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Malekith

2016-03-07T03:29:52Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6:

[[File:Malekith concept.jpg|right|300px|thumb|All hail the '''Eternity King'''. And it turns out he's a good guy after all. Yeah. This guy. Hero.]]

''"Ulthuan belongs to me. If it takes a thousand years, ten thousand years, I will claim my rightful place as king. I am the son of Aenarion. It is my destiny."''

Malekith the Witch King of Naggaroth

''"Tyrants have always some slight shade of virtue; they support the laws before destroying them."''

Voltaire

'''Malekith''' (pronounced either as "Mah-leh-kith" or "May-leh-kith") is the supreme ruler of the Druchii (or Dark Elves) of Naggaroth. He is also Known as 'The Witch King of Naggaroth', or just simply '''The Witch King'''. All the way up through the End times he still [[Meme|lived with his mom]], not to mention slept with her.

==Early History==
He was the son of the first Phoenix King Aenarion (Who at the time, by all accounts, had become an incredibly violent and vengeful hothead) and the Sorceress [[Morathi]] (who, pre-retcon in 7e, was "secretly" a worshiper of Slaanesh). When Aenarion died after defeating the Forces of Chaos who had invaded Ulthuan, The Princes of [[Ulthuan]] met to decide who would be the new Phoenix King. Though Malekith was the likely choice, some thought that he wouldn't be a good king due to the harsh upbringing/customs in Nagarythe. Malekith's half-sister Yvrainne had already been appointed as the next Everqueen and the idea of an incestuous monarchy grossed them out. Displaying a talent for diplomacy, Malekith suggest a vote. While some nobles were swayed by his words, other were not. The majority vote went to a Prince named Bel Shanaar. Malekith appeared to take this with good grace and was the first to bend the knee, but inside he seethed at being passed over.

He then opted to seek fame and glory outside of Ulthuan, and made an expedition to the Old World. His first spark of fame came when he defended a High Elf colony from Orcs. He also made friendships with the Dwarves. The first glimpse of his dark side is seen here in his 'Time of Legends' novel as he covertly has two ambassadors of Bel Shannar who'd already made first contact with the Dwarves murdered by one of his lieutenants. Despite this he manages to become best buds with their High King Snorri, bonding over troll-hunting and becoming friends after double-teaming a Shaggoth and being unable to decide who got the kill. When the High Elves established a trading agreement with them, Bel Shannar appointed Malekith as the ambassador to the Dwarves. Over the course of a few years, he became very popular with the Old World colonies through the new elf-dwarf alliance and many battlefield victories. [[Matt Ward|Around this time in 8th Edition fluff he married a Priestess of Lileath called Allisara. They were happy together for awhile but one night she had a vision about his future and left him waking up to an empty bed next morning. He tried to find her, but then got caught back up in his obsessive research into magic]]. Though of course, this was just not enough. So he decided to explore further north where he found ancient ruins full of undead (this was before necromancy was invented, so not the [[Vampire Counts|vampiric]] or [[Tomb Kings|mummified]] kind). After fighting his way through them he found an artifact called the Circlet of Iron (which boosted his magical power) and got a glimpse of the Realm of Chaos.

When he heard that the Cult of Pleasure was resurfacing in Ulthuan, he found this as a chance to increase his influence. Upon his return he was then given command of Ulthuans armies and decimated many of the Cultists. Despite his homeland Nagarythe being the most afflicted and the source he did not relent. In one of his assaults, he discovered that (surprise surprise) his own mother was the leader of the Cult. Conflicted and enraged, he practically disowned her and took the fight to the cultists with redoubled effort. At the battle for Anlec he finally cornered Morathi and the two dueled. Later on, he emerged with Morathi in custody. When he brought his mother before Bel Shannar, the Princes, including Imrik (who would later become Caledor the Conqueror), demanded her death. Malekith (who struck a secret bargain with Morathi after the duel) convinced the Princes and Bel Shannar to keep her imprisoned instead (which was a huge mistake).

When the time was right, he poisoned Bel Shanaar and tried to frame him as a Chaos worshipper. When the latter didn't work he massacred the majority of the princes gathered in the Shrine of Asuryan. Wanting to prove himself as the rightful ruler of Ulthuan, he stepped into the Flames of Asuryan. Malekith realised too late that stepping into the flames wasn't such a good idea when they horrifically burned his flesh. He barely managed to jump out of the flames, leaving himself as a mess of flesh and steel. His followers quickly escaped with his charred body and brought him to his mother, who saved him from death. Morathi commissioned a renegade priest of Vaul named Hotek to make his iconic armor, The Armor of Midnight, which was fused into his flesh.

Civil war then erupted between Malekith and the newly crowned Phoenix King Caledor. The battle raged back and forth, with Nagarythe, Tiranoc and Ellyrion being decimated. When Malekith was losing, he ordered his Sorcerers to undo the vortex that Caledor Dragontamer conjured years ago and unleash daemons on the elves who wouldn't serve him. It backfired. Instead, it sank nearly all of the province of Nagarythe. Malekith and some of his followers use magic to rip the castles and the surrounding rock from the landmass and make them float on the surface of the ocean (these would go on to become the city-sized ships known as the Black Arks) and fled to the New World with his followers (the newly named Dark Elves).

==History as the Witch King==

He then founded a new kingdom, called Naggaroth in memory of Nagarythe. Founding a nation was hard work, but Malekith had done similar with the cities in what later became Bretonnia. After the cities were formed some of the nobles saw the wealth they controlled and started to rebel. Malekith planned to deal with them by force, but his mother suggested more subtle (and dangerous) methods. He played the noble houses against each other and also tricked a group of rebel Druchii Lords into drinking poison and poured the last bottle of antidote on his dick (jokes aside, he refused to give them the antidote until they swore unfailing loyalty to him).

During this time Naggaroth suffered from repeated attacks by Chaos warbands. Malekith ordered a series of watch towers constructed along Naggaroth's northern border to keep them out, a mostly successful idea.

The War of the Beard? He started it to prevent the High Elves and Dwarves from allying against him. This was unwittingly aided and abetted by the Phoenix King at the time,Caledor the Second, being a spoilt man-child and Dwarves putting such emphasis on beards.

At one point he got a clutch of dragon eggs; found in the Blackspine Mountains of Naggaroth by a group of Shades. They were tended to until they hatched. Once the first dragon hatched she destroyed most of the other eggs before the attendants could stop her. Impressed by her ruthless instincts, Malekith took the dragon as his own, named her Seraphon and she was the most recent of his dragon mounts.

He regularly invaded Ulthuan in hopes of reclaiming what he thinks is his Birthright as Phoenix king. Though he has not succeeded yet. He forbade males to become sorcerers out of fear of a prophecy which stated that he will be killed by a male sorcerer (though the prophecy said sorcery, which can be used by a man or a woman). Any who defy this rule are killed or cursed to be consumed by Slaanesh. His mother is secretly plotting to overthrow him - he, in turn, wants to kill her when he thinks he no longer needs her.

As the game progressed, much of his lore has been changed or retconned. It was implied that their relationship was incestuous, but 8th edition lore has omitted that. Another bit of 8th edition lore says that his ex-wife Allisara regretted leaving him; she'd gone to live with her sister, the Wood Elf queen Ariel. She still cared for Malekith and thought she could guide him down a gentler path, so sent a message to him seeking reconciliation. He agreed. Unfortunately Morathi found out and covertly arranged Allisara's death. She told her son and her plan bore fruit as the last spark of warmth/compassion in his heart died. However, he found out Morathi's involvement a year later and nearly had her killed. He relented and settled for imprisoning her for over a year and warning her never to do something like that again. He also left her to hang when Orion and Ariel came with an army of Wood Elves to avenge Allisara.

Malekith's most recent invasion of Ulthuan prior to the End Times (see below) saw Malekith almost claim victory. He and Morathi allied with some of the followers of Chaos while he struck a bargain with the Keeper of Secrets [[N'kari]] to try and kill the Everqueen. When this failed Malekith had a case of Genre Savvy and realized that this invasion could fail, so he moved his best troops back to Naggaroth and led the charge with those left. His champion Urian Poisonblade killed several High Elf heroes before coming down with a case of sword-through-the-heart from Tyrion (secretly helped by Morathi). Malekith ordered his forces to charge. During a sorcerous fight with Teclis, Teclis nearly killed Malekith, who fled to the Chaos Wastes (aka the Warp) in desperation but he was able to walk out of it after some time. His time there changed his personality into a calmer and more sinister one.

During a festival for the elven version of Slaanesh Athari, Malekith had to contend with a daemonic invasion of Naggarond led by N'kari; he forgot N'kari had a vendetta against Aenarion's descendants, due to being defeated by him, and that Malekith himself was Aenarion's son. He also had several Dark Elf armies ally with greenskins to attack Bretonnia, softening them up so they couldn't help the High Elves.

==[[The End Times]] A.K.A. Present==
A large number of things happened in The End Times, but the most notable is that he left Naggaroth to die for Ulthuan in a last-effort ditch to take the throne... and he did it. All hail <strike>Phoenix</strike> Eternity King Malekith I. This effectively means that he no longer lives with his mom, who was taken by Slaanesh.

Of note, according to Teclis, apparently Asuryan always intended for him to be Phoenix King in the first place. Had he stayed in the fire for just a second longer, he would have made it. This also had the added effect of Asuryan slowly driving the successive line of Phoenix Kings (who were protected from the flames by other mages) insane in due time. All the crap that happened as a result (the Sundering, Naggaroth and everything else) was just an overly elaborate test on the part of the gods to determine if he was worthy. They're <strike>assholes</strike> fucking insane like that.

During the final battle between Malekith and Tyrion (who had drawn the Sword of Khaine, and became his avatar), Teclis destroyed the vortex that kept Ulthuan from sinking, and was to give his allies each the power of one of the Winds of Magic, making them "Incarnates". Malekith was meant to be given Fire but was accidentally given the Wind of Ulgu (Shadow). Malekith emerges victorious, leaving Tyrion killed, and throws the now-inert Sword to the bottom of the ocean. Afterwards, The Druchii and Asur evacuate from the sinking Ulthuan to Athel Loren and Malekith becomes king of all Elf kind. He also marries Alarielle, Everqueen of the High Elves, or Wood Elves. How they will consummate the marriage with his armour though is tbd. This is also doubly ironic considering his past history with her and the fact that both she and Tyrion were lovers.

