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Supers

2022-04-22T04:16:40Z

2600:1700:E88A:5410:8C70:62DE:B69A:70FE: /* Notable Superverses (that aren't Marvel/DC) */

{{Awesome}} The usual nickname for RPG settings and systems with Superpowers, especially those with Superheroes. Called "Supers" probably in part because the word "Superhero" is trademarked by Marvel and DC, or "Capeshit" by the chans in general ("capeshit" originally referred to superhero movies, but has since spread to all superhero stuff).
[[File:Supers.jpeg|thumb|“With great power, comes great responsibility.” - [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man Spider-Man]]]
An exact definition of the genre is a bit annoying because broader definitions can include The Epic of Gilgamesh (literally the oldest surviving literature), and Greek myth (the origin of the "hero" part), both of whom often feature in modern superhero fiction. Even narrower definitions will predate comic heroes with pulp figures like Zorro. Luckily, for /tg/'s purposes the genre can defined somewhere along the lines of a system designed for playing characters and adventures in the style of (/world of for licensed works) DC and Marvel comics (and their competitors/imitators) and the adaptations of those comics.

And, yes, [[Batman]] counts as part of the genre. His impossible-super-science gadgets (which even the Dark Knight trilogy and the Adam West version engaged in), otherwise ridiculously high degree of schooling, and the level of recovery from injury all count as "Superpowers".

==Some General Trends==

There's a vast amount of territory covered by Superpowered RPGs, in keeping with the comic books and TV shows that birthed most of them. Here's some general trends, staples and constraints of the genre:

* '''Relatability'''
** A frequent concern with actual comic books and linear media adaptions<ref>Video games have their own separate series of cans of worms that parallel "relatability", but also frequently diverge from it heavily</ref>; if the audience can't see themselves or at least a functional equivalent of the world they live in in the work, they may come away disinterested. Many modern, mass-appeal media with Supers does their best to make the Supers and the world they inhabit relatable and down-to-earth as a result, while more dedicated superhero fans go for the more obscure, but also more pure superhero stories.
** If you're wondering where Kid Sidekicks, below, and "Captain Ethnic" characters come from, attempts to improve "Relatability" are why.
*** Of some note, this is a frequently cited factor in why [[Superman]] can be hard to write. (In reality, he's slightly easier [[Sanderson's laws | when you focus on either things he ''can't'' do, or the morality of power]].)
* '''Genre'''
** If you don't count "Supers" as a genre, or only partly so: While individual settings and stories can be Mundane, Horror, Science Fiction, [[Urban Fantasy]], or a few others, most supers settings that get glommed together as they evolve (such as DC/Marvel or many animated ones) tend to be classifiable as [[Science Fantasy]].
** Further, there's a surprisingly vast array of other genres the Supers genre can be on either end of the "Subgenre" of. To name some of the odder types that get seen somewhat frequently: Romance, Drama, Historical Fiction (including [[Western]]), Sex Comedy, Giant Robot, War stories, Full Fair Play Mystery, Surprisingly Hard Science Fiction, Horror, Martial Arts, and ''Musical'' (yes, really).
* '''Power level'''
** As powers get more powerful, the "relatability" of the hero goes down.
** It's possible to make this work, by emulating [[mythology]] and going full SuperGods, or by making the OP superhero a supporting character (which is how Superman's spinoffs worked).
** Live-action TV shows tend to love superpowers that don't require any expensive special effects, such as Telepathy or Mind Control. Look out for budget cheats.
** A setting can have a very vast degree of scale of power levels; DC has Green Lantern (cosmic scale science fiction) alongside Batman's Gotham City, where Killer Croc (mild super-strength and crocodile traits) and Mr. Freeze (who has a freeze gun and immunity to cold) are unusually powerful.


* '''Antiheroes'''
** From very early on in the 60s, comics have shown a massive fascination with various kinds of Anti-heroic figures of all stripes; well-meaning failures, villains who take an otherwise good idea way too far, sociopathic figures who could only be called "heroes" because of the side they're on, physically monstrous heroes, heroes who subscribe to a moral code that puts them on the "wrong" side of the law, heroes who have more character flaws than then many of their villains, characters doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, characters doing bad things for reasons that seemed good at the time, superhero comics have gone through them all.
*** Bruce Banner (The Incredible Hulk) is notable for being all of the above at one time or another, what with his severe multiple personality disorder.
** This fascination can be attributed to two common impulses in Superhero writers: answering the "what makes a person a hero?" question with a character (either for us to judge, or to spell out an answer, depending on the current capacity for subtlety of the writer), or because they make for good Foils for the current hero of your book.
** There was a big wave of popularity for more extreme antiheroes in the 90s and early 00s, but the sheer stupidity of most such examples, along with a change in national mood in the US, lead to most of them going back into the edgelord shadows. On [[TVTropes]], this is referred to as the 90s Antihero, because it's distinct enough from the standard Antihero. Note that a 90s Antihero isn't ''inherently'' stupid, but the bad examples are prolific, and when combined with a general distaste for 90s culture, they're usually held up as an overall negative example of the genre.

* '''Alternate Universes/Continuities'''
** Have '''long''' been a thing in comics. Since 1961's "Flash of Two Worlds" long (and arguably, even before then). DC was always more fond of them than Marvel, although Marvel's had more than its share.
** That being said, there are also a lot of works that are explicitly in their own continuity, or are "this never happened"/"what-if" stories. Some of them are merged into the wider setting's "multiverse", but most are left alone.
** If you're going to have a large enough Science Fiction and Big Ideas in your Supers setting, you'll eventually have to deal with Alternate Universes, just because it's an easy way to have "Hero vs. Himself" stories, and is now rather iconic of Supers works.
* '''Capes'''
** Since 1960, not much of a thing. Superman wore one, as did a lot of heroes in his wake, but most heroes stopped wearing them by the 1960s. Most Marvel heroes avoid capes.
** The reason capes vanished is twofold. In the golden age, capes were a send-up of wrestlers, boxers, and circus strongmen; but after the 60s this was no longer a relevant reference. Ask the heroes themselves why they don't wear capes, they claim it's because they realized that capes have a tendency to get snagged on things. (''The Incredibles'' and ''Watchmen'' both have this as a plot point.)
** There are exceptions:
*** Batman uses a cape to disguise his motions (is he going to throw a punch or a batarang?) and frequently uses it to glide. (It should be added that he was doing this well before ''Batman Begins''; the reason he looks so weird on that first Detective Comics cover is because the original idea was he was going to be gliding with that cape.)
*** Doctor Strange has a Cloak of Levitation, which is what allows him to fly, among other things.
*** A lot of villains, because they put style over substance.
*** Characters whose primary power (or one of them, at least) is flight. It's usually "explained" that a well-made cape allows better control over flight for these heroes; how plausible that is depends on the cape in question.
*** Some characters are so strong and tough (such as Superman), they only have to worry about their cape being damaged if it gets snagged.
** That being said, Supers get called "Capes" a lot, for reasons lost in the mists of time. To the point that "Capeshit" is what a large chunk of the Internet calls Superhero-related media.

* '''Captain Ethnic'''
** As superhuman characters from outside of the original WASP American backgrounds started to become a thing in the 60s and 70s, writers had to figure out a way to make it clearer who these characters were in terms of ethnicity. Taking cues from the Captain Patriotic trope of the Golden Age, Captain Ethnic characters are heavily defined their ethnicity or nationality, particularly when it comes to costume design or power set. At its best, these characters draw upon mythology or pop culture from their origins; for example, a Japanese super-inventor who uses [[samurai]] themed [[Power Armor]] and gadgets. At its worst, these characters are just bad ethnic stereotypes, such as an Irish superheroine who dresses in a sexualized version of the [[leprechaun]] outfit, has luck manipulation powers, and is portrayed as a drunken slutty party girl.
** A variant of this trend is African-American supers with electricity-related powers, an homage to the "Black Power" movements of the 70s.

* '''Captain Patriotic'''
** Superheroes specifically themed around being defined by their love of their country and nation, usually resulting in their costume choices. During the Golden Age of Comics - aka, [[World War II]] - superheroes of this stripe proliferated, but they began to die out afterwards as nationalism waned and, without an active war on, showy acts of patriotism became less of a big cultural thing.
** Can sometimes overlap with Captain Ethnic, but it's not mandatory for it to do so.
** Villainous Captain Patriotics are most certainly a thing, but with the fall of Nazism and Communism, the original go-to sources for them, they've fallen out of favor as much as their heroic counterparts have.

* '''Character Clones'''
** You might also know them as an "Expy", "Alternate Company Equivalent" or "Captain Ersatz" from [[TVTropes]].
** A frequent feature of just about all superhero related media: a non-copyright infringing version of a character from another company (or occasionally, your own). The most frequent use is parody, but pseudo-crossovers are also common, as are "deconstructions".
*** There have been self-company clones; usually, the reason is because the rights are tied up, or because the character is thought to be unfitting for the audience (for example, one reason DC had so many John Constantine knock-offs is because for many years he was an "adults only" character that was carefully confined to the "Vertigo" imprint).
** There's also parallel evolution, which is a ''very'' frequent thing in any storytelling medium. That is, two different characters or teams are designed to fill a niche, but in the process, the niche dictates so much that the two are almost identical. Notable examples in comic books include the initial versions of Swamp Thing and Man Thing (and both of whom were heavily inspired by an earlier, out of print character, The Heap), and the original versions of the X-Men and Doom Patrol; both pairs appeared effectively simultaneously, and were obviously based on roughly the same inspiration.<ref>For the former: "Horror comics are back, sort of. Hey, this Heap character was a good horror character, and he's out of print (and thus not likely to get us sued)"; for the latter, "What can we do to have a hero team that allows us to talk about discrimination?".</ref>
** Straight ripoffs are rarer, as it's widely considered to be playing with copyright lawsuit fire, but they happen, particularly of the type that can be played off as "parallel evolution".

* '''Foils, aka Contrasting Characters'''
** Not foil as in "defeating", but rather a common trope in storytelling in general, but Superhero-related media in particular: Two characters are frequently shown together because they contrast one another, bringing out otherwise hidden aspects of both.<ref>The name derives from a common trick in jewellery: Metal foil is put behind a gem to make its features much clearer (and the gem as a whole shinier) in the light; similarly, the implicit background of one character makes some hidden features visible in another character.</ref>
** This can take many forms; two Heroes contrasting styles shows that one or both styles have their merits; or some kind of "Goofus and Gallant" scenario; or a villain whose backstory contrasts heavily with the hero's; or two villains whose goals and nature make them natural foes, just to name a few common such story beats.
** This gets to the point that villains have been known to migrate to other heroes in the same universe because the "foiling" on them is better.<ref>To provide one notable example, the Kingpin (more fully, "The Kingpin of Crime") started out as a Spider-Man foe, but is now much more associated with Daredevil, because the two have better opposing chemistry (to start with, Spider-Man is about "everyday shlub superhero", while Daredevil is more about "fixing the crime problem and criminal justice system", and the Kingpin is usually a good representative of almost everything wrong with both, making him a better fit for the latter hero).</ref>

* '''Legacy Characters'''
** In settings with an in-universe history of superhumans, you'll often have the concept of the "Legacy Character"; a superhero identity or "family" that is either literally passed down from one worthy character to another, or where one character's actions as a superhero inspire others to also become superheroes, leading to their deliberately styling their costumes and, to a lesser extent, their power sets after their inspirations in homage.
** A related trope is the "Affirmative Action Legacy", where legacy characters are of a different ethnicity, gender, sexuality, or combination thereof to their "progenitor". Done well, this can add to the feeling of realism and grounding of the base identity. Done poorly, as it usually is, you have an obvious politically motivated pandering character.

* '''[[Masquerade]]'''
** A few [[Urban Fantasy]] or Conspiracy-themed settings are, effectively, Masquerades concealing the existence of Superpowered individuals. Why varies, but the result is ''usually'' fairly stupid.
** Some Superhero settings have a partial Masquerade, usually involving either Magic or Time Travel, since both of those can unbalance the setting away from "Relatability".

* '''[[Mythology]]'''
** Because mythological figures are generally in the public domain, and thus free for authors to use, a lot of characters, items, and monsters are taken from mythology. Villains, heroes, Macguffins, you name it, it's probably been used.
** Most commonly used are the Greek and Norse mythologies, for the usual reasons of "being widely known" and "easy to research". East Asian stuff is becoming more common recently thanks to [[/a/|certain influences]].

* '''Secret Identities'''
** Supers often act as vigilantes, or are otherwise outside the purview of the law, and thus must wear outfits to conceal their actions.
** As a general rule, as time has gone on, fewer and fewer superheroes have them, as the reason to have one has gone down. That being said, the usual explanation nowadays is to protect unpowered family members, which as reasons go is at least reasonable.
** In particular, there's a general feeling that "Street-level" superheroes are allowed a secret identity; those whose ''individual'' aspirations extend beyond a city are not (e.g., The Fantastic Four, Iron Man (even back when Iron Man was Tony Stark's "bodyguard", there was no question but that Iron Man worked for Stark), or on the DC side, Green Lanterns (who work for a Law Enforcement agency) and Wonder Woman (whose origins meant she didn't start with one, and for whose political goals maintaining an ongoing second identity would probably be counterproductive).)
** Japanese (and East Asian more generally) superheroes either don't have them, have them because a transformation is part of their powers, or have them more because the hero is an benevolent infiltrator of some kind.

* '''Sidekicks'''
** The inclusion of a second character, often a minor in older works, as a secondary and subservient character to the hero. Much less common nowdays. This is mainly because having children in physical danger has clashed poorly with comics becoming more serious and less child oriented, and having a second character as an equal partner instead of an inferior opens more plots and character expression than a child did. Batman, as with many now dropped genre conventions, gets his wards grandfathered in. (Child superheroes still exist as solo characters, characters in a team with other minor aged characters, and as the biological child of superpowered parents working with their mom and/or dad.)
*** Interestingly, Stan Lee's hatred of Kid Sidekicks (he killed Bucky Barnes off for just this reason) led to him creating Spider-Man in an effort to fill the "kid character" niche with something a bit less stupid.
*** And even Batman writers have at least moved somewhat to make things a bit less "Child endangerment" (on Batman's part, at least): Two of the more recent additions to the Bat-family, Cassandra Cain and Damian Wayne, have a backstory of being specially raised as assassins but wanting to be something else, and thus being trained by Batman.
** Non-action sidekicks who serve an investigative, mission control, or support roles are still a thing; how much they show up probably depends more on how useful they are for storytelling than their actual usefulness.
*** In particular, a "Watson" type is frequently necessary for Detective characters who don't monologue like a Film Noir Protagonist; that is, somebody to hear all the deductions made by the detective character, and ask some obvious questions.<ref>Notice, for example, most versions of Batman that lack a Robin lean heavily on Alfred, to allow Batman to apply exposition to--in fact, one of the reasons Robin was created in the first place was explicitly to have somebody for Batman to provide exposition to.</ref>

* '''Technology'''
** Civilian technology on Earth is usually kept just barely beyond the current state of the art, to maximize "relatability".
*** Heroes and villains can invent super-science gadget and/or own giant, supposedly innovative, companies while labs have fantastic inventions for villains to steal or create the monster of the week with, but none of the stuff seems to actually get to market. Military technology is rarely better for the common soldier, but don't be surprised to see special projects that produce something (even if flawed or unreproducable) or at them having something to throw at a superpowered threat.
*** The most common exception, if the age rating requires it, is the proliferation of energy weapons.
** But the Important Named Characters usually have access to stuff that's flat out impossible.
** This leads to a certain tendency of Super-Inventers to be restricted in some way.
*** Several notable examples use a direct "Magic powered technology", in that the technologist's work is only functional because some superpower is allowing them to "cheat" physics (or biology or material science) in some way.
*** An alternate common approach is to make the technology in question dependent on some rare, fictional supermaterial.

* '''Timeline'''
** Time progresses much slower than publication history. A character may reference a plot from 15 years ago, but the events won't have occurred fifteen years ago (This becomes particularly confusing with child characters. Franklin Richards was born in a 1968 comic and didn't hit natural puberty till 2019). The exceptions to this rule are things created as historical events (such as a bounty hunter in the Wild West), and characters/events bound to World War II.
*** Notably this is the one signature element of comics that roleplaying games try to avoid. The games that managed to live long enough have had the time between editions progress in real time, with the printed characters aging and developing.
** Cosmic retcon storms push major catalyst events (like Superman's arrival and Captain America being pulled out of the ice) and other character births/major defining events and return of old powers equivalently to the future every decade or two, allowing people to actually read without a continuity lockout or having to retcon entire lines of material.

* '''Unpowered Superheroes'''
** They exist. They're usually impossibly well-trained and skilled, but, again, that still count as the level of training or skill in question is usually impossible for a real person.
** Usually exist in either lower-powered settings, or are effectively just masterminds or stealth operatives.

* '''Villains and Sanity'''
** How insane the villains are is something of a variable from setting to setting, and villain to villain. Some villains can be "ordinary" criminals, just some of them have powers; some villains are obsessed with destroying the universe (and haven't thought through the "but that's where I keep all my stuff!" objection), and have the power to pull it off; and some villains seem to have been "created" by just taking a section from a psychiatry textbook (usually the [[wikipedia:DSM-5 | current DSM]]) and treating it as a exact description of the villain in question<ref>In particular, any work primarily set in [[Batman|Arkham Asylum]] will probably have multiple such characters, for subtly obvious reasons</ref>.
** Nowdays, more rational villains are more common then they were back in the Silver Age. There's usually some flaw in their thinking, admittedly, but mostly gone are the days of inventing revolutionary and marketable technology so you can rob banks for money.

* '''Weaknesses'''
** Most weaknesses nowadays tend to be inherent in the powerset (characters with Super-Senses usually react badly to flashbang grenades up close, e.g.), or are some kind of time and/or power limitation (Hourman has his time limit right in his name, for example, or Green Lanterns ''used to be'' unable to use their powers on anything Yellow).
** There are two classes of exception:
*** Superman and Kryptonite, and direct knockoffs thereof. One important thing to note is that outside of Superman, Kryptonite styled weakness become less necessary as more Superpowered individuals appear.
*** [[Vampire]] supers (and there are a few Superhero Vampires and near Vampires, along with a whole lot of villains) are subject to the usual weaknesses of their kind, as are other traditional monsters with unique weaknesses.


