Chaos BBQ Cook-Off

2015-12-31T20:04:59Z

2601:285:103:64A:946F:A58D:D55A:3358: /* Facts */

On the 12th of July of every year, the forces of Chaos are undivided long enough to participate in a yearly cook-off.

Its a day of "games", concerts, orgies, and some damn good food.

Each year the event takes place at the residence of a different [[Chaos God]], although every time [[Tzeentch]] hosts it everyone tends to get lost and so only he gets the food... [[Just as planned]].

== Facts ==

*The most popular 'game' at the event is "Toss the Guardsman". [[Kharn]] is still by far the crowd favorite. What a great guy.

*Tzeentch makes a mean BBQ chicken... No, seriously, that's the most pissed off chicken ever, you wouldn't blame him. [[Just as planned]].

*There is a popular "Adopt a Nurgling" booth set up every year.

*There is also a just-as-popular "'Adopt' a [[Daemonette]]" booth.

*[[Slaanesh]] was quite pissed that his/her/its daemonettes lost in the beauty pageant to one of [[Khorne]]'s Khornettes. The Blood God laughed his ass off with [[Nurgle]], whose Nurgettes actually got second.

*There is a raffle for an autographed picture of [[Doombreed]]. (Hint, hint, [[GW]]!)

*Never let one of the [[Thousand Sons]] near a cotton-candy machine, it isn't pretty.

*Unless you're a worshiper of Nurgle, never try out '''ANY''' of their cuisines. Results aren't pretty and '''VERY''' messy.

*Even if you are a worshiper of Slaanesh, never try out '''ANY''' of [[Doomrider]]'s cooking. Whatever he cooks up has impossible amounts of Cocaine.

*If you're [[Kaldor Draigo]], you know what to do.

*If you're even here, run fast, because [[Slaanesh]] will be after you quickly. Or don't run, if that's what you're into, you <strike>sick fuck</strike> <span style="color:purple">'''sexy and very lucky newcomer... now come here and spend some time with me, why don't you...?'''</span>.

*[[Sly Marbo]] has been known to participate in a few games and events as well. But no one ever recalls his presence.

*There is a talent show, although the 'talents' on display are basically the same year to year: Khorne tries to behead a greater number of people in one swing every time, Nurgle tries to make the best soup possible (not to be eaten, for the Emperor's sake), Tzeentch tries to impress everyone with magic tricks, and Slaanesh tries for most orgasms in a row.

*A guest singer is always 'invited' to the BBQ so the Gods can have some entertainment while they chow down on Imperial Guard burgers. Alas, the singer never leaves the event alive, either being eaten/killed/tortured/made ill and dying/molested or any one of a dozen of things by one of the guests of the party. This year's choice of singer is currently being contested; Slaanesh wants boy-toy Justin Bieber while Tzeentch is wanting the changing tones of Rebecca Black. Naturally neither choice has gone down well with Khorne or Nurgle.

*By common consent, [[Malal]] and the [[Sons of Malice]] are barred from the event, although they always try to gatecrash.

*The [[Horned Rat]] is also rejected from entry, as so does his followers.

*Almost every single [[Chaos Gods of Law|Gods of Law]] with the exception of the Emperor is banned from the event, consensus is due to the fact that [[Solkan]] always ruins the party with his no-nonsense attitude of the law which must not be broken and thus limits the freedoms of everyone, [[Alluminas]] consistently blinds everyone with his ambiguous shape of light and dazzle (Seriously where is the fun when you can't see what you're doing?) and [[Arianka]] is too busy dozing off like fucking sleeping beauty to even come to the event in the first place due to a prank on Tzeentch's part.

*A booth featuring extra-dimensional paradox poker with the Emperor, the Deceiver, and Cegorach as guests is also open. A curtain of anti-matter covers the booth so casual onlookers won't have their brains melted.

*Rasputin is occasionally there.

Chaos

2015-12-31T20:00:02Z

2601:285:103:64A:946F:A58D:D55A:3358: /* Horned Rat */

{{Template:Heresy}}
[[File:1377518822382.jpg|400px|right]]
''And thanks to Moorcock, who's fault all this is.'' - Warhammer Fantasy, crediting Michael Moorcock.

'''Chaos''' is a concept which appears in various games, including [[40k]], [[WFRP]], [[Warhammer Fantasy Battles]] and the ''[[Fighting Fantasy]]'' books. There is even [[Chaos in the Old World|a board game dedicated to Chaos]] where you get to play as the major powers.
It means more than simple disorder, and incorporates elements of the [[Lovecraft]]ian concepts of godlike tentacled abominations, evil cults and "things man was not meant to know" with a 1950s B-movie interpretation of nuclear radiation. There is even a material, [[warpstone]], which is analogous to fissile material with regard to chaos.