Malekith wins and now goes about saying "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I WIN SUCKERS !" but that is just in consolation. It's a somewhat pyrrhic victory as Naggaroth and Ulthuan have been destroyed (though in Naggaroth's case, it's not much of a loss to him), he has a Sword of Damocles equivalent to make sure he stays good in the form of Alith Anar (meaning "Shadow King" is not his bitch now) and there's the knowledge he's getting Tyrion's sloppy seconds with Alarielle, so it didn't all go his way.

TL;DR He finally emerged from his mom's basement and got shit (somewhat) done. Pyrrhic victory is still better than getting his ass whopped and fleeing back to Naggaroth like the last few millenia.

He leads the united elven race in Athel Loren, and decides to get shit done. They purge the forces of Chaos from Athel Loren (temporarily, as it's just Beastmen who are known for being the redshirts of Chaos) and he outlaws the Cult of Khaine, since the Khainites had nearly ruined his plan and Khaine was technically dead. That comes back to haunt him as the elves have to contend with an invasion led by Bea'lakor consisting of Khainite elves led by a disillusioned Hellebron and Dryads led by the corrupted Coeddil and Drycha. During the battle Drycha realizes she was misled by Bea'lakor but is killed by Malekith regardless. He also survives an assassination attempt from Shadowblade (who is revealed to have always been on Hellebron's payroll) and kills him. At the Council of Incarnates Malekith takes none of Mannfred's shit and opposes the notion of allying with Nagash and the undead, saying that bone daddy should be destroyed. This shows he has some standards; then again this is NAGASH we're talking about.

In the end, however, it makes no difference - Teclis and the Incarnates try to do a ritual super-spell to stop a new Chaos vortex from eating the world, but one of the other Incarnates gets murdered by a whiny vampire basically causing the ritual to epic fail and strip the Incarnates of their power (rapidly disintegrating Teclis and slowly disintegrating Nagash). The ritual chamber starts to collapse, and Malekith saves Alarielle from a falling rock, getting his own legs crushed in the process. She then thanks him by making fun of him and holding hands with Tyrion while they watch the world get engulfed by the new vortex, ending everything. After Tyrion and Alarielle get engulfed the vortex claims Malekith too. Interestingly, Malekith's last thoughts are about how shitty his life was while mysterious laughter surrounds him, and then all of his memories and the laughter vanish as the world goes poof.

==Age of Sigmar==
Malekith returns, now a being of shadows named Malerion after fusing with his dragon Seraphon, and is established as the leader of the Aelf faction known as the Exiles (pretty much the Dark Elves). He finds his mother Morathi, also a shadow being who is served by Daemons now, and joins Sigmar during the creation of the nine Realms. During the Chaos Incursion, he and the brothers [[Tyrion]] and [[Teclis]] helped create a veil that keeps Azyrheim invisible to Tzeentch, then fucked off and imprisoned Slaanesh when he/she/it/hermaphrodite was over-gorged with the souls that died during the End Times. They somehow forced Slaanesh to vomit the souls he's eaten, with the Elves becoming Aelfs and either dashing to join Sigmar (High Elves), staying behind to help out with the torture of the torture-god (Dark Elves), or...just kind of wandering off (Wood Elves).

==Trivia==
* His title is apparently a rip-off of the [[Nazgûl|Witch King]] from [[the Lord of the Rings]].
* Sports the same name as Thor villain [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malekith_the_Accursed Malekith the Accursed], who too is a Dark Elf king. There's contention regarding who came first, as Marvel's Malekith first came to light in 1984, one year ''after'' Warhammer Fantasy was relased and on the same year first Dark Elf miniatures were released, but GW's Malekith was (debatably) introduced/mentioned in the 4th edition High Elf armybook released in 1992, and he wasn't playable until the 4th Edition Dark Elf book in 1994. (the questions like "who stole from whom?" and "are they are the same person and the universes are connected?" are better left unasked)
* Yet another charred villain who needs an armoured suit to survive, what's next? Darth Malekith?
* He dismisses that he actually appeared on the horrible [[Warhammer Online]] game.

==On The Tabletop==
With ''[[The End Times]]: [[Khaine]]'' now out, Malekith has three sets of rules for 8e; his original self from the Dark Elves army book, his incarnation as the Phoenix King, and his ultimate incarnation as the Eternity King.

===Malekith the Witch King===
This is the original Malekith, for which you pay 510 points.

His statline is quite impressive; Movement 5, Weapon Skill 8, Ballistic Skill 7, Strength 5, Toughness 4, Wounds 3, Initiative 8, Attacks 4 and Leadership 10. He's also a level 4 caster who uses the Lore of Dark Magic.

He sports the rules Always Strikes First, Eternal Hatred, Fear, Hekarti's Blessing, Immune to Psychology, Murderous Prowess, and a unique rule of his own: Absolute Power means he must be the army's general and his Inspiring Presence is 18" (24" if he's riding Seraphon).

He wields:
* The Destroyer - Magic Weapon that forces enemy models to reveal what magical stuff they are carrying, and forces a D6 to be rolled each time a model with magic takes a hit; on a 4+, they lose a random magic item or a random spell (if a Wizard).
* The Armor of Midnight - Magic Armor that gives a 5+ armor save, a 2+ ward save against any non-magical attacks, and which negates the Killing Blow and Multiple Wound effects.
* Supreme Spellshield - Magic Shield that grants Magic Resistance 2 and inflicts D6 Strength 6 hits on the caster (and their unit, if any) of any spell that is dispelled by Malekith's Magic Resistance.
* Circlet of Iron - Arcane Item that lets Malekith add a single bonus dice to any of his failed casting or dispel attempts once per Magic phase.

Malekith can also be mounted on a Cold One for +25 points, a Cold One Chariot (replacing both crew) for +110 points, or on Seraphon (Black Dragon with +1 WS and +1 Attack) for +300 points.

===Malekith the Phoenix King===
This version of Malekith rides Seraphon and has a combined profile; Movement 6, Weapon Skill 8, Ballistic Skill 7, Strength 6, Toughness 6, Wounds 9, Initiative 8, Attacks 10 and Leadership 10. He's also a level 4 caster who uses the Lores of Fire and Dark Magic.

He trades Murderous Prowess for Martial Prowess and acquires a new special rule, The Phoenix King, which lets all friendly units within 12" make supporting attacks with one extra rank than normal (stacks with any other special rules that let them do the same). So your average 5 wide unit of non-spear-wielding Elves will attack in 4 ranks if they're near him.

He also trades the Destroyer and the Supreme Spellshield for Asuryath (Multiple Wounds D3 and Flaming Attacks).

This version of Malekith costs 825 points.

A word of warning: against Tyrion Avatar of Khaine, Malekith's sword Asuryath (which has Flaming Attacks) will give Tyrion a 2+ ward save (due to Fireborn). This turns what would otherwise be a balanced fight which Malekith should win, into Malekith being unlikely to survive more than 2-3 rounds before dying pitifully- and that's only because he's immune to the Multiple Wounds rule. Each time Tyrion hits (with his 6 attacks needing 3s but no rerolls), it'll wound (auto-wound, ignore armor, and Malekith gets no ward save), so it'll take at least 2 rounds for Malekith to die, 3 if he's really lucky (Word of Pain could potentially help, but not much unless you can cast it multiple times). But in all honesty, just do what you can to keep Malekith out of that situation.

===Malekith the Eternity King===
For a whopping ''1000 points'', this ultimate version of Malekith makes the following changes to the Phoenix King version:

* +1 Wound.
* Has both Murderous Prowess and Martial Prowess.
* Is a level 5 Wizard who knows every spell in the Lore of Shadow.
* Trades The Phoenix King for The Eternity King (as Phoenix King, but Murderous Prowess units within 12", and Malekith himself, reroll all failed To Wound rolls in close combat).
* Gains the Shadow Sorcerer (may re-roll the result of miscasts but second result stands) rule.
* Gains the Incarnate of Shadow special rule (Malekith or a friendly unit within 12" can, at the start of the Remaining Moves subphase, gain Ethereal until the end of that sub-phase and can immediately move up to 20").
* Upgrades Asuryath to Asuryath Reforged (Multiple Wounds D3+1).

Malekith Eternity King is definitely one of the most powerful single model in the game, combining an exceptionally brutal combat monster stat line with magic gear that provides both combat punch as well as survivability, as well as being a level 5 lore master of one of the best lores, with slightly built in miscast protection (you still suffer the effects) and boosts to casting and dispelling. On top of that he is an excellent army support, providing a large Leadership bubble as well as boosts to Martial and Murderous Prowess. Oh, did I mention the free Walk Between Worlds? This guy excels at pretty much every phase of the game. The only issue is that unlike the other 1000 point character, Nagash, you will find it harder to make back his point cost. The best way to do that would be having him murder characters, monsters and monstrous units; he is one of the best things for dealing with the other monster special characters such as Nagash, Glottkin, Karl Franz Ascendent etc.

He's not without weaknesses though, he stands no chance in combat whatsoever against enhanced Glottkin, aka the version with curse of the Leper on them and a 3+ ward (so use spells to get rid of them), he's vulnerable to debuffs, and keep in mind if you are putting him against Nagash, try to debuff Nagash as much as possible so you don't have to deal with Nagash's healing/debuff Shenanigans and stop Nagash from bringing in back-up by dispelling his summoning spells.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Malekith's throne.jpg|Say what you will about him, he has a pimping pad.
Image:Malekith.jpg
Image:The Dark Elf Witch King.jpg
Image:Elf king Malekith.jpg|Hail to the Witch/Phoenix/Eternity King
Image:Malekith (Earth-616) from Iron Man Vol 5 23 NOW 001.jpg|Dark Elf King Maleki... whoops, [[Skub|right character, wrong franchise]].
Witch King.png|Beware the Witch Ki...[[The Lord of the Rings|damnit, wrong one again]]!

</gallery>

[[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]][[Category:Dark Elves]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2016-02-29T07:38:12Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6: /* Dramatis Personae */

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[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]

'''The Lord:'''

''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"''

'''Mephistopheles:'''

''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."''

- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now forgiven and with soul) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

==Dramatis Personae==

Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===

[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. You know how Rouboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing dick with a heart of gold/platinum alloy studded with diamonds. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather important), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition).

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUOJIOxC_0k One episode] implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but we have yet to learn his actual name. His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===

[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality.

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|left]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. There are currently 5 High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
**'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyality to the man rather than the word]] finally payed off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
**'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow high lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations.
**'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd| HE IS THE LAW]].
**'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
**'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sick beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.]

