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Squat

2019-11-18T12:50:10Z

2601:1C0:5C00:C130:CE9:AFB:761A:D189: /* Then what ever happened to the Demiurg? */

{{Oldschool}}
[[File:DSC02968.jpg|450px|right|thumb|A space dorf. [[Dwarf Fortress|Lives like one. Dies like one.]]]]

{{topquote|SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki> SQUATS LIVE! <nowiki>*</nowiki>'''STOMP! STOMP!'''<nowiki>*</nowiki>|[[Kharadron Overlords|The Motto that all Squat players react with after seeing the <s>Kharadron Overlords</s> Squats in <s>Age of Sigmar</s>]] [[Necromunda]]}}

You can't spell Imperial without Imp. If you spell them both correctly.

A '''Squat''' is a space [[dwarf|Dorf]]. They used to exist in [[Warhammer 40,000]] (with a planned Codex mentioned in the ''Second Edition'' Codex: Imperial Guard); in fluff, their worlds supplemented the capabilities of [[Forge World]]s, and were independent of the technology-worship of the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]]. As such, they also retained their sovereignity. For some reason, their aesthetic also included a heavy dose of 1970's-80's American "outlaw" biker-club subculture. We suppose this is because, as we all know, GW loves to mish and mash, but above all, because it is [[Awesome|muhfuggin badass]].

"Squat" is also sometimes used as a verb by fans of Warhammer 40k. This refers to the removal of the Squats from both the game and the [[fluff]] behind it; in particular, some people believe that other armies will be "squatted" from 40k, which is to say, their model line will be removed and they will no longer be [[Zoats|playable]] in 40k. There have been cries of "they're getting squatted!" for basically every army that wasn't updated within two years, including, but not limited to, [[Dark Eldar]], [[Necrons]], [[Sisters of Battle]], and [[Black Templars]] (were also pretty confident that if [[Robin Cruddace| a Certain imperial guard player]] had the power too he would squat the [[Tyranid|Space bugs]] in an instant, he certainly tried during 6th edition.) So far, this has mostly been proven false; both Dark Eldar and Necrons got new codices, and Sisters will be released in plastic in 2019. Meanwhile, the Black Templars have been rolled up into the Space Marines, but, importantly, ''they still exist.'' Of the Chapters included, Templars are easily the most divergent, and although some of the fluff has been retconned, it was usually in a fairly logical way (how do you get around if you hate [[Astropath]]s and [[Navigator]]s, anyway?). As such, all those whining "they're getting squatted!" are pretty silly, and you're probably hearing them on [[Warseer]].

HOWEVER...

In Age of Sigmar, the entire [[Tomb Kings]] faction was squatted, followed by the [[Bretonnia]] faction, with the entire model ranges being moved to the "Last Chance to Buy" section. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth. ......And then GW added points for them in the GHB 2019 release, so you can now at least play them without your opponent grumbling too loudly. As of mid-2019, the [[High Elves (Warhammer)|High Elves]] also got the axe.

==History==
[[Image:Squats.jpg|right|300px]]
The [[Squats]] (Homo sapiens rotundus) were mentioned in the original "Rogue Trader" 1987 book and later received their full Army List in the articles published in White Dwarf number 111 in February 1989. The Army List was later collected with other articles in the softback bound "Compendium" (also known as "Red Book" or "Red Compendium") which was released in summer/fall of that same year (and actually were the last item of the Compendium, the original article having been published on WD mere months before). The army list was centered around the Warlord and its retinue which could be equipped either with ceremonial mesh or carapace armour or with terminator-grade Exo-armour (which made the unit virtually unstoppable by anything save Daemons, Terminators, Eldar Avatar or Exarchs and the heaviest of weapons), it could field ten troopers squads (clan warriors) which could select ad-libitum heavy weapons paying a very limited cost for them and Engineers' Guild bikes (complete with some vaguely Hell's Angels style imagery in the First Edition book), sidecars and trikes which provided hit-and run power due to swivel mounted heavy weaponry. Vehicles and Robots were also available at premium points cost (less than other human armies paid) due to the recognized technical savviness of the Squats, Adeptus Mechanicus envoys and Living Ancestor (venerable Squats who were literally millennia old) added more flavour to the troop choice.

===Squats in Epic===
[[Image:SquatArmy.jpg|thumb|right|They built giant guns to compensate for not having giant guns. Note also the Moles and Hellbore that GW forgot about around the same time.]]
[[Image:SquatCyclops.jpg|thumb|right|The Squats laugh at your pathetic Baneblade and obvious mediocrity in the trouser department.]]

While in 40K the Squats were roughly half an army, in [[Epic]] they really worked. As well as the biker companies you suddenly had access to an enormous supply of hardware with which the Squats would punish anyone who said they were compensating for something. These included [[Goliath Mega-Cannon|giant tracked mortars,]] [[Land Train|Land Trains,]] and massive tracked crawlers with Void Shields that were basically the Squat version of Titans; one, the [[Cyclops War Machine|Cyclops,]] was armed with what the modern fluff calls a Lance and could burn through multiple shields before hitting the target. Which is a little odd, because current fluff explains that the whole point of a ship's weapons batteries is to drop enemy shields so they can be finished off with lances (which are supposed to suck against void shields). Then again, the squats have always been more advanced. They had [[Overlord Armoured Airship|ironclad airships,]] [[Iron Eagle Gyrocopter|helicopters]] back when most Epic armies had no aircraft at all, and generally ruled.