Common features of Chaos include:

* Insanity.
* Secrets that the ordinary man cannot be permitted to know.
* Knowledge that corrupts the bearer and leads him into the service of dark gods.
* Dark gods who capriciously reward and punish their followers.
* [[Daemon]]s that may be summoned or escape from the [[Warp|Warp/Realm of Chaos]].
* Mutations both as a result of the radiation-like influence of chaos and as gifts from the chaos gods.
* Areas blighted by Chaos (such as the [[Chaos Wastes]] or the [[Eye of Terror]]) and uninhabitable by right-thinking people.
* Roaming warbands or dark cults of Chaos-worshipers.
* [[Beastmen|Furries.]]

Chaos as 40kfags know it was inspired by Moorcock's ideas about Law vs. Chaos from the ''[[Eternal Champion]]'' series. Radiation-like qualities are likely the result of the games in question having been written during the Cold War, with the paranoia that entails.
In more recent Warhammer canon, Chaos exists in a multiverse and is connected to numerous other Warhammer settings other than the two (three, with [[Blood Bowl]]) known to us. This means any Chaos entity with an external origin was once a mortal being in every universe they appear in, who combined in the Warp like a terrible comicbook reboot.

==Followers of Chaos==
There are lots of followers of chaos. Every single one of them has to be considered "armed and dangerous" even when unarmed.

Sorcerers: Guys who have magic powers.

Psykers: Guys who have psychic powers.

[[Beastmen]]: Savage beasts made because of freakish warp exposure. Might be [[Furry|furries]] but are actually more useless without someone to lead them.

[[Warriors of Chaos]]: Badass evil mother-fucking vikings clad in armor that looks fucking [[awesome]]. Basically the [[Warhammer Fantasy|fantasy]] equivalent to chaos space marines. In war, they are lead by a Champion of Chaos, a sorcerer, or really anyone capable of leading a couple of deranged, superhuman war incarnates into battle.

[[Chaos Space Marines]]: A bunch of guys whose [[Horus|leader]] had a few daddy issues with [[Emperor|Empy]]. Basically the [[Warhammer 40,000|40k]] equivalent to chaos warriors. In war, they are led by [[Chaos Lord]] or a sorcerer or really anyone or anything capable of leading a couple of deranged, superhuman war incarnates in battle.

[[Daemon|Daemons]]: Creatures made of rape and lemon juice and the jizz of their gods. Exist because you have bad thoughts.

[[Matt Ward]]: [[Skub]] in human form.

==Gods of Chaos==
{{Main|Chaos Gods}}
In both the Fantasy and 40k settings there are four chief Chaos deities, and a number of [[Chaos Gods#The Other Ones|minor gods]].

===[[Khorne]]===
''God of Hate, [[Rage]], Blood, War, Battle, Strength, Wrath, Fighting and Killing, and Honor''

Stated as being the strongest Chaos God due to all the violence in the Warhammers (one of which has only war, or so we're told), and the Chaos Gods themselves being nothing more than palpable manifestations of abstract emotion and philosophy who thus are fed whenever these things are exerted in the real world. In fact, just by playing the game you make Khorne stronger. In a parallel version of the Warhammer Fantasy universe, [[Blood Bowl]], he has his own football team.

===[[Tzeentch]]===
''God of Change, Lies, Hope, Ambition, Manipulation, Scheming and Sorcery, Planning, Knowledge, Trolling, (formerly) Magic and Lulz''

Tzeentch is prone to utter the phrase "[[JUST AS PLANNED]]". Second strongest and the most successful Chaos God for some reason. Probably because the oppressed peasantry and ambitious warriors are always hoping for food/death/glory. Respectively. Since the nature of Chaos is stated above. In Warhammer Fantasy he's more important as he's the Chaos God of magic, <s>which is ironic because not only does he do all of jack and shit in Fantasy but he also has the weakest Daemons in the army (even his own special magic lore sucks)</s> Gameplay and Story Segregation/ maybe Games Workshop hates Tzeentch or aren't skilled enough to write him well. He claims to be the origin of all magic, but that's bullshit since that would make him the origin of everything, including the other Chaos Gods; so we know he's a fucking liar on top of being a NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

===[[Nurgle]]===
''God of Decay, Despair, Acceptance, Destruction, Disease, Tolerance, Compassion, and Empathy ''

Also known as "Papa Nurgle" or "Grandfather Nurgle", the bloated lord of disease arose from man's fear of death. His followers are afflicted with various awful plagues, but do not suffer or die of them. As well as this respite, he offers those who worship him a sense of family and belonging which is incongruous with the usual attitudes of the chaos gods and his own fearsome appearance.Cited in books as being the third strongest of the gods, until a jolly plague party pops up, where he temporarily overshadows his brothers until the party(participants) dies off. He runs a carnival in Warhammer Fantasy proving once more that all clowns are evil beings full of disease that want to take you away from your parents.

