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Lord Bale

2016-08-02T05:17:02Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45:

[[Image:Lord Bale.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Me Bale hate kowtowing]]
Lord Bale (also known as 'Dinobot Reincarnated as a Chaos Marine') is a [[Chaos Lord]] devoted to [[Nurgle]] featured in the original [[Dawn of War]] where he led the Alpha Legion (even though he was actually a Night Lord) on Tartarus along with the sorcerer [[Sindri Myr|SSSIIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII Myr]] in a quest to claim a daemonic artifact called the Maledictum. While he was double-crossed by SSSIIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII as he placed him a sacrifice, he was known for his snarling dialect, the original lulzy Chaos Lord and his legendary statement: SSSIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII!. He says this particular line after being double-crossed by SSSSSIIIINNNDDRRRIIIII and about to be killed by the [[Gabriel Angelos|Blood Ravens]]. As of now, the proper way of pronuncing Sindri's name will always be SSSSSIIIINNNDDRRRIIIII. Bale's awkward social graces aren't saved any by the hilariously disgusting snort he starts (or ends, or interrupts) his sentences with, which brings into question just how much crack-cocaine he downs to stay so youthfully retarded.

The crowling/snorting may or may not imply that Bale is actually [http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Dinobot_%28BW%29 a Man Of Iron from long before the Age of Terra].

==The Scene==
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2ujVI5CPjk&feature=related Ss..Sindri, SSSIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII!!]

==Other Things Lord Bale Hates==
Lord Bale is also known to hate a few other things other than SSSSSIIIINNNDDRRRIIIII and the standard "anything non-chaos" things:

* Assurances that leave him cold.
* People that personally brings him ill news.
* Kowtowing with [[Ork|certain creatures]].
* Delays.
* People who are not [[Chaos]].
* Like You.
* Metal Bawkses, probably.

==See also==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPPx3wIOlNw SSSIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPI94O8lfss Several assurances that leaves him cold]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIUEVdF9gFM Lord Bale also co-stared in a movie along with SSSIIIINNNDDDRRRIIII]

{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category: Dawn of War]]

Dawn of War

2016-08-02T05:15:55Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45:

{{/vg/}}
[[Image:Warhammer_40,000_Dawn_of_War.jpg|thumb|300px|right|Screenshot]]__TOC__

'''''Dawn of War''''' is a Real Time Strategy game for the PC set in the ''[[Warhammer 40k]]'' universe, produced by Relic Entertainment and released in 2004. As of the most recent expansion, ''Soulstorm'', almost every playable army in the setting is present in the game in some form, with the notable exception of the [[Tyranid]]s. Many popular stories and memes on /tg/, such as ''[[Love Can Bloom]]'', have their origins in ''Dawn of War''. Author [[C.S.Goto]] has written books about it. Apparently. You wouldn't know it by actually reading the books.

The best part of the series is widely held to be the narration, featuring lines delivered with gratuitous emphasis and pauses at seemingly-random intervals. This sounds very [[grimdark|grim and dark]] and is not at all ridiculous.

The game IS well known for its implementation of a combined morale, squads and alternate resource system, the potential of which was skullfucked by some of the most hilarious attempts at balance seen in the modern era. Seriously, you could throw a horse on a see-saw and it would do a better job. The visceral hand to hand combat and 'sync kills' were also praised, since watching your little dudes chainsword that [[Necrons|other guy's little dudes is always entertaining, at least until all those other little dudes got back up again and raped you to death. FUCKING NECRONS]].

The game was highly successful, though it was a cock-grinder when it came to online play. Fuck Gamespy. Please note that as much as the /v/idiot-inclined neckbeards love to criticize it, Dawn of War was considered an amazing game when it first came out, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_-AeNUa9gA people would not stop screaming about it.]

Well-known characters from the games include:
*Brother-Captain [[Gabriel Angelos]]
*Brother-Captain [[Davian Thule]]
*Brother-Captain [[Indrick Boreale]]
*Farseer [[Macha]]
*Farseer [[Taldeer]]
*Farseer [[Caerys]]
*The Harlequin
*General [[Sturnn]]
*General [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]]
*[[Shas'o Kais]]
*[[Commander Or'es'Ka]]
*The [[Necron]] Lords of Kronus & Kaurava
*Thomas Macabee
*[[Lord Bale]]
*Chaos Lord [[Crull]]
*[[Sindri Myr]]
*Chaos Lord [[Firaeveus Carron]]
*Dark Apostle [[Eliphas]] the Inheritor
*The [[Vindicare Assassin]]
*[[Orkamungus]]
*[[Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter]]

==Games==

===Dawn of War===

[[Image:Dawn1.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War'']]

The original ''Dawn of War'' release featured the Blood Ravens chapter of the Space Marines, led by Brother-Captain Gabriel Angelos, as they battle against an [[Ork]] [[WAAAGH]] on the planet of Tartarus. It is not long before the [[Eldar]] (led by Farseer [[Macha]]) and the [[Alpha Legion]] of the [[Chaos Space Marines]] (led by Lord Bale and the Chaos Sorcerer SINDRIIIII) show up, and as it turns out there's a demon imprisoned within an artifact on the planet that wants to use the bloodshed of the battle as a sacrifice so he may escape his prison. Spoilers, by the way.

Lord Bale is quite the irritable fellow and has little patience for Sindri's complex plans, frequently growling "SINDRIIII" at him in frustration. There is also a black Inquisitor (who isn't a stereotype, honest) , who is unsurprisingly incompetent. Although there is some evidence to claim that he was the Daemon of the Maledictum all along.
<s>I'd like to see that evidence, then. Well, aside from the fact that he's useless.</s> The novelization claims this was the case, but on the other hand, it was written by [[C.S. Goto]]. The idea that the Inquisitor is ''not'' somehow a Chaos traitor comes into play in the Space Marine ending of Dark Crusade, where he appears (and presumably takes a bit of heat off the Blood Ravens since he's buddies with them).

===Winter Assault===

[[Image:Winter.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Winter Assault'']]

The ''Winter Assault'' expansion added the [[Imperial Guard]] as a playable army, and features two alternate campaigns that take place on the planet of Lorn V. It introduced Farseer [[Taldeer]], General Sturnn, Ork Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter, and the Chaos Lord [[Crull]]. Though the branching campaigns mean it is possible to achieve multiple endings, based on later games in the series, the canonical ending is probably that achieved by the <s>Imperial Guard</s> Eldar in the Order campaign.
Infamous for featuring a Khornate warband that used Sorcerers and Horrors, and having a Warlord who was not even that angry. Khorne was very angry and beat Tzeentch up until he orchestrated the defeat of this Warband.

But seriously, Crull was still pretty awesome. All Khornate guys are. Only he was considerably less awesome than, say... Arbaal the Undefeated. (Is he still alive?)

Also known for Guardsmen that are equipped with lasguns that can punch through anything. Even tanks.

===Dark Crusade===

[[Image:Dark.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Dark Crusade'']]

''Dark Crusade'' saw the addition of the [[Necrons]] and the [[Tau]] (led by [[Shas'o Kais]]), and was the first game in the series to drop the mission-based format of the previous singleplayer campaigns, instead adopting a [[Risk]]-esque strategic map where players were required to use their army to conquer the entire planet of Kronus and defeat all the other races present. Using the army to attack enemy-occupied territory resulted in playing a skirmish game against the AI, with the victor gaining (or retaining) the dispute territory. ALSO [[Grey Knights|GREY KNIGHTS]]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

''[[Love Can Bloom]]'' originated from this.

Introduced the world to the Dark Apostle Eliphas the Inheritor, famed for his snappy comebacks and fantastic putdowns which set him at an intellectual level above your average Chaos Lord.

===Soulstorm===

[[Image:Soulstorm.jpg|thumb|right|''Dawn of War: Soulstorm'']]

''Soulstorm'' added the [[Dark Eldar]] and [[Sisters of Battle]] as playable races, alongside flying units. Similar to ''Dark Crusade'', the campaign takes place as a battle to control territories on the strategic map, but the fight now takes place over several planets in the Kaurava System, instead of a single planet as in previous games.

Continuing a long history by now, it has some hilarious dialogue, now even more so due to the tiny pool of voice actors -- to make characters sharing voice actors distinct they resorted to really dumb accents. [[Meme]]s extracted from ''Soulstorm'' include: [[Indrick Boreale|Baldeale]], [[METAL BOXES]], [[SPESS MEHREENS]] and more. The game is sometimes referred to as "Baldstorm", in reference to Indrick. The game also brought us [[Cornholio the Cultist]], among a dozen or so other lesser memes.

The single-player of Soulstorm also did away with the "building up" of the map (placing all of your high-end structures and capturing most of the nodes on the map so you could create massive, unstoppable forces instantly when you had to defend) that you could do in Dark Crusade, which was double-edged. The AI actually stood a chance against you, which made the battles slightly more interesting, but you also couldn't just upgrade a monolith instantly and steamroll the AI's attacking force, which meant you had to deal with 6+ regions getting attacked EVERY SINGLE ROUND of the overworld play when you started conquering more territories. And the auto-resolve system didn't give you the best of odds. So, instead of being able to actually conceivably finish the campaign in a day or two, you would probably instead end up spending about 30-40 hours on just defending your same stupid territories in the end. Then you'll probably spend another 10 hours actually taking over territories and beating all the strongholds. Combine that with the open memory leak, and you might have to play for a week straight to actually win. What fun.

==Miscellaneous==
[[Image:Chaoslordz.jpg]]<br/>
This is pretty much what the Chaos Lords are in the game.

===The future===
Reports of someone being shot in the head with a laser-pistol.
*[[Dawn of War III]]

==Timeline for Self-Destruction==
Dawn of War was a brilliant game at launch - and one that saw the game suffer worse and worse as time went on. To chronicle this disaster so that none may forget, the entire tale of Dawn of War's fall from grace is listed here.

===Dawn of War===

Dawn of War was blessed - and cursed - to have a gameplay style not quite like anything else when it launched. The combination of hard counters and the ability to customize armies was hailed as a brilliant move, and though the balance was far from perfect (due to every race but one mostly comprising heavy infantry and thus being especially vulnerable to the [[Eldar]] race's use of said hard counters), a good time was had by all. There was a lot to love from every faction and there was considerable love towards fluff and crunch even with the errant bit of flaming stupid (Sindri invoking the blood god). Whilst the multiplayer balance wasn't quite great, it was for the most part a fair fight and there were ways to get the most out of each unit in the game, and literally everything was viable to some degree or another.

===Winter Assault===

When ''Winter Assault'' was announced, players were psyched. An army heavily centering around light infantry (the Imperial Guard) was announced, with new units for each existing side. Some of the new units were things that were extremely demanded ([[Chaplain]]s for [[Space Marines|SPESS MEHREENS]], Fire Dragons for [[Eldar]], Mega Armor Nobz for [[Ork]]s), but Chaos players were a bit perplexed by the new unit that was brought to the table for Chaos: [[Khorne]] Berserkers. The unit never seemed to fit in with Chaos tactical doctrine, especially considering that there were no less than 3 other melee units available for Chaos. But no one complained since Chaos is never complete without regular shouts of BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! Nonetheless, players eagerly awaited ''Winter Assault''.

...And then it hit. And there was [[RAGE]]. Out the gate, the Imperial Guard had poorly-coded weapons that caused them to be able to melee any unit to death, along with the guardsman's lasgun turning into a portable lascannon, effectively, a single squad of guardsmen in cover could pose a serious threat against heavy armor, like the SM Predators. Even after that, the Guard had serious problems with efficiency, as the entire faction from tier 1 to 3 was centered around attaching a [[Commissar]] and hammering Execute like an ass. This was nothing, however, compared to the filthy rape the rest of the game had suffered.

For reasons uncertain, the hard counter system had been ripped out of the original Dawn of War, and units now saw complete obsolescence - Dark Reapers were now a 100% improvement over Guardians and Kasrkin completely outstripped Guardsmen (understandable in fluff but in an RTS, not so much). Acts of stupendous idiocy hit regarding the upgrades for various units; the Space Marine commander would switch from his Daemonhammer to a Power Sword with his upgrade, losing his Veteran/Hero damage upgrades in the process.

The worst hits of all, however, were for Chaos - All special weapons for their Marine squads and all the special weapon upgrades (H. Bolters, flamers, plasma guns, and missile launchers) for their marines were wholesale stripped out in an attempt to streamline the tech trees and "differentiate the factions," ignoring the fact that people were playing Chaos because they were the Evil Marines. They too, had the same unit obsolescence issue; Raptors were totally outdone by Berserkers which were, in turn, totally outdone by Possessed. This was fixed slightly in patches and updates; Dark Crusade had succeeded in making the three a little more different due to the addition of Mark of Khorne (which panicked units) for Berserkers, fixing how Speed Demons and Purge the Weak worked for Raptor Champions, and generally making Possessed a little more streamlined - but these were all upgrades that would not hit until the tail-end of the WA patch cycle (for Raptors) or after Dark Crusade's patch (for everything else) - the latter of which would be over a year away.