===Chaos Squats===
Think that Squats had it bad? Well, these guys are pretty much the Squats ''of'' the Squats. Just as Fantasy had its [[Chaos Dwarfs]], so too did Squats have their Chaotically-inclined counterparts (alas, without hats). While there were no real rules for them on the tabletop, miniatures were released, because this was still when Citadel put out miniatures for things that didn't necessarily have gaming rules. They were allied to [[Chaos Space Marines]] and maintained their equipment, including building Titans and [[Daemon Engine|Daemon Engines]], in a role later taken over by the [[Dark Mechanicus]]. Some Squats fell to chaos during the Horus Heresy and fought for Horus. They were banished to the Eye of Terror along with the Traitor Legions when Horus was defeated. Also, Squats who fall to Chaos are willing to fight as mercenaries for Orks and Eldar...for some reason. Congratulations, you've just read everything there is to know about Chaos Squats that was ever written.

===When suddenly...===
They were eaten by [[Tyranid]]s. It is popularly believed that [[Games Workshop]] sends out teams to assassinate, kidnap, or otherwise inconvenience anyone who dares mention them. One possibility is that [[Dwarf Fortress|the Squat nobles demanded that some impossible-to-acquire item be put in each of their rooms, and thus locked up the entire working class of Squats, and the whole race starved.]] Another theory is that [[Creed]] is [[Just as planned|using his tactical genius to hide them until the final showdown with Chaos.]] It's kinda likely that, what with their "We haz teknologeez!", being Dwarves, drinking, not being assholes, and generally not being depressing, [[Games Workshop]] decided they weren't [[grimdark]] enuff, and subsequently fed them to the Tyranids (who exist to eat Games Workshop's mistakes, obviously), and at the same time branding the mention of <censored for heresy> as [[heresy]]. Heresy - the perfect excuse to [[retcon]]!

Squats are now /tg/'s version of the Candleja [[meme]] I'll end that right there. Anyway since mentioning them gets [[Inquisition|GW to send death squads after you]] the two memes cancel one another out.

==== A rare case of GW being completely honest ====
This is from 2004, back when honesty was A Thing, it seems:

''I know I shouldn't get drawn on this... but... can't... resist''

''Seriously, a couple of points just so you can have an informed debate based on the real reasons that Squats are no longer available. Be warned, it is going to be hard reading for people that like the Squat background.''

''First of all, Squats were *not* dropped because they were not selling well. There were then, and are now, plenty of other figure ranges that sell in the sort of % quantities that the Squats pulled down, especially when you look across all of the ranges produced by GW rather than just those for 40K.''

''No, the reason that the Squats were dropped was because the creatives in the Studio (people like me, Rick, Andy C, Gav etc) felt that we had failed to do the Dwarf 'archetype' justice in its 40K incarnation. From the name of the race (Squats - what *were* we thinking?!?!) through to the short bikers motif, we had managed to turn what was a proud and noble race in Warhammer and the other literary forms where the archetype exists, into a joke race in 40K. We only fully realized what we had done when we were working on the 2nd edition of 40K. Try as we might, we just couldn't work up much enthusiasm for the Squats. The mistake we made then (deeply regretted since) was to leave them in the background and the 'get you by' army list book that appeared. With hindsight, we should have dropped the Squats back then, and saved ourselves a lot of grief later on.''

''Anyway, the Squats made it into 2nd edition, and since we were doing army books for each of the races, we started to try and figure out what to do with them. Unfortunately we just couldn't figure out a way to update them and get them to work that we felt was good enough. The 'art' of working on an army as a designer is to find the thing that you think is cool and exciting about an army, and work it up into a strong theme. This 'muse' didn't strike any of us, and so, rather than bring out a second-rate product simply re-hashing the old background, we kept doing other army books instead, with stuff we did feel inspired by.''

''Now, while this was all going on for 40K, we were actually doing some rather good stuff for the Squats in Epic. On this scale there was a natural tendency to focus on the big 'hand-made' war machines the Squat artisans produced, and this created an army with a feel that was very different to the biker hordes in 40K. However, this tended to reinforce the problems we saw in the Squat background rather than alleviate them, underlining what we *should* have done with the Squats in 40K.''

''In the end (and it took years to really get to the roots of the problem) this led to a realisation that we were going to have to drop the Squats in their 'Squat' form from the 40K background. There was little point having a major race that we weren't willing to make an army book for, and their inclusion in the background meant that people kept asking us when we'd do a Squat Codex. Instead we decided that we'd write the Squats out of the background by saying that their [[Squat Homeworlds|Homeworlds]] had been devoured by a Tyranid Hivefleet. This would give us the option in the future to return to making a race based on the Squat archetype for 40K. This race was given the name of Demiurg, and a certain amount of preliminary work was done to get a 'feel' for what the race would be like. At present the only hint of the Demiurg in 40K is the Demiurg spaceship for BFG. However, we do have this race 'in our back pocket' as a possible new race for 40K, or an interesting character model in Inquisitor, or whatever. So far the Demiurg have lost out to other projects, and it may be that their time never actually comes, as they will have to win through on their merits, not simply because we once made some Squat models in the past. At present, I have to say that it is more likely that they *don't* make the cut than do, as there is a certain prejudice these days to simply taking races from Warhammer and cross them over to 40K like we did in the early days, so it may be that the Squats/Demiurg end up remaining a footnote in the history of the 40K galaxy. Only time will tell...''

