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Harlequin

2019-08-04T17:21:57Z

2600:6C4A:7002:400:3849:1D94:75B:2F64: /* Eldar Ambassadors? */

[[File:Eldar Harlequin.jpg|thumb|Break a leg? Why limit myself?]]

The '''Harlequins''' are the [[Eldar]] followers of [[Cegorach]], the Laughing God. They are the performers and entertainers of the Eldar, the self-appointed protectors of the Eldar's pre-[[Fall of the Eldar|Fall]] history, which they perform in extremely elaborate plays involving not only elaborate costumes, scenery, acrobatics, and a troupe of dedicated actors, but further elaboration of the drama through [[Psyker|psykana]] and [[Drugs|psychedelic drugs]] which are disseminated throughout the audience, resulting in something like a deranged mixture of a bardic recitation of oral history, a circus, grimdark edgy performance art, elaborate spiritual exercise, and a Grateful Dead concert, dedicated to reenacting and expressing the story of the fall of the Eldar, as both elegy and warning.

Far from being merely performers, though, and despite their rather ludicrous appearance, they are in fact some of the most dangerous shock-troopers among the Eldar, taking the concept of "break a leg" as far as you would expect in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. As self-appointed keepers of history, in addition to reciting and propagating it through performance art, they also maintain and guard the collection of esoteric knowledge deep in the Webway in the hidden [[Black Library]], protecting it from [[Ahzek Ahriman|those who would attempt]] to enter and learn of forbidden lore which they might use for evil and the furtherance of goals of [[Chaos]]. The Harlequin's protection of the Library is almost impenetrable; but they will from time to time allow those who have conquered the [[Chaos]] within them to enter. They have allowed Eldar, other xenos, and even humans into the Library at times when their agenda is to fight against Chaos, but they will fight to the death to prevent the Chaotically aligned, or those vulnerable to corruption by Chaos, to enter.

In times of war, the Harlequins fight the foes they see as posing a threat to the very existence of the Eldar, first and foremost [[Chaos Space Marines|Chaos]], the [[Necron|Necrons]], and the [[Tyranids]]. The [[Imperium|Imperials]] and [[Tau]] can be worked with and the [[Orks]] are easily manipulated; unlike most Eldar, the Harlequins are free of racial prejudice, so as long as you battle the threats to all things and aren't attacking them/getting in their way, they're perfectly happy to work with you even if you are a Mon'Keigh or [[Tau|Blueberry]]. Which makes them one of the most [[Reasonable Marines|levelminded]] factions in the setting and helps make them a very likeable faction.

== The glue that keeps the Eldar together ==
They owe no allegiance to any [[Craftworld]], Corsair Fleet, [[Exodite World]], or [[Dark Eldar]] [[Kabal]], but rather recruit members from all factions, and will fight in their armies on all sides. Their only loyalty is to [[Cegorach]], whom they believe has charged them with the "Great Work" of reunifying the Craftworld Eldar, Corsairs, Dark Eldar, and [[Exodite]] Eldar into a single race to fight off [[Slaanesh]], the Necrons, and whoever else has a bone to pick with the chosen people of the [[Old Ones]]. It is notable that they do not use the methods to keep their souls safe that other Eldar do—their faith in Cegorach, complete after going through the Trial to become a Harlequin, is enough to keep them safe. Despite this, they are allowed free passage through the Craftworlds and [[Commorragh]], because the Craftworld and Exodite Eldar respect the Harlequins for preserving their history, and the Dark Eldar and Corsairs <s>are ''too afraid'' to try and stop them</s> find Death Jesters' humor hilarious; they also couldn't keep the Harlequins out if they tried due to the Harlequins' superior knowledge of, and ability to use, the [[Webway]].

This also makes the Harlequins the closest thing to a central authority the Eldar species has. While the various Eldar factions may not necessarily answer to the clowns, when they speak, everyone from Commorragh pimps and Craftworld wizards to Exodite farmers and Corsair pirates stops what they're doing and '''listens'''. Even [[Asdrubael Vect]] has to make sure and pin it on someone else whenever he gets up to skullduggery that might piss them off.

== Eldar Ambassadors? ==
[[Image:Harlequin.jpg|They actually are this hot in the series, but most people are too busy screaming in pain to comment on it.|thumb|right]]
Harlequins are notable as [[xenos]] to the [[Imperium]] since the Harlequins do not restrict their visits to the Eldar. In the Harlequins' view, they must perform their work for anyone and everyone who may benefit and learn the lessons from The Fall, and along the way inspire a little more hope for the galaxy. Thus, Harlequin troupes are a frequent sight on Imperial worlds, and exceptionally among xenos, the Imperium allows the Harlequin traveling bands full access to their worlds, as even the [[High Lords of Terra]] feel that one can only benefit from their beautiful plays.''Citation Needed'' (The High Lords of Terra also know it'd be impossible to take direct action against Eldar Harlequins as a whole, and maybe [[Rip and Tear|bad for their health too]].) The Star Leopards [[Space Marines]] chapter slapped around a few for [[troll|desecrating a Land Raider]], once, but that was a personal matter. Elaborate in form, but simple in message, the plays allow humans to understand the [[Chaos|Great Enemy]] and what can be done.

One possible explanation of why these guys get away with it is that, given the isolated nature of many imperial worlds and imperial policy in keeping their own mostly in ignorance, most common inhabitants find the harlequins as just another passing trope of incredibly skilled artists, unaware for the most part of their xenos nature, and since harlequins only need a webway portal instead of say, a massive starship to get into a world, no one really discovers they have been in a close encounter of the third kind, at least until some Ordo Xenos operative take notice.

Judging from their allies matrix, it's fortunate at least that humans listen to them (so far as humans listen to any Eldar, anyway), since on the Tau worlds they visit they are inevitably met with an endless earful about the fucking [[Greater Good]]. They don't play on Necron [[Tomb World|Tomb Worlds]] (no shit?) given that the Necrons are the oldest foes of the Eldar and the two have brought each other nothing but grief over the last few billion years, and Harlequins work to fight against them just as hard as they do against Chaos. Don't even fucking ask if they play on Ork worlds (you know, they probably do, but have to reduce the dialogue to indecipherable grunting, swearing and cockney slang). It's presumed that they did try to play for the [[Tyranid]]s only once, but found out the space bug-lizards have no appreciation for art; hence the decision to put the Tyranids right next to Chaos and the Necrons on the mandate to kill-on-sight-and-annoy-the-hell-out-of.

During [[The War of The Beast]], [[Eldrad|Eldrad Ulthran]] sent a troupe of Harlequins to convey a message to the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], letting Him know that Chaos had to be treated as the primary threat and that the [[Imperial Fists]] successor chapters were on their way. Quite why he thought that anyone would care about the first half of the message whilst the Imperium was literally facing total annihilation at the hands of The Beast no one but Eldrad knows. In another fantastic demonstration of Eldar logic, the Harlequins he sent thought that the best way to pass the message along was to butcher 99% of the Humans they came across whilst shouting "Friendship! Friendship!" Understandably they didn't find willing ears whilst they were eviscerating [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]] and [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]]. In fairness the Human's likely wouldn't have listened anyway but their plan was definitely the worst one they could have possibly went with considering all that it got them was meeting their end before the Eternity gate. Props for getting that far though. All of them wound up getting [[RIP AND TEAR|massacred]] eventually by the Custodes (not without getting some for themselves), save for [[Lhaeriel Ray]], who was about to be slain by the Captain General save for the intervention of Grandmaster of Assassins [[Drakan Vangorich]] and Inquisitor [[Veritus]]. She was then brought to the ultra-secure Inquisition stronghold under the South Pole, to be interrogated and incarcerated for life. There she displayed a token from [[Vulkan]], who had apparently given it to [[Eldrad]] to indicate "friendship" in some future crisis, and continued to reiterate that she came in peace and to send a message to the Emperor, who she said once counted [[Eldrad|the dick]] as a friend. Eventually, though, Inquisitor [[Marguerethe Wienand|Weinand]] helped her escape to a shuttle where she went off to parts unknown, presumably carrying news of the whole affair and the situation on Terra back to [[Ulthwe]].

==The Final Act, A.K.A. The Last Troll==
In recent years, the Harlequins' war against Chaos has been characterised by a newfound urgency. Full masques have become an ever more common sight among the stars. Appearing from the Webway, they can be found performing within the realms of their kin or battling the galaxy's disparate races in vicious campaigns of apparently random violence. As the 41st Millennium comes to a close, more and more Eldar vanish into the Webway, forsaking their former lives to take up the Harlequin's mask. The Harlequins' numbers are growing, and many among the Eldar wonder why. The truth is inspirational and terrifying in equal measure. At the very heart of the Black Library there lies a silver-lit vault. Therein stands a plinth made of finely graven obstinite, upon which rests a crystalline book said to contain the words of Cegorach himself. Since the Fall, the tome’s covers have remained closed, sealed shut with flickering chains of light. Yet now, long-awaited portents have come to pass. A [[Ahriman|fallen sorcerer]] seeks the lore of the library. A [[Silent King|king]] stirs in his court of death and silence, preparing to rise once more. Within [[Eye of Terror|madness' eye]], the [[Abbadon the Despoiler|champion]] of the [[Ruinous Powers]] prepares to seize a realm long denied. As the signs have come to pass, so the bands of light about the tome have flickered and died.

Now, at last, the tome has fallen open. Within its pages the Shadowseers have found a script, a secret final act that changes utterly the tale of the Fall. Penned in inks of light and shadow, these words present a slender hope, detailing an intricate, galaxy-spanning performance with the potential to change the fate of the Eldar race. Always, the strands of fate have pointed toward the victory of Chaos during the last, mythic battle known to the Eldar as the Rhana Dandra. Yet within the pages of the crystal tome is recorded Cegorach's ultimate and final [[Troll|jest,]] a way to trick Slaanesh into [[Lulz|expending all her power not to destroy the Eldar, but to save them.]] How such an impossibility could come to pass is unclear, for on this matter the final act is infuriatingly vague. Yet the Harlequins take their god's words on faith alone, for their devotion to Cegorach is total and his methods beyond question or reproach. Thus they have begun the steps of this final dance, and will see it completed, or else face absolute destruction in the attempt.

This is now also likely the Eldar species’ final and only hope for survival, period, since Eldrad upgraded from dick to dumb dick and went and boned everything for them, failing in an attempt to awaken [[Ynnead]] early and ended up killing him, all the progress that had gone into him, and the infinity circuits of every craftworld, instead. ''Whoops''. Course, this is probably precisely why the crystalline book opened in the first place, with Cegorach basically going “Oh dear, who could’ve seen that coming? Oh wait, I did, that’s why I have a plan B ready to go for you dumb shmucks. Let’s open it up shall we? And we’re keeping the [[Eldrad|Dick]] out of this one. That fuckup with Ynnead…that wasn’t funny.” 

Until Eldrad didn't, of course. Ynnead seems to be doing just fine, if forming the Yncarne is any indication. Though the Harlequins are still working with them so maybe the plan to trick Slaanesh is still on.