In short: Winter Assault had not only fucked up a lot, but it actually removed more content for the existing races than it initially added.

Further attempts to "fix" the problems introduced by Winter Assault caused even worse fuck-ups, as Horrors became anti-vehicle (wut) and Terminators and Obliterators lost their ability to melee remotely effectively because the primary developer, [[Troll|Johnny Ebbert]] claimed that the combination of high ranged/melee damage and high HP (on a unit that was insanely slow and a last Tier unit, not to mention the need for a relic to at all build it) was overpowered, ignoring the findings of every single balance team working for Relic at the time. Later the spammability was fixed with hard-caps on Terminators and Obliterators, but them being piss-poor in melee remained in the face of every single argument regarding fluff/crunch (Terminators being armed with Powerfists, Obliterators having them ''grafted to their bodies'') and finding of the balance teams.

Things continued to escalate as the bulk of the game became a tech-race to see who could get to Tier 4 the fastest and spam top-of-the-tech-tree units the hardest. This was also where a pattern began in which developers would show open favoritism to the Eldar, allegedly because most of the Staff's internal team were die-hard Eldar players. Fire Prisms became the most durable tank in the game, and the Avatar of Khaine gained the ability to allow the Eldar to field more vehicles and infantry than any other army period, adding a massive +10 to both pop and vehicle pop caps. On one of the toughest melee combat units in the game. Which most Eldar Players used by building then never moving him from their base so as to make use of that delightful +10 pop cap to infantry/vehicles whilst their Ultimate unit just sat on the couch of Khaine. It was one of the most-complained about facets of the game, and like most of the other items on this list, would never be addressed. The above would eventually become infamous as the place where the entire metagame went wrong, and was a path that the game would never fully recover from, despite noble attempts during both Dark Crusade and Soulstorm.

===Dark Crusade===

Dark Crusade had problems at launch, not the least of which was that it was a very bold attempt. Two new races were added and the game was still suffering the aftermath of what had been caused by Winter Assault. There was a lot of earnest attempts to fix the previous expansion's problems; hard caps were added to elite-level units, special weapons had slowly begun to filter back into the Chaos Space Marines (though no missile launchers or flamers ever returned and Horrors remained anti-vehicle), and the huge number of blatantly stupid problems with the Space Marines were fixed.

Unfortunately, the game remained riddled with problems. Cue another outburst of RAGE.

First of all, Dark Crusade saw the implementation of what was, without a doubt, one of the worst "fixes" to a problem in gaming history. Having decided that combat was "too lethal" and that shooty units shouldn't be able to chase down and kill fleeing units, Relic introduced a flat change to the fire-on-the-move accuracy of every single unit: 15%. In one stroke, this "Fix" caused dozens of problems. No longer did the likes of Dreadnoughts ever see a weapon upgrade (because doing so would give it a functionally-useless weapon that would never hit as it moved towards close-combat and hindered its melee power to boot), and the weapon immediately made rapid-firing weapons dozens of times better than those that fired slowly, since it was much more likely that they could hit with a few shots than their counterparts. Vehicles and personnel intended to fire on the move (such as Terminators) became functionally useless, whilst the Eldar Fleet of Foot ability became tantamount to godmode (initially it reduced accuracy when activated, but now with the flat 15% fire accuracy, there was no reason ''not'' to use it when moving units.

The two new races were broken in half at launch, as well. Necrons required no resources and there existed multiple replays of players winning maps without ever capturing a single strategic point. It was possible for Necrons to go over the pop limit with Resurrection Orb, and the Lightning Field had no actual charge cap, meaning that it could potentially charge forever before discharging a burst of energy that could level a building in one shot. The Tau outranged everything, had no limit on Krootoxes, and had their tech tree lopsided so that one of their two available paths got both available upgrades (something that was never fixed in the patch). The Eldar Harlequin could fire a 10000+damage attack that would kill one unit in a squad, but due to how it was coded, could target and instagib a commander unit that was attached to said squad.

Further RAGE occurred when it became known that the "new" Imperial Guard unit, the Heavy Weapons Team, was revealed to have been in Winter Assault and had not seen use simply because it could not actively target enemies - which it still could not at Dark Crusade's launch. Yet more rage occurred when every single time anyone with anything remotely resembling common sense brought up flamingly stupid mechanics (such as [[Psyker]]s killing themselves (which ''could be cancelled'', no less) and Psykers breaking their attached squad when using Lightning Arc) were summarily dismissed despite pointing out the obvious (that this was fucking [[DERP|stupid]]).

A patch was promised in short order, but it would be well over 7 months before Relic would eventually patch the game and leave a lot unfixed in the process. Numerous facets that Relic's internal balance team disliked about several other factions (such as the fact that Basilisks were artillery units) caused them to get nerfed, whilst factions that said balance team liked (Eldar) remained untouched despite thousands of complaints about the race being blatantly overpowered. Even after their nerfs, the Necrons and Tau remained hilariously unbalanced. A second patch was promised, but was quietly cancelled and the official site then proceeded to state that a second patch had never been announced.

===Soulstorm===

Hopes were high for Soulstorm. Whilst it was obviously going to have difficulties from the first two games, it was being produced by Iron Lore, which took community input extremely seriously and added a number of new features intended to make the game the most balanced it had been since Vanilla. And in many ways, they succeeded. Balance was considerably improved (the problem with Tau tech remained), A number of problems were fixed, and serious consideration was made to ensure that the two new races - the Dark Eldar and Sisters of Battle - would not fall into the trap of the old. This would be Iron Lore's last produced game, and they wanted it to be a hit.

Unfortunately, Relic and THQ had other plans. The developers were forced by THQ to put in Flying units - something the Dawn of War engine was ''never designed for'', cutting out a lot of units that had been heavily-demanded by fans (Wraithguard, Leman Russ Demolisher, Chaos Dreadnought, Techmarines, Wyrdboyz, etc) in favor of the aforementioned flyers. Said flyers were notoriously buggy, absurdly unbalanced (The Tau Barracuda for example, were capable of leveling a base on their own) or fulfilled a completely unnecessary purpose (Marauder Bomber for Guard when everyone and their grandfather wanted Valkyries, which would have been actually useful considering that bombers were of no purpose when one factored in [[Basilisk]]s). The budget was slashed repeatedly and the amount of time Iron Lore had was stripped bare, forcing the developers to create a cut-rate campaign that felt like a total rehash. And of course we should not forget the voice actors and scripting that were either so terrible or "good" that they produced 3 famous memes within the WH40K fanbase: "[[Space Marines|Spehss Mahreens]]" and "[[Emprah]]" as said by [[Indrick Boreale|Indrick Baldeale]] and [[METAL BOXES|METHUL BAWKSES]] as said by [[Firaeveus Carron|the Champion of the BAWKS GAWD]], all of whom were voiced by [[Scott McNeil|Scott Fucking McNeil]] (who also brought us [[Cornholio the Cultist]], bringing the total number of [[meme]]s brought about by this game to at least six). And then, just to add insult to injury, Relic released the game with an earlier beta version of the program which had numerous bugs and balance problems, including a refresh bug for the Dark Eldar Dais Dark Scythe ability, which would cause it to deal thousands of damage and vaporize entire armies.

Still, even on release, the game was very well-received - and then, it happened. 19 hours after the game's initial launch, an infinite resource exploit was uncovered for the Sisters of Battle. By queuing up an upgrade for their listening post and then cancelling it, it was possible to get double the normal resource amount - ergo allowing you to do it rapid-fire for colossal amount of resources very, very quickly along with having infinite faith resource by simply auto-casting a faith ability so in-theory, a simple Celestian squad with a missionary attached could very well turn their durability like those of an Assault Terminator Squad with a Chaplain attached. After initially dismissing this as [[Wat|"not a real bug"]] and prattling on that players "should be happy with what they've got," a "hotfix" was promised within "one, maybe two weeks."

That one to two weeks turned into a nearly 9-month wait, whilst the game suffered horrendously. The "merit" system which was designed to award players with little collections of in-game multiplayer achievements was completely non-functional not only during this time, but after it. The lobby at launch read: "This is stand-in-news. Replace this with real news," and kept this for 6 our of the 8.65 months it took for the patch to hit. During this time, Automatch was broken and the use of a trainer (The Company of Heroes CheatMod, if anyone cares) allowing players to switch races on the fly and delete enemy buildings ran rampant, destroying anything that remotely remained of the game's competitive multiplayer environment. Smaller bugs and problems kept popping up during the wait: using dance of death would set Eldar players' resources to Zero. Charming an Ethereal with a Deceiver would give the Necron Army billions of hit points per unit. Observers could activate a Dark Eldar player's Soul Powers.

After 8.65 months, there was nothing left. The game was deader than a [[Sisters of Battle|Sister of Battle]] at [[Matt Ward]]'s place. But again, after 8 months of waiting and leaving the game to die, a small shard of hope appeared: the hotfix finally DID arrive which addressed most of the early problems present in the game, including the ability to use trainers in a multiplayer game and most of the SoB/DE bugs, which made the game relatively playable. However, much like how Zelda to the Nintendo Gamecube, it came too late and Soulstorm basically died out as many players just gave up on the game.

Relic had blamed everything from Steam to Gamespy to the black hole at the center of the galaxy for the delays, but everyone and their grandmother knew the full truth: they didn't give a shit because they were working on [[Dawn of War II]]. After the patch, the game remained broken with a lot left to fix (the Eldar remained blatantly overpowered and there were dozens of smaller problems plaguing each faction - all of which were easily fixed), but Relic was done with it and Dawn of War 2 was here. So if by some Emperor only knows reason you still want to play this game, you better just [[Dawn of War Mods|mod it out]].

To this day, mentioning Dawn of War to certain users of /tg/ will result in a rant that makes this article seem like a U MAD? in comparison.

You have been [[Exterminatus|warned]].

==Resurrection==
With THQ going under, and Sega scooping up the license, there were questions whether or not we'd ever see another Dawn of War game. What no one expected was that not only is Relic still alive and kicking, not only are they still working on Dawn of War, but they're actually working on switching the games to Steamworks, and, shockingly, ''resuming patch support.''

You can read all about it [http://steamcommunity.com/games/DawnofWarDarkCrusade/announcements/detail/1658761639946053463 here]. If you're a DOW fan, this is the equivalent of the Emperor's return in terms of huge-ness. <s> Only time will tell if this turns out to be something absolutely amazing or if it's just so much brave words, but for the moment, /tg/ is hopeful. </s> The update came, and it was not amazing. LAN has been completely removed, Eldar are still broken, and modding remained relatively untouched.

==[[Dawn of War III]]==

IT COMES: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN8geCTlZOo
'''MAY THE GOD EMPEROR BE PRAISED'''

So far confirmed are three factions: Eldar, Orks, Space Marines. The cover system returned to its original incarnations with craters being visually replaced by circular chest-high wall structures. Also new are the presence of non-Baneblade Superheavies: [[Imperial Knight]]s and [[Wraithknight]]s, to be precise (though the Steam Store page says the Orks will be getting Gorkanaughts), though how they will be acquired is yet to be known. PCGamer suggests that the competitive multiplayer will involve pre-match "Dota 2-inspired back and forth selection" of these elite unit call-ins.

The game's steam store pages lists the name of the Eldar Seer in the campaign as '[http://store.steampowered.com/app/285190/ Macha]'. Angelos will make a return as the Space Marine's main character in the campaign. Gorgutz is also confirmed to make a return. Make what you will of [[The Final Saga of Macha the Ever-Virgin: Extra Large Heresy|that]]. The store page describes two game environments: the bleak surface of Acheron and 'in space on battle cruisers'.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdxiACB6AWQ gameplay teaser trailer thing] is out! Features such gems as [[Wat|gymnast terminator Angelos]] and [[Rage|a Knight with piss hoses cleverly disguised as Avenger Bolt Cannons]] (srsly, those should be pulping anything up to and including dreadnoughts that so much as look at the Knight funny).

[[Tyranid|MAYBE...]] JUST [[Skitarii|MAYBE...]]

