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Nazi Equipment

2020-01-01T09:36:12Z

2601:1C0:5C00:C130:58C4:C4F:3A73:E0D7: /* Tank Destroyers/Assault Guns */

[[Nazi|Nazis]]. History's most stylish villains. They're famous as much for their cool equipment as for their total evilness, and because of its distinctive aesthetic and reputation- they did develop some of the most technologically advanced weapons of the 1940s, after all- it gets a lot of use in games, both traditional and otherwise. Here's a hilariously non-brief overview. As a general rule of thumb (with the exception of the Karabiner 98 which predated the Nazis by decades) Nazi equipment was [[plasma|very advanced in concept and potentially quite strong, but overly complicated and unreliable to the point of being dangerous to its user.]]

===Small Arms===
* '''''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkBrh1euWg0 Karabiner 98 kurz]'':''' ("Carbine 1898 short" in German, also called simply ''Gewehr 98'', "rifle of [18]98") The standard German infantry rifle during WWII from the old Mauser family (the Mauser action was used in dozens of countries and is still in wide use today: Mauser rifles from WWI era caches and beyond are still being demilitarized and sold to people, primarily for hunting, ''today''.) It was beginning to become dated in WWII, given that it was essentially just a shorter version of the venerable Gewehr 98 which armed most German soldiers in WWI. It used 7.92×57mm Mauser ammunition (often shortened to "8mm Mauser"). The rifle's strengths were that it was fairly cheap, very accurate, and reliable. But its drawbacks were that it had a slow rate of fire and only a five-round magazine. The easiest weapon to compare it to in WWII would be the Soviet Mosin Nagant, which was cheaper to make (and currently in something of a renaissance as very inexpensive Soviet era demilitarized versions were sold in huge numbers not too long ago.) It fell short compared to the British SMLE rifle, which had a ten-round magazine and had a good rate of fire for a bolt action, though it has a substantial advantage due to 8mm Mauser being rimless while .303 British is not. Worse yet, the Karabiner 98k also went up against the semi-automatic American M1 Garand (which General Patton had called "the greatest weapon ever devised") which vastly outperformed it in spitting bullets down range. (All of the above are roughly the same range of calibre—.30 [inches] or 7 to 8mm—one which remains in use today by almost every major military as well as many civilian uses, although today's fashion is for smaller calibre, higher velocity rounds for infantry.) Even then, the gun was generally quite well regarded for what it was and there was plenty of them to go around. It was also the go-to weapon for German snipers who affixed a scope to it. The gun is still in use today actually, it is still the German army's drill rifle, some states still use versions of it as a sniper rifle and it's sometimes found in Iraq and other third world nations where it acts as a cheap marksman's rifle. Of course, it's also an excellent hunting rifle in civilian hands.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUjPeAgvf3U '''''Gewehr 43'']:''' "Rifle 1943". the German army's semi-automatic rifle. This weapon was developed in response to their invasion of the Soviet Union, where the Germans were shocked to find Soviet troops brandishing semi-automatic rifles (the SVT-40, primarily), drastically out-gunning their troops in firefights. The result was a fairly decent semi-automatic rifle/carbine chambered for the same rounds as the Kar98k, which derived many of it's concepts, while not being an outright clone of, the SVT-40. The rifle's magazine was also not built-in in that its detachable (allowing for quick reloads) but still had the option of allowing the shooter to rapidly use stripper-clips when reloading (either attaching them directly to the weapon from above, or using them to push several bullets at once into a magazine which attached to the rifle below.) Much like the Kar98k, it worked well as a marksman/sniper's weapon when affixed with a scope. Unfortunately, mechanically it was far from perfect as it was overgassed (not surprising, as the gas pressure that was tapped from the barrel to cycle the semi-automatic action proved to be too strong for the rifle's quite complicated mechanism, especially when made by unskilled workers from lower-quality steel). This resulted in (comparatively) frequent breakdowns and shattered parts, in addition to requiring more maintenance. Copying overmuch from the SVT-40 may have also contributed to this problem, as the 7.62x54mmR cartridge in the SVT-40 produces a lower gas pressure than the 7.92x57mm Mauser. For this reason, the G43 wasn't a very popular weapon among German troops, though its firepower was still welcome.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdQhO8FtY7c '''''Maschinenpistole 38/40'']:''' "Machine pistol 1938/1940", the iconic MP 40 is a slightly updated variant more suitable for mass-production. The most common German submachine gun through the war used mainly by squad leaders and troops fighting in urban areas. It was also the go-to weapon of specialist units like paratroopers and the SS. Uses a 32-round magazine chambered for 9x19mm rounds and typically comes with a folding wire stock. In general pretty good but only a million of them were produced, compared to the millions of SMGs made by the British, Americans and Soviets. [[Derp|The primary weapon of the Nazis, according to Hollywood at least, where every single German grunt has one.]] Known for its rather simplistic design; the weapon had only one fire setting (automatic), though its cyclical rate was much lower than equivalent Allied SMGs, allowing aimed single shots at the cost of some room-clearing power. Was a major influence that can still be seen in SMG development.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIX1EL1hTmE '''''Pistole Parabellum 1908'']:''' "Pistol Parabellum 1908". The Nazis used a bunch of pistols in truth, but none are as iconic of the Third Reich as the P08 Luger with its joint armed breech. It could load an eight-round box magazine or a thirty-two-round drum. The 9x19mm Parabellum cartridge was initially designed for this pistol and is still one of the most common pistol calibers in the world. It was eventually phased out in favor of the P38 as being a standard-issue sidearm due to the Luger being too expensive to manufacture for the entire German army, although the Luger was still available for the troops and officers who could afford it. The Luger was also somewhat unique at the time in that it could still double as a pistol carbine by affixing a stock and a 32-round drum-magazine to it, when carbine-convertible pistols had started falling out of fashion years before. The exotic toggle-lock mechanism of the gun meant it had shitty reliability in field conditions, but the gun was made at a time when sidearms were typically issued to specialists, officers, and policemen, who were typically away from conditions that could foul up the gun. WW2 era produced Lugers go for several thousand dollars *today* as collectibles.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXAMma6mUq8 '''Walther ''Pistole 38'']:''' "Walther Pistol 1938". The Walther P38 replaced the Luger P08 as the Wermacht service pistol just before World War II due to it being cheaper to produce. It loaded a 9x19mm eight-round detachable box magazine. Nerds will recognize this as G1 Megatron's alt-mode. MUCH more common than the Luger despite what Hollywood would tell you, and a decent pistol, if a bit annoying due to its hard-to-pull trigger.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vkU3CIPdMk '''Mauser ''Construktion 96'']:''' "Construction 1896". Popularly known as the "Boxcannon" (by the Chinese) and "Broomhandle" (by most everyone else); it loaded ten rounds from a stripper clip into an internal magazine, although there was also an option for a 20-round magazine that had the added bonus of the entire magazine being detachable instead of being built-into the weapon. The C96 was typically chambered for either the newer 9x19mm or the original 7.63x25mm rounds (which were so high velocity for a pistol cartridge of the time that they were only surpassed with the later development of the .357 Magnum). The C96 was not typically issued to the main German army during WW2—only the Luftwaffe were known users of the weapon during the war, as sidearms for their pilots. It was also one of the first and most iconic of the pistol carbine designs, innovating the wooden holster that could double as a detachable stock, making it (and Spanish and Chinese knockoffs) extremely popular in areas like China where proper longarms might be either too expensive or banned from import. However, by the 30s and 40s, this feature had fallen out of fashion in the West and wasn't included in newer production models, with only a few being modified to restore the functionality. Nerds will recognize this as Han Solo's DL-44 blaster pistol from the original ''Star Wars'' trilogy, with some gubbins glued to it to make it more sci-fi.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4COZpIw9UMI '''Walther Polizeipistole/Polizeipistole Kurz''']: "Police Pistol/Police Pistol short". You know this one, it's the gun made popular by Ian Fleming and James Bond super-spy character. The Walther PP is a compact pistol that was typically issued to German police units (Kripo, Gestapo, Gefepo and Feldgendarmerie), but also as a sidearm to military officers. The PPK variant was an even smaller version of the PP, designed for concealed carry in mind (in fact it was so small that it can typically fit into the sleeves of most longcoats, making it useful for infiltrators). It could come chambered for either 7.65mm (.32 ACP to Americans) or 9x17mm (.380 Auto) rounds. The Cold War era Soviet Makarov pistol would largely be based on the PP pistols, though in a (slightly) more powerful cartridge known as 9x18 or 9mm Makarov (which is actually thicker than the now ubiquitous 9x17/9mm Parabellum, since Soviets measured width from a different part of the cartridge). The PPK and cheaper clones (such as the Bersa Thunder, in .380 ACP or 9mm Kurz "Short") are readily available today and basically never stopped production.

* [https://www.forgottenweapons.com/evolution-of-the-sturmgewehr-mp431-mp43-mp44-and-stg44/ '''''Sturmgewehr 44'']:''' The "Assault rifle 1944" was the first assault rifle adopted on a large scale. Fun fact - the name was suggested by Hitler and was pure propaganda. Chambered for the new 7.92x33mm Kurz cartridge, it gave a rifleman the power and accuracy of a rifle with the rate of fire of a submachine gun. As its name suggests, it entered the war very late, even though it is only an updated version of the MKB42, which, as the name suggests, came into the war mid-early 1942. In a rare demonstration of common sense, Hitler vetoed its mass deployment early on due to logistics (replacing over 10 million '98k' rifles with a new model that used different ammo couldn't be done overnight, or cheaply), though he approved of the idea and changed his mind later in the war when it became clear a limited impact would be better than none at all. This, combined with the fact that producing the Stg44 required the industry to adapt their tooling, and recurrent shortages of resources later in the war, heavily limited the scale at which they were produced. It was not that difficult to make though, being to Kar98 what Panther was to Panzer IV - roughly 120% of resources for superior result. It also had some mechanical issues, including a fragile feed mechanism which could jam if the rifle was knocked over. Anecdote: one of its optional attachments was the ''Krummlauf'', a curved barrel and periscope for firing around corners or from inside a vehicle hatch. Yes, it worked, but the bullets often shattered as they skittered along the curve of the barrel, causing a shotgun-like spread, and the barrels wore out quickly. In any case, the troops who received the regular Stg44 loved them because it gave the firepower of a submachine gun at about three times the effective range—and it was particularly interesting to the Russians, with contest for new "avtomat" design starting in 1943, even before Stg44 entered official mass production. Due to effectively already winning a war, USSR's Ministry of Defense decided that, instead of taking what they could in 1944, all designs should be perfected as neither suited demands perfectly (especially ones about weight as Stg44 was deemed to be too heavy) - and we all know what the final result was.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfJkU4Sah8I '''''Maschinengewehr 42'']:''' "Machine gun 1942". German military doctrine during WWII was built around the machine gun and, as such, the Germans developed an exceptional machine gun in the MG 42 (basically an improved but functionally identical version of the earlier MG 34). It was lightweight at 11.7 kg, was belt fed unlike the magazine fed LMGs it usually went against, and it could nominally fire 1,200 rounds per minute (although, in practice, it was actually even faster) while most other machine guns could barely reach 600. That much [[dakka]] causes a lot of heat, so the gun was designed for easy swapping of barrels; although even with the barrels being regularly changed it was not uncommon for these guns to fire so fast that a cartridge would ignite before being fully loaded, completely breaking the gun and potentially injuring the gun's crew. Its terrifying rate of fire and distinctive report earned it the nickname "Hitler's Buzzsaw". The MG 42 was the basis for numerous other weapons throughout the Cold War (and is still used in NATO-forces today as MG3, they only changed to NATO-standard-caliber and reduced the firing rate to actually be 1200 rounds per minute, as opposed to the 1500 rpm of the original MG42). The MG3 is still widely exported and its production licensed to NATO and allies. A ''double barrel'' variant of the MG3 was also produced as a ''low cost Minigun alternative''.

* '''''Maschinengewehr 34'':''' The predecessor to the MG 42, it was still in wide use at the start of the war. It had a lower, more controllable rate of fire of around 800-900 RPM, and had a single-shot mode that was removed in the MG 42. Its production went on parallel to the MG 42 because its swing-down barrel-swap method was more compatible with vehicle ball mounts than MG 42's slide-open method, so all MGs seen on German tanks even late in the war were still MG 34's.

* '''''Fallschirmjägergewehr 42'':''' "Paratrooper rifle 1942", and if a K98k and a MG42 could have a baby together this battle rifle would be it. Created in limited numbers for the exclusive use of German paratroopers. The high-ups realized that the K98k was too long for paratroopers, and the MP40 wasn't suitable outside of urban combat, so they wanted something that handled like a carbine but could fire like a machine gun. the FG 42 was designed as a shorter, automatic battle rifle to give paratroops superior firepower, using a side-loading box magazine. Its high recoil made automatic fire inadvisable, as with later automatic high-caliber battle rifles such as the US M14. While it never really took off, it was quite the solid design, and is notable for influencing the design of the MG 42 (along with the American M60 machine gun after the war).

* '''''Hafthohlladung'':''' In English, "Attachable Shaped Charge" (get used to this very literal naming scheme, it continues below). Very soon into the war, the Germans realized they would never have enough tanks and AT guns to go around, so they developed weapons that would allow an infantryman to (in theory, at least) deal with a tank. The Hafthohlladung was such an early attempt. A big AT grenade with three magnets that allowed it to stick to any metallic surface, it would make a nice hole into any tank it was attached to... Which makes the weapon's main drawback immediately clear: [[Tankbustas|running up to an operational tank to slap a bomb to its flank wasn't exactly safe]]. In theory, you could also try to [[Genestealer cults|wait and hide in ambush]] for the tank to pass close by since visibility from inside a tank wasn't that great, but that would require being able to anticipate the path of the tank (without accidentally getting run over), and tanks were often supported by infantry anyway. The Hafthohlladung wasn't really a successful weapon and saw only limited use, but it paved the way for the next item on the list:

* '''''Panzerfaust'':''' "Armor fist", or, more literally, "tank fist". A disposable one-shot anti-armor weapon for use against tanks and entrenched positions. Really cheap to produce, lightweight, and able to do a lot of damage to tanks at close range (maximum range being at most 150 meters for the later models). And it was really easy to use: hold in crook of the arm, flip a switch up that becomes an iron sight (and also arms the weapon), aim, squeeze the firing lever, and enjoy the fireworks. The basic idea of how they were used was to give one guy in every squad (or more) one of them so that if a tank ever did get close, there was a chance they'd be able to take it out or do some damage. This, among other things, made allied generals wary about sending tanks to clear out German infantry forces, especially among the ambush-friendly hedgerows of northern Europe. That said, Panzerfausts were useless for trying to snipe at tanks from a distance (with an effective range of about 60m of the most produced versions) and could not be reloaded with another rocket, preventing most troops from carrying more than one shot on their person. In the last days of the war, the Nazis gave these to grannies and kids on the off-chance that they could destroy an allied tank when they rolled into town. In fact, it was so cheap to produce every member of late Volkssturm was generally issued one, while every third was lucky enough to be issued a rifle. Looked like a fist in a tube, hence the name. Its general design was later copied by the Russians, eventually used in the RPG-2 and RPG-7 rocket launchers. The concept of the Panzerfaust is still very much alive in the form of many "Light Anti-tank Weapons" (M72, AT4, MATADOR,...) in use today.

* '''''Panzerschreck'':''' "Armor terror", or "tank fright". A reusable anti-tank rocket launcher based off captured American bazookas, and you can almost imagine the Nazi scientist getting one and saying "[[Ork|Bigga is Betta!]]" It was larger than the Bazooka, with an 88mm muzzle size (where the first Bazooka was only 60mm)—in fact, it is still larger than most rocket launchers and mortars in use today. Like the Bazooka, but unlike the Panzerfaust, it could be reloaded, and had a longer range than the Faust bar the latest version. The Panzerschreck has a distinctive steel blast shield in front, which has to do with the larger rocket blowing hot exhaust into the users face. Early models without the shield ended up requiring the operator to wear a gasmask and protective poncho (which must have sucked for the first person to test it, before they figured that out). The Panzershreck was more useful as an offensive weapon than the Panzerfaust, since it was capable of easily penetrating the armor of any tank they faced (and at better ranges) thanks to the bigger rocket. But on the other hand, it was very much a temperamental weapon that required trained operators, so its use was restricted to dedicated tank hunter teams (unlike the Panzerfaust, which was simple enough that a 10-year old kid could handle it).

*'''''Panzerwurfmine'':''' "Mine to be thrown at tanks" (don't say we didn't warn you about the names). Another attempt at allowing infantrymen to deal with a tank, this is basically a shaped charge with deployable stabilizing cloth fins that was thrown overhand to land on the top a tank and blow a nice, big hole through it. Cheap to produce and very efficient, but it required lots of practice to use, so it was only given to trained "[[Tankbustas|tank-hunter]]" teams. The Russians captured some of those, were duly impressed, and promptly refined the German concept into their own "RPG-6" AT hand grenade that was just as cheap and efficient but way easier to use, and so good it was still part of their arsenal when the Soviet Union fell and can still be found all over the world in relatively low-intensity conflicts. Sure, it won't kill a modern tank, but it sure as hell will kill third-world militia in up-gunned Toyotas.

*'''''Captured Weapons''''': Due to necessity and practicality, German troops also commonly used enemy equipment from all sides, predominantly Soviet weapons due to their large sweeps during the first stage of the invasion of Russia. To ease supply concerns, some weapons were converted to use standard German ammunition like the ''PPSh-41 submachine-gun'' (which was converted from 7.62x25mm to 9x19mm), while others actually had new Soviet-style ammunition made for them in converted factories.

===Vehicles===
====Tanks====
German tanks were in general well designed, but in hindsight were overengineered and prone to breakdowns in the field. For example, take their ''Schachtellaufwerk'' (interleaved roadwheels system for tracks). The idea was: more roadwheels = weight distributed more evenly over track = less ground pressure = less bogging down and/or a higher maximum load. It was also supposed to lessen tank shaking and allow to fire (relatively) accurately on the move. Great idea on paper, and a pretty good one when testing prototypes at home... but an absolute hell on the Eastern front, where the almost supernaturally awful mud (or ''rasputitza'') infiltrated between the wheels before freezing and breaking everything. Cue hour after hour of work for the maintenance teams, removing the track and wheels for cleaning before mounting them again [[FAIL|each and every time the goddamn tank sortied]], where a more traditional slack-track system would have required much less cleaning. And let's not even get into ''real'' mechanical breakdowns...

In the end, the true selling point of the ''Panzerwaffe'' was not the tanks themselves, but instead, primarily, the tactics of using them, the crew members manning them, the mechanics supporting them, and the radios installed in every tank that allowed for a level of coordination between tanks, infantry, and artillery not seen before the start of WWII (which formed the core of ''Blitzkrieg'' tactics). This, along with some powerful late-war designs, occasionally gave German tanks an edge over Allied tanks until production problems, stability issues and most of all fuel shortages became overwhelming.