*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice, and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]

*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation. He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and loves friendship.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and heretical.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance. He has a somewhat intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]]:''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of non inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m49s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appears to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The Imperial Fists===
*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves (Most probably because the Emperor would shit a new Eye of Terror if he finds out about the Space Wolves' unhealthy obsession).

===The Black Templars===
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far contacted Lucius and Ahriman to enlist their help with something that has yet to be determined, though judging by the context presented so far in the series, it is speculated to be another Black Crusade in the making.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned| the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
**''Dominique'': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes. Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor. Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Xenos]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. A xeno fetishist. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claim that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount. He has a sort of soft-toned, yet hilarious way of speaking. He is favor of door kicking and burning building type of exterminatus, just like a medieval witch hunter.
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarch priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome| Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.

*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just either sit around and talking to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy and it's unclear if he means it or it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore and not much else.
**[[Khorne]] is a paraplegic sociopath who has yet to make an appearance beyond screaming, usually at Slaanesh.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the "Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.

*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process. First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband,laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook.

*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the Black Library, only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being given an unknown proposition by Abaddon.

*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': Makes a short appearance after Fyodor and the rest of his attack force was sent into the warp by Magnus. He's clearly gone batshit insane after so long in the warp. He pops all around Fyodor and annoys him, driving the Inquisitor to scream in annoyance.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He shows up for two vague, foreshadowing scenes. Hasn't been seen since season 1 (but the planet he's standing on, Orior, has).
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. For some reason, he has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten winning an epic duel in a children's card game against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father.
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, its a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor look alike using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survive to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit, and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him.
===Trivia===
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it.
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses and [[Chris-Chan]]. Yes, really.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is enough [[dakka]]. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involve suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism are in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu Gi Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck...that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png
Image:NOT CANON.png
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by brony StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]

Necron

2016-02-29T06:09:31Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6: /* Regarding Fluff Change - Sore Butts Everywhere. */

{{Cleanup}}

[[File:Necrons.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Space zombie terminator egyptians. That was Space Zombie Terminator Egyptians. Would only be improved with [[Space Sharks|sharks]].]]

'''My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:'' 
''Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!''' 
''Nothing beside remains. Round the decay'' 
''Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare'' 
''The lone and level sands stretch far away.'' 

-Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Ozymandias"

''"What is divine, terrible, and incomprehensible is to know oneself immortal."''

-Jorge Luis Borges, "The Immortal"

'''Necrons''' (Robo-Zombie Eygptians in SPEHSS) are one of the main factions in [[Warhammer 40,000]]. Basically, they're a bunch of soulless, skeletal, alien killing machines led by a robot aristocracy of angry murder machines and bound together by space-technology-magic (like atom-flaying weapons that strip their targets down into their constituent atoms).

Although they have been around since [[Rogue Trader (sourcebook)|Rogue Trader]] (albeit only as a single picture categorized as an "unknown xenos species"), they have seen great change in almost every edition. In second edition, they were a mysterious faction with essentially zero fluff and only a few models, all of which looked incredibly silly, and [[Space Crusade]] introduced them as Chaos Androids (oh, the irony...). However, with third edition they got their own [[Codex]] and a bunch of models fleshing them out as an army and introducing their rulers, the [[C'tan]] (who were subsequently shoehorned into every major event in the 40k universe). [[Games Workshop]] then promptly forgot they existed and did not update them again until the closing days of fifth edition. [[Skub|This was a controversial move]] as the Codex was written by [[Matt Ward]], who significantly changed the fluff, making them Newcrons. In short, they became [[Tomb Kings]] IN SPESS and the C'tan were demoted to being their bitches. And that's about it. Do note that although they are space Tomb Kings, they are not necessarily space Egyptians.
Gameplay-wise, some used to consider the Necrons to have been unduly OP during their introduction. A respectable amount of evidence can be gathered to grant credence to this viewpoint based on the ease with which they can blow up vehicles using the basic Warrior's Gauss Flayer. The rapid change in fluff between the 5th edition codex and its predecessor is controversial, to put it lightly. While both versions of the Necrons' background have their fans, many would agree that the retconning was drastic and heavy-handed. On the one hand, the Necrons' theme used to be that they were emotionless, implacable alien killers led by Cthulhu-ish star gods that fed on people's souls. Their background was very sparse and included all sorts of mysterious things about the Necrons and the C'tan that had implications for the whole setting of Warhammer 40,000. The new codex gets rid of all the mystery and removes the dangerous feel the Necrons used to have in exchange for [[your dudes|giving the individual Necron leaders and armies individual personality, which in turn allowed players to make their armies different]]. This was different from the previous situation where [[Grey Knights|basically everyone had an army of similar silver OP doom warriors wielding guns that could rip through tanks as well as infantry and had over the top fluff that made them out to be the baddest sons of bitches in the galaxy.]]

The 7E Fluff in the codex is actually a lot more complex than those of prior codices with complete sections dedicated to paint schemes and analyses on the markings on them (Where the last edition only barely even begins with that) while also beginning to fluff out some of the more prominent dynasties. However, the not much of it actually changed from the last codex, so the C'tan-mon are still a thing (And are actually treated with less respect than even a warrior), as are eccentric, megalomaniacal undead robots.

[http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090731021518/en.futurama/images/thumb/a/ad/GoodNewsEveryone.jpg/500px-GoodNewsEveryone.jpg Good news, everyone!] With the Necrons now being somewhat popular, they are about to get a new slew of Forgeworld loving, thanks to the announcement that they are scheduled to be featured in Imperial Armor 12 along with the Minotaurs Chapter Space Marines (meaning we may finally get Medusa V Tomb Stalkers and Megaliths, so we don't have to rely on Pylon, Scarab, Barge, Warscythe, and Heat-ray spam to down Titans).

Apparently, 'Necron' is also the title of a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Necron bizarre and retarded fetish comic] of some sort.

== The Old Fluff - Space [[Wikipedia:Terminator (character concept)|Terminators]] ==

[[File:Tumblr nj3ldcWQe51tvfheeo1 1280.jpg|500px|left]]
The Necrons were introduced, as mentioned before, in Space Crusade as a type of enemy to fight in the form of "Chaos Androids". Really, the only thing to describe about them here is that they're pretty derpy. Oh, and 2E had a model used for [[Assholetep]].

A long time ago (even before the [[Eldar]]) the Necrontyr [[Grimdark|lived on a planet blasted by radiation from their sun. Their short lives were filled from beginning to end with cancer]], [[AIDS]], and [[Grimdark|pain]].

While all this sun-rape was going on a race of psychically-attuned space precursors called the [[Old Ones]] had already built a vast civilization throughout the galaxy. They created many races or augmented many existing ones (leaving [[human|humanity]] alone) and generally showed off. Oh yeah, and they are speculated to have been immortal [[lizardmen|lizards]].

[[Grimdark|The Necrontyr met the Old Ones and quickly grew to resent their neighbors, loathing how long their lifespans were by comparison. Resentment grew into bitter jealousy and finally all-consuming hatred. The Old Ones were indeed much stronger and repelled Necrontyr assault after assault until the race was clinging to the edge of the galaxy and their lives]].

The Necrontyr finally encountered and allied with a force known as the C'tan who were beings with immense power over the corporeal world. The realm of the Warp, which the Old Ones used extensively, was anathema to them, and they sought nothing less than the total separation of the real world from the Maelstrom.

The Necrontyr bargained with the C'tan known as the Deceiver (but only the other C'tan called it that) for eternal life. [[Just As Planned|The Necrontyr knew him as Mephet'ran ("The Messenger")]] because no one in their right mind would actually trust a guy named the Deceiver. The Deceiver promised the living Necrontyr race immortality and fun times if they would sacrifice their bodies to the gods to be replaced with metallic goodness, made from a very durable and self-repairing material called Necrodermis. Some of the Necrontyr agreed to the Deceiver's terms [[Reasonable Marines|but most of them doubted it was a good idea]]. Using its talent for trickery, [[Grimdark|the Deceiver lured the doubters into the clutches of its followers and forced them to become Necrons before robotizing its followers]]. The race had their souls ripped out of their collective urethrae, replacing the Necrontyr with the skeletal bodies of the Necrons.

War breaks out between the Necrons and the Old Ones. The Old Ones get their asses soundly beat over and over again and created new races (lol, [[Ork|Krork]]) to defend themselves with. Oh, and by using the Warp as a weapon they turned it into the [[warp|fun place we all know and love]]. At this point the old Necron fluff and new stuff begins to diverge a bit. Old fluff says the [[Eldar]] were created by the old Ones directly but new fluff simply says that the Eldar and Old Ones were allies in the war against the Necrons. It doesn't specifically say the Eldar were created by the Old Ones although the new background is worded in such a way as to make both interpretations plausible.

Anyway, after the Old Ones strategy of cranking out race after race to be used as cannon fodder backfired when an Enslaver Plague rolled around, the C'tan go on a feast of galactic proportions. During this time they even start killing and eating each other until there are only four left (The Void Dragon, The Outsider, The Nightbringer and The Deceiver). It isn't until they realize that the food (read EVERYTHING!) is dying out that they decide to go to sleep for 60 million years 'till the scrumptious morsels known as EVERYTHING regrew.

In present time, the Necrons spend most of their time killing anything with a pulse and generally hating anything living including bacteria. Their main objective was to use their advanced technology to close or seal off the Eye of Terror, drive back the 'Nids, and turn the living races into a never-ending all-you-can-eat buffet for the remaining C'tan. They are the goth craze if you dipped them in liquid hate and injected them with 400% of your daily allotment of cheese.

In essence, OldCron fluff basically makes them "Evil Order" as opposed to the "Evil Chaos" of, well, Chaos. Or "Metal Tyranids" because of the emotionless mass os silver that represents their armies (with guys like [[Dawn of War|Thomas Macabee]] being more of an exception than a rule).

==The New Fluff - Space Egyptians==
[[File:Necron reboot.jpg|300px|right|thumb|"Dude, what did we ''do'' last aeon?"]]

