practicality is never a hindrance.
Image:Comissar_Promotions.jpg|Imperial Guard Promotion policy, you either get promoted or {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med, no exceptions.
Image:1230024061774.png|Reasonable Commissars know that summary execution is not always needed to motivate anyone.
Image:Thenewcommissar.jpg|[[Kharn]] during his traitor commissar days with the Red Rivers traitor guardsmen.
Image:Romantic_Commissar.jpg|Commissars can be romantic. It's just that they are too busy {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming Guardsmen.
Image:Penguin_Commisar.jpg|Do not approach the Commissar under any circumstances, no matter how cute he may be.
Image:Komissar_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg|Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face...
Image:Commissarpoke.jpg|Don't let this one's slow demeanor make you too confident.
Image:1207335821953.jpg|[[Commissar Dan]] on the blaze of glory run
Image:Commissar-Fuck_Yeah.jpg|Imperial Guard, FUCK YEAH!
Image:Commissar_Badass.jpg|[[Ciaphas Cain|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!]]
Image:Fixedhat2.jpg|The Commissar is here to ensure your loyalty.
Image:CommissarCos.jpg|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
Image:Commissar Hansen.jpg|Guardian of all imperial [[loli|lolis]].
Image:Emote-commissar.gif
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-1.jpg|Chink loev commissar
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-2.jpg|[[Rule 63]] spares no one.
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_1.jpg|[[Commissar Yarrick]] by Chink
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_2.jpg
Image:Feb.jpg|Commissar from the ill-fated /tg/ calendar project
Image:Atra concept.jpg|Much Sexier Version
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|One of these is not like the others.
Image:1226746378911.jpg|Squad morale restored.
Image:powerfists_commissar.jpg|If you're wondering how she's "coping" with those things, don't ask us, for we have as good an idea as you do.
</gallery></center>
{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Template:Squats}}

[[Category:Commissars]]

Star Phantoms

2018-05-03T23:18:05Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* Chapter Tactics */

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Star Phantoms
|Heraldry = [[File:StarPhantomIcon.jpg]]
|Battle Cry = Unknown
|Founding = 23rd founding
|Successors of = [[Dark Angels]] (suspected)
|Chapter Master = Unknown
|Homeworld = Jahga
|Specialty = First strike assaults, collateral damage
|Strength = Post-[[Badab War]]: Around 400
|Allegiance = [[Imperium of Man]]
|Colours = Ash-white with black trim
}}
{{topquote|Totally unsuitable for tactical close support of other Imperial units.|[[Lord Solar Macharius]]}}

==History==
The Star Phantoms are a Chapter whose many victories remain unsung because of its own penchant for [[Dark Angels|secrecy and isolationism]]. ''Apparently'' part of the '''Sentinel Founding''' early in the 38th millenium, the Chapter was founded to shore up the defenses of the [[Imperium]] in many vulnerable parts of its vast domain.

Their heritage is unknown however; though the [[Adeptus Terra]] supposedly has evidence that they are descendants of the [[Dark Angels]], but that first founding chapter denies all links to the Star Phantoms because <s>of course they do</s> THE DARK ANGELS TELL THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME, while the Star Phantoms themselves take any suggestion of being descended from the Dark Angels as cause for [[Butthurt|grievous offense]], so if there ever was a connection between them, it obviously resulted in some acrimonious split. Further evidence of their origins also comes from the fact that their skull-in-hourglass iconography is the same as the '''[[First Founding|First Legion's]] "Dreadwing"''' before the legions were broken down into [[Codex Astartes|chapters]]. Furthermore, the Star Phantoms fought alongside the [[Flesh Tearers]] WAY back in M31, so either the [[Matt Ward|canon is broken]] or there is [[Dark Angels|secrecy]] and [[A Game of Pretend|misdirection]] afoot, or the warp threw some of them back to before they were founded.
There is some evidence that the Dark Angels didn't start <s>hunting The Fallen</s> FIGHTING THE TRAITOR LEGIONS until after the Second Founding, having met at a grand conclave and agreed to the collective sins of the chapter. If the Star Phantoms got pissy and defensive about their heritage and elected to follow the new Codex out of spite, it was probably then.

Initially based in the Mausoleum world of Haakoneth, the Chapter became fleet-based by necessity upon the destruction of the planet in 120.M40 by a [[Hrud]] invasion, and since that time had been [[grimdark|grimly]] plying the space lanes of Segmentum Obscurus. The Chapter was counted as one of those who participated in the [[Macharian Crusade]], and was also one of the Chapters that brought back order to the worlds conquered in the crusade when the Macharian Heresy erupted after the [[Lord Solar Macharius|Lord Solar]]'s death, coming to blows with the [[Marines Malevolent]], of all people.

They got themselves involved in the [[Badab War]] in M41, having been brought into the war via the [[Inquisition]] and they committed their full Chapter strength to the war effort. Some suspect they got involved due to some grudge held against the Astral Claws which the Inquisition leveraged against them. But when approached about the subject they remained tight lipped on the matter.
By the time they entered the war it was nearly at its close anyway, but the Astral Claws were rooted in their Palace of Thorns and it would be a tough fight to dig them out. The Star Phantoms got stuck right in and [[Get shit done|got shit done]], being the ones to break the orbital defences around the [[Astral Claws]] homeworld and laying siege to [[Lugft Huron]]'s '''Fortress of Thorns''' and defeating him, though costing themselves most of the chapter in the process.

For this the [[High Lords of Terra]] awarded them lordship over the [[Astral Claws]] former domains, so they set their damaged battle barge down on the ice world of '''Jahga''' to serve as their new fortress monastery.

Despite the chapter's losses, they are still dedicated to battling xenos throughout the galaxy. Most recently, they have dispatched several battle companies to Segmentum Tempestus to confront Hive Fleet Leviathan. They have used their knowledge of rapid deployment tactics and breaking up alien conspiracies to shatter the [[lictor]] seeding and assassin broods used by Leviathan and forced the hive fleet to evolve the [[dimachaeron]]. The 5th Company is also out crusading with the [[Black Templars]] and [[Drunk Marines|Libators]] against some orks.

==Organisation==
Though <s>some</s> NO evidence points towards descent from the [[Dark Angels]], the Star Phantoms are NOT counted amongst the '''Unforgiven''' [[A Game of Pretend|''(OR ARE THEY?)'']] and so broadly conform to the standards laid down in the [[Codex Astartes]].

Despite this, they have displayed a marked preference for first strike tactics, exemplified by [[drop pod]] assaults. The Chapter also seemed to prefer long-ranged bombardment using heavy weaponry over the chaos of melee combat, though it is capable of the latter when it is tactically expedient to do so. For the battle-brothers of the Chapter no one mode of combat holds more glory than the other; all that matters is that their enemy is disposed of.

Instead of having two [[Devastator Squad]]s per '''Battle Company''' as per Codex norm, the Star Phantoms have three. These warriors have gained a reputation for being indiscriminate in their use of the firepower at their disposal, inflicting massive collateral damage, but unlike [[Marines Malevolent|certain other]] chapters known for friendly fire, the Star Phantoms are not regarded as particularly [[Angry Marines|aggressive]] or [[Space Wolves|free spirited]]; instead, they are pretty much emo marines (like the '''Mortifactors'''), with an unhealthy obsession with death, where they regard the dead with more respect than they do the living. Because of this, they also have a tendency to throw entire companies, or even their whole chapter, at threats, regardless of projected casualties. This results in the chapter being near-permanently under-strength. This, in turn, fuels the need for more Devastators, the first designation that newly promoted scouts gain upon receiving power armour.

The Chapter's armoury maintains an abundance of [[Plasma]] and [[Melta]]-based weaponry, and indeed it is a mark of honour among the Chapter's leaders to go into battle using a [[Combi-weapon|combi-plasma]] or [[combi-melta]] wrought by the Chapter's [[Techmarines]]. The chapter also maintains a higher-than-average number of drop craft and speeders for rapid insertion. In addition, if the chapter really is made of the fabled Dreadwing, then they could have truly horrifying artifact weapons at their disposal.

==Relationship with the Imperium==
The Star Phantoms adhere to a philosophy that honours the dead and celebrates martyrdom, usually in preference to the living. As a result, they tend to be quiet and taciturn at best, and massive team-killing fucktards at worst, caring little for the lives of their allies in a fight. They cannot rely upon Imperial Guard reinforcements, having been condemned by Lord Commander Solar Macharius himself for going a bit too far. They get along with other marines so poorly that they are seldom asked to give to the Deathwatch. Like the [[Lamenters]], they take their status as pariahs primarily by focusing on protecting quiet areas of the galaxy from hostile aliens. The [[Ordo Xenos]] does make use of them outside of Deathwatch service due to their knowledge of alien doings and all branches of the Inquisition use them from time to time when they need a marine force who is willing to kill anyone, even allies or innocents.