== Notable subtypes, (sub)genres and styles ==
* Street-Level: Characters, generally of low power, that fight local threats instead of global conspiracies and alien invasions.
* Mystery Men: Low power pulp heroes, especially powerless gadget wielders set before 1942. Chief examples of this genre are the Green Hornet, the Phantom, and Doc Savage.
* Cosmic: The exact opposite of the two above; if they're fighting deities on a regular basis, it's probably "Cosmic".
* "Silver Age" or "Four Color": More or less what comics looked like in the 1960s. Think thirty different kinds of Kryptonite, Jimmy Olson getting new powers every issue (and then losing them right after), and iconic characters becoming total assholes for no reason. These comics were frequently written cover first, with ideas being thrown around like ticker tape at a parade, paced so fast that a reader can get whiplash from the sudden turns, and riddled with excessively soap-operaish or melodramatic storytelling, science fiction so soft it makes marshmallows look like diamonds and dialogue that sounds about as natural as the food coloring on Cheetos. Note that, when used to describe something modern, "power level" doesn't enter into it; there were a '''bunch''' of incredibly silly Batman comics (go look up Superdickery for just a sampling) and other "mundane"/"low-power" Silver Age works; what matters is the sheer ''insanity'' and ''weirdness''.
* "Dark Age" or "[[Rob Liefeld's BLOODP.O.U.C.H|Liefeld Style]]": [[Edgy|Darker And Edgier]] works that are exactly as stupid as the Silver Age, just in a different way. In particular, expect needless death, anti-heroes where vastly more thought was given to the design and name than personality or backstory (which were frequently so flimsy as to be nonexistant), excessive everything (cynicism, fanservice, violence, detail, guns, pouches), and art that was dynamic as fuck, but also anatomically impossible and painful to look at. (Sometimes called "The Iron Age" by people defending it, but between a crash in the industry and the tone of most notable work of the era, the name "Dark Age" has more or less stuck.)
** There are also "Golden Age" (like "Silver Age", but with worse racism and more people dying or suffering horrific fates, mostly served as World War 2 propaganda and died with the Comic's Code starting the Silver Age), "Bronze Age" (what came between the Silver and Dark Ages, and featured something of a blend of both as Stan Lee went "fuck the censors" and killed Gwen Stacy, starting the Edgy stuff that actually had nuance, but devolved into the Dark Age), and "Modern Age" (roughly, what comics have looked like since the first Toby McGuire Spider-Man film). These are not as frequently used as models, for various reasons. The Modern Age is possibly on the verge of changing after several regular cosmic reboot failures from both Marvel and DC and things seems to be shaping up differently in the post-Covid world.
* Tokusatsu (特撮, literally "special effects") aka Henshin (変身, "transformation"): A Japanese genre of masked, transforming heroes (the better to change actors so they can film those scenes on the cheap). Often includes giant robots and size changing to allow fighting a multiple scales. Examples include Super Sentai (which Power Rangers recycles footage from), Kamen Rider, Ultraman, and the 1970s Japanese Spider-Man (which is a fascinating story all in itself).
* Magical Girl (魔法少女): Girls change into super powered forms to fight evil (though many of the early example used their powers for other things). Unlike Toku heroes, magical girl forms generally aren't masked but instead have some kind of physical element to the transformation that hides the user's identity. Despite being strongly associated with Japan, Fawcett's 1942 introduction of Mary Marvel is the earliest proper example.
* "Bad Girl" comics: One of the more durable trends of the Dark Age, above: Female anti-heroes (either cynical or outright "beyond good and evil", with greed and revenge being frequent motivators), usually dealing with even worse villains, not afraid to engage in some extreme ultraviolence, with some degree of supernatural powers going around, and a whole lot of sexy fanservice. There are two interesting factors: Their popularity among women was actually fairly high (Who would have guessed ''actually'' strong female protagonists would appeal to girls and women?), and their popularity (although much diminished) extends to the present day, unlike much of the legacy of the Dark Age.
* "Deconstruction": There's a lot of not very well-thought-out use of this word in criticism of superhero comics. We'll go with the TVTropes definition, where deconstruction is more about taking a trope or story type, and either trying to play it out like it would in reality, or show the disturbing supporting tissue needed to uphold the plausibility.

== Commonly Cited Non-/tg/ or /v/ Originating Settings ==

* [[DC Comics]]. Most notable heroes for /tg/ purposes: [[Batman]], [[Superman]], Green Lantern. Most notable villains for /tg/ purposes: Darkseid, Lex Luthor, Ra's Al Ghul.
** Watchmen, while published by DC, is worth separating all on it's own; it's the first major case brought up in "Superhero Comics as Actual Art" arguments, caused a massive shift in comics towards even darker and edgier material, and was patient zero for "Deconstruction" being applied to things outside of French Philosophy. Even today, 35 years later, it's still insanely influential.
* [[Marvel Comics]]. Most notable heroes for /tg/ purposes: Iron Man, Spider-Man, Thor, Captain America, The Hulk, The Punisher. Most notable villains for /tg/ purposes: Thanos, Galactus, Paste-pot Pete (that last for the idea "they can't all be winners")
** The X-Men have, since their 1975 revival, and particularly since the 90s, been sort of their own continuity, almost-but-not-quite separate from the main Marvel one.
* Various adaptions of the above. Most notable is the inexorable Marvel Cinematic Universe and various animated versions of DC and Marvel's characters.
* A few anime/manga imitate western styles with notable examples including "Anpanman" (book run: 1975-2013, ending the year of the original author's death. Anime run: 1988-present, with over 1300(!) episodes aired and 30 full-length movies), "My Hero Academia" and "One Punch Man"
** "One Punch Man" is of interest because it's a series that centers around an interesting twist on the idea of a superhero: The world's strongest man is also something of a pathetic loser.
* The Super Hero Time programming block of Super Sentai (which was and is mined for stock footage to create Power Rangers) and Kamen Rider.
* Sailor Moon: The only magical girl anime western normalfags have heard of. As such it's the one shallow western "parody" ever derives from, and even then they don't do much with it beyond the surface level.
* Pretty Cure/PreCure: Bucking the trend of magical girls being aimed exclusively at young girls, PreCure takes the unusual direction of simultaneously marketing itself to men with disposable income 16-35 by making the fights extremely physical. Airs adjacent to Super Hero Time and is widely considered an unofficial member.
* Wild Cards, a setting masterminded by the same George R.R. Martin of [[Game of Thrones]].
* The "Fate" (of Fate/Stay Night) franchise; particularly those parts that involve Shirou Emiya. While the Fate stuff in general that involves Summons can be fairly termed "Supers under Masquerade", Shirou's ideals and powers are such that many people class him as a "superhero deconstruction".
* [[Worm]]. Go to the blue link to see more about it.

==Notable Superverses (that aren't Marvel/DC)==
'''Image Comics''' was an indy company that exploded into life in the 90s, making its back on a combination of the early wave of 90s antiheroes and ripoffs of Marvel & DC characters. Their inability to reliably produce comics on time nearly killed the company, but amazingly they survived, although they've mostly gotten out of the superhero genre. Notable supers:
* ''Spawn:'' After CIA [[assassin]] Al Simmons is murdered by his own bosses, he makes a deal with an [[archdevil]], promising to lead Hell's armies in the invasion of Earth if he can go back and see his wife one last time. And he promptly wakes up as a hideously malformed [[revenant]] who looks ''exactly'' how you'd imagine the corpse of somebody who got burned to death 5 years ago would look, wearing a costume that's actually a living [[fiend]], wielding black magic powers he doesn't understand and with almost no memory of who he is. Oh, and his wife got married to his best friend and popped out a daughter whilst he was dead, too.
* ''Savage Dragon:'' A huge green man with a reptilian fin on his head wakes up naked and amnesiac in the middle of a burning field in Chicago. Discovered and taken in by a good-hearted Chicago cop, the Savage Dragon promptly joins the Chicago police force, as his super strength, super toughness, and regeneration makes him their best chance at combating the rising threat of super-criminals.
* ''Invincible:''' The son of a Superman expy inherits the powers of his father, said Superman expy, but soon learns that his half-alien heritage is not what it seems... (Recently got a new show on amazon!)
* ''WildC.A.T.S:'' Two different cabals of warring alien races, the evil body-possessing Daemonites and the humanoid Kherubims, continue their racial war after crashlanding on Earth.
* ''Youngblood:'' The government attempts to organize its own band of superhuman black ops agents.
* ''Cyberforce:'' A band of [[cyborg]] [[mutant]]s, abducted and augmented against their will by the evil megacorp Cyberdata, attempt to seek revenge.
* ''Shadowhawk:'' When honest district attorney Paul Johnstone refuses to fix a case for the mob after being revealed to them by his worthless crack-addicted half-brother Hojo, the mob infects him with HIV. As AIDS ravages his body, he uses a suit of [[Power Armor]] and becomes a spine-breaking vigilante, lashing out at the scum of the world until finally he dies of his disease.

'''Valiant Comics''' was another indy comic company of the 90s, this one focusing on a more Hard Science take on the supers genre. It's a universe where all superpowers stem from one of three sources; tech, [[psionics]], or [[magic]]. Also it subverts the usual supers tropes of retcons and comic book time. Was killed off after an ill-considered crossover with Image Comics, but was revived in 2012. Even got its own tie-in tabletop RPG in 2014. Notable supers:
* ''Bloodshot:'' A Mafia hitman is recovered after being left for dead and revived by being injected with experimental nanites, granting him superhuman durability, super strength, and a healing factor.
* ''Harbinger:'' Super-powered teenagers attempt to escape the powerful psychic megacorp owner who seeks to use them as soldiers to conquer the world.
* ''Magnus, Robot Fighter:'' In the 41st century, one lone badass stands against the threat of mass robot uprisings.
* ''Shadowman:'' A New Orleans man is forced to become a nocturnal Voodoo-powered guardian deity against necromancers and the restless dead.
* ''Turok:'' A Native American hunter from the Wild West era finds himself trapped in "The Lost Land", a [[plane]] outside of the normal bonds of reality that touches upon all times, forcing him to fight for his life against armies of genetically enhanced [[cyborg]] [[dinosaur]]s.
* ''X-O Manowar:'' A Visigoth Barbarian, kidnapped by aliens, escapes by stealing a superpowerful suit of [[Power Armor]] and finds himself stranded on Modern earth.

Some more non-DC/Marvel characters and works that are probably worth mentioning:

* ''Archie'' had an AU for a while where the characters got superpowers. No, really. Go look up "Pureheart the Powerful" if you don't believe us.
* ''Stardust the Superwizard'' and ''Fantomah'': The best known creations of Fletcher Hanks, a profoundly crazy writer-artist who really loved to kill his villains in creatively impossible and fucked-up ways. Fantomah is sometimes claimed to be the first female superhero, with a first publication date of February 1940.
* ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'' is frequently lumped in with Supers, for various reasons. Mainly worth mentioning here because all four parts of the name were very big trends at the time, as the original comic was intended as satire and mash-up of then-current popular trends and works: "Teenage", after the Teen Titans, "Mutant", after the X-Men, "Ninja" because [[Ninja]]s were '''*HUGE*''' in the 80s<ref>In particular, the Foot Clan was a piss-take on The Hand, a band of villainous ninjas from Frank Miller's version of ''Daredevil''</ref>, and "Turtles", because funny animal works were also huge at the time.
* ''The Tick'': A strange lighthearted take on the supers genre by Ben Edlund. Have one dubiously-sane superhero that barely looks like a tick, one down-on-his-luck accountant who somehow has a super suit with moth wings and have them thrown into a bizarre city full of supers called only "The City".


== Supers Roleplaying (Or: /tg/ Relevance) ==

There have been plenty of Supers roleplaying games. Here are some of the more notable ones:

* Various DC and Marvel adaptions. There have been several of both.
** The most notable of the former used the Mayfair Exponential Gaming System, or MEGS, and a complex array of charts to successfully contain the vast array of powers and powerlevels the average superhero setting requires at the cost of being impenetrable to those who aren't from the 80s and didn't grow up with this stuff. ''Blood of Heroes'', a fan-made game running on the same engine with some tweaks, is the Pathfinder to its 3.5, but its homemade setting is generally seen as underwhelming.
* [[GURPS]] has books dedicated to just the mechanics ("GURPS Supers"), and a few settings (notably, International Super Teams (or "IST") and licensed adaptions of Hellboy and Wild Cards)
* [[Savage Worlds]] similarly to GURPS, has support for Supers roleplaying.
* [[Champions]]
* [[Mutants & Masterminds]].
* [[Villains and Vigilantes]]
* [[Superworld]]
* [[Princess: The Hopeful]] is essentially "Magical Girls in New [[World of Darkness]]"
* The [[Sentinel Comics Roleplaying Game]], the RPG spin-off to the equally /tg/-relevant card game [[Sentinels of the Multiverse]]. The exact opposite of ''Blood of Heroes'' in terms of being a fanmade setting that takes inspiration from classic superhero stories while still asserting its own identity and telling good stories with the characters, being based around the fictional "Sentinel Comics" imprint with a fictional history that informs many creative choices.

==See also==

* [[DC Comics]]
* [[Marvel Comics]]
* [[Batman]]
* [[Superman]]

==Footnotes==

<references/>

[[Category:Gamer Slang]]
[[Category: Setting Aesthetics]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2022-04-21T19:29:14Z

2600:1700:E88A:5410:8C70:62DE:B69A:70FE: /* Adeptus Mechanicus */

{{Cleanup}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|]]
{{Topquote|'''The LORD:'''<br>"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"<br>'''Mephistopheles:'''<br>"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find.|Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.}}

'''The fallen shall be forever remembered as the Emperor's finest.'''

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of [[Emprah]] himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] (nicknamed "Little Kitten"[[C'tan|...ha]] by his disrespectful underlings), Magnus the Red (now both ensouled and forgiven), and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a huge success mostly by poking fun at many of the memes, traditions, and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom, but also by some very awesome scenes, and, of course, great music. This shit has become so popular that it has its own fanfiction (one of which ended up gaining multiple meta-Fanfictions of its own (Does that make them a fanfic... within a fanfic... within what's essentially the video version of a fanfic?)), and there's even a few quotes from the show scattered through the affected characters' pages here. Seriously.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, and the episodes are often littered with injokes (to the point of one regarding Magnus's VA taking up an entire special), the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish. If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition in short order, as well as enacting extensive reforms throughout the rest of the Imperial bureaucracy, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though. Ultimately, the 40k universe in its infancy was also originally very wild, unserious, and full of injokes.

The series began back during the unending plot stagnation that had happened between third and seventh, though now that the plot's actually begun to move forward for a change, the series has seen some events unfold that mirror or reference the ongoing advancement of the official 40k plot.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room. The show also has an in-character podcast that reviews [[Black Library]] books called ''If The Emperor Had a Podcast.'' As in, they go to the Webway Black Library, and pick up books published by GW's Black Library.

In July 2020, a spin-off of the spin-off series ''Bro-Trip 40,000'' was launched. The series, known as [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWK8vQC22MgykekzOVpFanOREYV7cY9pL ''WarHams''], consists of tabletop sessions played in [[Wrath and Glory]] with some of the voice actors and writers of TTS.

However, in the grim dark present of the 3rd millennium, on July 29, 2021 Alfabusa made a decision to pause If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device indefinitely due to GW's bullshit new "Zero Tolerance" policy towards fan animation. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXljeaktnDA Full video statement here.]] It should be noted that Bruva Alfabusa's patreon income more than doubled after this announcement, as a result of collective community support (and collective RAGE at GW).

On December 18, 2021, Bruva Alfabusa released the first episode of [[Hunter: The Parenting]], a [[World of Darkness]] series reuniting the core cast. As Paradox allows royalty-free use of their property in fan animation, and has in fact paid the team for a ''[[Stellaris]]'' special, this seems a logical step.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. Do you know how Roboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel power ceramite spiked dickbag with tourettes and a heart of gold/platinum alloy <s>studded with diamonds</s> that menaces with spikes of diamond. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather an important person of the Primarchial variety), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable.

He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain-General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition).

The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise. Though it's probably sending the Ultramarines to destroy Chaos). As of certain revelations post-Gathering Storm, he's definitely a lot nicer than canon Emprah. Such as getting incredibly furious when he hears that the Inquisition has been murdering his people, reading Rogal a bedtime story (which, naturally, is a guidebook to being an architect) and such. This Emperor seems to honestly care about each individual human but accepts that his decisions cannot be based on that compassion.

Last we see of Emps shows off one of the most human moments of his existence. Kitten is sadly killed after being ambushed by Belisarius Cawl and a myriad of Ad Mech cheese units. Despite Big E's ridiculing of Kitten in the past, the Captain-General's death enraged the Emperor to no end, his psychic power reaching its peak and nearly tearing Terra in half in a bout of rage that is equal to, if not surpasses, Khorne's daily mirror screaming session. Fortunately Rogal was able to calm him down by donning his Centurion armor and leaps at his father, calming the shrieking skeleton and causing rain to pour across Terra as the Emperor's rage turns to sadness.

**'''The Star Child''': Spoiler alert on this one, but Emps on Terra isn't the only part of Emps still sticking around. If the foreshadowing is anything to go by, he seems to be the largest non-Throne fragment of the Emperor's soul that contains his compassion and love for mankind. Saved the remainder of the Inquisition and Leman Russ from Skarbrand and is currently hijacking Fyodor's body in order to get back to the Material Realm.

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten (Real Name: Captain-General Kittonius etc. etc. etc. (as far as Spacebattle’s concerned)))''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only <s>Custodes</s> [[Companion|Hetaeron]] who appears to have retained most of his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor (as can be seen in the latest episodes, the rest of the Custodes seem to have maintained some form of balance). He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world.

Generally, the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Go'''OHISWEARTOFUCK THAT WAS ''NOT'' FUCKING CANON!''' He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments...

But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of the caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man.

The first thing they have done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the hate of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself. Has become a master of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]] (which is literally just [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] here), defeating not only the Emperor (because of his refusal to unplug Guilliman) but also Tzeentch of all things. <s>He has recently been turned silver</s> by Tzeentch while playing a children's card game (again) and winning over Magnus the Red’s soul.

As of Episode 27, GLORIOUS GOLDEN ARMOR RESTS UPON HIS BREAST ONCE AGAIN, albeit with a bit of silver. In episode 25, the duo arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. At this point, Magnus accidentally kills Vulkan with the engine, which releases Corvus Corax, who was in there the whole time. The Salamanders and Corvus quickly became hostile to Magnus, however, so he teleported himself and Kitten away. He later gets lost in the warp, encounters Crotalids, and plays COD with Apollo Diomedes and Indrick Boreale.

He's now on Mars in order to find and retrieve the Proteus Protocol, a mythical technology that can supposedly bring back Big E, with a retinue of Custodes (including the most FABULOUS dreadnaught in the entire Imperium). Sadly did not appear in Special 6, when the gang played <s>Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay</s> D&D. He and his Custodes henchmen defeat the Fabricator-General in a song-battle and learn the location of the Proteus Protocol in Ep. 28, before his underlings finally accept him and let him know that being cuddly and kindhearted is exactly what the Custodes and the Imperium need in the 42nd millennium (after all, the Imperium has enough warriors. What it really needs is a DADDY).

Sadly, in Episode 30 he has fallen in battle against Cawl and his Skitarii forces, and thanks to FUCKING GW, he will never rise again (he would have risen with the Proteus protocol if episode 31 ever happened)

**Is most likely ''not'' Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris, given the latter didn't exist when the series was first made and the former's fate is unknown in the canon. The entire point of the running gag regarding his name is likely to distance himself from any of the canon Captain-Generals. However, it is worth noting that the armor he starts wearing as of EP27 is directly based on Valoris' miniature, though with silver parts thanks to Tzeentch's sorcery, and with the feather on his armor replaced with one of Magnus' instead.
**Episode 28 puts the matter to rest: He is NOT Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris. However, according to official GW canon, a Centurion named Longinus was the one who took St. Alicia Dominica and her bodyguards into the Sanctum Imperialis during the Age of Apostasy- something Kitten also did in Ep. 3 or of the same name. It stands to reason that Kitten is Longinus, then.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation), and occasionally plays "devil's advocate" as a result. He was retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul.

Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation... buuuut, Emprah being Emprah, it didn't take long enough to start insulting and mocking Magnus back and forth constantly. (Nice Dad skills, really). He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him.

Fortunately, as a Primarch and a particularly knowledgeable one at that, Magnus can probably get it done just fine on his own. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his] old [[Epic]] model, whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|Space Wolves]], causing him to flashback to the Burning of [[Prospero]]. He's currently undertaking some obscure schemes with the unwitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten, including the attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

While playing with an ouija board on board a ship with Kitten, Tzeentch arrives to "reclaim" custody of him from his "abusive" father and morphs him back into his Daemon Prince form. It took Kitten playing a child's card game (again) with Tzeentch to keep Magnus out of his clutches. On the other hand, Magnus is stuck in his Daemon Prince form while Kitten theoretically owns his soul (much to his embarrassment and dismay). In episode 25, the <s>couple</s>'''Partners*''' arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. Magnus decides to sneak into the base instead of using his OP invisibility though after a bit of poking at Kitten (it involves Tau, guaranteed to piss him off) then decides to go yell in a North England accent at a guard.