== Masques ==
7th Edition introduced numerous subfactions of the Harlequins known as Masques. Masques are pretty small compared to most Warhammer subfactions, only consisting of about three squads or Troupes, each lead by a Troupe Master, plus support in the form of vehicles and specialist performers like Death Jesters and Shadowseers. To get an idea for the scale, the novella "The Masque of Vyle" stated that a Masque consisting of two dozen Harlequins was unusually large. The 8th Edition codex retconned this a little by saying that the named Masques were actually "Grand Masques" that contained multiple Masques within them, with each Masque acting as its own autonomous unit and the Midnight Sorrow being said to consist of "many dozens of Masques". Below is a list of the most well-known Masques.

*The Midnight Sorrow: The blue and red ones you see on the box covers. Are the most dedicated to fighting Chaos, and embrace their roles to the point where they lose all trace of their original identities. All their performances are about the dangers of Chaos to the point where the only acts they put on anymore are depictions of the Fall. Helped Eldrad with his ritual to summon Ynnead, and thus became the first Harlequins to support the Ynnari.
*The Veiled Path: Manipulative bastards, with a history of betrayal so great even other Harlequins don't trust them. Their most famous member is Sylandri Veilwalker, AKA clown Eldrad, whose schemes has manipulated figures ranging from [[Fabius Bile]] to [[Belisarius Cawl]]. Helped the Ynnari, but also helped Vect who views them as his greatest enemy so who the fuck knows what they're planning.
*The Frozen Stars: [[Noblebright|Strongly believes that the Eldar race can be saved and their empire rebuilt]]. [[Grimdark|Also believes all non-Eldar races are vermin who should be killed for the Laughing God's amusement]].
*The Dreaming Shadow: Dedicated not to fighting Chaos but the [[Necrons]]. They are known to resent other Harlequins over their disagreement on who the true enemy is, but this sentiment is deliberately exaggerated. Most Harlequins see through this act and hold the Dreaming Shadow in high esteem regardless.
*The Soaring Spite: Dedicated to telling the tales of Cegorach's close ally known as the Cosmic Serpent. As such, are known for using a wide array of jetbikes and skimmers, Harlequin vehicles being named after the Cosmic Serpent's spawn. Are very close to the Craftworld [[Saim-Hann]], supposedly because Saim-Hann's symbol is the Cosmic Serpent but really because both like to go fast.
*The Silent Shroud: A incredibly secretive masque that performs in complete silence. Not only do they not say a word, their weapons are muffled by technology and illusion, making battle against them disorientating and unnerving. As such, they specialize in stealth and terror tactics, like the Night Lords except specializing in the "bad LSD trip" form of horror instead of jumpscares and torture porn.
*The Dance Without End: This Masque specializes in performances that recount the deeds of Cegorach himself, and as such are believed to be the closest to the Laughing God of all his disciples. They were the first Masque to perform the dance representing the Fall of the Eldar. Despite how this lore makes them sound really fucking important, don't have rules in 8th edition.
*The Shattered Mirage: Compared to The Frozen Stars, The Shattered Mirage believe the Eldar are totally fucked, performing dances that are extremely dark and fatalistic. Thanks to their outlook on life, their preferred tactics are to do as much damage as possible, with little regard for their own lives.
*The Twisted Path: These guys are known for letting their audience members into their plays, only to be spirited away by the Harlequins and never seen again. In battle, they often kidnap both enemies and allies as well as strike in the middle of warzones, sometimes leaving right before victory. They explain their actions with complex riddles and illogical analogies.
*The Reaper's Mirth: The most bloodthirsty of Masques, the Harlequins of The Reaper's Mirth see the battlefield as a canvas for their gory arts. Because of this, they have a larger proportion of Death Jester's among their ranks. They are known for committing atrocities like the [[Grimdark|Fountain of Crimson Tears, which was so horrible that an entire world had to be exterminatused.]] We can only guess what it was.

== We're Our Own Army Now ==

7th edition saw Harlequins get to be their own Faction, with new models for all members of the troupe, plus new models and rules for the Solitaire and a new Eldar jetbike, the Skyweaver. There are also two new vehicles, the Starweaver (a transport) and the Voidweaver. In addition, Shadowseers got their own Psychic Discipline, Phantasmancy. Harlequins survived into 8th and became all sorts of more killy and speedy, and get to freely mingle with their Dark and Craftworld cousins thanks to sharing the Aeldari keyword. Let the show go on!

Now with our own [[Harlequin Masque Creation Tables|faction creation tables.]]

See also: [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar Harlequins(8E)]]

{{Harlequin}}
{{Eldar-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Eldar]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Harlequin

2019-08-04T17:20:50Z

2600:6C4A:7002:400:3849:1D94:75B:2F64: /* Eldar Ambassadors? */ hur-dur ima guard player ain't no pointy ears visiting MY world...link it to "grimdark" that's super hardcore! (newfaggery removed)

[[File:Eldar Harlequin.jpg|thumb|Break a leg? Why limit myself?]]

The '''Harlequins''' are the [[Eldar]] followers of [[Cegorach]], the Laughing God. They are the performers and entertainers of the Eldar, the self-appointed protectors of the Eldar's pre-[[Fall of the Eldar|Fall]] history, which they perform in extremely elaborate plays involving not only elaborate costumes, scenery, acrobatics, and a troupe of dedicated actors, but further elaboration of the drama through [[Psyker|psykana]] and [[Drugs|psychedelic drugs]] which are disseminated throughout the audience, resulting in something like a deranged mixture of a bardic recitation of oral history, a circus, grimdark edgy performance art, elaborate spiritual exercise, and a Grateful Dead concert, dedicated to reenacting and expressing the story of the fall of the Eldar, as both elegy and warning.

Far from being merely performers, though, and despite their rather ludicrous appearance, they are in fact some of the most dangerous shock-troopers among the Eldar, taking the concept of "break a leg" as far as you would expect in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. As self-appointed keepers of history, in addition to reciting and propagating it through performance art, they also maintain and guard the collection of esoteric knowledge deep in the Webway in the hidden [[Black Library]], protecting it from [[Ahzek Ahriman|those who would attempt]] to enter and learn of forbidden lore which they might use for evil and the furtherance of goals of [[Chaos]]. The Harlequin's protection of the Library is almost impenetrable; but they will from time to time allow those who have conquered the [[Chaos]] within them to enter. They have allowed Eldar, other xenos, and even humans into the Library at times when their agenda is to fight against Chaos, but they will fight to the death to prevent the Chaotically aligned, or those vulnerable to corruption by Chaos, to enter.

In times of war, the Harlequins fight the foes they see as posing a threat to the very existence of the Eldar, first and foremost [[Chaos Space Marines|Chaos]], the [[Necron|Necrons]], and the [[Tyranids]]. The [[Imperium|Imperials]] and [[Tau]] can be worked with and the [[Orks]] are easily manipulated; unlike most Eldar, the Harlequins are free of racial prejudice, so as long as you battle the threats to all things and aren't attacking them/getting in their way, they're perfectly happy to work with you even if you are a Mon'Keigh or [[Tau|Blueberry]]. Which makes them one of the most [[Reasonable Marines|levelminded]] factions in the setting and helps make them a very likeable faction.

== The glue that keeps the Eldar together ==
They owe no allegiance to any [[Craftworld]], Corsair Fleet, [[Exodite World]], or [[Dark Eldar]] [[Kabal]], but rather recruit members from all factions, and will fight in their armies on all sides. Their only loyalty is to [[Cegorach]], whom they believe has charged them with the "Great Work" of reunifying the Craftworld Eldar, Corsairs, Dark Eldar, and [[Exodite]] Eldar into a single race to fight off [[Slaanesh]], the Necrons, and whoever else has a bone to pick with the chosen people of the [[Old Ones]]. It is notable that they do not use the methods to keep their souls safe that other Eldar do—their faith in Cegorach, complete after going through the Trial to become a Harlequin, is enough to keep them safe. Despite this, they are allowed free passage through the Craftworlds and [[Commorragh]], because the Craftworld and Exodite Eldar respect the Harlequins for preserving their history, and the Dark Eldar and Corsairs <s>are ''too afraid'' to try and stop them</s> find Death Jesters' humor hilarious; they also couldn't keep the Harlequins out if they tried due to the Harlequins' superior knowledge of, and ability to use, the [[Webway]].

This also makes the Harlequins the closest thing to a central authority the Eldar species has. While the various Eldar factions may not necessarily answer to the clowns, when they speak, everyone from Commorragh pimps and Craftworld wizards to Exodite farmers and Corsair pirates stops what they're doing and '''listens'''. Even [[Asdrubael Vect]] has to make sure and pin it on someone else whenever he gets up to skullduggery that might piss them off.

== Eldar Ambassadors? ==
[[Image:Harlequin.jpg|They actually are this hot in the series, but most people are too busy screaming in pain to comment on it.|thumb|right]]
Harlequins are notable as [[xenos]] to the [[Imperium]] since the Harlequins do not restrict their visits to the Eldar. In the Harlequins' view, they must perform their work for anyone and everyone who may benefit and learn the lessons from The Fall, and along the way inspire a little more hope for the galaxy. Thus, Harlequin troupes are a frequent sight on Imperial worlds, and exceptionally among xenos, the Imperium allows the Harlequin traveling bands full access to their worlds, as even the [[High Lords of Terra]] feel that one can only benefit from their beautiful plays.''Citation Needed'' (The High Lords of Terra also know it'd be impossible to take direct action against Eldar Harlequins as a whole, and maybe [[Rip and Tear|bad for their health too]].) The Star Leopards [[Space Marines]] chapter slapped around a few for [[troll|desecrating a Land Raider]], once, but that was a personal matter. Elaborate in form, but simple in message, the plays allow humans to understand the [[Chaos|Great Enemy]] and what can be done.

One possible explanation of why these guys get away with it is that, given the isolated nature of many imperial worlds and imperial policy in keeping their own mostly in ignorance, most common inhabitants find the harlequins as just another passing trope of incredibly skilled artists, unaware for the most part of their xenos nature, and since harlequins only need a webway portal instead of say, a massive starship to get into a world, no one really discovers they have been in a close encounter of the third kind, at least until some Ordo Xenos operative take notice.

Judging from their allies matrix, it's fortunate at least that humans listen to them (so far as humans listen to any Eldar, anyway), since on the Tau worlds they visit they are inevitably met with an endless earful about the fucking [[Greater Good]]. They don't play on Necron [[Tomb World|Tomb Worlds]] given that the Necrons are the oldest foes of the Eldar and the two have brought each other nothing but grief over the last few billion years, and Harlequins work to fight against them just as hard as they do against Chaos. Don't even fucking ask if they play on Ork worlds (you know, they probably do, but have to reduce the dialogue to indecipherable grunting, swearing and cockney slang). It's presumed that they did try to play for the [[Tyranid]]s only once, but found out the space bug-lizards have no appreciation for art; hence the decision to put the Tyranids right next to Chaos and the Necrons on the mandate to kill-on-sight-and-annoy-the-hell-out-of.