The space marines, in general, are a specialized spearhead in Imperial armies. The marines, after being broken into chapters following the Codex, lack the numbers to hold ground and launch massive campaigns. They need to rely on the Astra Militarium for these services instead. However, the Star Phamtoms have such a poor relationship with the Guard that they cannot rely on Guard aid and, therefore, cannot engage in that form of warfare. They must make small, decisive actions against small xenos targets or participate in massive campaigns such as the Badab conflict. In either event, they have to use the FUKHUEG numbers of marines the chapter is known for in order to make any effect.

==Notable Characters==
'''Omedon Tiresias:''' the only known chapter master of the Star Phantoms, who was in command during the Death of Haakoneth in 101.M40. Very little has been written about him, save for a brief mention in IA10 which states how he ordered the evacuation of as many of the Chapter Relics as they could manage and flee from the [[Hrud]] Onslaught.

Not everyone in the Chapter actually followed the order and some remained on planet to fight an unwinnable battle ''(Which probably says more about Space Marine stubbornness rather than Tiresias' ability to command)'' Tiresias was left with only a bit more than a third of his entire chapter with which to rebuild, and unfortunately he was struck blind by a Time-Eddy as it passed through his ship.

That's about all we know for sure about him; Blindness isn't a huge drawback in an Imperium which gives out augmetic eyes to Imperial Guardsmen. But the fact is he's more than likely dead, since the death of the Chapter's homeworld happened nearly 1800 years ago, not to mention the well-known accelerated aging effect that Hrud have on their enemies. [[Dante]] is well established as the oldest ''"active"'' Space Marine who's not a Dreadnought, so even if he's somehow still alive, it's likely that the Chapter has just replaced him by the time of the Badab War.

'''Zhrukhal Androcles:''' Captain of the 9th Company, the Devastator Reserve. Also known as the "Siegebreaker". As a lowly sergeant his squad achieved 58 tank kills in a single day's worth of fighting during the Gallitzin Succession. Later, during the Battle for Orsha, he commandeered a renegade [[Leviathan]] and used it to turn the tide of battle.

As a Captain he was given command of one of the Strike Groups assigned to assault the Palace of Thorns during the [[Badab War]]. Androcles came face to face with [[Lugft Huron]] himself during the engagement, having been struck down by Huron who then decided in a typically [[BBEG]] fashion that it would be a good idea to stand over the fallen captain and gloat. As his last, dying action, Androcles managed to fire off a melta blast into Huron's relic Lightning Claw at point blank range, which detonated it and tore a large chunk out of the Tyrant's body, essentially signalling the end of the Badab War.

Also, his name roughly translates to "Dude-Guy" and shares a name with the Roman hero who pulled a thorn from a lion's paw. Get it, because...

==Chapter Tactics==
[[Dakka|"You don't need to be a better shot; you just need to shoot more bullets"]] - [[Administratum|Departmento Munitorum Representative Marcus Kincaid]]

[[Forgeworld]] has free rules for the Star Phantoms available for download which separate them from other [[Codex]] [[Space Marines]].
*First, their chapter tactic allows them to reroll reserve rolls of 1 for [[drop pod|anything]] [[Assault Squad|that]] [[Terminators|deep strikes]], and also they get a [[Ultramarines|one-use ability]] where all weapons in the army become twin-linked for one (game!) turn. So pretty much these guys are the SURPRISE FUCKERS who turn up and blow your shit up in one go.
*Also, to represent the Star Phantoms particular lust for firepower, their one special character allows you to take Devastators as Elites choices as well as Heavy, allowing you a total of SIX devastator squads in a CAD to [[cheese|BLOW THE FUCKERS AWAY]], though this function has little use in an environment with Formations (in particular, the Gladius Strike Force). You also have to pay points for this ability whether you use it or not. Also, as of M41.99, he's dead as dicks.
*As of 8th edition, FW has not given them chapter tactics to keep in line with the new edition's codex. They are probably best served with [[Salamanders]] tactics for their re-rolls at this time.

{{Template:Marines-Official}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Imperial]]
[[Category:Space Marines]]

Mad Dok Grotsnik

2018-05-02T21:01:00Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

[[File:Grotsnik.jpg|300px|thumb|right|OPERATE, OPERATE! STILL TIME TO OPERATE!]]
If not for [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]], '''Mad Dok Grotsnik''' would probably be dead by now (Vice versa is also true, however). The [[Ork]] equivalent of the Team Fortress 2 Medic, this madman (or madork) cares for nothing more than perfecting the art of 'serjery'. Due to constant bionic upgrades and such, he's now more demented than ever. In particular, his madness started after some Nobz saw that the new Warboss was a dead hard killing machine after this guy welded his skull back together with adamantium. They decided they liked the idea, and all the Nobz in the settlement came to him for the same treatment. Grotsnik decided he might want some insurance when the Nobz realized that a metal skull doesn't equate to being blessed by Gork and Mork, and for leverage he hid a grenade under each new skull he fitted. Pissed off when they found out, the Nobz killed him, and Grotsnik's ended up on his own 'serjery' table to be worked upon by his [[Gretchin]] assistants. They somehow did manage to to resuscitate him, and while an impressive feat for Gretchin, they were still Gretchin, so they didn't actually do that great of a job when workin out how to reassemble his brain pan. Back from the dead, if a little worse for wear, Grotsnik celebrated [[Grimdark|with fireworks]] to show that ''you don't fuck with Grotsnik!''

Just like with the Medic, any actual healing that this lunatic grants you is [[Grimdark|simply a fortunate side-effect]]. The only reason he's still allowed to keep doing his thing is because he's the one who patched Ghazghkull's skull with adamantium after it got blasted apart by a lucky Bolter round. In return, Ghazghkull was grateful not just for Grotsnik saving his life, but also because the surgery gave him the famous vision by [[Gork]] and [[Mork]] to conquer the galaxy.

Grotsnik actually has a seat on Ghaz's inner council and Ghaz still lets him operate on him. Every once in a while, Grotsnik is actually lucid and sane, and during these moments he's both a smart doctor and a good advisor that's actually saved Ghaz's life on several other occassions. That the mad doctor suspiciously becomes sane whenever Ghaz needs him for something really lends weight to Ghaz's claim that Gork and Mork are watching over him.

On the tabletop, he can make any unit Fearless, and grants it Feel No Pain as well. He can even upgrade another squad with Cybork bodies, including Meganobz. The best bit stem from the fact that he's One Scalpel Short of a Medpack (no, like, that's the rule's actual name), which means he gives his squad rampage, and the rule that he's not allowed to leave units by default. Him upgrading a squad of regular Orks is a prohibitively expensive cost, he's much better with mega-nobs since they're more likely to be outnumbered in a scrap and thus take advantage of rampage.

{{Ork-Gitz}}

Ork

2018-04-30T21:42:32Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* Kommandos */

{{awesome}}
'''''"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"''''' 
:-Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.
[[File:Orks attack3.jpg|600px|thumb|right|'Ere we zoggin' go, let's break sum' 'eads!]]
{{Topquote|War means fighting, and fighting means killing.|Nathan Bedford Forrest}}
{{Topquote|War is the business of barbarians.|Napoleon Bonaparte}}

The '''Orks''' are a race in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the [[Tyranids]]. They have a ''[[Warhammer Fantasy]]'' equivalent, the only major differences being that fantasy Orks are now called Orruks, and they have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting.

==Overview==
[[File:Ork_Boy.jpg|200px|thumb|left|[[Ork_Boy|The original Boy]]. This guy has been around since 2nd ed.]]
Orks are the most successful race of the [[Warhammer 40,000 | 41st millennium]]. Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the [[Old Ones#Warhammer 40,000|Old Ones]] to be a warrior race called the ''Krork,'' and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of its power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them). The only Krork to exist in the present day (one of Trazyn's exhibits) wore exo-armour that was more sophisticated than power armour and stood 12 meters tall. This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" ([[goblin]]s) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens see: a few paragraphs below).

The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants and the fact that it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well shrug off injuries that would put a human to a crippled state. In fact there is a [[Valhalla|Valhallan]] folktale about a relative finding an Ork, [[Carnifex#Old_One_Eye|thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them]]. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually ''devolve'' instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during [[Xenology]] where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.

In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop. All in all, this cycle was designed to fight against the Necrons, which sterilized a planet to its bacteria. Orks can terraform a barren planet into a veritable paradise this way, though what defines "paradise" is a point of discussion; if you like endless wars and tribal conflicts in a mushroom rich planet, it probably is. IS YOU SAYIN' DERE'S FINGS WHAT DON'T LIKE FIGHTIN' FEREVER? DEM UMIES IS REEL GOOD AT MAKIN' FORTS FER US TA KRUMP, SO DEY MUST LIKE FIGHTIN'...

Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork ''is dismembered or dies.'' This means that, for Orks, combat and death are their principal means of reproduction and genetic exchange, and a Space Marine/Guardsman chainsawing/shooting/artillery-bombarding an ork just results in ten thousands, if not millions, of Orks coming for ya, kinda like [[tyranids]]. Nice Job chainsawing it, Space Marine. Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate [[Exterminatus]]. We can use flamethrowers, [[Plasma]], nukes, [[melta]] weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' [[grimdark]] enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.

Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: [[Choppa|choppy]], which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and [[dakka|shooty]] which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies ''while'' putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder ''should'' be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.

Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.

Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will ultimately go faster than Ork vehicles that are ''not'' painted red, because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster:
DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! '''*WHAM!*''' NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, '''GREEN''' IZ BEST! '''*Boots up the bog*''' SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!

We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.

A hallmark of Orkoid, for lack of a better term, civilization is the WAAAGH!. Pronounced similar to "war" as the "GH" is silent. Always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point, the WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.

The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which [[toof|can be found here]].

Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, [[Gork]] and [[Mork]]. One is the god of cunning brutality and the other is the god of brutal cunning, the difference being that one hits you when you aren't looking and the other hits you harder when you are. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition.

Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and [[/tg/ Gets Shit Done|get shit done]].

Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists. <strike>All of them.</strike> Scratch that, [[Slaughter Koorland|one of them survived!]] DAMN IT! SHOW ME DA GIT THAT LET HIM LIVE AND I WILL CRUMP HIM SO HARD HE WILL SE LAST CENTURY!

Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper. Note: Why would you fear death, if death usually results in you being reborn into several thousands of yourself? Horus probably swept the spores up post battle and that's why they fear him. Though it's also worth mentioning that Orks harbor a natural fear of Commander Farsight too, whom they know as "Da Red Commit". Though given that the Dawn Blade consumes the souls of those it kills, it's likely that any Orks cut down by Farsight do not reproduce. But then again he was committing Ork genocide long before he found the blade so...And of course, we can't just forget the final great fear of the Orks, [[Commissar Yarrick]], the only normal human that can cause orks to actively PANIC. On the other hand Yarric, Farsight and Moon-Wolfie boyz are also considered source of prime fighting so despite being scary they actually also attract orks.

==Ork Teknology==

[[File:Dat zoggin bigmek by majesticchicken.jpg|220px|thumb|left|A perfect example of Ork tech. Powered by make-believe and the essence of love, and patched together with duct tape and chewing gum, the emperor himself has truly never seen finer craftsmanship or innovation.]]

How Ork Technology works is up for debate. As written Ork technology is beyond comprehension by the majority of races. Their weapons/tech work and other races can use them, but not as effectively. Techpriests have taken apart Ork guns and reassembled them to what they assume is the same configuration only to find that they don't work any more. This leads to two schools of thought on Ork Technology.

===The Anzion Theorem of Orkoid Mechamorphic Resonant Kinetics - Every Ork is a Psyker===

Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that [[derp|badass]]. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.

For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look.
One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!"
Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!"
The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He ''is'' the biggest Ork among them, and he ''did'' just prove it. Maybe he ''did'' fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.

The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the [[Tau]], [[Necron]]s, or the [[Eldar]]. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox: If orks managed to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.

This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks ''can'' actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels [[Snotling|Snotlings]] through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, [[Rape|and bodies]] of their enemies. Also, there ''have'' been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have ''very'' deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and [[skub|debates]] between them can generate much [[RAGE]].

Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Emperor's own flagship. The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmententations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown. (This didn't happen...)

This argument becomes <s> unstable </s> interesting when looked at too closely. In particular, if this was the case Psykers would be able to combat Ork technology more effectively. In fact if Orks created a Psychic Field then Sisters of Silence could easily destroy it, causing Ork constructions to not work. Unless Orks psychic field is completely unrelated to warp energies. Which would give us a very interesting part of lore. However, keep in mind on the tabletop that Sisters of Silence dont flat-out destroy all warp energies. They certainly negate it, but its perfectly possible for a psyker to get a good roll and fire off a smite into his target. And if all the Orks are really psykers, then they'd probably overpower the negative-energy shield the sisters have. We know Orks DEFINITELY have a Psychic Field, and the Sisters don't seem to be effective against it unless we are talking weirdboyz, which seem to be kind of border case. Also, WAAAAGH energy is something almost completely different than the psychics other races use, and it tends to ignore/negate some of the restrictions other psykers have. That would suggest that the Old Ones when creating Orks' ancestors actually used some other form of psychic phenomenon that is unrelated to or isolated from the warp somehow. This might suggest that orks' gestalt psychic field is actually very advanced form of technology similar to that used to create the webway (which is basically parts of the warp that are isolated from the warp itself) or alternatively that there is some kind third reality/energy/metalevel that is not related to the warp or reality but intersects both (because we know orks' gestalt field works as well in the warp as in reality, evidenced by their starships traversing the warp and functioning). In the end we do not know but there is something in there. Probably. Or it could all be powered by a bunch of grots duct-taped together. Who knows?

===Ork Technology is More Advanced than it Seems===
On another perspective. Looking over the Ork codices from old to new the only record of Orks willing technology to work is one line in which a techpriest says "Well if we can't figure this out it must be magic". In fact the only source besides that codex entry is this 1d4chan page... All other lore being from the Techpriest perspective. The Ork Codex points out that Mek Boys and Big Meks are genetically engineered by the Brain Boyz/Old Ones to know how technology works. In "Evil Sun Rising", the Big Meks who created the Stompa Fat Mork don't remember how they created their super compact, miniature red sun engine. The implication is that as the Meks worked together that it unlocked the technology. This might mean that the Brain Boyz/Old Ones programmed the mek genetics to gain access to bigger and better equipment when the army is at a proper size to create and maintain such weaponry. As Ork numbers grow and Waaaghs become bigger more technology is unlocked. The Gorkanaut and Morkanaut walkers are unlocked when Meks begin thinking that a Great Waaagh is coming along.

Ork technology is special in many ways, while crude and impossible from an outsider perspective almost all of Ork technology is based on the idea of [[Looted|looting the enemy technology]]. They are the apex scavengers and can create weapons from technology of the Imperial, Tau, Eldar, Necron, and even the biotechnology of the Tyranids. It could be guessed that the Brain Boyz wanted Orks to be able to adapt to any battlefield and be able to resupply without need of supply lines. In this way Orks don't need to wait for a spaceship to drop a Titan to the battlefield for back up, instead they can build one out of that broken humie one.

===Special Note on Orky Vehicles===
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.

Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.

Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.

==Orks and the Emperor==

One theory of the [[Emperor|Emprahs]] continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen 'appens (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be. Probably cos they're not stupid enough to realise he's a corpse more fucked than a Slaaneshi cultist at Ciaphas Cain's place.. 'ANG ON A SECOND.. I FINK DEY BE MAKIN FUN OF US...WELL.....MAYBE WE OUTTA GO STOMP SUM HUMIES! (that's right, the "chaos boys" are messing with you orks, go stomp them in the name of the Emp... For the WAAAGGGHH!. aehm..)

==Special Groups of Orks==
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Weirdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:

===[[Oddboys|Oddboyz]]===
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz/Runtherders (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), [[Dorfs|Brewerz]] (makers of alcohol; retconned), [[Noise Marines|Rockaz]] (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).

====Kult of Speed====

[[File:Kult o speed by majesticchicken.jpg|250px|thumb|right|'''WAAAAAAAAGHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!''']]

[[Speed freek]]s who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of [[Butthurt]] and [[Rage]] when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
*'''[[Deff Skwadron | Flyboys]]''' - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.

====[[Burna Boyz | Burna Boyz]]====
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST

====[[Mekboy|Mekboys]]====
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who makes the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQdaEFa_60 Five-up cover saves for everyone!] 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology 

====[[Tankbustas]]====
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!" 

====[[Lootas]]====
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes. <strike>When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being the reason other Boyz can't have nice things.</strike> WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!

====[[Flash Gitz]]====
<strike> DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!!</strike> Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of [[toof|teef]]. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing ''FABOLOUS'' clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.

====[[Freebooterz]]====
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.

====[[Ork Kommando|Kommandos]]====
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork? Course not, dey's too sneaky . Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as NVGs, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. The concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders [[Skaven|do not believe that Kommandos actually exist]], but nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly [[Blood Ravens|hi-jacked]] a unit of three [[Deathstrike Missile Launcher]]s inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove one to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a [[Baneblade]] (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). Meanwhile, the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and two extra missiles.

Kommandos are typically distrusted by Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As dere ain't no such thing as a purple ork!

In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately [[WAAAGH|shout]], run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby [[Catachan Jungle Fighters|bush]]/[[Dorf|barrel]]/[[Creed|lamp-post]] and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head.

An ork asked about Kommando groups: "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"

====Feral Orks====
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your [[Warhammer Fantasy|Fantasy]] Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.

They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the [[Titans_40k#Orky_Titans|Steam Gargant]].

====[[Weirdboy | Weirdboyz]]====
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (well, the only Orks who can decide to do it and it'll happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy.

==Retcons==
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:

===Rokkas===
[[Rogue Trader]] Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_wdRy7x4Sc PARTY 'ARD!!!]
It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. It should also be noted that they are still available on Games Workshop's site. PARTY ON!
===Shoutas===
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can [[Derp|yell really loud.]] Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array. <strike>See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last.</strike> '''SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!'''

