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Sigmar

2018-05-18T18:36:55Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5:

{{Awesome}}
[[File:SigmarHeldenhammer.jpg|right|350px|thumb|Sigmar may not have the fabulous hair <strike>but he is ten times more manly than the God-Emperor.</strike> {{BLAM}} {{BLAM|HERESY!}}]]
<div style="font-size:1.10em;font-weight:bold;font-style:bold;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"><span style='color:maroon;font-size:100%'> <u>I AM SIGMAR! FOUNDER OF THE EMPIRE AND SLAYER OF ORCS! - The Warcry of Sigmar perpetuating his Awesomeness</u>'''</span></div>

{{topquote|The simple act of caring is heroic.|Edward Albert}}
{{topquote|If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.|Zig Ziglar}}

'''Sigmar Unberogen''', known also as '''Sigmar Heldenhammer''', '''the Hammer of Orcs''', '''The Chosen of Ulric''', '''Sigmar Bjornsson''', is the founder of the [[Imperium of Man|Empire]], <strike>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApmVcV0a2wI| second primarch],</strike> and its current patron deity. In life, Sigmar was a chieftain of the Unberogen tribe and the son of the legendary hero '''Bjorn Unberogen'''. As a god, he is the patron of the Empire, battle, good governance, strength, shouting and warhammers. His symbols are the Warhammer, twin-tailed comet, and griffon.

It has never been satisfactorily explained why the Church of Sigmar insists that its brethren go bald when all depictions of Sigmar have long, flowing, unkempt hair.

He is bros with the Serpent God [[Sotek]] of the [[Lizardmen]] as they get together every Friday to egg the [[Horned Rat]]'s house for lolz.

It is customary to read his lines in the Legend of Sigmar in the voice Mel Gibson used to play William Wallace. This is funny because Graham McNeill is Scottish. Therefore, it will likely serve to piss him off to no end.

[[The End Times]] and [[Warhammer: Age of Sigmar|Age of Sigmar]] has Sigmar coming back. He'd ascended to godhood before his death, which also explains why the Warrior Priests hold a special sort of power, not unlike magic. However, Games Workshop finally gave Tzeentch some love, and had it that he had trapped Sigmar in the Wind of Heavens to prevent him from messing with the Chaos Gods plans. After the Vortex on [[Ulthuan]] is destroyed the Wind, under Sigmar's direction, enters the body of Emperor [[Karl Franz]] after his death. Sigmar, now in Franz's body, adjusts it to look like his old self and goes on a saving-the-good-guys-while-beating-up-the-baddies spree of awesome. After the end of the old Warhammer World, Sigmar survives the Apocalypse, and with the help of Dracothion (Sotek all along?) uses the metal core of the world-that-was as a platform to unify and civilize the realms of a reborn reality, ascending to full godhood in the process. [[Stormcast Eternals|He even gets his own elite warriors of sorts]].

==Appearance==
Unlike that [[Emperor|black-haired proto-Sumerian]] we have a good idea what Sigmar really looked like without resorting to palanquins created by zealots. Sigmar was a giant, broad muscular manly motherfucker with blonde hair that was grown too damn long, and some badass armored boots meant for stomping on the skulls of green skins and beastmen. Uniquely, he had mismatched eyes with one green and one blue.

With Age of Sigmar his hair is a clear tone of brown and he uses a long beard.

FUN FACT: Sigmar's Hammer ''Ghal-Maraz'' is THE HAMMER that is symbol of [[Warhammer Fantasy]] itself, although originally the symbol represented the Hammer of the Chaos champion, [[Harald Hammerstorm]].

==History==
===Early Life===
The Imperial Calendar (IC) which starts from his coronation by the Ar-Ulric (if you need to know, he's the Viking pope and he makes Bjorn the Fell-Handed look like a pussy) commonly places Sigmar's birth as starting from -30 IC. He was said to be born in the Reikland area in the southwest of what would later become the Empire, where the Unberogen tribe dwelt. The night of his birth was marked with the twin-tailed comet, but he found his purchase on life after being cut out of his dying mother's womb by his badass manly motherfucker of a father. In the middle of pitched battle with Orcs I might add. [[Conan the Barbarian|And if that sounds familiar to you, good. You're paying attention.]] Oddly enough, a mighty thunder-clap was also heard in the night sky. Causing various prophets to call Sigmar, "the Child of Thunder". [[Viking|And if that is also familiar to you, good. I shall make an expert of your filthy self yet.]] oh and when he was born his forehead was anointed with Ork's blood, how about that for a baptism?

In the year -15, when he was fifteen years of age, Sigmar had become a badass, bigger and stronger than his peers and was already a respected warrior ([[Conan the Barbarian|again, just like a certain Cimmerian]]). At this point, Sigmar is recorded to have gained the friendship of the great Dwarfen king Kurgan Ironbeard by saving his stunty ass from a warband of Orcs led by a MASSIVE Black Orc Warboss (for you 40Kfags, that's basically Ghazgkhull, but with a fucking axe and a pair of balls). This fight ended with Kurgan throwing the legendary Ghal-Maraz to Sigmar, which he then promptly used to smash the warboss's skull to paste. After the fight, Sigmar attempted to return the hammer, but Kurgan told him to keep it as a reward for saving his life. He also pledged the friendship of the Dwarfen kingdom to the Unberogen tribe for this act of selfless courage. Of course, Sigmar actually only went after Orcs as part of a revenge raid for their prior attack on Reikdorf, Dwarf-saving was nothing but a happy coincidence.

Sigmar's early life would also be punctuated with other grand victories such as the Battle of Astofen Bridge, where he turned back an army of 2000 Orcs. It was also the battle where he earned his shield and became a man. Yes, Sigmar was saving Dwarf Kings and raping Orc Warbosses before early manhood.

===Uniting the Tribes===
<div style="font-size:1.10em;font-weight:bold;font-style:bold;font-family:serif;margin-top:1em;margin-bottom:1em"><span style='color:maroon;font-size:100%'> <u>'''''"I SHED BLOOD OF NORTHERN MEN, I SHED THE BLOOD OF NORTHERN MEN, I SHED THE BLOOD OF NORTHERN MEN, I SHED THE BLOOD OF FOUR THOUSAND NORTHERN MEN!"'''''</u>'''</span></div> -- What Sigmar was likely singing to himself when he massacred the Norse.

Sigmar would later learn the importance of unity from something his dad said. Probably a metaphor centering around wolves. In any event, combined with Alaric the Mad's warnings about "Orcs and things best not spoken of", he was inspired to bring the various disparate tribes of the Reik together. Even going so far as swear an oath, and dragging his best friends in it too for fun.

Of course, the [[Warriors of Chaos|Chaos-worshiping Norse tribes]] who came down from the Chaos Wastes decided to rape the south as they usually do. Anyone surprised? What, you? Well fuck you. They're the Norse, [[J.R.R. Tolkien|THEY KILL WHERE THEY WISH AND NONE DARE RESIST]].

Sigmar's father foolishly thought he could resist, and marched north with a massive army 10,000 strong to face the 8000 Northmen. Bjorn came off the experience with a fatal case of axe through the skull. But it was in fact a clever ploy to save Sigmar from dying to the machinations of the Dark Gods who arrayed themselves against him to destroy his dream of a united nation. [[Emperor|And if that sounds similar, it's because it is]]. Haha, disregard that, Sigmar is actually a rip-off of Charlemagne and Alfred the Great. And predates the Great Throne Vegetable by several years, thus making him the rip-off. Long story short, father and son got together in the spirit world and went on to kick the collective ass of an army of daemons, ending with Bjorn ascending boldly to Ulric's Hall. Despite getting killed fighting the Norse, Bjorn did manage to kill the Khornate Chaos Champion leading the tribes and thus narrowly prevailed in driving the Norse back. This heroic act of defiance against the Norse threat won the Unberogen the eternal friendship of the Cherusen and Taluetan tribes.

Filled with righteous [[Rage|rage]], Sigmar marched north when the wolves of the Norsii raided and slaughtered the Udoses (Iron Age Scottish Highlanders) in the area of what is now Ostland. Sigmar then massacred the Norse, thus valorously avenging the blood-geld of the Udoses in a situation somewhat similar to the Bloody Verdict of Verden, because both he and Charlemagne were basically killing people who didn't join him and didn't believe the same way he did, thus driving them to Norsca where they would nurse an eternal hatred of the south in general and the Empire in particular that makes the hatred Chaos Marines have for the Emperor look like a stuttering spark in comparison. Seriously, tribal warfare was nothing out-of-the-ordinary before Sigmar's pussy notions of unity and empires. These offenses against the Norse also serve to solidify Sigmar as an Alfred the Great rip-off, as if building his entire bureaucracy from scratch didn't already.

Concurrent with this, Sigmar also rode hard to Middenheim to fight (lightning strikes when Ghal-Maraz bites, you know) Artur of the Teutogens. It is often said that a man must find the proper balance of pride within himself. Too little, and a man will never accomplish anything in his life. Too much, and he'll do something fucking stupid, like climbing the Fauschlag. Sigmar was of the latter disposition. Sigmar, and his bodyguard Alfgeir, climbed the great mountain that held the city of Middenheim, sneaked into the building housing the flame of Ulric and there challenged Artur of the Teutogens to single combat for rulership of the tribe. Artur then managed to throw Sigmar into the Flame, but Ulric had already chosen him as his Champion so Sigmar simply walked out of it, howled like a wolf (literally) and hammered Artur's skull somewhere into his ribcage. This is commonly accepted as the point where Sigmar united the tribes. Except for the Jutones, but we'll get to them later.

===Battle of Black-Fire Pass===
So, after he brought the tribes under his banner, Sigmar set about aiding the Dwarfs in defeating one of the greatest Orc WAAAGHS! in Imperial history. People far more intelligent than I have already described said battle in various sourcebooks, so I will not attempt to match their words.

Long story short, Sigmar and the tribesmen outmuscled the Orcs and Sigmar killed the Warboss on the top of the matter with a single return-stroke of his hammer. Thus annihilating the Orc threat, helping the Dwarfs, assuring the continuity of the two peoples and proving the rightness of his ideal of Imperial unity.

===The First Emperor===
After his victory, Sigmar was crowned Emperor of the newly formed Empire and ruled his people with wisdom and courage.

Two major threats during his reign was a daemon prince leading a horde of norsii that assaulted the north of the Empire and the great Necromancer [[Nagash]], who was after some of his bling which Sigmar had. Sigmar promptly said 'FFFFFFFFFFFF UUUUUUUUUUU' to both these threats and gave his hammer some exercise on their heads. And this was with a large skaven army trying to get the upper head by assaulting the worn out Empire forces after Sigmar had defeated the chaos forces. It is reputed Sigmar took one look at the mangy ratmen, rolled his eyes to the sky in digust and set off to bring about some hammer time.

==== Nagash ====
Before Nagash's invasion, Sigmar went to give the Norseman a taste of their own medicine by raiding their frozen wood shack at Norsca, only to come back when he can't raid into further north. He later fought the necromancer at the brass keep and gotten Nagash's crown, the artifact Nagash was looking for in order to regain his power. So yeah, Nagash gather all his skeleton buddies and his vampire cunts into the heart of empire for his crown. During the raid, Nagash had kill and resurrect many warriors and generals of the empire for his wight king and meat shield, and he did it in a pattern that prevent them from reinforce to sigmar's force in order to weaken the empire army. During this time, Sigmar was finding Nagash's weakness with the help from his trusty advisor, only to find out is the crown itself. Since Nagash was only thinking about his shining crown, Sigmar pulled a bait and switch by wearing the crown, not only attract Nagash attention, but also gained immunity against Nagash's magic. During the confrontation, Sigmar smack around Nagash's puppets with his Ghal Maraz like nothing. When facing Nagash, Sigmar bait the necromancer with his own crown then gave him a taste of his hammer. [[AWESOME|The hammer, suddenly glows with magic and landed in Nagash's chest that blows him up with the energy from the ancient dwarven rune engraved on the hammer]]. With Nagash gone to the underworld, jail rape by the underworld spirits as well as the dead god Morr/Usirian, he cursed the Vampires for betray him by curse them with the vulnerability to Sigmar's faith. Vampires flee like the cowards they are after Sigmar gave them a bitch taunt by telling them they are his bitch until [[the End Times]]. The church of Sigmar as well as the witch hunter order were also founded soon after to combat the undead for the future generations.

===Abdication===
In the fiftieth year of his reign, Sigmar set aside his crown and left the Empire. He was last seen heading towards the World Edge Mountains, possibly to see the dwarfs although they have said nothing on the matter if their records hold if Sigmar did pop around for tea. No one saw Sigmar alive again and he passed into legend, a legendary hero to the Empire. The final End Times book reveals that Sigmar was raised to godhood, though Tzeentch trapped him in the great vortex.

===Rise of a God===

While heroes quite rightly are revered, in Sigmar's case it was taken to a whole new level of fan devotion. His legendary deeds inspired others and over time he came to be worshiped as a God by some loonies who should have known better (however with divine intervention in the past with Sigmar may be proof that he did join the Gods of Order who are busting their balls to keep the Dark Gods from killing and corrupting everybody).

But amazingly, their prayers were answered. Those who displayed a belief in Sigmar found he (or at least someone) was answering their prayers and the faith in the new God spread like hotcakes through the Empire.

The Church of Ulric, the current state church at the time, didn't take kindly to this and did it in a way we see in 40k... with the declaration of HERESY and burning everyone at the stake.

After a while this was stopped and both faiths were given importance in the Empire although the Church of Sigmar came to be the State Church (which shows Ulric was still trolled over).

===The Old World and the End Times===
Sigmar is the main god of the Empire and he works hard to protect his people against the ravages of darkness that threaten to overwhelm them all. This is not an easy task and the poor man gets no annual holiday. He is constantly running around putting out fires started by Chaos or other gods and it seems they won't cut him any slack anytime soon, but fortunately he probably has some back up from his own god he worshiped, the shorty ancestor Gods, aid from the High Elf Gods (probably part of Asuryaan's plan if it's true); pretty much its a jointed effort of all the Gods of Order.

During the End Times, it was revealed that Tzeentch had bound him into the Wind of Heaven shortly after his ascension. Tzeentch feared that Sigmar would grow too powerful and unite the gods of men, elves, dwarfs and orcs into the warhammer avengers. Ironically, [[Not_As_Planned|this plan almost completely backfires in his face]], as Sigmar grows more powerful thanks to being bound to the Wind, and once freed ends up uniting the Incarnates (the new gods) into the anti-Chaos avengers. When Teclis unbound the Vortex, the newly freed Sigmar invested a part of his power into his Chosen Valten (which passed into Ghal-Maraz after Valten's death) and possessed the body of the recently deceased Karl Franz to return to the world, later taking his hammer back to restore himself to his full strength. As the world ends, He and Archaon wrestle over Ghal-Maraz, and they vanish shortly before everything is destroyed.

===[[Age of Sigmar]]===
{{topquote|For in Him all the fullness of deity lives in bodily form.|Colossians 2:9}}

Following his wrestling bout, Sigmar reclaimed Ghal-Maraz, but was rendered helpless as he tumbled through the void that used to be the Warhammer World. Eventually, he collided with the metal core of the old world, which apparently has transmuted into the same material as the comet which heralded his birth, Sigmarite. With the aid of the great Star Drake named [[Dracothion]], which may or may not be [[Sotek]], Sigmar restarts reality using the remaining essence of the [[Warhammer Magic|Winds of Magic]] and organized the other Incarnates into a new pantheon with himself as its leader, bringing an age of prosperity to the emerging civilizations of the Mortal Realms. Following the Chaos' invasion, he sealed the entrances into his realm of [[Azyr]], and has only recently opened it back up to launch a long planned counterattack against Chaos with his greatest creation, the demigod warriors known as the [[Stormcast Eternals]].