German tanks are called "''Panzer''", which when directly translated means "''armor''", and more specifically is the shortened version of "''Panzerkampfwagen''" (Armored Fighting Vehicle). The name is often abbreviated to just "PzKpfw".
* '''Panzer I:''' Designed and produced in defiance of the Treaty of Versailles, the ''Panzerkampfwagen I'' was the first Nazi tank. It was small, weighing only 5.4 tonnes, and was armed only with two MG-13 machine guns. Some 1,493 were made, and were most notable in that they allowed tank crews to be trained, and (after being sent to Spain) let tank doctrines be developed that later allowed the Nazis to take over Poland. They saw some use at the beginning of WWII, but were pretty soon deemed to be out of date even on scouting missions. Until they were deemed totally obsolete, they were continuously upgraded and specialized, and had several variants including a potential recon paratrooper-tank. Primary Nazi tank of the Condor legion in the Spanish Civil War [[File:Panzer I.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Mein Herr! Can't ve get somezing better zan zis Panzer I?]] As with a lot of Nazi tanks that became obsolete, the old PzKpfw 1s were sometimes stripped to the chassis and repurposed for things such as artillery and tank-destroyer roles, though this was relatively rare.
* '''Panzer II:''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen II'' was designed using the experience gained in the Spanish Civil War. Heavier than the Panzer I at 8.9 tonnes, it was designed as a stopgap, as the Panzer III and IV were experiencing delays in production. It was armed with a dinky automatic 20mm cannon that was little better than an anti-tank rifle. Common during the early war, it was made obsolete by the arrival of the Panzer III and IV, and relegated to reconnaissance duties, training, or conversion into open-topped tank destroyers. Much like it's younger brother, it too was pushed through several variants; however, instead of trying to upgrade it to stay in main-line action, it was turned into a better scout tank so that the Panzer III could take over the main-line role. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Poland and France.
* '''Panzer III:''' One of the two main German tanks of the war, the ''Panzerkampfwagen III'' was about when Germany really got the hang of this whole tank design thing. Introduced in 1939, it weighed 23 tonnes, carried a 37mm anti tank gun, and notably had a turret big enough for three guys (which is actually more important than you might think, as it allows the crew to share the workload, e.g., the Loader's only task would be to load the gun with correct ammo in as short time as possible, the Gunner focuses on aiming and firing the gun, while the Commander can retain situational awareness and, well, give orders). Contemporary tanks usually had two- or even one-man turrets, forcing the crew to share responsibilities, thus lowering combat efficiency. The Panzer III was designed from the ground up to engage enemy tanks, rather than the infantry and light vehicles of earlier models. In Poland, France, and North Africa it did well, even though some French vehicles still outgunned them. Against Soviet T-34s, however, it was completely insufficient, unless upgraded to a 50mm gun and firing APDS. Thankfully, unlike the French and Russians, the Panzer III were all equipped with radios, allowing them to out-maneuver the un-radioed yet otherwise better tanks. Production stopped in 1942, but since they had built 5,774 of them, they stayed in service until the end of the war. The chassis was used to produce the StuG assault cannon (although "Geschütz" is hard to translate to English: it's neither a mere gun, nor a cannon, being more of a tank destroyer, i.e., a "sniper"-style tank), which would be the most widely produced German vehicle of the war. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Soviet Union.
* '''Panzer IV:''' Ultimately the most common German made tank, with nearly 9,000 units being built over the course of the war (now compare numbers with those of Sherman and T-34), the ''Panzerkampfwagen IV'' was the Panzer III's big brother. The Panzer IV was originally intended to be used against infantry and was armed with a low-velocity 75mm gun for blowing stuff up with explosive shells. After the invasion of Russia they switched to a 50mm anti-tank gun, and later a 75mm high-velocity cannon while also being up-armored to an absolute weight limit of a chassis. After that upgrade, it was generally on par with the T-34 and M4 Sherman (on average, at least—they had a less powerful engine, but better optics). Unlike early Soviet tanks, every Panzer IV generally had a working a radio receiver. It's chassis became the foundation of many German vehicles of all classifications. Primary Nazi tank from 1942 to the end of the war in 1945.
* '''Panzer V Panther:''' The Panther was introduced in 1943 and is often argued to be the the best tank of the war. It copied many features of the T-34 and improved on them. It was listed as a "medium tank," despite weighing in at 44.8 tonnes. Its 75mm/L70 gun was one of the most powerful tank guns of the war, and could destroy any Allied tank. Its frontal armor was more effective than that of the Tiger's. A swift and hard as nails death machine... when it was in working order, that is. The Panther was rushed into service and had even more mechanical problems than the Tiger did due to its rushed design. On the plus side, the Panther was only about 20% more expensive to produce than the Panzer IV, and the Germans managed to produce 6,000 of them, though switching over did cost them in terms of other production due to the necessary retooling time. Along with the Tigers, this was enough to get the Americans and British to make the Sherman Firefly and the Soviets to make up-armored and up-gunned T-34-85s. Along with the aforementioned US and Soviet tanks, the Panther eventually became the inspiration for the post-war "Main Battle Tank" concept. An upgraded Panther II was planned, but never entered production. [[File:Panther_Tank.jpg|thumb|left|300px|Zis vill do nicely! Danke!... Gott im Himmel, zat's a lot of Shermans!]]
* '''Panzer VI Tiger:''' Even before invading Russia, the generals of the Wehrmacht sent requests for a tank that could be called "heavy", mostly after seeing French B1's in action, however brief or desperate. But only the shock of encountering previously unknown Soviet KV-1s and T-34s gave a necessary push and resources to the project, as perceived German tank superiority was shattered. The Nazi top brass took this as a challenge to create the ultimate tanks, and the result of said project were "the Big Cats". The first of these was the Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger heavy tank, which entered service in 1942 (yes, the Pz. V actually came out after the VI did). Heavy definitely described the Tiger: it weighed 54 tonnes, had a 690 hp engine, had up to 100mm of armor, and was armed with a massive 88mm cannon that could take out a T-34 or Sherman from 2 kilometers with ease; in fact, it could do this to ''any tank the Allies would have at any point of the war'' from one kilometer away, barring IS-2s and Churchill VIIs. Despite this, the Tiger was over-engineered mechanically and somewhat under-designed chassis-wise. It was expensive and labor intensive to build, had reliability issues, and was horribly maintenance-intensive. The Tiger chassis was essentially an upgraded Pz. IV (and therefore a [[Metal Boxes|metal box]]), and the design took no advantage of the sloped armor concept the Russians were by then fielding in the T-34, which made the Tiger heavier and slower than it could have been for the same armor effectiveness. Only 1,347 Tigers were built, but they did have an effect on Allied morale. In one instance a single Tiger destroyed most of the 22nd Armoured Brigade and forced them to retreat (Battle of Villers-Bocage). The Tiger is without a doubt the most famous (and overrated, due to the problems listed above) tank of WWII, known even to those illiterates who think WWII was only fought between America and Germany, and if most video games are to be believed, every Nazi tank was a Tiger. That is, however, somewhat understandable given just how often allied tankers yelled 'Tiger' whenever they lost a tank, even to a regular Pz IV (which could be mistaken for a Tiger at a distance). The Tiger and Panther tanks, like a used car, came with an owner's manual (the Tigerfibel and Pantherfibel, respectively), and Heinz Guderian (one of Germany's, and possibly the entire war's, best tank commanders) wanted every tank crew to read the manual. But even back then, people understood just how few guys actually read the instruction manual for anything. So it was written as a fun book to read, with humor, poetry, and naked girls alongside the information about how to use two of the most famous heavy tanks to be fielded in WWII.
* '''Tiger II:''' The Tiger II, sometimes known as the King Tiger (from an incorrect translation of ''Königstiger'', meaning "Bengal Tiger", but which literally translates to "Royal Tiger"), was the ultimate German tank, and introduced in 1944 as a successor to the Tiger. It weighed 68.5 tonnes (more than most modern tanks) and had 150mm of frontal armor, which was even sloped (a huge step forward from the boxy Tiger I)! Even so, between limited resources and an increasingly bombed-out industrial base, only 492 of these behemoths rolled off the assembly line before the war ended. These tanks were considered to be just as temperamental as the Tiger I, but for different reasons. The designers learned how to fix some of the problems with the Tiger I, and promptly over-built the Tiger II even more after patching the holes, because they thought they had wiggle room or something.
*'''Anything they could steal:''' From French [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Char_B1#Operational_history B1 heavy tanks] to Soviet [http://www.achtungpanzer.com/panzerkampfwagen-t-34r-soviet-t-34-in-german-service.htm T-34's] to American [http://beutepanzer.ru/Beutepanzer/us/M4_sherman/m4-75-sherman-01.htm Shermans], the Nazis used everything they could get their hands on like Orks in clean uniforms (not that the Allies were any different: Soviets, for example, had several companies armed with Panzers V used as tank destroyers). This became so chronic that the British had a strong rule in place that said any tank which could not be repaired or salvaged was to be destroyed, so the Germans wouldn't pinch it. They deployed stolen tanks pretty much everywhere, and of every type; hell, even Renault FT-17s were used in police roles in some areas.
**'''Panzer 35(t) and 38(t):''' the most famous tanks the Nazi <s>stole</s> were supplied with by puppet governments all across Europe were the PZ 35(t) and 38(t). Light tanks, both were Czech designs (hence the (t) for ''tschechisch'') Germany acquired when they took over first the Sudetenland, and then the rest of Czechoslovakia. While very useful early in the war, the designs were rendered obsolete by 1942 (they simply couldn't compete against a T-34), and the chassis was instead used to produce Marder 2 and Hetzer tank destroyers. A version of the 38(t), called the Stridsvagn m/41, was also used by Sweden. The vehicle's Czech steel was lower-quality than German stock.

====Tank Destroyers/Assault Guns====
Between the First and Second World Wars, various nations were still trying to figure out what good designs were for armored vehicles. This is the same era that gave us the British infantry and cavalry tank concept. In response to the super heavy British infantry tanks of the time, the Germans were quick to invent and use an armored doctrine they called ''Panzerjäger'' (tank hunters). The concept was to stick a huge gun (too big to put in a proper turret with then available technology) onto a vehicle with a fixed casemate and open top to allow the heavy gun to be moved around easily. Think like the [[Basilisk]], only built for direct fire. Later in the war, Germany discarded the lighter Panzerjäger tank destroyers and instead designed big heavy tank destroyers, with thick armor and guns big enough to make an ork blush with envy, and labeled the class "''Jagdpanzer''" (hunter-tank). Panzerjäger of both types had the advantage of being cheaper and simpler to make than turreted tanks, and having lower silhouettes that allowed for easier ambushes. Plus it was easy to convert an otherwise out of date, under-gunned tank into a destroyer. The disadvantage was, of course, that they had no turrets, so they could be outflanked and had no way to point their guns at any targets that did not drive in front of them short of turning the entire tank around.
*'''Panzerjäger I''': Remember that little note in the Panzer 1's description on how it was repurposed? Well, this is the end result. What basically amounts to a Panzer I with its turret taken off and a casemate installed instead, it had a nice 4.7cm anti-tank gun but was relatively weak otherwise. There were no vision slits in the casemate, meaning that in order to aim, the crew had to peek over the top and get themselves shot in the head (a pressing issue in particular for Anti-Tank battalion 643).
*'''Marder:''' The Marder 1, 2, and 3 were all very similar tank destroyers, hence why they share a listing. The Marder 1 is based on the chassis of the French Lorraine 37L tractor, the Marder 2 is based off the Panzer II chassis, and the Marder III is based of off the Panzer 38(t) (the "T" means it was Czech in origin, not that it weighed 38 tons). All three were open topped and armed with either 7.5 cm cannons or converted Russian 76 mm cannons they stole early in their invasion of Russia. At the start of Operation Barbarossa, German tanks were again under-gunned and -armed compared to their enemies, especially when compared to the T-34 (which one German field marshal quipped was the best tank in the world in 1941). But, like the battle for France, the Germans had more radios and were thus able to make massive advances anyway through superior tactical coordination. Still, a better anti-tank weapon was needed, so the Marders were created and armed with 7.5 cm weapons (although there were never enough of them, so they would revert to using Russian guns).
*'''Wespe''' and '''Hummel''': The Wasp and Bumblebee, respectively, and both with a nasty sting. Both were re-purposed tank chassis, but sporting artillery howitzers instead of AT guns (Which makes them technically self-propelled artillery instead of assault guns, but in the end it's a huge gun on tracks so fuck that noise!) the Wespe was based off the Panzer II and sported a 105mm 'light' howitzer; the Hummel was based on a modified Panzer III chassis and sported a 150mm howitzer. They're the real-life equivalents of (and probably the inspiration behind) the Imperial Guard's [[Basilisk Artillery Gun]].
*'''Hetzer''': Repurposed Panzer 38(t) with a casemate-mounted 75mm gun. A nice late-war re-design and a dangerous opponent since its small chassis and decent speed made it easy to get in position for a good ambush, and its gun was strong enough to take on any allied tank. The Hetzer lacked in the armour department, though, and couldn't slug it out.
*'''Nashorn''': Also called '''Hornisse''', this was a Marder-like tank-destroyer, with a chassis specially designed to mount the fearsome "Acht-acht" 88mm gun. Just like the Marders it was open-topped, but the huge range of its gun made it a dangerous opponent.
*'''StuG III & IV''': By far the most widely produced German vehicle of WWII, the Stug was easily one of the most versatile combat platforms fielded in the war. StuG's, or "''Sturmgeschütz''" or "''assault artillery''", were built to combat a problem Germany learned from the first world war: that infantry lacked the ability to take on fortifications, and the artillery was too slow to keep up to allow direct fire on these targets. The StuG was the solution: by mounting a 7.5 cm <s>howitzer</s> [https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturmgesch%C3%BCtz_III gun] in a fixed casemate on a Panzer III chassis, they allowed the vehicle to roll up with the infantry and blow any fortifications in the way to rubble. Of course during the invasion of the Soviet Union the Germans ran into tanks much better than their existing vehicles, namely KV-1s and T-34. In order to quickly counter these threats, the StuG was "up-gunned" (quote marks are there because the guns caliber did not change), to mount a high-velocity 7.5 cm anti-tank gun. In 1943, the StuG chassis was changed from a Panzer III's to a Panzer IV's, otherwise no changes were made. StuG's, despite looking like and being compared to tanks, were not considered tanks, and were crewed by artillery men. StuG's are estimated to have destroyed 20,000 enemy tanks in the course of the war, impressive when you consider that just over 10,000 were made, and not all of those were armed with actual anti-tank weapons. After the war, the Soviets gave a number of captured tanks to Syria where they were used up to 1960s. (There was a self-propelled-gun with a an actual howitzer, too: the StuH 42.)
*'''Sturmpanzer:''' Known commonly as the ''Brummbär'' (Grouch), this infantry support gun was based on the Panzer IV chassis. It mounted a 15cm mortar-sized direct-fire cannon, which fired a combined shell-charge weighing in at over 100lbs, designed to make infantry and buildings explode. It was given this name for two reasons: the tank broke down all the time (way more than any Panzer IV), and the shells were arduous to load.
*'''Ferdinand/Elefant''': To put the Ferdinand into perspective, this is a tank that even Hitler though was too complex, too unreliable, and too theoretically advanced to use. The Ferdinand is the result of a contest between two of Nazi Germany's top companies, Porsche and Henschel (both of which still exist to day), to produce a heavy tank that could use the 8.8 cm gun. The initial plan was to produce both tanks simultaneously, with contracts to make a "small" series of 100 tanks for both participants signed with Krupp on the same day of 22th of July, 1941. Both Tigers (P) and (H) had A LOT of problems, but due to unclear reasons even before final tests conducted in November 1942 came the order to stop production of Porsche version. That's why, despite losing the contract, Porsche had 90 Porsche Tiger hulls laying around, though he couldn't make more as he lacked production lines of his own. It was decided to turn those unused Tiger P prototypes into tank destroyers, and so they bolted even more armor on and added a fixed super structure for the gun, and thus the Ferdinand (named humbly after Porsche himself) was born. The Ferdinand was a troubled vehicle: rather than one engine, its immense bulk required two, and thanks to poor ventilation they often overheated. Bizarrely, the two engines did not even connect to the drive train (possibly because of issues keeping the two engines synchronized without modern computer control), and were instead connected to a set of electric generators that in turn powered a pair of electric motors. That's right, in 1942, the Nazi's built a 65 ton gas-electric, hybrid-powered tank destroyer, good for the environment maybe (but not actually, because the primitive technology just made the combo even less efficient), but maintenance for the thing was a nightmare worse than the Tiger. And before we forget, it did not have a machine gun. Rather ironically (less so for its crew) it could destroy any tank on the eastern front at distances exceeding 2000 meters, but five guys with Molotov cocktails could take it out. So in 1943, 48 of the 50 remaining tanks were converted to have a machine gun, more armor, anti-magnetic zimmerite paste coatings, and a commander's cupola. The modified tanks were named Elefants. Overall, more Ferdinands were destroyed by their own crews after they broke down and could not be towed back to a repair base than were lost to enemy fire. Maybe it is the inspiration for the Shadowsword Imperial Guard superheavy.
*'''Jagdpanzer IV''': A Panzer IV chassis mounting a long-barrelled 75mm gun in a casemate mount.
*'''Jagdpanther''': A Panther chassis mounting a long-barrelled 88mm gun in a casemate mount. Arguably the best "Jagd-" model combining decent mobility, decent protection and a very powerful gun.
*'''Jagdtiger''': Tiger II chassis outfitted with a long-barrelled 128mm (!) naval gun. Pure overkill, and ultimately a poorly-performing design. To put it in perspective, the M1 ''Abrams'' TODAY has a smaller and shorter 120mm cannon, even if most of its armor busting power comes from the fact it fires modern (and far more deadly) sabot rounds. Even back then, two of the most effective AT guns of the war were the German ''Acht-Acht'' 88mm gun and the British 76.2mm ''17 pounder'' gun; both much smaller, lighter and with a better rate of fire than this 128mm monster. No warmachine used on the frontline called for such a massive gun to be dealt with in World War II (save perhaps for the Soviets's [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IS_tank_family IS heavy tanks], which were designed to be have armor good enough to stand up to 88mm AT gun fire, but ironically the Jagdtiger only served on the western front make it a moot point) and even the fact it could double up as artillery support in a pinch didn't make up for the fact it was just too big and unwieldy and slow-firing a gun to deal with tanks. Add to that, a tank with a 128mm main gun is especially stupid when your enemies on both sides favored zerg rushes of Sherman and T-34's medium tanks respectively, much lighter vehicles that could reliably be taken out by much smaller guns. While anticipating future enemy capabilities is important in wartime weapon development, pretty much no one was working on a vehicle sufficiently armored to warrant this firepower, unless it was intended to fire on battleships from the shore—and firing from a stationary coastal-defense position probably would be for the best, because even at its crawling pace, going off-road tended to knock the gun out of alignment and require it to be recalibrated before firing again, so good luck with flanking maneuvers. The nicest thing that could be said about it was that it was great for shooting at enemy tanks hiding behind buildings, because it would shoot straight through building and tank alike. (Seriously, read Otto Carius' memoirs. His opinion on these is as first-hand as it is scathing.)
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On a sidenote:
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One could reasonably point out that the Russians weren't much better in that regard, since they too threw a couple of 'overcompensated' tanks/assault guns into the fray over the course of WWII: The KV-2 sported a 152mm howitzer in a gigantic (and horribly impractical) turret, and the SU-152 and ISU-152 were also equipped casemate-mounted 152mm howitzers. The difference here is that these vehicles had been designed for infantry support (and demolishing ''festungs''), making the huge gun mobile enough to keep up with the grunts and chucking high explosive death at the enemy from medium/long range instead of blasting other tanks to smithereens. This doesn't mean they couldn't: indeed the ISU-152 was effective enough in that regard to be nicknamed the ''Zveroboy'' (''Beast Killer'' in russian), but being able to blast a Tiger on its back was merely a handy bonus. Add to that the low-velocity 152mm howitzer was a good 30% lighter than the massive PaK 80; resulting in lighter, more compact, and more mobile vehicles overall once they realized trying to mount a huge howitzer in a turret wasn't such a good idea after all.
</div>
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*[[File:Sturmtiger.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Contrary to what it might looks like, this is not a mock-up of a 40k [[Vindicator]] but a real combat vehicle.]]'''Sturmtiger''': The Sturmtiger is one of the most striking example of Nazi "mad genius" given form, to the point that this assault gun could almost belong in the "Wunderwaffe" section. As you can see from the picture, it looks like a [[Vindicator]], which is not a coincidence: both vehicles' role is to rumble up to a strongpoint and obliterate it with extreme firepower. Very quickly, the Germans realized that fortifications were a major pain in their Aryan butts to deal with and that static artillery was too slow and vulnerable to keep up with their ''Blitzkrieg'' attacks. So at first they relied on airplanes, but as their opponents started to contest the skies, they fielded self-propelled howitzers that would rumble up 'close' to the bunker/building/... and blast it to pieces. The Sturmtiger... The Sturmtiger is what you get when the point where you should have stopped putting bigger, larger guns on tracks is long passed, yet one still keeps going... and somehow manages to make it work. Based off of the Tiger 1 chassis, it sported a [[bolter|''380mm gun/rocket launcher'']] [[awesome|''adapted from a Kriegsmarine depth-charge launcher'']] as its main gun; [[wat|and only because the 210 mm howitzer they intended to use first wasn't available]]. Although it sported a gun that could obliterate anything in front of it, the Sturmtiger suffered the same problems as the Tiger itself. Overbuilt drivetrain, maintenance-intensive and prone to breakdown ''Schachtellaufwerk'' tracks to keep ground pressure tolerable, and an underpowered engine. On top of that, the rocket was so powerful that in order to not break the barrel of the gun or kill the crew, the exhaust gasses from launching the depth-charge rocket had to be vented out of a number of tubes that went back up the barrel. Not to mention that by the time the Sturmtiger was being fielded the Germans were in no position to use nor did they require an urban assault vehicle of this kind.
*'''Flakpanzers''': Tanks whose main gun had been replaced with one (or more) anti-aircraft guns. With the Luftwaffe having been squandered by Hitler's stupidity and insanity, and Göring's mind being on an extended leave of absence (as in, about two decades, from the start of his morphine addiction at the Münich Putsch to being cold turkey'd before Nuremberg), the Germans came up with these SPAAGs in other to try to defend themselves from all those nasty american ''Jabos'' (German shorthand for fighter-bomber) making their lives hell. Didn't really work, because towards the end of the war the ground attack aircraft had become too fast to be engaged reliably by guns relying on human eyes to acquire and follow their target. They were, however, [[rape|murder on tracks]] when facing infantry and lightly armored ground targets.

===Airplanes===
* '''Messerschmitt Bf 109:''' This plane is credited with more kills than any other fighter in the history of man due to the tens of thousands of communists it has sent to hell in burning metal coffins. It is also the most produced fighter of all time. The variants of the 109 and the Spitfire competed with each other throughout the war for the title of "World's Best Fighter" as they were both continually upgraded. The 109 was small, very fast, a good turner, a god tier climber, and was inexpensive to produce and maintain. The 109's speed and climb rate made it a top tier energy fighter.
[[File:Fw190d9jv 1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|When the Nazis applied their sense of style to aerospace engineering, the result was the Fw 190D-9, the second sexiest son of a bitch in the sky, second only to the SR-71]]
* '''Focke-Wulf Fw 190''': When first introduced, the Fw 190 was hands-down the best fighter on the planet, due mostly to its very powerful radial engine. The 190A-3 was rocking 1,700 horsepower at a time when the Spitfire V had 1,450. As the war dragged on, BMW failed miserably to improve the engine and the 190 dropped in effectiveness until it was given a completely new engine in the Dora variant. The 190 was horrifically fast at low altitude, had extremely powerful armament, outstanding high speed handling, and had the best roll rate of any plane in the war. However, it was a very poor turner. This set of attributes made the 190 one of the best "boom and zoom" fighters.
[[File:HE111Z.JPG|thumb|left|150px|One of Germany's attempts at packing enough dakka in explosive form]]
*'''Heinkel He 111''': The main German bomber from beginning to end, it was developed in the 1930s; the Nazis called it a high speed passenger jet to get around the Treaty of Versailles. It was first put to its real use in the Spanish Civil War. The He 111 was a twin engine medium bomber, cheap to make and maintain and able to carry up to 3,600 kilos of bombs. Early on it performed very well and was one of the most effective bombers in the world but after 1941 the British and Americans began building larger and longer ranged four engine bombers like the Lancaster and the Flying Fortress in large quantities. The german engineers had a plan to counter these with an enhanced version of the HE 111 called the HE 111-Z that consisted of two 111 fuselages fused together on a central wing (which is just as retardedly awesome and awesomely retarded as it sounds) therefore gathering twice the bombs and weaponry of a regular bomber while being powered by 5 engines. They did manage to make it fly but it remained a prototype. Note: Actually it was suppose to be used as a glider tug for the massive Messerschmitt ME-321 and the purposed Junkers JU-322 Mammut.

* '''Messerschmitt ME-163 Komet''': Before the Nazis mastered jet engines, they toyed around with rocket-based fighters instead. The Komet was a tiny, zippy little fighter plane, and the first plane to travel faster than 1000 kph. It was also the first and last rocket-powered fighter, as they only succeeded to shoot down about eighteen allied craft at the cost of ten crashed Komets. This was because despite being far faster than anything the allies could field, the komet proved very temperamental: it was difficult to control while building speed, its fuel dangerous to handle, its landing gear could bounce off and smack the plane, its cannons were too slow to keep up, and it was vulnerable as it glided back to earth. Still, for its time, it was the only fighter capable of threatening the allies' high-altitude bombers, until the ME-262 came about.
[[File:ME 262.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The ME-262: Nazi Germany's state of the art sky shark]]
* '''Ba 349 Natter''': The meaning of "double down" if Luftwaffe logistics was a poker game. Even crazier than the Komet, Natter was little more than a [[Grot Bomm Launcha]] with unguided rocket batteries up the nose. Adding to the madness was that it's designed to be built from unskilled labor, and wood. Yes, wood. Yes: the British Mosquito was made of wood, but the Mosquito was built by professionals with great care, and was not '''rocket powered!''' What's worse, its fuel was T-Stoff (a highly caustic solution of hydrogen peroxide and a stabilizing chemical) mixed with C-Stoff (a hydrazine hydrate/methanol/water mixture), combustion was spontaneous so extreme care was required to handle both chemicals; leave it to Nazis to use fuel made out of the second most dangerous and villainous compounds (See N Stoff bellow for the stuff even they thought was crazy). The Walter motor generated about 1,700 kg (3,740 lb) of thrust but a loaded Ba 349A weighed more than 1,818 kg (4,000 lb) so liftoff required more power, like a rail launcher or catapult. Simply put, the design was fuck-nut retarded from scratch, killing every test pilot and canceled before it was used, not that a plane nearing the speed of sound made out of shitty wood firing unguided rockets wouldn't hit fuck-all.
* '''Messerschmitt ME-262''': The Me 262 was the world's first operational jet fighter and possibly the most advanced aircraft of all in WWII. It was very fast, able to achieve a speed of 900km/h (in comparison, a P51 Mustang had a top speed of about 700km/h) and carried four 30mm cannons. Quality suffered due to a lack of high quality steel, which severely limited the shelf life of their engines to twelve hours. Even so, it was an effective against bombers. Much like every other advanced Nazi weapon, it arrived too late (in part due to delays involving the Nazi top brass) and in too few numbers to influence the course of the war, though it spurred development of jet aircraft on both sides of the Iron Curtain postwar. The Japanese built a rather similar jet fighter in the Nakajima Kikka, but that never got beyond prototype.
[[File:Heinkel He 162 CASM 2012 5.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The "Volksjäger" aka. "Spatz" or "Salamander". Tiny. Deadly.]]
*'''He-162''': With a max speed of 900 kph, 2 centerline 20mm cannons, and a 39 lbs/ft^2 wingloading, the He-162 was almost invincible in combat. Where the 262 was an interceptor, the He-162 was designed as a cheap, easy to build and fly air superiority fighter. It was also designed to be piloted by children. Developed as a Volksjäger (”people's fighter”) the He-162 was a last ditch design meant to be piloted by the high school aged Hitler Youth as Nazi Germany had almost completely run out of regular pilots at the time. Amazingly enough despite the incredibly short time between design and full production, it turned out to be a solid design; both cheap and easy to build (most of the frame was made of wood) and a dangerous opponent (allied testing after the war showed that a large number of them would have been a major pain in the rear to deal with). The only point where the "Spatz" didn't deliver was the 'easy to fly' part; like all early jet airplanes it required an experienced pilot at the stick and being able to bench press to just turn the damn thing (which was a problem to everyone until the lessons of the Korean War).