The Engine of Woes, a green hatchback car (<s>the infamous Fiat Multipla</s> a Smart Fortwo) then released Corvus Corvax after Magnus killed Vulkan for hugging him, prompting the entire chapter of the Salamanders to pop up and become very hostile with Magnus (which basically equates to ''purposefully'' hugging you so hard your spine snaps, instead of accidentally doing so). Corax isn't happy either, as he was released from his super dark hole after thousands of years, which forces Magnus to teleport himself and Kitten away.

Vulkan suddenly super healed himself again and wants to hunt/hug Magnus. Later, when Kitten chooses his <s>army list</s> delegation for the trip to Mars, Magnus seems to embrace his inner neckbeard in a different way. After Kitten went on his trip, he met the Emperor to inform him about their return, and as predicted earlier, he was bombarded with chicken jokes instantly. Surprisingly enough, Dorn was the one who complimented him on his new visage. Dawwww... [[Extra Heresy|Magnus controversially thinks Taco Tuesdays should be held on Fridays While still being called Taco Tuesdays.]]

Currently perusing the Black Library for any mention of Cypher. <s>This means we’ll probably see him next around episode 50 as he’ll inevitably get sidetracked and read every book in the Black Library in his incessant thirst for knowledge.</s> Nevermind, [[Cegorach]] showed up to stop them from doing anything and instead challenged Magnus to a comedy battle in front of a Harlequin Troupe. This went about as well as one would expect, with Magnus' dry, cynical sense of 'humor' being beaten out by Cegorach's somehow even more horrid sense of 'humor' involving copious amounts of dead memes that would probably result in Cegorach's immediate strike from a banhammer would he be on /tg/. Magnus nearly commits unintentional suicide though due to using way too much self-deprecative humor, as such comedy causes people's souls to die and wither away and since Magnus is a Warp projection this nearly kills him, like dead dead. But Cegorach calls the battle a draw after some convincing and deal-making with the Fabulous Custode and sends him to help [[Eldrad]] awaken [[Ynnead]] instead...

*'''Mini-Magnus'''* Upon sending Captain-General Kitten on his way to Mars, Magnus plucks off a tuft of his daemonic wings and places them on Kitten's Captain-General armor. By focusing on the feathers and saying "Mini-Magnus! Come forth!" it summons a miniscule version of Magnus with a nasally voice and simple personality defined by drawing out words and replying in simple phrases. This Mini-Magnus will pop forth announcing "It meeeeeeeeeeee". Mini-Magnus acts friendly towards Kitten and is supposedly incapable of lying as Kitten probes him for information regarding the Proteus Protocol and Magnus' true intentions with Mini-Magnus revealing that if Magnus is lying than he shall "Shed my skin, innards, and bone to become a curse upon big-Magnus perennially." proving that though he is a part of Magnus, he is entirely willing to curse Magnus.

**Magnus is quite fond of tabletop games and created a decent character, Magnar Buckethead, for an upcoming game with the rest of the delegation, spending a week writing his backstory. But since only he and the Grand Provost Marshal read the rules, he had to be GM. Then he used Buckethead as a starting NPC that gave a first quest for the characters of his comrades, only to get brutally killed afterwards due to horrible decisions and even worse rolls.

Seeing his character [[your_dudes|on whos creation he spent so much effort]] getting [[Khorne|Bled]], [[Tzeentch|Backstabbed]], [[Nurgle|Being thrown shit at (literally)]] and [[Slaanesh|Mutilated]] naturally enraged him. Compounded with all the rest of the rail-breaking the party committed on his eloquently-crafted plot, he spent the rest of the campaign he trying to get other characters killed in various ways and failing.

*<s>'''[[Rogal Dorn]]'''</s> '''Lord Ador(n)able:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the Wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and his stubbornness, a trait ingrained also in his legion, grants him such a closed-minded view and lack of understanding of social situations that he almost always fails to read sub-texts or commonly understood jokes/innuendos.

Then again, given at one point he drops his stoic facade to chuckle at the Emperor being hypocritical about skeleton worship (while claiming his favorite humor is actually the analysis of reality, e.g. "Slapping your hands together to make noise is a strange way of expressing praise"), he could just be trolling everyone by acting the laconic fool in response to "fool-proof" metaphors. Additionally, in episode 24 it is greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on, including the Emperor's plans, implying he has some form of "super-sanity". Or maybe it's due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head.

Before his disappearance, he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his probable inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations such as that the End Times are coming and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the inevitable heat death of the entire universe. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, [https://youtu.be/ihskUz0obzY?t=390 deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor], leaving him speechless.

Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity. Is fully capable of "The Laughter". Also believes fully that the "Taco Tuesday" is the true path, and disbelieves that "Taco Friday" is a thing, accusing his father of being a liar for implementing such a belief, making Rogal start the "[http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/heresy/thedornianheresy.pdf Dornian Heresy]", end of the taco Friday, and possibly the end of Emps---{{BLAM}} Very protective of Boy, to the point of actually becoming emotional at the prospect of him being traumatized, and also willing to risk a fortified window or two in order to chuck the Pillar-stodes from them should they keep threatening the child.

As of Episode 12, most major characters "bend" while they are moving, as opposed to them just moving statically like in earlier episodes. Dorn is the only major character who does not do this. Makes sense, knowing the guy.

*'''Boy''': A young serf boy who operates the voxcaster during the Emperor's podcasts and sort of tagalong kid and resident punching bag. He has another name, but because he was too slow in saying it, The Emperor decreed that his name is "Boy". Originally incredibly meek and timid due to serving Big E himself, he has recurrent bouts of hyperventilation and anxiety, he later starts to grow a spine and become more self-confident while also becoming physically stronger due the need of walking from his hab-block to the Inner Sanctum while skipping through the throngs of pilgrims at the Palace, avoiding deadly booby-traps and scaling the stairs to the Throneroom.

Apart from operating the vox caster and often times being an unfortunate butt monkey, his other role is representing the knowledge of the average Imperial citizen, which is unsurprisingly abysmal due the lack of education (or in the case of some people, the need to make up for comprehensive education). Has become more intelligent due to Dorn (who had quickly grown fond of him) tutoring him to the point of summarizing the Black Templars in their entirety based on vague information and pointing out chapter flaws AND possibly [[Chapter Master (game)|immense numbers of Chaplains and Apothecaries of which even the High-Marshal apparently was not aware off]], [[Administratum|nor the Emperor & company noticed]]. Is friends with Billy, and in the process of bonding with Magnus the Red of all people due being similarly one-eyed and capable to see horrific warp phenomena (though he has since had a cybernetic replacement installed in the socket).

Additionally, he wishes to be an Astartes, and due to the fact that there's a Chapter of them who keeps their Star-Fortress Monastery parked in orbit most of the time with their [[Rogal Dorn|Primarch]] being basically his adoptive father, it isn't that far fetched. He managed to get the only surviving [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Talons_of_the_Emperor_(30k)#HQ|Tribune]] to dawww at his child-like wonder, and told the Shield-Captain to [[Imperial Guard|"Eat the death-porridge, sir!"]]

Also he kicked and beat his Overseer to death for being demeaning to him and threatening to murder his entire family and all his associates; because said Overseer simply couldn't imagine a mere novice would be allowed in the Emperor's presence and believed he was outrageously lying and blaspheming. In the process though, he had his eardrums blown out by the Overseer's Ass-Hailer security guard (and here too got cybernetic replacements afterwards). It appears he lived in a district close to an outpost of the [[Skaven|"underground rattie imperigum"]], hinting the Great Horned Rat and the Skaven may have truly managed to invade the 40k reality, probably thanks to the use of transdimensional Gnawholes gone awry. He (and presumably his family) now live in the Sanctum.

He quickly became a mascot for the populace of the Empire as a whole and as of Episode 29 has officially become a character in the primary series. He is last seen feeling unimaginable agony in his remaining eye after the sheer degeneracy of [[Asdrubael_Vect|Asdrubael Vect fucking with the Star-Fyodperor so hard it renders the]] anti-Commoragh glasses worthless.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days, and the current Tribunes of the Adeptus Custodes. As far as the main TTS-Reaction thread's concerned, their real names are Karius Dolman, Disistan Flavius, and Whamusus Balik. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. (though Whammuudes has other reasons involving the emperor's...[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT2y2tvmeA0 undesirables])

This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists, which greatly disturbs the Emperor. Not only do they somehow not take it to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise Slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved, except for Rogal (who is too literal-minded to notice).

A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gEzmL1DXr8 personal theme song], and also make obscure Jojo references at times. The three Pillarstodes' appearances are based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. They do have discernible personalities, though;
**Karstodes is a spotlight-hogger who is desperate for the Emperor's attention, which makes him act like a yes-man and threaten anyone who dares even hint at disagreeing with Big.E with violence.
**Waamudes is the one making all the innuendoes, double-entendres and sees lewdness in all things. He's so good at oiling and greasing his fabulous body he's transcended friction (for the most part).
**Custodisi is at first sight the most sane of the three, having no qualms with plainly telling the Emperor he doesn't know something, or even daring voice dissent. Turns out he's... unhealthily... obsessed with Primarchs, however.

Two (Custodisi and Wamuudes) wind up encountering Cegorach in front of the Black Library. They manage to gain entrance and retrieve a surprising amount of literature on the White Scars, but are traumatized by the Laughing God & are mentally exhausted from sifting through so much knowledge. Apparently, Cegorach was quite scary, as they are terrified after hearing his "[BAZINGA]" cue; although it may simply be a reference to that one time when two Harlequins managed to enter the Imperial Palace and slaughtered a shit load of Custodes while claiming to have come in peace and simply want to deliver a message to the Emperor (and the best is that [[Heresy|one of them was saved by the Inquisition]] [[Extra Heresy|in the name of inter-species friendship]], in spite of the Captain-General being hell-bent on killing both), so it is actually no surprise at all that some Custodes have got massive traumas.

Recently, after the trip to the Black Library, Custodisi and Wamuudes have been semi-corrupted and began spouting Khornate speech and wishing to genocide the normies in the anger intervention against Helbrecht, high marshal of the [[Black Templars]]. (Actually, back in 2nd edition where you could play <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} bands in an RPG fashion style, there was a tiny possibility for your lord of Choas to be a Custodes! So, <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} Custodes are (were) canon... and compared to modern Geedubs, this show relies quite a lot on old [[fluff]]). Recently, Custodisi has been theorized to have been Horus’d by Emps after he mentioned the sheer concept of “wincest” within metaphysical earshot of '''YA BOI'''.

He later appeared in the 6th special, apparently having been transported to the WARHAMMER Fantasy world, where he encountered the main cast playing at game of Fantasy Roleplay and killed a bunch of their characters. Interestingly, Custodisi lost an arm in this fight, just as ACDC/Elsidisi, the character he's based on, lost an arm fighting Joseph in Battle tendency. Custodisi has since "returned from hell" with a few trophies, a prosthetic arm, and a more humble attitude. Due to his good luck at being voiced by the series creator, Wamuudes leads the voxcasts, as well as having a set of vox logs of his own.

Meanwhile, whilst Custodisi and Waamudes had their heretical swings, Karstodes seems to have been on a path to improvement which culminated in ep. 28 when he recognized how unfair he had been to the captain general and resigned as caretaker. The Emperor was genuinely surprised and impressed by the Custodian's sudden insight, and praised Karstodes for having reached that conclusion of his own volition. Envigorated, Karstodes pledged to the Emperor to continue on his path of self improvement. He has a love-hate relationship with Boy, as Karstodes childishly competes for the Emperor's attention every second he is on screen.

This becomes even more intense when it's revealed that although frequently mocking Boy for his ignorance, Karstodes cannot read.

*'''Diavolodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise. He appears about 11 minutes into episode 22, and may have tagged along with Kitten's Mars expedition under the name Lrak (Nude-stodes figure appears during the pan out before Magnus sends them to Mars saying something about "Wanting to play among the Dunes"). Has a strange obsession with piss.

*'''Mars Delegation''': As part of the Captain General's mission to secure some choice intel from the Fabricator-General, he decided to grab a few particular allies from the various shield hosts.
**'''Hammurabi Unferth''': Shield Captain from the Emissaries Imperiatus. Apparently, the entire host is skilled in being passive-aggressive with the guilt trip, and he's the best at it. During the mars trip he is shown to be also pretty good at direct intimidation when needed and that he is a staunch supporter of kitten.
**'''Lockwarden of the Shadowkeepers''': The Shadowkeepers are the shield host specialized in guarding the vaults of Terra and the abominations within, one of which is an archaeotech monstrosity formed from a Singing Billy Bass. The Lockwarden seems to end all his sentences with shades emotes and has a...peculiar manner of speech. <s>He seems to have helped Kitten deal with his break up with Shado</s>'''NOT FUCKING CANON''' <s>and still gives him advice on the ma</s>'''NO NO NO'''. Love is a strange thing, dude B)
**'''Santodes''': Yep, you guessed it, a fourth Pillar-stodes, referencing Santana from JoJo, and voiced by none other than Curtis "'''Takahata101'''" Arnott himself. Santodes is a FULLY CLOTHED blue Contemptor-Achillus Dreadnought with a fabulous head of golden hair and a fascination for his frame that's on tier with his living counterparts. Santodes had previously been identified as the Custodes who threw himself in front of the Emperor (stripped down to his loin-cloth, no less) to try to upstage Ollanius Pius' sacrifice. He was put up to it by none other than Kitten, who has sheer passive-aggressiveness dripping off of him every moment Santodes is on screen. Hes also very seductive to Skitarii who find him very attractive (being 99.9% machine of the highest quality)

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, usually discussing about subjects relating to defecation and its products, and once even planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason, Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much.

Apparently, the High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyodor) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General. The High Lords are currently enjoying their time off/wallowing in misery thanks to the fact that the Emperor has pretty much made them obsolete, especially after he made making new laws illegal.
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|<s>Ecclesiarch</s> Mancclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord (so far, there's still more we haven't seen) aside from the Captain-General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population ([[rules lawyer|which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry]]).

For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sunk in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off.

Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state, leading to his nickname of Pope Shafthat XXIII [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly]. The Emperor is honestly pleased that Decius is genuinely loyal. When told by the Emperor that Emps is not a god, Decius is disappointed, but does not hesitate to accept it because his loyalty is strong enough that if the Emperor says he is not a god, then he is not a god.

He also was ready to do his best to disband the Ministorum despite knowing what the priesthood would do to him for such "heresy" because the Emperor said to. Ultimately, his genuine loyalty is heavily rewarded by the Emperor. It probably also helps that the Emperor doesn't force Decius or the Ecclesiarchy to stop worshipping him altogether, just as a God, instead allowing them to worship him as [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|the pinnacle of humanity and what everyone should aspire to]]. After all, he may not be a god, be he's still fucking awesome.
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie (literally as well as figuratively; his true form fills a room) and party animal and at the end of Episode 28, after being confronted by Dark Angels looking for Cypher, Asmodai <s>made him repent</s> MURDERED HIM VIOLENTLY.

He has recently been revealed to be utilizing the Proteus Protocol to survive repeated explosions and orders Cawl to liquidate the Custodes questing to retrieve the protocol. Gets hit very hard on the head by a Dark Angel Crozius Arcanum after suspected of knowing about the Fallen.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]]... at least until The Emperor declares the act of making new laws to be illegal, something which utterly devastates him. This makes him surprisingly adept at tabletop roleplaying games as he read the rules and understood them even better than Magnus did.
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the High Lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo5ro1nWsPU And has the bling to match.]

----

===The Ultrasmurfs===
Very obnoxious and accompanied by the Ultramarine Chant from Chaos Gate. They apparently cannot be defeated due to their literal use of the "holy Codex" from their "Spiritual Liege." Managing to do nigh impossible feats. While the Emperor is not amused with them at all, he tolerates their OP plot armor to do impossible tasks for him such as retrieving Magnus from the Eye of Terror (with their Gellar Field turned ''off'', of all things) with minimal casualties, finding and sneaking the rest of Vulkan's artifacts onto Nocturne, and (currently) outdancing the best Harlequin dancers in the Webway while searching for Jaghatai Khan. Other impossible tasks in the past include using a giant Necron Pylon as a melee weapon, outfighting a Transcendent C'tan shard and killing a Phantom Titan by punching it in the foot.
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun, nor satisfying, to win anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he gets extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation, so one could assume Sicarius is the exception. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] (also, that whole gag is a clear reference to a Monty Python movie about King Arthur, just search up “Monty Python black knight scene”) Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets. Best buds with [[Ciaphas Cain]]
*'''[[Illiyan Nastase]]''': Chief Astropath of the Ultramarines. He received a brief mention during Episode 25, when he delivered a message to the Ultramarines Chapter Master, but did not receive any screentime. Marneus Calgar is deeply resentful of Illiyan's existence, and very adamantly insists on pushing him out of the spotlight and removing all mentions of the half-Eldar's existence. Because yes, Half-eldar serving the Ultramarines are canon. (Seriously, why does everyone forget Nastase was never a marine to begin with?)
*'''<s>[[Cato Sicarius]]</s> Cunto Shitarius''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. Rather than an exaggeration of the canon Cato (who is a perfectly normal, bland Ultramarine) he's the physical embodiment of /tg/'s hatred of [[Matt Ward]]: a massive glory hound layered in plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends (and someone on Spacebattles wrote a thread where he even pisses off Guilliman), who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets, or rather, very pisses off, Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an [[Imperial Fists|"Imperial Fisting"]] upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the incredibly sanctimonious love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on. He also loves to talk about the unique green trim in his armor. He ALSO hates Cunto Shitarius. Who doesn't?
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently, the only reason he's still on it is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass. Though if we're going by official canon, it seems that the Emprah's intervention is no longer necessary. Amusingly, canon Guilliman's reaction to the Imperium upon being woken up isn't ostensibly that different to TTSD Emperor's (minus the swearing, bullying, and psychic temper tantrums). This is also supported in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Qt3SXfYf8 recent TTS-related content, when he was interrogated by Cyberdong the Techpriest].

===Team Friendly Crusade of Friendly Friendship===
*'''[[Ferrus Manus]]:''' Primarch of the [[Iron Hands]]. Due to him being dead, he only appears as a ghost. Strangely, only Vulkan and Corax are able to see and hear him, leading other people like Magnus to think that his brothers have gone insane (probably because they were at Isstvan V and watched him die). He does nothing but tells Vulkan and Corax that they [[Adeptus Mechanicus|(and flesh)]] are weak. As for the latter "-is weak" statement, Vulkan bonks Brain-ghost Ferrus on the head saying "the real Ferrus Manus would say the opposite, ya' dumb ghostface idiot" which raises some questions about if it really is Ferrus' ghost. Only his head is visible, leading to Vulkan calling him a skull-ghost, a "Skost" if you will.

====Salamanders====
The Salamanders are a bunch of pyromaniacs in Cataphractii Terminator armor, infamous for their obsession with fire. They appear to be severely deaf, and are at least prone to talking in very loud voices, not hearing Kitten freak out next to them or the Ultramarines sneak the artifacts past them while their infamous theme song was blaring, and later not hearing a trapped Corax called out for help. They also seem to be oblivious to their Primarch's perpetual abilities, given that they're utterly shocked whenever Vulkan dies and resurrects again, despite personally witnessing it happen at least 6 times already, so far. The Emperor wonders if the Salamanders' pyromania had to do with his act of keeping their gene-seeds closer to the candle for warmth when he was creating them.