''I'll finish off by saying that whatever we decide to do 'officially', there is nothing stopping players with Squat armies from using them, either in Epic or 40k for that matter. There is no GW 'rule' against using old Citadel Miniatures, as long as you use them with existing army lists and in a way that won't cause confusion for other players. I recommend taking a positive stand by saying "Have you seen these cool old models? They're called the Squats and GW used to make them back in the late eighties/early nineties. I love 'em, so I count them as Imperial Guard and use them with the current rules..." Put like this I can't imagine that anyone would stop you from using your army.''

''Best regards,''

''Jervis Johnson''<br>''Head Fanatic ''

==== Some Context ====
[[File:Warhammer 40k squats DRW40k 04 by DaRealWurld40k.jpg|thumb|right|SILENCE, HERETIC! There is no tiny, little bearded man there! Nope! No Squats or tiny little bearded man here at all!]]

Note that all of the Squat material from the Rogue Trader era was written by [[Bryan Ansell|Bryan]], [[Nigel Stillman|Nigel]], and [[Graeme Davis]]. [[Jervis Johnson|Jervis]], [[Rick Priestley|Rick]], [[Andy Chambers|Andy]], et. al. never wrote anything new for the Squats in Warhammer 40,000. So their lack of enthusiasms wasn't because the fluff was objectively ''bad'' - it just wasn't ''theirs''.

The Squats Codex was explicitly mentioned in Codex Imperial Guard (1995), and implicitly mentioned from the first codex ever (Codex Space Wolves, 1993) and every Imperial codex up to and including Codex Angels of Death (1996), plus Codex Eldar (1994). The only Imperial codexes which did not mention Codex Squats were Codex Sisters of Battle and Codex Assassins - both from 1997, the last year of 2nd Edition and the point at which 3rd Edition would already have been well into development. So the decision to eliminate the Squats didn't actually happen until they had already decided to move to a whole new edition.

As this was the transition to the infamous Black Period of total and constant [[Grimdark]], perhaps it's for the best that the writers of the day didn't like them, so they didn't feel obligated to [[C.S. Goto|fuck them over in suspiciously extreme detail or fluffrape them into total irrelevance]].

Also, Jervis's comment on the Specialist Games forum is actually the only place where it says that the Squats were eaten by Tyranids - in all official sources, they simply stopped mentioning them. But in fact, Jervis and others did continue to mention them after they were removed, in various semi-official places, such as the Citadel Journal (where he simply said that the [[Squat Homeworlds]] were "taken over" by the Imperium).

Following Jervis's statement on the Specialist Games forum, Games Workshop began auto-banning anyone who even mentioned Squats on their forums. But not long after that they closed all of their forums anyway.

==== Then what ever happened to the Demiurg? ====
Essentially? Nothing. They were given all of two mentions in recent memory: first as a footnote on a list of [[Tau]] auxiliaries, then as a small enclave of asteroid miners that [[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]] killed by accident while fighting some Bad Moonz. There latest appearance is in the Battlefleet Gothic: Armada video games, where two Demiurg vessels appear as axillarys to the Tau fleet. While how canon the games are is of some dispute: Battlefleet Gothic: Armada II, where they also appear, takes place during the "Gathering Storm". So presumable them working with the tau is there 'official' canon as of right now.

====What Happened According to /tg/====
Space [[Boatmurdered]]. Attempts to thwart the Tyranids with "fuck the world" levers failed. Casualties.... Too many.

[[Squat Crusade: The Musical|Or are trying to rebuild]]

== Squats continue to rear their [[Neckbeard|bearded]] heads ==
Games Workshop continues to show us that somewhere and somehow, a chained-up, barely-fed fluff-custodian is employed at the GW headquarters. He apparently gets loose every so often, and as evidence we present the tidbit he snuck in to the 6th Edition Rulebook.

Apparently, on page 405, the rulebook mentions Squats as a race of [[abhuman]]s, akin to Ogryn or Ratlings.

[http://i.imgur.com/WfOL7.jpg The Squat Reference]

Fanmade armylists for the Squats exists, the one most played and best playtested hosted over at 40konline.com, on their "Lost and Damned"-board.

They also have their own facebook group, but searching for "squat" literally fills your screen with ass. Beware.

In the seventh edition rulebook, squats are also mentioned in a list of known abhumans (along with a bunch of feline thingies). They're not even in the list of the extinct and dying out ones!!!

This trend was continued in the eighth edition corebook (page 279) and thus it seems that the idea of Squats being extinct may have been ''greatly'' exaggerated. Cue hopes of Squats making a triumphant return.

An entire video game has been made about the squats! Sure the Tyranids look a little weird but they'll still eat you like a Ratling at a buffet. https://www.deeprockgalactic.com/ Play now and die horribly while trying to mine gold on some Emperor forsaken planet.

==GUEEEEEESS WHAAAAAAT!? WE BACK NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!!==
[[File:We_Back_Motherfuckers!.jpg|300px|right|thumb|Y'all bitches miss me yet?]]
{{topquote|HOLY SHIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY BACK!|Everybody's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|THEY HAVE RETURNED THE GREAT BEARDED SPESS DWORFZ RETURN!|Every Squat Player's reaction when they saw the news}}
{{topquote|So uhhhh... what happens now?|Duncan upon breaking the clock like a wazzock}}

It has been done.

Through either the act of some unseen force, it has finally been done.

The [[Meme]] was finally broken. The Squats were....unsquatted....in Necromunda only, but still. We did the unthinkable, we brought a race that has been decommissioned for over 20 goddamned years back into tabletop gaming. Mother of Christ' titties [[Lulz|we actually got back our Spess Dorfs before Plastic Sisters did.]]