During [[The War of The Beast]], [[Eldrad|Eldrad Ulthran]] sent a troupe of Harlequins to convey a message to the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]], letting Him know that Chaos had to be treated as the primary threat and that the [[Imperial Fists]] successor chapters were on their way. Quite why he thought that anyone would care about the first half of the message whilst the Imperium was literally facing total annihilation at the hands of The Beast no one but Eldrad knows. In another fantastic demonstration of Eldar logic, the Harlequins he sent thought that the best way to pass the message along was to butcher 99% of the Humans they came across whilst shouting "Friendship! Friendship!" Understandably they didn't find willing ears whilst they were eviscerating [[Imperial Guard|Guardsmen]] and [[Adeptus Custodes|Custodians]]. In fairness the Human's likely wouldn't have listened anyway but their plan was definitely the worst one they could have possibly went with considering all that it got them was meeting their end before the Eternity gate. Props for getting that far though. All of them wound up getting [[RIP AND TEAR|massacred]] eventually by the Custodes (not without getting some for themselves), save for [[Lhaeriel Ray]], who was about to be slain by the Captain General save for the intervention of Grandmaster of Assassins [[Drakan Vangorich]] and Inquisitor [[Veritus]]. She was then brought to the ultra-secure Inquisition stronghold under the South Pole, to be interrogated and incarcerated for life. There she displayed a token from [[Vulkan]], who had apparently given it to [[Eldrad]] to indicate "friendship" in some future crisis, and continued to reiterate that she came in peace and to send a message to the Emperor, who she said once counted [[Eldrad|the dick]] as a friend. Eventually, though, Inquisitor [[Marguerethe Wienand|Weinand]] helped her escape to a shuttle where she went off to parts unknown, presumably carrying news of the whole affair and the situation on Terra back to [[Ulthwe]].

==The Final Act, A.K.A. The Last Troll==
In recent years, the Harlequins' war against Chaos has been characterised by a newfound urgency. Full masques have become an ever more common sight among the stars. Appearing from the Webway, they can be found performing within the realms of their kin or battling the galaxy's disparate races in vicious campaigns of apparently random violence. As the 41st Millennium comes to a close, more and more Eldar vanish into the Webway, forsaking their former lives to take up the Harlequin's mask. The Harlequins' numbers are growing, and many among the Eldar wonder why. The truth is inspirational and terrifying in equal measure. At the very heart of the Black Library there lies a silver-lit vault. Therein stands a plinth made of finely graven obstinite, upon which rests a crystalline book said to contain the words of Cegorach himself. Since the Fall, the tome’s covers have remained closed, sealed shut with flickering chains of light. Yet now, long-awaited portents have come to pass. A [[Ahriman|fallen sorcerer]] seeks the lore of the library. A [[Silent King|king]] stirs in his court of death and silence, preparing to rise once more. Within [[Eye of Terror|madness' eye]], the [[Abbadon the Despoiler|champion]] of the [[Ruinous Powers]] prepares to seize a realm long denied. As the signs have come to pass, so the bands of light about the tome have flickered and died.

Now, at last, the tome has fallen open. Within its pages the Shadowseers have found a script, a secret final act that changes utterly the tale of the Fall. Penned in inks of light and shadow, these words present a slender hope, detailing an intricate, galaxy-spanning performance with the potential to change the fate of the Eldar race. Always, the strands of fate have pointed toward the victory of Chaos during the last, mythic battle known to the Eldar as the Rhana Dandra. Yet within the pages of the crystal tome is recorded Cegorach's ultimate and final [[Troll|jest,]] a way to trick Slaanesh into [[Lulz|expending all her power not to destroy the Eldar, but to save them.]] How such an impossibility could come to pass is unclear, for on this matter the final act is infuriatingly vague. Yet the Harlequins take their god's words on faith alone, for their devotion to Cegorach is total and his methods beyond question or reproach. Thus they have begun the steps of this final dance, and will see it completed, or else face absolute destruction in the attempt.

This is now also likely the Eldar species’ final and only hope for survival, period, since Eldrad upgraded from dick to dumb dick and went and boned everything for them, failing in an attempt to awaken [[Ynnead]] early and ended up killing him, all the progress that had gone into him, and the infinity circuits of every craftworld, instead. ''Whoops''. Course, this is probably precisely why the crystalline book opened in the first place, with Cegorach basically going “Oh dear, who could’ve seen that coming? Oh wait, I did, that’s why I have a plan B ready to go for you dumb shmucks. Let’s open it up shall we? And we’re keeping the [[Eldrad|Dick]] out of this one. That fuckup with Ynnead…that wasn’t funny.” 

Until Eldrad didn't, of course. Ynnead seems to be doing just fine, if forming the Yncarne is any indication. Though the Harlequins are still working with them so maybe the plan to trick Slaanesh is still on.

== Masques ==
7th Edition introduced numerous subfactions of the Harlequins known as Masques. Masques are pretty small compared to most Warhammer subfactions, only consisting of about three squads or Troupes, each lead by a Troupe Master, plus support in the form of vehicles and specialist performers like Death Jesters and Shadowseers. To get an idea for the scale, the novella "The Masque of Vyle" stated that a Masque consisting of two dozen Harlequins was unusually large. The 8th Edition codex retconned this a little by saying that the named Masques were actually "Grand Masques" that contained multiple Masques within them, with each Masque acting as its own autonomous unit and the Midnight Sorrow being said to consist of "many dozens of Masques". Below is a list of the most well-known Masques.

*The Midnight Sorrow: The blue and red ones you see on the box covers. Are the most dedicated to fighting Chaos, and embrace their roles to the point where they lose all trace of their original identities. All their performances are about the dangers of Chaos to the point where the only acts they put on anymore are depictions of the Fall. Helped Eldrad with his ritual to summon Ynnead, and thus became the first Harlequins to support the Ynnari.
*The Veiled Path: Manipulative bastards, with a history of betrayal so great even other Harlequins don't trust them. Their most famous member is Sylandri Veilwalker, AKA clown Eldrad, whose schemes has manipulated figures ranging from [[Fabius Bile]] to [[Belisarius Cawl]]. Helped the Ynnari, but also helped Vect who views them as his greatest enemy so who the fuck knows what they're planning.
*The Frozen Stars: [[Noblebright|Strongly believes that the Eldar race can be saved and their empire rebuilt]]. [[Grimdark|Also believes all non-Eldar races are vermin who should be killed for the Laughing God's amusement]].
*The Dreaming Shadow: Dedicated not to fighting Chaos but the [[Necrons]]. They are known to resent other Harlequins over their disagreement on who the true enemy is, but this sentiment is deliberately exaggerated. Most Harlequins see through this act and hold the Dreaming Shadow in high esteem regardless.
*The Soaring Spite: Dedicated to telling the tales of Cegorach's close ally known as the Cosmic Serpent. As such, are known for using a wide array of jetbikes and skimmers, Harlequin vehicles being named after the Cosmic Serpent's spawn. Are very close to the Craftworld [[Saim-Hann]], supposedly because Saim-Hann's symbol is the Cosmic Serpent but really because both like to go fast.
*The Silent Shroud: A incredibly secretive masque that performs in complete silence. Not only do they not say a word, their weapons are muffled by technology and illusion, making battle against them disorientating and unnerving. As such, they specialize in stealth and terror tactics, like the Night Lords except specializing in the "bad LSD trip" form of horror instead of jumpscares and torture porn.
*The Dance Without End: This Masque specializes in performances that recount the deeds of Cegorach himself, and as such are believed to be the closest to the Laughing God of all his disciples. They were the first Masque to perform the dance representing the Fall of the Eldar. Despite how this lore makes them sound really fucking important, don't have rules in 8th edition.
*The Shattered Mirage: Compared to The Frozen Stars, The Shattered Mirage believe the Eldar are totally fucked, performing dances that are extremely dark and fatalistic. Thanks to their outlook on life, their preferred tactics are to do as much damage as possible, with little regard for their own lives.
*The Twisted Path: These guys are known for letting their audience members into their plays, only to be spirited away by the Harlequins and never seen again. In battle, they often kidnap both enemies and allies as well as strike in the middle of warzones, sometimes leaving right before victory. They explain their actions with complex riddles and illogical analogies.
*The Reaper's Mirth: The most bloodthirsty of Masques, the Harlequins of The Reaper's Mirth see the battlefield as a canvas for their gory arts. Because of this, they have a larger proportion of Death Jester's among their ranks. They are known for committing atrocities like the [[Grimdark|Fountain of Crimson Tears, which was so horrible that an entire world had to be exterminatused.]] We can only guess what it was.

== We're Our Own Army Now ==

7th edition saw Harlequins get to be their own Faction, with new models for all members of the troupe, plus new models and rules for the Solitaire and a new Eldar jetbike, the Skyweaver. There are also two new vehicles, the Starweaver (a transport) and the Voidweaver. In addition, Shadowseers got their own Psychic Discipline, Phantasmancy. Harlequins survived into 8th and became all sorts of more killy and speedy, and get to freely mingle with their Dark and Craftworld cousins thanks to sharing the Aeldari keyword. Let the show go on!

Now with our own [[Harlequin Masque Creation Tables|faction creation tables.]]

See also: [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Eldar Harlequins(8E)]]

{{Harlequin}}
{{Eldar-Forces}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}
[[Category:Eldar]]
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Squat Homeworlds

2019-08-04T16:44:52Z

2600:6C4A:7002:400:3849:1D94:75B:2F64: Somebody is really stretching to get the "value" out of their political science major...

{{Infobox 40k Nations
|name=Squat Homeworlds
|image=[[Image:Squat-logo_banner.png‎|300px|center]]
|Capital=Decentralized, League of Thor being most powerful
|Official Languages= Squat Lexicon, Low Gothic
|Power=Great Power
|Size=Galactic Core, a third of Segmentum Solar, unknown number of Mining Worlds
|Head of State=Decentralized, Leagues act as Head of State
|Head of Government=Stronghold Lords
|Governmental Structure=Confederated Gerontocratic Supranational Union
|State Religion/Ideology=Ancestor Worship
|Demographic=[[Squats]], [[Humans]]
|Military Force=Squat Forces, Squat Fleets, [[Imperial Guard]]
}}
The Squat Homeworlds or sometimes known by some in /tg/ as the '''Domain of Squats, Squat Territories, [[Dwarf Fortress|SPESS DORF FORTRESS]]''' is/was ([[Rogue Trader (RPG)|the canonicity is two decades old, with the reintroduction of the]] [[Squats]], [[Skub|it's now up to debate]]) the areas in which one can find our beloved space midgets in the early days of 40k.

Unlike other Imperial-aligned entities in the galaxy, the Squat Homeworlds enjoy a significant degree of autonomy. Whilst de jure, the Squat Homeworlds are part of the [[Imperium of Man]], de facto it is its own self-sustaining and self-sufficient society unlike places such as [[Ultramar]] or the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] which has a interdependent and semi-autonomous relationship with [[Terra]].