==The Alternative==
For those who want an infinitely better Dawn of War experience, there's options. Mods exist that do everything from add new factions to change how the game is played - and almost all of them drip with quality and sexiness. From mods that re-invoke the feelings of Vanilla DOW, to mods that add things like the Armageddon Steel Legion and Tyranids, to the absolutely Epic Firestorm over Kronus, Purgation of Kaurava, and Ultimate Apocalypse, there's a huge number of mods available, and it's highly recommended you [[Dawn of War Mods|check 'em out]].

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category: Dawn of War]]

Blood Ravens

2016-08-02T03:12:20Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45: /* Famous Blud Rehvens */ Honestly not sure if fanon characters can go here, but...

{{Infobox Spess Mahreen Chapter
|Name = Blood Ravens
|Heraldry = [[Image:Bloodravenslogo.jpg|250px]]
|Battle Cry = Pre-Retribution: "Knowledge is power. Guard it well."; Post-Retribution: "None shall find us wanting."
|Number =
|Founding = Unknown
|Successors of = Heavily hinted to be [[Thousand Sons]]
|Successor Chapters = N/A
|Chapter Master = [[Gabriel Angelos]]
|Primarch = Unknown (''possibly'' [[Magnus the Red]])
|Homeworld = Fleet-based
|Specialty = [[Psyker]]s, collecting "lost" relics, plot armor
|Strength = Probably around 800
|Allegiance = [[Imperium of Man]]
|Colours = Red. Bone white pauldrons
}}
''"I am a thief of knowledge, and in a survival way, I had to solve all the problems around me."''<br>
-Philippe Petit

The '''Bluhd Rehvehns''' are one of the better-known background Chapters, primarily from their starring role in the [[Dawn of War]] vidya series. They have ''waaaaaaaay'' too many psykers and are obsessed with <s>stealing</s> finding lost relics, mostly because they don't know anything about their history. They have no records dating before the [[Age of Apostasy]]. This has led some to theorize that they are actually [[Traitor Legion Loyalists|loyalist descendants]] of the [[Thousand Sons]], which according to recent fluff, may be canon.

==History==
[[File:Indrick Boreale.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Indrick Baldeale, a Blud Rehvens Captain: Teh greahtehst hero of teh chaphter and mastur of STEEL REHN.]]
This chapter was specifically created by Relic and GW for the Dawn of War vidya games. This would remain their only claim to fame if Dawn of War hadn't spawned dozens of [[meme]]s.
Perhaps the most famous example of these memes is the voice acting of the Captain Indrick Boreale, who is the origin of the terms [[Empra]] and [[Space Marine|Spehss mahreens]]. They are also infamous on /tg/ for losing half their chapter in a single campaign, also thanks to Brother-Captain Boreale, who refused to fuck off when [[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] arrived. [[Davian Thule]] had the same thing happen when he [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1bHvuVe0xs refused orders to fuck off] from [[Governer-Militant Lukas Alexander]], but unlike Boreale, Thule actually won.

The Blood Ravens are also famous for their rav(en)ing kleptomania, discussed in greater depth below.

One of the few canonically confirmed, let alone interesting, things about their history is the possibility that they are descendants of a [[Thousand Sons]] schism cult. The short story "Rebirth" in ''Age of Darkness'' shows what might be the foundation of the Chapter, as hinted before in ''A Thousand Sons'' Horus Heresy book. That story shows that most of the Corvidae (as in the genus of birds to which the raven belongs) Fellowship of the Legion was sent away by [[Magnus]] during the Burning of [[Prospero]]. The leader of this Fellowship, Revuel '''Arvida''', has a name very similar to Azari'''ah Vidya''', the legendary hero of the Blood Ravens, who utters "Knowledge is Power, Guard It Well", the motto of the Blood Ravens. Additionally, they have an unusually high number of unusually powerful psykers, with two full squads of Librarians in the First Company and were (at least until the events of [[Dawn of War 2#Retribution|Retribution]]) lead by a combination of [[Chapter Master]]s and [[Librarian]]s. Finally, their obsession with lost knowledge and mystic relics mirrors pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Hell, even their ''color scheme'' is suspiciously close to the one used by the pre-Heresy Thousand Sons. Also, if you want to read ''way'' too much into it, it should be noted that almost every other Traitor Legion has known, named Loyalist members, most of whom aided [[Malcador]] with the creation of the [[Inquisition]]... except the Thousand Sons and Night Lords (but they're a Chapter of psychics, not bloodthirsty butchers).

However, given the ambiguous and circumstantial nature of what little evidence exists, we may never know if this is true. For a time, there was a rumor of a Blood Ravens Codex produced by Games Workshop, which would probably expand on the theory. However, the codex never came out, the rumors quietly died out and do not look likely to be revived anytime soon.

The Blood Ravens have only two recorded mutations in their [[gene seed]]. The first one affects their Catalepsean Node, which grants them perfect memory but creates an inability to enter R.E.M sleep, forcing them basically to sleep while awake. For anyone other than a Space Marine, this would ultimately be fatal, but it would hardly be the first time such nonsense was found in Space Marine fluff. The second mutation, if it truly can be counted as one, is it's high frequency to produce or activate latent psychic power. Other, less documented (as in fan-developed) characteristics include a massive tendency to develop kleptomania, generate a gelatinous substance in their scalps to allow for the creation of hairetical hair, and something known as "unavailable original voice acting" which causes some members' voices to change periodically.

They are also notable for having [[C.S. Goto|a Librarian Chapter Master who dedicates himself to Khorne]]. Normally this would be a case of extreme bullshit writing, but appears to make some degree of sense in that the Chapter Master/Head Librarian in question is never seen using sorcerous powers after revealing his new loyalty, and that Daemon Princes, even of Khorne (which he ultimately transforms into), actually have massive psychic potential.

The [[Dawn of War III]] initial reveal page shows that good ol' Gabe is in fact alive, meaning that the Space Marine ending in Dawn of War II was in fact completely canon. Unfortunately, Gabe is no longer mostly bionic so [[Derp|who knows what's canon]].

Anyways, the Blood Raven's new motto under Gabriel Angelos was "None Shall Find Us Wanting", which is the saying they use in Space Marine, unlike their old "Knowledge is Power" schtick, indicating that the events of Space Marine occurred after DoW:Retribution. In any event, whether Space Marine itself is actually canon or not is up for debate, though GW's official stance is that most of it is not, which would mean that there is no evidence at all about what actually happens. You'll have to [[Matt Ward|decide for yourself]].

Interestingly, seen as a whole, this also means that Graham McNeill's incorrect statement that Gabe was the Chapter Master at the time he wrote the WD Blood Ravens Index Astartes article (published Nov 2004), is now retroactively correct, as Gabe does indeed becomes Chapter Master in the Space Marine ending of Retribution (released in Mar 2011)... unless this was [[JUST AS PLANNED|already the intended direction of Relic/Games Workshop's plot arc from the beginning]].

[[Wat|Knowing Games Workshop though]], Eliphas is probably still alive. Probably a Daemon Prince, too. Because, as with all secondary 40K media: "Fuck coherency in the name of storytelling!".

==The Hats==
The dust settled and the Ork horde lay dead at her feet. But with such a victory came sacrifice. The good General lay dead, his final words asking "Who wants to live FOREVEEER?" (Seeing as he's Freddie Fuckin Mercury in Space) with a wry smile on his face. The Imperial Guard had either died to a man or retreated when the Commissar Lord fell in battle. But it did not matter, her hat and her popped collar would hide any tears that she may have shed for them.

And then suddenly, there was a thumping. It couldn't be! She had bombed the area! She had drowned the orks in the bodies of the devoted guardsmen! She had evaporated the green tide with faith and fire! And yet... he still stomped through the ashes.

"ALRITE YA SQUISHY! I WANTZ DAT HAT!". He was as determined as he was arrogant, but even with his stubbornness, she could see something change in his face. Confusion had entered his small little brain. Perhaps it was because he was shocked that naught but a "pitiful" human could stand tall against the full force of a WAAAGGHHH. What was more amusing was that the Warboss had lost his patented pirate hat. She reached for her own hat, to tip it in torment at the Ork's incompetence... only to find nothing but hair in it's place. "WHERE IZ IT!? WHERE'Z DA HAT?!" the Ork roared in fury before noticing his own unprotected head. Shock turned to anger as both reached the same conclusion.

"DIOMEDES!" She screamed in unison to the Ork's own war-cries for "DEM'Z BLUDY MAGPIES HEADZ!". The eternal war made for some strange alliances, but none as strange as the Inquisitor and the Warboss hunting down the Thieves of Thieves, in retribution for their loss.

Diomedes sat with his new pirate hat. He thought it fitting for his position in a Chapter as renowned as his for "acquiring" gifts.
"We Shahl Coll this maneuvah Stehl Stehl!" - The Ancient announced, as he disregarded his tattered old helmet for the Witch Hunter's headpiece.

==Famous Blud Rehvens==
*Chapter Master [[Gabriel Angelos]] - Original Badass and current Chapter Master of the Blod Rehvens, at least in the SM and IG endings of Retribution (the SM ending is canon, but he dies in every other ending). He is the first Blood Raven Chapter Master in recorded history AND not the same time being the Chief Librarian, probably because they finally realized that having a Chief Librarian/Chapter Master is a Bad Idea™. Gabe was the first Blood Raven character we were ever introduced to and has the most fully-formed character of anyone else. Known for his catch phrase "Walk softly and carry a big gun", which translates in "Steal the biggest thing and don't get noticed". He sentenced his own homeworld of Cyrene to [[Exterminatus]] after discovering extensively deep [[heresy]] on it (which he's still hurting over) and accidentally set the events of most of the series in motion by destroying a daemonic artifact known as the Maledictum and thus setting a Greater Daemon of Khorne loose. He still did his damndest to make up for it and succeeded.

:Comes back in Dawn of War III wearing an impressive looking suit of Tartaros Terminator Armour, as well as making ridiculous [[wat|front 360 flips in it]].

*Chief Librarian Azariah Vidya (get it? cuz they are in a vidya gaem?) - Led the chapter soon after their founding in a campaign against Alpha Legion (who have slain their Chapter Master) with most of the 1st Company and most of their previous command structure. Vidya made use of some kind of [[Creed|Tactical Genius]], and his already large experience battling Chaos forces, made him naturally "understand" where the enemy was, so that his Rehvens perfectly striked where needed. He essentially found the "I WIN" button for that campaign and pressed it while engaging his inner troll-face. Vidya is hinted to actually be 'Arvida', a 'Corvidae' or seer, from the Thousand Sons Legion.

*[[Isador Akios]] - Gabe's Librarian buddy. Was successfully tempted by [[Sindri Myr|Ssssiiiiindriiiiii]] into betraying the Blood Ravens, and was eventually killed by Gabe himself for that heresy (thus also enabling Gabe to spout an awesome one-liner while pulling the trigger).

*Captain [[Davian Thule|Davian Thule]] - The only force commander to get 2 sexy voices in both games he appears in.....well that was until he got ripped by a [[Tyranid]] Warrior and interred into a Dreadnought, where he sounds just as scary as any near-psychotic Dread. Gets rekt by Eliphas in the first Chaos mission in Retribution, though. Way to punch the players in the gut, Relic.... We like to pretend that the Venerable Dreadnought honor guard in Retribution is Davian Thule, to soothe our deep emotional trauma. While the Space Marine ending to Retribution is canon, his character is never really addressed after Chaos Rising, other than the aforementioned humiliating annihilation, and could well be dead. It is still hinted that he and the 4th company fought during the 13th Black Crusade.

*Captain [[Indrick Boreale|Indrick Baldeale]] - A master of [[meme|STEEL REHN]]. He is quite dead at the moment. Unlike Davian though, nobody is in the least broken down about him.

*[[Blood Ravens Force Commander|Force Commander Hair Gel]] - Though he is given the name Aramus in a [[C.S.Goto|novel]], the game and the novels contradict each other so we'll never know what is what. Usually called Force Commander Vanilla Ice or Hair Gel for his hair-esy, he's also the youngest Blood Raven Force Commander ever. In Retribution, he's mentioned in the "Hammer of the Nameless" wargear, stating that the hammer went missing after he was branded renegade by Kyras. It is slightly possible that Vanilla Ice might return in the series one day since it's never implied that he was executed by Gabe or defected to the Black Legion. Retribution hints that the "slightly tainted" ending of Chaos Rising is canon (ending #3 out of '''five''' possible endings), and in that ending he was sent to the Eye of Terror on a 100 year penitent crusade. Dialogue indicates that Thaddeus was sent along with Hair Gel.

