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Space Marines

2021-03-19T05:24:51Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F:

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[[File:Silver Skull.jpg|300px|right|thumb|WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH! Also, [[Beakie]].]]
''For the vidya gaem, please see: [[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]''

{{Topquote|Give me a hundred Space Marines. Or failing that give me a thousand other [[Imperial Guard|troops]].|Attributed to [[Rogal Dorn]], [[Primarch]] of the [[Imperial Fists]]}}
{{Topquote|They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall [[Finecast|mould]] them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great [[Pauldrons|armour]] shall I clad them and with the [[Bolter|mightiest guns]] will they be armed. They will be untouched by [[Nurgle|plague]] or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have [[Deep Strike|tactics]], [[Steel Rain|strategies]] and [[Dreadnought|mac]][[Centurion Squad|hin]][[METAL BOXES|es]] so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against [[Chaos|the Terror]]. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my [[Robert Heinlein|Space Marines]] and they shall know no fear.|[[Emperor|The God-Emperor of Mankind]]}}

{{Topquote|They are [[Tau|faithless]], [[Dark Eldar|corrupt]], [[Orks|treacherous]], [[Necron|merciless]] and [[Daemon|beyond]] [[Cultist|salvation]], but You. You are The Emperor's chosen, His Holy Wrath made manifest, His Angels of Death. thus my childeren salvation is at hand. Let your contempt to the alien be your armor. Let your disgust to the witches be your shield. Let your hatred to the unclean be your sword.Let fury guide your weapons, through the flesh our foes.Let vengence be the song that your enemies hear echoing through there putrid souls for ages to come. know that as you walk through the valley of the shadows of death, you shall know no fear, for you shall be the only thing that the shadows fear! Go forth, o holy warriors of The Emperor! Go forth with zeal in your hearts, and fury in your arms! In The Emperor's name, His Will be done, Purge and destroy, until none survive!|Recorded message found on mars, left by a one "[[Doom|Samuel Hayden]]".}}

The '''Space Marines''', also known as '''[[Indrick Boreale|SPESS MEHREENS]]''' (or '''Marinelets''' or (canonically) '''Firstborn''' now that the [[Primaris Marines|Chadmarines]] are here) and canonically named the Adeptus Astartes are an army in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They are bio-enhanced super soldiers clad in [[Power Armour]], and are generally regarded as the toughest warriors to ever serve the [[Emprah|Emperor]] (except for the Adeptus Custodes and Imperial Assassins). The average Space Marine is around eight feet tall. They used to be seven feet in the old fluff, but [[Dan Abnett]] and the rest of Games Workshop have a hard-on for gigantism (though they have addressed the problems real-life gigantism can cause by throwing in more bio-engineering) so they jacked them up a foot, though RPGs from Fantasy Flight Games and games by THQ scaled them back to the more reasonable seven feet. Although do note that the height of Marines can vary greatly; some can even reach ''ten'' feet, like [[Asterion Moloc]]. "Giant gods of war" is far more believable, considering their insane feats and ability for a handful of them to face down an Ork WAAAGH!!! and Tyranid Hive Fleets, yet still make a major difference.

Internally, they have bones that can repel anything short of a boltgun round and can breathe underwater even without their helmets on because they have a third (artificial/augmetic) lung. They can also breathe all but the most potent of toxic fumes with little to no damage to their respiratory system, have two hearts, and live for hundreds of years (they may be functionally immortal, but they usually die in battle after a few centuries, so nobody can be sure, although a Salamander was found in armor fused to his ship and he was ten thousand years old and alive and aware...and batshit insane for having only his brothers’ corpses to look at for ten millennia and his body had severely atrophied). They are vastly more powerful in their [[fluff|official descriptions]] than they actually are in the ''Warhammer 40,000'' tabletop game (although the Marines statted in [[Dark Heresy]] or [[Rogue Trader (RPG)]] are walking rapemachines, and the [[player character]] Marines in [[Deathwatch]] are hard as nails). Much like the [[Chaos Space Marines]] are the 40k successors of the [[Warriors of Chaos]], Space Marines are the 40k successors of Warrior Priests, right down to their BALD. Portrayals range from hardcore but plausible super-soldiers to shameless [[Mary Sue]]s who could fight off Batman with one hand and the Joker with the other, considering their fluff feats and the things they defeat, defeating Batman and the Joker while missing all his limbs would be completely unsurprising for an Astartes. Although occasionally, they serve to make other galactic forces seem superior. ''More like the Ineptes Astartes.''

They account for approximately 35% of the playable armies (counting chaos space marines) in 40k, over 21.4% (yeah, I thought that was a pretty conservative estimate too) of played armies among the 40k fandom (factoring in that people can collect and play more than one 40k army), and as of October 2010, receive about 50% or more of new releases. While there are many, ''many'' chapters that you can choose from, the actual armies basically boil down to six main choices: [[Dark Angels]], [[Blood Angels]], [[Space Wolves]], [[Grey Knights]], [[Legion of the Damned]] (barely), [[Deathwatch]], [[Black Templars]] (previously) and everybody else (with the [[Chaos Space Marines]] accounting for three more codexes). Everyone who's a successor of the first two choices follows their codex and generally share their units, while the "everybody else" just follows the generic Space Marine codex. Don't let the promotional art fool you, though; the Space Marine army isn't exclusively Ultramarines. It used to be that you also had individual codices the [[Black Templars]], but they got folded into the generic Space Marine army. At least they still get special chapter-specific units, which is more than can be said for the likes of the [[Salamanders]] or other important yet still-neglected chapters. But nooo, the Ultramarines need every type of special character...

Contrary to that, fluff-wise Space Marines are amongst the smallest factions in the game. With Loyalist Marines combined they number just above one million in a galaxy where the Imperium alone has more or less a million honest to God inhabited worlds (deepshit colonies with a population of only a few million may or may not be included in that number). In fact, any single capital-class space ship may have a population higher than the entirety of Marines in the Galaxy. Furthermore, Marine armies are extremely fractured, very rarely deployed at above a company per war zone. GW never cared to explain how forces so small could have such a huge impact on the battlefields, when Orks, Guard, and Tyranids could field their troops in the millions, and Chaos can convert entire populations of planets (which is often tens of billions), though by rubbing two brain-cells together we can imagine a combination of them being just that powerful and focusing on opening opportunities for their strike cruiser or battlebarge to blow everyone up. (While the scale is certanly off, it might be less off than you think. Space marines are more "armor" than "infantry". In WWII, entire campaings involving millions of soldiers have been decided by battles focused around some hundred tanks). Regardless, everything that is something in the setting has a tendency to at least have a bit Space Marines in it, if they aren't flat-out the protagonists. Expect enormous campaigns to revolve around a few companies, regardless of the involved numbers of Guardsmen and enemy xenos and chaotic characters, and the Marines to be the key to victory in any given war.

The main reason for the small numbers, though, seems to be that Games Workshop and the Black Library authors have no sense of scale. For example, the largest battle of the Great Crusade was the battle for what became known as Armageddon. It had a measly eight million soldiers and several hundred thousand Space Marines. To say nothing of Mechanicus forces. Fast forward ten thousand years and most major battles or campaigns of the setting that require Space Marines only have dozens to hundreds of regiments, the average regiment size being ten thousand men in the lore. So, in battles that actually need Astartes there will usually be rough one Marine per one hundred or one thousand Guardsmen depending on how important the battle is. A battle with dozens of regiments often has elements of multiple Chapters involved and easily can have several thousand Marines of various Chapters fighting in the battle. On top of that, it is rare for Astartes to be needed in the first place outside of major invasions of strategically important worlds by particularly advanced alien or daemonic threats. When coupled with the complete lack of any ability to comprehend scale on the writers’ part, the small numbers or Space Marines are plenty sufficient for the Imperium’s needs.

Space Marines the selves specialize in achieving strategic objectives for the Imperial Guard and Mechanicus forces to capitalize on. Give them a mission and it will be completed. Making sure their success matters is up to everyone else. Each company is often spread across a planetary conflict since each Marine is so powerful that hardly any are needed to achieve a vital objective when supported by Guard forces such as tanks and artillery. Even at the tactical level aiding the Imperial Guard a single Marine will simply move around the skirmish to key points and curbstomp to make the enemy incapable of having any hope of victory. Basically, a Chapter of Space Marines should not be thought of as an army but as a collective of Master Chiefs.

Unfortunately for the Imperium, spreading the Guard and Marines so thinly across the galaxy is necessary as rapid response is not really possible due to the whims of the Warp. Especially with Warp entities actively interfering.

It should be noted that per "Fall of Cadia," [[Abaddon| a certain armless failure]] mustered a force of CSM ''ten times'' the size of the original Legion (i.e. Luna Wolves) for the 13th Black Crusade. So yeah, no wonder the poor Cadians didn't stand a chance—although ''technically,'' Abaddon only won because he flung the remains of a [[Blackstone Fortress]] at the planet's surface. He had a lot of Marines and daemons but cultists generally can’t survive long in the Eye. Most likely he had the means to seize any strategic objectives he wanted but not a sufficient auxiliary force to push home the advantages nor reliably keep the territory he took. Even if he did, cultists are batshit insane and so can’t exactly be relied on to follow orders competently.

[[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] [[Meme|has a hard-on for Space Marines]]. [[Slaanesh|Between the writers favoritism and the "Spots the Space Marine" fiasco, it's gotten to the point where they should seek professional help]].

'''THIS JUST IN: THE SPACE MARINES JUST GOT AN [[Skub|SKUBPGRADE]]! See [[Primaris Marines]]'''

==History==
[[File:Prayer before battle.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Marine with half his FUCKING face missing, skulls in the wall, bolter laying ready, and servitors with hoods swinging censers. Ladies and gents, [[Warhammer 40k]]. WAIT! Zoom in on his chest. At the handle of his sword. Isn’t that an eight-pointed star on his chest behind/on the sword’s pommel?]]
After the end of the [[Age of Strife]], the Emperor of Mankind (overachieving at it's finest) wanted to reunite [[humanity]] in a [[Great Crusade]] across the galaxy, and he realized that in order to do this he would need one epic-ass army and equally epic generals to lead it. He created the [[Primarchs]], his sons, to be his generals, and let me tell you, these guys were some of the most insanely powerful badasses in all the lore of 40k, and that is saying something. (There is a story in which [[Sanguinius|one of them]] snaps a fucking [[Bloodthirster]]'s spine over his knee.) From their DNA, he created the [[First Founding|Legiones Astartes, the first Space Marines]]. Their first task was to locate their Primarchs, because the [[Chaos Gods|Gods]] of [[Chaos]] had scattered them across the galaxy in an attempt to foil the Emperor's efforts at human reunification (they were basically just butt-hurt that they didn't have some baddass buttfucking sons; [[Slaanesh]] approved!). All of the Primarchs were eventually recovered and reunited with their respective legions, but then, at the height of the Space Marines' power, disaster struck. [[Horus]], the Emperor's most trusted Primarch, fell to Chaos and turned traitor along with his legion, the [[Luna Wolves]], and several others followed suit. After much [[Grimdark|sorrow, pain, and civil warring]], the Emperor killed Horus personally (Daddy issues at their finest yet again), but was mortally wounded in the process, which is why he is now a zombie being kept alive by the technologies of the Golden Throne (Undead Heresy?). The traitor legions, who are now known as the <s>[[Chaos Space Marines]]</s> TRAITOR ASTARTES, were defeated and pushed back to the [[Eye of Terror]]. All of the Primarchs that did not fall to Chaos during the Horus Heresy either disappeared or were [[Ferrus_Manus|killed]], and until very recently, none remained to lead the Space Marines. ([[Roboute Guilliman]], Primarch of the Ultrasmurfs, long enshrined and [[Matthew Ward|(according to some people)]] healing in stasis has recently been revived after ten thousand years). In addition, after the Heresy, the Legions were mostly [[Second Founding|split into smaller "Chapters"]] of up to a thousand Marines according to the teachings of the [[Codex Astartes]] (although some Chapters, such as the [[Space Wolves]] and the [[Black Templars]], do not follow Astartes orthodoxy and maintain forces in much greater numbers, and [[Dark Angels|some chapters]] go so far as to form almost legion-strength forces.)

The Space Marines are most commonly looked upon as warrior-monks, generally referring to each other as "Brother", "Battle Brother" or some variation thereof based on rank, spending most or all of their time training, in battle, or venerating the Emperor. However, no two Chapters are exactly alike, and many differ wildly from the standard perception of the Marines. The Space Wolves, as one example, appear to be much less disciplined than most other Chapters, maintaining a much larger force than permitted by the Codex and frequently having great feasts with much merriment and drinking (the Space Wolves happen to produce the only intoxicating beverage known to have any effect on Marine physiology, and which liquefies the innards of non-Astartes). Their attitude toward others in the Imperium can also differ greatly from Chapter to Chapter or even from marine to marine. Some are very idealistic, believing very strongly in their role as protectors of humanity (such as the [[Lamenters]], the [[Celestial Lions]] or the [[Salamanders]]). Others, like the [[Black Templars]], tend to disregard the ordinary elements of the Imperium, and emphasize much more their role as a weapon against its enemies. And some are [[Blood Angels | just]] [[Angry Marines | angry]].

Their attitude towards the Emperor can also vary. Although they are typically believed to worship him as a deity like most of the rest of the Imperium, the Space Marines are, by virtue of their gene-seeds, derived from the Primarchs and hence the Emperor himself, making them much closer to him than most humans. In fact, many of the Space Marine chapters' beliefs maintain some of the old [[Imperial Truth]] that the Emperor was not a god, but simply the greatest of mortal men, worthy of praise and veneration but not a deity proper. Although it is true that the majority of the Chapters certainly venerate him in an orthodox manner, others just scream his name a lot because that's tradition.The exact degree of Emperor-worship in the Space Marine chapters is a bit mushy. Some openly refer to the Emperor as the God-Emperor while others are outright contemptuous of the idea. [[Excoriators|Captain Zachariah Kersh]], later Chapter Master, was such a nah-sayer but was converted by his experiences during the destruction of the Cholercaust on Certus-Minor. This could mean that among the various Chapters the exact degree of veneration of the Emperor could be entirely a personal choice rather than explicit doctrine. But again the inconsistencies therein make it hard to judge. Alternatively to this theme being a result of lazy writers is that it is in fact a clever but under-developed effect of the progression of the plot of Warhammer 40k. Such that by the end of the 41st millennium, things are so awful that even the Space Marines seek resolve in the worship of the God-Emperor..
[[Image:Blingmarine.jpg|thumb|right|The great Papa Smurf hisself.]]
Space Marines are generally regarded as having something of an "unfair advantage" in the tabletop, mainly because every young 40k player has a strong liking for them, and almost every unit in the listings has at least a 3+ armor save, making them rather hard to kill, especially when considering armies such as the Blood Angels have models that allow players to roll an additional "Feel No Pain" 4+ save if they fail the 3+ one. The problem is that it took 3 Space Marine Chapter books in 5th Edition to come up with a Space Marine Codex framework that didn't suck (almost nothing in C:SW is non-competitive or poorly priced), which is why Long Fangs are usually 50 points cheaper than their Space Marine counterparts, while being twice as effective. Why are Devastators supposedly more expensive? Combat tactics. Yeah, you're never going to use it. The Ultramarines in particular are an extremely popular choice of Space Marine Chapter, and their blue design coupled with the small size of the miniatures often leads to them being referred to as "Smurfs." Thanks to [[Indrick Boreale]], the Space Marines in general are frequently called "Spess Mehreens," or variations to that effect. The Space Marines of today look very different from the glory days of Rogue Trader, when they earned the nickname "[[beakie|beakies]]" because of their signature helmets.

Denizens of /tg/ are prone to claiming a wide variety of things about the Space Marines, usually about their sexual activity (or lack thereof), ranging from assertions that the genitalia of a Space Marine is nonfunctional to claims that they are castrated during the creation process. They never have any supporting evidence for these theories and it is not clear whether or not Space Marines are allowed to have sex, which Chapters would allow them to have sex, if they even can have sex, if they're still capable of normal human reproduction, or what bits they may or may not still possess. Still, that doesn't stop anyone from stating their personal opinion as if it were fact. The most revealed is that a female Inquisitorial henchwoman got an eyeful of a naked Grey Knight novice and was rather impressed by what she saw. The Grey Knight, naturally, had no idea why she seemed so interested. A Remembrancer saw a Marine naked and referred to his manhood as “equine”.

An interesting point to note is that right below this segment on the right is an image of a Marine with a loin-cloth. If there is no modesty to protect, why protect it? One suspects that the reason Marines aren't afforded the luxury of sex (aside from distraction from serving the Emperor), is that they'd kill whatever unfortunate woman or xenos livestock they take a fancy to.
The point is, due to psychological conditioning and likely the sterilizing effects of the augmentation process, followed by a century plus of service to the Emperor in radiation and toxic filled environments, they are simply disinclined towards it, and wouldn't result in any more meat-shields for the Emperor's glorious wars regardless, thus only serving the [[Slaanesh|arch-hedonist.]]

==Creation==
[[File:1396451926378.jpg|400px|thumb|right|From deranged lab-experiment to fucking [[awesome]].]]
Knowing [[Chaos|just]] [[Tyranids|what]] [[Necron|the]] [[Dark Eldar|fuck]] [[Ork|was]] [[Eldar|waiting]] for humanity in space, the Emperor of Mankind designed the [[gene-seed]], [[Gene-seed#The_Organs|nineteen special organs]] to enhance the regular human body to keep the Space Marines going when fighting these monstrosities. Over a series of several years, human adolescents, dubbed aspirants, are selected through a rigorous process which varies from Chapter to Chapter. They are always male, with cited reasons including that Astartes are basically clones of their Primarchs, and by extension the Emperor, and that the geneseed requires portions of the Y-chromosome to function. When their training goes to the next stage, the aspirants are implanted with the initial gene-seed. They then become neophytes, Space Marines in training. As the gene-seed is implanted into them, the neophytes also go through hypnotic conditioning to hone their responses. By the time they're done, the subject has few impulses beyond fighting and killing in the name of the Emperor (it's sometimes thought that this is what kills their sex drive) and most of their memories of their earlier lives are all but forgotten. The only mental frailties remaining are a "fear" (ATSKNF notwithstanding) of failure and experiencing notable stress when severely injured or crippled, as they are no longer able to fulfill their function.

After receiving all these organs and conditioning, it's highly arguable if a Space Marine still qualifies as human. Though the [[Imperium of Man]] has basic "kill on sight" orders for most non-humans and venerates the "Holy Human Form", the topic of whether or not Space Marines violate this edict is ignored, mostly because they were designed by the Emperor and thus considered holy creations. There is also an understandable hesitance to declare war on the only thing standing between the Imperium and the unfathomable evil of the [[Chaos Gods]]. Arguably Marines are no less human than those of the Mechanicum, just with organic implants instead of bionics, and cog boys still count as 100% right and proper humans (even if most of them consider themselves a separate species or at least "humans 2.0").

In fact, this religious need to adhere to the Holy Human Form may be why the Emperor designed the gene-seed to be a bio-enhancement project and not a genetic modification one; all of a Space Marine's inhuman abilities are a result of the artificially engineered organs shoved into their bodies during their creation, either directly (the secondary heart or multi-lung) or indirectly (the Ossmodula, which alters their hormone balance and makes their skeleton growth go berserk). Consequently, this means a Space Marine would technically pass a genetic scan of being "human" better than an [[abhuman]] like an [[Ogryn]] or [[Ratling]] would. The holiness of the Human Form came long before the Horus Heresy, so this theory is likely, anyways. Besides, the Emperor did attempt genetic modification but it proved either fraught with peril ''(ie. The Thunder Warriors)'' or painstakingly expensive ''(Valdor claimed that the entire productive capacity of the Imperium would be unable to generate anything else if Custodians were the primary forces)''. <s>Gene</s> Bio-enhancements are also much more conductive to mass-production. Of course, so long as the genetics are merely ''added'' to the human genome instead of (drastically) ''changing'' the genome, then it can easily be argued the enhancements are no different than using technological tools like auspex or lasguns.

Yes, this tramples all over the spirit of the law (not really, adding to something is just that; addition) whilst technically adhering to the letter, but it's hardly unique -- see the Ecclesiarchy having its own army of [[Sisters of Battle|power-armored gun-toting nuns]] despite being formally forbidden to have "men" under arms.

Another theory is that the Space Marines were designed this way for more symbolic reasons. Done this way Marines retain a link to humanity; all were born human, no more than any other citizen. They became more through science and training but they aren't some new species or a warrior caste. As Marines they are beyond humans but they know where they came from. The regular citizens see the Marines as the best of humanity, proxies for the Emperor's power. The Marines remember humans are their kin and while they are more than human they are still the same species, all coming from the same root. The power vested in them doesn't pass by blood, it passes by merit and a normal citizen can still aspire to become an Astartes even if it's a long shot. The Emperor's whole deal was based around humanity, so he built something that could be a symbol to all humanity. He could have bred a new war species but he altered us because his dream of the Imperium was the dream of humanity. Symbolic difference, sure, but it matters. There's a reason Space Marines are venerated not feared.

Incidentally, bio-enhancements like the gene-seed are actually more controllable than a genetic enhancing procedure would be, since the resultant outcome is more predictable, more easily mass-produced, and it means that even if a Space Marine could have kids, they would in all likelihood not be different from ordinary humans, since their abilities aren't tied to them on a genetic level, though they would be far more likely to become Space Marines since some amount of genetic compatibility is required.

It is also noteworthy that as a possibly unintended side effect of their geneseed, Space Marines are enormously well endowed. This is evidenced in the first book of the Horus Heresy series, whereby a Remembrancer described a naked Captain Loken as being "equine." Of course out of all the chapters, only [[Space Wolves]] ever seem to take advantage of this factor.

==How strong Space Marines are==
Fanboys and opponents constantly argue how strong Astartes are. This entails unfavorable comparisons to super soldiers like Custodians and Thunder Warriors, or comparisons to Ogryns and Imperial Assassins. The crunch can give reasonable estimates, but things like tabletop balancing show its limitations as broad indicators of performance (Guard officers have more wounds than Astartes recruits!). Thus, it's often a matter of conjecture how far an abbreviated statistic translates into a hypothetical comparison; Strength 4 is weaker than Strength 5, but "Strength" can apply variously to lifting/pressing strength instead of striking force, hence why power-lifters don't necessarily make the best cage fighters.

The fluff (and writer) subject Astartes potency to many fluctuations, from absolute gods of battle to DOW1 opening redshirts levels of incompetence. Fans, BL and Codex writers all agree that Astartes are extremely powerful and resilient, with great tactical acumen (see [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMGRa4_UjE4 Astartes - Part Three] ). Most fans agree this representation of them is more canon than most video game trailers (looking at you DOW 3). Astartes Pt.3 shows their post-human skill and advanced equipment are a cut-above even the more competent (renegade) guardsmen.

It is not difficult to create super soldiers in the Warhammer 40,000 Universe. Examples going as far back as the early Great Crusade show that humans can be brought up to near-Astartes strength through various surgeries that do not involve gene-seed. Presently, just about every militant Imperial arm has their own equivalent of super soldiers, ranging from the Ordo Hereticus and the [[Sisters of Battle]] to the Adeptus Mechanicus with their various [[Skitarii]] forces. Some cultures (such as Necromunda's [[House Goliath]]) even have the facilities and resources to enhance their ''entire'' population with superhuman strength, and even create some individual members with levels of bulk and savagery that outright exceed Space Marines, so when reduced to sheer combat potential a Space Marine doesn't appear to be that special.

A Space Marine's true "strength" lies not with his muscle power or his resistance to injury but in the fact that he is trained and drilled to fight at optimal strength, regardless of whatever battlefield he finds himself in. A Space Marine is capable of fighting centuries-long campaigns, eating toxic foods, surviving in irradiated environments with little to no atmosphere, not requiring sleep, not worrying about the effects of zero-gravity, and more. If he is lost without resupply he can consume the genetic information of local fauna or his enemies to survive, else he can enter hibernation until he is recovered. If he is injured, the wound will seal in mere moments, preventing further damage through blood loss or infection. If he is killed his progenoid glands can be used to create more Space Marines in his place. More importantly, he is disciplined to a level far beyond the scope of an ordinary human soldier and is highly resistant to the psychological trauma inherent to participating in long, bloody wars. Even if you took away his size and muscle power, a Space Marine ''still'' ought to be one of the finest soldiers in existence.

There is also the added benefit that ''outside'' of combat situations, many Space Marines can generally find ways to make themselves useful in ways that roid-raging, uber warriors would find difficult: both [[Fulgrim]] and [[Sanguinius]] encouraged their sons to excel as artists and artisans; the [[Iron Warriors]] and the [[Thousand Sons]] ''(before the Heresy)'' were pretty good architects or scholars; and [[Vulkan]] and his sons were generally quite cool bros. This is [[Lion El'Jonson|not]] [[Angron|the]] [[Konrad Curze|rule]], but it shows how Space Marines ''could'' potentially have adapted to life during peacetime after their task was done.

None of these things translate to tabletop rules so they typically get discounted when trying to compare one to the other, but the context of a fight can be supremely important. For instance, an Ogryn certainly could not survive underwater or in methane atmospheres and would choke to death before the fight even began. It is unclear if other superhuman lines can do all of these things: Custodians are most likely equal if not superior to Astartes in most respects, but they are far more difficult to produce than Space Marines and are too valuable to waste on standard military operations. Thunder Warriors certainly couldn't do everything (and indeed were never intended to survive past the Unification Wars), while Assassins are subject to different upgrades that are more niche to their function. All of them might be physically more powerful than a Space Marine, but either take up more resources to create or are simply unsuited for other tasks.

==The Lifespan Debate==
[[File:Sons of Corax by MajesticChicken.jpg|450px|thumb|left|When the going gets tough, the tough get going.]]
The lifespan for Astartes is something of a tricky subject. Because although Astartes refer to normal humans as “mortals” and their daddies and Big E never said they were wrong to and although a Salamander from the Great Crusade was found fused by his armor to his ship’s deck (and insane from boredom) ten thousand years later, some dumb bitches don’t want the demigods to be demigods. Probably the same people who imagine Astartes as similar to Halo’s Spartans despite the examples of handfuls of Space Marines butchering entire armies of super aliens and daemons from literally Hell itself (sometimes one and the same). While it’s made clear that Space Marines live many centuries longer than normal humans, exactly how long they’re ''supposed'' to live has never really been elaborated on; and furthermore, keep in mind that the middle age of the upper-class Imperial citizens is circa 3 centuries or so. It doesn’t help that there has never been a Space Marine shown or described to have ever died of anything resembling old age, and that different chapter bloodlines (and writers) each appear to handle aging differently. So there really isn’t any kind of baseline to work with here. Perhaps most central to the issue is the question of whether or not Astartes are biologically immortal. Of course, there’s also the question or whether or not gene-seed from a Primarch instead of hand-me-down man juice makes a difference.

On the “for” side, both Dan Abnett and Graham McNeill claim that Astartes are indeed immortal, and that although they might physically age (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.) it is only skin deep and they are in just as good physical condition as when they first joined the Astartes, only dying when they are killed. Nick Kyme also appears to be a believer in the immortal point of view (though more in a sitting-stone-gathers-moss-and-lasts-forever kind of way), as in his Salamanders series, an [[wat|Astartes survivor from the Horus-friggin-Heresy was found in a crashed and buried Salamanders starship]]. His armor had melded into the metal of the ship and he could no longer move, but he was alive. He had apparently been sitting there watching over the empty, ancient suits of armor from his fallen brothers for ten thousand years. He was also borderline crazy from all the memories filling his head (thanks eidetic memory, but then if he had human memory he'd have Alzheimers or something) and his vocal cords and muscles were desiccated, but the latter are implied to be due to atrophy from inactivity more than anything else so that doesn't count. Nick Kyme also touched on the subject in Fall of Damnos, with a Tactical Sergeant remarking that he did not know himself if Astartes could die of old age, or that even if they could he had never heard of it happening - indeed, it would be a dishonor to the warrior lifestyle of a Space Marine to do so. The Night Lords series by Aaron Dembski-Bowden is another in the "for" catagory, at least in that the Astartes refer to humans as "mortals," and Talos, at just 300 years old, is apparently considered young for a Crusade-era, unwarped traitor Space Marine. David Annandale has also made allusions to the longevity of the Astartes. In ‘The Death of Antagonis’ Brother Nithigg of the Black Dragons chapter is noted by Sergeant (later Captain) Volos to be ‘at least 1000’, and showing no signs of slowing down or decrease in combat efficiency.

On the “against” side, the Blood Angels are specifically noted for having exceptionally long, but limited lifespans, namely a 1000 years give or take, and Marines from other Chapters don’t live nearly as long. This has been reaffirmed in the current Blood Angels Codex, and it should be noted that it was written by GW's biggest Space Marine fanboy. Yes, even Ward says Space Marines can die of old age. Even Abnett has flip-flopped a bit on it, with Brothers of the Snake (admittedly his first time writing Space Marines) portraying the apothecary Khiron as starting to slow down with his advanced age and not being quite as fit as he used to be. The Space Wolves also have a dedicated unit representing their more senior members in the Long Fangs. While the canis helix certainly plays a part in their aging, it is also implicit that these warriors represent a more traditional "warrior elder." Maybe most importantly, a highly plot-relevant fact about the duel between [[Abaddon]] and [[Sigismund]] is that everyone present, Abaddon included, agreed that if Sigismund had not been slowed down by his age, he would have been the clear victor, and Abaddon only managed to fight him to a near-mutual-kill draw because he had been protected from aging by living in the Eye of Terror. Other things you can handwave or retcon, but the Black Templar vs the Black Legate is as close to sacrosanct as you get.

Unsurprisingly, BL tends to be inconsistent with their lore. There's 2 reasons for this. 1st is because some gamers would think less of the Space Marines if they could die of old age, which Gee Dubs doesn't want. 2nd is because GW seems to agree that not dying of old age would be great. However, they wouldn't want to anger the part of the fanbase that doesn't want Astartes to be biologically immortal, so GW must be deliberately vague on this. This is retarded because the god-like mystique comes from their immortality. Removing immortality would demote the Astartes from demigods to super-special forces, lacking much of their awe. Woop-dee-fucking-doo. The people who don't want the Astartes to be immortal are whiny bitches who want their own armies to seem more impressive by dragging the Astartes down to a mortal level. Which is pathetic and probably heretical.

Others have tried to argue that biological immortality would limit the incentives for Heretic Astartes to seek demonhood, but these people fail to make a key distinction. The inability to die of old age doesn't remove the threat of injury or death. On the other hand, ascending to demonhood leaves you unbound to physics and immune to death, instead being banished for a time. For those wondering, Chaos Marines who remember the Horus Heresy but lack demonhood aren't considered for this debate due to warp fuckery. The Night Lords and Alpha Legion are an exception since their location lacks warp-taint, but it's unknown if any of them are from the Horus Heresy.

Regardless, the true measure of an Astartes is their killing potential. If Astartes can die of old age, they'll more likely die in battle before age takes its toll. If age DOES take its toll, then the loss of potency due to old age will get them killed anyway. However, being ''slowed down'' by old age doesn't count as ''dying'' of old age. General estimates place the average Astartes life expectancy at 400-500 years, becoming a venerable elder and certified badass if they exceed this span.

On a more grimdark note, the Horus Heresy series shows that Astartes are vulnerable to mental traumas like PTSD thanks to a lifetime of war in the meat grinder. It's possible that instead of old age, it's the weight of mental trauma that slows them down. Dan Abnett never wrote those books of course, who believes that Big E wouldn't make super soldiers vulnerable to mental trauma (no galactic ruler worth their salt would allow such ailments to happen if they can prevent it). Others have argued that mental trauma is endured in training, and continues until they become proper Astartes hardened to such struggles.

==Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:40k RPG.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We honestly can't tell whether this is a dude or a chick, so you'll just have to make a guess and face the consequences.]]
*[[Aurora Chapter]] - Institutionally lazily named.
*[[Astral Claws]] - Institutionally secessionist.
*[[Astral Knights]] - Institutionally [[The World Engine|crazy awesome, but totally dead]].
*[[Alpha Legion]] - Institutionally closet loyalists
*[[Avenging Sons]] - Institutionally makes their enemies look good.
*[[Black Dragons]] - Institutionally taking their cue from Wolverine.
*[[Black Templars]] - Institutionally crusaders.
*[[Blood Angels]] - Institutionally [[Black Rage|unstable]].
*[[Blood Ravens]] - Institutionally <s>relic hunters</s> Obsessive Kleptomaniacs.
*[[Space Sharks|Carcharodons Astra]] - Institutionally banished, yet loyal. [[Badab War|Fucking shit up very eclectically.]]
*[[Celebrants]] - Institutionally gradient.
*[[Celestial Lions]] - Institutionally suffering losses from [[Ork Snipers]].
*[[Crimson Fists]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marine|reasonable.]]
*[[Dark Angels]] - - Institutionally <s>mysterious</s> <s>Loyal</s> <s>Traitors?</s> LOYAL WITHOUT QUESTION FROM FOUNDING UNTIL DESTRUCTION.
*[[Dark Hands]] - - Institutionally... wait have these guys done anything other then face the Hrud and a couple of Orks?
*[[Dark Hunters]] - Institutionally grim of grim marines.
*[[Death Spectres]] - Institutionally albino.
*[[Deathwatch]] - Institutionally, intentionally and professionally xenocidal. Employed by the [[Inquisition]], recruited from other Chapters.
*[[Doom Eagles]] - Institutionally doomed.
*[[Emperor's Shadows]] - Institutionally Japanese.
*[[Emperor's Spears]] - Institutionally a work in progress.
*[[Excoriators]] - Institutionally ugly.
*[[Executioners]] - Institutionally [[lawful stupid|honorable]].
*[[Exorcists]] - Institutionally [[Heresy|possessed and exorcised]].
*[[Flesh Tearers]] - Institutionally RIP AND TEAR.
*[[Flesh Eaters]] - Institutionally cannibals.
*[[Flame Falcons]] - Institutionally ON FIRE. ALL OF THEM.
*[[Fire Angels]] - Institutionally religious BUT ALSO ON FIRE.
*[[Fire Lords]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]], possibly more so than the Salamanders (see below).
*[[Genesis Chapter]] - Institutionally [[Ultramarines]].
*[[Grey Knights]] - Institutionally killing [[Daemon|Daemons]].
*[[Guardians of the Covenant]] - Institutionally record-keeping Catholic space monks.
*[[Hammers of Dorn]] - Institutionally trolling the Ultramarines.
*[[Hospitallers]] - Institutionally religious.
*[[Howling Griffons]] - Institutionally Black Templars wannabes.
*[[Imperial Fists]] - Institutionally fortifying this position.
*[[Invaders]] - Institutionally trading blows with Eldar.
*[[Iron Hands]] - Institutionally angry cyborgs.
*[[Iron Snakes]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Texas Rangers]].
*[[Lamenters]] - Institutionally unlucky.
*[[Legion of the Damned]] - Institutionally undead WHILE ON FIRE!
*[[Marines Errant]] - Institutionally being actual marines.
*[[Marines Malevolent]] - Institutionally MASSIVE assholes.
*[[Mantis Warriors]] - Institutionally misdirecting.
*[[Mentors]] - Institutionally academic. Has not been heard from [[Rogue Trader (Sourcebook)|for a long time]].
*[[Minotaurs]] - Institutionally mysteriously paranoid teamkilling dicks. They are suspected to be in league with the [[High Lords of Terra]] as an attempt to police the Adeptus Astartes. Cause that'll work.
*[[Mortifactors]] - Institutionally Skulls and Bones.
*[[Novamarines]] - Institutionally hating Xenos.
*[[Raptors]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable_Marines|reasonable]] and [[shooty]].
*[[Raven Guard]] - Institutionally [[Troll|tricksy]] and speedy.
*[[Rainbow Warriors]] - Institutionally [[Gay|<s>gay</s>]] not appearing in this game.
*[[Red Scorpions]] - Institutionally pure.
*[[Red Talons]] - Institutionally bloodthirsty, and red.
*[[Relictors]] - Institutionally radical.
*[[Retributors]] - Institutionally tactical, also officially official.
*[[Salamanders]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]]. Also, surprisingly nice for all their... fiery nature.
*[[Sable Swords]] - Institutionally heirs to the [[Astral Knights]].
*[[Scythes of the Emperor]] - Institutionally NOT DEAD YET.
*Shadow Wolves - Institutionally made up by AD-B for his wife, and wiped out in a book he wrote.
*[[Silver Skulls]] - Institutionally [[Shaman|shamanistic]].
*[[Sons of Medusa]] - Institutionally lime green.
*[[Sons of the Phoenix]] - Institutionally totally not the [[Emperor's Children]].
*[[Soul Drinkers]] - Institutionally rebellious.
*[[Space Sharks]] - Institutionally [[Shark|SHARKY]], BITCH!
*[[Space Wolves]] - Institutionally Swedish,(Bjork Bjork Bjork)
*[[Star Phantoms]] - Institutionally SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!.
*[[Storm Wardens]] - Institutionally Celtic.
*[[Ultramarines]] - Institutionally <s>[[Codex_Astartes|orthodox]]</s> Matt Ward Cultists.
*[[Unnumbered Sons]] - Institutionally without identity.
*[[White Scars]] - Institutionally Mongolian.
*[[White Templars]] - Institutionally Black Templars...but white
*[[Valedictors]] - Institutionally gone, so forget it.

==Space Marine Chapter Masters==
[[File:Angels of the Rock.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Tiny head syndrome is a common side effect of the augmentations]]
*[[Marneus Calgar]] - Chapter Master of the [[Ultramarines]]. Received the rank by having the most plot armor, nowadays he has become Guilliman's aide in running Ultramar.
*[[Dante]] - Chapter Master of the [[Blood Angels]]. '''Beware!!!!'''. Dante is watching you! Received the rank for being so old and always wearing a mask, he looks like a man entering his sixties without it.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] - Great Wolf of the [[Space Wolves]]. Is the wolfiest of all the wolf lords without being a furry, also, he cares a lot for the average baseline human.
*[[Azrael]] - Supreme Grand Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. Best at VANQUISHING FOUL TRAITORS FROM OTHER LEGIONS.
*[[Vorn Hagen]] - Chapter Master of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Appointed as Chapter Master <s>out of pity</s> because he was the second best candidate in line for the job, and the [[Darnath Lysander|TRUE HERO]] had turned it down so he could continue doing what he does best (namely make servants of Chaos cry with a generous appliance of [[Thunder Hammer]] to the face). Died in the Second Battle of Terra and was replaced by Gregor Dessian.
*[[Jubal Khan]] - Chapter Master of the [[White Scars]]. Proved his speediness by outracing a bike mounted captain wearing only rollerskates. Was abducted by the [[Red Corsairs]] and tortured to the point that he is permanently crippled and forced to survive strapped to life support systems in the Chapter's Fortress Monastery.
*[[Tu'Shan]] - Master of the Fire Drakes, [[derp|de-Facto]] Chapter Master of the [[Salamanders]]. Forged the burniest flamer.
*[[Kardan Stronos]] - Chapter Master of the [[Iron Hands]](sort of). Was actually democratically elected for diplomatic reasons, temporarily. It's complicated.
*Corvin Severax - Former Chapter Master of the [[Raven Guard]], nicknamed "Master of Shadows". Got the job by being the sneakiest of the sneaky Marines (they were looking for him to officially grant him the rank until the last day). Unfortunately some [[Shadowsun|blue-skinned bitch]] had him killed in the Damocles Gulf (ironically by being even sneakier and trickier then him).
*[[Kayvaan Shrike]] - Formerly Captain of the Raven Guard's third company, and all-around badass that [[get shit done]] in his Primarch's time-honored way (i.e. sneak up to a motherfucker and shred him with [[Lightning Claws]] before vanishing again). Shrike was decided unanimously to be Severax' successor when the latter suffered from an unfortunate severe overdose of Tau gunline; only adding to his [[awesome]].
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] - SUPREME Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]] and one of [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Mary Sue|Special Snowflakes]]. Honored for being the single biggest Mary Sue in the whole damn setting by being able to survive in the Warp unprotected and uncorrupted. Fortunately, later authors have been working to tone him down and give him an actual personality.
*[[Helbrecht]] - High Marshall of the [[Black Templars]]. Was voted High Marshall for being the angriest of the not [[Angry Marines]]. Has a [[Waifu|tsundere]] relation with [[Imotekh the Stormlord]]
*[[Pedro Kantor]] - Chapter Master of the [[Crimson Fists]]. Got the most votes (read: all three) during the election.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] - Chapter Master of the [[Flesh Tearers]]. Ripped and tore the most during the Chapter Master audition (also kicked one of the judges in the balls), he is a bit tsundere for Dante while still being totally bros with him.
*[[Azariah Kyras]] - Former Chapter Master of the [[Blood Ravens]] who was killed for being a filthy, despicable, traitorous, no good follower of Chaos. Later replaced by [[Gabriel Angelos]].
*Gabriel Angelos, a totally cool dude who had to deal with Kyras heresy, as well as Baldeale's incompetence and having his recruiting worlds invaded by the Tyranids.
*Sarpedon - Chapter Master of the [[Soul Drinkers]] Also, a (bottom) half giant spider mutant. Got all his friends killed for trying to do the right thing. Rookie Grimdark mistake, kid.
*[[Carab Culln]] - Lord High Commander of the [[Red Scorpions]]. Got promoted after the last one was killed. Then got himself mortally wounded and was interred in a [[Dreadnought#Leviathan Pattern|Leviathan Dreadnought]]. Suceeded by [[Casan Sabius]].
*Artekus Bardane - Chapter Master of the [[Relictors]]. Collects and uses Chaos artifacts better then anyone in the Chapter.
*[[Asterion Moloc]] - Chapter Master of the [[Minotaurs]]. No clue how he got the job, our inquiries were met with death threats and top level cease and desist orders. Has a laser-shooting pimp cane and won't mind sacrificing his own people to get the job done.
*[[Lugft Huron]] - Chapter Master of the [[Astral Claws]]. Got the rank by being absolutely awesome, unfortunately he overdid it and caused the [[Badab War]].
*Lias Issodon - Chapter Master of the [[Raptors_(Chapter)|Raptors]]. The most reasonable of the not-[[Reasonable Marines|reasonable marines]].
*[[Tyberos the Red Wake]] - Chapter Master of the [[Space Sharks]], or at least assumed to be. He was the leader of the Carcharodons during the Badab War, but his exact rank was never confirmed until 8th Edition. Still showed the best technique when it came to applying '''RIP AND TEAR''' to heretic asses, assisted by his [[awesome|LIGHTNING CLAW CHAINFISTS]].
*Omadon Tiresias - Chapter Master of the [[Star Phantoms]]. Blinded by warp storms during the evacuation of the Star Phantom home world, he forsook his own sight to save the relics of his Chapter.
*Malakim Phoros - Chapter Master of the [[Lamenters]]. Not happy with his Chapter being constantly shat upon and sided with Huron during the Badab War. Ohh, you poor man. Despite being utterly screwed and [[Eldrad|dicked with]] due to [[Tzeentch|unbelievably bad fortune]] AND struggling with crippling depression and cynicism, the guy refuses to give up faith in his fellow man. [[Grimdark|Naturally, it only makes things worse.]]
*[[Lord Magyar]] - Chapter Master of [[Mortifactors]]. His artificer armor is made from bone entirely, and though the rule Slow and Purposeful is no more, he definitely IS [[Tactical genius|slow and purposeful]]. He wears a relic [[Typhus|power scythe]]. He is at least [[Awesome|700 years old]].

== Rivalries ==
[[File:Moloc.JPG|300px|right|thumb|Everyone hates the Minotaurs]]
While normally above mortal shortcomings, the greatest flaw of the Space Marines is their hubris. They are immensely proud warriors who do not take kindly to having their honor slighted. Some take mental note of this for a later date while others [[rip and tear|take the more direct approach]]. This has created some notable rivalries between the various Chapters, some of which date back to the Great Crusade.

*'''Space Wolves and Dark Angels''' - The Space Wolves and Dark Angels have a rather tumultuous and sometimes violent rivalry, but in a way their Legions truly reflect the relationship between brothers. The rivalry itself stems from a confrontation between their Primarchs that stemmed from the different cultures the Primarchs had come up in. During a joint operation between the Wolves and the Dark Angels, the planet's ruler had insulted Russ personally, so Russ resolved to slay him personally. The Lion tried to cut Russ in on his deep strike plan, but Russ would have none of it. He didn't want to defeat the enemy, he wanted to utterly crush them. Frustrated with his brother's lack of cooperation, the Lion launched his strike without the Wolves' help, and Russ fought his way into the planetary ruler's palace just in time to watch the Lion behead him. Furious, Russ threw down his weapons and punched the Lion, starting a lengthy fist fight that only ended when Russ started laughing upon realizing how pointless the fight was and how stupid he'd been. Thinking that Russ was laughing at him, the Lion punched Russ unconscious. When Russ awoke he sought out the Lion to make amends, but he had already departed with his fleet. Though the two would work together again, the Lion was rather unforgiving (oh the irony) towards Russ. To Russ the Lion seemed the antagonist. After all, in the halls of Fenris a brawl between angry brothers was hardly unusual. When the fight ended you'd toast each other and drink away the bruises and move on. To the Lion Russ seemed at fault. After all, in the knightly orders of Caliban striking one's brothers was not done: petty infighting could not be tolerated when monsters slavered at the gate. As is so often the case between brothers, both were at fault and neither would back down. To this day the Space Wolves and Dark Angels (and their successor Chapters) will fight (usually) non-lethal honor duels to "settle the score," though "the score" has never really been agreed on. Occasionally tensions between the two Chapters will boil over into open warfare which is often caused by <strike>Fallen Angels</strike> TRAITORS UNASSOCIATED WITH THE DARK ANGELS hiding amidst the Space Wolves' protectorate worlds, using the tensions to their advantage. Finally it's worth noting that even though the two (former) Legions often fight, they never show that rivalry to the wider Imperium, and they'll set aside their rivalry whenever they need to [[get shit done]] together. Their rivalry is in question now, though, as after the Great Rift opened the Unforgiven came and beat the shit out of Magnus’s army invading Fenris. Originally they thought the sudden explosion of Wulfen numbers meant that the Space Wolves either fell to Chaos, were too mutated to recover and needed a mercy killing, or that there would hardly be any left and just Wulfen remained. Unlike when the last time they showed up at Fenris and attacked the Space Wolves in the belief the Wolves had turned or something, this time the Dark Angels were wary of being used and found out that their assumption was wrong before they could fuck up and thus avoided epic team-killing and instead the First Legion slammed into the daemons and traitor Marines like the Emperor’s own banhammer.

*'''Ultramarines and the Word Bearers''' - The Ultramarines are pissed off at the Word Bearers for a great many things: 1) They turned traitor during what was supposed to be an exercise to patch up their poor relations after the Castigation of Lorgar; 2) They used millions of cultists as meat shields during the [[Battle of Calth]], which the Ultramarines saw as dishonorable and disgusting; 3) They almost destroyed Calth; and finally 4) The battle of Calth was the first battle of the Heresy for the Ultramarines as a whole, meaning that while they were chilling and waiting to go kill some Orks, the Word Bearers suddenly turned around and slaughtered a fuckload of them without warning. They managed to pull through in the end and win by the skins of their teeth, but it was a gigantic blow to the Ultramarines, who now had to fight off a vengeful Legion out of nowhere with almost half their Legion dead, their fleet crippled, ''and the fucking sun of the planet they were on flooding it with deadly radiation''. Not to mention the giant Warp storm that cut them off from the rest of the Imperium, which coincidentally formed at the exact time the Word Bearers attacked...

*'''Ultramarines and the Alpha Legion''' - The Alpha Legion led the Ultramarines halfway across the galaxy on a fool's errand that ultimately ensured they were nowhere near the Imperial Palace during the Horus Heresy. Adding insult to injury, they inflicted enormous casualties on the Ultramarines, and though they succeeded in killing Alpharius (or did they?), the Alpha Legion's command structure was so decentralized that it did little to affect them.

*'''Ultramarines and the Black Templars (also the Imperial Fists, the Crimson Fists, the Space Wolves, and the Salamanders)''' - When Roboute Guilliman tried to force the Codex Astartes on the Space Marine Legions after the Horus Heresy, some Legions - most notably the Imperial Fists - outright refused, not wanting their legions to be broken down into smaller Chapters. Rogal Dorn called Guilliman a coward, while Guilliman called Dorn a rebel. The Space Wolves and the Salamanders ended up backing Dorn, while the Raven Guard and the White Scars supported Guilliman. The rivalry became so intense that the Imperial Navy even fired on the Imperial Fist strike cruiser ''Terrible Angel'', and it seemed that the Space Marines would war against one another once again. Finally, Rogal Dorn yielded to prevent another war and broke his legion into the Black Templars and the Crimson Fists. As the Ultramarines still were wary of the loyalties of the Imperial Fists and their successors, Sigismund - the first Emperor's Champion and the man that Dorn had appointed to be the Black Templars Chapter Master - declared a 10,000 year crusade in the Emperor's name to prove their loyalty. Even though tensions have since cooled between the Ultramarines and the other Chapters, the Ultramarines are still suspicious about (read: sticking their nose into the business of) the Black Templars as they still refuse to conform to the Codex Astartes, and won't tell the Ultramarines just how huge their Chapter is. In short, Sigismund and Leman Russ told Guilliman where he can shove his Codex Astartes, and he's all anal pained about it.