===[[Slaanesh]]===
''God of Decadence, Excess, Pain, Pleasure, Perfection, Aesthetics and Self Indulgence''

Slaanesh gave us [[Daemonette|Daemonettes]]. PLEASE NOTE: Daemonettes are not as attractive in the canon as they are in the pictures on this site. In fact they traditionally only have one breast and have crab claws for hands. For one edition, [[Hordes of Chaos]], they got a revamp to be much sexier, with a mixture of scythe-blade hands and human hands, and being pretty obviously female (often with [[/d/|multiple breasts]]), which is [[Monstergirl|where most of the love for them comes from]]. They got changed back the very next edition, along with the loss of [[Chaos Undivided]] as its own force. Slaanesh is fairly active in the 'hammer universes. In 40k he was birthed from the non-stop 80's mosh orgy of the [[Eldar]] and as a result has claim to each and every Eldar soul, which he eats like popcorn. In Fantasy he prefers making Elves into Daemonettes, preferring them as an occasional desert while he watches his figure (in a mirror, at all times).

No way one person can convince anyone else that Slaanesh isn't all sex, drugs and Rock and Roll.

===[[Malal]]===
''A renegade Chaos God, representing the paradox of Chaos fighting against itself.''

Malal has been reintroduced under the name of Malice through the Short story of the Sons of Malice: "Labyrinth". Long since removed from the setting ever since [[GW]] couldn't decide who owned the rights. JUST AS PLANNED. Malal likes random violence and smashing stuff, which makes him chaotic neutral, because he is just as likely to mess up the other Chaos Gods plans as it is to prey on Humans and stuff. In short when all the other 4 Chaos gods got together to hatch a plan, Malal storms in and shouts "SURPRISE!!!" and proceeds to try to kill, mutilate set fire to, and destroy anything within reach. Even Khorne has some self discipline and can (though barely) hold it together to have a chat about how to get more Blood and Skulls - Malal just destroys anything within reach - It is completely unhinged and revels in random destruction and violence. Each time Chaos squabbles, Malal gets stronger.

Now of dubious canonicity between the copyright issues and GW simply not giving a shit.

===[[Horned Rat]]===
''Chaos Vermin Lord, rebellious 13th God.''

Existing only in Fantasy, and referenced only once in an Imperial Guard novel of all places, the Horned Rat is a daemonic entity of unknown origin who has somehow become the patron deity of a race of rat-men called "[[Skaven]]" in his image to worship him. As they grew in power, so did he. While possessing an intellect and planning comparable to Tzeentchian Greater Daemons (although without the master nerd sabotaging him), he's also very brutish and when summoned by his followers will oftentimes behave as an unintelligent monster, rampaging through their ranks and consuming his most loyal minions before returning to the Warp.

===[[Chaos Gods of Law|The Chaos Gods of Order]]===

While they have only been mentioned sparingly, and recent fluff has abandoned them for all respects and purposes, there was once four Chaos entities of Order (Chaos being potential after all, not always "inside out walrus" logic) in Warhammer Fantasy. They are also sometimes called the gods of Law. Their most prominent appearance is in the first edition of the Warhammer Fantasy roleplay. Their canonicity is dubious at best at this point, as they have never been mentioned anywhere else since then. The [[Emperor]] of Mankind is speculated to transform into the Chaos God of Order should he be allowed to die.

There are three mentioned by name. Alluminas was a god of light who shined eternally, freezing in place anything his light touched. His worship was said to be unknowable by mortal minds. Arianka was essentially Snow White, a being Tzeentch and the Horned Rat both feared who was trapped in the mortal world in a crystalline coffin. This coffin is supposed to be under [[Praag]] and can be opened with a crystal key. Solkan empowered those who fought Chaos, including [[Inquisition|Witch Hunters]] in a manner more akin to Malal with some self-restraint.

==See Also==
*[[Friends]]
*[[Chaos BBQ Cook-Off]]
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUhr77e8Eho&feature=related

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Chaos.jpg|Followers of Chaos.
Image:Chaos2.jpg
Image:40k Scientology - Chaos.jpg|Chaos cultist are KAP-TOORING the streets too.
Image:Chaos star.jpg
Image:GodsOfWarhammer.jpg|YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO VOTE FOR THE BLACK MAN?! YOU'RE ALL WORSHIPING TZEENTCH NOW! Don't blame me, I voted for McKhorne.
Image:Chaosdividedcomic.jpg|Chaos Divided, Just as planned..
Image:cinnamon_toast_crunch.jpg
</gallery>
[[Category:Chaos]][[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]][[category: warhammer 40,000]]

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Chaos BBQ Cook-Off

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