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Commissar

2018-08-30T21:18:22Z

2601:2C1:4280:3B9F:180D:C3C3:6098:A833:

[[Image:Comissar.png|frame|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}]]
''But sir -- ! 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!}} 
{{Topquote|I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.|Alexander the Great}}
{{Topquote|Kerls, wollt ihr ewig leben? - Rascals, do you want to live eternally?|Frederick II of Prussia, to his reluctant-to-attack soldiers, battle of Kolin}}
{{Topquote|Last one to die's an Eldar!|A Commissar}}
{{Topquote|You're going back to the front lines and you may get shot and killed, but you're going to fight. If you don't, I'll stand you up against a wall and have a firing squad kill you on purpose. In fact, I ought to shoot you myself, you goddamned whimpering coward.|George S. Patton to a shell-shocked soldier in the hospital}}

In the times long before these dark hours of the forty-first millennium, commanders of various Terran military entities and their successors in the colonial states of galactic expansionism remained in relative safety throughout the duration of various conflicts instead of charging the lines of their enemies with vitriol and froth issuing from their mouths in equal rabid measure. The instruments of the will of higher officers on the battlefield were men of inflexible will and intolerable zealotry, men greatly respected and feared by their underlings who inspired entire battalions with selfless example and were willing to sacrifice themselves for the success of their company and their empire. These times, while flawed, were much better, more efficient and perhaps possessing greater sanity than this current era of strife. Regardless, these times have long passed.

In this current moment of the history of man, war has become a very different thing. Lasguns firing, explosives detonating, great beasts of unimaginable terror charging the trenches, death of all sorts stalking behind every wisp of smoke... and that's just at the front. Behind every line of trembling conscripts is a man, sanctimonious, who fires not upon the hordes of the enemy, but his own troops.

That man is the Commissar.

They get a cool [[hats|hat]], a [[Nazi]]-esque longcoat, a sword or power fist they seem all too happy to hit the enemy with and their iconic bolt pistol which they use to "boost" the morale of their men, although they sometimes trade it for las or plasma pistols (but seeing your buddy's head explode or melt down does indeed motivate you better than just seeing a laser beam go through it). In reality however they're nothing more than a couple of faggots who overcompensate for their lack of fighting skill by executing their men to look tou{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. It's a well known fact that most of their morale enhancement (Unless they're [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Ciaphas Cain]], or [[Commissar Yarrick]].) consists of being scary merciless bastards to rival the enemy merciless bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.

A Commissar that lacks any guardsmen to execute and is in the proximity of any vehicle proceeds to clamber on the said vehicle and threaten the crew into charging the enemy so he can hit the enemy with his close combat weapon. Hilarity ensues depending on the kind of closest vehicle, close combat weapon and closest enemy. They also have mad shooting skills, some can even execute '''ENTIRE SQUADS OF COWARDS''' in the time it takes to drop their hats. If only they could shoot the enemies that fast, what with their phenomenal accuracy when shooting their own men and all.

Commissars also have a tendency to get killed suspiciously far from the front lines.

They are preceded with Discipline Masters in Great Crusade era.

Beyond their reputation as [[Khârn|team-killing fucktards]], the presence of Commissars make a lot of sense in the Imperial Guard. Copy-pasted straight from the Civil War Soviet real world commissars (save for the uniform) with a dash of Great War era "charge the enemy or i'll execute you" british army officer thrown in, they're political officers with everything that entails.

First of all, they are the warrants of doctrine. They will deal with any disciplinary issue coming up whenever a Guardsman misbehave. The punishment for cowardice and desertion is death and the Commissar will apply the sentence on the spot, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. As a Guard regiment travels around the Imperium, they will come in contact with other cultures and ideas. Ideas that could potentially be dangerous and morale-ruining (looking at you [[Tau]] propaganda, but not only). Just like they real-world counterparts made sure random Ivan remained true to the ideals of communism, the Imperial Commissar will ensure such heretical ideas are suppressed and the regiment remains loyal to the Imperium and fit for duty. Where to the simple Guardsman this translates into being constantly watched by a terrifying enforcer of discipline that does not hesitate to shoot a deserter on the spot, to the higher echelons of the Guard they're a (frankly necessary) constant reminder they're supposed to do their job as defined by [[High Lords of Terra|the old coots back home]] and not go rogue to seize a planet for their own or carve out their own little kingdom. It takes a lot to become a Commissar, tactical and strategic training included: after all, they have to judge the competence of everyone up to and including Lord Solars.

A second part of their job is to ensure cooperation between elements of the Guard. You see, the Imperium is vast. Extremely vast. And only very loosely unified as a whole. Hence what is considered quite normal on one world would have denizens from another throw a massive bitchfit, if not worse. Imagine the result of stick-up-the-ass [[Mordian Iron Guard]]s in the same room as rowdy [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] unsupervised, you'll get the idea. Commissars will to make sure discipline is maintained and rules are adhered to (by force of arms if necessary), no matter the origin of the warriors under their care.

The third part is military counselling. Officially, a Commissar is outside the chain of command and can only advise on military matters, the ultimate decision remaining in the hands of the commanding officer. But, as mentioned, they also have the authority to execute any soldier if they conclude they're severely derelict in the prosecution of their duties (this includes high ranking officers, as both [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] and Viktor Hark have demonstrated). This means that Commissars will most of the time stay close to the action and lead by example and that people will listen to what they have to say (and almost always agree outright) for fear of {{BLAM}}. One of the core tenets of the [[Imperial Creed]] is [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Mankind's right to be the sole owners of the Galaxy]], and the Commissar is always ready to personally prove it to any [[Harlequin|particular]] [[Exodite|breed]] [[Corsair|of]] [[Eldar|Space]] [[Dark Eldar|Elf]], [[Ork]], [[Necron]], [[Tyranid|space bug]] or whoever was stupid enough to question Mankind's right to rule the stars with their existence that day. (They're helped by often being the most well-equipped and hardest motherfuckers in the squad.)

Should it come to pass that the leader of a squad or regiment has fallen (one way or another, either due to the enemy or {{BLAM}}), the Commissar will assume command himself. Most Guardsmen dreads when this happen for this all too often results in a <strike>pointless last stand for anyone involved</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY! No death in the Emperor's name is pointless!'''}}; anyone attempting to retreat being helped to a bolter shell to the back of the head for cowardice. This is often all too true, but the Commissar has no choice: he simply cannot flee or order a retreat as he's well aware this would be the surest way for morale to collapse immediately, especially if he just executed the commanding officer. And in many cases the situation has already gone so FUBAR when he assumes command that standing his ground and taking as many enemies of the Emperor with him as he can is the only meaningful choice left to him and the men close to him; [[Fist of the North Star|for they are already dead]]. This said, it is not always a bad thing when it happens. [[awesome|The most famous example]], of course, is [[Commissar Yarrick]] assuming command of the defense of [[Armageddon]]; whose undaunted contest of Golgotha hive made [[Ghazghkull Thraka]] lose sight of the larger battle because he couldn't see it as anything but a personal challenge and answered in kind, leaving the flanks of his hordes wide open for the Imperial counter-attack.

Last but not least, the Commissars are also trained to look out for xenos or chaotic taint. Not all enemies of the Imperium [[Ork|conveniently charge at the Guard straight on]] but use much more insidious methods. So the Commissars are taught a little bit (just what is needed) about Chaos, [[Genestealer Cult|Genestealers]], Enslavers and all those kind of joyful things that could fuck over their regiment and how to look out for it, with the strict instruction to {{Blam}} anything they find out on sight. Any [[psyker]] in their regiment will be under their constant scrutiny because where Average Joe just has a vague knowledge he should 'abhor the witch', the Commissar know what would happen if he would get [[Daemonhost|possessed]]. Better safe than sorry.

With the above in mind, you easily understand why Commissars are at best tolerated and often hated with a passion by the men under their care. They are hard and pitiless men, but that is a sad necessity in the [[grimdark|just as hard and pitiless 40k universe where the alternative is even worse]]. It should also be noted, that not all Commissars are trigger-happy fucknuts. The intelligent ones that live long lives learn that the right words can often inspire men just as well, if not better, than a bolt to the head. These Commissars learn to tell the difference in situations. After all, the Commissars first job is to inspire the troops, through whichever means are most appropriate. Off course, the trigger-happy fucknuts do tend to spoil the bunch for the good ones.

==Choices of equipment==
*Badass longcoat, badass sash and even more badass hat straight out of Hugo Boss during the Nazi era.
*Mars-Pattern ceramite balls
*Flak armour- Standard guardsman issue Commissar armoured underwear.
*Carapace armor & Refractor field- A better armour and a force field for genre-savvy Lord Commissar.
*Camo-cloak. Serves to hide said badass garments and get less fire from the enemy and guardsmen.
*Special Mask for a Lord that weeps tears of blood near traitors! Oh and scares people. Also gives a force field.

*Saber- Often carried to swing towards enemies while riding a Leman Russ tank so that he could drive closer and hit enemies with his sword.
**[[Chainsword]]- For a sword that's actually useful more often than not.
**[[Power weapon|Power sword]]- For slaying armored enemies and hassle-free decapitations.
**Power fist- For punching through enemy [[METAL_BOXES|Metal Bawkses]].

*[[Laspistol]]- Clean, precise, and efficient working tool of the Commissar that doesn't waste ammunition. Less satisfying to execute people with though.
*Bolt pistol- Produces very satisfying {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming sound that raises self-esteem of the worthless ponce hold-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}, can also get through standard issue imperial flak armor if you need to blam someone in the chest on the battle field.
*[[Bolter]]- Good for shooting underarmoured enemies and your entire squad if you suspect them all of {{BLAM|HERESY}}.
*[[Plasma|Plasma pistol]]- Good for shooting armoured enemies dead. Bad for summary executions since it's poor form for it to over heat when trying to "inspire" your squad.
*Baleful Eye- [[Commissar Yarrick|Lasgun built in the eye socket to kill Orks with a glare]].
*Grenades & bombs.
*Titanium balls.
*Two pairs of balls, (see above)

==Reasonable Commissars==
Reasonable Commissars do not execute those who flee. However, they do carry a potent stun-gun to bring down those who break ranks and save the bolter shells for those who have willingly became servants of Chaos or Xenos. Afterwards, the accused is brought before a military tribunal to judge what the appropriate punishment will be. Reasonably Hard Labor is a common punishment. If a not-so-reasonable commissar is present the punishment is invariably a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ing. The bas- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

Reasonable Commissars can often be found in units operating alongside [[Reasonable Marines]].

Reasonable Commissars understand their duty is to instill courage within the Imperial Guard, not to instill discord and discontent. Thus they lead by example and be the first to die and last to retreat.

Reasonable Commissars only exist because there are Commissars who are *ahem* ''dicks''...such as Commissar Jericho of the 8th Cadian Whiteshield division:

{{topquote|Lil' Timmy: "Commissar? My helmet won't fit. Can you please help me fasten it?" Jericho: "IF YOU CANNOT FASTEN YOUR OWN HELMET, YOU'RE AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER! AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER IS THE SAME AS A HERETIC IN MY BOOK! SUMMARY EXECUTION FOR YOU!" {{BLAM}} "SO. ANY OF YOU OTHER CHILDREN WANT HELP WITH SOMETHING? WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLIVER? DO YOU STILL WANT MORE PORRIDGE? OH WAIT, YOU'RE DEAD! HAH! GET BACK TO FIGHTING YOU LITTLE PIECES OF SLIME!|From the records of Inquisitor Murtho}}

To some extent, they do actually exist in Warhammer canon, with [[Ciaphas Cain]] ('''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!''') and [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] being the most iconic examples, the fact that they became tremendously famous (OK, Gaunt - not so much) and idolized is implied to have led to many newer Commissars using their less trigger happy and more reasonable methods. Proof that sometimes, you can make a positive difference in Warhammer.

It could be argued that all Commissars are reasonable as most don't hold malicious intent when killing their own, or don't kill their own unless in extreme (Read: Chaos) circumstances, since most of the time shooting your own men can be counterproductive when they're light infantry fleeing from a Super heavy tank. Or if they, you know, have orders to pull back. It is done because it has to be done. Rules are rules, heresy is heresy, and Commissars have to show some authority.

==Female Commissars==
Females of the [[Schola Progenium]] are far more likely to end up in the [[Adepta Sororitas]] and when they are becoming guardsmen, they are far more likely to be put in auxiliary and support roles than front lines combat, thus reducing their chances to be sent to a Schola and becoming either a Storm Trooper or an Inquisitor, when they don't get transferred to the Sisters. However, there have been all female regiments of guardsmen, and they only had female Commissars.

In the recent [[Lemartes]] novel, there was Commissar Stromberg attached to the [[Mordian Iron Guard]]--she died like she lived, making an infantry charge against motherfucking [[Skarbrand]] before being ripped into 3 bits with one axe swing. Buying enough time for the Blood angels to regroup and therefore get all the glory of banishing the Daemon. Typical.

==Commissar in Squat Regiments==
It was considered a common occurrence for a Commissar to be grouped with a [[Squat]] regiment when they were still relevant in 40k lore. However unlike in the Guard, the Commissars being stationed with the stunties act as advisers rather than a force of morale. That is mainly because to keep an eye on the Squats. Of course a Commissar is forbidden in {{BLAM|Blamming}} a Squat since while he has a Bolt/Laspistol, you basic [[Squat Trooper]] has Plasma Guns, Conversion Beamers and captured [[Eldar]] D-Cannons as their flashlight equivalent. So if the Commissar is a idiotic prick and thinks he/she has near impunity with the Squats he is stationed with, he will soon find his face kissing the barrel of a Squat Melta Gun.

Yeah, the Space Dorfs did not fuck around back in the day. Commissars act not only as advisers but also supporting leaders. But their leadership is often ineffectual when compared to that of [[Squat Warlord]], [[Guildmaster]] or heck, even a [[Living Ancestor]].

==What not to do around a commissar==

[[Image:Commissar_NO.jpg|thumb|200px|right|If you have to ask...]]
Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

*Do not add to this list.
*Do not retreat until he says so.
*Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
*Do not think about retreating before he says so.
*Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
*Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
*Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
*Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
*Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
*Do not fap to the women that are [[Shlicktau|xenos]], [[Cultist-chan|heretics]], or [[Furry|mutants]] while in the field of battle... or outside.
*Do not fap to [[-4_Str|human women]] either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
*Do not fap '''AT ALL''' because it is heresy, unless you fap to the Corpse-Empero- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!!}}
*Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations. It's the same as treason and treason is [[HERESY]].
*Do not look at your commissar with a [[grimdark]] look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
*Do not pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not pretend to pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
*Do not change your underwear. Tzeentch worship.
*Do not neglect to change your underwear. Nurgle worship.
*Do not bring up the paradox of changing underwear. Malal worship. (There is no paradox as long as you follow the correct procedure. First remove and burn the tainted garment while reciting the litany of blessed hygiene. Instead of "Changing" your underwear, proceed to replace the purged garments with identical standard pattern guard issued underwater.)
*Do not worship the [[Chaos|ruinous powers]], even if your commissar is-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Commissars are ALL loyal servants of the Emperor!}}
*Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think '''AT ALL''' or he'll think you are thinking about worshiping the ruinous powers.
*Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
*Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
*Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
*Do not openly question his orders.
*Do not question his orders behind his back either.
*Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
*Do not suggest that said "''suicidal''" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
*Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
*Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}
*Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}</s>
*Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone <s>unless you have a pretty good reason</s> as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He ''will'' have you flogged for cowardice.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He '''''WILL''''' have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
*Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You will have no army.
*Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have [[Exterminatus|lost a planet]].
*Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
*Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
*Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
*Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Only acceptable if having said "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
*Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
*Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
*Growing facial hair in the pres- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. More Tzeentch worship.
*Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
*Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
*Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
*Waking up lat- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. Cowardice.
*Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of it's pages are complete bullsh- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} )
*Do not lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} A proper Guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.
*Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Do not try to take the easy way out with suicide. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not kill heretics. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not steal from a Commissar.
*Do not make fun of the Emperor.

==What to do around a Commissar==
[[File:Oh Lawd.png|150px|right|thumb|Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of a commissar (except everything)]]
*Worship the Emperor
*Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more. Besides, saying Slaanesh sucks could be considered worship, resulting in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
*Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship!}}
*Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!}}
*Give him a blowjo-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' SLAANESHI HERETIC!}}
*Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get '''*BLAM!*'''ed.}}
*Go to battle even if you're feeling sic-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship!}}
*Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' NURGLE WORSHIPER!}}
*Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.
*Bring him [[An Eldar's Ears|a captive Eldar]] {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' XENOS LOVING FILTH!!}} ([[Love Can Bloom|"I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands commissar."]])
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
*If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THEM WITH HIS SWORD!
*Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you haven't cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!}}
*Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' The Commissar does what he wants!}}
*If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed book or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.}}
*If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing that there are 10 people closer to the Commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitably inspired' so as to not blam you.
*Be born on [https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Catachan_Jungle_Fighters Catachan] those over dressed foreigners don't have the balls to shoot you. {{BLAM|HERESY!! '''*KABOOM*'''}} "Why no sarge, I have no idea why the Commissar decided to do a patrol, through a mine field, in the dead of night.
*Instead of ''DYING'', try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: ''"DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..."'' <strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Borderline Khorne-Worship!}}</strike> ('''ALL''' foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself Commissar.) '''Unblam''' {{BLAM|Re-'''*BLAM*''' RESURRECTING THE DEAD IS SERIOUS HERESY!!}}
'''Inquisitorial Decree:''' Commissars are henceforth forbidden from '''Unblamming'''. The practice of resurrecting the dead is chaos sorcery. Loyal imperial citizens who have been accidentally {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''ed}} can take solace in the fact that their souls will spend eternity basking in the Emperor's divine light.