The first new Squat in decades was called Grendl Grendlsen. His lore mentioned that his mercenary unit was wiped out, leading him to become a bounty hunter in the underhive. Roughly a year after his release ''another'' new Squat model was announced, an ammo-jack hanger-on named Ragnir Gunnstein.

So far they are only playable for Necromunda, with them serving a variety of roles. But the chances of having an actual Squat Codex for 8th edition is still iffy, with the Squats being confined to specialist games being most likely. But so far we are quite content with them returning. Shit man, GeeDubs have seriously been pulling the moves lately.

And so, finally, after 20 years of waiting...

'''SQUATS LIVE'''

There's also a persistent rumour that they'll come back as a <strike>Astra Militarum</strike> Imperial Guard 'theme' alongside plastic [[Attilan Rough Riders]], [[Death Korps of Krieg]] and [[Tallarn Desert Raiders]]. Yeah right. Additionally, some very easy to miss fluff in the rear of the core Rulebook for 8th edition actually refers to Squats as a species of Abhuman.

==Models Are Available!!!!==
[[Mantic Games]] make a range of models called [[Forge Fathers]] which are space-dwarfs for their sci-fi game [[Warpath]], so if you want a Squat army you can have one! They're in 28mm so they could be used for 40K (use the Space Marine list and make up some appropriate house rules). As of now they have tanks, fully posable troopers and terminators too.

'''Hasslefree Miniatures''' make a range of models called "Grymm" which are dwarf space soldiers. They have close combat, light infantry, heavy infantry, specialists, and commander models. They even have a dwarf walker mech[http://www.hfminis.co.uk/shop?category=miniatures].

A Kickstarter worth your attention for models[http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1693348960/metal-beards-tabletop-dwarf-army] for an army of armoured dwarfs is a good option. Though it may have ended by the time you read this.

'''Ramshackle Games''' also produces biker gang and Land Train proxies. [http://www.ramshacklegames.co.uk/newrel.html]

There's also the "Scrunt" by Olleys Armies Wargame Miniatures.

And now thanks to [[Age of Sigmar]] you got the [[Kharadron Overlords]], [[Awesome|they are steam-armoured flying pirate dwarfs]]! There is a running gag that states that the Kharadron Overlords are surviving Squats who had fled Warhammer 40,000 into Warhammer Age of Sigmar due to how 40k the Kharadron models look. Time to get the conversions up and running! We recommend one of the space marine codexs that can take flying transport or flyer heavy Tempestus so you can use all those sweet Æther ships.

For playing Squats with the Horus Heresy books. The Imperial Militia and Cults army list will allow players to create a decent proxy. Buy a Force Commander, give him the Survivors of the Dark Age and Abhuman Helots Provenances of War. This allows you to use [[Rhino|Rhinos]] and the [[Land Raider Proteus]] as dedicated transports. For small amount of points you can upgrade the Rotor Cannons and Las-weapons of Grenadier and Platoon Command Cadre squads. Since both squads have access to Bolters and Grenade Launchers most players will take them instead.
Ogryns outside of the Solar Auxilia suck if you're not taking Power Weapons. Due to their low BS of two. Three Enginseer Auxilia Adepts and fully kitted out Servo-Automata with Phased Plasma-fusils or GLs are the superior Elite option.

== Gallery ==

<gallery>
File:Squat-ammo-jack-necromunda-4.jpg|Ragnir Gunnstein reporting for duty!
File:Spacedorfs.png|OH FUCK YES
File:Bikersquats.jpg|space dorf bikers B-B-BAD TO THE BONE (this was a whole thing)
File:Spacedorf2.png|Legally Badass
Image:Resin_Glory.jpg|The Squats make their triumphant return with a new resin model.
Image:Grymm_lmg.jpg|I'm surprised you dwarf nuts haven't found these Hasslefree minis yet lol. I don't like dwarfs much myself but I wouldn't mind fighting beside ''these'' guys.
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad_(Bareheaded).jpg
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Squad(helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Squad_(Helmeted).jpg
Image:Grymm_admiral.jpg
Image:Grymm WALKER.jpg| "[[meme|METAL GEAR?!]]"
Image:Grymm_Light_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
image:Grymm_Heavy_Infantry_Platoon.jpg
Image:1207616355827.jpg|Welcome to the club, Sisters.
Image:Squats rally.jpg|Rally to m
Image:ripsquats.jpg
Image:squats_are_common.jpg|"Squats are common inhabitants in the Imperium..."
Image:Squat Codex.jpg|You may include troops but we won't.
File:Squats combat Cards citadel Cc spacewar 06 gorun.png|Militant-armored-cybernetic-warrior-space-midgets? Yep. They cover all the bases in the 41st millennium. (Or they used to...)
Image:The results.jpg|When the Squats were rediscovered, the Imperium's first reaction was to argue over who was to blame for losing them.
Image:Squat_Cyclops1024.jpg|[[Awesome|Squat Cyclops in all its glory]]
Image:GWquisition.jpg
Image:This never happened.jpg|If anyone asks, I didn't put this picture here. In fact, if anyone asks, deny this picture exi-
</gallery>

{{Template:Squats}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Dwarves]]
[[Category:Squats]]
{{Template:Imperium}}

Malcador Heavy Tank

2019-11-18T12:23:53Z

2601:1C0:5C00:C130:CE9:AFB:761A:D189: /* Malcador Infernus */

[[File:Malcador_Tank_War.png|480px|right|thumb|When even the [[Taurox]] [[FAIL|have less problems than you,]] you know that your tank has done fucked up.]]
The '''Malcador Heavy Tank''' is an ancient pattern of heavy tank, dating to the [[Age of Strife]] (presumably it had some other designation before [[Malcador the Sigillite]] came around and they re-named it for him). Like the [[Macharius Heavy Tank]], it resembles an oversized [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]], but while the Macharius resembles a Russ that has been cut and extended in the middle, the Malcador looks like someone at [[Forge World]] made a Russ out of silly putty and stretched it.