*[[Avitus]] - A Devastator Sergeant, who's so angry that he hates everything. On top of that hate lists are Imperial Guardsmen, when he was a regular human they were jerks who oppressed his neighborhood, and on Kronus he lost several battle brothers from the Guardsmen that stood against the Blood Ravens cleaning up their Chapters dark secret. Is an all-around badass who can fire plasma cannons and heavy bolters without needing to set up, given the proper upgrades. Has the same voice as the unknown heretic in Chaos Rising. In Retribution, he is stated to canonically be the heretic (who betrays the player and joins Eliphas' Black Legion warband) in the player's forces during Chaos Rising, as if him being fucking angry all the time wasn't enough of a dead-giveaway. He then gets killed by his ex-BFF Tarkus later on.

*[[Cyrus|Cyrus/Spike Spiegel/also Wolverine]] - A Scout Sergeant, who's so grimdark that he hates everything. He's also voiced by [[Steve Blum]], which makes him awesome. Cyrus literally hates everything, short of the [[Emprah]], and constantly bitches about how fucked up everything is during every briefing in the game. The whole "Spike Spiegel/Wolverine" name comes from his rather prolific VA's most famous characters, one from the anime Cowboy Bebop, the other from the X-Men cartoons and assorted games. Prefers to wear scout armor instead of tactical armor to show off he's that badass.

*[[Jonah Orion]] - Gabe's new Librarian buddy after Isador got executed on Tartarus. He played a rousing game of mindfuck with the Tyranid Hivemind to allow Angelos' fleet to enter the system during the first DoWII. He won in the end, the only remaining sane & alive Librarian on Gabe's ship. And he becomes playable in Chaos Rising. Died in all endings of Retribution at the hands of DOM-Kyras as Relic likes to keep up with the tradition that the black guy has a 99% chance of being killed in the end. He's also the first confirmed black Space Marine who isn't from the [[Salamanders]], which is [[Awesome]]. Well, there was also that one [[Black Templar]] guy in [[Damnation Crusade]].

*[[Martellus]] - A [[Techmarine]], also voiced by [[Steve Blum]]. His job is to inform you of bad news all the time while chilling on the strike cruiser. Survived getting his Thunderhawk shot down and stranded on Typhon for months, canonically wasn't the traitor in Chaos Rising, and became a playable character in DoWII: Retribution. If he becomes a traitor due to the player's use of artifacts, he will attack you in a Chaos Predator, fucking your shit up. (Despite not being the canonical traitor, he is nonetheless selected as the default traitor if all members of the player's team have exactly equal corruption levels.)

*[[Tarkus]] - A Tactical squad Sergeant, who is bald and also the Ancient in Retribution. Noted for being surprisingly kind-hearted and dutiful for a Marine, Tarkus ever takes the role of a mentor and is a strict adherent to the Codex Astartes. Unusual in that if he falls to Chaos through artifacts, he does so with the express intention of using the daemonic weaponry to fuck over the Black Legion and Eliphas and bring Kyras to justice by his own hands. If turned to Chaos, he attacks with a Kai Gun (Read the nostalgic 3rd edition CSM codex for crunch and more detail), an ancient, [[Awesome|daemonically possessed bolter]] that fucks things up with retardedly strong bolts of warpfire.

*[[Thaddeus]] - An Assault Marine Sergeant, the youngest and least grimdark of the gang. Is also a hair-etic and unsurprisingly joined Force Commander Hair Gel on his heresy during Chaos Rising. Canonically gets sent away on the penitent crusade alongside Commander Hair Gel after Chaos Rising, explaining his absence in Retribution.

*Apothecary Gordian - the man responsible for bringing Davian Thule back from the brink of death and overseeing his internment in a dreadnought. It's a pity that he gets virtually no screen time and gets killed when the Tyranids destroy your strike cruiser, since his few appearances mark him as a useful and generally cool character.

*[[Apollo Diomedes|Captain Apollo Diomedes]]- Captain of the veteran First Company and Honor Guard, and said to be the "greatest" warrior of the Blood Ravens history. He used to be a helmet-wearing jerkass of awesomeness until Retribution, where he is revealed to be bald. As such, this fa/tg/uy dubs him Abaldo Diomedes. Looks (and sounds) suspiciously like Indrick Boreale... "BRRUUUVAA I AM HITTT!" "IT IS DE BEEEIHNNNNBLEEEEHD!"

*[[Azariah Kyras]] - A [[C.S.Goto|Space Marine Librarian who falls to Chaos and dedicates himself to Khorne]]. In his early days he was stuck in a Spacey Hulk with a couple of marines, and after fighting in it for Emperor knows how long, he was corrupted by the Nurgle demon Ulkair. Was also Chapter Master of the Blood Ravens up until Retribution. Has a kickass VA ("Let the galaxy BURN!"). He looks like he hasn't slept since the time of the Ancient Sumerians (just look at those eye rings, someone give this man a tempur-pedic and some clonodine). He also happens to be one of the few psykers to gain the favor of Khorne in the history of 40k (apparently good enough to be granted daemonhood on top of all that too). This largely due him kicking Ulkair to the curb after he got owned by Commander Hair Gel, and decided to cater to the daemon of Khorne Gabriel released.

*Apothecary Galan - A traitor apothecary with a great voice, possessed by a daemon of Nurgle, trying to corrupt Abaldo Diomedes. Was part of the expedition that found Kyras aboard the Judgement of Carrion. Notable for bucking the "apothecaries aren't badass"-trend by carrying a chainsword that hits like a goddamn truck and having a bodyguard of assault terminators. If defeated in battle in Chaos Rising (optional objective), the daemon gets exorcised, and the actually repentant Galan (who was possessed against his will) gives you information that saves Diomedes' life... and then dies. Since Diomedes is alive in Retribution, that means canonically, Galan is dead.

*Scout Sergeant Priam - Got all his scouts kidnapped by a Sorcerer on Calderis, with the rest of them holed up in shitty clay structures against Chaos Dreadnoughts, havocs, and missile-carrying plague marines. Suffice to say, if Hairgel doesn't deploy every shred of tactical genius he has, everyone gets [[rape|properly fucked.]]

*Sergeant <s>Lysandros</s> MEHTULBAWKSES - shows up on Calderis to destroy an empty town in the ass end of nowhere on orders of Kyras. Notable for being the eternal nemesis of [[Firaeveus Carron]] by spamming not just Rhinos, but Razorbacks. Tells Diomedes (the player) to fuck off and stop being a buzzkilling asshole. The player then proceeds to kill him. Obviously.

*Dreadnought - A random hero of the chapter. The Blood Ravens must have a bunch, since they're more spammable than Predators. Most players pretend (in vain) that the Venerable version you can sub out Martellus for in Retribution is Thule, and weep quietly as it instagibs infantry in the background with assault cannon sweeps.

*Unnamed Traitor - Siding with Kyras and Chaos, he shows up in the later stages of Retribution, becoming the greatest exemplar of the thieving might of the chapter by stealing a Land Raider Redeemer from the Blood Ravens themselves. Is also a teamkilling fucktard who fires off the Land Raider's frag assault launchers directly into a huge mass of cultists (on the same side as him) worshiping Khorne, resulting in ludicrous gibs.

*Squad [[Beakie|Corvus]] Marines - Shows up in Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine during the Chaos Invasion. Noticing a group of Black Templars traveling to join the Liberation Fleet heading for Forge World Graia, Squad Corvus attached themselves to the strike force in order to "acquire" more gifts for the chapter (specifically, more Titans). They show up during the Chaos invasion and kick major ass, despite there being only like four of them. Just goes to show how fucking strong Blood Raven plot armor is... or how strong their dedication to "acquire" relics for their chapter can be.

*Rhamah - [[C.S. Goto|The blackest of Irish lepers]] graced us with this librarian, who got pulled into the warp while fighting off a Gellar field breach on the Litany of Fury. He ended up on a [[Harlequin]] library planet with amnesia, where he met [[Ahzek Ahriman]]. Getting convinced that they were battle brothers, he wandered around the library while [[Gabriel Angelos]] and company were looking for him. The moment Rhamah was found, he got a [[Ferrus Manus|viking haircut]]: courtesy of a space elf clown's power sword. The moral of the story is to avoid heresy. And also fuck C.S. Goto.

*Jensus Natorian - In the Deathwatch Overkill boxed game, Jensus is the librarian in Kill Team Cassius. Back when Jensus was a regular old human his parents got killed by orks. That made Jensus angry. [[Angry Marines|Really REALLY angry]]. He raged so hard he developed psychic powers, [[Rip and tear|started tearing hordes of orks into hamburger with his bare hands]], and made Khorne himself raise his fiery eyebrows and say “…{{BLAM|DAMN}}.” So yeah, he kinda went super saiyan. After Jensus ran out of greenskins to render down to their component parts, he was right about to be taken by the Black Ships when a chap by the name of Inquisitor Belicor decided that Jensus’ rage could be put to better use, shipped him off to the Blood Ravens, and later oversaw his induction into the Deathwatch, where his psychic contributions are less about mind bullets and more about mind [[RIP AND TEAR]]. Jensus also makes the Blood Ravens the only non-First Founding Chapter represented in the Deathwatch Overkill box, much to the disappointment of Black Templar players.

* Captain Arthrus Godfrey - The Captain of 4th Company that fought Hivefleet Behemoth with Inquisitor Kryptman in the series made by [[If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device|Eliphas the Inheritor.]] Scares the crap out of the Death Watch members who know that the Blud Rehvens are thieving bastards.

==The Lazy Fuckwits of 4th Company==
The Blood Ravens 4th Company is recognized as the laziest sons of bitches in the entire goddamn sector. For all of Dawn of War 2, these bastards sat around on Calderis, only to show up when [[Davian Thule]] gets KO'd by a Tyranid ''Warrior''. Their battle strategy basically involves "let the Force Commander do all the work". So only about twenty marines and the rest of the Blood Raven scouts actually do shit, while the rest of these fat bastards sit around on Calderis getting chewed up by gribblies. Where the fuck are they when the Force Commander needs them!? Probably "discovering and obtaining" more artifacts.
The Force Commander never actually needs them on the battlefield though: he and Cool Dreadnought alone are perfectly capable of blasting the stuffing from Cannon Fodder, Tyrants and Fatty Daemon Princess (if they are properly equipped and employing hit-run-cheat-hit tactic). Friendly Cannon Fodder is useless in hard battles anyway. Better let them loot friends and foes.

If you wanted to split hairs, you could argue that the rest of the 4th Company is the reinforcements you call in when your squads get KO'd and you run back to a satellite dish/strategic point to heal up. This begs the question to why they don't just deploy full-sized squads to begin with and overwhelm the enemy from the start.

The rest of the company are probably deployed to other theatres, performing side objectives or just minimizing the number of reinforcements that jump in front of Thule's assault cannon.

==Bloody Magpies==
[[File:Magpie Missle.jpg|200px|right|thumb|The Blood Ravens "acquiring" a master-crafted artillery shell from a Forgeworld. The next day, the Magos simply said: ''"THEY TOOK WHAT?!"'' after hearing the report that their entire artillery battery was reported missing.]]
[[File:Warhammer_40k_blood_ravens_magpies_comic_bolt_down_everything_1335786405659.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Don't bother, they'll just "acquire" the bolts too.]]

Blood Ravens are also known to steal and loot artifacts, relics and practically everything else that isn't bolted down (and it doesn't even stop them from stealing from dreadnoughts), due to the fact they are not an official chapter and must make do with what they find. In case you haven't noticed this far: they are named after an intelligent bird known for feasting on the dead, which makes them value the spoils of war more than any other chapter. Their battle gear include (and are not limited to) scraps from Ultramarines, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Salamanders, Dark Angels, Iron Snakes, Blood Angels, Black Templars, Iron Hands, Grey Knights, even the Adeptus Custodes and at least one Primarch. One must wonder how the fuck they got away with the latter.

In addition, they are always on the move, implying heavily that they are the Space Gypsies of the Warhammer 40k. This makes further sense when you consider that "Gypsies" is derived from "Egyptian", and the Thousand Sons are Egyptian-themed (Although gypsies are actually ethnically Indian). Maybe the White Scars like them, but they only hang out with their successors anyway.

In Dawn of War II, the Blood Ravens have numerous opportunities to receive Wargear for them to use in battle. Strangely, a good number of them are obtained through vague circumstances or described as "gifts", either implying that they were salvaged from the dead who aren't Blood Ravens or were downright stolen from both loyal and traitor marine chapters and other Imperial organizations. How they got away with that is something only the Emperor would know. Seeing as they've jacked at least one bolter and suit of power armor from the fucking [[Adeptus Custodes]], the Emperor probably is the only one that could know.

So [[Bjorn_the_Fell_Handed#Bjorn.27s_Happy_End|how will this end?]]