==Notable Commissars==
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] (<s>Who?</s>) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} ([[Derp|The one, who killed a Daemon Prince with 1 hit from a simple Close Combat Weapon, in the era when DP was Eternal Warrior.]])
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] Da orkiest humie eva!!
*Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]] '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!!''' Secretly believes himself to be a coward. The truth of that is up for debate.
*Commissar-General Delane Oktar: Ibram Gaunt's mentor and substitute father-figure. He should have died better.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] is tired of putting up with your heretical bullshit.
*[[Commissar Dan]]: A /tg/-created character from the days of yore (along with Fuklaw and the [[Angry Marines]]) that got somewhat canon-ised by Fantasy Flight Games. Likes to order charges from atop his [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]] ''Fluffy''. Acording to FFG, his full name is Daniel Sterne and he met his end while attempting to ram a [[Helbrute]] with ''Fluffy'' when the damn thing came too close.
*[[Commissar Koulick Krieg]] attached to the famed storm trooper regiment known as the Redemption Corps and an agent for the Adeptus Ministorum. Never officially trained as a commissar, but field promoted from storm trooper on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy to infiltrate the "heretical" regiment that was the free thinking Redemption Corps, eventually turning on his masters and becoming a full part of the Corps instead.
*[[Heretical Love|Commissar Max]] the Lovemachine of Yagis V. (It should be noted that he was actually a guardsman who picked up Commissar regalia and weapons.)
*[[K59|Commissar K59]]
*[[Holt]] {{BLAM|'''*SLAP*''' Commissar Holt!!!}}
*[[Commissar Raege]]
*<strike>[[Kharn|Kharn]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| The Commissar]</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Major Khorne worship!}}
*[[Colonel Greiss]] Formerly a Commissar; became a conventional officer through necessity.
* [[Commissar Lord Bernn|Commissar LORD Bernn]] (always put LORD in ALL CAPS -bold is optional-, not doing so is Heresy.) Known for making entire armies completely invincible as long as he has people to execute and beating Mega-Daemon Princes, Hive Tyrants, Land Raider Redeemers, Battlewagons, Deranged Khornate Chaos Champions (if you're so far off your rocker that other Khornates think you're crazy, you may be a wee bit nutters), and Eldar wraithlords to death with a power fist. Also notable for being able to one-shot any infantry, from lowly Ork boyz to TERMINATORS with his laspistol. He needs no words to show he's a badass.
*'''Commissar "Colonel" Schaeffer''' He had his arm shot off by a plasma gun '''AND GREW IT BACK''', had his spine rebuilt after being crushed by a tank and made a full recovery, had his eyes replaced after his other ones were destroyed and has survived being thrown into suicide mission after suicide mission for over 300 years '''LIKE A BOSS''', he gets down and dirty and is usually seen in front of his men in the battle rather than behind them. He's still brutal as fuck to deserters though. *why doesn't he have his own pag- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* '''Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen'''. Fragile, stuttering, clumsy, prone to disease, about as intimidating as a wet kitten. His enlistment was a cruel wager between two of his rich aunts to see if he would survive. He barely made his commission as commissar, and he was discarded to the Catachan 217th infantry to get rid of him. And yet he's still alive today. What's more, he leads his men from the very front, utterly fearless when the jagged teeth of Chaos spawn ('''OH GOD NOOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!! GRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!''' {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Mercy killing; continue.}}) are inches from his face, humming to himself in the middle of the shitstorm that is every battlefield. Atypical for a Catachan company, his men are quite loyal to him, well-liked for leading by example instead of inspiring fear behind the lines ... although they do tease him off-duty by playing keepaway with his hat.
*'''Commissar Viktor Hark''' - The Commissar for the Tanith First (and Only). Pretty bad ass dude with a cybernetic arm to beat heretics and a plasma pistol to melt faces with. Pretty reasonable for a Commissar, preferring {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} only when it can have the most effect on a units morale, which in some cases means {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming the guy in charge.
*'''Commissar Flint''' was abruptly reassigned to the reconstituted 77th Vostroyan Firstborn Dragoons, whose first mission was to quell a bloody rebel uprising at a penal facility on Furia Penitens. Leading a picked team of escaped convicts and Firstborn, Flint infiltrated the vast creepy facility, wrecking Stalkers, slaying giant mutants with his power sword and slaughtering literal rebel scum by the dozens, all while keeping his execution-count impressively low and displaying many feats of epic badassery. Not bad for a commissar who gets his own book who isn't Gaunt or Cain.
*'''Commissar Fenstrum Holt''': A supporting character in the ongoing '''Eagle Ordinary''' [http://www.eagleordinary.com/chapters/77723/planetfall/]webcomic. NOT to be confused with (though he constantly is, even by his own junior, Commissar Talon Gunner) that ''other'' Holt *SLAP* [[Commissar Holt]]. '''This''' Holt is an elderly badass with a creepy bionic eye who manages to beat up trigger-happy aristocratic officers despite being only 5'6. Although introduced in the comic's first page engaging in the Commissariat's trademark pastime {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*-ming'''}} Guardsmen, his character is so well-written and drawn he might just be the fan favorite. Might just be the only adult in the whole comic as well.
*'''Commissar Daridh Ahl Karif''' : Commissar of the Fifth Company, 68th Vostroyan Regiment, one of the main character in Rebel Winter. One of the few [[Reasonable Commissar]] in 40k. An unnaturally caring, nice, level-headed commmissar but also sternly ruthless then the situation demands it. Got posted down to a company-level commission in a pretty much worthless campaign for rejecting a Lord General's son homosexual love (no, seriously), leading to the rejected dude suicide. Currently serve as part of an Inquisitorial reutine.

==Commissar Mortality==
Commissars, at least those attached to an imperial guard regiment, do not exactly have a high life expectancy. Next to the many horrible fates that await your average "balls of steel" Guardsman in the [[grimdark]] WH40K universe, the Commissars have some additional aggravating factors leading to a quick demise.

Some reasons:
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachans]]'''
* A commissar's uniform is very different from those he is working with, add to that he is shouting things at people and possibly {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming them, probably without fire being returned at him, and is probably carrying different weapons than those around him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he is an obvious High-Value Target which any sniper worth the name would take note of.
* Aforementioned uniform offers little to no head protection, head protection is for cowards and cowards get {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med. (However, a Commissar's lack of headgear can get him {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med by the enemy).(subverted for death korps as they have helmets under their hats)
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming cowards, and especially {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming non-cowards, often has a side effect of *accidentally* getting shot, repeatedly, sometimes even far from the front lines. This fate is particularly common for those attached to Catachan units.
* Few Guardsmen will risk their lives to save a Commissar should he get into trouble with the enemy.
* Some Commissars both lead by example and expect their men to perform acts of suicidal courage, resulting in performing collective suicide in the name of the Emprah.
* Lots of Commissars like big flashy bolt pistols. Bolt pistols, [[Dakka|being roight flash bitz of dakka]], naturally attract orks like sugar water attracts flies, and unlike laspistols eventually run out of bolts.
* According to their most recent models some unusually ballsy Commissars carry plasma pistols, and as such possess a statistical lifespan of six shots at maximum.

It should be noted that regimental standards vary: 
- Kriegers will leave a Commisar a wreck because they have to keep convincing the men that while it's laudable to die for the Emperor you have to do so while trying to kill His enemies. It's like herding sheep: if you keep your eye off of one for too long it'll be gone. Except this sheep wears a gas mask, digs a trench, bombards the enemy with mortar fire, then goes over the top and gets gunned down without achieving anything. Oh, and there's millions more like it. 
- Serving with the Tallarn regiments that there'll be sand EVERYWHERE. There's so much fucking sand everywhere. I mean, how did it even get there? Not to mention that you'll want to wear one of their turbans to protect your head against the heat, but you can't wear your cap alongside one of those things. And many a Commissar has suffered from dehydration following being told exactly what most of the regiment's water is distilled from. 
- The Mordians employ the strictest of discipline and expect a Commissar to lead by example. When they inevitably mess up the Commissar is subjected to physical disciplinary actions, up to and including being flogged or even executed by the platoon. 
- The Vostroyans are ABSOLUTE MADMEN and expect the Commissar to lead by examples of balls-out insanity and win the day, but they have trouble following the orders of a man who has no imposing facial hair. If a Commissar's lucky he'll be approached by one of the regiment's senior female officers who offers him one of her glue-on mustaches to spare him the indignity. 
- Scintillans show utter disdain for the Commissar because of his poor breeding and low social standing (word has it the Commissar is an orphan, for the Emperor's sake!) and will have their authority undermined by even the lowest of privates and when trouble arises a senior officer steps in and takes the offending soldier away, but punishment following this is rare. 
- Praetorians are fine enough soldiers, but their culture is very strange and requires unusual degrees of politeness from both officers and the rank-and-file. Not following these labyrinthian rules will be sternly frowned upon. And their officers will never, ever duck even when taking direct fire. 
- Drookians openly hate the Commissar's guts for being an outsider and a nancy for wearing pants instead of a kilt, but a clever Commissar will figure out that if he manages to convince the platoon that the enemy has slighted the Drookians' clan honor all he needs to do is step aside and watch the men fuck the enemy up. 
- Brontians solve most of their internal struggles with knife fights, and the unfortunate Commissar who steps in to try and stop such a duel will quickly catch one, two, three or thirteen knives to the chest. The Brontians don't like them anyway due to their lack of scars. 
- Attilans laugh their asses of when the Commissar tries to ride a horse and keep falling off, and the platoon just rides ahead of him leaving the unfortunate Commissar in the dust. 
- The Steel Legions are almost entirely mechanized, so a Commissar has to hang out with the same squad all the time. And he better be able to keep up when redeploying: miss the Chimera and it ain't coming back for you. Plus, nobody respects you because you're not Yarrick. 
- With the Valhallans you constantly have to convince the commanders that yes, while it would result in a technical victory if you sacrifice a million men for that small amount of ground, it'd be better to have them attack in a different way to win slower but with fewer losses. And they'll hate you for this. 
- The Chem Dogs will hate the Commissar because people like him put them there, and will try to rob him blind without being found out. 
- Elysian, Harakoni and Phantine Skyborne regiments have a high Commissar mortality rate because they're not very well trained in the use of grav-chutes. And with those things, you'll make a mistake only once. 
-With the Phantine Air Corps it's hard to say. On the one hand they are a guard regiment and not a navy unit, so Commissars come standard. What they do is trickier to say since they can't fly and even on bombers it's hard to justify attaching a spare person just to shoot one of the valuable air crew if they start to turn around, which if our own history of strategic bombing holds true, does not really happen. Commissars therefore likely just sit around not doing much other then paper work and watching the pilots like a hawk when ever they are on the ground, thus proving that even in the 41st millennium the chair force meme still exists. 
- Kanak Skull Takers will hate the Commissar because he prevents them from taking skulls, and they do so anyway. If he becomes forceful about it they'll take a skull with a fancy hat.

==Quotes==

* "Fear me...'''''but follow!'''''"
* "You can give the Emperor your loyalty, or I can take it from your corpse."
* "You DARE shoot at me?...{{BLAM|'''AT ME?!'''}}
* "What I cannot crush with words, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard."
* "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
* "Trooper, the enemy ''may'' kill you, but if you try to run I '''will''' kill you!"
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"It is our duty to muster the Guardsmen's courage and loyalty under fire and it is our duty to - '''GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!'''"{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]
* "Follow my example or I will MAKE YOU ONE!"
* A compilation of some -if not all- of DowII Commissar quotes can be found: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isLz_8ppLig here].
* "If you will not serve in combat, ''then you will serve '''on the firing line!'''''" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "SHUT UP ZATHRAS"
*"GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN TO DIE!"
*"DO NOT FAIL UPON MY RETURN!"

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Commisarmoti.jpg|The real reason why Guardsmen do not revolt en masse.
Image:Closer.jpg|Commissars never let practicality get in the way of their awesomeness.
Image:Commissar Surfing.jpg|Again, practicality is never a hindrance.
Image:Comissar_Promotions.jpg|Imperial Guard Promotion policy, you either get promoted or {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med, no exceptions.
Image:1230024061774.png|Reasonable Commissars know that summary execution is not always needed to motivate anyone.
Image:Thenewcommissar.jpg|[[Kharn]] during his traitor commissar days with the Red Rivers traitor guardsmen.
Image:Romantic_Commissar.jpg|Commissars can be romantic. It's just that they are too busy {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming Guardsmen.
Image:Penguin_Commisar.jpg|Do not approach the Commissar under any circumstances, no matter how cute he may be.
Image:Komissar_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg|Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face...
Image:Commissarpoke.jpg|Don't let this one's slow demeanor make you too confident.
Image:1207335821953.jpg|[[Commissar Dan]] on the blaze of glory run
Image:Commissar-Fuck_Yeah.jpg|Imperial Guard, FUCK YEAH!
Image:Commissar_Badass.jpg|[[Ciaphas Cain|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!]]
Image:Fixedhat2.jpg|The Commissar is here to ensure your loyalty.
Image:CommissarCos.jpg|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
Image:Commissar Hansen.jpg|Guardian of all imperial [[loli|lolis]].
Image:Emote-commissar.gif
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-1.jpg|Chink loev commissar
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-2.jpg|[[Rule 63]] spares no one.
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_1.jpg|[[Commissar Yarrick]] by Chink
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_2.jpg
Image:Feb.jpg|Commissar from the ill-fated /tg/ calendar project
Image:Atra concept.jpg|Much Sexier Version
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|One of these is not like the others.
Image:1226746378911.jpg|Squad morale restored.
Image:powerfists_commissar.jpg|If you're wondering how she's "coping" with those things, don't ask us, for we have as good an idea as you do.
</gallery></center>
{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Template:Squats}}

[[Category:Commissars]]

Commissar

2018-08-30T21:16:48Z

2601:2C1:4280:3B9F:180D:C3C3:6098:A833:

[[Image:Comissar.png|frame|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}]]
''But sir -- ! 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!}} 
{{Topquote|I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.|Alexander the Great}}
{{Topquote|Kerls, wollt ihr ewig leben? - Rascals, do you want to live eternally?|Frederick II of Prussia, to his reluctant-to-attack soldiers, battle of Kolin}}
{{Topquote|Last one to die's an Eldar!|A Commissar}}
{{Topquote|You're going back to the front lines and you may get shot and killed, but you're going to fight. If you don't, I'll stand you up against a wall and have a firing squad kill you on purpose. In fact, I ought to shoot you myself, you goddamned whimpering coward.|George S. Patton to a shell-shocked soldier in the hospital}}

In the times long before these dark hours of the forty-first millennium, commanders of various Terran military entities and their successors in the colonial states of galactic expansionism remained in relative safety throughout the duration of various conflicts instead of charging the lines of their enemies with vitriol and froth issuing from their mouths in equal rabid measure. The instruments of the will of higher officers on the battlefield were men of inflexible will and intolerable zealotry, men greatly respected and feared by their underlings who inspired entire battalions with selfless example and were willing to sacrifice themselves for the success of their company and their empire. These times, while flawed, were much better, more efficient and perhaps possessing greater sanity than this current era of strife. Regardless, these times have long passed.

In this current moment of the history of man, war has become a very different thing. Lasguns firing, explosives detonating, great beasts of unimaginable terror charging the trenches, death of all sorts stalking behind every wisp of smoke... and that's just at the front. Behind every line of trembling conscripts is a man, sanctimonious, who fires not upon the hordes of the enemy, but his own troops.

That man is the Commissar.

They get a cool [[hats|hat]], a [[Nazi]]-esque longcoat, a sword or power fist they seem all too happy to hit the enemy with and their iconic bolt pistol which they use to "boost" the morale of their men, although they sometimes trade it for las or plasma pistols (but seeing your buddy's head explode or melt down does indeed motivate you better than just seeing a laser beam go through it). In reality however they're nothing more than a couple of faggots who overcompensate for their lack of fighting skill by executing their men to look tou{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. It's a well known fact that most of their morale enhancement (Unless they're [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Ciaphas Cain]], or [[Commissar Yarrick]].) consists of being scary merciless bastards to rival the enemy merciless bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.