The Malcador was mass-produced for the [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Army]] during the [[Great Crusade]], where it distinguished itself from other tanks by its speed. Some of the Legions also took it into service to support their Fellblades and Typhons. Unfortunately, its drive was always temperamental at best, and between the loss of knowledge that occurred during the [[Horus Heresy]] and ten thousand years of repair and attempted retrofitting, the Malcador of the 41st Millennium is no faster than any other tank and prone to engine malfunction, represented in-game as a fifty-fifty chance of being completely immobilized rather than slowed down by engine damage. In the [[grimdark|grim, dark]] future, a static tank is a dead tank, and so it has since been superseded by the more reliable and cheaper [[Leman Russ Battle Tank]].

That said, the tanks were never destroyed, merely stored (or "moth-balled", as the practice is also known in the real world), and even though their design is out-of-date and ill-understood, they are still made by M'khand and other Forge Worlds in limited quantities to fill the gap between demand for super-heavy tanks and the production of "proper" super-heavies like the [[Baneblade]]. Many armory worlds still have large stocks of Malcador tanks on hand in case they are needed for an urgent engagement, and they are still used by second-line forces such as garrison regiments and [[Planetary Defence Force]]s. This sometimes bites the Imperium in the rear; during the Siege of [[Vraks]], Malcadors were withdrawn from storage and pressed into battle by the traitor forces.

The utility of Malcador tanks in the fluff (as they were used on Vraks) and questionably on the tabletop is as semi-mobile bunkers. Roll them into your fortified gun line, let their forward mounted weapon savage the enemy, and with Lady Luck and Admiral Awesome on your side, your Malcadors and any supporting forces will peel back to another fortified position before the enemy can dish out too much retaliation. In all honesty, though, the Malcador on the table top would need a notable buff in durability for this to be practical. *cough*Jeremy Vetock, are you listening?*cough*

As of 6th and 7th Edition however, the Malcador Heavy Tanks are now Superheavy Vehicles with 5 hull points, making them surprisingly tough. While not quite as indestructible as the famous [[Baneblade]], they indeed fulfill their role nicely as a "Light Superheavy Tank". Because yes, 40k is that ridiculous of a setting to have tanks that can be put soundly into a category like that. As Superheavies, they are totally immune to the entire vehicle damage table. Additionally as a light super heavy they allow to use superheroes rules without your opponent wanting to strangle you for bringing a baneblade to a friendly game.

Like every other tank operated by the [[Imperium of Man]], the Malcador comes in many flavors:

== Malcador Heavy Tank ==
[[File:malcadorbc.jpg|250px|right|thumb|A Malcador Assault Tank. Would have been an okay tank if it wasn't for that fact that [[Rage|the fucking hull turret prevents me from firing at a full 360.]]]]

The original stretched Russ, except it has weaker front and side armor than the Russ and its turret can't spin all the way around. To be fair, during the Great Crusade it was armored enough that anything worth shooting would be within its firing arc anyway. Ambushes by lesser threats than it was meant to fight could be ignored by it, so the lack of a turret became an asset as the armored cover would protect the gun mechanisms from heavy enemy fire. It was a line-breaker after all, not an MBT. The Malcador Assault Tank is a truly ancient design dating all the way back to even the wars that consumed [[Terra]] during the [[Age of Strife]], if anything it can be considered as the [[Papalith]] of Imperial Tanks. It used to be quite good during the Horus Heresy, as its advanced engine made it Fast, and it could mount a [[Demolisher Cannon]] and fire its main cannon at full BS ''and'' make a Flat Out move. By the time of the 41st Millennium, however, the Adeptus Mechanicus have lost all knowledge of how the engine works so they get extra finickiness while moving the same speed as every other tank. The only advantages that this tank has are that its rear armor is slightly better and that it can soak a few more hits since it's a heavy tank.

As you may realize, the Malcador seem to suffer the most in terms of getting the short end of the stick. Other then the numerous problems as listed above, there is also the consideration on how much this tank gets treated in-universe as well. The Malcador was seen as so outdated it was eventually replaced in Legion service by the Land Raider Proteus, and by the time of the Horus Heresy many Malcador tanks had been relegated to the Legions' strategic reserves and second line Imperial Army units, only to be replaced by larger numbers of smaller, more tactically flexible tanks such as the Leman Russ and its many variants. Poor bastard can't catch a break.

In game terms, it really does deserve to have its front and side armour buffed to be on par with the Leman Russ Battle Tank. Its only redeeming quality is that its more survivable thanks to being a super heavy vehicle, though all of its positives end there. Its sponson weapons angles are dreadful, its main gun has limited traverse, it actually has worse armour values than the Leman Russ (as said before), its overpriced for what it brings, and it has the chance to immobilize itself whenever it moves, which if nothing else is crunch that pretty accurately matches the fluff.

Of course, the current rendition of it sets the Malcador's unit type as "Superheavy, Fast Tank", which is hilariously redundant. 7th Edition changed the Superheavy Type to automatically include all of the more specialized rules like Invincible Behemoth, and added default rules for them that didn't require apocalypse. All of this means that the Malcador became immune to all forms of penetrations except for 'Explodes!', gained the ability to Thunderblitz, and move a full 12" while still firing ALL of its weapons.