*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, both haunted by the not-ghost with a not-face of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct South African/Jamaican accent and loves friendship, brotherhood, and cute animals (including Catachan Barking Toads, leading to some snoot-booping hilarity in the spin-offs). Died during his battle with the Beast, after pushing it into a reactor of WAAAGH energy, causing him to occasionally gain an Ork's eyes, violent vocabulary and speech patterns after his inevitable resurrection (which is hilarious when juxtaposed with his normally friendly speech). Dies again after Magnus unintentionally telepathically crushed him under The Engine of Woes, the trunk of which Vulkan had locked Corvus Corax in, then promptly got better within mere minutes. Has used the [[Grimdark|darkest corner of the universe]] as a place to relax for over 9000 years and work on his hobby, Battlemace 42,000,000. He is currently traveling with Corax & the Salamanders across the Imperium before returning to Terra to finish giving the spine-crushing hugs he wants to give to Magnus. Also, as of Ep.27, Magnus suspects Vulkan had his soul fused with a piece of the Ork gestalt consciousness, effectively making him a half-ork. Vulkan can apparently tap into said energies and channel it through his faith in the Emperor, and can also apparently communicate with animals via the power of friendship. As of Bro Trip 3, he has somehow vanished after making a shocking recovery from the symptoms of a virus bombing with his innate Orkiness.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather (and doesn't know that Vulkan was actually hiding for 9000 years in a very dark corner on the same planet). He also has a very Girlish Scream.
*'''[[Tu'Shan]]''': Chapter Master of the Salamanders. Rocks a sweet set of dragon armor and has a very knightly manner of speech. Expect to hear the phrase "My Primach!" in some form a few times per appearance.

====Raven Guard====
A bunch of emotional, apologetic emos in Corvus armor with Jump Packs and Lightning Claws.

*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the [[Raven Guard]]. Apparently spent the past few millennia on [[Nocturne]], trapped in a 3rd millennium smart car referred to as the "Engine of Woes" while writing edgy poetry. Is accidentally freed by Magnus when he uses the Engine of Woes to fight off Vulkan. Currently accompanying the Salamanders on a trip to the Imperial Palace. His personality is, hilariously, one of an edgy teenage goth, with his self-hate and moodiness turned up to eleven. Wants to show the Emprah his edgy poetry. Magnus and Kitten freak out when he appears. Looks surprisingly like John Wick, or Samurai Jack during Season 5 with unwashed ammonia encrusted long hair. Willing to accept his own death rather than bring it upon his friends and allies. Is currently traveling the Imperium with Vulkan, where he constantly acts as the morose voice of reason to contrast Vulkan's joyful insanity. As of Bro-Trip 3, Corvus demonstrated immense disgust at learning of Joppal's excessively money-driven politics particularly when faced with the concept of the Indentured Squadrons. Forms an alliance with the Indentured leading them in a revolution against the planets' greedy, malformed leaders.
*'''[[Kayvaan Shrike]]''': Raven Guard Master of Shadows (AKA Chapter Master - '''because why not'''.). He seems to be fairly bipolar, going from jovial to depressed at the drop of a hat. Also makes bird noises. Vulkan noted he was also extremely polite and apologetic; often saying sorry for things that weren't even his fault or deflecting apologies to him for misfortune by saying he deserves it for being neglectful.
*'''Kadus''': In lore, Kadus is one of the most esteemed Space Marines in the Raven Guard Chapter and is one of Chapter Master Kayvaan Shrike's closest personal friends, having served together with him alongside his other friend, Corus, since their time as initiates. In the series, he accompanies Shrike and acts as his more level headed counterpart.

====Warhams Crew====
A side story of a side story about a small four-man team consisting of a [[psyker]] murderhobo, a [[Skitarii]] murderhobo, an incompetent [[Rogue Trader]], and an [[Acolyte|Inquisitorial Acolyte]] of the [[Ordo Xenos]] who is somehow the straight man of the group. They are the owners of the ''Debt Collector'', an Imperial ship that has gone several cycles without proper maintenance. Their job is to go to planets as ambassadors, and they are often left with the weirdest places, like a [[ratling]] [[agri world]], a <s>(deserted(?)) [[Necron]] [[tomb world]]</s> perfectly normal planet where times are great, a penal colony, and a hive world where the people are so backwater that they're space-hillbillies who keep their own blood in separate bags.

*'''Lorn''': A psyker from [[Fenris]] with a huge beard. He is batshit crazy most of the time, and the one of the most LOLrandom characters on the show. Once had his psychic power dampened and grew muscles the size of an Ogryn's as a result. Played by Zoran, who also voices [[Leman Russ]].
*'''π Braine''': A Skitarii hailing from Lemuria, an underwater [[Forge_World#Planet|forge world]]. He is the other LOLrandom character, who likes to roam the halls of the ''Debt Collector'' and randomly murder crew members he thinks are sabotaging the ship. Usually though, the sabotages are more than likely his. Played by SpeakerD, who also voices [[Asdrubael Vect]], and The emperor when not stuck on the throne.
*'''Captain Zedek''': The Rogue Trader that captains the ''Debt Collector''. Though it's hard to say what he actually does on the ship, as he seems perfectly content to let everyone else on the ship solve his problems. Now that he has an actual Tech-Priest on the ship -- who is far more competent in her leadership -- he feels slightly threatened in his authority. Also now a drug addict. Played by HulkyKrow, who voices Kayvaan Shrike.
*'''Reeb Van Horne''': The Inquisitorial Acolyte from the [[Ordo Xenos]]. Surprisingly the least insane member of the group, although he's had his moments, like trying to resurrect a dead techpriest (and succeeding). When the plot needs to move along, his character tends to take care of business. Played by Earndil.

===The Deathwatch===
Who are you gonna call if some nasty Xenos wont leave your basement - call the 'Deathwatch'. 100% guarantee to eliminate the vermin.... and nick its stuff. If not then theres no refunds- as we are probably dead.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting Xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!" He is later seen fighting against [[Plaguebearers]] during their defense of Khaine's gate, where Wilford forcefully dragged him out of combat after failing their squad's morale check, all the while demanding vengeance.

*'''Wilford''': A [[Deathwatch]] Apothecary from the Ultramarines, who mostly agreed to join the Deathwatch as he is unable to stand his chapter's insufferable self-superior attitude. Originally appeared in BEHEMOTH, but accompanied Calato during Fyodor's assault in the Emperor palace, and subsequently banished to the Warp during that event. He's obsessed with keeping everyone's health optimal, constantly berating and advising them to avoid further or future injury and illness. He also seems to be quite competent with firearms as he manages to kill a Plaguebearer of all things with his Bolt Pistol, much to his surprise. This is likely due to residual plot armour from his time in the Ultramarines.

===The Dark Angels===
The Inner Circle are a ragingly paranoid group of neurotic basketcases, far more so than in canon. Keep having to make non-circle marines [[RIP AND TEAR |"repent"]] for overhearing them discussing the Fallen very loudly.

*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and secretly heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs. Went to Mars to interrogate the Fabricator-General on the activities of the Adeptus Mechanicus and possible connections to the fallen. The sentient trash pile actually manages to break through Azrael's paranoid demeanour, causing the wayward knight to reflect upon his actions and the drastic measures made by the chapter to prove their innocence despite not really being guilty in the first place. Music swells and sorrow of past mistakes turns to hope of future corrections, a bright green flooding the room as Dark Angels pride swells within Azrael... this is then immediately thrown to the flames in a hilarious display of rampant psychosis/paranoia when he sees a book about Dark Angels secrets in the God-Toaster's possession causing him to forget all character development and demand the Mechanical Master of Mars repent by way of cranial fracturing.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle, allowing him to converse with other people that doesn't outright accuse or threaten them. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). Not nearly as a fun police officer as his canon counterpart; his personality is psychotically intense, often telling people to redeem themselves or he'll do the actual redemption. However, given his views on "redemption", it usually doesn't end well (it tends to involve a crozius to the face). He's also as every bit as paranoid as Azrael. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.] Would probably get along well with Jaghatai Khan due to his inability to remain still, vibrating with RAGE whenever he's forced to stay in one spot, usually when awaiting Azrael's inevitable order to bonk Fallen Conspirators.
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appear to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]] (Honoured Be His Name)''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while standing on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat [[Dark Eldar|"those knife-eared assholes"]] in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also, the Emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room. There are many bets on his character vibrating rapidly in place. Made a five second cameo at the end of the 29th episode alongside a weirdly scantily dressed Eldar dude...
*'''[[Kor'sarro Khan]]''': The White Scars' Master of the Hunt and "the only White Scar worth mentioning". While he hasn't appeared, he is talked about at length in a public broadcast on the subject of the White Scars chapter. While Emps and co. spend more time mocking Voldorius, The Emperor does briefly question why he isn't their Chapter Master, which is probably the biggest endorsement an individual Space Marine has gotten since the Horus Heresy.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, the Templars are absolute lunatics obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN". They enjoy listening to Linkin <s>Loyalists</s> Purge in their drop pods and ramming swords through Xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon. They may be slightly improving after being forced/convinced to have ordinary humans, psykers, librarians, ratlings and all other sorts of abhumans in their ranks.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.
*'''High Marshal Helbrecht:''' Received an anger management course from the Emperor and the custodians and was semi-convinced to teach the Black Templars to not be ''completely'' batshit insane. Also has a voice like that of a clown goblin gargling marbles. Prefers sitting on things that are [[Space Marines|''stiff'' and very ''hard'']] to things that are [[Tau|''soft'' and ''limp'']]. Was very pleased with the prospect of the Emperor shitting on the UltraSmurfs, a phrase he interpreted as being a literal desire to defecate upon them. [[/d/|'''Nasty.''']]

===The Space Corgis===
Renamed by official decree by the Emperor himself after being informed of how everything in their vernacular seemed to have been prefaced by the word "wolf", including curse words, such as Leman Russ replacing the word "fucking" with "wolfing". Their initiation rites for aspirants culminates in sending them through the Gate of Morkai to endure a [[Tzeentch|"squid"]] screaming at them without getting a boner (your guess as to ''how'' that might even occur).

*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space Corgis, been hiding in the Warp for eons and has the punching speed of a Super Saiyan. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a Viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent specifically based on the late SeanConnery . Magnus has accused him of being a furry-fuck...He may not be wrong. He taught the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This includes pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Furies, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills it), ding-dong-ditching Skarbrand, and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap ''(and a bathtub)''. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the Imperial Palace, he decided to get out of the Warp and go back to Terra; this journey currently includes surviving an army from all the Chaos Gods led by some of the most infamous Daemons, then walking through the Gate of Khaine into Commuragh, and being escorted to the Dark Eldar Overlord Vect, alongside with Karamazov and Kaldor Draigo, He and Draigo or take into the arena, And are currently being held for ransom by vect. Is able to summon things by thinking about them really hard, ironically due to the fact that he is a psyker. He uses this ability to torture some Dark Eldar who challenged him to a game of 20 questions. Also appears to be friends with [[Boatmurdered|Urist Boatmurdered]]

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': Any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone bellowing "[[Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a Youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, Sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes, they really ''do'' look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity (at one point Leman questions if Draigo can even be considered sentient, which Draigo answers no), which might not be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allow him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them <s>to an even deeper version of The Warp</s> Back out into real space which, considering they’re demons, would mean that they would promptly die). Unfortunately, his [[Matt Ward|Wardian plot armor]] is not enough to protect him from one of the most powerful forces in the Warhammer universe: bad dice rolls (seriously, the dice they were using must’ve been horribly unbalanced). This shows quite painfully during the battle at Khaine’s Gate, where he repeatedly fails his psychic tests and charge attempts, causing a group of Tempesta scions, and a firing line of Sisters of Battle, to get brutally murdered by demons. he’s still a beast in close-combat though, as the Masque of Slaanesh can attest. Is known for insane ramblings that come out of pretty much nowhere, and make no sense, but are absolutely hilarious. Prominent quotes shall be listed in the bottom section. Briefly seen without his armor at the end of episode 28, letting us see that he is ''really'' out of shape. Turns out the reason he's so overpowered (and insane) is that the Deceiver shoved a shard of the Outsider into him.

*'''Covan Leorac''': A Grand Master of the Grey Knights. He appears in a short video where some Grey Knights report <strike>solid evidence of the [[Wulfen]] among the Space Wolves</strike> FAHCK YOU! DIGGANOBZ. However, Covan is absolutely convinced that they're Digganobz and not Wulfen, even hitting a Knight in the head for disagreeing with. Whether this is a jab at GW heavily basing the look of Wulfen on Digganobs or is in conscious denial to prevent the Grey Knights from waging a costly war upon the Space Wolves (again) is up to interpretation.

*'''Dread Knight''': The Emperor thinks its design is silly and looks like a baby cradle, but the Dread Knight proves to be as brave as it is massive, heroically charging at Skarbrand only to be made into a red paste after it initiated physical contact with him.

=== The Blood Angels ===

*'''[[Sanguinius]]''': Fabulous Fucking Hawkboy, and Primarch of the Blood Angels who is very, '''very''' dead. BUT he can appear lying face-up, head somewhat melty, in the visions/dreams of the faithful. (Though apparently only whilst they are heavily drugged on Ork Fungus...). Bears the dubious honour of being the only person the Emperor will not smack talk about nor tolerate being talked down about.
**'''The [[Sanguinor]]''': Mentioned in the second Q&A session where one of the [[Flesh Tearers]] is praying for his aid and a Blood Raven asks of his true nature. The Emprah has no clue, but hopes that it could be a 'fragment' of Sanguinius and hopes he returns. This implies the Emprah thinks that, just as his own soul was split into fragments by Fucking Horus, the same may have happened on some level to Sanguinius. Later makes a brief cameo swapping places to give his <s>girlfriend</s> colleague, Saint Celestine, a break from her stressful job of helping her sisters. While she was grateful and considered him shy and a sweetheart, she and the Blood Angels (that she rescued from Be'lakor on Sanguinala) realized her sisters would be trying to [[Rip and tear|tear]] him apart in anger at taking her place. As he awkwardly deals with the Sororitas raging at him, Saint Celestine rushed back from Ba'al to save him.

===The Lamenters===
21st founding of Marines which is literally 'cursed' i.e they have the worst luck ever to happen to a chapter. Being kicked in the balls by the Minotaurs and power hammered seems to be pretty high on the sucks levels. Even Emps cries for them and he ''literally'' removed his empathy.

===The <s>Imperial Army</s> <s>[[Imperial Guard]]</s> <s>Astra Militarum</s> WALL of GUNS===
The billions upon billions of baseline human, squaddies, grunts, GIs, footsloggers, meat shields, PBI, cannon fodder, rucksack humpers which does the majority of land based warfare. They normally dont grab much of the media’s attention as a image of a man sitting in a soggy trench with a torch and cardboard armour whilst super powered beings and aliens march over them isnt that uplifting.
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!], he first appears in the April Fools episode where he was apparently recruited by Horus. Appeared in the real series, saving Little Billy and some farmers from the Kabal of the Flayed Skull in the middle of their raid on a random Agri-World. Later showed up at the invitation of Lucius to the Slaaneshmas Special where he begins beating up Typhus, Ahriman, and Lucius. While the scene turns to static, Lucius and Ahriman later show up on screen again. They commented that he was apparently a pretty great guy. Lucius apparently mixed up his contact info with Kharn's at one point. Later shows up to save Corvus Corax from the Catachan Barking Toad perched on his head. He's stated to be the single most decorated soldier in the entire history of humanity despite only being a Private, and "his aerodynamic musculature and knowledge of Catachan jungle tree buoyancy" help him "simulate flight" (which is apparently interstellar). Confirmed to NOT be a missing Primarch. Exclusively communicates by screaming (and sometimes body gestures, since he bowed slightly to Corax), specifically the one from the Dawn of War I opening cinematic where the sergeant orders the charge up the hill. He also weaponizes the subtitles of the scream by hitting enemies with them both as a ram and as a club.
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split-second appearance in [https://youtu.be/0Vh_N8CpcL0?t=900 in Rogal Dorn's flashback] before being headbutted to death by Horus. (''Shame on you if you don't know this super dude, so read his history now!'') In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did, in fact, sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.
*'''[[Ciaphas Cain]]''': Commissar and Hero of the Imperium. He fully understands his entire existence is based on pure luck, lies and cowardice, though unlike his book version whose ability to never seem unnerved or let his lies slip is key to his entire career (and is hardly adverse to its benefits, if not its drawbacks...), here he's humorously morose and loudly gripes about his constant deceptions in private...but finds a kindred spirit in Marneus Calgar to share the pain. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRozBAIbaG4 Has his own merry jingle].
*'''[[Death Korps of Krieg]]''': As of the second voxcast, they can ''finally'' rest assured that the Emperor has personally forgiven them. What the Death Korps will do now that they've officially redeemed themselves remains to be seen, assuming they actually want to do something other than fight and die in battle. ( come on, you know it'll probably take another 2, maybe 3 millennia for the message to reach Krieg, due to, you know, Imperial Bureaucracy )
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] (pronounced "Kata-kan")'''(by Straken, confusing everyone): Elaborated on in the first episode of "BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs", being saved from a Slaaneshi Daemon invasion by the intervention of Vulkan and Corvus. Armed primarily only with knives (albeit some of the best knives in the universe due to the special Catachan metals) and basic clothing (shirts optional) in one of the most hazardous places in the universe, their survival and natural Space Marine-like physique provides a massive boost to the morale of the Imperium in a manner known as "marketability". Their culture is similar to that of Orks, measuring knife size to determine rank.
**'''Colonel "Iron Hands" Straken''': Leads the Catachan II regiment and is extremely good at guiding(tongue lashing)his troopers. Sly Marbo is also officially designated to the II regiment.
*'''[[Attilan Rough Riders]]''' Mongolian/Hun/Wide sweeping steppe based cavalry. Very superstitious (they try and kill Vulkan!) and hard to be completely converted by the Ecclesiarchy. As is typical of legendary guard regiments, they are brave and self-sacrificing. They can also pilot aircraft whilst still atop their horses (Some suspect the horses are the real pilots).
**'''Captain Mogul Kamir''': Leads the Attilan regiment who are going with the 'Friendship Force'. Likes drinking from the skulls of his fallen foes (a nod to Pre-Islamic Turk practices).
**'''The King of Khanasan''': Head of the Attilan Rough Riders and fellow skull-goblet enthusiast, to the point of draping his entire outfit in them. Voiced by Alfabusa himself. Notable for his insane speech impediment that causes his words to often be impossible to understand without subtitles. The show also sometimes has his groans be translated as full sentences. This is all of course played for the lulz.
**'''Starass''': The sole Astropath of the Attilans, and naturally an actual ass. Apparently, more than adequate enough for the Riders, though her language has no concept of the words "mass planetary destruction."