A Commissar that lacks any guardsmen to execute and is in the proximity of any vehicle proceeds to clamber on the said vehicle and threaten the crew into charging the enemy so he can hit the enemy with his close combat weapon. Hilarity ensues depending on the kind of closest vehicle, close combat weapon and closest enemy. They also have mad shooting skills, some can even execute '''ENTIRE SQUADS OF COWARDS''' in the time it takes to drop their hats. If only they could shoot the enemies that fast, what with their phenomenal accuracy when shooting their own men and all.

Commissars also have a tendency to get killed suspiciously far from the front lines.

They are preceded with Discipline Masters in Great Crusade era.

Beyond their reputation as [[Khârn|team-killing fucktards]], the presence of Commissars make a lot of sense in the Imperial Guard. Copy-pasted straight from the Civil War Soviet real world commissars (save for the uniform) with a dash of Great War era "charge the enemy or i'll execute you" british army officer thrown in, they're political officers with everything that entails.

First of all, they are the warrants of doctrine. They will deal with any disciplinary issue coming up whenever a Guardsman misbehave. The punishment for cowardice and desertion is death and the Commissar will apply the sentence on the spot, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. As a Guard regiment travels around the Imperium, they will come in contact with other cultures and ideas. Ideas that could potentially be dangerous and morale-ruining (looking at you [[Tau]] propaganda, but not only). Just like they real-world counterparts made sure random Ivan remained true to the ideals of communism, the Imperial Commissar will ensure such heretical ideas are suppressed and the regiment remains loyal to the Imperium and fit for duty. Where to the simple Guardsman this translates into being constantly watched by a terrifying enforcer of discipline that does not hesitate to shoot a deserter on the spot, to the higher echelons of the Guard they're a (frankly necessary) constant reminder they're supposed to do their job as defined by [[High Lords of Terra|the old coots back home]] and not go rogue to seize a planet for their own or carve out their own little kingdom. It takes a lot to become a Commissar, tactical and strategic training included: after all, they have to judge the competence of everyone up to and including Lord Solars.

A second part of their job is to ensure cooperation between elements of the Guard. You see, the Imperium is vast. Extremely vast. And only very loosely unified as a whole. Hence what is considered quite normal on one world would have denizens from another throw a massive bitchfit, if not worse. Imagine the result of stick-up-the-ass [[Mordian Iron Guard]]s in the same room as rowdy [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] unsupervised, you'll get the idea. Commissars will to make sure discipline is maintained and rules are adhered to (by force of arms if necessary), no matter the origin of the warriors under their care.

The third part is military counselling. Officially, a Commissar is outside the chain of command and can only advise on military matters, the ultimate decision remaining in the hands of the commanding officer. But, as mentioned, they also have the authority to execute any soldier if they conclude they're severely derelict in the prosecution of their duties (this includes high ranking officers, as both [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] and Viktor Hark have demonstrated). This means that Commissars will most of the time stay close to the action and lead by example and that people will listen to what they have to say (and almost always agree outright) for fear of {{BLAM}}. One of the core tenets of the [[Imperial Creed]] is [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Mankind's right to be the sole owners of the Galaxy]], and the Commissar is always ready to personally prove it to any [[Harlequin|particular]] [[Exodite|breed]] [[Corsair|of]] [[Eldar|Space]] [[Dark Eldar|Elf]], [[Ork]], [[Necron]], [[Tyranid|space bug]] or whoever was stupid enough to question Mankind's right to rule the stars with their existence that day. (They're helped by often being the most well-equipped and hardest motherfuckers in the squad.)

Should it come to pass that the leader of a squad or regiment has fallen (one way or another, either due to the enemy or {{BLAM}}), the Commissar will assume command himself. Most Guardsmen dreads when this happen for this all too often results in a <strike>pointless last stand for anyone involved</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY! No death in the Emperor's name is pointless!'''}}; anyone attempting to retreat being helped to a bolter shell to the back of the head for cowardice. This is often all too true, but the Commissar has no choice: he simply cannot flee or order a retreat as he's well aware this would be the surest way for morale to collapse immediately, especially if he just executed the commanding officer. And in many cases the situation has already gone so FUBAR when he assumes command that standing his ground and taking as many enemies of the Emperor with him as he can is the only meaningful choice left to him and the men close to him; [[Fist of the North Star|for they are already dead]]. This said, it is not always a bad thing when it happens. [[awesome|The most famous example]], of course, is [[Commissar Yarrick]] assuming command of the defense of [[Armageddon]]; whose undaunted contest of Golgotha hive made [[Ghazghkull Thraka]] lose sight of the larger battle because he couldn't see it as anything but a personal challenge and answered in kind, leaving the flanks of his hordes wide open for the Imperial counter-attack.

Last but not least, the Commissars are also trained to look out for xenos or chaotic taint. Not all enemies of the Imperium [[Ork|conveniently charge at the Guard straight on]] but use much more insidious methods. So the Commissars are taught a little bit (just what is needed) about Chaos, [[Genestealer Cult|Genestealers]], Enslavers and all those kind of joyful things that could fuck over their regiment and how to look out for it, with the strict instruction to {{Blam}} anything they find out on sight. Any [[psyker]] in their regiment will be under their constant scrutiny because where Average Joe just has a vague knowledge he should 'abhor the witch', the Commissar know what would happen if he would get [[Daemonhost|possessed]]. Better safe than sorry.

With the above in mind, you easily understand why Commissars are at best tolerated and often hated with a passion by the men under their care. They are hard and pitiless men, but that is a sad necessity in the [[grimdark|just as hard and pitiless 40k universe where the alternative is even worse]]. It should also be noted, that not all Commissars are trigger-happy fucknuts. The intelligent ones that live long lives learn that the right words can often inspire men just as well, if not better, than a bolt to the head. These Commissars learn to tell the difference in situations. After all, the Commissars first job is to inspire the troops, through whichever means are most appropriate. Off course, the trigger-happy fucknuts do tend to spoil the bunch for the good ones.

==Choices of equipment==
*Badass longcoat, badass sash and even more badass hat straight out of Hugo Boss during the Nazi era.
*Mars-Pattern ceramite balls
*Flak armour- Standard guardsman issue Commissar armoured underwear.
*Carapace armor & Refractor field- A better armour and a force field for genre-savvy Lord Commissar.
*Camo-cloak. Serves to hide said badass garments and get less fire from the enemy and guardsmen.
*Special Mask for a Lord that weeps tears of blood near traitors! Oh and scares people. Also gives a force field.

*Saber- Often carried to swing towards enemies while riding a Leman Russ tank so that he could drive closer and hit enemies with his sword.
**[[Chainsword]]- For a sword that's actually useful more often than not.
**[[Power weapon|Power sword]]- For slaying armored enemies and hassle-free decapitations.
**Power fist- For punching through enemy [[METAL_BOXES|Metal Bawkses]].

*[[Laspistol]]- Clean, precise, and efficient working tool of the Commissar that doesn't waste ammunition. Less satisfying to execute people with though.
*Bolt pistol- Produces very satisfying {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming sound that raises self-esteem of the worthless ponce hold-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}, can also get through standard issue imperial flak armor if you need to blam someone in the chest on the battle field.
*[[Bolter]]- Good for shooting underarmoured enemies and your entire squad if you suspect them all of {{BLAM|HERESY}}.
*[[Plasma|Plasma pistol]]- Good for shooting armoured enemies dead. Bad for summary executions since it's poor form for it to over heat when trying to "inspire" your squad.
*Baleful Eye- [[Commissar Yarrick|Lasgun built in the eye socket to kill Orks with a glare]].
*Grenades & bombs.
*Titanium balls.
*Two pairs of balls, (see above)

==Reasonable Commissars==
Reasonable Commissars do not execute those who flee. However, they do carry a potent stun-gun to bring down those who break ranks and save the bolter shells for those who have willingly became servants of Chaos or Xenos. Afterwards, the accused is brought before a military tribunal to judge what the appropriate punishment will be. Reasonably Hard Labor is a common punishment. If a not-so-reasonable commissar is present the punishment is invariably a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ing. The bas- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

Reasonable Commissars can often be found in units operating alongside [[Reasonable Marines]].

Reasonable Commissars understand their duty is to instill courage within the Imperial Guard, not to instill discord and discontent. Thus they lead by example and be the first to die and last to retreat.

Reasonable Commissars only exist because there are Commissars who are *ahem* ''dicks''...such as Commissar Jericho of the 8th Cadian Whiteshield division:

{{topquote|Lil' Timmy: "Commissar? My helmet won't fit. Can you please help me fasten it?" Jericho: "IF YOU CANNOT FASTEN YOUR OWN HELMET, YOU'RE AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER! AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER IS THE SAME AS A HERETIC IN MY BOOK! SUMMARY EXECUTION FOR YOU!" {{BLAM}} "SO. ANY OF YOU OTHER CHILDREN WANT HELP WITH SOMETHING? WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLIVER? DO YOU STILL WANT MORE PORRIDGE? OH WAIT, YOU'RE DEAD! HAH! GET BACK TO FIGHTING YOU LITTLE PIECES OF SLIME!|From the records of Inquisitor Murtho}}

To some extent, they do actually exist in Warhammer canon, with [[Ciaphas Cain]] ('''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!''') and [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] being the most iconic examples, the fact that they became tremendously famous (OK, Gaunt - not so much) and idolized is implied to have led to many newer Commissars using their less trigger happy and more reasonable methods. Proof that sometimes, you can make a positive difference in Warhammer.

It could be argued that all Commissars are reasonable as most don't hold malicious intent when killing their own, or don't kill their own unless in extreme (Read: Chaos) circumstances, since most of the time shooting your own men can be counterproductive when they're light infantry fleeing from a Super heavy tank. Or if they, you know, have orders to pull back. It is done because it has to be done. Rules are rules, heresy is heresy, and Commissars have to show some authority.

==Female Commissars==
Females of the [[Schola Progenium]] are far more likely to end up in the [[Adepta Sororitas]] and when they are becoming guardsmen, they are far more likely to be put in auxiliary and support roles than front lines combat, thus reducing their chances to be sent to a Schola and becoming either a Storm Trooper or an Inquisitor, when they don't get transferred to the Sisters. However, there have been all female regiments of guardsmen, and they only had female Commissars.

In the recent [[Lemartes]] novel, there was a Female Commissar Stromberg attached to the [[Mordian Iron Guard]]--she died like she lived, making and infantry charge against motherfucking [[Skarbrand]] of all things before being ripped into 3 bits with one axe swing. Buying enough time for the Blood angels to regroup and therefore get all the glory of banishing the Daemon. Typical.

==Commissar in Squat Regiments==
It was considered a common occurrence for a Commissar to be grouped with a [[Squat]] regiment when they were still relevant in 40k lore. However unlike in the Guard, the Commissars being stationed with the stunties act as advisers rather than a force of morale. That is mainly because to keep an eye on the Squats. Of course a Commissar is forbidden in {{BLAM|Blamming}} a Squat since while he has a Bolt/Laspistol, you basic [[Squat Trooper]] has Plasma Guns, Conversion Beamers and captured [[Eldar]] D-Cannons as their flashlight equivalent. So if the Commissar is a idiotic prick and thinks he/she has near impunity with the Squats he is stationed with, he will soon find his face kissing the barrel of a Squat Melta Gun.

Yeah, the Space Dorfs did not fuck around back in the day. Commissars act not only as advisers but also supporting leaders. But their leadership is often ineffectual when compared to that of [[Squat Warlord]], [[Guildmaster]] or heck, even a [[Living Ancestor]].

==What not to do around a commissar==

[[Image:Commissar_NO.jpg|thumb|200px|right|If you have to ask...]]
Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

*Do not add to this list.
*Do not retreat until he says so.
*Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
*Do not think about retreating before he says so.
*Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
*Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
*Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
*Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
*Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
*Do not fap to the women that are [[Shlicktau|xenos]], [[Cultist-chan|heretics]], or [[Furry|mutants]] while in the field of battle... or outside.
*Do not fap to [[-4_Str|human women]] either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
*Do not fap '''AT ALL''' because it is heresy, unless you fap to the Corpse-Empero- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!!}}
*Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations. It's the same as treason and treason is [[HERESY]].
*Do not look at your commissar with a [[grimdark]] look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
*Do not pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not pretend to pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
*Do not change your underwear. Tzeentch worship.
*Do not neglect to change your underwear. Nurgle worship.
*Do not bring up the paradox of changing underwear. Malal worship. (There is no paradox as long as you follow the correct procedure. First remove and burn the tainted garment while reciting the litany of blessed hygiene. Instead of "Changing" your underwear, proceed to replace the purged garments with identical standard pattern guard issued underwater.)
*Do not worship the [[Chaos|ruinous powers]], even if your commissar is-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Commissars are ALL loyal servants of the Emperor!}}
*Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think '''AT ALL''' or he'll think you are thinking about worshiping the ruinous powers.
*Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
*Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
*Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
*Do not openly question his orders.
*Do not question his orders behind his back either.
*Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
*Do not suggest that said "''suicidal''" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
*Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
*Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}
*Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}</s>
*Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone <s>unless you have a pretty good reason</s> as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He ''will'' have you flogged for cowardice.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He '''''WILL''''' have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
*Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You will have no army.
*Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have [[Exterminatus|lost a planet]].
*Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
*Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
*Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
*Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Only acceptable if having said "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
*Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
*Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
*Growing facial hair in the pres- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. More Tzeentch worship.
*Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
*Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
*Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
*Waking up lat- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. Cowardice.
*Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of it's pages are complete bullsh- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} )
*Do not lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} A proper Guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.
*Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Do not try to take the easy way out with suicide. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not kill heretics. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not steal from a Commissar.
*Do not make fun of the Emperor.

==What to do around a Commissar==
[[File:Oh Lawd.png|150px|right|thumb|Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of a commissar (except everything)]]
*Worship the Emperor
*Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more. Besides, saying Slaanesh sucks could be considered worship, resulting in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
*Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship!}}
*Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!}}
*Give him a blowjo-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' SLAANESHI HERETIC!}}
*Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get '''*BLAM!*'''ed.}}
*Go to battle even if you're feeling sic-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship!}}
*Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' NURGLE WORSHIPER!}}
*Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.
*Bring him [[An Eldar's Ears|a captive Eldar]] {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' XENOS LOVING FILTH!!}} ([[Love Can Bloom|"I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands commissar."]])
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
*If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THEM WITH HIS SWORD!
*Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you haven't cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!}}
*Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' The Commissar does what he wants!}}
*If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed book or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.}}
*If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing that there are 10 people closer to the Commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitably inspired' so as to not blam you.
*Be born on [https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Catachan_Jungle_Fighters Catachan] those over dressed foreigners don't have the balls to shoot you. {{BLAM|HERESY!! '''*KABOOM*'''}} "Why no sarge, I have no idea why the Commissar decided to do a patrol, through a mine field, in the dead of night.
*Instead of ''DYING'', try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: ''"DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..."'' <strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Borderline Khorne-Worship!}}</strike> ('''ALL''' foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself Commissar.) '''Unblam''' {{BLAM|Re-'''*BLAM*''' RESURRECTING THE DEAD IS SERIOUS HERESY!!}}
'''Inquisitorial Decree:''' Commissars are henceforth forbidden from '''Unblamming'''. The practice of resurrecting the dead is chaos sorcery. Loyal imperial citizens who have been accidentally {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''ed}} can take solace in the fact that their souls will spend eternity basking in the Emperor's divine light.