Ironically, if one was to replace the top casemate with an actual turret (like the one on the Russ), use the alternate box sponsons the Valdor and Infernus use and fix the engine, the Malcador would become a perfectly serviceable Heavy Tank for the Guard, becoming the Tiger to the Russes Panther. But that would be [[Heresy|tech-heresy]] and also regular heresy, because not being retarded is banned in the Munitorum. This is now even stupider with the release of the [[Aurox Armoured Transport#Carnodon|Carnodon]], which is from the same era as the Malcador and basically it's Medium Tank equivalent, yet manages to have both these.

== Malcador Annihilator ==

[[File:Malcador side.jpg|right|250px|thumb|A Malcador Annihilator. Those are some nasty guns, but only if the enemy is between 11 and 1 o'clock.]]

Like the [[Predator Tank|Predator]] variant of the same name, the Malcador Annihilator has a set of twin-linked lascannons in its turret, though unlike the Predator, these cannons can only turn 30 degrees to either side which would later come and bite it in the ass as its immobile main turret can also prove to be a problem in a chaotic engagement where the lines of battle interpenetrate and the foe's infantry or armor units can take advantage of the Malcador's [[Herp|limited firing arc.]] Oh yeah, it also mounts a [[Demolisher Cannon]] in its forward hull.

The Malcador tank could also be outfitted with a variety of upgrades and attachments, such as Camouflage Netting, Extra Armour Plating, an improved communications system, a Hunter-Killer Missile Launcher, a mine sweeper, a pintle-mounted Heavy Stubber, rough terrain modifications, track guards, a Searchlight, and Smoke Launchers.

The Malcador Annihilator was originally conceived as a field modification carried out on battle-damaged or unfinished production hulls intended to "up-gun" the tank's weaponry and extend its battlefield utility. The pattern's detractors hold that the variant is a hybrid intended to carry out two roles, [[FAIL|neither of which it can fulfill with any real ability.]] The tank is simply too slow and too large to serve as a true "tank hunter" but is not large enough or heavily armed enough (due to the limited supply of shells for its Demolisher Cannon) to be matched against a true super-heavy tank like an Imperial Baneblade in open combat.

Additionally, the Malcador Annihilator also suffers the same fate as almost every other Malcador variant. <u>Its fucking engine.</u> As you already know, the Malcador's main engine plant, a thermic combustor design that is a variant for military use of a common pattern used in industrial and agricultural machinery across the human-settled galaxy, is underpowered in relation to the Malcador's sheer size and mass. This reduces its performance and provides very poor fuel efficiency. Combined this with its stupid design choice and general underpowered firepower for something its size and you will get the Imperial's equivalent of a [[Fail|wet lemon.]] Further exasperating its already shoddy military performance. Still, against other, more conventional armored vehicles when it is part of a larger offensive force, the Malcador Annihilator can still prove its worth in the hands of a skilled crew.

This is, literally, a blatant rip of the French [[Wikipedia:Char B1|Char B1]] heavy tank, though the B1 had an actual turret.

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== Malcador Defender ==

[[File:40287_ced12559c5afcb4ecd338345a4574d30.jpg|right|250px|thumb|Malcador Defender. When you can't pick between a [[Baneblade]] or a [[Colossus (tank)|Colossus]].]]

Recognizing that the mostly-fixed-forward turret was a problem, the [[Adeptus Mechanicus]] thought up the Malcador Defender. The turret was given five [[heavy bolters]], each of which covers a roughly 90-degree arc, so the tank can shoot at least one and up to two heavy bolters at anything in any direction (in addition to the sponson weapons--lascannons, heavy stubbers, heavy flamers or autocannons). For anti-armor, they kept the hull-mounted Demolisher Cannon. These tanks were used to horrifying effect to defend breaches in the heretical lines during the Siege of [[Vraks]]. Due to this, the Malcador Defender is arguably (And ironically) the most effective of the Malcador tank variants. [[Lulz|It is more common in many Imperial armories than the standard heavy tank upon which it is based.]] [[YEEEAAAH!|*Cue G.I. Joe theme*]]

Due to the nature of its armaments, it is well-suited to close-quarters combat, trench warfare and urban warfare engagements. In this role, the Defender's Demolisher Cannon can be used against well-fortified positions and enemy strong-points, while its multiple Heavy Bolters can sweep areas for hidden infantry and defend the tank from a close assault. Although the Malcador Defender is very cramped, fitting a large crew of 8 into its tightly-packed and blazingly hot hull, it is as prone to engine problems as the other variants of the Malcador tank, and its battlefield role means that it seldom operates far from support or resupply. This can mitigate the design's inherent problems and its firepower and considerable protection can make it a valuable asset to Imperial forces for both offensive and defensive engagements.

The Malcador Defender can be outfitted with a variety of upgrades and attachments, such as Camouflage Netting, Extra Armour Plating, an improved communications system, a Hunter-Killer Missile Launcher, a mine sweeper, a pintle-mounted Heavy Stubber, rough terrain modifications, track guards, a Searchlight, and Smoke Launchers.

If their armor/hull was just a little thicker all the way around, imagine what they could do against Tyranids or footslogging Orks. With the 6th and 7th editions, maybe they can now. Given their fluff cheapness to mass produce (the Malcador and probably this variant and the annihilator, that is) and therefore it's common use in PDFs and the Tyranids coming...hmmm.