'''YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!'''


'''A REAL SHOUTA'''

'''DROWNS OUT DA'''

'''COMPUTISHUN!'''

'''I Konkur!'''


'''I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.'''


Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, and a FUCKING BENDY PENIS!

'''See, iffin' you'z had sum of dat purpley paint, dis wouldn' be a problem now, would it?'''

''' 'e got youz good, e' did. aneewayz da squigs ated da inturn again. Git ta cleenen dat wod ya.'''

''' I 'erd dem cleanin' orks do wat they do and don't even want no teef for it''' 

===Brewerz===
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the inns and outs of brewing through genetically inherited inntuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, they've never done this in Scotland. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
''Eend out of mashrooms too booss!'' 
[[What|Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes.]] 
 
<strike>'''HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS.'''</strike>''' *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
'''

''' Zoggin DAMN'IT! NOT AGAIN!'''

===Female Orks===

MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!

Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except [[/d/]]), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on [[/tg/]] will doubtlessly [[Faptau|fap]] to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is [[Meme|more likely than you'd think]]. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...

...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there ''were'' female orks. Later fluff [[retcon]]ned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).

 Oi'm twalf an' wots dis? 

===Brain Boyz===
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).

(Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)

==Ork Klanz==
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by [[The Beast|the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz]], startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.

<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Dere's da '''Snakebites''', and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a [[choppa]] an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' Amish folk.
* Da '''Bad Moonz''', what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's [[Tau|no good at choppin' an' stompin']], so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
* '''Goffs''' are a buncha gloomy gits what don't ever have any fun and don't give a grot's toss about dakka, but dey'z somma da 'ardest of all da orks. [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] 'imself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
* Da '''Evil Sunz''''re all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
* '''Deffskullz''' are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing <del>what's not nailed</del> if it's nailed down they'll loot the nails den loot da fing that was nailed down an' make it orky. [[Looted|Anyfing]]. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
* And, last of all but not least, dere's da '''Blud Axez'''. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like ''taktiks'' an' ''recownasense'' an' ''camo'flage'' an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of ''retreat''. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: ''"If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?"'' Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its '''alwayz''' WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.

Later, when da humies learned dat der was six Beasts, and each lead a lejun o Boyz, dey started tinking dat each o da Clanz were da rem... Re... ''Leftovers'' o each Beast's lejun. Oo knows if datz da truff, I sure as zog donnu.</ul>

===Ork Non-Klanz===
<ul style='color:green;font-size:100%'>
* Den dere's da '''[[Freebooterz|Freebootaz]]''', boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like [[Kaptin Badrukk]] (teef), [[Wazdakka Gutsmek]] (goin' fast), or [[Zodgrod Wortsnagga]] (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like [[Kaptin Bluddflagg]] (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
* '''Feral Orkz''' are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
* '''Speed Freekz''' is what you call da members o' da '''Kult o' Speed''', a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
</ul>

===What is the measure of a Klan?===
It's easy to think that Ork Klans are just galaxy-spanning groups of like-minded Orks; like there's just six huge fucking groups of Orks around the galaxy but as we all know, if Orks were that united, the rest of the races would have a real big problem on their hands. Ork Klans are more like six types of Ork personality that might have been engineered into the Orks way back by the Old Ones or created by the Beast's Legions in M32. Maybe they appeared on their own, who knows.

Let's take a random Ork Boy as an example. All Orks love a good scrap, looting and of course dakka. However, the individual Ork Boy tend towards one type of Orkitude over others. Maybe he's more into crashing into his enemies at high speeds (which would make him an Evil Sun) or maybe the looting after the battle is his jam (making him a Deff Skull). As a single Boy in a large mob, his preferences doesn't really matter - he'll just have to follow his Nob or get krumped - So it is the leaders and/or majority Klan of an Ork warband who'll decide how the mob acts. So a large horde of Orks led by a Goff Warboss will likely use black and white paint on their stuff and prefer melee combat like Goffs would, but that doesn't mean that every single Ork in the mob is a Goff.

When Orks gather for Waaaghs they tend to form new mobs that are ''actually'' comprised mainly of one Klan of Orks. The large amount of Orks in the Waaagh makes it easier for them to organize themselves into groups of similar interests. That's where the huge Mad Max-esque hordes of Evil Sunz Bikers and Trukks on Armageddon come from.

==Ork Daily Life==

[[File:Wh40k online concept.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Your average Ork home. Quite cozy when it comes down to it, really.]]

Morning.
GET UP! Doesn't matter when . But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot it self. Orks dont much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer.
Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.

Noon
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks, having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill, will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas. <strike>Hiding in plain sight if kommand-</strike> Move along, nofink to see 'ere.

Evening
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most every one around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotectic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-" <strike>(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) </strike> '''*THUMP*''' ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.

Midnight
DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.

Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!

==Reasons it Rokks to be an Ork==
# We'z gotz a shiney new 7th ork-dition Codex-fingy!
# We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
# We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
# We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
# All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
# Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean [[Looted_Emperor|ANYFING]]!!
++''{{BLAM| Previous record has been made of note to Ordo Xenos for immediate actions to be taken. The Emperor Protects}}''++

Ummm, wot woz dat? Zog, I've lost count of da resuns for being an Ork!
# We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
# We'z da 2nd least [[grimdark]] race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
# Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
# We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
# The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
# Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
# If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
# An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
# We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
# Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
# Da red wunz will '''alwayz''' go fasta.
# Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
# Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
# Blu iz da lukiest colah.
# Green iz da orkiest colah.
# I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
# Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
# Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by [[Exterminatus|dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet]].
# You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
# You'z kan build an army of serial [[METAL BOXES|bawkses]] an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
# Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
# Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
# You'z kan talk legally like a retard.
# Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
# Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
# You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
# If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
# Youz don't havta Hate everfink dat's not a Ork.
# You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
# Eiff Edishun iz da horde edishun! We'z can field more boyz dan dem 'humies or bug fingies!
# No matter what happens to the rest of the galaxy, be it Chaos winning, the Imperium conquering all the planets, the Eldar successfully resurrecting their gods, or the God-Emporer stepping down from his throne, you still have a 99.99999% chance of surviving in some capacity. There are Orks living in the Warp for Gorks sake.
# Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


==Reasons it sucks to be an Ork==
# You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity. <strike>{{BLAM|HERESY!}}</strike> *THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
# Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
# No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
# Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you ''do'' shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else. YOU SAY DAT LOIKE IT'S A ZOGGIN' BAD FING! 
# Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP. 
# Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN! <strike> Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you </strike> '''*CRUNCH*''' ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
# Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your [[Battlefleet Gothic|largest space ship]], you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial [[Plasma Weapons|Plasma Gun]]. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
# In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
# You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy. <strike> GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW! </strike> *THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
# You're part of [[Squad broken]]. WELL, UH... ZOGGIT. WE GOT NUFFIN CLEVA TA SAY BOUT DAT. MAYBE SUMFING ABOUT IT BEING MADE BY DEM NECKBEARDED GROTZ WIV DA FEDORAZ AN STUFF
# <strike>You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.</strike> SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! ZOGGIN' GORK! DIS EYFF EDISHUN KODEX IS DED KILLY! (And now you don't have a codex anymore.)
# <strike>There is a slight chance that [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."</strike> WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! <strike>(Also [[Matt Ward|Mattard]] is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)</strike> Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot? I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
# Orks do not draw psychic power from the [[Warp]], [[Derp|but still take Perils of the Warp]]. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
# <strike>if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not [[Ultramarines|DEM]] blue gits The [[Tau|udda ones]] wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.</strike>'''*CRUNCH*''' OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS. UNLESS DEY SEND DA RED COMMIT THO... GOOD FING DEY GOT RID OF HIM!
# Even doh dere is [[Yarrick|wun humie]] dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz. *THUNK* DA GREATEST ENNEMY OF DA ORKS IZ DA RED COMMIT! DAT BLUE BOY'S STOMPA IS FREE TIMES FASTA DAN A REGULAR WUN!
# <strike>You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.</strike> IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. 
#<strike>Even (some) vegetarians will eat you</strike> NOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH! 
# You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain [[Farsight|Red Armored Swordsman]]. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT! <s> More so than the Orks did against an old Ethereal with a pointed stick! *KRUMP* SHUT IT YA GREAT LANKY BLUE GROT </s> Dat Red Kommit ain't got nottin' on Yarik, da Kommit just has a good choppy bit! Yarik jus' has ta look at ya funni to zog ya! *Thunk* Da Redd Kommit wuz tearin' boyz wif his stompaz' bare 'ands before 'e found da choppa ya grot! 
# One of your gods has the voice of Robin Williams. Izzat a bad fing? 
# You have to deal with Vance Stubbs fans refusing to admit that they lost Kaurava. The only real defeat is people pretending you never won.