===Sisters of Battle===
*[[Ephrael Stern]]: The infamous Daemonifuge has finally reached the Black Library, but she's none too pleased with the Eldar's selection of food. [[-4_Str|Treads the path of the swole]]. She tells off Cegorach to his face, causing him to sulk off (incidentally allowing Custodisi and Wamuudes to enter the library). Goes with Magnus to help Eldrad birth Ynead.
*[[Saint Celestine]]: Greatest of the [[Living Saint]]s, always there to protect the Imperium and always reviving if she dies. First appears (in astral projection form) during the Battle at the Gate of Khaine, where she is apparently in on the [[Star Child]]'s plan and spirits away the soul of Dominique, who she describes as having fufuilled his duty to the Emperor. Later appears as the star of the "Salvation Through Annihilation" short, using her holy powers to deep-fry [[Ku'Gath]]. Her jolly mood is soured by the Sororitas present fangirling over her in a disgustingly creepy manner that makes the previously mentioned daemon of Nurgle seem pleasent in comparsion. After warping out, she is instructed by the (oddly drunk-sounding) voice-that-tells-her-to-go-places to head to [[Cadia]]. In the recent Sanguinala special, she was seen rescuing the Blood Angels on their homeworld of Baal, from a attempt by Chaos to end Sanguinala by Be'lakor. The Blood Angels are confused, as the Sanguinor is the one to usually save them. The two had swapped places at his suggestion for her to take a break, resulting in a very uncomfortable situation for the Blood Angels, and...Sanguinor being assaulted by the Sisters of Battle. Refers to the Sanguinor as her ‘stud’ and ‘boy toy’ and thinks of him as a shy sweetheart.
**In a deleted scene from the ''Behemoth'' triology, Celestine would have come down to aid the outnumbered sisters against the Swarmlord... which would have proceeded to kill her [[FAIL|over and over again]] and contribute absolutely nothing. Since the scene was unfunny and made the video way too long, Eliphas cut it out.

===Adeptus Mechanicus===
*'''Reimleiz the Theorist:''' An attendant techpriest whom the Emperor calls "random mechanicus guy". He was originally searching for a motorbike for Rogal Dorn to use, inside Jaghatai Khan's shed. As of the Black Templars podcast, Emps made him an Inquisitor and then commanded him to find out more about the Omega Vault. He was inexplicably on the floor at the time. Is incapable of making any statement without phrasing it as a question and is constantly asking himself trivial questions for no real reason (such as asking if legs are actually vehicles driven by tiny snotlings). Also has a penchant for slapping his cyberdong on toasters, which many mechanicus adepts around the system appear to be visibly fixated upon. As a sidenote he’s basically an avatar for [[https://www.youtube.com/c/40KTheories|this YouTube channel]]
*'''Delphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator (that originally appeared in the 54mm ''Inquisitor'' game) sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the presence of an STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a German accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''[[Belisarius Cawl]]''': He hasn't done anything to Gulliman (yet, anyway), but Rogal Dorn apparently did see him talking with Gulliman about something in the past. Apparently, he's not that great at keeping secrets, as there are rumors circulating about him working on [[Primaris Marines|something related to Thunder Warriors]] that even managed to reach the Imperial Palace. The Emperor understandably expects little to come from this (he will be completely surprised), expecting Cawl's work to be hindered by the Mechanicus' usual dogma. Finally shows up in Episode 28, and all of the personalities he's absorbed throughout the millennia talking through him have naturally driven him completely fucking insane.. He acts as the hitman for the Fabricator-General, who blackmails him about not scrapping his Primaris project if he kills the Custodes. Also speaks like the Master from Fallout 1. Lead the ambush against Little Kitten's ragtag team of Custodes. Is a very competent commander, min-maxing his robots to carry twin-linked phosphor blasters to annihilator a majority of the Shield-Host. Due to being responsible for Kitten's death, whether or not Cawl receives divine punishment beyond what even Horus got is yet to be seen but is probably destined to become the Emperor's next teeth fillings.

===The Inquisition===
After the Horus Heresy, a new proactive 'Intelligence' force was created: merge the KGB, Gestapo, CIA, MI6, Mossad with zealous religious belief and unlimited power and hey presto:
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor <s>Karamazov</s> Krazypantsoff''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially crazier after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons. Completely convinced he's the Emperor and seems to regret what a horrible father "he" was more than Emprah himself.
**'''Star-Fyodperor''': After a huge messy battle at Khaine's gate, Karamazov became the host of the Star Child. So basically he ''is'' the Emperor for real now. Apparently, the Star Child needed to possess someone extremely entitled and hypocritical like big E himself. Thanks to Star Child basically doing all the talking, planning, and overall thinking He now represents the kind, fatherly side of the Emperor that is sorely lacking from his throne-bound counterpart, complete with dad jokes. Unfortunately, this leaves the Fyodperor to being easy to deceive, lacking the ability to distrust that comes from millennia of cynicism and hate. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgVuQ_Fbs5g|Has one of the most noblebright awesome themes ever done for anything born from GeeDubs.]
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right|''"KILL THEM ALL, KILL THEM ALL!"'']]
*'''Dominique''': Voiced by Gonzo the Great. The techpriest Lexmechanic on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage, most likely due to alcohol poisoning. It is never explained why Fyodor tolerated his nonsense for so long, but as Dominique regularly got away with sass sufficient to warrant a summary execution for a planetary governor, let alone a servitor, and Fyodor is not portrayed as being a particularly stable or calm individual, it's clear *something* was in play keeping Dominique employed and alive.
**Turns out he had a fate-bound duty to mold Fyodor into the Star Child's ideal host, an ill-tempered hypocrite with a god complex. He was allowed to see Fyodor one last time in exchange for that service, then got ferried to the afterlife by [[Saint Celestine]] her-holy-fucking-self to the tune of ten thousand fans weeping manly tears. His carcass is still perched on the Throne of Judgment, but most of the meat has rotted away by now. He's currently interred into a white-and-gold sarcophagus created when Fyodor became the Star Child's host.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Grand Master Elirush''': A Grey Knight Grand Master, who represents the Inquisition's Ordo Malleus. The most level-headed person in the group, who speaks with a smothered accent that Alfa masks as "waffles" (due to his VA being Eliphas, who is Belgian. If it isn't obvious, that's also the basis for his name). He attempted to avenge his fallen brothers who were killed by Kairos during the battle at Khaine's gate, but mistakenly attributed it to Skarbrand (much to the former's dismay). He was killed after inconveniencing Skarbrand, who despises such things.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A Xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Extra heresy|Broodlord-kun]]. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change]] Kairos Fateweaver after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage. Later, during the Halloween special, she is apparently able to briefly manifest into realspace, similar to Kaldor Draigo, whenever someone mentions anything about Genestalers. She was last seen during the defense of Khaine's gate while intoxicated, where she mistakes Skarbrand for a Genestealer (further angering Skarbrand as he dislikes misinterpretations) and ascended after being killed by him.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Donklas''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor, who represents the Ordo Hereticus. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders where the mask came from). He is so far the only Inquisitor who managed to survive the battle at Khaine's gate, mainly due to "enforcing discipline at the back". He is so far the only one of 3 main inquisitors who has survived up to this point.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the [[Lawful Stupid|obsessive]] Inspector Javert (from Victor Hugo's ''Les Misérables'').
*'''[[Jokaero|Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from Torquemada, [[Awesome|telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''[[Militarum Tempestus|Tempestus Scions]]''' - A hapless squad of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers comprised of Scions: Grant, Valentine, Matilda, Stuart, and led by Tempestor Cromwell. They constantly bicker between each other due to Stuart's pessimism, Matilda's blind optimism, and Grant's panicky disposition, but is constantly held in-line by Tempestor Cromwell. They're seen during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where they're all surprised that they've somehow survived, despite their [[Taurox]] roadblock being destroyed and the Grey Knights being slaughtered.
**Coincidentally ([[Just as Planned|or not]]), they're all named after Allied [[tank]]s from World War II (probably not, what with their thick English accents, and Matilda's preoccupation with "tankyness.").
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use from - as the name implies, he hits it repeatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit. He was about to retire after his 40,000th straight Exterminatus, but due to Draigo, he got sent to Commorragh along with his entourage (which includes a Jokaero and his Exterminatus button). Was the only one in the assembly to resist the fyodperor's psychic persuasion.
*'''Ex-Inquisitor Kryptman''': It's a bit weird that this guy is hanging around since all the other Inquisitors hate him, but whatever. Considered too violent and too hypocritical for the Inquisition, as amazing as that achievement is, he is nonetheless really good at his job; claims he's even able to survive against Eldar mind games by seeing through the truth being disguised as a lie, knowing full well that the humans will assume it's a lie while knowing the Eldar are lying about telling the truth about lying. Also carries a pimpin' cane with a gun in it.
*'''Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau''': Yep, he appears in episode 26 part 2! He's from a more [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|'jovial' time of early 40K]].

===General Populace of the Imperium ('Plebs')===
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him, then hunted across the cosmos by Lucius during Slaaneshmas, and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date, the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him from the Dark Eldar after some internal deb-'''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''-ting.
*'''The citizens of Hive World Purgatory''': Originally appearing in Alfa's Upper Hive games, hive world Purgatory appears a few times in the series proper. Its citizens are extremely idiotic and prone to murdering each other over the slightest suspicion. It's also been the victim of a recent Crotch Rot epidemic, and multiple Genestealer invasions.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to be sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics on hive world Purgatory, [[Lovecraft|Innsmouth-style]], before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into a genehost - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor Quist from the warp.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus. He was later seen smashed by Lucius during the Slaaneshmas Special, and then spotted in the Webway with the Ultramarines, and later again spotted in the Imperial Dungeons with the Shadowkeepers; and, on top of fucking that, was seen near the end of Part 1 of Hateful Feud running away as Karamazov was becoming Fyodper. Last seen in the Throne Room, running away as Magnus threw a temper tantrum after being trolled by the Provost Marshal for not reading the rules of Fantasy Roleplay.
*'''Tour Guide''': A guy who gives tours of the Imperial Palace. He gets summoned(dragged) into the throne room and abruptly told by the Emperor to read the names of a bunch of Dark Eldar weapons without any given reason, which he does without hesitation. He may read other lists later. He appears to be some sort of psyker as he could sense Magnus' return before he teleported into the throne room. He is able to bitch-slap Wamuudes to the floor without even looking. Poor guy is also losing his sanity due to all the batshit craziness happening around him. Recently debated with the Emperor himself over whether or not he was capable of feeling sorrow towards his subjects and sons were they to die to which Big E replies in a fittingly lucid way. However the Emperor is proven wrong as to his assumption he'd be indifferent at the death of a subject as he falls into such despair at the Good Golden Banana's death he almost splits Terra in half with the only thing stopping him being Rogal Dorn in his trusty Centurion suit.

===Eldar===
After the Eldar Collapse, these Eldar decided that unlimited Lust and Violence wasn't a positive influence to their souls and thus became elfy space-monks, all calm and serene until they decide to fight then its elfy warrior-monks!.
*'''[[Eldrad]] Ulthran:''' Eldar Farseer of Craftworld Ulthwé who is one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is preparing to do pretty much exactly what he ends up doing in Gathering Storm. Tried to convince Asdrubael Vect to distract the Imperium while he attempts to awaken [[Ynnead]], but to no avail. Apparently, he's already contacted Cypher at least once before and seeks to do the same with "the Machine-man from Mars" (most likely Cawl). Magnus and custodisi have been sent to assist them.
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. Cegorach has his own spectral audience that laughs at his jokes, and even a voice that adds '''[BAZINGA.]''' to his punchlines. He is plotting the demise of the [[Flesh Eaters]] for saying his Harlequins are in poor taste. In both meanings of the word. Recently he challenged Magnus to a comedy battle where he made use of horribly outdated memes to win laughs from the Harlequin audience including a Skyrim reference of all things. Had to call it a tie though since Magnus was committing verbal suicide through self-deprecation humor. Also has one of the most badass theme songs in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzWsLaolyLw&ab_channel=StringStorm%E2%80%8C existence] .
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now (due to Stockholm Syndrome) in a “loving” relationship with Nurgle. She Thinks Tzeentch is annoying and hates Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter, Preferably with something that doesn’t kill her but shuts off her senses.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.

===Dark Eldar===
The true descendants after the collapse of the Eldar Empire. There are A LOT of Dark Eldar living in their webway city of Commorragh and with access to a ton of lethal weaponry, its impractical to invade their realm without leaving yourself open to other forces’ attacks.
*'''[[Asdrubael Vect]]:''' Dark Eldar leader who is another one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is completely disinterested if not mildly amused/irritated with Eldrad's plans and his insistence on dragging him in; believing both Eldrad's visions and Ynnead to be utter nonsense unworthy of his time after 10,000 years worth of pessimistic doomsaying. He appears to have plans of his own that seem to involve Leman Russ, Karamazov, and/or Kaldor Draigo, who emerge from the Gate of Khaine just as he finishes his conversation with Eldrad. As it turns out, it involved shocking the Star-Fyodperor (which he was able to deduct almost immediately) with a surprise betrayal that the emotions that emanate almost supercharge Vect and Rakarth. Has a habit of setting up violent, hedonistic parties before gassing all the guests (including all rivals) after he leaves early.
*'''[[Lady Malys]]:''' Vect's bitter ex (don't say that to her face, though) who wants to take over Commorragh because "Vect's a prick." Seems to have been taken over by Cegorach, which is not surprising given real lore had her conduct heart transplant surgery on herself with Cegorach's crystal heart. Also French. [[Magical Realm|Sexily]] so.
*'''[[Archon Tahril]]:''' An Archon who originally appeared in ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' as the leader of the Black Heart Cabal in Kaurava and Vect's former subordinate after the whole raid ended in a failure. He is reluctantly under Malys' employment and passive-aggressively lets her know whenever he has to talk to her. He deals with her personality quirks reluctantly. Is also secretly an agent of the C'tan known as the Deceiver.
*'''[[Urien Rakarth]]:''' The personification of torture, currently under Vect's employ. It's revealed that it was he who visited the Golden Throne that one time, which makes Dorn panic and attempt to re-install the entire palace.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions [[Black Crusade|to attend to their 14th annual party]]. He will ALSO be voiced by the aforementioned Takahata101 (Nappa and [[Hellsing|'''THE CRIMSON FUCKER''']]) of Team Four Star fame.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon. Based on the [[Vulkan|current]] [[Corvus Corax|trend]], it wouldn’t be too surprising if he, too, can see Ferrus Manus’s ghost, especially considering he was the one who ''killed him'' and all that.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos|<s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointlessly overthought pseudo-philosophy. He also plays Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, shamelessly abusing an [[Yu-Gi-Oh#Archetype|Empty Jar]] deck made [[WAAC|ALMOST ENTIRELY FROM BANNED CARDS]]. So far, he is the most prominently featured of the Chaos Gods. Tzeentch lurks behind the Gate of Morkai, fucking with the aspirants sent through by Space Wolves priests; if they're to be believed, he's done something involving "wolf tits" at least once, and [[Wat|Emprah only knows how we're supposed to interpret that]]. Despite his behavior he does genuinely care for his son, Magnus.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore who steals from Khorne and trolls him and others with sexual innuendos. Nobody likes it because it ruins everything.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who is often heard screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym - he never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor. Ironically, despite being the most prominently featured Chaos God in canon, he's made far fewer on-screen appearances than the other Gods.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, Probably because of all of the diseases he’s infected with, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything. When he's upset, he known to release extremely potent [[Wikipedia:Tinea cruris|Crotch]] [[Wikipedia:Candidal intertrigo|Rot]] on Hive-Worlds, which is as nasty as it sounds.The emperor was on the receiving end of said crotch rot, as well as an eternally itchy nose, despite not having one.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, Sanguinnius’ soul and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Dark Heresy|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy, chaos, and mutation on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become canon is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
**The [[Great Horned Rat]] appears as a joke to cancel Slaaneshmas forever due to Slaanesh getting demoted in Age of Sigmar and announces "Great Horned Rat Day" as its replacement. Enjoys mocking "non-existent" lesser Chaos Gods and seems to be incapable of not breaking the fourth wall. Coughs near-constantly.
**[[Necoho]]?: Never been seen and hasn't been named, but Magnus has mentioned the existence of a chaos god of unbelief who was created by Emperor's attempts to wipe out all religion. If not for the Horus Heresy, Emperor would have become its champion or avatar. Since atheism is so rare in the galaxy now, it most likely is dead or too weak to be relevant.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYQCYA7rvXk this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook (it is unknown If piccolo has seen said results). Also planned the 'Slaaneshmas' holiday event, which is broadcast to the whole universe to spread goodwill to humans and overall death to xeno species. Lucius makes a great holo vid host.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Teamed up with Lucius for Slaaneshmas for the shits and giggles. So far appears to the only rational Chaos Space Marine, acting as a snarky straight man to the antics of the others. On a side-note, he [[Old Man Henderson|huffs grimoires of Big Bad Jujus]], which impresses Lucius. He apparently wants to murder the stars as he finds them too bright for his taste. At the end, he gives a speech about how despite the different worldviews, both sides are still humans and offers the Imperium to have one day per year when instead of killing each other, both sides would have a ceasefire and unite to exterminate aliens instead. Imperials were oddly receptive to that idea...
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, with a Strong resemblance to the voice of Real life Comedian Norm McDonald, or Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Later shows up to the Slaaneshmas Special to talk about his latest book, which is just his own shit smeared on every page.
*'''[[Kharn|Khârn the Betrayer]]''': The most infamous Khornate Berserker in the World Eaters. He has yet to appear directly in the show; Lucius invited him by Vox to the Slaaneshmas special but only received angry grunts in reply, leading Lucius to believe Angron picked up instead. Apparently, Lucius also mixed up his contact info with Sly Marbo at one point.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''[[Fabius Bile|<strike>Fabius</strike> <strike>FABULOUS Bile</strike> Bob]]''': Joins in on Lucius' and Ahriman's Slaaneshmas special to announce that he's starting a solo Black Crusade to show up that man-baby Abbadon. Is triggered very seriously if called Bob. He's clearly insane, insisting that a solo Black Crusade means doing things on his own, which even Lucius thought was crazy, not helped by Bile following up by boasting he can clone anyone. He showed off an abomination of a clone of Ahriman (which psychically self-destructed) during the Slaaneshmas Special. Naturally, Ahriman was horrified and disgusted and even Lucius was disturbed.
*'''[[Miriael Sabathiel]]''': The infamous Chaos Sororita shows up, only to get dismissed everywhere she goes and not be taken seriously. Upon learning it was Slaaneshmas, she dons a Santa hat and joins the fun. Earlier, she was in a bad mood for being talked down by a captured Inquisitor (before she beheaded him in frustration), lamented the lost opportunity to torment him, and was enraged at some Noise Marines' amusement at her situation.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep. Everyone in the Warp is trying to get rid of it because it’s annoying to them. It also sent a psychic message to Inquisitor Kryptman showing him its face… Or rather mouth.
*'''[[The Masque]]''': A Slaaneshi Daemonette. First appears in BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs while attacking Catachan, apparently because an ample muscle harvest (shaped into Slaanesh's symbol) would please Slaanesh enough to end her (yes, a canon her) eternal damnation to unending dancing. After Corvus Corax batmans her she flees, due to their artificial muscles being displeasing to Slaanesh and fighting them not being worth potential banishment back to the Warp. Her motives lead her and an army of Daemonettes to the battle for the Gate of Khaine, where she implies some familiarity with Kaldor Drago before trying to bring him down, only to fail spectacularly.
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': A "renegade" Khornate Bloodthirster; Khorne officially disowned him after he attempted to kill the Chaos God with a strike to the back, but still recognizes his talents. Skarbrand appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. He refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]] (it didn't help that all emotions besides anger were throttled out of him by Khorne); when faced with the prospect being outside or inside after being pranked, he actually remains in the doorframe, which he hates '''''slightly''''' less. He later joins the Chaos Undivided daemon horde that assaulted Khaine's gate as it was being opened by the Inquisition's forces, where he further espouses his hatred against everything. Such as named characters, some of whom he fucking murders. Extremely open and vocal about his feelings, funnily enough. {{BLAM|SKARBRAND '''HATES''' MISCONCEPTIONS!}}
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': A Tzeentchian Lord of Change. He still has two heads and the second, mottled one will constantly contradict the 'dominant' head while speaking (which Kairos neither seems to address nor notice). First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on Inquisitor Adrielle Quist - but since she's drunk, not listening and mistakes him for a Genestealer, he gets one of his faces fucked up for his troubles, and holds an eternal grudge against her due to that. Kairos reappears during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where he tries his damnedest to get even with Quist, but had to "settle" for destroying most of the Grey Knights, but his work was mistakenly attributed to Skarbrand, much to his eternal dismay. Funnily enough, he does more damage to Skarbrand than any of the Imperials completely by accident: Kairos' psyker powers hit Skarbrand while he fought Inquisitor Quist, his grudge briefly turning him into a [[Kharn|team-killing fucktard.]] Despite this, considering the rules Kairos follows (in official lore, his heads randomly switch which one lies and which one tells the truth, but one lying means the other must be truthful), that he can tell the future, and that the normally truthful head said "I will have my revenge" (which he didn't) while the normally lying head claimed to love Skarbrand... Kairos actually really does love Skarbrand.
*'''[[Epidemius]]''': A Nurglite Plaguebearer. Fitting for a daemon of Nurgle, he's incredibly polite even under duress, and cares significantly about the loss of his fellow daemons. First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he was pelted into submission with hundreds of bars of soap and a bathtub. He later appears during the battle at Khaine's Gate with a retinue of [[Plaguebearers]], and was enraged when one of them was killed by the Deathwatch. He later commanded a charge against them that ended with most of the Deathwatch being slaughtered, while Wilford and Calato, the only survivors were forced to retreat.
*'''The [[C'tan]]''': The Necron's star gods seem to be wedging their way back into current affairs after being turned into [[Pokemon]] by their servants. Of all of them, only The Deceiver has made an appearance so far, the rest being confined to the paper puppet flashbacks (except when Decius brought up The Nightbringer when he was convincing the Ecclesiarchy that [[The Emperor|Easy-E]] isn't a god).
**[[The Deceiver]], when not playing Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker with the Emperor and pals, seems to be [[Just As Planned|pulling strings]] all around the Materium. Has a special interest in stopping Kaldor Draigo from returning to realspace. Presumably, because he would become the avatar of Matt Ward, the <strike>[[Malal|Fifth]]</strike> Sixth god of Choas, and bring utter ruination to the material realm before the C'tan can bring utter ruination to the material realm. Also, it turns out the Deceiver created the Tyranids.
*'''Clancy''': The traitor menial of an Imperial Cruiser who wants to kill a Primarch, and is obnoxiously polite and civil about the entire affair. His plans fail when Vulkan, Corax and all the other ~~important~~ characters survive the shipwreck he engineered and capture him; his backup plan (Exterminatus via some "pals" dropping a Virus bomb on Attila from orbit) ends up similarly falling short, though he does escape captivity. He later returns as a high-ranking Boardmember of Jopall's government, and through pulling some strings and making a contract that Corvus signs, entraps the party on the planet through debt. Makes his escape shortly before Corvus bursts in the room leading an army of rebelling Guardsmen.