Since it's so dang cheap despite its size (likely due to lacking complex shit like a turret and inertia dampener for a too-big-for-the-turret cannon, so it's really just a metal frame with armored slaps nailed to it) the Imperial Guard should make much more use of it as an Infantry Tank. Emperor knows they could use it. Imagine if those heavy bolters were replaced with plasma cannons and the sponsons with assault cannons. Or autocannons on top and heavy flamers on the sides.

Much as the Annihilator is a OC of the Char B1, the Defender is an obvious rip-off of the <s>Mark VIII</s> A7V Sturmpanzer. Due to this fact, it's rather surprising the Kriegers don't love them.

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== Malcador Infernus ==
[[File:Malcador_infernus_wip_2.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Behold, one of the worst designed vehicles of the Imperium. Even the [[Dreadknight]] is more practical than this hunk of shit. Just get a normal Hellhound instead. Though god help if you do end up in front of it: that's still a Titan gun!]]

It's an Inferno Cannon taken from a [[Titan (Warhammer 40,000)|Titan]] and mounted on a tank. The Malcador Infernus variant has been mostly replaced by the faster and more reliable [[Hellhound]] in front-line Imperial Guard regiments. When the tech-priests realized that they had run out of room for fuel tanks, they decided to put them in a trailer towed behind the tank. [[FATAL|In retrospect, this was not one of their smarter designs]] though in their defense a few real world tank designers did this as well. Though it has a longer range and higher strength than the mini-Inferno Cannon used by the [[Hellhound]] (while on a more armored platform), it has the unreliable engine (compared to the Fast Hellhound), a hull-mounted primary weapon which is disastrously impractical especially for such a close range weapon and has a tendency to explode when catastrophically damaged.

Some Infernus tank crews will use corrosive chemicals as their ammunition instead of Promethium, turning the Malcador Infernus into an oversized [[Bane Wolf]] on steroids. The vehicle is also armed with two sponson-mounted weapons, one on each side. These weapons can be either Heavy Stubbers, Heavy Flamers, Heavy Bolters, Lascannons, or Autocannons. The Malcador Infernus tank can be outfitted with a variety of upgrades and attachments, such as Camouflage Netting, Extra Armour Plating, an improved communications system, a Hunter-Killer Missile Launcher, a pintle-mounted Heavy Stubber, rough terrain modifications, track guards, a Searchlight, and Smoke Launchers.

Immolating enemies is not the only thing the Infernus can do. The massive gout of flames launched from the Inferno Gun is also effective at clearing mines, the sudden heat detonating mine fuses and making large areas safe much quicker than alternative methods.

By the time of the [[Horus Heresy]] many Malcador tanks had been relegated to strategic reserves and second line Imperial Army units, replaced by newer and more powerful designs, although the demands of the galaxy-wide civil war soon brought them back into the fray, while their availability saw them used as test-beds for a variety of new variants designed to plug gaps in supply and resource. During the [[Great Crusade]] and Horus Heresy eras, the elite [[Solar Auxilia]] employed the Malcador Infernus in specialist reserves held at the Cohort level. They were generally deployed to lead advances against enemy forces occupying especially dense terrain, such as trench lines, city ruins or heavily forested areas.

[[Cheese|Do note that this thing is cheese incarnate. You can even upgrade to chem munitions, an S3 AP2 Poisoned(2+) Armourbane hellstorm template that will cover those Terminators in a fine glaze of cheddar.]] With supreme luck you can even pen a Land Raider.

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== Minotaur Artillery Tank ==

[[File:509859.JPG|right|250px|thumb|The Minotaur AKA ''My Anus is a Cannon!'']]

The Minotaur is a rare self-propelled artillery piece used by the armed forces of the [[Imperium of Man]] that can trace its origins back to the [[Great Crusade]] and maybe [[Dark Age of Technology|even earlier.]] The Minotaur was designed as a forward deployment fire support vehicle, and this is proven by the Minotaur's outfitting with an unusual amount of heavy armor and the vehicle's extreme durability.

Some [[Tech-priest]] thought it would be a good idea to take a Malcador chassis (though it could be based on what appears to be an earlier variant, or the original chassis design) and mount two [[Earthshaker]] cannons on it. The cannons are so large that it had to be mounted backwards in order for the tank to remain balanced and not dig into the dirt (this happened in real life with the Archer tank destroyer). Even though it looks goofy, and still has an unreliable engine, this design choice makes it the only tank [[Lulz|stronger in the rear than in the front,]] leaving it less vulnerable to [[Deep Strike|deep-striking]] assault troops. [[FATAL|That and the fact that it can deliver what amounts to a shot from a twin-linked ''basilisk'' point-blank.]] It probably would have been a better idea to put this configuration on a [[Macharius Heavy Tank]] instead, though.

When it needs to move again, it simply drives out forwards through the path it had already made for itself. The Minotaur's deck layout is also unusual, as everything from the engine and drive systems to the weapon and ammunition storage is spaced out evenly over the entire superstructure. The primary weapon system, a massive Twin-linked Earthshaker Cannon, is housed in a wide, centralized axis point, and features a complex hydraulic recoil suppression system. The centralized positioning of the weapon system allows the artillery piece to remain stable while firing its weapons even when positioned on difficult terrain.

The Minotaur is not armed with any other weapons but can be upgraded with a Pintle-mounted Heavy Stubber or a Storm Bolter. Despite this, Forge World has given it 2 Heavy Bolters in 8th Edition, likely because they just doubled the weapons of a Basilisk. I guess it has sponsons now?