*'''Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors''' - [[Uriel Ventris]] and Pasanius Lysane, of the Ultramarines, were sworn to a Death Oath by their Chapter Master Marneus Calgar as punishment for violating the Codex Astartes (specifically, because they had abandoned the rest of their company to assist a Deathwatch Kill-team during the Battle of Tarsus Ultra). Their mission: find and destroy the [[Daemonculaba]]. The quest took the Ultramarines pair to the nightmarish [[Daemon World]] of [[Medrengard]], within the [[Eye of Terror]] itself. Medrengard was the homeworld of the Iron Warriors Traitor Legion. It was also the location of [[Honsou]], the evil Iron Warriors Warsmith who oversaw the Daemonculaba project from within his fortress, Khalan-Ghol. The Ultramarines were successful in destroying the Daemonculaba, and were also able to bring ruination to Khalan-Ghol and Honsou's forces. Uriel Ventris also managed to shoot Honsou in the head. Unfortunately, the Warsmith survived the headshot. Upon realizing the extent of the damage Uriel had caused, Honsou swore revenge and also the utter annihilation of [[Ultramar]]. Honsou was aware that before he ever dealt with Uriel Ventris, the Ultramarines spent years and countless resources and lives to repel a [[Tyranid]] incursion at Tarsis Ultra. Honsou thus unleashed a plan which destroyed every living thing on Tarsis Ultra, and reduced the planet itself to a lifeless rock. Destroying the planet provided no strategic gain to the Iron Warriors; Honsou carried out his horrific genocide simply to spite Uriel Ventris and the Ultramarines. Following this, the Iron Warriors use an army won from the [[Red Corsairs]] to free the [[Daemon Prince]] [[M'kar]], and invade [[Ultramar]]. Though the "Bloodborn" army is beaten back, the Ultramarines lost over one third of their battle-brothers in the attempt, leaving them open to attack for the first time since the First Tyrannic War and unable to properly participate in the Imperial counter-offensive for the [[13th Black Crusade]]. The Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors have thus become bitter enemies-- with Uriel Ventris and Honsou in particular becoming sworn foes.

*'''Ultramarines and the Hammers of Dorn''' - The Hammers adhere rigidly to the Codex Astartes, to the point where they point out any deviations from the codex by the Ultramarines. According to the Hammers of Dorn, Guilliman may have had the genius to pen the codex, but the sons of Dorn are the only ones that can bring out its full potential.

*'''Ultramarines and the Minotaurs''' - While the Minotaurs are hated by everyone the Ultramarines have a special grudge against them, due to the Euxine Incident during the Macharian Heresy. During the heresy the loyalist Doom Warriors and Inceptors chapters were busy [[skub|fighting each other over a matter of honor]], and refused to stop and aid Imperial forces. The Minotaurs were sent to quell the dispute, which they did in their [[rip and tear|usual manner]]. They attacked both sides in force, nearly destroying them both. The Doom Warriors were badly beaten and forced into a barely-organized retreat almost immediately. The Inceptors weren't so lucky. With no way to withdraw they suffered the full onslaught of the Minotaurs and finally surrendered with less then 100 Marines left. The honored 2nd Founding Chapter was subsequently [[Blood Ravens|robbed of most of their Chapter relics, the Minotaurs stealing them right off their dead bodies]], including their flagship, a relic of the Great Crusade. This brought them a great deal of hatred from the Ultramarines and their successors, who have since forbidden the Minotaurs from entering Ultramar and seek vengeance whenever the opportunity arises.

*'''Blood Angels and the World Eaters''' - Both constantly compete for superiority in melee combat and also the angriest motherfucking berserker full of rage.

*'''Raven Guard and White Scars''' - Supposedly dates back to a huge fucking argument between [[Corax]] and [[Jaghatai Khan]], where the two had a massive spat over the proper use of rapid-reaction forces. Corax insisted they be used as part of infiltration and deep-strike units, and Jaghatai insisted they were to be on the front lines - the two never really saw eye-to-eye, Corax seeing Jaghatai as devastatingly effective, but with the tactical sense of a drunken Space Wolf, and Jaghatai seeing Corax as too cautious and tactical for proper man-fighting. The two would eventually make up after the Horus Heresy, and both the Raven Guard and White Scars would be forced to ally on several occasions - most notably during the infamous Hunt for Voldorius - but an intense rivalry over whose fast-attack doctrine is better persists to this day, and the two factions are still kind of assholes to one another as a result.

*'''Blood Angels and the Black Legion''' - Considering that Horus killed their Primarch (who, before the Heresy, were closer than any other Primarchs) which resulted in them suffering from the Black Rage which eventually causes every descendant of Sanguinius to have visions of being killed by Horus, the Blood Angels probably despise the Black Legion to the point of pure obsession. Also as a rule, the Blood Angels have a special hatred for the [[Abaddon|owner]] of the '''Talon of Horus''', since it killed their <s>father</s> sexy angel daddy.

*'''World Eaters and the Grey Knights''' - Angron was banished back to the Warp by Grey Knights during the first battle of Armageddon, which resulted in the World Eaters' defeat. Angron has since been resurfacing, and has sworn revenge.

*'''Raven Guard and the Black Legion (also the Word Bearers, Night Lords, Iron Warriors, and Alpha Legion)''' - The Raven Guard were the second hardest hit by the Drop Site Massacre of Istvaan V ''(the Salamanders got hit worse, but there weren't really enough survivors to hold a grudge)''. Though all of the traitor legions except the Thousand Sons were involved, the Raven Guard holds a special hatred for the former Luna Wolves and Horus, a hatred which has transferred over to [[Abaddon]] and the Black Legion. That said, the Raven Guard go absolutely murderous on any of the Legions who turned on them at Istvaan V.

*'''Grey Knights and the Space Wolves''' - Officially, there really isn't a rivalry at all. Because officially the Grey Knights don't exist. Unofficially, during the First War for Armageddon, Grey Knights were ordered to fire on dozens of civilian ships because there was a fraction of a shadow of smidgen of a chance that they were tainted by Chaos. The Space Wolves decided this was pretty dickish, and protected the civilians. Naturally, the Inquisition made it worse. Then old [[Logan Grimnar|Loggy]] chops a Grey Knight Grand Master's head off and kills four Justicars, the ugly downward spiral of '''''WTF!?'''''s started there. Eventually, an understanding was reached where the remaining civvies weren't murdered but just mindwiped a bit and Inquisitorial ships would never again come to Fenris or the Wolves would tear them a new asshole. Officially unofficially, the Grey Knights are angry that another Chapter was given even shittier writing than they got.

*'''Imperial Fists and the Iron Warriors''' - Imagine their rivalry akin to World War I. The Imperial Fists love making defenses, while the Iron Warriors love destroying stuff. Perturabo hated Rogal Dorn for being Daddy's golden boy and his constant boasting of the fortifications of the Imperial Palace. Perturabo eventually bested Dorn and the Imperial Fists by making a huge space fortress that Dorn then tried to attack in an effort to bring Perturabo to justice (known as the 'Iron Cage'). The fortress was nothing but a decoy with inwardly facing gun-lines, meaning the entire thing was a trap and wound up cutting down enormous numbers of the Imperial Fists before they could retreat. Each side was too strong without both of them completely destroying each other. Dorn is still perturbed to this day by the event.

*'''Thousand Sons and the Space Wolves''' - The Space Wolves despised the Red Sorcerers for their practice of magic, and initially didn't question a goddamned thing after Horus had intentionally given the Wolves incorrect orders (to destroy the Thousand Sons, as opposed to taking Magnus to stand trial). Perhaps the dumbest part of their rivalry is that when they actually showed up at Prospero, Leman Russ felt guilty about just slaughtering the Thousand Sons, so he tried to call Magnus to ask him to stand down so that they could take him in peacefully. Magnus, having assumed Leman Russ was here to kill him had refused to take any calls (and not only prevented his Legion from communicating with the Wolves, but gathered them all so they'd be easier to slaughter) which ended up pissing off the Wolves again and ensuring the Thousand Sons were nearly completely wiped out. Despite this being entirely preventable by their Primarch (on top of causing their fall to Tzeentch) and engineered by Horus (with the Wolves being completely ignorant about it) they still blame the Wolves anyway instead of those [[Derp|other two]]. The Sons would nonetheless resurface to attack the Space Wolves: they led a siege on their homeworld and succeeded in causing considerable damage before being driven off; during this offensive they managed to destroy a series of laboratories, including one that held an entire generation worth of the Space Wolves' Gene-Seed (as well as the cure for the Wulfen curse), and Magnus himself was responsible for killing the Space Wolves' Chapter Master.

*'''White Scars and the Space Wolves''' - Thousand Sons were the biggest bros of the Scars during the Great Crusade, their Primarchs were total bros too, so when they figured out that Wolves destroyed Prospero, killed most of the (still totally loyal) Thousand Sons and Magnus forced the surviving ones into going heretic (and the Wolves don't even feel any guilt or remorse about their role), none were surprised the Scars kept a huge grudge against the Space Yiffs. Also during the Crusade, the Scars hated being compared to the Wolves because of the apparent link to barbarism. The Wolves themselves also have a thing or two to say about the multiple times Scars hadn't come to help when they could, starting from when they left the Wolves alone against an entire Alpha Legion fleet.

*'''Iron Hands and the Emperor's Children''' - Prior to the Heresy, Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus were '''extremely''' close friends. Their bond ran so deep that even as Fulgrim declared his intentions of joining the forces of Chaos to Ferrus, asking him to join him in overthrowing the Emperor, Ferrus couldn't open fire on his brother's ship. Naturally, this had some rather nasty effects in the long term, not least of which was Fulgrim decapitating the Gorgon with his own sword. The Iron Hands did not take kindly to this. Also, getting all repressed and logical over the next 10,000 years caused Slaanesh to take breaking them as a challenge.

*'''World Eaters and The Emperor's Children''' - In addition to following [[Khorne|rival]] [[Slaanesh|deities]], the Emperor's Children lost huge numbers of troops to the World Eaters at [[Battle of Skalathrax|Skalathrax]]. Really, all you need to know is that [[Kharn]] and a Flamer were involved, and that before this incident, the World Eaters were a much more coordinated force.
**'''World Eaters and World Eaters''' - This event caused the World Eaters to break up into warbands.

*'''Emperor's Children and the Iron Warriors''' - Given that Fulgrim tried to sacrifice Peturabo's soul to Slaanesh to fuel his ascension to Daemon Prince...
** '''Emperor's Children and absolutely everyone else''' - Due to their disturbing habits of enslaving populations and/or stealing other Legion's servants to be used as... [[Slaanesh|''partners'']] for [[/d/|some memorable parties]], absolutely everyone tend to avoid them like walking STD's.

*'''Dark Angels and FOUL TRAITORS''' - Do ''not'' get between them and a FOUL TRAITOR TO THE IMPERIUM WHO CERTAINLY HAS NO CONNECTION TO THE SONS OF THE LION. It can only end in tears.

*'''Thousand Sons and World Eaters:''' Khorne hates sorcery, and so the World Eaters hate the Sons. Sadly for the World Eaters, they're usually well out of the Sons' league; the Thousand Sons tend to pick conflicts selectively, which means the followers of Khorne have rarely even had the chance to fight them. Also, it doesn't do much to appease Khorne's bloodlust, since there is no blood or skulls to offer, just dust. Then again, there are some exceptions, namely [[Iskandar Khayon]] and [[Lheorvine Ukris]], who were total bros, and they were the guys that founded the [[Black Legion]] along with [[Abaddon]].

*'''Blood Ravens and EVERYONE:''' Apart from Captain Titus of the Ultramarines, almost every Marine Chapter mentioned in having contact with the Blood Ravens have not been on good terms. Most likely due to their rampant kleptomania. This animosity extends beyond the Space Marines, and into the rest of the Imperium as well; Imperial Guard forces hate them for exterminating the Kronus Liberators, the Mechanicus hates them stealing archeotech, the Ecclisiarchy hates them for their psykers, and the Inquisition doesn't like them for their secrecy.

*'''Blood Angels and the Emperor's Children''' - [[Fabius Bile]] stole the blood of Sanguinius from the Blood Angels' Fortress-Monastery as part of a plot to make a clone of the God-Emperor. As the neophyte initiation process for the Blood Angels requires the consumption of some of the aforementioned blood, the Blood Angels and all their Successor Chapters have sworn to find and kill Bile at all costs. (For a while, it looked like they succeeded—that is, until they found out that Bile had begun cloning ''himself''.)

*'''Iron Hands and Raven Guard and Salamanders''' - The Iron Hands are still pissy about the whole [[Drop Site Massacre|Isstvan V]] thing. They believe that had the Salamanders and Raven Guard followed their Primarch Ferrus Manus they would have won at the Dropsite Massacre. Completely overlooking the fact that they were surprised, surrounded, outgunned and outnumbered nearly 3 to 1. They don't like the Raven Guard in particular for their use of stealth and subterfuge, and also for having a pretty much identical color scheme. The Salamanders aren't too keen about the Iron Hands belief of "purging the weak" and usual disregard for civilian casualties and sometimes their own Marines. The Raven Guard and Salamanders never pulled any of this bullshit with each other, though, and remain close allies, if for nothing other than the Hands constantly being dicks to both of them.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Salamanders''' - What happens when the galaxy's greatest assholes meet the galaxy's greatest humanitarian Marines? Hilarity, that's what. The hate fueled rivalry that was first widely known came during the Third War for Armageddon where a squad of Marines Malevolent used their [[Whirlwind|Whirlwinds]] to fire upon an Ork-occupied camp, when they ''knew'' that the camp contained hundreds of Imperial civilian hostages, mostly women and children. Oh and guess what their response was, something to do with "Meh, we only serve the Emprah only" and "We didn't know there were ''"that"'' many civilians." As you can imagine, this both horrified and [[Rage|royally pissed off]] the Salamanders, and when these two Chapters met again after the war, Chapter Master Tu'Shan, to put it simply, bitch-slapped the Captain of the Marines Malevolent in front of ''everybody in the city,'' prompting much sniggering and cheering among both Guardsmen and civilians alike. Because of such reaction to complete dickwads, the Salamanders were considered as the '''Heroes of Armageddon''' by popular vote.

*'''Aurora Chapter and the Emperor's Spears''' - Fought each other over matters of honor and the Ultramarines judged Aurora Chapter was right, which soured relations of the Emperor's Spears with their primogenitor. Tensions have since lessened but the two Chapters still refuse to fight together.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Everyone Else''' - 'Nuff said.

==Bros To the End==
As there are several Chapters and Legions who despise one another, there's a few that get along damned well.

*'''Raven Guard, Salamanders, and Iron Hands''' - True since the Great Crusade, where these three found they worked extremely well in-concert - The Raven Guard acting as the advance and cutting off critical locations and eliminating command units, the Salamanders in providing the heavy punch to follow this up, and the Iron Hands providing the tide of firepower to support both. That being said, the Iron Hands' relationship with the Raven Guard and the Salamanders has deteriorated since the Horus Heresy; they believe that had their allies not retreated from the Drop Site Massacre, Ferrus Manus would not have been killed and Horus would have been defeated before he could pose a threat to the Imperium. (It doesn't take a genius to realize that this would have just led to the complete annihilation of their Legions in practice.) It's not really clear if the Hands still fight alongside their former best bros in the 41st millennium, but given the whole "feeding a Raven Guard company to psyker Orks for lulz" thing, it doesn't seem likely.

*'''Salamanders and Blood Angels''' - Though the Salamanders are friendly with most Chapters anyway (and them hating you being a good indication of you being a huge asshole), they're particularly tight with the Blood Angels. Both Chapters are some of the few in the Imperium that actually go out of their way for civilians and put them before pride and glory in battle. This became particularly evident during the [[Armageddon|Second War of Armageddon]], when both fought side-by-side against the [[Orks]] and when [[Dante]] publicly honored [[Tu'Shan]] for his bravery during the war and bitch-slapping the Marines Malevolent Captain.

*'''Imperial Fists and Imperial Fists successors''' - Doctrinal differences and martial angst aside, the sons of Dorn have always been on good terms with each other. Whenever a crisis threatens Terra that is too great for a single Chapter, the Imperial Fists and their successors unite to put an end to that threat, such as [[The War of The Beast]], and the [[Age of Apostasy|Second Siege of Terra]] to put [[Goge Vandire]] in his place. Every century, they also come together for an epic swordfighting tournament called the [[Feast of Blades]].

*'''Blood Angels, White Scars and Imperial Fists''' - All three fought and died in the defence of the Imperial Palace. Broforce = very yes.

*'''Ultramarines and Imperial Fists''' - Similar to the Space Wolves and Dark Angels above, beef about the Codex aside, the two Chapters have always been on very good terms. (I guess the above segment regarding the Ultramarines firing on the Imperial Fists ship is just swept under the rug).

*'''Dark Angels and Dark Angel successors''' - THE DARK ANGELS HAVE NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR SUCCESSOR CHAPTERS. RUMORS THAT DARK ANGEL SUCCESSORS ARE STILL UNDER DIRECT COMMAND FROM THEIR PARENT CHAPTER, EFFECTIVELY STILL MAKING THEM FUNCTION AS A LEGION, ARE OBVIOUSLY LIES AND SLANDER FABRICATED BY THE FOUL HERETICS OF CHAOS, AS SUCH AN ACT WOULD BREAK THE GUIDELINES OF THE CODEX ASTARTES, WHICH LOYAL CHAPTERS WOULD NOT DO-{{BLAM}}

*'''Astral Claws, Lamenters and Mantis Warriors {Pre-Badab War}''' - When the [[Maelstrom|Maelstrom zone]] needed to be conquered, the [[High Lords of Terra]] create the "Maelstrom Warders", an alliance formed by all these chapters (and the Charnel Guards, who later were withdrawn) to pacify and control the sector, and they got shit done! At some point, the [[Chapter Master]] of the Astral Claws, [[Lugft Huron]], believed the Imperium wasn't helping enough, declared himself "the Tyrant of Badab" and [[Heresy|secession from the Imperium]] (also just before this time, the Astral Claws absorbed the final few survivors of the Tiger Claws, their successor Chapter, after a catastrophic battle and their last fleet going MIA). Both the Lamenters and the Mantis Warriors followed suit, as they were both under command of the Astral Claws and were honorbound to them, but as well some agreeing that the Imperium was indeed bullying the Astral Claws for no reason. [[Badab War|The rest is history]]. After that sordid affair was over with, the Lamenters and the Mantis Warriors were fucked over sent on century long penitence crusades without the right to recruit until it was over (though the Mantis Warriors were allowed to recruit while in penitence after being reduced to 100 Marines). Given that the galaxy [[Great Rift|split right in half]] 13 years before their penance was to be over, it was probably quietly lifted before they were reinforced by [[Primaris Marines]]. Given that the Mantis Warriors have a unit specifically dedicated to hunting the [[Red Corsairs]], the former alliance is quite dead and gone.

*'''Thousand Sons and Word Bearers {Pre-Heresy.}''' - Lorgar was the closest Primarch-buddy of Magnus, due to the scholarly nature of both. They went separate ways after the Heresy though, probably because Magnus learned who really was behind the Burning of Prospero all along.

*'''Thousand Sons and White Scars {Pre-Heresy.}''' - As above, The Khan respected his scholarly brother and would have helped him if he was present at Nikaea.

*'''Iron Hands and Emperor's Children {Pre-Heresy.}''' - The culmination of the aforementioned close friendship between the Gorgon and the Phoenix would be a tragic foreshadowing of the fate of the Warmaster and the Great Angel's friendship.

*'''Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus and Blood Angels {Pre-Heresy.}''' - Horus and Sanguinius were the closest two Primarchs before the Heresy, and this extended to their Legions. This went to the point where Horus still wished he had Sanguinius on his side after having given himself over to the Dark Gods fully, and Sanguinius was willing to die if it meant that his brother could be saved even if only through death. This just makes the rivalry between the Black Legion and The Angelic Host that much more sad.

*'''Ultramarines and Genesis Chapter''' - Super close ties due to Genesis Chapter being Ultramarines reserve for Marines. They patrol the galaxy together.

==Official /tg/ Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:Cloten.jpg|300px|right|thumb|THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!]]
One of /tg/'s favorite pastimes is creating new and exciting Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes based on silly concepts. [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] [[/tg/'s homebrews|homebrew]] Chapters include:

*[[Adeptus Orthodontus]]
*[[Angry Marines]]
*[[Bald Marines]]
*[[Bro Marines|Alpha Sigma Sigma]]
*[[Butthurt Marines]]
*[[The Wonderful Misadventures of: Inquisitor Fob and the Classy Marines|Classy Marines]]
*[[Censor Marines]]
*[[Comedy Marines]]
*[[Disco Marines]]
*[[Dorf Marines]]
*[[Drunk Marines]]
*[[Sigmar Marines|Emperor's Hammers]]
*[[Emperor's Paragons]]
*[[Galactic Partridges]]
*[[Golden Aquilas]]
*[[Inside-Out Marines]]
*[[Lazy Marines]]
*[[Manly Marines]]
*[[Metal Marines]]
*[[Mexicarines]]
*[[Mole Marines]]
*[[Obstinate Marines]]
*[[Pathetic Marines]]
*[[Pretty Marines]]
*[[Reasonable Marines]]
*[[Red Skeletons]]
*[[Scary Marines]]
*[[Silly Marines]]
*[[Sleepy Marines|Dream Warriors]]
*[[Star Shanks]]
*[[Elderly Marines]]
'''As you can see, /tg/ has a problem with creativity.'''

===Second Founding of /tg/ Space Marine Chapters===
After the release of Deathwatch: Rites of Battle, /tg/ quickly flung itself at the Chapter creation rules and began to produce a second wave of /tg/ Chapters. Noticeably more serious business than the previous Chapters, these Spess Mahreens range from the widely popular Emperor's Nightmare, to the derpy Flesh Helms.

*[[Abyssal Jaws]] - Institutionally sharky.
*[[Argent Strix]] - Institutionally hungry.
*[[Black Locks]] - Institutionally corsair.
*[[Blood Jaguars]] - Institutionally Aztec.
*[[Brotherhood of the Gauntlet]] - Institutionally Arabic Ghazi.
*[[Brotherhood of the Megalith]] - Institutionally rocky.
*[[Conservators]] - Institutionally poor and under-equipped. It's what happens when you piss of the Mechanicus.
*[[Deep Ones (Tiji Sector)|Deep Ones]] - Institutionally aquatic and environmentally resistant.
*[[Desert Fangs]] - Institutionally [[Angry Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Dionysus Revelers]] - Institutionally cannibal drunks.
*[[Dune Walkers]] - Institutionally Arabic Nomads.
*[[Emperor's Bears]] - Institutionally lost.
*[[Emperor's Nightmare]] - Institutionally [[Sleepy Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Eyes of Mordred]] - Institutionally [[Scary Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Flesh Helms]] - Institutionally [[Imperial Guard]] of the Adeptus Astartes.
*[[Guardians Exemplar]] - Institutionally equal to the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*[[Ice Serpents]] - Institutionally [[Baneblade|mechanized]] for war.
*[[Ice Wraiths]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|cyborg-ice-vampire-yeti-riders]].
*[[Knights Inductor]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marines]] taken seriously. Also [[Mary Sues|MARY SUES]], don't mention them on /tg/. You'll just [[troll|cause a shitstorm]]
*[[Knights Repentant]] - Institutionally UTTERLY LOYAL and true pre-heresy [[Word Bearers]].
*[[Lumbermarines]] - Institutionally lumberjacks.
*[[Rising Sons]] - Institutionally BANZAI!!!
*[[Screaming Eagles]] - Institutionally 'MURICAN!!! FUCK YEAH!
*[[Talons of Corvus]] - Institutionally a more heroic [[Command and Conquer|Nod]].
*[[The Sovereign's Appraisal]] - Institutionally loyal and sympathetic despite mutations, being declared renegade, [[Slaanesh]] trying to seduce them and the [[Ultramarines]] and their successors trying to terminate them.
*[[War Brothers]] - Institutionally not giving a damn about what the [[Dark Angels]] want from them.
*[[The Adeptus Estates]] - Institutionally home building.
*[[Mourning Sons]] - Institutionally shedding [[Fist of the North Star|Manly Tears]].
*[[Star Krakens]] - Institutionally Viking, yet not [[Space Wolves|THAT]] Viking. Plus one of the biggest of shits that /tg/ has done right. AND HOW!
*[[Space Knights]] - Institutionally dour.
*[[Solar Rangers]] - Institutionally Jesus Christ, they're sneaky!
'''The second wave WOULD show improvements to creativity... If they didn't use a RPG system as a crutch, among other issues.'''

== Trivia ==

The name Adeptus Astartes is usually portrayed as meaning Star Adepts. However the name "Astarte" is actually a goddess of fertility, love, war, sex and sexuality from the Eastern Mediterranean regions during the [[Bronze Age]]. Somewhat meta considering that the Emprah was also from that region ''(Anatolia)'' around the same time period. [[HERESY|He may have been horny and/or romantically interested]] [[Rule 63|in the idea of a badass God-Empress]] and [[What|named his sons to symbolically show this]] using a language that only he and [[Ollanius Pius]] [[Derp|are the speakers of]] besides dead people and three of [[Khorne|the]] [[Nurgle|Ruinous]] [[Tzeentch|Powers]] (unlikely given the Emperor was anti-theistic and anti-religious), or this is just the Emperor keeping himself sane by engaging in humor he knows only one loyal person will get, which does not include his last [[Malcador the Sigillite|two]] [[Companion|friends]]. [[Grimdark|No wonder the Emprah doesn't smile much.]] [[Derp|Ironic given that the Astartes is an all-male organization.]]

However, much as with the [[Arkhan Land|Land]] Raider, a more prosaic explanation was provided in the novel ''The Great Work'', which features flashbacks from the memories of Ezekiel Sedayne (the guy who headed up the development team for the Black Carapace). The project’s coordinator was a mortal woman named Amar ''Astarte'', who was the most accomplished geneticist of the time outside of the Emepror and the Selenite Gene-witches. Following the theft of the Primarchs, Astartes feared that the Space Marines, without the supply of genetic materials from their Primarchs, would fall into deterioration like the Thunder Warriors. And so she blew up the Legions' gene-vault alongside herself; however, the Emperor had already known of this and made several copies of the vault elsewhere.

Given the current talent writing for GW, we'll eventually hear of somebody named "Adeptus" who also worked on the project (or even [[Adeptus Terra|all government organization as a whole]]); wouldn't be any dumber than some [[Erda|other things they chose to do.]]

==See Also==
*[[Beakie]] - When the Spehss mahrens were awesome looking.

*[[Chaplain]] - The spiritual leaders of the space marines.

*[[Female Space Marines]]- Records officially decommissioned and terminated by the [[Inquisition]] on the grounds of [[Heresy]], there is nothing here trust us. E-Commissars will blam you from your monitor when attempting to access said heretical records.

*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]- The official game of [[Pauldrons]] (despite the fact that the pauldrons in this game are smaller than they should be)

*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Space_Marines_(9E)|Space Marines Tactics]]

*[[Guidelines of the Space Marines]]

*Despite the considerable amount of hate at the space marines nowadays, [[The World Engine|they can still be awesome.]]

*[[Bretonnia#Knightly Hierarchy|Grail Knights]] - The Warhammer Fantasy equivalent.

*[[Stormcast Eternals]] (AKA, [[Ground Marines]]), their [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]] equivalent.

*[[Terminator]]

*[[Apothecary]]

*[[Techmarine]]

*[[Librarian]]

*[[Scout]]

*[[Kill Marine]] of Deathwatch

*[[Codex Astartes]]

*[[Space Marine Chapter]]

*[[Space Marine Chapter Creation Tables]]

*[[Renegade Space Marine Chapter Creation Table]] - For when you hate both the Imperium and Chaos.

==External Links==
* [https://youtu.be/XQwTyGeoprA The Emperor's speech on the Space Marines]
* [https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Space_Marines WH40k Wikia on Astartes]
* [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Space_Marine Lexicanum on Space Marines]
* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Marine_(Warhammer_40,000) Wikipedia Article]
* [http://wackycamper.deviantart.com/art/Space-Marine-Commandments-88741651 The Commandments of the Space Marine]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13nM17TV_sU/ Rap song dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMzWrDSNN4Y/ Another rap dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Emperor's quote about the Space Marines in a remix done from If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device glory.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shRHZLheEJI What is to be a space marine, in thrash metal version!]

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Xenos sighted.jpg
File:Pingas.png
File:Pyramidheadspacemarine.jpg
File:Troll Emperor.jpg
File:New Marine.jpg
Image:1227373581722.gif
Image:Femalemini.jpg
File:Correction.JPG|Drill Abbots '''hate''' him!
File:Stuffy.jpg|Build a Marine Workshop
File:Pauldronius.png|[[Pauldron]]ius
File:Brother Sergeant Aznable.jpg|'''EEECK!'''
image:steelrain.jpg|Steel Rain in action!
File:Reasonablemarine.png|Don't fuck with [[Reasonable Marines]].
Image:LEGO_SpaceMarines_by_Jerac.jpg|Brick by brick we shall conquer.
File:1285382081001.jpg|Apparently, marines '''DO''' in fact have tiny heads.
File:Sperm Marine.jpg|I'm in ur w0mb, fertulizan yo eggz
File:Amuricuh.jpg|What historians didn't want you to believe
File:Yes they can.jpg|[[Skub|A matter of some contention.]]
File:False.jpg|Taking a page from their fallen brothers.
Image:Primarchs_as_teen_girls.png|'''[[Rule 63]] Primarchs are the most popular girls at [[HS40K]]'''
File:Gearing up.jpg|A rare glimpse at a Space Marine without his awesome pauldrons on
File:Armour of Bulk.png|Space Marines and ridiculous suits of armour go hand in hand.
File:BruceAstartes.jpg|Brother Campbell brings a world into Imperial compliance.
File:SpessM.jpg|Indrick Boreale nearly turned Space Marines into the laughing stock of the entire franchise.
File:Angels of Derp.jpg|Space Marines as depicted during the dark ages of GW art (aka 2nd Edition)
Image:1228559892410.jpg|The scary thing is that this isn't fan art, seriously, this was an official GW product.
File:Warhammer 40k space marines we'll find your mom mother storytellers storytime missing child lost little girl.jpg|Now gather around children as I recount to you the exploits of the Emperor's chosen...
Image:1207335921499.jpg|The Space Wizards of Warpwarts have mastered the art of profecting the power of the warp through small wooden sticks. How they refrain from breaking them is a mystery.
Image:Horny Marine.gif|'''Hump the heretic, penetrate the mutant, cum in the alie-'''{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|SLAANESH WORSHIPPER!}}
</gallery>
</center>

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Space Marines

2021-03-19T05:20:36Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F:

{{awesome}}
[[File:Silver Skull.jpg|300px|right|thumb|WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH! Also, [[Beakie]].]]
''For the vidya gaem, please see: [[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]''

{{Topquote|Give me a hundred Space Marines. Or failing that give me a thousand other [[Imperial Guard|troops]].|Attributed to [[Rogal Dorn]], [[Primarch]] of the [[Imperial Fists]]}}
{{Topquote|They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall [[Finecast|mould]] them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great [[Pauldrons|armour]] shall I clad them and with the [[Bolter|mightiest guns]] will they be armed. They will be untouched by [[Nurgle|plague]] or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have [[Deep Strike|tactics]], [[Steel Rain|strategies]] and [[Dreadnought|mac]][[Centurion Squad|hin]][[METAL BOXES|es]] so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against [[Chaos|the Terror]]. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my [[Robert Heinlein|Space Marines]] and they shall know no fear.|[[Emperor|The God-Emperor of Mankind]]}}

{{Topquote| They are faithless, corrupt, treacherous, and beyond salvation, but You. You are The Emperor's chosen, His Holy Wrath made manifest, His Angels of Death. thus my childeren salvation is at hand. Let your contempt to the alien be your armor. Let your disgust to the witches be your shield. Let your hatred to the unclean be your sword.Let fury guide your weapons, through the flesh our foes.Let vengence be the song that your enemies hear echoing through there putrid souls for ages to come.
know that as you walk through the valley of the shadows of death, you shall know no fear, for you shall be the only thing that the shadows fear! Go forth, o holy warriors of The Emperor! Go forth with zeal in your hearts, and fury in your arms! In The Emperor's name, His Will be done, Purge and destroy, until none survive!|Recorded message possibly from the emperor found on ganymede.}}

The '''Space Marines''', also known as '''[[Indrick Boreale|SPESS MEHREENS]]''' (or '''Marinelets''' or (canonically) '''Firstborn''' now that the [[Primaris Marines|Chadmarines]] are here) and canonically named the Adeptus Astartes are an army in the [[Warhammer 40,000]] universe. They are bio-enhanced super soldiers clad in [[Power Armour]], and are generally regarded as the toughest warriors to ever serve the [[Emprah|Emperor]] (except for the Adeptus Custodes and Imperial Assassins). The average Space Marine is around eight feet tall. They used to be seven feet in the old fluff, but [[Dan Abnett]] and the rest of Games Workshop have a hard-on for gigantism (though they have addressed the problems real-life gigantism can cause by throwing in more bio-engineering) so they jacked them up a foot, though RPGs from Fantasy Flight Games and games by THQ scaled them back to the more reasonable seven feet. Although do note that the height of Marines can vary greatly; some can even reach ''ten'' feet, like [[Asterion Moloc]]. "Giant gods of war" is far more believable, considering their insane feats and ability for a handful of them to face down an Ork WAAAGH!!! and Tyranid Hive Fleets, yet still make a major difference.

Internally, they have bones that can repel anything short of a boltgun round and can breathe underwater even without their helmets on because they have a third (artificial/augmetic) lung. They can also breathe all but the most potent of toxic fumes with little to no damage to their respiratory system, have two hearts, and live for hundreds of years (they may be functionally immortal, but they usually die in battle after a few centuries, so nobody can be sure, although a Salamander was found in armor fused to his ship and he was ten thousand years old and alive and aware...and batshit insane for having only his brothers’ corpses to look at for ten millennia and his body had severely atrophied). They are vastly more powerful in their [[fluff|official descriptions]] than they actually are in the ''Warhammer 40,000'' tabletop game (although the Marines statted in [[Dark Heresy]] or [[Rogue Trader (RPG)]] are walking rapemachines, and the [[player character]] Marines in [[Deathwatch]] are hard as nails). Much like the [[Chaos Space Marines]] are the 40k successors of the [[Warriors of Chaos]], Space Marines are the 40k successors of Warrior Priests, right down to their BALD. Portrayals range from hardcore but plausible super-soldiers to shameless [[Mary Sue]]s who could fight off Batman with one hand and the Joker with the other, considering their fluff feats and the things they defeat, defeating Batman and the Joker while missing all his limbs would be completely unsurprising for an Astartes. Although occasionally, they serve to make other galactic forces seem superior. ''More like the Ineptes Astartes.''

They account for approximately 35% of the playable armies (counting chaos space marines) in 40k, over 21.4% (yeah, I thought that was a pretty conservative estimate too) of played armies among the 40k fandom (factoring in that people can collect and play more than one 40k army), and as of October 2010, receive about 50% or more of new releases. While there are many, ''many'' chapters that you can choose from, the actual armies basically boil down to six main choices: [[Dark Angels]], [[Blood Angels]], [[Space Wolves]], [[Grey Knights]], [[Legion of the Damned]] (barely), [[Deathwatch]], [[Black Templars]] (previously) and everybody else (with the [[Chaos Space Marines]] accounting for three more codexes). Everyone who's a successor of the first two choices follows their codex and generally share their units, while the "everybody else" just follows the generic Space Marine codex. Don't let the promotional art fool you, though; the Space Marine army isn't exclusively Ultramarines. It used to be that you also had individual codices the [[Black Templars]], but they got folded into the generic Space Marine army. At least they still get special chapter-specific units, which is more than can be said for the likes of the [[Salamanders]] or other important yet still-neglected chapters. But nooo, the Ultramarines need every type of special character...

Contrary to that, fluff-wise Space Marines are amongst the smallest factions in the game. With Loyalist Marines combined they number just above one million in a galaxy where the Imperium alone has more or less a million honest to God inhabited worlds (deepshit colonies with a population of only a few million may or may not be included in that number). In fact, any single capital-class space ship may have a population higher than the entirety of Marines in the Galaxy. Furthermore, Marine armies are extremely fractured, very rarely deployed at above a company per war zone. GW never cared to explain how forces so small could have such a huge impact on the battlefields, when Orks, Guard, and Tyranids could field their troops in the millions, and Chaos can convert entire populations of planets (which is often tens of billions), though by rubbing two brain-cells together we can imagine a combination of them being just that powerful and focusing on opening opportunities for their strike cruiser or battlebarge to blow everyone up. (While the scale is certanly off, it might be less off than you think. Space marines are more "armor" than "infantry". In WWII, entire campaings involving millions of soldiers have been decided by battles focused around some hundred tanks). Regardless, everything that is something in the setting has a tendency to at least have a bit Space Marines in it, if they aren't flat-out the protagonists. Expect enormous campaigns to revolve around a few companies, regardless of the involved numbers of Guardsmen and enemy xenos and chaotic characters, and the Marines to be the key to victory in any given war.

The main reason for the small numbers, though, seems to be that Games Workshop and the Black Library authors have no sense of scale. For example, the largest battle of the Great Crusade was the battle for what became known as Armageddon. It had a measly eight million soldiers and several hundred thousand Space Marines. To say nothing of Mechanicus forces. Fast forward ten thousand years and most major battles or campaigns of the setting that require Space Marines only have dozens to hundreds of regiments, the average regiment size being ten thousand men in the lore. So, in battles that actually need Astartes there will usually be rough one Marine per one hundred or one thousand Guardsmen depending on how important the battle is. A battle with dozens of regiments often has elements of multiple Chapters involved and easily can have several thousand Marines of various Chapters fighting in the battle. On top of that, it is rare for Astartes to be needed in the first place outside of major invasions of strategically important worlds by particularly advanced alien or daemonic threats. When coupled with the complete lack of any ability to comprehend scale on the writers’ part, the small numbers or Space Marines are plenty sufficient for the Imperium’s needs.

Space Marines the selves specialize in achieving strategic objectives for the Imperial Guard and Mechanicus forces to capitalize on. Give them a mission and it will be completed. Making sure their success matters is up to everyone else. Each company is often spread across a planetary conflict since each Marine is so powerful that hardly any are needed to achieve a vital objective when supported by Guard forces such as tanks and artillery. Even at the tactical level aiding the Imperial Guard a single Marine will simply move around the skirmish to key points and curbstomp to make the enemy incapable of having any hope of victory. Basically, a Chapter of Space Marines should not be thought of as an army but as a collective of Master Chiefs.

Unfortunately for the Imperium, spreading the Guard and Marines so thinly across the galaxy is necessary as rapid response is not really possible due to the whims of the Warp. Especially with Warp entities actively interfering.

It should be noted that per "Fall of Cadia," [[Abaddon| a certain armless failure]] mustered a force of CSM ''ten times'' the size of the original Legion (i.e. Luna Wolves) for the 13th Black Crusade. So yeah, no wonder the poor Cadians didn't stand a chance—although ''technically,'' Abaddon only won because he flung the remains of a [[Blackstone Fortress]] at the planet's surface. He had a lot of Marines and daemons but cultists generally can’t survive long in the Eye. Most likely he had the means to seize any strategic objectives he wanted but not a sufficient auxiliary force to push home the advantages nor reliably keep the territory he took. Even if he did, cultists are batshit insane and so can’t exactly be relied on to follow orders competently.

[[Games Workshop|Geedubs]] [[Meme|has a hard-on for Space Marines]]. [[Slaanesh|Between the writers favoritism and the "Spots the Space Marine" fiasco, it's gotten to the point where they should seek professional help]].

'''THIS JUST IN: THE SPACE MARINES JUST GOT AN [[Skub|SKUBPGRADE]]! See [[Primaris Marines]]'''

==History==
[[File:Prayer before battle.jpg|250px|left|thumb|Marine with half his FUCKING face missing, skulls in the wall, bolter laying ready, and servitors with hoods swinging censers. Ladies and gents, [[Warhammer 40k]]. WAIT! Zoom in on his chest. At the handle of his sword. Isn’t that an eight-pointed star on his chest behind/on the sword’s pommel?]]
After the end of the [[Age of Strife]], the Emperor of Mankind (overachieving at it's finest) wanted to reunite [[humanity]] in a [[Great Crusade]] across the galaxy, and he realized that in order to do this he would need one epic-ass army and equally epic generals to lead it. He created the [[Primarchs]], his sons, to be his generals, and let me tell you, these guys were some of the most insanely powerful badasses in all the lore of 40k, and that is saying something. (There is a story in which [[Sanguinius|one of them]] snaps a fucking [[Bloodthirster]]'s spine over his knee.) From their DNA, he created the [[First Founding|Legiones Astartes, the first Space Marines]]. Their first task was to locate their Primarchs, because the [[Chaos Gods|Gods]] of [[Chaos]] had scattered them across the galaxy in an attempt to foil the Emperor's efforts at human reunification (they were basically just butt-hurt that they didn't have some baddass buttfucking sons; [[Slaanesh]] approved!). All of the Primarchs were eventually recovered and reunited with their respective legions, but then, at the height of the Space Marines' power, disaster struck. [[Horus]], the Emperor's most trusted Primarch, fell to Chaos and turned traitor along with his legion, the [[Luna Wolves]], and several others followed suit. After much [[Grimdark|sorrow, pain, and civil warring]], the Emperor killed Horus personally (Daddy issues at their finest yet again), but was mortally wounded in the process, which is why he is now a zombie being kept alive by the technologies of the Golden Throne (Undead Heresy?). The traitor legions, who are now known as the <s>[[Chaos Space Marines]]</s> TRAITOR ASTARTES, were defeated and pushed back to the [[Eye of Terror]]. All of the Primarchs that did not fall to Chaos during the Horus Heresy either disappeared or were [[Ferrus_Manus|killed]], and until very recently, none remained to lead the Space Marines. ([[Roboute Guilliman]], Primarch of the Ultrasmurfs, long enshrined and [[Matthew Ward|(according to some people)]] healing in stasis has recently been revived after ten thousand years). In addition, after the Heresy, the Legions were mostly [[Second Founding|split into smaller "Chapters"]] of up to a thousand Marines according to the teachings of the [[Codex Astartes]] (although some Chapters, such as the [[Space Wolves]] and the [[Black Templars]], do not follow Astartes orthodoxy and maintain forces in much greater numbers, and [[Dark Angels|some chapters]] go so far as to form almost legion-strength forces.)

The Space Marines are most commonly looked upon as warrior-monks, generally referring to each other as "Brother", "Battle Brother" or some variation thereof based on rank, spending most or all of their time training, in battle, or venerating the Emperor. However, no two Chapters are exactly alike, and many differ wildly from the standard perception of the Marines. The Space Wolves, as one example, appear to be much less disciplined than most other Chapters, maintaining a much larger force than permitted by the Codex and frequently having great feasts with much merriment and drinking (the Space Wolves happen to produce the only intoxicating beverage known to have any effect on Marine physiology, and which liquefies the innards of non-Astartes). Their attitude toward others in the Imperium can also differ greatly from Chapter to Chapter or even from marine to marine. Some are very idealistic, believing very strongly in their role as protectors of humanity (such as the [[Lamenters]], the [[Celestial Lions]] or the [[Salamanders]]). Others, like the [[Black Templars]], tend to disregard the ordinary elements of the Imperium, and emphasize much more their role as a weapon against its enemies. And some are [[Blood Angels | just]] [[Angry Marines | angry]].

Their attitude towards the Emperor can also vary. Although they are typically believed to worship him as a deity like most of the rest of the Imperium, the Space Marines are, by virtue of their gene-seeds, derived from the Primarchs and hence the Emperor himself, making them much closer to him than most humans. In fact, many of the Space Marine chapters' beliefs maintain some of the old [[Imperial Truth]] that the Emperor was not a god, but simply the greatest of mortal men, worthy of praise and veneration but not a deity proper. Although it is true that the majority of the Chapters certainly venerate him in an orthodox manner, others just scream his name a lot because that's tradition.The exact degree of Emperor-worship in the Space Marine chapters is a bit mushy. Some openly refer to the Emperor as the God-Emperor while others are outright contemptuous of the idea. [[Excoriators|Captain Zachariah Kersh]], later Chapter Master, was such a nah-sayer but was converted by his experiences during the destruction of the Cholercaust on Certus-Minor. This could mean that among the various Chapters the exact degree of veneration of the Emperor could be entirely a personal choice rather than explicit doctrine. But again the inconsistencies therein make it hard to judge. Alternatively to this theme being a result of lazy writers is that it is in fact a clever but under-developed effect of the progression of the plot of Warhammer 40k. Such that by the end of the 41st millennium, things are so awful that even the Space Marines seek resolve in the worship of the God-Emperor..
[[Image:Blingmarine.jpg|thumb|right|The great Papa Smurf hisself.]]
Space Marines are generally regarded as having something of an "unfair advantage" in the tabletop, mainly because every young 40k player has a strong liking for them, and almost every unit in the listings has at least a 3+ armor save, making them rather hard to kill, especially when considering armies such as the Blood Angels have models that allow players to roll an additional "Feel No Pain" 4+ save if they fail the 3+ one. The problem is that it took 3 Space Marine Chapter books in 5th Edition to come up with a Space Marine Codex framework that didn't suck (almost nothing in C:SW is non-competitive or poorly priced), which is why Long Fangs are usually 50 points cheaper than their Space Marine counterparts, while being twice as effective. Why are Devastators supposedly more expensive? Combat tactics. Yeah, you're never going to use it. The Ultramarines in particular are an extremely popular choice of Space Marine Chapter, and their blue design coupled with the small size of the miniatures often leads to them being referred to as "Smurfs." Thanks to [[Indrick Boreale]], the Space Marines in general are frequently called "Spess Mehreens," or variations to that effect. The Space Marines of today look very different from the glory days of Rogue Trader, when they earned the nickname "[[beakie|beakies]]" because of their signature helmets.

Denizens of /tg/ are prone to claiming a wide variety of things about the Space Marines, usually about their sexual activity (or lack thereof), ranging from assertions that the genitalia of a Space Marine is nonfunctional to claims that they are castrated during the creation process. They never have any supporting evidence for these theories and it is not clear whether or not Space Marines are allowed to have sex, which Chapters would allow them to have sex, if they even can have sex, if they're still capable of normal human reproduction, or what bits they may or may not still possess. Still, that doesn't stop anyone from stating their personal opinion as if it were fact. The most revealed is that a female Inquisitorial henchwoman got an eyeful of a naked Grey Knight novice and was rather impressed by what she saw. The Grey Knight, naturally, had no idea why she seemed so interested. A Remembrancer saw a Marine naked and referred to his manhood as “equine”.

An interesting point to note is that right below this segment on the right is an image of a Marine with a loin-cloth. If there is no modesty to protect, why protect it? One suspects that the reason Marines aren't afforded the luxury of sex (aside from distraction from serving the Emperor), is that they'd kill whatever unfortunate woman or xenos livestock they take a fancy to.
The point is, due to psychological conditioning and likely the sterilizing effects of the augmentation process, followed by a century plus of service to the Emperor in radiation and toxic filled environments, they are simply disinclined towards it, and wouldn't result in any more meat-shields for the Emperor's glorious wars regardless, thus only serving the [[Slaanesh|arch-hedonist.]]

==Creation==
[[File:1396451926378.jpg|400px|thumb|right|From deranged lab-experiment to fucking [[awesome]].]]
Knowing [[Chaos|just]] [[Tyranids|what]] [[Necron|the]] [[Dark Eldar|fuck]] [[Ork|was]] [[Eldar|waiting]] for humanity in space, the Emperor of Mankind designed the [[gene-seed]], [[Gene-seed#The_Organs|nineteen special organs]] to enhance the regular human body to keep the Space Marines going when fighting these monstrosities. Over a series of several years, human adolescents, dubbed aspirants, are selected through a rigorous process which varies from Chapter to Chapter. They are always male, with cited reasons including that Astartes are basically clones of their Primarchs, and by extension the Emperor, and that the geneseed requires portions of the Y-chromosome to function. When their training goes to the next stage, the aspirants are implanted with the initial gene-seed. They then become neophytes, Space Marines in training. As the gene-seed is implanted into them, the neophytes also go through hypnotic conditioning to hone their responses. By the time they're done, the subject has few impulses beyond fighting and killing in the name of the Emperor (it's sometimes thought that this is what kills their sex drive) and most of their memories of their earlier lives are all but forgotten. The only mental frailties remaining are a "fear" (ATSKNF notwithstanding) of failure and experiencing notable stress when severely injured or crippled, as they are no longer able to fulfill their function.

After receiving all these organs and conditioning, it's highly arguable if a Space Marine still qualifies as human. Though the [[Imperium of Man]] has basic "kill on sight" orders for most non-humans and venerates the "Holy Human Form", the topic of whether or not Space Marines violate this edict is ignored, mostly because they were designed by the Emperor and thus considered holy creations. There is also an understandable hesitance to declare war on the only thing standing between the Imperium and the unfathomable evil of the [[Chaos Gods]]. Arguably Marines are no less human than those of the Mechanicum, just with organic implants instead of bionics, and cog boys still count as 100% right and proper humans (even if most of them consider themselves a separate species or at least "humans 2.0").

In fact, this religious need to adhere to the Holy Human Form may be why the Emperor designed the gene-seed to be a bio-enhancement project and not a genetic modification one; all of a Space Marine's inhuman abilities are a result of the artificially engineered organs shoved into their bodies during their creation, either directly (the secondary heart or multi-lung) or indirectly (the Ossmodula, which alters their hormone balance and makes their skeleton growth go berserk). Consequently, this means a Space Marine would technically pass a genetic scan of being "human" better than an [[abhuman]] like an [[Ogryn]] or [[Ratling]] would. The holiness of the Human Form came long before the Horus Heresy, so this theory is likely, anyways. Besides, the Emperor did attempt genetic modification but it proved either fraught with peril ''(ie. The Thunder Warriors)'' or painstakingly expensive ''(Valdor claimed that the entire productive capacity of the Imperium would be unable to generate anything else if Custodians were the primary forces)''. <s>Gene</s> Bio-enhancements are also much more conductive to mass-production. Of course, so long as the genetics are merely ''added'' to the human genome instead of (drastically) ''changing'' the genome, then it can easily be argued the enhancements are no different than using technological tools like auspex or lasguns.