As an interesting note, Sigmar has been shown to be capable of forgiving people who have wronged him; while this may have not ended well in the case of the likes of [[Nagash]], he and his hosts have been shown to put aside vengeance if there is a chance for someone to get redeemed (they may still turn you into pulp if you try to abuse their trust, so no Horus shenanigans here), or a territory to be rescued from the grip of Chaos: good news for the Mortal Kingdoms and people who were mutated and exposed to Chaos unwillingly.

Also, he doesn't follow the public policies of the Emperor, as Sigmar accepts his title of deity and [[Lorgar|doesn't give the boot to his worshipers]], even while personally he loathes the responsibilities of god-king as he would prefer to rush the enemy and crack some skulls instead of doing all the administrative and logistic job; must be hard to manage an entire reality and a multidimensional counter-invasion.

Another cool thing about Sigmar is that he sees people on an individual basis, not just expendable statistics for some risky master plan, Sigmar feels it for YOU and each and everyone of his followers [[Awesome|and unlike Emprah he has never given up on mankind and their allies once things went ugly]].

NOTE: Don't mention this to EMPRAH fans. Most are still raging over the portrayal of him in Master of Mankind and stubbornly cling on to their image of him as a well intentioned extremist who was nevertheless a good guy at heart and whom actually gave a shit about his followers, [[Aaron_Dembski-Bowden| GeeDubs don't let the ADB ruin Sigmar's reputation too! ]]

==In Warhammer 40,000==
In the current official publications of [[Games Workshop]], there is no link between [[Warhammer Fantasy Battle]] and [[Warhammer 40,000]], but that's never gotten in the way of the fandom, especially considering that at one point, WFB was explicitly part of the 40k universe. A recurring hypothesis is that Sigmar is one of the [[Unknown Primarchs]]. One could posit that the twin-tailed comet which heralded his birth was actually the genetor-pod falling to the Warhammer World, that his mysterious departure was him leaving to take command of his [[Space Marine]] Legion (tentatively called the [[Emperor's Hammers]]), and that the miracles credited to him are in fact the result of the [[God-Emperor of Mankind]]. Recent pieces of background, detailing Sigmar's birth and characteristics, tend to invalidate this theory, however. Thank The Emperor (As In Sigmar, not the other one you bolter humping zombie worshiper).

==Trivia==
* Sigmar is an old Frankish name meaning "famous by victory". Fitting, considering his awesomeness.

<gallery>
Image:EmpsVSigmar.jpg|The question isn't who wins. It's whether the merged Empires managed to maintain their plot armor.
</gallery>

==See Also==
* [[The Empire (Warhammer Fantasy)|THE EMPIRE]] for the '''[[Empire|EMPIRE]]''' he founded.
* [[Azyr]], the Realm of Heavens, what he probably hoped his Empire could have become in time, and nowadays the only mortal realm free of Chaos in the setting.
* [[Ulric]] for his <s>[[spiritual liege]]</s> personal god, which according to the founder of the Church of Sigmar, He crowned Sigmar as a God, which came to the founder in a vision.
* The [[Emperor]], for his considerably less <s>competent</s> PLOT ARMORED and manly (but vastly more Gothic-and-bling) Warhammer 40,000 counterpart.
* [[Everqueen]] for his counterpart being in comparison to the 40k's EMPRAH among the [[Elves|elves.]]

{{Empire-Gods}}

Kaldor Draigo

2018-05-18T17:56:56Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* The Plague of Madness */

{{Fail}}
{{MattWard}}
{{Skub}}
[[File:Kaldor Draigo vs M'kar the Reborn.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Mary Sue HOOOOOOOOOO! From the looks of it, things are [[not as planned]] for the Lord of Change.]]

'''Kaldor Draigo''' is the '''Supreme''' Grand Master ''(Don't forget the [[Azrael|Supreme]] part)'' One True Sue of the [[Grey Knights]] and a probably the greatest living loyalist in the 41st Millenium... and a ridiculously obnoxious thorn in the side of anyone who [[Dark Angels|<s>is an enemy of the emperor</s>]] isn't an obnoxious prepubescent BITCH. And the worst thing is that we can't get rid of the thorn.

==Origins in the Fluff==
Draigo first showed up from out of no-where in [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Skub|famous]] Grey Knights 5th Edition codex, previously there had been no mention of the character anywhere, but suddenly we were presented with this all new guy, with a list of deeds equivalent / greater than any of the established 40k heavies, including several [[Primarchs]], yet somehow completely and unbelievably infallible.

As a lowly Battle-Brother he banished the [[M'kar|Daemon Prince M'kar the Reborn]] and he has risen steadily through the ranks to become the '''SUPREME''' Grand Master Chosen of the most secretive Chapter of [[Space Marines]]. Yet ever since his other battle with [[M'kar]], Draigo has been cursed to a life within the Warp, doomed to walk within the [[Chaos|Realm of Chaos]], [[Mary Sue|to remain pure when constantly assailed by Chaos]] and to show fortitude and personal strength [[Mary Sue|that is beyond comprehensible measure]]. ''(In other words, he's got [[Plot armor]] of a scale equivalent to a 1++ unmodifiable save)''

But while Draigo lives, he will [[troll|prevail]], and one day, he will return.

===Wait this sounds so familiar... Oh, son of a bitch!===
''Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to real-space, and undo the evil that is Chaos!''

[[Samurai Jack|Dammit, Matt Ward's ripping off stories better than his own again.]]

To be fair, Samurai Jack [[heresy|is not that good]], so Matt's version can hardly be worse. Samurai Jack is an animated series that itself ripped off from Frank Miller's Rönin; if you haven't read that Samurai Jack's like a less violent, samurai-and-fantasy-based version of [[Fist of the North Star]]. Though Matt Ward's fluff is still awful and unworthy of even sharing the same paragraph as those three.

===Listings of Deeds===
Kaldor Draigo is famous for:
*Killing a Daemon Prince in his first combat action
*Banishing Daemon [[Primarch]] [[Mortarion]] back to the warp, somehow carving the name of the previous supreme grand master Geronitan (a fucking long name) into the heart of said Daemon Primarch ''without contracting space daemon AIDS in the process''
**to put this insanity in perspective, try cursive writing with a Chainsaw (block letters are difficult in wood to begin with, let alone flesh) while in the middle of an industrial toxic waste dump <s>without any protection.</s> wearing a punctured HAZMAT suit. Unless you have Plot Armor, then it's pretty sensible.
***Another idea would be to go and listen to the audio drama "Mortarion's heart", this will resolve the issues that people have with this event.
*Single-handedly holding off a daemon horde for two days in real space
*Killing a Daemon Prince with a broken sword,
*Killing one of [[Khorne]]'s strongest [[Bloodthirster]]s with little to no weaponry
*Taking said Bloodthirster's axe and reforging it into a sword for his own personal use WITH HIS MIND (you know, despite it being an obvious weapon of a Daemon and automatically a corrupting influence just to hold, let alone press your bare mind against(just don't tell this to Logan Grimnar, m'kay?))
*Slaying 6 of Slaanesh's chosen Daemonettes (when setting one's gaze upon them is enough to instantly force submission from any mortal, no matter how strong-willed)
*Setting fire to Nurgle's garden (again, whilst somehow miraculously avoiding space daemon [[AIDS]])
*Walking into the City of Tzeentch and single-handedly smashing it to rubble, which, given that the City of Tzeentch comprises geometry which is literally impossible, MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE <strike>''(maybe he just smashes the impossible buildings into equally-impossible rubble?)</strike> {{BLAM|Who the fuck gave Matt Ward his editing privileges back?!}}'' and slaying countless daemons whilst being trapped in warpspace. He can also be summoned by chaos cultists unwittingly instead of a daemon, no sooner returning to the Warp than after slaying them all.
**To be a cunt, Great Boss [[Tuska Daemon-Killa|Tuska the Demon-killa]] did that to several different places with impossible geometry during his WAAAGH! into the warp... but then again, those are [[Orks]], for whom impossible shit forms the backbone of their war machinery, he had an army and artillery with him so they could've [[Dakka|fired in all directions]], he had an army with him that took losses as they went and they eventually were defeated, in a sense <span style='color:green;font-size:105%'>'''DEFEETED? WE'Z STUCK IN IN AN ENDLESS WAAAGH!!! WHERE U KAN COME BACK FO' MOAR EVVRY TIME U GET ZOGGED! AN' WE'Z NEVAH RUN OUTTA ENEMIEZ! GREAT BOSS DEMONA-KILLA IZ DA BEST BOSS EVAH!'''</span>)

===Additional Bullshit===
If anyone needed additional proof that Matt Ward is too busy jacking off at the thought of his own fluffing skills to actually pay any attention to what he's writing, just look at the chronology of Draigo's entry. He initially distinguishes himself in 799.M41 during his first encounter with M'Kar, earning the rank of Justicar. The next confrontation with M'Kar occurs 'Two hundred years to the day since Draigo's victory on Acralem' (i.e. 999.M41). 999.M41; this is confirmed in the 'Deeds of Legend' section of the Codex as well. Later on in his fluff entry, when he returns for the first time to the mortal plane, he has been 'clearly long adrift in time, for he knew [those Grey Knights he encountered] not'. Unless we're intended to assume that his entry is to be read as though in the future, i.e. sometime well after the END of the 41st Millennium, then Kaldor "''I'm-a-fucking-badass-who-can-survive-indefinitely-in-the-Warp''" Draigo has really only been AWAY from the mortal plane for, at most, a few months. Doubtless, as we all know, time passes differently in the Warp. Kaldor himself may be experiencing years or centuries there while time crawls linearly along for everyone in the Prime Material, but that would have zero impact on the age and number of surviving, recognizable members of the Grey Knights whom he left behind. Giving Mr. Ward the benefit of the doubt (which seems unfair to readers), either Kaldor is being randomly deposited into points in the distant PAST, or we're intended to pretend all Grey Knight battles that include him are taking place in the distant FUTURE; without one of these two assumptions, only two other alternatives remain: Draigo has gone senile, or; he was too big a snob to ever learn the names or faces of those serving under him. This, of course, is if we want to give Matt Ward any credit at all. In other words, the above is a concrete example of BAD WRITING. What the fuck more do you want, GW? Who's he fluffing on your board of directors, that you've retained such a piss-poor hack for so long?

Of course, the Warp's tendency to approach time in a non-linear fashion most certainly doesn't preclude the possibility of Draigo getting shat out in the past or, hell, even in an alternate universe. <s>Just pray that Ward doesn't have him encounter Rawbutt Girlyman on one of his jaunts.</s> <s>(Don't give Matt Ward any ideas!)</s> TOO LATE! [[Roboute Guilliman|Robot Girlyman]] is back, this could happen!

Although to be fair, the warp CAN do everything just described and other codex writers have done so. Most notably an Ork Waaagh! that was sent back to JUST before its start and the warboss killed himself to get two of his favorite gun.

===Wut?===
Clearly, the only explanation for the sheer levels of retardation and gratuitous [[Matt Ward|canon-rape]] Draigo represents is the simplest one: That Draigo is, in fact, defeated - Chaos cannot be beaten in its own realm of non-space because of the mere fact that chaotic beings are immortal, after all, and none of the above is true. (though psykers can "technically" kill chaos daemons for good in the warp, it requires an amount of psychic energy and willpower that's far beyond the norm)

Right now, this very moment,(in the far future) Draigo is in fact a shredded pile of torn flesh and shattered bone after having his ass handed to him by the above Lord of Change and Bloodthirster, who proceeded to step in whilst the Lord kept him distracted - [[Just as planned]]. This pile of broken ex-marine is also gushing ooze and phlegm and pus as he was infected with every blight and pox Nurgle has to offer. This shredded, oozing pile....''thing'', is also being raped and violated in the most unspeakable and vile ways by the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

And so it shall continue, for all eternity. [[Troll|Because every single Chaos God finds it fucking hilarious]].

The only reason he thinks "all is well" is because Tzeentch thought he'd have a bit fun with Draigo. He stuck Draigo into a matrix-esque dream world where everything goes his way and is just waiting for Draigo to climb as high as he can. This dream world will probably last until Draigo has crushed the Chaos gods themselves and all their armies beneath his feet and caused the God-Emperor himself to rise from the throne and suck him off!

Then, at the "funniest" possible moment, right as his bolter is about to fire its payload (and we're not talking about the one on his wrist), Tzeentch will rip it all away from him, Draigo will wake up and see what has really become of him and weep tears of utter loss and despair! "[[Just as planned]]!"

While all that's happened, Draigo thought to himself: "I have no mouth, but I must scream".

At least that's what the heretics want you to think.

[[File:Jelly thing.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Kaldor Draigo, what really happened to him.]]

<s>Admittedly, Draigo's fluff is pretty badass, but still canon-rape (no pun inten- wait, pun totally intended).</s> There is nothing awesome about someone who just goes around fucking everything up with zero challenge. It's like people who write stories about how their super awesome character killed the [[Lady_of_Pain|Lady of Pain]] or something.

//{{BLAM|''Inquisitor's Note: While the above is no doubt the fevered ramblings of a mind crying out for the Emperor's peace there is a small measure of truth in it. Our [[canon|most blessed and sanctified scriptures]] tell us that Lord Draigo's victories in the warp are indeed pyrrhic ones, and that every daemon slain and fortress toppled shortly rights itself. This is his curse and only when, by the Emperor's blessing, he returns to the materium will he be able to enact any lasting defeats on the ruinous powers.}}//

//{{BLAM|''Historitor 165.82.108.238 remanded to custody for Inquisitorial review.}}//

++{{BLAM|''Thought for the Day: Many are the faces of the enemy, many are the hands of the enemy.''}}++

Alternatively you could also accept the less serious but popular fanon that Kaldor Draigo is actually traversing the Warp while high on drugs. His latent psychic abilities and drug-fueled insanity could technically allow him to shape his battles in the Warp to go in his favor. That or Draigo has almost [[Malcador]] levels of psychic abilities, the strain of which has caused him to go completely bat-shite insane, rendering the Warp into his own personal plaything to a certain extent.

===Mat Ward Sez===
''"Lord Kaldor Draigo is a combat monster - there's no other way to describe him. He's lethal against non-daemonic foes, with plenty of Strength 5 force weapon attacks to lay a beat down. When faced with hated Daemons, his Titansword becomes Strength 10, ensuring a pretty one-sided fight in his favour. Even if his enemy survives, Draigo's storm shield is sure to keep him fighting. And on top of all of this, Draigo is a Grand Master, able to bestow extra abilities on his allies. Want your Dreadknight to capture objectives? Draigo can make that happen. Want a Scouting screen of Dreadnoughts? Draigo can make it happen. He's the best possible way to keep your opponent on his toes."''

In summary: HE MAKES IT HAPPEN.
(So does [[Creed]] but unlike Draigo he does OP with [[awesome|Style]])

==Tabletop==
In lab tests conducted on /tg/, Kaldor Draigo loses to [[Abaddon]] the Despoiler [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo roughly 73.5% of the time]. But then again Abaddon is meant to be a high-cost, point-sink, cc-beatstick who doesn't have arms or do anything to boost his own army...

===6th Edition===
Like Abaddon, Kaldor's amazing super awesome blade of Mary Sue has been reduced to AP3, but Abaddon was important enough to get FAQ'd back to AP2! This means anything, ANYTHING, with 2+ save will survive combat with Draigo. Even a [[Tau|weaboo space communist]] wearing iridium armor. Or a Meganob. Or a Captain in artificer armor...if you ignore that Draigo's weapon has the Force special rule, which can cause Instant Death in compensation (which is fine and dandy until he gets challenged by a Phoenix Lord). AP3 admittedly is somewhat of a blow, but this is compensated for against more dangerous foes with its latent abilities and his own 3++ save.