Of course, we all know how the Squats were Squatted soon after making the debut, with the [[Tyranids]] [[Derp|''somehow'' targeting '''''only''''' the Squat worlds whilst leaving the rest of the Imperium-controlled space right next door to the Squats largely untouched.]] This is ridiculous when taking into account that the territories of the Squats weren't some small speck like the [[Tau Empire]], but rather, a significantly large domain that took up half of the entire Galactic core. This is made worse when taking into consideration that [[Lolwut|it was completely out of character for the Imperium to stop and do nothing against such a large incursion of Tyranid forces in an area considered astrostrategically important for them.]] [[Games Workshop|Games Workshop's]] [[Fail|shitty excuse/explanation in removing the Squats from cannon]] [[Rage|had never really stood well within the community,]] [[RAGE|let alone actual Squat players.]]

With the return of the glorious Spess Dorfs, the whole 'Squatted' cannon has been thrown into the ocean of ambiguity. Seeing how ridiculously old the fluff was, it wouldn't be surprising that the whole Tyranid affair will be [[Retcon|retconned]] due to how silly it was in context. I mean hey, GW is willing to retconn [[Ultramarines|major]] [[Grey Knights|fluff]] [[Genestealers|from]] [[Khornate Knights|well]]-[[Pariah|established]] [[Necrons|factions]], so it wouldn't surprise us if they will do the same to the Squats if they are proven popular enough to be reintroduced into 40k tabletop proper.

==Historical Overview==

The Squat Homeworlds were all worlds filled with rich mineral resources, which ogled the Human ancestors of the Squats to lay down, settle and mine the shit out off. Most of these were located within the galactic core where unique and rare minerals were found in abundance in exchange for being sterile and barren of life of course. But for the early Human colonists, it was a gold mine as [[Terra]] ran out of all of its resources, so the search for raw materials was needed. Their planet's gravity is great, usually two or three times that of Terra. Their atmospheres are either thin or non-existent. Even those planets with atmospheres are blasted by tremendous storms. But hey? Who gives a shit about all of that when you have all the resources to make you rich, and rich the Squats got.

Like the Gulf States, the Squats quickly took a monopoly on these minerals and started to get wealthy, and with money comes an increase in development and technological advancements. These planets became Mining Worlds and with the coming [[Age of Strife]], the Squats got themselves the good end of the stick by both inhabiting hostile worlds and cranking up the technological kazoo when the rest of humanity plunged into a galactic-wide [[shitstorm]].

Squat history can be split into several eras.

===Age of Founding===

The first is the Age of Founding, which is the Squat equivalent of the [[Dark Age of Technology]]. This is not technically the first period of the Squats as they had yet to evolve, but it is the time of the founding of the colonies that would become the Squat Homeworlds. Almost twenty thousand years ago contact between these planets and Terra was almost continuous, testament to the importance of these colonies. Terra also kept the worlds well supplied with that which they could not produce for themselves in adequate amounts, primarily food. This period lasted until the [[Age of Strife]].

===Age of Isolation===

The Age of Isolation corresponds with the earlier part of the Age of Strife - around eighteen thousand years ago. The galactic core was cut off from the rest of human space by the devastating Warp storms of the Age of Strife. Many worlds were swallowed by the Warp and disappeared forever, others were trapped in stasis and became lost. Most survived although they were separated from Earth and all contact was lost with the rest of the galaxy. During this time of isolation and danger the Squat worlds still in contact with each other began to organize for their mutual defense. It was at this time that the Squats began to refer to their worlds as the Homeworlds.

The Homeworlds remained isolated for thousands of years and their inhabitants learned to survive in a universe that was becoming increasingly hostile. Those that survived grew and prospered. Settlements were enlarged and fortified into impregnable Strongholds. They soon developed alternative technologies to make up for the lack of supplies from Earth.

During the isolation the complex system of Engineer Guilds developed. These Guilds were responsible for preserving technical knowledge and skills as well as training technicians, miners and other specialists necessary for the Strongholds. The Guilds transcended the Strongholds, allowing every Stronghold to benefit from the preserved knowledge as well as new advances in technology.

During this age the Leagues first began to develop from Strongholds allied for trading and defense purposes.

===Age of Trade===

The Age of Trade took place during a slight abatement of the warp storms during the Age of Strife and led to the Squats encountering other races, including [[Orks]] and [[Eldar]].

At the beginning of the Age of Trade, some strongholds were attacked, but the aliens quickly realized that the Squats [[RIP AND TEAR|were armed to the fucking teeth and prepared to go down fighting]], and that trade was a more practical arrangement. [[Just As Planned|The Squats took full advantage of their tremendous mineral wealth, which they traded for weapons, foodstuffs and high-technology systems.]] To this day, Squat hydroponic plants, [[Heresy|developed with Eldar help]], are among the most efficient food sources in the Imperium. The Squats remained carefully neutral in the numerous conflicts between Eldar and Orks, maintaining trade links with both sides. There were inevitably small wars from time to time, but for the most part the Squats' complex structure of treaties and trade agreements maintained a stable peace.

===Age of Wars===

The Age of Trade lasted for nearly three millennia, but finally collapsed when an enormous Ork battle-fleet, under the command of Grunhag the Flayer, attempted a full-scale invasion of the Homeworlds. Losses on both sides were astronomical, with vicious tunnel-fights through the mine workings and bloody pitched battles in the Squats' underground settlements. The Squats appealed to their Eldar trading partners for help against the invading Orks, but none was received.

The Age of Wars, as it became known, is regarded by the Squats as the blackest chapter in their history, and the double betrayal by Orks and Eldar gave rise to a cultural enmity which still persists. Many strongholds were wiped out by the Orks, and the traditional epic ballad known as The Fall of Imbach commemorates one such destruction. Even today expeditions are mounted from the Squat Homeworlds in search of lost strongholds, and these expeditions are often accompanied by Adeptus Mechanicus priests, eager to rediscover lost Squat technology to [[Blood Ravens|'burrow from'.]]

===Age of Rediscovery===

The Age of Rediscovery was the most recent phase of Squat history, corresponding to the Great Crusade and the current Age of the Imperium. As the Imperium recovered from the Age of Strife and began to reunite the scattered worlds of humanity, the Squat Homeworlds were rediscovered and contact with the Imperium was established.

The Imperium found that a distinct culture had developed on the Homeworlds, and that the Squats had moved outwards through the galaxy, extending their domains. Often they settled harsh planets similar to their own Homeworlds, but they also occupied more conventional worlds able to support normal Human civilization.

===Age of the Imperium===

The current phase in Squat history. It essentially details the various treaties between the Squats and the Imperium.

The experiences of the previous millennia has left the Squats with a strong sense of cultural unity and a fiercely independent nature, and instead of rejoining the Imperium as subject worlds, the Homeworlds negotiated a series of treaties which enabled them to keep their independence. The racial character of the Squats - hard-working, tenacious, honorable, and inimical to alien races - was almost perfect from the Imperial point of view, and the Imperium was content to allow them a great degree of self-government.

A detailed description of their relationship can be read below.

==Squat-Imperium Relations==
[[File:Squat-homeworlds-800px.jpg|480px|right|thumb|Galactic map of the Squat Homeworlds.]]
First contact with the Squats by the Imperium began during the [[Great Crusade]] as the Emperor's forces reached the worlds near the galactic core. Many of these worlds were the Squat Homeworlds and, Squats being Spess Dorfs and Spess Dorfs being just regular Dorfs with tech, conflict became inevitable. Suffice to say, the [[Space Marine]] legions [[Rape|got their shit kicked in]]. Who would have wondered, that 8-foot tall supersoldiers would have trouble trying to fight in 5-foot by 5-foot tunnels with no cover whatsoever. Here's a fun hint, Empy's forces got creamed so hard it led directly to the development of the Mark 3 [[Power Armor]].

The Emprah with all his infinite wisdom, decided that being on friendly terms with midgets all armed with D-Cannons and rapid-firing plasma machineguns is probably a good idea rather than engaging a war that might as well be the Imperium's Vietnam. So a treaty was signed to sweep the whole 'first-contact shenanigans' under the bus and get back to business.

The Squat Homeworlds as aforementioned, have long been part of the Imperium, but enjoy a level of autonomy greater than the ordinary self-governed Imperial world. Hell, the Squats are so autonomous that not even the [[Administratum]] can touch them. Instead, Squat Homeworlds are ruled by strongholds of leagues.

Nonetheless, the Homeworlds, while governing themselves without interference from the Adeptus Terra, are expected to follow Imperial policy on wider issues. Both the Imperium and the Squats benefit from this arrangement: the Homeworlds provide troops for the [[Imperial Guard]]. The Imperial Guard also provides military support to the Homeworlds when necessary, as they would any other threatened Imperial worlds (Space NATO). Additionally the Squats trade their mineral wealth exclusively with the Imperium in return for some sweet, sweet moolah. The [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] are highly interested in the Squats and the Homeworlds for several reasons: Squats possess a high level of technical expertise which seems to come naturally to the race. Additionally, the Homeworlds as a whole possess the greatest amount of surviving [[STC]] equipment in the Imperium. The Squats are said to allow the Adeptus Mechanicus free access to Squat technology. However it is also said the Squats keep their technology from other races, regarding the Adeptus Mechanicus as little more than sorcerers mired in superstition.

The relationship between the Homeworlds and the Imperium is therefore generally peaceful, although through history has been punctuated by bouts of war and bitterness. The Squats and the Imperium trade to their mutual benefit. Both races also share many enemies, especially [[Orks]], making it in their best interests to cooperate. The Squats do not follow the Imperial Cult, rather they revere their ancestors. Squats fighting alongside the Imperial Guard often adopt the Emperor into their beliefs, as a guardian of their ancestors.

Squat technology is based upon the heavy mining equipment they brought with them to the Homeworlds. During their isolation from the rest of humanity they adapted it for other uses, notably exo-armour which was engineered from heavy mining suits. Squats continued to innovate and invent while humanity sank into a Dark Age. As a result, the Squats have developed technologies such as [[Wat|neo-plasma]] and warp cores far in advance of anything the Imperium owns. Some Squat technologies were absorbed into the Imperium, especially tunneling vehicles and weaponry such as the [[Tunneling Transport Vehicles#Termite|Termite.]]

==Strongholds==
Strongholds are Squat settlement centres. They were generally founded during the original colonisation and those produced later are known as ''Newholds''. Strongholds also often join together under Leagues to form defensive pacts.

Generally a Stronghold develops around a mine and its associated living quarter although some later developments were not associated with mining. A hereditary Lord ruled each stronghold and was protected and supported by the [[Hearthguard]]. The [[Hearthguard]] were the elite of a Squat army and the servants to the Lord while also protecting the Lord when he went to war. Each Stronghold had a group of [[Squat Trooper|Brotherhood or War-Brethren]] which formed the core of the Squat armed forces for the Stronghold. Every Squat had an obligated 30-70 year service period although they may not be called upon to fight until they had sired two sons and raised them to maturity. This helped protect the continuity of the race from the Stronghold's military activities. A Squat could then retire from active duty with his honor and probably some wealth and take up a position of responsibility in his family's business.