== See Also ==
* [[Grot]]
* [[Snotling]]
* [[The Beast]]
* [[The War of The Beast]]
* [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]
* [[Gorgutz_%27Ead_%27Unter|Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]
* [[Deffboss]]
* [[WAAAGH]]
* [["Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole]]
* [[Makbeff]]
* [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Orks(8E)|Tactics/Orks]]
* [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Orks/Dred_List|Dreadnought List]]
* [[Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition]]
* [[Ork Gunz]]
* [[Gargant]]
* [[Stompa]]
* [[Deff Skwadron]]
* [[Scraplootas]]
* [[Da Chopshop]]
* [[Ork Trek]]
* [[Ironjawz]] for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo Da Ork Song]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXCLtD5batc Dem Ork Boyz Song]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Ork flowchart.png|WAAAAGH flowchart
Image:WAAAAGH.jpg|WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
Image:Ork_WTF_is_this.jpg|WOT'Z DAT
Image:Orks_are_made_4_rokkin.jpg|ORKZ IZ DA ROKKINEST
Image:WOT_DA_ZOG.jpg|DA PAINBOSS IZ GONNA WANT TA LOOK AT DIS WOTEVA IT IS
Image:Disguise_1.jpg|Orks are the best at disguises
Image:Disguise_2.jpg|Stoopid [[beakie|beakies]]
Image:Disguise_3.jpg|Weeabork
Image:Orktaku.jpg|A different sort of Weeabork
Image:Samurork4.jpg|The truest of Weeaborks
Image:Da_warboss_Lincoln.jpg|The assassination of warboss Lincoln.
Image:GorknMork.jpg|Gork and Mork
Image:Ork_Fortress.jpg|WE'Z AMUZED BY ENTIRE PUNY 'UMIE IMPERIUM
Image:Pimp_Ork_1.jpg|PompadOrk
Image:Pimp_Ork_2.jpg|EY YOU GITZ WE 'EARD YOU LIKE TA MAKE IT ORKY SO WE ORKYFIED YER ORKY SQUIGOFF SO YOU'Z CAN WAAAGH WHILE YOO'Z WAAAGHIN'
Image:Killskata.jpg|Jet Grind RadiOrk
Image:Gorkken_Morkann_by_Jaekyu.jpg|'OO DA 'ELL DO YA FINK WE IS?!!!
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg|IT'Z TIME FER SUM IKSPERIMINTS
Image:Ork_teaparty.jpg|No reason we can't be civil
Image:Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg|SIANTZ. It works.
Image:Oldboyz.jpg|Oldboyz can Waaagh! too. They just need a nap afterwords.
Image:Orkpoke.jpg|SlowpOrk
Image:Ork_Anatomy.jpg|Inaccurate (but in-universe) depiction of orky gubbinz.
Image:Orkspekta_gubbinz.jpg|Orkspekta Gubbinz iz on da case!
Image:Orkishbeprepared.jpg|<strike>Jeremy Irons is orky, right?</strike> COURZE 'E IZ! E'Z ZO ORKY YOU'Z CAN'T LISTEN TA DA ORIGINAL SONG WIWOUT 'EARING DIS!
Image:Green.jpg|Supagreen
Image:1229746903774.jpg|[[Deff Skwadron]]. Zoggin' bootiful.
Image:Proud'n'Bootiful.jpg
Image:1239594444871.jpg|Transform and WAAAGH! (Holyshit this thing actually transforms.)
Image:1258887158852.jpg| Essentially....this is the best thing ever.
Image:mythbusta.jpg
Image:Ork_love_potion.jpg|Love Can WAAAGH!
Image:Ork with Lego shootah.jpg
Image:Squig_drops.jpg
Image:Eldars_are_orky.jpg|[[Eldar]]z iz da most orky race evar, ya gitz!
Image:Ork Powuz.png|An alternate explanation of how a WAAAGH works.
File:Mork and gork orks warhammer 40k 1334752549083.jpg|Brutally cunning or cunningly brutal?
File:CoDorks.jpg|Only Orks are capable of making something utterly godawful into something completely Orky.
File:SmurfOrks.jpg|Orks, mastaz uf stelff'en
File:Bork_Kube.jpg|A viable Ork space ship design
</gallery></center>

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

[[category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Orks]]
[[Category: Xenos]]

Autogun

2018-02-11T21:15:56Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C: /* Autogun */

[[File:Autogun4.jpg|350px|thumb|right|Note the [[C.S. Goto|heretical sorcery]] shrinking its capacity to below an [[Bolter#Astartes Boltguns|Astartes bolter]]]]

An '''Autogun''' is a [[firearm|chemically-powered projectile throwing weapon]] (a slug thrower, durr), that can be compared to late 20th to early 21st century fire arms. Autoguns are (probably) slightly more powerful, which is why it avoids the title of [[Stubber]] (which have basically no improvements on World War II firearms) which are even worse than [[lasgun|Lasguns]] (there is not a single part of a suit of flak armor that a rifle-sized Stubber can pierce at any range according to some sources, even though WWII Rifles were pretty powerful). Alternatively, since [[Stubber#Stub_Gun|Stub Pistols]] are more powerful than Autopistols, it's possible the difference has more to do with calibre and/or tech level. Simply put, these weapons use a propellant to accelerate a metal projectile to punch holes in things.

If the Lasgun is called a 'Flashlight' then the Autogun is called a 'Stapler'.

== Autoguns versus Lasguns ==

It is a significantly older weapon than the [[Lasgun]], and does not see quite as much use due to the [[Administratum|Departmento Munitorium]] saying it's a bad idea. So if a young and often curious Guardsmen tries and ask his superiors, mostly a Commissar (yes, reasonable Commissars do exist) on why a Lasgun is preferred over an Autogun by Imperial Standards, they will tell you a whole list of things such as the following... Lasgun Power Packs weigh significantly less than Autogun magazines and are far more sustainable (rechargeable via heat, light, or wall outlet); Lasguns are also significantly more accurate and require notably less maintenance than Autoguns; and Lasguns have no recoil, meaning even the 8-year-old baby-faced kids and 98-year-old dusty seniors that get conscripted into the Imperial Guard can fire it straight. The big reason that Autoguns were phased out was a matter of practicality, but there is one thing the Autogun has that the humble Lasgun doesn't: the amount of different types of ammunition you can carry. From Incendiary to Armor-Piercing rounds and even High-Explosive rounds that makes the Autogun a ''[[Awesome|miniature Bolter]]''. This means that while the Lasguns are far and away the common infantry gun, the vast selection of different ammunition makes the Autogun a kind of highly-flexible''tactical weapon''. Though /tg/ rather enjoys musing that the *real* reason Autoguns were phased out was the cost (all that [[grimdark]] spent ammunition came from somewhere, after all). In spite of the ammunition problem, the Autogun still sees use throughout the Imperium (particularly among PDF forces, as they do not have the overwhelmingly-massive logistical issues the Imperial Guard does), and its removal from large parts of official service hasn't stopped its development.

== Autoguns versus Stubbers ==

There is [[Skub|significant debate]] over the actual power of Auto and Stub weapons, with the "higher power" team citing higher tech level and advanced materials, and "modern power" team citing no mention of any kind of recoil compensation (limiting power) and less innovative designs. Modernist evidence implies some or even most autoguns may actually be less advanced than modern firearms. After all, 21st century modern cannon rounds are definitely more advanced than the average autogun, and autoguns are meant to be built on all sorts of backwater worlds. Regardless, it is well-and-truly possible that both sides are right, since strictly speaking an Imperial Autogun is generally any type of automatic rifle, firing solid slugs accelerated by combustion of a chemical charge. As such, there are great many models and patterns in existence, different in both internal mechanics of their action and the ammunition they use. Wile some Autoguns *are* just a backwater-colony's locally-designed crude weapons, using black-powder-filled cartridges and prone to jamming, *other* Autoguns may be high-tech products of AdMech factories, firing hypervelocity Discarding-Sabot needle-bullets, capable of easily punching through carapace armour.

There is also a third possibility, which involves the Dark Age of Technology. It's conceivable that "Stubber" is a derogatory term for old gunpowder weaponry made before the Dark Age, and "Autogun" was a Dark Age classification created to delineate the super-futuristic projectile weapons of the then-modern era from Stub Guns. The difference was only significant during the Dark Age of Technology, when "Autogun" meant something more akin to a [[Eclipse Phase|Smart Assault Rifle]] and a Stub Gun meant an M1 Garand. Now, in the grim darkness of the 4*2nd* Millennium, with technological regression and pointlessly pedantic bureaucracy, the distinction between the two gun classifications may have just become statistically insignificant.

For further comparison between Stubbers and Autoguns, [[Stubber#Disambiguation|click here]].

==Imperium Variants ==
===Autopistol===
[[File:Autopistol.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Autopistol]]
Most often a machine pistol or submachine gun, the Autopistol is a single-handed submachine gun (called the <s>Uzi</s> Autopistol) which is frequently used by Chaos heretics (and on occasion, traitor guardsmen) and cultists who don't particularly care about accuracy or expenses and wish to be able to make noise and cause death at a close distance (the former is done better by an Autogun than a Lasgun) as they close in to use their swords. Quite fittingly, many of the autopistols manufactured by the Imperium are based off the MAC-10/MAC-11 weapon series.