===Summary===

This new incarnation, love it or hate it, gives the Necrons a whole wide array of personality and every single empire has different goals and motives, not to mention paint schemes, markings, etc. Basically, the original fluff was changed in order to make them more like an actual empire with unique sub-factions and [[Trazyn the Infinite|interesting characters]] as opposed to another [[Tyranid|faceless blob of monsters]] out to [[Chaos|DESTROY ALL LIFE IN THE GALAXY IN THE NAME OF DARK GODS]] - which, due to poor writing, works just like any other empire made out of meat, instead of reflecting the narrative opportunities available to a race of robots[http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Unimatrix_Zero]. The crazy fun part of this is if you still want to play a silent legion of implacable, unfathomable terror-bots in the thrall of an insane god, you totally can. The new fluff allows for players to [[your dudes|fluff their army as they see fit]] as anything from a [[Nemesor Zandrekh|noble, honorable warrior kingdom]] open to trade and diplomacy with other species to unthinking hordes of omnicidal machines in the thrall of a malevolent computer system. You can even have a legion of the old-school C'tan-worshipping harvestcrons that have either been enslaved or have willingly taken to worshipping an awakened C'tan Shard. Shit, for all the new fluff cares your army can be a horde of Necrons afflicted with the Flayer Curse who long to have their [[brundlepenis|dicks]] back and run around [[/d/|stealing the dongs of the lesser races]] so they can [[rule 34|hump each other]] whilst their Lord sheds manly tears as he beholds the terrible plight of his people.

[[Forge World]] created the [[Maynarkh Dynasty]] to give an example of a perfectly fluff-valid dynasty that was culturally similar to Oldcrons (well, the "kill everything!" and "dark horror from the deep past" aspects of them, at least).

And as for totally destroying the background of the C'Tan, the codex does allude to the fact that there are lots of unaccounted for C'Tan shards (or maybe even yet unshattered C'tan?) still allegedly scattered around the galaxy. The Necron are always trying to hunt them down and imprison them (in pocket dimension prisons), but this does still leave the door totally wide open for a shard of 'The Dragon' to be on Mars and for shards of 'The Deceiver' to have done all the crazy things that have been written about him in novels. Essentially, the full C'Tan were massively, massively powerful and the 'shard' versions of them are now a lot more manageable. And of course, as everyone knows, the Outsider is still on his extra-galactic camping trip, totally whole and crying over [[meme|WHAAAAAT HEEE'S DOOONNE!!!]].

===Beginning===

The Necrontyr's empire was massive at one point, but the different Lords in the galaxy-wide dominion started to turn against each other in civil war. To prevent this from happening, the overall ruler of the Necrontyr (the Silent King) started the war against the [[Old Ones]] specifically to give them a common enemy to fight against to prevent his people from destroying themselves in their own general stupidity. Of course, the Old Ones ended up kicking their butts and in desperation the Silent King allied with the C'tan (who had been attracted to the pure hate and rage the Necrontyr held for the Old Ones, a common enemy of the C'tan) and agreed to the Deceiver's pact to give them shiny new immortal bodies without realizing what he was doing. The devious Star God had in fact tricked the Necrontyr into giving up their mortal bodies and souls so that he and his God friends could gorge themselves on their tasty ass-meats. After consuming THE ENTIRE Necrontyr race the C'tan were pretty much the equivalent of Superman crossed with a level 9001 Super Sayian Goku and so were basically able to hand the Old Ones their collective asses. However, after the Necrons helped the C'tan kill off the last Old Ones and while the C'tan were recuperating, the Silent King then ordered the Necrons to turn on the C'tan in vengeance. Caught by surprise,the C'tan were defeated and shattered into thousands of shards which the Necrons imprisoned for [[rape|later use]]. At this point the galaxy was basically a smoldering ruin, the Necrons were severely depleted from their endless wars, and the Eldar were reaching the height of their power. The Silent King ordered the Necrons to sleep for millions of years in order to hide from the Eldar and re-awaken at a time when the galaxy had both recovered and forgotten about them. The Silent King's final order to his people was that following the Great Sleep they must reclaim their old empire and return it to its former glory (A role he left his Triarch Praetorians to cover later). Following this, he left the galaxy in shame for failing his people.

===Present Warhammer 40k===

Now that the Necrons have reawakened in the 41st millennium their goal is no longer to 'harvest' souls for the C'tan (the C'tan shards are now their slaves) as it was in the old book, but rather to reestablish the great Necron empire that spanned the galaxy before the war with the Old Ones began. What this exactly means is left to the interpretation of each Overlord. The overall unity of the Necron people is gone for the most part leaving each individual Dynasties to once again rule for themselves. While Necron warriors are pretty much just automatons and Immortals are not much better, the majority of the upper echelon of Necron society retain some degree of personality.

So there is lots of crazy nuance to Necron culture that was never present before. There are now lots of memorable quotes from Necron Lords. There are Necron Lords who honor valor in battle, Necron Lords who are obsessed with finding the perfect flesh bodies to transfer their sentience back into, and a Necron Lord who acts and commands its people like true robots due to damage to their Tomb World among others. The Silent King, who left the galaxy after defeating the C'tan (basically exiling himself for the unforgivable crime of allowing the C'tan to remove the souls of his people), encountered the Tyranids in the void between galaxies and has returned to spur the Necrons into action against the Bugs. The Silent King realized that if the Tyranids wipe the galaxy clean of biological matter then the Necrons will never find a form to transfer their minds back into. There are even a few Necron Lords who even work or trade with other races. However, such as with all the factions of 40k this is rare. (Yes, Necrons and Blood Angels did end up fighting against a Tyranid Hive Fleet together. Twice.). Really, every dynasty can be different, so just have fun coming up with your own.

Oh, and there is definitely plenty of reason to have Necron vs. Necron action now (as the old feuds between competing Necron Lords flare back up again).

===Regarding Fluff Change - Sore Butts Everywhere.===

[[File:Releasethectan.jpg|200px|thumb|left|[[Pokemon|Deceiver, I choose you!]]]]

It is widely conceded that the worst loss was the removal of Pariahs which were universally agreed to be one of the coolest and scariest aspects of the Necrons, something that really made them stand out (even if they weren't that great on the tabletop)(they were bad ass on the table top but over priced and no we'll be back roll). The Pariahs' origins were a great way to show an outsider's perspective of the Necrons (They're humans or other fleshy things who get forcibly turned into Necrons) and something that Thomas Macabee in Dark Crusade just made so incredibly badass. It would also fit perfectly into the new fluff showing the success in combining the Necrons and living to create a new life form. But there is good news. Hammer & Anvil more or less confirmed that Pariahs are still canon in a way. They are just experiments done by bored Crypteks, and the 7E 'dex in particular has a story where [[Illuminor Szeras]] decides to kidnap a fucking [[Culexus]] Assassin and use it to research the Pariah Gene. And really this loss was by no means required for this change in fluff, in fact Pariahs make even more sense with this fluff than they did in the old.

In any case, the Warhammer 40k galaxy already has a pantheon of four asshole gods, plus <strike>'two other asshole gods,</strike>{{BLAM|KRUMP!}} '''ZOG YERSELF, GROT!''' so who gives a shit if the C'tan wannabes got turned into legendary pokemon?

There was also the matter of their alliance with the [[Blood Angels]] that made everyone break into sperglord rage. See, Matt Ward was trying to ready the Necrons for their soon-to-come fluff revision where they went from a mindless army to a proper empire with actual politics. If Ward had actually written the Angel/Cron alliance ''properly'', i.e. making it clear the alliance was one made of desperation than any really attempts to be friendly, and the Silent King really just wanted to play [[Dante]] as a fool and leave him for dead after the battle (as was made clear in 2015), it would have passed quietly and we wouldn't have /tg/ being drama queens as usual.

There's also the "Shield of Baal" campaign where [[Anrakyr the Traveller]] decides to assist the Blood Angels, their successors, and some other Imperials with their Tyranid infestation by using a strange piece of Necron Archaeotech that got powered by a C'tan shard to the point of overloading so hard that the resulting radiation nearly killed everyone present.

So really, now the Necrons have become their playstyle: An army of metallic trolls.

== Game Play ==

[[File:Lord.jpg|300px|right|thumb|A mountain of metal, green glow and rape.]]

Necrons have strong weaponry, high toughness, but generally very little mobility. They're also expensive as hell in points.
=== Pre 5th edition Codex ===

Pre-5th edition, the Necrons competitively were monobuild to all hell. Depending on what they were up against they would be THE virtually unstoppable shooty army, or easily countered. Essentially this came down to whether or not you had enough hard counters to heavy infantry. If you didn't, you'd get the infamous "March of Doom", which was basically a non-stop forward march of Necron Warriors, Immortals, and Destroyers to flatten the table. The Necrons' innate WBB (We'll Be Back) rolls ensured that the March was fuckhard to stop, especially in tandem with Resurrection Orbs, Pylons, Monoliths, and some of the cheesier Necron formations, since the tin-men had a very good chance of getting back up after being downed.

If you did have a counter to Heavy Infantry, you'd quickly crush the Necron infantry while ignoring the extremely resilient units like Monoliths and cause the Nercon survivors to Phase Out, which means the Necron Player will auto-lose should their forces go down to 25% of the starting numbers.

Necron were also severely nerfed in the start of ''5th Edition'', due to vehicles being a bit more sturdy. In the previous edition, they could potentially destroy any enemy (including heavy vehicles) with just their default troops choice - Gauss weaponry inflicts glancing hits against vehicles on a roll of 6. Necron Warriors dispatching [[Land Raider]]s or [[Leman Russ Battle Tank|Leman Russ Tanks]] with these glancing hits was ''not'' unheard of, causing many veterans of 40K tabletop to rightly declare the Necrons to be [[Cheese]].

=== 5th and 6th Edition ===

[[File:Black crusade by yogh art-d5bqzc8.jpg|thumb|400px|left|Egyptians vs Egyptians: One are slaves to an [[Tzeentch|evil God]], other are [[C'tan|slaving evil Gods]].]]

In 5th Edition, due to the new Armour Penetration rules, Necron Warriors could still harass, stun-lock, and annoy all vehicles, but were much less able to gun down a heavy like a Predator Tank or [[Vindicator]] with simple massed Warrior fire, to the delight of non-Necron players everywhere. Massed fire from Necron Warriors ''can'' still kill a heavy vehicle, but it will take a veritable barrage of shots to do so now, making it a bit less likely that players can spam the shit out of warrior squads and come away triumphant. A smart NewCron player learns to not over-rely on Warriors now, using backup from a mix of Scarabs, Doomsday Arks, Barge Lords, Wraiths, and Harbingers of Destruction in order to pack quality anti-vehicle options.

However in 6th (due to 6th Edition's change with rapid fire rule and vehicle hull points), Necrons are back to fucking tanks in the junk. Yes, a block of 20 Necron Warriors will wreck a Land Raider in one turn, hands down, every day of the week, though they need to be within 12" for that to happen so they can rapid fire it (otherwise it only loses 2 Hull Points), and if you are that fucking stupid (12" is melta range for everyone else) you are going to lose your Raider regardless of who you are playing against.