I don't know...But I'm pretty sure they are a textbook case of Mass Kleptomania, which could be explained as an unnoticed gene-seed corruption (because when you're checking for thing like growing the wrong number of limbs, a compulsion to steal is going to be a lot less visible).

Of course, will you question the Omnissiah and the Machine Cult when it comes to handling artifacts?

<gallery>
Image:Baalpistol.png|Also known as the Bloody Magpies.
File:BA Flamer.jpg|When the Bloody Magpies were victimizing the Blood Angels, they didn't just settle for the Pistol of Baal.
Image:Inquisitorpistol.png|Weight on the word "discovered".
File:DoomEagle.jpg|This is primarily because the Doom Eagles didn't think to look at their own Chapter armory.
File:Benediction.jpg|Even the Inquisition is not safe.
File:Custodes bolter.jpg|HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEAL CUSTODES EQUIPMENT?!
File:Jump Pack.jpg|Even the lost and dead are not safe.
File:Heretical Shotgun.jpg|Even the ruinous powers are not safe.
File:Alpha legion armor.jpg|When we said Chaos wasn't safe, we weren't kidding.
File:Termi tele.jpg|Techmarines from different chapters swear to the Emperor that they've seen this before in another chapter's armory.
File:Artificer termi.jpg|Refusal is futile.
File:Nova Termi.jpg|The Novamarines were puzzled to see the Terminator armor gone from their honored battle brother's body after he fell against the Tau... 30 seconds later when they glanced aside.
Image:evenyoumartellus.png|Curiously, the Techpriests of Mars refused to recruit any more potential Techmarines from the Blood Ravens after Martellus' release.
Image:bloodmagpies.png|Spoiler: They don't.
File:Snakes banner.jpg|Emphasis on "recovered".
File:CustodesArmor.jpg|This really puts the achievements of all other chapters to shame.
File:Forgebreaker.png|Not even the Primarchs are safe.
File:SkarbrandMaul.jpg|[[Abaddon|Abaddon's]] weapon is pretty cool too, I guess.
File:BTThunderHammer.jpg|If you steal, might as well do it from the best.
File:Ancient Bolter.gif|Even [[Matthew_Ward| Matt Ward's]] beloved [[Ultramarines|Ultrasmurfs]] aren't safe...
File:GKArmor.jpg| And neither are his other beloved [[Grey_Knights|Special Snowflakes]].(at least they partly admit they stole this one)
File:Dawn_of_stubbornness.png| Even the fan chapters have witnessed this.

</gallery>

===Rumors===
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3uEf8sJt1s&feature=g-all-lik A Blood Raven marine sneaking off with an Ultramarine Land Raider with incomprehensible stealth.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4om7AuID6BY&feature=related It is worse than we imagined.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enua52rXfmQ Much worse.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tavp0vrBOLA So bad, they would steal from each other (Though why would they want THAT particular relic is anybody's guess).]
* stole more Jeans then all the Jean-stealers
* stole not one, but two whole primarchs, before they were even founded

==Fanboy Ravens==
The Blod Rehvens have also been known for their excessively fangirl-esque behavior, including forging weapons for other chapters and declaring them relics after the receiving chapter rejected them, and naming wargear after off-hand comments by famous chapters, though by now they themselves are a very famous chapter.

Alternatively, they may just enjoy trolling the hell out of other chapters. For a chapter that gives all of zero fucks about slaughtering the Sisters of Battle and Imperial Guard, it could really go either way. Either this, or Relic are massive trolls themselves and all of the Space Gypsy stuff is [[Just as planned|just as planned]].

An alternative alternative is that Tzeentch is actually seeing how much he has to piss off other chapters in the Blood Ravens name in order to get them to turn completely traitor. He may even be pretending to be Khorne, since that's the only god anyone is apparently willing to worship anymore. Hey, its better than being completely forgotten like a certain Slaanesh...

A third alternative is that, given how much relics they <s>steal</s> acquire, they may be trying to come to good terms with other chapters by spreading their loot around. With that being said, it is also entirely possibly that it serves as a way of fencing stolen goods: take stuff, disguise true origins, and then offer the things back to their original owners with the certainty that they will reject it as an inferior copy of something they think they still have in their armory.

<gallery>
Image:trinkets.jpg|Ragnar Blackmane was suppose to be given a Power Axe by the Blood Raven artificers. He told them to screw off. <s>Probably lost his wolf mantle afterwards too</s>
File:Gift.jpg|Said Power Axe.
File:Fist's Hammer.jpg|[[Darnath Lysander]] is not amused.
File:Russ Axe.jpg|The Space Wolves can't resist trolling the Blood Ravens. They were less amused when they discovered a similar axe disappeared from their arsenal.
File:DA Plasma gun.jpg|[[Troll|Problem]], [[Dark Angels]]?
File:AzraelsSecond.png|"He mad?" "Pretty sure he mad."
</gallery>

==The (Incomplete) Loot List==
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2042/ Every weapon and armor the Magpies have been "gifted"]
* [http://lparchive.org/Dawn-of-War-II/Update%2043/ More items. Curiously, none of them are gifts.]
* The Squats
Notably, these lists lack the really good (purple-quality) goods, such as stolen Custodes gear, [[Fulgrim|Forgebreaker]], and titan-killing multimeltas nicked from the Ultramarines.

{{Template:Marines-Official}}

Traitor Legion Loyalists

2016-08-02T02:27:13Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45: /* Known Loyalist Members of the Traitor Legions */

{{Wh40k-stub}}

''Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.'' -Exodus 23:2

As the name indicates, this article is about those rare Space Marines who stayed loyal to the Emperor and the Imperium despite hailing from the Traitor Legions, proving that despite what some characters in 40k think, bad genes is no sure indicator of bad behaviour. While most of the information is just hints for now, this is a matter that has been popping up every now and then since a few years ago.

As it happens, many of these traitor legion loyalists in the Horus Heresy who did not end up in annals of history became [[Blackshield|Blackshields]], the precursor to the 40k equivalent of the same name where a marine with no emblems or markings can petition to join with the [[Deathwatch]], no questions asked. The wording leaves it open to them seeking to redeem themselves OR that of their chapter. Although Blackshields are a rarity, there were enough for such a tradition to begin and survive to the present time in the Imperium.

Those groups with enough numbers, or perhaps ties to the right people, were able to pass themselves off as successors of other chapters after the Second Founding. Or their founders purged and changed their own records, so that over time, no one within the chapter knows who their true progenitor is (which can lead to some [[skub|fun times]] when an inquisitor comes across evidence that it occurred).

Generic armies of them can be fielded in 30K with the Orphans of Betrayal [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Space_Marine_Legion_List_(30k)#Rites_of_War|Rite of War]]. As is fitting for a rogue, largely unsupported force, the rite doesn't provide many bonuses unless you're fighting Traitor versions of the same Legion you're fielding.

{{Template:Spoilers}}

==Known Loyalist Members of the Traitor Legions==

* Death Guard
** Nathaniel Garro (became the first of the [[Knights-Errant]])
** Andus Hakur
** Meric Voyen
** Solun Decius
** Helig Gallor (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
* Emperor's Children
** Saul Tarvitz (MIA)
** Argentus Kiron
** Ancient Rylanor (Contemptor Dreadnought, MIA)
* Iron Warriors
** Barabas Dantioch (Sacrificed himself in a glorious battle to save the forces of [[Imperium Secundus]])
** Zygmund Tarrasch
** Venerable Vastopol
** Kyr Vhalen
** Narik Dreygur (Mind-controlled to serve the Loyalists rather than redeemed)
** Auric Saxton
* Luna Wolves
** Garviel Loken (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
** Iacton Qruze (Recruited into the Knights-Errant, later killed by Horus)
** Severian (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
* World Eaters
** Macer Varren (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
** Endryd Haar
** Tagore
** Subha
** Asubha
* Thousand Sons
** Atharva
** Revuel Arvida
** Omari Anat (captured by the Flash Tearers, stayed their captive to test whether or not Amit would go insane and kill him despite ample evidence of his innocence, fate unknown)

==List of suspected chapters==
*[[Blood Ravens]] ([[Thousand Sons]]) - heavily implied
*[[Grey Knights]] (Founders were initially drawn from the [[Knights-Errant]]) - outright stated
*[[Minotaurs]] ([[World Eaters]])
*[[Silver Skulls]] ([[Iron Warriors]]) - all but confirmed
*[[Red Scorpions]] ([[Emperor's Children]])
*Death Eagles ([[Emperor's Children]]) - all but confirmed
*[[Storm Wardens]] ([[World Eaters]]) - speculated

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category: Chaos]]

Traitor Legion Loyalists

2016-08-02T02:18:23Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45: /* Known Loyalist Members of the Traitor Legions */

{{Wh40k-stub}}

''Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.'' -Exodus 23:2

As the name indicates, this article is about those rare Space Marines who stayed loyal to the Emperor and the Imperium despite hailing from the Traitor Legions, proving that despite what some characters in 40k think, bad genes is no sure indicator of bad behaviour. While most of the information is just hints for now, this is a matter that has been popping up every now and then since a few years ago.

As it happens, many of these traitor legion loyalists in the Horus Heresy who did not end up in annals of history became [[Blackshield|Blackshields]], the precursor to the 40k equivalent of the same name where a marine with no emblems or markings can petition to join with the [[Deathwatch]], no questions asked. The wording leaves it open to them seeking to redeem themselves OR that of their chapter. Although Blackshields are a rarity, there were enough for such a tradition to begin and survive to the present time in the Imperium.

Those groups with enough numbers, or perhaps ties to the right people, were able to pass themselves off as successors of other chapters after the Second Founding. Or their founders purged and changed their own records, so that over time, no one within the chapter knows who their true progenitor is (which can lead to some [[skub|fun times]] when an inquisitor comes across evidence that it occurred).

Generic armies of them can be fielded in 30K with the Orphans of Betrayal [[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Space_Marine_Legion_List_(30k)#Rites_of_War|Rite of War]]. As is fitting for a rogue, largely unsupported force, the rite doesn't provide many bonuses unless you're fighting Traitor versions of the same Legion you're fielding.

{{Template:Spoilers}}

==Known Loyalist Members of the Traitor Legions==

* Death Guard
** Nathaniel Garro (became the first of the [[Knights-Errant]])
** Andus Hakur
** Meric Voyen
** Solun Decius
** Helig Gallor (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
* Emperor's Children
** Saul Tarvitz (MIA)
** Argentus Kiron
** Ancient Rylanor (Contemptor Dreadnought, MIA)
* Iron Warriors
** Barabas Dantioch (Sacrificed himself in a glorious battle to save the forces of [[Imperium Secundus]])
** Zygmund Tarrasch
** Venerable Vastopol
** Kyr Vhalen
** Narik Dreygur (Mind-controlled to serve the Loyalists rather than redeemed)
** Auric Saxton
* Luna Wolves
** Garviel Loken (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
** Iacton Qruze (Recruited into the Knights-Errant, later killed by Horus)
** Severian (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
* World Eaters
** Macer Varren (Recruited into the Knights-Errant)
** Endryd Haar
** Tagore
** Subha
** Asubha
* Thousand Sons
** Atharva
** Revuel Arvida
** Omari Anat

==List of suspected chapters==
*[[Blood Ravens]] ([[Thousand Sons]]) - heavily implied
*[[Grey Knights]] (Founders were initially drawn from the [[Knights-Errant]]) - outright stated
*[[Minotaurs]] ([[World Eaters]])
*[[Silver Skulls]] ([[Iron Warriors]]) - all but confirmed
*[[Red Scorpions]] ([[Emperor's Children]])
*Death Eagles ([[Emperor's Children]]) - all but confirmed
*[[Storm Wardens]] ([[World Eaters]]) - speculated

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Imperial]][[Category:Space Marines]][[Category: Chaos]]

If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device

2016-08-02T01:05:39Z

2602:306:3365:D500:0:0:0:45: /* Others */

{{awesome}}
{{template:Spoilers}}

[[File:If-the-emperor.png|500px|right|thumb|Prepare yourself for pure undiluted WIN!]]

'''The Lord:'''

''"You've nothing more to say to me? You come but to complain unendingly? Is never aught right to your mind?"''

'''Mephistopheles:'''

''"No, Lord! All is still downright bad, I find."''

- Goethe's Faust, Prologue in Heaven.

A Youtube series created by Bruva Alfabusa, the show follows the exploits of Emprah himself in his quest to bring the Imperium of Man to its former glory, helped by the captain of the Custodes "Little Kitten", Magnus (now forgiven and with soul) and a hilarious cast of other major 40k characters. The series has become a complete success, mostly by poking fun on many of the memes, traditions and quirks of the 40k universe and the fandom but also by some very awesome scenes and, of course, great music.

