2d4chan - User contributions [en]

Hive World

2019-07-10T16:17:53Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268: /* See Also */

{{wh40k-stub}}
[[Image:Hive.jpg|350px|When there is no more room to go out, you go up.|thumb]]
'''Hive''' is the [[Imperium of Man|Imperium]]'s pet name for its [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arcology Arcologies], cities on the scale of mountains. Once a world gets one, it ends up building more until it is more-or-less covered in hives, and we call the resultant mass of metal and humanity a Hive World. If you're not in one of the towers at the top, they're generally very shitty places to live, what with the gang-infested wretched hives of scum and villainy, starvation, hobos due to lack of resources, forcible conscription for the [[Imperial Guard]], and the occasional mutant tribes in the Underhive sewers, and such. The only reason the Imperium keeps them around is because they make great recruiting grounds for the Guard and the [[Space Marines|Adeptus Astartes]]. Yes, you read that right. A Hive World is on par with [[Feral World|Feral]] and [[Death World]]s for recruiting Space Marines.

You know that intro blurb? "To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable." Yeah, that's life on a Hive World. [[Grimdark]] to the max.

The moral of the story is that organized urban planning initiatives should NOT be taken lightly.

Hives tend to get old, worn with constant reconstruction, and eventually very confusing. As time goes on the lower levels invariably start to cave in on themselves due to the ever increasing weight from above and the decay that sets in on ill-used regions. This causes the phenomenon of the 'underhive', a mess of forgotten and collapsing old tunnels and buildings that becomes what is basically Detroit on steroids: a Ghetto where the poorest, gangs, mutants, freaky life forms of all sorts and pollution tend to collect. In worse and older hives the underhive can be lethally toxic, radioactive, and house everything from mutant gangs with pet giant death-roaches to malfunctioning servitors armed with power scourges to even the occasional [[Genestealer]]. Needless to say these are wonderful places to visit if you happen to be looking for a quick death, but for rogue psykers and other people with no choice but down they are generally home for however long their lives last.

As a very loose upside, the underhive functions as a flush-valve for the dregs of society, a clear area to keep an eye on and fortify against, and something to focus the masses on hating rather than letting them hate upwards. On the further downside it's still a breeding ground for dangerous beasts, insane cultists (sometimes of the [[Genestealer]] variety), psykers, gangs, plagues, and worse, and getting down there to repair anything is a daunting if not impossible task for anything less well equipped than an entire arbites unit complete with armor support...... and in older hives, it might even be utterly impossible for anything shy of a kitted out inquisitorial strike team or squadron of space marines!

Aside from all the other dangers, there are also hivequakes, which is what happens when part of the lower levels settles or breaks down further and things above it are affected. This can be localized, widespread, or even catastrophic if the piece that finally gives out was bracing things that were holding up chains of supports that lead to collapses much further above. They can also lead to invasions of mutants and renegades, especially if the quake opens up a sizable rift into the heart of the hive where the underhivers can loot valuables and necessities. Thus in many hives hivequakes are as common as weather pattern shifts and contribute to the sense of paranoia that already comes with living in an overpopulated spire stuffed with billions of religiously hateful, often violent, or outright criminal people only barely controlled by watchful and well armed police forces.... if that much. And you thought your neighborhood was bad! On the other hand, the people being invaded by the underhive during quakes are also well-armed, far more numerous, and fanatical zealots screaming at the top of their lungs. It's more dangerous for the underhivers, really, but desperation is despseration.

Oh, and the underhivers are every bit as fanatically devoted to the Emperor as anyone else in the Imperium (hell, even ''pirates'' are fanatics).