That or just charge a Chaos Lord in Terminator armour with <s>Bloodfeeder</s> '''THE MURDER SWORD''' or the Axe of Blind Fury. Naw, the Lord would have to fail a single save to get mindraped.

===7th edition===
While Draigo's beloved Titansword got upped back to AP2, he himself became far more expensive as a tool, as he is now relegated to the Lords of War Slot -- where Superheavies live -- for a heaping 245 Points. This means that he can't be accessed by himself, he needs someone else in the HQ slot to unlock him. Unless you're running unbound, the system used exclusively by [[This Guy]]'s fluff games and [[That Guy]]'s absolute cheesiness. Actually the former sounds kind awesome, to represent a battle where the GK's command structure has been slain but then Draigo pops out of the Warp with a nose full of warp dust.

He still has his insane 2+/3++ save thanks to his Termie Armor and singular Storm Shield. His Force blade is still S+3 with AP2 Master-Crafted, with the ability to re-roll to-wound against Daemons when he uses Force. That said, Force is now deniable, thus you should expect that they will, and in force. Aside from that, he has Banishment (which weakens Daemons' invuls), Hammerhand (Upping him to an S9 murder machine), Gate of Infinity (For sudden Deep-Strikes anywhere), and Purge Soul (To make a sudden hit). This solves one of the reason he was hated: the utter ability to roll whatever you wanted. Without Biomancy or Telepathy, he's no longer invincible.

As a commander, he is now not very worthwhile, with the removal of Grand Strategy and his Warlord Trait now giving him Hatred (Daemons) and an easier time casting Banishment and...that's it. He can no longer make Paladins troops either, so now you've lost more reason to take them over a cheaper ML3 Librarian with both the Domina Liber Daemonica and a Warlord Trait to give him SIX FUCKING POWERS IN SANCTIC. Quite frankly, he's only useful as the mother of all beatsticks.

===8th edition===
Draigo's sword became S+4 AP-4, and does a flat 3 damage now in the place of Instant Death. Also, he gives himself and all Grey Knight units within 6" of him the ability to re-roll all misses in shooting and close combat. He still has his 2+/3++ thanks to his Terminator Armor and Storm Shield. His warlord trait, Daemon Slayer, is still heavily situational at best (read: useless). Basically, he's now not totally useless if he's not in close combat.

==Silver(ed) Knight==
The 6E Daemons Codex detailed the journey a "Knight of the Adeptus Astartes in silvered armor "whose will was as strong as silvered adamantium" braving the many circles of the Palace of Slaanesh, cutting down a few daemonettes and mortal thralls, only to kneel before the Prince of Pleasures himself, in the guise of a young, androgynous boy who cowed the Knight with absolute and righteous innocence. Too many people believe that it's Draigo because of their seething spite for the Ward, but a more rational mind could realize that the Grey Knights aren't the only people wearing silver armour. There's still the [[Silver Skulls]], [[Doom Eagles]], and the [[Iron Snakes]], all who wear silver Power Armour and have more of a likelihood to be corrupted (Especially if you consider the presumed origins that the Skulls are actually loyalist Iron Warriors)

'''Alternate take:''' How many other Marines are actually running around the Warp, much less loyalist Marines? At the very least, even if it is Draigo it took the god himself to outright convert him with a touch of his "scepter" so someone at least got the idea of what it should take to cause a Grey Knight to just flip to the side of Chaos for no reason. That or maybe their geneseed makes them hot for traps. Either way it's not clear when this happened, so it could be in the future or an alternate timeline since the Warp doesn't care about your single direction flow of time. Assuming it's not some weird symbolic thing.

==Placed in the hands of other authors==
C.Z. Dunn has recently taken a crack at Draigo in the novelization of the Pandorax Campaign. Here, Draigo is decidedly NOT a <s>Mary Sue</s> Gary Sue anymore, with "Supreme Grand Master" taken in the same context as [[Azrael]]. Dunn doesn't nerf Draigo, he still kicks a ton of daemon ass, but he doesn't go around soloing Bloodthirsters without backup or anything so asinine. Draigo is also shown to be moderately flawed as a character, [[Avitus|hot-headed and aggressive]] -- this is to contrast him with the stubborn and conservative Azrael (who takes until chapter 14 to get off his ass and fight smart, though when he finally does he actually fights ''really smart'' like a true Space Marine). He's also a [[Troll|top-tier dick]] who trolls Azrael about all the prisoners they've been taking back to [[the Rock]] and makes several threats that he'll get the High Lords of Terra to investigate if the Dark Angels don't comply. (Haters gonna hate.)

The Mortarion's Heart Audio Drama, also has him troll his bodyguard, and the Inquisition (in fact his first act as Supreme Grand Master is to tell the one bugging the Knights to go fuck himself). Also we see just what got him the job; he was simply the only one with enough skill to even try to beat Mortarion, even Draigo admitted he was a horrible choice, but that didn't matter since he would most likely die anyway. And, when he does fight Mortarion he gets the shit beat out of him and the entire 1st Brotherhood killed by Mortarion's hand and only gains the advantage with Mortarion's true name which causes the Primarch to have the equivalent of a seizure and then uses Mortarion's antithesis name to banish him.

This isn't too shocking as Draigo is a fairly new character and only has about two pages to himself within the codex compare to Dunn's few hundred. Even a good writer would have trouble balancing both a good character AND a badass who leads an army of daemon killers.

===The Plague of Madness===
The 7E Codex also takes steps to reduce the fucking cheese of Draigo by showing him as a competent commander before his banishment, and how he only became relevant because he was able to beat up M'Kar, the Daemon Prince of Jobbers.

In "The Plague of Madness" witten in 7Ed, Draigo has to bring out three whole brotherhoods of knights because some idiot [[Inquisitor]] tried to mess with a [[Lord of Change]] named "Ix'thar'ganix" by binding it to her will and using his power for the good of the Imperium. Ganix was both amused and infuriated at the prospect of a mortal trying to outdick him, so when the Inquisitor summoned the daemon to bind it; Ganix had a [[Great Unclean One]] named Lurgon take his place. Because the wards meant to bind Ganix didn't work with another daemon; Lurgon possesed the Inquisitor and corrupt her posse to the cause of Nurgle. Things later spiraled into madness after Lurgon corrupted the system of Decimalus after the Inquisitor's drifting ship happened upon it.

Draigo attempted to convince the Grey Knights to send a large force to apprehend both Ix'thar'ganix and Lurgon, which after some political maneuvering, he managed to get. After [[Arvann Stern]] secured an orbital fortress from some daemons, Draigo made it planetside and actually saved some Sisters of Battle from a death by daemon-nomming. After that, Draigo's band of merry men and the surviving Sisters attempted to break through a literal sea of daemons by running them over with Land Raiders and [[Rhino Transport|MEHTAL BAWKSES]], with the intent of taking the spire that housed Lurgon. Draigo's Raider however, got stuck after running over so many daemons and was eventually destroyed after a daemonblade ran through it. Thrown out of the tank, he attempted to solo an entire horde by himself and rescue his brothers still trapped inside the Land Raider.

In a completely different way of portrayal; Draigo was actually pretty close to being overwhelmed. He was struck and held down by the legion of daemons around him and would have died if it wasn't for the surviving battle Sisters coming to his aid and gunning down the horde around him. And instead of something retarded like using the Sisters' blood for protection or suddenly getting super strength and ripping his way towards the spire; he motioned a request for the sisters to buy them time while he and the survivors make a mad dash for the spire and end this insanity. The writer to this has already undone the idiocy of the [[Khornate Knights]], and did so while keeping everyone's dignity. A step up amid a codex widely considered to be a step down crunchwise.

===Other counterpoints===
It has recently been posited that Draigo's ability to traverse the Warp and wreak havoc on the Ruinous Powers with relative ease is due not to Gary Sue bullshit powers, but to the nature of the Warp itself. One of the only constants of the Warp is that it is shaped by the belief and emotion of sentient beings with psychic ability, however small. Because of this, it is possible that a being with vast psychic ability and great faith (say, a Grey Knight ''Supreme'' Grand Master) would be able to use his belief in himself and in the Emperor to [[Ork|shape the surrounding Empyrean to match this belief]] in a manner similar to daemons themselves. It also explains why things go back to normal once he leaves, since he is no longer there to affect that portion of the Warp directly. In other words, Draigo cuts a [[Bloody Path|bloody path]] through the Sea of Souls because he believes he can, and the Warp, ahem, makes it happen. If one asks why other powerful psykers can't do it, they can to a degree; see [[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]. As for Eldar, Slaanesh would nab them the moment they entered the Warp. Other human psykers don't tend to try to interact with the Warp too much but it is quite likely they'd be able to some extent. Incidentally, this effectively makes Draigo a ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'' character, and that is actually kind of awesome.

In addition, people never seem to think that his Aegis warded armour (Terminator armour, which I believe to contain a small Gellar Field, no less) is specifically designed to protect the wearer from the Warp, that and Grey Knight [[Interceptor Squad]]s go through the Warp on a regular basis, so Draigo should, in theory have no trouble traversing the Warp.

Also, as a number of people have pointed out, the Codex itself flat out states that nothing he's doing is having any lasting effect on the Chaos Gods. Plus, his first major appearance in a novel has him delivering an impressive verbal smackdown on [[Azrael]] regarding the [[Dark Angels]]' obsession with making sure nobody discovers the truth about the <s>[[Fallen Angels]]</s> UNRELATED TRATIORS WHO CERTAINLY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DARK ANGELS. Which makes him slightly more human.

==[[Warhammer Fantasy]]==
There has been a sighting of what might be Draigo in the Warhammer Fantasyverse - specifically, in the fluff book for the ''Khaine'' splat of [[The End Times]].

During Araloth's travels into the Realm of Chaos, to rescue [[Shallya]] from the mansion of [[Nurgle]], the final traveling companion he picks up is a knight, a "giant of a man" whose armor "gleams like silver" and whose "speech is strange" (why does Kaldor decide to help Eldar?). Upon reaching the mansion of Nurgle, the knight sacrifices himself so the rest of the party can enter, explaining he has "made something of a name for himself since his arrival in the benighted realm" and so he is sure to draw their attention. More notably, when he makes his sacrificial charge, it's mentioned that he sweeps out his hand and blue fire explodes amongst the daemon's ranks. It's also been mentioned that the Warp connects Fantasy and 40k.

Worth mentioning that not only are Wood Elves the Spiritual Liege's favorite Fantasy faction, but this was one of the last things he wrote for Games Workshop before leaving the company. Take it as you will.

That said, if this is Draigo, he is certainly not the all-powerful Gary Sue of other depictions; when Araloth finds him, he has been chained down in a glade in Nurgle's garden, at one point he gets ambushed by a [[Beast of Nurgle]] (when it ''jumps out of a tree and lands on him''), and rather than defeating the daemons he distracts, Araloth leaves the mansion to find his broken body impaled upon a spear. Yes, he's still alive, and the mad scholar the Wood Elf is traveling with (who may in fact be Richter Kleiss, the writer of the Liber Chaotica) explains that the knight is "beyond the power of the daemons" and will "take his own revenge in due course", but that is attributed to being "the way of things in the Realm of Chaos" rather than anything inherent to Draigo (if he is Draigo).

It's worth noting that the description would also fit a Stormcast Eternal of the Hallowed Knights chapter from Age of Sigmar, which was under development at the time and is technically the same setting. Though, the Sigmarine couldn't fire blue lightning out of his hands, nor was he "invincible."

In another story, whilst in the warp, Draigo sees a "world ruled over by a self-styled God-king, where magic flows through the very wind." He ultimately decides not to go there, thus proving himself far more intelligent than he has ever been given credit for.

==See Also==
*[[FAIL|Fail]]
*[[Matt Ward]]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/598617 What Draigo's actually doing in the Warp]
*[[Doom|The character draigo is basically copy pasted from]]
[[Category:Space Marines Chapter Masters]]

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Draigo.jpg|[[Warhammer 40,000 7th edition|We spoke too soon.]]
File:Draigo2.jpg| well that just got weird...
File:Raven.jpg|STEEL REIHN
File:RAPE TRAIN.jpg|HE MAKES IT HAPPEN
File:Supreme_Grand_Troll.jpg|PROBLEM, DAEMONS?
File:Samurai draigo.jpg|Foolish Grey Knight.
File:Dreadknight.jpg|U Mad, Dreadnoughtfags?
File:Draigo codex2.jpg|Son of a bitch even gets his own codex.
File:Hemakesithappen.png|Still a shitload better than a Primarch
File:DraigoDullSurprise.png|Draigo is a very emotive person.
</gallery>

{{Marines-Characters}}

[[Category:Mary Sue]][[Category:FAIL]][[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]]

Kaldor Draigo

2018-05-18T17:47:20Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* Wait this sounds so familiar... Oh, son of a bitch! */

{{Fail}}
{{MattWard}}
{{Skub}}
[[File:Kaldor Draigo vs M'kar the Reborn.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Mary Sue HOOOOOOOOOO! From the looks of it, things are [[not as planned]] for the Lord of Change.]]

'''Kaldor Draigo''' is the '''Supreme''' Grand Master ''(Don't forget the [[Azrael|Supreme]] part)'' One True Sue of the [[Grey Knights]] and a probably the greatest living loyalist in the 41st Millenium... and a ridiculously obnoxious thorn in the side of anyone who [[Dark Angels|<s>is an enemy of the emperor</s>]] isn't an obnoxious prepubescent BITCH. And the worst thing is that we can't get rid of the thorn.

==Origins in the Fluff==
Draigo first showed up from out of no-where in [[Matt Ward]]'s [[Skub|famous]] Grey Knights 5th Edition codex, previously there had been no mention of the character anywhere, but suddenly we were presented with this all new guy, with a list of deeds equivalent / greater than any of the established 40k heavies, including several [[Primarchs]], yet somehow completely and unbelievably infallible.

As a lowly Battle-Brother he banished the [[M'kar|Daemon Prince M'kar the Reborn]] and he has risen steadily through the ranks to become the '''SUPREME''' Grand Master Chosen of the most secretive Chapter of [[Space Marines]]. Yet ever since his other battle with [[M'kar]], Draigo has been cursed to a life within the Warp, doomed to walk within the [[Chaos|Realm of Chaos]], [[Mary Sue|to remain pure when constantly assailed by Chaos]] and to show fortitude and personal strength [[Mary Sue|that is beyond comprehensible measure]]. ''(In other words, he's got [[Plot armor]] of a scale equivalent to a 1++ unmodifiable save)''

But while Draigo lives, he will [[troll|prevail]], and one day, he will return.

===Wait this sounds so familiar... Oh, son of a bitch!===
''Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to real-space, and undo the evil that is Chaos!''

[[Samurai Jack|Dammit, Matt Ward's ripping off stories better than his own again.]]

To be fair, Samurai Jack [[heresy|is not that good]], so Matt's version can hardly be worse. Samurai Jack is an animated series that itself ripped off from Frank Miller's Rönin; if you haven't read that Samurai Jack's like a less violent, samurai-and-fantasy-based version of [[Fist of the North Star]]. Though Matt Ward's fluff is still awful and unworthy of even sharing the same paragraph as those three.