[[Image:1227797058418.jpg|thumb|right|''5th Edition'' wrecked their shit.]]

The Necrons in 6th are still a very powerful and dangerous force. Due to VERY limited flier defence and being able to take fliers as dedicated transports, their fliers ended up being insanely overpowered (though once everyone got reasonable AA defence that wasn't an issue) and thanks to the overall buff to shooting, the Necrons are very high tier in codex power.

Now the Necron army is all about synergy, with Overlords, Lords and Crypteks strategically placed in shooty units, and melee options like Lychguard and the infuriatingly tough-to-kill Wraiths. They also have somewhat useful Monstrous Creatures of sorts in the form of Canoptek Spyders and C'tan Shards.

Necron warriors are fairly reliable troops with near-Marine stats and a 4+ save, though they essentially have a delayed 5+ Feel No Pain Save with their "'''Reanimation Protocols'''" rule (4+ with a Resurrection Orb in the unit). Immortals are pretty much Space Marine equivalents.

The infamous [[Monolith]] is easily the most recognizable unit that the Necrons possess. It has 14 armour on each side (and thus no vulnerable spots), a main weapon that cannot be disabled with a "weapon destroyed" result and the ability to teleport your troops out of harm's way (or into it if you're badass). The Monolith is no longer the nigh invulnerable mountain of rape it used to be, as it can no longer ignore the Melta special rule, and the Monolith's combat performance is outstripped by several of their new vehicles. This means the once proud 'Lith has been relegated to Apocalypse battles. Good job, Matt Ward.

Necron infantry are generally slow moving, hard hitting, much like the Space Marines, if the Space Marine infantry units had Feel No Pain as part of their base rules and they forgot to take drop pods or transport vehicles. The Necrons back this with annoying deep-strikers and fast-moving units that are designed to support the main advance. There is nothing - I repeat - NOTHING, scarier than a Necron player with almost-cheating luck. But they all look like skellingtons and some of them wear the meat of their victims, they're MEANT to be scary.

===7th Edition===
The first thing people noticed about 7E is the Necrons got back their amazing glancing powers with Gauss. This causes squees among the playerbase. (If gauss weapons were this effective in X-COM: Terror From the Deep, players would be tugging themselves off about them.)

The other big change to their army is the changes made to the Reanimation Protocols (RP). Now instead of being a means of bringing everything back from the dead, it's reduced to a FNP-alike that comes after all armor saves, except it can be used against ID (Though at -1 penalty). Resurrection Orbs now give you a turn's worth of rerolls for RP. Taking a postmark identity from a once cool army a revealing the Inquisitions plan all along to destroy the necrons by giving them a personality, destroying the Star Gods and when nobody is looking taking away the we'll be back. There are some other changes (MSS now useless, Wraiths now Beasts,<s> Crypteks losing everything fun</s>, Destroyers are Jetpack Infantry), but these are the ones that changed the most.

But the single most trolltastic weapon the Necron player has on hand is the one that doesn't even involve buying a central unit: The Decurion FOC. Simply put, this is an entire formation made of Formations, with a central one giving room for warriors, Immortals, Tomb Blades, Monolith, and a central Overlord, while giving options like the good ol' Royal Court, a formation for Canoptek-flavored cheese, a formation for Triarchs, and all be counted as Battle-Forged. The biggest change this brought was that, due to each individual component being technically a formation in it's own right, this lets you field some hilariously broken shit and still counts as battleforged; want to take nothing but wraiths and spyders backed by doomscythes? now you can and watch your opponent tears flow like the nile.

== How to Fight (and play) the Necrons ==

[[File:Hitler hates the Necrons.jpg|350px|right|thumb|Hitler doesn't know how to counter his ol' pal Churchill's Necrons with his Imperial Guard. Maybe because he insists on using tanks.]]

If you want real in-depth strategies, take a gander at [[Warhammer 40,000/Tactics/Necrons|the Tactica]]. This is just an overview about some of the ways Trollcrons can be cheese.

Too many people whine about how broken this faction is, so I'm just going to leave this here.

Necron troops tend to be effective engaging from maximum range. Deployed in large hordes Necron Warriors are perhaps the single hardest basic troops to shift in the entire game. Only the heaviest fusillades or the very worst luck can wipe them out. Hearing such squads survive round after round after round of small arms fire is far from unusual. When you find yourself facing such a gunline, focus your fire to bring down a group at a time, ensuring it's completely gone, or close to melee range. Immortals are more expensive, but less numerous: focus your fire on their smaller squads, making sure to finish the squad. Pay careful attention to which weapon they're carrying: Gauss Blasters are AP4 Rapid Fire (better at medium range and against vehicles or your 4+ infantry), while Tesla Carbines are AP- assault (better at further range against blobs where the AP- doesn't mean shit when you're chaining up Tesla hits).

[[File:A Silent King.jpg|300px|thumb|left|Quick, pretend to be a statue and he might just think you're a suit of armor. If that doesn't work, <s>run like hell</s> just outwalk it. But don't let him shank your chaos-worshipping ass with his Staff O'Doom.]]

The HQs on this faction tend to be bad news up close (Overlords, Trazyn), support engines (Imotekh, Zahndrekk, Szeras, the crypteks), or both (Anrakyr, Obyron, Orikan). They're quite strong, and often pack S7 AP2 Armorbane weapons called Warscythes. If your idea of winning melee is hitting a group with a bunch of cultists and one CSM lord, you might want to reconsider it, as a Necron Overlord with just a warscythe has decent odds of killing your warlord and mopping up the melee. Instead, target the unescorted units with no HQs, crypteks, or regular lords. Necron Warriors and Immortals usually won't charge out to meet you, so don't worry too much about their counter-charge unless you see Wraiths, Lychguard, Praetorians, or Anrakyr across the field, in which case stay the '''hell''' out of the way unless you're sure you want that fight. When you see a Cryptek in a group of warriors, assume he's got something nasty, and ask what it is. He's likely a high-priority target, but only if you can pick him out from his escort (precision shots are your friends here). Don't be afraid to get into melee with a Cryptek, as most of them are meat there. Challenge them out and go to town.

Necron Elites are a mixed bag, typically filling gaps in the primary lineup. Triarch Stalkers are high-priority targets, as they support and amplify the already formidible Necron shooting phase. [[Tarpit]] them, or employ maximum-power weapons to take advantage of their open-topped stat-line. Deathmarks drop onto the field and annihilate singular targets or pick off specialists with sniper salvos that wound on a 2+ when they arrive. Spread your squads out to make deep-striking hazardous, and be prepared to charge into melee with the deathmarks when they arrive. Better yet, try to refrain from reserves and make their purchase useless. Lychguard aren't all they're cracked up to be: they're melee killers with T5, AP 2 or 3 weapons, and two attacks base. Combat them with overwhelming numbers, or AP3 blast weapons (a Leman Russ Battle Tank can recoup its cost in one shot against a group of lychguard). C'tan shards are very expensive pokemon with a few randomized powers (Yeah, where most races have psykers to waste cards on, you waste cards on C'tan powers you roll each turn you fire). You'll rarely see a Praetorian on the tabletop, but they're jump-assaulting elite fighters held back by the same terrible initiative all the Necrons have. Don't be too worried, they're easily swarmed or shot down by AP3 or better weapons. Their incredibly specific niche is 2+ troops with unwieldy weapons and no invulnerable saves, which they'll roll pretty easily. Sadly for you, flayed ones are now not shit, especially against 5+ stuff like guard. Target them just like you do Necron Warriors, and try not to enter melee until you're sure you'll win.

Most of the really scary toys in the Necron lineup come from Fast Attack. Scarabs are swarms of T3 monsters that turn vehicles into mulch. If you have vehicles, these are priority one targets, even over things like Lychguard or Heavy Destroyers. They're swift and will routinely kill a Leman Russ in one round with only one or two bases. Utilize high-strength and/or blast weapons (If you've got both, even better). Destroyers are quick elite-infantry or vehicle killers. Both kinds have Preferred Enemy (everything!), so they're great at fighting marines (for the regular destroyers) or terminators/vehicles (for the heavy type). Their weakness is small squads: prioritize these with autocannons or other moderate-strength weapons. Tomb Blades aren't particularly worrying for their cost: engage with small arms and prioritize them below most other targets. Wraiths are fearsome fighters: as Beasts with two wounds, and 3++ makes them hard to stop while S6, A3, and rending mean you cannot afford to ignore them. Try to stall their approach, and overwhelm them with a hail of lighter gunfire. Don't try to flatten the whole group with a battle cannon shot the way you do Necron Warriors, as they'll save out and keep moving (fearless). Unlike most Necron units these can't reanimate unless in a Canoptek Harvest Formation, so you can safely grind them down with bolters, lasguns, or other light weapons.

Necron heavy supports are tenacious, but most follow the 'shielded, open-topped AV11' archetype, like the Annihilation Barge and the Ghost Ark. Target vehicles like this by focusing high-strength weapons on them to crack their shields. Don't screw around here: if you don't have S8+ weapons, don't even bother. Autocannons would be better spent putting down more vulnerable targets. Once their shields are down bring out the rest of your more moderate weapons to finish the job. Shields don't grow back, but Necron units can shrug off shaken and stunned results, so just like you'd finish off warrior groups make sure you finish off Barges and Arks. These things come in several flavors: Ghost Arks rebuild Warriors (and only warriors, not Immortals), Doomsday Arks fire S10 AP1 large blasts if still, or S8 AP3 small blasts if they moved, Annihilation Barges spew autocannon-esque lightning, and Catacomb Command Barges fly a Lord around the battle cutting people up. Canoptek Spyders are tough, cheap monstrous critters with T6, 3+, and W3. If your foe fields a set of scarabs look for the spyders behind them: those spyders can build more scarabs as long as you haven't wiped out the whole scarab swarm. They're tough to crack: at T6 they're extremely hard to swarm down. Try to keep them at range and leverage your best anti-tank weapons. The Monolith deserves special mention, with all-round AV14. If you don't have meltas, lances, or other really good anti-armor weapons just ignore them: they hardly care about any vehicle damage table results except Explodes, and their offense isn't impressive for their cost. Try to spread out to make their teleportation fail, as for no adequately-explained reason they are completely susceptible to deep-strike failures.