===Ships===
As a general rule, Hitler dumped most of money into the ''Heer'' (army) and ''Luftwaffe'' (air force), leaving the ''Kriegsmarine'' (navy) out in the cold, so to speak, so they were not overly fond of him. (Although Hitler realised he wouldn't be able to build up a navy to rival the English quickly so he prioritised planes and tanks over ships to seize land and industrial capacity at first, which kind of made sense.)
* '''U-Boote''': U-Boote, which are shortened the version of the word "''Unterseeboot''" or "underwater boat", are submarines. They were used in devastating effect to cut off Britain from supplies from the outside world by having "wolfpacks" of U-boats patrol around shipping lanes and sink down any enemy ship they found. Their other uses involved seeking and destroying enemy battleships, placing automated weather stations all over the world (helpful for Kriegsmarine ships) and dropping off a substantial number of spies in Britain and even America, most of which got caught-and subsequently replaced by Loyal British spy's (read about some of the ways the British Bamboozled the Nazi's in world war 2 some of it, like the moment the Germans gave a British agent the Iron cross, is just hilarious). They were so terrifying to Winston Churchill that he spent most of his naval planning on working out ways to subvert or destroy the U-boat wolfpacks. As a consequence of all this, they worked very well in the first years of the war, sinking huge (and i mean HUGE) numbers of ships with very few boats (only about 15 boats, at most, were out at sea at any given time in the first year or so). Being such an absolute pain in the arse, the British thus invested a fuckton of money and manpower into hunting and killing said U-boats, and finally got very, very good at it, through a combination of new technology, a [[Wikipedia:Western Approaches Command|massive information network]] for coordinating defenses, and [https://www.google.com/amp/s/paxsims.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/the-wargaming-wrens-of-the-western-approaches-tactical-unit/amp/ navy wargamers] [[awesome|developing new strategies to counter the U-Boats]]. Right when more and more U-boats were being produced, as German high command finally realized their potential, the British began sinking ever more of them (Example: in all of 1941, 35 boats were lost, in 1943, 244 boats were sunk, with 41 in May alone). Admiral Karl Dönitz, unlike Hitler, loved the U-boats, and built one of the largest structures on earth (at the time) to house them: the German U-boat pens in captured France. U-boats were invented in the first world war, and there unrestricted campaign of sinking any ship, even those with US citizens on them (even after the German government made a very public warning to the US that boarding a ship to England was a very bad idea), that approached England led to the neutral though leaning allied American to join the first world war and for them to be the last straw on the German back to end it.
* '''''Bismarck and Tirpitz''''': <s>A pair of battleships with guns as big as steers and shells as big as trees.</s> Memes aside, those were the largest ships built by the Nazis, but they were neither the biggest (that title goes to Yamato) or meanest (Warspite with the most battle honors of any ship in history) or most modern ships of World War 2 (Debatable: but likely Iowa). Germany's building skills had suffered under the limitations of the Versailles treaty in the inter-war period, ''Bismarck'' and ''Tirpitz'' were the best they could build on a relatively short notice of five years and with a ten year technological gap to fill on the go. Both ships were envisioned as commerce raiders sinking transport ships and disrupting allied supplies, not to slug it out with the Royal Navy. This being said, while no superweapons capable of turning the war on their own they were far from worthless. Sinking the ''Bismarck'' required an entire Royal navy fleet, six battleships and battlecruisers and two aircraft carriers, along with a number of cruisers and destroyers in a running battle over several days (albeit this was mostly due to the Brits not learning Jutland's lesson of not putting unarmored battlecruisers in a line battle, incredible luck and terrible luck at the same time on all sides and rank incomptence, stubbornnes and general stupidity on all sides). And the ''Bismarck'' was alone. ''Tirpitz'' was similarly tough. The RAF spent most of a year bombing ''Tirpitz'' with everything in their arsenal, including the British Tallboy earthquake bombs. 5,400kg, fortification-destroying ''earthquake bombs'' could not destroy the ''Tirptiz'' despite scoring direct hits until a final bombing raid by 32 heavy Lancaster Bombers managed to score a hit on one of the ammunition magazines. These two ships had a weakness that greatly limited their offensive capability however: Very few facilities existed that were large enough to work on them. Of these few facilities only one of them, the Normandy dock at Saint-Nazaire, was held by the Nazis and remotely in a position where the giant ships could both rest and be in a position to attack. The British (and [[Wikipedia:USS_Buchanan_(DD-131)|one American suicide bomber]]) exploited this by launching a commando raid on the dock, destroying it. This forced the pair to use docks safely in German territory where they presented minimal threat to the allies.
* '''''Graf Zepplin''''': The Nazi's sole attempt at building an aircraft carrier that was a weird carrier/cruiser hybrid. Never completed.

===Wunderwaffen===
Wunderwaffen. One thing that caught the the imagination of the world and started the "Superior German Engineering" meme. As a preface, civilian engineering is great in Germany. Military? Well... you'll see in a bit. This is the place any of the "Nazi Super science" stuff goes. You want lighting guns? Wunderwaffen. Super tanks? Wunderwaffen. Moon rockets? Wunderwaffen. Hitler in a giant robot spider powered by the souls of the damned? Wunderwaffen.

The truth is, as usual, a lot more nuanced. Yes, the different wonder weapon projects were on the bleeding edge of technology when envisioned, next generation devices which most of the scientists of other nations had been toying with but had yet to reach prototype much less combat stage (because they were, unlike the Germans never that desperate enough to use untested machinery with teething issues in battle). Yes, the Germans pioneered a lot of things that were afterwards [[Blood Ravens|acquired and adapted]] by the Allies and the Soviet Union. The problem was, at the start of the war, the technology to make said Wunderwaffe '''efficient''' weapons (a real guidance system for the V1 and V2, for instance) simply wasn't there yet, and once the war got into full-swing and the attendant drain on fighting a multi-front war along with the effects of Allied strategic bombing became dominant, the Germans never managed to close the gap. All that the Wunderwaffen '''could''' have been agreed upon having accomplished is the initial psychological shock upon deployment (such as the unstoppable V-2 launches), which wasn't much of a big deal after the human mind would adapt to the new threat.

It can be argued that while the German quest for military innovation lead to advances that did have everyone else scrambling to catch up, most were nothing more than a drain on Germany's resources. For every development that led to things like the Messerschmitt Bf 109 (which was a very good plane), you had the trials that gave us the Tiger (and the entire extended VK3X.XX series, and the Ferdinand/Elephant, and all the associated waste of time and resources; it really was a lot!). Hitler had a documented fascination with anything that screamed "German Supremacy", and later one once the multi-front war turned against Germany, an arguable desperation for something-anything to one-shot win-the-war. As you can imagine with two hands strangling Germany, one smelling of vodka and the other apple pie, these weapons were developed and produced with a shortage of resources and time and the lack of quality only exacerbated their various shortcomings and strained an already breaking economy. They were rather dismissively called "voo-vah" by Allied troops, and they allegedly thanked Hitler for ultimately shortening the war by authorizing the waste of resources on them. Perhaps ironically, the wunderwaffen did help to shorten the war, since those resources may have been better used on propping up a failing wartime economy. As with anything on this wiki, YMMV and you're encouraged to do your own research (and find a lot of really interesting stories in the process; did you know that at point-blank range, the standard 88mm AP round could rip a furrow through the entire length of the roof of a M4 turret, peeling open the steel like a centre-parting in hair? SCIENCE!)

* '''V1 flying bomb:''' The V1 is considered as an early version of the cruise missile and was used in the bombing of England, since a city was pretty much all they COULD accurately hit (and even then). The V1's used an early version of a Pulse jet and they were quickly called "buzz bombs," "doodlebugs," or "farting furies" to discourage people from calling them "robot bombs," which gives the impression that they were unstoppable. Fun fact about the V1: it uses the same fuel as a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombardier_beetle type of beetle] uses to defend itself. It was infamously known for cutting its engine as it dived (due to a fuel flow error), leading to it suddenly becoming silent just before it smashed into the ground. Its entire "guidance computer" was nothing more than a simple gyroscope system to keep it level and flying, plus a small spinning propeller in the nose that would set the flaps to dive the V1 into the ground once it revolved a certain amount of times (calculated to have covered the distance to the target city). Far too inaccurate to be used against a military target, the V1 was ultimately a gigantic waste.
*'''V2 rocket:''' The V2 was the world's first ballistic missile and spacefaring craft. The scientists that developed it, including Werner von Braun, went on to work for NASA and developed the booster rockets on the Saturn V launch vehicle (Nazi science really did put a man on the Moon in the end). Unlike its brother the V1, it was utterly unstoppable by AA; not a single inbound V2 was ever shot down by anti-aircraft fire, owing to it moving at 3 times the speed of sound. It was the first vehicle to ever reach space (but not the first object, that honor falls to Imperial German artillery in WW1, specifically the Paris Gun), from a vertical test launch in 1943, and after the war it was very frequently reused by the Americans (with extra shit often strapped on top) as an early spacecraft, with grainy images returned from suborbital flights in space as early as 1946. Less of a waste than the V1 but even so, without a decent guidance system it had a hard time hitting England as well as the dubious distinction of being the only weapon which killed more people in its manufacture than it did enemies.
* '''Horten 229 and Horten 18:''' While technically Nazi aircraft, they really deserves to be here, not up in Aircraft. Commonly known as the "Nazi stealth fighter," this twin-turbojet flying-wing fighter was found in a secret workshop hangar by invading American forces. Nobody knows for certain if the Horten 229 was originally built for stealth, but it's all-wood construction and smooth radar-fouling shape, coupled with radar-absorbing paint on the outer shell makes a fairly clear case for a stealth aircraft (Though [[Wikipedia:de Havilland Mosquito|the allies had already been fielding wooden aircraft for years]] and the Germans knew Radar worked poorly on them.). The concept that the 229 was build around was the "3x1000": 1000kph, 1000km range, 1000kg bomb payload. This, in 1943. During test flights, it outperformed the Me. 262 while using exactly the same engines. It was probably going to be used to fly through or knock out the British radar array in a second, never-realized "Battle of Britain 2: Electromagnetic Boogaloo." The Horten 18 was an even bigger flying wing, with a huge wingspan and 6 jet engines. This one was designed to be an intercontinental bomber, intending to hit American cities as the western front made Hitler [[rage|angrier and angrier]]. The Horten 18 was never built, but the 229 was rather successfully test flown. Both planes looks quite a bit like the modern B2 stealth bomber, which isn't much of a surprise considering the Americans hauled the Horten 229 prototype back home to be studied in a secret airforce base (where it is today).
[[File:Maus_Trials_1944.png|350px|thumb|right|[[Approved_anime#Gaming_anime|Panzer vor]], motherfuckers.]]
* '''''Maus'':''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus'' ("mouse") is the largest tank ever built. A 200 metric ton monster with a 128mm (5 inch) main gun, and a 75mm co-axial gun in the turret, it crept along at a blistering 13 kph and sucked down liters of gas per kilometer. The most amazing thing is that (beyond not cancelling the project on sight like anyone withing hailing distance of sanity would) ''they actually managed to build this tank''. Five were ordered, but only two prototypes and one turret were built. It was originally going to be called the ''Mäuschen'' (Little Mouse), but because the Germans liked schadenfreude more than irony, just ''Maus'' stuck. Realistically, neither front's tanks would have had the firepower to penetrate the Maus, only extreme-caliber anti-tank guns and artillery fire would have done the job, however it was so big that there was no road or bridge big enough to take it so it had to have special snorkling gear to get past river. Its extremely slow speed and massive size, however, likely would have made it prime bait for bombers (which is one of the reasons why modern militaries don't use heavy tanks anymore). While neither side had anti-tank weapons strong enough to penetrate its armor, it's more then likely it would never get there even if it was built. It's not quite a [[Baneblade]], but they were getting there. The Nazi's really didn't want anyone to get this monster, so they blew up the complete first model. The second Maus, armed with the first one's turret, was towed back to Russia by invading forces, and currently resides in the Kubinka Tank museum for all to see.
* '''''Ratte'':''' The ''Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte'' ("rat") was an even larger tank, or "land cruiser", since it was essentially a naval warship on tracks. Never actually built, despite being ordered by Hitler. [[Wat|The Rat was to be a 1000 metric ton tank, mounting a naval turret with two 280mm guns, a 128mm anti tank gun, eight 20mm FlaK cannons, and two 15mm aircraft cannons]], surpassing even the Eleven Barrels Of Hell of the Baneblade. It would have been so heavy that it would have destroyed every road it used, capable of wrecking a town just by running through it, and it would have collapsed every bridge it crossed. It needed two U-BOAT motors to get around, or maybe EIGHT 20 CYLINDER ENGINES. Not surprisingly, Albert Speer canned the project (mostly because a single bomber dropping a 500kg bomb on top of the thing would fuck its day up immensely), which is a great shame because A- Building and maintaining such a monster would have posed a noticeable strain on Germany's logistics, thus accelerating their defeat and B- It would have made the most [[awesome]] museum piece in the known universe.
*'''''Karl-Gerät''''' The ''Karl-Gerät'' is one of the very few real world weapon ever built that is BIGGER then its 40k equivalent. Karl weighs 124 tons, is armed with a 60cm (24 inch) gun that fires a shell that weights more than a ton, that can hit a target between four and ten kilometers away depending on the size of its shell. This thing was the largest self-propelled gun ever made and it could give even a (admittedly small) Titan pause for thought. These things were actually used in combat to decent effect in Warsaw, but had mixed results in other deployments. it fucked up any target royally, but the Gerät was so big and slow that it had to be disassembled and put on special tractor trailers to move around (one hell of a logistic operation) and and was moved any real distance by train. Its shells were carried by special turret-less Panzer IIIs. Surprisingly one of these things survived the war and was captured by the Russians. It's currently in the Kubinka Tank Museum along side the only Maus heavy tank in the world and assorted other war trophies.
[[File:Hitler-gustav-railway-gun.jpg|350px|thumb|right|If there was a fine line between [[Dakka]], [[Titan|massive overcompensation]], and [[Rape|"Holy shit, Greg! Is that a fucking landship on rails!?",]] then the Gustav sure hits the spot.]]
*'''''Schwerer Gustav'':''' An excellent example of the brilliance and impracticality of Wunderwaffen, ''Schwerer Gustav'' was a railway gun that resembled a cruiser fucking a freight train and an artillery piece, built in the late 30's to defeat the Maginot Line. Two were built, the other called "Dora." It is a descendant of the German Empire's 1918 "Paris gun," a smaller gun ("only" 238mm's) built in World War One to shell Paris from Germany, 120 kilometers away (a range so far they had to account for the curvature of the Earth when firing the damn thing). Gustav was designed to defeat any fortifications in existence; as such, it was the largest-calibre rifled weapon ever used in combat, the heaviest mobile artillery piece ever built in terms of overall weight, and fired the heaviest shells of any artillery piece. It fired 80cm (31 inch) shells, weighing 4,800kg to 7,100kg up to 48km. The AP shells could penetrate 7m of reinforced concrete. It completely succeeded in its job of defeating any existing fortification, but at the same time was completely impractical: it required two specially-laid parallel railway tracks to move (yes, it was a railway gun too big for the railway), took 54 hours to set up for firing, and had a rate of fire of 14 rounds per day as charges had to be heated up in a special device for roughly 1 day before firing. Since building a gun that fired shells that wouldn't fit through the front door to your house wasn't excessive enough for the Nazis, plans were made to mount the Schwerer Gustav 80cm gun on a 1,500t self propelled artillery platform (the ''Landkreuzer P.1500 Monster'') with two 15cm howitzers and multiple 15mm autocannons as secondary weapons. Unfortunately, both guns were scrapped near the end of the war. The Schwerer Gustav, overall, was the biggest (if the strange rocket exhaust powered V3 listed bellow is not counted) motherfucking gun on the planet. The weapon likely could have blown a Titan away if its shields were down, and much science-fiction set in WW2 features the gun (notably, in Harry Turtledove's Worldwar series, the gun is used to blow up two landed alien spacecraft from sixty kilometers away).The fucking thing was hilariously impractical as there is no recorded cases it of successfully hitting the target (and with the accuracy of that thing it's a miracle no German forces were harmed). There is an urban legend about one AP shot detonating an ammo dump through 15 meters of water and 7 meters of concrete during the Siege of Sevastapol, but no hard proof supports it.
*'''V3''': If you thought Gustav up there was nutty wait to you here about the V3, a gun that's as big as a 40k titan. The V3 was an attempt to make a gun that could shoot across the English channel, and there were a number of sane guns that could do this including railway guns and big bunkers built with battleship battery's. but they could only shoot between the narrowest point between England and continental Europe. The V3 was built to shell London from France. I said early it was a s big as a titan, and I was not being sarcastic, (though it would only be as big as a knight, which despite being the smallest titan is still bloody big) from breach to muzzle the gun was 130 meters or 430 feet long with a bore of 150mm or 5.9 inches across. Rather then use a single big explosion to propel the shells, the V3 used rocket motors mounted in pairs, set so there exhaust would thrust a 140kg shell out of the barrel like a reverse bolter. This set up allowed it to fire a shell out to 165km and put London well in range. Of course like all of the Nazi Wunderwaffen, in practice it sounded good but was actually kinda shit. the gun was so big, remember 130meters that it had to be built in a hill meaning it was impossible for it to change target after being built, and after all the time you spent building the damn thing, by the time you were done it might no longer be useful to have, such as what happened during the Nazi Operation Nordwind. Further even if you ignore the logistical issues compared to other period artillery the V3 was just plain shit. The 16"/50 caliber Mark 7 guns of the USS Iowa class battleship, had a caliber of 16 inch or 406mm, and fired a shell that weighed 1,225 kg, so over twice as big around and almost exactly nine times as heavy, and the Iowa had nine of them, and it could move. and to put the cherry on the HMS sound plan, by the time the first five guns were finally built to shell London, the British airforce destroyed them with Tallboy Earthquake bombs. If anything proves how silly the idea of Nazi Super Science is, let the fate of the V3 super gun stand testament to how many times Hitler's scientists, and Hitler himself, had been hit with the stupid stick growing up.
*'''''N-Stoff:''''' Someday, somewhere in the ''Kaiser Wilhelm Institute'' there was an Evil Overlord that was unhappy about the quantity of flammen his flammenwerfer could werf - so he got around and took two guys named Ruff and Krug to play around with some flourine and some chlorine. Now, if you studied something about chemistry, you may realize that using "flourine" and "chlorine" in the same sentence does not spell good news for anybody, but you know, ''Nazi Evil Overlords..''. What they discovered made their commissioners - yes, the same ol' boys who thought gassing millions was cool - go '''NOPE!''', and when you discover something that's too crazy even for Crazy Nazi Science standards you know you're in for a treat. Indeed, Chlorine Trifluoride (as the compound is called) proved to be pretty good in burning bunkers to the ground - and by "burning bunkers" we mean the ''whole'' bunker, as in ''it reacts with the motherfucking concrete'' - plus it doubled as a chemical warfare agent, giving off corrosive and toxic fumes. N-Stoff (translating to Substance-N; yeah, they kinda failed the naming here) burns at a raging 2400 degrees Celsius - twice the temperature of lava and almost enough to BOIL steel - and can set fire to things that shouldn't burn like glass, wet sand (or asbestos (the same substance that they used to make fireproof stuff out of) and things that have already been burnt. In fact fighting the fire with water is counterproductive, the water is just more fuel and it reacts to create deadly acids and gasses. In the 1950's a ton of the stuff was spilled on a warehouse: the chemical then burned through a foot of Concrete and three feet gravel, while releasing a deadly gas that corroding everything it came into contact with. If there ever was something like [[Dakka|Enuff Dakka]] for flamethrowers, Substance N came close to delivering it. The Nazis planned to use it in war, but were never able to produce enough of it (only a few dozen kg total), presumably because it kept incinerating everyone who tried to make it. It later found its use in the semiconductor and nuclear industry - after being dubbed a bit too violent to use as rocket fuel, one rocket scientist famously said that the best way to deal with a Chlorine Trifluoride accident was "a good pair of running shoes". Also, [[Sly Marbo]] uses Substance N to spice up his Catachan Take Away.

===Misc===
[[File:Stalhelm.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The Distinctive Stahlhelm. The Germans lucked out helmet design during WWI]]
* '''''Stahlhelm'':''' The many variants of the iconic German helmet were derived from the medieval sallet during the Great War. The purpose of these helmets was to keep shrapnel out of one's head. It was better than it's contemporaries by better protecting the sides and back of the head as well. Not to be confused with the spiked Prussian ''Pickelhaube''. Used by all kinds of German troops but the Fallschirmsjäger (paratroopers) as it is impractical to jump with it. Paratroopers had a special version of the helmet that removed the front and back flanges, giving it a much more streamlined appearance. The basic shape of the helmet would go on to become the basis for most modern helmets, especially as the shape was well suited to wearing a headset under it.

*'''''Stielhandgranate'':''' Often called "stick grenades" or "potato mashers," these are those grenades on sticks you see the Germans always using. The Stielhandgranate is what is called a "offensive" grenade known now as a "concussive" grenade. The difference is an offensive grenade uses explosive pressure waves to kill an enemy, thus allowing you to use it while advancing without getting a face full of shrapnel, while a defensive grenade (like the US "pineapple" grenade) uses shrapnel to kill an enemy, affecting a much larger area but also putting you in the blast radius, hence they were designed to be thrown over the wall of a fox hole or trench line at advancing enemy troops while you keep your head down. The reason the Stielhandgranate has the stick is to give you more leverage when throwing it as compared to a round grenade.