===Listings of Deeds===
Kaldor Draigo is famous for:
*Killing a Daemon Prince in his first combat action
*Banishing Daemon [[Primarch]] [[Mortarion]] back to the warp, somehow carving the name of the previous supreme grand master Geronitan (a fucking long name) into the heart of said Daemon Primarch ''without contracting space daemon AIDS in the process''
**to put this insanity in perspective, try cursive writing with a Chainsaw (block letters are difficult in wood to begin with, let alone flesh) while in the middle of an industrial toxic waste dump <s>without any protection.</s> wearing a punctured HAZMAT suit. Unless you have Plot Armor, then it's pretty sensible.
***Another idea would be to go and listen to the audio drama "Mortarion's heart", this will resolve the issues that people have with this event.
*Single-handedly holding off a daemon horde for two days in real space
*Killing a Daemon Prince with a broken sword,
*Killing one of [[Khorne]]'s strongest [[Bloodthirster]]s with little to no weaponry
*Taking said Bloodthirster's axe and reforging it into a sword for his own personal use WITH HIS MIND (you know, despite it being an obvious weapon of a Daemon and automatically a corrupting influence just to hold, let alone press your bare mind against(just don't tell this to Logan Grimnar, m'kay?))
*Slaying 6 of Slaanesh's chosen Daemonettes (when setting one's gaze upon them is enough to instantly force submission from any mortal, no matter how strong-willed)
*Setting fire to Nurgle's garden (again, whilst somehow miraculously avoiding space daemon [[AIDS]])
*Walking into the City of Tzeentch and single-handedly smashing it to rubble, which, given that the City of Tzeentch comprises geometry which is literally impossible, MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE <strike>''(maybe he just smashes the impossible buildings into equally-impossible rubble?)</strike> {{BLAM|Who the fuck gave Matt Ward his editing privileges back?!}}'' and slaying countless daemons whilst being trapped in warpspace. He can also be summoned by chaos cultists unwittingly instead of a daemon, no sooner returning to the Warp than after slaying them all.
**To be a cunt, Great Boss [[Tuska Daemon-Killa|Tuska the Demon-killa]] did that to several different places with impossible geometry during his WAAAGH! into the warp... but then again, those are [[Orks]], for whom impossible shit forms the backbone of their war machinery, he had an army and artillery with him so they could've [[Dakka|fired in all directions]], he had an army with him that took losses as they went and they eventually were defeated, in a sense <span style='color:green;font-size:105%'>'''DEFEETED? WE'Z STUCK IN IN AN ENDLESS WAAAGH!!! WHERE U KAN COME BACK FO' MOAR EVVRY TIME U GET ZOGGED! AN' WE'Z NEVAH RUN OUTTA ENEMIEZ! GREAT BOSS DEMONA-KILLA IZ DA BEST BOSS EVAH!'''</span>)

===Additional Bullshit===
If anyone needed additional proof that Matt Ward is too busy jacking off at the thought of his own fluffing skills to actually pay any attention to what he's writing, just look at the chronology of Draigo's entry. He initially distinguishes himself in 799.M41 during his first encounter with M'Kar, earning the rank of Justicar. The next confrontation with M'Kar occurs 'Two hundred years to the day since Draigo's victory on Acralem' (i.e. 999.M41). 999.M41; this is confirmed in the 'Deeds of Legend' section of the Codex as well. Later on in his fluff entry, when he returns for the first time to the mortal plane, he has been 'clearly long adrift in time, for he knew [those Grey Knights he encountered] not'. Unless we're intended to assume that his entry is to be read as though in the future, i.e. sometime well after the END of the 41st Millennium, then Kaldor "''I'm-a-fucking-badass-who-can-survive-indefinitely-in-the-Warp''" Draigo has really only been AWAY from the mortal plane for, at most, a few months. Doubtless, as we all know, time passes differently in the Warp. Kaldor himself may be experiencing years or centuries there while time crawls linearly along for everyone in the Prime Material, but that would have zero impact on the age and number of surviving, recognizable members of the Grey Knights whom he left behind. Giving Mr. Ward the benefit of the doubt (which seems unfair to readers), either Kaldor is being randomly deposited into points in the distant PAST, or we're intended to pretend all Grey Knight battles that include him are taking place in the distant FUTURE; without one of these two assumptions, only two other alternatives remain: Draigo has gone senile, or; he was too big a snob to ever learn the names or faces of those serving under him. This, of course, is if we want to give Matt Ward any credit at all. In other words, the above is a concrete example of BAD WRITING. What the fuck more do you want, GW? Who's he fluffing on your board of directors, that you've retained such a piss-poor hack for so long?

Of course, the Warp's tendency to approach time in a non-linear fashion most certainly doesn't preclude the possibility of Draigo getting shat out in the past or, hell, even in an alternate universe. <s>Just pray that Ward doesn't have him encounter Rawbutt Girlyman on one of his jaunts.</s> <s>(Don't give Matt Ward any ideas!)</s> TOO LATE! [[Roboute Guilliman|Robot Girlyman]] is back, this could happen!

Although to be fair, the warp CAN do everything just described and other codex writers have done so. Most notably an Ork Waaagh! that was sent back to JUST before its start and the warboss killed himself to get two of his favorite gun.

===Wut?===
Clearly, the only explanation for the sheer levels of retardation and gratuitous [[Matt Ward|canon-rape]] Draigo represents is the simplest one: That Draigo is, in fact, defeated - Chaos cannot be beaten in its own realm of non-space because of the mere fact that chaotic beings are immortal, after all, and none of the above is true. (though psykers can "technically" kill chaos daemons for good in the warp, it requires an amount of psychic energy and willpower that's far beyond the norm)

Right now, this very moment,(in the far future) Draigo is in fact a shredded pile of torn flesh and shattered bone after having his ass handed to him by the above Lord of Change and Bloodthirster, who proceeded to step in whilst the Lord kept him distracted - [[Just as planned]]. This pile of broken ex-marine is also gushing ooze and phlegm and pus as he was infected with every blight and pox Nurgle has to offer. This shredded, oozing pile....''thing'', is also being raped and violated in the most unspeakable and vile ways by the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

And so it shall continue, for all eternity. [[Troll|Because every single Chaos God finds it fucking hilarious]].

The only reason he thinks "all is well" is because Tzeentch thought he'd have a bit fun with Draigo. He stuck Draigo into a matrix-esque dream world where everything goes his way and is just waiting for Draigo to climb as high as he can. This dream world will probably last until Draigo has crushed the Chaos gods themselves and all their armies beneath his feet and caused the God-Emperor himself to rise from the throne and suck him off!

Then, at the "funniest" possible moment, right as his bolter is about to fire its payload (and we're not talking about the one on his wrist), Tzeentch will rip it all away from him, Draigo will wake up and see what has really become of him and weep tears of utter loss and despair! "[[Just as planned]]!"

While all that's happened, Draigo thought to himself: "I have no mouth, but I must scream".

At least that's what the heretics want you to think.

[[File:Jelly thing.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Kaldor Draigo, what really happened to him.]]

<s>Admittedly, Draigo's fluff is pretty badass, but still canon-rape (no pun inten- wait, pun totally intended).</s> There is nothing awesome about someone who just goes around fucking everything up with zero challenge. It's like people who write stories about how their super awesome character killed the [[Lady_of_Pain|Lady of Pain]] or something.

//{{BLAM|''Inquisitor's Note: While the above is no doubt the fevered ramblings of a mind crying out for the Emperor's peace there is a small measure of truth in it. Our [[canon|most blessed and sanctified scriptures]] tell us that Lord Draigo's victories in the warp are indeed pyrrhic ones, and that every daemon slain and fortress toppled shortly rights itself. This is his curse and only when, by the Emperor's blessing, he returns to the materium will he be able to enact any lasting defeats on the ruinous powers.}}//

//{{BLAM|''Historitor 165.82.108.238 remanded to custody for Inquisitorial review.}}//

++{{BLAM|''Thought for the Day: Many are the faces of the enemy, many are the hands of the enemy.''}}++

Alternatively you could also accept the less serious but popular fanon that Kaldor Draigo is actually traversing the Warp while high on drugs. His latent psychic abilities and drug-fueled insanity could technically allow him to shape his battles in the Warp to go in his favor. That or Draigo has almost [[Malcador]] levels of psychic abilities, the strain of which has caused him to go completely bat-shite insane, rendering the Warp into his own personal plaything to a certain extent.

===Mat Ward Sez===
''"Lord Kaldor Draigo is a combat monster - there's no other way to describe him. He's lethal against non-daemonic foes, with plenty of Strength 5 force weapon attacks to lay a beat down. When faced with hated Daemons, his Titansword becomes Strength 10, ensuring a pretty one-sided fight in his favour. Even if his enemy survives, Draigo's storm shield is sure to keep him fighting. And on top of all of this, Draigo is a Grand Master, able to bestow extra abilities on his allies. Want your Dreadknight to capture objectives? Draigo can make that happen. Want a Scouting screen of Dreadnoughts? Draigo can make it happen. He's the best possible way to keep your opponent on his toes."''

In summary: HE MAKES IT HAPPEN.
(So does [[Creed]] but unlike Draigo he does OP with [[awesome|Style]])

==Tabletop==
In lab tests conducted on /tg/, Kaldor Draigo loses to [[Abaddon]] the Despoiler [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo roughly 73.5% of the time]. But then again Abaddon is meant to be a high-cost, point-sink, cc-beatstick who doesn't have arms or do anything to boost his own army...

===6th Edition===
Like Abaddon, Kaldor's amazing super awesome blade of Mary Sue has been reduced to AP3, but Abaddon was important enough to get FAQ'd back to AP2! This means anything, ANYTHING, with 2+ save will survive combat with Draigo. Even a [[Tau|weaboo space communist]] wearing iridium armor. Or a Meganob. Or a Captain in artificer armor...if you ignore that Draigo's weapon has the Force special rule, which can cause Instant Death in compensation (which is fine and dandy until he gets challenged by a Phoenix Lord). AP3 admittedly is somewhat of a blow, but this is compensated for against more dangerous foes with its latent abilities and his own 3++ save.

That or just charge a Chaos Lord in Terminator armour with <s>Bloodfeeder</s> '''THE MURDER SWORD''' or the Axe of Blind Fury. Naw, the Lord would have to fail a single save to get mindraped.

===7th edition===
While Draigo's beloved Titansword got upped back to AP2, he himself became far more expensive as a tool, as he is now relegated to the Lords of War Slot -- where Superheavies live -- for a heaping 245 Points. This means that he can't be accessed by himself, he needs someone else in the HQ slot to unlock him. Unless you're running unbound, the system used exclusively by [[This Guy]]'s fluff games and [[That Guy]]'s absolute cheesiness. Actually the former sounds kind awesome, to represent a battle where the GK's command structure has been slain but then Draigo pops out of the Warp with a nose full of warp dust.

He still has his insane 2+/3++ save thanks to his Termie Armor and singular Storm Shield. His Force blade is still S+3 with AP2 Master-Crafted, with the ability to re-roll to-wound against Daemons when he uses Force. That said, Force is now deniable, thus you should expect that they will, and in force. Aside from that, he has Banishment (which weakens Daemons' invuls), Hammerhand (Upping him to an S9 murder machine), Gate of Infinity (For sudden Deep-Strikes anywhere), and Purge Soul (To make a sudden hit). This solves one of the reason he was hated: the utter ability to roll whatever you wanted. Without Biomancy or Telepathy, he's no longer invincible.

As a commander, he is now not very worthwhile, with the removal of Grand Strategy and his Warlord Trait now giving him Hatred (Daemons) and an easier time casting Banishment and...that's it. He can no longer make Paladins troops either, so now you've lost more reason to take them over a cheaper ML3 Librarian with both the Domina Liber Daemonica and a Warlord Trait to give him SIX FUCKING POWERS IN SANCTIC. Quite frankly, he's only useful as the mother of all beatsticks.

===8th edition===
Draigo's sword became S+4 AP-4, and does a flat 3 damage now in the place of Instant Death. Also, he gives himself and all Grey Knight units within 6" of him the ability to re-roll all misses in shooting and close combat. He still has his 2+/3++ thanks to his Terminator Armor and Storm Shield. His warlord trait, Daemon Slayer, is still heavily situational at best (read: useless). Basically, he's now not totally useless if he's not in close combat.

==Silver(ed) Knight==
The 6E Daemons Codex detailed the journey a "Knight of the Adeptus Astartes in silvered armor "whose will was as strong as silvered adamantium" braving the many circles of the Palace of Slaanesh, cutting down a few daemonettes and mortal thralls, only to kneel before the Prince of Pleasures himself, in the guise of a young, androgynous boy who cowed the Knight with absolute and righteous innocence. Too many people believe that it's Draigo because of their seething spite for the Ward, but a more rational mind could realize that the Grey Knights aren't the only people wearing silver armour. There's still the [[Silver Skulls]], [[Doom Eagles]], and the [[Iron Snakes]], all who wear silver Power Armour and have more of a likelihood to be corrupted (Especially if you consider the presumed origins that the Skulls are actually loyalist Iron Warriors)

'''Alternate take:''' How many other Marines are actually running around the Warp, much less loyalist Marines? At the very least, even if it is Draigo it took the god himself to outright convert him with a touch of his "scepter" so someone at least got the idea of what it should take to cause a Grey Knight to just flip to the side of Chaos for no reason. That or maybe their geneseed makes them hot for traps. Either way it's not clear when this happened, so it could be in the future or an alternate timeline since the Warp doesn't care about your single direction flow of time. Assuming it's not some weird symbolic thing.

==Placed in the hands of other authors==
C.Z. Dunn has recently taken a crack at Draigo in the novelization of the Pandorax Campaign. Here, Draigo is decidedly NOT a <s>Mary Sue</s> Gary Sue anymore, with "Supreme Grand Master" taken in the same context as [[Azrael]]. Dunn doesn't nerf Draigo, he still kicks a ton of daemon ass, but he doesn't go around soloing Bloodthirsters without backup or anything so asinine. Draigo is also shown to be moderately flawed as a character, [[Avitus|hot-headed and aggressive]] -- this is to contrast him with the stubborn and conservative Azrael (who takes until chapter 14 to get off his ass and fight smart, though when he finally does he actually fights ''really smart'' like a true Space Marine). He's also a [[Troll|top-tier dick]] who trolls Azrael about all the prisoners they've been taking back to [[the Rock]] and makes several threats that he'll get the High Lords of Terra to investigate if the Dark Angels don't comply. (Haters gonna hate.)

The Mortarion's Heart Audio Drama, also has him troll his bodyguard, and the Inquisition (in fact his first act as Supreme Grand Master is to tell the one bugging the Knights to go fuck himself). Also we see just what got him the job; he was simply the only one with enough skill to even try to beat Mortarion, even Draigo admitted he was a horrible choice, but that didn't matter since he would most likely die anyway. And, when he does fight Mortarion he gets the shit beat out of him and the entire 1st Brotherhood killed by Mortarion's hand and only gains the advantage with Mortarion's true name which causes the Primarch to have the equivalent of a seizure and then uses Mortarion's antithesis name to banish him.

This isn't too shocking as Draigo is a fairly new character and only has about two pages to himself within the codex compare to Dunn's few hundred. Even a good writer would have trouble balancing both a good character AND a badass who leads an army of daemon killers.

===The Plague of Madness===
The 7E Codex also takes steps to reduce the fucking cheese of Draigo by showing him as a competent commander before his banishment, and how he only became relevant because he was able to beat up M'Kar, the Daemon Prince of Jobbers.

In "The Plague of Madness" witten in 7Ed, Draigo has to bring out three whole brotherhoods of knights because some idiot [[Inquisitor]] tried to mess with a Lord of Change named "Ix'thar'ganix" by binding it to her will and using his power for the good of the Imperium. Ganix was both amused and infuriated at the prospect of a mortal trying to outdick him, so when the Inquisitor summoned the daemon to bind it; Ganix had a [[Great Unclean One]] named Lurgon take his place. Because the wards meant to bind Ganix didn't work with another daemon; Lurgon possesed the Inquisitor and corrupt her posse to the cause of Nurgle. Things later spiraled into madness after Lurgon corrupted the system of Decimalus after the Inquisitor's drifting ship happened upon it.