The Brotherhood was often also seen as a mercenary force. In times of peace warriors were traded for resources to either fight for the Imperium or for other strongholds. Another member of the aristocracy was the [[Squat Warlord|Warlord,]] a close relative of the Lord who was there to be placed in control of the Brotherhood in order to prevent Lords from wielding too much power and sending their troops into battles they should not be fighting. Other Lords would send their Brotherhoods on expeditions which range from locating other ancient and lost strongholds to a campaign against an alien race or piracy. Some Brotherhoods had totally turned to piracy and become known as Squat Reavers. When they returned to their stronghold they distributed the booty between the pirates and the Lord of the Stronghold.

Squats had a requirement to provide forces for the Imperial Guard and this often took the form of a detachment of the Brotherhood.

==Leagues==

So what are Leagues? Well, in a nutshell, they are groups of strongholds working together for a common purpose - usually mutual defense - trade or dealings with the Imperium. Leagues varied greatly in size, the smallest consisting of four Strongholds and the largest consisting of over three thousand. The League of Thor was the most powerful and influential, including over 300 strongholds. The League of Norgyr was the league closest to Holy Terra.

A League usually encompassed the Strongholds on more than one planet with the latest extant being 700 known Leagues total. Each League was led and dominated by a single Stronghold. As some Leagues were virtually nations with distinct cultures, Squats often identified themselves with the League their Stronghold belonged to.

The Squats had a strong sense of mutual preservation, as it had been known for rival leagues to go to war with each another. Such occasions could lead to lasting enmity, as Squats were inclined to remember deeds of infamy for many generations much like the Book of Grudges from [[Warhammer Fantasy]]. The League of Thor and League of Grindel fought an unusually bitter war around 2,000 years ago when settlers from both sides clashed over the exploration of the Lost Stronghold of Dargon. The war that followed resulted in the destruction of several Strongholds and many key victories for the League of Thor including the capture of two other Leagues. Peace only came with the huge Ork invasion of Grunhag the Flayer which obliged all the Leagues to unify against their mutual foe. Although the war ended with the rout of the Orks, the two Leagues remained distrustful rivals and both sides considered the other side owing them debts of blood and honor.

{{Template:40k-Governments}}

Squat

2019-08-04T16:02:59Z

2600:6C4A:7002:400:3849:1D94:75B:2F64: spelling

{{Oldschool}}
[[File:DSC02968.jpg|450px|right|thumb|A space dorf. [[Dwarf Fortress|Lives like one. Dies like one.]]]]

{{topquote|SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki> SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki>|[[Kharadron Overlords|The Motto that all Squat players react with after seeing the <s>Kharadron Overlords</s> Squats in <s>Age of Sigmar</s>]] [[Necromunda]]}}

You can't spell Imperial without Imp. If you spell them both correctly.

A '''Squat''' is a space [[dwarf|Dorf]]. They used to exist in [[Warhammer 40,000]] (with a planned Codex mentioned in the ''Second Edition'' Codex: Imperial Guard); in fluff, their worlds supplemented the capabilities of [[Forge World]]s, and were independent of the technology-worship of the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]]. As such, they also retained their sovereignity. For some reason, their aesthetic also included a heavy dose of 1970's-80's American "outlaw" biker-club subculture. We suppose this is because, as we all know, GW loves to mish and mash, but above all, because it is [[Awesome|muhfuggin badass]].

"Squat" is also sometimes used as a verb by fans of Warhammer 40k. This refers to the removal of the Squats from both the game and the [[fluff]] behind it; in particular, some people believe that other armies will be "squatted" from 40k, which is to say, their model line will be removed and they will no longer be playable in 40k. There have been cries of "they're getting squatted!" for basically every army that wasn't updated within two years, including, but not limited to, [[Dark Eldar]], [[Necrons]], [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Black Templars]] (were also pretty confident that if [[Robin Cruddace| a Certain imperial guard player]] had the power too he would squat the [[Tyranid|Space bugs]] in an instant, he certainly tried during 6th edition.) So far, this has mostly been proven false; both Dark Eldar and Necrons got new codices, and Sisters will be released in plastic in 2019. Meanwhile, the Black Templars have been rolled up into the Space Marines, but, importantly, ''they still exist.'' Of the Chapters included, Templars are easily the most divergent, and although some of the fluff has been retconned, it was usually in a fairly logical way (how do you get around if you hate [[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s, anyway?). As such, all those whining "they're getting squatted!" are pretty silly, and you're probably hearing them on [[Warseer]].

HOWEVER...

In Age of Sigmar, the entire [[Tomb Kings]] faction was squatted and [[Bretonnia]] later, with the entire model range being moved to the "Last Chance to Buy" section. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth. ......And then GW added points for them in the GHB 2019 release, so you can now at least play them without your opponent grumbling too loudly.

==History==
[[Image:Squats.jpg|right|300px]]
The [[Squats]] (Homo sapiens rotundus) were mentioned in the original "Rogue Trader" 1987 book and later received their full Army List in the articles published in White Dwarf number 111 in February 1989. The Army List was later collected with other articles in the softback bound "Compendium" (also known as "Red Book" or "Red Compendium") which was released in summer/fall of that same year (and actually were the last item of the Compendium, the original article having been published on WD mere months before). The army list was centered around the Warlord and its retinue which could be equipped either with ceremonial mesh or carapace armour or with terminator-grade Exo-armour (which made the unit virtually unstoppable by anything save Daemons, Terminators, Eldar Avatar or Exarchs and the heaviest of weapons), it could field ten troopers squads (clan warriors) which could select ad-libitum heavy weapons paying a very limited cost for them and Engineers' Guild bikes (complete with some vaguely Hell's Angels style imagery in the First Edition book), sidecars and trikes which provided hit-and run power due to swivel mounted heavy weaponry. Vehicles and Robots were also available at premium points cost (less than other human armies paid) due to the recognized technical savviness of the Squats, Adeptus Mechanicus envoys and Living Ancestor (venerable Squats who were literally millennia old) added more flavour to the troop choice.

===Squats in Epic===
[[Image:SquatArmy.jpg|thumb|right|They built giant guns to compensate for not having giant guns. Note also the Moles and Hellbore that GW forgot about around the same time.]]
[[Image:SquatCyclops.jpg|thumb|right|The Squats laugh at your pathetic Baneblade and obvious mediocrity in the trouser department.]]

While in 40K the Squats were roughly half an army, in [[Epic]] they really worked. As well as the biker companies you suddenly had access to an enormous supply of hardware with which the Squats would punish anyone who said they were compensating for something. These included [[Goliath Mega-Cannon|giant tracked mortars,]] [[Land Train|Land Trains,]] and massive tracked crawlers with Void Shields that were basically the Squat version of Titans; one, the [[Cyclops War Machine|Cyclops,]] was armed with what the modern fluff calls a Lance and could burn through multiple shields before hitting the target. Which is a little odd, because current fluff explains that the whole point of a ship's weapons batteries is to drop enemy shields so they can be finished off with lances (which are supposed to suck against void shields). Then again, the squats have always been more advanced. They had [[Overlord Armoured Airship|ironclad airships,]] [[Iron Eagle Gyrocopter|helicopters]] back when most Epic armies had no aircraft at all, and generally ruled.

===Chaos Squats===
Think that Squats had it bad? Well, these guys are pretty much the Squats ''of'' the Squats. Just as Fantasy had its [[Chaos Dwarfs]], so too did Squats have their Chaotically-inclined counterparts (alas, without hats). While there were no real rules for them on the tabletop, miniatures were released, because this was still when Citadel put out miniatures for things that didn't necessarily have gaming rules. They were allied to [[Chaos Space Marines]] and maintained their equipment, including building Titans and [[Daemon Engine|Daemon Engines]], in a role later taken over by the [[Dark Mechanicus]]. Some Squats fell to chaos during the Horus Heresy and fought for Horus. They were banished to the Eye of Terror along with the Traitor Legions when Horus was defeated. Also, Squats who fall to Chaos are willing to fight as mercenaries for Orks and Eldar...for some reason. Congratulations, you've just read everything there is to know about Chaos Squats that was ever written.

===When suddenly...===
They were eaten by [[Tyranid]]s. It is popularly believed that [[Games Workshop]] sends out teams to assassinate, kidnap, or otherwise inconvenience anyone who dares mention them. One possibility is that [[Dwarf Fortress|the Squat nobles demanded that some impossible-to-acquire item be put in each of their rooms, and thus locked up the entire working class of Squats, and the whole race starved.]] Another theory is that [[Creed]] is [[Just as planned|using his tactical genius to hide them until the final showdown with Chaos.]] It's kinda likely that, what with their "We haz teknologeez!", being Dwarves, drinking, not being assholes, and generally not being depressing, [[Games Workshop]] decided they weren't [[grimdark]] enuff, and subsequently fed them to the Tyranids (who exist to eat Games Workshop's mistakes, obviously), and at the same time branding the mention of <censored for heresy> as [[heresy]]. Heresy - the perfect excuse to [[retcon]]!

Squats are now /tg/'s version of the Candleja [[meme]] i'll end that right there.Anyway since mentioning them gets [[Inquisition|GW to send death squads after you]] the two memes cancel one another out.

==== A rare case of GW being completely honest ====
This is from 2004, back when honesty was A Thing, it seems:

''I know I shouldn't get drawn on this... but... can't... resist''

''Seriously, a couple of points just so you can have an informed debate based on the real reasons that Squats are no longer available. Be warned, it is going to be hard reading for people that like the Squat background.''

''First of all, Squats were *not* dropped because they were not selling well. There were then, and are now, plenty of other figure ranges that sell in the sort of % quantities that the Squats pulled down, especially when you look across all of the ranges produced by GW rather than just those for 40K.''

''No, the reason that the Squats were dropped was because the creatives in the Studio (people like me, Rick, Andy C, Gav etc) felt that we had failed to do the Dwarf 'archetype' justice in its 40K incarnation. From the name of the race (Squats - what *were* we thinking?!?!) through to the short bikers motif, we had managed to turn what was a proud and noble race in Warhammer and the other literary forms where the archetype exists, into a joke race in 40K. We only fully realized what we had done when we were working on the 2nd edition of 40K. Try as we might, we just couldn't work up much enthusiasm for the Squats. The mistake we made then (deeply regretted since) was to leave them in the background and the 'get you by' army list book that appeared. With hindsight, we should have dropped the Squats back then, and saved ourselves a lot of grief later on.''