Necron fliers were the shit just after 6th edition came out. All of a sudden their reasonably effective fast skimmers became seriously difficult to slay, and kept all of their abilities. As it stands today most serious armies bring anti-air as a matter of course, and if you do as well you should be in good shape to hold off the <s>Croissants</s> Scythes. Both Night <s>Croissants</s> Scythes (a flying dedicated transport) and Death <s>Croissants</s> Scythes (a tank-shredding air-to-ground fighter) are very fairly cost-effective for their weapons and have AV 11. Neither one should be ignored: a Night Scythe can deposit its infantry payload without slowing to a hover, the twin tesla-destructors on either aircraft are excellent at anti-air and anti-ground alike, and the Death Scythe's Death Ray ([[awesome|yes, that's what it's called]]) is one of the most effective tank-killers outside of Apocalypse. If you find yourself facing a large group of these without solid anti-air you may be in serious trouble: run for cover and turn everything S6+ you've got skyward. Part of the controversy about these fliers seems to be the cash-grab surrounding their concept, as all the best anti-air weapons are new models or fliers themselves (or both). In all fairness, if your opponent does field six or eight scythes in a regular army without warning you beforehand... he'll probably win. Please don't be [[that guy]]. If you do find yourself playing against [[that guy]], prioritize the Doom Scythes first and fire everything you've got. They're much more dangerous to your ground-based anti-air, and if you can't suppress them with vehicle damage table results you're likely to lose the ability to retaliate within a round or two.

Thanks to IA12 and the recent 7th Ed Flyer rules, Necrons have the most broken aerial assault units in the fucking game. Enter the Nightshroud Bomber. This bastard can drop a Strength 10 AP 1 pie plate on whatever you don't like, and it's a goddamn ''bomber''. So that shit happens before your opponent even gets a chance to intercept. And with 12/12/12 armour and 4 fucking hull points, it is very unlikely that they will even be able to do that.

Hey Space Marines players, you call those Terminators? Let's take them to school (one bomb later) there they go, motherfuckers! Send it in with a couple (of dozen) Doom Scythes and let the rape begin!

==In Battlefleet Gothic==

[[File:Tomb Forever.jpg|370px|right|thumb|The egyptians build the pyramids to get closer to the gods. The Necrons already got to their gods, used them to their own advantage and killed them. They build their pyramids because why not.]]
They are still totally fucking overpowered in [[Battlefleet Gothic]] though; their cruisers can crush many other race's battleships without much trouble. Although with the discontinuation of BFG by GW, the number of Necron fleets available for sale is now finite and thus the number of faggots who play them. Moving on!

==Reasons to be a Necron==

* You look like fabulously gaudy gilded Space Egyptian Robot.
* You are already dead and nigh-indestructible, so only entertainment matters.
* You have lots of dakka. Still doesn't match Imperial Artillery and [[Tau|Happy Campers]] though.
* You have lots of cheese and quirky rules with which to infuriate your opponent. Praise the [[Spiritual Liege]]!
* [[Cronssant]]s, bitches! Between this and all the teleporting units, you can be more mobile than the fucking Dark Eldar.
* You are arguably the most technologically advanced race in the history of 40K.
* You have one of the [[Trazyn| best canonical trolls]] of the whole 40k franchise.
* Egyptian mummy robots playing space chess: Minimum [[Grimdark]], maximum fun!
* Your color scheme is Black and Green, and we know [[Ork| how awesome those color schemes are]].
* To those who say there's no sex. [[Rule 34|If you're into that sort of thing]], remember, aren't we Necrons robots with hyper advanced tech? Cant we make robot dicks for ourselves? That don't need a 'down time', 'go limp' or get 'premature'?
* The new canon gives you virtually limitless chances to create your own [[Phaeron]] and give it [[Your dudes|whatever kind of quirks you may like]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIj7gIDFDe4 Remember how awesome General Grievous was the first time he appeared?] That's how Necron Overlords fight in fluff, up to the point they could bring low heavyweights like [[Cato Sicarius]], or 2 CSM Lords in Terminator Armour and their retinue at ''the same time'' if "Fall of Damnos" or the [[Word Bearers]] novels are any indication.
* Remember when Bender from ''Futurama'' was a Pharaoh, yep that's pretty much how Overlords are now.
* You have literal star gods as pets. STAR GODS.

==Reasons to NOT be a Necron==
* You're not Grimdark Machine Death March of Doom anymore.
** Well, maybe you are, depending on what Phaeron you serve. The Silent King's wimpy "let's all turn back into squishy mortals" winging only affects about half the Necrons.
* You will be highly hated due to the amount of cheese in your units. Though this [[Grey Knights|does]] have an [[Tau|allure]] of its own.
* [[Matt Ward|The Unholy Beast]] has handled your race with his touch. Although to your credit, the fluff isn't [[Grey Knights|Ward Knights]]-tier terrible.
* You cannot differentiate the wimminz and the manz, so you will accept the risks.
** Unless you want to bang your leaders. Phaeron is the title for male Necrons, Phaerkh is the title for female Necrons.

==See Also==

* [[Tomb Kings]] and [[Vampire Counts]] for their [[Warhammer Fantasy]] equivalents (fun fact: both armies used to be one single Undead army full of mysterious motives and EVULZ, and as such the current state of Necrons is more of a step back to roots than being outright "new").
* [[Assholetep]] - A Necron Overlord of insufferable dickheadedness
* Lolcron, a popular Necron [[drawfag]].
* [[False Immortality]]
* [[Heavy-chan]]
* [[Lolicron]]
* [[Lovecron]]
* [[Papalith]]
* [[Shanako]]
* [[Imotekh the Stormlord]] - The de facto most powerful Necron ever.
* [[Silent King]] - THE most powerful Necron ever.
* [[Nemesor Zandrekh]], known for being both a total bro and completely senile.
* [[Thri-Kreen Erotica|Trazyn the--]] Goddamn it! That link was a fake! Curse you [[Trazyn the Infinite|Trollzyn]]!!!!
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q2e8lnqwwk Their theme from Dawn of War].
* [[Æonic Orb]]

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:1228731983317.jpg|Suddenly, Monoliths just got even more awesome.
Image:1204274003601.jpg|[[Angry Marines]] can really fuck your shit up.
Image:1208121844297.jpg|Necron players are well-known for their carefully planned tactics of "[[Wallhammer|move-shoot-move-shoot]]".
Image:1208122137113.jpg|Thanks to Matt Ward this is now canon. Give thanks to our spiritual liege for Thaszar the Invincible!
Image:274.jpg|IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM, THE ARGUMENT STILL RAGES
Image:1208122702531.jpg|Here we see the humble [[Drawfag|Lolcron]], irritably drawing away.
Image:1229675685738.jpg|
Image:Lolicron05.jpg|Lolcron and lolicron - know the difference! Ya, ones a sex doll... Still tap dat ass though!
Image:Necron_by_Android_Arts.jpg
Image:591.jpg|
Image:Thrillercrons.jpg|''The funk of 40,000 years.''
Image:Nodrawtoday.jpg|[[Drawfag|Lolcron]] is a lazy bum these days.
Image:lolcrontroll.jpg|Necron update 2011 in a nutshell.
File:Pariah Lee.jpg|The Necron's ace in the hole.
Image:Lolcron1.jpg|Damn space commies.
Image:Lolcron2.jpg|''Goddamnit.''
File:1304191380926.jpg|Ah, the early weakling 5th-ed + OP 7th-ed buddies.
Image:Taucronxeno .jpg|This is what we call a xeno double-down.
Image:Monolith song.jpg|Monoliths are known to inspire great songs.
Image:StupidSexyFlayed.jpg|Flayed Ones are adept at finding ways to maintain a nice figure.
File:Stormlord.jpg|Phaeron Imotekh in all his egotistic glory.
Image:Necron_motivator.JPG
File:Shenanigans.jpg
File:Necron skeleton.PNG| [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2rwxs1gH9w| Spooky Scary Necrons, send shivers down your spine]]
File:Rising.jpg| Hmmmm....What is taking Ol'Zandrekh so them long for our Necron flaying party?
File:245433.jpg|C'tan-chan will suck your soul out through your urethra and she won't even touch your dick.
File:Necron-characters.jpg|Go, Go, Necron Rangers...
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy.PNG| Necrons in the galaxy
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum solar.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Solar|Segmentum Solar]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum obscurus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Obscurus|Segmentum Obscurus]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum tempestus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Tempestus|Segmentum Tempestus]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy ultima segmentum.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Ultima_Segmentum|Northern Ultima Segmentum]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy ultima segmentum 2.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Ultima_Segmentum|Southern Ultima Segmentum]] ‎
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy segmentum pacificus.PNG| Necrons in the [[Segmentum#Segmentum_Pacificus|Segmentum Pacificus]]
File:Necron dynasty map galaxy sautekh.PNG| Territory of the [[Imotekh the Stormlord|Sautekh Dynasty]]
</gallery></center>

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Necrons]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2015-12-18T00:15:16Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6: /* The Dark Angels */

{{awesome}}
{{template:Spoilers}}

[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]

'''The Lord:'''

''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"''

'''Mephistopheles:'''

''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."''

- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to their former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now returned to the fold) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters, the series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

==Dramatis Personae==

Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===

[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]], which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition).

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUOJIOxC_0k One episode] implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but we have yet to learn his actual name. His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===

[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality.

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|left]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. There are currently 5 High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
**'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyality to the man rather than the word]] finally payed off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
**'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow high lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations.
**'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd| HE IS THE LAW]].
**'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
**'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sick beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.]

*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice, and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s Its goddamn hilarious]

*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation. He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and quotes MLP.
*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member to not hear anything he and his inner circle discusses.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angel's Master of Repentance. He has a somewhat intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]]:''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one who can talk. It suddenly spoke of the Fallen while in the presence of non inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m49s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.]

===The Imperial Fists===
*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves (Most probably because the Emperor would shit a new Eye of Terror if he finds out about the Space Wolves' unhealthy obsession).

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far contacted Lucius and Ahriman to enlist their help with something that has yet to be determined, though judging by the context presented so far in the series, it is speculated to be another Black Crusade in the making.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned| the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
**''Dominique'': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes. Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor. Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Xenos]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. A xeno fetishist. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claim that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name.
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount. He has a sort of soft-toned, yet hilarious way of speaking. He is favor of door kicking and burning building type of exterminatus, just like a medieval witch hunter.
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarch priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome| Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.

*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just either sit around and talking to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy and it's unclear if he means it or it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore and not much else.
**[[Khorne]] is a paraplegic sociopath who has yet to make an appearance beyond screaming, usually at Slaanesh.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the "Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.