*'''''Nebelwerfer'':''' A family of weapons whose very name means "Fog/Mist Thrower"; they were listed as smoke screen launchers before the war (to get around the Treaty of Versailles), but in truth were rather deadly artillery pieces designed to deploy chemical munitions, though in the extent of the war they never did (actually they did in Crimea), probably because Hitler had survived gas attacks in the last war and drew the line at using them himself and the fact that using chemical weapons would invite retaliation. These types of weapons included some mortars, but, more importantly, rocket artillery. In Germany between the wars, there was a fair bit of interest in new rocket designs (as conventional artillery was strictly regulated/forbidden by the Treaty of Versailles) and the Nazis knew they had use for that. These rockets were inaccurate, but you could easily fire a whole bunch of the things off at once for a good saturation bombing, though thanks to the smoke you had to scoot away or the other side would drop their own artillery on top of you. The rocket based system made a very distinctive sound. The Germans nicknamed the thing "Heulende Küh" (Bellowing Cow) and US troops would come to call them "Screaming Mimi" and "Moaning Minnie".
**The Germans would also later on mount the launcher onto a half-track known as the "Panzerwerfer" (armored thrower). In many ways a German analogue to the BM-21, the Panzerwerfer saw intensive use during the Battle of the Bulge.

*'''Goliath:''' A remotely controlled mini-vehicle on treads, stuffed full of explosives. They were driven up to an enemy tank or a bunker and then blown up. (Games Workshop stole the idea and design for the Imperial Guard Cyclops.) Good idea, but the execution was lacking since Radio Control wasn't good enough yet. They had a cable like some sort of bargain remote-controlled car which limited their range dramatically, and cutting this would utterly defeat the weapon. (At least it's not as bad as the Russians and their kamikaze dogs which they trained to run under tanks, that is, THEIR OWN TANKS, but I digress...) On the flip side, American soldiers often made great fun with captured Goliaths by riding them around as the tiny thing could carry quite a load.

*'''Flammenwerfer:''' A werfer zat werfs flammen. Your standard flamethrower in both name and function, though there wasn't much use for it - There were no real line wars like in WW1 where people sat in <s>comfy</s> little (hell) holes and took potshots at each other. not to say they weren't used. but unlike the trench wars of WW1 most of the fighting was mobile rather than static. For added nastiness, some bigger ones were mounted in Flammpanzers, able to shoot hundreds of liters of sticky, burning fuck you over distances exceeding 50 meters.

*'''8.8cm flak gun:''' Known as the "Acht-Acht", this is THE German gun of world war two, and it sums up the German experience in the first part of the war; of never being truly ready but by being very clever and doctrinally flexible. The 88mm was designed as an anti-air weapon (Flak standing for ''Fliegerabwehrkanöne'', or AA gun) built to throw a high explosive shell as high into the air as it could so that it could explode somewhere in the same ballpark as the enemy plane and put one piece of shrapnel into something important and bring it down, which is a role it preformed throughout the war. However against the heavy allied tanks such as the British Matilda 1 and French B1, the German tanks of the time had no ability to penetrate their frontal armor The the 8.8 cm flak guns however, thanks to the high muzzle speed required to fire their explosive shell so high into the air, were able to deal with enemy tanks at unparalleled ranges at the time. So the guns were pulled to the front by a certain Erwin Rommel during the battle of Arras, the barrels lowered, a French-British tank-heavy counterattack stopped; and it snowballed from there. Germany quickly pushed to have both a proper PaK version of the 88 (Pak standing for ''Panzerabwehrkanöne'', or AT gun) that had a lower profile, was easier to move around and had a shield to stop stray bullets from decimating the crew; and a tank armed with the 88 as it became clear that against the soviet union, tanks were only going to get stronger. Which is why the Tiger I is a metal slab with a huge gun: its job was to get an 88mm gun into the battlefield as fast as possible. Using AA guns as AT guns was such a good idea that the US did the same thing with their 90mm AA gun converting it into a anti-tank weapon for the M36 tank destroyer and the Pershing tank; and so did the Russians with their 85 mm gun for the upgunned versions of the T-34 and KV-1. The Imperial Guard Basilisk cannon looks almost exactly like the Flak 88.

*'''2 cm Flak 30/38/Flakvierling:''' Remember the "Acht-Acht"? Now add two of these smaller guns to each flak 88 site, hill, hedge, ditch and rooftop in Europe and watch the fireworks. The German answer to the question of "enuff dakka" in a more reasonable package than MG42 which went through metal reserves was this little bastard, which was like an American 30.cal [[Bolter|firing explosive ''and'' armor piercing rounds]]. Obviously devastating to infantry and aircraft, it even rained sufficient hailstorms of rounds that damaged and threw off approaching lightly armored vehicles enough to make a difference, and given luck, it could rip through tank tracks too. And the Germans made 150.000 of these fuckers. And those 150.000 Bolter-Expies, these unsung weapons, did more damage and inflict casualties than any other weapon during the Normandy landing and the push inland. [https://www.quora.com/In-WW2-why-did-the-Germans-never-develop-heavy-machine-guns-like-M2-Browning-for-their-half-tracks-SP-guns-and-tanks/answer/Allyson-Kliff As explained here.]

*'''The S-mine:''' The Sprengmine (jumping mine), or, to use the name US soldiers gave it, "Bouncing Betty", was one of the most widely used and most effective, weapons of its class. It was a mine that when triggered 'bounced' about three feet into the air before exploding at about waist height in an 'air burst', able to inflict casualities (The military definition of the word meaning more then just dead) at up to 140 feet. And it had a tendency to not kill you, but maim you. Later in the war, some were made out of glass and even pottery, with minimal metal parts, to make them even harder to find. Suffice to say, they still havent found all of them... 1.93 million S-mines were made and it was widely copied after the war, these things are still killing people to this day as old mines forgot about are stepped on and the explosive proves itself still good. While the S-mine is hardly unique in that regard (Unexploded US aircraft bombs and shells make up the bulk of what they still find in Germany, around 2,000 pounds year according to the Smithsonian) land mines, like the S-mine, are still dug up by the truck load in North Africa.

*'''Pervitin:''' Not a traditional weapon as such, but a key element in how the Nazis blitzkrieg tactics were so effective, Pervitin was a methamphetamine drug that provided the base recipe for today's crystal meth and which was distributed to all members of the Nazi military. Its powerful stimulatory effect enabled them to fight harder for longer, and was essential in the breakneck races from the border to the battlefield. With all of the Nazi troopers hopped up on this drug, which later incorporated cocaine for increased effectiveness, Nazi forces could keep fighting effectively well after their enemies were worn out. At least until their supply lines were cut and addiction/withdrawal symptoms crippled them all, that is. The use of pervitin was cut drastically after the France campaign for that reason (and for fear of long-term side effects, especially when discipline issues started mounting), though many pilots and tank crew members still used it readily. It could also be issued for important operations. The idea that all Wermacht soldiers were drooling junkies is wrong, however.

== C3i Waffen ==

Not exactly their strongest area...

*'''Enigma:''' Enigma was a communications scheme based on a sophisticated but easy to use electromechanical encryption/decryption device resembling a cross between a typewriter and an odometer. When used with proper procedures it was the one of the most secure means of communication available in the world for its time, offering effectively 76 bit encryption with 1920's technology in a device that was superior to anything the allies had. SIGABA was comparably secure but far heavier and fragile, and the M-209 was far inferior in both ease of use and encryption strength (although it was still adequate). However the combination of lax discipline, reuse of settings, and notes from a polish customs inspection of an enigma device resulted in the technology being reverse engineered and cryptographic attacks being discovered. Only Kriegsmarine communications remained difficult to decrypt by the end of the war, due to their practice of using secret codebooks to further compress their messages prior to encryption.

*'''Bombing Beams:''' Wouldn't you know it, the Instrument Landing System used today at pretty much every major airport was originally invented to 'land' bombs on London in the middle of the night when the lights are out. By using narrow radio beams the Nazis could steer bombers to a precalculated drop point. All the pilots had to do was maintain a certain speed and altitude, and the drop their bombs when the signal detector said they should... except when the British were fucking with them. Towards the end they were fucking with them so hard German bomber pilots were landing at RAF bases believing they were in France. When it actually worked, such as at Coventry, it was more accurate than daytime saturation bombing, with most bombs falling within 90 meters of the beam centerline. This system is why Nazi bombing raids tended to less of a brief swarm like the allies used and more of a continuous bomb conveyor belt lasting most of the night. If the Nazis had continued to improve this technology with ECCM and built a lot more bombers instead of squandering money on Wunderwaffen, they probably would have won the Battle of Britain (even then, Göring would have found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory).

*'''Tank Radios:''' While today we take it for granted that any trooper anywhere in the galaxy could get a call from the emperor himself to execute order 66, this wasn't always the case. Throughout the 1930's, all German armored vehicles had radios, while their opponents would typically only have a radio for the unit commander. This was an enormous advantage for Nazi tank units that remained the case basically until America showed up. The Nazis also had the Torn.Fu.d2, a backpack portable infantry radio comparable to the American SCR-300, although they didn't distribute them as widely as the Americans did.

[[Category:History]]

Nazi Equipment

2020-01-01T09:35:19Z

2601:1C0:5C00:C130:58C4:C4F:3A73:E0D7: /* Tank Destroyers/Assault Guns */

[[Nazi|Nazis]]. History's most stylish villains. They're famous as much for their cool equipment as for their total evilness, and because of its distinctive aesthetic and reputation- they did develop some of the most technologically advanced weapons of the 1940s, after all- it gets a lot of use in games, both traditional and otherwise. Here's a hilariously non-brief overview. As a general rule of thumb (with the exception of the Karabiner 98 which predated the Nazis by decades) Nazi equipment was [[plasma|very advanced in concept and potentially quite strong, but overly complicated and unreliable to the point of being dangerous to its user.]]

===Small Arms===
* '''''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkBrh1euWg0 Karabiner 98 kurz]'':''' ("Carbine 1898 short" in German, also called simply ''Gewehr 98'', "rifle of [18]98") The standard German infantry rifle during WWII from the old Mauser family (the Mauser action was used in dozens of countries and is still in wide use today: Mauser rifles from WWI era caches and beyond are still being demilitarized and sold to people, primarily for hunting, ''today''.) It was beginning to become dated in WWII, given that it was essentially just a shorter version of the venerable Gewehr 98 which armed most German soldiers in WWI. It used 7.92×57mm Mauser ammunition (often shortened to "8mm Mauser"). The rifle's strengths were that it was fairly cheap, very accurate, and reliable. But its drawbacks were that it had a slow rate of fire and only a five-round magazine. The easiest weapon to compare it to in WWII would be the Soviet Mosin Nagant, which was cheaper to make (and currently in something of a renaissance as very inexpensive Soviet era demilitarized versions were sold in huge numbers not too long ago.) It fell short compared to the British SMLE rifle, which had a ten-round magazine and had a good rate of fire for a bolt action, though it has a substantial advantage due to 8mm Mauser being rimless while .303 British is not. Worse yet, the Karabiner 98k also went up against the semi-automatic American M1 Garand (which General Patton had called "the greatest weapon ever devised") which vastly outperformed it in spitting bullets down range. (All of the above are roughly the same range of calibre—.30 [inches] or 7 to 8mm—one which remains in use today by almost every major military as well as many civilian uses, although today's fashion is for smaller calibre, higher velocity rounds for infantry.) Even then, the gun was generally quite well regarded for what it was and there was plenty of them to go around. It was also the go-to weapon for German snipers who affixed a scope to it. The gun is still in use today actually, it is still the German army's drill rifle, some states still use versions of it as a sniper rifle and it's sometimes found in Iraq and other third world nations where it acts as a cheap marksman's rifle. Of course, it's also an excellent hunting rifle in civilian hands.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUjPeAgvf3U '''''Gewehr 43'']:''' "Rifle 1943". the German army's semi-automatic rifle. This weapon was developed in response to their invasion of the Soviet Union, where the Germans were shocked to find Soviet troops brandishing semi-automatic rifles (the SVT-40, primarily), drastically out-gunning their troops in firefights. The result was a fairly decent semi-automatic rifle/carbine chambered for the same rounds as the Kar98k, which derived many of it's concepts, while not being an outright clone of, the SVT-40. The rifle's magazine was also not built-in in that its detachable (allowing for quick reloads) but still had the option of allowing the shooter to rapidly use stripper-clips when reloading (either attaching them directly to the weapon from above, or using them to push several bullets at once into a magazine which attached to the rifle below.) Much like the Kar98k, it worked well as a marksman/sniper's weapon when affixed with a scope. Unfortunately, mechanically it was far from perfect as it was overgassed (not surprising, as the gas pressure that was tapped from the barrel to cycle the semi-automatic action proved to be too strong for the rifle's quite complicated mechanism, especially when made by unskilled workers from lower-quality steel). This resulted in (comparatively) frequent breakdowns and shattered parts, in addition to requiring more maintenance. Copying overmuch from the SVT-40 may have also contributed to this problem, as the 7.62x54mmR cartridge in the SVT-40 produces a lower gas pressure than the 7.92x57mm Mauser. For this reason, the G43 wasn't a very popular weapon among German troops, though its firepower was still welcome.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdQhO8FtY7c '''''Maschinenpistole 38/40'']:''' "Machine pistol 1938/1940", the iconic MP 40 is a slightly updated variant more suitable for mass-production. The most common German submachine gun through the war used mainly by squad leaders and troops fighting in urban areas. It was also the go-to weapon of specialist units like paratroopers and the SS. Uses a 32-round magazine chambered for 9x19mm rounds and typically comes with a folding wire stock. In general pretty good but only a million of them were produced, compared to the millions of SMGs made by the British, Americans and Soviets. [[Derp|The primary weapon of the Nazis, according to Hollywood at least, where every single German grunt has one.]] Known for its rather simplistic design; the weapon had only one fire setting (automatic), though its cyclical rate was much lower than equivalent Allied SMGs, allowing aimed single shots at the cost of some room-clearing power. Was a major influence that can still be seen in SMG development.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIX1EL1hTmE '''''Pistole Parabellum 1908'']:''' "Pistol Parabellum 1908". The Nazis used a bunch of pistols in truth, but none are as iconic of the Third Reich as the P08 Luger with its joint armed breech. It could load an eight-round box magazine or a thirty-two-round drum. The 9x19mm Parabellum cartridge was initially designed for this pistol and is still one of the most common pistol calibers in the world. It was eventually phased out in favor of the P38 as being a standard-issue sidearm due to the Luger being too expensive to manufacture for the entire German army, although the Luger was still available for the troops and officers who could afford it. The Luger was also somewhat unique at the time in that it could still double as a pistol carbine by affixing a stock and a 32-round drum-magazine to it, when carbine-convertible pistols had started falling out of fashion years before. The exotic toggle-lock mechanism of the gun meant it had shitty reliability in field conditions, but the gun was made at a time when sidearms were typically issued to specialists, officers, and policemen, who were typically away from conditions that could foul up the gun. WW2 era produced Lugers go for several thousand dollars *today* as collectibles.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXAMma6mUq8 '''Walther ''Pistole 38'']:''' "Walther Pistol 1938". The Walther P38 replaced the Luger P08 as the Wermacht service pistol just before World War II due to it being cheaper to produce. It loaded a 9x19mm eight-round detachable box magazine. Nerds will recognize this as G1 Megatron's alt-mode. MUCH more common than the Luger despite what Hollywood would tell you, and a decent pistol, if a bit annoying due to its hard-to-pull trigger.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vkU3CIPdMk '''Mauser ''Construktion 96'']:''' "Construction 1896". Popularly known as the "Boxcannon" (by the Chinese) and "Broomhandle" (by most everyone else); it loaded ten rounds from a stripper clip into an internal magazine, although there was also an option for a 20-round magazine that had the added bonus of the entire magazine being detachable instead of being built-into the weapon. The C96 was typically chambered for either the newer 9x19mm or the original 7.63x25mm rounds (which were so high velocity for a pistol cartridge of the time that they were only surpassed with the later development of the .357 Magnum). The C96 was not typically issued to the main German army during WW2—only the Luftwaffe were known users of the weapon during the war, as sidearms for their pilots. It was also one of the first and most iconic of the pistol carbine designs, innovating the wooden holster that could double as a detachable stock, making it (and Spanish and Chinese knockoffs) extremely popular in areas like China where proper longarms might be either too expensive or banned from import. However, by the 30s and 40s, this feature had fallen out of fashion in the West and wasn't included in newer production models, with only a few being modified to restore the functionality. Nerds will recognize this as Han Solo's DL-44 blaster pistol from the original ''Star Wars'' trilogy, with some gubbins glued to it to make it more sci-fi.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4COZpIw9UMI '''Walther Polizeipistole/Polizeipistole Kurz''']: "Police Pistol/Police Pistol short". You know this one, it's the gun made popular by Ian Fleming and James Bond super-spy character. The Walther PP is a compact pistol that was typically issued to German police units (Kripo, Gestapo, Gefepo and Feldgendarmerie), but also as a sidearm to military officers. The PPK variant was an even smaller version of the PP, designed for concealed carry in mind (in fact it was so small that it can typically fit into the sleeves of most longcoats, making it useful for infiltrators). It could come chambered for either 7.65mm (.32 ACP to Americans) or 9x17mm (.380 Auto) rounds. The Cold War era Soviet Makarov pistol would largely be based on the PP pistols, though in a (slightly) more powerful cartridge known as 9x18 or 9mm Makarov (which is actually thicker than the now ubiquitous 9x17/9mm Parabellum, since Soviets measured width from a different part of the cartridge). The PPK and cheaper clones (such as the Bersa Thunder, in .380 ACP or 9mm Kurz "Short") are readily available today and basically never stopped production.

* [https://www.forgottenweapons.com/evolution-of-the-sturmgewehr-mp431-mp43-mp44-and-stg44/ '''''Sturmgewehr 44'']:''' The "Assault rifle 1944" was the first assault rifle adopted on a large scale. Fun fact - the name was suggested by Hitler and was pure propaganda. Chambered for the new 7.92x33mm Kurz cartridge, it gave a rifleman the power and accuracy of a rifle with the rate of fire of a submachine gun. As its name suggests, it entered the war very late, even though it is only an updated version of the MKB42, which, as the name suggests, came into the war mid-early 1942. In a rare demonstration of common sense, Hitler vetoed its mass deployment early on due to logistics (replacing over 10 million '98k' rifles with a new model that used different ammo couldn't be done overnight, or cheaply), though he approved of the idea and changed his mind later in the war when it became clear a limited impact would be better than none at all. This, combined with the fact that producing the Stg44 required the industry to adapt their tooling, and recurrent shortages of resources later in the war, heavily limited the scale at which they were produced. It was not that difficult to make though, being to Kar98 what Panther was to Panzer IV - roughly 120% of resources for superior result. It also had some mechanical issues, including a fragile feed mechanism which could jam if the rifle was knocked over. Anecdote: one of its optional attachments was the ''Krummlauf'', a curved barrel and periscope for firing around corners or from inside a vehicle hatch. Yes, it worked, but the bullets often shattered as they skittered along the curve of the barrel, causing a shotgun-like spread, and the barrels wore out quickly. In any case, the troops who received the regular Stg44 loved them because it gave the firepower of a submachine gun at about three times the effective range—and it was particularly interesting to the Russians, with contest for new "avtomat" design starting in 1943, even before Stg44 entered official mass production. Due to effectively already winning a war, USSR's Ministry of Defense decided that, instead of taking what they could in 1944, all designs should be perfected as neither suited demands perfectly (especially ones about weight as Stg44 was deemed to be too heavy) - and we all know what the final result was.

* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfJkU4Sah8I '''''Maschinengewehr 42'']:''' "Machine gun 1942". German military doctrine during WWII was built around the machine gun and, as such, the Germans developed an exceptional machine gun in the MG 42 (basically an improved but functionally identical version of the earlier MG 34). It was lightweight at 11.7 kg, was belt fed unlike the magazine fed LMGs it usually went against, and it could nominally fire 1,200 rounds per minute (although, in practice, it was actually even faster) while most other machine guns could barely reach 600. That much [[dakka]] causes a lot of heat, so the gun was designed for easy swapping of barrels; although even with the barrels being regularly changed it was not uncommon for these guns to fire so fast that a cartridge would ignite before being fully loaded, completely breaking the gun and potentially injuring the gun's crew. Its terrifying rate of fire and distinctive report earned it the nickname "Hitler's Buzzsaw". The MG 42 was the basis for numerous other weapons throughout the Cold War (and is still used in NATO-forces today as MG3, they only changed to NATO-standard-caliber and reduced the firing rate to actually be 1200 rounds per minute, as opposed to the 1500 rpm of the original MG42). The MG3 is still widely exported and its production licensed to NATO and allies. A ''double barrel'' variant of the MG3 was also produced as a ''low cost Minigun alternative''.

* '''''Maschinengewehr 34'':''' The predecessor to the MG 42, it was still in wide use at the start of the war. It had a lower, more controllable rate of fire of around 800-900 RPM, and had a single-shot mode that was removed in the MG 42. Its production went on parallel to the MG 42 because its swing-down barrel-swap method was more compatible with vehicle ball mounts than MG 42's slide-open method, so all MGs seen on German tanks even late in the war were still MG 34's.

* '''''Fallschirmjägergewehr 42'':''' "Paratrooper rifle 1942", and if a K98k and a MG42 could have a baby together this battle rifle would be it. Created in limited numbers for the exclusive use of German paratroopers. The high-ups realized that the K98k was too long for paratroopers, and the MP40 wasn't suitable outside of urban combat, so they wanted something that handled like a carbine but could fire like a machine gun. the FG 42 was designed as a shorter, automatic battle rifle to give paratroops superior firepower, using a side-loading box magazine. Its high recoil made automatic fire inadvisable, as with later automatic high-caliber battle rifles such as the US M14. While it never really took off, it was quite the solid design, and is notable for influencing the design of the MG 42 (along with the American M60 machine gun after the war).