''Anyway, the Squats made it into 2nd edition, and since we were doing army books for each of the races, we started to try and figure out what to do with them. Unfortunately we just couldn't figure out a way to update them and get them to work that we felt was good enough. The 'art' of working on an army as a designer is to find the thing that you think is cool and exciting about an army, and work it up into a strong theme. This 'muse' didn't strike any of us, and so, rather than bring out a second-rate product simply re-hashing the old background, we kept doing other army books instead, with stuff we did feel inspired by.''

''Now, while this was all going on for 40K, we were actually doing some rather good stuff for the Squats in Epic. On this scale there was a natural tendency to focus on the big 'hand-made' war machines the Squat artisans produced, and this created an army with a feel that was very different to the biker hordes in 40K. However, this tended to reinforce the problems we saw in the Squat background rather than alleviate them, underlining what we *should* have done with the Squats in 40K.''

''In the end (and it took years to really get to the roots of the problem) this led to a realisation that we were going to have to drop the Squats in their 'Squat' form from the 40K background. There was little point having a major race that we weren't willing to make an army book for, and their inclusion in the background meant that people kept asking us when we'd do a Squat Codex. Instead we decided that we'd write the Squats out of the background by saying that their [[Squat Homeworlds|Homeworlds]] had been devoured by a Tyranid Hivefleet. This would give us the option in the future to return to making a race based on the Squat archetype for 40K. This race was given the name of Demiurg, and a certain amount of preliminary work was done to get a 'feel' for what the race would be like. At present the only hint of the Demiurg in 40K is the Demiurg spaceship for BFG. However, we do have this race 'in our back pocket' as a possible new race for 40K, or an interesting character model in Inquisitor, or whatever. So far the Demiurg have lost out to other projects, and it may be that their time never actually comes, as they will have to win through on their merits, not simply because we once made some Squat models in the past. At present, I have to say that it is more likely that they *don't* make the cut than do, as there is a certain prejudice these days to simply taking races from Warhammer and cross them over to 40K like we did in the early days, so it may be that the Squats/Demiurg end up remaining a footnote in the history of the 40K galaxy. Only time will tell...''

''I'll finish off by saying that whatever we decide to do 'officially', there is nothing stopping players with Squat armies from using them, either in Epic or 40k for that matter. There is no GW 'rule' against using old Citadel Miniatures, as long as you use them with existing army lists and in a way that won't cause confusion for other players. I recommend taking a positive stand by saying "Have you seen these cool old models? They're called the Squats and GW used to make them back in the late eighties/early nineties. I love 'em, so I count them as Imperial Guard and use them with the current rules..." Put like this I can't imagine that anyone would stop you from using your army.''

''Best regards,''

''Jervis Johnson'' ''Head Fanatic ''

==== Some Context ====
[[File:Warhammer 40k squats DRW40k 04 by DaRealWurld40k.jpg|thumb|right|SILENCE, HERETIC! There is no tiny, little bearded man there! Nope! No Squats or tiny little bearded man here at all!]]

Note that all of the Squat material from the Rogue Trader era was written by [[Bryan Ansell|Bryan]], [[Nigel Stillman|Nigel]], and [[Graeme Davis]]. [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis]], [[Rick Priestley|Rick]], [[Andy Chambers|Andy]], et. al. never wrote anything new for the Squats in Warhammer 40,000. So their lack of enthusiasms wasn't because the fluff was objectively ''bad'' - it just wasn't ''theirs''.

The Squats Codex was explicitly mentioned in Codex Imperial Guard (1995), and implicitly mentioned from the first codex ever (Codex Space Wolves, 1993) and every Imperial codex up to and including Codex Angels of Death (1996), plus Codex Eldar (1994). The only Imperial codexes which did not mention Codex Squats were Codex Sisters of Battle and Codex Assassins - both from 1997, the last year of 2nd Edition and the point at which 3rd Edition would already have been well into development. So the decision to eliminate the Squats didn't actually happen until they had already decided to move to a whole new edition.

As this was the transition to the infamous Black Period of total and constant [[Grimdark]], perhaps it's for the best that the writers of the day didn't like them, so they didn't feel obligated to [[C.S. Goto|fuck them over in suspiciously extreme detail or fluffrape them into total irrelevance]].

Also, Jervis's comment on the Specialist Games forum is actually the only place where it says that the Squats were eaten by Tyranids - in all official sources, they simply stopped mentioning them. But in fact, Jervis and others did continue to mention them after they were removed, in various semi-official places, such as the Citadel Journal (where he simply said that the [[Squat Homeworlds]] were "taken over" by the Imperium).

Following Jervis's statement on the Specialist Games forum, Games Workshop began auto-banning anyone who even mentioned Squats on their forums. But not long after that they closed all of their forums anyway.

==== Then what ever happened to the Demiurg? ====
Essentially? Nothing. They were given all of two mentions in recent memory: first as a footnote on a list of [[Tau]] auxiliaries, then as a small enclave of asteroid miners that [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] killed by accident while fighting some Bad Moonz.

====What Happened According to /tg/====
Space [[Boatmurdered]]. Attempts to thwart the Tyranids with "fuck the world" levers failed. Casualties.... Too many.

[[Squat Crusade: The Musical|Or are trying to rebuild]]

== Squats continue to rear their [[Neckbeard|bearded]] heads ==
Games Workshop continues to show us that somewhere and somehow, a chained-up, barely-fed fluff-custodian is employed at the GW headquarters. He apparently gets loose every so often, and as evidence we present the tidbit he snuck in to the 6th Edition Rulebook.

Apparently, on page 405, the rulebook mentions Squats as a race of [[abhuman]]s, akin to Ogryn or Ratlings.

[http://i.imgur.com/WfOL7.jpg The Squat Reference]

Fanmade armylists for the Squats exists, the one most played and best playtested hosted over at 40konline.com, on their "Lost and Damned"-board.

They also have their own facebook group, but searching for "squat" literally fills your screen with ass. Beware.

In the seventh edition rulebook, squats are also mentioned in a list of known abhumans (along with a bunch of feline thingies). They're not even in the list of the extinct and dying out ones!!!

This trend was continued in the eighth edition corebook (page 279) and thus it seems that the idea of Squats being extinct may have been ''greatly'' exaggerated. Cue hopes of Squats making a triumphant return.

An entire video game has been made about the squats! Sure the Tyranids look a little weird but they'll still eat you like a Ratling at a buffet. https://www.deeprockgalactic.com/ Play now and die horribly while trying to mine gold on some Emperor forsaken planet.

==GUEEEEEESS WHAAAAAAT!? WE BACK NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!!==
[[File:We_Back_Motherfuckers!.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Y'all bitches miss me yet?]]
{{topquote|HOLY SHIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY BACK!|Everybody's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|THEY HAVE RETURNED THE GREAT BEARDED SPESS DWORFZ RETURN!|Every Squat Player's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|So uhhhh... what happens now?|Duncan upon breaking the clock like a wazzock}}

It has been done.

Through either the act of some unseen force, or the pure power of Memetic Magic harnessed by Kek it has finally been done.

The [[Meme]] was finally broken. The Squats were....unsquatted....in Necromunda only, but still. We did the unthinkable, we brought a race that has been decommissioned for over 20 goddamned years back into tabletop gaming. Mother of Christ' titties [[Lulz|we actually got back our Spess Dorfs before Plastic Sisters did.]]

The first new Squat in decades was called Grendl Grendlsen. His lore mentioned that his mercenary unit was wiped out, leading him to become a bounty hunter in the underhive. Roughly a year after his release ''another'' new Squat model was announced, an ammo-jack hanger-on named Ragnir Gunnstein.

So far they are only playable for Necromunda, with them serving a variety of roles. But the chances of having an actual Squat Codex for 8th edition is still iffy, with the Squats being confined to specialist games being most likely. But so far we are quite content with them returning. Shit man, GeeDubs have seriously been pulling the moves lately.

And so, finally, after 20 years of waiting...

'''SQUATS LIVE'''

There's also a persistent rumour that they'll come back as a <strike>Astra Militarum</strike> Imperial Guard 'theme' alongside plastic [[Attilan Rough Riders]], [[Death Korps of Krieg]] and [[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]. Yeah right. Additionally, some very easy to miss fluff in the rear of the core Rulebook for 8th edition actually refers to Squats as a species of Abhuman.

==Models Are Available!!!!==
[[Mantic Games]] make a range of models called [[Forge Fathers]] which are space-dwarfs for their sci-fi game [[Warpath]], so if you want a Squat army you can have one! They're in 28mm so they could be used for 40K (use the Space Marine list and make up some appropriate house rules). As of now they have tanks, fully posable troopers and terminators too.

'''Hasslefree Miniatures''' make a range of models called "Grymm" which are dwarf space soldiers. They have close combat, light infantry, heavy infantry, specialists, and commander models. They even have a dwarf walker mech[http://www.hfminis.co.uk/shop?category=miniatures].

A Kickstarter worth your attention for models[http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1693348960/metal-beards-tabletop-dwarf-army] for an army of armoured dwarfs is a good option. Though it may have ended by the time you read this.

'''Ramshackle Games''' also produces biker gang and Land Train proxies. [http://www.ramshacklegames.co.uk/newrel.html]

There's also the "Scrunt" by Olleys Armies Wargame Miniatures.

And now thanks to [[Age of Sigmar]] you got the [[Kharadron Overlords]], [[Awesome|they are steam-armoured flying pirate dwarfs]]! There is a running gag that states that the Kharadron Overlords are surviving Squats who had fled Warhammer 40,000 into Warhammer Age of Sigmar due to how 40k the Kharadron models look. Time to get the conversions up and running! We recommend one of the space marine codexs that can take flying transport or flyer heavy Tempestus so you can use all those sweet Æther ships.

For playing Squats with the Horus Heresy books. The Imperial Militia and Cults army list will allow players to create a decent proxy. Buy a Force Commander, give him the Survivors of the Dark Age and Abhuman Helots Provenances of War. This allows you to use [[Rhino|Rhinos]] and the [[Land Raider Proteus]] as dedicated transports. For small amount of points you can upgrade the Rotor Cannons and Las-weapons of Grenadier and Platoon Command Cadre squads. Since both squads have access to Bolters and Grenade Launchers most players will take them instead.
Ogryns outside of the Solar Auxilia suck if you're not taking Power Weapons. Due to their low BS of two. Three Enginseer Auxilia Adepts and fully kitted out Servo-Automata with Phased Plasma-fusils or GLs are the superior Elite option.