As mentioned above, those who can live in hives are good at navigating crowds, familiar with a certain level of tech, and often very alert, all traits that make them good soldiers, inquisitorial fodder, or marine potentials (depending on their individual aptitudes). Humans who grow up in deep hives or lower down, like [[Ciaphas Cain]] tend to have pretty good senses of direction and spacial visualization, as well as navigate the dark pretty well. Hives also concentrate humanity into one location and provide them with tools and space to work, meaning massive amounts of labor gets done in a hive by a never ending tide of workers, so production is essentially nonstop. This is, of course, one of or even the worst case of a plot hole in all of 40k. Because if the Imperium has so much production going on, why the fuck are the Imperial Guard so poorly equipped? There is no reason. It would mean that the Hives, the Imperial Worlds, and the Forge Worlds all devote only a minuscule fraction of their production to the Guard. Which makes no sense given the Imperium's situation (and hatred of aliens). They're being pushed back world-by-world and yet they aren't even trying to devote any notable amount of their production to the military? Bullshit.
Consider the following:
In 40k, the IoM is also devoting resources to Adeptus Mechanicus unit construction, Space Marine armor and weapons making, tank production, all of which do not compare to something like Titans, Knights, or such. As well, superheavies also take time, and so does manufacturing ammunition. All this means that the IG gets the short end of the stick. They are also intended to be expendable, so in any case, giving them more complex gear would be bad.

== See Also ==
* [[Armageddon]], a Hive World and site of three wars.
* [[Cthonia]], a Hive World and homeworld of the [[Black Legion|Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus]] (subjected to [[Exterminatus]] after the [[Horus Heresy]]).
* [[Necromunda]], a Hive World and the setting of the tactical skirmish game of the same name.
* [[Nostramo]], a Hive World that served as the homeworld of the [[Night Lords]] (subjected to Exterminatus by [[Konrad Curze]]).
* [[Praetorian Guard| Praetoria]], a hive world that probably looks like something out of a Dickensian novel or a poem by Rudyard Kipling.
* [[Terra]], the Hive World to end all Hive Worlds, as humanity was born there. Or rather Ecumenopolis, since Hive Worlds usually have(badly polluted) wilderness areas but Terra is one planet sized city like Coruscant.
* [[Zayth]], a Hive world with a massive super continent that is bombarded with war, that instead of well placed trenches and fortifications like on [[Krieg]][[Awesome|, the city moves... ]]
* [[Forge World]], another sort of world, dominated by manufacturing and research rather than residential construction.
* [[Stalinvast]]

{{40k-Planets}}

Hive World

2019-07-10T16:17:10Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268: /* See Also */

{{wh40k-stub}}
[[Image:Hive.jpg|350px|When there is no more room to go out, you go up.|thumb]]
'''Hive''' is the [[Imperium of Man|Imperium]]'s pet name for its [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arcology Arcologies], cities on the scale of mountains. Once a world gets one, it ends up building more until it is more-or-less covered in hives, and we call the resultant mass of metal and humanity a Hive World. If you're not in one of the towers at the top, they're generally very shitty places to live, what with the gang-infested wretched hives of scum and villainy, starvation, hobos due to lack of resources, forcible conscription for the [[Imperial Guard]], and the occasional mutant tribes in the Underhive sewers, and such. The only reason the Imperium keeps them around is because they make great recruiting grounds for the Guard and the [[Space Marines|Adeptus Astartes]]. Yes, you read that right. A Hive World is on par with [[Feral World|Feral]] and [[Death World]]s for recruiting Space Marines.

You know that intro blurb? "To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable." Yeah, that's life on a Hive World. [[Grimdark]] to the max.

The moral of the story is that organized urban planning initiatives should NOT be taken lightly.

Hives tend to get old, worn with constant reconstruction, and eventually very confusing. As time goes on the lower levels invariably start to cave in on themselves due to the ever increasing weight from above and the decay that sets in on ill-used regions. This causes the phenomenon of the 'underhive', a mess of forgotten and collapsing old tunnels and buildings that becomes what is basically Detroit on steroids: a Ghetto where the poorest, gangs, mutants, freaky life forms of all sorts and pollution tend to collect. In worse and older hives the underhive can be lethally toxic, radioactive, and house everything from mutant gangs with pet giant death-roaches to malfunctioning servitors armed with power scourges to even the occasional [[Genestealer]]. Needless to say these are wonderful places to visit if you happen to be looking for a quick death, but for rogue psykers and other people with no choice but down they are generally home for however long their lives last.