During the 41st Millennium the Minotaur is a rare relic of war that very few will ever see, with the number of Forge Worlds capable of producing them having dropped steadily over the last millennia. With the steady replacement of this vehicle by the Basilisk, the Minotaur may soon become just another casualty of war. Although it is rumored like always that the Minotaur is stockpiled by those greedy fucks in the thousands inside of Departmento Munitorum storehouses, only specialized siege companies of the Imperial Guard will ever get to deploy their awesome firepower.

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== Valdor Tank Hunter ==

[[File:496832.jpg|right|250px|thumb|The Valdor. For those who want to turn those pesky [[Monolith|Monoliths]] inside out.]]

This variant was not named for Malcador, but for Constantin Valdor, Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] during the [[Great Crusade]] and [[Horus Heresy]]. The Valdor tank mounts a Neutron Laser that somehow causes an electromagnetic pulse in tanks it shoots (it's an electrolaser, although the EMP is an afterthought for an already powerful laser weapon), but also risks getting damaged by the feedback if it misses. Because there wasn't enough room in the tank to put shielding around the reactor that powers the laser, the tank is more prone to catastrophic damage and its crew is at an increased risk of getting [[cancer]]. Not that the Imperium cares about tank crews' health.

Initial production runs were channeled to the elite [[Solar Auxilia]], in particular those cohorts operating against foes equipped with heavy tanks or in the case of the myriad xenos enemies still infesting the stars, tank analogues.

While not yet in common use (at that time), Imperial logisticians had projected that its services were likely to be required in ever greater numbers (Oh how they are ''wrong'' given the circumstance of the 41st Millennium), especially where Loyalist Solar Auxilia were called upon to fight the Traitor Legiones Astartes and the heavy armored vehicles they had ready access to. Ancient records found at the Scholastica Bellicose on the planet Mordia show that the Valdor Tank Hunter was most widely used during the [[Great Scouring]] after the Heresy, when the Imperium led the great counter-attack against the Traitor Legions, driving them all the way to the [[Eye of Terror]].

Of all the variants, the Valdor is perhaps the rarest and most expensive of them all. As a result, they are rarely deployed amongst the Imperial Guard's armored regiments. The 1st Cadian Armored Regiment, which helped to defend the Imperial Fortress World of [[Cadia]] in the Cadian Gate, possesses a total of only ''5 Valdor tanks''. During the Siege of Vraks the 88th Siege Army's intelligence officers believed that there was no more than 30 Valdor tanks stored inside of Vraks Prime's vast Departmento Munitorum storehouses, and these tanks were not utilised by the Vraksian Traitor Militia until much later in that infamous meat grinder.

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== Dracosan Armoured Transport ==

[[File:Dracosan.jpg|right|250px|thumb|The Dracosan is also known as the [[-4 Str|roided-up]] [[Chimera]].]]

A Heavy Troop Carrier built on the Malcador hull, the Dracosan was the foremost troop transport for the Imperial Army in the Great Crusade and the Horus Heresy. It was large enough to accommodate twenty troops, and heavily armored enough to protect them from intense enemy fire. Its protection was greater than the ubiquitous [[Rhino]] and it is equipped with either a powerful twin-linked lascannon or a mighty demolisher cannon at the expense of some of its transport capacity.

The Dracosan was a common sight in the 30th Millennium, being manufactured under compact by several dozen Forge Worlds across the Imperium to standards only usually required of war machines destined for service with the Legiones Astartes. A heavily armed and armored carrier, the Dracosan was large enough to accommodate a fully strength Solar Auxilia Infantry Tercio of twenty auxiliaries, and heavily armored enough to protect them from all but the most intense of enemy fire. Being intended for service in hostile environments and even the void of space, the Dracosan needed to be absolutely air-tight as not to endanger the lives of its passengers and crew.

Equipped with a fearsome array of weapons of its own, the Dracosan could steadfastly defend itself against enemy counter-attack and pound enemy positions to dust before the auxiliaries disembarked to storm what remained of their objective. Given the necessary resources and expenditures to build such an exceptional vehicle, the Dracosan was employed almost exclusively by forces configured in the [[Solar Auxilia]] pattern, whether these "regular" Excertus Imperialis units or other forces following the same order of battle, such as the household troops of certain [[Rogue Trader]]s Militant or, occasionally, the elite retainers of high status Imperial Commanders.

Unfortunately, unlike most Malcador variants, the Mechanicus suddenly went [[Derp|full retard]] and forgot, for the most part, how to construct these things.

== 8th Edition ==
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! The Malcador is now actually somewhat good! Now occupying the Heavy Support slot instead of being a Lord of War (with the exception of the Valdor Tank Hunter and the Minotaur), Malcadors share most of the Leman Russ' stats, with the exception of a +6 bonus to Wounds and +1 Leadership (woo?). In addition, apparently Big Bobby G. reminded the AdMech how to fix the damned engines, so they move just fine now, and with the elimination of weapon facing, the clunky turret design is no longer an issue. However, they can not be taken in Squadrons and have Forge World's inferior version of Grinding Advance, which simply eliminates the BS penalty for firing the Demolisher cannon that the Annihilator and Defender carry. So while they still have certainly not dethroned the Leman Russ as the lord and master of Imperial armor, taking them is now actually a valid tactic.

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
Image:Lemalcador.jpg|Someone managed to fix the Malcador by kit-bashing it with a Russ. <s>Why on Terra the Mechanicus doesn't do the same is anyone's guess</s> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Modifying tech is ''HERESY''!}}
</gallery>

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