=== Others ===

*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff: [[The Beast]] (an Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), [[Goge Vandire]] (the man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial history after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (a footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade), the [[Squats]] (we all ''know'' who they are), [[Herman von Strab]] (one of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO!] (*cue explosions*) He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!! Also seems to love making bad jokes.
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he manages to just waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels. Sicced the Dark Angels on The Fabricator General for a prank video
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': The two Ork gods. They're a couple of dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.

[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.] Possible inspiration for the news Cats film.
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. (Wait, does this mean the Emperor's communicator is technically Xenotech?) Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 as the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.

*'''Ahriman 2.0''': [[Fabius Bile]]'s horribly disfigured clone of Ahzek Ahriman which he unveiled in the Slaaneshmas special, much to Lucius and the original Ahriman's horror. Fabius claimed it was a "work-in-progress", something which caused the clone to become so enraged that it psychically self-destructed moments after.
*'''The [[Angry Marines]]''': ''Might'' exist in the TTS-verse, but nobody knows for sure. "Angry Marines" was a popular answer in a poll on which loyalist chapter best embodies the concept of hatred, but nobody in the Imperial Palace knows who this might be referring to, and it was speculated that it may simply be a nickname. Either way, they were beaten by several other chapters, most notably the Black Templars and the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*'''[[Hassan]]''': First appeared in the Chaos Descends series attempting to sell camels to two of the main characters in the middle of nowhere, eventually convincing them to put up flyers for his business as a form of payment. He later appears in the main series, apparently having sold camels to the Ultramarines at some point.

*'''Voldorius''': An unfortunate Daemon Prince which got the attention of the Pillarstodes after reading about him in one of the books they got from the Black Library. They along with the Emperor and Rogal Dorn publicly mock him for being completely ineffective and incompetent to the point of having to rely on his subordinates to do everything for him.
*'''Uriah Olathaire:''' Yes, its the old man that the Emprah had a theological debate during [[The Last Church]]. His soul was summoned from The Warp by The Emperor, who was horrified that he turned into a Chaos worshiper. Ironically he is perfectly sane despite following Chaos. Unlike their first encounter, this time he actually IS a theologian and can shut down the Emperor's rather sophomoric arguments easily. He worships Chaos Undivided and paints them in a more neutral, legitimately non-malevolent light, highlighting how humanity needs Chaos to stay human and how Chaos needs humanity to continue to exist, making it a mutually-beneficial relationship. He originally wanted to justify the existence of Chaos, but due to the Emprah being a dick; he got fed up and instead started calling him on the hypocrisy of his Imperium and his ideals, such as his constant use of religious iconography and terms (despite wanting a secular empire), essentially doing the same thing old terran religions did to propagate their influence (although with a higher death count), among other things. He was eventually banished back into The Warp after dissing the holiness of the taco.
*'''Alfa Legion:''' Some of the creator's 40k self-inserts into 40K appear in Episode 10 after Emps makes an oddly specific remark about how "THERE COULD EVEN BE CHAPTERS CONSORTING AND ACCEPTING BOTH XENOS AND CHAOS WORSHIPPERS INTO THEIR RANKS. MAYBE EVEN CHAPTERS SO FUCKING RECLUSIVE AND HISTORICALLY INEPT THAT THEIR MERE EXISTENCE SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE AND SHITTY FANFICTION." Taking the main TTS reaction thread into consideration, '''EMPS WAS ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' Currently have their souls contained in a box owned by Magnus, while [[Indrick Boreale|Boreale]] and [[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]] have become Magnus' idiot pets.
*'''Asterion Moloc:''' [[Minotaurs]] Chapter Master who appears briefly towards the end of the Slaaneshmas special, pwning a Tau with a Chaos Terminator.

==The Order of The Primarchs' Returns==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far, though this may just be the order of their apearances, not the order in which they return...

* [[Rogal Dorn]] - Around since the beginning of the series, although we don't find out it's Dorn until Episode 20.
* [[Magnus]] - Pops up in Episode 13 after being captured by the Ultrasmurfs.
* [[Vulkan]] - Returns after Cato Sicarius delivers the remaining Lost Artifacts of Vulkan in Episode 20.
* [[Leman Russ]] - Appears in the Warp in Episode 21, after Magnus banished the Inquisitors there in Episode 18.
* [[Corvus Corax]] - Can be heard attempting to get out of a building on Nocturne at the End of Episode 21, and appears in person during Episode 25.
* [[Ferrus Manus]]- Appears as a <s>'brainghost'</s> SKHOST in Vulkan's head when Vulkan returns at the beginning of Episode 20. Vulkan claims in the Bro Trip spinoff that he isn't the real Ferrus.
* [[Lion El'Jonson]] - Not yet featured, but Rogal Dorn might know where he is. Then again, maybe not. This IS The Lion we're talking about after all. Taking current events into consideration, he maybe awakening soon.
* [[Jaghatai Khan]] - Talked about extensively in Episode 24 and the White Scar podcast. The Ultramarines are on the rescue! Appears on a bike in Commorragh in Episode 29.
* [[Angron]] - Hasn't appeared in person, though Lucius mentions he and Kharn may be out on business.
* [[Perturabo]] - Hasn't appeared in person, but was prominently featured in a flashback in Episode 24.
* [[Lorgar]] - given a roasting in Episode 2, but nothing of note since then.
* [[Mortarion]] - A couple of jokes have been made at his expense, but he has yet to appear except in a brief flashback where he fell down the stairs.
* [[Fulgrim]] - Hasn't appeared in person, although he did contact Lucius the Eternal to inform him about Abbadon's 13th Black Crusade.
* [[Alpharius]] & [[Omegon]] - Emps refers to them as if they are one person.
* [[Konrad Curze]] - A few mentions, but it is safe to assume Konrad may not reappear in the current era. Emps briefly flashes back to a decision Konrad made that unwittingly starts off the whole Inquisition tyranny; a small portion of his appearance is seen during this flashback.
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] - No appearances, although occasionally referred to in the form of The Emperor demanding his life support being cut off. Hilarious in hindsight, given the events of Gathering Storm.
* [[Sanguinius]] - appeared in vision form during the Flesh Eater short and was spoken of at the end of the second Q&A, Episode 18.5 (may or may not consider the Sanguinor appearing as his first appearance)
* [[Horus]] - No appearances in the main series, although he has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A.
* The two missing Primarchs are asked about once but the emperor simply states "We don't talk about those guys"

==Main Theme Lyrics==
'''WE ARE THE GODS OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER.'''

'''WE ARE THE SOLDIERS, THE LEGION OF LIGHT.'''

'''WE ARE THE CENTER, THE DEATH OF THE SUN (SON).'''

'''FIRE AND FLAME.'''

'''WE ARE ONE.'''

(excerpt credit: Triarii - We Are One)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining [[Love Can Bloom|Eldar prostitutes]], and was afraid the Primarchs would [[Penitent Engine|tie him up]] [[Inquisition|if they heard about it]]. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor's nose is plagued by a phantom-itch, courtesy of Nurgle. Tzeentch <s>believes</s> Believed the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God. He has since realize that the emperor is resigned to this. And as back up gave magnus the suggestion seen below.
* The Emperor firmly believes in Taco Friday, whereas Dorn believes in Taco Tuesday. This disagreement causes a minor civil war (A.K.A. the TTS-Version of the Dornian Heresy). Magnus ups the ante by believing that [[Warp|Taco ''Tuesday'' should be on ''Friday'']].
* The Emperor (officially) did not create any [[Female Space Marines]] because "girls are yucky." It is implied the real reason he didn’t is because Slaanesh ruined the idea.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne. However, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it was one of the wounds inflicted upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's hair, poisoned him, etc.).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses, Michael Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., and [[Chris-Chan]]. All these, especially the latter shows just how much of a troll Big E is.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche can access knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor is fine with tolerating any xenos that aren't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]... according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu-Gi-Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck... that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]] It later turns out that Tzeentch is the only person he can play with. Tzeentch's deck is similarly cheesy, but relies more on combos. Both of them also make heavy use of banned cards and have a rather... loose grasp on the actual rules.
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic", "RogalyDonDon", and "my Fabulous Fucking Hawk-Boy".
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], and was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).
* Magnus identifies with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
* The Emperor believes gold is the greatest color of them all, and that all other colors are equally inferior.
** He likely doesn't consider Platinum to be a true color in that case.
* There is a chance that the popularity of TTS has influenced Warhammer Gaming as a whole. Every big Warhammer game that has come out since TTS has had cutscenes somewhat similar to those of the series, and actual canon for 40k has progressed in a generally similar direction. Some have accused Games Workshop of copying what they like from it, while others say the series inspired GW writers to get off their asses and make something actually new.
** [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] is [https://www.reddit.com/r/Warhammer/comments/7igatt/im_aaron_dembskibowden_ask_me_anything/dqykv2l/ confirmed to be "a big fan" of TTS], actually. Ironically, he started watching it after people drew comparisons between Master of Mankind and the series.
** Furthering the influence, Alfa made an entire episode of the TTS cast playing [[Stellaris]] at the behest of that game's devs. It is about as disastrous as expected.
* Reading the book ''Inquisitor'' by [[Ian Watson]] causes disgust and trauma to several of the characters present, in no small part due to [[Jaq Draco]] constantly lusting after his [[Callidus]] assassin disguised as a [[genestealer]], as well as the overly long description of the Slaaneshi planet in the Eye of Terror. Even Boy has horrifying visions in his missing eye after what he's experienced. Karstodes, on the other hand, seems to have confused it with ''[[Harry Potter]] and the Philosopher's Stone'' in a bout of impressive illiteracy, while Magnus seems to consider it so bad it's good, even if only to riff off several of the excerpts and provide a contrast to the less-than-enthusiastic approach of the others present.
** Additionally, there are apparently in-universe surviving records of fucking [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Kubrick Stanley Kubrick] briefly considering adapting Draco as his next movie. This is based on the movie ''A.I. Artificial Intelligence'' coming about partly because of a 90-page treatment written by [[Ian Watson]] under Kubrick's supervision, a fact brought up several times throughout the podcast, along with [http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/0094.html Kubrick seriously considering Inquisition for his next movie]. Interestingly, this makes Kubrick one of the oldest known historical figures in the TTS-verse, although his name has been corrupted over the millennia.
* Ever wondered what Big E and the Primarchs would do if they saw this hilariously bizarre version of their future? Someone named Preator98 on Space Battles does. Hence the 40k fanfiction based on the 40k fanfiction known as [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-the-text-to-speech-device.408752/ If the Emperor watched the Text To Speech Device] was born! Follow the threadmarks to read the whole thing, and go to the [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-tts-extras-thread.508247/ Extras Thread] to read more Primach/Emperor reactions to other fanfics such as the [[Alternate Heresy|Roboutian Heresy]].

==Gallery==
===Quotes and snippets===
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten.
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium.
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise.
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]].
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels.
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclesiarchy.
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's disappointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable.
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss.
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell.
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely fazed him at the time.
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure.
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence.
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta.
</gallery>

===Fanart===
<gallery>
Image:NOT CANON.png|Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]].
File:Kitten and shadowsun tragic story by khornez.jpg|''Tale as old as time...''
File:KittenCustodesbyAdeptusAdamaris.jpg|Turns out the nickname wasn't an accident.
File:NotCanonbyMagnifical.jpg
File:Luscious lucius prankz gone heretical 2016 by sexual yeti.png
File:TTS Rogal by eightball6219.jpg|When a tech-priest asks for a toaster, you give him a damn toaster!
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [http://if-the-emperor-had-a-texttospeech-device.wikia.com/wiki/If_The_Emperor_Had_a_Text-To-Speech_Device_Wiki And a whole wiki to cover the show, too]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Skitarii

2022-04-21T19:25:12Z

2600:1700:E88A:5410:8C70:62DE:B69A:70FE:

[[File:Skitarii_vs_Nids.JPG|right|thumb|550px|Skitarii [[Anal circumference|clapping some Tyranid asses.]]]]
{{Topquote|Access denied.|[[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Ancient Martian proverb]]}}
The '''Skitarii''', also known as Tech-Guard, are the private militant arm of the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] and are proof that even the Imperium can be surpassed, in terms of grimdark, by lobotimized metal robots with a fetish for toasters.

Derived from Latin 'Scitari' which means 'to seek to know’. This represents another instance of the GW pseudo-Latin we all know and love. In the singular tense they are referred to as Skitarius. The low gothic pronunciation would be 'Ski-tar-ree,' whereas the high gothic would be 'skit-ar-ree-aye.' Although the classical, and dare I say proper, Latin pronunciation is 'Ski-tar-ree-i'. The difference is a matter of [[Skub]].

==Overview==
Under the Treaty of Olympus Mons (commonly known as the Treaty of Mars outside the Adeptus Mechanicus) [[Forge Worlds]] are not required to give manpower over to the [[Imperial Guard]] under the [[Imperial Tithe]], so they are allowed to raise, train, and equip their own [[Planetary Defense Forces]]. Since they don't have to provide an endless supply of cannon fodder offworld and have access to the lion's share of the Imperium's industrial and technological capacity, the Forge Worlds of the Mechanicus can afford to field soldiers with gear beyond the bare minimum of acceptability. Standing somewhere between the Guard and the [[Space Marines]] in terms of ability, the Skitarii have access to absolutely ''everything'' the Adeptus Mechanicus can create.

The only things they don't use are the [[Land Raider]] (which is due to a decree by the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]] reserving it for the Adeptus Astartes during the <s>[[Great Crusade]]</s> [[Horus Heresy]] - like that stops the [[Inquisition]]...) and [[Dreadnought]]s (though in theory they could, they just prefer carving up your brain and making you a servitor instead). Like the Guard, there is little standardization among Skitarii units. For example, they can't quite seem to agree if the greater unit is called a cohort or a brigade. Additionally, Skitarii will vary from simple gun-[[servitor]]s under a few commanders to gene-enhanced augmented humans with major equipment.

[[File:Image Skitari.jpg|thumb|left|Skitarii artwork from the <s>upcoming</s> mothballed [[Imperial Armour]] volume: Fires of Cyraxus]]Having existed since at least the Great Crusade, a Skitarii brain is altered to maintain their loyalty and obedience. Some are just psycho-surgically or biochemically altered, while others are full-on lobotomised. According to recent lore, one way the Tech Priests control legions of Skitarii are by messing with their brains from SPEHHS, firing off signals to make each and every one of those little bastards think they're being manipulated by the [[Omnissiah]] [[HERESY|himself]]. On the plus side if, after their "indoctrination", they have anything resembling a working brain left, it'll usually be capable of some high level multitasking: a Tech-Guard officer will proficiently dual-chainsword-duel with you, while happily chatting with his fellow Skitarii on the [[vox]] in binaric cant, simultaneously catch up on his unread messages, recompiling the kernels in his cybernetic implants and trolling all the boards of future-#chan at the same time. So yeah, they're different than their service/slave counterparts.

Speaking of differences, Skitarii from different forge worlds don't always share the same look. Some prefer the classic "red-robe-with-hood" Martian style, while others wear Imperial Guard-like uniform, and some could be purely functionalist with no clothes beside armour - just name the style, and somewhere in the galaxy there is a forge world with similarity dressed Skitarii (except for THAT style, you sick fuck). One of the most popular styles the Skitarii employ is to wear fabulous fur coats, fang talismans and grisly trophies, commonly associated with [[Death World|Death Worlders]] and [[Space Wolves]]; these are intended to terrify opponents. As if half-robot/zombie soldiers aren't terrifying enough. They can appear so terrifying that loyalist Skitarii are indistinguishable from their Dark Mechanicum counterparts to the casual observer.

They are generally the first line of defence on Forge Worlds and other Mechanicum installations. However, they also serve as marines (in the traditional sense) for some Explorator ships, and act as dedicated infantry and vehicle support for Titan Legions when they are deployed. Because the Mechanicum also likes to make friends and has allies, and Forge Worlds, everywhere, the Skitarii also serve as mercenaries or allies in many Imperial armies and crusades. Additionally, most Space Marine chapters can call on Mechanicum support should need arise. This is double so for the Grey Knights, as Titan is orbited by the former natural satellite of Mars turned into a minor forge world, Deimos, where all of Grey Knights' gear is made, and it has its own Skitarii contingent.

Also, they can be played on the tabletop, like a weird hybrid of Tau, Necron, Craftworld Eldar, and <s>guardsma... ahem.. ASTRA MILITARUM Imperial Guard</s> THE WALL OF GUNS, and seem to be the 40k equivalent of the Skaven, except that they're not fucking furries! Who needs Emprah loving humies/post-humie/heretic/xenos scum anyway?! Everyone knows the Omnissiah is where it's at!