Draigo attempted to convince the Grey Knights to send a large force to apprehend both Ix'thar'ganix and Lurgon, which after some political maneuvering, he managed to get. After [[Arvann Stern]] secured an orbital fortress from some daemons, Draigo made it planetside and actually saved some Sisters of Battle from a death by daemon-nomming. After that, Draigo's band of merry men and the surviving Sisters attempted to break through a literal sea of daemons by running them over with Land Raiders and [[Rhino Transport|MEHTAL BAWKSES]], with the intent of taking the spire that housed Lurgon. Draigo's Raider however, got stuck after running over so many daemons and was eventually destroyed after a daemonblade ran through it. Thrown out of the tank, he attempted to solo an entire horde by himself and rescue his brothers still trapped inside the Land Raider.

In a completely different way of portrayal; Draigo was actually pretty close to being overwhelmed. He was struck and held down by the legion of daemons around him and would have died if it wasn't for the surviving battle Sisters coming to his aid and gunning down the horde around him. And instead of something retarded like using the Sisters' blood for protection or suddenly getting super strength and ripping his way towards the spire; he motioned a request for the sisters to buy them time while he and the survivors make a mad dash for the spire and end this insanity. The writer to this has already undone the idiocy of the [[Khornate Knights]], and did so while keeping everyone's dignity. A step up amid a codex widely considered to be a step down crunchwise.

===Other counterpoints===
It has recently been posited that Draigo's ability to traverse the Warp and wreak havoc on the Ruinous Powers with relative ease is due not to Gary Sue bullshit powers, but to the nature of the Warp itself. One of the only constants of the Warp is that it is shaped by the belief and emotion of sentient beings with psychic ability, however small. Because of this, it is possible that a being with vast psychic ability and great faith (say, a Grey Knight ''Supreme'' Grand Master) would be able to use his belief in himself and in the Emperor to [[Ork|shape the surrounding Empyrean to match this belief]] in a manner similar to daemons themselves. It also explains why things go back to normal once he leaves, since he is no longer there to affect that portion of the Warp directly. In other words, Draigo cuts a [[Bloody Path|bloody path]] through the Sea of Souls because he believes he can, and the Warp, ahem, makes it happen. If one asks why other powerful psykers can't do it, they can to a degree; see [[Tuska Daemon-Killa]]. As for Eldar, Slaanesh would nab them the moment they entered the Warp. Other human psykers don't tend to try to interact with the Warp too much but it is quite likely they'd be able to some extent. Incidentally, this effectively makes Draigo a ''Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann'' character, and that is actually kind of awesome.

In addition, people never seem to think that his Aegis warded armour (Terminator armour, which I believe to contain a small Gellar Field, no less) is specifically designed to protect the wearer from the Warp, that and Grey Knight [[Interceptor Squad]]s go through the Warp on a regular basis, so Draigo should, in theory have no trouble traversing the Warp.

Also, as a number of people have pointed out, the Codex itself flat out states that nothing he's doing is having any lasting effect on the Chaos Gods. Plus, his first major appearance in a novel has him delivering an impressive verbal smackdown on [[Azrael]] regarding the [[Dark Angels]]' obsession with making sure nobody discovers the truth about the <s>[[Fallen Angels]]</s> UNRELATED TRATIORS WHO CERTAINLY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DARK ANGELS. Which makes him slightly more human.

==[[Warhammer Fantasy]]==
There has been a sighting of what might be Draigo in the Warhammer Fantasyverse - specifically, in the fluff book for the ''Khaine'' splat of [[The End Times]].

During Araloth's travels into the Realm of Chaos, to rescue [[Shallya]] from the mansion of [[Nurgle]], the final traveling companion he picks up is a knight, a "giant of a man" whose armor "gleams like silver" and whose "speech is strange" (why does Kaldor decide to help Eldar?). Upon reaching the mansion of Nurgle, the knight sacrifices himself so the rest of the party can enter, explaining he has "made something of a name for himself since his arrival in the benighted realm" and so he is sure to draw their attention. More notably, when he makes his sacrificial charge, it's mentioned that he sweeps out his hand and blue fire explodes amongst the daemon's ranks. It's also been mentioned that the Warp connects Fantasy and 40k.

Worth mentioning that not only are Wood Elves the Spiritual Liege's favorite Fantasy faction, but this was one of the last things he wrote for Games Workshop before leaving the company. Take it as you will.

That said, if this is Draigo, he is certainly not the all-powerful Gary Sue of other depictions; when Araloth finds him, he has been chained down in a glade in Nurgle's garden, at one point he gets ambushed by a [[Beast of Nurgle]] (when it ''jumps out of a tree and lands on him''), and rather than defeating the daemons he distracts, Araloth leaves the mansion to find his broken body impaled upon a spear. Yes, he's still alive, and the mad scholar the Wood Elf is traveling with (who may in fact be Richter Kleiss, the writer of the Liber Chaotica) explains that the knight is "beyond the power of the daemons" and will "take his own revenge in due course", but that is attributed to being "the way of things in the Realm of Chaos" rather than anything inherent to Draigo (if he is Draigo).

It's worth noting that the description would also fit a Stormcast Eternal of the Hallowed Knights chapter from Age of Sigmar, which was under development at the time and is technically the same setting. Though, the Sigmarine couldn't fire blue lightning out of his hands, nor was he "invincible."

In another story, whilst in the warp, Draigo sees a "world ruled over by a self-styled God-king, where magic flows through the very wind." He ultimately decides not to go there, thus proving himself far more intelligent than he has ever been given credit for.

==See Also==
*[[FAIL|Fail]]
*[[Matt Ward]]
*[http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/598617 What Draigo's actually doing in the Warp]
*[[Doom|The character draigo is basically copy pasted from]]
[[Category:Space Marines Chapter Masters]]

== Gallery ==
<gallery>
File:Draigo.jpg|[[Warhammer 40,000 7th edition|We spoke too soon.]]
File:Draigo2.jpg| well that just got weird...
File:Raven.jpg|STEEL REIHN
File:RAPE TRAIN.jpg|HE MAKES IT HAPPEN
File:Supreme_Grand_Troll.jpg|PROBLEM, DAEMONS?
File:Samurai draigo.jpg|Foolish Grey Knight.
File:Dreadknight.jpg|U Mad, Dreadnoughtfags?
File:Draigo codex2.jpg|Son of a bitch even gets his own codex.
File:Hemakesithappen.png|Still a shitload better than a Primarch
File:DraigoDullSurprise.png|Draigo is a very emotive person.
</gallery>

{{Marines-Characters}}

[[Category:Mary Sue]][[Category:FAIL]][[Category:Warhammer Fantasy]]

Emperor's Children

2018-05-18T17:41:47Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* History */

{{Infobox Traitor Legion
|Name = Emperor's Children
|Heraldry = [[File:Emperorschildrenlogo.jpg|250px]]
|Battle Cry = "Children of the Emperor! Death to your foes!"(Pre-Heresy), Whatever garbled [[Rebecca Black|"music"]] they're playing through their vox-hailers today (Post-Heresy)
|Number = III
|Primarch = [[Fulgrim]]
|Original Homeworld = Chemos
|Current Homeworld = Pleasure Planet, which they can't find.
|Champion = [[Lucius|Lucius the Eternal]], [[Fabius Bile]]
|Specialty = [[Sonic Weaponry]], tactical superiority (pre-heresy), being on drugs (post-heresy)
|Strength = unknown
|Allegiance = [[Slaanesh]]
|Colours = Pink, black, gold
}}
{{Topquote|Pleasure is sweetest when 'tis paid for by another's pain.|Ovid}}
{{Topquote|Captain, the loyalists have a Titan! What shall we do?"<br>"Well first we do some warp dust, the we FUCK THAT TITAN.|Emperor’s Children Captain}}
{{Topquote|The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom....for we never know what is enough until we know what is more than enough.|William Blake}}

The Emperor's Children are a [[Chaos Space Marine]] Legion. They worship [[Slaanesh]], wear pink and black, and were part of the original [[First Founding]] [[Space Marines|legions]]. They are also the [[/d/|sickest fucks]] on every side of the [[Eye of Terror]].

In other words, the Emperor's Children are the army that some fa/tg/uys would... ''consider'' joining based on the fact that this Legion revolves around [[Lucius|sex]], [[Doomrider|drugs]] and [[Noise Marines|rock'n'roll]]. Except they are not all about that: Games Workshop dummied out most of the sexual imagery out of Slaanesh on the tabletop in order to not offend Little Johnny's parents and keep a PG-13 rating. Though in the Heresy Novels it depicts a Slaanesh-inspired orgy and the Space Marines just started a killing spree. Yeah, they get off on combat, not sex... remind you of [[Khorne|someone]]? Add to the fact that Slaanesh is the god(des?) [[/tg/]] associates with furries and other things best left unsaid, it makes most anons reluctant to join the cul/tg/ratification. Then again, they are following the Prince of Excess...the followers are bound to be indulging themselves far beyond normality.

The [[Red Scorpions]] may or may not be a loyalist offshoot, based on their demeanor and secrecy over their unknown primarch. The [[Death Eagles]] chapter are another possible loyalist offshoot, this time speculated in-universe due to the fact that there was a loyalist contingent of Emperor's Children during the Horus Heresy who were called the Death Eagles. The [[Sons of the Phoenix]] may also be a successor, considering some not-so-subtle parallels in their name and colour scheme, and the fact that [[Belisarius Cawl]] has been experimenting with making [[Primaris Marines]] from traitor gene-seed; however, the [[Bullshit|official line]] is that they're [[Imperial Fists]].

''NOT REALLY [[Sensei|CHILDREN OF THE EMPEROR]].''

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsPFDzAGb4A Here is their theme song.]

==History==

=== Pre-Heresy ===
[[File:6f89d3843c1387e46a590262c7ecc473.jpg|400px|left|thumb|The Emperor's Children are the best pimps in the galaxy. Chaos! Fuck Yeah!]]

Back during the [[Great Crusade]], the Emperor's Children were unswervingly loyal, which is how they got their name. Now they just use the name as a form of mockery to [[troll]] the loyalists. Their [[Primarch]], [[Fulgrim]], was best buds with [[Horus]], so when Horus did his [[heresy]] [[Horus Heresy|thing]], Fulgrim went straight to Horus and said "Dude; what the fuck? For reals." Horus knew that Fulgrim was a perfectionist with mild OCD and, straight out of an 80's afterschool special, Horus convinced Fulgrim that he could get that perfection [[Doomrider|if he tried some of these diet pills... and meth... and speed... ]] and by the time Fulgrim was on [[Doomrider|cocaine]] he did a one hundred eighty turn and devoted himself and his legion to [[Slaanesh]].

Before their fall to Chaos, the Emperor's Children were exemplars of what it meant to be an Astartes and were initially drawn from the Terran noble families rather than the chaff of the hive cities. They were noble, strong, excelled in all matters and above all were loyal to the core. Interestingly, a sizeable number of recruits after Fulgrim was found came from far less aristocratic sources (one Marine mentions being one of many children born to an underhive prostitute). They weren't experts in any sort of warfare (if there was an especially tough fortress to crack the Lords of Terra would bring in the Imperial Fists not the Emperor's Children for example) but could do everything very well and constantly drove themselves to learn as much as they could. Naturally, they were hyper-competitive and as a way to entertain their notions of superiority, engaged in lengthy duels against other Astartes. This is how you get somebody like [[Lucius the Eternal|good ole Lucy here!]]

Unfortunately in the early Great Crusade their gene-seed suffered a form of [[AIDS|Space-Cancer]] that caused their organs to develop tumours and shut down their bodies. It's uncertain how this came about, but is suspected to have been some sort of infection introduced via a renegade plot, since not all of the gene-seed was initially infected. In an effort to stem the tide they "[[derp|mercifully]]" executed those who suffered to condition and destroyed them, by the time Fulgrim was discovered there was only a few hundred Astartes left in the "Legion". Also, Fulgrim's return did not actually cure the problem, but merely sidestepped the issue by allowing untainted new gene-seed to be produced, it's quite possible that [[Fabius Bile]] is the only sufferer remaining but he likely gets around the symptoms through [[Dark Eldar|advanced medical sciences]].

After finding Fulgrim, it is probably safe to assume that they were friends with the people of the Imperium and popular with other Legions. Firstly Fulgrim had a lot of friends among the Primarchs, most namely Ferrus Manus of the Iron Hands and Horus himself.''(The Emperor's Children are also battle-brothers with the Salamanders, but Vulkan is friends with everyone.)'' In addition the Legion was noble in conduct and aspect, a shining example to other Legions. Starting off from this high place, perhaps it is not a surprise that pride began to poison the noble heart of the Emperor's Children.

The Emperor's Children were not so much known for their number of victories (especially since they got sort of a late start because of the whole gene-seed thing) but for the way they were won. Other Legions would take their mode of war and apply it in every situation. The Emperor's Children did everything, and were good at everything. In addition no other Legion could claim as many individual unit and Astartes honors as the Emperor's Children. In their waging of war was a perfection that perhaps echoed their fall.

A good example of the Third Legion's style of war was a battle known as the Defense of Tranquility. Basically there was a nebula that had a series of (probably Eldar) gates. The Imperium came to claim them, and the Emperor's Children still only 500 strong at the time were ordered to defend the poisonous crystal world of Tranquility, the Imperium's forward base of operations. All was pretty quiet until lo and behold a xenos fleet emerged from the [[Warp|warp portal]] hanging above Tranquility's Geographic North Pole. The xenos were crystalline and emitted powerful beam rays that could cut [[ceramite]]. They dropped from their ships in their thousands, and the Third Legion was ready for them. Every Legionary had studied and memorized the surface of the planet, and as the aliens came, the Emperor's Children knew exactly where to lure them in, where to run, and where to prepare kill zones. The aliens soon began to lose so many troops they were forced to direct their ships weapons onto the planet, which gave the Imperial Navy ships also in orbit a chance to get close and destroy the fragile vessels. Praetor Abisare of the Third is noted as having said it was not a battle but "an execution of considered intent". For the Emperor's Children war was an art, a craft to be honed and practiced!

As time went on, though, the Legion's pursuit of perfection started to take a bit of a wrong turn, at least to outsiders. During the Murder campaign the [[Luna Wolves]] found that [[Eidolon|Lord Eidolon]] had opted to take his entire force into a warzone which had already swallowed up a bunch of [[Blood Angels]] and [[Space Marines|Imperial Army]] troops. Eidolon then threw some weak insults at [[Torik Targaddon]] and took credit for his subordinates' achievements. Unsurprisingly, Torgaddon started fretting that egotistical arseholes like Eidolon might indicate something unhealthy in the EC's legion culture.

Anyways even before they were getting genuinely chaotic, they were already doing weird ass shit in the pursuit of 'perfection', like genetic enhancements and what not, and that's a big no-no for [[Space Marines]], even if it is a bit hypocritical for the genetically engineered super-duper-awesome-power-humans to get all shitty about a few enhancements on top of that. But, shitty they were - what gets skimmed over is the fact that all this stuff [[heresy|was based on an alien race's modifications]], so waaay more dodgy than anything the Emperor had devised for the SMs. If you're going to get more awesome, then you have to chop bits off and replace them with robot like everyone else. Anyhow they did it anyway because they wanted to be perfect THAT hard.

Aaaaand that's where [[Fabius Bile]] came in. He was the [[Apothecary]] that was fucking with everyone's genes to turn them "perfect", among other things rewiring their nervous systems so that pain actually caused them pleasure. While not generally focused on, Slaanesh is also the god/ess of perfection, in addition to excess. Therefore, the Space Marines that are obsessed with perfection turn to Slaanesh. And don't forget that [[Fulgrim]]'s mind was eaten by a demon. Although he got better. So yeah, they are Slaaneshi now.