As a very loose upside, the underhive functions as a flush-valve for the dregs of society, a clear area to keep an eye on and fortify against, and something to focus the masses on hating rather than letting them hate upwards. On the further downside it's still a breeding ground for dangerous beasts, insane cultists (sometimes of the [[Genestealer]] variety), psykers, gangs, plagues, and worse, and getting down there to repair anything is a daunting if not impossible task for anything less well equipped than an entire arbites unit complete with armor support...... and in older hives, it might even be utterly impossible for anything shy of a kitted out inquisitorial strike team or squadron of space marines!

Aside from all the other dangers, there are also hivequakes, which is what happens when part of the lower levels settles or breaks down further and things above it are affected. This can be localized, widespread, or even catastrophic if the piece that finally gives out was bracing things that were holding up chains of supports that lead to collapses much further above. They can also lead to invasions of mutants and renegades, especially if the quake opens up a sizable rift into the heart of the hive where the underhivers can loot valuables and necessities. Thus in many hives hivequakes are as common as weather pattern shifts and contribute to the sense of paranoia that already comes with living in an overpopulated spire stuffed with billions of religiously hateful, often violent, or outright criminal people only barely controlled by watchful and well armed police forces.... if that much. And you thought your neighborhood was bad! On the other hand, the people being invaded by the underhive during quakes are also well-armed, far more numerous, and fanatical zealots screaming at the top of their lungs. It's more dangerous for the underhivers, really, but desperation is despseration.

Oh, and the underhivers are every bit as fanatically devoted to the Emperor as anyone else in the Imperium (hell, even ''pirates'' are fanatics).

As mentioned above, those who can live in hives are good at navigating crowds, familiar with a certain level of tech, and often very alert, all traits that make them good soldiers, inquisitorial fodder, or marine potentials (depending on their individual aptitudes). Humans who grow up in deep hives or lower down, like [[Ciaphas Cain]] tend to have pretty good senses of direction and spacial visualization, as well as navigate the dark pretty well. Hives also concentrate humanity into one location and provide them with tools and space to work, meaning massive amounts of labor gets done in a hive by a never ending tide of workers, so production is essentially nonstop. This is, of course, one of or even the worst case of a plot hole in all of 40k. Because if the Imperium has so much production going on, why the fuck are the Imperial Guard so poorly equipped? There is no reason. It would mean that the Hives, the Imperial Worlds, and the Forge Worlds all devote only a minuscule fraction of their production to the Guard. Which makes no sense given the Imperium's situation (and hatred of aliens). They're being pushed back world-by-world and yet they aren't even trying to devote any notable amount of their production to the military? Bullshit.
Consider the following:
In 40k, the IoM is also devoting resources to Adeptus Mechanicus unit construction, Space Marine armor and weapons making, tank production, all of which do not compare to something like Titans, Knights, or such. As well, superheavies also take time, and so does manufacturing ammunition. All this means that the IG gets the short end of the stick. They are also intended to be expendable, so in any case, giving them more complex gear would be bad.

== See Also ==
* [[Armageddon]], a Hive World and site of three wars.
* [[Cthonia]], a Hive World and homeworld of the [[Black Legion|Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus]] (subjected to [[Exterminatus]] after the [[Horus Heresy]]).
* [[Necromunda]], a Hive World and the setting of the tactical skirmish game of the same name.
* [[Nostramo]], a Hive World that served as the homeworld of the [[Night Lords]] (subjected to Exterminatus by [[Konrad Curze]]).
* [[Pratetorian Guard| Praetoria]], a hive world that probably looks like something out of a Dickensian novel or a poem by Rudyard Kipling.
* [[Terra]], the Hive World to end all Hive Worlds, as humanity was born there. Or rather Ecumenopolis, since Hive Worlds usually have(badly polluted) wilderness areas but Terra is one planet sized city like Coruscant.
* [[Zayth]], a Hive world with a massive super continent that is bombarded with war, that instead of well placed trenches and fortifications like on [[Krieg]][[Awesome|, the city moves... ]]
* [[Forge World]], another sort of world, dominated by manufacturing and research rather than residential construction.
* [[Stalinvast]]