== Gallery ==

<gallery>
File:Squat-ammo-jack-necromunda-4.jpg|Ragnir Gunnstein reporting for duty!
File:Spacedorfs.png|OH FUCK YES
File:Bikersquats.jpg|space dorf bikers B-B-BAD TO THE BONE (this was a whole thing)
File:Spacedorf2.png|SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH .... they were doing the hit'n'run tactic thing since [[Dark Eldar|before the mincy little faggot BSDM elves]] or the [[White Scars|those inscrutable orientals]] were
Image:Resin_Glory.jpg|The Squats make their triumphant return with a new resin model.
Image:Grymm_lmg.jpg|I'm surprised you dwarf nuts haven't found these Hasslefree minis yet lol. I don't like dwarfs much myself but I wouldn't mind fighting beside ''these'' guys.
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad_(Bareheaded).jpg
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad(helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Squad_(Helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_admiral.jpg
Image:Grymm WALKER.jpg| "[[meme|METAL GEAR?!]]"
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
Image:1207616355827.jpg|Welcome to the club, Sisters.
Image:Squats rally.jpg|Rally to m
Image:ripsquats.jpg
Image:squats_are_common.jpg|"Squats are common inhabitants in the Imperium..."
Image:Squat Codex.jpg|You may include troops but we won't.
File:Squats combat Cards citadel Cc spacewar 06 gorun.png|Militant-armored-cybernetic-warrior-space-midgets? Yep. They cover all the bases in the 41st millennium. (Or they used to...)
Image:The results.jpg|When the Squats were rediscovered, the Imperium's first reaction was to argue over who was to blame for losing them.
Image:Squat_Cyclops1024.jpg|[[Awesome|Squat Cyclops in all its glory]]
Image:GWquisition.jpg
Image:This never happened.jpg|If anyone asks, I didn't put this picture here. In fact, if anyone asks, deny this picture exi-
</gallery>

{{Template:Squats}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Dwarves]]
[[Category:Squats]]
{{Template:Imperium}}

Squat

2019-08-04T16:02:01Z

2600:6C4A:7002:400:3849:1D94:75B:2F64: fixed grammar in opening sentence

{{Oldschool}}
[[File:DSC02968.jpg|450px|right|thumb|A space dorf. [[Dwarf Fortress|Lives like one. Dies like one.]]]]

{{topquote|SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki> SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki>|[[Kharadron Overlords|The Motto that all Squat players react with after seeing the <s>Kharadron Overlords</s> Squats in <s>Age of Sigmar</s>]] [[Necromunda]]}}

You can't spell Imperial without Imp. If you spell them both correctly.

A '''Squat''' is a space [[dwarf|Dorf]]. They used to exist in [[Warhammer 40,000]] (with a planned Codex mentioned in the ''Second Edition'' Codex: Imperial Guard); in fluff, their worlds supplemented the capabilities of [[Forge World]]s, and were independent of the technology-worship of the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]]. As such, they also retained their sovereignity. For some reason, their aesthetic also included a heavy does of 1970's-80's American "outlaw" biker-club subculture. We suppose this is because, as we all know, GW loves to mish and mash, but above all, because it is [[Awesome|muhfuggin badass]].

"Squat" is also sometimes used as a verb by fans of Warhammer 40k. This refers to the removal of the Squats from both the game and the [[fluff]] behind it; in particular, some people believe that other armies will be "squatted" from 40k, which is to say, their model line will be removed and they will no longer be playable in 40k. There have been cries of "they're getting squatted!" for basically every army that wasn't updated within two years, including, but not limited to, [[Dark Eldar]], [[Necrons]], [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Black Templars]] (were also pretty confident that if [[Robin Cruddace| a Certain imperial guard player]] had the power too he would squat the [[Tyranid|Space bugs]] in an instant, he certainly tried during 6th edition.) So far, this has mostly been proven false; both Dark Eldar and Necrons got new codices, and Sisters will be released in plastic in 2019. Meanwhile, the Black Templars have been rolled up into the Space Marines, but, importantly, ''they still exist.'' Of the Chapters included, Templars are easily the most divergent, and although some of the fluff has been retconned, it was usually in a fairly logical way (how do you get around if you hate [[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s, anyway?). As such, all those whining "they're getting squatted!" are pretty silly, and you're probably hearing them on [[Warseer]].

HOWEVER...

In Age of Sigmar, the entire [[Tomb Kings]] faction was squatted and [[Bretonnia]] later, with the entire model range being moved to the "Last Chance to Buy" section. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth. ......And then GW added points for them in the GHB 2019 release, so you can now at least play them without your opponent grumbling too loudly.

==History==
[[Image:Squats.jpg|right|300px]]
The [[Squats]] (Homo sapiens rotundus) were mentioned in the original "Rogue Trader" 1987 book and later received their full Army List in the articles published in White Dwarf number 111 in February 1989. The Army List was later collected with other articles in the softback bound "Compendium" (also known as "Red Book" or "Red Compendium") which was released in summer/fall of that same year (and actually were the last item of the Compendium, the original article having been published on WD mere months before). The army list was centered around the Warlord and its retinue which could be equipped either with ceremonial mesh or carapace armour or with terminator-grade Exo-armour (which made the unit virtually unstoppable by anything save Daemons, Terminators, Eldar Avatar or Exarchs and the heaviest of weapons), it could field ten troopers squads (clan warriors) which could select ad-libitum heavy weapons paying a very limited cost for them and Engineers' Guild bikes (complete with some vaguely Hell's Angels style imagery in the First Edition book), sidecars and trikes which provided hit-and run power due to swivel mounted heavy weaponry. Vehicles and Robots were also available at premium points cost (less than other human armies paid) due to the recognized technical savviness of the Squats, Adeptus Mechanicus envoys and Living Ancestor (venerable Squats who were literally millennia old) added more flavour to the troop choice.

===Squats in Epic===
[[Image:SquatArmy.jpg|thumb|right|They built giant guns to compensate for not having giant guns. Note also the Moles and Hellbore that GW forgot about around the same time.]]
[[Image:SquatCyclops.jpg|thumb|right|The Squats laugh at your pathetic Baneblade and obvious mediocrity in the trouser department.]]

While in 40K the Squats were roughly half an army, in [[Epic]] they really worked. As well as the biker companies you suddenly had access to an enormous supply of hardware with which the Squats would punish anyone who said they were compensating for something. These included [[Goliath Mega-Cannon|giant tracked mortars,]] [[Land Train|Land Trains,]] and massive tracked crawlers with Void Shields that were basically the Squat version of Titans; one, the [[Cyclops War Machine|Cyclops,]] was armed with what the modern fluff calls a Lance and could burn through multiple shields before hitting the target. Which is a little odd, because current fluff explains that the whole point of a ship's weapons batteries is to drop enemy shields so they can be finished off with lances (which are supposed to suck against void shields). Then again, the squats have always been more advanced. They had [[Overlord Armoured Airship|ironclad airships,]] [[Iron Eagle Gyrocopter|helicopters]] back when most Epic armies had no aircraft at all, and generally ruled.

===Chaos Squats===
Think that Squats had it bad? Well, these guys are pretty much the Squats ''of'' the Squats. Just as Fantasy had its [[Chaos Dwarfs]], so too did Squats have their Chaotically-inclined counterparts (alas, without hats). While there were no real rules for them on the tabletop, miniatures were released, because this was still when Citadel put out miniatures for things that didn't necessarily have gaming rules. They were allied to [[Chaos Space Marines]] and maintained their equipment, including building Titans and [[Daemon Engine|Daemon Engines]], in a role later taken over by the [[Dark Mechanicus]]. Some Squats fell to chaos during the Horus Heresy and fought for Horus. They were banished to the Eye of Terror along with the Traitor Legions when Horus was defeated. Also, Squats who fall to Chaos are willing to fight as mercenaries for Orks and Eldar...for some reason. Congratulations, you've just read everything there is to know about Chaos Squats that was ever written.

===When suddenly...===
They were eaten by [[Tyranid]]s. It is popularly believed that [[Games Workshop]] sends out teams to assassinate, kidnap, or otherwise inconvenience anyone who dares mention them. One possibility is that [[Dwarf Fortress|the Squat nobles demanded that some impossible-to-acquire item be put in each of their rooms, and thus locked up the entire working class of Squats, and the whole race starved.]] Another theory is that [[Creed]] is [[Just as planned|using his tactical genius to hide them until the final showdown with Chaos.]] It's kinda likely that, what with their "We haz teknologeez!", being Dwarves, drinking, not being assholes, and generally not being depressing, [[Games Workshop]] decided they weren't [[grimdark]] enuff, and subsequently fed them to the Tyranids (who exist to eat Games Workshop's mistakes, obviously), and at the same time branding the mention of <censored for heresy> as [[heresy]]. Heresy - the perfect excuse to [[retcon]]!

Squats are now /tg/'s version of the Candleja [[meme]] i'll end that right there.Anyway since mentioning them gets [[Inquisition|GW to send death squads after you]] the two memes cancel one another out.

==== A rare case of GW being completely honest ====
This is from 2004, back when honesty was A Thing, it seems:

''I know I shouldn't get drawn on this... but... can't... resist''

''Seriously, a couple of points just so you can have an informed debate based on the real reasons that Squats are no longer available. Be warned, it is going to be hard reading for people that like the Squat background.''

''First of all, Squats were *not* dropped because they were not selling well. There were then, and are now, plenty of other figure ranges that sell in the sort of % quantities that the Squats pulled down, especially when you look across all of the ranges produced by GW rather than just those for 40K.''

''No, the reason that the Squats were dropped was because the creatives in the Studio (people like me, Rick, Andy C, Gav etc) felt that we had failed to do the Dwarf 'archetype' justice in its 40K incarnation. From the name of the race (Squats - what *were* we thinking?!?!) through to the short bikers motif, we had managed to turn what was a proud and noble race in Warhammer and the other literary forms where the archetype exists, into a joke race in 40K. We only fully realized what we had done when we were working on the 2nd edition of 40K. Try as we might, we just couldn't work up much enthusiasm for the Squats. The mistake we made then (deeply regretted since) was to leave them in the background and the 'get you by' army list book that appeared. With hindsight, we should have dropped the Squats back then, and saved ourselves a lot of grief later on.''

''Anyway, the Squats made it into 2nd edition, and since we were doing army books for each of the races, we started to try and figure out what to do with them. Unfortunately we just couldn't figure out a way to update them and get them to work that we felt was good enough. The 'art' of working on an army as a designer is to find the thing that you think is cool and exciting about an army, and work it up into a strong theme. This 'muse' didn't strike any of us, and so, rather than bring out a second-rate product simply re-hashing the old background, we kept doing other army books instead, with stuff we did feel inspired by.''

''Now, while this was all going on for 40K, we were actually doing some rather good stuff for the Squats in Epic. On this scale there was a natural tendency to focus on the big 'hand-made' war machines the Squat artisans produced, and this created an army with a feel that was very different to the biker hordes in 40K. However, this tended to reinforce the problems we saw in the Squat background rather than alleviate them, underlining what we *should* have done with the Squats in 40K.''