Yes, this tramples all over the spirit of the law (not really, adding to something is just that; addition) whilst technically adhering to the letter, but it's hardly unique -- see the Ecclesiarchy having its own army of [[Sisters of Battle|power-armored gun-toting nuns]] despite being formally forbidden to have "men" under arms.

Another theory is that the Space Marines were designed this way for more symbolic reasons. Done this way Marines retain a link to humanity; all were born human, no more than any other citizen. They became more through science and training but they aren't some new species or a warrior caste. As Marines they are beyond humans but they know where they came from. The regular citizens see the Marines as the best of humanity, proxies for the Emperor's power. The Marines remember humans are their kin and while they are more than human they are still the same species, all coming from the same root. The power vested in them doesn't pass by blood, it passes by merit and a normal citizen can still aspire to become an Astartes even if it's a long shot. The Emperor's whole deal was based around humanity, so he built something that could be a symbol to all humanity. He could have bred a new war species but he altered us because his dream of the Imperium was the dream of humanity. Symbolic difference, sure, but it matters. There's a reason Space Marines are venerated not feared.

Incidentally, bio-enhancements like the gene-seed are actually more controllable than a genetic enhancing procedure would be, since the resultant outcome is more predictable, more easily mass-produced, and it means that even if a Space Marine could have kids, they would in all likelihood not be different from ordinary humans, since their abilities aren't tied to them on a genetic level, though they would be far more likely to become Space Marines since some amount of genetic compatibility is required.

It is also noteworthy that as a possibly unintended side effect of their geneseed, Space Marines are enormously well endowed. This is evidenced in the first book of the Horus Heresy series, whereby a Remembrancer described a naked Captain Loken as being "equine." Of course out of all the chapters, only [[Space Wolves]] ever seem to take advantage of this factor.

==How strong Space Marines are==
Fanboys and opponents constantly argue how strong Astartes are. This entails unfavorable comparisons to super soldiers like Custodians and Thunder Warriors, or comparisons to Ogryns and Imperial Assassins. The crunch can give reasonable estimates, but things like tabletop balancing show its limitations as broad indicators of performance (Guard officers have more wounds than Astartes recruits!). Thus, it's often a matter of conjecture how far an abbreviated statistic translates into a hypothetical comparison; Strength 4 is weaker than Strength 5, but "Strength" can apply variously to lifting/pressing strength instead of striking force, hence why power-lifters don't necessarily make the best cage fighters.

The fluff (and writer) subject Astartes potency to many fluctuations, from absolute gods of battle to DOW1 opening redshirts levels of incompetence. Fans, BL and Codex writers all agree that Astartes are extremely powerful and resilient, with great tactical acumen (see [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMGRa4_UjE4 Astartes - Part Three] ). Most fans agree this representation of them is more canon than most video game trailers (looking at you DOW 3). Astartes Pt.3 shows their post-human skill and advanced equipment are a cut-above even the more competent (renegade) guardsmen.

It is not difficult to create super soldiers in the Warhammer 40,000 Universe. Examples going as far back as the early Great Crusade show that humans can be brought up to near-Astartes strength through various surgeries that do not involve gene-seed. Presently, just about every militant Imperial arm has their own equivalent of super soldiers, ranging from the Ordo Hereticus and the [[Sisters of Battle]] to the Adeptus Mechanicus with their various [[Skitarii]] forces. Some cultures (such as Necromunda's [[House Goliath]]) even have the facilities and resources to enhance their ''entire'' population with superhuman strength, and even create some individual members with levels of bulk and savagery that outright exceed Space Marines, so when reduced to sheer combat potential a Space Marine doesn't appear to be that special.

A Space Marine's true "strength" lies not with his muscle power or his resistance to injury but in the fact that he is trained and drilled to fight at optimal strength, regardless of whatever battlefield he finds himself in. A Space Marine is capable of fighting centuries-long campaigns, eating toxic foods, surviving in irradiated environments with little to no atmosphere, not requiring sleep, not worrying about the effects of zero-gravity, and more. If he is lost without resupply he can consume the genetic information of local fauna or his enemies to survive, else he can enter hibernation until he is recovered. If he is injured, the wound will seal in mere moments, preventing further damage through blood loss or infection. If he is killed his progenoid glands can be used to create more Space Marines in his place. More importantly, he is disciplined to a level far beyond the scope of an ordinary human soldier and is highly resistant to the psychological trauma inherent to participating in long, bloody wars. Even if you took away his size and muscle power, a Space Marine ''still'' ought to be one of the finest soldiers in existence.

There is also the added benefit that ''outside'' of combat situations, many Space Marines can generally find ways to make themselves useful in ways that roid-raging, uber warriors would find difficult: both [[Fulgrim]] and [[Sanguinius]] encouraged their sons to excel as artists and artisans; the [[Iron Warriors]] and the [[Thousand Sons]] ''(before the Heresy)'' were pretty good architects or scholars; and [[Vulkan]] and his sons were generally quite cool bros. This is [[Lion El'Jonson|not]] [[Angron|the]] [[Konrad Curze|rule]], but it shows how Space Marines ''could'' potentially have adapted to life during peacetime after their task was done.

None of these things translate to tabletop rules so they typically get discounted when trying to compare one to the other, but the context of a fight can be supremely important. For instance, an Ogryn certainly could not survive underwater or in methane atmospheres and would choke to death before the fight even began. It is unclear if other superhuman lines can do all of these things: Custodians are most likely equal if not superior to Astartes in most respects, but they are far more difficult to produce than Space Marines and are too valuable to waste on standard military operations. Thunder Warriors certainly couldn't do everything (and indeed were never intended to survive past the Unification Wars), while Assassins are subject to different upgrades that are more niche to their function. All of them might be physically more powerful than a Space Marine, but either take up more resources to create or are simply unsuited for other tasks.

==The Lifespan Debate==
[[File:Sons of Corax by MajesticChicken.jpg|450px|thumb|left|When the going gets tough, the tough get going.]]
The lifespan for Astartes is something of a tricky subject. Because although Astartes refer to normal humans as “mortals” and their daddies and Big E never said they were wrong to and although a Salamander from the Great Crusade was found fused by his armor to his ship’s deck (and insane from boredom) ten thousand years later, some dumb bitches don’t want the demigods to be demigods. Probably the same people who imagine Astartes as similar to Halo’s Spartans despite the examples of handfuls of Space Marines butchering entire armies of super aliens and daemons from literally Hell itself (sometimes one and the same). While it’s made clear that Space Marines live many centuries longer than normal humans, exactly how long they’re ''supposed'' to live has never really been elaborated on; and furthermore, keep in mind that the middle age of the upper-class Imperial citizens is circa 3 centuries or so. It doesn’t help that there has never been a Space Marine shown or described to have ever died of anything resembling old age, and that different chapter bloodlines (and writers) each appear to handle aging differently. So there really isn’t any kind of baseline to work with here. Perhaps most central to the issue is the question of whether or not Astartes are biologically immortal. Of course, there’s also the question or whether or not gene-seed from a Primarch instead of hand-me-down man juice makes a difference.

On the “for” side, both Dan Abnett and Graham McNeill claim that Astartes are indeed immortal, and that although they might physically age (grey hair, wrinkles, etc.) it is only skin deep and they are in just as good physical condition as when they first joined the Astartes, only dying when they are killed. Nick Kyme also appears to be a believer in the immortal point of view (though more in a sitting-stone-gathers-moss-and-lasts-forever kind of way), as in his Salamanders series, an [[wat|Astartes survivor from the Horus-friggin-Heresy was found in a crashed and buried Salamanders starship]]. His armor had melded into the metal of the ship and he could no longer move, but he was alive. He had apparently been sitting there watching over the empty, ancient suits of armor from his fallen brothers for ten thousand years. He was also borderline crazy from all the memories filling his head (thanks eidetic memory, but then if he had human memory he'd have Alzheimers or something) and his vocal cords and muscles were desiccated, but the latter are implied to be due to atrophy from inactivity more than anything else so that doesn't count. Nick Kyme also touched on the subject in Fall of Damnos, with a Tactical Sergeant remarking that he did not know himself if Astartes could die of old age, or that even if they could he had never heard of it happening - indeed, it would be a dishonor to the warrior lifestyle of a Space Marine to do so. The Night Lords series by Aaron Dembski-Bowden is another in the "for" catagory, at least in that the Astartes refer to humans as "mortals," and Talos, at just 300 years old, is apparently considered young for a Crusade-era, unwarped traitor Space Marine. David Annandale has also made allusions to the longevity of the Astartes. In ‘The Death of Antagonis’ Brother Nithigg of the Black Dragons chapter is noted by Sergeant (later Captain) Volos to be ‘at least 1000’, and showing no signs of slowing down or decrease in combat efficiency.

On the “against” side, the Blood Angels are specifically noted for having exceptionally long, but limited lifespans, namely a 1000 years give or take, and Marines from other Chapters don’t live nearly as long. This has been reaffirmed in the current Blood Angels Codex, and it should be noted that it was written by GW's biggest Space Marine fanboy. Yes, even Ward says Space Marines can die of old age. Even Abnett has flip-flopped a bit on it, with Brothers of the Snake (admittedly his first time writing Space Marines) portraying the apothecary Khiron as starting to slow down with his advanced age and not being quite as fit as he used to be. The Space Wolves also have a dedicated unit representing their more senior members in the Long Fangs. While the canis helix certainly plays a part in their aging, it is also implicit that these warriors represent a more traditional "warrior elder." Maybe most importantly, a highly plot-relevant fact about the duel between [[Abaddon]] and [[Sigismund]] is that everyone present, Abaddon included, agreed that if Sigismund had not been slowed down by his age, he would have been the clear victor, and Abaddon only managed to fight him to a near-mutual-kill draw because he had been protected from aging by living in the Eye of Terror. Other things you can handwave or retcon, but the Black Templar vs the Black Legate is as close to sacrosanct as you get.

Unsurprisingly, BL tends to be inconsistent with their lore. There's 2 reasons for this. 1st is because some gamers would think less of the Space Marines if they could die of old age, which Gee Dubs doesn't want. 2nd is because GW seems to agree that not dying of old age would be great. However, they wouldn't want to anger the part of the fanbase that doesn't want Astartes to be biologically immortal, so GW must be deliberately vague on this. This is retarded because the god-like mystique comes from their immortality. Removing immortality would demote the Astartes from demigods to super-special forces, lacking much of their awe. Woop-dee-fucking-doo. The people who don't want the Astartes to be immortal are whiny bitches who want their own armies to seem more impressive by dragging the Astartes down to a mortal level. Which is pathetic and probably heretical.

Others have tried to argue that biological immortality would limit the incentives for Heretic Astartes to seek demonhood, but these people fail to make a key distinction. The inability to die of old age doesn't remove the threat of injury or death. On the other hand, ascending to demonhood leaves you unbound to physics and immune to death, instead being banished for a time. For those wondering, Chaos Marines who remember the Horus Heresy but lack demonhood aren't considered for this debate due to warp fuckery. The Night Lords and Alpha Legion are an exception since their location lacks warp-taint, but it's unknown if any of them are from the Horus Heresy.

Regardless, the true measure of an Astartes is their killing potential. If Astartes can die of old age, they'll more likely die in battle before age takes its toll. If age DOES take its toll, then the loss of potency due to old age will get them killed anyway. However, being ''slowed down'' by old age doesn't count as ''dying'' of old age. General estimates place the average Astartes life expectancy at 400-500 years, becoming a venerable elder and certified badass if they exceed this span.

On a more grimdark note, the Horus Heresy series shows that Astartes are vulnerable to mental traumas like PTSD thanks to a lifetime of war in the meat grinder. It's possible that instead of old age, it's the weight of mental trauma that slows them down. Dan Abnett never wrote those books of course, who believes that Big E wouldn't make super soldiers vulnerable to mental trauma (no galactic ruler worth their salt would allow such ailments to happen if they can prevent it). Others have argued that mental trauma is endured in training, and continues until they become proper Astartes hardened to such struggles.

==Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:40k RPG.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We honestly can't tell whether this is a dude or a chick, so you'll just have to make a guess and face the consequences.]]
*[[Aurora Chapter]] - Institutionally lazily named.
*[[Astral Claws]] - Institutionally secessionist.
*[[Astral Knights]] - Institutionally [[The World Engine|crazy awesome, but totally dead]].
*[[Alpha Legion]] - Institutionally closet loyalists
*[[Avenging Sons]] - Institutionally makes their enemies look good.
*[[Black Dragons]] - Institutionally taking their cue from Wolverine.
*[[Black Templars]] - Institutionally crusaders.
*[[Blood Angels]] - Institutionally [[Black Rage|unstable]].
*[[Blood Ravens]] - Institutionally <s>relic hunters</s> Obsessive Kleptomaniacs.
*[[Space Sharks|Carcharodons Astra]] - Institutionally banished, yet loyal. [[Badab War|Fucking shit up very eclectically.]]
*[[Celebrants]] - Institutionally gradient.
*[[Celestial Lions]] - Institutionally suffering losses from [[Ork Snipers]].
*[[Crimson Fists]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marine|reasonable.]]
*[[Dark Angels]] - - Institutionally <s>mysterious</s> <s>Loyal</s> <s>Traitors?</s> LOYAL WITHOUT QUESTION FROM FOUNDING UNTIL DESTRUCTION.
*[[Dark Hands]] - - Institutionally... wait have these guys done anything other then face the Hrud and a couple of Orks?
*[[Dark Hunters]] - Institutionally grim of grim marines.
*[[Death Spectres]] - Institutionally albino.
*[[Deathwatch]] - Institutionally, intentionally and professionally xenocidal. Employed by the [[Inquisition]], recruited from other Chapters.
*[[Doom Eagles]] - Institutionally doomed.
*[[Emperor's Shadows]] - Institutionally Japanese.
*[[Emperor's Spears]] - Institutionally a work in progress.
*[[Excoriators]] - Institutionally ugly.
*[[Executioners]] - Institutionally [[lawful stupid|honorable]].
*[[Exorcists]] - Institutionally [[Heresy|possessed and exorcised]].
*[[Flesh Tearers]] - Institutionally RIP AND TEAR.
*[[Flesh Eaters]] - Institutionally cannibals.
*[[Flame Falcons]] - Institutionally ON FIRE. ALL OF THEM.
*[[Fire Angels]] - Institutionally religious BUT ALSO ON FIRE.
*[[Fire Lords]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]], possibly more so than the Salamanders (see below).
*[[Genesis Chapter]] - Institutionally [[Ultramarines]].
*[[Grey Knights]] - Institutionally killing [[Daemon|Daemons]].
*[[Guardians of the Covenant]] - Institutionally record-keeping Catholic space monks.
*[[Hammers of Dorn]] - Institutionally trolling the Ultramarines.
*[[Hospitallers]] - Institutionally religious.
*[[Howling Griffons]] - Institutionally Black Templars wannabes.
*[[Imperial Fists]] - Institutionally fortifying this position.
*[[Invaders]] - Institutionally trading blows with Eldar.
*[[Iron Hands]] - Institutionally angry cyborgs.
*[[Iron Snakes]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|Texas Rangers]].
*[[Lamenters]] - Institutionally unlucky.
*[[Legion of the Damned]] - Institutionally undead WHILE ON FIRE!
*[[Marines Errant]] - Institutionally being actual marines.
*[[Marines Malevolent]] - Institutionally MASSIVE assholes.
*[[Mantis Warriors]] - Institutionally misdirecting.
*[[Mentors]] - Institutionally academic. Has not been heard from [[Rogue Trader (Sourcebook)|for a long time]].
*[[Minotaurs]] - Institutionally mysteriously paranoid teamkilling dicks. They are suspected to be in league with the [[High Lords of Terra]] as an attempt to police the Adeptus Astartes. Cause that'll work.
*[[Mortifactors]] - Institutionally Skulls and Bones.
*[[Novamarines]] - Institutionally hating Xenos.
*[[Raptors]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable_Marines|reasonable]] and [[shooty]].
*[[Raven Guard]] - Institutionally [[Troll|tricksy]] and speedy.
*[[Rainbow Warriors]] - Institutionally [[Gay|<s>gay</s>]] not appearing in this game.
*[[Red Scorpions]] - Institutionally pure.
*[[Red Talons]] - Institutionally bloodthirsty, and red.
*[[Relictors]] - Institutionally radical.
*[[Retributors]] - Institutionally tactical, also officially official.
*[[Salamanders]] - Institutionally [[Flamer|burny]]. Also, surprisingly nice for all their... fiery nature.
*[[Sable Swords]] - Institutionally heirs to the [[Astral Knights]].
*[[Scythes of the Emperor]] - Institutionally NOT DEAD YET.
*Shadow Wolves - Institutionally made up by AD-B for his wife, and wiped out in a book he wrote.
*[[Silver Skulls]] - Institutionally [[Shaman|shamanistic]].
*[[Sons of Medusa]] - Institutionally lime green.
*[[Sons of the Phoenix]] - Institutionally totally not the [[Emperor's Children]].
*[[Soul Drinkers]] - Institutionally rebellious.
*[[Space Sharks]] - Institutionally [[Shark|SHARKY]], BITCH!
*[[Space Wolves]] - Institutionally Swedish,(Bjork Bjork Bjork)
*[[Star Phantoms]] - Institutionally SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!.
*[[Storm Wardens]] - Institutionally Celtic.
*[[Ultramarines]] - Institutionally <s>[[Codex_Astartes|orthodox]]</s> Matt Ward Cultists.
*[[Unnumbered Sons]] - Institutionally without identity.
*[[White Scars]] - Institutionally Mongolian.
*[[White Templars]] - Institutionally Black Templars...but white
*[[Valedictors]] - Institutionally gone, so forget it.

==Space Marine Chapter Masters==
[[File:Angels of the Rock.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Tiny head syndrome is a common side effect of the augmentations]]
*[[Marneus Calgar]] - Chapter Master of the [[Ultramarines]]. Received the rank by having the most plot armor, nowadays he has become Guilliman's aide in running Ultramar.
*[[Dante]] - Chapter Master of the [[Blood Angels]]. '''Beware!!!!'''. Dante is watching you! Received the rank for being so old and always wearing a mask, he looks like a man entering his sixties without it.
*[[Logan Grimnar]] - Great Wolf of the [[Space Wolves]]. Is the wolfiest of all the wolf lords without being a furry, also, he cares a lot for the average baseline human.
*[[Azrael]] - Supreme Grand Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. Best at VANQUISHING FOUL TRAITORS FROM OTHER LEGIONS.
*[[Vorn Hagen]] - Chapter Master of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Appointed as Chapter Master <s>out of pity</s> because he was the second best candidate in line for the job, and the [[Darnath Lysander|TRUE HERO]] had turned it down so he could continue doing what he does best (namely make servants of Chaos cry with a generous appliance of [[Thunder Hammer]] to the face). Died in the Second Battle of Terra and was replaced by Gregor Dessian.
*[[Jubal Khan]] - Chapter Master of the [[White Scars]]. Proved his speediness by outracing a bike mounted captain wearing only rollerskates. Was abducted by the [[Red Corsairs]] and tortured to the point that he is permanently crippled and forced to survive strapped to life support systems in the Chapter's Fortress Monastery.
*[[Tu'Shan]] - Master of the Fire Drakes, [[derp|de-Facto]] Chapter Master of the [[Salamanders]]. Forged the burniest flamer.
*[[Kardan Stronos]] - Chapter Master of the [[Iron Hands]](sort of). Was actually democratically elected for diplomatic reasons, temporarily. It's complicated.
*Corvin Severax - Former Chapter Master of the [[Raven Guard]], nicknamed "Master of Shadows". Got the job by being the sneakiest of the sneaky Marines (they were looking for him to officially grant him the rank until the last day). Unfortunately some [[Shadowsun|blue-skinned bitch]] had him killed in the Damocles Gulf (ironically by being even sneakier and trickier then him).
*[[Kayvaan Shrike]] - Formerly Captain of the Raven Guard's third company, and all-around badass that [[get shit done]] in his Primarch's time-honored way (i.e. sneak up to a motherfucker and shred him with [[Lightning Claws]] before vanishing again). Shrike was decided unanimously to be Severax' successor when the latter suffered from an unfortunate severe overdose of Tau gunline; only adding to his [[awesome]].
*[[Kaldor Draigo]] - SUPREME Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]] and one of [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Mary Sue|Special Snowflakes]]. Honored for being the single biggest Mary Sue in the whole damn setting by being able to survive in the Warp unprotected and uncorrupted. Fortunately, later authors have been working to tone him down and give him an actual personality.
*[[Helbrecht]] - High Marshall of the [[Black Templars]]. Was voted High Marshall for being the angriest of the not [[Angry Marines]]. Has a [[Waifu|tsundere]] relation with [[Imotekh the Stormlord]]
*[[Pedro Kantor]] - Chapter Master of the [[Crimson Fists]]. Got the most votes (read: all three) during the election.
*[[Gabriel Seth]] - Chapter Master of the [[Flesh Tearers]]. Ripped and tore the most during the Chapter Master audition (also kicked one of the judges in the balls), he is a bit tsundere for Dante while still being totally bros with him.
*[[Azariah Kyras]] - Former Chapter Master of the [[Blood Ravens]] who was killed for being a filthy, despicable, traitorous, no good follower of Chaos. Later replaced by [[Gabriel Angelos]].
*Gabriel Angelos, a totally cool dude who had to deal with Kyras heresy, as well as Baldeale's incompetence and having his recruiting worlds invaded by the Tyranids.
*Sarpedon - Chapter Master of the [[Soul Drinkers]] Also, a (bottom) half giant spider mutant. Got all his friends killed for trying to do the right thing. Rookie Grimdark mistake, kid.
*[[Carab Culln]] - Lord High Commander of the [[Red Scorpions]]. Got promoted after the last one was killed. Then got himself mortally wounded and was interred in a [[Dreadnought#Leviathan Pattern|Leviathan Dreadnought]]. Suceeded by [[Casan Sabius]].
*Artekus Bardane - Chapter Master of the [[Relictors]]. Collects and uses Chaos artifacts better then anyone in the Chapter.
*[[Asterion Moloc]] - Chapter Master of the [[Minotaurs]]. No clue how he got the job, our inquiries were met with death threats and top level cease and desist orders. Has a laser-shooting pimp cane and won't mind sacrificing his own people to get the job done.
*[[Lugft Huron]] - Chapter Master of the [[Astral Claws]]. Got the rank by being absolutely awesome, unfortunately he overdid it and caused the [[Badab War]].
*Lias Issodon - Chapter Master of the [[Raptors_(Chapter)|Raptors]]. The most reasonable of the not-[[Reasonable Marines|reasonable marines]].
*[[Tyberos the Red Wake]] - Chapter Master of the [[Space Sharks]], or at least assumed to be. He was the leader of the Carcharodons during the Badab War, but his exact rank was never confirmed until 8th Edition. Still showed the best technique when it came to applying '''RIP AND TEAR''' to heretic asses, assisted by his [[awesome|LIGHTNING CLAW CHAINFISTS]].
*Omadon Tiresias - Chapter Master of the [[Star Phantoms]]. Blinded by warp storms during the evacuation of the Star Phantom home world, he forsook his own sight to save the relics of his Chapter.
*Malakim Phoros - Chapter Master of the [[Lamenters]]. Not happy with his Chapter being constantly shat upon and sided with Huron during the Badab War. Ohh, you poor man. Despite being utterly screwed and [[Eldrad|dicked with]] due to [[Tzeentch|unbelievably bad fortune]] AND struggling with crippling depression and cynicism, the guy refuses to give up faith in his fellow man. [[Grimdark|Naturally, it only makes things worse.]]
*[[Lord Magyar]] - Chapter Master of [[Mortifactors]]. His artificer armor is made from bone entirely, and though the rule Slow and Purposeful is no more, he definitely IS [[Tactical genius|slow and purposeful]]. He wears a relic [[Typhus|power scythe]]. He is at least [[Awesome|700 years old]].

== Rivalries ==
[[File:Moloc.JPG|300px|right|thumb|Everyone hates the Minotaurs]]
While normally above mortal shortcomings, the greatest flaw of the Space Marines is their hubris. They are immensely proud warriors who do not take kindly to having their honor slighted. Some take mental note of this for a later date while others [[rip and tear|take the more direct approach]]. This has created some notable rivalries between the various Chapters, some of which date back to the Great Crusade.

*'''Space Wolves and Dark Angels''' - The Space Wolves and Dark Angels have a rather tumultuous and sometimes violent rivalry, but in a way their Legions truly reflect the relationship between brothers. The rivalry itself stems from a confrontation between their Primarchs that stemmed from the different cultures the Primarchs had come up in. During a joint operation between the Wolves and the Dark Angels, the planet's ruler had insulted Russ personally, so Russ resolved to slay him personally. The Lion tried to cut Russ in on his deep strike plan, but Russ would have none of it. He didn't want to defeat the enemy, he wanted to utterly crush them. Frustrated with his brother's lack of cooperation, the Lion launched his strike without the Wolves' help, and Russ fought his way into the planetary ruler's palace just in time to watch the Lion behead him. Furious, Russ threw down his weapons and punched the Lion, starting a lengthy fist fight that only ended when Russ started laughing upon realizing how pointless the fight was and how stupid he'd been. Thinking that Russ was laughing at him, the Lion punched Russ unconscious. When Russ awoke he sought out the Lion to make amends, but he had already departed with his fleet. Though the two would work together again, the Lion was rather unforgiving (oh the irony) towards Russ. To Russ the Lion seemed the antagonist. After all, in the halls of Fenris a brawl between angry brothers was hardly unusual. When the fight ended you'd toast each other and drink away the bruises and move on. To the Lion Russ seemed at fault. After all, in the knightly orders of Caliban striking one's brothers was not done: petty infighting could not be tolerated when monsters slavered at the gate. As is so often the case between brothers, both were at fault and neither would back down. To this day the Space Wolves and Dark Angels (and their successor Chapters) will fight (usually) non-lethal honor duels to "settle the score," though "the score" has never really been agreed on. Occasionally tensions between the two Chapters will boil over into open warfare which is often caused by <strike>Fallen Angels</strike> TRAITORS UNASSOCIATED WITH THE DARK ANGELS hiding amidst the Space Wolves' protectorate worlds, using the tensions to their advantage. Finally it's worth noting that even though the two (former) Legions often fight, they never show that rivalry to the wider Imperium, and they'll set aside their rivalry whenever they need to [[get shit done]] together. Their rivalry is in question now, though, as after the Great Rift opened the Unforgiven came and beat the shit out of Magnus’s army invading Fenris. Originally they thought the sudden explosion of Wulfen numbers meant that the Space Wolves either fell to Chaos, were too mutated to recover and needed a mercy killing, or that there would hardly be any left and just Wulfen remained. Unlike when the last time they showed up at Fenris and attacked the Space Wolves in the belief the Wolves had turned or something, this time the Dark Angels were wary of being used and found out that their assumption was wrong before they could fuck up and thus avoided epic team-killing and instead the First Legion slammed into the daemons and traitor Marines like the Emperor’s own banhammer.

*'''Ultramarines and the Word Bearers''' - The Ultramarines are pissed off at the Word Bearers for a great many things: 1) They turned traitor during what was supposed to be an exercise to patch up their poor relations after the Castigation of Lorgar; 2) They used millions of cultists as meat shields during the [[Battle of Calth]], which the Ultramarines saw as dishonorable and disgusting; 3) They almost destroyed Calth; and finally 4) The battle of Calth was the first battle of the Heresy for the Ultramarines as a whole, meaning that while they were chilling and waiting to go kill some Orks, the Word Bearers suddenly turned around and slaughtered a fuckload of them without warning. They managed to pull through in the end and win by the skins of their teeth, but it was a gigantic blow to the Ultramarines, who now had to fight off a vengeful Legion out of nowhere with almost half their Legion dead, their fleet crippled, ''and the fucking sun of the planet they were on flooding it with deadly radiation''. Not to mention the giant Warp storm that cut them off from the rest of the Imperium, which coincidentally formed at the exact time the Word Bearers attacked...

*'''Ultramarines and the Alpha Legion''' - The Alpha Legion led the Ultramarines halfway across the galaxy on a fool's errand that ultimately ensured they were nowhere near the Imperial Palace during the Horus Heresy. Adding insult to injury, they inflicted enormous casualties on the Ultramarines, and though they succeeded in killing Alpharius (or did they?), the Alpha Legion's command structure was so decentralized that it did little to affect them.

*'''Ultramarines and the Black Templars (also the Imperial Fists, the Crimson Fists, the Space Wolves, and the Salamanders)''' - When Roboute Guilliman tried to force the Codex Astartes on the Space Marine Legions after the Horus Heresy, some Legions - most notably the Imperial Fists - outright refused, not wanting their legions to be broken down into smaller Chapters. Rogal Dorn called Guilliman a coward, while Guilliman called Dorn a rebel. The Space Wolves and the Salamanders ended up backing Dorn, while the Raven Guard and the White Scars supported Guilliman. The rivalry became so intense that the Imperial Navy even fired on the Imperial Fist strike cruiser ''Terrible Angel'', and it seemed that the Space Marines would war against one another once again. Finally, Rogal Dorn yielded to prevent another war and broke his legion into the Black Templars and the Crimson Fists. As the Ultramarines still were wary of the loyalties of the Imperial Fists and their successors, Sigismund - the first Emperor's Champion and the man that Dorn had appointed to be the Black Templars Chapter Master - declared a 10,000 year crusade in the Emperor's name to prove their loyalty. Even though tensions have since cooled between the Ultramarines and the other Chapters, the Ultramarines are still suspicious about (read: sticking their nose into the business of) the Black Templars as they still refuse to conform to the Codex Astartes, and won't tell the Ultramarines just how huge their Chapter is. In short, Sigismund and Leman Russ told Guilliman where he can shove his Codex Astartes, and he's all anal pained about it.

*'''Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors''' - [[Uriel Ventris]] and Pasanius Lysane, of the Ultramarines, were sworn to a Death Oath by their Chapter Master Marneus Calgar as punishment for violating the Codex Astartes (specifically, because they had abandoned the rest of their company to assist a Deathwatch Kill-team during the Battle of Tarsus Ultra). Their mission: find and destroy the [[Daemonculaba]]. The quest took the Ultramarines pair to the nightmarish [[Daemon World]] of [[Medrengard]], within the [[Eye of Terror]] itself. Medrengard was the homeworld of the Iron Warriors Traitor Legion. It was also the location of [[Honsou]], the evil Iron Warriors Warsmith who oversaw the Daemonculaba project from within his fortress, Khalan-Ghol. The Ultramarines were successful in destroying the Daemonculaba, and were also able to bring ruination to Khalan-Ghol and Honsou's forces. Uriel Ventris also managed to shoot Honsou in the head. Unfortunately, the Warsmith survived the headshot. Upon realizing the extent of the damage Uriel had caused, Honsou swore revenge and also the utter annihilation of [[Ultramar]]. Honsou was aware that before he ever dealt with Uriel Ventris, the Ultramarines spent years and countless resources and lives to repel a [[Tyranid]] incursion at Tarsis Ultra. Honsou thus unleashed a plan which destroyed every living thing on Tarsis Ultra, and reduced the planet itself to a lifeless rock. Destroying the planet provided no strategic gain to the Iron Warriors; Honsou carried out his horrific genocide simply to spite Uriel Ventris and the Ultramarines. Following this, the Iron Warriors use an army won from the [[Red Corsairs]] to free the [[Daemon Prince]] [[M'kar]], and invade [[Ultramar]]. Though the "Bloodborn" army is beaten back, the Ultramarines lost over one third of their battle-brothers in the attempt, leaving them open to attack for the first time since the First Tyrannic War and unable to properly participate in the Imperial counter-offensive for the [[13th Black Crusade]]. The Ultramarines and the Iron Warriors have thus become bitter enemies-- with Uriel Ventris and Honsou in particular becoming sworn foes.

*'''Ultramarines and the Hammers of Dorn''' - The Hammers adhere rigidly to the Codex Astartes, to the point where they point out any deviations from the codex by the Ultramarines. According to the Hammers of Dorn, Guilliman may have had the genius to pen the codex, but the sons of Dorn are the only ones that can bring out its full potential.

*'''Ultramarines and the Minotaurs''' - While the Minotaurs are hated by everyone the Ultramarines have a special grudge against them, due to the Euxine Incident during the Macharian Heresy. During the heresy the loyalist Doom Warriors and Inceptors chapters were busy [[skub|fighting each other over a matter of honor]], and refused to stop and aid Imperial forces. The Minotaurs were sent to quell the dispute, which they did in their [[rip and tear|usual manner]]. They attacked both sides in force, nearly destroying them both. The Doom Warriors were badly beaten and forced into a barely-organized retreat almost immediately. The Inceptors weren't so lucky. With no way to withdraw they suffered the full onslaught of the Minotaurs and finally surrendered with less then 100 Marines left. The honored 2nd Founding Chapter was subsequently [[Blood Ravens|robbed of most of their Chapter relics, the Minotaurs stealing them right off their dead bodies]], including their flagship, a relic of the Great Crusade. This brought them a great deal of hatred from the Ultramarines and their successors, who have since forbidden the Minotaurs from entering Ultramar and seek vengeance whenever the opportunity arises.

*'''Blood Angels and the World Eaters''' - Both constantly compete for superiority in melee combat and also the angriest motherfucking berserker full of rage.

*'''Raven Guard and White Scars''' - Supposedly dates back to a huge fucking argument between [[Corax]] and [[Jaghatai Khan]], where the two had a massive spat over the proper use of rapid-reaction forces. Corax insisted they be used as part of infiltration and deep-strike units, and Jaghatai insisted they were to be on the front lines - the two never really saw eye-to-eye, Corax seeing Jaghatai as devastatingly effective, but with the tactical sense of a drunken Space Wolf, and Jaghatai seeing Corax as too cautious and tactical for proper man-fighting. The two would eventually make up after the Horus Heresy, and both the Raven Guard and White Scars would be forced to ally on several occasions - most notably during the infamous Hunt for Voldorius - but an intense rivalry over whose fast-attack doctrine is better persists to this day, and the two factions are still kind of assholes to one another as a result.

*'''Blood Angels and the Black Legion''' - Considering that Horus killed their Primarch (who, before the Heresy, were closer than any other Primarchs) which resulted in them suffering from the Black Rage which eventually causes every descendant of Sanguinius to have visions of being killed by Horus, the Blood Angels probably despise the Black Legion to the point of pure obsession. Also as a rule, the Blood Angels have a special hatred for the [[Abaddon|owner]] of the '''Talon of Horus''', since it killed their <s>father</s> sexy angel daddy.

*'''World Eaters and the Grey Knights''' - Angron was banished back to the Warp by Grey Knights during the first battle of Armageddon, which resulted in the World Eaters' defeat. Angron has since been resurfacing, and has sworn revenge.

*'''Raven Guard and the Black Legion (also the Word Bearers, Night Lords, Iron Warriors, and Alpha Legion)''' - The Raven Guard were the second hardest hit by the Drop Site Massacre of Istvaan V ''(the Salamanders got hit worse, but there weren't really enough survivors to hold a grudge)''. Though all of the traitor legions except the Thousand Sons were involved, the Raven Guard holds a special hatred for the former Luna Wolves and Horus, a hatred which has transferred over to [[Abaddon]] and the Black Legion. That said, the Raven Guard go absolutely murderous on any of the Legions who turned on them at Istvaan V.

*'''Grey Knights and the Space Wolves''' - Officially, there really isn't a rivalry at all. Because officially the Grey Knights don't exist. Unofficially, during the First War for Armageddon, Grey Knights were ordered to fire on dozens of civilian ships because there was a fraction of a shadow of smidgen of a chance that they were tainted by Chaos. The Space Wolves decided this was pretty dickish, and protected the civilians. Naturally, the Inquisition made it worse. Then old [[Logan Grimnar|Loggy]] chops a Grey Knight Grand Master's head off and kills four Justicars, the ugly downward spiral of '''''WTF!?'''''s started there. Eventually, an understanding was reached where the remaining civvies weren't murdered but just mindwiped a bit and Inquisitorial ships would never again come to Fenris or the Wolves would tear them a new asshole. Officially unofficially, the Grey Knights are angry that another Chapter was given even shittier writing than they got.

*'''Imperial Fists and the Iron Warriors''' - Imagine their rivalry akin to World War I. The Imperial Fists love making defenses, while the Iron Warriors love destroying stuff. Perturabo hated Rogal Dorn for being Daddy's golden boy and his constant boasting of the fortifications of the Imperial Palace. Perturabo eventually bested Dorn and the Imperial Fists by making a huge space fortress that Dorn then tried to attack in an effort to bring Perturabo to justice (known as the 'Iron Cage'). The fortress was nothing but a decoy with inwardly facing gun-lines, meaning the entire thing was a trap and wound up cutting down enormous numbers of the Imperial Fists before they could retreat. Each side was too strong without both of them completely destroying each other. Dorn is still perturbed to this day by the event.

*'''Thousand Sons and the Space Wolves''' - The Space Wolves despised the Red Sorcerers for their practice of magic, and initially didn't question a goddamned thing after Horus had intentionally given the Wolves incorrect orders (to destroy the Thousand Sons, as opposed to taking Magnus to stand trial). Perhaps the dumbest part of their rivalry is that when they actually showed up at Prospero, Leman Russ felt guilty about just slaughtering the Thousand Sons, so he tried to call Magnus to ask him to stand down so that they could take him in peacefully. Magnus, having assumed Leman Russ was here to kill him had refused to take any calls (and not only prevented his Legion from communicating with the Wolves, but gathered them all so they'd be easier to slaughter) which ended up pissing off the Wolves again and ensuring the Thousand Sons were nearly completely wiped out. Despite this being entirely preventable by their Primarch (on top of causing their fall to Tzeentch) and engineered by Horus (with the Wolves being completely ignorant about it) they still blame the Wolves anyway instead of those [[Derp|other two]]. The Sons would nonetheless resurface to attack the Space Wolves: they led a siege on their homeworld and succeeded in causing considerable damage before being driven off; during this offensive they managed to destroy a series of laboratories, including one that held an entire generation worth of the Space Wolves' Gene-Seed (as well as the cure for the Wulfen curse), and Magnus himself was responsible for killing the Space Wolves' Chapter Master.

*'''White Scars and the Space Wolves''' - Thousand Sons were the biggest bros of the Scars during the Great Crusade, their Primarchs were total bros too, so when they figured out that Wolves destroyed Prospero, killed most of the (still totally loyal) Thousand Sons and Magnus forced the surviving ones into going heretic (and the Wolves don't even feel any guilt or remorse about their role), none were surprised the Scars kept a huge grudge against the Space Yiffs. Also during the Crusade, the Scars hated being compared to the Wolves because of the apparent link to barbarism. The Wolves themselves also have a thing or two to say about the multiple times Scars hadn't come to help when they could, starting from when they left the Wolves alone against an entire Alpha Legion fleet.

*'''Iron Hands and the Emperor's Children''' - Prior to the Heresy, Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus were '''extremely''' close friends. Their bond ran so deep that even as Fulgrim declared his intentions of joining the forces of Chaos to Ferrus, asking him to join him in overthrowing the Emperor, Ferrus couldn't open fire on his brother's ship. Naturally, this had some rather nasty effects in the long term, not least of which was Fulgrim decapitating the Gorgon with his own sword. The Iron Hands did not take kindly to this. Also, getting all repressed and logical over the next 10,000 years caused Slaanesh to take breaking them as a challenge.

*'''World Eaters and The Emperor's Children''' - In addition to following [[Khorne|rival]] [[Slaanesh|deities]], the Emperor's Children lost huge numbers of troops to the World Eaters at [[Battle of Skalathrax|Skalathrax]]. Really, all you need to know is that [[Kharn]] and a Flamer were involved, and that before this incident, the World Eaters were a much more coordinated force.
**'''World Eaters and World Eaters''' - This event caused the World Eaters to break up into warbands.

*'''Emperor's Children and the Iron Warriors''' - Given that Fulgrim tried to sacrifice Peturabo's soul to Slaanesh to fuel his ascension to Daemon Prince...
** '''Emperor's Children and absolutely everyone else''' - Due to their disturbing habits of enslaving populations and/or stealing other Legion's servants to be used as... [[Slaanesh|''partners'']] for [[/d/|some memorable parties]], absolutely everyone tend to avoid them like walking STD's.

*'''Dark Angels and FOUL TRAITORS''' - Do ''not'' get between them and a FOUL TRAITOR TO THE IMPERIUM WHO CERTAINLY HAS NO CONNECTION TO THE SONS OF THE LION. It can only end in tears.

*'''Thousand Sons and World Eaters:''' Khorne hates sorcery, and so the World Eaters hate the Sons. Sadly for the World Eaters, they're usually well out of the Sons' league; the Thousand Sons tend to pick conflicts selectively, which means the followers of Khorne have rarely even had the chance to fight them. Also, it doesn't do much to appease Khorne's bloodlust, since there is no blood or skulls to offer, just dust. Then again, there are some exceptions, namely [[Iskandar Khayon]] and [[Lheorvine Ukris]], who were total bros, and they were the guys that founded the [[Black Legion]] along with [[Abaddon]].

*'''Blood Ravens and EVERYONE:''' Apart from Captain Titus of the Ultramarines, almost every Marine Chapter mentioned in having contact with the Blood Ravens have not been on good terms. Most likely due to their rampant kleptomania. This animosity extends beyond the Space Marines, and into the rest of the Imperium as well; Imperial Guard forces hate them for exterminating the Kronus Liberators, the Mechanicus hates them stealing archeotech, the Ecclisiarchy hates them for their psykers, and the Inquisition doesn't like them for their secrecy.

*'''Blood Angels and the Emperor's Children''' - [[Fabius Bile]] stole the blood of Sanguinius from the Blood Angels' Fortress-Monastery as part of a plot to make a clone of the God-Emperor. As the neophyte initiation process for the Blood Angels requires the consumption of some of the aforementioned blood, the Blood Angels and all their Successor Chapters have sworn to find and kill Bile at all costs. (For a while, it looked like they succeeded—that is, until they found out that Bile had begun cloning ''himself''.)

*'''Iron Hands and Raven Guard and Salamanders''' - The Iron Hands are still pissy about the whole [[Drop Site Massacre|Isstvan V]] thing. They believe that had the Salamanders and Raven Guard followed their Primarch Ferrus Manus they would have won at the Dropsite Massacre. Completely overlooking the fact that they were surprised, surrounded, outgunned and outnumbered nearly 3 to 1. They don't like the Raven Guard in particular for their use of stealth and subterfuge, and also for having a pretty much identical color scheme. The Salamanders aren't too keen about the Iron Hands belief of "purging the weak" and usual disregard for civilian casualties and sometimes their own Marines. The Raven Guard and Salamanders never pulled any of this bullshit with each other, though, and remain close allies, if for nothing other than the Hands constantly being dicks to both of them.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Salamanders''' - What happens when the galaxy's greatest assholes meet the galaxy's greatest humanitarian Marines? Hilarity, that's what. The hate fueled rivalry that was first widely known came during the Third War for Armageddon where a squad of Marines Malevolent used their [[Whirlwind|Whirlwinds]] to fire upon an Ork-occupied camp, when they ''knew'' that the camp contained hundreds of Imperial civilian hostages, mostly women and children. Oh and guess what their response was, something to do with "Meh, we only serve the Emprah only" and "We didn't know there were ''"that"'' many civilians." As you can imagine, this both horrified and [[Rage|royally pissed off]] the Salamanders, and when these two Chapters met again after the war, Chapter Master Tu'Shan, to put it simply, bitch-slapped the Captain of the Marines Malevolent in front of ''everybody in the city,'' prompting much sniggering and cheering among both Guardsmen and civilians alike. Because of such reaction to complete dickwads, the Salamanders were considered as the '''Heroes of Armageddon''' by popular vote.

*'''Aurora Chapter and the Emperor's Spears''' - Fought each other over matters of honor and the Ultramarines judged Aurora Chapter was right, which soured relations of the Emperor's Spears with their primogenitor. Tensions have since lessened but the two Chapters still refuse to fight together.

*'''Marines Malevolent and Everyone Else''' - 'Nuff said.

==Bros To the End==
As there are several Chapters and Legions who despise one another, there's a few that get along damned well.

*'''Raven Guard, Salamanders, and Iron Hands''' - True since the Great Crusade, where these three found they worked extremely well in-concert - The Raven Guard acting as the advance and cutting off critical locations and eliminating command units, the Salamanders in providing the heavy punch to follow this up, and the Iron Hands providing the tide of firepower to support both. That being said, the Iron Hands' relationship with the Raven Guard and the Salamanders has deteriorated since the Horus Heresy; they believe that had their allies not retreated from the Drop Site Massacre, Ferrus Manus would not have been killed and Horus would have been defeated before he could pose a threat to the Imperium. (It doesn't take a genius to realize that this would have just led to the complete annihilation of their Legions in practice.) It's not really clear if the Hands still fight alongside their former best bros in the 41st millennium, but given the whole "feeding a Raven Guard company to psyker Orks for lulz" thing, it doesn't seem likely.

*'''Salamanders and Blood Angels''' - Though the Salamanders are friendly with most Chapters anyway (and them hating you being a good indication of you being a huge asshole), they're particularly tight with the Blood Angels. Both Chapters are some of the few in the Imperium that actually go out of their way for civilians and put them before pride and glory in battle. This became particularly evident during the [[Armageddon|Second War of Armageddon]], when both fought side-by-side against the [[Orks]] and when [[Dante]] publicly honored [[Tu'Shan]] for his bravery during the war and bitch-slapping the Marines Malevolent Captain.

*'''Imperial Fists and Imperial Fists successors''' - Doctrinal differences and martial angst aside, the sons of Dorn have always been on good terms with each other. Whenever a crisis threatens Terra that is too great for a single Chapter, the Imperial Fists and their successors unite to put an end to that threat, such as [[The War of The Beast]], and the [[Age of Apostasy|Second Siege of Terra]] to put [[Goge Vandire]] in his place. Every century, they also come together for an epic swordfighting tournament called the [[Feast of Blades]].

*'''Blood Angels, White Scars and Imperial Fists''' - All three fought and died in the defence of the Imperial Palace. Broforce = very yes.

*'''Ultramarines and Imperial Fists''' - Similar to the Space Wolves and Dark Angels above, beef about the Codex aside, the two Chapters have always been on very good terms. (I guess the above segment regarding the Ultramarines firing on the Imperial Fists ship is just swept under the rug).

*'''Dark Angels and Dark Angel successors''' - THE DARK ANGELS HAVE NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR SUCCESSOR CHAPTERS. RUMORS THAT DARK ANGEL SUCCESSORS ARE STILL UNDER DIRECT COMMAND FROM THEIR PARENT CHAPTER, EFFECTIVELY STILL MAKING THEM FUNCTION AS A LEGION, ARE OBVIOUSLY LIES AND SLANDER FABRICATED BY THE FOUL HERETICS OF CHAOS, AS SUCH AN ACT WOULD BREAK THE GUIDELINES OF THE CODEX ASTARTES, WHICH LOYAL CHAPTERS WOULD NOT DO-{{BLAM}}

*'''Astral Claws, Lamenters and Mantis Warriors {Pre-Badab War}''' - When the [[Maelstrom|Maelstrom zone]] needed to be conquered, the [[High Lords of Terra]] create the "Maelstrom Warders", an alliance formed by all these chapters (and the Charnel Guards, who later were withdrawn) to pacify and control the sector, and they got shit done! At some point, the [[Chapter Master]] of the Astral Claws, [[Lugft Huron]], believed the Imperium wasn't helping enough, declared himself "the Tyrant of Badab" and [[Heresy|secession from the Imperium]] (also just before this time, the Astral Claws absorbed the final few survivors of the Tiger Claws, their successor Chapter, after a catastrophic battle and their last fleet going MIA). Both the Lamenters and the Mantis Warriors followed suit, as they were both under command of the Astral Claws and were honorbound to them, but as well some agreeing that the Imperium was indeed bullying the Astral Claws for no reason. [[Badab War|The rest is history]]. After that sordid affair was over with, the Lamenters and the Mantis Warriors were fucked over sent on century long penitence crusades without the right to recruit until it was over (though the Mantis Warriors were allowed to recruit while in penitence after being reduced to 100 Marines). Given that the galaxy [[Great Rift|split right in half]] 13 years before their penance was to be over, it was probably quietly lifted before they were reinforced by [[Primaris Marines]]. Given that the Mantis Warriors have a unit specifically dedicated to hunting the [[Red Corsairs]], the former alliance is quite dead and gone.

*'''Thousand Sons and Word Bearers {Pre-Heresy.}''' - Lorgar was the closest Primarch-buddy of Magnus, due to the scholarly nature of both. They went separate ways after the Heresy though, probably because Magnus learned who really was behind the Burning of Prospero all along.

*'''Thousand Sons and White Scars {Pre-Heresy.}''' - As above, The Khan respected his scholarly brother and would have helped him if he was present at Nikaea.

*'''Iron Hands and Emperor's Children {Pre-Heresy.}''' - The culmination of the aforementioned close friendship between the Gorgon and the Phoenix would be a tragic foreshadowing of the fate of the Warmaster and the Great Angel's friendship.

*'''Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus and Blood Angels {Pre-Heresy.}''' - Horus and Sanguinius were the closest two Primarchs before the Heresy, and this extended to their Legions. This went to the point where Horus still wished he had Sanguinius on his side after having given himself over to the Dark Gods fully, and Sanguinius was willing to die if it meant that his brother could be saved even if only through death. This just makes the rivalry between the Black Legion and The Angelic Host that much more sad.

*'''Ultramarines and Genesis Chapter''' - Super close ties due to Genesis Chapter being Ultramarines reserve for Marines. They patrol the galaxy together.