Most fans agree that, while a wild and very unserious take on the 40k universe, the plot itself isn't actually that outlandish (apart from the [[Ultramarines]] capturing [[Magnus the Red]]...). If the Emps would wake up, it's pretty much a given that he would remove the worst parts of the Inquisition as some of the first things, while probably being an ass, as he always was. The unsure part is if the Emps would have learned from his 10,000 years of mistakes, which the series believes he has, deep inside. Doesn't help his [[Rage|temper]] though.

The so-called "TTS-verse" also includes Karl the Deranged's series [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5enLrHSMuIs Chaos Descends], and Eliphas the Inheritor's [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1cXYan0NQA Behemoth] trilogy. "Specials" are slated for story content that takes place outside the throne room.

==Dramatis Personae==

Starting off with a few characters, the series has evolved to encompass a fuckton of major and minor characters, with their own small arcs and all. It's not quite [[Order of the Stick|OotS]] level, but it's getting there.

===Team Emperor===

[[Image:Pleased Emprah.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Emperor of Mankind]]''': The Emprah, who's now able to verbally communicate with people after Techpriests installed a text-to-speech device on his throne. You know how Rouboute Guilliman is a 'jerk with a heart of gold'? Well the Emperor is a massive frothing plasteel dickbag with tourettes, with a heart of gold/platinum alloy studded with diamonds. Is currently planning to rebuild the Imperium after hearing the clusterfuck of stories from his Captain-General caretaker. He also has a pet [[Centurion Squad|Centurion]] (who turns out to be rather important), which he finds adorable, while finding [[Dreadknight]]s abominable. He is a jerk, frequently insulting the Captain General with little reason other than he can (and because it's funny), and dialogue with Magnus implies he's always been a prick. Nonetheless he is ultimately a sympathetic character who wanted to create a better future for humanity and the comedic outrage he displays at all the bad news he gets is justified given how he frequently hears about costly victories that could have been avoided if the men in charge were less incompetent and how the Imperium has been destroying itself (usually because of the Inquisition). The Emperor has a new plan for defeating Chaos after the "starve them out by getting rid of religion" plan didn't work, but like before, he refuses to tell anyone what that plan is (although this time around, it's apparently not because he doesn't trust anyone, but because he doesn't want to spoil the surprise).

[[Image:Sad Kitten.jpg|thumb|right]]
*''' Custodes Captain-General (aka Kitten)''': Captain-General of the [[Adeptus Custodes]] and the only Custode who appears to have retained his sanity after the near-death of the Emperor, and for that matter one of the few sane humans in the Imperium. He serves as both the Emperor's personal caretaker and assistant, and pretty much the only person he regularly talks to and his main link to the outside world. Generally the only person the Emperor trusts and treats like a son, albeit constantly berating him whenever he does something stupid, or because he just feels like it. He also seriously hates [[Tau]]. One episode implies that it is because [[Shadowsun]] spurned him for the Greater Good (and also because he was a bit... fixated on the extremely y-onic shape of her nose), something he furiously and tearfully declares ''must'' be non-canon. He is named ''Little Kitten'' by his fellow Custodes, for "purring his way so far into their ranks", but his real name is a long seemingly nonsensical word salad supposedly based on his accomplishments... But given how he's been stuck in the palace for the last ten thousand years said accomplishments include things like "Goldilocks-Sunshine-Graham-Corncob". His frequent emotional outbursts despite the supposed emotionless state of the Custodes is intentional, and played for humor. After being forced out of the position of caretaker by his fellow Custodes, Kitten fell into a depression, to which Magnus ominously is taking advantage of by making Kitten his ally in making the Imperium great again and totally not get back at the old man. So far all he has done was kill a bunch of Lacrymoles that were impersonating the High Lords of Terra.

*'''[[Magnus the Red]]''': The closest thing to a sane person besides the Captain-General (who plays the straight man depending on the situation). Retrieved from wherever within the Warp by the sheer plot-armor-powered efforts of [[Cato Sicarius]] and then brought to the Golden Throne, followed by the Emperor bullying [[Tzeentch]] in order to steal back Magnus' soul. Touched, he somehow managed to forgive the Emperor (sort of) and decided to help the Emps with his plan to fix the Imperium, but Emps being a jerk to him is starting to test his patience. The shiny new bike he was given helped with their reconciliation, though just how well his apparent heel-face turn has actually stuck is up for debate at best. The first thing he did with the bike was run over a bunch of kids on the street, possible foreshadowing? He may not be actively working for Chaos anymore, but he also quickly runs out of patience with his father and is attempting to fix the Imperium without his help, partly because he has serious doubts about his current sanity (which is kind of justified), and partly just to spite him. Magnus turns into a [[neckbeard]]ed daemon cyclops [http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/9/9a/MagnusEpic.jpg that is a bit reminiscent of his old model back in] [[Epic]], whenever he enters [[rage]] mode - usually prompted by any mention of [[furries|space wolves]].

*'''[[Rogal Dorn]]:''' Primarch of the [[Imperial Fists]]. Is revealed as the Emperor's personal Centurion, with whom he had nightly cuddling sessions prior to his reveal. He came out of hiding after Kitten brought up the topic of discussing the [[Space Wolves]], where he vehemently suggested not to discuss the wolves to prevent Magnus from spazzing out. His extreme bluntness is shown to be less because he is an asshole and more because he is extremely oblivious and literal-minded, possibly due to using a fucking chainsword to scratch his head. Before his disappearance he used to consult his "magic pain glove" until his hand fell off. Despite his eccentricities and his inability to understand sarcasm, he can still make surprisingly lucid observations, such as that the end times are coming, and that not even the Chaos Gods will survive the potential end of all life in the galaxy. He even manages to, perhaps unwittingly, deliver one of the sickest burns yet on the Emperor, leaving him speechless. Actually, nearly every line he spouts is full of unintentional hilarity.

===Imperials (So sorta good guys)===

[[Image:Pillar-Stodes.png|thumb|right]]
*'''The Pillar-stodes (Wamuudes, Custodisi, Karstodes)''': Some of the Emperor's personal companions from the Great Crusade days. After his interment into the Golden Throne, the rest of the Custodes have shed their armor as a sign of mourning. This, however, has also caused them to become fabulous hedonists (although somehow not to a Slaaneshi-tier extreme, they actually despise slaaneshi daemons the most, much to the Emperor's confusion), which greatly disturbs the Emperor. They also have no respect for their Captain General and don't even seem to remember that he's their superior. They constantly slip innuendos into their conversations, much to the discomfort of everyone involved. Except for Rogal; he's too literal-minded to notice. A running gag with them is that whenever the Pillarstodes come into a scene, they would dynamically jump in from nowhere with their own [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM personal theme song]. The three Pillarstodes appearance is based on the Pillar Men from [[JoJo's Bizarre Adventure]]: Battle Tendency; a group of fabulously well-built, half-naked Aztec vampire demigods seeking immortality.
*'''Diavodes''': Another crazy Jojo-Custodes, he appeared out of the blue and asked Kitten and Magnus if they knew who he was, and was content to hear that they didn't. Once alone, he started to laugh maniacally, declaring that soon the new Emperor would be him, Diavodes!

[[Image:High Lords Text.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''The [[High Lords of Terra]]''': The people responsible for running the Imperium itself. Despite this the majority of the High Lords never really discuss or do anything to the betterment of the Imperium and just act senile, once planning to outlaw breathing for everyone but them. For this reason Magnus wants them all dead and handle governing the Imperium directly, but Kitten may have succeeded in convincing them not to fuck over the Imperium so much. Apparently they High Lords are commonly recruited from the Old Folks' planet, a retirement home so terrible that the High Lords have banned ever saying its name. There are currently 5 (technically 7 if you count the Head Scribe and Fyoder) High Lords featured, aside from the Captain-General.¨
[[Image:High Lords 2.jpg|thumb|right]]
**'''[[Ecclesiarchy|Ecclesiarch]] Decius XXIII''': The only non-senile High Lord aside from the Captain General, who legitimately takes his post seriously, even standing up to Fyodor and forbidding him to shed a single drop of blood from Terra's population (which Fyodor circumvented by using incendiary weaponry). For not screwing up the Emperor's plan, not being an overzealous bag of insanity, and rushing to try to save the Emperor when Fyodor stormed Terra's Palace he is allowed to stay leader of the Ecclesiarchy, even as the Emps is disbanding it/just changing every mention of '''God'''-Emperor to '''Man'''-Emperor, due to the fact that he and those who obeyed Emprah now are in charge of reforming the Imperium from the craphole it has sink in. [[Space Marines|Loyalty to the man rather than the word]] finally paid off. Just about everyone mocks him for his hat, which gets limp or...stiff depending on his emotional state. Hat Boners?!? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo He proved that despite the crap others give him, he can make some pretty rousing speeches on the fly].
**'''Fabricator-General of Mars''': The head of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Is so old that his voice stutters every time he speaks like a broken version of Stephen Hawking in addition to always speaking in little tunes. Constantly does nothing but insult his fellow High Lords for being made of flesh and recommend they swap out their fleshy bits for mechanical augmentations. According to other Magos, the Fabricator-General is also a massive junkie and party animal, and he invites the other high lords for margaritas on Mars.
**'''Grand Provost Marshal''': Head of the Adeptus Arbites, who does nothing but propose to make everything illegal. [[Judge Dredd| HE IS THE LAW]].
**'''Master of the Administratum''': The head of the Imperial bureaucracy. A bit less inept than the rest of the high lords, he acts like your everyday senile grandfather.
**'''Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard''': The leader of the Imperial Guard. Doesn't do much, apart from comparing war to the good ol' days. Aware enough to know that the removal of minor luxuries (laxatives, breathing) may have detrimental effects on the Imperial Guard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUrhqCkYwps Lays a sicknasty dilarius biznasty beat.]

===The Ultramarines===
*'''[[Marneus Calgar]]''': Chapter Master of the Ultramarines. He's currently depressed and frustrated at the state of the Ultramarines where they basically win everything (due to their plot armor) as well as their strict adherence to the Codex Astartes to the point that it's no longer fun anymore. Due to this, his mood is eternally grumpy, only made worse by Sicarius' constant gloating. He actually seems to care deeply for the men under his command as he get extremely pissed off when Sicarius put his marines at unnecessary risk to achieve another victory to inflate his reputation. He also appears in a flashback during the second [[Tyranid]] war in Ultramar, where he did battle with the Swarmlord. [https://youtu.be/cB79pnU2f2I?t=5m30s While he put up a valiant fight, he found that they were equally matched, and thus, declared it a draw.] Blatant hints point towards a deal he made with [[Matt Ward|something]] to give his Chapter win more victories (hinted to have begun during the Second Tyrannic War), which he deeply regrets.

*'''[[Cato Sicarius]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 2nd company. His persona's played as Cato's canon need to be a glory hound and the embodiment of the Ultramarines' plot armor, turned up to eleven, where he only cares for his advancement in the ranks of the Ultramarines and not much else. He apparently undertook the mission to capture Magnus the Red. Alone. Without his gellar field turned on, and his survival at such mission greatly pissed off Calgar to no ends, who was hoping he would die. He is also very verbal about his intention to take the position of Chapter Master, which ''greatly'' upsets Calgar (as Cato's dialogues largely implies that he's better than him and wishes for his death), to the point where he threatens to perform an "Imperial Fisting" upon Sicarius with his Gauntlets if he continues such thoughts. He also has a very egotistical, effeminate voice that can only be described as "the love child of tinnitus and a jackhammer", and he always refers to himself in the third person. [https://youtu.be/bM8YGsAmeqE?t=1m56s It's goddamn hilarious.]

*'''[[Uriel Ventris]]''': Current Captain of the Ultramarines 4th company. He doesn't have a lot of development yet, but appears as a close friend of Calgar and is the only one who's noticed the Ultramarines' theme of somehow always completing utterly suicidal missions. He comes to realize that some unknown force is tampering with space and time to rewrite history,([https://youtu.be/eG82ruvH0jc?t=120 Probably has to do with an ''itsy bitsy little'' '''SHARD''']) covering up the Ultramarines past failures and playing up their successes to impossible levels, and starts to suspect that Calgar knows more about this than he's letting on.

*'''[[Roboute Guilliman]]''': The Emperor has regularly made a point of ordering the Custodes Captain-General to have him taken off life-support. Currently the only reason he's still alive is Kitten winning an epic duel in a children's card game against the Emperor. The result of his actions and the Codex Astartes horrifies his father. Going by the previous canon of Guilliman perhaps actually regenerating from the wounds that supposedly killed him, the Empra likely wants the time stasis field deactivated so he can finally get off his fucking ass.