* '''''Hafthohlladung'':''' In English, "Attachable Shaped Charge" (get used to this very literal naming scheme, it continues below). Very soon into the war, the Germans realized they would never have enough tanks and AT guns to go around, so they developed weapons that would allow an infantryman to (in theory, at least) deal with a tank. The Hafthohlladung was such an early attempt. A big AT grenade with three magnets that allowed it to stick to any metallic surface, it would make a nice hole into any tank it was attached to... Which makes the weapon's main drawback immediately clear: [[Tankbustas|running up to an operational tank to slap a bomb to its flank wasn't exactly safe]]. In theory, you could also try to [[Genestealer cults|wait and hide in ambush]] for the tank to pass close by since visibility from inside a tank wasn't that great, but that would require being able to anticipate the path of the tank (without accidentally getting run over), and tanks were often supported by infantry anyway. The Hafthohlladung wasn't really a successful weapon and saw only limited use, but it paved the way for the next item on the list:

* '''''Panzerfaust'':''' "Armor fist", or, more literally, "tank fist". A disposable one-shot anti-armor weapon for use against tanks and entrenched positions. Really cheap to produce, lightweight, and able to do a lot of damage to tanks at close range (maximum range being at most 150 meters for the later models). And it was really easy to use: hold in crook of the arm, flip a switch up that becomes an iron sight (and also arms the weapon), aim, squeeze the firing lever, and enjoy the fireworks. The basic idea of how they were used was to give one guy in every squad (or more) one of them so that if a tank ever did get close, there was a chance they'd be able to take it out or do some damage. This, among other things, made allied generals wary about sending tanks to clear out German infantry forces, especially among the ambush-friendly hedgerows of northern Europe. That said, Panzerfausts were useless for trying to snipe at tanks from a distance (with an effective range of about 60m of the most produced versions) and could not be reloaded with another rocket, preventing most troops from carrying more than one shot on their person. In the last days of the war, the Nazis gave these to grannies and kids on the off-chance that they could destroy an allied tank when they rolled into town. In fact, it was so cheap to produce every member of late Volkssturm was generally issued one, while every third was lucky enough to be issued a rifle. Looked like a fist in a tube, hence the name. Its general design was later copied by the Russians, eventually used in the RPG-2 and RPG-7 rocket launchers. The concept of the Panzerfaust is still very much alive in the form of many "Light Anti-tank Weapons" (M72, AT4, MATADOR,...) in use today.

* '''''Panzerschreck'':''' "Armor terror", or "tank fright". A reusable anti-tank rocket launcher based off captured American bazookas, and you can almost imagine the Nazi scientist getting one and saying "[[Ork|Bigga is Betta!]]" It was larger than the Bazooka, with an 88mm muzzle size (where the first Bazooka was only 60mm)—in fact, it is still larger than most rocket launchers and mortars in use today. Like the Bazooka, but unlike the Panzerfaust, it could be reloaded, and had a longer range than the Faust bar the latest version. The Panzerschreck has a distinctive steel blast shield in front, which has to do with the larger rocket blowing hot exhaust into the users face. Early models without the shield ended up requiring the operator to wear a gasmask and protective poncho (which must have sucked for the first person to test it, before they figured that out). The Panzershreck was more useful as an offensive weapon than the Panzerfaust, since it was capable of easily penetrating the armor of any tank they faced (and at better ranges) thanks to the bigger rocket. But on the other hand, it was very much a temperamental weapon that required trained operators, so its use was restricted to dedicated tank hunter teams (unlike the Panzerfaust, which was simple enough that a 10-year old kid could handle it).

*'''''Panzerwurfmine'':''' "Mine to be thrown at tanks" (don't say we didn't warn you about the names). Another attempt at allowing infantrymen to deal with a tank, this is basically a shaped charge with deployable stabilizing cloth fins that was thrown overhand to land on the top a tank and blow a nice, big hole through it. Cheap to produce and very efficient, but it required lots of practice to use, so it was only given to trained "[[Tankbustas|tank-hunter]]" teams. The Russians captured some of those, were duly impressed, and promptly refined the German concept into their own "RPG-6" AT hand grenade that was just as cheap and efficient but way easier to use, and so good it was still part of their arsenal when the Soviet Union fell and can still be found all over the world in relatively low-intensity conflicts. Sure, it won't kill a modern tank, but it sure as hell will kill third-world militia in up-gunned Toyotas.

*'''''Captured Weapons''''': Due to necessity and practicality, German troops also commonly used enemy equipment from all sides, predominantly Soviet weapons due to their large sweeps during the first stage of the invasion of Russia. To ease supply concerns, some weapons were converted to use standard German ammunition like the ''PPSh-41 submachine-gun'' (which was converted from 7.62x25mm to 9x19mm), while others actually had new Soviet-style ammunition made for them in converted factories.

===Vehicles===
====Tanks====
German tanks were in general well designed, but in hindsight were overengineered and prone to breakdowns in the field. For example, take their ''Schachtellaufwerk'' (interleaved roadwheels system for tracks). The idea was: more roadwheels = weight distributed more evenly over track = less ground pressure = less bogging down and/or a higher maximum load. It was also supposed to lessen tank shaking and allow to fire (relatively) accurately on the move. Great idea on paper, and a pretty good one when testing prototypes at home... but an absolute hell on the Eastern front, where the almost supernaturally awful mud (or ''rasputitza'') infiltrated between the wheels before freezing and breaking everything. Cue hour after hour of work for the maintenance teams, removing the track and wheels for cleaning before mounting them again [[FAIL|each and every time the goddamn tank sortied]], where a more traditional slack-track system would have required much less cleaning. And let's not even get into ''real'' mechanical breakdowns...

In the end, the true selling point of the ''Panzerwaffe'' was not the tanks themselves, but instead, primarily, the tactics of using them, the crew members manning them, the mechanics supporting them, and the radios installed in every tank that allowed for a level of coordination between tanks, infantry, and artillery not seen before the start of WWII (which formed the core of ''Blitzkrieg'' tactics). This, along with some powerful late-war designs, occasionally gave German tanks an edge over Allied tanks until production problems, stability issues and most of all fuel shortages became overwhelming.

German tanks are called "''Panzer''", which when directly translated means "''armor''", and more specifically is the shortened version of "''Panzerkampfwagen''" (Armored Fighting Vehicle). The name is often abbreviated to just "PzKpfw".
* '''Panzer I:''' Designed and produced in defiance of the Treaty of Versailles, the ''Panzerkampfwagen I'' was the first Nazi tank. It was small, weighing only 5.4 tonnes, and was armed only with two MG-13 machine guns. Some 1,493 were made, and were most notable in that they allowed tank crews to be trained, and (after being sent to Spain) let tank doctrines be developed that later allowed the Nazis to take over Poland. They saw some use at the beginning of WWII, but were pretty soon deemed to be out of date even on scouting missions. Until they were deemed totally obsolete, they were continuously upgraded and specialized, and had several variants including a potential recon paratrooper-tank. Primary Nazi tank of the Condor legion in the Spanish Civil War [[File:Panzer I.PNG|thumb|right|300px|Mein Herr! Can't ve get somezing better zan zis Panzer I?]] As with a lot of Nazi tanks that became obsolete, the old PzKpfw 1s were sometimes stripped to the chassis and repurposed for things such as artillery and tank-destroyer roles, though this was relatively rare.
* '''Panzer II:''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen II'' was designed using the experience gained in the Spanish Civil War. Heavier than the Panzer I at 8.9 tonnes, it was designed as a stopgap, as the Panzer III and IV were experiencing delays in production. It was armed with a dinky automatic 20mm cannon that was little better than an anti-tank rifle. Common during the early war, it was made obsolete by the arrival of the Panzer III and IV, and relegated to reconnaissance duties, training, or conversion into open-topped tank destroyers. Much like it's younger brother, it too was pushed through several variants; however, instead of trying to upgrade it to stay in main-line action, it was turned into a better scout tank so that the Panzer III could take over the main-line role. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Poland and France.
* '''Panzer III:''' One of the two main German tanks of the war, the ''Panzerkampfwagen III'' was about when Germany really got the hang of this whole tank design thing. Introduced in 1939, it weighed 23 tonnes, carried a 37mm anti tank gun, and notably had a turret big enough for three guys (which is actually more important than you might think, as it allows the crew to share the workload, e.g., the Loader's only task would be to load the gun with correct ammo in as short time as possible, the Gunner focuses on aiming and firing the gun, while the Commander can retain situational awareness and, well, give orders). Contemporary tanks usually had two- or even one-man turrets, forcing the crew to share responsibilities, thus lowering combat efficiency. The Panzer III was designed from the ground up to engage enemy tanks, rather than the infantry and light vehicles of earlier models. In Poland, France, and North Africa it did well, even though some French vehicles still outgunned them. Against Soviet T-34s, however, it was completely insufficient, unless upgraded to a 50mm gun and firing APDS. Thankfully, unlike the French and Russians, the Panzer III were all equipped with radios, allowing them to out-maneuver the un-radioed yet otherwise better tanks. Production stopped in 1942, but since they had built 5,774 of them, they stayed in service until the end of the war. The chassis was used to produce the StuG assault cannon (although "Geschütz" is hard to translate to English: it's neither a mere gun, nor a cannon, being more of a tank destroyer, i.e., a "sniper"-style tank), which would be the most widely produced German vehicle of the war. Primary Nazi tank for the invasion of Soviet Union.
* '''Panzer IV:''' Ultimately the most common German made tank, with nearly 9,000 units being built over the course of the war (now compare numbers with those of Sherman and T-34), the ''Panzerkampfwagen IV'' was the Panzer III's big brother. The Panzer IV was originally intended to be used against infantry and was armed with a low-velocity 75mm gun for blowing stuff up with explosive shells. After the invasion of Russia they switched to a 50mm anti-tank gun, and later a 75mm high-velocity cannon while also being up-armored to an absolute weight limit of a chassis. After that upgrade, it was generally on par with the T-34 and M4 Sherman (on average, at least—they had a less powerful engine, but better optics). Unlike early Soviet tanks, every Panzer IV generally had a working a radio receiver. It's chassis became the foundation of many German vehicles of all classifications. Primary Nazi tank from 1942 to the end of the war in 1945.
* '''Panzer V Panther:''' The Panther was introduced in 1943 and is often argued to be the the best tank of the war. It copied many features of the T-34 and improved on them. It was listed as a "medium tank," despite weighing in at 44.8 tonnes. Its 75mm/L70 gun was one of the most powerful tank guns of the war, and could destroy any Allied tank. Its frontal armor was more effective than that of the Tiger's. A swift and hard as nails death machine... when it was in working order, that is. The Panther was rushed into service and had even more mechanical problems than the Tiger did due to its rushed design. On the plus side, the Panther was only about 20% more expensive to produce than the Panzer IV, and the Germans managed to produce 6,000 of them, though switching over did cost them in terms of other production due to the necessary retooling time. Along with the Tigers, this was enough to get the Americans and British to make the Sherman Firefly and the Soviets to make up-armored and up-gunned T-34-85s. Along with the aforementioned US and Soviet tanks, the Panther eventually became the inspiration for the post-war "Main Battle Tank" concept. An upgraded Panther II was planned, but never entered production. [[File:Panther_Tank.jpg|thumb|left|300px|Zis vill do nicely! Danke!... Gott im Himmel, zat's a lot of Shermans!]]
* '''Panzer VI Tiger:''' Even before invading Russia, the generals of the Wehrmacht sent requests for a tank that could be called "heavy", mostly after seeing French B1's in action, however brief or desperate. But only the shock of encountering previously unknown Soviet KV-1s and T-34s gave a necessary push and resources to the project, as perceived German tank superiority was shattered. The Nazi top brass took this as a challenge to create the ultimate tanks, and the result of said project were "the Big Cats". The first of these was the Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger heavy tank, which entered service in 1942 (yes, the Pz. V actually came out after the VI did). Heavy definitely described the Tiger: it weighed 54 tonnes, had a 690 hp engine, had up to 100mm of armor, and was armed with a massive 88mm cannon that could take out a T-34 or Sherman from 2 kilometers with ease; in fact, it could do this to ''any tank the Allies would have at any point of the war'' from one kilometer away, barring IS-2s and Churchill VIIs. Despite this, the Tiger was over-engineered mechanically and somewhat under-designed chassis-wise. It was expensive and labor intensive to build, had reliability issues, and was horribly maintenance-intensive. The Tiger chassis was essentially an upgraded Pz. IV (and therefore a [[Metal Boxes|metal box]]), and the design took no advantage of the sloped armor concept the Russians were by then fielding in the T-34, which made the Tiger heavier and slower than it could have been for the same armor effectiveness. Only 1,347 Tigers were built, but they did have an effect on Allied morale. In one instance a single Tiger destroyed most of the 22nd Armoured Brigade and forced them to retreat (Battle of Villers-Bocage). The Tiger is without a doubt the most famous (and overrated, due to the problems listed above) tank of WWII, known even to those illiterates who think WWII was only fought between America and Germany, and if most video games are to be believed, every Nazi tank was a Tiger. That is, however, somewhat understandable given just how often allied tankers yelled 'Tiger' whenever they lost a tank, even to a regular Pz IV (which could be mistaken for a Tiger at a distance). The Tiger and Panther tanks, like a used car, came with an owner's manual (the Tigerfibel and Pantherfibel, respectively), and Heinz Guderian (one of Germany's, and possibly the entire war's, best tank commanders) wanted every tank crew to read the manual. But even back then, people understood just how few guys actually read the instruction manual for anything. So it was written as a fun book to read, with humor, poetry, and naked girls alongside the information about how to use two of the most famous heavy tanks to be fielded in WWII.
* '''Tiger II:''' The Tiger II, sometimes known as the King Tiger (from an incorrect translation of ''Königstiger'', meaning "Bengal Tiger", but which literally translates to "Royal Tiger"), was the ultimate German tank, and introduced in 1944 as a successor to the Tiger. It weighed 68.5 tonnes (more than most modern tanks) and had 150mm of frontal armor, which was even sloped (a huge step forward from the boxy Tiger I)! Even so, between limited resources and an increasingly bombed-out industrial base, only 492 of these behemoths rolled off the assembly line before the war ended. These tanks were considered to be just as temperamental as the Tiger I, but for different reasons. The designers learned how to fix some of the problems with the Tiger I, and promptly over-built the Tiger II even more after patching the holes, because they thought they had wiggle room or something.
*'''Anything they could steal:''' From French [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Char_B1#Operational_history B1 heavy tanks] to Soviet [http://www.achtungpanzer.com/panzerkampfwagen-t-34r-soviet-t-34-in-german-service.htm T-34's] to American [http://beutepanzer.ru/Beutepanzer/us/M4_sherman/m4-75-sherman-01.htm Shermans], the Nazis used everything they could get their hands on like Orks in clean uniforms (not that the Allies were any different: Soviets, for example, had several companies armed with Panzers V used as tank destroyers). This became so chronic that the British had a strong rule in place that said any tank which could not be repaired or salvaged was to be destroyed, so the Germans wouldn't pinch it. They deployed stolen tanks pretty much everywhere, and of every type; hell, even Renault FT-17s were used in police roles in some areas.
**'''Panzer 35(t) and 38(t):''' the most famous tanks the Nazi <s>stole</s> were supplied with by puppet governments all across Europe were the PZ 35(t) and 38(t). Light tanks, both were Czech designs (hence the (t) for ''tschechisch'') Germany acquired when they took over first the Sudetenland, and then the rest of Czechoslovakia. While very useful early in the war, the designs were rendered obsolete by 1942 (they simply couldn't compete against a T-34), and the chassis was instead used to produce Marder 2 and Hetzer tank destroyers. A version of the 38(t), called the Stridsvagn m/41, was also used by Sweden. The vehicle's Czech steel was lower-quality than German stock.

====Tank Destroyers/Assault Guns====
Between the First and Second World Wars, various nations were still trying to figure out what good designs were for armored vehicles. This is the same era that gave us the British infantry and cavalry tank concept. In response to the super heavy British infantry tanks of the time, the Germans were quick to invent and use an armored doctrine they called ''Panzerjäger'' (tank hunters). The concept was to stick a huge gun (too big to put in a proper turret with then available technology) onto a vehicle with a fixed casemate and open top to allow the heavy gun to be moved around easily. Think like the [[Basilisk]], only built for direct fire. Later in the war, Germany discarded the lighter Panzerjäger tank destroyers and instead designed big heavy tank destroyers, with thick armor and guns big enough to make an ork blush with envy, and labeled the class "''Jagdpanzer''" (hunter-tank). Panzerjäger of both types had the advantage of being cheaper and simpler to make than turreted tanks, and having lower silhouettes that allowed for easier ambushes. Plus it was easy to convert an otherwise out of date, under-gunned tank into a destroyer. The disadvantage was, of course, that they had no turrets, so they could be outflanked and had no way to point their guns at any targets that did not drive in front of them short of turning the entire tank around.
*'''Panzerjäger I''': Remember that little note in the Panzer 1's description on how it was repurposed? Well, this is the end result. What basically amounts to a Panzer I with its turret taken off and a casemate installed instead, it had a nice 4.7cm anti-tank gun but was relatively weak otherwise. There were no vision slits in the casemate, meaning that in order to aim, the crew had to peek over the top and get themselves shot in the head (a pressing issue in particular for Anti-Tank battalion 643).
*'''Marder:''' The Marder 1, 2, and 3 were all very similar tank destroyers, hence why they share a listing. The Marder 1 is based on the chassis of the French Lorraine 37L tractor, the Marder 2 is based off the Panzer II chassis, and the Marder III is based of off the Panzer 38(t) (the "T" means it was Czech in origin, not that it weighed 38 tons). All three were open topped and armed with either 7.5 cm cannons or converted Russian 76 mm cannons they stole early in their invasion of Russia. At the start of Operation Barbarossa, German tanks were again under-gunned and -armed compared to their enemies, especially when compared to the T-34 (which one German field marshal quipped was the best tank in the world in 1941). But, like the battle for France, the Germans had more radios and were thus able to make massive advances anyway through superior tactical coordination. Still, a better anti-tank weapon was needed, so the Marders were created and armed with 7.5 cm weapons (although there were never enough of them, so they would revert to using Russian guns).
*'''Wespe''' and '''Hummel''': The Wasp and Bumblebee, respectively, and both with a nasty sting. Both were re-purposed tank chassis, but sporting artillery howitzers instead of AT guns (Which makes them technically self-propelled artillery instead of assault guns, but in the end it's a huge gun on tracks so fuck that noise!) the Wespe was based off the Panzer II and sported a 105mm 'light' howitzer; the Hummel was based on a modified Panzer III chassis and sported a 150mm howitzer. They're the real-life equivalents of (and probably the inspiration behind) the Imperial Guard's [[Basilisk Artillery Gun]].
*'''Hetzer''': Repurposed Panzer 38(t) with a casemate-mounted 75mm gun. A nice late-war re-design and a dangerous opponent since its small chassis and decent speed made it easy to get in position for a good ambush, and its gun was strong enough to take on any allied tank. The Hetzer lacked in the armour department, though, and couldn't slug it out.
*'''Nashorn''': Also called '''Hornisse''', this was a Marder-like tank-destroyer, with a chassis specially designed to mount the fearsome "Acht-acht" 88mm gun. Just like the Marders it was open-topped, but the huge range of its gun made it a dangerous opponent.
*'''StuG III & IV''': By far the most widely produced German vehicle of WWII, the Stug was easily one of the most versatile combat platforms fielded in the war. StuG's, or "''Sturmgeschütz''" or "''assault artillery''", were built to combat a problem Germany learned from the first world war: that infantry lacked the ability to take on fortifications, and the artillery was too slow to keep up to allow direct fire on these targets. The StuG was the solution: by mounting a 7.5 cm <s>howitzer</s> [https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sturmgesch%C3%BCtz_III gun] in a fixed casemate on a Panzer III chassis, they allowed the vehicle to roll up with the infantry and blow any fortifications in the way to rubble. Of course during the invasion of the Soviet Union the Germans ran into tanks much better than their existing vehicles, namely KV-1s and T-34. In order to quickly counter these threats, the StuG was "up-gunned" (quote marks are there because the guns caliber did not change), to mount a high-velocity 7.5 cm anti-tank gun. In 1943, the StuG chassis was changed from a Panzer III's to a Panzer IV's, otherwise no changes were made. StuG's, despite looking like and being compared to tanks, were not considered tanks, and were crewed by artillery men. StuG's are estimated to have destroyed 20,000 enemy tanks in the course of the war, impressive when you consider that just over 10,000 were made, and not all of those were armed with actual anti-tank weapons. After the war, the Soviets gave a number of captured tanks to Syria where they were used up to 1960s. (There was a self-propelled-gun with a an actual howitzer, too: the StuH 42.)
*'''Sturmpanzer:''' Known commonly as the ''Brummbär'' (Grouch), this infantry support gun was based on the Panzer IV chassis. It mounted a 15cm mortar-sized direct-fire cannon, which fired a combined shell-charge weighing in at over 100lbs, designed to make infantry and buildings explode. It was given this name for two reasons: the tank broke down all the time (way more than any Panzer IV), and the shells were arduous to load.
*'''Ferdinand/Elefant''': To put the Ferdinand into perspective, this is a tank that even Hitler though was too complex, too unreliable, and too theoretically advanced to use. The Ferdinand is the result of a contest between two of Nazi Germany's top companies, Porsche and Henschel (both of which still exist to day), to produce a heavy tank that could use the 8.8 cm gun. The initial plan was to produce both tanks simultaneously, with contracts to make a "small" series of 100 tanks for both participants signed with Krupp on the same day of 22th of July, 1941. Both Tigers (P) and (H) had A LOT of problems, but due to unclear reasons even before final tests conducted in November 1942 came the order to stop production of Porsche version. That's why, despite losing the contract, Porsche had 90 Porsche Tiger hulls laying around, though he couldn't make more as he lacked production lines of his own. It was decided to turn those unused Tiger P prototypes into tank destroyers, and so they bolted even more armor on and added a fixed super structure for the gun, and thus the Ferdinand (named humbly after Porsche himself) was born. The Ferdinand was a troubled vehicle: rather than one engine, its immense bulk required two, and thanks to poor ventilation they often overheated. Bizarrely, the two engines did not even connect to the drive train (possibly because of issues keeping the two engines synchronized without modern computer control), and were instead connected to a set of electric generators that in turn powered a pair of electric motors. That's right, in 1942, the Nazi's built a 65 ton gas-electric, hybrid-powered tank destroyer, good for the environment maybe (but not actually, because the primitive technology just made the combo even less efficient), but maintenance for the thing was a nightmare worse than the Tiger. And before we forget, it did not have a machine gun. Rather ironically (less so for its crew) it could destroy any tank on the eastern front at distances exceeding 2000 meters, but five guys with Molotov cocktails could take it out. So in 1943, 48 of the 50 remaining tanks were converted to have a machine gun, more armor, anti-magnetic zimmerite paste coatings, and a commander's cupola. The modified tanks were named Elefants. Overall, more Ferdinands were destroyed by their own crews after they broke down and could not be towed back to a repair base than were lost to enemy fire. Maybe it is the inspiration for the Shadowsword Imperial Guard superheavy.
*'''Jagdpanzer IV''': A Panzer IV chassis mounting a long-barrelled 75mm gun in a casemate mount.
*'''Jagdpanther''': A Panther chassis mounting a long-barrelled 88mm gun in a casemate mount. Arguably the best "Jagd-" model combining decent mobility, decent protection and a very powerful gun.
*'''Jagdtiger''': Tiger II chassis outfitted with a long-barrelled 128mm (!) naval gun. Pure overkill, and ultimately a poorly-performing design. To put it in perspective, the M1 ''Abrams'' TODAY has a smaller and shorter 120mm cannon, even if most of its armor busting power comes from the fact it fires modern (and far more deadly) sabot rounds. Even back then, two of the most effective AT guns of the war were the German ''Acht-Acht'' 88mm gun and the British 76.2mm ''17 pounder'' gun; both much smaller, lighter and with a better rate of fire than this 128mm monster. No warmachine used on the frontline called for such a massive gun to be dealt with in World War II (save perhaps for the Soviets's [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IS_tank_family T28 IS heavy tanks], which were designed to be have armor good enough to stand up to 88mm AT gun fire, but ironically the Jagdtiger only served on the western front make it a moot point) and even the fact it could double up as artillery support in a pinch didn't make up for the fact it was just too big and unwieldy and slow-firing a gun to deal with tanks. Add to that, a tank with a 128mm main gun is especially stupid when your enemies on both sides favored zerg rushes of Sherman and T-34's medium tanks respectively, much lighter vehicles that could reliably be taken out by much smaller guns. While anticipating future enemy capabilities is important in wartime weapon development, pretty much no one was working on a vehicle sufficiently armored to warrant this firepower, unless it was intended to fire on battleships from the shore—and firing from a stationary coastal-defense position probably would be for the best, because even at its crawling pace, going off-road tended to knock the gun out of alignment and require it to be recalibrated before firing again, so good luck with flanking maneuvers. The nicest thing that could be said about it was that it was great for shooting at enemy tanks hiding behind buildings, because it would shoot straight through building and tank alike. (Seriously, read Otto Carius' memoirs. His opinion on these is as first-hand as it is scathing.)
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On a sidenote:
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One could reasonably point out that the Russians weren't much better in that regard, since they too threw a couple of 'overcompensated' tanks/assault guns into the fray over the course of WWII: The KV-2 sported a 152mm howitzer in a gigantic (and horribly impractical) turret, and the SU-152 and ISU-152 were also equipped casemate-mounted 152mm howitzers. The difference here is that these vehicles had been designed for infantry support (and demolishing ''festungs''), making the huge gun mobile enough to keep up with the grunts and chucking high explosive death at the enemy from medium/long range instead of blasting other tanks to smithereens. This doesn't mean they couldn't: indeed the ISU-152 was effective enough in that regard to be nicknamed the ''Zveroboy'' (''Beast Killer'' in russian), but being able to blast a Tiger on its back was merely a handy bonus. Add to that the low-velocity 152mm howitzer was a good 30% lighter than the massive PaK 80; resulting in lighter, more compact, and more mobile vehicles overall once they realized trying to mount a huge howitzer in a turret wasn't such a good idea after all.
</div>
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*[[File:Sturmtiger.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Contrary to what it might looks like, this is not a mock-up of a 40k [[Vindicator]] but a real combat vehicle.]]'''Sturmtiger''': The Sturmtiger is one of the most striking example of Nazi "mad genius" given form, to the point that this assault gun could almost belong in the "Wunderwaffe" section. As you can see from the picture, it looks like a [[Vindicator]], which is not a coincidence: both vehicles' role is to rumble up to a strongpoint and obliterate it with extreme firepower. Very quickly, the Germans realized that fortifications were a major pain in their Aryan butts to deal with and that static artillery was too slow and vulnerable to keep up with their ''Blitzkrieg'' attacks. So at first they relied on airplanes, but as their opponents started to contest the skies, they fielded self-propelled howitzers that would rumble up 'close' to the bunker/building/... and blast it to pieces. The Sturmtiger... The Sturmtiger is what you get when the point where you should have stopped putting bigger, larger guns on tracks is long passed, yet one still keeps going... and somehow manages to make it work. Based off of the Tiger 1 chassis, it sported a [[bolter|''380mm gun/rocket launcher'']] [[awesome|''adapted from a Kriegsmarine depth-charge launcher'']] as its main gun; [[wat|and only because the 210 mm howitzer they intended to use first wasn't available]]. Although it sported a gun that could obliterate anything in front of it, the Sturmtiger suffered the same problems as the Tiger itself. Overbuilt drivetrain, maintenance-intensive and prone to breakdown ''Schachtellaufwerk'' tracks to keep ground pressure tolerable, and an underpowered engine. On top of that, the rocket was so powerful that in order to not break the barrel of the gun or kill the crew, the exhaust gasses from launching the depth-charge rocket had to be vented out of a number of tubes that went back up the barrel. Not to mention that by the time the Sturmtiger was being fielded the Germans were in no position to use nor did they require an urban assault vehicle of this kind.
*'''Flakpanzers''': Tanks whose main gun had been replaced with one (or more) anti-aircraft guns. With the Luftwaffe having been squandered by Hitler's stupidity and insanity, and Göring's mind being on an extended leave of absence (as in, about two decades, from the start of his morphine addiction at the Münich Putsch to being cold turkey'd before Nuremberg), the Germans came up with these SPAAGs in other to try to defend themselves from all those nasty american ''Jabos'' (German shorthand for fighter-bomber) making their lives hell. Didn't really work, because towards the end of the war the ground attack aircraft had become too fast to be engaged reliably by guns relying on human eyes to acquire and follow their target. They were, however, [[rape|murder on tracks]] when facing infantry and lightly armored ground targets.