*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Sounds like a homosexual, demented version of Mickey Mouse, first shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of his "huge parties", which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement.

*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the Black Library, only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being given an unknown proposition by Abaddon.

*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': Makes a short appearance after Fyodor and the rest of his attack force was sent into the warp by Magnus. He's clearly gone batshit insane after so long in the warp. He pops all around Fyodor and annoys him, driving the Inquisitor to scream in annoyance.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He shows up for two vague, foreshadowing scenes. Hasn't been seen since season 1 (but the planet he's standing on, Orior, has).
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. For some reason, he has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten continually "forgetting" to do this. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father.
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, its a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.

===Trivia===
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is enough dakka. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the Farsight Enclaves.
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involve suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism are in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png
Image:NOT CANON.png
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by brony StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]

Stupid Evil

2015-11-26T03:34:21Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6: /* Examples of Stupid Evil */

{{Stub}}
:''"No Muttley we can't win fairly. We are villains, ergo we have to cheat!"''
:--Dick Dastardly while the finish line is right behind him.

Yes, [[Lawful Stupid]] has its Evil counterpart. A general trait of Stupid Evil is doing evil things for the sake of being evil, rather than because they are (morality aside) easy or viable paths towards wealth, power, revenge, or whatever the villain's goal is. Especially when a non evil, or less evil way of doing things would work better.

A villain who is truly insane can get away with this sort of thing since what compels them to act in an evil manner is the fact that they have some screws loose, but "serious" nemeses and long-term, high-threat villains are usually expected to have a goal and some capacity for rational planning; a villain who takes time out of a busy day to kick a puppy or eat a kitten just to establish evil credibility will probably be treated with derision by players.

== Examples of Stupid Evil ==
[[File:Evil.jpg|thumb|right|Sicks, a pretty stupid evil dude, also a [[neckbeard]]. His face should remind you someone [[Matt Ward|who should not be named]].]]
* Joffrey Baratheon
** He sends an assassin armed with a Valyrian Blade (one of only a few hundred such weapons in all of Westeros, an unusual weapon for a common hitman when a common dirk would have sufficed) to kill Bran Stark. And when that fails, it causes the Starks to suspect the Lannisters.
** He kills Eddard Stark, therefore sparking an unnecessary and very costly civil war (and this was against what his family had planned). Despite that, they still came out on top since they are still standing while the Starks are scattered, due mainly to Tywin and Tyrion being [[Creed|tactical geniuses]] and strategic masterminds.
** He chooses to ignore his duties and the welfare of his people in favor of satiating his sadistic behavior.
** He regularly abuses Sansa and threatens to have her killed despite the fact it will reduce her value as a political hostage and (in their eyes) could cause the Starks to kill their political hostage, Jamie Lannister.
** He has one of his Kingsguard try to murder his uncle Tyrion in the middle of the Battle of Blackwater instead of just simply poisoning him (as Tyrion pointed out).
** He calls Tywin a coward. Luckily for him, they were related. Because if he wasn't, he would have been struck down.
** As a final hurrah at his wedding, he insults his in-laws in front of his bride.
* Cersei Lannister
** While not as dumb as her son Joffrey (hardly something to be proud of) she is paranoid and if she, for any reason thinks you might threaten her or her children you're in trouble; even for something as minor as telling her her latest idea is a bad one. At best she will view you as an enemy and will at best be a passive aggressive bitch to you, at worst have you brutally tortured to death. Even when the "offender" is House Lannister's allies to whom good relations are vital.
** Responds to a puppet show which says (in short) that House Lannister are a bunch of evil tyrants by having anyone who saw it either sharply fined or mutilated and ordering the puppeteers killed; first by decapitation then changes her mind and hands them to her resident mad scientist for deadly experiments.
** Encourages the worst aspects of her kids, in the case of Joffrey this is like attempting to put out a forest fire with napalm.
*** On that note, her atrocious parenting combined with conceiving Joffrey with her brother Jamie is likely the reason Joffrey's such a repulsive asshole.
** She ignores the numerous acts of cruelty and stupidity of her eldest son and brushes off any criticism of him as being a personal attack.
** She kills the high septon because he was her brother's cats paw which he put into power to keep the faith in House Lannister's pocket, being a decent but easily manipulated man. This leads to a more competent and devout high septon getting into power with ambitions of his own, letting him raise his own army and creating another particularly erratic player to threaten House Lannister's precarious position.
* Ramsey Bolton
** Even though his father, Roose, is a cunning general who manipulated and back-stabbed his way into rulership of the North, Ramsey lacks any of the strategic foresight and critical thinking that Roose possesses.
** He is totally fearless and reckless with his actions, which Roose points out will most likely be his downfall if they are not curbed. <strike>However he is shown as peak physically fit and has made Sansa as his bitch and crushed the Baratheons in battle as insult to injury.</strike> '''We're talking about the books, not the long format porno version. Book version he is described as portly and ugly and an iffy fighter'''.
** His savage exploits are known across Westeros, and continuously pisses off the other Northern lords by hunting down their subjects like deer. This is part of the reason why half of the Northern Houses rebel against Bolton overlordship.
** He chooses to flay alive Ironborn captives, despite promising them clemency if they surrendered, along with turning Theon Greyjoy into his personal eunuch slave. This has ensured that the Ironborn will now fight to the death rather than sue for peace, and contemplate a full invasion of the North instead of merely raiding its settlements.
** After marrying who everyone thinks is the legitimate heir of northern rulership he tortures, threatens her and [[FATAL|tries to make her do certain things to his hunting dogs]], setting off the Northerners [[Powder Keg of Justice]] and causing a rebellion that will likely end with his and his father's heads on spikes.
*** Despite all of the stupid evil committed by them, they are still [[Grimdark|winning]]. So it works (Though this is more due to the good guys being either Lawful Stupid or Stupid Good, than anything else). Mind you Joffrey got offed and Cersei got publicly shamed. But compared to what happened to the good guys in Game Of Thrones. It was a slap on the wrist.
* Any given Captain Planet villain. They deliberately destroy their own world, not for political or financial gain, but simply because they're assholes.
* Strawman villains in bad political fiction in general
* Some followers of Chaos such as [[Firaeveus Carron]] can prove to be this most of the time.
* Sicks (yep, that's his name) from [[manga|Demonic Detective Neuro]].
** Causing unnecessary murder or tragedy on other family for his own satisfaction(he is a sadist btw).
** Randomly pissing off Neuro, a real demon and starting the most gory and violent arc that Jump had ever published.
** Claiming his own ideal of evil is the "true evil" but rather just a cheap, rotten flavor of a puzzle in Neuro's tongue.
*** Also, his family has done the same thing as he did for many generations and claiming that this "evil" has evolve them into more human than anyone else.
* Grimdark as a whole often offs into this, in that things are crappy for the sake of being crappy.
* [[Lolth]] actually enforces Stupid Evil in her worshipers. Because of her the Drow spend 3 quarters of their energy fighting each other instead of defending themselves, which is a really bad idea since they live in an underground city under constant threat of being [[Rape|raped]] by [[Illithid]]s and [[Beholder|Beholders.]] In fact, when things get really bad she literally has to tell them to stop for a short period of time.
* The [[Skaven]] from [[Warhammer Fantasy]], who's rival clans always plan on backstabbing each other even if they're all fighting a mutual (and far worse) enemy. A perfect plan for them involves getting their own enemies and allies to kill each other, until they are the only one left to face the next enemy (keep in mind that "they" doesn't just mean rival clans either, in an apocalyptic scenario even their personal secretary is only barely less of an enemy than the hordes of the undead). As above, it takes the [[Horned Rat]], their god, as well as the invention of instant communication via the [[Farsqueaker]] to get their fuzzy little asses united.
* The Joker. Once merely a criminal mastermind with a chaotic, unpredictable bent, he's devolved as time goes on into a murder-happy rabid dog who kills for the jollies and because [[Gay|he gets off on being punched in the face by Batman]].
* Edgelord characters by pre/teens on DeviantArt.
* Starscream from [[Transformers]]. He's too ambitious and egotistical to realize how good his position as Megatron's second-in-command is, and so spends much of his time trying to usurp his leader with predictable failure. He also tends to do things on the spur of the moment to satisfy his own ego, as demonstrated in ''Prime'' where he angrily takes credit for killing Arcee's best friend Cliffjumper ''while in handcuffs in front of Arcee'', simply because he doesn't want Airachnid stealing the credit for things he did.
* The Sith in the Star Wars universe suffer from this greatly, and it's a major reason they keep losing to the Jedi and failed to keep any of their empires intact long-term. In fact, one could argue that they're a perfect case study on why Stupid Evil is a bad idea:
** Firstly, whereas the Jedi code encourages understanding yet controlling your emotions (that way you take them into account, but they don't prevent you from doing what is necessary), the Sith code encourages embracing your emotions and indeed, many of the most powerful Sith like Darth Vader are incredibly emotionally damaged. Thus Sith tend to do things in the heat of the moment and often lack the patience needed to be truly effective. Darth Malak can't find Revan and the Ebon Hawk crew on a planet he has control of? Oh well better just ''level his own planet'' with Star Destroyers, costing himself thousands of workers and soldiers in his psychotic and desperate rush to defeat his old master.
** Secondly, the Sith code is built on a hyper-Darwinist, "survival-of-the-fittest" structure. While this sounds decent enough on paper, in practice it meant that the Sith ''constantly'' backstabbed each other in idiotic power plays, often leading to Sith killing each other more often than they killed Jedi. Crossing with the "overly emotional" thing above, their lack of patience often led to them betraying each other way before it was beneficial to do so. Darth Bane was the first major Sith Lord to realize how stupid and unsustainable this lifestyle was and did something about it. His "rule of two" may have led to the Sith population being lower than ever before or after, but at least it kept the Sith order alive and prevented most of them from slaughtering each other in pathetic attempts to gobble up more power.
** Thirdly and finally, Sith who engage in too much evil and envelope themselves too deeply in the Dark Side often suffer from an inability to properly sense the Light Side. This alienation of the Light is what lead to the otherwise brilliant Palpatine's death. He alienated altruism and good so utterly that he was not only unable to sense Luke Skywalker's presence during a critical moment, but he was also unable to sense that his apprentice Darth Vader still had some morality in him. Thus he attempts to tortuously kill Luke and is killed himself when he fails to expect Vader to attack him out of paternal feelings.
*Dick Dastardly from the 'Wacky Racers Forever' TV show. He has the best car in the whole contest that's so far above everyone else's that he can win the competition with a damaged vehicle but pisses that away because as a villain he refuses to win through good or even neutral (such as racing fairly) means. The formula of the show is that Dick will pull ahead of everyone else, stop to cheat, have his plans backfire against him and he then does it again multiple times per race without learning anything. The crowning moment of this is in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nKKbXuilg4 the pilot for the (failed) 21st century reboot]: he arrives at the finish line about an hour ahead of time but refuses to cross it, declaring that he has to cheat because he's a villain.