=== Heresy and after ===

[[File:Wolfandsister1.jpg|450px|left|thumb|Back in previous editions, [[Noise Marines]] had awesome guitar weapons instead of Sonic Cannons! [[Awesome]].]]

During the siege on [[Terra]], the Emperor's Children were supposed to help with getting back at the Emprah but they got bored, broke off and went pillaging the civilians. Most of the innocents they found were ground up and distilled into drugs, anyone left over was raped to death. After the Siege, they [[Dark Eldar| dragged a shitton of slaves with them]] back with them into the [[Eye of Terror]]. After snorting / smoking / [[Dranon's_delight|raping]] / defenestrating / dogwielding them all up, they started stealing slaves from the other Legions, which started all the in-fighting. Considering they suffered few losses on Terra proper, they had the upper hand at first and even managed to steal Horus's corpse from the Sons of Horus. But then they had the poor idea to poke the [[World Eaters]] a bit too hard and [[Khârn|a certain swell guy]] went to town on their asses (and his own Legion's asses, [[Khorne]] cares not where the blood flows from!) at the [[Battle of Skalathrax]].
Reeling, the Emperor's Children retreated to their Stronghold of [[Harmony]] where [[Fabius Bile|this fabulous sicko]] managed to clone [[Horus]] himself!

However, [[Abbadon]], in a rare moment of awesomeness assembled various Marines from his Legion and others, launched an attack on Harmony, and won by having one of his sidekicks hurl a warship at the capital in a massive colony drop before killing the fully grown clone of Horus and ruining Bile's labs. It's implied that a bunch of Emperor's Children went over to Abaddon and made up the nucleus of the [[Children of Torment]] (the BL's Slaaneshi contingent) worshippers, as the EC views them as traitors to Fulgrim.

After the battle of Harmony, most EC went their own merry way. Marines of the Emperor's Children legions are always looking for the next high, and eschew tranquilizers and depressants (like booze) for hallucinogens and stimulants (like cocaine). It started out as a quest for perfection with performance-enhancing drugs, but now that they're full-blown corrupted by [[Slaanesh]] it's about peak experiences. Also have an obsession with [[Noise Marines|noise]], [[furry]] [[Promotions|porn]], [[Tyranids|tentacles]], and gettin' high. Hey, who's the bastard who forgot about their [[Matt Ward|chronic masturbation]] problem?

The Pre-Heresy paint scheme for their minis are purple and gold, while the Post-Heresy paint scheme is pink and black. (Or any clashing pastel colours.) They are the Legion that created the original [[Noise Marines]], and are still the go-to Legion for expertise in [[Sonic Weaponry]].

Among the most infamous members of their Legion are [[Lucius|Lucius the Eternal]] and [[Fulgrim]]. [[Fabius Bile]] was once part of the Emperor's Children, but went renegade from them. He's still labeled as a champion here, though.

It is speculated that the [[Pretty Marines|Pretty Marines']] unknown Primarch was actually an Emperor's Children Captain that remained loyal to the Emperor during the [[Horus Heresy]] and convinced the [[High Lords of Terra]] to allow him to re-create the example of human flawlessness using his own gene-seed.

==Daily Routines of the Emperor's Children==
05:00 - The Emperor's Children and Daemonette girlfriends awake from their drug-induced hangover in their party lounge.

05:10 - Grooming period. The Emperor's Children groom their body parts so they could look absolutely ''fabulous''.

05:30 - Morning Meal. A light meal consisting of cocaine, drugs and the bodily fluids of Eldar victims are consumed by the Emperor's Children. The legion's personal sex slaves are forbidden to be molested for now.

06:00 - Morning Prayers. The Emperor's Children pray to Slaanesh for the best pleasures while masturbating and jizzing everywhere in an orgy of sadomasochism.

07:00 - Morning Firing Rites. The Emperor's Children begin morning target practice on captured slaves. Sometimes they use their cocks instead of their guns to 'hit the target'.

09:00 - Battle Practice. The Emperor's Children begin <s>playing</s> training with one another. Foreplay is also included.

10:00 - Tactical Indoctrination. The Emperor's Children are indoctrinated on the best drugs and sexual position in the galaxy.

11:00 - Midday Meal. A medium meal is prepared by the legion's sex slave. This time the Emperor's Children are allowed to rape their slaves while eating their meal at the same time.

12:00 - Local Raids. The Emperor's Children do their local raids in capturing more sex slaves for their pleasure.

16:00 - Evening Meal. A feast is prepared by the legion's sex slaves. Usually the feast includes several young girls and boys, who are then slowly eaten and raped alive. Their still living bodies are then paraded through the streets where they whimper in pain as they are then transformed into the legion's next generation of sex slaves.

17:00 - Torture an Eldar Period. The Emperor's Children torture, rape, penetrate and humiliate captured Eldar women and men. Most of the Eldar often drown in their own bodily fluids as the Emperor's Children decide to photograph their defiled and violated bodies and then post it on any near Eldar Craftworld to [[Troll|troll]] them.

20:00 - Rock'n Roll Time. The Emperor's Children decide on who can play the best Rock'n Roll while snorting as much cocaine and warp dust as possible while gang banging multiple chained and helpless sex slaves. Daemonettes also join the fun, having hot, erotic ball-busting sex while committing in an act of mass orgies and drugs. Some Emperor's Children put the face of [[Sanguinius]] on a dart board in which they defile and poke holes at; either due to innate jealousy that the Angel is better then them or that they realize they and Fulgrim can [[Spiritual Liege|never, <u>ever</u> become as fabulous as Sanguinius.]]

24:40 - Rest Time. The Emperor's Children, their Daemonette companions and the sex slaves all pass out in an ocean of jizz, bodily fluids, juices and powdered drugs in their party lounge.

24:50 - Finding Fulgrim. A small detachment of Emperor's Children not committed in the orgy are sent out to find Fulgrim and co. It lasts a week and they do not succeed as usual.

==Gallery==
<gallery>
image:Fulgrim.png|Emperor's Children's primarch Fulgrim. Despite common belief, they do LSD too.
Image:1271835294177.jpg|The Emperor's Children in a nutshell.
File:Emperor s Children by megalaros.jpg|The Slaaneshi noise marine, the real reason why Rock is banned in the Imperium.
Image:Horny Marine.gif|'''Your average Emperors Children marine
</gallery>

{{Template:Chaos-Official}}

Dark Eldar

2018-05-18T17:13:25Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* COMMORRAGH WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS */

[[Image:Dark_Eldar_Symbol.png‎|center]]
[[Image:Dark Eldar Raid Colored by MajesticChicken.jpg|right|thumb|600px|Mercy? Interesting word, I always wanted to know its meaning.]]
{{Topquote|Cruel people are busy all the time, as if to find justification for the cruelty of their dealings.|Leo Tolstoy}}
{{Topquote|Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight.|Albert Schweitzer}}
{{Topquote|In a world without the law of God, you have chaos, oppression, tyranny, and everyone doing what is right in their own eyes.|Randall Terry, moralfag}}

The '''Dark Eldar''' (also known as the '''Drukhari''', cuz trademark reasons) are the villainous, Extra [[Grimdark]], and more BDSM obsessed counterparts of the [[Eldar]], who followed the horrific depravity that saw the Eldar Empire destroyed. Hailing from Port [[Commorragh]] in the [[Webway]], the Dark Eldar spirit out from the shadows to take slaves and to commit unspeakable atrocities on whoever they capture. They're the [[Honsou|sickest fucks]] in all of [[Warhammer 40,000]], which is a hell of an accomplishment, even for [[Slaanesh|the literal god of pleasure and excess]]. Their lives revolve around sadistic torture, making them a sort of cross between the Cenobites from Hellraiser and the Reavers from Firefly. They are mainly pirates, though sometimes hire themselves out as mercenaries before they inevitably betray their employers.

Surprisingly, Dark Eldar draw a lot of inspiration from the Fair Folk - not the pussy Disney pixi-fairies, but the [[World of Darkness]]-style inhumanly beautiful monsters that make humans suffer just for their own amusement, kidnap children to turn them into pets/slaves, and run the Wild Hunt that kill maim and rape everything in its wake, vanishing without a trace at dawn. Commonly derided for being the biggest Edge-Lords in the galaxy (or "scene-kid" Eldar), Dark Eldar come across as the only race that's actively trying to ''one-up'' Chaos for title of the universe's most grimdark faction.

For their fantasy counterparts see [[Druchii]]

==History==
The Eldar, after the [[FATAL|disaster]] that caused [[Slaanesh]] and [[Eye of Terror|turned their empire into the universe's biggest Goatse.cx reference]], destroying their race and [[grimdark|killing 90% or so of their population outright]], were a dying race. Slaanesh was devouring their souls like Eldar McNuggets, and it was only through ascetic mysticism and use of Soulstones that the Eldar could avoid getting nommed by She Who Thirsts. Conventional wisdom was that these Eldar only survived on craftworlds and the maiden worlds that the Eldar had colonized before the fall.

[[Dawn of War|Conventional wisdom]], of course, [[C.S.Goto|means little in the 40K universe]]. Whilst most of the Eldar were mass-raped to death by Slaanesh when their falling into depraved cycles of decadence reached critical mass and caused a Chaos god to be born, a few of them survived because they were in parts of the Webway (a portal network that the Eldar use for transportation). They escaped with no real ill-effects, or so they thought. In reality, Slaanesh was slowly nomming their souls just like she does every Eldar without a Soulstone - however, they found that by [[Grimdark|continuing to engage in rampant hedonism and by torturing and inflicting pain and anguish on other creatures would reduce or even reverse the effects of Slaanesh's hold on them]], forcing them to seek out and capture, kill, and torment the "lesser" races of the galaxy in order to satiate themselves and stave off their doom.

Sadistic and psychotic to the point of making your average [[Chaos Space Marines|Chaos Marine]] look like hippies in contrast, hopped up on cocktails of combat stimulant drugs, and armed predominantly with weapons and equipment that cause [[Indrick Boreale|unspeakable immeasurable agony]] in those they go after, the Dark Eldar are easily the most depraved and vicious race the 41st millennium has. Hated by literally every single faction in the 41st millennium, the Dark Eldar are perhaps the only race with [[Anal circumference|bigger assholes]] than [[Eldrad]], though in spite of this, unlike their sissy counterparts, the Dark Eldar are hated much less by the playerbase - presumably because their army actually takes some brains to use and isn't a giant bunch of status-quo-defending [[Eldar|faggots]]. Well, that and its implied they use [[/d/|sexual torture]] along with the normal kind.

In battle, Dark Eldar center around hit-and-run tactics, dealing huge damage and moving fast; few of their units can really take much abuse, making them even more fragile than their counterparts. Their standard infantry armor is identical to that of a Guardian (not terribly good), their vehicles are predominantly lightly-armored transport and attack craft that can be brought down by anti-infantry gunfire, and the armor on a typical Wych or Grotesque is no tougher than the ramshackle metal plating favored by Orks, but without the whole "I believe this armor will protect me, which is why it does" and at absolute best will cover only nipples and vulva, meaning that it would take considerable skill (and a somewhat sadistic shooter) to bounce a round off of their 'armour'. Suffice to say, they are extremely fragile and metaphorically half-naked in battle (literally if female), and getting the most out of them takes skill and patience that is rarely-seen on [[/tg/]]; whilst most fa/tg/uys will openly mock your average Eldar player, they will give pause and show some respect to a Dark Eldar player worth their salt.

The Dark Eldar are known for the ''excessive'' amount of [[Faptau|fapping]] [[Heresy|material]] involved with them, and they are the subject of thousands of sexual fantasies by desperate masochistic teenagers and middle aged neckbeards incapable of handling [[Female Space Marines|real women]]. They did, after all, kind of rape/drug/kill/etc themselves into oblivion, which tends to lend itself towards certain excessive abuses. They are also known for having some of the most fucking awesome-looking models on the tabletop, even if the armor of half of what they field will suffer instant critical existence failure at the hands of your typical [[Space Marine]]. This is pretty standard for all Xenos though.

==Codex Update==
[[File:Dark_Eldar_Safe.jpg|thumb|right|1998-2010 - twelve years of codex blue balls]]
The Dark Eldar, historically, have always been the race for the professionals; they were insanely hard to use by any stretch, their units too lightly-armored, their models requiring some expertise to pick up without impaling yourself, and they were easily the ''least'' played faction in the 41st Millennium. Nearly 12 years passed before a codex update - and suddenly just recently (2010), [[Games Workshop|GW]] decided to throw the Dark Eldar players a much-needed bone.

Sweet [[Emperor|Jesus]], talk about buffs.

Very little changed fluff-wise, though a lot was fleshed out, but the Dark Eldar gained substantial staying power and can actually field a reasonably <s>tough</s> hard-hitting army now. Their new Power from Pain rule makes them tougher as they score kills, and the army now has a lot of potential for being much more forgiving of mistakes (previously it was a case of either steamrolling foes or getting curb-stomped). Lots of new options and extensive access to poisoned range weapons makes them extremely versatile - as well as the bane of Tyranid players everywhere.

NEW (7th ed) CODEX IS HERE! It's a mixed bag, but serious nerfs are there. On the downside: Vect, Sliscus, Malys, Decapitator and Baron are no longer playable, though most of them are still mentioned in the fluff. Flickerfields have disappeared from all vehicles except Venoms, and Wyches somehow got ''even'' worse by losing haywire grenades and their gladiator weapons just becoming variants on a re-rolling.

On the upside: Power From Pain is just something that happens to the whole army with the bonuses stacking each turn, rather than having to make mediocre units kill things in order to become useful. Mandrakes actually became half-decent (though still vastly inferior to Incubi & Trueborn), Grotesques no longer explode when left alone, Talos & Chronos engines come in squads, and Scourges became able to spam more toys.

<s> As of 8th Edition the Dark Eldar are currently an Index only army, they'll have to wait for their Codex,</s> and have been renamed the 'Drukhari' for copyright reasons. Congratulations! The [[Asdrubael Vect|sick]] [[Honsou|fucks]] are next in line for a codex. Its here! Like most armies in this edition they have their own equivalent of Chapter Tactics, Toughness on vehicles, and movement rates, all of these buff them considerably compared to the previous edition, add on top the posibility to gain etra CP for bringing multiple smaller detachments and the considerable buffs on wyches and Mandrakes, and you've got an army thats going to get more popular than ever before! They still play Glass Cannon, but are way more forgiving and benefit both agressive psycho and patient hunter playstyles.

==The Dark Eldar Themselves==
[[Image:1287692229240.jpg|thumb|right|A lot like this, really.]]
{{topquote|I came to bring the pain, hardcore from the brain/Let's go inside my astral plane.|Method Man, Archon of the Wu Tang Kabal}}

The story of the Dark Eldar's fall and their need to inflict pain and horror in order to live - as well as elaboration on their kabalistic practices - have gone a long way towards deepening their fluff considerably (as one noble fa/tg/uy surmised, less retarded Saturday morning cartoon villainy). While some have balked at the more vampiric flavor of the New DE Codex, several denizens of /tg/ have managed to extract comic gold from this. A common musing is that they are ambitious, sex-crazed, easily shot down, boat-and-plane-loving pseudo-aristocrats (all though many of the Dark Eldar really are aristocratic) haunted by a dark curse - ergo, they're not vampires, but, in fact, the Kennedys.

Putting it simply, the soul of a Dark Eldar is [[Grimdark|an open wound that can only be salved with suffering, a void that can only be filled with tortured bodies, a thirst that can only be quenched by spilled blood.]] The origin of this void within the Dark Eldar, and the source of the nigh-religious terror that drives them to commit these daily atrocities, is the knowledge that [[Matt Ward|<s>THEY WILL NEVER BE ULTRAMARINES</s>]] upon death, their soul is forfeit to the Chaos God Slaanesh - an eventuality they intend to stem off at all costs.