{{40k-Planets}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T16:12:58Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of Praetoria, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what Mordians would be if Mordians drank tea and were actually cool.
Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T16:11:05Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of Praetoria, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what Mordians would be if Mordians drank tea and were actually cool.
Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T16:10:18Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of Praetoria, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what Mordians would be if Mordians drank tea and were actually cool. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T16:09:45Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of Praetoria, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetorian is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what Mordians would be if Mordians drank tea and were actually cool. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T15:54:09Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They are what Mordians would be if Mordians drank tea and were actually cool. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T15:52:11Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They are what Morrison’s would be if Morrison’s were cool. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T15:41:29Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu’s at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rourke’s Drift. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky and [[Grimdark|ended up in Ork tummies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Praetorian Guard

2019-07-10T15:26:16Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

{{wh40k-stub}}
{{British}}
[[Image:Praetorians.jpg|300px|thumb|left|SPESS Brits and SPESS Piths.]]
[[Image:Praetorian.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Tally ho for the Emperor! Good show old chap!]]
{{Topquote|A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.|George Orwell, Burmese Days }}

The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major battles, the most notably the last battle titled The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Funny, sounds reverse to what happened to the British army in real life against the Zulus in Africa. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though.

[[Victoria Miniatures|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they've actually done subcontracting for GW.

Another option is Anvil Industry. Despite costing slightly more than GW Cadians they’re high quality, completely modular and even make Maxim guns. They also have gas mask piths so you could make a Praetorian siege regiment and play them as DKoK.

==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==
'''The Guard of Praetoria''' - Anthem of the 44th Praetorian (Sung to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogfy8YZ8FAU The British Grenadiers])

"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" 
"And some of Ciaphas Cain." 
"Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo" 
"And other greats the same." 

"But of all the greatest heroes" 
"There’s none more glorious" 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," 
"Than the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" 
"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." 
"To them and their commanders, they crumble into dust" 
"When they march into the firing line of the Guard of Praetoria!" 

"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" 
"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." 
"May they and their commanders die for the Emperor." 
"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard of Praetoria!" 

==See Also==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5VR4Ch__q8 A typical set of Praetorian drills.]

{{40k-Imperial-Regiments}}

Catachan Jungle Fighters

2019-07-10T14:40:22Z

2601:449:8201:62BD:88E1:EEBE:538:6268:

[[File:26405 sm-2nd Edition, Artwork, Catachan, Copyright Games Workshop, Imperial Guard, Retro Review.jpg|300px|thumb|right|They're kind of like Vietnam War-esque Diet [[Space Marines]] that bench trees and sweat hammers.]]
[[File:CatachanJungleFighters.jpg|300px|thumb|left|This man's knife is as big as his thigh, and his arms are the size of ''your'' thigh. Clearly not a knife to be screwed with. ]]
{{Topquote|War is in your blood. Don't fight it. You didn't kill for your country. You killed for yourself. The gods are never gonna make that go away. When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing.|'''Rambo''', Rambo IV}}