===The Salamanders===
*'''[[Vulkan]]:''' Primarch of the [[Salamanders]]. After the Ultramarines found the remaining artifacts of Vulkan in secret for the Salamanders, Vulkan returned to the chapter, where his return was greeted with great adulation (VUVUZELAS). He is notably quite crazy, and haunted by the ghost of Ferrus Manus. He speaks with a distinct African accent and loves friendship.

*'''[[Vulkan He'stan|He'stan]]''': Forgefather of the Salamanders. He is seen sleeping on an anvil on fire when Cato Sicarius delivered the remaining artifacts to the Salamanders, literally driving them through the wall of the fortress into the Forgefather's personal chambers. Thinking he found the artifacts in his sleep, he subsequently declares himself to be best forgefather.

===The Raven Guard===
*'''[[Corvus Corax]]''': Primarch of the Raven Guard. Appears at the end of one of the episodes. He's currently brooding away (and possibly stuck) in some dark room guarded by Salamanders, while writing edgy poetry in his journal. Magnus declared they were travelling to Nocturne to use the "Engine of Woes", whose name fits Corax's angsty personality; him hiding inside it might explain why he's on Nocturne in the first place.

===The Dark Angels===
*'''[[Azrael]]:''' Chapter Master of the [[Dark Angels]]. He's depicted as an overly paranoid wreck, obsessing about [[Cypher]], the [[Fallen Angels]] and constantly telling any non-inner circle member that reports to them that they're doing nothing suspicious and heretical. The fact that he had two newly indoctrinated inner circle members killed because they stumbled onto knowledge of the fallen (that he spat out in front of them) is played for laughs.
*'''[[Belial]]:''' Grand Master of the Deathwing. His emo personality is hilariously turned to eleven whenever he perceives himself or his chapter as not being perfect, which is every waking second. This curiously allows him to become more reasonable than the rest of the Inner Circle. He has an effeminate yet whiny voice similar to Thurston Howell III.
*'''[[Asmodai]]:''' The Dark Angels' Master of Repentance (which basically means "Violent Murdering" to him). He has an intense personality with a voice reminiscent of your stereotypical 1980s cartoon villain. [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=19m55s REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER.]
*'''[[Watchers in the Dark|Watcher in the Dark]] (aka Snurko):''' A Watcher that accompanies Azrael, who is apparently the only one of its kind who can talk. It suddenly spoke of Cypher while in the presence of two newly indoctrinated inner-circle Angels, [https://youtu.be/M56aycpd9kA?t=17m48s prompting Azrael to hilariously beat the shit out of it.] His speech and mannerisms appears to be based off Orko from the He-man series.

===The Black Templars===
*'''Chaplain [[Grimaldus]]:''' Shows up in a filler short where he tries to ban the holiday of Sanguinala. The other Black Templars tell him he can't, prompting him to go to his bed and throw a loyalist tantrum.

===The Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis===
*'''[[Leman Russ]]''': Primarch of the Space <s>Wolves</s> Corgis. Has been hiding in the Warp. Has a verbal staredown with Karamazov, then proceeds to relentlessly mock him while obsessing over wolves. He also gives a thorough dressing-down of the 3 branches of the Inquisition, as well as the Deathwatch, Tempestus Scions and Sisters of Battle accompanying them (delivering the infamous line "Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat ya out like ice cream sandwiches once your Red Rage begins!"). He even has his own version of the [[meme|Navy Seal Copypasta]]. Despite being a viking, he has a pseudo-Scottish accent. Magnus has accused him of being a furry. He is currently teaching the Inquisition how to survive in the Warp by turning them into a drunken mob and killing innocent daemons. This include pranks of various sorts, such as crank calling Daemons, cockblocking a Daemonette at a bar (which actually kills them), and assaulting one of Nurgle's daemons with a fuckload of soap.

===The Grey Knights===
*'''[[Kaldor Draigo]]''': Makes a short appearance after Fyodor and the rest of his attack force was sent into the warp by Magnus. He's clearly gone batshit insane after so long in the warp. He pops all around Fyodor and annoys him, driving the Inquisitor to scream in annoyance. Later summoned by Kitten to handle Magnus' tantrum, which he does so in a split-second offscreen using inexplicable Mary Sue powers to defeat him. He now hangs around with Russ and company.

===Adversaries===
*'''[[Abaddon the Despoiler]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but has so far has been contacting various Chaos Champions to enlist their help with the next Black Crusade.
*'''[[Fulgrim]]''': Has yet to personally appear in the series, but appears to have already joined Abaddon in his plans. He makes his appearance as the person who called Lucius to get him to join Abaddon.
[[Image:Fyo-Yo.png|thumb|right]]
*'''Lord [[Inquisitor]] Fyodor Karamazov''': Inquisitor of the [[Ordo Hereticus]] and a colossal jerk even among inquisitors. When the Emperor disbanded the Inquisition, he went ballistic and led an entire crusade to Terra to purge what he thinks is heresy. Ended up in the Warp via Magnus for his troubles, after being trolled in a magnificent manner by being told he is a fragment of the Emperor. This was all [[Just As Planned|the Emperor's plan for sending out the message in the first place]], to lure in all the more destructive Inquisitors to get rid of them. He's not out of the game yet, though, and is determined to return to the Emperor. He has become substantially more crazy after Leman Russ' Warp Survival lessons.
[[Image:Domi.png|thumb|right]]
**''Dominique'': The sentient scribe servitor on Fyodor's Throne of Judgement. He comically makes fun of Fyodor on several occasions and generally breaks the serious atmosphere that the Lord Inquisitor tries to project. He also has a curious predilection for sandpaper cigarettes and a rapacious drug habit. Voiced by Gonzo the Great.
[[Image:Mall.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Malleus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor brandishing bulky power armor, almost resembling Terminator armor (because it is, since it's a Grey Knight Grand Master, called "Grey Knight Leader" in the ending; on a side note, the Ordo Malleus has human size Terminator Armours in it's possession). Is the most level-headed of the group.
[[Image:Here.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Xenos]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor whom you'd recognize if you've ever seen them. A xeno fetishist, evidence suggests she is actually a tsundere for [[Genestealers]], and only dreams of being held in the strong, manly arms of her [[Broodlord]]-kun. She appears to be the bad cop of the group with a short temper and a rough, Russian accent. She claims that the letter of disbanding inquisition was written by a genestealer cult under the Emperor's name. While stuck in the warp with Fyodor and the rest, she assaults [[Lord of Change|Kairos]] after asking if he's a Genestealer, naturally not caring which of his heads answered "Yes".
[[Image:Xen.png|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Ordo Hereticus]] Inquisitor''': One of the Inquisitors accompanying Fyodor. He appears as an Inquisitor dressed in black and using a bolt pistol with a sight mount (which is exactly from the front cover of [[Dark Heresy]]). Don't let his soft-spoken tone fool you - this guy gets aroused at the thought of executing other people regardless of what they've done. He is in favor of the door-kicking-and-burning-building type of [[Exterminatus]], just like a medieval witch hunter. He is possibly the same Inquisitor as the one in the mask (who snickers arousedly at executing friendlies and wonders were the mask came from).
*'''[[Torquemada Coteaz]]''': One of the Inquisitors who joined Fyodor's assault into the Imperial Palace. He shows up after Fyodor's forces was blocked off by a force of loyal Ecclesiarchy priests led by Decius in the palace, but breaches their defenses by throwing a barrel of Jokaero at the defenders. This plan causes Fyodor to lose any respect for him, which solicits a disheveled response from [[Awesome|Torquemada, telling him to get off his Throne of Judgement and tell him to his face, or use his multi-melta to do what he's too pathetic to]]. Fyodor backs off and lets him leave. So far he appears to be the only sane Inquisitor, snarling at Fyodor to not execute the Emperor for whatever offense he may pull out of his ass. He's also busy with [[The Lord Inquisitor|making a film]], which is why he didn't stay to see Fyodor's plans go to the Warp.
*'''Inquisitor Javerticus''': An Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor and the most dedicated and charismatic of them all, and also an awesome singer and swordsman. Sadly, the Grey Knights don't seem to comprehend his awesomely dramatic greatness. Named after the obsessive Inspector Javert.

*'''The Gods of [[Chaos]]''': The gods here are less chaotic than their canon counterparts. More-or-less they just sit around and talk to each other, the way they did prior to the Emperor showing up and making plans to wreck their collective shit.
**[[Tzeentch]] is a petty schoolyard bully/prankster who also likes to engage in pointless overthought pseudo-philosophy, and it's unclear if he means it or if it's just part of him being a troll.
**[[Slaanesh]] is a hyperactive masochistic camwhore. Steals from Khorne and trolls with sexual innuendos.
**[[Khorne]] is the only half-way normal Chaos God (if that term could ever be applied to the Gods), who has yet to appear beyond screaming at Slaanesh for being a creepy whore. Has a fairly good relationship with Khaine, though, and they work out together at the gym. Never skips leg day, unlike the Emperor.
**[[Nurgle]] is the only one actually doing any scheming. Has a voice that's really hard to understand without subtitles, and is more focused on his waifu Isha than actually doing anything.
**[[Malal]] makes several short appearances, conversing with the various gods on Spacebook where he declares he will ruin everyone once he becomes canon again by escaping the "Retconnian" (a dimension where the Squats, Horus' soul, and other things that don't exist anymore are banished to) and a second time is shown to exist in a pocket outside canon where he is able to influence things that are canon in subtle ways using the [[Black Crusade (RPG)|"Tyrant Star", a wandering sun that gives off black light and incites anarchy and chaos on whatever planet it shines on]]. It appears that his obsession to become relevant again is a harmful one, as Horus and a Squat talk him down from his attempts and console him when he breaks down crying about his futile attempts.

*'''[[Lucius the Eternal]]''': Slaanesh's premier champion, who sounds like what would happen if Mickey Mouse turned to Slaanesh and became a drag queen in the process (his first appearance is a direct reference to [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g56q3j8NAcw this]). First shown fucking up some Imperial Guardsmen (in all senses of the word) with his warband, laughing like a maniac all the while. He then got a call from Fulgrim, inviting him and his band to join one of Abaddon's [[Black Crusade|"huge parties"]], which he accepted. His absolutely creepy portrayal in the series is quickly becoming one of the scariest (and most enjoyable) things in the franchise, sorta an impressive achievement. Runs a prank show in his spare time, and posts the results to Spacebook.

*'''[[Ahzek Ahriman]]''': Most powerful sorcerer of the [[Thousand Sons]]. Appears in a short scene where he finally gets access to the [[Black Library]], only to be dicked with, and eventually booted out by [[Cegorach]]. Decided to quit trying to get into the Black Library for a while and take a break, but decided against the latter after being summoned by Abaddon for the Black Crusade.

*'''[[Typhus]]''': Chaos Lord of the [[Death Guard]]. Has the voice of Gilbert Gottfried, which he uses to read [[Squad Broken|erotic fanfiction]] for Lucius. Like the other chaos champions, he's been summoned by Abbadon for the Black Crusade.

*'''[[Huron Blackheart]]''': We cannot confirm his appearance in the series proper, but it appears that he is with [[Abaddon]] in the Season 3 intro, perhaps pointing to an alliance of sorts. Why in the all the names of Chaos he is there, we don't know.

*'''The [[Tyranid]] Hivemind''': Attempted to hijack the Chaos Gods' warpchat, but was kicked after too many synapses attempted connections. The Emperor claims that talking to the Tyranid Hivemind is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep.