Fortunately for the Dark Eldar, provided that someone recovers enough of their remains, their dead body parts can be brought to the Dark Eldar Haemonculi (an ancient order of Dr. Mengeles, the people that educated [[Fabius Bile]] in the art of being a gigantic [[Creed|dick]]) and regenerate themselves in case of death, complete with personality and mental faculties intact. This also keeps their soul from being devoured by Slaanesh - but at a price - this regenerative process is fueled by pain just as surely as the Dark Eldar themselves. This is the reason Dark Eldar raids are so eager to get in and get out as fast as possible; [[grimdark|if the subject is dead for more than a day or so, they're beyond recovery]]. (Actually that's a lie the Haemonculi tell their clients so the clients won't risk the truth: any subject can be revived, but the longer it's been dead the more likely the reviving chamber will attract daemons and cause a disjunction/warp storm)

Their diet of anguish has blessed the Dark Eldar with some of the longest lifespans in the setting, only surpassed by godlike figures like the C'tan, Necrons, the [[Emperor|Emprah]], [[Phoenix Lords]] and the Chaos Gods. If they die, they can just respawn back at base once the Haemonculi have managed to torture and/or bosh enough pain out of their subjects to allow the occupants of their rejuvenation pods to regenerate. This system is dependant on the Haemonculi though, and as a result they are the single most crucial group within all of Commorragh.

The Dark Eldar have also overcome the traditional [[Gay|Elven birthrate problem]] by finding a fun workaround to the long gestation period of conventional Eldar - they can remove a fertilized ovum and place it in an amniotic tube to age them quickly enough to be useful. This is looked down on by Dark Eldar society however - they even have an elite unit, the Trueborn, that are basically a bunch of spoiled brats who feel entitled to all the good weapons just because they got pushed out of a proper twat. The fact that hedonism is the rule in Commorragh probably helps too.

The Dark Eldar have some of the most advanced tech in the 41st millennium, in cases even surpassing the powerful weapons of their cousins. Access to weapons that basically fling incandescent dark matter and miniature stars around goes a long way towards giving them serious "I'm going to fuck your shit up" power, and their access to arcane wargear and super-fast vehicles even more so. In fact the only race that comes even close to the technological level and destructive power of the Dark Eldar is the [[Necrons]], whose basic weapon rips the molecules off its target, flaying one layer off at a time (though it's still near-instant). Despite this most of the powerful technology cannot be used by the Dark Eldar anymore as it was Psychic in nature, and their psychic abilities have long atrophied away. What little remains tends to not be too impressive.

All that said, at least now their continued survival is not as implausible as the Reavers from Firefly maintaining a functional spacefleet - the Dark Eldar are smart, and even though they'll fight each other to death over a biscuit in Commorragh, during a raid into Real Space they set aside their differences to [[/tg/ gets shit done|GET SHIT DONE]]. The new codex also points out the Dark Eldar do follow a fairly strict set of rules while fighting each other and running shit; one of the reasons they enjoy raiding realspace is that it allows them to cut loose and just butcher innocents for a while.

It is also worth noting that the closest word Dark Eldar have to the concept of love is something along the lines of willingly submitting one's will to another.

==COMMORRAGH WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS==
[[Image:Dork_Elfdar_Winch.png|thumb|right|My bra is a face. Your argument is invalid.]]
The Dark Eldar live in the Dark City of Commorragh, basically an impossibly large extradimensional port city fueled by two stolen suns (and they made sure to steal suns from inhabited planetary systems, because fuck those guys). Think of a sprawling cross between 17th century Port Royal with Mos Eisley space port (a wretched hive of scum and villainy) with a drug/torture/rape-based economy (Detroit) and the warped architecture of ''Inception''. So watch out, Utica! Commorragh is a city on the... Grow!

[[Story:A cage, shattered|If you can survive the inhabitants of the Dark City]] there is only one problem. Being in the Webway, every now and then the Dark City will suffer something called a Dysjunction; the Webway/Warp equivalent of a natural disaster which is a more powerful combination of earthquake/firestorm/hurricane that can spread across large parts of the Webway and really wreck Commorragh. In addition, it damages the walls of the Webway, which can allow daemons to invade all across Commorragh. Fortunately, this is rare and only happens during huge bouts of Warp-related turmoil, hence why Dark Eldar are so serious about enforcing the ban of sorcery and psychic power usage inside Commorragh. These Dysjunctions, when they do occur, regularly destroy subrealms of Commorragh.

It's only been invaded thrice. First by Orks (that time with daemons, apart from Dysjunctions, they were summoned into Commorragh) and the second was when Vect, plotting a coup against the ruling Archons, arranged for a ship filled with a few hundred Space Marines (in a shocking change from the norm, the [[Salamanders]], for once; [[Matt Ward]] is rumored to have had the vapors from this, though the Salamanders are frequently depicted as having a huge grudge against the Dark Eldar due to Vulkan's origin story) to be towed to the Dark City. Of course, ''most'' of Commorragh's armed forces fought the Space Marines, who managed to escape with ease. The City was also invaded by the [[Death Guard]] at a point.

[[Lucius]], whilst not invading it, did manage to destroy an entire subrealm of Commorragh and kill so many Dark Eldar it was noted as the largest single loss of Eldar life since [[Eye of Terror|the Fall]], and cowed all of Commorragh into a defensive mode, with Vect and the other leaders powerless to do anything to stop Lucius and his single ship.

Apart from invasions, however, Space Marines have made a frequent habit of entering and exiting it, the Salamanders, [[Space Wolves]] and [[Deathwatch]] all having successfully entered the city and exited alive, along with the [[Emperor's Children]], Deathmongers and Death Guard. In fact there are precious few times Space Marines don't enter and exit Commorragh at their own leisure, and Dark Eldar seem particularly bad at containing them.

==The name==
Ironically, the term "Dark Eldar" almost never appears in universe - no one really calls them by that name. Dark Eldar call themselves just Eldar, since they think they are the only true Eldar, inheritors of the old Eldar Empire, while all other are defectors from the true Eldar path (of rape, drugs and rock-n-roll); most will admit they have a point, but whether they're outright correct is a debate for another time. Craftworlders call them the Dark Kin, Exodites - the Children of [[Khaine]], and Corsairs and Harlequins simply call them Commorites. As for other races, most of them don't know and/or care about the differences between Eldar subraces/cultures, at best distinguishing Commorites (and sometimes Corsairs too) by their MO as as pirates or raiders of Eldar, or by their appearance as Spikey Panzees. About the only people who actually use the term "Dark Eldar" in-universe are some of the Ordo Xenos Inquisitors and their acolytes, and even they also often call them Chaos or Tainted Eldar, mistakenly thinking DEldar are Chaos-worshipers.

The modern name "Drukhari"™ doesn't make much more sense from a DE perspective. If we assume the Eldar lexicon to be based on IRL Celtic languages (some Eldar sentences are ''litteraly'' Irish/Scottish), then "Drukhari"™ would be related to ''drouk'' (Breton) or ''droch'' (Old Irish), from Gaullish ''drucos'' meaning "evil, bad". Something quite weird given how DE are beyond moral considerations, so it's probably a term coined by other Eldar subcultures. (Droch, Drouk, Drucos / Drukos also can mean 'Wheel', 'Circlet', 'Bridge', 'Wet', 'Drown' and 'To Deceive'. It is entirely possible while it's coined by other subcultures, it could be the inhabitants of Commorragh see themselves as 'Eldar of the Dark City', or other Eldar may name them 'The Eldar that Deceive', both of which may feasibly be 'Drukhari'™) Really, though, its just an alteration of the name for Warhammer Fantasy's Dark Elves, Druchii.

The term 'Eladrith Ynneas' (Ee-lad-rith Yin-nee-ah-ss) was coined in 5the ed by Vect shortly after his meteoric rise to power, and is widely considered to sound much cooler than American comedian Drew-Carey.

==Tactics==
The Dark Eldar put a lot of emphasis on lightning fast piratical raids, their vehicles are lightly armoured, but are the fastest available, allowing them to get in and out as quick as possible. They have a lot of units who prefer getting up close and personal, such as Wyches and Incubus, who put emphasis on causing as much pain as possible whilst still getting home in time for tea. This doesn't mean to say they don't have good ranged weaponry, their splinter rifles fire crystalized poison and their blast weapons fire dark matter, completely annihilating anything in its path. In short, all their weapons are designed to fuck up everything they touch in the most extravagant and painful way possible. Fear, infiltration and sabotage are their main weapons, and usually their enemies don't know they are fighting the Dark Eldar until its far too late.

The Dark Eldar themselves despise a fair fight, they will use anything at their disposal and no tactic is too underhanded and no ploy too despicable. They have no code of honor (save for the incubus) and will do anything as long as they come out on top, which to them is coming away with as many slaves and stolen raw materials as possible. And when they do get home with their booty, they will open their finest wines, sit on thrones made of dead slaves, kick up their heels on living slaves being used as footrests (or just rape them) and twirl their metaphorical handlebar mustaches. Cue evil laugh.

==Special Characters==
<s>At least the Dark Eldar actually have playable special characters now:</s> HAHA - not anymore! As of the 7th ed codex, the Deldar lost a good half of their special characters.

===RIP===
*[[Asdrubael Vect| Asdrubael Vect]], the Pimp Master General of Commorragh who's now a manipulator on par with Eldrad (hardly high praise) and, impossibly, an even bigger dick. A tragic loss he is much missed; his rules helped your army like crazy and made him the deadliest [[Primarch|non-HH]] [[Swarmlord|infantry-sized]] model in 40k, impossible to re-create without lucky rolls on dice and homebrews. Why Games Workshop saw fit to remove Vect from the latest Codex is a mystery as he had a model (based on the out-of-production plastic raider kit) but given the latest trend of shifting some characters off into the Lord of War section, Vect on the Dais of Destruction would've been a nice fit, especially considering that Santa Claws based monstrosity we were given in the Space Wolves codex.
*[[Lady Malys]], an anime villainess and Vect's pissed-off ex. She won [[Daemon|someone's heart]] in a contest and shoved it in her chest. She was ''okay'' as a character so her passing isn't that big a deal. She was also dropped from the rules but still also features heavily all the way through the new codex as the up and coming rival to Vect, her loss was more inexplicable since she could have easily filled the gap of special character Archon, since Succubus & Haemonculi both have theirs; but she was likely cut because she doesn't have a model and GW couldn't be bothered to give her one.
*<s>Kruellagh the Vile, a name too silly even for [[Rogue Trader]]. Also her model made her look like a cheesy DC supervillain.</s> NO LONGER EXISTS. ALL HAIL [[Phil Kelly|LORD KELLY!]]
*Lord Hellion [[Baron Sathonyx]], who many on /tg/ believe to be Spider-Man's archnemesis. Was kinda cool for his FOC-shifting abilities with respects to Hellions.
*[[Kheradruakh]] the Decapitator, who, uh, cuts peoples heads off and collects them like beanie babies. Implied to be collecting them like coconuts to do some serious warp-related shit. Was also never used because [[Counts as|Mandrakes suck]]. He recently played a major role in the Gathering Storm, saving all of Commorragh from a massive Dysjunction.
*[[Duke Sliscus]], the Pirate Duke who drinks poisons, has all the best drugs, and brings all the bitches to the yard with his gigantic [[Eldrad|cock]]. Almost as insufferable as [[Assholetep]]. Much missed because his contraband rule stopped you from rolling terrible combat drugs, and now this is gone. The rest of his rules weren't particularly special though, so you can still have him using the Archon rules.

===Survivors===
*[[Urien Rakarth]], a hyper-evolved Pavi Largo. Quite possibly the sickest fuck in the galaxy (at the very least a strong contender), and that is really an achievement of unimaginable proportions.
*[[Drazhar]], the Master of Blades, who does not speak and slashes other Incubi to bits from time to time just to throw his weight around. <strike>Despite him having a different name than the old Phoenix Lord of the Striking Scorpions</strike> (Drazhar is just a nickname meaning "living sword", nobody knows his real name as he just appeared one day out of nowhere, never removes his armor, and probably kills anyone who tries to touch the goods), many people believe Drazhar is Arhra. An additional piece of <strike>bait</strike> evidence is that his warsuit is much more ancient than any other one available to the incubi cults and pretty much out of their understanding, leading some to think it's -the- original warsuit. Considering Ahra disappeared after getting buttfucked by his successor and disappeared some time before Drazhar showed up, and you can pretty much piece the evidence of the <strike>mystery</strike> thinly veiled "but what if it's not trueeeeeeeee" tactic together.
*[[Lelith Hesperax]], an oversexed gladiatrix/snuff-film porn starlet (srsly, so much implied masturbation in her profile, it's not even funny).

== Dating a Dark Eldar ==
{| border=2 cellspacing=2 cellpadding=2
|-
! Likes !! Dislikes
|- valign=top
|
* "Playthings"
* Latex
* Leather
* Whips
* Hardcore, ballbusting Sex
* Drugs
* [[Ork#Rokkas|Rock'n'Roll]]
* S/M
* Holes
* [[Truly_Immovable_Rod|Rods]]
* [[/d/|Other odd fetishes]]
|
* Sunshine
* Puppies
* Flowers
* John Denver
* Sobriety
* "Vanilla" sex
* Erectile Dysfunction
* Prudishness
* R&B music
* Weak constitutions
|}

==See Also==
*[[Warhammer_40,000/Tactics/Dark_Eldar(8E)|Tactics/Dark Eldar]]
*[[The Enshrouded]]
*[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Johnny_the_Homicidal_Maniac_characters#Johnny_.22Nny.22_C. The blood spilling ones are a lot like this little, pleasant, gory cartoon, motivation included.]

{{Dark Eldar-Characters}}
{{Dark Eldar-Forces}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Dark eldar.jpg|
Image:Commorragh Runner.jpg
Image:40kshock.jpg
Image:Commorragh.jpg|What is up?
File:Blackholeinabox.jpg#file.png|Oh, that wacky Vect.
File:Duke_uses_poison.jpg#file.png|Kill like a DEldar, DEldar.
Image:Dark_Eldar_Combat_Drugs_-_Not_Even_Once_2.png| Combat drugs: Not even once.
Image:Advice_Darkeldar.jpg.jpg|No, no, you got it right the first time.
Image:Wrack by moonskinned-d5tx8oj.jpg|He's only a gimp but he's not that funny.
Image:LynnminwenCD.jpg|Buying this CD is [[Heresy]]! <s>Download it from torrent. </s> {{BLAM|HERESY!}}{{BLAM}}
File:1381591104255.jpg|Lelith Hesperax, right after killing someone and cleaning off the blood.
Image:Dark_Eldar.png|...but at least you can't call them quitters! Keep fucking that chicken!
Image:Idealized.jpg|Fucking [[My Little Pony|Pony]] nonsense... Fucking with... Sense of... What were we talking about?
File:Warhammer 40k sisters of battle adeptas sororitas battling Dark Eldar.jpg|If an army of evil space-dominatrices squared off against an army of semi-heroic space nuns, who would win? <small>We don't care its HAWT.</small>
File:Wych_Battle.jpg|Some armies clad their dedicated combat units in armor that covers more than areolas and genitals. Some armies are for ''pussies''.
Image:Talos pain engine by moonskinned-d5tx8v6.jpg| "Well, look. I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up lookin' like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."
Image:Inception.jpg|Your daily commute in Commorragh, except everyone's an [[Dwarf Fortress|elf-rapist]], the pistols shoot poison that can kill robots, and the chicks are soul-sucking crack whore gladiators.
Image:Bell_cel_warhammer_sketch_by_elvishprincess25-db0et80.jpg| As I understand it, this is an interesting idea for a crossover...
</gallery></center>

{{WH40k-Factions}}
{{Template:Important Species in 40k}}
[[Category:Xenos]]

Chaos Casino

2018-05-18T16:51:48Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5:

{{template:awesome}}
"Step this way gentlemen, step right in to the greatest gambling establishment in the multiverse. I do apologise that we are so difficult to get to but the depths of the chaos wastes provide us with all the security we could need and after all, if you made the effort to survive all the fellow patrons then clearly you are worthy of stepping through our doors."