[[Category:Gamer Slang]]

Lamenters

2015-11-06T06:16:17Z

2601:644:1:319:217C:6BE2:51EA:6AB6: /* Where are they now? */

{{Stub}}
{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Lamenters
|Heraldry = [[Image:Lamenters Livery.jpg|center|140px]]
|Battle Cry = For those we cherish, we die in Glory! ;_;
|Number = Unknown, always slowly falling
|Founding = [[21st Founding]]
|Successors of = [[Blood Angels]]
|Successor Chapters = None, they die too much
|Chapter Master = Malakim Phoros
|Primarch = [[Sanguinius]]
|Homeworld = None, Fleet based
|Specialty = Surviving and fighting for the helpless, and being hated for it
|Strength = Less than 400
|Allegiance = The [[Imperium]] doesn't deserve these heroes
|Colours = Mustard yellow with black & white detailing.
}}
[[File:Lamenter_Space_Marine.jpg|300px|thumb|left|They may be unlucky, but they'll fight on no matter the odds.]]
The most fucked-over [[Space Marines|chapter]] in [[Warhammer 40K]] history. Cursed to die horribly, turn to [[Chaos]], or [[Troll|both]] in every single bit of fluff they appear in. You think the [[White Scars]] got fucked by [[Games Workshop]]? Nothing compared to the Lamenters. Think the [[Chaos Pretty Marines]] got owned hard by [[Angron]]? Nothing compared to the Lamenters. Think Afriel Strain soldiers are cursed? Nothing compared to the Lamenters. Think that the [[Raven Guard]], [[Salamanders]], and [[Iron Hands]] got beaten horribly on [[Drop Site Massacre|Istvaan V]]? ''Nothing'' compared to the Lamenters.

They are truly the Unlucky Marines. But you know what? If there are good guys in W40k, then they are undoubtedly it. They have been endlessly persecuted by the very nation they fight for, and they even fight their own nightmarish cynicism and despair, yet they still fight on because they refuse to abandon the innocent and the helpless, and it is their burning star that keeps hope alive for one more day in that dark world.

==How unlucky can they get?==

The Lamenters were formed during the [[21st Founding]]; while most Chapters founded at that time had some kind of mutation, the Lamenters ended up not suffering from the Red Thirst and [[Black Rage]], unique among the [[Blood Angels]] and their descendants. Unfortunately, they seem to have been the specific target of [[Tzeentch]]'s eternal dicking ever since; they have been cursed with more misfortunes than any other chapter out there. It's even gotten to the point where Imperial "[[derp|scientists]]" are wondering what the hell is going on.

As if it couldn't get any worse, eventually the Black Rage came back. Sometimes you just can't win.

TL;DR: *weeps a single tear of manliness.

===List of how hard the Lamenters were screwed over:===

*Founded during the cursed founding, earning them distrust among fellow Space Marines. Being a fleet based chapter, they decide wisely to depart to the fringes of the Imperium to crusade against the xenos and the enemy without, rather than be mired in conflicts within.
*Were eventually recalled to the interior of the Imperium by <s>[[Tzeentch]]</s> the [[High Lords of Terra]].
*Tasked by the High Lords of Terra to partake in the defense against [[Abaddon|Failbaddon]]'s 9th [[Black Crusade]]. They were abandoned by the [[Mortifactors]] chapter in the defense of Corillia due to their origins. Being the heroic fuckers that they are, they decided to stay and fight anyways, and try to save the innocent people. Outnumbered as they were facing against numerous combined traitor forces, only 200 marines were left after the [[Ultramarines]] and [[White Scars]] finally gave enough of a shit to come in to reinforce them.
*The 200 survivors were subsequently lost in the warp after a freakish warp storm appeared. In a rare show of things for them, they did however return afterwards, ''after fighting the whole way out''. Which of course just made other Space Marines trust them even less. <s>It is speculated Tzeentch only changed his plans at the last minute (!??!!)</s> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|Heresy!}} so he could screw them over more. [[Eldrad|''What a dick.'']]
*Were asked to partake in and to defend the area around the [[Maelstrom]] along with the [[Astral Claws]] and the [[Mantis Warriors]] after they got back to strength. For once, their fellow warriors the Astral Claws and the Mantis Warriors actually cared about them and the Lamenters had finally found true, believing friends. Then [[Lugft Huron]] decided to instigate what would become the [[Badab War]] with the Imperium. Understanding a trend here yet? When he does, the Lamenters and Mantis Warriors are drawn into the conflict as well out of bro ties to the Astral Claws—there is no way they are going to abandon their first genuine friends and only people in the Imperiom who didn't treat them like shit. In an ambush by the [[Minotaurs]] chapter, they were so brutally fucked over that only 300 marines were left after the fighting, most of whom were wounded. And then the Minotaurs stole/were GIFTED a bunch of their ships, like a [[Blood Ravens|certain other chapter]]. Only later do they learn that Huron and the Astral Claws have fallen to [[Chaos]].
*Started the Corinth Crusade with 300 marines on hand; [[what|2/3 of them became casualties.]]
** Added: After the Crusade, [[Marneus Calgar]] wanted to award them with [[Awesome|a few dozen honors for saving millions of civilians]], but due to the losses (both theirs and civilians) [[Derp|they didn't feel like winners and turned them down]]. Despite how this was a case of manly tears, most Space Marines instead took it as an insult to [[Matthew Ward|their spiritual liege]], so everyone hated the Lamenters even MORE.
*In another rare show of things, they were actually granted a pardon along with the Mantis Warriors. But again continuing this theme of getting fucked over, they had to do a penitent crusade for a hundred years ''without'' being able to replace losses or recruit new Marines (i.e. their fate would be in the Emperor's Hands now, and theirs alone). Their tattered banner was given to the [[Sisters of Battle|Adeptus Sororitas]] for them to repair and re-sanctify. The Sororitas wept as they wove the ''Banner Of Tears'', as they contemplated the life of the chapter, and how these glorious bastards refused to stop believing in their fellow Man, despite everything they had went through.
*They again wisely decided to crusade on the borders of the Imperium and against [[xenos]], lest they wind up getting fucked over in another internal squabble. But continuing this getting fucked over theme, in their first crusade action, they happened to encounter the [[Tyranid]] [[Hive Fleet Kraken]]. With only less than 400 marines on hand, they hold out to try to allow as many people as possible to escape.
*The return of the [[Black Rage]] and formation of a [[Death Company]] meant that the cure was a bust.
*A mere 13 years before their crusade was to end [[Advancing the Storyline|the entire universe stopped]]
*Perhaps even worse than all of the above, their colour scheme is masochistically hard to paint correctly. The [[Imperial Fists|yellow is alright]], nothing wrong there. [[RAGE|But the thing that basically makes the army Lamenters instead of any random yellow marines is the shoulder pads and their teeny tiny perfectly straight detailing. Even doing it with a ruler or masking tape is damn near impossible.]] Anyway, as a result the Lamenters are cursed to be the least represented official chapter in the game, and almost certainly even less than a lot of fan made and random bullshit chapters. To play Lamenters, you need to be an uncommonly good painter and have a taste for being fucked over in the fluff, on the tabletop AND for hundreds of hours of painting. Certainly an acquired taste.

[[File:Lamenters_2.png|center|thumb|750px|]]

==Where are they now?==
[[File:Lamenters Dreadnought kicking ass.png|400px|thumbnail|left|EVEN IN DEATH, I STILL FIGHT FOR THOSE THAT I CHERISH!!!]]
The Lamenters today are now almost dead, presumably OM NOM NOMed by the Tyranids. Only three broken companies of marines are confirmed to be alive and fighting. Only time will tell whether the Chapter will be able to survive their Crusade in time to recruit more [[Scout|Neophytes]], or whether they will finally be added into the Hall Of Heroes on Terra. However, while they continue to exist, and no matter what horrible fate befalls them, [[Fist of the North Star|it can be assured these heroic fuckers will selflessly continue to fight for Mankind]], and quadrillions of ungrateful souls the galaxy over.

They are some of the baddest asses to ever don [[pauldrons|power armor]]. Every ''single'' thing that tried to screw them over, they proceeded to open up cans of [[Rage|FUCK YOU!]] in its general direction and despite losing marines every time, [[Awesome|THEY ARE STILL STRONG, SURVIVING]] AND [[Imperial Guard|HOLDING THE FUCKING LINE.]]

There are only two Lamenter characters confirmed to remain today: Brother Chyron, a very sad [[Dreadnought]] that serves with the [[Deathwatch]], who [[grimdark|considers himself to be the last of his chapter and thus, is permanently attached to the Deathwatch.]] With everything lost to him, Chyron is only fueled by one, tragic objective: revenge for his fallen chapter. This desire for revenge has often caused him to be irritable, stubborn, and downright insubordinate to his other peers. Although despite this, his fellow Kill-team squad members have refused to abandon him.

Malakim Phoros is the other, Chapter Master of the Lamenters and having served for over two centuries. He is a highly aggressive close combatant, carrying the [[Black Rage]] in his heart and likely one of the few Lamenters to have a glaive encarmine, let alone artificer armor.

Lamenters may be played as [[Blood Angels]]. Malakim Phoros has survived to 6th ed as a 'Blood Angels' HQ who excels in close combat.

Also in 6th ed was a bit of fluff about the Emperor's Tarot, a set of cards used by high-ranking psykers to try and make predictions (like Eldar seers, but less Heretical). The prediction stated that things were about to get even worse for the Lamenters. On one hand, fuck. On the other hand, this prediction came immediately after the chapter was presumed destroyed for the fourteenth time, so do the math.

As of 7th Edition, when Dante made a call for all Blood Angels successor chapters to defend [[Baal]] against a simultaneous [[Daemon]] and Tyranid incursion, the Lamenters were the only chapter who did NOT respond. At least yet. Even the renegade [[Knights of Blood]] returned to defend their home. The implications of this are left entirely to the player.

{{Template:Marines-Official}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Space Marines]]