==Types of Skitarii==
The Skitarii comes in many flavors, some deadlier than others. All of them can twist off your head and shit down your neck. Here are the examples:

===Skitarii Alpha===
[[File:Dd1b4svyiyx41.jpg|240px|right|thumb|Skitarii Alpha model by [https://www.reddit.com/r/AdeptusMechanicus/comments/gh3mm1/skitarii_alpha_reporting_for_duty/ Warden343].]]
Skitarii Alphas are the squad commanders of Adeptus Mechanicus Skitarii formations. These cybernetic warriors have the highest level of augmentation among their kind, a position of high prestige in Martian culture. To become an Alpha, one must pass the Crux Mechanicus, the point where your body is more machine than flesh. Their human components have often been reduced to a simple organic brain. They generally act as the squad leaders to the rest of the skittles, and are roughly equal to a Space Marine Sergeant in combat.

For an example of this in the fluff, Alpha Primus Haldron-44 Stroika was augmented to have four arms with in-built Arc Mauls and auto-reloading Arc Pistols, as well as having the ability to coordinate tens of thousands of Skitarii while simultaneously tearing apart Dark Mechanicum troops in melee and at range. [[Awesome|He even managed to hold his own against an]] [[Iron Warriors]] [[Warsmith]]-[[Obliterator]] [[Awesome|for a few minutes]], only to be [[Grimdark|half-ripped apart and unwillingly turned into a Dark Mechanicus assassin]] after he took off the Warsmith's arm.

Of particular note is the fact that many Martian Skitarii Alphas were failed Imperial Knight nobles of House Taranis. Although failure to bond with an Imperial Knight typically drives the would-be pilot insane, emotive-suppressors and memory-catheters are able to keep their rages in check. House Taranis asks in return that their Skitarii cohorts are assigned to fight alongside their Knights, so that the Nobles can still fight alongside their former brothers. It's kind of heart-warming, if in a grimdark way.
<gallery>
RangerAlpha.jpg|Alpha Ranger.
VanguardAlpha.jpg|Alpha Vanguard.
RuststalkerAlpha.jpg|Alpha Ruststalker.
InfiltratorAlpha.jpg|Alpha Infiltrator.
</gallery>

===Skitarii Marshal===
[[File:JX24PfFLsm7LhuJs.jpg|240px|right|thumb|There is a new Marshal in town and he is not giving free cookies...]]
A new Skitarii rank, the Skitarii Marshal is the head honcho in directing lesser Skitarii at the front lines and leaving the important plans up to their superiors. They are over-glorified lieutenants for the Machine God’s armies and will ensure their Rangers make the most of every shot. Like all Skitarii, they wear [[Skitarii War Plate]] into combat.

Decitor Septrax-Tertian is the most well-known of these Marshals, as he took part in the Charadon Campaign. He proved to be one of the most skilled and resourceful Imperial commanders of the war.

On the tabletop, these guys act as unit buffers and supports and it totally shows. Toting a [[Radium_Weaponry|Radium Serpenta]] (sadly not a pistol, but assault) as well as a weapon equal to a power maul to go bonk if any enemy decides to close in for an attack.

Very useful as a support unit - they allow a nearby <Forge World> Skitarii or a <Forge World> Skitarii Data-Tether unit anywhere on the board to ignore the penalty applied when using a Doctrina. An example of this is with the Skitarii Vanguard; simply placing them with a Marshall allows for additional wound (and hit, with a relic) rerolls, [[Rape|these rerolls are gonna get nasty pretty quickly]].

The great weakness is that they have zero [[Wat|repair ability]], which is funny given that they are from the AdMech and all, so you'll need another HQ to cover that niche or your army will get whittled down over time.
{{Clear}}

===Skitarii Ranger===

[[File:SkitRangerArt.jpg|240px|right|thumb|Time to smoke out some bitches and blow....literally.]]

The Mechanicus' equivalent of the [[Eldar]] [[Eldar Ranger|Rangers]] but more [[Awesome]]. They are relentless hunter-killer infantry, and are known to hunt their prey across the galaxy for decades if need be.

Mindful of the harsh terrain of Mars, their legs have been removed from the knees down, replaced by cybernetic augmentations. This has made their stamina legendary, and they are known to hunt a foe until it exhausts itself. Skitarii Rangers themselves are split into the '''Skitarii Fresh-forged''' which are essentially the most recent additions to a Skitarii Ranger team. They differ to normal Skitarii as their remaining flesh is still raw from the surgery involved in bionic modification. There is also the '''Skitarii Specialists''' who are given the holy duty of carrying and maintaining the Skitarii kill team’s more unusual weaponry.

Their weapon of choice are [[Galvanic Rifle]]s, though others may be armed with [[Arc Rifle]]s, [[Transuranic Arquebus]]', or [[Plasma Caliver]]s. A Skitarii Rangers team is led by an Alpha, normally equipped with [[Radium Pistol]] or [[Arc Pistol]] as well as a [[Power sword|Power Sword]], [[Arc Weaponry#Taser Goad|Taser Goad]], or [[Arc Weaponry#Arc Maul|Arc Maul]]. They all wear [[Skitarii War Plate]]s for protection in combat.

Some Rangers control the guns on the Dunecrawler (they are the dude in the hatch).

On 9th Edition, the Rangers' 30" Galvanic Rifles have enough range to contribute to fights and the S4 needed to be a bother, which makes this squad great at garrisoning backfield objectives and ruins. While they put less volume of fire than Vanguard, their guns' better range, strength, and AP-1 on a 6+ to wound make them more effective against single-wound infantry than Rad carbines. All in all great value from the cheapest unit in your army. Unless you are sitting on backfield objectives (which our HS are normally doing) vanguard will often be better considering the difference is 1pt a model.

===Skitarii Vanguard===

[[File:SkitariiVanguardArt.jpg|240px|left|thumb|The funny thing is, that gun is the least of your worries.]]

Skitarii Vanguards, known informally as Rad-Troopers, are the other type of Skitarii infantry used by the Adeptus Mechanicus. Skitarii Vanguards are so soaked in radiation from their [[Radium Carbine]] weaponry that even to approach them is to [[FATAL|invite death.]]

Eventually, the radiation burns through even their heavy armor plating of even their [[Skitarii War Plate]], [[Grimdark|slowly poisoning them to death.]] Their augmentations and radioactive conditioning has allowed Skitarii Vanguards to be deployed to the most hazardous war zones the galaxy has to offer.

A Skitarii Vanguard squad is led by an Alpha, equipped with either a [[Phosphor Blast Pistol]], [[Radium Pistol]], or [[Arc Pistol]], as well as a [[Power sword|Power Sword]], [[Arc Weaponry#Taser Goad|Taser Goad]], or [[Arc Weaponry#Arc Maul|Arc Maul]]. These guys are there to [[rape]] infantry in close quarters.

Vanguard are also used in the [[Onager Dunecrawler]]s as the pilot. They're basically dumped into the same kind of emulsion tank some Titan pilots get, letting them interface directly with the tank's systems at the cost of [[Grimdark|slowly dying due to eating a daily diet of radiation from the reactor]]. They don't last very long but on the plus side no more getting killed by small-arms.

On 9th Edition, Vanguard are your Skitarii frontliners. Their 18" Assault 3 Rad Carbines let them advance and still hit on a 4+, while their rate of fire (30 shots for a unit of 10, assuming no special weapons) is such that their "mortal on a nat 6 hit roll" can proc enough times to be a concern to heavy infantry while still dealing lots of hits to the smaller ones. With their Rad saturation aura (-1T is better than +1S), they can also help as melee soup allies for your Sicarians and Fulgurites.

===Sicarian Ruststalker===

[[File:RuststalkerArt.jpg|140px|right|thumb|[[Eversor Assassin|*WWWRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY!*]]]]

Sicarian Ruststalkers are the elite Skitarii assassins of the Adeptus Mechanicus and an attempt to make an [[Eversor Assassin]] look like a rehabilitated good Samaritan (spoiler: a failed one). Initially an elite assassination squad, the Sicarian Ruststalkers proved so effective at the art of killing that they were repurposed as front-line, physics-manipulating commandos.

Their [[Transonic Weapons|Transonic Weapons]] hum and resonate with efficiency, passing through the strongest armor as if it simply didn't exist, [[Fist of the North Star|though the effect of the damage often takes several seconds to manifest.]] These highly trained and augmented squads known as Killclades are led by Princeps.

Every Sicarian was once a Skitarii who was grievously injured in battle. If these fallen are judged still fit to serve the Omnissiah, they are not incinerated but instead taken back to be augmented into lethal killing machines. This process can take place as long as a Skitarius possesses a head, torso, and some limb-stumps. Instead of a [[Skitarii War Plate]], they wear the more advanced and protective [[Sicarian Battle Armour]].

Sicarian Ruststalkers are also called "shivs" by the [[Imperial Guard]], a reference to a way they repeatedly plunge their [[Transonic Weapons|transonic weapons]] into their enemies, visible only as a blur of blue and arcing sprays of scarlet blood. These weapons are the [[Transonic Weapons#Chordclaw|Chordclaw]], [[Transonic Weapons#Transonic Razor|Transonic Razor]] and the [[Transonic Weapons#Transonic Blades|Transonic Blade]].

In 9th Edition, Sicarian Ruststalkers are pretty solid - they can now pack three sets of Transonic Blades each at no extra cost, which gives them a fair bit of utility in dishing out mortal wounds and a tasty -3 AP on their attacks. Their rules also make them pretty survivable, with a potential 2+ save against shooting if in the right cover and the ability to ignore charge modifiers. That said, they're still T3 and are stuck with a 8" move, so footslogging them out in the open risks getting them shot to shit; the Infiltrators have also gotten a couple strong buffs while their Hoplite/Fulgurite rivals are still pretty strong at dishing out mortals.

===Sicarian Infiltrator===
[[File:SicInfArt.jpg|260px|left|thumb|AYE AYE AYE! <s>Power Rangers!</s> Fellow Skitarii! We request support for <s>Zordon</s> The Omnissiah!]]
The sneaky counterparts to the Skitarii forces that also bears an uncanny resemblance to Alpha-5 from Power Rangers. Sicarian Infiltrators are the brutal Skitarii scout troops of the Adeptus Mechanicus, renowned as perhaps the most sinister warriors of the Mechanicum.

Heavily augmented into [[Star Wars|more machine than man,]] the Sicarian Infiltrators are pretty much the AdMech's lightweight terror troops. Those domed helmets they wear actually emit a kind of weird staticky white noise, which fucks with the senses of the enemy (the skitarii, of course, can ignore these frequencies at will) to the point where it's common for hostile troops to basically keel over, blinded and deafened by the constant audiovisual assault. The Infiltrators can then just walk on in and [[blam]] their enemies.

As with their Ruststalker brothers, every Sicarian was once a Skitarii who was grievously injured in battle. While any critically-injured Skitarii can become a Sicarian Infiltrator, those with a detachment from emotion and skill at inspiring fear in others tend to yield the best results.

Heavily modified for their scouting missions, almost their entire human heads have been replaced with a specialized domed helm allowing a three-hundred and sixty degree view of the battlefield. They are equipped with a wide array of weapons including [[Stubcarbine]]s, [[Flechette Blaster]]s, [[Power sword|Power Sword]], [[Arc Weaponry#Taser Goad|Taser Goad]], and [[Arc Weaponry#Arc Maul|Arc Maul]]. They, like the Ruststalkers, wear [[Sicarian Battle Armour]] instead of War Plate into battle.

On 9th Edition, they occupy a pretty good position. The taser variant that ripped hordes apart got a punch in the cogs, with the extra hits on a 6 being FAQ'd down to the first round of hits only; the power sword variant that wrecked marines hasn't changed that much. They can still deepstrike and their -1 to leadership within 3" hasn't changed, but they have gained a new ability that prevents hostile hit or wound rerolls within 12" of them (useful for the turn after deepstrike, when the enemy tries to blow them off the board).

Just remember to keep them in cover until you're ready to charge them because they still suffer from T3 and a 4+ save. They're really good for utility (capturing objectives, getting behind enemy lines) while Ruststalkers will shit out more damage and have much better AP capabilities.

===Skitarii Protector===
[[File:Myrmidon Secutor.jpg|thumb|right|200px|In the name of the Quest for Knowledge, I shall now remove your face.]]
Protectors were soldiers and guards that worked in the Adeptus Mechanicus. They were genetically engineered and augmented Humans that wore red robes and bronze masks that showed green mechanical eyes. Members of the Protectors typically carried weapon staves and served as the personal guards within a Techpriest's Forge.

They were noted to smell of spoiled, decayed meat and oils. Skitarii Protectors were much more commonly used during the [[Horus Heresy]] and most were deemed ineffective by the Martian Priesthood. Instead, the use of thousands of [[Tech Thrall]]s became more popular when it came to defending forges and/or [[Forgeworld]]s, ''especially'' when the Mechanicus was short on full blown Skitarii.

Which, in true Warhammer fashion, [[Derp|makes no sense]] as they are made in the same way and Protectors, being actual Skitarii, would have been far more effective and just as numerous as Tech Thralls (due to being made in the same way as the Thralls). [[Herp|Dammit, GW!]]

We know of two Protectors in canon:

The first was Rho-Mu 31, who, instead of being an individual, actually consists of an entire squad; Rho-mu 31 was a collective and shared identity. Serving under Tech-Priest Koriel Zeth, Rho-mu 31 was assigned to rescue and guard the Psyker transcriber Dalia Cythera shortly before the Schism of Mars. During the Schism, he took part in the battle against the Kaban Machine alongside Dalia. When Dalia was the new Guardian of the Dragon, Rho-mu pledged to stay by her side and protect her inside the Noctis Labyrinth. Unusually for Skitarii, Rho-Mu 31 was capable of some forms of emotion - most notably humor and camaderie.

The second was Alpha-Rho-25. A Protector assigned to the Imperial defense of the Emperor's Webway Project and was one of the first Imperials to uncover Drach'nyen's presence there.
{{Clear}}

==Other Skitarii Variants==
===[[Secutarii]]===
Secutarii are the protectors and recoverers of [[Titan]]s, and many are drawn from the service of normal skitarii from the [[Explorator Fleet|Exploratory Fleet]]s who show great affinity working with Titans. [[Secutarii|Their own article]] explains them more in depth.

===[[Serberys Sulphurhound]]s/[[Serberys Raiders|Raiders]]===
New cyber cowboy units previewed at LVO. The Serberys Sulphurhounds are revolver-wielding Vanguard who ride cyborg horses with flamers for faces. The Serberys Raiders are styled like the Rangers and ride tamer looking cyber steeds.

===[[Pteraxii]]===
Winged cousins of the Sicarians that have the same Da Vinci style of flight gear as the Archeaopter. Possess some mean looking bird legs as well as a range of weapons such as flamers and taser goads.

++We are DaVincian-pterodactyl-murdercyborgs now! Because FUCK YOU!++

==See Also==
*[https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Adeptus_Mechanicus_(9E) Skitarii tactics]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyxOXjZHl9U This sums up the Skitarii (be sure to kitbash your squad alpha so he gets an abs-mounted heavy weapon!)]
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFULVMSd5JY And again with related images]

{{Template:Mechanicus}}
{{Imperium}}

[[Category:Adeptus Mechanicus]]

Officio Assassinorum

2022-04-21T19:20:21Z

2600:1700:E88A:5410:8C70:62DE:B69A:70FE:

[[File:Officoass1.jpeg|180px|center]]

{{Topquote|Ask not for whom they seek, lest it be thyself.|Tactica Imperium on The Officio Assassinorum}}
{{Topquote|The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination.|Voltaire}}
{{Topquote|Nothing is true, everything is {{BLAM|HERESY!}}|A slightly redacted motto of the Officio Assassinorum's precursors from ancient Terra}}

[[File:Armyof4byIronShrineMaiden.jpg |200px|thumb|right|Dawwww.]]

You can tell you don't mess with the '''Officio Assassinorium'''. Anyone, from the lowliest of workers to the [[High Lords of Terra]], at ANY moment, is open to either having their brains spilled on pavement by a sniper round, their spleen torn out by screaming Wry-man, shanked by dear old mum for no apparent reason, or if they're a psyker die in absolute terror unable to use their powers. When the shit hits the fan, these are the guys that get their hands dirty. It's all about the wetwork. This branch of the [[Administratum]] recruits, trains and commands Assassins of all kinds; for more information on the individual Assassin types, please visit [[Assassin|this page]].

==History==
[[File:Nemesis_02.jpg|400px|thumb|left|If the [[Imperial Guard]] is the hammer of the [[EMPRAH]] and the [[Space Marines | SPESS MEHREENS]] are the sword, the operatives of the Officio Assassinorum are the poisoned needle. The scary thing is that that daemon in the back probably isn't the deadliest thing in the picture.]]
The Officio Assassinorum was founded at the beginning of the [[Great Crusade]] as a department for holding any up-and-coming warlords or heretical leaders accountable for their actions. And by "accountable" we mean "disposed of". And by "disposed of" we mean "killed so hard that they will die to death". Originally such work was performed by the [[Alpha Legion]], although like much of those bastards' history it's hard to be sure. Formed by [[Malcador the Sigillite]] and the six masters of the Clades (the future temples), it was founded in extreme secrecy in an attempt to keep it out of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s knowledge and maintain his purity (a concept the Big.E always found funny). It's even more amusing that they thought they could hide something from someone capable of basically hearing the thoughts of every human at once. And they all seem to know of one another.

In the beginning, the Officio acted independently in the shadows under the guidance of [[Malcador the Sigillite]], their existence kept mostly secret. As mentioned, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Empers]] knew from the beginning but tolerated the Officio. Constantin Valdor and the [[Adeptus Custodes|guys in gold]] found out pretty quickly there were other people dealing with threats to the Emperor behind their (and His) backs, but they too decided the Officio was a-okay. This unwritten arrangement worked out relatively well in the beginning until [[Horus Heresy|a large quantity of fecal matter hit the air circulation device]]. Malcador first sent individual assassins then a whole execution force after Horus, but the assassins were unable to kill the wayward Primarch. Worse, [[Rogal Dorn]] learned about the existence of the Officio. Being less... tolerant... than the Custodes, Dorn did not like what he saw. So he did the [[derp|sensible thing]] and invited himself to one of the Officio's meetings, intent on [[rage|voicing his opinion on their modus operandi tactfully]]. Malcador, who would not take shit from Dorn, politely but firmly told him he should grow up. Luckily, at that point Big.E himself walked in, told Dorn the existence of the Officio was [[just as planned]] and that he should leave them alone, but at the same time he told [[Malcador]] to drop the cloak and dagger and that the Officio from now would officially be recognized and work under strict rules of engagement.

From that time on, a terminatus order could only be issued by a positive vote of the Senatorum Imperialis (AKA the [[High Lords of Terra]]) and the members of the Officio Assassinorum are kept on a very short leash. Unlike the [[Inquisition]], they have no discretionary powers of their own, [[The Beheading|because they tend to horribly abuse them if they do]].

The head of the Officio is known as the '''Grand Master of the Officio Assassinorum''', or '''The Master of Assassins''', who sits alongside the Fabricator-General of Mars and the Ecclesiarch of the Adeptus Ministorum as one of the [[High Lords of Terra]].

Which, if you think about it, must be somewhat distracting during their meetings. The Lords are sitting around and discussing the fates of trillions of men, and as the debate goes back and forth, one of them says nothing, ever. He just sits there, smoking a lho-stick with his trench coat wrapped around him, almost completely overlooked. And then they remember that a bad decision could get them killed, and this is the guy who does that. And only that. His only job is to dispatch death on swift wings to any high official. It'd be like having the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head everywhere you went.

Members of the Officio are recruited at a very young age; most of them are children from Feral Worlds or are taken from the Schola Progenium. Recruits are biologically augmented and trained at the School of Assassins on Holy Terra for ten years before being assigned to one of the Assassin Temples to continue their training and eventually serve the Imperium.