Autopistols are still in massive use throughout the Imperium and can be found even on low-tech worlds. Like the larger Autogun it is a very easy to construct and usually available in large numbers. The autopistol is a common weapon amongst renegades, gang members, and lowly criminals, being as easy to use as it is to construct. They are not generally considered a military issue weapon, but are a favorite amongst many military veterans as a supplement for their standard lasgun or as a backup weapon, especially by the ones using unreliable melta- or plasma-weaponry. Some regiments, including the Cadian 8th, often equip all their troops with autopistols as sidearms, improving their combat firepower. Other commanders allow their troops to acquire spoils from the battlefield for their own use and autopistols are popular choices.

===Autogun===
[[File:Autogun.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Note the similarity to the AK-47, also used by pirates. On the other hand, the magazine well bears a resemblance to an AR pattern rifle... GW probably can't tell the difference.]]
There are dozens of other Autogun models that have been created since, including more-advanced versions that use caseless ammunition. One common variety is an assault-rifle sized version formerly used by Imperial Guard regiments, known as the Agipinaa Type-II pattern Autogun (the one specifically noted to achieve stopping power on par with modern Imperial Guard-issue [[lasgun]]s). While rather heavy at 6,2 kg (with loaded magazine), this gun fires powerful (but having somewhat heavy recoil) 8,25mm rounds, accelerated to muzzle velocitiy of 825 meters per second while traveling through the autogun's 540mm (21,25 inches) long barrel. 
Autoguns are commonly employed by pirates, rebel groups, [[Cultist|Chaos cultists]], [[Death_Korps_of_Krieg|Kriegers]], [[Planetary Defense Force]]s, [[Necromunda|Hive Gangers]], [[Adeptus Arbites]] and low-tech civilisations that are too underdeveloped to create even a simple Lasgun, which puts into perspective just how poor these people are. (Hey, that includes us...) On the Tabletop, they're basically [[Rule 63]] versions of lasguns, with the same exact specs.

In [[Warhammer 40,000: Fire Warrior]], the Stormtroopers used by the Guard detachment on-planet uses Autoguns that have been given special armor-piercing rounds (also known as "Man Stopper" rounds, featuring a penetrator-tip of hardened adamantium alloy embedded in each bullet) to improve their damage output, essentially putting them [[wat|on-par with]] [[Hellgun]]s. Paired with the weapon's fast fire rate, they're probably the earliest weapon you can reliably take down a [[Space Marine]] or [[Chaos Space Marine]] with, though clearly better options are available.

===Autocannon===
[[File:Imperial_Autocannon.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Autocannon]]
The Autocannon is the big-cheese of the Autogun family (and possibly related to the <s>88mm Flak gun</s> <s>Bofors 40-57mm</s> <s>20mm Hispano-Suiza</s> GW couldn't tell which is which anyway), firing massive projectiles quickly enough that it can infatuate and butcher a group of Orks at the same time. Most commonly mounted on vehicles, but also seeing use in [[Imperial Guard]] heavy weapons teams, it possesses a frightening rate of fire and good armour penetration. Much like a heavy stubber, the autocannon proves that even older tech can work when scaled up in size. [[Great Crusade| Before]][[Horus Heresy| a certain temper tantrum]] and its aftermath, it used what were approximately [[Awesome|up-scaled Heavy Bolter shells]] to literally kill anything. Basically, ''these'' autocannon shells were to 40k's autocannon shells what Baneblade cannons are to battle cannons. Yeah. By the way most modern cannons actually use advanced shells like this, suck it imperium.

The standard Autocannon makes a satisfying ''POM-POM-POM'' sound as it chews up targets up to four feet away. It hits at S7AP-1 and is a Heavy 2 weapon that deals D2, making it statistically better than the Heavy Bolter against everything except Toughness 4 and less models. The long-barreled Hydra variation is used on the [[Hydra Flak Tank]], and is designed to serve as anti-air support but used to chew up any cocky infantry that gets too close. Nowadays it gives warning shots that may clip an enemy if that enemy is standing right in front of it and jumps up and down screaming "SHOOT ME" (and even then might miss). Fortunately, it has an additional two feet of range, so while it only has one job, it tends to do it pretty well.

===Assault Cannon===
[[File:Assault_Cannon.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Assault Cannon]]
The Assault Cannon is an autogun with an [[Dakka|outrageous rate of fire]], meaning it has to have rotating barrels to stop them from melting. Although it falls far short of it's terrifying fluffy firepower on tabletop, firing 4 shots compared to the 10 and 20 shots of imperial Gatling cannons. It also fires unique, diamond-hard rounds at significantly increased velocity, resulting in far greater stopping power and penetration. The upgraded weapons system was found post-Heresy, meaning that Chaos doesn't get these meat-grinders (although [[Obliterators]] do). Primarily used by [[Space Marine]]s as anti-infantry weaponry on [[Terminator|Terminators]], [[Dreadnought]]s, and various other vehicles and aircraft. The assault cannon might actually be a stub-weapon, as some art shows it ejecting spent casings. [[Only War]] and several other sources show that there is a difference. Auto-weapons are (usually) caseless and can be anything from merely caseless, chemically-propelled rounds, to railrifles and gravitic-accelerated projectiles. This is also why Macrocannons are auto-weapons, as their shells are magnetically propelled. Of course, knowing the Mechanicus, there are probably examples of both auto-weapons and stub-weapons for all solid-projectile weapons of the Imperium.

If it was a laser weapon, it would be to Multilasers something like what a Hellgun is to a Lasgun.

===Rotor Cannon===
[[File:Rotor_Cannon.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Rotor Cannon]]

It should probably have been named Rotor Gun instead, to avoid insulting the true cannons. The ancestor (read: feeble grandparent) of the Assault Cannon, firing smaller-caliber, less-capable ammunition and to date only seen in 30k. Unfortunately it is much weaker than its more recognizable descendant, with only half the stopping power (in fact it is on par with the standard Autogun and outclassed by the ''Heavy Stubber'' of all guns) and much less armour-piercing ability, despite having the same shot output most of the time. About the only advantage it has over the Assault Cannon is the fact that it is man-portable by both Power-Armoured Astartes and unaugmented humans, whereas the Assault Cannon requires the user to wear Terminator armour, or for the Assault Cannon to be mounted on a vehicle. Based on the stats, it presumably fires similar rounds to an autogun (which is analogous to a modern battle rifle) but at a much higher cyclic rate, so it probably has some similarity to the real-life M134 minigun.

Even with the Rotor Cannon's poor stats and lack of special abilities, a few forces such as the Imperial Knights and the Thousand Sons Space Marine Legion have improved the Rotor Cannon's utility by loading it with more useful ammo, such as Biocorrosive ammunition for the Knights and the Thousand Son's own Asphyx shells that both allow for this humble weapon to be able to successfully wound its targets much more often.

===Icarus Stormcannon Array===
[[File:StormcannonArray.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Icarus Stormcannon Array]]
The Icarus Stormcannon Array is a Space Marine anti-aircraft platform mounted on [[Space Marine Stalker|Stalker vehicles.]] Made up of two independently traversing turrets of triple-barreled cannons and a large radar dish, the Icarus Stormcannon Array can track and fire at two separate aerial targets simultaneously.

The Stalker mounts an array of two Icarus Stormcannons granted a capacity for independent targeting by the servo-mind conclave (Cogitator array) to which they are shackled. The cannons have a high rate of fire and can launch hundreds of solid rounds into the sky.

Each servo-mind can direct the Stormcannons to track separate targets with a lesser degree of accuracy, or when faced by more potent foes the array can concentrate fire in a single, withering salvo that will tear even the mightiest winged beast or enemy aircraft from the skies.

===Onslaught Gatling Cannon===
[[File:OnslaughtGatling.jpg|150px|right|thumb|Onslaught Gatling Cannon]]
The latest weapon for the Adeptus Astartes, and currently restricted to use as a secondary weapon on the Repulsor Hover Tank and Redemptor Dreadnought. As such, it is ''another'' weapon exclusive to the [[Primaris Marines]]. Why in the Emperor's mummified nipples a gun such as this cannot be wielded by the more common Space Marines just begs the question. Why?

This weapon was found thanks to the reintroduction of [[Roboute Guilliman|Robot Gullytan the Third]] and Uncle [[Cawl]]. It has the strength and armour penetration of a heavy bolter at two thirds the range and twice the rate of fire.

On the Redemptor Dreadnought, due to its size, the Onslaught is wielded much like an oversized Powerfist lugging a hand-held autocannon. The sheer size of the Dreadnought's fist in contrast to the comically small Gatling Cannon is bound to spawn a few compensation jokes. Suffices to say, this eventually led to the creation of the Heavy Onslaught Gatling Cannon as shown below.

On the Repulsor, it is notorious for being one of the primary weapon choices on a vehicle ''infamous'' for its [[Dakka|weapon placements and the amount of guns it carries along on the battlefield.]]