===Airplanes===
* '''Messerschmitt Bf 109:''' This plane is credited with more kills than any other fighter in the history of man due to the tens of thousands of communists it has sent to hell in burning metal coffins. It is also the most produced fighter of all time. The variants of the 109 and the Spitfire competed with each other throughout the war for the title of "World's Best Fighter" as they were both continually upgraded. The 109 was small, very fast, a good turner, a god tier climber, and was inexpensive to produce and maintain. The 109's speed and climb rate made it a top tier energy fighter.
[[File:Fw190d9jv 1.jpg|thumb|right|250px|When the Nazis applied their sense of style to aerospace engineering, the result was the Fw 190D-9, the second sexiest son of a bitch in the sky, second only to the SR-71]]
* '''Focke-Wulf Fw 190''': When first introduced, the Fw 190 was hands-down the best fighter on the planet, due mostly to its very powerful radial engine. The 190A-3 was rocking 1,700 horsepower at a time when the Spitfire V had 1,450. As the war dragged on, BMW failed miserably to improve the engine and the 190 dropped in effectiveness until it was given a completely new engine in the Dora variant. The 190 was horrifically fast at low altitude, had extremely powerful armament, outstanding high speed handling, and had the best roll rate of any plane in the war. However, it was a very poor turner. This set of attributes made the 190 one of the best "boom and zoom" fighters.
[[File:HE111Z.JPG|thumb|left|150px|One of Germany's attempts at packing enough dakka in explosive form]]
*'''Heinkel He 111''': The main German bomber from beginning to end, it was developed in the 1930s; the Nazis called it a high speed passenger jet to get around the Treaty of Versailles. It was first put to its real use in the Spanish Civil War. The He 111 was a twin engine medium bomber, cheap to make and maintain and able to carry up to 3,600 kilos of bombs. Early on it performed very well and was one of the most effective bombers in the world but after 1941 the British and Americans began building larger and longer ranged four engine bombers like the Lancaster and the Flying Fortress in large quantities. The german engineers had a plan to counter these with an enhanced version of the HE 111 called the HE 111-Z that consisted of two 111 fuselages fused together on a central wing (which is just as retardedly awesome and awesomely retarded as it sounds) therefore gathering twice the bombs and weaponry of a regular bomber while being powered by 5 engines. They did manage to make it fly but it remained a prototype. Note: Actually it was suppose to be used as a glider tug for the massive Messerschmitt ME-321 and the purposed Junkers JU-322 Mammut.

* '''Messerschmitt ME-163 Komet''': Before the Nazis mastered jet engines, they toyed around with rocket-based fighters instead. The Komet was a tiny, zippy little fighter plane, and the first plane to travel faster than 1000 kph. It was also the first and last rocket-powered fighter, as they only succeeded to shoot down about eighteen allied craft at the cost of ten crashed Komets. This was because despite being far faster than anything the allies could field, the komet proved very temperamental: it was difficult to control while building speed, its fuel dangerous to handle, its landing gear could bounce off and smack the plane, its cannons were too slow to keep up, and it was vulnerable as it glided back to earth. Still, for its time, it was the only fighter capable of threatening the allies' high-altitude bombers, until the ME-262 came about.
[[File:ME 262.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The ME-262: Nazi Germany's state of the art sky shark]]
* '''Ba 349 Natter''': The meaning of "double down" if Luftwaffe logistics was a poker game. Even crazier than the Komet, Natter was little more than a [[Grot Bomm Launcha]] with unguided rocket batteries up the nose. Adding to the madness was that it's designed to be built from unskilled labor, and wood. Yes, wood. Yes: the British Mosquito was made of wood, but the Mosquito was built by professionals with great care, and was not '''rocket powered!''' What's worse, its fuel was T-Stoff (a highly caustic solution of hydrogen peroxide and a stabilizing chemical) mixed with C-Stoff (a hydrazine hydrate/methanol/water mixture), combustion was spontaneous so extreme care was required to handle both chemicals; leave it to Nazis to use fuel made out of the second most dangerous and villainous compounds (See N Stoff bellow for the stuff even they thought was crazy). The Walter motor generated about 1,700 kg (3,740 lb) of thrust but a loaded Ba 349A weighed more than 1,818 kg (4,000 lb) so liftoff required more power, like a rail launcher or catapult. Simply put, the design was fuck-nut retarded from scratch, killing every test pilot and canceled before it was used, not that a plane nearing the speed of sound made out of shitty wood firing unguided rockets wouldn't hit fuck-all.
* '''Messerschmitt ME-262''': The Me 262 was the world's first operational jet fighter and possibly the most advanced aircraft of all in WWII. It was very fast, able to achieve a speed of 900km/h (in comparison, a P51 Mustang had a top speed of about 700km/h) and carried four 30mm cannons. Quality suffered due to a lack of high quality steel, which severely limited the shelf life of their engines to twelve hours. Even so, it was an effective against bombers. Much like every other advanced Nazi weapon, it arrived too late (in part due to delays involving the Nazi top brass) and in too few numbers to influence the course of the war, though it spurred development of jet aircraft on both sides of the Iron Curtain postwar. The Japanese built a rather similar jet fighter in the Nakajima Kikka, but that never got beyond prototype.
[[File:Heinkel He 162 CASM 2012 5.jpg|thumb|right|200px|The "Volksjäger" aka. "Spatz" or "Salamander". Tiny. Deadly.]]
*'''He-162''': With a max speed of 900 kph, 2 centerline 20mm cannons, and a 39 lbs/ft^2 wingloading, the He-162 was almost invincible in combat. Where the 262 was an interceptor, the He-162 was designed as a cheap, easy to build and fly air superiority fighter. It was also designed to be piloted by children. Developed as a Volksjäger (”people's fighter”) the He-162 was a last ditch design meant to be piloted by the high school aged Hitler Youth as Nazi Germany had almost completely run out of regular pilots at the time. Amazingly enough despite the incredibly short time between design and full production, it turned out to be a solid design; both cheap and easy to build (most of the frame was made of wood) and a dangerous opponent (allied testing after the war showed that a large number of them would have been a major pain in the rear to deal with). The only point where the "Spatz" didn't deliver was the 'easy to fly' part; like all early jet airplanes it required an experienced pilot at the stick and being able to bench press to just turn the damn thing (which was a problem to everyone until the lessons of the Korean War).

===Ships===
As a general rule, Hitler dumped most of money into the ''Heer'' (army) and ''Luftwaffe'' (air force), leaving the ''Kriegsmarine'' (navy) out in the cold, so to speak, so they were not overly fond of him. (Although Hitler realised he wouldn't be able to build up a navy to rival the English quickly so he prioritised planes and tanks over ships to seize land and industrial capacity at first, which kind of made sense.)
* '''U-Boote''': U-Boote, which are shortened the version of the word "''Unterseeboot''" or "underwater boat", are submarines. They were used in devastating effect to cut off Britain from supplies from the outside world by having "wolfpacks" of U-boats patrol around shipping lanes and sink down any enemy ship they found. Their other uses involved seeking and destroying enemy battleships, placing automated weather stations all over the world (helpful for Kriegsmarine ships) and dropping off a substantial number of spies in Britain and even America, most of which got caught-and subsequently replaced by Loyal British spy's (read about some of the ways the British Bamboozled the Nazi's in world war 2 some of it, like the moment the Germans gave a British agent the Iron cross, is just hilarious). They were so terrifying to Winston Churchill that he spent most of his naval planning on working out ways to subvert or destroy the U-boat wolfpacks. As a consequence of all this, they worked very well in the first years of the war, sinking huge (and i mean HUGE) numbers of ships with very few boats (only about 15 boats, at most, were out at sea at any given time in the first year or so). Being such an absolute pain in the arse, the British thus invested a fuckton of money and manpower into hunting and killing said U-boats, and finally got very, very good at it, through a combination of new technology, a [[Wikipedia:Western Approaches Command|massive information network]] for coordinating defenses, and [https://www.google.com/amp/s/paxsims.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/the-wargaming-wrens-of-the-western-approaches-tactical-unit/amp/ navy wargamers] [[awesome|developing new strategies to counter the U-Boats]]. Right when more and more U-boats were being produced, as German high command finally realized their potential, the British began sinking ever more of them (Example: in all of 1941, 35 boats were lost, in 1943, 244 boats were sunk, with 41 in May alone). Admiral Karl Dönitz, unlike Hitler, loved the U-boats, and built one of the largest structures on earth (at the time) to house them: the German U-boat pens in captured France. U-boats were invented in the first world war, and there unrestricted campaign of sinking any ship, even those with US citizens on them (even after the German government made a very public warning to the US that boarding a ship to England was a very bad idea), that approached England led to the neutral though leaning allied American to join the first world war and for them to be the last straw on the German back to end it.
* '''''Bismarck and Tirpitz''''': <s>A pair of battleships with guns as big as steers and shells as big as trees.</s> Memes aside, those were the largest ships built by the Nazis, but they were neither the biggest (that title goes to Yamato) or meanest (Warspite with the most battle honors of any ship in history) or most modern ships of World War 2 (Debatable: but likely Iowa). Germany's building skills had suffered under the limitations of the Versailles treaty in the inter-war period, ''Bismarck'' and ''Tirpitz'' were the best they could build on a relatively short notice of five years and with a ten year technological gap to fill on the go. Both ships were envisioned as commerce raiders sinking transport ships and disrupting allied supplies, not to slug it out with the Royal Navy. This being said, while no superweapons capable of turning the war on their own they were far from worthless. Sinking the ''Bismarck'' required an entire Royal navy fleet, six battleships and battlecruisers and two aircraft carriers, along with a number of cruisers and destroyers in a running battle over several days (albeit this was mostly due to the Brits not learning Jutland's lesson of not putting unarmored battlecruisers in a line battle, incredible luck and terrible luck at the same time on all sides and rank incomptence, stubbornnes and general stupidity on all sides). And the ''Bismarck'' was alone. ''Tirpitz'' was similarly tough. The RAF spent most of a year bombing ''Tirpitz'' with everything in their arsenal, including the British Tallboy earthquake bombs. 5,400kg, fortification-destroying ''earthquake bombs'' could not destroy the ''Tirptiz'' despite scoring direct hits until a final bombing raid by 32 heavy Lancaster Bombers managed to score a hit on one of the ammunition magazines. These two ships had a weakness that greatly limited their offensive capability however: Very few facilities existed that were large enough to work on them. Of these few facilities only one of them, the Normandy dock at Saint-Nazaire, was held by the Nazis and remotely in a position where the giant ships could both rest and be in a position to attack. The British (and [[Wikipedia:USS_Buchanan_(DD-131)|one American suicide bomber]]) exploited this by launching a commando raid on the dock, destroying it. This forced the pair to use docks safely in German territory where they presented minimal threat to the allies.
* '''''Graf Zepplin''''': The Nazi's sole attempt at building an aircraft carrier that was a weird carrier/cruiser hybrid. Never completed.

===Wunderwaffen===
Wunderwaffen. One thing that caught the the imagination of the world and started the "Superior German Engineering" meme. As a preface, civilian engineering is great in Germany. Military? Well... you'll see in a bit. This is the place any of the "Nazi Super science" stuff goes. You want lighting guns? Wunderwaffen. Super tanks? Wunderwaffen. Moon rockets? Wunderwaffen. Hitler in a giant robot spider powered by the souls of the damned? Wunderwaffen.

The truth is, as usual, a lot more nuanced. Yes, the different wonder weapon projects were on the bleeding edge of technology when envisioned, next generation devices which most of the scientists of other nations had been toying with but had yet to reach prototype much less combat stage (because they were, unlike the Germans never that desperate enough to use untested machinery with teething issues in battle). Yes, the Germans pioneered a lot of things that were afterwards [[Blood Ravens|acquired and adapted]] by the Allies and the Soviet Union. The problem was, at the start of the war, the technology to make said Wunderwaffe '''efficient''' weapons (a real guidance system for the V1 and V2, for instance) simply wasn't there yet, and once the war got into full-swing and the attendant drain on fighting a multi-front war along with the effects of Allied strategic bombing became dominant, the Germans never managed to close the gap. All that the Wunderwaffen '''could''' have been agreed upon having accomplished is the initial psychological shock upon deployment (such as the unstoppable V-2 launches), which wasn't much of a big deal after the human mind would adapt to the new threat.

It can be argued that while the German quest for military innovation lead to advances that did have everyone else scrambling to catch up, most were nothing more than a drain on Germany's resources. For every development that led to things like the Messerschmitt Bf 109 (which was a very good plane), you had the trials that gave us the Tiger (and the entire extended VK3X.XX series, and the Ferdinand/Elephant, and all the associated waste of time and resources; it really was a lot!). Hitler had a documented fascination with anything that screamed "German Supremacy", and later one once the multi-front war turned against Germany, an arguable desperation for something-anything to one-shot win-the-war. As you can imagine with two hands strangling Germany, one smelling of vodka and the other apple pie, these weapons were developed and produced with a shortage of resources and time and the lack of quality only exacerbated their various shortcomings and strained an already breaking economy. They were rather dismissively called "voo-vah" by Allied troops, and they allegedly thanked Hitler for ultimately shortening the war by authorizing the waste of resources on them. Perhaps ironically, the wunderwaffen did help to shorten the war, since those resources may have been better used on propping up a failing wartime economy. As with anything on this wiki, YMMV and you're encouraged to do your own research (and find a lot of really interesting stories in the process; did you know that at point-blank range, the standard 88mm AP round could rip a furrow through the entire length of the roof of a M4 turret, peeling open the steel like a centre-parting in hair? SCIENCE!)