==Notable Commissars==
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] (<s>Who?</s>) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} ([[Derp|The one, who killed a Daemon Prince with 1 hit from a simple Close Combat Weapon, in the era when DP was Eternal Warrior.]])
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] Da orkiest humie eva!!
*Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]] '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!!''' Secretly believes himself to be a coward. The truth of that is up for debate.
*Commissar-General Delane Oktar: Ibram Gaunt's mentor and substitute father-figure. He should have died better.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] is tired of putting up with your heretical bullshit.
*[[Commissar Dan]]: A /tg/-created character from the days of yore (along with Fuklaw and the [[Angry Marines]]) that got somewhat canon-ised by Fantasy Flight Games. Likes to order charges from atop his [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]] ''Fluffy''. Acording to FFG, his full name is Daniel Sterne and he met his end while attempting to ram a [[Helbrute]] with ''Fluffy'' when the damn thing came too close.
*[[Commissar Koulick Krieg]] attached to the famed storm trooper regiment known as the Redemption Corps and an agent for the Adeptus Ministorum. Never officially trained as a commissar, but field promoted from storm trooper on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy to infiltrate the "heretical" regiment that was the free thinking Redemption Corps, eventually turning on his masters and becoming a full part of the Corps instead.
*[[Heretical Love|Commissar Max]] the Lovemachine of Yagis V. (It should be noted that he was actually a guardsman who picked up Commissar regalia and weapons.)
*[[K59|Commissar K59]]
*[[Holt]] {{BLAM|'''*SLAP*''' Commissar Holt!!!}}
*[[Commissar Raege]]
*<strike>[[Kharn|Kharn]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| The Commissar]</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Major Khorne worship!}}
*[[Colonel Greiss]] Formerly a Commissar; became a conventional officer through necessity.
* [[Commissar Lord Bernn|Commissar LORD Bernn]] (always put LORD in ALL CAPS -bold is optional-, not doing so is Heresy.) Known for making entire armies completely invincible as long as he has people to execute and beating Mega-Daemon Princes, Hive Tyrants, Land Raider Redeemers, Battlewagons, Deranged Khornate Chaos Champions (if you're so far off your rocker that other Khornates think you're crazy, you may be a wee bit nutters), and Eldar wraithlords to death with a power fist. Also notable for being able to one-shot any infantry, from lowly Ork boyz to TERMINATORS with his laspistol. He needs no words to show he's a badass.
*'''Commissar "Colonel" Schaeffer''' He had his arm shot off by a plasma gun '''AND GREW IT BACK''', had his spine rebuilt after being crushed by a tank and made a full recovery, had his eyes replaced after his other ones were destroyed and has survived being thrown into suicide mission after suicide mission for over 300 years '''LIKE A BOSS''', he gets down and dirty and is usually seen in front of his men in the battle rather than behind them. He's still brutal as fuck to deserters though. *why doesn't he have his own pag- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* '''Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen'''. Fragile, stuttering, clumsy, prone to disease, about as intimidating as a wet kitten. His enlistment was a cruel wager between two of his rich aunts to see if he would survive. He barely made his commission as commissar, and he was discarded to the Catachan 217th infantry to get rid of him. And yet he's still alive today. What's more, he leads his men from the very front, utterly fearless when the jagged teeth of Chaos spawn ('''OH GOD NOOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!! GRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!''' {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Mercy killing; continue.}}) are inches from his face, humming to himself in the middle of the shitstorm that is every battlefield. Atypical for a Catachan company, his men are quite loyal to him, well-liked for leading by example instead of inspiring fear behind the lines ... although they do tease him off-duty by playing keepaway with his hat.
*'''Commissar Viktor Hark''' - The Commissar for the Tanith First (and Only). Pretty bad ass dude with a cybernetic arm to beat heretics and a plasma pistol to melt faces with. Pretty reasonable for a Commissar, preferring {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} only when it can have the most effect on a units morale, which in some cases means {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming the guy in charge.
*'''Commissar Flint''' was abruptly reassigned to the reconstituted 77th Vostroyan Firstborn Dragoons, whose first mission was to quell a bloody rebel uprising at a penal facility on Furia Penitens. Leading a picked team of escaped convicts and Firstborn, Flint infiltrated the vast creepy facility, wrecking Stalkers, slaying giant mutants with his power sword and slaughtering literal rebel scum by the dozens, all while keeping his execution-count impressively low and displaying many feats of epic badassery. Not bad for a commissar who gets his own book who isn't Gaunt or Cain.
*'''Commissar Fenstrum Holt''': A supporting character in the ongoing '''Eagle Ordinary''' [http://www.eagleordinary.com/chapters/77723/planetfall/]webcomic. NOT to be confused with (though he constantly is, even by his own junior, Commissar Talon Gunner) that ''other'' Holt *SLAP* [[Commissar Holt]]. '''This''' Holt is an elderly badass with a creepy bionic eye who manages to beat up trigger-happy aristocratic officers despite being only 5'6. Although introduced in the comic's first page engaging in the Commissariat's trademark pastime {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*-ming'''}} Guardsmen, his character is so well-written and drawn he might just be the fan favorite. Might just be the only adult in the whole comic as well.
*'''Commissar Daridh Ahl Karif''' : Commissar of the Fifth Company, 68th Vostroyan Regiment, one of the main character in Rebel Winter. One of the few [[Reasonable Commissar]] in 40k. An unnaturally caring, nice, level-headed commmissar but also sternly ruthless then the situation demands it. Got posted down to a company-level commission in a pretty much worthless campaign for rejecting a Lord General's son homosexual love (no, seriously), leading to the rejected dude suicide. Currently serve as part of an Inquisitorial reutine.

==Commissar Mortality==
Commissars, at least those attached to an imperial guard regiment, do not exactly have a high life expectancy. Next to the many horrible fates that await your average "balls of steel" Guardsman in the [[grimdark]] WH40K universe, the Commissars have some additional aggravating factors leading to a quick demise.

Some reasons:
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachans]]'''
* A commissar's uniform is very different from those he is working with, add to that he is shouting things at people and possibly {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming them, probably without fire being returned at him, and is probably carrying different weapons than those around him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he is an obvious High-Value Target which any sniper worth the name would take note of.
* Aforementioned uniform offers little to no head protection, head protection is for cowards and cowards get {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med. (However, a Commissar's lack of headgear can get him {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med by the enemy).(subverted for death korps as they have helmets under their hats)
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming cowards, and especially {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming non-cowards, often has a side effect of *accidentally* getting shot, repeatedly, sometimes even far from the front lines. This fate is particularly common for those attached to Catachan units.
* Few Guardsmen will risk their lives to save a Commissar should he get into trouble with the enemy.
* Some Commissars both lead by example and expect their men to perform acts of suicidal courage, resulting in performing collective suicide in the name of the Emprah.
* Lots of Commissars like big flashy bolt pistols. Bolt pistols, [[Dakka|being roight flash bitz of dakka]], naturally attract orks like sugar water attracts flies, and unlike laspistols eventually run out of bolts.
* According to their most recent models some unusually ballsy Commissars carry plasma pistols, and as such possess a statistical lifespan of six shots at maximum.

It should be noted that regimental standards vary: 
- Kriegers will leave a Commisar a wreck because they have to keep convincing the men that while it's laudable to die for the Emperor you have to do so while trying to kill His enemies. It's like herding sheep: if you keep your eye off of one for too long it'll be gone. Except this sheep wears a gas mask, digs a trench, bombards the enemy with mortar fire, then goes over the top and gets gunned down without achieving anything. Oh, and there's millions more like it. 
- Serving with the Tallarn regiments that there'll be sand EVERYWHERE. There's so much fucking sand everywhere. I mean, how did it even get there? Not to mention that you'll want to wear one of their turbans to protect your head against the heat, but you can't wear your cap alongside one of those things. And many a Commissar has suffered from dehydration following being told exactly what most of the regiment's water is distilled from. 
- The Mordians employ the strictest of discipline and expect a Commissar to lead by example. When they inevitably mess up the Commissar is subjected to physical disciplinary actions, up to and including being flogged or even executed by the platoon. 
- The Vostroyans are ABSOLUTE MADMEN and expect the Commissar to lead by examples of balls-out insanity and win the day, but they have trouble following the orders of a man who has no imposing facial hair. If a Commissar's lucky he'll be approached by one of the regiment's senior female officers who offers him one of her glue-on mustaches to spare him the indignity. 
- Scintillans show utter disdain for the Commissar because of his poor breeding and low social standing (word has it the Commissar is an orphan, for the Emperor's sake!) and will have their authority undermined by even the lowest of privates and when trouble arises a senior officer steps in and takes the offending soldier away, but punishment following this is rare. 
- Praetorians are fine enough soldiers, but their culture is very strange and requires unusual degrees of politeness from both officers and the rank-and-file. Not following these labyrinthian rules will be sternly frowned upon. And their officers will never, ever duck even when taking direct fire. 
- Drookians openly hate the Commissar's guts for being an outsider and a nancy for wearing pants instead of a kilt, but a clever Commissar will figure out that if he manages to convince the platoon that the enemy has slighted the Drookians' clan honor all he needs to do is step aside and watch the men fuck the enemy up. 
- Brontians solve most of their internal struggles with knife fights, and the unfortunate Commissar who steps in to try and stop such a duel will quickly catch one, two, three or thirteen knives to the chest. The Brontians don't like them anyway due to their lack of scars. 
- Attilans laugh their asses of when the Commissar tries to ride a horse and keep falling off, and the platoon just rides ahead of him leaving the unfortunate Commissar in the dust. 
- The Steel Legions are almost entirely mechanized, so a Commissar has to hang out with the same squad all the time. And he better be able to keep up when redeploying: miss the Chimera and it ain't coming back for you. Plus, nobody respects you because you're not Yarrick. 
- With the Valhallans you constantly have to convince the commanders that yes, while it would result in a technical victory if you sacrifice a million men for that small amount of ground, it'd be better to have them attack in a different way to win slower but with fewer losses. And they'll hate you for this. 
- The Chem Dogs will hate the Commissar because people like him put them there, and will try to rob him blind without being found out. 
- Elysian, Harakoni and Phantine Skyborne regiments have a high Commissar mortality rate because they're not very well trained in the use of grav-chutes. And with those things, you'll make a mistake only once. 
-With the Phantine Air Corps it's hard to say. On the one hand they are a guard regiment and not a navy unit, so Commissars come standard. What they do is trickier to say since they can't fly and even on bombers it's hard to justify attaching a spare person just to shoot one of the valuable air crew if they start to turn around, which if our own history of strategic bombing holds true, does not really happen. Commissars therefore likely just sit around not doing much other then paper work and watching the pilots like a hawk when ever they are on the ground, thus proving that even in the 41st millennium the chair force meme still exists. 
- Kanak Skull Takers will hate the Commissar because he prevents them from taking skulls, and they do so anyway. If he becomes forceful about it they'll take a skull with a fancy hat.

==Quotes==

* "Fear me...'''''but follow!'''''"
* "You can give the Emperor your loyalty, or I can take it from your corpse."
* "You DARE shoot at me?...{{BLAM|'''AT ME?!'''}}
* "What I cannot crush with words, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard."
* "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
* "Trooper, the enemy ''may'' kill you, but if you try to run I '''will''' kill you!"
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"It is our duty to muster the Guardsmen's courage and loyalty under fire and it is our duty to - '''GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!'''"{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]
* "Follow my example or I will MAKE YOU ONE!"
* A compilation of some -if not all- of DowII Commissar quotes can be found: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isLz_8ppLig here].
* "If you will not serve in combat, ''then you will serve '''on the firing line!'''''" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "SHUT UP ZATHRAS"
*"GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN TO DIE!"
*"DO NOT FAIL UPON MY RETURN!"

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Commisarmoti.jpg|The real reason why Guardsmen do not revolt en masse.
Image:Closer.jpg|Commissars never let practicality get in the way of their awesomeness.
Image:Commissar Surfing.jpg|Again, practicality is never a hindrance.
Image:Comissar_Promotions.jpg|Imperial Guard Promotion policy, you either get promoted or {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med, no exceptions.
Image:1230024061774.png|Reasonable Commissars know that summary execution is not always needed to motivate anyone.
Image:Thenewcommissar.jpg|[[Kharn]] during his traitor commissar days with the Red Rivers traitor guardsmen.
Image:Romantic_Commissar.jpg|Commissars can be romantic. It's just that they are too busy {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming Guardsmen.
Image:Penguin_Commisar.jpg|Do not approach the Commissar under any circumstances, no matter how cute he may be.
Image:Komissar_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg|Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face...
Image:Commissarpoke.jpg|Don't let this one's slow demeanor make you too confident.
Image:1207335821953.jpg|[[Commissar Dan]] on the blaze of glory run
Image:Commissar-Fuck_Yeah.jpg|Imperial Guard, FUCK YEAH!
Image:Commissar_Badass.jpg|[[Ciaphas Cain|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!]]
Image:Fixedhat2.jpg|The Commissar is here to ensure your loyalty.
Image:CommissarCos.jpg|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
Image:Commissar Hansen.jpg|Guardian of all imperial [[loli|lolis]].
Image:Emote-commissar.gif
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-1.jpg|Chink loev commissar
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-2.jpg|[[Rule 63]] spares no one.
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_1.jpg|[[Commissar Yarrick]] by Chink
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_2.jpg
Image:Feb.jpg|Commissar from the ill-fated /tg/ calendar project
Image:Atra concept.jpg|Much Sexier Version
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|One of these is not like the others.
Image:1226746378911.jpg|Squad morale restored.
Image:powerfists_commissar.jpg|If you're wondering how she's "coping" with those things, don't ask us, for we have as good an idea as you do.
</gallery></center>
{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Template:Squats}}

[[Category:Commissars]]

Commissar

2018-08-30T21:11:26Z

2601:2C1:4280:3B9F:180D:C3C3:6098:A833:

[[Image:Comissar.png|frame|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}]]
''But sir -- ! 
{{BLAM|''*click* '''*BLAM!*''' If you will not serve in combat, then you will serve on the firing line!}} 
{{Topquote|I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.|Alexander the Great}}
{{Topquote|Kerls, wollt ihr ewig leben? - Rascals, do you want to live eternally?|Frederick II of Prussia, to his reluctant-to-attack soldiers, battle of Kolin}}
{{Topquote|Last one to die's an Eldar!|A Commissar}}
{{Topquote|You're going back to the front lines and you may get shot and killed, but you're going to fight. If you don't, I'll stand you up against a wall and have a firing squad kill you on purpose. In fact, I ought to shoot you myself, you goddamned whimpering coward.|George S. Patton to a shell-shocked soldier in the hospital}}

In the times long before these dark hours of the forty-first millennium, commanders of various Terran military entities and their successors in the colonial states of galactic expansionism remained in relative safety throughout the duration of various conflicts instead of charging the lines of their enemies with vitriol and froth issuing from their mouths in equal rabid measure. The instruments of the will of higher officers on the battlefield were men of inflexible will and intolerable zealotry, men greatly respected and feared by their underlings who inspired entire battalions with selfless example and were willing to sacrifice themselves for the success of their company and their empire. These times, while flawed, were much better, more efficient and perhaps possessing greater sanity than this current era of strife. Regardless, these times have long passed.

In this current moment of the history of man, war has become a very different thing. Lasguns firing, explosives detonating, great beasts of unimaginable terror charging the trenches, death of all sorts stalking behind every wisp of smoke... and that's just at the front. Behind every line of trembling conscripts is a man, sanctimonious, who fires not upon the hordes of the enemy, but his own troops.

That man is the Commissar.

They get a cool [[hats|hat]], a [[Nazi]]-esque longcoat, a sword or power fist they seem all too happy to hit the enemy with and their iconic bolt pistol which they use to "boost" the morale of their men, although they sometimes trade it for las or plasma pistols (but seeing your buddy's head explode or melt down does indeed motivate you better than just seeing a laser beam go through it). In reality however they're nothing more than a couple of faggots who overcompensate for their lack of fighting skill by executing their men to look tou{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. It's a well known fact that most of their morale enhancement (Unless they're [[Commissar Gaunt]], [[Ciaphas Cain]], or [[Commissar Yarrick]].) consists of being scary merciless bastards to rival the enemy merciless bast- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.

A Commissar that lacks any guardsmen to execute and is in the proximity of any vehicle proceeds to clamber on the said vehicle and threaten the crew into charging the enemy so he can hit the enemy with his close combat weapon. Hilarity ensues depending on the kind of closest vehicle, close combat weapon and closest enemy. They also have mad shooting skills, some can even execute '''ENTIRE SQUADS OF COWARDS''' in the time it takes to drop their hats. If only they could shoot the enemies that fast, what with their phenomenal accuracy when shooting their own men and all.

Commissars also have a tendency to get killed suspiciously far from the front lines.

They are preceded with Discipline Masters in Great Crusade era.

Beyond their reputation as [[Khârn|team-killing fucktards]], the presence of Commissars make a lot of sense in the Imperial Guard. Copy-pasted straight from the Civil War Soviet real world commissars (save for the uniform) with a dash of Great War era "charge the enemy or i'll execute you" british army officer thrown in, they're political officers with everything that entails.

First of all, they are the warrants of doctrine. They will deal with any disciplinary issue coming up whenever a Guardsman misbehave. The punishment for cowardice and desertion is death and the Commissar will apply the sentence on the spot, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. As a Guard regiment travels around the Imperium, they will come in contact with other cultures and ideas. Ideas that could potentially be dangerous and morale-ruining (looking at you [[Tau]] propaganda, but not only). Just like they real-world counterparts made sure random Ivan remained true to the ideals of communism, the Imperial Commissar will ensure such heretical ideas are suppressed and the regiment remains loyal to the Imperium and fit for duty. Where to the simple Guardsman this translates into being constantly watched by a terrifying enforcer of discipline that does not hesitate to shoot a deserter on the spot, to the higher echelons of the Guard they're a (frankly necessary) constant reminder they're supposed to do their job as defined by [[High Lords of Terra|the old coots back home]] and not go rogue to seize a planet for their own or carve out their own little kingdom. It takes a lot to become a Commissar, tactical and strategic training included: after all, they have to judge the competence of everyone up to and including Lord Solars.