===Heavy Onslaught Gatling Cannon===
[[File:HeavyOnslaughtGatlingCannon.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Heavy Onslaught Gatling Cannon]]
Maximum dakka for the Astartes, the Heavy Onslaught is the primary weapon of the Repulsor Hover Tank and Redemptor Dreadnought. Basically the Dreadnought's equivalent of a penis extension or a [[Rape|metaphor for the foreboding erection the Dreadnought pilot is about to feel before being let loose.]]

Like its smaller brother, the Heavy Onslaught Gatling Cannon is a weapon exclusive to the Chadmarines and like its smaller brother, it came to fruition thanks to the management of Grandpa Smurf and Uncle Cawl.

It has the same strength and armour penetration as its smaller brother, but a 30" range and an incredible 12 shots. Interestingly inferior to the Punisher gatling cannon against everything that doesn't have heavy (2+) armour.

===Punisher Gatling Cannon===
[[File:Punisher_Gatling_Cannon.PNG|200px|right|thumb|Punisher Gatling Cannon]]

The Punisher Gatling Cannon is the primary armament of the Leman Russ Punisher tank and one of the Vulture Gunship's variants. A recent addition to the Imperial Guard armory, the Punisher Gatling cannon unleashes a torrent of anti-infantry firepower and is among the fastest-firing weapons in the Imperial arsenal.

The most [[dakka]] in the game that isn't the Titan mounted Vulcan Mega-Bolter. In fact, so much it doesn't go "dakka, dakka" it goes BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT. Able to churn out more shots than a squad of Tactical Marines at even greater strength, this baby will melt down any block of infantry it comes across and can even threaten Monstrous Creatures by the sheer volume of fire they put out. Also has a kid brother in the form of the Taurox Gatling Cannon, which has less strength and half the shots.

===Battle Cannon===
[[File:Battle_Cannon_Leman_Russ.PNG|200px|right|thumb|Battle Cannon]]
The big cheese of the Autogun family without going full on Titan. The Battle cannon is a larger and heavier version of the autocannon, its size restricting its use to vehicles only. It is the primary weapon of the [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]], where its explosive shells can decimate both infantry and other armor. It is also common armament on [[Imperial Knight|Imperial Knights]], though for these mighty machines are used special Rapid Fire Battle Cannons with improved rate of fire. Due to it being of Autogun in function, it has a wide variation of different ammunition that it can use. such as:

'''High Explosive:''' The standard round fired by Leman Russ battle cannons, HE shells like the Leman Russ Mk4 G4 round contain a highly explosive material such as Fyceline which detonates upon impact with the target. Since a high velocity is not necessary for the shell to work, a small amount of propellant allows for a larger amount of explosive material than in other shells. The explosion causes a blastwave lethal to anyone close by and shatters the thin shell casing into deadly high-speed shrapnel, making them deadly when used against infantry and light vehicles. While the sheer size of the blast can cause minor damage to armored vehicles, even stun or kill the crew within, HE shells lack the penetrative power of true anti-tank shells.

'''Anti-Tank/Armour Piercing:''' Anti-tank or armor piercing shells like the standard Leman Russ Mk12 G4 round are used to destroy hardened targets such as enemy tanks or bunkers. They consist of a solid round topped with an adamantium tip covered by a soft metal cap. A large propellant charge launches the round at high velocities, where upon impact the metal cap melts and creates a "sticking" effect so that the adamantium tip does not slide off of sloped armor or break. Most AP shells cause damage through kinetic energy, the sheer violence of a penetrating hit causing spalling within the enemy tank's interior to damage internal systems and kill crew. Others include a small high explosive charge which detonates upon impact, causing additional secondary damage.

'''Infernus:''' Inferno shells like the standard Leman Russ Mk7 G4 round, also known as incendiary, phosphorine or thermite shells, work in similar principle to HE shells. However instead of an explosive charge these shells are filled with a combustible substance which instantly is scattered upon impact. The substance burns instantly and is particularly deadly when used against infantry.

'''Smoke:''' Smoke shells are used to create an instant smoke screen, hiding the tank or other friendly forces from enemy observations.

'''Hunter:''' Hunter shells are very rare tank rounds which can be fired by a battle cannon or Conqueror cannon. They contain a small logic-engine similar to the one found on Hunter-Killer Missiles which locks onto a target and directs the path of the shell towards it. Just before impact the shell's Machine Spirit causes it to rise above and hit the enemy vehicle on it's thinner top armor. Only ever produced on the Forge World Tigrus, the knowledge to construct Hunter shells was lost when the world was overrun by the Orks. Most tank crews will therefore never even see a Hunter shell, much less have the honor of firing one.

===Accelerator Autocannon===
[[File:AcceleratorAuto.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Accelerator Autocannon]]
Back when the Emperor still walked, the Imperium was capable of developing new and improved weapons, and the Accelerator Autocannon was one of those. Basically a cross between the Autocannon and a Rail Gun, the Accelerator Autocannon coupled a high rate of fire with a powerful shell and high accuracy. It shares it name with the Accelerator Cannon used on the [[Fellblade]] and [[Astraeus Super-Heavy Tank]]. Which would imply that this is a downsized version.

Currently the Accelerator Autocannon is exclusively mounted on the main variant of the [[Sicaran Battle Tank]]. Each Sicaran has two of them. Why they don't bother mounting them on the more advanced Dreadnaughts is because they don't know how or due to [[Games Workshop|lazyness.]]

===Quake Cannon===
[[File:Quake_Cannon.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Quake Cannon]]
The Quake Cannon is a gigantic artillery piece mounted on Imperial Titans and Super-Heavy Tanks. The Quake Cannon is used to engage targets at extreme range. Each Quake Cannon shot contains a [[Wat|fragment of a planet that has been subjected to]] [[Exterminatus]], which is to say the '''energy''' of the Exterminatus is harnessed and then weaponized....which is....unnecessarily complex to say the least....anyways, the weapon draws the contained earth-shattering power out and containing the blastwave within a Quake Shell.

On Titans, the Quake Cannon is commonly found on Warlord Battle Titans. The Imperator class titan can also carry one or more Quake Cannon on its carapace hard-points.

On Superheavies, the Imperial Guard Banesword Super-Heavy tank is also equipped with a Quake Cannon.

===Gatling Blaster===
[[File:Gatblaster.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The child of a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GAU-8_Avenger Avenger] and a battle cannon]]

Strapped to the mighty [[Reaver Battle Titan]] and above, this is the weapon you field when you need the biggest dakka the Imperium of Man has to offer, it's basically an Assault Cannon, [[Awesome|except that it fires Battle Cannon shells rather than bullets]], yeah... this is what you get if you thought about the Schwerer Gustav using Gatling Technology. Now if only they had some kind of Macro Gatling, ridiculous as that would be.

By function, each of the Gatling Blaster's six barrels fires once in turn during each revolution of the barrel cluster. The multiple barrels provide both a very high rate of fire and contribute to long weapon life by minimizing barrel erosion and heat generation. The Gatling Blaster is pneumatically-driven and electrically-primed. The gun rotor, barrel assembly and ammunition feed system are rotated by a hydraulic drive motor through a system of flexible drive shafts. The round is fired by an electric priming system where an electrical current from a firing lead passes through the firing pin to the primer as each round is rotated into the firing position. One of the drawbacks of the initial design was that the ejection of spent links created considerable (and ultimately insufferable) problems. The Adeptus Mechanicus compensated for this issue by creating a linkless feed system.

This is actually a pretty [[Reasonable Marines|reasonable and practical]] solution; a rarity in the AdMech. As what kind of sane Guardsmen would like to die from [[FATAL|giant empty bullet casings?]]

Galting Blasters can be mounted on the weapon limbs of Reaver and Warlord Battle Titans and the carapace mounts on Imperator Titans. It is too large to be fitted to Warhound Scout Titans however.

===Macro Cannon===
[[File:Macrocannon.jpg|280px|thumb|right|A voidcraft Macrocannon, why the Mechanicus decided it was a good idea to use slaves to manually reload a EXBOXHUGE Cannon, despite already having auto-loaders is beyond our moral understandings.]]

The [[Dakka|Biggest of the Big]]. 'Macrocannon' seems to be a catch-all for any auto-type weapon larger than a Gatling-Blaster, ranging from fortress-mounted field artillery to the literally apocalyptic, cathedral-sized weapons found on [[Imperial Navy|voidcraft]]. As is clearly evident, it causes a quantity of [[Rape]] proportional to its size, but even the smallest land-based Macrocannons are capable of laying waste to mostly everything, including [[Awesome|flyers]]. It is at its basest an autocannon that fires bullets ranging in size from that of a man all the way up to the size of a [[Baneblade]], depending on the weapon's calibre (no, seriously), and since this is the Imperium, instead of an automatic reloader, they need [[Grimdark|dozens of slaves to move each bullet]] for the ship-mounted Macrocannons (heretical theories suggest this is either because it is actually cheaper for the Imperium, which is overloaded with humans and not resources, or because they are stockpiling resources, or they are cutting down on chances of daemonic incursions through humans by putting more of them in the killzone, or they are testing to see just how far people will comply with slave labor in a totalitarian state, or - most heretical of all - some suggest it is a bureaucratic screw-up with paperwork or that the AdMech doesn't know how to repair the loading cranes).