The Assassin specialists approach Sly Marbo levels of awesome, as the Temples have permission make use of "any means or tools to get the job done," even if it means banned tech from the Dark Age of Technology (like the Terminus gland) or xeno artifacts (like the C'tan phase blade). These Assassins are also given crushingly restrictive psych treatments to ensure they never use these tools except when ordered, which can make them seem kinda spastic during downtimes when said tools are augmentations to their own body.

There are only 2 recorded examples of anyone in the Officio turning against the Imperium. Unfortunately, both times it was the Grand Master, Drakan Vangorich. The Imperium learned of the first one's butthole treachery when he had the [[High Lords of Terra]] [[The Beheading|wiped out to the last man]]. Very [[grimdark]], though the uncaring [[Eldrad|dicks]] had it coming to them. It could be said that Vangorich getting rid of the incompetent idiots was a ''good'' thing for the Imperium, but he did more harm than good in the longer run with his increasingly totalitarian ([[grimdark|totalitarian compared to the 'regular' Imperium standards which are already pretty fucked up, mind]]) ways to prevent the situation from going to shit ever again.

After that betrayal, an Astartes retribution force was dispatched to "resolve" the situation. It is not known how many marines were sent; since the force was made up of elements of three chapters ([[Halo Brethren]], [[Sable Swords]] and [[Imperial Fists]]), it was probably at least 1000 marines (400 Marines landed, half survived the initial purging, just one survived the whole “fight the Assassinorum” thing which at least proved that even ambushed by a hundred of Eversor assassins, the Astartes were still quick enough for one of them to get the job done). As soon as they landed on Terra, the commander of the force was assassinated. The remaining marines broke into the grand chamber of the Assassinorum Temple and found 100 (!) [[Eversor]] Assassins between them and their target. A single marine survived to plug the Grand Master in the brain with a boltgun. This super-hardcore-awesome-ass-kicking marine was definitely as badass as [[Darnath Lysander]]. As it turns out, it was the Imperial Fists' Chapter Master!

The other one was [[Love Can Bloom|Vindicare Assassin LIIVI]].

Ha, just kidding. The second time was during the Age of Apostasy in M36, when the Grand Master was himself assassinated by a [[Callidus]] Assassin under the orders of [[Goge Vandire]], the insane ruler of the Imperium. Of course, you don't become Grand Master without being an Assassin yourself, and it turned out that he had switched places with a body double. What followed was a civil war within the Assassinorum to mirror the one wracking the Imperium, and ended up filling the Imperial Palace with nerve gas and destroying entire wings of Mankind's greatest fortress with ancient Dark Age and xenos weaponry. Eventually, the Grand Master triumphed, but went into self-imposed exile at the end of it, and might still be alive today. After the war, the [[Inquisition]] set up the [[Ordo Sicarius]] to monitor the Assassins and make sure they stay in line.

Alas, they will always be second best, for they can never become [[Sly Marbo]] . They only exist in fluff for the purposes of showing just how bad-ass a specific enemy is. For example, during the [[Horus Heresy]], eight(!) Assassins, at least one from each temple, was sent to form an Assassin's Justice League of Doom and kill [[Horus|that asshole who started it]]. For [[Plot armor|SOME REASON]], like everyone else in the Imperium who tried to stop it, they [[FAIL|failed.]] Also, the same thing was tried during the Medusa V campaign, to assassinate the leader of the Chaos faction; seven of them failed, getting a front row seat to some [[Eldar]] stealing their kill. Imperial Armour books goes even further and currently have a Vindicare torn apart by an angry mob of Vraksian heretics after ''failing'' to shoot down his target, and Eversor being ripped to shreds by point-blank pulse carbine fire and only taking down ''one'' of his targets due to a tactical nuke strapped to his chest, with both cases causing the completely opposite effect imperials hoped for. This is known as the "[[Derp|Worf]] Effect" by [[Star Trek]] fans, or "The Avatar of Khaine effect" by Eldar players.

==Divisions==
[[File:TempleAssassinsExplained.jpg|600px]]

The Officio Assassinorum has six "temples," or specialist branches, each focused on one particular method of assassination:
* [[Callidus]] - shapeshifters, masters of infiltration. Almost all women (or [[Squad Broken|women pretending to be Orks]], or...just...try not to think about it).
* [[Culexus]] - soulless gothtards that are invisible & immune to psykers, daemons & the Warp.
* [[Eversor]] - cyborg, drugged-up killing machines that have two settings: coma and '''RIP'N'TEAR!!'''1!!1!one!
* [[Vanus]] - leet hacker NERD CHESS PLAYERS. All are genii in the fields of intelligence gathering, strategy and [[JUST AS PLANNED]]. "The cleanest kill is one that another performs in your stead with no knowledge of your incitement." They are what every neckbeard wants to be.
* [[Venenum]] - master poisoners who can take the things found in a vegan's kitchen and kill a [[Space Marine]] with the resulting mixture (death by malnutrition, presumably).
* [[Vindicare]] - snipers that can "BOOM! HEADSHOT!" from beyond the horizon.
* ''[[Maerorus]]'' - a failed attempt at creating a [[Sly Marbo|living weapon able to operate without support or equipment for a prolonged period of time.]] The only one created proved to be impossible to control and went rogue; all attempts at making more were immediately discontinued. Think Alex Mercer from Prototype, only even more sociopathic.

[[Death Cult Assassin|Death Cult Assassins]] aren't part of this framework; there are thousands of death cults throughout the Imperium and they each train in their own way to kill enemies of the Emperor, but are not officially-sanctioned and are more autonomous than the Assassins. Although particularly talented Death Cultists might be trained by the Assassinorum as basically a reward and either just become a better Death Cultist for it or outright be inducted as an Imperial Assassin.

==Assassinorum: Execution Force==
[[Assassinorum_Execution_Force|GeeDubs released a (rather awesome) Space Hulk-style board game]] for 1-4 players that revolves around an Execution Force - an Officio Assassinorum team comprised of a Callidus, Culexus, Vindicare, and Eversor assassin. Gameplay is a combination of Splinter Cell and X-COM, wherein the four player-controlled Assassins run through the map attempting to find a teleportarium room, which in turn will allow them to move to the second (and final) map. Once there, players must kill a boss of sorts - a Chaos Sorcerer who is trying to blah blah kill the Imperium with blibbity bloobity Chaos shenanigans. You've heard the story before. Along the way, Assassins fight Renegades (Chaos [[Cultist-chan|Cultists]] and [[Dranon|Spess Muhreens]]) which are spawned either by revealing rooms (the only way to find the teleportato and its control room) or through random events. Renegades can be alerted to the Assassins' presence by catching them in line of sight or by hearing the sounds of glorious gunplay down the hall. The Assassins, of course, are all badasses with unique attributes and abilities, including Primaris and Omegon Tactics (super special powers that can be used thrice or once per game, respectively). All in all the game is an overcosted and short-lived boardgame compared to Space Hulk, which for the same price gave you almost triple the amount of good guys and also more uniquely posed bad guys as well as over a dozen different missions with differing map layouts. Not to mention the map tiles were embossed as well. This means you would need a week or so of daily playing to finish all Space Hulk missions, while Officio Assassinorum will get boring after 3 or 4 plays. A shame, GeeDubs. A shame.

On the upside, you can take those four assassins and bring them over to a standard 40k game as henchmen for an Inquisitor.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:AnotherGameNightRuined.jpg
File:Back in the Day by DeadXCross.jpg
File:AssassinsHangout.jpg|Eversors are the [[That Guy]] of Assassins.

</gallery>

{{Template:Imperium}}

Officio Assassinorum

2022-04-21T19:18:46Z

2600:1700:E88A:5410:8C70:62DE:B69A:70FE:

[[File:Officoass1.jpeg|180px|center]]

[[File:Armyof4byIronShrineMaiden.jpg |200px|thumb|right|Dawwww.]]
{{Topquote|Ask not for whom they seek, lest it be thyself.|Tactica Imperium on The Officio Assassinorum}}
{{Topquote|The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination.|Voltaire}}
{{Topquote|Nothing is true, everything is {{BLAM|HERESY!}}|A slightly redacted motto of the Officio Assassinorum's precursors from ancient Terra}}

You can tell you don't mess with the '''Officio Assassinorium'''. Anyone, from the lowliest of workers to the [[High Lords of Terra]], at ANY moment, is open to either having their brains spilled on pavement by a sniper round, their spleen torn out by screaming Wry-man, shanked by dear old mum for no apparent reason, or if they're a psyker die in absolute terror unable to use their powers. When the shit hits the fan, these are the guys that get their hands dirty. It's all about the wetwork. This branch of the [[Administratum]] recruits, trains and commands Assassins of all kinds; for more information on the individual Assassin types, please visit [[Assassin|this page]].

==History==
[[File:Nemesis_02.jpg|400px|thumb|left|If the [[Imperial Guard]] is the hammer of the [[EMPRAH]] and the [[Space Marines | SPESS MEHREENS]] are the sword, the operatives of the Officio Assassinorum are the poisoned needle. The scary thing is that that daemon in the back probably isn't the deadliest thing in the picture.]]
The Officio Assassinorum was founded at the beginning of the [[Great Crusade]] as a department for holding any up-and-coming warlords or heretical leaders accountable for their actions. And by "accountable" we mean "disposed of". And by "disposed of" we mean "killed so hard that they will die to death". Originally such work was performed by the [[Alpha Legion]], although like much of those bastards' history it's hard to be sure. Formed by [[Malcador the Sigillite]] and the six masters of the Clades (the future temples), it was founded in extreme secrecy in an attempt to keep it out of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Emperor]]'s knowledge and maintain his purity (a concept the Big.E always found funny). It's even more amusing that they thought they could hide something from someone capable of basically hearing the thoughts of every human at once. And they all seem to know of one another.

In the beginning, the Officio acted independently in the shadows under the guidance of [[Malcador the Sigillite]], their existence kept mostly secret. As mentioned, [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Empers]] knew from the beginning but tolerated the Officio. Constantin Valdor and the [[Adeptus Custodes|guys in gold]] found out pretty quickly there were other people dealing with threats to the Emperor behind their (and His) backs, but they too decided the Officio was a-okay. This unwritten arrangement worked out relatively well in the beginning until [[Horus Heresy|a large quantity of fecal matter hit the air circulation device]]. Malcador first sent individual assassins then a whole execution force after Horus, but the assassins were unable to kill the wayward Primarch. Worse, [[Rogal Dorn]] learned about the existence of the Officio. Being less... tolerant... than the Custodes, Dorn did not like what he saw. So he did the [[derp|sensible thing]] and invited himself to one of the Officio's meetings, intent on [[rage|voicing his opinion on their modus operandi tactfully]]. Malcador, who would not take shit from Dorn, politely but firmly told him he should grow up. Luckily, at that point Big.E himself walked in, told Dorn the existence of the Officio was [[just as planned]] and that he should leave them alone, but at the same time he told [[Malcador]] to drop the cloak and dagger and that the Officio from now would officially be recognized and work under strict rules of engagement.

From that time on, a terminatus order could only be issued by a positive vote of the Senatorum Imperialis (AKA the [[High Lords of Terra]]) and the members of the Officio Assassinorum are kept on a very short leash. Unlike the [[Inquisition]], they have no discretionary powers of their own, [[The Beheading|because they tend to horribly abuse them if they do]].

The head of the Officio is known as the '''Grand Master of the Officio Assassinorum''', or '''The Master of Assassins''', who sits alongside the Fabricator-General of Mars and the Ecclesiarch of the Adeptus Ministorum as one of the [[High Lords of Terra]].

Which, if you think about it, must be somewhat distracting during their meetings. The Lords are sitting around and discussing the fates of trillions of men, and as the debate goes back and forth, one of them says nothing, ever. He just sits there, smoking a lho-stick with his trench coat wrapped around him, almost completely overlooked. And then they remember that a bad decision could get them killed, and this is the guy who does that. And only that. His only job is to dispatch death on swift wings to any high official. It'd be like having the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head everywhere you went.

Members of the Officio are recruited at a very young age; most of them are children from Feral Worlds or are taken from the Schola Progenium. Recruits are biologically augmented and trained at the School of Assassins on Holy Terra for ten years before being assigned to one of the Assassin Temples to continue their training and eventually serve the Imperium.

The Assassin specialists approach Sly Marbo levels of awesome, as the Temples have permission make use of "any means or tools to get the job done," even if it means banned tech from the Dark Age of Technology (like the Terminus gland) or xeno artifacts (like the C'tan phase blade). These Assassins are also given crushingly restrictive psych treatments to ensure they never use these tools except when ordered, which can make them seem kinda spastic during downtimes when said tools are augmentations to their own body.

There are only 2 recorded examples of anyone in the Officio turning against the Imperium. Unfortunately, both times it was the Grand Master, Drakan Vangorich. The Imperium learned of the first one's butthole treachery when he had the [[High Lords of Terra]] [[The Beheading|wiped out to the last man]]. Very [[grimdark]], though the uncaring [[Eldrad|dicks]] had it coming to them. It could be said that Vangorich getting rid of the incompetent idiots was a ''good'' thing for the Imperium, but he did more harm than good in the longer run with his increasingly totalitarian ([[grimdark|totalitarian compared to the 'regular' Imperium standards which are already pretty fucked up, mind]]) ways to prevent the situation from going to shit ever again.

After that betrayal, an Astartes retribution force was dispatched to "resolve" the situation. It is not known how many marines were sent; since the force was made up of elements of three chapters ([[Halo Brethren]], [[Sable Swords]] and [[Imperial Fists]]), it was probably at least 1000 marines (400 Marines landed, half survived the initial purging, just one survived the whole “fight the Assassinorum” thing which at least proved that even ambushed by a hundred of Eversor assassins, the Astartes were still quick enough for one of them to get the job done). As soon as they landed on Terra, the commander of the force was assassinated. The remaining marines broke into the grand chamber of the Assassinorum Temple and found 100 (!) [[Eversor]] Assassins between them and their target. A single marine survived to plug the Grand Master in the brain with a boltgun. This super-hardcore-awesome-ass-kicking marine was definitely as badass as [[Darnath Lysander]]. As it turns out, it was the Imperial Fists' Chapter Master!

The other one was [[Love Can Bloom|Vindicare Assassin LIIVI]].

Ha, just kidding. The second time was during the Age of Apostasy in M36, when the Grand Master was himself assassinated by a [[Callidus]] Assassin under the orders of [[Goge Vandire]], the insane ruler of the Imperium. Of course, you don't become Grand Master without being an Assassin yourself, and it turned out that he had switched places with a body double. What followed was a civil war within the Assassinorum to mirror the one wracking the Imperium, and ended up filling the Imperial Palace with nerve gas and destroying entire wings of Mankind's greatest fortress with ancient Dark Age and xenos weaponry. Eventually, the Grand Master triumphed, but went into self-imposed exile at the end of it, and might still be alive today. After the war, the [[Inquisition]] set up the [[Ordo Sicarius]] to monitor the Assassins and make sure they stay in line.

Alas, they will always be second best, for they can never become [[Sly Marbo]] . They only exist in fluff for the purposes of showing just how bad-ass a specific enemy is. For example, during the [[Horus Heresy]], eight(!) Assassins, at least one from each temple, was sent to form an Assassin's Justice League of Doom and kill [[Horus|that asshole who started it]]. For [[Plot armor|SOME REASON]], like everyone else in the Imperium who tried to stop it, they [[FAIL|failed.]] Also, the same thing was tried during the Medusa V campaign, to assassinate the leader of the Chaos faction; seven of them failed, getting a front row seat to some [[Eldar]] stealing their kill. Imperial Armour books goes even further and currently have a Vindicare torn apart by an angry mob of Vraksian heretics after ''failing'' to shoot down his target, and Eversor being ripped to shreds by point-blank pulse carbine fire and only taking down ''one'' of his targets due to a tactical nuke strapped to his chest, with both cases causing the completely opposite effect imperials hoped for. This is known as the "[[Derp|Worf]] Effect" by [[Star Trek]] fans, or "The Avatar of Khaine effect" by Eldar players.

==Divisions==
[[File:TempleAssassinsExplained.jpg|600px]]

The Officio Assassinorum has six "temples," or specialist branches, each focused on one particular method of assassination:
* [[Callidus]] - shapeshifters, masters of infiltration. Almost all women (or [[Squad Broken|women pretending to be Orks]], or...just...try not to think about it).
* [[Culexus]] - soulless gothtards that are invisible & immune to psykers, daemons & the Warp.
* [[Eversor]] - cyborg, drugged-up killing machines that have two settings: coma and '''RIP'N'TEAR!!'''1!!1!one!
* [[Vanus]] - leet hacker NERD CHESS PLAYERS. All are genii in the fields of intelligence gathering, strategy and [[JUST AS PLANNED]]. "The cleanest kill is one that another performs in your stead with no knowledge of your incitement." They are what every neckbeard wants to be.
* [[Venenum]] - master poisoners who can take the things found in a vegan's kitchen and kill a [[Space Marine]] with the resulting mixture (death by malnutrition, presumably).
* [[Vindicare]] - snipers that can "BOOM! HEADSHOT!" from beyond the horizon.
* ''[[Maerorus]]'' - a failed attempt at creating a [[Sly Marbo|living weapon able to operate without support or equipment for a prolonged period of time.]] The only one created proved to be impossible to control and went rogue; all attempts at making more were immediately discontinued. Think Alex Mercer from Prototype, only even more sociopathic.

[[Death Cult Assassin|Death Cult Assassins]] aren't part of this framework; there are thousands of death cults throughout the Imperium and they each train in their own way to kill enemies of the Emperor, but are not officially-sanctioned and are more autonomous than the Assassins. Although particularly talented Death Cultists might be trained by the Assassinorum as basically a reward and either just become a better Death Cultist for it or outright be inducted as an Imperial Assassin.

==Assassinorum: Execution Force==
[[Assassinorum_Execution_Force|GeeDubs released a (rather awesome) Space Hulk-style board game]] for 1-4 players that revolves around an Execution Force - an Officio Assassinorum team comprised of a Callidus, Culexus, Vindicare, and Eversor assassin. Gameplay is a combination of Splinter Cell and X-COM, wherein the four player-controlled Assassins run through the map attempting to find a teleportarium room, which in turn will allow them to move to the second (and final) map. Once there, players must kill a boss of sorts - a Chaos Sorcerer who is trying to blah blah kill the Imperium with blibbity bloobity Chaos shenanigans. You've heard the story before. Along the way, Assassins fight Renegades (Chaos [[Cultist-chan|Cultists]] and [[Dranon|Spess Muhreens]]) which are spawned either by revealing rooms (the only way to find the teleportato and its control room) or through random events. Renegades can be alerted to the Assassins' presence by catching them in line of sight or by hearing the sounds of glorious gunplay down the hall. The Assassins, of course, are all badasses with unique attributes and abilities, including Primaris and Omegon Tactics (super special powers that can be used thrice or once per game, respectively). All in all the game is an overcosted and short-lived boardgame compared to Space Hulk, which for the same price gave you almost triple the amount of good guys and also more uniquely posed bad guys as well as over a dozen different missions with differing map layouts. Not to mention the map tiles were embossed as well. This means you would need a week or so of daily playing to finish all Space Hulk missions, while Officio Assassinorum will get boring after 3 or 4 plays. A shame, GeeDubs. A shame.

On the upside, you can take those four assassins and bring them over to a standard 40k game as henchmen for an Inquisitor.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:AnotherGameNightRuined.jpg
File:Back in the Day by DeadXCross.jpg
File:AssassinsHangout.jpg|Eversors are the [[That Guy]] of Assassins.

</gallery>

{{Template:Imperium}}