A second part of their job is to ensure cooperation between elements of the Guard. You see, the Imperium is vast. Extremely vast. And only very loosely unified as a whole. Hence what is considered quite normal on one world would have denizens from another throw a massive bitchfit, if not worse. Imagine the result of stick-up-the-ass [[Mordian Iron Guard]]s in the same room as rowdy [[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] unsupervised, you'll get the idea. Commissars will to make sure discipline is maintained and rules are adhered to (by force of arms if necessary), no matter the origin of the warriors under their care.

The third part is military counselling. Officially, a Commissar is outside the chain of command and can only advise on military matters, the ultimate decision remaining in the hands of the commanding officer. But, as mentioned, they also have the authority to execute any soldier if they conclude they're severely derelict in the prosecution of their duties (this includes high ranking officers, as both [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] and Viktor Hark have demonstrated). This means that Commissars will most of the time stay close to the action and lead by example and that people will listen to what they have to say (and almost always agree outright) for fear of {{BLAM}}. One of the core tenets of the [[Imperial Creed]] is [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|Mankind's right to be the sole owners of the Galaxy]], and the Commissar is always ready to personally prove it to any [[Harlequin|particular]] [[Exodite|breed]] [[Corsair|of]] [[Eldar|Space]] [[Dark Eldar|Elf]], [[Ork]], [[Necron]], [[Tyranid|space bug]] or whoever was stupid enough to question Mankind's right to rule the stars with their existence that day. (They're helped by often being the most well-equipped and hardest motherfuckers in the squad.)

Should it come to pass that the leader of a squad or regiment has fallen (one way or another, either due to the enemy or {{BLAM}}), the Commissar will assume command himself. Most Guardsmen dreads when this happen for this all too often results in a <strike>pointless last stand for anyone involved</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!* HERESY! No death in the Emperor's name is pointless!'''}}; anyone attempting to retreat being helped to a bolter shell to the back of the head for cowardice. This is often all too true, but the Commissar has no choice: he simply cannot flee or order a retreat as he's well aware this would be the surest way for morale to collapse immediately, especially if he just executed the commanding officer. And in many cases the situation has already gone so FUBAR when he assumes command that standing his ground and taking as many enemies of the Emperor with him as he can is the only meaningful choice left to him and the men close to him; [[Fist of the North Star|for they are already dead]]. This said, it is not always a bad thing when it happens. [[awesome|The most famous example]], of course, is [[Commissar Yarrick]] assuming command of the defense of [[Armageddon]]; whose undaunted contest of Golgotha hive made [[Ghazghkull Thraka]] lose sight of the larger battle because he couldn't see it as anything but a personal challenge and answered in kind, leaving the flanks of his hordes wide open for the Imperial counter-attack.

Last but not least, the Commissars are also trained to look out for xenos or chaotic taint. Not all enemies of the Imperium [[Ork|conveniently charge at the Guard straight on]] but use much more insidious methods. So the Commissars are taught a little bit (just what is needed) about Chaos, [[Genestealer Cult|Genestealers]], Enslavers and all those kind of joyful things that could fuck over their regiment and how to look out for it, with the strict instruction to {{Blam}} anything they find out on sight. Any [[psyker]] in their regiment will be under their constant scrutiny because where Average Joe just has a vague knowledge he should 'abhor the witch', the Commissar know what would happen if he would get [[Daemonhost|possessed]]. Better safe than sorry.

With the above in mind, you easily understand why Commissars are at best tolerated and often hated with a passion by the men under their care. They are hard and pitiless men, but that is a sad necessity in the [[grimdark|just as hard and pitiless 40k universe where the alternative is even worse]]. It should also be noted, that not all Commissars are trigger-happy fucknuts. The intelligent ones that live long lives learn that the right words can often inspire men just as well, if not better, than a bolt to the head. These Commissars learn to tell the difference in situations. After all, the Commissars first job is to inspire the troops, through whichever means are most appropriate. Off course, the trigger-happy fucknuts do tend to spoil the bunch for the good ones.

==Choices of equipment==
*Badass longcoat, badass sash and even more badass hat straight out of Hugo Boss during the Nazi era.
*Mars-Pattern ceramite balls
*Flak armour- Standard guardsman issue Commissar armoured underwear.
*Carapace armor & Refractor field- A better armour and a force field for genre-savvy Lord Commissar.
*Camo-cloak. Serves to hide said badass garments and get less fire from the enemy and guardsmen.
*Special Mask for a Lord that weeps tears of blood near traitors! Oh and scares people. Also gives a force field.

*Saber- Often carried to swing towards enemies while riding a Leman Russ tank so that he could drive closer and hit enemies with his sword.
**[[Chainsword]]- For a sword that's actually useful more often than not.
**[[Power weapon|Power sword]]- For slaying armored enemies and hassle-free decapitations.
**Power fist- For punching through enemy [[METAL_BOXES|Metal Bawkses]].

*[[Laspistol]]- Clean, precise, and efficient working tool of the Commissar that doesn't waste ammunition. Less satisfying to execute people with though.
*Bolt pistol- Produces very satisfying {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming sound that raises self-esteem of the worthless ponce hold-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}, can also get through standard issue imperial flak armor if you need to blam someone in the chest on the battle field.
*[[Bolter]]- Good for shooting underarmoured enemies and your entire squad if you suspect them all of {{BLAM|HERESY}}.
*[[Plasma|Plasma pistol]]- Good for shooting armoured enemies dead. Bad for summary executions since it's poor form for it to over heat when trying to "inspire" your squad.
*Baleful Eye- [[Commissar Yarrick|Lasgun built in the eye socket to kill Orks with a glare]].
*Grenades & bombs.
*Titanium balls.
*Two pairs of balls, (see above)

==Reasonable Commissars==
Reasonable Commissars do not execute those who flee. However, they do carry a potent stun-gun to bring down those who break ranks and save the bolter shells for those who have willingly became servants of Chaos or Xenos. Afterwards, the accused is brought before a military tribunal to judge what the appropriate punishment will be. Reasonably Hard Labor is a common punishment. If a not-so-reasonable commissar is present the punishment is invariably a {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ing. The bas- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}

Reasonable Commissars can often be found in units operating alongside [[Reasonable Marines]].

Reasonable Commissars understand their duty is to instill courage within the Imperial Guard, not to instill discord and discontent. Thus they lead by example and be the first to die and last to retreat.

Reasonable Commissars only exist because there are Commissars who are *ahem* ''dicks''...such as Commissar Jericho of the 8th Cadian Whiteshield division:

{{topquote|Lil' Timmy: "Commissar? My helmet won't fit. Can you please help me fasten it?" Jericho: "IF YOU CANNOT FASTEN YOUR OWN HELMET, YOU'RE AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER! AN INEFFECTIVE SOLDIER IS THE SAME AS A HERETIC IN MY BOOK! SUMMARY EXECUTION FOR YOU!" {{BLAM}} "SO. ANY OF YOU OTHER CHILDREN WANT HELP WITH SOMETHING? WHAT ABOUT YOU, OLIVER? DO YOU STILL WANT MORE PORRIDGE? OH WAIT, YOU'RE DEAD! HAH! GET BACK TO FIGHTING YOU LITTLE PIECES OF SLIME!|From the records of Inquisitor Murtho}}

To some extent, they do actually exist in Warhammer canon, with [[Ciaphas Cain]] ('''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!''') and [[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt|Ibram Gaunt]] being the most iconic examples, the fact that they became tremendously famous (OK, Gaunt - not so much) and idolized is implied to have led to many newer Commissars using their less trigger happy and more reasonable methods. Proof that sometimes, you can make a positive difference in Warhammer.

It could be argued that all Commissars are reasonable as most don't hold malicious intent when killing their own, or don't kill their own unless in extreme (Read: Chaos) circumstances, since most of the time shooting your own men can be counterproductive when they're light infantry fleeing from a Super heavy tank. Or if they, you know, have orders to pull back. It is done because it has to be done. Rules are rules, heresy is heresy, and Commissars have to show some authority.

==Female Commissars==
A female Commissar is a rare sight, except by the Vostroyans, otherwise, there is little to no representation in the fluff.

Females of the [[Schola Progenium]] are far more likely to end up in the [[Adepta Sororitas]] and when they are becoming guardsmen, they are far more likely to be put in auxiliary and support roles than front lines combat, thus reducing their chances to be sent to a Schola and becoming either a Storm Trooper or an Inquisitor, when they don't get transferred to the Sisters. However, there have been all female regiments of guardsmen, and they only had female Commissars.

In the recent [[Lemartes]] novel, there was a Female Commissar Stromberg attached to the [[Mordian Iron Guard]]--she died like she lived, making and infantry charge against motherfucking [[Skarbrand]] of all things before being ripped into 3 bits with one axe swing. Buying enough time for the Blood angels to regroup and therefore get all the glory of banishing the Daemon. Typical.

==Commissar in Squat Regiments==
It was considered a common occurrence for a Commissar to be grouped with a [[Squat]] regiment when they were still relevant in 40k lore. However unlike in the Guard, the Commissars being stationed with the stunties act as advisers rather than a force of morale. That is mainly because to keep an eye on the Squats. Of course a Commissar is forbidden in {{BLAM|Blamming}} a Squat since while he has a Bolt/Laspistol, you basic [[Squat Trooper]] has Plasma Guns, Conversion Beamers and captured [[Eldar]] D-Cannons as their flashlight equivalent. So if the Commissar is a idiotic prick and thinks he/she has near impunity with the Squats he is stationed with, he will soon find his face kissing the barrel of a Squat Melta Gun.

Yeah, the Space Dorfs did not fuck around back in the day. Commissars act not only as advisers but also supporting leaders. But their leadership is often ineffectual when compared to that of [[Squat Warlord]], [[Guildmaster]] or heck, even a [[Living Ancestor]].

==What not to do around a commissar==

[[Image:Commissar_NO.jpg|thumb|200px|right|If you have to ask...]]
Unless you have a death wish (since you're drafted into the Guard, we already KNOW you have a death wish) these are the things you should avoid doing around your Commissar unless you want to be shot for a number of reasons:

*Do not add to this list.
*Do not retreat until he says so.
*Do not look like you will retreat before he says so.
*Do not think about retreating before he says so.
*Do not think about thinking of retreating before he says so.
*Do not retreat even WHEN he says so.
*Do not refuse to retreat when he says so because you will later be shot for insubordination.
*Do not be incompetent in battle, he'll execute you for being useless.
*Do not move too far away from a Commissar attached to your squad, he might think you are retreating without his command.
*Do not fap to the women that are [[Shlicktau|xenos]], [[Cultist-chan|heretics]], or [[Furry|mutants]] while in the field of battle... or outside.
*Do not fap to [[-4_Str|human women]] either, he'll execute you for dereliction of duty. Also, Slaanesh worship.
*Do not fap '''AT ALL''' because it is heresy, unless you fap to the Corpse-Empero- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!!}}
*Do not mock anyone in the upper command structure, social status and organizations. It's the same as treason and treason is [[HERESY]].
*Do not look at your commissar with a [[grimdark]] look, he'll assume you want to kill him. Unless you're a Catachan. He doesn't need to see the look to know you want to kill him.
*Do not pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not pretend to pretend to listen to your commissar.
*Do not interrupt him while speaking, he'll execute you for the insubordination.
*Do not change your underwear. Tzeentch worship.
*Do not neglect to change your underwear. Nurgle worship.
*Do not bring up the paradox of changing underwear. Malal worship. (There is no paradox as long as you follow the correct procedure. First remove and burn the tainted garment while reciting the litany of blessed hygiene. Instead of "Changing" your underwear, proceed to replace the purged garments with identical standard pattern guard issued underwater.)
*Do not worship the [[Chaos|ruinous powers]], even if your commissar is-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Commissars are ALL loyal servants of the Emperor!}}
*Do not look like you are worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think about thinking about worshipping the ruinous powers.
*Do not think '''AT ALL''' or he'll think you are thinking about worshiping the ruinous powers.
*Do not find out about the Ruinous Powers. Best you can hope for is being sterilised and mind-wiped.
*Do not fall ill. Nurgle worship.
*Do not think about getting ill. More Nurgle worship.
*Do not openly question his orders.
*Do not question his orders behind his back either.
*Do not suggest your orders are suicidal.
*Do not suggest that said "''suicidal''" Commissar should join the enemy, if he is able to kill his squad so quickly.
*Do not suggest anything, lest he take it for Heresy.
*Do not mention that the Ministorum Priests are better motivators. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}
*Do not mention that the sanctioned Psykers scare you more than him. <s>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Insubordination!}}</s>
*Do NOT interrupt him while attempting to execute someone <s>unless you have a pretty good reason</s> as he'll execute you along with the one about to be executed.
*DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES challenge him or her in a western shootout.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a bullet in the head. He ''will'' have you flogged for cowardice.
*Do not ask a Commissar for a flogging. He '''''WILL''''' have you shot in the spine for being a Slaaneshi Cultist. Not that that's a bad thing, being a Sla-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}}
*Do not, in any way, shape, or form, give a zealous Commissar an Assault Cannon. You will have no unit.
*Do not, under any circumstances, give a zealous Commissar a Deathstrike Missile Launcher. You will have no army.
*Do not give a zealous Commissar a spacecraft. You will have [[Exterminatus|lost a planet]].
*Do not give a Commissar a cookie, or he'll think you are trying to poison him. You chaos worshipping freak.
*Do not be bald, then you are a Genestealer.
*Do not be balding, then you are becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about balding, then you are thinking about becoming a Genestealer.
*Do not think about thinking about balding, you don't wanna become a Genestealer.
*Do not use an axe as a last-ditch weapon. Khornate behaviour. Only acceptable if having said "For the Emperor!" and dying soon afterwards for the Imperium.
*Do not eat your rations in a particularly vigorous manner. Khorne worship.
*Any alteration of the standard uniform shall not be tolerated. Tzeentch worship.
*Growing facial hair in the pres- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. More Tzeentch worship.
*Do not cut yourself while shaving your facial hair. More Khorne worship.
*Surviving a life threatening injury at the hands of the enemy. Serious Tzeentch worship.
*Do not bring prostitutes to the base while your unit is on leave. Slaanesh worship (and just plain improper behavior).
*Waking up lat- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}. Cowardice.
*Do not deface or lose your Imperial Infantrymen's Uplifting Primer. (even though any veteran guardsman will tell you most of it's pages are complete bullsh- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} )
*Do not lose your issued Lasgun. Unless it's loss is unavoidable in{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} A proper Guardsman would never lose his Lasgun.
*Do not remind him that technically Commissars are outside the chain of command and cannot order you. So next time a fraking com- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Do not try to take the easy way out with suicide. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not kill heretics. Malal worship. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY! MALAL DOES NOT EXIST!}}
*Do not steal from a Commissar.
*Do not make fun of the Emperor.

==What to do around a Commissar==
[[File:Oh Lawd.png|150px|right|thumb|Nothing escapes the vigilant eye of a commissar (except everything)]]
*Worship the Emperor
*Talk fairly loudly about how the chaos gods suck. (Except for slaanesh who is just bad damn thing dosen't need to suck any more. Besides, saying Slaanesh sucks could be considered worship, resulting in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*Make sure all your gear is organized, cleaned, maintained, and free of non-standard issue modifications.
*Praise him on a job well done when circumstances are right- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Kissing ass is borderline Slaneesh worship!}}
*Shine his laspistol when he isn't using it.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Handling your superior officer's weapons is grand treason!}}
*Give him a blowjo-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' SLAANESHI HERETIC!}}
*Charge towards Khorne Berserkers even if you don't want to.{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Suicidal charges are borderline Khorne worship. Neglecting to charge however is disobeying orders. So either way you get '''*BLAM!*'''ed.}}
*Go to battle even if you're feeling sic-{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Spreading sickness to your comrades is serious Nurgle worship!}}
*Let him know in advance when you're having a sick day so he won't execute you for dereliction of du- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' NURGLE WORSHIPER!}}
*Have your uplifting primer on your person. Failure to present it on request will result in {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}.
*Bring him [[An Eldar's Ears|a captive Eldar]] {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' XENOS LOVING FILTH!!}} ([[Love Can Bloom|"I'll be happy to take that captive off your hands commissar."]])
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step away from the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When the rest of your squad looks like they are gonna fall back, step towards the Commissar's general direction as he might choose to execute you to make an example for the rest of the men.
*When you are about to do something that can only be described as batshit insane and a Commissar's around suggest it to him, if you survive said suicide mission he'll probably favor you a bit, which probably means that he MIGHT actually think about who's he shooting at.
*If you're the guy at the wheel of a transport, DRIVE HIM CLOSER! HE WANTS TO HIT THEM WITH HIS SWORD!
*Prior to giving him wargear, make sure that you haven't cleaned it, most Commissars prefer the bloodstained wargear. {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' failure to clean blood off of your weapons or uniform is an offence against the Departmento Munitorum policies!}}
*Make sure you're the only man left in the squad other than the Commissar when retreating, the Commissar rulebook says that if the squad he is attached to only has one man left, he isn't allowed to make his face blow up because he'd end up looking stupid and it's a waste of ammo since there is nobody to inspi {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' The Commissar does what he wants!}}
*If the Commissar looks pissed read (or at least pretend to read) an Imperial Creed book or something, he can't shoot you because you're reading Imperial Creed stu-- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Now you are no longer reading it. Situation resolved.}}
*If your Commissar has a bolt pistol make sure there that when he starts {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ing that there are 10 people closer to the Commissar then you. That way after he's done blaming the rest of your platoon he might think you 'suitably inspired' so as to not blam you.
*Be born on [https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Catachan_Jungle_Fighters Catachan] those over dressed foreigners don't have the balls to shoot you. {{BLAM|HERESY!! '''*KABOOM*'''}} "Why no sarge, I have no idea why the Commissar decided to do a patrol, through a mine field, in the dead of night.
*Instead of ''DYING'', try to acquire the Enemy's head. Minor kudos for a Grunt, some kudos for an NCO Equivalent, and perhaps at least a bit of respect from the Commissar him/herself for an enemy Commander, or said Commander's Lieutenants. Possible points if you shout out: ''"DEATH UNTO THE ENEMIES OF MA-..."'' <strike>{{BLAM|'''*BLAM*''' Borderline Khorne-Worship!}}</strike> ('''ALL''' foes of mankind must be cleansed. Punishing such actions is heretical in of itself Commissar.) '''Unblam''' {{BLAM|Re-'''*BLAM*''' RESURRECTING THE DEAD IS SERIOUS HERESY!!}}
'''Inquisitorial Decree:''' Commissars are henceforth forbidden from '''Unblamming'''. The practice of resurrecting the dead is chaos sorcery. Loyal imperial citizens who have been accidentally {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''ed}} can take solace in the fact that their souls will spend eternity basking in the Emperor's divine light.