The '''Catachan Jungle Fighters''' (also known in the bodybuilding industry as the ABhumans and Diet [[Spess mehreen]]s) are a [[Imperial Guard Regiment|Regiment]] of the [[Imperial Guard]] from the [[Death World]] of Death Worlds, [[Catachan]] (pronounced ''cata-can''). They are mainly noted for having what are quite possibly the largest balls in the entire [[Imperium]], as Catachan is basically [[Death World|Hell]] and pretty much everything can kill you, including the goddamn flowers. Every animal is either carnivorous and/or poisonous, with all carnivores hunting and devouring their smaller counterparts. Basically the [[Imperial Guard]]'s version of [[Marbo|Rambo]]/Schwarzenegger/Chuck Norris hybrids, super-survivalists based on the US Green Berets/Marines of the Vietnam War and/or British Royal Marines Commandos. They are the toughest motherfuckers in town who are so ripped some believe they are a race of [[Abhuman|abhumans]]; they are in fact so muscled they can wear flimsy tanktops to show off their muscle and still get the same grade of protection as a [[Cadia|Cadian Shock Trooper]] in full armor, and the most RIPPED of them can get the same degree of protection as Carapace armor from their ROCK HARD ABS.

Keep in mind that flak armor can stop ''lasers'' and carapace armor can block ''bolter shells from Space Marines''. Wonder why the Emprah didn't create a Space Marine chapter out of these badasses... Oh yes, because Marines are forbidden to command armies of mortals, Chapter Worlds are freed from Imperial Tithe, AND Munitorium is sane enough not to lose the source of guys like [[Sly Marbo]].

To make them even more badass, Catachans were later confirmed to be physically and mentally superior to '''ANY''' normal human; basically, generations of breeding only the strongest and most swole badasses has resulted in these guys getting a free genetic upgrade... truly mini-spess mehreens. The swoleness is so real, that Catachans are nicknamed "Baby [[Ogryn]]s" by other guardsmen, although not usually to their faces, as they would then usually end up getting the beating of their lifetime or just outright killed.

A Catachan's favorite weapon is his trusty, simple, utilitarian and old-fashioned knife. If you listen to a Catachan then you'd start to wonder why the Imperium bothers with power swords and nemesis force halberds if steel sharpened on a stone is so good. Some of the various lies told by Catachans include: these knives, which every man and woman and child on the planet has made themselves, are prized throughout the galaxy even more so than the "fancy" and overrated chainswords that take too much maintenance, break often, would probably jam in Catachan flora, and can't be used for hunting because the lubricant would soil the meat. Orks absolutely love these guys - any respectable Ork would trade a chainsword or chop off his own arm to trade for their knives. Especially so for their biggest, more a sword really than a knife - its renown among da Orks is known as "Da Cutta". In return, a Catachan would rather give up his knife arm than his knife. Other favoured weapons amongst Catachans are the Flamer/Heavy Flamer, Sniper Rifle, Shotgun, and Demolition Charge. Using a Heavy Flamer in dense foliage is regarded as both safe and manly by the Catachans, who are balls-out rock hard.

Catachans don't like [[Commissars]] that much, mostly considering them to be arrogant, dolled up pussies. Usually most commissars end up "accidentally" walking into a Catachan trap (aka their knives and lasbolts) or "disappear" in different ways. The one individual to escape from this is [[Colonel Greiss]], by merit of being such a balls-out hardcore motherfucker that the Catachans could not help to respect him. Along with the Cadians they're the last kind of Guardsmen who you can buy GW made plastic models for from the source; for everyone else you either go third party or buy from Forgeworld (if they're the Death Korps anyway. Though it's not too hard to use the Death Korps to stand in for the Steel Legion), and while this may sound great; it's worth remembering that Catachan's models are... pretty infamously ugly (although this has more to do with GW's atrocious studio painting back in 1989, compared to other models from that time they're actually quite detailed and dynamic). With Chenkov and Al'rahem's removal they're also the only source of non-Cadian or Commissariat special characters in the codex.

But its not just prissies that Catachans have been known to have issues with (They use the words "Cadian" and "Mordian" as insults, basically meaning uptight pussies.), even tough n' gruff regiments like the [[Armageddon Ork Hunters]] have been known to have problems with them. This is due to the fact that 3 Catachan regiments were sent by badass [[Yarrick]] himself to help the Ork Hunters during the Third War of Armageddon, and ended up being better at killing Orks than the actual ORK HUNTERS. Apparently the night sky around the Ork Hunter's Cerberus Base was almost permanently lit with forest fires, and Orks could be heard screaming in every direction as the Catachans did their thaang. This obviously caused some jealousy with the Ork Hunters, and a bitter rivalry has existed ever since.