==Official /tg/ Space Marine Chapters==
[[File:Cloten.jpg|300px|right|thumb|THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!]]
One of /tg/'s favorite pastimes is creating new and exciting Chapters of the Adeptus Astartes based on silly concepts. [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] [[/tg/'s homebrews|homebrew]] Chapters include:

*[[Adeptus Orthodontus]]
*[[Angry Marines]]
*[[Bald Marines]]
*[[Bro Marines|Alpha Sigma Sigma]]
*[[Butthurt Marines]]
*[[The Wonderful Misadventures of: Inquisitor Fob and the Classy Marines|Classy Marines]]
*[[Censor Marines]]
*[[Comedy Marines]]
*[[Disco Marines]]
*[[Dorf Marines]]
*[[Drunk Marines]]
*[[Sigmar Marines|Emperor's Hammers]]
*[[Emperor's Paragons]]
*[[Galactic Partridges]]
*[[Golden Aquilas]]
*[[Inside-Out Marines]]
*[[Lazy Marines]]
*[[Manly Marines]]
*[[Metal Marines]]
*[[Mexicarines]]
*[[Mole Marines]]
*[[Obstinate Marines]]
*[[Pathetic Marines]]
*[[Pretty Marines]]
*[[Reasonable Marines]]
*[[Red Skeletons]]
*[[Scary Marines]]
*[[Silly Marines]]
*[[Sleepy Marines|Dream Warriors]]
*[[Star Shanks]]
*[[Elderly Marines]]
'''As you can see, /tg/ has a problem with creativity.'''

===Second Founding of /tg/ Space Marine Chapters===
After the release of Deathwatch: Rites of Battle, /tg/ quickly flung itself at the Chapter creation rules and began to produce a second wave of /tg/ Chapters. Noticeably more serious business than the previous Chapters, these Spess Mahreens range from the widely popular Emperor's Nightmare, to the derpy Flesh Helms.

*[[Abyssal Jaws]] - Institutionally sharky.
*[[Argent Strix]] - Institutionally hungry.
*[[Black Locks]] - Institutionally corsair.
*[[Blood Jaguars]] - Institutionally Aztec.
*[[Brotherhood of the Gauntlet]] - Institutionally Arabic Ghazi.
*[[Brotherhood of the Megalith]] - Institutionally rocky.
*[[Conservators]] - Institutionally poor and under-equipped. It's what happens when you piss of the Mechanicus.
*[[Deep Ones (Tiji Sector)|Deep Ones]] - Institutionally aquatic and environmentally resistant.
*[[Desert Fangs]] - Institutionally [[Angry Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Dionysus Revelers]] - Institutionally cannibal drunks.
*[[Dune Walkers]] - Institutionally Arabic Nomads.
*[[Emperor's Bears]] - Institutionally lost.
*[[Emperor's Nightmare]] - Institutionally [[Sleepy Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Eyes of Mordred]] - Institutionally [[Scary Marines]] taken seriously.
*[[Flesh Helms]] - Institutionally [[Imperial Guard]] of the Adeptus Astartes.
*[[Guardians Exemplar]] - Institutionally equal to the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*[[Ice Serpents]] - Institutionally [[Baneblade|mechanized]] for war.
*[[Ice Wraiths]] - Institutionally [[Awesome|cyborg-ice-vampire-yeti-riders]].
*[[Knights Inductor]] - Institutionally [[Reasonable Marines]] taken seriously. Also [[Mary Sues|MARY SUES]], don't mention them on /tg/. You'll just [[troll|cause a shitstorm]]
*[[Knights Repentant]] - Institutionally UTTERLY LOYAL and true pre-heresy [[Word Bearers]].
*[[Lumbermarines]] - Institutionally lumberjacks.
*[[Rising Sons]] - Institutionally BANZAI!!!
*[[Screaming Eagles]] - Institutionally 'MURICAN!!! FUCK YEAH!
*[[Talons of Corvus]] - Institutionally a more heroic [[Command and Conquer|Nod]].
*[[The Sovereign's Appraisal]] - Institutionally loyal and sympathetic despite mutations, being declared renegade, [[Slaanesh]] trying to seduce them and the [[Ultramarines]] and their successors trying to terminate them.
*[[War Brothers]] - Institutionally not giving a damn about what the [[Dark Angels]] want from them.
*[[The Adeptus Estates]] - Institutionally home building.
*[[Mourning Sons]] - Institutionally shedding [[Fist of the North Star|Manly Tears]].
*[[Star Krakens]] - Institutionally Viking, yet not [[Space Wolves|THAT]] Viking. Plus one of the biggest of shits that /tg/ has done right. AND HOW!
*[[Space Knights]] - Institutionally dour.
*[[Solar Rangers]] - Institutionally Jesus Christ, they're sneaky!
'''The second wave WOULD show improvements to creativity... If they didn't use a RPG system as a crutch, among other issues.'''

== Trivia ==

The name Adeptus Astartes is usually portrayed as meaning Star Adepts. However the name "Astarte" is actually a goddess of fertility, love, war, sex and sexuality from the Eastern Mediterranean regions during the [[Bronze Age]]. Somewhat meta considering that the Emprah was also from that region ''(Anatolia)'' around the same time period. [[HERESY|He may have been horny and/or romantically interested]] [[Rule 63|in the idea of a badass God-Empress]] and [[What|named his sons to symbolically show this]] using a language that only he and [[Ollanius Pius]] [[Derp|are the speakers of]] besides dead people and three of [[Khorne|the]] [[Nurgle|Ruinous]] [[Tzeentch|Powers]] (unlikely given the Emperor was anti-theistic and anti-religious), or this is just the Emperor keeping himself sane by engaging in humor he knows only one loyal person will get, which does not include his last [[Malcador the Sigillite|two]] [[Companion|friends]]. [[Grimdark|No wonder the Emprah doesn't smile much.]] [[Derp|Ironic given that the Astartes is an all-male organization.]]

However, much as with the [[Arkhan Land|Land]] Raider, a more prosaic explanation was provided in the novel ''The Great Work'', which features flashbacks from the memories of Ezekiel Sedayne (the guy who headed up the development team for the Black Carapace). The project’s coordinator was a mortal woman named Amar ''Astarte'', who was the most accomplished geneticist of the time outside of the Emepror and the Selenite Gene-witches. Following the theft of the Primarchs, Astartes feared that the Space Marines, without the supply of genetic materials from their Primarchs, would fall into deterioration like the Thunder Warriors. And so she blew up the Legions' gene-vault alongside herself; however, the Emperor had already known of this and made several copies of the vault elsewhere.

Given the current talent writing for GW, we'll eventually hear of somebody named "Adeptus" who also worked on the project (or even [[Adeptus Terra|all government organization as a whole]]); wouldn't be any dumber than some [[Erda|other things they chose to do.]]

==See Also==
*[[Beakie]] - When the Spehss mahrens were awesome looking.

*[[Chaplain]] - The spiritual leaders of the space marines.

*[[Female Space Marines]]- Records officially decommissioned and terminated by the [[Inquisition]] on the grounds of [[Heresy]], there is nothing here trust us. E-Commissars will blam you from your monitor when attempting to access said heretical records.

*[[Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine]]- The official game of [[Pauldrons]] (despite the fact that the pauldrons in this game are smaller than they should be)

*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Space_Marines_(9E)|Space Marines Tactics]]

*[[Guidelines of the Space Marines]]

*Despite the considerable amount of hate at the space marines nowadays, [[The World Engine|they can still be awesome.]]

*[[Bretonnia#Knightly Hierarchy|Grail Knights]] - The Warhammer Fantasy equivalent.

*[[Stormcast Eternals]] (AKA, [[Ground Marines]]), their [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar]] equivalent.

*[[Terminator]]

*[[Apothecary]]

*[[Techmarine]]

*[[Librarian]]

*[[Scout]]

*[[Kill Marine]] of Deathwatch

*[[Codex Astartes]]

*[[Space Marine Chapter]]

*[[Space Marine Chapter Creation Tables]]

*[[Renegade Space Marine Chapter Creation Table]] - For when you hate both the Imperium and Chaos.

==External Links==
* [https://youtu.be/XQwTyGeoprA The Emperor's speech on the Space Marines]
* [https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Space_Marines WH40k Wikia on Astartes]
* [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Space_Marine Lexicanum on Space Marines]
* [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Marine_(Warhammer_40,000) Wikipedia Article]
* [http://wackycamper.deviantart.com/art/Space-Marine-Commandments-88741651 The Commandments of the Space Marine]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13nM17TV_sU/ Rap song dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMzWrDSNN4Y/ Another rap dedicated to the mighty-ass space marines.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Emperor's quote about the Space Marines in a remix done from If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device glory.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shRHZLheEJI What is to be a space marine, in thrash metal version!]

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Xenos sighted.jpg
File:Pingas.png
File:Pyramidheadspacemarine.jpg
File:Troll Emperor.jpg
File:New Marine.jpg
Image:1227373581722.gif
Image:Femalemini.jpg
File:Correction.JPG|Drill Abbots '''hate''' him!
File:Stuffy.jpg|Build a Marine Workshop
File:Pauldronius.png|[[Pauldron]]ius
File:Brother Sergeant Aznable.jpg|'''EEECK!'''
image:steelrain.jpg|Steel Rain in action!
File:Reasonablemarine.png|Don't fuck with [[Reasonable Marines]].
Image:LEGO_SpaceMarines_by_Jerac.jpg|Brick by brick we shall conquer.
File:1285382081001.jpg|Apparently, marines '''DO''' in fact have tiny heads.
File:Sperm Marine.jpg|I'm in ur w0mb, fertulizan yo eggz
File:Amuricuh.jpg|What historians didn't want you to believe
File:Yes they can.jpg|[[Skub|A matter of some contention.]]
File:False.jpg|Taking a page from their fallen brothers.
Image:Primarchs_as_teen_girls.png|'''[[Rule 63]] Primarchs are the most popular girls at [[HS40K]]'''
File:Gearing up.jpg|A rare glimpse at a Space Marine without his awesome pauldrons on
File:Armour of Bulk.png|Space Marines and ridiculous suits of armour go hand in hand.
File:BruceAstartes.jpg|Brother Campbell brings a world into Imperial compliance.
File:SpessM.jpg|Indrick Boreale nearly turned Space Marines into the laughing stock of the entire franchise.
File:Angels of Derp.jpg|Space Marines as depicted during the dark ages of GW art (aka 2nd Edition)
Image:1228559892410.jpg|The scary thing is that this isn't fan art, seriously, this was an official GW product.
File:Warhammer 40k space marines we'll find your mom mother storytellers storytime missing child lost little girl.jpg|Now gather around children as I recount to you the exploits of the Emperor's chosen...
Image:1207335921499.jpg|The Space Wizards of Warpwarts have mastered the art of profecting the power of the warp through small wooden sticks. How they refrain from breaking them is a mystery.
Image:Horny Marine.gif|'''Hump the heretic, penetrate the mutant, cum in the alie-'''{{BLAM}} {{BLAM|SLAANESH WORSHIPPER!}}
</gallery>
</center>

{{Imperium}}
{{Marines-Forces}}
{{Marines-Official}}
{{Marines-Characters}}
{{WH40k-Factions}}

Yvraine

2021-03-19T02:34:33Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F:

[[File:Yvraine.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Destroyer. Saviour. Herald. Foot fetish incarnate. You are all things Yvraine, and yet you are nothing, you will forever stand alone]]

{{Topquote|Yet, there is a new melody in the galaxy's great song. A harmony unheard by my people for over ten thousand years: Hope. I am the first to hear the voice of the Whispering God. I will not be the last.|Yvraine addressing the Reborn}}

'''Yvraine, Herald of Ynnead''', (often referred to as '''Big Tiddy Eldar GF''') is an [[Eldar]] who serves as the emissary for the newly awakened Eldar God [[Ynnead]]. While she might not have [[Eldrad]]'s absurd psychic stength or [[Asdrubael Vect|Vect]]'s cunning, Ynnead grants her power over death itself, making her one of the strongest eldar around. Yvraine is also absurdly hard to kill since she's a one-woman army and can [[Vulkan|regenerate]] from most injuries. Her faction, the [[Ynnari]], accept eldar from all walks of life in both the worship of Ynnead, and in the battle against Chaos to try and save their race. Considering this is the race of the biggest self-entitled dicks in the universe who never like being told what to do, leading them all ''at once'' is quite the accomplishment.

She's also happy to work with other races to fight [[Chaos]] when it suits them. Yvraine was [[Cawl|partly]] responsible for the return of [[Roboute Guilliman]], whom she's worked with against the Ruinous Powers several times. Consequently, she's is [[HERESY|shipped]] vigorously with Grandpapa Smurf among certain fans. Her eldar contemporaries experience copious amounts of [[RAGE]] at working with lowly mon'keigh, but she's surprisingly able to reign them in... for now. Regardless, she remains a massive thorn in [[Slaanesh]]'s disgusting backside, as Ynnead protects eldar souls from being eaten by She Who Thirsts.

She also shares her name with Yvraine from Warhammer Fantasy Battle (the daughter of the Everqueen and Aenarion), though crossover names like that [[Magnus|are nothing new]]. The Fantasy version of Yvraine has a brother, Morelion (who is the ancestor of [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]]), and is the ancestor to Alarielle, the current Everqueen.

== Early History ==

Yvraine was originally born on [[Biel-Tan|Craftworld Biel-Tan]], which could explain where she got her fighting skills from. However, her first path was the Path of the Dancer. At some point, she found she had psychic ability, and thus she took the Path of the [[Warlock (Eldar)|Seer]], becoming a Warlock. However, she had a mercurial mood, and developed a bloodlust that led her to follow the path of the Warrior among the [[Aspect Warrior#Dire Avengers|Dire Avengers]].

After awhile, even this wasn't enough for her and she left Craftworld Biel-Tan as an Outcast and eventually became a famed [[Eldar#Eldar Corsairs|Corsair]] leader. This continued for a time until a mutiny forced her, and those among her crew still loyal, to flee into the Webway. From here there was only one place to go; Commorragh. Here she made her way living and fighting in the slums before joining a [[Wyches|Wych]] cult and then rising to become a [[Succubi|Succubus]] under the patronage of Lady Malys. Unknown to her, [[Visarch|the Exarch]] she had served under had become so devoted to her that he had shed his war mask and followed her to Commoragh by disguising himself as an [[Incubi|Incubus]] (which is something they are not normally able to do, since Exarchs come into being when they become lost in their respective paths).

So yeah, she gets around. Even has a pretty boy or two chasing after her.

== Yvraine's Rebirth ==

Yvraine's rebirth came about during a major gladiator match in Commorragh. It was here that Yvraine (aided by the patronage of [[Lady Malys]]) was to face off against [[Lelith Hesperax]] herself. To raise the stakes, they would be fighting among Wyches, [[Tyranids]] and other captives or monsters in a massive free for all. It was such a momentous event that [[Asdrubael Vect|Vect]] himself had arrived to watch (from the comfort of his private portable pyramid/command base/mansion).

The fight between Yvraine and Lelith was breathtaking, even the Harlequins in the audience were stunned. It was clear though that Lelith was toying with Yvraine and was clearly the better fighter... until Yvraine managed to get a cut on Lelith's forearm. However, this was a ruse that Lelith had allowed as part of her plan to draw out the fight and make it more entertaining for her patron, Asdrubael Vect. But the punch to the stomach that Yvraine dealt Lelith was not part of the plan. Yvraine got super pissed and entered berserk mode that caused Lelith to start giving ground and, after getting in a vicious stomp on Lelith she led her to a pile of Tyranid corpses. In a nifty display of [[Just As Planned]], Yvraine lost her footing after one of the corpses she was fighting on had a death spasm and Lelith used the opening to stab Yvraine through the sternum before darting off to a new opponent and leaving her for dead.

Despite her wound Yvraine fought, trying to not show weakness in the arena. But even her red attire couldn't hide the blood trailing down her chest. At one point she crossed paths with [[Wat|a priestess of]] [[Morai-Heg]] with needle-like blades. She proved surprisingly quick, even severing one of Yvraine's hands. In spite of her wounds, she still managed to take the priestess with her and ripped the priestess' throat out with her teeth.

That's right, Yvraine's so tough she kept fighting, even though she'd been STABBED IN THE CHEST AND LOST A HAND. Proving herself nearly as hardcore as the average Imperial Guardsman.

It was at this moment, while Yvraine was at the brink of death, that the newly born but weak Ynnead recognized Yvraine as one who had walked on both the Paths of the Eldar and the Paths of Damnation, and so revived her as his Emissary. Unfortunately, the psychic energy released in the process also broke [[Khaine]]'s Gate open, flooding Commoragh with [[Daemons#Warhammer_40.2C000|daemons]] and thoroughly humiliating Vect. Needless to say, Vect now wanted Yvraine dead (again) ''immediately''. Trueborn from the [[Kabal of the Black Heart]] (looking to save face after Vect's retreat) headed towards Yvraine, seeking her death while her Wych Cult and the Visarch (who had been hiding in the crowd) rushed to aid her. Even Wyches from the Cult of Strife turned up, ordered by Lelith to help Yvraine for reasons of her own.

As they left the arena, Yvraine had another surprise. A ship, her flagship from her Corsair days, had returned to Commorragh. The crew took Yvraine, the Visarch and the survivors on before fleeing for the [[Webway]]. But Vect wasn't so easily thwarted. He sealed the Webway passages, and the ship got wedged in one. As Kabalites from the Kabal of the Black Heart tried to cut their way in, Yvraine loaded the Visarch along with as many crew and warriors as they could onto [[Raider]]s and [[Venom]]s, had them launched from the bridge, while the rest of the crew stayed behind willingly, [[Noblebright|sacrificing themselves]] to delay [[Grimdark|Vect's revenge, which involved rape and torture monsters and their tentacle beasts]] in the hope of preserve their people's hope for salvation (Nobledark in 40K, more common than you think).

== Forming the [[Ynnari]] ==

Yvraine fled Commorragh with her old Exarch (who had since renamed himself the [[Visarch]]), the Incubus warriors he had become the leader of since he arrived in Commoragh, the survivors of her crew and several members of her Wych Cult. They wandered the Webway for a time, fleeing the [[Haemonculus|Haemonculi cults]] and Kabalites Vect had sent after them. They met up with a group of Harlequins, who led them through the Webway and kept them one step ahead of Vect's agents.

=== Return to Biel-Tan ===

Accompanied by the newly-formed Ynnari, Yvraine returned to Biel-Tan, the Craftworld of her birth. However, not all eldar were happy to see the return of this prodigal daughter. This 'family reunion' ended with the fracturing of Biel-Tan.

=== Battle in the Webway ===

In the Webway, they were waylaid by the Prodigal Sons, Ahriman's Chaos Warband. In an astonishing display of power, [[Ahriman]] managed to teleport Yvraine, the Visarch and the [[Yncarne]] out of the Webway into Tzeentch's crystal labyrinth with where they froze due to the implication that [[Tzeentch|the big blue bird himself]] was there and merely gazing upon him would destroy their sanity. The Tzeentchian assault on Ynnari forces including the trio, [[Harlequins]], [[Dark Eldar]] and [[Eldrad]] was saved only by the timely intervention of [[Phoenix Lords]] led by [[Jain Zar]].

While trapped in Tzeentch-town, Yvraine called out to Ahriman, saying she had "what he was seeking". To prove her point, Yvraine used her powers to [[Awesome|restore a dozen Rubric Marines to their former selves]]. Overcome with emotion, Ahriman returned Yvraine, the Visarch and the Yncarne to the battle. However, to take him from the battle, Yvraine then had a [[Wraithknight]] smash a hole in the Webway, [[Troll|sucking those recovered Rubric Marines into the Warp]]. Horrified, Ahriman fled after them on a Disc of Tzeentch.

In the battle both the Yncarne and the Phoenix Lords went MIA. Yvraine would later show the ability to summon the Yncarne again, so long as there was enough death happening in the immediate area.

=== A Desperate Alliance ===

At this point the Ynnari joined together to enact another desperate plan: Eldrad had forseen that the Eldar's and the Imperium's fates were joined. For the Eldar to survive they would have to ally with the [[Imperium]], this time for real.

To facilitate this, they picked up the survivors from the fall of [[Cadia]] (minus [[Creed]], who had already been taken by [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trazyn]]). Then, after a good word from [[Belisarius Cawl|Cawl]], [[Saint Celestine|Celestine]] and [[Inquisitor Greyfax|Greyfax]] to explain their intentions, they headed to Macragge. There, Yvraine and Cawl worked together to heal [[Roboute Guilliman]] of his poison and bring him back to life.

After promising an alliance, the Eldar and the forces of the Imperium parted ways, with Guilliman thanking Yvraine for helping him and Yvraine giving Guilliman a sincere caution and no stereotypical Eldar dickery (something quite a few shippers have seized on, though this would be more ironic than Taldeer and LIIVI, given that Yvraine is the herald of a god and Roboute is implied to despise religion, though this is a combo of the [[Imperial Truth]] creed and Roboute's [[Rage|reaction]] to the [[Ecclesiarchy]] worshiping [[Emperor of Mankind|Big E]]).

=== Hand of Darkness ===

Whilst the [[Plague Wars]] were raging in [[Ultramar]] it came to the attention of Guilliman that [[Mortarion]] was using an artifact known as the Hand of Darkness to spread diseases ([[Blood_Ravens|yes, the same one the Imperium "lost" in the 12th Black Crusade]]). Knowing that the artifact was well-known to the Eldar and that they had a common interest in seeing it out of Chaos' hands, Guilliman requested the aid of Eldrad and Yvraine to retrieve it, having [[Varro Tigurius]] supply the Eldar with its location as the Imperium had been able to locate it whilst the Eldar had not. Armed with the knowledge that the Hand lay within the domain of [[Nurgle]] himself, Yvraine went to the [[Black_Library#In_Warhammer_40.2C000|Black Library]] in order to find a method to safely enter it. After battling against the [[Thousand Sons]], facing off against Ahriman again, and overcoming a test along with the Visarch, Yvraine gained access to something known as the Rose of [[Isha]] and, using it, created a safe passage into the [[Eye of Terror]]. Following this path she and her party located the Hand of Darkness, slew its guardian, and fled with it.

After escaping with the Hand of Darkness the White Seers of the Black Library offered to take it and destroy it, claiming that no good could come from using Chaos Artefacts. Clearly they had never met [[Logan Grimnar]], [[Marneus Calgar]] or [[Kaldor Draigo]] who have all, several times, used Chaos Artefacts for good. However, Yvraine refused them, insisting that she had to return the Hand of Darkness to Guilliman.

=== Craftworld Zaisuthra ===

Shortly after giving the Hand of Darkness to Eldrad so he can send it to Guilliman, Yvraine was contacted by Iyanna Arienal, who had heard that a long-lost Craftworld known as Zaisuthra appeared to have returned after it had left the galaxy. Along with an [[Iyanden]] Wraithhost, the Ynnari went to investigate the craftworld, mainly because legend had it that it contained a webway portal to the Tomb of Eldanesh, which Yvraine suspected could be the location of the final Cronesword.

Although the inhabitants of the Craftworld were friendly at first, it was eventually revealed that it was infected by [[Genestealer|Genestealers]]: the Craftworld had left the galaxy before the [[Infinity Circuit]] technology could be spread and the ancestors of the Craftworld's inhabitants chose to submit to the Broodmind in order to preserve their souls from [[Slaanesh]]. As the hybrids that now constituted the Craftworld's population were running out of resources, their plan was to use Iyanna Arienal to spread their infection to Iyanden, manipulating her into joining the Broodmind by preying on her desire for a family (her original family being killed and their soulstones shattered when a torpedo struck Iyanden - and distant relatives of said family residing in Zaisuthra). Their plan turned against them when Yvraine and Iyanna were able to summon the Yncarne into the Broodmind, who then proceeded to devour the souls of most of the Craftworld and slay the Genestealer Patriarch (which had somehow absorbed the power of the Craftworld's Avatar) leading the hybrids.

Yvraine then took the gate to the Tomb of Eldanesh. Finding themselves in what appeared to be the Eldar homeworld, thought lost during the [[War in Heaven]], they discovered that the tomb did not house the Cronesword but instead the Warshard, the most powerful [[Avatar of Khaine]] of them all, who wielded Anaris itself and whose presence was enough to drive most of the Ynnari forces into a team-killing frenzy. It was defeated, but at the cost of a third of the Ynnari's forces. Meliniel, a Biel-Tan [[Autarch]] who essentially acts as Yvraine's second-in-command, was able to bind the Warshard into himself using a gem made of Eldanesh's blood and transform into Khaine's Avatar at will, so now the Ynnari have their very own Avatar of Khaine. Shame you can't have one in an Ynnari army though. (¿Porque GeeDubs?) Plus, it cost them a third of their forces.

=== Tomb-World Agarimethea ===

Following the events on Zaisuthra and the Tomb of Eldanesh, Yvraine sent Druthkhala (a former Drukhari Wych) to act as an ambassador on [[Craftworld Saim-Hann]]. This was mainly to conscript the aid of the Wild Rider Clans in order to investigate Agarimethea; a maiden world formerly host to a population of eldar Exodites who mysteriously vanished and host to an ancient aeldari vault rumored to contain relics from before the Fall. Nuadhu Fireheart, heir to the declining Clan Fireheart and Wild Rider Lord, offered the services of his Wild Riders with the not-so-discreet intention of wooing Druthkhala (who, when no clans officially offered their support, had to settle with that). During their investigation, Nuadhu accidentally triggered a dormant Necron Tomb complex which promptly began awakening its inhabitants to kill the Ynnari/Saim-Hann coalition.

Upon realizing what they'd (specifically Nuadhu) done, Druthkhala and Nuadhu are forced to petition the rest of Saim-Hann's clans for aid in destroying the Tomb-Complex. Most of the clans dismiss the issue, namely due to their distrust in the Ynnari and seers in general (Eldrad's stunt to summon Ynnead and the fracture of Biel-Tan don't help their case) and remain highly divided on how/if they want to even deal with the Necrons. Despite the Firehearts pressing the issue that Agarimethea is within spitting distance of Saim-Hann and the threat a fully awakened tomb world presents to the greater whole of their people. After a recess in the proceedings, Nuadhu calls those opposed to taking action on Agarimethea cowards (which, of course, Saim-Hann eldar happen to value honor literally more than life itself) which results in an honor duel to determine who's in the right. Druthkhala champions the Firehearts after throwing some more shade on their champion (who was originally opposed to an outsider participating until she called him weak), only for Nuadhu to forfeit the duel upon realizing Druthkhala intended to kill the opposing champion (as duels typically end after first blood). This forfeit fully eradicated any chance of Saim-Hann fully supporting the Ynnari's efforts on Agarimethea, so a pissed Druthkhala left to inform Yvraine of the turn in events.

After a meeting with Clan Fireheart and Nuadhu, Yvraine and Eldrad pressure the seers of Saim-Hann into aiding their efforts (despite how little weight the Saim-Hann seers have among the clans). A multi-pronged assault on Agarimethea between the Ynnari, Wild Riders, Fireheart Clan and their closest allies is set in motion to "smash and grab" whatever relics may be in the vault and use them to end the Tomb-World. Despite a necron null field suppressing Ynnead's influence on the Ynnari, the assault seemingly goes well until Yvraine and the Wild Riders reach the vault.

Turns out it wasn't a vault. Instead, it was a sealed portal into the warp ''filled'' with Slaaneshi daemons (including Daemon Princes heavily implied to be of Aeldari origin, food for thought there), which began to attack both the eldar and necrons present. Despite a number of the Saim-Hann forces wanting to say "fuck it" and let them kill each other eternally, Eldrad drops the bomb that Agarimethea is one of several such complexes in the immediate area: within two years the necron/daemon war will envelop no less than the entire solar system (as numerous nearby worlds also host necrons and prison-vaults of their own) and will wipe out Saim-Hann in the process if not stopped immediately. A desperate final assault is attempted on the portal only for the necrons to intercept and redirect the war host to their Phaerakh, who offers a truce in exchange for their aid in sealing the vault-prison. An accord is struck and the Ynnari-Necron alliance makes solid progress against the ever increasing tide of daemons, in no small part due to an unleashed C'Tan shard and Meliniel transforming into the Warshard (arguably the only real instance of an Avatar of Khaine being used ''successfully''). Yvraine, in an effort to fully turn the tide in their favor, takes the soul of Caelledhin Icewhisper's mother (the Fireheart Chieftain's lover whose soul he personally was housing) and uses it to reconnect to Ynnead and summon the Yncarne to battle.

Despite all this, it's still not quite enough to fully press into the vault-prison. The additional knowledge that an eldar with the blood of one who'd opened the portal must be sacrificed in order to close it stirs Caelledhin Icewhisper (Nuadhu's half-sister) to hop on a jetbike and suicide rush the portal, closing it and ending the daemon incursion at the cost of her life. Yvraine and Eldrad apprehensively approach the Phaerakh to ask what what comes next. The Phaerakh, known as The Watcher in the Dark, reveals she doesn't have any plans to leave and conquer other worlds as her sole charge is to make sure the vault-prisons she guards stays shut. To that extent, she lifts the null field and allows the eldar to leave on the condition they stay away, a condition the Ynnari and Saim-Hann eldar are content to accept.

This whole ordeal cost Yvraine a good number of Ynnari lives with nothing to show for it and garnered no good will amongst the majority of Saim-Hann's clans, so the events that took place on Agarimethea arguably were a grand waste of time and resources on her part.

=== Blood of the Phoenix ===

With the opening of the Great Rift (or the Dathedian, as the eldar call it), Yvraine's troubles only seem to have been exacerbated. During a return trip to Saim-Hann in order to directly appeal to several of the chieftains present, Drazhar and a band of his Incubi mercenaries slipped into the craftworld through a webway portal directly into the glade the Ynnari and Chieftains were convening in that the denizens of Saim-Hann somehow completely forgot existed (you'd think the leaders of Saim-Hann would know their home well enough to keep track of a webway portal leading ''directly'' into the heart of the craftworld). Contracted by Vect to kill Yvraine, Drazhar made quick work of several of the local autarchs before Jain-Zar and her Howling Banshees arrived to reenforce the Ynnari and Saim-Hann defenders. Drazhar and what remained of his strike force fell back and retreated into an abandoned ruin of a city called Shaa-dom. It was here where he waited and ambushed the still-pursuing Jain-Zar, whom he killed after stunning her with a deluge of tormented psionic screams from the Howling Banshee spirit stones he'd collected. Yvraine, who'd fled to a remote craftworld known as Zandros, saw her death through a vision and beseeched Ynnead to do something to help the only Phoenix Lord who'd thus far bothered to directly champion her. Back in Shaa-dom, An exarch named Qintui'yenh was revived, who then donned the Phoenix Lord's armor to revive Jain-Zar and escaped through a derelict portal that (rather conveniently) led her directly to Zandros and Yvraine. Suspecting some of her Drukhari followers of treachery, Yvraine told all her followers of her plan to scour Zandros for a portal to Belial IV, where she was confident the final cronesword lay. Her suspicions were soon proven when Drazhar, angry that his trophy kill got up and walked away, soon appeared to kill Jain-Zar (again) and actually finish his original contract to kill Yvraine. This time, Jain-Zar managed to best Drazhar and beheaded the father of the Incubi. Despite Yvraine's enthusiastic accolades and hopes to lead the Ynnari to a bright future, Jain-Zar (literally) bowed out and left without another word.

=== Phoenix Rising ===

Drazhar wasn't the only big name trying to hunt down Yvraine during this time either. Slaanesh, tired of getting blue-balled by Ynnead, sent a daemon by the name of Shalaxi Helbane to hunt down and slay Ynnead's champion. Shalaxi's first attempt nearly succeeded, attacking Yvraine as she and her congregation were puddle-jumping through the webway and slaughtering most of the warhost before Yvraine managed to slip away. A sore loser, and to prove that the Ynnari can never ''truly'' win, Shalaxi gave the fleeing Yvraine a vision of the final cronesword, which had indeed been on Belial IV. Only now it was in Slaanesh's palace, with Slaanesh likely using it to masturbate furiously over how hard he cucked Yvraine and Ynnead by getting to it first. Yvraine steeled herself and led what remained of her convoy to a maiden world known as Iathglas, where through Yvraine's behest, fate or absolute, unyielding boredom, a massive gathering of craftworlders, corsairs, harlequins, drukhari and even exodites was forming. It was here where all the eldar factions began bickering for ''literal'' weeks with Yvraine trying to guide them towards the first steps of a complete alliance between all the eldar to inspire her naysayers to Ynnead's cause. In classic daemonic fashion, on the sixth hour of the sixth day of the sixth week, Shalaxi and a massive Slaaneshi daemon invasion assaulted the world. While the majority of the eldar armies fought off the daemon horde, Shalaxi proceeded to fight Lelith Hesparax, Jain-Zar, a Solitaire, the Visarch and Yvraine simultaneously. With ludicrous ease, Shalaxi cut the Solitaire in half and [[Rape|impaled the Visarch]] before slitting open Yvraine's throat. Before Shalaxi could finish her off, Yvraine drew energy from the world spirit to summon the Yncarne, with whom they were finally able to banish Shalanxi and the daemonic host. After healing the Visarch, but before the eldar could celebrate their combined victory, [[Wat|Shalaxi briefly reappeared to inform them that it wasn't actually fighting at full power and was just testing them]]. The daemon then left to hunt Yvraine another day, with the various eldar factions, despite having moments ago been ready to celebrate their teamwork, fell back to arguing who's fault it was they didn't actually get a win, thus choosing to fully believe the words of an agent of their Arch Enemy who they just soundly defeated, and said Arch Enemy who's known for lying and manipulating people without questioning it in the slightest.

== Relationship with the [[Visarch]] ==

Though Yvraine does not know it, the Visarch is actually her former Exarch and Mentor who, possibly, has romantic feelings for her. Despite this, and despite being her self-appointed bodyguard, in their actual interactions and discussion the two get along very poorly and are prone to snapping at each other. They have three times already drawn their swords on each other and threatened to kill each other, and only two of those times were they under the influence of Daemons. The Visarch strongly dislikes what he calls Yvraine acting as Guilliman's lapdog and pet, accusing her in the Gardens of Nurgle of being nothing more than a minion of the Imperium. Yvraine ...doesn't have much to say against this as she fears he is right*, but is angered by it nonetheless. It says a lot about the Eldar that helping save an ally who asked for help causes them to think this way. Clearly they don’t actually understand what an alliance is. The whole “we help each other” thing seems rather lost on them. To Yvraine's and the Visarch's credit, perhaps the fear they hold isn't directly the fear that they are somehow humiliating themselves by cooperating with Guilliman, but leaving the Xenophobic Imperium of Man, whom the Eldar have had several conflicts with and whom Guilliman isn't in complete control of (as evidenced by the continued existence of the Ecclesiarchy, the High Lords of Terra, and the Imperial Creed) in a position to betray the Eldar and wipe them out or otherwise seal their doom. It would be fitting with the overall character of the Eldar to discuss a horrifying and discomforting truth in a way that allows them the pretense of superiority and control. Except that the Imperium has spent ten thousand years habitually NOT backstabbing aliens specifically so they can point out how treacherous xenos are. If you have a point then it is that the Eldar are in a position where they are starting to realize they could very easily reap what they have sown from ten millennia of douchbaggery. Perhaps Guilliman’s charisma and sheer presence is enough for now. Besides, they should know by now that doing what a Primarch says is a wonderful way to pretty much always win at everything. Especially the one specially created for planning and leadership.

In any case, believing that stopping the spread and creation of interstellar undead plagues is being a "lapdog" is...oh, God-Emperor that is so stupid. Then again it's not like the 'alliance' has stopped the Imperium and Eldar from killing each other across the galaxy (between Imperium and Eldar, not Imperium and Ynnari generally except by accident since neither side is big on talking and co-ordinating with each other), and the whole "awakening of Ynnead" bit was almost halted by the uninvited Deathwatch (because it would've killed billions of people via orbital bombardment of meteors by destroying the crystal moon the ritual was being performed on). In short, though technically allies, the Eldar haven’t stopped being meddling douchbags. It’s just that now they do it openly and are surprised when the Imperium shoots them for whatever dickery they just did.

Time will tell if the two can forge a closer working relationship but, for the moment at least, both of Ynnead's foremost servants are far from friendly with each other. The "Belligerent Sexual Tension" trope anyone?

== Gallery ==

<gallery>
File:Yvraine by 냉동고등어.jpg|S-Shut up [[Roboute Guilliman|Girlyman]]! Me reviving you doesn't mean I l-like you or anything! [https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=62270909 source]
File:Yvraine-Emissary-of-Ynnead.jpg
File:Warhammer by overyall-db5owp4.jpg
Image:YvraineXGuilliman.png|The real reason for the Imperium-Eldar alliance.
Image:YvraineMeshi.jpg|Even [[Dungeon Meshi]] gets in on the fun.
Image:Roboute_and_Yvraine_by_Magnifigal_2.PNG|Roboute and Yvraine's relationship goes back a long, ''long'' time.
Image:WarCom-Thanksgiving.jpg|Even Warhammer Community is getting in on the Heresy!
</gallery>

[[Category: Warhammer 40,000]]

[[Category: Xenos]]

[[Category: Eldar]]

[[Category: Ynnari]]

{{Eldar-Characters}}

{{Ynnari-Characters}}

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2021-03-18T20:34:39Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F: /* The White Scars */

{{Cleanup}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|]]
{{Topquote|'''The LORD:''' "You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?" '''Mephistopheles:''' "No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find.|Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.}}

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of [[Emprah]] himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] (nicknamed "Little Kitten"[[C'tan|...ha]] by his disrespectful underlings), Magnus the Red (now both ensouled and forgiven), and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a huge success mostly by poking fun at many of the memes, traditions, and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom, but also by some very awesome scenes, and, of course, great music. This shit has become so popular that it has its own fanfiction (one of which ended up gaining multiple meta-Fanfictions of its own (Does that make them a fanfic... within a fanfic... within what's essentially the video version of a fanfic?)), and there's even a few quotes from the show scattered through the affected characters' pages here. Seriously.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, and the episodes are often littered with injokes (to the point of one regarding Magnus's VA taking up an entire special), the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish. If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition in short order, as well as enacting extensive reforms throughout the rest of the Imperial bureaucracy, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though. Ultimately, the 40k universe in its infancy was also originally very wild, unserious, and full of injokes.

The series began back during the unending plot stagnation that had happened between third and seventh, though now that the plot's actually begun to move forward for a change, the series has seen some events unfold that mirror or reference the ongoing advancement of the official 40k plot.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room. The show also has an in-character podcast that reviews [[Black Library]] books called ''If The Emperor Had a Podcast.'' As in, they go to the Webway Black Library, and pick up books published by GW's Black Library.

In July 2020, a spin-off of the spin-off series ''Bro-Trip 40,000'' was launched. The series, known as [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWK8vQC22MgykekzOVpFanOREYV7cY9pL ''WarHams''], consists of tabletop sessions played in [[Wrath and Glory]] with some of the voice actors and writers of TTS.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. Do you know how Roboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel power ceramite spiked dickbag with tourettes and a heart of gold/platinum alloy <s>studded with diamonds</s> that menaces with spikes of diamond. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather an important person of the Primarchial variety), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable.

He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain-General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition).

The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise. Though it's probably sending the Ultramarines to destroy Chaos). As of certain revelations post-Gathering Storm, he's definitely a lot nicer than canon Emprah. Such as getting incredibly furious when he hears that the Inquisition has been murdering his people, reading Rogal a bedtime story (which, naturally, is a guidebook to being an architect) and such. This Emperor seems to honestly care about each individual human but accepts that his decisions cannot be based on that compassion.

**'''The Star Child''': Spoiler alert on this one, but Emps on Terra isn't the only part of Emps still sticking around. If the foreshadowing is anything to go by, he seems to be the largest non-Throne fragment of the Emperor's soul that contains his compassion and love for mankind. Saved the remainder of the Inquisition and Leman Russ from Skarbrand and is currently hijacking Fyodor's body in order to get back to the Material Realm.

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten (Real Name: Captain-General Kittonius etc. etc. etc. (as far as Spacebattle’s concerned)))''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only <s>Custodes</s> [[Companion|Hetaeron]] who appears to have retained most of his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor (as can be seen in the latest episodes, the rest of the Custodes seem to have maintained some form of balance). He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world.

Generally, the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Go'''OHISWEARTOFUCK THAT WAS ''NOT'' FUCKING CANON!''' He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments...

But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of the caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man.

So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the hate of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself. Has become a master of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]] (which is literally just [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] here), defeating not only the Emperor (because of his refusal to unplug Guilliman) but also Tzeentch of all things. <s>He has recently been turned silver</s> by Tzeentch while playing a children's card game (again) and winning over Magnus the Red’s soul.

As of Episode 27, GLORIOUS GOLDEN ARMOR RESTS UPON HIS BREAST ONCE AGAIN, albeit with a bit of silver. In episode 25, the duo arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. At this point, Magnus accidentally kills Vulkan with the engine, which releases Corvus Corax, who was in there the whole time. The Salamanders and Corvus quickly became hostile to Magnus, however, so he teleported himself and Kitten away. He later gets lost in the warp, encounters Crotalids, and plays COD with Apollo Diomedes and Indrick Boreale.

He's now on Mars in order to find and retrieve the Proteus Protocol, a mythical technology that can supposedly bring back Big E, with a retinue of Custodes (including the most FABULOUS dreadnaught in the entire Imperium). Sadly did not appear in Special 6, when the gang played <s>Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay</s> D&D. He and his Custodes henchmen defeat the Fabricator-General in a song-battle and learn the location of the Proteus Protocol in Ep. 28, before his underlings finally accept him and let him know that being cuddly and kindhearted is exactly what the Custodes and the Imperium need in the 42nd millennium (after all, the Imperium has enough warriors. What it really needs is a DADDY).

**Is most likely ''not'' Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris, given the latter didn't exist when the series was first made and the former's fate is unknown in the canon. The entire point of the running gag regarding his name is likely to distance himself from any of the canon Captain-Generals. However, it is worth noting that the armor he starts wearing as of EP27 is directly based on Valoris' miniature, though with silver parts thanks to Tzeentch's sorcery, and with the feather on his armor replaced with one of Magnus' instead.
**Episode 28 puts the matter to rest: He is NOT Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris. However, according to official GW canon, a Centurion named Longinus was the one who took St. Alicia Dominica and her bodyguards into the Sanctum Imperialis during the Age of Apostasy- something Kitten also did in Ep. 3 or of the same name. It stands to reason that Kitten is Longinus, then.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation), and occasionally plays "devil's advocate" as a result. He was retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul.

Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation... buuuut, Emprah being Emprah, it didn't take long enough to start insulting and mocking Magnus back and forth constantly. (Nice Dad skills, really). He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him.

Fortunately, as a Primarch and a particularly knowledgeable one at that, Magnus can probably get it done just fine on his own. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his] old [[Epic]] model, whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|Space Wolves]], causing him to flashback to the Burning of [[Prospero]]. He's currently undertaking some obscure schemes with the unwitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten, including the attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

While playing with an ouija board on board a ship with Kitten, Tzeentch arrives to "reclaim" custody of him from his "abusive" father and morphs him back into his Daemon Prince form. It took Kitten playing a child's card game (again) with Tzeentch to keep Magnus out of his clutches. On the other hand, Magnus is stuck in his Daemon Prince form while Kitten theoretically owns his soul (much to his embarrassment and dismay). In episode 25, the <s>couple</s>'''Partners*''' arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. Magnus decides to sneak into the base instead of using his OP invisibility though after a bit of poking at Kitten (it involves Tau, guaranteed to piss him off) then decides to go yell in a North England accent at a guard.

The Engine of Woes, a green hatchback car (<s>the infamous Fiat Multipla</s> a Smart Fortwo) then released Corvus Corvax after Magnus killed Vulkan for hugging him, prompting the entire chapter of the Salamanders to pop up and become very hostile with Magnus (which basically equates to ''purposefully'' hugging you so hard your spine snaps, instead of accidentally doing so). Corax isn't happy either, as he was released from his super dark hole after thousands of years, which forces Magnus to teleport himself and Kitten away.

Vulkan suddenly super healed himself again and wants to hunt/hug Magnus. Later, when Kitten chooses his <s>army list</s> delegation for the trip to Mars, Magnus seems to embrace his inner neckbeard in a different way. After Kitten went on his trip, he met the Emperor to inform him about their return, and as predicted earlier, he was bombarded with chicken jokes instantly. Surprisingly enough, Dorn was the one who complimented him on his new visage. Dawwww... [[Extra Heresy|Magnus controversially thinks Taco Tuesdays should be held on Fridays While still being called Taco Tuesdays.]]

Currently perusing the Black Library for any mention of Cypher. <s>This means we’ll probably see him next around episode 50 as he’ll inevitably get sidetracked and read every book in the Black Library in his incessant thirst for knowledge.</s> Nevermind, [[Cegorach]] showed up to stop them from doing anything and instead challenged Magnus to a comedy battle in front of a Harlequin Troupe. This went about as well as one would expect, with Magnus' dry, cynical sense of 'humor' being beaten out by Cegorach's somehow even more horrid sense of 'humor' involving copious amounts of dead memes that would probably result in Cegorach's immediate strike from a banhammer would he be on /tg/. Magnus nearly commits unintentional suicide though due to using way too much self-deprecative humor (as such comedy causes people's souls to die and wither away and since Magnus is a Warp projection this nearly kills him, like dead dead. But Cegorach calls the battle a draw after some convincing and deal-making with the Fabulous Custode and sends him to help [[Eldrad]] awaken [[Ynnead]] instead...

**Magnus is quite fond of tabletop games and created a decent character, Magnar Buckethead, for an upcoming game with the rest of the delegation, spending a week writing his backstory. But since only he and the Grand Provost Marshal read the rules, he had to be GM. Then he used Buckethead as a starting NPC that gave a first quest for the characters of his comrades, only to get brutally killed afterwards due to horrible decisions.

Seeing his character [[your_dudes|on whos creation he spent so much effort]] getting [[Khorne|Bled]], [[Tzeentch|Backstabbed]], [[Nurgle|Being thrown shit at (literally)]] and [[Slaanesh|Mutilated]] naturally enraged him. Compounded with all the rest of the rail-breaking the party committed on his eloquently-crafted plot, he spent the rest of the campaign he trying to get other characters killed in various ways and failing.

*<s>'''[[Rogal Dorn]]'''</s> '''Lord Ador(n)able:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the Wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and his stubbornness, a trait ingrained also in his legion, grants him such a closed-minded view and lack of understanding of social situations that he almost always fails to read sub-texts or commonly understood jokes/innuendos.

Then again, given at one point he drops his stoic facade to chuckle at the Emperor being hypocritical about skeleton worship (while claiming his favorite humor is actually the analysis of reality, e.g. "Slapping your hands together to make noise is a strange way of expressing praise"), he could just be trolling everyone by acting the laconic fool in response to "fool-proof" metaphors. Additionally, in episode 24 it is greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on, including the Emperor's plans, implying he has some form of "super-sanity". Or maybe it's due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head.

Before his disappearance, he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his probable inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations such as that the End Times are coming and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the inevitable heat death of the entire universe. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, [https://youtu.be/ihskUz0obzY?t=390 deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor], leaving him speechless.

Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity. Is fully capable of "The Laughter". Also believes fully that the "Taco Tuesday" is the true path, and disbelieves that "Taco Friday" is a thing, accusing his father of being a liar for implementing such a belief, making Rogal start the "[http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/heresy/thedornianheresy.pdf Dornian Heresy]", end of the taco Friday, and possibly the end of Emps---{{BLAM}} Very protective of Boy, to the point of actually becoming emotional at the prospect of him being traumatized, and also willing to risk a fortified window or two in order to chuck the Pillar-stodes from them should they keep threatening the child.

As of Episode 12, most major characters "bend" while they are moving, as opposed to them just moving statically like in earlier episodes. Dorn is the only major character who does not do this. Makes sense, knowing the guy.

*'''Boy''': A young serf boy who operates the voxcaster during the Emperor's podcasts and sort of tagalong kid. He has another name, but because he was too slow in saying it, The Emperor decreed that his name is "Boy". Originally incredibly meek and timid due to serving Big E himself, he has recurrent bouts of hyperventilation and anxiety, he later starts to grow a spine and become more self-confident while also becoming physically stronger due the need of walking from his hab-block to the Inner Sanctum while skipping through the throngs of pilgrims at the Palace, avoiding deadly booby-traps and scaling the stairs to the Throneroom.

Apart from operating the vox caster, his other role is representing the knowledge of the average Imperial citizen, which is unsurprisingly abysmal due the lack of education (or in the case of some people, the need to make up for comprehensive education). Has become more intelligent due to Dorn (who had quickly grown fond of him) tutoring him to the point of summarizing the Black Templars in their entirety based on vague information and pointing out chapter flaws AND possibly [[Chapter Master (game)|immense numbers of Chaplains and Apothecaries of which even the High-Marshal apparently was not aware off]], [[Administratum|nor the Emperor & company noticed]]. Is friends with Billy, and in the process of bonding with Magnus the Red of all people due being similarly one-eyed and capable to see horrific warp phenomena (though he has since had a cybernetic replacement installed in the socket).

Additionally, he wishes to be an Astartes, and due to the fact that there's a Chapter of them who keeps their Star-Fortress Monastery parked in orbit most of the time with their [[Rogal Dorn|Primarch]] being basically his adoptive father, it isn't that far fetched. He managed to get the only surviving [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Talons_of_the_Emperor_(30k)#HQ|Tribune]] to dawww at his child-like wonder, and told the Shield-Captain to [[Imperial Guard|"Eat the death-porridge, sir!"]]

Also he kicked and beat his Overseer to death for being demeaning to him and threatening to murder his entire family and all his associates; because said Overseer simply couldn't imagine a mere novice would be allowed in the Emperor's presence and believed he was outrageously lying and blaspheming. In the process though, he had his eardrums blown out by the Overseer's Ass-Hailer security guard (and here too got cybernetic replacements afterwards). It appears he lived in a district close to an outpost of the [[Skaven|"underground rattie imperigum"]], hinting the Great Horned Rat and the Skaven may have truly managed to invade the 40k reality, probably thanks to the use of transdimensional Gnawholes gone awry. He (and presumably his family) now live in the Sanctum.