==Notable Commissars==
*[[Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt]] (<s>Who?</s>) {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' HERESY!}} ([[Derp|The one, who killed a Daemon Prince with 1 hit from a simple Close Combat Weapon, in the era when DP was Eternal Warrior.]])
*[[Commissar Yarrick]] Da orkiest humie eva!!
*Commissar [[Ciaphas Cain]] '''HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!!!!!''' Secretly believes himself to be a coward. The truth of that is up for debate.
*Commissar-General Delane Oktar: Ibram Gaunt's mentor and substitute father-figure. He should have died better.
*[[Commissar Fuklaw]] is tired of putting up with your heretical bullshit.
*[[Commissar Dan]]: A /tg/-created character from the days of yore (along with Fuklaw and the [[Angry Marines]]) that got somewhat canon-ised by Fantasy Flight Games. Likes to order charges from atop his [[Basilisk Artillery Gun|Basilisk]] ''Fluffy''. Acording to FFG, his full name is Daniel Sterne and he met his end while attempting to ram a [[Helbrute]] with ''Fluffy'' when the damn thing came too close.
*[[Commissar Koulick Krieg]] attached to the famed storm trooper regiment known as the Redemption Corps and an agent for the Adeptus Ministorum. Never officially trained as a commissar, but field promoted from storm trooper on behalf of the Ecclesiarchy to infiltrate the "heretical" regiment that was the free thinking Redemption Corps, eventually turning on his masters and becoming a full part of the Corps instead.
*[[Heretical Love|Commissar Max]] the Lovemachine of Yagis V. (It should be noted that he was actually a guardsman who picked up Commissar regalia and weapons.)
*[[K59|Commissar K59]]
*[[Holt]] {{BLAM|'''*SLAP*''' Commissar Holt!!!}}
*[[Commissar Raege]]
*<strike>[[Kharn|Kharn]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRVcdLPqoHg| The Commissar]</strike> {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Major Khorne worship!}}
*[[Colonel Greiss]] Formerly a Commissar; became a conventional officer through necessity.
* [[Commissar Lord Bernn|Commissar LORD Bernn]] (always put LORD in ALL CAPS -bold is optional-, not doing so is Heresy.) Known for making entire armies completely invincible as long as he has people to execute and beating Mega-Daemon Princes, Hive Tyrants, Land Raider Redeemers, Battlewagons, Deranged Khornate Chaos Champions (if you're so far off your rocker that other Khornates think you're crazy, you may be a wee bit nutters), and Eldar wraithlords to death with a power fist. Also notable for being able to one-shot any infantry, from lowly Ork boyz to TERMINATORS with his laspistol. He needs no words to show he's a badass.
*'''Commissar "Colonel" Schaeffer''' He had his arm shot off by a plasma gun '''AND GREW IT BACK''', had his spine rebuilt after being crushed by a tank and made a full recovery, had his eyes replaced after his other ones were destroyed and has survived being thrown into suicide mission after suicide mission for over 300 years '''LIKE A BOSS''', he gets down and dirty and is usually seen in front of his men in the battle rather than behind them. He's still brutal as fuck to deserters though. *why doesn't he have his own pag- {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* '''Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen'''. Fragile, stuttering, clumsy, prone to disease, about as intimidating as a wet kitten. His enlistment was a cruel wager between two of his rich aunts to see if he would survive. He barely made his commission as commissar, and he was discarded to the Catachan 217th infantry to get rid of him. And yet he's still alive today. What's more, he leads his men from the very front, utterly fearless when the jagged teeth of Chaos spawn ('''OH GOD NOOOOOOAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!!! GRRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!''' {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*''' Mercy killing; continue.}}) are inches from his face, humming to himself in the middle of the shitstorm that is every battlefield. Atypical for a Catachan company, his men are quite loyal to him, well-liked for leading by example instead of inspiring fear behind the lines ... although they do tease him off-duty by playing keepaway with his hat.
*'''Commissar Viktor Hark''' - The Commissar for the Tanith First (and Only). Pretty bad ass dude with a cybernetic arm to beat heretics and a plasma pistol to melt faces with. Pretty reasonable for a Commissar, preferring {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}} only when it can have the most effect on a units morale, which in some cases means {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}ming the guy in charge.
*'''Commissar Flint''' was abruptly reassigned to the reconstituted 77th Vostroyan Firstborn Dragoons, whose first mission was to quell a bloody rebel uprising at a penal facility on Furia Penitens. Leading a picked team of escaped convicts and Firstborn, Flint infiltrated the vast creepy facility, wrecking Stalkers, slaying giant mutants with his power sword and slaughtering literal rebel scum by the dozens, all while keeping his execution-count impressively low and displaying many feats of epic badassery. Not bad for a commissar who gets his own book who isn't Gaunt or Cain.
*'''Commissar Fenstrum Holt''': A supporting character in the ongoing '''Eagle Ordinary''' [http://www.eagleordinary.com/chapters/77723/planetfall/]webcomic. NOT to be confused with (though he constantly is, even by his own junior, Commissar Talon Gunner) that ''other'' Holt *SLAP* [[Commissar Holt]]. '''This''' Holt is an elderly badass with a creepy bionic eye who manages to beat up trigger-happy aristocratic officers despite being only 5'6. Although introduced in the comic's first page engaging in the Commissariat's trademark pastime {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*-ming'''}} Guardsmen, his character is so well-written and drawn he might just be the fan favorite. Might just be the only adult in the whole comic as well.
*'''Commissar Daridh Ahl Karif''' : Commissar of the Fifth Company, 68th Vostroyan Regiment, one of the main character in Rebel Winter. One of the few [[Reasonable Commissar]] in 40k. An unnaturally caring, nice, level-headed commmissar but also sternly ruthless then the situation demands it. Got posted down to a company-level commission in a pretty much worthless campaign for rejecting a Lord General's son homosexual love (no, seriously), leading to the rejected dude suicide. Currently serve as part of an Inquisitorial reutine.

==Commissar Mortality==
Commissars, at least those attached to an imperial guard regiment, do not exactly have a high life expectancy. Next to the many horrible fates that await your average "balls of steel" Guardsman in the [[grimdark]] WH40K universe, the Commissars have some additional aggravating factors leading to a quick demise.

Some reasons:
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters|Catachans]]'''
* A commissar's uniform is very different from those he is working with, add to that he is shouting things at people and possibly {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming them, probably without fire being returned at him, and is probably carrying different weapons than those around him. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he is an obvious High-Value Target which any sniper worth the name would take note of.
* Aforementioned uniform offers little to no head protection, head protection is for cowards and cowards get {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med. (However, a Commissar's lack of headgear can get him {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med by the enemy).(subverted for death korps as they have helmets under their hats)
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming cowards, and especially {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming non-cowards, often has a side effect of *accidentally* getting shot, repeatedly, sometimes even far from the front lines. This fate is particularly common for those attached to Catachan units.
* Few Guardsmen will risk their lives to save a Commissar should he get into trouble with the enemy.
* Some Commissars both lead by example and expect their men to perform acts of suicidal courage, resulting in performing collective suicide in the name of the Emprah.
* Lots of Commissars like big flashy bolt pistols. Bolt pistols, [[Dakka|being roight flash bitz of dakka]], naturally attract orks like sugar water attracts flies, and unlike laspistols eventually run out of bolts.
* According to their most recent models some unusually ballsy Commissars carry plasma pistols, and as such possess a statistical lifespan of six shots at maximum.

It should be noted that regimental standards vary: 
- Kriegers will leave a Commisar a wreck because they have to keep convincing the men that while it's laudable to die for the Emperor you have to do so while trying to kill His enemies. It's like herding sheep: if you keep your eye off of one for too long it'll be gone. Except this sheep wears a gas mask, digs a trench, bombards the enemy with mortar fire, then goes over the top and gets gunned down without achieving anything. Oh, and there's millions more like it. 
- Serving with the Tallarn regiments that there'll be sand EVERYWHERE. There's so much fucking sand everywhere. I mean, how did it even get there? Not to mention that you'll want to wear one of their turbans to protect your head against the heat, but you can't wear your cap alongside one of those things. And many a Commissar has suffered from dehydration following being told exactly what most of the regiment's water is distilled from. 
- The Mordians employ the strictest of discipline and expect a Commissar to lead by example. When they inevitably mess up the Commissar is subjected to physical disciplinary actions, up to and including being flogged or even executed by the platoon. 
- The Vostroyans are ABSOLUTE MADMEN and expect the Commissar to lead by examples of balls-out insanity and win the day, but they have trouble following the orders of a man who has no imposing facial hair. If a Commissar's lucky he'll be approached by one of the regiment's senior female officers who offers him one of her glue-on mustaches to spare him the indignity. 
- Scintillans show utter disdain for the Commissar because of his poor breeding and low social standing (word has it the Commissar is an orphan, for the Emperor's sake!) and will have their authority undermined by even the lowest of privates and when trouble arises a senior officer steps in and takes the offending soldier away, but punishment following this is rare. 
- Praetorians are fine enough soldiers, but their culture is very strange and requires unusual degrees of politeness from both officers and the rank-and-file. Not following these labyrinthian rules will be sternly frowned upon. And their officers will never, ever duck even when taking direct fire. 
- Drookians openly hate the Commissar's guts for being an outsider and a nancy for wearing pants instead of a kilt, but a clever Commissar will figure out that if he manages to convince the platoon that the enemy has slighted the Drookians' clan honor all he needs to do is step aside and watch the men fuck the enemy up. 
- Brontians solve most of their internal struggles with knife fights, and the unfortunate Commissar who steps in to try and stop such a duel will quickly catch one, two, three or thirteen knives to the chest. The Brontians don't like them anyway due to their lack of scars. 
- Attilans laugh their asses of when the Commissar tries to ride a horse and keep falling off, and the platoon just rides ahead of him leaving the unfortunate Commissar in the dust. 
- The Steel Legions are almost entirely mechanized, so a Commissar has to hang out with the same squad all the time. And he better be able to keep up when redeploying: miss the Chimera and it ain't coming back for you. Plus, nobody respects you because you're not Yarrick. 
- With the Valhallans you constantly have to convince the commanders that yes, while it would result in a technical victory if you sacrifice a million men for that small amount of ground, it'd be better to have them attack in a different way to win slower but with fewer losses. And they'll hate you for this. 
- The Chem Dogs will hate the Commissar because people like him put them there, and will try to rob him blind without being found out. 
- Elysian, Harakoni and Phantine Skyborne regiments have a high Commissar mortality rate because they're not very well trained in the use of grav-chutes. And with those things, you'll make a mistake only once. 
-With the Phantine Air Corps it's hard to say. On the one hand they are a guard regiment and not a navy unit, so Commissars come standard. What they do is trickier to say since they can't fly and even on bombers it's hard to justify attaching a spare person just to shoot one of the valuable air crew if they start to turn around, which if our own history of strategic bombing holds true, does not really happen. Commissars therefore likely just sit around not doing much other then paper work and watching the pilots like a hawk when ever they are on the ground, thus proving that even in the 41st millennium the chair force meme still exists. 
- Kanak Skull Takers will hate the Commissar because he prevents them from taking skulls, and they do so anyway. If he becomes forceful about it they'll take a skull with a fancy hat.

==Quotes==

* "Fear me...'''''but follow!'''''"
* "You can give the Emperor your loyalty, or I can take it from your corpse."
* "You DARE shoot at me?...{{BLAM|'''AT ME?!'''}}
* "What I cannot crush with words, I shall crush with the tanks of the Imperial Guard."
* "Fear ensures loyalty! Where do you need me?"
* "Trooper, the enemy ''may'' kill you, but if you try to run I '''will''' kill you!"
* {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"It is our duty to muster the Guardsmen's courage and loyalty under fire and it is our duty to - '''GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!'''"{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
*"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DIE?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!"
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrrCY7dgaqs Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]
* "Follow my example or I will MAKE YOU ONE!"
* A compilation of some -if not all- of DowII Commissar quotes can be found: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isLz_8ppLig here].
* "If you will not serve in combat, ''then you will serve '''on the firing line!'''''" {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
* "SHUT UP ZATHRAS"
*"GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN TO DIE!"
*"DO NOT FAIL UPON MY RETURN!"

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Commisarmoti.jpg|The real reason why Guardsmen do not revolt en masse.
Image:Closer.jpg|Commissars never let practicality get in the way of their awesomeness.
Image:Commissar Surfing.jpg|Again, practicality is never a hindrance.
Image:Comissar_Promotions.jpg|Imperial Guard Promotion policy, you either get promoted or {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-med, no exceptions.
Image:1230024061774.png|Reasonable Commissars know that summary execution is not always needed to motivate anyone.
Image:Thenewcommissar.jpg|[[Kharn]] during his traitor commissar days with the Red Rivers traitor guardsmen.
Image:Romantic_Commissar.jpg|Commissars can be romantic. It's just that they are too busy {{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}-ming Guardsmen.
Image:Penguin_Commisar.jpg|Do not approach the Commissar under any circumstances, no matter how cute he may be.
Image:Komissar_by_kriegsmachine14.jpg|Why so serious? Let's put a smile on that face...
Image:Commissarpoke.jpg|Don't let this one's slow demeanor make you too confident.
Image:1207335821953.jpg|[[Commissar Dan]] on the blaze of glory run
Image:Commissar-Fuck_Yeah.jpg|Imperial Guard, FUCK YEAH!
Image:Commissar_Badass.jpg|[[Ciaphas Cain|HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!]]
Image:Fixedhat2.jpg|The Commissar is here to ensure your loyalty.
Image:CommissarCos.jpg|{{BLAM|'''*BLAM!*'''}}
Image:Commissar Hansen.jpg|Guardian of all imperial [[loli|lolis]].
Image:Emote-commissar.gif
</gallery></center>
{{Promotions}}
<center><gallery>
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-1.jpg|Chink loev commissar
Image:Comissar-by-Chink-2.jpg|[[Rule 63]] spares no one.
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_1.jpg|[[Commissar Yarrick]] by Chink
Image:Yarrick_by_Chink_2.jpg
Image:Feb.jpg|Commissar from the ill-fated /tg/ calendar project
Image:Atra concept.jpg|Much Sexier Version
Image:Daemonette commisssar.JPG|One of these is not like the others.
Image:1226746378911.jpg|Squad morale restored.
Image:powerfists_commissar.jpg|If you're wondering how she's "coping" with those things, don't ask us, for we have as good an idea as you do.
</gallery></center>
{{Template:Imperial-Guard}}
{{Militarum-Tempestus}}
{{Template:Squats}}

[[Category:Commissars]]

Grey Knights

2017-11-17T02:28:36Z

2601:2C1:4280:3B9F:180D:C3C3:6098:A833:

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Grey Knights
|Heraldry = [[File:GKSymbol.jpeg|center|140px]]
|Battle Cry = "We Are the Hammer!" or in a few instances, "Vengeance for the lost!"
|Number = 666
|Founding = [[Second Founding]] (sort of)
|Successors of = [[Knights-Errant]], after a fashion
|Successor Chapters = [[Exorcists]] (not supported)
|Chapter Master = [[Kaldor Draigo]]
|Primarch =[[God-Emperor of Mankind|The Emperor]]
|Homeworld = Titan
|Specialty = Killing Daemons, [[Mary Sue|being better than you]]
|Strength = ~1000
|Allegiance = [[Imperium]]
|Colours = [[Grey|Unpainted]] (hence, "grey" - Space Marine Power Armour is <s>plastic</s> silver-steelish by default)
}}
{{Cleanup}}
[[File:The Hammer.jpg|thumb|300px|right|'''The only thing they don't get is life insurance''']]
''"We are warriors of the Grey Knights, armored in Faith, shielded by Devotion, and armed with Purity of Purpose. But greater even than these, we carry the light of the divine Emperor of Man into the dark places to purge the daemonic wherever it may be found."''