* '''V1 flying bomb:''' The V1 is considered as an early version of the cruise missile and was used in the bombing of England, since a city was pretty much all they COULD accurately hit (and even then). The V1's used an early version of a Pulse jet and they were quickly called "buzz bombs," "doodlebugs," or "farting furies" to discourage people from calling them "robot bombs," which gives the impression that they were unstoppable. Fun fact about the V1: it uses the same fuel as a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombardier_beetle type of beetle] uses to defend itself. It was infamously known for cutting its engine as it dived (due to a fuel flow error), leading to it suddenly becoming silent just before it smashed into the ground. Its entire "guidance computer" was nothing more than a simple gyroscope system to keep it level and flying, plus a small spinning propeller in the nose that would set the flaps to dive the V1 into the ground once it revolved a certain amount of times (calculated to have covered the distance to the target city). Far too inaccurate to be used against a military target, the V1 was ultimately a gigantic waste.
*'''V2 rocket:''' The V2 was the world's first ballistic missile and spacefaring craft. The scientists that developed it, including Werner von Braun, went on to work for NASA and developed the booster rockets on the Saturn V launch vehicle (Nazi science really did put a man on the Moon in the end). Unlike its brother the V1, it was utterly unstoppable by AA; not a single inbound V2 was ever shot down by anti-aircraft fire, owing to it moving at 3 times the speed of sound. It was the first vehicle to ever reach space (but not the first object, that honor falls to Imperial German artillery in WW1, specifically the Paris Gun), from a vertical test launch in 1943, and after the war it was very frequently reused by the Americans (with extra shit often strapped on top) as an early spacecraft, with grainy images returned from suborbital flights in space as early as 1946. Less of a waste than the V1 but even so, without a decent guidance system it had a hard time hitting England as well as the dubious distinction of being the only weapon which killed more people in its manufacture than it did enemies.
* '''Horten 229 and Horten 18:''' While technically Nazi aircraft, they really deserves to be here, not up in Aircraft. Commonly known as the "Nazi stealth fighter," this twin-turbojet flying-wing fighter was found in a secret workshop hangar by invading American forces. Nobody knows for certain if the Horten 229 was originally built for stealth, but it's all-wood construction and smooth radar-fouling shape, coupled with radar-absorbing paint on the outer shell makes a fairly clear case for a stealth aircraft (Though [[Wikipedia:de Havilland Mosquito|the allies had already been fielding wooden aircraft for years]] and the Germans knew Radar worked poorly on them.). The concept that the 229 was build around was the "3x1000": 1000kph, 1000km range, 1000kg bomb payload. This, in 1943. During test flights, it outperformed the Me. 262 while using exactly the same engines. It was probably going to be used to fly through or knock out the British radar array in a second, never-realized "Battle of Britain 2: Electromagnetic Boogaloo." The Horten 18 was an even bigger flying wing, with a huge wingspan and 6 jet engines. This one was designed to be an intercontinental bomber, intending to hit American cities as the western front made Hitler [[rage|angrier and angrier]]. The Horten 18 was never built, but the 229 was rather successfully test flown. Both planes looks quite a bit like the modern B2 stealth bomber, which isn't much of a surprise considering the Americans hauled the Horten 229 prototype back home to be studied in a secret airforce base (where it is today).
[[File:Maus_Trials_1944.png|350px|thumb|right|[[Approved_anime#Gaming_anime|Panzer vor]], motherfuckers.]]
* '''''Maus'':''' The ''Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus'' ("mouse") is the largest tank ever built. A 200 metric ton monster with a 128mm (5 inch) main gun, and a 75mm co-axial gun in the turret, it crept along at a blistering 13 kph and sucked down liters of gas per kilometer. The most amazing thing is that (beyond not cancelling the project on sight like anyone withing hailing distance of sanity would) ''they actually managed to build this tank''. Five were ordered, but only two prototypes and one turret were built. It was originally going to be called the ''Mäuschen'' (Little Mouse), but because the Germans liked schadenfreude more than irony, just ''Maus'' stuck. Realistically, neither front's tanks would have had the firepower to penetrate the Maus, only extreme-caliber anti-tank guns and artillery fire would have done the job, however it was so big that there was no road or bridge big enough to take it so it had to have special snorkling gear to get past river. Its extremely slow speed and massive size, however, likely would have made it prime bait for bombers (which is one of the reasons why modern militaries don't use heavy tanks anymore). While neither side had anti-tank weapons strong enough to penetrate its armor, it's more then likely it would never get there even if it was built. It's not quite a [[Baneblade]], but they were getting there. The Nazi's really didn't want anyone to get this monster, so they blew up the complete first model. The second Maus, armed with the first one's turret, was towed back to Russia by invading forces, and currently resides in the Kubinka Tank museum for all to see.
* '''''Ratte'':''' The ''Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte'' ("rat") was an even larger tank, or "land cruiser", since it was essentially a naval warship on tracks. Never actually built, despite being ordered by Hitler. [[Wat|The Rat was to be a 1000 metric ton tank, mounting a naval turret with two 280mm guns, a 128mm anti tank gun, eight 20mm FlaK cannons, and two 15mm aircraft cannons]], surpassing even the Eleven Barrels Of Hell of the Baneblade. It would have been so heavy that it would have destroyed every road it used, capable of wrecking a town just by running through it, and it would have collapsed every bridge it crossed. It needed two U-BOAT motors to get around, or maybe EIGHT 20 CYLINDER ENGINES. Not surprisingly, Albert Speer canned the project (mostly because a single bomber dropping a 500kg bomb on top of the thing would fuck its day up immensely), which is a great shame because A- Building and maintaining such a monster would have posed a noticeable strain on Germany's logistics, thus accelerating their defeat and B- It would have made the most [[awesome]] museum piece in the known universe.
*'''''Karl-Gerät''''' The ''Karl-Gerät'' is one of the very few real world weapon ever built that is BIGGER then its 40k equivalent. Karl weighs 124 tons, is armed with a 60cm (24 inch) gun that fires a shell that weights more than a ton, that can hit a target between four and ten kilometers away depending on the size of its shell. This thing was the largest self-propelled gun ever made and it could give even a (admittedly small) Titan pause for thought. These things were actually used in combat to decent effect in Warsaw, but had mixed results in other deployments. it fucked up any target royally, but the Gerät was so big and slow that it had to be disassembled and put on special tractor trailers to move around (one hell of a logistic operation) and and was moved any real distance by train. Its shells were carried by special turret-less Panzer IIIs. Surprisingly one of these things survived the war and was captured by the Russians. It's currently in the Kubinka Tank Museum along side the only Maus heavy tank in the world and assorted other war trophies.
[[File:Hitler-gustav-railway-gun.jpg|350px|thumb|right|If there was a fine line between [[Dakka]], [[Titan|massive overcompensation]], and [[Rape|"Holy shit, Greg! Is that a fucking landship on rails!?",]] then the Gustav sure hits the spot.]]
*'''''Schwerer Gustav'':''' An excellent example of the brilliance and impracticality of Wunderwaffen, ''Schwerer Gustav'' was a railway gun that resembled a cruiser fucking a freight train and an artillery piece, built in the late 30's to defeat the Maginot Line. Two were built, the other called "Dora." It is a descendant of the German Empire's 1918 "Paris gun," a smaller gun ("only" 238mm's) built in World War One to shell Paris from Germany, 120 kilometers away (a range so far they had to account for the curvature of the Earth when firing the damn thing). Gustav was designed to defeat any fortifications in existence; as such, it was the largest-calibre rifled weapon ever used in combat, the heaviest mobile artillery piece ever built in terms of overall weight, and fired the heaviest shells of any artillery piece. It fired 80cm (31 inch) shells, weighing 4,800kg to 7,100kg up to 48km. The AP shells could penetrate 7m of reinforced concrete. It completely succeeded in its job of defeating any existing fortification, but at the same time was completely impractical: it required two specially-laid parallel railway tracks to move (yes, it was a railway gun too big for the railway), took 54 hours to set up for firing, and had a rate of fire of 14 rounds per day as charges had to be heated up in a special device for roughly 1 day before firing. Since building a gun that fired shells that wouldn't fit through the front door to your house wasn't excessive enough for the Nazis, plans were made to mount the Schwerer Gustav 80cm gun on a 1,500t self propelled artillery platform (the ''Landkreuzer P.1500 Monster'') with two 15cm howitzers and multiple 15mm autocannons as secondary weapons. Unfortunately, both guns were scrapped near the end of the war. The Schwerer Gustav, overall, was the biggest (if the strange rocket exhaust powered V3 listed bellow is not counted) motherfucking gun on the planet. The weapon likely could have blown a Titan away if its shields were down, and much science-fiction set in WW2 features the gun (notably, in Harry Turtledove's Worldwar series, the gun is used to blow up two landed alien spacecraft from sixty kilometers away).The fucking thing was hilariously impractical as there is no recorded cases it of successfully hitting the target (and with the accuracy of that thing it's a miracle no German forces were harmed). There is an urban legend about one AP shot detonating an ammo dump through 15 meters of water and 7 meters of concrete during the Siege of Sevastapol, but no hard proof supports it.
*'''V3''': If you thought Gustav up there was nutty wait to you here about the V3, a gun that's as big as a 40k titan. The V3 was an attempt to make a gun that could shoot across the English channel, and there were a number of sane guns that could do this including railway guns and big bunkers built with battleship battery's. but they could only shoot between the narrowest point between England and continental Europe. The V3 was built to shell London from France. I said early it was a s big as a titan, and I was not being sarcastic, (though it would only be as big as a knight, which despite being the smallest titan is still bloody big) from breach to muzzle the gun was 130 meters or 430 feet long with a bore of 150mm or 5.9 inches across. Rather then use a single big explosion to propel the shells, the V3 used rocket motors mounted in pairs, set so there exhaust would thrust a 140kg shell out of the barrel like a reverse bolter. This set up allowed it to fire a shell out to 165km and put London well in range. Of course like all of the Nazi Wunderwaffen, in practice it sounded good but was actually kinda shit. the gun was so big, remember 130meters that it had to be built in a hill meaning it was impossible for it to change target after being built, and after all the time you spent building the damn thing, by the time you were done it might no longer be useful to have, such as what happened during the Nazi Operation Nordwind. Further even if you ignore the logistical issues compared to other period artillery the V3 was just plain shit. The 16"/50 caliber Mark 7 guns of the USS Iowa class battleship, had a caliber of 16 inch or 406mm, and fired a shell that weighed 1,225 kg, so over twice as big around and almost exactly nine times as heavy, and the Iowa had nine of them, and it could move. and to put the cherry on the HMS sound plan, by the time the first five guns were finally built to shell London, the British airforce destroyed them with Tallboy Earthquake bombs. If anything proves how silly the idea of Nazi Super Science is, let the fate of the V3 super gun stand testament to how many times Hitler's scientists, and Hitler himself, had been hit with the stupid stick growing up.
*'''''N-Stoff:''''' Someday, somewhere in the ''Kaiser Wilhelm Institute'' there was an Evil Overlord that was unhappy about the quantity of flammen his flammenwerfer could werf - so he got around and took two guys named Ruff and Krug to play around with some flourine and some chlorine. Now, if you studied something about chemistry, you may realize that using "flourine" and "chlorine" in the same sentence does not spell good news for anybody, but you know, ''Nazi Evil Overlords..''. What they discovered made their commissioners - yes, the same ol' boys who thought gassing millions was cool - go '''NOPE!''', and when you discover something that's too crazy even for Crazy Nazi Science standards you know you're in for a treat. Indeed, Chlorine Trifluoride (as the compound is called) proved to be pretty good in burning bunkers to the ground - and by "burning bunkers" we mean the ''whole'' bunker, as in ''it reacts with the motherfucking concrete'' - plus it doubled as a chemical warfare agent, giving off corrosive and toxic fumes. N-Stoff (translating to Substance-N; yeah, they kinda failed the naming here) burns at a raging 2400 degrees Celsius - twice the temperature of lava and almost enough to BOIL steel - and can set fire to things that shouldn't burn like glass, wet sand (or asbestos (the same substance that they used to make fireproof stuff out of) and things that have already been burnt. In fact fighting the fire with water is counterproductive, the water is just more fuel and it reacts to create deadly acids and gasses. In the 1950's a ton of the stuff was spilled on a warehouse: the chemical then burned through a foot of Concrete and three feet gravel, while releasing a deadly gas that corroding everything it came into contact with. If there ever was something like [[Dakka|Enuff Dakka]] for flamethrowers, Substance N came close to delivering it. The Nazis planned to use it in war, but were never able to produce enough of it (only a few dozen kg total), presumably because it kept incinerating everyone who tried to make it. It later found its use in the semiconductor and nuclear industry - after being dubbed a bit too violent to use as rocket fuel, one rocket scientist famously said that the best way to deal with a Chlorine Trifluoride accident was "a good pair of running shoes". Also, [[Sly Marbo]] uses Substance N to spice up his Catachan Take Away.

===Misc===
[[File:Stalhelm.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The Distinctive Stahlhelm. The Germans lucked out helmet design during WWI]]
* '''''Stahlhelm'':''' The many variants of the iconic German helmet were derived from the medieval sallet during the Great War. The purpose of these helmets was to keep shrapnel out of one's head. It was better than it's contemporaries by better protecting the sides and back of the head as well. Not to be confused with the spiked Prussian ''Pickelhaube''. Used by all kinds of German troops but the Fallschirmsjäger (paratroopers) as it is impractical to jump with it. Paratroopers had a special version of the helmet that removed the front and back flanges, giving it a much more streamlined appearance. The basic shape of the helmet would go on to become the basis for most modern helmets, especially as the shape was well suited to wearing a headset under it.

*'''''Stielhandgranate'':''' Often called "stick grenades" or "potato mashers," these are those grenades on sticks you see the Germans always using. The Stielhandgranate is what is called a "offensive" grenade known now as a "concussive" grenade. The difference is an offensive grenade uses explosive pressure waves to kill an enemy, thus allowing you to use it while advancing without getting a face full of shrapnel, while a defensive grenade (like the US "pineapple" grenade) uses shrapnel to kill an enemy, affecting a much larger area but also putting you in the blast radius, hence they were designed to be thrown over the wall of a fox hole or trench line at advancing enemy troops while you keep your head down. The reason the Stielhandgranate has the stick is to give you more leverage when throwing it as compared to a round grenade.

*'''''Nebelwerfer'':''' A family of weapons whose very name means "Fog/Mist Thrower"; they were listed as smoke screen launchers before the war (to get around the Treaty of Versailles), but in truth were rather deadly artillery pieces designed to deploy chemical munitions, though in the extent of the war they never did (actually they did in Crimea), probably because Hitler had survived gas attacks in the last war and drew the line at using them himself and the fact that using chemical weapons would invite retaliation. These types of weapons included some mortars, but, more importantly, rocket artillery. In Germany between the wars, there was a fair bit of interest in new rocket designs (as conventional artillery was strictly regulated/forbidden by the Treaty of Versailles) and the Nazis knew they had use for that. These rockets were inaccurate, but you could easily fire a whole bunch of the things off at once for a good saturation bombing, though thanks to the smoke you had to scoot away or the other side would drop their own artillery on top of you. The rocket based system made a very distinctive sound. The Germans nicknamed the thing "Heulende Küh" (Bellowing Cow) and US troops would come to call them "Screaming Mimi" and "Moaning Minnie".
**The Germans would also later on mount the launcher onto a half-track known as the "Panzerwerfer" (armored thrower). In many ways a German analogue to the BM-21, the Panzerwerfer saw intensive use during the Battle of the Bulge.

*'''Goliath:''' A remotely controlled mini-vehicle on treads, stuffed full of explosives. They were driven up to an enemy tank or a bunker and then blown up. (Games Workshop stole the idea and design for the Imperial Guard Cyclops.) Good idea, but the execution was lacking since Radio Control wasn't good enough yet. They had a cable like some sort of bargain remote-controlled car which limited their range dramatically, and cutting this would utterly defeat the weapon. (At least it's not as bad as the Russians and their kamikaze dogs which they trained to run under tanks, that is, THEIR OWN TANKS, but I digress...) On the flip side, American soldiers often made great fun with captured Goliaths by riding them around as the tiny thing could carry quite a load.

*'''Flammenwerfer:''' A werfer zat werfs flammen. Your standard flamethrower in both name and function, though there wasn't much use for it - There were no real line wars like in WW1 where people sat in <s>comfy</s> little (hell) holes and took potshots at each other. not to say they weren't used. but unlike the trench wars of WW1 most of the fighting was mobile rather than static. For added nastiness, some bigger ones were mounted in Flammpanzers, able to shoot hundreds of liters of sticky, burning fuck you over distances exceeding 50 meters.

*'''8.8cm flak gun:''' Known as the "Acht-Acht", this is THE German gun of world war two, and it sums up the German experience in the first part of the war; of never being truly ready but by being very clever and doctrinally flexible. The 88mm was designed as an anti-air weapon (Flak standing for ''Fliegerabwehrkanöne'', or AA gun) built to throw a high explosive shell as high into the air as it could so that it could explode somewhere in the same ballpark as the enemy plane and put one piece of shrapnel into something important and bring it down, which is a role it preformed throughout the war. However against the heavy allied tanks such as the British Matilda 1 and French B1, the German tanks of the time had no ability to penetrate their frontal armor The the 8.8 cm flak guns however, thanks to the high muzzle speed required to fire their explosive shell so high into the air, were able to deal with enemy tanks at unparalleled ranges at the time. So the guns were pulled to the front by a certain Erwin Rommel during the battle of Arras, the barrels lowered, a French-British tank-heavy counterattack stopped; and it snowballed from there. Germany quickly pushed to have both a proper PaK version of the 88 (Pak standing for ''Panzerabwehrkanöne'', or AT gun) that had a lower profile, was easier to move around and had a shield to stop stray bullets from decimating the crew; and a tank armed with the 88 as it became clear that against the soviet union, tanks were only going to get stronger. Which is why the Tiger I is a metal slab with a huge gun: its job was to get an 88mm gun into the battlefield as fast as possible. Using AA guns as AT guns was such a good idea that the US did the same thing with their 90mm AA gun converting it into a anti-tank weapon for the M36 tank destroyer and the Pershing tank; and so did the Russians with their 85 mm gun for the upgunned versions of the T-34 and KV-1. The Imperial Guard Basilisk cannon looks almost exactly like the Flak 88.

*'''2 cm Flak 30/38/Flakvierling:''' Remember the "Acht-Acht"? Now add two of these smaller guns to each flak 88 site, hill, hedge, ditch and rooftop in Europe and watch the fireworks. The German answer to the question of "enuff dakka" in a more reasonable package than MG42 which went through metal reserves was this little bastard, which was like an American 30.cal [[Bolter|firing explosive ''and'' armor piercing rounds]]. Obviously devastating to infantry and aircraft, it even rained sufficient hailstorms of rounds that damaged and threw off approaching lightly armored vehicles enough to make a difference, and given luck, it could rip through tank tracks too. And the Germans made 150.000 of these fuckers. And those 150.000 Bolter-Expies, these unsung weapons, did more damage and inflict casualties than any other weapon during the Normandy landing and the push inland. [https://www.quora.com/In-WW2-why-did-the-Germans-never-develop-heavy-machine-guns-like-M2-Browning-for-their-half-tracks-SP-guns-and-tanks/answer/Allyson-Kliff As explained here.]

*'''The S-mine:''' The Sprengmine (jumping mine), or, to use the name US soldiers gave it, "Bouncing Betty", was one of the most widely used and most effective, weapons of its class. It was a mine that when triggered 'bounced' about three feet into the air before exploding at about waist height in an 'air burst', able to inflict casualities (The military definition of the word meaning more then just dead) at up to 140 feet. And it had a tendency to not kill you, but maim you. Later in the war, some were made out of glass and even pottery, with minimal metal parts, to make them even harder to find. Suffice to say, they still havent found all of them... 1.93 million S-mines were made and it was widely copied after the war, these things are still killing people to this day as old mines forgot about are stepped on and the explosive proves itself still good. While the S-mine is hardly unique in that regard (Unexploded US aircraft bombs and shells make up the bulk of what they still find in Germany, around 2,000 pounds year according to the Smithsonian) land mines, like the S-mine, are still dug up by the truck load in North Africa.

*'''Pervitin:''' Not a traditional weapon as such, but a key element in how the Nazis blitzkrieg tactics were so effective, Pervitin was a methamphetamine drug that provided the base recipe for today's crystal meth and which was distributed to all members of the Nazi military. Its powerful stimulatory effect enabled them to fight harder for longer, and was essential in the breakneck races from the border to the battlefield. With all of the Nazi troopers hopped up on this drug, which later incorporated cocaine for increased effectiveness, Nazi forces could keep fighting effectively well after their enemies were worn out. At least until their supply lines were cut and addiction/withdrawal symptoms crippled them all, that is. The use of pervitin was cut drastically after the France campaign for that reason (and for fear of long-term side effects, especially when discipline issues started mounting), though many pilots and tank crew members still used it readily. It could also be issued for important operations. The idea that all Wermacht soldiers were drooling junkies is wrong, however.

== C3i Waffen ==

Not exactly their strongest area...

*'''Enigma:''' Enigma was a communications scheme based on a sophisticated but easy to use electromechanical encryption/decryption device resembling a cross between a typewriter and an odometer. When used with proper procedures it was the one of the most secure means of communication available in the world for its time, offering effectively 76 bit encryption with 1920's technology in a device that was superior to anything the allies had. SIGABA was comparably secure but far heavier and fragile, and the M-209 was far inferior in both ease of use and encryption strength (although it was still adequate). However the combination of lax discipline, reuse of settings, and notes from a polish customs inspection of an enigma device resulted in the technology being reverse engineered and cryptographic attacks being discovered. Only Kriegsmarine communications remained difficult to decrypt by the end of the war, due to their practice of using secret codebooks to further compress their messages prior to encryption.

*'''Bombing Beams:''' Wouldn't you know it, the Instrument Landing System used today at pretty much every major airport was originally invented to 'land' bombs on London in the middle of the night when the lights are out. By using narrow radio beams the Nazis could steer bombers to a precalculated drop point. All the pilots had to do was maintain a certain speed and altitude, and the drop their bombs when the signal detector said they should... except when the British were fucking with them. Towards the end they were fucking with them so hard German bomber pilots were landing at RAF bases believing they were in France. When it actually worked, such as at Coventry, it was more accurate than daytime saturation bombing, with most bombs falling within 90 meters of the beam centerline. This system is why Nazi bombing raids tended to less of a brief swarm like the allies used and more of a continuous bomb conveyor belt lasting most of the night. If the Nazis had continued to improve this technology with ECCM and built a lot more bombers instead of squandering money on Wunderwaffen, they probably would have won the Battle of Britain (even then, Göring would have found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory).

*'''Tank Radios:''' While today we take it for granted that any trooper anywhere in the galaxy could get a call from the emperor himself to execute order 66, this wasn't always the case. Throughout the 1930's, all German armored vehicles had radios, while their opponents would typically only have a radio for the unit commander. This was an enormous advantage for Nazi tank units that remained the case basically until America showed up. The Nazis also had the Torn.Fu.d2, a backpack portable infantry radio comparable to the American SCR-300, although they didn't distribute them as widely as the Americans did.

[[Category:History]]

Tarrasque

2020-01-01T08:23:04Z

2601:1C0:5C00:C130:58C4:C4F:3A73:E0D7: /* (5E) How to Kill the Tarrasque at any level in one or two rounds. */

[[Image:Tarrasque.jpg|400px|right]]
The '''Tarrasque''' is a pure fucking engine of destruction (which not-so-coincidentally resembles Godzilla). Dreaded by adventurers for its high HP value and its obscenely high regeneration ability, only surpassed by Zargon the Returner in the [[Elder Evils]] book, it is known to rampage across nations eating everything. It cannot fully be killed through normal means; therefore, anyone lucky enough to reduce a Tarrasque to negative 30 HP will then have to use a wish or a miracle spell to completely destroy it, with only a 50% chance of success. If unsuccessful it will wake up again x years later and fuck more shit up. Also, no matter how big your army is (assuming your adventuring party had enough cash to recruit mercenaries), the Tarrasque's fast metabolism will allow him to produce such powerful flatulence that all your troops will die by suffocation in just one turn.

He only wakes up for 1-4 days every 2-12 months, but every now and then he stays up for several weeks before napping for several years for some reason that's never explained. Yeah, he's a heavy sleeper. Must be all the binge drinking.

Named after a famous [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarasque dragon myth] from the south of France, which originally featured Saint Martha taming the beast with her prayers and piety, only for the people to kill it anyway once it came quietly, because man is the real monster, etc. You are welcome to try that on this version of the beast. We'll wait. With popcorn well in hand. Incidentally, this is almost certainly the origin of the shell on its back and the fierce, leonine look of its head.

As 3.Xe went on, more and more monsters were introduced to constantly one up the Tarrasque who already had to compete with Great Wyrm Dragons. In the monster manual II, we at first got the Leviathan and the Phoenix, neither of which had an comparable hit point count (though the phoenix has some fuckawesome spell like abilities, and goes boom with the force of a disintegration spell when killed, after which it promptly COMES THE FUCK BACK TO LIFE!) and Linnorms, who are massively over CRd. Nothing really similar to the Tarrasque was introduced in the other three monster manuals save for Dalmosh, who the Tarrasque would eat for breakfast, and then there was this giant prismatic...hamster...thing. But then a (lot of) challenger(s) approached when the [[Epic Level Handbook]], and the very first monsters that were undoubtedly bigger and stronger than the Tarrasque appeared in the form of Abominations, Colossi, Prismatic and Force Dragons, Devastation Vermin, and other such shit (like the bullshit permanent HP loss inducing wights.) Then came the books of Vile Darkness and Exalted Deeds which gave us the outsider lords, then came Deities & Demigods, and the fiend folio which gave us thunder worms, after which wizards didn't make much more uber-high CR shit. The Tarrasque got a break when the Fiendish Codex 1 nerfed the fuck out of the demon lords, though the Fiendish Codex 2 kept the Lords of the Nine where they were. Then came the [[Elder Evils]] book (a fuckawesome splatbook) and now the Tarrasque was literally swimming in competitors.

But salvation came when Dragon Magazine and the WotC website offered advanced and templated Tarrasque statistics, allowing the Tarrasque to reclaim his rightful spot as the strongest creature in all of D&D. That's right, you Atropals and your other abomination pals can fuck off, the big T is number 1!!!111ONEONEONE
[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5789941/ According to some, however, the Tarrasque is actually a pretty swell guy.] Well almost. The same Dragon Magazine issue that had the advanced Tarrasque statistics also introduced Time Dragons, Epic Dragons that dwarf even the Force and Prismatic dragons.

''[[Spelljammer]]'', as usual, had its own unique spin on the Tarrasque. Turns out, in their native environment, Tarrasques are peaceful lithovores that wouldn't harm a fly. It's just that the nitrogen-rich atmosphere of most habitable planets simultaneously super-charges their regeneration and collects in several glands in the brain, resulting in their typical murderous insanity.

Traditionally, the Tarrasque's biggest weakness was its lack of any ability to counter flying opponents. Surprisingly, both [[Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition|4e]] and [[Pathfinder]] took steps to fix this, though they did it in different ways. 4e gave the bugger an "Earthbinder Aura" that covers a fuckhuge area -- 40 squares, bigger than any other effect in the game and wider than any other attack can reach -- in a magical effect that cripples Flight speed to 1 square a round and forces a max altitude of 20 feet... which, as the book sardonically notes, is well within the Tarrasque's reach. Pathfinder instead just gave ol' Tarry the ability to make about 6 ranged attacks a turn and the power to make fuckhuge leaps. Both games explicitly made the Tarrasque unkillable, so even Wish doesn't kill it now; when its health drops to 0 it just burrows deep underground to hibernate. Though 4e does note that Earthbinder Aura might mean that Big T is somehow tied to the earth, and as such it might (maybe) be possible to kill it if one were to find a way to "coax it off this world," whatever that means. (Shoot the Tarrasque into space. You know you want to.)