He quickly became a mascot for the populace of the Empire as a whole and as of Episode 29 has officially become a character in the primary series.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days, and the current Tribunes of the Adeptus Custodes. As far as the main TTS-Reaction thread's concerned, their real names are Karius Dolman, Disistan Flavius, and Whamusus Balik. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning.

This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists, which greatly disturbs the Emperor. Not only do they somehow not take it to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise Slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved, except for Rogal (who is too literal-minded to notice).

A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song], and also make obscure Jojo references at times. The three Pillarstodes' appearances are based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. They do have discernible personalities, though;
**Karstodes is a spotlight-hogger who is desperate for the Emperor's attention, which makes him act like a yes-man and threaten anyone who dares even hint at disagreeing with Big.E with violence.
**Waamudes is the one making all the innuendoes, double-entendres and sees lewdness in all things. He's so good at oiling and greasing his fabulous body he's transcended friction (for the most part).
**Custodisi is at first sight the most sane of the three, having no qualms with plainly telling the Emperor he doesn't know something, or even daring voice dissent. Turns out he's... unhealthily... obsessed with Primarchs, however.

Two (Custodisi and Wamuudes) wind up encountering Cegorach in front of the Black Library. They manage to gain entrance and retrieve a surprising amount of literature on the White Scars, but are traumatized by the Laughing God & are mentally exhausted from sifting through so much knowledge. Apparently, Cegorach was quite scary, as they are terrified after hearing his "[BAZINGA]" cue; although it may simply be a reference to that one time when two Harlequins managed to enter the Imperial Palace and slaughtered a shit load of Custodes while claiming to have come in peace and simply want to deliver a message to the Emperor (and the best is that [[Heresy|one of them was saved by the Inquisition]] [[Extra Heresy|in the name of inter-species friendship]], in spite of the Captain-General being hell-bent on killing both), so it is actually no surprise at all that some Custodes have got massive traumas.

Recently, after the trip to the Black Library, Custodisi and Wamuudes have been semi-corrupted and began spouting Khornate speech and wishing to genocide the normies in the anger intervention against Helbrecht, high marshal of the [[Black Templars]]. (Actually, back in 2nd edition where you could play <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} bands in an RPG fashion style, there was a tiny possibility for your lord of Choas to be a Custodes! So, <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} Custodes are (were) canon... and compared to modern Geedubs, this show relies quite a lot on old [[fluff]]). Recently, Custodisi has been theorized to have been Horus’d by Emps after he mentioned the sheer concept of “wincest” within metaphysical earshot of '''YA BOI'''.

He later appeared in the 6th special, apparently having been transported to the WARHAMMER Fantasy world, where he encountered the main cast playing at game of Fantasy Roleplay and killed a bunch of their characters. Interestingly, Custodisi lost an arm in this fight, just as ACDC/Elsidisi, the character he's based on, lost an arm fighting Joseph in Battle tendency. Custodisi has since "returned from hell" with a few trophies, a prosthetic arm, and a more humble attitude. Due to his good luck at being voiced by the series creator, Wamuudes leads the voxcasts, as well as having a set of vox logs of his own.

Meanwhile, whilst Custodisi and Waamudes had their heretical swings, Karstodes seems to have been on a path to improvement which culminated in ep. 28 when he recognized how unfair he had been to the captain general and resigned as caretaker. The Emperor was genuinely surprised and impressed by the Custodian's sudden insight, and praised Karstodes for having reached that conclusion of his own volition. Envigorated, Karstodes pledged to the Emperor to continue on his path of self improvement. He has a love-hate relationship with Boy, as Karstodes childishly competes for the Emperor's attention every second he is on screen.

This becomes even more intense when it's revealed that although frequently mocking Boy for his ignorance, Karstodes cannot read.

*'''Diavolodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise. He appears about 11 minutes into episode 22, and may have tagged along with Kitten's Mars expedition under the name Lrak (Nude-stodes figure appears during the pan out before Magnus sends them to Mars saying something about "Wanting to play among the Dunes"). Has a strange obsession with piss.

*'''Mars Delegation''': As part of the Captain General's mission to secure some choice intel from the Fabricator-General, he decided to grab a few particular allies from the various shield hosts.
**'''Hammurabi Unferth''': Shield Captain from the Emissaries Imperiatus. Apparently, the entire host is skilled in being passive-aggressive with the guilt trip, and he's the best at it. During the mars trip he is shown to be also pretty good at direct intimidation when needed and that he is a staunch supporter of kitten.
**'''Lockwarden of the Shadowkeepers''': The Shadowkeepers are the shield host specialized in guarding the vaults of Terra and the abominations within, one of which is an archaeotech monstrosity formed from a Singing Billy Bass. The Lockwarden seems to end all his sentences with shades emotes and has a...peculiar manner of speech. <s>He seems to have helped Kitten deal with his break up with Shado</s>'''NOT FUCKING CANON''' <s>and still gives him advice on the ma</s>'''NO NO NO'''. Love is a strange thing, dude B)
**'''Santodes''': Yep, you guessed it, a fourth Pillar-stodes, referencing Santana from JoJo, and voiced by none other than Curtis "'''Takahata101'''" Arnott himself. Santodes is a FULLY CLOTHED blue Contemptor-Achillus Dreadnought with a fabulous head of golden hair and a fascination for his frame that's on tier with his living counterparts. Santodes had previously been identified as the Custodes who threw himself in front of the Emperor (stripped down to his loin-cloth, no less) to try to upstage Ollanius Pius' sacrifice. He was put up to it by none other than Kitten, who has sheer passive-aggressiveness dripping off of him every moment Santodes is on screen. Hes also very seductive to Skitarii who find him very attractive (being 99.9% machine of the highest quality)

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, usually discussing about subjects relating to defecation and its products, and once even planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason, Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much.

Apparently, the High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyodor) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General. The High Lords are currently enjoying their time off/wallowing in misery thanks to the fact that the Emperor has pretty much made them obsolete, especially after he made making new laws illegal.
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|<s>Ecclesiarch</s> Mancclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord (so far, there's still more we haven't seen) aside from the Captain-General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population ([[rules lawyer|which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry]]).

For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sunk in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off.

Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state, leading to his nickname of Pope Shafthat XXIII [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly]. The Emperor is honestly pleased that Decius is genuinely loyal. When told by the Emperor that Emps is not a god, Decius is disappointed, but does not hesitate to accept it because his loyalty is strong enough that if the Emperor says he is not a god, then he is not a god.

He also was ready to do his best to disband the Ministorum despite knowing what the priesthood would do to him for such "heresy" because the Emperor said to. Ultimately, his genuine loyalty is heavily rewarded by the Emperor. It probably also helps that the Emperor doesn't force Decius or the Ecclesiarchy to stop worshipping him altogether, just as a God, instead allowing them to worship him as [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|the pinnacle of humanity and what everyone should aspire to]]. After all, he may not be a god, be he's still fucking awesome.
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie (literally as well as figuratively; his true form fills a room) and party animal and at the end of Episode 28, after being confronted by Dark Angels looking for Cypher, Asmodai <s>made him repent</s> MURDERED HIM VIOLENTLY.

He has recently been revealed to be utilizing the Proteus Protocol to survive repeated explosions and orders Cawl to liquidate the Custodes questing to retrieve the protocol. Gets hit very hard on the head by a Dark Angel Crozius Arcanum after suspected of knowing about the Fallen.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]]... at least until The Emperor declares the act of making new laws to be illegal, something which utterly devastates him. This makes him surprisingly adept at tabletop roleplaying games as he read the rules and understood them even better than Magnus did.
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the High Lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo5ro1nWsPU And has the bling to match.]

----

===The Ultrasmurfs===
Very obnoxious and accompanied by the Ultramarine Chant from Chaos Gate. They apparently cannot be defeated due to their literal use of the "holy Codex" from their "Spiritual Liege." Managing to do nigh impossible feats. While the Emperor is not amused with them at all, he tolerates their OP plot armor to do impossible tasks for him such as retrieving Magnus from the Eye of Terror (with their Gellar Field turned ''off'', of all things) with minimal casualties, finding and sneaking the rest of Vulkan's artifacts onto Nocturne, and (currently) outdancing the best Harlequin dancers in the Webway while searching for Jaghatai Khan. Other impossible tasks in the past include using a giant Necron Pylon as a melee weapon, outfighting a Transcendent C'tan shard and killing a Phantom Titan by punching it in the foot.
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun, nor satisfying, to win anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he gets extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation, so one could assume Sicarius is the exception. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] (also, that whole gag is a clear reference to a Monty Python movie about King Arthur, just search up “Monty Python black knight scene”) Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets. Best buds with [[Ciaphas Cain]]
*'''[[Illiyan Nastase]]''': Chief Astropath of the Ultramarines. He received a brief mention during Episode 25, when he delivered a message to the Ultramarines Chapter Master, but did not receive any screentime. Marneus Calgar is deeply resentful of Illiyan's existence, and very adamantly insists on pushing him out of the spotlight and removing all mentions of the half-Eldar's existence. Because yes, Half-eldar serving the Ultramarines are canon. (Seriously, why does everyone forget Nastase was never a marine to begin with?)
*'''<s>[[Cato Sicarius]]</s> Cunto Shitarius''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. Rather than an exaggeration of the canon Cato (who is a perfectly normal, bland Ultramarine) he's the physical embodiment of /tg/'s hatred of [[Matt Ward]]: a massive glory hound layered in plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends (and someone on Spacebattles wrote a thread where he even pisses off Guilliman), who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets, or rather, very pisses off, Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an [[Imperial Fists|"Imperial Fisting"]] upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the incredibly sanctimonious love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on. He also loves to talk about the unique green trim in his armor. He ALSO hates Cunto Shitarius. Who doesn't?
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently, the only reason he's still on it is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass. Though if we're going by official canon, it seems that the Emprah's intervention is no longer necessary. Amusingly, canon Guilliman's reaction to the Imperium upon being woken up isn't ostensibly that different to TTSD Emperor's (minus the swearing, bullying, and psychic temper tantrums). This is also supported in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Qt3SXfYf8 recent TTS-related content, when he was interrogated by Cyberdong the Techpriest].

===Team Friendly Crusade of Friendly Friendship===
*'''[[Ferrus Manus]]:''' Primarch of the [[Iron Hands]]. Due to him being dead, he only appears as a ghost. Strangely, only Vulkan and Corax are able to see and hear him, leading other people like Magnus to think that his brothers have gone insane (probably because they were at Isstvan V and watched him die). He does nothing but tells Vulkan and Corax that they [[Adeptus Mechanicus|(and flesh)]] are weak. As for the latter "-is weak" statement, Vulkan bonks Brain-ghost Ferrus on the head saying "the real Ferrus Manus would say the opposite, ya' dumb ghostface idiot" which raises some questions about if it really is Ferrus' ghost. Only his head is visible, leading to Vulkan calling him a skull-ghost, a "Skost" if you will.

====Salamanders====
The Salamanders are a bunch of pyromaniacs in Cataphractii Terminator armor, infamous for their obsession with fire. They appear to be severely deaf, and are at least prone to talking in very loud voices, not hearing Kitten freak out next to them or the Ultramarines sneak the artifacts past them while their infamous theme song was blaring, and later not hearing a trapped Corax called out for help. They also seem to be oblivious to their Primarch's perpetual abilities, given that they're utterly shocked whenever Vulkan dies and resurrects again, despite personally witnessing it happen at least 6 times already, so far. The Emperor wonders if the Salamanders' pyromania had to do with his act of keeping their gene-seeds closer to the candle for warmth when he was creating them.

*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, both haunted by the not-ghost with a not-face of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct South African/Jamaican accent and loves friendship, brotherhood, and cute animals (including Catachan Barking Toads, leading to some snoot-booping hilarity in the spin-offs). Died during his battle with the Beast, after pushing it into a reactor of WAAAGH energy, causing him to occasionally gain an Ork's eyes, violent vocabulary and speech patterns after his inevitable resurrection (which is hilarious when juxtaposed with his normally friendly speech). Dies again after Magnus unintentionally telepathically crushed him under The Engine of Woes, the trunk of which Vulkan had locked Corvus Corax in, then promptly got better within mere minutes. Has used the [[Grimdark|darkest corner of the universe]] as a place to relax for over 9000 years and work on his hobby, Battlemace 42,000,000. He is currently traveling with Corax & the Salamanders across the Imperium before returning to Terra to finish giving the spine-crushing hugs he wants to give to Magnus. Also, as of Ep.27, Magnus suspects Vulkan had his soul fused with a piece of the Ork gestalt consciousness, effectively making him a half-ork. Vulkan can apparently tap into said energies and channel it through his faith in the Emperor, and can also apparently communicate with animals via the power of friendship. As of Bro Trip 3, he has somehow vanished after making a shocking recovery from the symptoms of a virus bombing with his innate Orkiness.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather (and doesn't know that Vulkan was actually hiding for 9000 years in a very dark corner on the same planet). He also has a very Girlish Scream.
*'''[[Tu'Shan]]''': Chapter Master of the Salamanders. Rocks a sweet set of dragon armor and has a very knightly manner of speech. Expect to hear the phrase "My Primach!" in some form a few times per appearance.

====Raven Guard====
A bunch of emotional, apologetic emos in Corvus armor with Jump Packs and Lightning Claws.

*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the [[Raven Guard]]. Apparently spent the past few millennia on [[Nocturne]], trapped in a 3rd millennium smart car referred to as the "Engine of Woes" while writing edgy poetry. Is accidentally freed by Magnus when he uses the Engine of Woes to fight off Vulkan. Currently accompanying the Salamanders on a trip to the Imperial Palace. His personality is, hilariously, one of an edgy teenage goth, with his self-hate and moodiness turned up to eleven. Wants to show the Emprah his edgy poetry. Magnus and Kitten freak out when he appears. Looks surprisingly like John Wick, or Samurai Jack during Season 5 with unwashed ammonia encrusted long hair. Willing to accept his own death rather than bring it upon his friends and allies. Is currently traveling the Imperium with Vulkan, where he constantly acts as the morose voice of reason to contrast Vulkan's joyful insanity.
*'''[[Kayvaan Shrike]]''': Raven Guard Master of Shadows (AKA Chapter Master - '''because why not'''.). He seems to be fairly bipolar, going from jovial to depressed at the drop of a hat. Also makes bird noises. Vulkan noted he was also extremely polite and apologetic; often saying sorry for things that weren't even his fault or deflecting apologies to him for misfortune by saying he deserves it for being neglectful.
*'''Kadus''': In lore, Kadus is one of the most esteemed Space Marines in the Raven Guard Chapter and is one of Chapter Master Kayvaan Shrike's closest personal friends, having served together with him alongside his other friend, Corus, since their time as initiates. In the series, he accompanies Shrike and acts as his more level headed counterpart.

====Warhams Crew====
A side story of a side story about a small four-man team consisting of a [[psyker]] murderhobo, a [[Skitarii]] murderhobo, an incompetent [[Rogue Trader]], and an Inquisitorial Acolyte of the [[Ordo Xenos]] who is somehow the straight man of the group. They are the owners of the ''Debt Collector'', an Imperial ship that has gone several cycles without proper maintenance. Their job is to go to planets as ambassadors, and they are often left with the weirdest places, like a [[ratling]] [[agri world]], a (deserted(?)) [[Necron]] [[tomb world]], a penal colony, and a hive world where the people are so backwater that they're space-hillbillies who keep their own blood in separate bags.

*'''Lorn''': A psyker from [[Fenris]] with a huge beard. He is batshit crazy most of the time, and the one of the most LOLrandom characters on the show. Once had his psychic power dampened and grew muscles the size of an Ogryn's as a result. Played by Zoran, who also voices [[Leman Russ]].
*'''π Braine''': A Skitarii hailing from Lemuria, an underwater [[Forge_World#Planet|forge world]]. He is the other LOLrandom character, who likes to roam the halls of the ''Debt Collector'' and randomly murder crew members he thinks are sabotaging the ship. Usually though, the sabotages are more than likely his. Played by SpeakerD, who also voices [[Asdrubael Vect]], and The emperor when not stuck on the throne.
*'''Captain Zedek''': The Rogue Trader that captains the ''Debt Collector''. Though it's hard to say what he actually does on the ship, as he seems perfectly content to let everyone else on the ship solve his problems. Now that he has an actual Tech-Priest on the ship -- who is far more competent in her leadership -- he feels slightly threatened in his authority. Played by HulkyKrow, who voices Kayvaan Shrike.
*'''Reeb Van Horne''': The Inquisitorial Acolyte from the [[Ordo Xenos]]. Surprisingly the least insane member of the group, although he's had his moments, like trying to resurrect a dead techpriest (and succeeding). When the plot needs to move along, his character tends to take care of business. Played by Earndil.

===The Deathwatch===
Who are you gonna call if some nasty Xenos wont leave your basement - call the 'Deathwatch'. 100% guarantee to eliminate the vermin.... and nick its stuff. If not then theres no refunds- as we are probably dead.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting Xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!" He is later seen fighting against [[Plaguebearers]] during their defense of Khaine's gate, where Wilford forcefully dragged him out of combat after failing their squad's morale check, all the while demanding vengeance.

*'''Wilford''': A [[Deathwatch]] Apothecary from the Ultramarines, who mostly agreed to join the Deathwatch as he is unable to stand his chapter's insufferable self-superior attitude. Originally appeared in BEHEMOTH, but accompanied Calato during Fyodor's assault in the Emperor palace, and subsequently banished to the Warp during that event. He's obsessed with keeping everyone's health optimal, constantly berating and advising them to avoid further or future injury and illness.

===The Dark Angels===
The Inner Circle are a ragingly paranoid group of neurotic basketcases, far more so than in canon. Keep having to make non-circle marines [[RIP AND TEAR |"repent"]] for overhearing them discussing the Fallen very loudly.

*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and secretly heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle, allowing him to converse with other people that doesn't outright accuse or threaten them. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). Not nearly as a fun police officer as his canon counterpart; his personality is psychotically intense, often telling people to redeem themselves or he'll do the actual redemption. However, given his views on "redemption", it usually doesn't end well (it tends to involve a crozius to the face). He's also as every bit as paranoid as Azrael. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appear to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]] (Honoured Be His Name)''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while standing on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat [[Dark Eldar|"those knife-eared assholes"]] in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also, the Emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room. There are many bets on his character vibrating rapidly in place. Made a five second cameo at the end of the 29th episode.
*'''[[Kor'sarro Khan]]''': The White Scars' Master of the Hunt and "the only White Scar worth mentioning". While he hasn't appeared, he is talked about at length in a public broadcast on the subject of the White Scars chapter. While Emps and co. spend more time mocking Voldorius, The Emperor does briefly question why he isn't their Chapter Master, which is probably the biggest endorsement an individual Space Marine has gotten since the Horus Heresy.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, the Templars are absolute lunatics obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN". They enjoy listening to Linkin <s>Loyalists</s> Purge in their drop pods and ramming swords through Xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon. They may be slightly improving after being forced/convinced to have ordinary humans, psykers, librarians, ratlings and all other sorts of abhumans in their ranks.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.
*'''High Marshal Helbrecht:''' Received an anger management course from the Emperor and the custodians and was semi-convinced to teach the Black Templars to not be ''completely'' batshit insane. Also has a voice like that of a clown goblin gargling marbles. Prefers sitting on things that are [[Space Marines|''stiff'' and very ''hard'']] to things that are [[Tau|''soft'' and ''limp'']]. Was very pleased with the prospect of the Emperor shitting on the UltraSmurfs, a phrase he interpreted as being a literal desire to defecate upon them. [[/d/|'''Nasty.''']]

===The Space Corgis===
Renamed by official decree by the Emperor himself after being informed of how everything in their vernacular seemed to have been prefaced by the word "wolf", including curse words, such as Leman Russ replacing the word "fucking" with "wolfing". Their initiation rites for aspirants culminates in sending them through the Gate of Morkai to endure a [[Tzeentch|"squid"]] screaming at them without getting a boner (your guess as to ''how'' that might even occur).

*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space Corgis, been hiding in the Warp for eons and has the punching speed of a Super Saiyan. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a Viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent specifically based on the late SeanConnery . Magnus has accused him of being a furry-fuck...He may not be wrong. He taught the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This includes pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Furies, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills it), ding-dong-ditching Skarbrand, and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap ''(and a bathtub)''. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the Imperial Palace, he decided to get out of the Warp and go back to Terra; this journey currently includes surviving an army from all the Chaos Gods led by some of the most infamous Daemons, then walking through the Gate of Khaine into Commuragh, and being escorted to the Dark Eldar Overlord Vect, alongside with Karamazov and Kaldor Draigo, He and Draigo or take into the arena, And are currently being held for ransom by vect. Is able to summon things by thinking about them really hard, ironically due to the fact that he is a psyker. He uses this ability to torture some Dark Eldar who challenged him to a game of 20 questions. Also appears to be friends with [[Boatmurdered|Urist Boatmurdered]]

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': Any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone bellowing "[[Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a Youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, Sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes, they really ''do'' look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity (at one point Leman questions if Draigo can even be considered sentient, which Draigo answers no), which might not be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allow him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them <s>to an even deeper version of The Warp</s> Back out into real space which, considering they’re demons, would mean that they would promptly die). Unfortunately, his [[Matt Ward|Wardian plot armor]] is not enough to protect him from one of the most powerful forces in the Warhammer universe: bad dice rolls. (seriously, the dice they were using must’ve been loaded) This shows quite painfully during the battle at Khaine’s Gate, where he repeatedly fails his psychic tests and charge attempts, Causing a group of Tempesta scions, and a firing line of sisters of battle, to get brutally murdered by demons. he’s still a beast in close-combat though, as the Masque of Slaanesh can attest. Is known for Insane ramblings that come out of pretty much nowhere, and make no sense, but are absolutely hilarious. Prominent quotes shall be listed in The bottom section. Briefly seen without his armor at the end of episode 28...Has a pot belly for some reason...Could be pregnant because the warp.

*'''Covan Leorac''': A Grand Master of the Grey Knights. He appears in a short video where some Grey Knights report <strike>solid evidence of the [[Wulfen]] among the Space Wolves</strike> FAHCK YOU! DIGGANOBZ. However, Covan is absolutely convinced that they're Digganobz and not Wulfen, even hitting a Knight in the head for disagreeing with. Whether this is a jab at GW heavily basing the look of Wulfen on Digganobs or is in conscious denial to prevent the Grey Knights from waging a costly war upon the Space Wolves (again) is up to interpretation.

*'''Dread Knight''': The Emperor thinks its design is silly and looks like a baby cradle), but the Dread Knight proves to be as brave as it is massive, heroically charging at Skarbrand only to be made into a red paste after it initiated physical contact with him.

=== The Blood Angels ===

*'''[[Sanguinius]]''': Fabulous Fucking Hawkboy, and Primarch of the Blood Angels who is very, '''very''' dead. BUT he can appear lying face-up, head somewhat melty, in the visions/dreams of the faithful. (Though apparently only whilst they are heavily drugged on Ork Fungus...). Bears the dubious honour of being the only person the Emperor will not smack talk about nor tolerate being talked down about.
**'''The [[Sanguinor]]''': Mentioned in the second Q&A session where one of the [[Flesh Tearers]] is praying for his aid and a Blood Raven asks of his true nature. The Emprah has no clue, but hopes that it could be a 'fragment' of Sanguinius and hopes he returns. This implies the Emprah thinks that, just as his own soul was split into fragments by Fucking Horus, the same may have happened on some level to Sanguinius. Later makes a brief cameo swapping places to give his <s>girlfriend</s> colleague, Saint Celestine, a break from her stressful job of helping her sisters. While she was grateful and considered him shy and a sweetheart, she and the Blood Angels (that she rescued from Be'lakor on Sanguinala) realized her sisters would be trying to [[Rip and tear|tear]] him apart in anger at taking her place. As he awkwardly deals with the Sororitas raging at him, Saint Celestine rushed back from Ba'al to save him.

===The Lamenters===
21st founding of Marines which is literally 'cursed' i.e they have the worst luck ever to happen to a chapter. Being kicked in the balls by the Minotaurs and power hammered seems to be pretty high on the sucks levels. Even Emps cries for them.

===The <s>Imperial Army</s> <s>[[Imperial Guard]]</s> <s>Astra Militarum</s> WALL of GUNS===
The billions upon billions of baseline human, GIs, squaddies, grunts, footsloggers, meat shields which does the majority of land based warfare. They normally dont grab much of the medias attention as a image of a man sitting in a soggy trench with a torch and cardboard armour whilst super powered beings and aliens march over them isnt that uplifting.
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!], he first appears in the April Fools episode where he was apparently recruited by Horus. Appeared in the real series, saving Little Billy and some farmers from the Kabal of the Flayed Skull in the middle of their raid on a random Agri-World. Later showed up at the invitation of Lucius to the Slaaneshmas Special where he begins beating up Typhus, Ahriman, and Lucius. While the scene turns to static, Lucius and Ahriman later show up on screen again. They commented that he was apparently a pretty great guy. Lucius apparently mixed up his contact info with Kharn's at one point. Later shows up to save Corvus Corax from the Catachan Barking Toad perched on his head. He's stated to be the single most decorated soldier in the entire history of humanity despite only being a Private, and "his aerodynamic musculature and knowledge of Catachan jungle tree buoyancy" help him "simulate flight" (which is apparently interstellar). Confirmed to NOT be a missing Primarch. Exclusively communicates by screaming (and sometimes body gestures, since he bowed slightly to Corax), specifically the one from the Dawn of War I opening cinematic where the sergeant orders the charge up the hill. He also weaponizes the subtitles of the scream by hitting enemies with them both as a ram and as a club.
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split-second appearance in [https://youtu.be/0Vh_N8CpcL0?t=900 in Rogal Dorn's flashback] before being headbutted to death by Horus. (''Shame on you if you don't know this super dude, so read his history now!'') In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did, in fact, sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.
*'''[[Ciaphas Cain]]''': Commissar and Hero of the Imperium. He fully understands his entire existence is based on pure luck, lies and cowardice, though unlike his book version whose ability to never seem unnerved or let his lies slip is key to his entire career (and is hardly adverse to its benefits, if not its drawbacks...), here he's humorously morose and loudly gripes about his constant deceptions in private...but finds a kindred spirit in Marneus Calgar to share the pain. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRozBAIbaG4 Has his own merry jingle].
*'''[[Death Korps of Krieg]]''': As of the second voxcast, they can ''finally'' rest assured that the Emperor has personally forgiven them. What the Death Korps will do now that they've officially redeemed themselves remains to be seen, assuming they actually want to do something other than fight and die in battle. ( come on, you know it'll probably take another 2, maybe 3 millennia for the message to reach Krieg, due to, you know, Imperial Bureaucracy )
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] (pronounced "Kata-kan")'''(by Straken, confusing everyone): Elaborated on in the first episode of "BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs", being saved from a Slaaneshi Daemon invasion by the intervention of Vulkan and Corvus. Armed primarily only with knives (albeit some of the best knives in the universe due to the special Catachan metals) and basic clothing (shirts optional) in one of the most hazardous places in the universe, their survival and natural Space Marine-like physique provides a massive boost to the morale of the Imperium in a manner known as "marketability". Their culture is similar to that of Orks, measuring knife size to determine rank.
**'''Colonel "Iron Hands" Straken''': Leads the Catachan II regiment and is extremely good at guiding(tongue lashing)his troopers. Sly Marbo is also officially designated to the II regiment.
*'''[[Attilan Rough Riders]]''' Mongolian/Hun/Wide sweeping steppe based cavalry. Very superstitious (they try and kill Vulkan!) and hard to be completely converted by the Ecclesiarchy. As is typical of legendary guard regiments, they are brave and self-sacrificing. They can also pilot aircraft whilst still atop their horses (Some suspect the horses are the real pilots).
**'''Captain Mogul Kamir''': Leads the Attilan regiment who are going with the 'Friendship Force'. Likes drinking from the skulls of his fallen foes (a nod to Pre-Islamic Turk practices).
**'''The King of Khanasan''': Head of the Attilan Rough Riders and fellow skull-goblet enthusiast, to the point of draping his entire outfit in them. Voiced by Alfabusa himself.
**'''Starass''': The sole Astropath of the Attilans, and naturally an actual ass. Apparently, more than adequate enough for the Riders, though her language has no concept of the words "mass planetary destruction."

===Sisters of Battle===
*[[Ephrael Stern]]: The infamous Daemonifuge has finally reached the Black Library, but she's none too pleased with the Eldar's selection of food. [[-4_Str|Treads the path of the swole]]. She tells off Cegorach to his face, causing him to sulk off (incidentally allowing Custodisi and Wamuudes to enter the library). Goes with Magnus to help Eldrad birth Ynead.
*[[Saint Celestine]]: Greatest of the [[Living Saint]]s, always there to protect the Imperium and always reviving if she dies. First appears (in astral projection form) during the Battle at the Gate of Khaine, where she is apparently in on the [[Star Child]]'s plan and spirits away the soul of Dominique, who she describes as having fufuilled his duty to the Emperor. Later appears as the star of the "Salvation Through Annihilation" short, using her holy powers to deep-fry [[Ku'Gath]]. Her jolly mood is soured by the Sororitas present fangirling over her in a disgustingly creepy manner that makes the previously mentioned daemon of Nurgle seem pleasent in comparsion. After warping out, she is instructed by the (oddly drunk-sounding) voice-that-tells-her-to-go-places to head to [[Cadia]]. In the recent Sanguinala special, she was seen rescuing the Blood Angels on their homeworld of Baal, from a attempt by Chaos to end Sanguinala by Be'lakor. The Blood Angels are confused, as the Sanguinor is the one to usually save them. The two had swapped places at his suggestion for her to take a break, resulting in a very uncomfortable situation for the Blood Angels, and...Sanguinor being assaulted by the Sisters of Battle. Refers to the Sanguinor as her ‘stud’ and ‘boy toy’ and thinks of him as a shy sweetheart.
**In a deleted scene from the ''Behemoth'' triology, Celestine would have come down to aid the outnumbered sisters against the Swarmlord... which would have proceeded to kill her [[FAIL|over and over again]] and contribute absolutely nothing. Since the scene was unfunny and made the video way too long, Eliphas cut it out.

===Adeptus Mechanicus===
*'''Reimleiz the Theorist:''' An attendant techpriest whom the Emperor calls "random mechanicus guy". He was originally searching for a motorbike for Rogal Dorn to use, inside Jaghatai Khan's shed. As of the Black Templars podcast, Emps made him an Inquisitor and then commanded him to find out more about the Omega Vault. He was inexplicably on the floor at the time. Is incapable of making any statement without phrasing it as a question and is constantly asking himself trivial questions for no real reason (such as asking if legs are actually vehicles driven by tiny snotlings). Also has a penchant for slapping his cyberdong on toasters, which many mechanicus adepts around the system appear to be visibly fixated upon. As a sidenote he’s basically an avatar for [[https://m.youtube.com/user/remleiz|this YouTube channel]]
*'''Delphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator (that originally appeared in the 54mm ''Inquisitor'' game) sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the presence of an STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a German accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''[[Belisarius Cawl]]''': He hasn't done anything to Gulliman (yet, anyway), but Rogal Dorn apparently did see him talking with Gulliman about something in the past. Apparently, he's not that great at keeping secrets, as there are rumors circulating about him working on [[Primaris Marines|something related to Thunder Warriors]] that even managed to reach the Imperial Palace. The Emperor understandably expects little to come from this (he will be completely surprised), expecting Cawl's work to be hindered by the Mechanicus' usual dogma. Finally shows up in Episode 28, and all the A.I's in his head have naturally made him crazy (As it should, there's a reason that stuff isn't messed with in canon). Either that or that's all of the personalities he's absorbed throughout the millennia talking through him. He acts as the hitman for the Fabricator-General, who blackmails him about not scrapping his Primaris project if he kills the Custodes. Also speaks like the Master from Fallout 1.

===The Inquisition===
After the Horus Heresy, a new proactive 'Intelligence' force was created: merge the KGB, Gestapo, CIA, MI6, Mossad with zealous religious belief and unlimited power and hey presto:
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor <s>Karamazov</s> Krazypantsoff''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially crazier after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons. Completely convinced he's the Emperor and seems to regret what a horrible father "he" was more than Emprah himself.
**'''Star-Fyodperor''': After a huge messy battle at Khaine's gate, Karamazov became the host of the Star Child. So basically he ''is'' the Emperor for real now. Apparently, the Star Child needed to possess someone extremely entitled and hypocritical like big E himself. Thanks to Star Child basically doing all the talking, planning, and overall thinking He now represents the kind, fatherly side of the Emperor that is sorely lacking from his throne-bound counterpart, complete with dad jokes. Unfortunately, this leaves the Fyodperor to being easy to deceive, lacking the ability to distrust that comes from millennia of cynicism and hate. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgVuQ_Fbs5g|Has one of the most noblebright awesome themes ever done for anything born from GeeDubs.]
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right|''"KILL THEM ALL, KILL THEM ALL!"'']]
*'''Dominique''': Voiced by Gonzo the Great. The techpriest Lexmechanic on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage, most likely due to alcohol poisoning. It is never explained why Fyodor tolerated his nonsense for so long, but as Dominique regularly got away with sass sufficient to warrant a summary execution for a planetary governor, let alone a servitor, and Fyodor is not portrayed as being a particularly stable or calm individual, it's clear *something* was in play keeping Dominique employed and alive.
**Turns out he had a fate-bound duty to mold Fyodor into the Star Child's ideal host, an ill-tempered hypocrite with a god complex. He was allowed to see Fyodor one last time in exchange for that service, then got ferried to the afterlife by [[Saint Celestine]] her-holy-fucking-self to the tune of ten thousand fans weeping manly tears. His carcass is still perched on the Throne of Judgment, but most of the meat has rotted away by now. He's currently interred into a white-and-gold sarcophagus created when Fyodor became the Star Child's host.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Grand Master Elirush''': A Grey Knight Grand Master, who represents the Inquisition's Ordo Malleus. The most level-headed person in the group, who speaks with a smothered accent that Alfa masks as "waffles" (due to his VA being Eliphas, who is Belgian. If it isn't obvious, that's also the basis for his name). He attempted to avenge his fallen brothers who were killed by Kairos during the battle at Khaine's gate, but mistakenly attributed it to Skarbrand (much to the former's dismay). He was killed after inconveniencing Skarbrand, who despises such things.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A Xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Extra heresy|Broodlord-kun]]. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change]] Kairos Fateweaver after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage. Later, during the Halloween special, she is apparently able to briefly manifest into realspace, similar to Kaldor Draigo, whenever someone mentions anything about Genestalers. She was last seen during the defense of Khaine's gate while intoxicated, where she mistakes Skarbrand for a Genestealer (further angering Skarbrand as he dislikes misinterpretations) and ascended after being killed by him.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Donklas''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor, who represents the Ordo Hereticus. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders where the mask came from). He is so far the only Inquisitor who managed to survive the battle at Khaine's gate, mainly due to "enforcing discipline at the back". He is so far the only one of 3 main inquisitors who has survived up to this point.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the [[Lawful Stupid|obsessive]] Inspector Javert (from Victor Hugo's ''Les Misérables'').
*'''[[Jokaero|Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from Torquemada, [[Awesome|telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''[[Militarum Tempestus|Tempestus Scions]]''' - A hapless squad of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers comprised of Scions: Grant, Valentine, Matilda, Stuart, and led by Tempestor Cromwell. They constantly bicker between each other due to Stuart's pessimism, Matilda's blind optimism, and Grant's panicky disposition, but is constantly held in-line by Tempestor Cromwell. They're seen during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where they're all surprised that they've somehow survived, despite their [[Taurox]] roadblock being destroyed and the Grey Knights being slaughtered.
**Coincidentally ([[Just as Planned|or not]]), they're all named after Allied [[tank]]s from World War II (probably not, what with their thick English accents, and Matilda's preoccupation with "tankyness.").
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use from - as the name implies, he hits it repeatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit. He was about to retire after his 40,000th straight Exterminatus, but due to Draigo, he got sent to Commorragh along with his entourage (which includes a Jokaero and his Exterminatus button). Was the only one in the assembly to resist the fyodperor's psychic persuasion.
*'''Ex-Inquisitor Kryptman''': It's a bit weird that this guy is hanging around since all the other Inquisitors hate him, but whatever. Considered too violent and too hypocritical for the Inquisition, as amazing as that achievement is, he is nonetheless really good at his job; claims he's even able to survive against Eldar mind games by seeing through the truth being disguised as a lie, knowing full well that the humans will assume it's a lie while knowing the Eldar are lying about telling the truth about lying. Also carries a pimpin' cane with a gun in it.
*'''Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau''': Yep, he appears in episode 26 part 2! He's from a more [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|'jovial' time of early 40K]].

===General Populace of the Imperium ('Plebs')===
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him, then hunted across the cosmos by Lucius during Slaaneshmas, and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date, the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him from the Dark Eldar after some internal deb-'''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''-ting.
*'''The citizens of Hive World Purgatory''': Originally appearing in Alfa's Upper Hive games, hive world Purgatory appears a few times in the series proper. Its citizens are extremely idiotic and prone to murdering each other over the slightest suspicion. It's also been the victim of a recent Crotch Rot epidemic, and multiple Genestealer invasions.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to be sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics on hive world Purgatory, [[Lovecraft|Innsmouth-style]], before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into a genehost - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor Quist from the warp.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus. He was later seen smashed by Lucius during the Slaaneshmas Special, and then spotted in the Webway with the Ultramarines, and later again spotted in the Imperial Dungeons with the Shadowkeepers; and, on top of fucking that, was seen near the end of Part 1 of Hateful Feud running away as Karamazov was becoming Fyodper. Last seen in the Throne Room, running away as Magnus threw a temper tantrum after being trolled by the Provost Marshal for not reading the rules of Fantasy Roleplay.
*'''Tour Guide''': A guy who gives tours of the Imperial Palace. He gets summoned(dragged) into the throne room and abruptly told by the Emperor to read the names of a bunch of Dark Eldar weapons without any given reason, which he does without hesitation. He may read other lists later. He appears to be some sort of psyker as he could sense Magnus' return before he teleported into the throne room. He is able to bitch-slap Wamuudes to the floor without even looking. Poor guy is also losing his sanity due to all the batshit craziness happening around him.

===Eldar===
After the Eldar Collapse, these Eldar decided that unlimited Lust and Violence wasn't a positive influence to their souls and thus became elfy space-monks, all calm and serene until they decide to fight then its elfy warrior-monks!.
*'''[[Eldrad]] Ulthran:''' Eldar Farseer of Craftworld Ulthwé who is one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is preparing to do pretty much exactly what he ends up doing in Gathering Storm. Tried to convince Asdrubael Vect to distract the Imperium while he attempts to awaken [[Ynnead]], but to no avail. Apparently, he's already contacted Cypher at least once before and seeks to do the same with "the Machine-man from Mars" (most likely Cawl). Magnus and custodisi have been sent to assist them.
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. Cegorach has his own spectral audience that laughs at his jokes, and even a voice that adds '''[BAZINGA.]''' to his punchlines. He is plotting the demise of the [[Flesh Eaters]] for saying his Harlequins are in poor taste. In both meanings of the word. Recently he challenged Magnus to a comedy battle where he made use of horribly outdated memes to win laughs from the Harlequin audience including a Skyrim reference of all things. Had to call it a tie though since Magnus was committing verbal suicide through self-deprecation humor. Also has one of the most badass theme songs in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzWsLaolyLw&ab_channel=StringStorm%E2%80%8C existence] .
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now (due to Stockholm Syndrome) in a “loving” relationship with Nurgle. She Thinks Tzeentch is annoying and hates Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter, Preferably with something that doesn’t kill her but shuts off her senses.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.

===Dark Eldar===
The true descendants after the collapse of the Eldar Empire. There are A LOT of Dark Eldar living in their webway city of Commorragh and with access to a ton of lethal weaponry, its impractical to invade their realm without leaving yourself open to other forces’ attacks.
*'''[[Asdrubael Vect]]:''' Dark Eldar leader who is another one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is completely disinterested if not mildly amused/irritated with Eldrad's plans and his insistence on dragging him in; believing both Eldrad's visions and Ynnead to be utter nonsense unworthy of his time after 10,000 years worth of pessimistic doomsaying. He appears to have plans of his own that seem to involve Leman Russ, Karamazov, and/or Kaldor Draigo, who emerge from the Gate of Khaine just as he finishes his conversation with Eldrad. As it turns out, it involved shocking the Star-Fyodperor (which he was able to deduct almost immediately) with a surprise betrayal that the emotions that emanate almost supercharge Vect and Rakarth. Has a habit of setting up violent, hedonistic parties before gassing all the guests (including all rivals) after he leaves early.
*'''[[Lady Malys]]:''' Vect's bitter ex (don't say that to her face, though) who wants to take over Commorragh because "Vect's a prick." Seems to have been taken over by Cegorach, which is not surprising given real lore had her conduct heart transplant surgery on herself with Cegorach's crystal heart. Also French. [[Magical Realm|Sexily]] so.
*'''[[Archon Tahril]]:''' An Archon who originally appeared in ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' as the leader of the Black Heart Cabal in Kaurava and Vect's former subordinate after the whole raid ended in a failure. He is reluctantly under Malys' employment and passive-aggressively lets her know whenever he has to talk to her. He deals with her personality quirks reluctantly. Is also secretly an agent of the C'tan known as the Deceiver.
*'''[[Urien Rakarth]]:''' The personification of torture, currently under Vect's employ. It's revealed that it was he who visited the Golden Throne that one time, which makes Dorn panic and attempt to re-install the entire palace.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions [[Black Crusade|to attend to their 14th annual party]]. He will ALSO be voiced by the aforementioned Takahata101 (Nappa and [[Hellsing|'''THE CRIMSON FUCKER''']]) of Team Four Star fame.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon. Based on the [[Vulkan|current]] [[Corvus Corax|trend]], it wouldn’t be too surprising if he, too, can see Ferrus Manus’s ghost, especially considering he was the one who ''killed him'' and all that.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos|<s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointlessly overthought pseudo-philosophy. He also plays Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, shamelessly abusing an [[Yu-Gi-Oh#Archetype|Empty Jar]] deck made [[WAAC|ALMOST ENTIRELY FROM BANNED CARDS]]. So far, he is the most prominently featured of the Chaos Gods. Tzeentch lurks behind the Gate of Morkai, fucking with the aspirants sent through by Space Wolves priests; if they're to be believed, he's done something involving "wolf tits" at least once, and [[Wat|Emprah only knows how we're supposed to interpret that]]. Despite his behavior he does genuinely care for his son, Magnus.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore who steals from Khorne and trolls him and others with sexual innuendos. Nobody likes it because it ruins everything.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who is often heard screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym - he never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor. Ironically, despite being the most prominently featured Chaos God in canon, he's made far fewer on-screen appearances than the other Gods.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, Probably because of all of the diseases he’s infected with, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything. When he's upset, he known to release extremely potent [[Wikipedia:Tinea cruris|Crotch]] [[Wikipedia:Candidal intertrigo|Rot]] on Hive-Worlds, which is as nasty as it sounds.The emperor was on the receiving end of said crotch rot, as well as an eternally itchy nose, despite not having one.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, Sanguinnius’ soul and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Dark Heresy|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy, chaos, and mutation on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become canon is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
**The [[Great Horned Rat]] appears as a joke to cancel Slaaneshmas forever due to Slaanesh getting demoted in Age of Sigmar and announces "Great Horned Rat Day" as its replacement. Enjoys mocking "non-existent" lesser Chaos Gods and seems to be incapable of not breaking the fourth wall. Coughs near-constantly.
**[[Necoho]]?: Never been seen and hasn't been named, but Magnus has mentioned the existence of a chaos god of unbelief who was created by Emperor's attempts to wipe out all religion. If not for the Horus Heresy, Emperor would have become its champion or avatar. Since atheism is so rare in the galaxy now, it most likely is dead or too weak to be relevant.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook (it is unknown If piccolo has seen said results). Also planned the 'Slaaneshmas' holiday event, which is broadcast to the whole universe to spread goodwill to humans and overall death to xeno species. Lucius makes a great holo vid host.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Teamed up with Lucius for Slaaneshmas for the shits and giggles. So far appears to the only rational Chaos Space Marine, acting as a snarky straight man to the antics of the others. On a side-note, he [[Old Man Henderson|huffs grimoires of Big Bad Jujus]], which impresses Lucius. He apparently wants to murder the stars as he finds them too bright for his taste. At the end, he gives a speech about how despite the different worldviews, both sides are still humans and offers the Imperium to have one day per year when instead of killing each other, both sides would have a ceasefire and unite to exterminate aliens instead. Imperials were oddly receptive to that idea...
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, with a Strong resemblance to the voice of Real life Comedian Norm McDonald, or Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Later shows up to the Slaaneshmas Special to talk about his latest book, which is just his own shit smeared on every page.
*'''[[Kharn|Khârn the Betrayer]]''': The most infamous Khornate Berserker in the World Eaters. He has yet to appear directly in the show; Lucius invited him by Vox to the Slaaneshmas special but only received angry grunts in reply, leading Lucius to believe Angron picked up instead. Apparently, Lucius also mixed up his contact info with Sly Marbo at one point.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''[[Fabius Bile|<strike>Fabius</strike> <strike>FABULOUS Bile</strike> Bob]]''': Joins in on Lucius' and Ahriman's Slaaneshmas special to announce that he's starting a solo Black Crusade to show up that man-baby Abbadon. Is triggered very seriously if called Bob. He's clearly insane, insisting that a solo Black Crusade means doing things on his own, which even Lucius thought was crazy, not helped by Bile following up by boasting he can clone anyone. He showed off an abomination of a clone of Ahriman (which psychically self-destructed) during the Slaaneshmas Special. Naturally, Ahriman was horrified and disgusted and even Lucius was disturbed.
*'''[[Miriael Sabathiel]]''': The infamous Chaos Sororita shows up, only to get dismissed everywhere she goes and not be taken seriously. Upon learning it was Slaaneshmas, she dons a Santa hat and joins the fun. Earlier, she was in a bad mood for being talked down by a captured Inquisitor (before she beheaded him in frustration), lamented the lost opportunity to torment him, and was enraged at some Noise Marines' amusement at her situation.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep. Everyone in the wharf is trying to get rid of it because it’s annoying to them. It also sent a psychic message to inquisitor kryptman Showing him its face… Or rather mouth.
*'''[[The Masque]]''': A Slaaneshi Daemonette. First appears in BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs while attacking Catachan, apparently because an ample muscle harvest (shaped into Slaanesh's symbol) would please Slaanesh enough to end her (yes, a canon her) eternal damnation to unending dancing. After Corvus Corax batmans her she flees, due to their artificial muscles being displeasing to Slaanesh and fighting them not being worth potential banishment back to the Warp. Her motives lead her and an army of Daemonettes to the battle for the Gate of Khaine, where she implies some familiarity with Kaldor Drago before trying to bring him down, only to fail spectacularly.
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': A "renegade" Khornate Bloodthirster; Khorne officially disowned him after he attempted to kill the Chaos God with a strike to the back, but still recognizes his talents. Skarbrand appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. He refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]] (it didn't help that all emotions besides anger were throttled out of him by Khorne); when faced with the prospect being outside or inside after being pranked, he actually remains in the doorframe, which he hates '''''slightly''''' less. He later joins the Chaos Undivided daemon horde that assaulted Khaine's gate as it was being opened by the Inquisition's forces, where he further espouses his hatred against everything. Such as named characters, some of whom he fucking murders. Extremely open and vocal about his feelings, funnily enough. {{BLAM|SKARBRAND '''HATES''' MISCONCEPTIONS!}}
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': A Tzeentchian Lord of Change. He still has two heads and the second, mottled one will constantly contradict the 'dominant' head while speaking (which Kairos neither seems to address nor notice). First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on Inquisitor Adrielle Quist - but since she's drunk, not listening and mistakes him for a Genestealer, he gets one of his faces fucked up for his troubles, and holds an eternal grudge against her due to that. Kairos reappears during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where he tries his damnedest to get even with Quist, but had to "settle" for destroying most of the Grey Knights, but his work was mistakenly attributed to Skarbrand, much to his eternal dismay. Funnily enough, he does more damage to Skarbrand than any of the Imperials completely by accident: Kairos' psyker powers hit Skarbrand while he fought Inquisitor Quist, his grudge briefly turning him into a [[Kharn|team-killing fucktard.]] Despite this, considering the rules Kairos follows (in official lore, his heads randomly switch which one lies and which one tells the truth, but one lying means the other must be truthful), that he can tell the future, and that the normally truthful head said "I will have my revenge" (which he didn't) while the normally lying head claimed to love Skarbrand... Kairos actually really does love Skarbrand.
*'''[[Epidemius]]''': A Nurglite Plaguebearer. Fitting for a daemon of Nurgle, he's incredibly polite even under duress, and cares significantly about the loss of his fellow daemons. First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he was pelted into submission with hundreds of bars of soap and a bathtub. He later appears during the battle at Khaine's Gate with a retinue of [[Plaguebearers]], and was enraged when one of them was killed by the Deathwatch. He later commanded a charge against them that ended with most of the Deathwatch being slaughtered, while Wilford and Calato, the only survivors were forced to retreat.
*'''The [[C'tan]]''': The Necron's star gods seem to be wedging their way back into current affairs after being turned into [[Pokemon]] by their servants. Of all of them, only The Deceiver has made an appearance so far, the rest being confined to the paper puppet flashbacks (except when Decius brought up The Nightbringer when he was convincing the Ecclesiarchy that [[The Emperor|Easy-E]] isn't a god).
**[[The Deceiver]], when not playing Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker with the Emperor and pals, seems to be [[Just As Planned|pulling strings]] all around the Materium. Has a special interest in stopping Kaldor Draigo from returning to realspace. Presumably, because he would become the avatar of Matt Ward, the <strike>[[Malal|Fifth]]</strike> Sixth god of Choas, and bring utter ruination to the material realm before the C'tan can bring utter ruination to the material realm.
*'''Clancy''': The traitor menial of an Imperial Cruiser who wants to kill a Primarch, and is obnoxiously polite and civil about the entire affair. His plans fail when Vulkan, Corax and all the other ~~important~~ characters survive the shipwreck he engineered and capture him; his backup plan (Exterminatus from via some "pals" dropping a Virus bomb on Attila from orbit) ends up similarly falling short, though he does escape captivity. He later returns as a high-ranking Boardmember of Jopall's government, and through pulling some strings and making a contract that Corvus signs, entraps the party on the planet through debt. Makes his escape shortly before Corvus bursts in the room leading an army of rebelling Guardsmen.