<center>+++++++</center>

''"There is nothing in the arcane and blasphemous arsenal of the forces of Chaos that can compare to faith. With the power of faith, our weapons become shining instruments of deliverance that can cleave the mightiest daemon in twain. With the power of faith, our minds appear as slivers of pure agony to the daemon, driving into the wretched forms of those who would dare stand before us. With the power of faith, our words become commands that cause the daemon to cower and cringe in terror. I could meet my enemies unarmed without a shred of fear in my chest, for I know that the Emperor watches over me and guides my hand.'' So let them come.'' '''We shall show them what the power of faith can do.'''"''
~~''Brother-Captain [[Arvann Stern]]

<center>+++++++</center>

''"One unbreakable shield against the coming darkness,''

''One last blade forged in defiance of fate,''

''Let them be my legacy to the galaxy I conquered,''

''And my final gift to the species I failed."''

~~''The God Emperor of Mankind''

<center>+++++++</center>

The '''Grey Knights''' are a bunch of fucking '''badass''' [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREENS]] that also, like their brethren, do it for the [[Emperor|EMPRAH]]. The Grey Knights are the legendary 666th Spess Mahreen chapter made by the Emprah (despite the fact that there were only about 400 Space Marine chapters around the time of their creation).

==Overview==
Grey Knights are trained for the sole purposes of killing daemons and other warp entities with righteous, holy fury, making them essentially 40k's version of obscenely holy and zealous Paladins. Every single one of them are [[psykers]], all the more better to turn the enemy's weapon against them, and the majority of their psychic training revolves around using their mind to combat [[daemons]], and to protect their souls from corruption and possession. Consequently, not a single Grey Knight has ever fallen to [[Chaos]] (Unless you count the random fluff that said one fell to Slaanesh's physical form.)

Some Knights are particularly skilled at holy magic, and they often learn more advanced abilities to use their psychic abilities offensively, such as the Purifiers (and pretty much any high ranking Knight, especially the [[librarians]].) As they are trained to resist the dangers of the [[Warp]] and its denizens, Grey Knights are able to use their psychic powers without fear of the Warp overtaking them, as their very presence and mind is anathema to daemons, even to the point that it causes them pain should they stray too close. However, for whatever reason, their mastery over the Warp and their psychic abilities are hardly reflected in the rules at all, the only bonus as of 7E being that they can use the powers they already had without the penalty that other armies suffer.

They're all allegedly made with the Gene-seed of the [[Emperor]] himself, though this is stated multiple times to be unconfirmed. Though, if it's true, this makes them sort of like ''[[Mary Sue|mini-primarchs]]''. This, of course, brings up the question of why the Emperor didn't do this in the first place (Because he fething hates psykers?), but... then Games Workshop wouldn't have a [[Grimdark|story]], would they? In new Horus Heresy books, however, it is heavily implied their founding fathers are loyal members of traitor legions, but no information if their Gene-seed was involved. Also remember all GK are psykers, while almost all known loyalist from traitor legions are not. Most recent bits suggest that their gene-seed is taken from their first supreme grandmaster Janus, who is actually the last loyalist Thousand Son librarian cured of mutations and possessed by a shard of Magnus' soul. Yeah, things get weird with GK origins.

Or they [[Alpha Legion|could]] be made from pure geneseed, like what the [[Raven Guard]] failed to use during the [[Horus Heresy|greatest party ever]].

==The Secret Chapter==

The Grey Knights work alongside the [[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] as their Chamber Militant, and as they specialize in killing anything [[Daemon|daemonic]], they're typically called in to deal with giant greater daemons of death or Chaos Primarchs. However, despite being the Chamber Militant and therefore technically subservient to the Inquisition, they are considered by all means autonomous, though they oftentimes work directly under Inquisitorial authority on missions.

People outside the Ordo Malleus and High-Lords of Terra do not know about the Grey Knights, save for some Chapter Masters and other notable folks. Even their base of operations and anything that happens within their Chapter are never discussed outside of these select few. This is a containment measure to protect any of the Grey Knights' secret equipment and rituals from Chaos forces, ensuring they'll always have the upper hand in a fight. However, as the First War of Armageddon, Dawn of War: Dark Crusade, and Dawn of War: Soulstorm show, they'll work with other Chapters if the [[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] or one of their higher-ups decides that their presence is needed, or if their presence is requested by the overall commander of [[Space Marine]] operations, though the latter tends to be more an exception than the rule. [[Grimdark|More often, those that the Knights fight alongside get mind-wiped in order to preserve their secrecy, and some are even executed if they are deemed at risk of corruption after the battle is won.]]

Despite this, they aren't restricted to fighting solely daemons. They can readily deal with more mundane things like witches, mutants, and heretics; however, these forces would normally be left to the [[Witch Hunters|Ordo Hereticus]] and the [[Sisters of Battle]], and they would rarely be called in to deal with such a situation unless it was believed that a daemonic incursion was imminent. Grey Knights also occasionally fight Xenos, which would normally be left to the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] and their chamber militant, the [[Deathwatch]], which is composed of the hardest non-Grey Knight Space Marines around. Again, this is rare, as the Grey Knights and their [[Daemonhunters|Ordo Malleus]] allies will typically feel that this is a waste of their talent.

All of this changes when Xeno Warp entities like the Avatars of [[Khaine|Khaela Mensha Khaine]] and Enslavers appear, or when said heretics, mutants, and witches bring out Daemons or some combination of the above; this tends to end up causing two, or if they're really unlucky, all three branches of the Inquisition to descend down upon the poor sap. Fighting the [[Sisters of Battle]], the [[Deathwatch]], and the [[Grey Knights]] all at once is a challenge that most sentient entities would much rather slowly gnaw all of their legs off than face. It gets even worse when you throw in Assassins and whatever force happens to already be present, i.e. yet more marines/guardsmen.

==Pure of Purpose==

<blockquote>"The Daemonic leads to two crimes; You turn away from the path of righteousness. And, you abandon the Emperor as the object of your devotion. For the first, death is merely a just retribution. The second is a heresy so terrible that no punishment can be sufficient. [[Grimdark|Yet the search for an appropriate penalty continues, and it shall be found."]]
~~ Codex: Daemonhunters 3rd Ed</blockquote>

Grey Knights are also the most elite of the Space Marines, and are trained in [[The 666 Rituals of Detestation|the most ball-crushingly difficult process that even veteran Space Marines consider "hard".]] Unlike other marine chapters, however, they're ''all'' Psykers (as mentioned previously), and primarily induct Psykers as recruits from the [[Black Ships]], which collect Psykers throughout the Imperium for training/sacrifices to preserve the [[Emperor|Emprah]]. As they hold Inquisitorial authority, the Knights may also collect recruits from virtually any place in the Imperium. They're also the most pure of the Space Marine chapters; every last one of them thinks that Chaos is fucktarded, and not a single Knight has ever succumbed to Chaotic influences. Their name is supposed to reflect their purity, though we'll ignore that grey isn't a color that people think of when it comes to purity, and that their [[Power Armour|armour]] is unpainted "silver." WH40K has lots of things that make lots less sense than that. Even a basic Grey Knight is capable of one shotting a lesser daemon with his force halberd in both fluff and crunch terms, and a typical nameless Greater Daemon or Daemon Prince can be sent shrieking back into the warp with one swing from a Grey Knight Grand Master. But, for really big Daemonic threats like the Daemon Primarchs [[Mortarion]], [[Angron]], or a [[Bloodthirster]] of real renown like An'ggrath the Unbound or the like, lots of Grey Knights will be needed to bring down the gribbly warp monster. For example, out of the hundred Knights that were hauled in to keelhaul Angron and his bloodthirster retinue back in [[Armageddon]], only thirteen of them survived.
[[File:CN WIP.png|left|thumb|left|TRUTH]]

They are given the absolute best equipment the Imperium can give; their basic troopers are nearly as well armed as most chapter's terminators, coming with a wrist-mounted stormbolter and a force weapon vs a termie's storm bolter and power weapon, and they have access to other psychically-powered tools that are built to burn daemons. However, they always prefer fighting at close combat where they can use their standard-issue force weapons, allowing them to channel their anti-daemon psychic ass-kicking into the blade.

Table-top wise, Grey Knights are an elite, low model count army; you're normally outnumbered, but you are capable of tearing shit up if you can plan around everything accordingly and/or requisition backup. They excel when used as an alpha strike force, as nearly every model in the codex is capable of deep striking. In 7E this allowed them to make full use of a formation that gave the ability to deep strike on turn 1. While Knights can manage close range combat, they have severely limited options for long-ranged combat or anti-air. In an average 1,000 point match, you'll likely have 10-20 models and a land raider, and that's if you spend all of it on the Knights. And that's okay, because they kick ass. Plus, all of their models subscribe to the Rule of Cool, they're more awesomesauce than regular marines, all their basic weapons are fuckawesome, and their units all look really damned cool. Them's fighting words.

Though they are individually more powerful than the [[Deathwatch]] of the [[Alienhunters|Ordo Xenos]] and are both more individually powerful and experienced than the [[Sisters of Battle]], they lack the experience and versatility of the [[Deathwatch]] who probably also marginally outnumber them, and are vastly outnumbered by the [[Sisters of Battle]], which keeps a balance of power between the three orders of the inquisition.

Uniquely enough, upon death, Grey Knights seek to be interred in The Dead Fields, a burial site on Titan some distance away from the Grey Knights' fortress. Their equipment is then recycled and passed along to the next recruits in line, and the gene seed harvested before the burial preparation. (the process of which involves writing the 666 Words of Sanctity along the fallen Knight's body) This also accounts for the relatively low amounts of Dreadnoughts owned by the Chapter, though those that do exist are rarely awoken to help with the worst situations. These Dreadnoughts may also serve as commanders, and it's more than a little bizarre that there isn't a Dreadnought named character in the codex.

==Organization==
Since they exist outside the normal structure of the Adeptus Astartes, the Grey Knights have an organization similar yet distinctly different from [[Codex Astartes|Codex]] Chapters. Instead of the Codex-standard ten companies, the Knights are organized into 8 "Brotherhoods", whose lineages harken back to the original 8 founders of the Grey Knights by Malcador himself. Each of these Brotherhoods is known for their specialty; for example, the 1st Brotherhood is home to most of the chapter's pilots and vehicles, the 7th best maintains relations with the Inquisition and stores all the information on them, while the 8th is generally where most of the recruits are first sent.
The ranks are as follows:

*'''Supreme Grand Master''': The Chapter Master of the Grey Knights, elected by the eight Grand Masters unanimously. [[Kaldor Draigo]] serves as the current Supreme Grand Master. While he can override any current Grand Master command or mission, he normally only does this if a Conclave Diabolus (the 101 daemons on their most wanted list) or a Daemon Primarch shows up.

*'''Grand Master''': The leader of a Grey Knights Brotherhood, this Grey Knight has seen centuries if not millennia of combat. There are only eight in total, in remembrance of the eight Space Marines [[Malcador the Sigillite]] recruited for the task. While each also manages the brotherhood fleet, manage recruits etc., they normally just give these task to a Chapter serf so they can go kill daemons.

*'''Brother-Captain''': Just like each Brotherhood has a Grand Master to lead it, so too is there a corresponding Brother-Captain to further delegate orders through the chain of command. Similar to the old Legion Astartes rank where Captains could also be squad commanders, except for the fact that they are ''always'' referred to as Brother-Captain. Grey Knight Brother-Captains ''can'' command larger groups the way a captain in a typical Codex Chapter would (this happened at the First Battle of Armageddon, for example), but the Knights only assemble in such numbers in response to the direst of threats, so most of the time they're left to run just a squad, albeit an elite one.

*'''Brotherhood Champion''': Similar to a Company Champion, the Brotherhood Champion has renounced all forms of combat save for the sword. Given that all Grey Knights are psykers wielding Nemesis-force weapons, this means that a Brotherhood Champion will be charging a daemon with a flaming sword, evening the odds a little. Admittedly one of the cooler (in fluff) units, though on tabletop they're little more than one-trick ponies.

*'''Justicar''': Similar in function to a Sergeant, a Justicar leads squads in battle, answering immediately to a Brother-Captain. The major difference between a Sergeant and a Justicar is that a Justicar may wear personal heraldry. They also often serve as a focus for the squad's psychic powers.

*'''Purifier''': Purifiers are battle-brothers who are especially pure of spirit, possessing high psychic ability that can allow them to wreath themselves in holy flame that will burn anything Chaos tainted while leaving the Purifier untouched. So basically yo dawg we heard you like warriors of purity so we put extra purity in your extra purity so you can be extra pure while you're extra pure! Cool thing about them is that they aren't chosen based on abilities, but on heroics and soul - For this very reason, there's only about 40 Purifiers at once anywhere in the galaxy. They hold some pretty bad secrets on Titan, stuff that they'll ''beat up'' other Knights if they ever try and take a hold of.

*'''Paladin''': Paladins are a special group like the Purifiers, but whereas the Purifiers focus on spiritual purity, the Paladins are much more martial, serving as bodyguards to the Grand Masters. Membership is acquired when an Aspirant completes eight separate quests establishing his character and nobility. These things push them to the limit of what is super-humanly possible, both in their psyké and their physical power. Despite this there's a lot of Paladins compared to Purifiers, with about a hundred of them existing at a time. Note that virtually every Paladin is on the books to be promoted to Brother-Captain, though Justicars can also be promoted if they earn it through some appropriately heroic feat and prove they can lead well enough.

*'''Prognosticar''': Think, Space Marine [[Farseer|Farseers]]. These guys serve as the mission control for the chapter and inform the Grand Masters about serious shit that might be going down, and they're often Knights that've been injured badly enough such that they can't serve on the frontlines. Groups of them sit around all day in psychic echo chambers to divine the return of powerful daemons before they actually show up, allowing the Grey Knights to mobilize in time to put a stop to the enemy's plans. This helps to minimize the damage wrought, sometimes even halting the summoning rituals before their completion. They are also probably the most powerful psykers in the whole imperium bar the emperor, other grey knights describe them as blinding when they are suppressing their power.

===The Grey Knight's Super Secret Box===
Deep within the core of Saturn's moon, Titan, which has been hidden in the Warp during the Horus Heresy, in the heart of the Grey Knights fortress lies a super secret box containing something so super secret that only Supreme Grand Master [[Kaldor Draigo]] knows what is inside and nobody else, Known only as the Terminus Decree. It is unknown what lies within the box, but it is believed that if it is opened that untold horrors would spill into the material world. But anything could be inside the box, even a piece of string, a secret compartment within the actual secret box that holds one of the deepest and darkest secret of the Imperium that's triggered by pulling said piece of string, or another box that contains another secret box. It might even contain an embarassing photo of the emprah from the Christmas party. HOWEVER, it should be noted that the box is inscribed with the exact same insignia as that of the Golden Throne.

Of course, we'll never know since the box will only be opened when "All is lost", although the 8th edition codex does mention that Draigo has asked the Grand Masters to consider opening it for the first time in their recorded history. Given [[The End Times|what happened]] the last time GW decided to [[Advancing the Storyline|move things forward]], it may be best if we don't learn what's inside.