5th edition further boosts its threat level by giving it the ability to auto-pass three failed saves a day, magic resistance, the ability to reflect ranged spells back at the idiot who casted them, and the ability to make five attacks in a single turn. And that's ''before'' it gets its Legendary Actions! However, it once again lacks any long-range attacks, no longer regenerates, and while it does have decent anti-magical defenses, you no longer need a Wish spell to kill it, leading to a derogatory saying among fans of the old nigh-indestructible Tarrasque that "the new Tarrasque is basically just a big dinosaur". Granted, nothing stops you defying RAW and upscaling an older variant, but...

== How to Kill A Tarrasque ==
What are its weaknesses? Well... it's has a stat block. Unlike, say, The [[Lady of Pain]] the Tarrasque is designed to be tough but not totally unstoppable,Un-killable or omnipotent. And if something can be killed in a game, it can be Cheesed.

The following are mental exercises, not meant for actual gameplay. In a real game, a halfway-decent Dungeon Master would come up with a creative solution, and hopefully a player wouldn't really optimize a character solely for the sake of killing a unique creature that might never appear in the campaign.

So stop bitching about how "this would never happen in a real game."

Although all this could mean jack shit if your Dungeon Master decides to strengthen the Tarrasque.

===(3.5) How to Kill A Tarrasque in 20 Easy Levels===
First, the feats for each level (''and source book if it's not the PH''):
*Human extra feat: Power Attack
*Fighter 1: Combat Reflexes, Weapon Focus: Greatsword
*Fighter 2: Improved Bull Rush
*Fighter 3: Mage Slayer
*Fighter 4: Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
*Fighter 6: Leap Attack (''Complete Adventurer''), Shock Trooper (''Complete Warrior'')
*Fighter 8: Blind-Fight
*Fighter 9: Pierce Magical Concealment (''Complete Arcane'')
*Fighter 10: Melee Weapon Mastery: Slashing (''Player's Handbook II'')
*Fighter 12: Greater Weapon Focus: Greatsword, Pierce Magical Protection (''Complete Arcane'')
*Fighter 14: Greater Weapon Specialization: Greatsword
*Fighter 15: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Claw at the Moon (''Tome of Battle'')
*Fighter 16: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Sudden Leap (''Tome of Battle'')
*Fighter 18: Martial Study: Tiger Claw: Pouncing Charge (''Tome of Battle''), Weapon Supremacy: Greatsword (''Player's Handbook II'')
*Fighter 20: Improved Initiative

Key Equipment:
*+5 Speed, Valorous (''Unapproachable East''), Adamantine Greatsword: 166,050 gp, provides an extra attack at your highest attack bonus when making a full attack, and deals double damage on all charge attacks.
*+1 Soulfire ([[Book of Exalted Deeds]]), Heavy Fortification, Mithril Armor: 100,000 gp + the cost of the mithril armor, provides immunity to critical hits, death effects, and negative energy effects
*Manual of Gainful Exercise +5: 137,500 gp, provides a +5 inherent bonus to Strength
*Belt of Giant Strength +6: 36,000 gp, provides a +6 enhancement bonus to Strength
*Ring of Freedom of Movement: 40,000 gp, provides immunity to grappling and movement impedances
*Ring of Mental Protection (''Player's Handbook II''): 110,000 gp, provides immunity to mind-affecting effects
*Mask of True Seeing (''Unapproachable East''): 75,000 gp, provides continuous True Sight

Strength:
* 18 base from point-buy
*+5 from level ups
*+5 inherent bonus from Manual of Gainful Exercise
*+6 enhancement bonus from Belt of Giant Strength
Total Strength: 34, with a Strength modifier of +12

Attack bonus with +5 greatsword when charging:
* 20 Base
*+12 Strength bonus
*+1 Weapon Focus
*+1 Greater Weapon Focus
*+2 Melee Weapon Mastery
*+5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon
*+2 charging
Total attack bonus when charging: +43

Damage with +5 greatsword:
*2d6 base damage
*+18 Strength bonus and a half
*+2 Weapon Specialization
*+2 Greater Weapon Specialization
*+2 Melee Weapon Mastery
*+5 enhancement bonus from magic weapon
Total damage: 2d6+29

So, you're a Human Fighter 20, standing 60 feet away from the death machine that is the Tarrasque. This is the moment of ultimate truth. If you lose initiative, you're supremely and irrevocably fucked like a bunny on fire in a bucket of gasoline with poo for a brain, since although you can survive a charge of the Tarrasque, you probably won't be able to survive the AoOs from repositioning you. If you win initiative though, with the help of some initiative-boosting items I forgot to list down then it's game time.

You spend a full-round action using your Pouncing Charge maneuver, which lets you charge and make a full attack at the end of it, while getting the +2 bonus to attack rolls on all your attacks. As part of your charge, you make a Jump check (easy enough with your ranks and Strength bonus) to activate Leap Attack, as you Power Attack for your full Base Attack Bonus, transforming the attack penalty into an AC penalty using Shock Trooper. So, you're making a full attack at +60 damage on each hit, at the cost of -20 AC and then another -2 AC from charging. Now, at this point, the damage on each of your attacks would normally be 2d6+89 (average 96) from your Leap Attacking shenanigans. However, your Valorous weapon makes you deal double damage on any and all charge attacks, shooting it up to a ludicrous 4d6+178 (average 192). This isn't including critical hits, but they're a pain to calculate in 3.5 anyway.

So then, as you charge past the Tarrasque's threatened squares, it takes an AoO against you, using its bite. It damages you some, but it won't be able to score a crit thanks to your Heavy Fortification armour, and your Ring of Freedom of movement prevents a grapple and a swallow. You then make five attacks, at +43/+43/+37/+32/+27. The Tarrasque has "only" 35 AC. The first three only miss on a natural one, giving them a 95% hit chance. For the fourth one, you activate your +5 bonus from Weapon Supremacy, shooting it up to +37, and thus giving that one a 95% hit chance as well. The fifth and final attack is where you take 10, also using Weapon Supremacy, to make it automatically hit. So then, four attacks at a 95% hit chance, and one attack automatically hitting. 0.95 * 4 + 1 = 4.8.

4.8 * average 192 damage on each hit = average 921.6 damage in total. The Tarrasque has damage reduction 15/epic, however, subtracting a total of (15*4.8) = 72 damage from (nearly) five hits, but that's still an amazing 849.6 damage inflicted on the Tarrasque's hit point total of 858 anyway. At this point, the Tarrasque should be down to -180 or -181 hit points, meaning it will be back in action in 5 rounds, and that's why I hope you've got a means to cast Wish right then and there.

===(3.5) How to Kill A Tarrasque in 18 Easy Levels===
Key Requirements:
*Cleric/Master of Shrouds with the [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure|Time domain]].
*Greater Rod of Maximize spell or the Maximize Spell feat and DMM or Illumian race with the Naenhoon sigil word.

Method:
*Start your turn within close range and cast Maximized Time Stop giving you 5 turns to prep.
*For five turns use the Master of Shrouds ability to summon shadows, 4 each time for a total of 20. (For this to work we only need 15 shadows assuming they all hit, but best to be on the safe side.)
*Master of Shrouds gives +2 damage to all summons, Shadows deal 1d6 str damage on touch turning it into 1d6+2 str damage.
*All shadows ready action to touch Big T inappropriately when time stop ends.
*Assuming one rolls a 1 and misses the shadows deal a minimum of 19*3(min str damage) = 57 str damage, no save, no SR.
*Big T has a str score of 45 (only 15 actually have to hit) and the shadow ability specifies that when a living creature has its str reduced to 0 it dies.

===(3.5) How to Kill A Tarrasque in 17 Easy Levels (or 1, if you are wealthy)===
Start off as a Cleric or Wizard. Add whatever full spellcaster PrC's you want/qualify for. Reach 17th level.

Key Equipment:
*Holy Symbol (Cleric) or Spellbook (Wizard). If you're a Wizard, you'll need to have learned the Gate spell.
*Some method of flying for around 10 rounds or so (yes, you can use a spell if you have a suitable one). Or just be able to run quickly.

Method:

Stand (or fly) far enough away from the Tarrasque so that it can't attack you.
Cast Gate, to Call an Angel (Solar). You should be able to get one with at least 34 HD.
Have the Solar attack the Tarrasque with Slaying arrows. Be ready to hit the Tarrasque with ongoing damage once it goes down, but stay out of melee range of it.
Use the Solar's Wish (Spell Like ability) to kill it. If that fails, have the Solar cast Miracle (one of its standard spells).

Note: Anyone with 8,400 gp (including a wealthy 1st level Commoner) can also accomplish this by using a Good aligned Candle of Invocation.

===(3.5) How to Defeat The Tarrasque in 3 Easy Levels===
[[Image:Kill_tarrasque.jpg|300px|thumb|right|The illustrated guide.]]
*No particular feats required.
*No particular items required.
*Be a wizard of level 3.
*[[meme|Put on your robe and wizard hat]].
*Cast Command Undead on an allip (it's a CR 3 monster, if you can't find any just learn to cast Summon Undead.)
*Cast Silent Image in front of the Tarrasque or Invisibility on yourself.
*Have the allip attack it. Every hit will take off 3 wisdom on average with no saving throw, and the Tarrasque has an abysmal touch AC, with no way to hit incorporeal targets.
*Once at 0 wisdom, it'll be unconscious until its ability score is restored. Cast Unseen Servant and order it to shovel dirt into the nasal passages and sinuses of the disabled Tarrasque so it can't breathe.
*Per the MM, regeneration does not restore HP lost from suffocation, so it will be stuck at negative hit points, at least until some fool unpacks the dirt from its sinuses.
*Congratulations! For defeating the Tarrasque, you're now a level 4 wizard, with 1 XP away from level 5. Make some wealth by opening a Bar and Grill on its back.
*For added hilarity, take the Precocious Apprentice feat and with some mildly lucky rolls do this at level 1.

===(3.5) How to defeat The Tarrasque in 1 Easy Level===
[[Pazuzu]], [[Pun-Pun|Pazuzu, Pazuzu]]... ''gets knocked out by thrown DMG.''

===(3.5) How to ''Become'' The Tarrasque===
In 3.5 D&D, start as a Psion, focused on Telepathy. Take True Mind Switch.

Method:
* Fly near Tarrasque so it can't attack you.
* Cast True Mind Switch until you run out of XP, or the Tarrasque fails its save.
* If you run out of XP, leave, earn more, then come back later.
* If it fails the save, congratulations. You now possess the body of the Tarrasque, with all its invincibility, as well as the abilities of a 17th-level telepath. The rest of the multiverse is officially fucked.

This trick doesn't work in AD&D because the AD&D Tarrasque is explicitly immune to all psionics, but AD&D psionics are shit anyways. This trick probably won't work in Pathfinder either, as the PF Tarrasque is immune to "mind-affecting effects."

===(4E) How to Defeat The Tarrasque in 6 Easy Levels===
*Be a 6th Level Wizard with a starting Intelligence of 20.
*Grab the Implement Focus feat.
*Buy a riding horse for 75g.
*[[meme|Put on your robe and wizard hat]].
*Obtain a +2 Staff of Missile Mastery.
*Cast Magic Missile on the Tarrasque while 20 squares away. With your staff and a reasonably high starting Intelligence, your Magic Missile will do more damage than the Tarrasque can resist, and hits automatically.
*Ride away from the Tarrasque until you're far enough that it can't close the distance with you in one of its turn. If you have the Wizard's Fury daily power, you can cast Magic Missile as a minor action, allowing you to use both your standard and move actions in order to maintain a distance of 20 squares.
*Repeat the last two steps a thousand more times. This will take roughly two hours.
*Congratulations! For defeating the Tarrasque, you are now level 18.
*For added hilarity, have some friends roll Warlords or other basic attack factories with their own horses, and switch off leading the Tarrasque while receiving extra basic attacks which can be used to fire more Magic Missiles.
*Beware the Tarrasque's burrow and action points - without action points it can't try to get a lucky shot on you or your horses. While burrowing, it cannot be seen but it can still be attacked, and your attacks are automatic hits - your magic missile simply veers into the tunnel it created and pops it in the ass. The rules never state that burrowing removes line of sight, only that the creature cannot be seen, which is different (for example, you can still attack an invisible enemy or an enemy you cannot see due to blindness.)

===(PF) How to Defeat The Tarrasque===
By tricking it into thinking you turned it into something harmless and mortal, like a squirrel. See, its regeneration is ''technically'' just another ability in its stat block. It even follows all the normal rules for special abilities, like specifically being extraordinary, so it still works in antimagic fields. So since Baleful Polymorph removes all extraordinary, supernatural, and spell-like abilities, that would include its regeneration, which would render it mortal. There's just one little catch. Baleful Polymorph only does that on the ''second'' save, and since the Tarrasque is immune to polymorph effects, it never even reaches that point.

Enter Baleful Shadow Transmutation. This spell does functionally the same thing as Baleful Polymorph, but puts the save in the opposite order. It doesn't matter if you're immune to polymorph effects, because the spell just starts off by tricking you into ''thinking'' you were polymorphed, causing you to lose all those abilities... like the Tarrasque's regeneration. Sure, you still need to overcome SR 36 and +12 Will, but that's comparatively easy.

* [[Android]]s and anyone with access to the Nanite Bloodline (which can be obtained via [[Sorcerer]], a bloodline granting archetype, the Eldritch Heritage feats, or variant multiclassing) have an ability called Nanite Surge that lets them, once per day, add their character level +3 to any roll, including spell resistance checks. This makes bypassing SR36 automatic at level 16+, and doable even earlier with more anti-SR effort. There's other ways around it, but ultimately spell resistance isn't a problem if you build for it.
* Boost the DC as high as you can. Ways to do this include
** By level 20, it's easy enough to have a solid 34 in your casting stat (18 base +5 levels +6 headband +5 tome = 34). This makes the base DC 22+spell level (typically 6 for BST).
** Heighten Spell lets it be a level 9 spell, increasing the DC by 3
** Spell Focus and Greater Spell Focus collectively increase the DC by +2

Now you just need the Tarrasque to fail a DC 33 Will save, and with a +12 bonus, that isn't looking too likely. It would need a natural 20 to pass. Conversely, you have at least a +20 to Will (+3 headband, +12 base, +5 resistance), so that DC 27 save against its frightful presence isn't looking too difficult.

Congratulations. You now have 24 hours to kill the Tarrasque, before it realizes you didn't actually turn it mortal.

===(PF) How to ''Become'' the Tarrasque at 20th Level===
As of the release of Occult Adventures (OA), you can now play a [[Mesmerist]]. This wonderful class gives you the option of choosing the ability "Psychic Inception", an ability which allows - if you are looking at the target of your spell (no duh), to have a flat 50% chance of affecting ANYONE, no matter the immunities (yes, even swarms can fall prey to suggestion). Even something with quote: "immunity to mind-affecting effects". You then cast Major Mind Swap (also from OA), while having Extended Greater Invisibility cast on yourself, and pray for the best as you expend all of your 9th level spells. Then you can become the Tarrasque. It may not end the problem completely, but now you can only be ejected from the Tarrasque's body with a wish or miracle.

*Gain two levels in Mesmerist
*Gain eighteen levels in Psychic
*Possess the Tarrasque
*Buy as many SR items as possible, as to prevent wish/miracles from affecting you
*Be kicked from the table
*???
*Win.

===(5E) How to Kill the Tarrasque in 1 Easy Level===

*Be an [[Aarakocra]] cleric, sorcerer, or wizard. Cleric is the optimal choice here, as Sacred Flame is better than Acid Splash and aarakocra get a Wis boost.
*Choose a as one of your cantrips either Acid Splash or Sacred Flame (as both require a Dexterity saving throw, and the tarrasque has a +0 Dex save and advantage, it'll fail about 36.1% of the time).
*Fly 85 feet above the tarrasque
*Repeatedly cast your chosen cantrip at it, flying down 25 feet to be in range and then flying 25 feet back up (both cantrips have a range of 60 feet).
*Spend 1 hour blasting away.
*???
*<strike>Win</strike>. Die, because it's trivial for the Tarrasque to cover 85ft, even vertically, and kill the caster. The thing is already 50 feet tall, it has a 20ft reach on it's tail, and +10 to all Str skills, that's more than enough to hit a target 85ft away by jumping at it.

===(5E) How to Kill the Tarrasque at any level in one or two rounds.===
*Conscript 1,500 Wood Elf Commoners, arm them with longbows
*[[Dakka|Start shooting]]
*If the Tarrasque is still alive, then move 35 feet after loosing the arrows.
*Win

And now the math behind that statement.
<div class="toccolours mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="100%">
In 5e a crit will always hit, and always do damage:25 Ac or not. So if 20 commoners shoot at the Tarrasque, mathematically 1 of them '''will''' hit and '''will''' do double damage due to the crit. The issue being that if you have 400 commoners shooting only about 20 of them will hit so you need a number of commoners high enough that even if 1/20 of them hit you will still do notable damage.

The Tarrasque has 676 hit points, While the average result of a D8 is 4.5. So you need 150 average damage rolls from a weapon that does D8 damage to kill the Tarrasque, but that's a base damage hit, not a crit. The average crit is double that at 9 damage, meaning you actually need 75 crits to do 676 damage to a Tarrasque. However the Tarrasque's "Frightful Presence", means any creature within 120 feet of it will likely be frightened and have disadvantage on the attacks. So our commoners now need to get a 20 twice on two different dice, a 0.002% chance.

To get 75 crits we first need 20 times that, for 1,500. Which all things considered is not an absurd number, there were far more longbow men at the Battle of Agincourt for example if we look to history and those were trained soldiers. But with disadvantage 1,500 commoners shooting at the Tarrasque means only about [[Fail|three]] will hit. To spare you the rest of the math to get 75 crits with disadvantage requires '''750,000 men'''. In One place. All shooting at One target. That's more people then where on fucking D-day. While the total number is better then that since about 20% of the time even a commoner will pass the frightfully Presence roll that is still beyond possible.

But "Frightful Presence",has a range of only 120 feet. If a range weapon was used that had more then 120 feet of range then we only need 75 crits, bringing us back to the reasonable 1,500 number. The longbow is the only candidate in D&D and as mentioned there is historical precedent in reality for that many trained archers being at one location so a even a strict DM would find it hard to object to this plan, and commoners are suppose to obey there lord when a muster is called so basically any well off noble or half decent or even bad king could pull this kind of draft off (assuming the nation is so poor it can't muster 1,500 trained soldiers), again lot of historical examples of this happening in countless political systems. In 5e when you make an NPC a race it gains that races traits, including in this case the wood elf weapon proficiency with longbows. So a wood elf commoner would know how to use the longbow. The cost to arm 1,500 elves is the sticking point with this plan: it would take 75,000 gold. But one could also make a strong argument for them already having them for hunting and home defense at least depending on the culture.

So with the army raised you approach the tarrasque to 130 feet, (we get closer then the longbow's max 150 range to allow the whole army to start shooting but it still means are ranks need to be less then 20 feet deep if we want the back ranks to be able to fire). If we get all 1,500 arrows in the air then we could get all 75 crits we need in the first volley, dropping the tarrasque in one round, but that required number of crits is of course on average and there are only ''"Lies, damned lies, and statistics"'' to quote a phrase. So there is a decent chance the Tarrasque is still alive. So now the whole army uses it's movement to take 35 feet (+5 due to being a wood elf) move back.

The Tarrasque now has three options: First it could with it's 40 speed step forward, but this put's it more then 120 feet away so it can not use Frightful Presence to impose disadvantage (130+35=165-40=125). or it can dash to get 80 feet closer so that next turn it can be in range no matter what the army does, but Frightful Presence is an action and dash is also an action, so either way it can not use Frightful Presence, and it's going to be point blank to an army of 1,500 longbow men, and unless the rolls are truly terrible they are going to do another 75~ish crits, to it next turn, mathematically doing twice the average damage of it's hit point maximize. It's third option is to run away like a little bitch, but supplying 1,500 men in the field is not impossible as proven countless times in history so one can easily give chase and repeat until it's over a border and it's no longer your problem.

If you were feeling fancy one could pad those numbers with a second reserve force of 1,000 troops behind the first line so that if the Tarrasque did to grip with the first line, (after taking 3,000 arrows to the face and about 150 crits), the second line could fire into the large target that is the Tarrasque as it's chews through the first line Finishing the job as it would be badly bloodied from takeing that many crits.

</div>

Of course this all goes a far beyond D&D as an RPG and starts becoming a war game but it's not impossible at all for players to pull off, nor had D&D not dabbled in doing just that. With Roleplay any player with a noble title, something a seasoned adventurer could acquire, and can be acquired at level 1 with the noble background call up, or at least have the connections to speak to somebody who could call up, the requisite levy of troops. This is also the option on this page least likely to have your DM strangle you for attempting.

However be forewarned if you think to try this against any other version of the Tarrasque: you will be found wanting. The 5e incarnation is the weakest of the Tarrasque's lacking damage reduction and it's signature hyper regeneration. Compared to the 3.5 version, a damage reduction of 15 does not just mean 'you do 15 less damage' it means 'you need to do 16 damage to hurt it at all,' and in our commoner army scenario the most they can do is 16 damage (reduced to 1), and only on a max damage crit, and 3.5 had less generous crit rules to begin with. Without Damage reduction the Tarrasque, or any big beast, can be killed by a thousand bug bites. But with Damage Reduction it means that only Heroes (or siege engines) can hurt, and kill, the Tarrasque.

== tl;dr ==
WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? YOU CAN FLY? YOU THINK YOU'RE SAFE NOW? THE TARRASQUE HAS ONE THING TO SAY!

'''BRING IT.'''

[[Image:Balloon Tarrasque.png]]

== See Also ==
* [[Emperasque]]
* [[Tarrasque with Wizard Levels]]
* [http://dota2.gamepedia.com/Heart_of_Tarrasque In vidya games too!]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Tarrasque_Sam_Wood.jpg|3e concept sketch
Image:Tarrasque_1st_Edition.gif|A long time ago, in a MM2 far away...
Image:Tarrasque 4e.jpg|oh how the mighty have fallen... due to Earthbinding Aura!
Image:Tarrasque_Adventurers.jpg|"[[Meme|Gentlemen]]."
Image:Tarrasque_copy_anonib.jpg|DR 15/epic won't protect you from [[Rule 34]]
Image:Tarrasque_nyaaan.jpg|...or [[Rule 63]]<br/>nyaa~n!
Image:Chibitarrasque.JPG|Nyoro~n
Image:Tarrasque_we_cant_stop_here.jpg|OH SHIT WE'RE FUCKED.
Image:EMPRAHASQUE_PROTECTS.jpg|OH SHIT, WE'RE '''SERIOUSLY''' FUCKED.
Image:Torrasque_-_StarCraft_and_StarCraft_II_Wiki.png|Now (i.e. since 1998) Starcraft has their own version.
</gallery>

[[Category:Dungeons & Dragons]][[Category:Dungeons & Dragons Monsters]][[Category:Monsters]][[Category:Pathfinder]][[Category:Gamebreaking]]