=== Others ===

*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff: [[The Beast]] (an Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), [[Goge Vandire]] (the man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial history after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (a footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade), the [[Squats]] (we all ''know'' who they are), [[Herman von Strab]] (one of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO!] (*cue explosions*) He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!! Also seems to love making bad jokes.
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he manages to just waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels. Sicced the Dark Angels on The Fabricator General for a prank video
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': The two Ork gods. They're a couple of dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.

[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.] Possible inspiration for the news Cats film.
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. (Wait, does this mean the Emperor's communicator is technically Xenotech?) Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 as the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.

*'''Ahriman 2.0''': [[Fabius Bile]]'s horribly disfigured clone of Ahzek Ahriman which he unveiled in the Slaaneshmas special, much to Lucius and the original Ahriman's horror. Fabius claimed it was a "work-in-progress", something which caused the clone to become so enraged that it psychically self-destructed moments after.
*'''The [[Angry Marines]]''': ''Might'' exist in the TTS-verse, but nobody knows for sure. "Angry Marines" was a popular answer in a poll on which loyalist chapter best embodies the concept of hatred, but nobody in the Imperial Palace knows who this might be referring to, and it was speculated that it may simply be a nickname. Either way, they were beaten by several other chapters, most notably the Black Templars and the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*'''[[Hassan]]''': First appeared in the Chaos Descends series attempting to sell camels to two of the main characters in the middle of nowhere, eventually convincing them to put up flyers for his business as a form of payment. He later appears in the main series, apparently having sold camels to the Ultramarines at some point.

*'''Voldorius''': An unfortunate Daemon Prince which got the attention of the Pillarstodes after reading about him in one of the books they got from the Black Library. They along with the Emperor and Rogal Dorn publicly mock him for being completely ineffective and incompetent to the point of having to rely on his subordinates to do everything for him.
*'''Uriah Olathaire:''' Yes, its the old man that the Emprah had a theological debate during [[The Last Church]]. His soul was summoned from The Warp by The Emperor, who was horrified that he turned into a Chaos worshiper. Ironically he is perfectly sane despite following Chaos. Unlike their first encounter, this time he actually IS a theologian and can shut down the Emperor's rather sophomoric arguments easily. He worships Chaos Undivided and paints them in a more neutral, legitimately non-malevolent light, highlighting how humanity needs Chaos to stay human and how Chaos needs humanity to continue to exist, making it a mutually-beneficial relationship. He originally wanted to justify the existence of Chaos, but due to the Emprah being a dick; he got fed up and instead started calling him on the hypocrisy of his Imperium and his ideals, such as his constant use of religious iconography and terms (despite wanting a secular empire), essentially doing the same thing old terran religions did to propagate their influence (although with a higher death count), among other things. He was eventually banished back into The Warp after dissing the holiness of the taco.
*'''Alfa Legion:''' Some of the creator's 40k self-inserts into 40K appear in Episode 10 after Emps makes an oddly specific remark about how "THERE COULD EVEN BE CHAPTERS CONSORTING AND ACCEPTING BOTH XENOS AND CHAOS WORSHIPPERS INTO THEIR RANKS. MAYBE EVEN CHAPTERS SO FUCKING RECLUSIVE AND HISTORICALLY INEPT THAT THEIR MERE EXISTENCE SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE AND SHITTY FANFICTION." Taking the main TTS reaction thread into consideration, '''EMPS WAS ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' Currently have their souls contained in a box owned by Magnus, while [[Indrick Boreale|Boreale]] and [[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]] have become Magnus' idiot pets.
*'''Asterion Moloc:''' [[Minotaurs]] Chapter Master who appears briefly towards the end of the Slaaneshmas special, pwning a Tau with a Chaos Terminator.

==The Order of The Primarchs' Returns==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far, though this may just be the order of their apearances, not the order in which they return...

* [[Rogal Dorn]] - Around since the beginning of the series, although we don't find out it's Dorn until Episode 20.
* [[Magnus]] - Pops up in Episode 13 after being captured by the Ultrasmurfs.
* [[Vulkan]] - Returns after Cato Sicarius delivers the remaining Lost Artifacts of Vulkan in Episode 20.
* [[Leman Russ]] - Appears in the Warp in Episode 21, after Magnus banished the Inquisitors there in Episode 18.
* [[Corvus Corax]] - Can be heard attempting to get out of a building on Nocturne at the End of Episode 21, and appears in person during Episode 25.
* [[Ferrus Manus]]- Appears as a <s>'brainghost'</s> SKHOST in Vulkan's head when Vulkan returns at the beginning of Episode 20. Vulkan claims in the Bro Trip spinoff that he isn't the real Ferrus.
* [[Lion El'Jonson]] - Not yet featured, but Rogal Dorn might know where he is. Then again, maybe not. This IS The Lion we're talking about after all. Taking current events into consideration, he maybe awakening soon.
* [[Jaghatai Khan]] - Talked about extensively in Episode 24 and the White Scar podcast. The Ultramarines are on the rescue! Appears on a bike in Commorragh in Episode 29.
* [[Angron]] - Hasn't appeared in person, though Lucius mentions he and Kharn may be out on business.
* [[Perturabo]] - Hasn't appeared in person, but was prominently featured in a flashback in Episode 24.
* [[Lorgar]] - given a roasting in Episode 2, but nothing of note since then.
* [[Mortarion]] - A couple of jokes have been made at his expense, but he has yet to appear except in a brief flashback where he fell down the stairs.
* [[Fulgrim]] - Hasn't appeared in person, although he did contact Lucius the Eternal to inform him about Abbadon's 13th Black Crusade.
* [[Alpharius]] & [[Omegon]] - Emps refers to them as if they are one person.
* [[Konrad Curze]] - A few mentions, but it is safe to assume Konrad may not reappear in the current era. Emps briefly flashes back to a decision Konrad made that unwittingly starts off the whole Inquisition tyranny; a small portion of his appearance is seen during this flashback.
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] - No appearances, although occasionally referred to in the form of The Emperor demanding his life support being cut off. Hilarious in hindsight, given the events of Gathering Storm.
* [[Sanguinius]] - appeared in vision form during the Flesh Eater short and was spoken of at the end of the second Q&A, Episode 18.5 (may or may not consider the Sanguinor appearing as his first appearance)
* [[Horus]] - No appearances in the main series, although he has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A.
* The two missing Primarchs are asked about once but the emperor simply states "We don't talk about those guys"

==Main Theme Lyrics==
'''WE ARE THE GODS OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER.'''

'''WE ARE THE SOLDIERS, THE LEGION OF LIGHT.'''

'''WE ARE THE CENTER, THE DEATH OF THE SUN (SON).'''

'''FIRE AND FLAME.'''

'''WE ARE ONE.'''

(excerpt credit: Triarii - We Are One)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining [[Love Can Bloom|Eldar prostitutes]], and was afraid the Primarchs would [[Penitent Engine|tie him up]] [[Inquisition|if they heard about it]]. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor's nose is plagued by a phantom-itch, courtesy of Nurgle. Tzeentch <s>believes</s> Believed the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God. He has since realize that the emperor is resigned to this. And as back up gave magnus the suggestion seen below.
* The Emperor firmly believes in Taco Friday, whereas Dorn believes in Taco Tuesday. This disagreement causes a minor civil war (A.K.A. the TTS-Version of the Dornian Heresy). Magnus ups the ante by believing that [[Warp|Taco ''Tuesday'' should be on ''Friday'']].
* The Emperor (officially) did not create any [[Female Space Marines]] because "girls are yucky." It is implied the real reason he didn’t is because Slaanesh ruined the idea.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne. However, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it was one of the wounds inflicted upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's hair, poisoned him, etc.).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses, Michael Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., and [[Chris-Chan]]. All these, especially the latter shows just how much of a troll Big E is.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche can access knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor is fine with tolerating any xenos that aren't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]... according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu-Gi-Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck... that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]] It later turns out that Tzeentch is the only person he can play with. Tzeentch's deck is similarly cheesy, but relies more on combos. Both of them also make heavy use of banned cards and have a rather... loose grasp on the actual rules.
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic", "RogalyDonDon", and "my Fabulous Fucking Hawk-Boy".
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], and was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).
* Magnus identifies with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
* The Emperor believes gold is the greatest color of them all, and that all other colors are equally inferior.
** He likely doesn't consider Platinum to be a true color in that case.
* There is a chance that the popularity of TTS has influenced Warhammer Gaming as a whole. Every big Warhammer game that has come out since TTS has had cutscenes somewhat similar to those of the series, and actual canon for 40k has progressed in a generally similar direction. Some have accused Games Workshop of copying what they like from it, while others say the series inspired GW writers to get off their asses and make something actually new.
** [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] is [https://www.reddit.com/r/Warhammer/comments/7igatt/im_aaron_dembskibowden_ask_me_anything/dqykv2l/ confirmed to be "a big fan" of TTS], actually. Ironically, he started watching it after people drew comparisons between Master of Mankind and the series.
** Furthering the influence, Alfa made an entire episode of the TTS cast playing [[Stellaris]] at the behest of that game's devs. It is about as disastrous as expected.
* Reading the book ''Inquisitor'' by [[Ian Watson]] causes disgust and trauma to several of the characters present, in no small part due to [[Jaq Draco]] constantly lusting after his [[Callidus]] assassin disguised as a [[genestealer]], as well as the overly long description of the Slaaneshi planet in the Eye of Terror. Even Boy has horrifying visions in his missing eye after what he's experienced. Karstodes, on the other hand, seems to have confused it with an exceptionally weird ''[[Harry Potter]]'' story in a bout of impressive illiteracy, while Magnus seems to halfway enjoy the reading, even if only to riff off several of the excerpts and provide a contrast to the less-than-enthusiastic approach of the others present.
** Additionally, there are apparently in-universe surviving records of fucking [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Kubrick Stanley Kubrick] briefly considering adapting Draco as his next movie. This is based on the movie ''A.I. Artificial Intelligence'' coming about partly because of a 90-page treatment written by [[Ian Watson]] under Kubrick's supervision, a fact brought up several times throughout the podcast, along with [http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/0094.html Kubrick seriously considering Inquisition for his next movie]. Interestingly, this makes Kubrick one of the oldest known historical figures in the TTS-verse, although his name has been corrupted over the millennia.
* Ever wondered what Big E and the Primarchs would do if they saw this hilariously bizarre version of their future? Someone named Preator98 on Space Battles does. Hence the 40k fanfiction based on the 40k fanfiction known as [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-the-text-to-speech-device.408752/ If the Emperor watched the Text To Speech Device] was born! Follow the threadmarks to read the whole thing, and go to the [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-tts-extras-thread.508247/ Extras Thread] to read more Primach/Emperor reactions to other fanfics such as the [[Alternate Heresy|Roboutian Heresy]].

==Gallery==
===Quotes and snippets===
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten.
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium.
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise.
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]].
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels.
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclesiarchy.
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's disappointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable.
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss.
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell.
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely fazed him at the time.
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure.
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence.
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta.
</gallery>

===Fanart===
<gallery>
Image:NOT CANON.png|Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]].
File:Kitten and shadowsun tragic story by khornez.jpg|''Tale as old as time...''
File:KittenCustodesbyAdeptusAdamaris.jpg|Turns out the nickname wasn't an accident.
File:NotCanonbyMagnifical.jpg
File:Luscious lucius prankz gone heretical 2016 by sexual yeti.png
File:TTS Rogal by eightball6219.jpg|When a tech-priest asks for a toaster, you give him a damn toaster!
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [http://if-the-emperor-had-a-texttospeech-device.wikia.com/wiki/If_The_Emperor_Had_a_Text-To-Speech_Device_Wiki And a whole wiki to cover the show, too]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2021-03-18T20:16:50Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F: /* The White Scars */

{{Cleanup}}
{{Spoilers}}
[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|]]
{{Topquote|'''The LORD:''' "You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?" '''Mephistopheles:''' "No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find.|Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.}}

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of [[Emprah]] himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] (nicknamed "Little Kitten"[[C'tan|...ha]] by his disrespectful underlings), Magnus the Red (now both ensouled and forgiven), and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a huge success mostly by poking fun at many of the memes, traditions, and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom, but also by some very awesome scenes, and, of course, great music. This shit has become so popular that it has its own fanfiction (one of which ended up gaining multiple meta-Fanfictions of its own (Does that make them a fanfic... within a fanfic... within what's essentially the video version of a fanfic?)), and there's even a few quotes from the show scattered through the affected characters' pages here. Seriously.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, and the episodes are often littered with injokes (to the point of one regarding Magnus's VA taking up an entire special), the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish. If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition in short order, as well as enacting extensive reforms throughout the rest of the Imperial bureaucracy, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though. Ultimately, the 40k universe in its infancy was also originally very wild, unserious, and full of injokes.

The series began back during the unending plot stagnation that had happened between third and seventh, though now that the plot's actually begun to move forward for a change, the series has seen some events unfold that mirror or reference the ongoing advancement of the official 40k plot.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room. The show also has an in-character podcast that reviews [[Black Library]] books called ''If The Emperor Had a Podcast.'' As in, they go to the Webway Black Library, and pick up books published by GW's Black Library.

In July 2020, a spin-off of the spin-off series ''Bro-Trip 40,000'' was launched. The series, known as [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWK8vQC22MgykekzOVpFanOREYV7cY9pL ''WarHams''], consists of tabletop sessions played in [[Wrath and Glory]] with some of the voice actors and writers of TTS.

==Dramatis Personae==
Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===
[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. Do you know how Roboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel power ceramite spiked dickbag with tourettes and a heart of gold/platinum alloy <s>studded with diamonds</s> that menaces with spikes of diamond. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather an important person of the Primarchial variety), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable.

He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain-General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition).

The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise. Though it's probably sending the Ultramarines to destroy Chaos). As of certain revelations post-Gathering Storm, he's definitely a lot nicer than canon Emprah. Such as getting incredibly furious when he hears that the Inquisition has been murdering his people, reading Rogal a bedtime story (which, naturally, is a guidebook to being an architect) and such. This Emperor seems to honestly care about each individual human but accepts that his decisions cannot be based on that compassion.

**'''The Star Child''': Spoiler alert on this one, but Emps on Terra isn't the only part of Emps still sticking around. If the foreshadowing is anything to go by, he seems to be the largest non-Throne fragment of the Emperor's soul that contains his compassion and love for mankind. Saved the remainder of the Inquisition and Leman Russ from Skarbrand and is currently hijacking Fyodor's body in order to get back to the Material Realm.

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten (Real Name: Captain-General Kittonius etc. etc. etc. (as far as Spacebattle’s concerned)))''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only <s>Custodes</s> [[Companion|Hetaeron]] who appears to have retained most of his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor (as can be seen in the latest episodes, the rest of the Custodes seem to have maintained some form of balance). He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world.

Generally, the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Go'''OHISWEARTOFUCK THAT WAS ''NOT'' FUCKING CANON!''' He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments...

But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of the caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man.

So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra. It has been revealed that his uncanny knowledge of the outside world (considering the hate of knowledge in the Imperium in general) could come from the Black Library itself. Has become a master of [[Paradox poker|Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker]] (which is literally just [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] here), defeating not only the Emperor (because of his refusal to unplug Guilliman) but also Tzeentch of all things. <s>He has recently been turned silver</s> by Tzeentch while playing a children's card game (again) and winning over Magnus the Red’s soul.

As of Episode 27, GLORIOUS GOLDEN ARMOR RESTS UPON HIS BREAST ONCE AGAIN, albeit with a bit of silver. In episode 25, the duo arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. At this point, Magnus accidentally kills Vulkan with the engine, which releases Corvus Corax, who was in there the whole time. The Salamanders and Corvus quickly became hostile to Magnus, however, so he teleported himself and Kitten away. He later gets lost in the warp, encounters Crotalids, and plays COD with Apollo Diomedes and Indrick Boreale.

He's now on Mars in order to find and retrieve the Proteus Protocol, a mythical technology that can supposedly bring back Big E, with a retinue of Custodes (including the most FABULOUS dreadnaught in the entire Imperium). Sadly did not appear in Special 6, when the gang played <s>Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay</s> D&D. He and his Custodes henchmen defeat the Fabricator-General in a song-battle and learn the location of the Proteus Protocol in Ep. 28, before his underlings finally accept him and let him know that being cuddly and kindhearted is exactly what the Custodes and the Imperium need in the 42nd millennium (after all, the Imperium has enough warriors. What it really needs is a DADDY).

**Is most likely ''not'' Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris, given the latter didn't exist when the series was first made and the former's fate is unknown in the canon. The entire point of the running gag regarding his name is likely to distance himself from any of the canon Captain-Generals. However, it is worth noting that the armor he starts wearing as of EP27 is directly based on Valoris' miniature, though with silver parts thanks to Tzeentch's sorcery, and with the feather on his armor replaced with one of Magnus' instead.
**Episode 28 puts the matter to rest: He is NOT Constantin Valdor or Trajann Valoris. However, according to official GW canon, a Centurion named Longinus was the one who took St. Alicia Dominica and her bodyguards into the Sanctum Imperialis during the Age of Apostasy- something Kitten also did in Ep. 3 or of the same name. It stands to reason that Kitten is Longinus, then.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation), and occasionally plays "devil's advocate" as a result. He was retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul.

Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation... buuuut, Emprah being Emprah, it didn't take long enough to start insulting and mocking Magnus back and forth constantly. (Nice Dad skills, really). He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him.

Fortunately, as a Primarch and a particularly knowledgeable one at that, Magnus can probably get it done just fine on his own. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his] old [[Epic]] model, whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|Space Wolves]], causing him to flashback to the Burning of [[Prospero]]. He's currently undertaking some obscure schemes with the unwitting aid of the Captain-General Kitten, including the attempted assassination of the [[High Lords of Terra]] and "borrowing" the Engine of Woes from Nocturne.

While playing with an ouija board on board a ship with Kitten, Tzeentch arrives to "reclaim" custody of him from his "abusive" father and morphs him back into his Daemon Prince form. It took Kitten playing a child's card game (again) with Tzeentch to keep Magnus out of his clutches. On the other hand, Magnus is stuck in his Daemon Prince form while Kitten theoretically owns his soul (much to his embarrassment and dismay). In episode 25, the <s>couple</s>'''Partners*''' arrived on Nocturne and went to 'borrow' the Engine of Woes. Magnus decides to sneak into the base instead of using his OP invisibility though after a bit of poking at Kitten (it involves Tau, guaranteed to piss him off) then decides to go yell in a North England accent at a guard.

The Engine of Woes, a green hatchback car (<s>the infamous Fiat Multipla</s> a Smart Fortwo) then released Corvus Corvax after Magnus killed Vulkan for hugging him, prompting the entire chapter of the Salamanders to pop up and become very hostile with Magnus (which basically equates to ''purposefully'' hugging you so hard your spine snaps, instead of accidentally doing so). Corax isn't happy either, as he was released from his super dark hole after thousands of years, which forces Magnus to teleport himself and Kitten away.

Vulkan suddenly super healed himself again and wants to hunt/hug Magnus. Later, when Kitten chooses his <s>army list</s> delegation for the trip to Mars, Magnus seems to embrace his inner neckbeard in a different way. After Kitten went on his trip, he met the Emperor to inform him about their return, and as predicted earlier, he was bombarded with chicken jokes instantly. Surprisingly enough, Dorn was the one who complimented him on his new visage. Dawwww... [[Extra Heresy|Magnus controversially thinks Taco Tuesdays should be held on Fridays While still being called Taco Tuesdays.]]

Currently perusing the Black Library for any mention of Cypher. <s>This means we’ll probably see him next around episode 50 as he’ll inevitably get sidetracked and read every book in the Black Library in his incessant thirst for knowledge.</s> Nevermind, [[Cegorach]] showed up to stop them from doing anything and instead challenged Magnus to a comedy battle in front of a Harlequin Troupe. This went about as well as one would expect, with Magnus' dry, cynical sense of 'humor' being beaten out by Cegorach's somehow even more horrid sense of 'humor' involving copious amounts of dead memes that would probably result in Cegorach's immediate strike from a banhammer would he be on /tg/. Magnus nearly commits unintentional suicide though due to using way too much self-deprecative humor (as such comedy causes people's souls to die and wither away and since Magnus is a Warp projection this nearly kills him, like dead dead. But Cegorach calls the battle a draw after some convincing and deal-making with the Fabulous Custode and sends him to help [[Eldrad]] awaken [[Ynnead]] instead...

**Magnus is quite fond of tabletop games and created a decent character, Magnar Buckethead, for an upcoming game with the rest of the delegation, spending a week writing his backstory. But since only he and the Grand Provost Marshal read the rules, he had to be GM. Then he used Buckethead as a starting NPC that gave a first quest for the characters of his comrades, only to get brutally killed afterwards due to horrible decisions.

Seeing his character [[your_dudes|on whos creation he spent so much effort]] getting [[Khorne|Bled]], [[Tzeentch|Backstabbed]], [[Nurgle|Being thrown shit at (literally)]] and [[Slaanesh|Mutilated]] naturally enraged him. Compounded with all the rest of the rail-breaking the party committed on his eloquently-crafted plot, he spent the rest of the campaign he trying to get other characters killed in various ways and failing.

*<s>'''[[Rogal Dorn]]'''</s> '''Lord Ador(n)able:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the Wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded and his stubbornness, a trait ingrained also in his legion, grants him such a closed-minded view and lack of understanding of social situations that he almost always fails to read sub-texts or commonly understood jokes/innuendos.

Then again, given at one point he drops his stoic facade to chuckle at the Emperor being hypocritical about skeleton worship (while claiming his favorite humor is actually the analysis of reality, e.g. "Slapping your hands together to make noise is a strange way of expressing praise"), he could just be trolling everyone by acting the laconic fool in response to "fool-proof" metaphors. Additionally, in episode 24 it is greatly implied he is fully aware of everything going on, including the Emperor's plans, implying he has some form of "super-sanity". Or maybe it's due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head.

Before his disappearance, he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his probable inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations such as that the End Times are coming and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the inevitable heat death of the entire universe. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, [https://youtu.be/ihskUz0obzY?t=390 deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor], leaving him speechless.

Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity. Is fully capable of "The Laughter". Also believes fully that the "Taco Tuesday" is the true path, and disbelieves that "Taco Friday" is a thing, accusing his father of being a liar for implementing such a belief, making Rogal start the "[http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/heresy/thedornianheresy.pdf Dornian Heresy]", end of the taco Friday, and possibly the end of Emps---{{BLAM}} Very protective of Boy, to the point of actually becoming emotional at the prospect of him being traumatized, and also willing to risk a fortified window or two in order to chuck the Pillar-stodes from them should they keep threatening the child.

As of Episode 12, most major characters "bend" while they are moving, as opposed to them just moving statically like in earlier episodes. Dorn is the only major character who does not do this. Makes sense, knowing the guy.

*'''Boy''': A young serf boy who operates the voxcaster during the Emperor's podcasts and sort of tagalong kid. He has another name, but because he was too slow in saying it, The Emperor decreed that his name is "Boy". Originally incredibly meek and timid due to serving Big E himself, he has recurrent bouts of hyperventilation and anxiety, he later starts to grow a spine and become more self-confident while also becoming physically stronger due the need of walking from his hab-block to the Inner Sanctum while skipping through the throngs of pilgrims at the Palace, avoiding deadly booby-traps and scaling the stairs to the Throneroom.

Apart from operating the vox caster, his other role is representing the knowledge of the average Imperial citizen, which is unsurprisingly abysmal due the lack of education (or in the case of some people, the need to make up for comprehensive education). Has become more intelligent due to Dorn (who had quickly grown fond of him) tutoring him to the point of summarizing the Black Templars in their entirety based on vague information and pointing out chapter flaws AND possibly [[Chapter Master (game)|immense numbers of Chaplains and Apothecaries of which even the High-Marshal apparently was not aware off]], [[Administratum|nor the Emperor & company noticed]]. Is friends with Billy, and in the process of bonding with Magnus the Red of all people due being similarly one-eyed and capable to see horrific warp phenomena (though he has since had a cybernetic replacement installed in the socket).

Additionally, he wishes to be an Astartes, and due to the fact that there's a Chapter of them who keeps their Star-Fortress Monastery parked in orbit most of the time with their [[Rogal Dorn|Primarch]] being basically his adoptive father, it isn't that far fetched. He managed to get the only surviving [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Talons_of_the_Emperor_(30k)#HQ|Tribune]] to dawww at his child-like wonder, and told the Shield-Captain to [[Imperial Guard|"Eat the death-porridge, sir!"]]

Also he kicked and beat his Overseer to death for being demeaning to him and threatening to murder his entire family and all his associates; because said Overseer simply couldn't imagine a mere novice would be allowed in the Emperor's presence and believed he was outrageously lying and blaspheming. In the process though, he had his eardrums blown out by the Overseer's Ass-Hailer security guard (and here too got cybernetic replacements afterwards). It appears he lived in a district close to an outpost of the [[Skaven|"underground rattie imperigum"]], hinting the Great Horned Rat and the Skaven may have truly managed to invade the 40k reality, probably thanks to the use of transdimensional Gnawholes gone awry. He (and presumably his family) now live in the Sanctum.

He quickly became a mascot for the populace of the Empire as a whole and as of Episode 29 has officially become a character in the primary series.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===
[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right|From right to left: Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes.]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, and Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days, and the current Tribunes of the Adeptus Custodes. As far as the main TTS-Reaction thread's concerned, their real names are Karius Dolman, Disistan Flavius, and Whamusus Balik. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning.

This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists, which greatly disturbs the Emperor. Not only do they somehow not take it to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise Slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior, actually [[Just As Planned|taking away his job as the emperor's caretaker by doing something for him]]. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved, except for Rogal (who is too literal-minded to notice).

A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song], and also make obscure Jojo references at times. The three Pillarstodes' appearances are based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality. They do have discernible personalities, though;
**Karstodes is a spotlight-hogger who is desperate for the Emperor's attention, which makes him act like a yes-man and threaten anyone who dares even hint at disagreeing with Big.E with violence.
**Waamudes is the one making all the innuendoes, double-entendres and sees lewdness in all things. He's so good at oiling and greasing his fabulous body he's transcended friction (for the most part).
**Custodisi is at first sight the most sane of the three, having no qualms with plainly telling the Emperor he doesn't know something, or even daring voice dissent. Turns out he's... unhealthily... obsessed with Primarchs, however.

Two (Custodisi and Wamuudes) wind up encountering Cegorach in front of the Black Library. They manage to gain entrance and retrieve a surprising amount of literature on the White Scars, but are traumatized by the Laughing God & are mentally exhausted from sifting through so much knowledge. Apparently, Cegorach was quite scary, as they are terrified after hearing his "[BAZINGA]" cue; although it may simply be a reference to that one time when two Harlequins managed to enter the Imperial Palace and slaughtered a shit load of Custodes while claiming to have come in peace and simply want to deliver a message to the Emperor (and the best is that [[Heresy|one of them was saved by the Inquisition]] [[Extra Heresy|in the name of inter-species friendship]], in spite of the Captain-General being hell-bent on killing both), so it is actually no surprise at all that some Custodes have got massive traumas.

Recently, after the trip to the Black Library, Custodisi and Wamuudes have been semi-corrupted and began spouting Khornate speech and wishing to genocide the normies in the anger intervention against Helbrecht, high marshal of the [[Black Templars]]. (Actually, back in 2nd edition where you could play <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} bands in an RPG fashion style, there was a tiny possibility for your lord of Choas to be a Custodes! So, <s>Chaos</s>{{BLAM|'''REDACTED'''}} Custodes are (were) canon... and compared to modern Geedubs, this show relies quite a lot on old [[fluff]]). Recently, Custodisi has been theorized to have been Horus’d by Emps after he mentioned the sheer concept of “wincest” within metaphysical earshot of '''YA BOI'''.

He later appeared in the 6th special, apparently having been transported to the WARHAMMER Fantasy world, where he encountered the main cast playing at game of Fantasy Roleplay and killed a bunch of their characters. Interestingly, Custodisi lost an arm in this fight, just as ACDC/Elsidisi, the character he's based on, lost an arm fighting Joseph in Battle tendency. Custodisi has since "returned from hell" with a few trophies, a prosthetic arm, and a more humble attitude. Due to his good luck at being voiced by the series creator, Wamuudes leads the voxcasts, as well as having a set of vox logs of his own.

Meanwhile, whilst Custodisi and Waamudes had their heretical swings, Karstodes seems to have been on a path to improvement which culminated in ep. 28 when he recognized how unfair he had been to the captain general and resigned as caretaker. The Emperor was genuinely surprised and impressed by the Custodian's sudden insight, and praised Karstodes for having reached that conclusion of his own volition. Envigorated, Karstodes pledged to the Emperor to continue on his path of self improvement. He has a love-hate relationship with Boy, as Karstodes childishly competes for the Emperor's attention every second he is on screen.

This becomes even more intense when it's revealed that although frequently mocking Boy for his ignorance, Karstodes cannot read.

*'''Diavolodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes (this one is based on Diavolo from part 5), he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes! Also [[Alpha Legion|may or may not]] be [[Alpharius|a familiar face]] in disguise. He appears about 11 minutes into episode 22, and may have tagged along with Kitten's Mars expedition under the name Lrak (Nude-stodes figure appears during the pan out before Magnus sends them to Mars saying something about "Wanting to play among the Dunes"). Has a strange obsession with piss.

*'''Mars Delegation''': As part of the Captain General's mission to secure some choice intel from the Fabricator-General, he decided to grab a few particular allies from the various shield hosts.
**'''Hammurabi Unferth''': Shield Captain from the Emissaries Imperiatus. Apparently, the entire host is skilled in being passive-aggressive with the guilt trip, and he's the best at it. During the mars trip he is shown to be also pretty good at direct intimidation when needed and that he is a staunch supporter of kitten.
**'''Lockwarden of the Shadowkeepers''': The Shadowkeepers are the shield host specialized in guarding the vaults of Terra and the abominations within, one of which is an archaeotech monstrosity formed from a Singing Billy Bass. The Lockwarden seems to end all his sentences with shades emotes and has a...peculiar manner of speech. <s>He seems to have helped Kitten deal with his break up with Shado</s>'''NOT FUCKING CANON''' <s>and still gives him advice on the ma</s>'''NO NO NO'''. Love is a strange thing, dude B)
**'''Santodes''': Yep, you guessed it, a fourth Pillar-stodes, referencing Santana from JoJo, and voiced by none other than Curtis "'''Takahata101'''" Arnott himself. Santodes is a FULLY CLOTHED blue Contemptor-Achillus Dreadnought with a fabulous head of golden hair and a fascination for his frame that's on tier with his living counterparts. Santodes had previously been identified as the Custodes who threw himself in front of the Emperor (stripped down to his loin-cloth, no less) to try to upstage Ollanius Pius' sacrifice. He was put up to it by none other than Kitten, who has sheer passive-aggressiveness dripping off of him every moment Santodes is on screen. Hes also very seductive to Skitarii who find him very attractive (being 99.9% machine of the highest quality)

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, usually discussing about subjects relating to defecation and its products, and once even planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason, Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much.

Apparently, the High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyodor) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General. The High Lords are currently enjoying their time off/wallowing in misery thanks to the fact that the Emperor has pretty much made them obsolete, especially after he made making new laws illegal.
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
:*'''[[Ecclesiarchy|<s>Ecclesiarch</s> Mancclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord (so far, there's still more we haven't seen) aside from the Captain-General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population ([[rules lawyer|which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry]]).

For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sunk in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off.

Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state, leading to his nickname of Pope Shafthat XXIII [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly]. The Emperor is honestly pleased that Decius is genuinely loyal. When told by the Emperor that Emps is not a god, Decius is disappointed, but does not hesitate to accept it because his loyalty is strong enough that if the Emperor says he is not a god, then he is not a god.

He also was ready to do his best to disband the Ministorum despite knowing what the priesthood would do to him for such "heresy" because the Emperor said to. Ultimately, his genuine loyalty is heavily rewarded by the Emperor. It probably also helps that the Emperor doesn't force Decius or the Ecclesiarchy to stop worshipping him altogether, just as a God, instead allowing them to worship him as [[Humanity Fuck Yeah|the pinnacle of humanity and what everyone should aspire to]]. After all, he may not be a god, be he's still fucking awesome.
:*'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie (literally as well as figuratively; his true form fills a room) and party animal and at the end of Episode 28, after being confronted by Dark Angels looking for Cypher, Asmodai <s>made him repent</s> MURDERED HIM VIOLENTLY.

He has recently been revealed to be utilizing the Proteus Protocol to survive repeated explosions and orders Cawl to liquidate the Custodes questing to retrieve the protocol. Gets hit very hard on the head by a Dark Angel Crozius Arcanum after suspected of knowing about the Fallen.
:*'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd|HE IS THE LAW]]... at least until The Emperor declares the act of making new laws to be illegal, something which utterly devastates him. This makes him surprisingly adept at tabletop roleplaying games as he read the rules and understood them even better than Magnus did.
:*'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the High Lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
:*'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo5ro1nWsPU And has the bling to match.]

----

===The Ultrasmurfs===
Very obnoxious and accompanied by the Ultramarine Chant from Chaos Gate. They apparently cannot be defeated due to their literal use of the "holy Codex" from their "Spiritual Liege." Managing to do nigh impossible feats. While the Emperor is not amused with them at all, he tolerates their OP plot armor to do impossible tasks for him such as retrieving Magnus from the Eye of Terror (with their Gellar Field turned ''off'', of all things) with minimal casualties, finding and sneaking the rest of Vulkan's artifacts onto Nocturne, and (currently) outdancing the best Harlequin dancers in the Webway while searching for Jaghatai Khan. Other impossible tasks in the past include using a giant Necron Pylon as a melee weapon, outfighting a Transcendent C'tan shard and killing a Phantom Titan by punching it in the foot.
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun, nor satisfying, to win anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he gets extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation, so one could assume Sicarius is the exception. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] (also, that whole gag is a clear reference to a Monty Python movie about King Arthur, just search up “Monty Python black knight scene”) Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets. Best buds with [[Ciaphas Cain]]
*'''[[Illiyan Nastase]]''': Chief Astropath of the Ultramarines. He received a brief mention during Episode 25, when he delivered a message to the Ultramarines Chapter Master, but did not receive any screentime. Marneus Calgar is deeply resentful of Illiyan's existence, and very adamantly insists on pushing him out of the spotlight and removing all mentions of the half-Eldar's existence. Because yes, Half-eldar serving the Ultramarines are canon. (Seriously, why does everyone forget Nastase was never a marine to begin with?)
*'''<s>[[Cato Sicarius]]</s> Cunto Shitarius''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. Rather than an exaggeration of the canon Cato (who is a perfectly normal, bland Ultramarine) he's the physical embodiment of /tg/'s hatred of [[Matt Ward]]: a massive glory hound layered in plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends (and someone on Spacebattles wrote a thread where he even pisses off Guilliman), who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets, or rather, very pisses off, Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an [[Imperial Fists|"Imperial Fisting"]] upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the incredibly sanctimonious love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]
*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on. He also loves to talk about the unique green trim in his armor. He ALSO hates Cunto Shitarius. Who doesn't?
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently, the only reason he's still on it is Kitten winning an epic duel in a [[Yu-Gi-Oh|children's card game]] against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass. Though if we're going by official canon, it seems that the Emprah's intervention is no longer necessary. Amusingly, canon Guilliman's reaction to the Imperium upon being woken up isn't ostensibly that different to TTSD Emperor's (minus the swearing, bullying, and psychic temper tantrums). This is also supported in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Qt3SXfYf8 recent TTS-related content, when he was interrogated by Cyberdong the Techpriest].

===Team Friendly Crusade of Friendly Friendship===
*'''[[Ferrus Manus]]:''' Primarch of the [[Iron Hands]]. Due to him being dead, he only appears as a ghost. Strangely, only Vulkan and Corax are able to see and hear him, leading other people like Magnus to think that his brothers have gone insane (probably because they were at Isstvan V and watched him die). He does nothing but tells Vulkan and Corax that they [[Adeptus Mechanicus|(and flesh)]] are weak. As for the latter "-is weak" statement, Vulkan bonks Brain-ghost Ferrus on the head saying "the real Ferrus Manus would say the opposite, ya' dumb ghostface idiot" which raises some questions about if it really is Ferrus' ghost. Only his head is visible, leading to Vulkan calling him a skull-ghost, a "Skost" if you will.

====Salamanders====
The Salamanders are a bunch of pyromaniacs in Cataphractii Terminator armor, infamous for their obsession with fire. They appear to be severely deaf, and are at least prone to talking in very loud voices, not hearing Kitten freak out next to them or the Ultramarines sneak the artifacts past them while their infamous theme song was blaring, and later not hearing a trapped Corax called out for help. They also seem to be oblivious to their Primarch's perpetual abilities, given that they're utterly shocked whenever Vulkan dies and resurrects again, despite personally witnessing it happen at least 6 times already, so far. The Emperor wonders if the Salamanders' pyromania had to do with his act of keeping their gene-seeds closer to the candle for warmth when he was creating them.

*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, both haunted by the not-ghost with a not-face of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct South African/Jamaican accent and loves friendship, brotherhood, and cute animals (including Catachan Barking Toads, leading to some snoot-booping hilarity in the spin-offs). Died during his battle with the Beast, after pushing it into a reactor of WAAAGH energy, causing him to occasionally gain an Ork's eyes, violent vocabulary and speech patterns after his inevitable resurrection (which is hilarious when juxtaposed with his normally friendly speech). Dies again after Magnus unintentionally telepathically crushed him under The Engine of Woes, the trunk of which Vulkan had locked Corvus Corax in, then promptly got better within mere minutes. Has used the [[Grimdark|darkest corner of the universe]] as a place to relax for over 9000 years and work on his hobby, Battlemace 42,000,000. He is currently traveling with Corax & the Salamanders across the Imperium before returning to Terra to finish giving the spine-crushing hugs he wants to give to Magnus. Also, as of Ep.27, Magnus suspects Vulkan had his soul fused with a piece of the Ork gestalt consciousness, effectively making him a half-ork. Vulkan can apparently tap into said energies and channel it through his faith in the Emperor, and can also apparently communicate with animals via the power of friendship. As of Bro Trip 3, he has somehow vanished after making a shocking recovery from the symptoms of a virus bombing with his innate Orkiness.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather (and doesn't know that Vulkan was actually hiding for 9000 years in a very dark corner on the same planet). He also has a very Girlish Scream.
*'''[[Tu'Shan]]''': Chapter Master of the Salamanders. Rocks a sweet set of dragon armor and has a very knightly manner of speech. Expect to hear the phrase "My Primach!" in some form a few times per appearance.

====Raven Guard====
A bunch of emotional, apologetic emos in Corvus armor with Jump Packs and Lightning Claws.

*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the [[Raven Guard]]. Apparently spent the past few millennia on [[Nocturne]], trapped in a 3rd millennium smart car referred to as the "Engine of Woes" while writing edgy poetry. Is accidentally freed by Magnus when he uses the Engine of Woes to fight off Vulkan. Currently accompanying the Salamanders on a trip to the Imperial Palace. His personality is, hilariously, one of an edgy teenage goth, with his self-hate and moodiness turned up to eleven. Wants to show the Emprah his edgy poetry. Magnus and Kitten freak out when he appears. Looks surprisingly like John Wick, or Samurai Jack during Season 5 with unwashed ammonia encrusted long hair. Willing to accept his own death rather than bring it upon his friends and allies. Is currently traveling the Imperium with Vulkan, where he constantly acts as the morose voice of reason to contrast Vulkan's joyful insanity.
*'''[[Kayvaan Shrike]]''': Raven Guard Master of Shadows (AKA Chapter Master - '''because why not'''.). He seems to be fairly bipolar, going from jovial to depressed at the drop of a hat. Also makes bird noises. Vulkan noted he was also extremely polite and apologetic; often saying sorry for things that weren't even his fault or deflecting apologies to him for misfortune by saying he deserves it for being neglectful.
*'''Kadus''': In lore, Kadus is one of the most esteemed Space Marines in the Raven Guard Chapter and is one of Chapter Master Kayvaan Shrike's closest personal friends, having served together with him alongside his other friend, Corus, since their time as initiates. In the series, he accompanies Shrike and acts as his more level headed counterpart.

====Warhams Crew====
A side story of a side story about a small four-man team consisting of a [[psyker]] murderhobo, a [[Skitarii]] murderhobo, an incompetent [[Rogue Trader]], and an Inquisitorial Acolyte of the [[Ordo Xenos]] who is somehow the straight man of the group. They are the owners of the ''Debt Collector'', an Imperial ship that has gone several cycles without proper maintenance. Their job is to go to planets as ambassadors, and they are often left with the weirdest places, like a [[ratling]] [[agri world]], a (deserted(?)) [[Necron]] [[tomb world]], a penal colony, and a hive world where the people are so backwater that they're space-hillbillies who keep their own blood in separate bags.

*'''Lorn''': A psyker from [[Fenris]] with a huge beard. He is batshit crazy most of the time, and the one of the most LOLrandom characters on the show. Once had his psychic power dampened and grew muscles the size of an Ogryn's as a result. Played by Zoran, who also voices [[Leman Russ]].
*'''π Braine''': A Skitarii hailing from Lemuria, an underwater [[Forge_World#Planet|forge world]]. He is the other LOLrandom character, who likes to roam the halls of the ''Debt Collector'' and randomly murder crew members he thinks are sabotaging the ship. Usually though, the sabotages are more than likely his. Played by SpeakerD, who also voices [[Asdrubael Vect]], and The emperor when not stuck on the throne.
*'''Captain Zedek''': The Rogue Trader that captains the ''Debt Collector''. Though it's hard to say what he actually does on the ship, as he seems perfectly content to let everyone else on the ship solve his problems. Now that he has an actual Tech-Priest on the ship -- who is far more competent in her leadership -- he feels slightly threatened in his authority. Played by HulkyKrow, who voices Kayvaan Shrike.
*'''Reeb Van Horne''': The Inquisitorial Acolyte from the [[Ordo Xenos]]. Surprisingly the least insane member of the group, although he's had his moments, like trying to resurrect a dead techpriest (and succeeding). When the plot needs to move along, his character tends to take care of business. Played by Earndil.

===The Deathwatch===
Who are you gonna call if some nasty Xenos wont leave your basement - call the 'Deathwatch'. 100% guarantee to eliminate the vermin.... and nick its stuff. If not then theres no refunds- as we are probably dead.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting Xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "uncle... dog... my duncle!" He is later seen fighting against [[Plaguebearers]] during their defense of Khaine's gate, where Wilford forcefully dragged him out of combat after failing their squad's morale check, all the while demanding vengeance.

*'''Wilford''': A [[Deathwatch]] Apothecary from the Ultramarines, who mostly agreed to join the Deathwatch as he is unable to stand his chapter's insufferable self-superior attitude. Originally appeared in BEHEMOTH, but accompanied Calato during Fyodor's assault in the Emperor palace, and subsequently banished to the Warp during that event. He's obsessed with keeping everyone's health optimal, constantly berating and advising them to avoid further or future injury and illness.

===The Dark Angels===
The Inner Circle are a ragingly paranoid group of neurotic basketcases, far more so than in canon. Keep having to make non-circle marines [[RIP AND TEAR |"repent"]] for overhearing them discussing the Fallen very loudly.

*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and secretly heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle, allowing him to converse with other people that doesn't outright accuse or threaten them. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). Not nearly as a fun police officer as his canon counterpart; his personality is psychotically intense, often telling people to redeem themselves or he'll do the actual redemption. However, given his views on "redemption", it usually doesn't end well (it tends to involve a crozius to the face). He's also as every bit as paranoid as Azrael. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appear to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The White Scars===
*'''[[Jaghatai Khan]] (Honoured Be His Name)''': Primarch of the White Scars. During the Horus Humbug, he managed to pull off the amazing feat of standing still for more than 20 seconds (while standing on a Razorback going at 200 miles per hour). After the Codex announcement, he may be in [[Commorragh]], as he desired to [[meme|go fast]] and beat [[Dark Eldar|"those knife-eared assholes"]] in their jetbike races. Not much is known about his whereabouts right now, but it does mean that we will get to see him. Also, the Emperor has stolen at least one of his bikes from his room. There are many bets on his character vibrating rapidly in place. Made a five second cameo at the end of the 28th episode.
*'''[[Kor'sarro Khan]]''': The White Scars' Master of the Hunt and "the only White Scar worth mentioning". While he hasn't appeared, he is talked about at length in a public broadcast on the subject of the White Scars chapter. While Emps and co. spend more time mocking Voldorius, The Emperor does briefly question why he isn't their Chapter Master, which is probably the biggest endorsement an individual Space Marine has gotten since the Horus Heresy.

===The Black Templars===
According to Rogal Dorn, the Templars are absolute lunatics obsessed with "PURGING WITH MY KIIIIIIIIIIIIIN". They enjoy listening to Linkin <s>Loyalists</s> Purge in their drop pods and ramming swords through Xenos skulls. Actually not that far off canon. They may be slightly improving after being forced/convinced to have ordinary humans, psykers, librarians, ratlings and all other sorts of abhumans in their ranks.
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.
*'''High Marshal Helbrecht:''' Received an anger management course from the Emperor and the custodians and was semi-convinced to teach the Black Templars to not be ''completely'' batshit insane. Also has a voice like that of a clown goblin gargling marbles. Prefers sitting on things that are [[Space Marines|''stiff'' and very ''hard'']] to things that are [[Tau|''soft'' and ''limp'']]. Was very pleased with the prospect of the Emperor shitting on the UltraSmurfs, a phrase he interpreted as being a literal desire to defecate upon them. [[/d/|'''Nasty.''']]

===The Space Corgis===
Renamed by official decree by the Emperor himself after being informed of how everything in their vernacular seemed to have been prefaced by the word "wolf", including curse words, such as Leman Russ replacing the word "fucking" with "wolfing". Their initiation rites for aspirants culminates in sending them through the Gate of Morkai to endure a [[Tzeentch|"squid"]] screaming at them without getting a boner (your guess as to ''how'' that might even occur).

*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space Corgis, been hiding in the Warp for eons and has the punching speed of a Super Saiyan. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a Viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent specifically based on the late SeanConnery . Magnus has accused him of being a furry-fuck...He may not be wrong. He taught the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This includes pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Furies, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills it), ding-dong-ditching Skarbrand, and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap ''(and a bathtub)''. After learning that Magnus is currently located in the Imperial Palace, he decided to get out of the Warp and go back to Terra; this journey currently includes surviving an army from all the Chaos Gods led by some of the most infamous Daemons, then walking through the Gate of Khaine into Commuragh, and being escorted to the Dark Eldar Overlord Vect, alongside with Karamazov and Kaldor Draigo, He and Draigo or take into the arena, And are currently being held for ransom by vect. Is able to summon things by thinking about them really hard, ironically due to the fact that he is a psyker. He uses this ability to torture some Dark Eldar who challenged him to a game of 20 questions. Also appears to be friends with [[Boatmurdered|Urist Boatmurdered]]

*'''Space Wolves [[Wulfen]]''': Any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone bellowing "[[Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a Youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, Sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes, they really ''do'' look like Digganobz.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': The Supreme Grand Master of the [[Grey Knights]], who is cursed to wander The Warp for eternity. Centuries wandering unrealspace however, eroded Draigo's sanity (at one point Leman questions if Draigo can even be considered sentient, which Draigo answers no), which might not be a bad thing as his craziness allows him to both stay in the warp without any trouble and murder daemons left and right (remember: the warp is a reflection of the minds of mortals and psykers can influence it to a higher degree. Draigo's insanity and powerful psychic talents allow him to shrug off the madness of the warp, simply because he believes without a shadow of a doubt that he can). He's made several appearances, first is annoying Fyodor's attack force after being banished into the warp by Magnus and later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company and is the only one besides Russ who can safely traverse the warp sober and troll daemons without his head exploding. Has apparently been sending Daemons (in the form of ordinary villagers, with jobs and families) into the "Super Warp" by throwing vortex grenades at them (given that they're already in The Warp, the grenades would suck them <s>to an even deeper version of The Warp</s> Back out into real space which, considering they’re demons, would mean that they would promptly die). Unfortunately, his [[Matt Ward|Wardian plot armor]] is not enough to protect him from one of the most powerful forces in the Warhammer universe: bad dice rolls. (seriously, the dice they were using must’ve been loaded) This shows quite painfully during the battle at Khaine’s Gate, where he repeatedly fails his psychic tests and charge attempts, Causing a group of Tempesta scions, and a firing line of sisters of battle, to get brutally murdered by demons. he’s still a beast in close-combat though, as the Masque of Slaanesh can attest. Is known for Insane ramblings that come out of pretty much nowhere, and make no sense, but are absolutely hilarious. Prominent quotes shall be listed in The bottom section. Briefly seen without his armor at the end of episode 28...Has a pot belly for some reason...Could be pregnant because the warp.

*'''Covan Leorac''': A Grand Master of the Grey Knights. He appears in a short video where some Grey Knights report <strike>solid evidence of the [[Wulfen]] among the Space Wolves</strike> FAHCK YOU! DIGGANOBZ. However, Covan is absolutely convinced that they're Digganobz and not Wulfen, even hitting a Knight in the head for disagreeing with. Whether this is a jab at GW heavily basing the look of Wulfen on Digganobs or is in conscious denial to prevent the Grey Knights from waging a costly war upon the Space Wolves (again) is up to interpretation.