==5th Edition, /tg/, and how [[Matt Ward]] Bungled Shit Up==
[[File:Rape knight.png|200px|right|thumb|"FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!"]]
{{MattWard}}
When the 5E Grey Knights Codex was announced, there was considerable discussion amongst /tg/; finally, an army that needed it was going to get an update. Anticipation turned to balls-out [[Warp|horror]], however, when it was discovered that [[Matt Ward|Matthew "Spiritual Liege" Ward]] was going to do the codex. Matt was notorious for fucking up the [[fluff]] of the [[Blood Angels]] (turning them into necrophiliacs) and [[Ultramarines|Space Smurfs]] (turning them into ''[[Indrick Boreale|SECOND TO TEH EMPRAH]]'' marines, simultaneously infuriating those who actually liked the Ultramarines fluff in which they took their lumps but fought on (I.E. the manly route) and those who already disliked Ultramarines.) Considering that Matt had placed so much ascended fanboy wankery on the Ultramarines, many, especially on /tg/, were wondering how, exactly, he was intending to handle the fluff of the Grey Knights, who were trained to be the best of the best. The face-palm-worthy answer came in the form of leaked information regarding the Codex:

Grey Knights now roam around carving their names in the daemon hearts of daemon primarchs - you know, the ones that single-handedly destroyed empires and have ascended to daemonhood. That any man would be capable of this, given that the [[Warp]] is the very essence of the Daemonic and ergo their numbers are limitless and their powers inviolate and also is a realm that is in itself anathema to the laws of physical existence hence why the fucking ships have to use Geller Fields so they don't un-exist by entering the Warp, and the 10+ years of canon regarding just that was completely disregarded - because Matt Ward said so. So they have one guy (who is such a bit of lunacy that 1d4chan has given him [[Kaldor Draigo|his own article]]) running around the warp, killing Slaanesh's chosen handmaidens, burning down the gardens of Nurgle, and though it wasn't expressly stated in his fluff article, heavily implies figuring out Tzeentch's Infinite Labyrinth. True to all Matt Ward fluff, how Draigo managed to escape going insane from warp exposure, become Slaanesh's buttsex-slave after setting eyes on [[Slaanesh|She who thirsts]], being popped like a Zit by [[Khorne]], not catching [[Nurgle|space daemon]] [[AIDS]] from being in the plaguefather and Mortarion's presence (let alone carving anything on his heart), or simply being drowned in bodies that make his armor/invulnerable saves irrelevant (the usual way to deal with Grey Knights on the tabletop) is never explained. This is Ward we're talking about, and he shows as much grace as [[C.S.Goto|black Irish lepers]] when handling fluff. Who knows, maybe Ward decided this guy is the Grey Knight's Primarch. At least that might make ''some'' sense...a primarch version of a living saint... mmmmm, why didn't Emps do that to begin with!?

Not content to [[FATAL|rape]] canon with just one codex entry, he then made it so that Daemonhosts could be taken by a Grey Knights army. For the uninitiated, this was, again, another slap in the face of 10+ years of canon, since in literally ''every fucking work put out by [[Games Workshop]]'', has had them view Daemonhosts as the darkest form of [[Heresy]] and dealing with those that harbor them [[Exterminatus|the same way they deal with anything daemonic]]. Not content to leave well enough alone, they can now work with radical Inquisitors, who, again, now harbor the [[Daemon|daemonic]] in the form of Daemonblades.
[[File:Space Hulk.jpg|400px|left|thumb|Remember the good ol' days?]]
Then he gave most of the [[Sisters of Battle]] special characters to the Grey Knights, such as [[Witch Hunters|Lord Krazypantsoff]], since - y'know, that army hadn't been [[-4 Str|brutalized enough]] for Matt's taste. Which is why he then included the Bloodtide. Look up [[Khornate Knights]] if you want to learn more about this...incident.
He then proceeded to give the Grey Knights an absolutely-ridiculous-looking (and widely mocked by [[/tg/]]) walker called a [[Dreadknight]] that counts as a monstrous creature, can do a huge personal teleport to get where it needs to be, and which basically is a Grey Knight Terminator hooked into a bigger armor suit - yes, it's every bit as insane and retarded as it sounds. But hey, to be fair, it was designed for the purpose of fighting greater daemons 1 on 1, not to protect from bullets. These guys fight daemons in melee combat, and any extra protection against a greater daemon's weapon past termie armor and force fields would be redundant. As one clever Ultramarines player, fed up with Matt Ward's shit, put it:

''"Yo dawg, we heard you like powered armor so we put powered armor in your powered armor so you can go to war while you go to war"'' [http://qkme.me/3set87]

Inexplicably, despite the fact that you could snipe the Grey Knight out of the Dreadknight, since apparently armoring the head is for losers, the rules don't display this. Exactly why Ward thinks that bullets are somehow less damaging against the Knight's head when it's put in a suit of armor that mostly covers its body and limbs is a mystery. (Although the codex does say something about there being an invisible shield of ridiculous strength protecting the pilot, without any regard to what kind of implications Super-Strength Force Fields have, simply because Matt Ward wanted to make the DreadKnight look like the Power Loader from Aliens) What he really got from it was a baby carrier attached to a chicken that got beaten by an ugly stick.

Throw in a ton of extra cheese, a commander that out-Creed's [[Creed]] (it can Scout more units than Creed can with '''Tactical Genius''') by a sizable margin, throw in a ton of retarded violations of fluff like the aforementioned, and several other bits of flaming stupid (such as the oversight which allows players to take entire ''armies'' of [[Jokaero]], which, depending on [[Lulz|who]] [[Troll|you]] [[Furry|are]], could be a bad thing or a funny thing), and you have the 5th Edition Grey Knights Codex in a nutshell.

tl;dr a shitstorm happened.

===Hauling Things Back on Track===
Needless to say, when GW announced that the Grey Knights would be getting an update for 7E, people were far less than enthused. After all, nobody was exactly thrilled by the last codex, but the only way they could get any worse was to have someone illiterate write.

That said, the 7E Codex saw a massive cutback in terms of both fluff and crunch.
Gone was the aforementioned incident with the Sisters, as was any mention of [[Vorth Mordrak]] the Ghost-Master and [[Anval Thawn]] the Possibly-Perpetual Paladin (and one of Ward's few good ideas from 5th ed.) <s>Similarly, that bullshit story about Draigo forging a sword from a daemonic weapon was gone.</s> It's still there, and you have to be retarded to consider this canon-rape as both Logan Grimnar's axe and Papa Smurf's gauntlets are both reforged trophies taken from Chaos.
In terms of crunch, though, a lot more was cut, and the codex as a whole was beaten with the nerf bat pretty hard. First off, they were finally excised from that tumor that was the old Inquisition List. However, that removal did also mean that the Knights now lacked much in the way of anti-armor. Similarly, Thrawn and Mordrak were banished from the codex because they never had models. A lot of the more cheese options for the Grey Knights (Grand Strategy and allotment of psychic powers mostly) were also removed, as were the beloved Psybolts. In fact, the only unit that got buffed in the codex was the Dreadknight, who got a major price cut and was forced to be the only good unit, with the runner-up being the Librarian by virtue of his psychic variety. Oh, and Draigo got shoved into Lords of War while losing all the rules that made him OP.

In short, there were some price changes to units, a few units were switched into different slots, and there were nerfs all around with very, very little to compensate for the loss, save for a formation and a few relics.

==Notable Members==
* [[Vorth Mordrak|Grand Master Vorth Mordrak]]
* [[Arvann Stern|Brother-Captain Arvann Stern]]
* [[Castellan Crowe|Castellan Garran Crowe]]
* [[Hyperion|Librarian Hyperion]]
* [[Justicar Alaric]]

==Daily Rituals of the Grey Knights==
04:00 - Rousing from their deep sleep. The Grey Knights emerge from their purity sealed, ceramite-plasteel composite beds.

04:30 - The Grey Knights initiate Morning Prayers. These are extra long to make the Grey Knights extra faithful.

06:50 - Morning Meal. A light meal is prepared by the Grey Knight's uber secret serfs. Each meal is blessed with holy water and purity seals.

07:00 - Morning Firing Rites. The Grey Knights begin target practice on captured [[Heretics]] and bounded [[Daemons]].

09:00 - Purity Checks. The Grey Knights are inscribed with new protective wardens and are checked for their pureness.

10:00 - Battle Practice. The Grey Knights resume practicing on ways to kill daemons via Daemonhosts and ''even more'' Heretics.

11:00 - Midday Prayer. The Grey Knights initiate a prayer just as long as in the morning. This time on why the Emprah kicks ass and the Chaos Gods suck monkey cock.

13:00 - Midday Meal. A medium meal is prepared again by the secret serfs. More holy water and blessed ingredients are used to prepare the food.

13:30 - Tactical Indoctrination. The Grey Knights are informed on the latest daemonic incursions.

15:30 - Battle Practice. The Grey Knights go into a random heretical planet to hone in their heretical killing spree.

17:00 - Evening Firing Rites. The Grey Knights continue their target practice on captured Daemons and Heretics after returning from their daily heretical slaughter.

18:00 - Evening Prayer. A prayer is hosted in the evening to further indoctrinate the Grey Knights as to why they're 'special'.

20:00 - Evening Meal. A huge feast is prepared by the serfs. Not only are the food decorated in purity seals, dressed in holy water and blessed ingredients but is also cooked in holy Prometheum mixture, the same fuel used to fire up Purgation Squad's Incinerators. Usually the feast is celebrated by a successful [[Grey Knight Paladin|Paladin]].

22:00 - Purity Checks. More checks on the Grey Knights purity. Failure in filling up the daily purity quotient will lead the particular Grey Knight to go on a penance crusade to slaughter a million Daemons by himself. This is a minor nuisance as all of them succeed due to their plot armor.

23:00 - Free Time. The Grey Knights have their free time. Those sent on a penance crusade came back with a bucket load of captured and slained daemons and heretics to be later used for tomorrow's target and battle practice. The rest of the Grey Knights use their time to worship the Emperor, honing in their psychic potential, blessing their equipment or [[The 666 Rituals of Detestation |reading their special 666 paged booklet of purging daemons.]] Techmarines spend the time preparing [[Blood Ravens|borrowed]] Xeno tech for general use.

24:00 - The Grey Knights goes back to their deep sleep in their purity approved beds.

==Badass Quotes==
'''Short version'''

I am the hammer, I am the mail about His fist.

I am the Spear in His hand.

Though we are lost, I am the shield on His arm.

I am the flight of His arrows. I am the hammer.

I am the sword. I am the shield.

I am a soldier at the battle at the end of time.

'''Full version'''

I am the Hammer,

I am the edge of His Sword,

I am the tip of His Spear,

I am the mail about His Fist,

I am the flight of His Arrows,

I am the right hand of my Emperor,

I am the instrument of His Will,

I am His sword as He is my Armor,

I am his Wrath and He is my Zeal,

I am the Bane of His Foes and the Woes of the Treacherous,

Let us be His Shield,

Let us speak His Word as He fuels the Fire of Devotion,

Let us fight His Battles, as He fights the Battle at the end of time,

And let us join Him there, for Duty ends not in Death,

In Vengeance be true, In Valor be Strong,

I am the Hammer,

I am the Sword,

I am the Spear,

I am the Shield,

I am the soldier at the End of Time.

'''Lord Inquisitor version'''

I am the Hammer,

I am the point of His spear,

I am the mail about His fist,

I am the bane of His foes and the woes of the treacherous,

I am the End.

'''~~ Justicar Alaric, Grey Knights'''

One unbreakable shield against the coming darkness,

One final blade, forged in defiance of fate.

Let them be my legacy to the galaxy I conquered,

And my final gift to the species I failed.

'''~~ Inscription upon the Arcus Daemonica, attributed to the Emperor of Mankind.'''

===Canticle of Absolution===

Praise the Emperor for his sacrifice,

as He endures so shall we.

We who are Hunters of Daemons,

shall strive in his name eternally.

We the Order of the Hammer,

shall delve into the Dark Shadows.

We shall seek out the Tainted,

we shall pursue the Vilest Evil.

It is we who stand guard,

our Eternal Watch shall not fail.

For we are the Ordo Malleus!

We Grey Knights are the Hammers,

we slay the Darkness without fear.

Founded in great mystery we were,

Chapter six hundred and sixty six.

Though on Titan we be hidden,

yet our eyes encompass the Galaxy.

No Devil shall elude our gaze,

no Daemon shall elude its Fate.

We shall be the Keepers Immortal,

all Secrets shall be our Knowledge.

We are the Guardians of Mankind!

Caution and secrecy are our code,

watchfulness and patience are our way.

Hidden from the Eyes of Chaos,

we strike without warning or dread.

Though we find ourselves in Shadows,

no Blackness will enter our Hearts.

No treachery will touch our souls,

no pride will sully our thoughts.

We shall be Pure amongst Impurity,

we shall be Innocence amongst Guilt.

We are the Imperium’s Hidden Saviours!

We are spread across the Heavens,

our watch is untiring and ceaseless.

The Emperor shall guard our Souls,

as we Guard those of others.

Our will shall be our weapons,

our faith shall be our armour.

Our minds will be secure fortresses,

no Temptation will weaken our resolve.

Though unnumbered lurking perils await us,

our blades will ever be ready.

For we are the Emperor’s Vengeance!

Masters of all weapons are we,

no defence exists against our wrath.

With the Nemesis shall we fight,

with an Aegis to shield us.

In bloodshed shall we save Mankind,

Death shall be our Everlasting Creed.

War Unending shall be our Fate,

in battle shall we be steeped.

We shall be unstinting in Hatred,

we shall hunger for Holy War.

For we are Swords of Justice!

When all flee in hideous disarray,

strong and sound shall we stand.

Cowardice is wholly unknown to us,

our courage comes from the Emperor.

Unbowed and unshaken against all foes,

we shall claim victory with blood.

Steady and surely we hunt them,

those who dare oppose our wrath.

Death stalks us in many forms,

the grotesque and the utterly inhuman.

We are the Bringers of Hope!

Bloody battles unending constantly await us,

redemption the reward for our vigilance.

When Possession rears its unspeakable head,

ours is the blade that descends.

When Empyrean Horrors invade our realm,

our Exorcisms shall hurl them back.

There is no Chaos spawned horror,

which can resist our indomitable anger.

With undaunted courage we shall prevail,

no arcane magicks shall overcome us.

We are the Bearers of Victory!

No corruption shall blemish our Galaxy,

no Immaterial Fiend shall be spared.

No Malevolent Spirit will oppose us,

no Creation of Sin shall survive.

No Unholy Deed shall go Unpunished,

all Blasphemous Acts shall be Atoned.

No Spawn of Misrule shall avoid us,

all are banished to the Void.

Nothing shall evade our Cleansing Fire,

not Daemon or Spawn or Renegade.

For we are Mankind’s Divine Blade!

Heavenly Blessings are laid upon us,

the Warp is ours to Tame.

Though Sorceries shall be against us,

no Witchcraft will bring our Doom.

Though Spell or Incantation blocks us,

the Emperor shall see us Victorious.

No Hex can overcome our determination,

our resolve is strong as steel.

Sigils and wards shall watch over us,

prayers shall serve as our Guide.

For we are the Emperor’s Chosen!

There is much darkness awaiting us,

yet the Emperor lights our path.

Falsehood surrounds us at every turn,

yet no Traitor shall confound us.

No despicable trickery will thwart us,

no Damnation shall bring us low.

There is no peace for us,

for an eternity we will strive.

Though mere mortals in His service,

everlasting shall be our True Duty.

'''~~ Codex: Daemonhunters 3rd Edition'''

==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:GreyKnightPose.jpg|Holy, righteous, and daemon-killy.
File:Grey Knight3.jpg|We do have to admit that the new Purgation Squads are pretty cool
File:BroCaptain.jpg|
File:GKBattleColor.jpg|So, um... WHY IN THE NAME OF BUGGERY WASN'T ''THIS'' USED FOR THE DREADKNIGHT MODEL?!?
File:CroweInColor.jpg|Castellan Crowe, the leader of the Purifiers. He uses the daemon sword as a regular blade because he's too badass to let it corrupt him. This doesn't stop him from tearing holes in heretic and daemon asses.
File:Typical_Grey_Knight_Players.jpg| We must remember, however, that many players have embraced Ward's Grey Knights. And they are, to a man, [[that guy|insufferable]].
File:The sacred rose by celeng-d57pms2.jpg| Disregard [[Khornate Knights|the Ward]]. The Knights and Sisters are the best of bros.
File:RealDreadknight.jpg| This Dreadknight, made with a DAKKADAKKA conversion kit, looks as it should have. Field one and watch [[TWINS THEY WERE|nude Bolter Bitches]] jockey to [[Slaanesh|polish]] your armor. Obviously Forgeworld took note when designing the [[Contemptor-Galatus Dreadnought]].
File:GKStormbolter.png|Just another day on the job.
File:GreyKnightLean.jpg|Shhhh, I'm hunting Daemons.
File:GreyKnightBattleColor.jpg
File:GreyKnightBattle.jpg
File:GKProfile.jpg
File:GKProfile4.jpg
File:Grey-knight.jpg
</gallery>

==See Also==
* [[The 666 Rituals of Detestation]] - All Grey Knights initiates must pass these trials before they become a full-fledged battle brother.
*[[Daemonhunters]]
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Grey_Knights(8E)]]
* [[The Ultimate Grey Knight Cheese List]] The Ultimate (in Cheese!) Grey Knight Army for 6E. Seriously, though...don't play it or your opponent will murder you in real life.
(That and the fact that any decent army will table it turn 1.)
* [[Grey Knight Brotherhood Creation Table]] - Create your own Brotherhood with anons or otherwise.
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjaYW5Cnr5k| Watch a Grey Knight get armored up in Aegis Terminator Armor] IN OVER 1080p!

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