Provided yields for these weapons can go from 42 exajoules (about 5.297 times more powerful than [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1960_Valdivia_earthquake the most powerful earthquake ever recorded]; a 42 exajoule earthquake would be approximately magnitude 9.98) right down to the measly [[What|50 tetrajoules]]...[[Derp|*sigh* Games Workshop never fails to surprise us]]. Seriously believe us, we know that tetrajoules isn't an official unit of measurement, but since tetra is Latin for four this essentially gives us....[[Herp|4 joules of power]]....[[Fail|which is weaker then a human punch or a]] [[Lasgun|flashlight]].... Don't believe us? We got that from [[Rogue Trader (RPG)|Rogue Trader rpg: BattleFleet Koronus pg. 31 & 20]] which is quote on quote:
:''"Look at her, son. Isn’t she a beauty? Over two hundred Vulcan mega-bolter defence turrets, '''[[Wat|fifteen tetrajoule Sunsear las-broadsides]]''', prow plating ten metres thick, the finest auspex masts in the battlefleet… And the lines on her! Fluted prow, elegant statuary… those xenos scum won’t know what hit them!” – Bosun Phineas Jhule tempts fate at the embarkation of the Fire of Heaven''
:''"The Avenger dates from an earlier period of fleet tactics, when, squadrons of grand cruisers were employed as “line-breakers.” Traditionally, they were thrown into the midst of massive fleet engagements, soaking up enemy fire while racing into the middle of enemy formations, '''[[Bullshit|then crushing their opponents at short range with tetrajoules of energy from their oversized broadsides.]]'''"
''
Yeah...we in [[/tg/]] aren't sure whether this was [[Troll|intentional]] or a [[FAIL|gross example of a severe typo.]] So...um....[[Lulz|FEAR THE 60 JOULE BROADSIDE BATTERIES!]] Jokes aside, if we use the picture to the right as a reference for size, and estimate the shell as a solid slug of density equivalent to lead, launched at a planet from geosynchronous orbit above an Earth-like planet (36,000km), you're looking at somewhere in the region of 50 Tera-Joules of energy when it strikes the ground, or slightly less than the Little Boy dropped on Hiroshima (and that's just from gravity, not including launch energy). About fifty or so of the land-based Macrocannons would equate to one ship-mounted Macrocannon, or one point of firepower in [[Battlefleet Gothic]]. Oh yes.

==Chaos Variants==
===Reaper Autocannon===
[[File:ReaperAutocannon.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Reaper Autocannon]]
There is the regular Autocannon and then there is the Reaper variant, which only the Chaos Space Marines get because Assault Cannons were discovered after the [[Horus Heresy]], and everybody Imperial promptly thought they were cooler than the Reaper Autocannon. The reaper is an infantry-portable twin-linked Autocannon that wants to put its shells in your face at 36" or less. The reaper is effective against light vehicles and monsters, but the Imperials switched to the other gun for its boons against infantry. The current Imperial gun is mostly popular due to it's reliability and durability, capable of operation for years without much care even if [[Ogryn|someone]] used it as a club. By comparison, the reaper assault cannon [[Fail|needs it's barrels to be replaced after each battle or else it loses reliability or even explodes]] (maybe the admech were drunk that day).

Then at some point, the Traitor Legions and their Dark Mechanicus pals looked at the Reaper Autocannon and asked, "How can we make this even more rapey?" So they came up with the Helstorm Autocannon, which apparently can only be fitted to vehicles and aircraft such as the Hellblade due to its sheer rate of fire. It has the same profile as the Reaper except for firing an extra shot per attack and adding delicious Rending because fuck assault cannons. Now if only GW would let the forces of Chaos get their collective shit together and replace every vehicle mounted heavy bolter with S7 AP4 Heavy 3, Twin-linked, Rending.

===Hades Autocannon===
[[File:HadesAutocannon.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Hades Autocannon]]
The bigger version of the Reaper Autocannon.

Also because Chaos likes to add daemons to things, and daemons make things goofy, Chaos Space Marines have access to ''another'' vehicle-mounted variant, the Hades Autocannon, which bafflingly can only be mounted onto a dinobot (probably because it's propelled by warp-flame or something). Fielded onto a Heldrake for air support or in pairs on a Forgefiend for heavy support, the Hades Autocannon (R36", S8, AP4, Heavy 4, pinning) suffers the Reaper's slightly gimped range compared to the vanilla autocannon, but is slightly stronger and can pin units (but don't count on pinning too much); while it's not twin-linked like the reaper, having double the firepower more than compensates.

A Forgefiend can mulch most infantry short of [[Terminator]]s, pounding through power armour on sheer weight and power of fire, can make most Monstrous Creatures' lives flash before their eyes, and can hurt even a [[Land Raider]] or [[Monolith]]. It's <s>almost</s> really a shame that the average Forgefiend isn't known for being a phenomenal shot.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:11 - Infiltrator.png|Autoguns - Better Than Your Crap Flashlights!
Image:Autogun01.jpg|A typical mass produced model.
Image:RenegadeArms.JPG|Traitor Guardsmen armed with Armageddon-pattern Autoguns and Autopistols. You know you want 'em.
Image:LRPun.jpg|The Punisher Gatling Cannon and its tank. Sometimes you just need a little more gun.
Image:Gatling Blaster.jpg|The Gatling Blaster. For when you need big dakka.
</gallery>

{{Template:40k-Imperial-Weapons}}
[[Category: Warhammer 40,000]][[Category: Imperial]][[Category: Chaos]]

Junka

2018-02-11T02:21:45Z

2600:1700:ACD1:D7B0:A5AA:AA1B:7A4E:AF4C:

Junkas are essentially the catch-all term for any vehicle created by Orks from the remains of completely destroyed vehicles; often looking more like a Frankenstein of a vehicle with different vehicle body parts bolted, welded or glued together. They take on an entirely new level of looting as [[Looted|looted vehicles]] often come from enemy vehicles that still functions and are given the proper Orky treatment.

Most Junkas are completely unique and no two look alike due to their mishmash of different vehicles. Even by Ork standards Junkas are difficult to independently classify from their usage. So far there are only two identifiable types of Junkas documented by the Imperium. The Junka Trukk and the Mekboy Junka.

==Junka Trukk==
[[File:Junka_Trukks.jpg|500px|right|thumb|Two forms of Junka Trukks.]]
Junka Trukks are made by Feral Orks, which is usually to compensate for their overall lack of advance technology. It's not uncommon for Feral Ork tribes to salvage vehicles left by other forces. These vehicles will usually have been heavily damaged, and it is rare that a Feral Ork tribe will either have the mechanical expertise or spare parts needed to repair them correctly. But that generally does not stop the Tribes from cobbling things together with their boilers and boars to make surprisingly effective war machines. Junka Trukks rely on their speed to overcome their relatively light and poor quality armor.

Think of them as the poor man's [[Trukk]] and like most Ork vehicles they are highly customizable. The Junka Trukk usually features a single pintle-mounted Big Shoota that is operated by a dedicated gunner, but can swap it with a Rokkit Launcha for anti-vehicular or a Burna for anti-infantry purposes. The vehicle is crewed by an Ork Gretchin, who drives the vehicle, and a single Ork, who can be a Nob or a Wildboy. The vehicle is also open-topped, allowing the passenger to be armed with Shootas or a Shoota and a Choppa, so that the Ork is able fight off enemies at close range. Junkas also double as inefficient transports, with its passengers riding into battle clinging to any spare piece of their technological masterpiece in large numbers. The Junka Trukk can also be outfitted with many types of attachments and upgrades, including armoured plating, a big grabber, a boarding plank, a bolted-on Big Shoota, a reinforced ram, a Stikkbomb chucka, or a wrecker ball.

==Mekboy Junka==
[[File:MekboyJunka.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The Mekboy Junka coming in all shapes and flavors.]]
On the other end of the spectrum, Mekboy Junkas are used by... Well... Mekboyz and are often seen as the more advanced and sophisticated of the two (By Ork standards of course). Often these vehicles are a way for younger Mekboyz to showcase their skill and talent in building vehicles and weaponry, hopefully impressing Warbosses and Nobz. Think of them as the Ork equivalent of a Children's Science Fair.

Like the Junkas used by the more primitive brethren, Mekboy Junkas are sometimes scratch built or looted, but usually are a ramshackle cross of both. Like many Ork vehicles, each Junka is unique, incorporating the Mekboy's own special 'innovashuns'.

Mekboy Junkas come usually with a Deathrolla, a turreted Big Shoota and two side mounted Scorchas which can be replaced with Rokkit Launchas or more Shootas. Like all Junkas, Mekboy Junkas are fast, ''very fast.''

{{Template:Orks-Forces}}

[[Category:Vehicles]]