*'''Dread Knight''': The Emperor thinks its design is silly and looks like a baby cradle), but the Dread Knight proves to be as brave as it is massive, heroically charging at Skarbrand only to be made into a red paste after it initiated physical contact with him.

=== The Blood Angels ===

*'''[[Sanguinius]]''': Fabulous Fucking Hawkboy, and Primarch of the Blood Angels who is very, '''very''' dead. BUT he can appear lying face-up, head somewhat melty, in the visions/dreams of the faithful. (Though apparently only whilst they are heavily drugged on Ork Fungus...). Bears the dubious honour of being the only person the Emperor will not smack talk about nor tolerate being talked down about.
**'''The [[Sanguinor]]''': Mentioned in the second Q&A session where one of the [[Flesh Tearers]] is praying for his aid and a Blood Raven asks of his true nature. The Emprah has no clue, but hopes that it could be a 'fragment' of Sanguinius and hopes he returns. This implies the Emprah thinks that, just as his own soul was split into fragments by Fucking Horus, the same may have happened on some level to Sanguinius. Later makes a brief cameo swapping places to give his <s>girlfriend</s> colleague, Saint Celestine, a break from her stressful job of helping her sisters. While she was grateful and considered him shy and a sweetheart, she and the Blood Angels (that she rescued from Be'lakor on Sanguinala) realized her sisters would be trying to [[Rip and tear|tear]] him apart in anger at taking her place. As he awkwardly deals with the Sororitas raging at him, Saint Celestine rushed back from Ba'al to save him.

===The Lamenters===
21st founding of Marines which is literally 'cursed' i.e they have the worst luck ever to happen to a chapter. Being kicked in the balls by the Minotaurs and power hammered seems to be pretty high on the sucks levels. Even Emps cries for them.

===The <s>Imperial Army</s> <s>[[Imperial Guard]]</s> <s>Astra Militarum</s> WALL of GUNS===
The billions upon billions of baseline human, GIs, squaddies, grunts, footsloggers, meat shields which does the majority of land based warfare. They normally dont grab much of the medias attention as a image of a man sitting in a soggy trench with a torch and cardboard armour whilst super powered beings and aliens march over them isnt that uplifting.
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!], he first appears in the April Fools episode where he was apparently recruited by Horus. Appeared in the real series, saving Little Billy and some farmers from the Kabal of the Flayed Skull in the middle of their raid on a random Agri-World. Later showed up at the invitation of Lucius to the Slaaneshmas Special where he begins beating up Typhus, Ahriman, and Lucius. While the scene turns to static, Lucius and Ahriman later show up on screen again. They commented that he was apparently a pretty great guy. Lucius apparently mixed up his contact info with Kharn's at one point. Later shows up to save Corvus Corax from the Catachan Barking Toad perched on his head. He's stated to be the single most decorated soldier in the entire history of humanity despite only being a Private, and "his aerodynamic musculature and knowledge of Catachan jungle tree buoyancy" help him "simulate flight" (which is apparently interstellar). Confirmed to NOT be a missing Primarch. Exclusively communicates by screaming (and sometimes body gestures, since he bowed slightly to Corax), specifically the one from the Dawn of War I opening cinematic where the sergeant orders the charge up the hill. He also weaponizes the subtitles of the scream by hitting enemies with them both as a ram and as a club.
*'''[[Ollanius Pius]]''': Makes a split-second appearance in [https://youtu.be/0Vh_N8CpcL0?t=900 in Rogal Dorn's flashback] before being headbutted to death by Horus. (''Shame on you if you don't know this super dude, so read his history now!'') In another episode, the Emperor takes the time to set the record straight that while Ollanius did, in fact, sacrifice himself for the Emperor, a Terminator and Custodes quickly followed suit in order to not be shown up by a mere mortal human. He was not amused by their transparent attempt to outshine Ollanius.
*'''[[Ciaphas Cain]]''': Commissar and Hero of the Imperium. He fully understands his entire existence is based on pure luck, lies and cowardice, though unlike his book version whose ability to never seem unnerved or let his lies slip is key to his entire career (and is hardly adverse to its benefits, if not its drawbacks...), here he's humorously morose and loudly gripes about his constant deceptions in private...but finds a kindred spirit in Marneus Calgar to share the pain. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRozBAIbaG4 Has his own merry jingle].
*'''[[Death Korps of Krieg]]''': As of the second voxcast, they can ''finally'' rest assured that the Emperor has personally forgiven them. What the Death Korps will do now that they've officially redeemed themselves remains to be seen, assuming they actually want to do something other than fight and die in battle. ( come on, you know it'll probably take another 2, maybe 3 millennia for the message to reach Krieg, due to, you know, Imperial Bureaucracy )
*'''[[Catachan Jungle Fighters]] (pronounced "Kata-kan")'''(by Straken, confusing everyone): Elaborated on in the first episode of "BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs", being saved from a Slaaneshi Daemon invasion by the intervention of Vulkan and Corvus. Armed primarily only with knives (albeit some of the best knives in the universe due to the special Catachan metals) and basic clothing (shirts optional) in one of the most hazardous places in the universe, their survival and natural Space Marine-like physique provides a massive boost to the morale of the Imperium in a manner known as "marketability". Their culture is similar to that of Orks, measuring knife size to determine rank.
**'''Colonel "Iron Hands" Straken''': Leads the Catachan II regiment and is extremely good at guiding(tongue lashing)his troopers. Sly Marbo is also officially designated to the II regiment.
*'''[[Attilan Rough Riders]]''' Mongolian/Hun/Wide sweeping steppe based cavalry. Very superstitious (they try and kill Vulkan!) and hard to be completely converted by the Ecclesiarchy. As is typical of legendary guard regiments, they are brave and self-sacrificing. They can also pilot aircraft whilst still atop their horses (Some suspect the horses are the real pilots).
**'''Captain Mogul Kamir''': Leads the Attilan regiment who are going with the 'Friendship Force'. Likes drinking from the skulls of his fallen foes (a nod to Pre-Islamic Turk practices).
**'''The King of Khanasan''': Head of the Attilan Rough Riders and fellow skull-goblet enthusiast, to the point of draping his entire outfit in them. Voiced by Alfabusa himself.
**'''Starass''': The sole Astropath of the Attilans, and naturally an actual ass. Apparently, more than adequate enough for the Riders, though her language has no concept of the words "mass planetary destruction."

===Sisters of Battle===
*[[Ephrael Stern]]: The infamous Daemonifuge has finally reached the Black Library, but she's none too pleased with the Eldar's selection of food. [[-4_Str|Treads the path of the swole]]. She tells off Cegorach to his face, causing him to sulk off (incidentally allowing Custodisi and Wamuudes to enter the library). Goes with Magnus to help Eldrad birth Ynead.
*[[Saint Celestine]]: Greatest of the [[Living Saint]]s, always there to protect the Imperium and always reviving if she dies. First appears (in astral projection form) during the Battle at the Gate of Khaine, where she is apparently in on the [[Star Child]]'s plan and spirits away the soul of Dominique, who she describes as having fufuilled his duty to the Emperor. Later appears as the star of the "Salvation Through Annihilation" short, using her holy powers to deep-fry [[Ku'Gath]]. Her jolly mood is soured by the Sororitas present fangirling over her in a disgustingly creepy manner that makes the previously mentioned daemon of Nurgle seem pleasent in comparsion. After warping out, she is instructed by the (oddly drunk-sounding) voice-that-tells-her-to-go-places to head to [[Cadia]]. In the recent Sanguinala special, she was seen rescuing the Blood Angels on their homeworld of Baal, from a attempt by Chaos to end Sanguinala by Be'lakor. The Blood Angels are confused, as the Sanguinor is the one to usually save them. The two had swapped places at his suggestion for her to take a break, resulting in a very uncomfortable situation for the Blood Angels, and...Sanguinor being assaulted by the Sisters of Battle. Refers to the Sanguinor as her ‘stud’ and ‘boy toy’ and thinks of him as a shy sweetheart.
**In a deleted scene from the ''Behemoth'' triology, Celestine would have come down to aid the outnumbered sisters against the Swarmlord... which would have proceeded to kill her [[FAIL|over and over again]] and contribute absolutely nothing. Since the scene was unfunny and made the video way too long, Eliphas cut it out.

===Adeptus Mechanicus===
*'''Reimleiz the Theorist:''' An attendant techpriest whom the Emperor calls "random mechanicus guy". He was originally searching for a motorbike for Rogal Dorn to use, inside Jaghatai Khan's shed. As of the Black Templars podcast, Emps made him an Inquisitor and then commanded him to find out more about the Omega Vault. He was inexplicably on the floor at the time. Is incapable of making any statement without phrasing it as a question and is constantly asking himself trivial questions for no real reason (such as asking if legs are actually vehicles driven by tiny snotlings). Also has a penchant for slapping his cyberdong on toasters, which many mechanicus adepts around the system appear to be visibly fixated upon. As a sidenote he’s basically an avatar for [[https://m.youtube.com/user/remleiz|this YouTube channel]]
*'''Delphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator (that originally appeared in the 54mm ''Inquisitor'' game) sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the presence of an STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a German accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''[[Belisarius Cawl]]''': He hasn't done anything to Gulliman (yet, anyway), but Rogal Dorn apparently did see him talking with Gulliman about something in the past. Apparently, he's not that great at keeping secrets, as there are rumors circulating about him working on [[Primaris Marines|something related to Thunder Warriors]] that even managed to reach the Imperial Palace. The Emperor understandably expects little to come from this (he will be completely surprised), expecting Cawl's work to be hindered by the Mechanicus' usual dogma. Finally shows up in Episode 28, and all the A.I's in his head have naturally made him crazy (As it should, there's a reason that stuff isn't messed with in canon). Either that or that's all of the personalities he's absorbed throughout the millennia talking through him. He acts as the hitman for the Fabricator-General, who blackmails him about not scrapping his Primaris project if he kills the Custodes. Also speaks like the Master from Fallout 1.

===The Inquisition===
After the Horus Heresy, a new proactive 'Intelligence' force was created: merge the KGB, Gestapo, CIA, MI6, Mossad with zealous religious belief and unlimited power and hey presto:
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor <s>Karamazov</s> Krazypantsoff''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially crazier after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons. Completely convinced he's the Emperor and seems to regret what a horrible father "he" was more than Emprah himself.
**'''Star-Fyodperor''': After a huge messy battle at Khaine's gate, Karamazov became the host of the Star Child. So basically he ''is'' the Emperor for real now. Apparently, the Star Child needed to possess someone extremely entitled and hypocritical like big E himself. Thanks to Star Child basically doing all the talking, planning, and overall thinking He now represents the kind, fatherly side of the Emperor that is sorely lacking from his throne-bound counterpart, complete with dad jokes. Unfortunately, this leaves the Fyodperor to being easy to deceive, lacking the ability to distrust that comes from millennia of cynicism and hate. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgVuQ_Fbs5g|Has one of the most noblebright awesome themes ever done for anything born from GeeDubs.]
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right|''"KILL THEM ALL, KILL THEM ALL!"'']]
*'''Dominique''': Voiced by Gonzo the Great. The techpriest Lexmechanic on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Died inexplicably during the Inquisition's drunken rampage, most likely due to alcohol poisoning. It is never explained why Fyodor tolerated his nonsense for so long, but as Dominique regularly got away with sass sufficient to warrant a summary execution for a planetary governor, let alone a servitor, and Fyodor is not portrayed as being a particularly stable or calm individual, it's clear *something* was in play keeping Dominique employed and alive.
**Turns out he had a fate-bound duty to mold Fyodor into the Star Child's ideal host, an ill-tempered hypocrite with a god complex. He was allowed to see Fyodor one last time in exchange for that service, then got ferried to the afterlife by [[Saint Celestine]] her-holy-fucking-self to the tune of ten thousand fans weeping manly tears. His carcass is still perched on the Throne of Judgment, but most of the meat has rotted away by now. He's currently interred into a white-and-gold sarcophagus created when Fyodor became the Star Child's host.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Grand Master Elirush''': A Grey Knight Grand Master, who represents the Inquisition's Ordo Malleus. The most level-headed person in the group, who speaks with a smothered accent that Alfa masks as "waffles" (due to his VA being Eliphas, who is Belgian. If it isn't obvious, that's also the basis for his name). He attempted to avenge his fallen brothers who were killed by Kairos during the battle at Khaine's gate, but mistakenly attributed it to Skarbrand (much to the former's dismay). He was killed after inconveniencing Skarbrand, who despises such things.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Adrielle Quist''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A Xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Extra heresy|Broodlord-kun]]. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change]] Kairos Fateweaver after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes". Even mentioning Genestealers in her presence causes her to fly into a berzerker rage. Later, during the Halloween special, she is apparently able to briefly manifest into realspace, similar to Kaldor Draigo, whenever someone mentions anything about Genestalers. She was last seen during the defense of Khaine's gate while intoxicated, where she mistakes Skarbrand for a Genestealer (further angering Skarbrand as he dislikes misinterpretations) and ascended after being killed by him.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Inquisitor Donklas''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor, who represents the Ordo Hereticus. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders where the mask came from). He is so far the only Inquisitor who managed to survive the battle at Khaine's gate, mainly due to "enforcing discipline at the back". He is so far the only one of 3 main inquisitors who has survived up to this point.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the [[Lawful Stupid|obsessive]] Inspector Javert (from Victor Hugo's ''Les Misérables'').
*'''[[Jokaero|Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from Torquemada, [[Awesome|telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''[[Militarum Tempestus|Tempestus Scions]]''' - A hapless squad of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers comprised of Scions: Grant, Valentine, Matilda, Stuart, and led by Tempestor Cromwell. They constantly bicker between each other due to Stuart's pessimism, Matilda's blind optimism, and Grant's panicky disposition, but is constantly held in-line by Tempestor Cromwell. They're seen during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where they're all surprised that they've somehow survived, despite their [[Taurox]] roadblock being destroyed and the Grey Knights being slaughtered.
**Coincidentally ([[Just as Planned|or not]]), they're all named after Allied [[tank]]s from World War II (probably not, what with their thick English accents, and Matilda's preoccupation with "tankyness.").
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use from - as the name implies, he hits it repeatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit. He was about to retire after his 40,000th straight Exterminatus, but due to Draigo, he got sent to Commorragh along with his entourage (which includes a Jokaero and his Exterminatus button). Was the only one in the assembly to resist the fyodperor's psychic persuasion.
*'''Ex-Inquisitor Kryptman''': It's a bit weird that this guy is hanging around since all the other Inquisitors hate him, but whatever. Considered too violent and too hypocritical for the Inquisition, as amazing as that achievement is, he is nonetheless really good at his job; claims he's even able to survive against Eldar mind games by seeing through the truth being disguised as a lie, knowing full well that the humans will assume it's a lie while knowing the Eldar are lying about telling the truth about lying. Also carries a pimpin' cane with a gun in it.
*'''Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clousseau''': Yep, he appears in episode 26 part 2! He's from a more [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|'jovial' time of early 40K]].

===General Populace of the Imperium ('Plebs')===
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him, then hunted across the cosmos by Lucius during Slaaneshmas, and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him. To date, the only good thing to happen to him is Sly Marbo rescuing him from the Dark Eldar after some internal deb-'''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'''-ting.
*'''The citizens of Hive World Purgatory''': Originally appearing in Alfa's Upper Hive games, hive world Purgatory appears a few times in the series proper. Its citizens are extremely idiotic and prone to murdering each other over the slightest suspicion. It's also been the victim of a recent Crotch Rot epidemic, and multiple Genestealer invasions.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to be sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.
*'''Detective Bruce Norring''': Appears in the Halloween specials. With most of the Inquisition missing, Bruce is put on the case of chasing down shady heretics on hive world Purgatory, [[Lovecraft|Innsmouth-style]], before unwittingly uncovering a Genestealer cult and nearly made into a genehost - only to get saved by a completely sloshed Inquisitor Quist from the warp.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus. He was later seen smashed by Lucius during the Slaaneshmas Special, and then spotted in the Webway with the Ultramarines, and later again spotted in the Imperial Dungeons with the Shadowkeepers; and, on top of fucking that, was seen near the end of Part 1 of Hateful Feud running away as Karamazov was becoming Fyodper. Last seen in the Throne Room, running away as Magnus threw a temper tantrum after being trolled by the Provost Marshal for not reading the rules of Fantasy Roleplay.
*'''Tour Guide''': A guy who gives tours of the Imperial Palace. He gets summoned(dragged) into the throne room and abruptly told by the Emperor to read the names of a bunch of Dark Eldar weapons without any given reason, which he does without hesitation. He may read other lists later. He appears to be some sort of psyker as he could sense Magnus' return before he teleported into the throne room. He is able to bitch-slap Wamuudes to the floor without even looking. Poor guy is also losing his sanity due to all the batshit craziness happening around him.

===Eldar===
After the Eldar Collapse, these Eldar decided that unlimited Lust and Violence wasn't a positive influence to their souls and thus became elfy space-monks, all calm and serene until they decide to fight then its elfy warrior-monks!.
*'''[[Eldrad]] Ulthran:''' Eldar Farseer of Craftworld Ulthwé who is one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is preparing to do pretty much exactly what he ends up doing in Gathering Storm. Tried to convince Asdrubael Vect to distract the Imperium while he attempts to awaken [[Ynnead]], but to no avail. Apparently, he's already contacted Cypher at least once before and seeks to do the same with "the Machine-man from Mars" (most likely Cawl). Magnus and custodisi have been sent to assist them.
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. Cegorach has his own spectral audience that laughs at his jokes, and even a voice that adds '''[BAZINGA.]''' to his punchlines. He is plotting the demise of the [[Flesh Eaters]] for saying his Harlequins are in poor taste. In both meanings of the word. Recently he challenged Magnus to a comedy battle where he made use of horribly outdated memes to win laughs from the Harlequin audience including a Skyrim reference of all things. Had to call it a tie though since Magnus was committing verbal suicide through self-deprecation humor. Also has one of the most badass theme songs in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzWsLaolyLw&ab_channel=StringStorm%E2%80%8C existence] .
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now (due to Stockholm Syndrome) in a “loving” relationship with Nurgle. She Thinks Tzeentch is annoying and hates Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter, Preferably with something that doesn’t kill her but shuts off her senses.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.

===Dark Eldar===
The true descendants after the collapse of the Eldar Empire. There are A LOT of Dark Eldar living in their webway city of Commorragh and with access to a ton of lethal weaponry, its impractical to invade their realm without leaving yourself open to other forces’ attacks.
*'''[[Asdrubael Vect]]:''' Dark Eldar leader who is another one of the biggest dicks in the Galaxy. Is completely disinterested if not mildly amused/irritated with Eldrad's plans and his insistence on dragging him in; believing both Eldrad's visions and Ynnead to be utter nonsense unworthy of his time after 10,000 years worth of pessimistic doomsaying. He appears to have plans of his own that seem to involve Leman Russ, Karamazov, and/or Kaldor Draigo, who emerge from the Gate of Khaine just as he finishes his conversation with Eldrad. As it turns out, it involved shocking the Star-Fyodperor (which he was able to deduct almost immediately) with a surprise betrayal that the emotions that emanate almost supercharge Vect and Rakarth. Has a habit of setting up violent, hedonistic parties before gassing all the guests (including all rivals) after he leaves early.
*'''[[Lady Malys]]:''' Vect's bitter ex (don't say that to her face, though) who wants to take over Commorragh because "Vect's a prick." Seems to have been taken over by Cegorach, which is not surprising given real lore had her conduct heart transplant surgery on herself with Cegorach's crystal heart. Also French. [[Magical Realm|Sexily]] so.
*'''[[Archon Tahril]]:''' An Archon who originally appeared in ''[[Dawn of War]]: Soulstorm'' as the leader of the Black Heart Cabal in Kaurava and Vect's former subordinate after the whole raid ended in a failure. He is reluctantly under Malys' employment and passive-aggressively lets her know whenever he has to talk to her. He deals with her personality quirks reluctantly. Is also secretly an agent of the C'tan known as the Deceiver.
*'''[[Urien Rakarth]]:''' The personification of torture, currently under Vect's employ. It's revealed that it was he who visited the Golden Throne that one time, which makes Dorn panic and attempt to re-install the entire palace.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions [[Black Crusade|to attend to their 14th annual party]]. He will ALSO be voiced by the aforementioned Takahata101 (Nappa and [[Hellsing|'''THE CRIMSON FUCKER''']]) of Team Four Star fame.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon. Based on the [[Vulkan|current]] [[Corvus Corax|trend]], it wouldn’t be too surprising if he, too, can see Ferrus Manus’s ghost, especially considering he was the one who ''killed him'' and all that.
*'''The Gods of [[Chaos|<s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> <s>Chaos</s> <s>Choas</s> chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointlessly overthought pseudo-philosophy. He also plays Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, shamelessly abusing an [[Yu-Gi-Oh#Archetype|Empty Jar]] deck made [[WAAC|ALMOST ENTIRELY FROM BANNED CARDS]]. So far, he is the most prominently featured of the Chaos Gods. Tzeentch lurks behind the Gate of Morkai, fucking with the aspirants sent through by Space Wolves priests; if they're to be believed, he's done something involving "wolf tits" at least once, and [[Wat|Emprah only knows how we're supposed to interpret that]]. Despite his behavior he does genuinely care for his son, Magnus.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore who steals from Khorne and trolls him and others with sexual innuendos. Nobody likes it because it ruins everything.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who is often heard screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym - he never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor. Ironically, despite being the most prominently featured Chaos God in canon, he's made far fewer on-screen appearances than the other Gods.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, Probably because of all of the diseases he’s infected with, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything. When he's upset, he known to release extremely potent [[Wikipedia:Tinea cruris|Crotch]] [[Wikipedia:Candidal intertrigo|Rot]] on Hive-Worlds, which is as nasty as it sounds.The emperor was on the receiving end of said crotch rot, as well as an eternally itchy nose, despite not having one.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, Sanguinnius’ soul and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Dark Heresy|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy, chaos, and mutation on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become canon is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.
**The [[Great Horned Rat]] appears as a joke to cancel Slaaneshmas forever due to Slaanesh getting demoted in Age of Sigmar and announces "Great Horned Rat Day" as its replacement. Enjoys mocking "non-existent" lesser Chaos Gods and seems to be incapable of not breaking the fourth wall. Coughs near-constantly.
**[[Necoho]]?: Never been seen and hasn't been named, but Magnus has mentioned the existence of a chaos god of unbelief who was created by Emperor's attempts to wipe out all religion. If not for the Horus Heresy, Emperor would have become its champion or avatar. Since atheism is so rare in the galaxy now, it most likely is dead or too weak to be relevant.
*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook (it is unknown If piccolo has seen said results). Also planned the 'Slaaneshmas' holiday event, which is broadcast to the whole universe to spread goodwill to humans and overall death to xeno species. Lucius makes a great holo vid host.
*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Teamed up with Lucius for Slaaneshmas for the shits and giggles. So far appears to the only rational Chaos Space Marine, acting as a snarky straight man to the antics of the others. On a side-note, he [[Old Man Henderson|huffs grimoires of Big Bad Jujus]], which impresses Lucius. He apparently wants to murder the stars as he finds them too bright for his taste. At the end, he gives a speech about how despite the different worldviews, both sides are still humans and offers the Imperium to have one day per year when instead of killing each other, both sides would have a ceasefire and unite to exterminate aliens instead. Imperials were oddly receptive to that idea...
*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, with a Strong resemblance to the voice of Real life Comedian Norm McDonald, or Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade. Later shows up to the Slaaneshmas Special to talk about his latest book, which is just his own shit smeared on every page.
*'''[[Kharn|Khârn the Betrayer]]''': The most infamous Khornate Berserker in the World Eaters. He has yet to appear directly in the show; Lucius invited him by Vox to the Slaaneshmas special but only received angry grunts in reply, leading Lucius to believe Angron picked up instead. Apparently, Lucius also mixed up his contact info with Sly Marbo at one point.
*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, only Alfa (or maybe his voice actor) know.
*'''[[Fabius Bile|<strike>Fabius</strike> <strike>FABULOUS Bile</strike> Bob]]''': Joins in on Lucius' and Ahriman's Slaaneshmas special to announce that he's starting a solo Black Crusade to show up that man-baby Abbadon. Is triggered very seriously if called Bob. He's clearly insane, insisting that a solo Black Crusade means doing things on his own, which even Lucius thought was crazy, not helped by Bile following up by boasting he can clone anyone. He showed off an abomination of a clone of Ahriman (which psychically self-destructed) during the Slaaneshmas Special. Naturally, Ahriman was horrified and disgusted and even Lucius was disturbed.
*'''[[Miriael Sabathiel]]''': The infamous Chaos Sororita shows up, only to get dismissed everywhere she goes and not be taken seriously. Upon learning it was Slaaneshmas, she dons a Santa hat and joins the fun. Earlier, she was in a bad mood for being talked down by a captured Inquisitor (before she beheaded him in frustration), lamented the lost opportunity to torment him, and was enraged at some Noise Marines' amusement at her situation.
*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep. Everyone in the wharf is trying to get rid of it because it’s annoying to them. It also sent a psychic message to inquisitor kryptman Showing him its face… Or rather mouth.
*'''[[The Masque]]''': A Slaaneshi Daemonette. First appears in BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs while attacking Catachan, apparently because an ample muscle harvest (shaped into Slaanesh's symbol) would please Slaanesh enough to end her (yes, a canon her) eternal damnation to unending dancing. After Corvus Corax batmans her she flees, due to their artificial muscles being displeasing to Slaanesh and fighting them not being worth potential banishment back to the Warp. Her motives lead her and an army of Daemonettes to the battle for the Gate of Khaine, where she implies some familiarity with Kaldor Drago before trying to bring him down, only to fail spectacularly.
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': A "renegade" Khornate Bloodthirster; Khorne officially disowned him after he attempted to kill the Chaos God with a strike to the back, but still recognizes his talents. Skarbrand appears in the Warp Hijinks special as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. He refers to himself exclusively in the third person and, being a Bloodthirster, [[RAGE|hates literally everything]] (it didn't help that all emotions besides anger were throttled out of him by Khorne); when faced with the prospect being outside or inside after being pranked, he actually remains in the doorframe, which he hates '''''slightly''''' less. He later joins the Chaos Undivided daemon horde that assaulted Khaine's gate as it was being opened by the Inquisition's forces, where he further espouses his hatred against everything. Such as named characters, some of whom he fucking murders. Extremely open and vocal about his feelings, funnily enough. {{BLAM|SKARBRAND '''HATES''' MISCONCEPTIONS!}}
*'''[[Kairos Fateweaver]]''': A Tzeentchian Lord of Change. He still has two heads and the second, mottled one will constantly contradict the 'dominant' head while speaking (which Kairos neither seems to address nor notice). First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on Inquisitor Adrielle Quist - but since she's drunk, not listening and mistakes him for a Genestealer, he gets one of his faces fucked up for his troubles, and holds an eternal grudge against her due to that. Kairos reappears during the battle at Khaine's Gate, where he tries his damnedest to get even with Quist, but had to "settle" for destroying most of the Grey Knights, but his work was mistakenly attributed to Skarbrand, much to his eternal dismay. Funnily enough, he does more damage to Skarbrand than any of the Imperials completely by accident: Kairos' psyker powers hit Skarbrand while he fought Inquisitor Quist, his grudge briefly turning him into a [[Kharn|team-killing fucktard.]] Despite this, considering the rules Kairos follows (in official lore, his heads randomly switch which one lies and which one tells the truth, but one lying means the other must be truthful), that he can tell the future, and that the normally truthful head said "I will have my revenge" (which he didn't) while the normally lying head claimed to love Skarbrand... Kairos actually really does love Skarbrand.
*'''[[Epidemius]]''': A Nurglite Plaguebearer. Fitting for a daemon of Nurgle, he's incredibly polite even under duress, and cares significantly about the loss of his fellow daemons. First appears during Russ and crew's rampage throughout the Warp, where he was pelted into submission with hundreds of bars of soap and a bathtub. He later appears during the battle at Khaine's Gate with a retinue of [[Plaguebearers]], and was enraged when one of them was killed by the Deathwatch. He later commanded a charge against them that ended with most of the Deathwatch being slaughtered, while Wilford and Calato, the only survivors were forced to retreat.
*'''The [[C'tan]]''': The Necron's star gods seem to be wedging their way back into current affairs after being turned into [[Pokemon]] by their servants. Of all of them, only The Deceiver has made an appearance so far, the rest being confined to the paper puppet flashbacks (except when Decius brought up The Nightbringer when he was convincing the Ecclesiarchy that [[The Emperor|Easy-E]] isn't a god).
**[[The Deceiver]], when not playing Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker with the Emperor and pals, seems to be [[Just As Planned|pulling strings]] all around the Materium. Has a special interest in stopping Kaldor Draigo from returning to realspace. Presumably, because he would become the avatar of Matt Ward, the <strike>[[Malal|Fifth]]</strike> Sixth god of Choas, and bring utter ruination to the material realm before the C'tan can bring utter ruination to the material realm.
*'''Clancy''': The traitor menial of an Imperial Cruiser who wants to kill a Primarch, and is obnoxiously polite and civil about the entire affair. His plans fail when Vulkan, Corax and all the other ~~important~~ characters survive the shipwreck he engineered and capture him; his backup plan (Exterminatus from via some "pals" dropping a Virus bomb on Attila from orbit) ends up similarly falling short, though he does escape captivity. He later returns as a high-ranking Boardmember of Jopall's government, and through pulling some strings and making a contract that Corvus signs, entraps the party on the planet through debt. Makes his escape shortly before Corvus bursts in the room leading an army of rebelling Guardsmen.

=== Others ===

*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff: [[The Beast]] (an Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), [[Goge Vandire]] (the man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial history after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (a footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade), the [[Squats]] (we all ''know'' who they are), [[Herman von Strab]] (one of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO!] (*cue explosions*) He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!! Also seems to love making bad jokes.
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he manages to just waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels. Sicced the Dark Angels on The Fabricator General for a prank video
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': The two Ork gods. They're a couple of dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.

[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.] Possible inspiration for the news Cats film.
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. (Wait, does this mean the Emperor's communicator is technically Xenotech?) Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 as the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.

*'''Ahriman 2.0''': [[Fabius Bile]]'s horribly disfigured clone of Ahzek Ahriman which he unveiled in the Slaaneshmas special, much to Lucius and the original Ahriman's horror. Fabius claimed it was a "work-in-progress", something which caused the clone to become so enraged that it psychically self-destructed moments after.
*'''The [[Angry Marines]]''': ''Might'' exist in the TTS-verse, but nobody knows for sure. "Angry Marines" was a popular answer in a poll on which loyalist chapter best embodies the concept of hatred, but nobody in the Imperial Palace knows who this might be referring to, and it was speculated that it may simply be a nickname. Either way, they were beaten by several other chapters, most notably the Black Templars and the [[Marines Malevolent]].
*'''[[Hassan]]''': First appeared in the Chaos Descends series attempting to sell camels to two of the main characters in the middle of nowhere, eventually convincing them to put up flyers for his business as a form of payment. He later appears in the main series, apparently having sold camels to the Ultramarines at some point.

*'''Voldorius''': An unfortunate Daemon Prince which got the attention of the Pillarstodes after reading about him in one of the books they got from the Black Library. They along with the Emperor and Rogal Dorn publicly mock him for being completely ineffective and incompetent to the point of having to rely on his subordinates to do everything for him.
*'''Uriah Olathaire:''' Yes, its the old man that the Emprah had a theological debate during [[The Last Church]]. His soul was summoned from The Warp by The Emperor, who was horrified that he turned into a Chaos worshiper. Ironically he is perfectly sane despite following Chaos. Unlike their first encounter, this time he actually IS a theologian and can shut down the Emperor's rather sophomoric arguments easily. He worships Chaos Undivided and paints them in a more neutral, legitimately non-malevolent light, highlighting how humanity needs Chaos to stay human and how Chaos needs humanity to continue to exist, making it a mutually-beneficial relationship. He originally wanted to justify the existence of Chaos, but due to the Emprah being a dick; he got fed up and instead started calling him on the hypocrisy of his Imperium and his ideals, such as his constant use of religious iconography and terms (despite wanting a secular empire), essentially doing the same thing old terran religions did to propagate their influence (although with a higher death count), among other things. He was eventually banished back into The Warp after dissing the holiness of the taco.
*'''Alfa Legion:''' Some of the creator's 40k self-inserts into 40K appear in Episode 10 after Emps makes an oddly specific remark about how "THERE COULD EVEN BE CHAPTERS CONSORTING AND ACCEPTING BOTH XENOS AND CHAOS WORSHIPPERS INTO THEIR RANKS. MAYBE EVEN CHAPTERS SO FUCKING RECLUSIVE AND HISTORICALLY INEPT THAT THEIR MERE EXISTENCE SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE AND SHITTY FANFICTION." Taking the main TTS reaction thread into consideration, '''EMPS WAS ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' Currently have their souls contained in a box owned by Magnus, while [[Indrick Boreale|Boreale]] and [[Apollo Diomedes|Diomedes]] have become Magnus' idiot pets.
*'''Asterion Moloc:''' [[Minotaurs]] Chapter Master who appears briefly towards the end of the Slaaneshmas special, pwning a Tau with a Chaos Terminator.

==The Order of The Primarchs' Returns==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes the miniatures of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far, though this may just be the order of their apearances, not the order in which they return...

* [[Rogal Dorn]] - Around since the beginning of the series, although we don't find out it's Dorn until Episode 20.
* [[Magnus]] - Pops up in Episode 13 after being captured by the Ultrasmurfs.
* [[Vulkan]] - Returns after Cato Sicarius delivers the remaining Lost Artifacts of Vulkan in Episode 20.
* [[Leman Russ]] - Appears in the Warp in Episode 21, after Magnus banished the Inquisitors there in Episode 18.
* [[Corvus Corax]] - Can be heard attempting to get out of a building on Nocturne at the End of Episode 21, and appears in person during Episode 25.
* [[Ferrus Manus]]- Appears as a <s>'brainghost'</s> SKHOST in Vulkan's head when Vulkan returns at the beginning of Episode 20. Vulkan claims in the Bro Trip spinoff that he isn't the real Ferrus.
* [[Lion El'Jonson]] - Not yet featured, but Rogal Dorn might know where he is. Then again, maybe not. This IS The Lion we're talking about after all. Taking current events into consideration, he maybe awakening soon.
* [[Jaghatai Khan]] - Talked about extensively in Episode 24 and the White Scar podcast. The Ultramarines are on the rescue! Appears on a bike in Commorragh in Episode 29.
* [[Angron]] - Hasn't appeared in person, though Lucius mentions he and Kharn may be out on business.
* [[Perturabo]] - Hasn't appeared in person, but was prominently featured in a flashback in Episode 24.
* [[Lorgar]] - given a roasting in Episode 2, but nothing of note since then.
* [[Mortarion]] - A couple of jokes have been made at his expense, but he has yet to appear except in a brief flashback where he fell down the stairs.
* [[Fulgrim]] - Hasn't appeared in person, although he did contact Lucius the Eternal to inform him about Abbadon's 13th Black Crusade.
* [[Alpharius]] & [[Omegon]] - Emps refers to them as if they are one person.
* [[Konrad Curze]] - A few mentions, but it is safe to assume Konrad may not reappear in the current era. Emps briefly flashes back to a decision Konrad made that unwittingly starts off the whole Inquisition tyranny; a small portion of his appearance is seen during this flashback.
* [[Roboute Guilliman]] - No appearances, although occasionally referred to in the form of The Emperor demanding his life support being cut off. Hilarious in hindsight, given the events of Gathering Storm.
* [[Sanguinius]] - appeared in vision form during the Flesh Eater short and was spoken of at the end of the second Q&A, Episode 18.5 (may or may not consider the Sanguinor appearing as his first appearance)
* [[Horus]] - No appearances in the main series, although he has been seen in the April Fools and the second Q&A.
* The two missing Primarchs are asked about once but the emperor simply states "We don't talk about those guys"

==Main Theme Lyrics==
'''WE ARE THE GODS OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER.'''

'''WE ARE THE SOLDIERS, THE LEGION OF LIGHT.'''

'''WE ARE THE CENTER, THE DEATH OF THE SUN (SON).'''

'''FIRE AND FLAME.'''

'''WE ARE ONE.'''

(excerpt credit: Triarii - We Are One)

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining [[Love Can Bloom|Eldar prostitutes]], and was afraid the Primarchs would [[Penitent Engine|tie him up]] [[Inquisition|if they heard about it]]. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor's nose is plagued by a phantom-itch, courtesy of Nurgle. Tzeentch <s>believes</s> Believed the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God. He has since realize that the emperor is resigned to this. And as back up gave magnus the suggestion seen below.
* The Emperor firmly believes in Taco Friday, whereas Dorn believes in Taco Tuesday. This disagreement causes a minor civil war (A.K.A. the TTS-Version of the Dornian Heresy). Magnus ups the ante by believing that [[Warp|Taco ''Tuesday'' should be on ''Friday'']].
* The Emperor (officially) did not create any [[Female Space Marines]] because "girls are yucky." It is implied the real reason he didn’t is because Slaanesh ruined the idea.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne. However, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it was one of the wounds inflicted upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's hair, poisoned him, etc.).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses, Michael Jackson, Robert Downey Jr., and [[Chris-Chan]]. All these, especially the latter shows just how much of a troll Big E is.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche can access knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor is fine with tolerating any xenos that aren't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involving suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism were in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]... according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu-Gi-Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck... that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]] It later turns out that Tzeentch is the only person he can play with. Tzeentch's deck is similarly cheesy, but relies more on combos. Both of them also make heavy use of banned cards and have a rather... loose grasp on the actual rules.
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic", "RogalyDonDon", and "my Fabulous Fucking Hawk-Boy".
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], and was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"].
* The Emperor's flaming sword sounds like a squeaky toy hammer (at least when he bashed Tzeentch's faces in).
* Magnus identifies with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
* The Emperor believes gold is the greatest color of them all, and that all other colors are equally inferior.
** He likely doesn't consider Platinum to be a true color in that case.
* There is a chance that the popularity of TTS has influenced Warhammer Gaming as a whole. Every big Warhammer game that has come out since TTS has had cutscenes somewhat similar to those of the series, and actual canon for 40k has progressed in a generally similar direction. Some have accused Games Workshop of copying what they like from it, while others say the series inspired GW writers to get off their asses and make something actually new.
** [[Aaron Dembski-Bowden]] is [https://www.reddit.com/r/Warhammer/comments/7igatt/im_aaron_dembskibowden_ask_me_anything/dqykv2l/ confirmed to be "a big fan" of TTS], actually. Ironically, he started watching it after people drew comparisons between Master of Mankind and the series.
** Furthering the influence, Alfa made an entire episode of the TTS cast playing [[Stellaris]] at the behest of that game's devs. It is about as disastrous as expected.
* Reading the book ''Inquisitor'' by [[Ian Watson]] causes disgust and trauma to several of the characters present, in no small part due to [[Jaq Draco]] constantly lusting after his [[Callidus]] assassin disguised as a [[genestealer]], as well as the overly long description of the Slaaneshi planet in the Eye of Terror. Even Boy has horrifying visions in his missing eye after what he's experienced. Karstodes, on the other hand, seems to have confused it with an exceptionally weird ''[[Harry Potter]]'' story in a bout of impressive illiteracy, while Magnus seems to halfway enjoy the reading, even if only to riff off several of the excerpts and provide a contrast to the less-than-enthusiastic approach of the others present.
** Additionally, there are apparently in-universe surviving records of fucking [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Kubrick Stanley Kubrick] briefly considering adapting Draco as his next movie. This is based on the movie ''A.I. Artificial Intelligence'' coming about partly because of a 90-page treatment written by [[Ian Watson]] under Kubrick's supervision, a fact brought up several times throughout the podcast, along with [http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/0094.html Kubrick seriously considering Inquisition for his next movie]. Interestingly, this makes Kubrick one of the oldest known historical figures in the TTS-verse, although his name has been corrupted over the millennia.
* Ever wondered what Big E and the Primarchs would do if they saw this hilariously bizarre version of their future? Someone named Preator98 on Space Battles does. Hence the 40k fanfiction based on the 40k fanfiction known as [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-the-text-to-speech-device.408752/ If the Emperor watched the Text To Speech Device] was born! Follow the threadmarks to read the whole thing, and go to the [https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/if-the-emperor-watched-tts-extras-thread.508247/ Extras Thread] to read more Primach/Emperor reactions to other fanfics such as the [[Alternate Heresy|Roboutian Heresy]].

==Gallery==
===Quotes and snippets===
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten.
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium.
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise.
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]].
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels.
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclesiarchy.
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's disappointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable.
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss.
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell.
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely fazed him at the time.
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure.
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence.
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta.
</gallery>

===Fanart===
<gallery>
Image:NOT CANON.png|Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]].
File:Kitten and shadowsun tragic story by khornez.jpg|''Tale as old as time...''
File:KittenCustodesbyAdeptusAdamaris.jpg|Turns out the nickname wasn't an accident.
File:NotCanonbyMagnifical.jpg
File:Luscious lucius prankz gone heretical 2016 by sexual yeti.png
File:TTS Rogal by eightball6219.jpg|When a tech-priest asks for a toaster, you give him a damn toaster!
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [http://if-the-emperor-had-a-texttospeech-device.wikia.com/wiki/If_The_Emperor_Had_a_Text-To-Speech_Device_Wiki And a whole wiki to cover the show, too]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Sisters of Battle

2021-03-18T20:09:27Z

2601:585:8301:76D0:9C93:7708:E833:C81F:

{{WTF}}
[[File:AdSor 2.jpg|300px|right|thumb|We'd like to [[Flamer|talk]] [[Bolter|to]] [[Meltagun|you]] for a moment about your [[God-Emperor of Mankind|Lord and Savior]]]]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqK5cHSxMA '''PLASTIC SISTERS CONFIRMED, FOR REAL THIS TIME''']

{{Topquote|Bunch together a group of people deliberately chosen for strong religious feelings, and you have a practical guarantee of dark morbidities expressed in crime, perversion, and insanity.|H.P. Lovecraft}}

''[[Guidelines of the Space Marines|Space Marine Guideline]] 1: Thou shalt not refer to the Adepta Sororitas as "[[Bolter]] Bitches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of their "Red Rage," lest thou wish to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.

{{Topquote|Praise be the Emperor and pass the ammunition, for what one doesn't cure the other will|Dark Heresy Inquisitors Handbook}}

'''Sisters of Battle''' are essentially [[Warhammer 40k]]'s female equivalent of [[Space Marines]], warriors devoted to the [[God-Emperor_of_Mankind|Emperor]]. Although they lack the genetic modification of their beefier brethren, they also wear [[power armour]] and are armed mainly with the ubiquitous [[Bolter]] and [[Chainsword]]. The Sisters of Battle are also known as the "Daughters of the Emperor", and officially as the '''"Adepta Sororitas"''', though the Adepta Sororitas refers to their entire organization, while the term Sisters of Battle refers only to their militant branch (that said, each Sister is a fully trained special forces soldier regardless of specialty). They are more colloquially known by players as "bolter bitches/babes" or "nuns with guns", almost always resulting in an awkward boner. They are ''not'' to be confused with [[Female Space Marines]].

==Overview==
[[File:Lusty Marine.png|300px|thumb|left]]
The Sisters of Battle are part of the [[Ecclesiarchy]], the religious arm of Imperial government, and sometimes work with the [[Inquisition]]'s [[Witch Hunters]]. In the 36th millennium, the Ecclesiarchy's pope, a guy called [[Goge Vandire]], attained the dual position of Ecclesiarch and Master of the Administratum, effectively giving him control over everyone in the Imperium, including nearly all of its armed forces. With the exception of the Space Marines and Adeptus Mechanicus, pretty much everyone had to do what he said or face a slow and agonizing death. Unfortunately for everyone who wasn't lucky enough to be a Space Marine or Tech-Priest, he was also completely insane, and his rule was so devastating that it came to be known as the Reign of Blood, leading to untold billions of deaths across the Imperium, which in turn led to violent warp storms the likes of which wouldn't be seen again until the formation of the [[Great Rift]] 5,000 years later. During this period, Vandire discovered a force of warrior-nuns living on the feudal world of San Leor known as the Daughters of the Emperor. Although they initially didn't want anything to do with him, he convinced them that he was the Emperor's chosen by having his bodyguard shoot him while he was protected by the force field of a rosarius. Because the relatively primitive Daughters of the Emperor had never seen a force field before, they assumed that this meant Vandire was protected by the Emperor, and happily joined him. Rechristened as the Brides of the Emperor, they served as Vandire's personal bodyguards, shock troops, servants, and concubines. With a force of hyper-loyal Battle Sisters at his command, Vandire became effectively untouchable, proven when he had the Sisters execute all of the [[High Lords of Terra]], which he quickly replaced with his cronies. Suffice to say, things looked pretty bleak.

Of course, this state of affairs couldn't last forever. Late in his reign, a preacher known as [[Sebastian Thor]] rose to prominence in the Imperium, leading a massive crusade to Terra to take down Vandire once and for all. Agreeing that they too were sick of the High Lord, the Space Marines and Adeptus Mechanicus joined forces and launched an assault on Terra, matching themselves against Frateris Templars, Sisters of Battle. Unfortunately for them, the Sisters numbered around 10,000 women by this point, and they were battle-hardened, motivated, and armed to the teeth. The siege dragged on interminably, with no end in sight. Getting desperate, the Space Marines contacted the Adeptus Custodes, who had remained neutral for most of the siege, but agreed to help the insurrectionists out. Using secret passages to avoid the fighting, the Captain-General of the Custodes presented himself to Alicia Dominica, the leader of the Brides of the Emperor. After debating with her for some time, the Captain-General realized that she wasn't going to budge, and resorted to an extreme course of action; he took her and her five closest compatriots to the Imperial Palace and into the throneroom of the Emperor himself. No one knows what happened in there, but when the six women re-emerged, they went straight to Vandire, declared him a heretic of the highest degree, and beheaded him.

In the aftermath of this conflict, the Imperium underwent a substantial political restructuring known as the Reformation, designed to prevent another Reign of Blood from ever occurring. As part of this restructuring, the High Lords [[Decree Passive|decreed that the Ecclesiarchy was no longer allowed to maintain "men under arms."]] Of course, while this meant the Ecclesiarchy had to disband their fleet and standing armies of Frateris Templars, the Sisters of Battle were technically allowed to remain, being women under arms and not men. While many point to this as an example of the idiocy of the High Lords of Terra, this easily-circumventable wording was likely intentional, as unlike the other Ministorum forces, the Sisters of Battle had proven that their loyalty was to the Emperor first and the Ecclesiarchy second, meaning that they could be relied upon to police the Ministorum as well as protect it.

In combat, Sisters of Battle have something of an obsession with the purifying effects of flame, and generally choose equipment that allows them to cover heretics with as much holy promethium and thermal lances as possible. This philosophy is most obviously exemplified by the Immolator tank, essentially a rolling [[METAL BOXES|steel crate]] with giant flamethrowers or multi-meltas stuck on it. They also have the [[Exorcist]], a mobile pipe organ that shoots missiles. Less accurate than the Whirlwind Missile Launcher or any Imperial Guard artillery, but who cares, the thought of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flmoGRFZ7jc|pipe organs launching missiles while playing epic mass complete with High Gothic] is fucking awesome, dammit.

[[File:Ordersmilitant.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Brief overviews of the six main Orders. For a long time, this was basically the only lore that most of them had.]]
There are six main Orders, divided between the two Convents that were separated during the Reformation in the 36th Millenium: Prioris, based on Terra, and Sanctorum, based on Ophelia VII. All minor Orders are descended from one of these six. In general, Prioris behave like an actual military force, while Sanctorum is made up of Fanatical Sado-Masochists.

'''Convent Prioris Orders:'''
* [[Order of the Argent Shroud|'''Argent Shroud:''']] The Lawful Goods. Are a rarity among Imperial factions, in that they are described as being famous for selfless heroism, as well as altruism. For this reason, /tg/ likes to fluff them as noble space Paladins and she-bros to the [[Salamanders]]. Probably waiting for their husbando Lamenters to return. They wear Silver.
* '''[[Order of the Ebon Chalice|Ebon Chalice]]:''' The vanilla Order. These Sisters haven't changed a whole lot since they were first created, preferring to stick to their tried and tested methods. The most dedicated to flamers and psyker-killing. They wear Black and White.
* [[Order of the Sacred Rose|'''Sacred Rose:''']] Cool, calm and collected. The most tactical Sisters. Enjoy gunning their foes down in a more disciplined manner. <s>If they were to get their own rules, their Rets would have slow and purposeful</s> their rules are dedicated to the new 8e mechanic for the sisters in Miracle Die, and its accumulation. The most defensively minded of all. They wear white.

'''Convent Sanctorum Orders:'''
* [[Order of the Bloody Rose|'''Bloody Rose:''']] Aggressive as fuck. Aim to kill off their enemies as quickly as possible, as they see no reason to let the heretic live any longer than necessary. They wear red.
* '''[[Order of Our Martyred Lady|Our Martyred Lady]]:''' The postergirl Order, probably the ones who come to mind when people think of Sisters. The amount of favouritism they receive from GW is slightly disturbing. Just take a look at the Notable Sororitas Characters table below to get an idea of how they dominate SoB fluff. The Order itself is reputed as being determined even for SoBs, which is saying something. Will not stop until their enemies are utterly destroyed. They wear black and red. They originally wore all-black armour to show their mourning for St. Katherine, but changed the cloth to red to honour their losses during the Third War for Armageddon.
* [[Order of the Valorous Heart|'''Valorous Heart:''']] Repent! These Sisters feel the guiltiest about that whole [[Age of Apostasy]] thing, and as a result have an excess of [[Sisters Repentia|BDSM berserkers]]. Likely on constant lookout for the slightest sign of weakness in themselves or any allies serving alongside them. They wear the most black.