''In the end (and it took years to really get to the roots of the problem) this led to a realisation that we were going to have to drop the Squats in their 'Squat' form from the 40K background. There was little point having a major race that we weren't willing to make an army book for, and their inclusion in the background meant that people kept asking us when we'd do a Squat Codex. Instead we decided that we'd write the Squats out of the background by saying that their [[Squat Homeworlds|Homeworlds]] had been devoured by a Tyranid Hivefleet. This would give us the option in the future to return to making a race based on the Squat archetype for 40K. This race was given the name of Demiurg, and a certain amount of preliminary work was done to get a 'feel' for what the race would be like. At present the only hint of the Demiurg in 40K is the Demiurg spaceship for BFG. However, we do have this race 'in our back pocket' as a possible new race for 40K, or an interesting character model in Inquisitor, or whatever. So far the Demiurg have lost out to other projects, and it may be that their time never actually comes, as they will have to win through on their merits, not simply because we once made some Squat models in the past. At present, I have to say that it is more likely that they *don't* make the cut than do, as there is a certain prejudice these days to simply taking races from Warhammer and cross them over to 40K like we did in the early days, so it may be that the Squats/Demiurg end up remaining a footnote in the history of the 40K galaxy. Only time will tell...''

''I'll finish off by saying that whatever we decide to do 'officially', there is nothing stopping players with Squat armies from using them, either in Epic or 40k for that matter. There is no GW 'rule' against using old Citadel Miniatures, as long as you use them with existing army lists and in a way that won't cause confusion for other players. I recommend taking a positive stand by saying "Have you seen these cool old models? They're called the Squats and GW used to make them back in the late eighties/early nineties. I love 'em, so I count them as Imperial Guard and use them with the current rules..." Put like this I can't imagine that anyone would stop you from using your army.''

''Best regards,''

''Jervis Johnson'' ''Head Fanatic ''

==== Some Context ====
[[File:Warhammer 40k squats DRW40k 04 by DaRealWurld40k.jpg|thumb|right|SILENCE, HERETIC! There is no tiny, little bearded man there! Nope! No Squats or tiny little bearded man here at all!]]

Note that all of the Squat material from the Rogue Trader era was written by [[Bryan Ansell|Bryan]], [[Nigel Stillman|Nigel]], and [[Graeme Davis]]. [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis]], [[Rick Priestley|Rick]], [[Andy Chambers|Andy]], et. al. never wrote anything new for the Squats in Warhammer 40,000. So their lack of enthusiasms wasn't because the fluff was objectively ''bad'' - it just wasn't ''theirs''.

The Squats Codex was explicitly mentioned in Codex Imperial Guard (1995), and implicitly mentioned from the first codex ever (Codex Space Wolves, 1993) and every Imperial codex up to and including Codex Angels of Death (1996), plus Codex Eldar (1994). The only Imperial codexes which did not mention Codex Squats were Codex Sisters of Battle and Codex Assassins - both from 1997, the last year of 2nd Edition and the point at which 3rd Edition would already have been well into development. So the decision to eliminate the Squats didn't actually happen until they had already decided to move to a whole new edition.

As this was the transition to the infamous Black Period of total and constant [[Grimdark]], perhaps it's for the best that the writers of the day didn't like them, so they didn't feel obligated to [[C.S. Goto|fuck them over in suspiciously extreme detail or fluffrape them into total irrelevance]].

Also, Jervis's comment on the Specialist Games forum is actually the only place where it says that the Squats were eaten by Tyranids - in all official sources, they simply stopped mentioning them. But in fact, Jervis and others did continue to mention them after they were removed, in various semi-official places, such as the Citadel Journal (where he simply said that the [[Squat Homeworlds]] were "taken over" by the Imperium).

Following Jervis's statement on the Specialist Games forum, Games Workshop began auto-banning anyone who even mentioned Squats on their forums. But not long after that they closed all of their forums anyway.

==== Then what ever happened to the Demiurg? ====
Essentially? Nothing. They were given all of two mentions in recent memory: first as a footnote on a list of [[Tau]] auxiliaries, then as a small enclave of asteroid miners that [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] killed by accident while fighting some Bad Moonz.

====What Happened According to /tg/====
Space [[Boatmurdered]]. Attempts to thwart the Tyranids with "fuck the world" levers failed. Casualties.... Too many.

[[Squat Crusade: The Musical|Or are trying to rebuild]]

== Squats continue to rear their [[Neckbeard|bearded]] heads ==
Games Workshop continues to show us that somewhere and somehow, a chained-up, barely-fed fluff-custodian is employed at the GW headquarters. He apparently gets loose every so often, and as evidence we present the tidbit he snuck in to the 6th Edition Rulebook.

Apparently, on page 405, the rulebook mentions Squats as a race of [[abhuman]]s, akin to Ogryn or Ratlings.

[http://i.imgur.com/WfOL7.jpg The Squat Reference]

Fanmade armylists for the Squats exists, the one most played and best playtested hosted over at 40konline.com, on their "Lost and Damned"-board.

They also have their own facebook group, but searching for "squat" literally fills your screen with ass. Beware.

In the seventh edition rulebook, squats are also mentioned in a list of known abhumans (along with a bunch of feline thingies). They're not even in the list of the extinct and dying out ones!!!

This trend was continued in the eighth edition corebook (page 279) and thus it seems that the idea of Squats being extinct may have been ''greatly'' exaggerated. Cue hopes of Squats making a triumphant return.

An entire video game has been made about the squats! Sure the Tyranids look a little weird but they'll still eat you like a Ratling at a buffet. https://www.deeprockgalactic.com/ Play now and die horribly while trying to mine gold on some Emperor forsaken planet.

==GUEEEEEESS WHAAAAAAT!? WE BACK NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!!==
[[File:We_Back_Motherfuckers!.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Y'all bitches miss me yet?]]
{{topquote|HOLY SHIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY BACK!|Everybody's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|THEY HAVE RETURNED THE GREAT BEARDED SPESS DWORFZ RETURN!|Every Squat Player's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|So uhhhh... what happens now?|Duncan upon breaking the clock like a wazzock}}

It has been done.

Through either the act of some unseen force, or the pure power of Memetic Magic harnessed by Kek it has finally been done.

The [[Meme]] was finally broken. The Squats were....unsquatted....in Necromunda only, but still. We did the unthinkable, we brought a race that has been decommissioned for over 20 goddamned years back into tabletop gaming. Mother of Christ' titties [[Lulz|we actually got back our Spess Dorfs before Plastic Sisters did.]]

The first new Squat in decades was called Grendl Grendlsen. His lore mentioned that his mercenary unit was wiped out, leading him to become a bounty hunter in the underhive. Roughly a year after his release ''another'' new Squat model was announced, an ammo-jack hanger-on named Ragnir Gunnstein.

So far they are only playable for Necromunda, with them serving a variety of roles. But the chances of having an actual Squat Codex for 8th edition is still iffy, with the Squats being confined to specialist games being most likely. But so far we are quite content with them returning. Shit man, GeeDubs have seriously been pulling the moves lately.

And so, finally, after 20 years of waiting...

'''SQUATS LIVE'''

There's also a persistent rumour that they'll come back as a <strike>Astra Militarum</strike> Imperial Guard 'theme' alongside plastic [[Attilan Rough Riders]], [[Death Korps of Krieg]] and [[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]. Yeah right. Additionally, some very easy to miss fluff in the rear of the core Rulebook for 8th edition actually refers to Squats as a species of Abhuman.

==Models Are Available!!!!==
[[Mantic Games]] make a range of models called [[Forge Fathers]] which are space-dwarfs for their sci-fi game [[Warpath]], so if you want a Squat army you can have one! They're in 28mm so they could be used for 40K (use the Space Marine list and make up some appropriate house rules). As of now they have tanks, fully posable troopers and terminators too.

'''Hasslefree Miniatures''' make a range of models called "Grymm" which are dwarf space soldiers. They have close combat, light infantry, heavy infantry, specialists, and commander models. They even have a dwarf walker mech[http://www.hfminis.co.uk/shop?category=miniatures].

A Kickstarter worth your attention for models[http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1693348960/metal-beards-tabletop-dwarf-army] for an army of armoured dwarfs is a good option. Though it may have ended by the time you read this.

'''Ramshackle Games''' also produces biker gang and Land Train proxies. [http://www.ramshacklegames.co.uk/newrel.html]

There's also the "Scrunt" by Olleys Armies Wargame Miniatures.

And now thanks to [[Age of Sigmar]] you got the [[Kharadron Overlords]], [[Awesome|they are steam-armoured flying pirate dwarfs]]! There is a running gag that states that the Kharadron Overlords are surviving Squats who had fled Warhammer 40,000 into Warhammer Age of Sigmar due to how 40k the Kharadron models look. Time to get the conversions up and running! We recommend one of the space marine codexs that can take flying transport or flyer heavy Tempestus so you can use all those sweet Æther ships.

For playing Squats with the Horus Heresy books. The Imperial Militia and Cults army list will allow players to create a decent proxy. Buy a Force Commander, give him the Survivors of the Dark Age and Abhuman Helots Provenances of War. This allows you to use [[Rhino|Rhinos]] and the [[Land Raider Proteus]] as dedicated transports. For small amount of points you can upgrade the Rotor Cannons and Las-weapons of Grenadier and Platoon Command Cadre squads. Since both squads have access to Bolters and Grenade Launchers most players will take them instead.
Ogryns outside of the Solar Auxilia suck if you're not taking Power Weapons. Due to their low BS of two. Three Enginseer Auxilia Adepts and fully kitted out Servo-Automata with Phased Plasma-fusils or GLs are the superior Elite option.

== Gallery ==

<gallery>
File:Squat-ammo-jack-necromunda-4.jpg|Ragnir Gunnstein reporting for duty!
File:Spacedorfs.png|OH FUCK YES
File:Bikersquats.jpg|space dorf bikers B-B-BAD TO THE BONE (this was a whole thing)
File:Spacedorf2.png|SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH .... they were doing the hit'n'run tactic thing since [[Dark Eldar|before the mincy little faggot BSDM elves]] or the [[White Scars|those inscrutable orientals]] were
Image:Resin_Glory.jpg|The Squats make their triumphant return with a new resin model.
Image:Grymm_lmg.jpg|I'm surprised you dwarf nuts haven't found these Hasslefree minis yet lol. I don't like dwarfs much myself but I wouldn't mind fighting beside ''these'' guys.
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad_(Bareheaded).jpg
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad(helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Squad_(Helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_admiral.jpg
Image:Grymm WALKER.jpg| "[[meme|METAL GEAR?!]]"
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
Image:1207616355827.jpg|Welcome to the club, Sisters.
Image:Squats rally.jpg|Rally to m
Image:ripsquats.jpg
Image:squats_are_common.jpg|"Squats are common inhabitants in the Imperium..."
Image:Squat Codex.jpg|You may include troops but we won't.
File:Squats combat Cards citadel Cc spacewar 06 gorun.png|Militant-armored-cybernetic-warrior-space-midgets? Yep. They cover all the bases in the 41st millennium. (Or they used to...)
Image:The results.jpg|When the Squats were rediscovered, the Imperium's first reaction was to argue over who was to blame for losing them.
Image:Squat_Cyclops1024.jpg|[[Awesome|Squat Cyclops in all its glory]]
Image:GWquisition.jpg
Image:This never happened.jpg|If anyone asks, I didn't put this picture here. In fact, if anyone asks, deny this picture exi-
</gallery>

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