And, to top it all off, while everyone else was shitting their Munitorum-issued breeches when the Cicatrix Maledictum was expanding, the Catachans were busy kicking Chaos ass off their planet after it was exposed to a full scale invasion. Meanwhile other regiments like the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] ended up losing their worlds and getting raped by Tzeentchian Daemons. Upon reaching Catachan and discovering that the natives had already wiped out the invasion, the Indomitus Crusade simply made a pitstop to gain even more [[Imperial Guard|fuel units of awesome]] than they had when they left Terra to retake all the overrun precious space.

==Catachan Devils==
{{Topquote|If it bleeds, we can kill it.|"Dutch", Predator}}
Yeah, yeah, we know that Catachan has a big scary monster called this, but the elite of the already elite Jungle Fighters are also known as Catachan Devils, and form into units known as '''Catachan Devil Squads'''. These are the Swole-Kings, the baddest of the bad, the best Rambos on a planet full of Rambos. These elite warriors are basically specialists, masters of virtually every style of warfare, sent into the most dangerous of situations to perform raids, sabotage enemy war efforts and generally fuck up whatever is unfortunate to come their way. Their esteemed ranks include a man who crushed a Tyranid Ravener's neck with his biceps, and a dude who can take on entire armies. Don't know who i'm talking about? Then read on! (also, what's wrong with you?)

These guys were also a unit in DOW 2's Retribution DLC, they quickly became renowned amongst players as "Anti-Everything Sqauds", as they were capable of fucking up virtually any infantry and light vehicle unit if used correctly. They also had a badass voice actor who spouted out a shit ton of 80's action movie quotes, whilst sounding as if he drank gasoline and ate matches every day of his life.

==Catachan: A ''very, very, very, very, very'' shitty place to live==
[[File:Catachan Scout.jpg|300px|thumb|right|There are women with the Catachan Jungle Fighters, and they're even tougher than their male counterparts since they have to raise the bastards! ]]
{{Topquote|Out there beyond that fence every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes.|[[Avatar|Colonel Miles Quaritch]]}}

If you think it sucks where you live... well, you know absolutely nothing. Here are just a few reasons why Catachan is the last place in the entire galaxy outside the [[Warp]] or [[Commorragh|certain parts of the Webway]] you would (or should) visit. It is canonically stated as being the worst death world in the '''ENTIRE''' Imperium, nudging out even the likes of Fenris and Cretacia... pussies:

*Humanity is near the '''BOTTOM''' of the food chain.
*Half of the babies are ''eaten violently'' before they are three.
*Half of those survivors are then eaten before they are ten, so you have a 1/4 chance of survival to adulthood.
*You have to be a deadly fighter by the time most humans have learned to spell
*Every living thing on the planet is poisonous, carnivorous, or both. Even the plants, like the Brainleaf that takes over the minds of anyone that comes into contact with its leaves (which it can shoot several yards away), and the Spiker, which turns anyone who is pricked by one of its spines into another Spiker.
*Agriculture is impossible on Catachan's soil. As a result all your food either comes off-world or from whatever animals the hunting party managed to subdue. Do note that because every animal on Catachan is designed to kill, any non-venomous creature you meet will either be a powerful warrior hunter beyond reason or cunningly brutal predator, so dinner is more likely to be the diner when bringing them down.
*Most predators on Catachan aren't just giant monsters like you'd find on [[Space Wolves|Fenris]] or [[Flesh Tearers|Cretacia]]. That would just be too easy. Many of Catachan's most lethal killers are small and seemingly harmless, so they will almost certainly kill you before you even see them. An example of this are the Heretic Ants (named because they start by eating away at men's soles) and the Catachan Barking Toad, which explodes into a cloud of absurdly lethal poison when startled that kills everything within a one kilometer radius- including the toad itself. If that isn't enough, even Power Armour can't protect you. In fact, no known armour can prevent the toads explosion from reducing you and everything else to a pile of steaming goop.
*There is so much dense jungle and so many deadly animals that Catachan does not need a planetary defense system, as the wildlife scares off the Tyranids and the Orks(who actually live there, but try to escape this hellhole as fast as possible). Only Hardcore Khornate Chaos Space Marines were <strike>brave</strike> mad enough to ''attack'' Catachan some time after Great Rift opening, and if you asked them why, they would have said: "Why the fuck not? This planet is fucking amazing for us." Needless to say, all of them feed Catachan's analogue of worms now. The effectiveness of Catachan's ecosystem is ''so'' good that it and the Catachan Jungle Fighters on the planet managed to repel a full-fledged daemon invasion ''when they were caught directly in the middle of the Great Rift''. Yes, not even the reality-bending bullshit of the Warp can stop Catachan and the Devils.
*Some of its wildlife is so deadly, that they have been released on worlds just to prevent invasion. (With hilariously predictable results; Ie: Infestations, killing the poor bastards who were already living there)
*You have to burn the jungle away from your village with a flamethrower at least once a day.
*The planet's major export is soldiers. No, wait. The planet's ''only'' export is soldiers.
*You live at several times Earth's gravity. But it's not THAT many times, or the Catachan people would be a good deal shorter, yet for some reason they are taller than most humans despite having no [[Space Marines|biological modifications]] or [[Adeptus Mechanicus|mechanical modifications]].
*Or in other words: Living on Catachan is like living perpetually in the first stages of a [[Tyranid]] invasion. In fact, some Magos Biologi have theorized that some of the wildlife (such as the Catachan Devils- monstrous half-scorpion half-centipede horrors that are capable of tearing apart tanks on their own) may have actually been Tyranid bio-forms that were separated from the Hive Mind and went feral in the distant past. In an issue of White Dwarf, Games Workshop even had the Catachan Devil as a Tyranid unit.

==Positive side==
There are, however, some positives that balance out all of the bad, bad things about being a guardsman from Catachan. Assuming you live long enough to enjoy them.

*Your muscles will be so thick that you count as having flak armor, even without a shirt on. If you wax your chest and liberally apply oil, it acts similarly to Space Marine armour. Only Catachan veterans know why this works. (it's because almost everything will slide off your abs up to and including battlecannon shells)
*Commissars seem about as intimidating as a grot compared to the horrors you've grown up with.
*You get to kill Commissars
*You are so badass that you use the terms "Cadian" and "Mordian" as an insult.
*You're able to kill [[Orks]] with your bare hands. If that doesn't work, you can use the FUCKHUEG knife you <strike>get</strike> make growing up.
*You might be led by [[Colonel "Iron Hand" Straken|Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken]].
*You might also be led by [[Gunnery Sergeant "Stonetooth" Harker|Gunnery Sergeant "I headlock Tyranid Raveners to death" Harker]].
*You might get surprise help from [[Arden|Trooper "I killed twenty three Orks in one fight with a knife" Arden]]
*You can arm-wrestle a goddamn [[ork]].
*After all you went through growing up on your homeworld, most of the hardships of being in the Imperial Guard will be a joke to you.
*You can make Hollywood Action Heroes look like Justin Bieber by comparison.
*You are better at killing Orks than soldiers who actually specialise in killing Orks.
*It's very easy to get laid; there'd have to be a lot of screwing to keep the human population up on a place like this (only drawback is the competition for a partner would be high). If you [[Musclegirl|like muscles]], you'll like this place.
*Fuckhuge Sword-knife
*[[Sly Marbo]]

==Also see==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ-EOg38t1o Catachan Guardsmen dealing with pesky Eldar]

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