==Sororitas Orders Non-Militant==
As mentioned in the opening, not all of the Adepta Sororitas are actually Sisters of Battle. A number of Orders exist which officially serve non-combat-related roles in Imperial Society, although they tend to receive even less attention than their combat-fighting sisters. The largest source of info on these Sororitas thus-far is the ''Blood of Martyrs'' sourcebook for [[Dark Heresy]], which specifies the three most important Orders and mentions the existence of others. The latest 8e codex also covered the non-militant orders in some level of depth, as well as expanding on a few of the lesser known orders that were originally mentioned in ''Blood of Martyrs''.

* '''[[Orders Dialogous]]:''' These Sororitas are dedicated to the studying of language, with tasks ranging from interpreting long-lost texts to accompanying Imperial diplomats on contact missions with intelligent xenos species. Thanks to their training, even the most average Sororitas knows several hundred everyday human dialects and dozens of secret cants, ciphers, even xenos tongues. Sororitas of these Orders are some of the few individuals judged worthy (and capable) of actually understanding the [[Eldar]] tongue, a linguistic talent shared only by some Ordo Xenos Inquisitors and the occasional Rogue Trader, diplomat or Astartes.
* '''[[Orders Famulous]]:''' Figuratively the [[Dune|Bene Gesserit]], without the kung fu skills from perfect body control. These Sororitas serve intimately with the upper echelons of Imperial society, acting as chamberlains, counselors, and consuls to the nobility. Their focus is on the spiritual and genetic purity of the human race, so they concern themselves with not only seeing to the education of nobles, but also secretly arranging alliances and marriages, in the hope of preventing corruption and inbreeding from taking root. They are particularly involved in tracking the manifestations of saints, which makes them a popular ally for Thorian Inquisitors. Considering the sheer amount of idiotic nobles causing heretical uprisings they clearly need more funding.
* '''[[Sister Hospitaler|Orders Hospitaller]]:''' Healers and medics, these Sororitas are amongst the most skilled and compassionate surgeons in the Imperium, meaning they are commonly found attached to the [[Imperial Guard]]. Given their mission, they are one of the more beloved orders by the common citizenry of the Imperium. Of course, this being the Imperium, they're also expert torturers often called upon for that purpose by the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition, though Inquisitors are cautioned against using Hospitallers to keep important heretics alive; they have a bad tendency to forget about the future gains and instead "take the Emperor's justice into their own hands". Handing them over after the interrogations is fully encouraged.
* '''Others:''' Scores, perhaps even hundreds, of minor non-militant Orders exist within the Adepta Sororitas.
** '''Orders Fenestrus:''' Maintain the armaglass windows of Imperial shrines and cathedrals. Now, you may say "WTF!? That is such a waste of manpower!", but you should think about the fact that the divine power of Big E keeps Chaos influence away and the Imperium makes sure that its places of worship are able to brainwash you into the soul protecting doctrine as much as as possible, and fabulous windows are an easy eye-catcher.
** '''Orders Madriga:''' Compose the temple choirs. Again, they are here to brainwash the population into compliance with the soul protecting Imperial Cult.
** '''Orders Sabine:''' Sub-orders of the Famulous. Infiltrate newly rediscovered worlds and prepare them for the Missionarius Galaxia by religious subversion, producing fake evidence that the local head god and the Emperor are one and the same and if polytheistic assigning the lesser gods as local personifications of Imperial Saints. Within a generation, a human infant born on such a world can be found killing his grandparents Xeno friends, and it only takes that long if the Sabine are working without any support. When the time comes, the populace (even if previously politically divided) welcomes Imperial compliance with open arms and rejoins the greater mass of humanity.
** '''Orders Planxilium:''' Leading processionals on holy days. Once again, they are here to indoctrinate the massess.
**'''Orders Pronatus:''' Specialist Sub-Orders of the Dialogous. Retrieving, repairing, and guarding holy relics from around the Imperium.
** '''Orders Vespila:''' Sanctifying the dead and forensic specialists. Probably Hospitaler specialist sub-order as there is a good bit of overlap.

==Ranks of the Adepta Sororitas==

===Ranks===
* '''Novice:''' The lowest ranks among the sisters, they are raised so that their faith burns hotter than flame and they are trained to be capable of enduring hardships and practice self denial so that they may be pure. The vast majority come from the [[Schola Progenium]] and they are picked from notably talented and zealous female Progena. Coming from here, they are already fanatically indoctrinated to the Imperial Cult and are capable of basic weapons maintenance, legible in both the local variants (Sector wide minimum) of Low Gothic and in High Gothic and also familiar with the Imperium of Man on an institutional level. Some Orders may recruit from promising children who are made to undergo trials like the Adeptus Astartes do to their recruits.
* '''Constantia:''' Sisters in the final stages of basic training, they learn to use the sacred weapons of the Order, principally the holy [[Bolter]] and to deny the deceits of heresy.
* '''Cantus:''' A Cantus, having mastered basic combat skills, now learns specialized abilities so that they may be multi purpose tools in the Emperor's service: To cure, learn, counsel or kill. Only after this may Sisters be assigned their final places in their Order.
* '''Novitiate:''' A novitiate has completed her training as a Novice, Constantia and Cantus. She only has to take her final vows to the Emperor to take her place as a full Sister.
* '''Sister:''' Sisters have taken their vows to the Emperor, and are ready to be deployed to the field.
* '''Sister Superior:''' NCOs who lead squads into battle, Sisters Superior are veterans who can guide their Sisters in battle.
* '''Legatine:''' Legatines are Sisters who are among the greatest of warriors, healers and spiritual leaders in an Order. They inspire devotion and have political power. Most usually go on to become commanders.
* '''Palatine:''' Palatines are junior officers who are experienced and fierce warriors who lead their Sisters to battle.
* '''Canoness:''' A Canoness is an overall senior commanding officer of one of the Orders Militant, each a veteran warrior of hundreds of battles. Their leadership, tactical and strategic acumen and faith in the Emperor is second to none in their command. This rank has the following sub ranks:
** '''Canoness Commander:''' Leads a Commandery of sisters.
** '''Canoness Preceptor:''' Leads a Preceptory of multiple Commanderies.
** '''Canoness Superior:''' The overall commander of an Order Militant.
* '''Prioress:''' One of two Cannonesses in charge of the convents. The Prioress of Convent Sanctorum is on Ophelia VII and the Prioress of Convent Prioris is on Terra.
* '''Abbess Sanctorum:''' The Prioress of the Convent Prioris on Terra, and a [[High Lords of Terra| High Lord of Terra]]. She is the overall Commander of the Adepta Sororitas and is assisted by her fellow Prioress of the Convent Sanctorum. Sister Sabrina of the Order of the Ermine Mantle is the current Abbess. The position is necessarily political (as opposed to a Legatine, Palatine and Canoness having political power they can use), being part of the Senatorum Imperialis, the galactic government of all law abiding humans.

===Orders Militant Tactical Specializations===
* '''Battle-Sister:''' The rank and file of the Orders Militant, Battle Sisters have completed their training and taken their vows in the Emperor's service.
* '''Militant:''' The first rank achieved beyond the most basic after they have begun combat operations.
* '''Elohiem:''' The next rank after Militant, displaying they have shed blood in the Emperor's name by their own will.
* '''Dominion:''' The most aggressive warriors of the Order, equipped with special weapons like [[Storm Bolter]]s, [[Flamer]]s and [[Meltagun]]s.
* '''Retributor:''' The Sisters who believe the Emperor guides their shots become the Retributors, the heavy weapons specialists of the Orders. Most frequently carry [[Heavy Bolter]]s, [[Heavy Flamer]]s and [[Multi-Melta]]s.
*'''Seraphim:''' Only the best of the Sisters can join the elite jetpack assault teams, equipped with double [[Bolt Pistol]]s, [[Hand Flamer]]s or [[Inferno Pistol]]s.
* '''Zephyrim:''' Some Sisters achieve direct and personal connection with Emperor's divine might, and can only speak in a tongue that the Sisters believe only the purest of soul can understand. Being fanatical even by Order Militant standards, Zephyrim Sisters are given jetpacks like Seraphim but also use melee weapons rather than multiple pistols.
* '''Celestians:''' Celestians are Sisters who have proven themselves above and beyond their fellows, veterans of hundreds of battles. They are assigned as elite shock troops or honor guard. The best among them, Celestians Superior, assist Canonesses in the day-to-day affairs of their orders.

===Orders Famulous and Dialogous Ranks===
* '''Famula Advance''': A rank common to the sisters of the Orders Famulous, who devote themselves to diplomacy and the fine arts of negotiation. They are experts at dealing with the different Adepta of the Imperium and broker alliances and agreements between fractious power blocks, guilds and noble houses of many different Imperial worlds. Their primary goal is to preserve the Imperium's order and stability and ensure that those who rule or uphold the sinews of Imperial commerce are also working towards this goal. Their task, however, enables them to covertly monitor those they serve for signs of corruption or heresy.
* '''Dialogus Advance''': A dialogus advance is a rank of the Orders Dialogous, the sisters who focus their attention on the arts of the scholar, serving as translators and expert advisors for Imperial and planetary authorities in many fields. The armour of their faith makes them far less subject to petty corruption or hubris than others. The arts of the Dialogous are of obvious use to both the Adeptus Ministorum and, most particularly, the Ordos of the Inquisition, as they are expert at unlocking hidden codes and obscure references, dragging the faintest hint of heresy into the light.
* '''Nunciate Advance''': The rank of nunciate or "messenger" is afforded to those among the Orders Famulous and Dialogous who excel not only in their crafts, but who are also noted for their skills in leadership and experience at dealing with the Imperium's hierarchy. Such individuals are often entrusted to act on their own to represent their Order, or are tasked as close advisors to highly important individuals such as Inquisitors and Imperial military officers and civilian administrators.
===Orders Hospitaller Ranks===
* '''Hospitaller Advance''': A rank of the sisters of the Orders Hospitaller, who serve as physicians and offer palliative care at the frontlines of the Imperium's many war zones and disaster areas. To the common citizenry, they are saintly figures beyond reproach, but they are no more forgiving nor compassionate than the battle-sisters of the Orders Militant if confronted by heresy or the works of the Ruinous Powers.
* '''Curia Advance''': A senior rank of the sisters of the Orders Hospitaller. The Curia Advance has been forged in the crucible of war and catastrophe, honed by faith and discipline. These sisters' skills encompass not only the healer's arts, but also personal survival and the stewardship of those under their care in the harshest and most deadly of circumstances. These Hospitallers must know when to heal, when to give the final mercy and when to watch for the hidden enemy.
* '''Almoness Advance''': This is the senior-most rank of the Sisters Hospitaller. These sisters are as hardened to the horrors of the battlefield as any war veteran. Many of these experienced Hospitallers are called upon by both the Inquisition and the Astra Militarum to put their extensive skills and knowledge of medicae to darker ends in the service of the Imperium.

==Daily Rituals==
*04:00: Reveille: The Sisters are roused from their beds on the hard stone floor.
*05:00: Grooming: The Sisters shower, comb their hair, and brush their teeth. This is the point where roughly 80% of anything with the Sisters involved is imagined.
*06:00: Matins: A light prayer session of two hours in total silence.
*08:00: Breakfast: A light meal of flavorless gruel, as anything more enjoyable is an indulgence of the flesh and thus not to be tolerated.
*08:10: Morning Target Practice: The Sisters assemble for target practice, with roughly 50% more praying than other target practice sessions.
*11:00: Physical Training and Self-Mortification: The Sisters train their bodies, before whipping themselves and eachother. This is where the other 20% of anything with the Sisters involved is imagined.
*12:00: Ritual Abstention from Lunch.
*12:05: Meditation: The Sisters are encouraged to reflect on the weaknesses of flesh, and the unnecessary nature of midday meals.
*13:00: Midday Hike: The Sisters indulge in a scenic hike, in full power armour.
*15:00: Executions: Guardsmen found to show insufficient faith, excessive sympathy for mutants, improperly shined boots, improperly maintained bolters, and insufficient faith in the God-Emperor, again.
*16:00: Battle Practice: The Sisters gather to practice fighting with their extremely lethal weapons, sparring combat with each at full power is mandatory.
*18:00: Vespers: A light prayer session of two hours, in slightly louder silence.
*20:00 Surprise Inspection: The Sisters are inspected to ensure proper faith and equipment maintainence.
*20:30: A Second, Even More Surprising Inspection.
*21:00: Evening Meal.
*22:00: Compline and bedtime.

==Sisters Snuff==
Back in [[Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader|1st Edition]], they were present fluff only as an order that was essentially the [[Just As Planned|Inquisition for everyone including the Inquisition]] (like an Inquisition Internal Affairs branch; a "who watches the watchmen?" deal) and [[Derp|Space Marines]]. This would change in later editions, when they eventually get their own codex.

In 1997, when the [[Necron|Necrons]] were launched, [[Games Workshop]] had them face the Sisters in a Battle report, which the Sisters lost. The results of this battle report then became the [[Sanctuary 101]] fluff. Games Workshop liked the result so much that they decided the Sisters of Battle should get slaughtered all the time. Unless they are falling to Chaos, obviously. Some fans blame popular GW whipping boy [[Matthew Ward|Matt "Spiritual Liege" Ward]] for this tendency, but it was there long before he got here [[FATAL|and it continues to exist after he left]].

One way of looking at this is that it's the 'Worf Effect' (A.K.A.: [[Avatar of Khaine]] effect) in action - GeeDubs needs ''someone'' to take it up the ass to sell how powerful/crafty the [[BBEG]] of the week is, but stomping the Guard isn't all that impressive because of their eternal 'cannon fodder' status, stomping the Space Marines would make the posterboys of the franchise look bad and make the BBEG seem way more powerful than needed, and the [[Skitarii]] are practically Guard-grade cannon fodder in most BL novels in addition to their obscurity relative to the bigger factions; the Sisters, however, fall into the spot where they're (theoretically) powerful enough to sell the antagonist as a credible threat without making a majorly popular faction look weak, and without needing much justification as to why they're around (as would be the case with the AdMech and SMs). The other, of course, is that GW can't into good writing.

Please note that while [[Heresy|fa/tg/uys]] [[/d/|masturbate furiously]] to fanfics of Sisters engaging in BDSM fetish sex with the likes of other Lesbian sisters, servitors, [[Loli|children]], Schola Progenium cadets, Eldar, Dark Eldar, [[WhipsOil&Lofn|Half-Eldar]] or [[Sister of Nurgle|even the likes of Nurgle]], all of the below actually, '''canonically''' ''fucking happened''. (It should also be worth noting that they're getting stomped '''by their own fucking allies''' in most of these.)

[[File:Warhammer_40k_sisters_of_battle_adeptas_sororitas_battling_Dark_Eldar.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Heroic Lesbian Space Nuns + Evil BDSM Space Elves = Shut up and take my money! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fU5ZHQLsGo FAP !FAP! FAP!] ]]
Some highlights include:
* Some of a Dialogus Order and some Battle Sisters turned to Chaos by a [[Slaanesh|Slaaneshi]] Keeper of Secrets.
* A whole Order Mind Controlled by one Chaos [[Psyker]]. Fucking [[C.S.Goto|Goto]] (This happened again in the Ciaphas Cain books, although it was only a tiny convent with a couple of squads of sisters, not a entire Order, and said pskyer was also a direct lieutenant of the [[Failbaddon|Despoiler]] himself who was capable of controlling [[powergamer|entire planets]]).
* An Order is present in another Ciaphas Cain book, wherein they're tricked into exterminating the workers of a mining outpost and sheltering a rogue Inquisitor. In an unrelated matter, they nearly cost the Imperial Guard a crucial battle against the Tyranids because they couldn't keep their bloodlust in check (Only Ciaphas Cain calling them out for leaving countless civilians to be slaughtered in their temples as they pushed forward made them reconsider). That said, it's one of the kinder portrayals in this list, because the Sisters in that battle do manage to make it back to the defence lines, and the entire Order dies in a later battle covering the Commissar's exit in repentance.
* A strike force of [[Celestians]] and an [[Inquisitor]] being killed, cannibalized, and sacrificed by the Sons of Malice Astartes chapter for disturbing their victory rites and falsely accusing the chapter of heresy. (To be fair, a small force of sisters against an entire Chapter? Still doesn't excuse the cannibalism, though.)
* A whole shrine-world of Sisters killed by a <s>[[Chaos Dreadnought#Helbrute|Helbrute]]</s> [[Daemon Engine]] powered by [[rage]]. It shrugs off meltas, meltabombs and multiple [[Exorcist]] volleys, and the efforts of a number of [[Salamanders]] in Terminator armour. A [[Living Saint]] even gives up her divinity (not to be confused with virginity) to stop it by speaking the bound Daemon's true name (her order had a vow of silence, probably so the audio recording team didn't need to hire women to do any of the speaking rolls for the audio drama), therefore weakening it after her aura of peace causes it to calm down and shrink down to the size of a man instead of a massive daemon walker. [[What|The daemon is then destroyed when its shell is broken after a Space Marine decides to throw a]] [[Power weapon|Thunder Hammer]] at it. [[Fail|''We are not making this shit up'']].
* A detachment of Sisters killed by [[Grey Knights]], [[Khornate Knights|their bodies sliced open and their blood applied to the Grey Knights' armour, so the Grey Knights can be immune to the Bloodtide's effects (though some of the Sisters were immune with faith alone, make of that what you will).]] The Bloodtide was retconned in the most recent Grey Knights Codex to instead go down holding the line long enough for their Grey Knight allies to finish off the Daemons. Still losing, but at least this time they die with dignity.
* In another instance of Grey Knight-on-Sororita violence, during the climax of the first novel of the Grey Knight series, a detachment of Sisters led by Cannoness Ludmilla is tricked by a Chaos-turned Inquisitor into thinking that the Grey Knights pursuing it are Chaos Space Marines. Later (as in a few pages later), said detachment gets nearly kamikaze'd by said Grey Knight Strike Cruiser, which itself was shot down by Imperial Navy ships fooled into thinking that it was Chaos - starting to see a pattern here? Surprisingly, the only dudes that die from the crash are Imperial Guard and PDF - the Sisters survive but only to get the ever-Emprah-lovin' shit beaten out of them by the surviving Grey Knights. The sisters pull no punches, however, and do manage to take out a few of Alaric's squadmates, so power to them. BUT WAIT. Seeing as this was written by a much more competent author, unlike the ambiguous piece of shite-fluff written by a certain [[Matthew Ward|spiritual liege]], both sides figure out that this was part of an elaborate case of [[JUST AS PLANNED]], they stop fighting,and even more shockingly, the person who ends it is Cannoness Ludmilla, after noticing the FUCKHUEG books bolted on the GK's mighty pauldrons, and team up to take down the Big Baddy.
* In the campaign for ''[[Dawn Of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]]'', Sisters under the command of Canoness [[Selena Agna]] were one of three Imperial factions involved in the Kaurava Conflict who failed to get on the same page and ended up being slaughtered by the Orks under the command of [[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]. At least '''this''' time was an embarrassment for the Imperium all-around; the Blood Ravens Space Marines lost ''three companies'' in this conflict because they were led by [[Indrick Boreale|a bald idiot with an over-fondness for Drop Pods]] and the Imperial Guard took Ork boots so far up their asses that they all died tasting squig leather while [[Vance Stubbs|their leader]] slunk out of the system with his tail between his legs. But what really stings about this is that the Sisters were hostile to the Guard because they suspected them of causing the Warp Storm that instigated the conflict and they were ''entirely right'', as the Chaos ending reveals that the storm was triggered by an Imperial Guardsman who turned out to be a latent psyker. '''Oops.'''

==The Sudden Yet Inevitable Betrayal==
{{MattWard}}

[[File:Sister_Hmph.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The reaction of Sisters and SoB players everywhere to the codex update.]] On August 1, 2011 [[Games Workshop]] finally decided to attempt to "revamp" the Sisters of Battle with a [[White Dwarf]] codex, much to the aggravation of about two thirds of the [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Witch Hunters|Witch Hunters']] remaining playerbase. It was by no means a horrible update; initial worries on [[/tg/]] suggested it to be akin to a biblical plague in terms of disaster-level, when in truth it was simply sub-average. The update had its fluff written by [[Matt Ward|your SPIRITUAL LIEGE]]. In spite of this, it was squarely in-level with another [[Tyranids|bad codex update]], because the rules were clearly written by committee.

Gone were the various inquisitorial units that got gobbled up by the [[Grey Knights]] codex update. This meant that many of the classics, like [[Witch_Hunters#Lord_Inquisitor_Fyodor_Karamazov|Lord Inquisitor Krazypantzoff]] and [[Officio Assassinorum|Temple Assassins]], were gone, though they were replaced with Ecclesiarchy characters like [[Uriah Jacobus]] and [[Arch-Confessor Kyrinov]]. The Sisters did get some of Grey Knight units, namely [[Death Cult Assassin|Death Cult Assassins]], [[Arco-flagellant|Arco-Flagellants]], and [[Crusaders|Crusaders]], though their usefulness was questionable at best. [[Immolator|Immolators]] took a nasty nerf-bat to the face, being unable to fire on the move and losing all fire-points, which basically made them more-cost-effective [[Razorback Transport]]s). Who would have thought that Games Workshop would update an army by [[Carnifex|nerfing the one model every player had a couple of so that they all have to go out and buy new models]]?

Faith was functionally changed to a game of roulette, with randomized dice rolls deciding how much (if anything at all) you get. Units were given very specific faith powers on a squad-by-squad basis now, and whilst several were powerful, others were meh at best. [[Image:Repressor.jpg|right|thumb|Heavy armor in an update? We fucking ''wish''.]] Whereas before you had a nice general army that could use faith points to adapt to different situations, in the [[White Dwarf|Dwarf-dex]] system you had mostly weaker powers that were unreliable. Powers that most other units for similar points get permanently.

[[Sisters Repentia]] were originally purportedly nerfed, but in the end they were ''vastly'' better, boasting a 6++ invulnerable save, Fleet, and double their original number of attacks with a faith act to do more on death - meaning they stood a good chance of fucking up a lot of units they wouldn't pre-update... So ''now'' instead of paying ridiculous prices for a sick joke, you're just paying ridiculous prices for a suicide squad. At least they'll rape shit while they're there now. ''Progress''!

Sadly, things were muddled by a spree of fake releases as part of an [[Troll|April Fool's Prank]]. Original reports of genuinely useful units to offset the loss of the [[Stormtrooper|Stormtroopers]] and inducted forces thus turned out to be false. There was also talk of a new heavy transport/assault vehicle called the [[Repressor]], but it turned out to be part of the same fucking April Fool's Prank and is still Forgeworld-only (which sucks because it would be an improvement). Of the new characters, Kyrinov was semi-useful, and Jacobus was near-mandatory if you wanted to do anything with Acts of Faith. So in summary, about a third of the Sisters' armory is now gone without being replaced by anything. (The [[Bretonnia|knights]] feel your pain now.)

The biggest kick in the cunt for the Sisters, aside from the obvious loss of utility units, was the loss of ally rules and inducted unit rules. One of the biggest advantages the Sisters had was the ability to, courtesy of the Ordo Hereticus, requisition allied forces. A time-honored method of getting around the relatively weak Sisters of Battle vehicular lineup was to take some Inducted Guardsmen for a Leman Russ or two, or Space Marines for a Predator. The loss of Inquisitors also came with the loss of [[Land Raider|Land Raiders]] as dedicated transports, which was another stab at their vehicular capabilities.

===The Eternal Vigil===
[[Image:Homelesssister.jpg|right|thumb|She waited for so long, and finally found what she needed. Last seen burning heretics in battle with tears of joy streaming down her face.]]
For years many members of [[/tg/]] were violently, gleefully convinced the sisters were on their way to be [[Squat|squatted]], while a tiny contingent of the faithful kept a candle burning, waiting for the day that their beloved bolter bitches will rise again ([[Finecast|tiny bubbles]] and all). After 23 years of metal pewter and 3rd party conversions, their prayers were finally answered and the Emperor delivered onto them [[Awesome|genuine GW plastic bolter bitches!]]

*'''0172008.M3:''' The Sisters are released as a playable faction in [[Dawn of War|Dawn of War: Soulstorm]]. While it is poorly designed and built, it still drums up some enthusiasm for the Sisters. Many conflicted feels are had.
*'''0583011.M3:''' [[Matt Ward|The Destroyer]] and [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] release a playable [[White Dwarf]] codex for the sisters, hinting at a similar treatment to the [[Blood Angels|Blood <s>Angels]] </s> <s> heretics </s> fuck you.
*'''0608012.M3:''' The sisters are retained for the 6E allies system and given a new flyer via [[Forge World]]. An unconfirmed leak shows a line up of new Sisters characters in development.
*'''0569013.M3:''' Faithful pilgrims supplicate themselves before the great and powerful [[Jervis Johnson]] asking for news on the Sisters. They are told that all armies are being worked on and there are no plans to discontinue support for the sisters. [[Phil Kelly|The Kelly]] adds that modeling issues prevented their release previously.
*'''05611013.M3:''' Rumors begin swirling about an [[Warhammer 40,000/6th Edition Tactics/Adepta Sororitas|official digital codex]] release for the Sisters. A leaked and subsequently confirmed White Dwarf advert later confirms this, and promises an updated version of the 5e codex. A later interview with [[Robin Cruddace|The Cruddace]] indicates that the codex will include tweaks to Faith and points cost, and that if it sells well enough it may get a physical release. The release date for the digital codex was set for October 19th. Later comments on the GW Digital Editions facebook page confirms a Warlord Traits Chart, Ecclesiarchy Relics and an Altar of War, in addition to some updates, new fluff and artwork and changes to faith and points costs. It appears that the Sisters prayers have been at least partially answered. A physical release however is still very much dependent on the sale of this eBook however. Also during all this GW changes the name from Sisters of Battle to Adepta Sororitas most likely because it sounds cooler and is [[ChapterHouse Studios|easier to maintain copyright on]]. The reactions are mixed when the Codex is released, with such changes like making all Acts of Faith usable only once, maximum twice, per battle and many buffs and nerfs around the board, leaving many arguing whatever the Sisters got better or majorly screwed. However, this mixed reception '''is''' better than the universally negative reception of the [[White Dwarf]] codex.
*'''09999015.M3:''' Escalation is released, alongside Stronghold Assault. While Stronghold Assault slips by unnoticed, the Sisters of Battle receive no Lords of War choices in an otherwise controversial and poorly thought out expansion. It then falls to Forge World to release a downloadable sheet a few days later saying that Sisters armies can take Warhound & Reaver titans, as well as Marauder Bombers & Destroyers as Lords of War. The Sisters have yet to comment on how overkill these choices might be if they can ever deploy them. The Reaver is at least far too expensive for normal games.
*'''0914016.M3:''' The Adepta Sororitas digital codex finally gets a physical release as part of [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Imperial Agents|Codex: Imperial Agents]]. Like the digital codex, the new one has a mixed reception, as it removes Saint Celestine from the army (leaving the Sisters with a single named character) and comes with a formation that called the Vestal Task Force that isn't great. However, it also allows for Ministorum Priests to be taken independently, and separates the component units of the Ecclesiarchy Battle Conclave, though these units are not given any buffs to make them useful on their own. Not much, but it was something.
[[Image:Celestine Fall of Cadia.jpg|left|thumb|Guess who's back, bitches?]]
*'''0999016.M3:''' The Warhammer TV team, after the initial hint in the video which saw Magnus announced, releases a compilation of 2016 launches. At the end of said video can be seen clearly several launches of January, including no other than a new plastic kit of the '''Living Saint Celestine''', supposedly tied to the release of The Gathering Storm: Fall of Cadia. The internet, and specially /tg/ and the SoB players go nuts shortly after that, which only gets worse after the confirmation in a Twitch live few hours later.
*'''0019017.M3:''' Fall of Cadia releases and Sisters are starting to return to the limelight. Not only do the Nuns With Guns play a substantial role in the 13th Black Crusade, but Saint Celestine is one of the key characters of the story, bringing reinforcements, rallying the beleaguered Imperial Forces, and facing off with [[Abaddon]] himself. She also gets updated rules which turn her into a powerhouse, capable of calling orbital strikes, chopping tanks in half, buffing nearby Imperial units, and becoming nearly impossible to kill. The book also comes with additional Ecclesiarchy Relics, causing much rejoicing among SoB fans.
===The Return===
[[File:WHFest2019-Sororitas1.jpg|250px|thumb|right|A fully painted sneak peak of things to come. Amazingly, GW has taken the time to learn how to sculpt female models [[Commorragh Slaves|that don't look hideous]], though they still haven't learned that [[THIN YOUR PAINTS|using CAD to sculpt in zillions of fiddly details makes life hell for novice painters.]] And she finally has a name! Sister Superior Amalia Novena.]]
*'''0233018.M3:''' In the [[https://www.warhammer-community.com/2018/03/22/breaking-news-major-revealsgw-homepage-post-1/|Adepticon XVI of 018.M3]], the team disclosed a plethora of information of future releases: [[Imperial Knight#Castellan_Knight_Patterns|Knights Castellan]], photos of the [[Idoneth Deepkin]] for AoS, a TCG of AoS and more. One of these announcements is the confirmation that '''THE RENOVATION IN PLASTIC OF THE SISTERS OF BATTLE IS HAPPENING'''. This is due to the overwhelming support of the fanbase during the Great Survey, which convinced the high-ups to give them what is due. The release date was unconfirmed, but temporally was "Emperor's willing, 019.M3" and in the meantime the whole process of designing, creating and bringing them back will be made public. The Sisters would not be going the way of [[Squats|Bretonnia, the space Dwarves, Kislev and Nehekhara]] after all. PRAISE THE EMPRAH!!
*'''0999018.M3:''' GW releases beta Adepta Sororitas rules in Chapter Approved 2018. Despite an insane amount of hype, the rules end up being rather lackluster, and are met with a [[Skub|mixed reaction]] from the community. Although the beta rules help Sisters in some ways, such as buffing Exorcists and making Uriah Jacobus worth his point cost, they also include a series of inexplicable nerfs which drastically reduce their overall utility as an army, such as removing eviscerators from Canonesses, splitting up Celestine and the Geminae Superia, and completely removing wargear options from Ministorum Priests. Worst of all, they reworked Acts of Faith into a points-based system which was both more confusing and less useful than the Index Acts of Faith rules, effectively giving Sisters an army-wide nerf. Fortunately, this was just a beta codex, and [https://www.warhammer-community.com/2019/03/04/battle-sister-bulletin-part-2-beta-rules-feedback/ GW is listening to the community's response.]
*'''0659019.M3:''' During the Nova open a new box set for the sisters was revealed, with new models for the Penitent engine and the Mistress of Repentance as well as confirming November to be the release month for the Sisters new range. The end of the Eternal Vigil is in sight.
*'''0877019.M03:''' The Sister of battle boxset is released..... and then instantly sells out, leaving many Sister fans without a box. GW addresses this saying there will be another chance to get the box in stores on November 29th. [[Tzeentch|Almost as if this was planned]]. It's also announced that the proper release for Sisters with the multi-part kits will actually drop during January 2020, so Sister player will have to wait a little longer for the actual release.
*'''0050020.M03:''' The first actual wave of new Sister models drops, along with the codex, with the next waves of new Sister models being released over the next few weeks. After 23 years, the Sisters of Battle have new, proper plastic model sets. The Eternal Vigil is finally over.
*'''0394020.M03:''' During the [https://www.warhammer-community.com/2020/05/23/the-big-warhammer-40000-previewgw-homepage-post-1/|"Big 40k Preview"], GW revealed the [[Warhammer 40,000 9th Edition|next edition]] of Warhammer 40k, and in the animated trailer for the edition it shows off the [[Sanctuary 101|Sisters fighting Necrons]] along side Space Marines. Further more the Sisters got their [https://www.warhammer-community.com/2020/06/18/faction-focus-adepta-sororitasgw-homepage-post-4fw-homepage-post-4/|Faction Focus] for the new edition very quickly. Both of these facts seem to suggest that GW has realised the popularity of the Sisters and is pushing them to be the Imperiums #2 faction, usurping the Imperial Guard from this position (though the Imperial Guard is finding itself in the same position as the Sisters were). How far they have come in such little time.

===Getting Started With The Nuns===
You can buy the official models.

Or you can look around other 3rd party miniature stores as most will have extras for your army or alternatives to the normal Sister models. Feel free to uses these to further customise your army or create more unique characters (You can't play in GW stores but there are plenty of [[LGS]] out there so meh).

==The James Swallow books: SoBs can win too!==
[[File:Hammer-and-anvil.jpg|250px|thumb|left|Sister Miriya from Hammer & Anvil; yes, [[Black Library]] artists can draw pretty sisters too.]]
Among [[Black Library]], there are two books, specifically starring the Sisters, that are widely considered to be some the finest portrayals of SoBs in all of [[40K]] fluff. Both were authored by [[James Swallow]], who decided that Sisters needed some attention and got to work. The first, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Faith-and-Fire.html Faith and Fire], has the Sisters battling with what are basically terrorist psykers on a shrine world while trying to uncover the reasons behind the attacks. Then there's the sequel, [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/Hammer-and-Anvil.html Hammer and Anvil]. Remember reading about Sanctuary 101 up there? This book has them going back there and trying to figure out what happened. While saying too much would be spoiling it, it can be said that shit hits the fan hard and that the final battle is very epic stuff. Also, if you're feeling extra faithful, Swallow wrote an SoB audiobook called [http://www.blacklibrary.com/all-products/red-and-black-mp3.html Red and Black]. A prequel to Faith and Fire, it has the Sisters being sent to a recently rediscovered planet as representatives of the Imperium, and ultimately to judge it. Needless to say, things get complicated. Also features a Scottish SoB. So, you can help the Sisters by getting the above books so that [[Games Workshop]] and Black Library may decide to change their minds and give some love to these girls. Or at least give them some additional badass portrayals.

==Tactics==
The Sisters of Battle employ a costly yet simple tactic whenever they're called out for battle:

 1. Bring thousands of sexually deprived Sisters of Battle into the field.
 2.Arm them all with Melta and flame-based weapons. Small squads of Storm Bolters also encouraged.
 3.<s>Tell them they can shlick to the image of the Emperor if they triumph over the foul enemies of the Imperium.</s> {{BLAM|'''HERESY. *BLAM*'''}}
 4.Set them loose, hope you are not fighting slaaneshi cult, hope you're fighting Dark Eldar wyches (although they do seem to be doing that just fine in one of the artworks on this page).
 5.If they do win, all remaining Imperial troops, save for the SoBs, are ordered off the field.
 6.No other accounts can be heard of, as remembrancers and all other Imperial journalists are sworn to an oath of silence on whatever events transpired (one theory is it would look like a mix of "Soldier of Fortune" and "Girls Gone Wild")
 7.????
 8.Profit.

''(Yes we do have a real tactica, its [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adeptus_Ministorum (9E)|here]].)''

==Notable Sororitas Characters==
{|align=center border="1" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0""
|-
|align=center|'''Name'''
|align=center|'''Order'''
|align=center|'''Description/Current Status'''
|align=center|'''Image'''
|align=center|'''Model'''
|-
|align=center|'''[[Canoness Veridyan]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|The canoness from the cover of the 2nd Edition codex. A steadfast, calculating woman who operates with a high degree of precision.
|align=center|[[Image:Veridyan Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:Veridyan Model.jpg|150px|]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Ephrael Stern]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|Also known as the Thrice-Born and the Daemonifuge. A living weapon against Chaos with incredible psychic power, currently heading to the Black Library with an exiled Harlequin.
|align=center|[[Image:Ephrael Stern Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:SternMini.JPG|150px|]] [[File:Ephrael Stern and Kyganil-2020.png|150px]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Miriael Sabathiel]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]] (formerly)
|align=center|Former Sister Superior of the Order of Our Martyred Lady and one of the very few Sisters who fell to Chaos (specifically, Slaanesh worship).
|align=center|[[Image:Miriael Sabathiel Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|None
|-
|align=center|'''[[Miriya]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|Celestian Superior of the Order of Our Martyred Lady and protagonist of Swallow's Sister of Battle books. Best known for her independent, headstrong attitude as well as her creative interpretation of orders. While this frequently gets her into trouble with her superiors, it also makes her uniquely qualified for handling situations that require quick action and outside-the-box thinking.
|align=center|[[Image:Mirya Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|None
|-
|align=center|'''[[Saint Celestine]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]] (formerly)
|align=center|A sister who became one of the most famous [[Living Saint|Living Saints]] in the Imperium. Best known for her angelic presence, relentless optimism, and resurrection
powers, the latter of which makes her nearly impossible to kill. <s>She's also heavily implied to be the Imperial equivalent of a [[daemon prince]]</s> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|HERESY!}}
|align=center|[[Image:Celestine Portrait.jpg|150px|]]
|align=center|[[Image:Celestine 7e.jpg|150px|]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Canoness-Errant Setheno]]'''
|align=center|Order of Piercing Thorn (Minoris)
|align=center|After completely eradicating her own order on '''suspicion''' of corruption, she became Canoness-Errant, a vaguely defined position that involves a lot of asskicking.
Inquisitors wish they were as scary as her. Allied with the [[Black Dragons]] and [[Commissar Yarrick]]. Also she can apparently move fast enough to cut bolter fire, and block lasfire.
|align=center|None
|align=center|None
|-
|align=center|'''[[Saint Katherine]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of the Fiery Heart]]
|align=center|A living saint and whose death caused her order to rename themselves to the Order of Our Martyred Lady. Also, it's her armour and sword that are now wielded by Saint Celestine.
|align=center|None
|align=center|[[File:Sisters The Triumph of Saint Kathrine.jpg|150px]]
|-
|align=center|'''[[Canoness Superior Junith Eruita]]'''
|align=center|[[Sisters of Battle#Overview|Order of Our Martyred Lady]]
|align=center|A new Canoness revealed for the new SoB lineup. After the cathedral she was fighting in collapsed on her, [[Awesome|she punished the cathedral for trying to kill her]] by turning its unbroken pulpit into her personal weapons platform.
|align=center|None
|align=center|[[File:Sister JunithEruita.jpg|150px]]
|}

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Adeptus Ministorum (9E)|Tactica on how to play them.]]
*[[Sisters of Battle Order Creation Tables]]: Create your very own Order of pyromaniac nuns.
*[[Sisters of Sigmar]]: The Warhammer Fantasy equivalent
*[[Sisters of Silence]]: Not to be confused with Sisters of Battle.
*[[/tg/ Codex Supplement - Faith Militant]]: An [[Warhammer 40,000 8th edition|8th edition]] [[homebrew]] codex supplement for everyone's favorite Nuns With Guns. Includes new characters, frateris milita, flyers, customizable Living Saints, and much more!
*[[Sisters of Cleaning]]: a [[/tg/]] created order who put the "maid" in "battle maiden".
*[[The Times and Trials of Klightus]]: a love story about a shy [[Imperial Guard | Guardsman]] and a Sister of Battle.
*[[The Steadfast Pewter Sororitas]]: a sad story about what happens to those metal Sisters that don't get bought.
*[[Sister of Nurgle]]: An article riddled with the blessings of Nurgle and [[PROMOTIONS]].

===/tg/-Created Orders===
*[[Order Of The Anointed Arrow|Order of the Anointed Arrow]]: Divergent order of stealthy snipers who smite the enemies of Mankind with fuel-air explosives, laden with the ashes of martyrs. Also loves telling war stories.
*[[Order Of The Armoured Heart|Order of the Armoured Heart]]: Melee specialists who wear specially constructed strength-enhancing carapace armor instead of power armor.
*[[Order of the Blinded Martyr]]: Proud warriors who believe the Sororitas should be excellent soldiers first and foremost. They kick a lot of ass, but also have a bad habit of not retreating when they should, which has brought them to the brink of extinction.
*[[Order of the Guiding Light]]: Defenders of the solar archeotech on the planet Pasiphae alongside their [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Cult Mechanicus]] allies. Sworn enemies of Tzeentch and his minions who seek to take the world for [[Just as planned|probably nefarious purposes]].
*[[Order of the Martyred Heart]]: Aztec-themed sisters who utilize holy blood rituals to empower their warriors with the [[The Emperor|Sun-Emperor's]] might. Close allies with the [[Blood Jaguars]] space marine chapter.
*[[Order of the Obsidian Mirror]]: A rare fusion of an order dialogus and an order militant, the sisters of the Obsidian Mirror are experts in covert and psychological warfare who wage a deadly secret war throughout the Ultima Segmentum.
*[[Order of the Pointed Word]]: Guardians of the vital trade world of Dar-al-Rashid who prize wisdom and intellect above all. The sisters of the Pointed Word are master strategists who utilize a highly mobile form of warfare to secure victory.
*[[Order of the Waning Dawn]]: [[Nazi|Genetic purists]] who hate the mutant and the alien even more than most Sisters of Battle. Rather than having a homeworld, they're based out of a warp-capable space fortress called the Fist of Purity. Currently engaged in a brutal four-way war on the [[Black Sentinels]] recruiting world of Derosk XII against [[Tau Empire|T'au]], [[Ork]], and [[Dark Eldar]] forces.

==External Links==
*[http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1426730/ suptg archive about Sisters of Battle and pedophilia].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHuNbWMBAeA FOR THE IMPERIUM! ''Hey, there's no rule saying that warrior space nuns can't be badass.'']
*[https://www.sendspace.com/file/8zykal Rules & Summary for Codex: Adepta Sororitas, for those who do not like the clusterfuck 7e digital codex.]{Broken Link FYI}
*[https://youtu.be/__GHpmdmJu0/ They can also sing!].

==Gallery==

===General===
<center>
<gallery>
AdSor.jpg|Scourge and Purge!
16 bit Battle Sisters SteelJoe.gif|The Action-Girls of 40k (Animated!)
Nun n' Gun.jpg|What? U MAD [[Space Marines|SPESS MAHREEN?]]
Sister of D'awwwww.jpg|They aren't actually this cute. -But they should be.-
But That's Heresy.jpg|But whatever it is, it's probably worth it. Maybe.
Sororit as planned.jpg| The rape face you know you love.
Pedo Sisters.jpg
NoiseMarine SoB.jpg | [[Rape|We all know how this is going to end.]]
MujuLolcron.jpg|Love Can Bl-- wait.
Sororitas.png
Ephrael_stern_page29.jpg|There was a sister in the [[Lost Worlds]] battlebook series.
1290509755821.jpg|Can't read my, Can't read my, No he cannot read my Purging Face (She's got no one to spare)
Sistersnslaanesh.jpg| Incompetent Inquisitor is incompetent (Hey, we know he did that on purpose).
1269678816033.jpg|dum dum dum... dummmm
1228253984074.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
1230052783344.png|Post whenever you need to make a fa/tg/uy rage that he doesn't understand the role and jurisdiction of Commissars.
Peachsororitas.jpg|Sorry Mario, but your Heresy is in another castle
Games Workshop Hates France.jpeg|This is rain.
File:Part Deux.jpg|2019. The year [[Warhammer fantasy|everybody]] [[Bretonnia|came back]].
1232217288173.jpg
LolimoNsis.png
B0018254_4897156440df9.jpg|Grimdark meets [[Hot Chicks]].
1227858843066.jpg|Sisters love delicious xeno shota.
Sororita_change_poster.png|Yes We Can
Nagasister_of_battle.jpg|Are we this desperate for recruits?
Haters.png|Haters gonna BURN in 2019!
Sistersuperior.jpg
1335738154693.jpg
SisterShy.jpg|You don't want to see her tsun side.
Notsureheresy.jpg
Heretic%3F_Colored.jpg|Better purge them anyway...
SisterCheer.jpg|<s>NO THATS STUPID NO NO NO.</s> Let's face it, being a bunch of glorified cheerleaders isn't that far off the mark nowadays...
Sisterweeaboo.jpg
Pyschosister.jpg|[[Awesome|Problems heretics?]]
ChaosCookies.png|Just as planned.
BurnHereticsBurn.jpg|Heretics gunna get burned.
SororitaInquisitorIsntHome.jpg|When the Inquisitor's away, the Sisters will play...
Sisters of repentia sisters of battle Adepta Sororitas rule 34 montage can't believe how hard fetish rule 34 Warhammer 40k myoc redux.jpg|As hilarious as it is to picture a bunch of semi-nude nuns bull rushing a carnifex or a baneblade through a hail of gunfire, it's also weirdly sexy. Behold, the [[Sisters Repentia]].
Sororitastakeabreak.png|What the Sisters were reduced to until 2019.
Remember.jpg|[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqK5cHSxMA Remember]
</gallery>
</center>

===Cosplay===
<center>
<gallery>
FB IMG 15951165224041649.jpg
FB IMG 15951165162181028.jpg
FB IMG 15951165057975486.jpg
FB IMG 15951164971844193.jpg
FB IMG 15951164872150272.jpg
FB IMG 15951164808935110.jpg
Sororita cosplay7.jpg
SororitaAsianCosplay.jpg|Sister Shoju
Sororita_cosplay4.jpg
Repentia_+_bolter_bitches.jpg|The [[China|Chinese]] are beating us to the punch.
Sis.jpg
Celestine Cosplay.jpg|Sweet Emprah!
SoB Cosplay.jpg
SoB Cosplay 2.jpg|Scarred sisters are best sisters
SoB Cosplay 3.jpg
Shenzi sob warhammer 77 by cynshenzi-dalqqbb.jpg
1518145539057.png
1468433605143314511.jpg
1514910964169599531.jpg
SoB Cosplay 4.jpg
SoB Cosplay 5.jpg
1522066264701.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

===New Models===
<center>
<gallery>
File:Battle sister 1.jpg|The new Battle Sisters, with their badass helmets.
File:Nova-Sob-Seraphim.jpg
File:Sister Celestial.jpg|Celestials, Dominions and battle sisters all share the same kit now.
File:Sister Dominion.jpg|"Hellraiser! In the thunder and heat!"
File:Sister Retributors.png|New Retributors.... just put some helmets on them and it will all be kosher. (That 5 o'clock shadow tho...)
File:Sister Dialogous.jpg|New Dialogous.
File:Sister MultiCannoness.jpg|A character kit with options? What year is it?
File:Sisters Repentia.jpg|The new Repentia. The most [[Skub]] causing models of the entire range.
File:Sister Hospitiler.jpg
File:Sister Imagifier.jpg|"You brought a flag? That's cute"
File:Sister Zephyrim.png|
File:BSB Rhino.jpg|Look! Rhinos! RHINOS! The sisters hide in METAL BAWKSES, DA KOWARDZ! TEH FEWLZ!!
File:Sister Exorcist.jpg|The next song is titled "Get Fucked".
File:Sister Immolator.jpg|BEHOLD THE IMMOLATOR!
File:Nova-SoB-Pentient.jpg|The Pentient engine lost weight.... and a few inches in height.
File:Sisters Mortifier.jpg|A new variant of pentient engine, called a Mortifier.
File:New Damien 1427.png|New Arco-Flagellants, and a returning face.
File:Sister Battle Sanctum.png|And it wouldn't be an 8th edition update without a building.
</gallery>
</center>

===Painting pretty Sisters of Battle faces (so they don't look like manly marines)===
 
 
<center>
<gallery>
Pretty-sister-1.jpeg
Pretty-sister-2.jpeg
Pretty-sister-3.jpeg
Pretty-sister-4.jpeg
Pretty-sister-5.jpeg
</gallery>
</center>
 

===Emblems===
 
<center>
<gallery>
OrderOfOurMartyredLadyEmblem.jpg|Our Martyred Lady
OrderOfTheArgentShroudEmblem.jpg|Argent Shroud
OrderOfTheBloodyRoseEmblem.jpg|Bloody Rose
OrderOfTheEbonChaliceEmblem.jpg|Ebon Chalice
OrderOfTheSacredRoseEmblem.jpg|Sacred Rose
OrderOfTheValorousHeartEmblem.jpg|Valorous Heart
</gallery>
</center>
 
And...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well I guess you simps were expecting promotions right?...

===PROMOTIONS===
 
{{Promotions}}
 
<center>
<gallery>

Canoness femdom.jpg|Goddamn fetishists... '''Ohoho!''' The [[Slaanesh|glorious satin throne]] is telling me '''someone''' is feeling a little butthurt! Speaking of which I'm late for my [[Rape|lunchtime appoin-]]{{BLAM|}} {{BLAM|Filthy Slaanesh worshipper!}}
Sistergangbang.png|There are not too many men (not counting old priests) in Adepta Sororitas so they have to improvise.
Strip_hammer_commission_for_propertyoflamb_by_hotgum-dagtqp6.jpg|What happens when a Battle Sister, a Repentia, a Hospitaller and a Living Saint decide they need to make a little cash?
R-daemonette 10.jpg |evidence that slaneesh can corrupt sisters of battle
Repentia_1.jpg|Sisters Repentia are supposed to repent. Stop whinging you know we know that you like this more.
FIGHTBYMYSIDE.jpg| An imperial artist's representation of a living saint.
1230051355300.gif|GENESTEALERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. <s>-But they should-</s> NO THEY SHOULDN'T, YOU SICK [[Slaanesh|PERV]].
Sister reading heretical text by Naga.gif
1233114472588.png|Unlike other settings, in 40k this kind of thing DOESN'T work. Still kinda hot though.
Sororitas strawberries.jpg
Sisters.jpg
1228252747952.jpg|Cum my sisters!
Repentia_2.jpg|Not that they are fanatical about it.
sister_n_slaaneshi.jpg|Sister in ''deep'' trouble.
2nhnnlh.jpg|The lesser known loli chapter.
X6eb14.jpg|More loli.
SistervsLeviathan.jpg|OMNOMNOMNOM
Sororita_by_ipheli-d9mzze4.png|Sister Temeraire at rest
Sororita_2_rest_by_ipheli-damic1m.png|Interesting place for your devotional tattoo...
Saint celestine and the geminae superia by sexual yeti-dat6rd3.png|Sexy Celestine
91a96fb85899c260cb028d6ac34603b6.jpg
ToTheEnd.jpg|To the end...
</gallery>
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