===Others===
*'''[[Horus|FUCKING HORUS]]''': Appears in the April Fool's episode, where he breaks into the Emperor's throne room and incapacitates him. The Emperor declares Horus can't win because he's all alone, but says he isn't as he gathered allies while he was clawing his way out of The Warp, all of whom are some of the dead/retconned/obscure characters in the fluff, like; The Beast (An Ork who waged one of the most successful WAAAGH!s in human history), Goge Vandire (The man responsible for the worst chapter in Imperial History after the Horus Heresy), [[Sindri Myr]], the Megarachnids (A footnote insectoid race in the fluff, who were hunted to extinction by the Astartes in the Great Crusade.), the [[Squats]] (We all know who they are), Hermann Von Strab (One of the most inept commanders the Imperium has ever seen, who met his end in the 3rd War of Armageddon.), the [[Old Ones]], the Techno-Barbarians of olden Terra, 3ED [[Carnifex|Old One Eye]] and [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI SLY MARBOOO] *cue explosions*. He subsequently declares himself as the new Emperor. Later appeared for real in the second Q&A in the "Retconnian" with Malal and the Squats, and calms Malal's tantrum like a parent consoling a child.
*'''[[Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka]]''': Currently beating up the Overfiend of Octarius, as in official lore. It's still unknown where Ghazzy's gonna fit into things, though it will likely be to assemble all Orks into a single Great WAAAGH!!
[[Image:Cyph.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Cypher]]''': He has a very vague, mysterious plot involving the planet Orior and its STCs. This seems to take place not long after the [[Fallen_Angels#Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident|Ophidium Gulf Crusade Incident]], as the Dark Angels managed to locate him by tracking his ship. He also seems to be skilled at disguise, as he just manages to waltz right into the Thunderhawk behind Azrael without any further comment. He's on his way towards Mars with the Dark Angels.
*'''Dolphan Gruss''': A Magos Explorator sent to Orior by the [[Adeptus Mechanicus|Admech]] to investigate the planet's STC. He is very blunt and dismissive when dealing with "fleshbags", and does so while speaking with a French accent. His most remarkable feature, however, is a drill that replaces his right hand, which, predictably, makes him the butt of many [[Anime|anime]]-related jokes, much to his dismay.
*'''[[Cegorach]]''': The Laughing God, shown guarding the Black Library. He encounters Ahriman trying to enter and forcefully boots him out after a bit of trolling. For some reason, he has a French accent.
*'''[[Isha]]''': Despite being a kidnapping victim initially, Isha is now in a relationship with Nurgle. She hates Tzeentch and Slaanesh, mocking the former and encouraging Nurgle to plague the latter.
*'''[[Gork]] and [[Mork]] (or was it Mork and Gork?)''': Two dumbfucks who argue with each other in other people's conversations on Spacebook, with Gork not actually knowing he's using the Interwarp and trying to figure out how to use it while already on it.
*'''[[Khaine]]''': Disappointed and annoyed by all the young Gods around him, sounds like an old man beat-down by life. He mostly hangs out in the warp chat and goes to the gym with Khorne.
[[Image:Text Marines.jpg|thumb|right]]
[[Image:Eliphas.jpg|thumb|right]]
*'''[[Felinids]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUuvHPr4BGk The ultimate let-down.]
*'''[[Necron]]s''': They appear initially in a mini-episode by Karl. Necrons all speak with low-quality Text to Speech devices, except for the Lords who can afford higher quality devices. Shennanigans ensue when an unnamed Necron Lord discovers that his lowly minions can't pronounce certain things, so now all necrons make roflcopter sounds as their war cries. '''SOI SOI MOTHERFUCKER'''
*'''[[Stormcast Eternals|Ground Marines]]''': Introduced as a short spoof episode after the release of [[Age of Sigmar]], a group of Ultramarines determined to bring their superior selves to the service of [[Sigmar|"other Emperors"]] enter a portal and come out transformed as Stormcast Eternals, their appearance crushing a small group of [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|Empire]] Flagellants. Text then appeared expressing condolences for [[Warhammer Fantasy]] fans. Although non-canon, it's a jab at Games Workshop's need to crowbar Space Marines everywhere ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MzNpMD1K8 As the Stormcast Eternals largely resemble the Space Marines]. Heck, their posterboy group even takes after [[Ultramarines|The Greatest Of Them All]] with the blue, white, and gold color scheme).
*'''[[Eliphas The Inheritor]]''': Makes a cameo in the second Q&A episode having sent a letter to the Emperor saying "Dear Corpse Emperor, Furk You." The episode then cuts to him laughing manically thinking he's so clever before the Emperor psychically punches him, promptly shutting him up.
*'''Little Billy''': A running gag character in the series. His appearance is a psychic child who made himself a crude power-armor costume using cardboard boxes, with Alfabusa's grey and blue livery for colors. The gag about him is that Billy is constantly subjected to lethal/traumatizing events, yet still survives to appear again, leading to a joke that he is actually a perpetual. So far he's been: run over by a space marine attack bike, kidnapped and thrown into a Dark Eldar slave pit ''twice'', and implied to have been molested by Lucius after contacting him using a psychic link and suddenly appearing before him and hammered in the face by a Deathwatch member before almost getting eaten by Tyranids in [https://youtu.be/mabM64rAd4k?t=25m32s| Behemoth]. He's also apparently talked to the High Lords at least once, since the Grand Provost Marshal hallucinates him.
*'''Hobo Guardsman''': also known as "Hobo-chan." Like Billy, he exists to be traumatized by the grim darkness of the universe. First he becomes an unwilling recipient of Lucius' charity efforts, that being a sandwich made from ''"freshly milked [[daemonette]] [[trap|milk]]"'', then later he gets harassed by the [[Adeptus Arbites]] for adding rat meat to his rations to make them more edible. Fed up with the bullshit, he decides to join Chaos, getting warped away before his planet is destroyed by Exterminatus.
*'''Inquisitor Headsmash''': Hangs around on a ship in low orbit waiting for heresy to occur. Has a heavily reinforced Exterminatus button which he gets a LOT of use of it - as the name implies, he hits it repatedly using his head. Has the enviable talent of hearing heresy from orbit.
*'''Space Wolves Wulfen''': any mention of the Wulfen is normally echoed with someone shouting "[[Gorkamorka|Digganobz]]" in a demented manner. This is referred within a youtube short: the Grandmaster of the Grey Knights, sir Covan Leorac, was presented an image of the Wulfen and he called them Digganobz. And yes they really do look like Digganobz.
*'''Calato''': A [[Deathwatch]] Champion from the Dark Angels. Originally from BEHEMOTH, Calato served under Inquisitor [[Kryptman]], spending more time irritably fixing recaf rather than fighting xenos. Calato later shows up trapped in the warp with Karamazov and the rest of the Inquisition, where he had the balls to call Leman Russ a dogfucker to his face. Naturally, Russ was not amused. Later they made up over a pint of Fenrisian Ale, with Calato drunkenly embracing Russ as his "duncle."
*'''[[Sly Marbo]]''': [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kXU14hkuSI The One-Man Army], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCMNWAJiz5Y Hero of the Imperium!]
*'''[[Skarbrand]]''': Appears as a victim of a ding-dong-ditch prank by Leman Russ and Fyodor. Being a Bloodthirster, he hates literally everything to the point that he'd rather remain in the doorframe afterward, which he hates ''slightly'' less.
*'''[[Lord of Change#Noted Lords of Change|Kairos Fateweaver]]''': Appears in the first special, where he tries his usual "Knights and Knaves" shtick on the Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, and gets fucked up for his troubles.
*'''The Citizens Of The Imperium''': In special episodes where the Emperor answers mail from citizens of the Imperium (most of which is questions asked by watchers of the series), Loyalist humanity plus an odd Xeno or Chaos entity ask questions of him. These are supposed to by sorted by ''Little Kitten'' and later Magnus as well, but quite a few stupid ones get through to the point that without the aid of the cuddly Centurion, the Emperor's frustration causes Warpstorms which obliterate chunks of the universe.

==The Order of The Primarchs Return(?)==
During the season 3 intro, the silhouettes of all the primarchs seems to appear in the order they will first enter the show, as the order roughly corresponds with their actual in-series appearances so far.

* [[Rogal Dorn]] (although we don't find out it's Dorn until after Magnus turns up)
* [[Magnus]]
* [[Vulkan]]
* [[Leman Russ]]
* [[Corvus Corax]]
* [[Ferrus Manus]]
* [[Lion El'Jonson]]
* [[Jaghatai Khan]]
* [[Angron]]
* [[Perturabo]]
* [[Lorgar]]
* [[Mortarion]]
* [[Fulgrim]]
* [[Alpharius]] ???
* [[Konrad Curze]]
* [[Roboute Guilliman]]
* [[Sanguinius]]
* [[Horus]]

==Trivia==
* The Emperor's motivation for creating the Human Webway was obtaining Eldar prostitutes, who could take him much better than humans could. The other benefits were an afterthought.
* The Emperor is plagued by a phantom-itch (courtesy of Nurgle) which caused his nose to continue itching long after it fell off and rotted out of existence. Tzeentch believes the frustration will cause him to explode, destroying humanity and causing him to become a new Chaos God.
* The Emperor likes tacos.
* The Emperor believes that [[Love Can Bloom]] will result in humans passing STDs onto Eldar, so he condones interspecies romance.
* The Emperor's left eye was accidentally poked out by Rogal Dorn's iron halo while attaching him to the Golden Throne (prompting the replacement before the rest of his body decayed). The Emperor intends to somehow resurrect him to punish him for it (though now that's no longer a necessity). Actually, in older depictions of the Emperor's duel with Horus, it is one of the wounds inflicting upon him (he also broke many bones, burned the Emperor's fabulous hairs, poisoned him and a lot of stuff...).
* Some of the Emperor's previous personas included Moses and [[Chris-Chan]]. Yes, really.
* The Emperor's shattered psyche includes knowledge of the 4th wall. This is not always available.
* The Emperor created the formula indicating when there is enough [[dakka]]. Only he himself and Kitten know it.
* The Emperor approves of the Tau in theory, although in practice only those willing to engage in melee. So basically just the [[Farsight|Farsight Enclaves]].
* In fact, the Emperor actually approves of any Xenos that isn't a threat to mankind. Absolute eradication is unnecessary if regulation suffices.
* Despite his intentions for the Imperial Truth involve suffocating the Chaos Gods, the Emperor's attempts at atheism are in fact making [[Necoho|an actual god of disbelief]]...according to Magnus.
* The Emperor can shape the [[Astronomicon]] so that he can flip the bird to the rest of the galaxy.
* Has a known hobby: Plays a children's card game (Yu Gi Oh) with a clearly cheesy, overpowered and unfair deck...that, like most [[cheese]], was destroyed as soon as it came across a hard counter. [[Horus Heresy|Apparently Emprah still hasn't learnt the lesson about why using OP stuff is a very bad idea.]]
* The Emperor has called for a second Council of Nikea. This one has nothing to do with Magnus; ironically, it's centered on the <s>Space Wolves</s> Space ''Corgis'', and the fact that the [[wikipedia:Woodland Critter Christmas|friendly woodland critters]] of Fenris that the Wolves commune with are actually daemons. We've yet to see Magnus' and Leman Russ' reaction to the news, but it's guaranteed to be hilarious.
* He has also ordered [[Logan Grimnar]] to deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls in the Imperium on Sanguinala.
* While he has a number of colorful insults for his subordinates, including the primarchs, he also has pet names for his sons, such as "my little Magnymagic" or "RogalyDonDon."
* The First Founding was originally named the [[Only Founding]], this was renamed after [[Codex Astartes|Guilliman's fuck up]].
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuE2waTrXKk The Emperor disapproves of the saying "Life is the Emperor's currency"]

==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Text To Heresy.png| If [[/d/]] still existed in 40k you can bet the Emperor would purge it.
Image:NOT CANON.png| Kitten with his TOTALLY NOT CANON girlfriend [[Shadowsun]]
Image:NotCanonShout.gif| What happens whenever someone mentions Shadowsun around Kitten
Image:EmperorSureal.gif| Emp's reaction to most things that have happened to the Imperium
Image:EmperorDisgraceful.gif| Likewise
Image:EmperorPunchesTzeentch.gif| The Emperor taking out his frustration on a certain [[Tzeentch|indecisive mollusk]]
Image:MagnusRant.gif| Magnus is not a fan of the Imperium's general intelligence levels
Image:DeciusHatBoner.gif| What passes for "Religious Ecstasy" in the Ecclisiarchy
Image:UltraFucknCrying.gif| Calgar's dissapointment over the flanderization of the Ultramarines is palpable
Image:PillarstodesEntrance.gif| [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM| *Cue Awaken.mp3*]
Image:AhrimanEXCUSEME.gif| Ahriman is a very grumpy boss
Image:SlaaneshPatrol.gif| If you hear EDM outside, don't answer the door. EVER.
Image:HighLordsIllegal.gif| The High Lords in a nutshell
Image:SuddenlyDaemons.gif| Magnus' original fuckup barely phased him at the time
Image:EmperorSpanking.jpg| The Emperor is the ideal father figure
Image:UltraSmurfingNecrons.gif| Calgar engaging in a little Ultraviolence
Image:RussWolfWarfare.jpg| Leman Russ' version of the infamous Navy Seal Copypasta
</gallery>

==External Links==

* [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyiDf91_bTEgnBN0jAvzNbqzrlMGID5WA The entire series.]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice TV Tropes's page, for extra references.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqbQ_oKmflM A remix cover of the ending theme by StringStorm, check his other remixes too.]
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzPuK1vib_c Not content with his first remix, StringStorm made a second one.]

[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Gods]]