"Let me take sword, gun and coat sir. No no! No need to be so defensive. While on the casino property you are perfectly safe from attack. Our contracted demon prince security consultants see that no harm comes to our patrons. You are of course bound by the same obligations not to assault any other clients though while on the grounds. Yes, our lovely cloak room [[daemonette]] Lisette De’Tease will look after your items. There is your ticket for collecting when you leave."

"Let me show you to the main hall and give you a quick tour of our facilities. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Hmm? Why yes it is true sir, anything in the universe can be won right here. We pride ourselves on providing anything and everything you could wish for. Immortality? Win it in our gladiator pits. Wealth to buy everything? Gamble on our divine blackjack tables with the brightest sparks amongst the immortals. Wanting to find that one true soul mate just for you? Take part in cosmic bingo or hunt down damned souls in our forest of woe and win casino credit to score big."

"I trust though you have sufficient funds to be able to play here at the Casino? No no sir. Mortal coin won’t do at all. What else do you have?"

"Hmmm, it appears just your own soul then. Pity, that won’t be much currency here but don’t be disheartened. Try to build up some starting credit in our spiritual slot machines. It is the least risky of our games for our new clients. You seem panicked sir. Truly you knew this wasn’t somewhere you could come without any risk to yourself? That is unfortunate but the truth. Truly we are an all or nothing stakes venue, the best and most thrilling of all…"

==Venue and Games==

The Chaos Casino covers every form of entertainment imaginable, inspired and created as it is from all the forms of entertainment and showbiz across existence. From slot machines that use parts of the spirit as coin to living games of chess using petrified losers of the Casino’s games to gladiatorial pit-fights it caters for all amusements possible.

Hidden within the depths of the Chaos Wastes, the Casino can only be reached by one insane enough to battle legions of daemons that roam the Wastes constantly. The reason for it's presence in the Wastes is because the Casino is not part of and bound to the will of one of the major Gods; it is a seperate entity itself, one made from the collective mental image of a place of entertainment and gambling formed from the minds of the mortal races.

The size of the casino has never been truly figured out; the few that have tried to make a rough guess through exploring have been driven insane by the sheer variety and randomness on display. Because of its limitless size and its constantly expanding nature, it is said you could never grow bored of the Casino even if you had an eternity to spend there.

In addition to classic methods of gambling, here a few of the most popular entertainments on offer:

* Big Brother: A game where a group of ‘volunteer’ contestants are put into a house-like structure and forced to live and work together to survive. The reason for it’s popularity is the interactions of the house mates, even chosen as a theme (Slaaneshi harem, Collection of Pskyers) or chosen at random, the latter which can cause some hilarious and unforeseen results. A [[Space Marine]], a [[Genestealer]], a Klingon, a Dalek, a Sith, a Borg, and something called a [[Miley Cyrus]] were put into the house one night and the resulting chaos bought in the highest viewing figures in the game’s history.

* Role-play simulation: Hosted in a different dimension modelled on a classic fantasy world, it allows clients to assume a completely new life and identity, complete skills selected prior to their soul being downloaded into the new body. Oddly enough this is the one game the four gods of chaos can agree to play together without arguing and every once in a while they take a break from conquering and evildoing to spend an afternoon questing together. Their party consists of [[Khorne]] (Barbarian warlord); [[Slaanesh]] (Elf Princess); [[Tzeentch]] (griffin-man Archmage); and [[Nurgle]] (Gnome Necromancer). Hearing their excited gamer talk as they enjoy themselves has a strange perplexing charm to it.

* Slaanesh orgasmatron: Not so much a game as an entertainment, the Slaanesh officially sponsored orgasmatron promises to “…Stimulate you to the maximum limits of pleasure”. Of course, this being a Slaanesh-made device, it is not as you would think pleasure as and anyone foolish enough not to think beforehand has very much regretted the choice after their gasping becomes screaming.

* Guard Hunting: Think of fox hunting except replace the fox with an [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guardsman]] and the hounds with [[fleshound|fleshhounds]].

* Hell factor: Mortals compete to win the prize of daemonhood from a panel of expert immortals. Failures are turned into chaos spawn while the winner does become a daemon, one of many to their patron god...

==Pact of non-aggression==

In order to maintain the fun times and thrills of the Casino, the owners hold a pact of non-aggression with the four major Gods of Chaos. In reality this would not be nearly enough to deter some of the Gods from still trying to undermine and control the Casino but the owners are crafty and have taken an additional step to secure their independence; [[Khorne]] has been hired to act as the muscle deterrent to the Casino. In return he charges a protection racket fee of souls and blood. His legions then patrol the boundaries of the casino, constantly warring with anyone trying to attack the Casino. Of course being Khorne he would have happily done this for the fighting alone but the blood and souls given to him are a juicy extra.

==Paradox Poker Tournament==

Once in an age, the Chaos Casino hosts the [[Paradox poker]] Tournament, one of the biggest events in its calendar. Hosting the best players of fate and destiny across existence, the tournament attracts crowds that swarm the venue, packing the halls and corridors with beings just trying to get a glimpse of the star players.

The prize is a single wish with no negative consequences granted by the Gods of Chaos; as one can imagine this is a prize worth any risk and many sensible beings take the chance to make their dream a reality. To succeed however you must defeat the grand masters of the tournament, the four top players Tzeentch, [[The Emperor]], [[Cegorach]], and [[the Deceiver]].

In all the history of the tournament only one person successfully beat the four one after the other; a single girl with a tiny black dog. When asked about the identity of this winner the tournament officials, the grand masters and the Gods of Chaos go strangely silent and no hint or clue to her identity is given. No one knows the reason for this but few rarely ask such questions, not if they want to keep themselves in one piece anyway…

==Casino trivia==

* The Casino never shuts, like, never. Totally 24/7!

* The four [[Gods of Chaos]] are lifelong premier members to the Casino.

* [[Eldrad]] was banned for dicking at the tables one too many times.

* Few mortals ever leave the Casino; if they keep playing, eventually they will lose at some game and their soul will be forfeit to the Owners; such is the fate of those that would damn themselves playing the games of gods after all. It is best to take the winnings and run.

* [[Cegorach]] is banned but he always manages to sneak back in thanks to a new disguise.

* [[Creed]] has played many games and lost some, but when the Soul Grinder comes to claim him its [[Anal Circumference|rear armor]] is penetrated by a Leman Russ Vanquisher at the other table.

* [[Nurgle]] is banned from brewing plagues in his private suite, especially after the last outbreak.

* [[Khorne]] has to be constantly drunk to prevent himself breaking the no violence rule of the Casino; it is the only way to keep him too disoriented from managing to lash out at anyone.

* [[The Masque]] holds a weekly dance class for anyone interested; you succeed the class if you manage to escape alive.

* [[Malal]] is banned for always cheating when it comes to playing.

* Cheaters caught forfeit their souls to the Casino and have to spend an eternity working off their debt as an employee at the Casino. Considering the games and clients this is as nasty as it sounds.

<br />
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Eye of Terror

2018-05-18T16:51:02Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* What it's like in there */

[[Image:Warhammer40k_galaxy_map.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The Eye of Terror is the swirling purple vortex of doom...?]]

The '''Eye of Terror''' is the light years-wide black hole of chaotic psychic energy that is also the largest dimensional vortex between the [[Warp]] to the [[Materium]] and the birthplace of [[Slaanesh]], created from the entire Eldar race's collective unconscious when they participated in a mass psychic resonance of galactic proportions. (In layman's terms: [[Anal Circumference|they fuck-orgied each other so much all their orgasms merged into a living God Of Rape that ripped open a massive asshole into the very fabric of spacetime itself.]] The Eldar race had become decadent, hedonistic, and indulgant in every possible sin and sexual vice imaginable. Yes it is as <s>hot</s> hot as it sounds.)

The creation of this galactic laceration killed off the mass majority of the species in its boundaries, with any planets that remain being utterly [[Rape|fucked beyond comprehension]] after the Birth of Slaanesh. As a result the rest of the Eldar are living on Craftworlds or faraway planets, save for the [[Dark Eldar|BDSM addicts]] who are living inside the [[Webway]]. Currently, the Eye of Terror is home to the [[Chaos Space Marines|legions of traitor astartes]], most of the surviving [[Primarchs]], the greatest concentration of [[heresy]] in the materium and some unlucky Eldar who still live despite the fall (but more often than not in eternal rape). According to the [[Warhammer Fantasy]] 8th Edition Daemons of Chaos army book, the Eye of Terror connects to the same Warp as Fantasy.

It seems in certain fluff, the Eye of Terror was named Cygnus x-1.

==[[What it's like]] in there==
Inside the Eye of Terror, nearly all is subject to the nutty whims of the Chaos Gods and their daemons. What this means is ANYTHING is possible inside this weird vortex. (And not possible, hey it's chaos after all!) So you have worlds in constant fluxes of change; worlds of decay where everything is kept horribly alive somehow; worlds of crystal lit from within by [[witchfire|witchfires]]; and worlds made entirely from the bodies of slaves all merged and molded together... and again, somehow kept alive! It is literally a living physical hell, and any normal person going in without [[Call of Cthulhu|sanity checks]] will have their brains imploded. There are no maps or regions in this place - just the constant shifting battle-lines as the gods, daemons and their mortal followers battle to claim the worlds for their own.

As mentioned above, a lot of the worlds in the Eye of Terror were the old Eldar homeworlds, now referred to as the Crone worlds. There are lots of goodies still stashed away on these worlds and up for grabs, if you don't mind risking your eternal soul. Despite this, the Eldar (and other individuals cough [[inquisitor|inquistors]] cough) make the risky journey into the eye to acquire some loot, but most end up being corrupted or [[Chaos Spawn|usually much worse]] .

Despite it being an endless tempest of raw Eldritch power in the very fabric of physical creation, home to some of the most powerful and brutal warriors in the [[41st millennium|setting]], it still does not deter or even frighten the [[Ollanius Pius|Balls-of-Steel]] [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guardsmen]]. This is because of the [[Cadian Gate]].

The scariest part? The closer you get to the centre of the Eye (referred to as the [[Byysos]]) things get weird, even by Chaotic standards. Demons and Traitor Marines will avoid getting close to it as things going near it don't tend to come back.

==The Cadian Gate?==
Yes, the Cadian Gate.

Y'know how in those war movies, there's that one part where the soldiers are all hanging out partying before the shit hits the fan and they're pressed into service? That's kinda what the Cadian Gate is like to the Eye of Terror. Named after the [[Cadia|planet]] nearest to it, the Cadian Gate is the most stable region around the Eye of Terror owing to the fact that [[Necron|large, strange artifacts of ancient alien design]] are found all over Cadia and its neighbouring planets. Because of its location in the Eye and because it's the only place not constantly fucked with Warp storms, Cadia (and indeed the entire Cadian Gate) is an enormous flash wherein the Chaos Legions raid the Imperium from their Daemon worlds - [[Creed|only to be completely and utterly WTFPWN3D in an ambush by 100 Baneblades and 75 Imperator Titans hiding behind a lamppost]], the biggest of which happened during the Black Crusades.

===The Black Crusades===
There have been 13 of them in total led by a [[Abaddon|certain armless failure]]. Despite his title and the jeering of /tg/ or the retconning of GW, the last Black Crusade managed to really fuck things up - not just for the Imperium, but for EVERY SINGLE FACTION INVOLVED! Chaos Legions splintered and broke off, Guard regiments and Space Marine chapters turned renegade, Warp storms swept the area, Orks are WAAAAGH-ing all over the place (most often against themselves), Tyranids are <s>going on feeding frenzies</s> reeling from the Chaos fallout and [[Hive Fleet Kraken|other crazy shit]]. Serious! Check the numbers from the Eye of Terror campaign and the Disorder forces actually won it. Cadia itself got massively fucked up.

The Disorder forces, however, got creamed in the specialist games, resulting in the Imperial Navy (and the fucking OP Necrons and Eldar) shoving it's metal cock up Abaddon's ass.

==Known worlds in the Eye of Terror==

* Belial IV: An Eldar crone world, it was one of the capital worlds of the old Eldar empire. Now it is a ghostly shell but rumoured to still house countless Eldar treasures....which of course is the perfect line to have a constant string of the elf-y bastards trying to loot the place without getting their [[Anal Circumference|assholes ripped apart in 11 dimensions by Slaanesh]].

* Medrengard: The Iron Warriors homeworld in the Eye of Terror. It is basically one big city in constant industrial motion. It is here Perturabo sulks eternally, annoyed his playmate Rogal was silly enough to get himself killed.

* Bubonicus: A daemon world owned by a daemon prince of the same name in service to Nurgle. Visions of this place give psykers across the Imperium terrible <strike>taco-shits</strike> nightmares that probably have some sort of plague mixed in as a bonus.

* Sortiarius, the Planet of the Sorcerers: The world given by Tzeentch to Magnus the Red and the Thousand Sons as their new homeworld after the end of the Horus Heresy. It is a world wrecked by warp storms and with towers thrusting out of the crust of the planet. Magnus mostly stays on the planet in his tower with a big eye on it, which is totally not ripping off Sauron, and plans his legion's campaigns <s>against the Imperium</s> for getting more books to nerd out. UPDATE: No longer in the Eye, because Magnus pulled it into real space. [[Just As Planned | JUST AS PLANNED!]]

* Plague Planet: The generically named world of Mortarion.

* Oliensis: Devoted to Slaanesh, the entire planet is actually a [[neckbeard|colossal, morbidly obese man curled into a fetal position]]. The planet itself will eat you like a Dorito if you try to start shit there, as an [[Judged|unfortunate Space Marine chapter]] found out during a [[Abyssal Crusade|totally fun company-sponsored vacation trip]]. Home of the [[Noise Marines]].

* Xana: the first and the biggest of the [[Dark Mechanicus]] Hellforges, and the primary place where traitors go to get new ships, tanks, daemon engines, armor, [[Dakka | guns and bolts to shoot]] at loyalist scum and each other. Unlike most other Hellforges that were normal daemon-worlds until DarkMechs colonized them Xana used to be a Forgeworld before the Heresy, and get teleported into the Eye after the Heresy failed in pretty much reverse of the ritual that Magnus used later to teleport Sortarius out.

==Important Personages in the Eye of Terror==

* Chaos Gods - You can't get higher then the arch-dukes of evil themselves. They each claim the worlds of the Eye as their own and spend every second warring to gain control of them, like supervillains trying to outdo each other in world-conquering plots. Khorne's plots focus on [[Exterminatus|slaughtering everyone off each planet]]. Slaanesh tries to recreate his super dick move orgasm attack to take over worlds by [[Anal Circumference|overloading the inhabitants' very own metaphysical assholes into impossible geometries that would make Euclid's brain asplode]]. Tzeentch tries to use his [[Just As Planned|clever plots]] and [[Tomb of Horrors|elaborate deathtraps]] to take over, even if [[Abaddon|Failbaddon the Armless]] is the most frequent victim of such elaborate superdickery. Nurgle just prefers to wait patiently for everything to wear out and rot everything away - good for him, not for anyone else.

* Daemon Primarchs - Each a major or at least legendary player in the Eye, some of the traitor Primarchs have their own worlds while others head the efforts of the different Chaos Gods to claim more for themselves. Because each traitor Primarch is nuttier then a fruitcake by now, they each have different, diverse reasons for warring in the Eye for control.

* Angron - He just wants to kill and rage, as the nails in his daemon-brain make him ever crazier with each passing aeon and his only relief from the rage is MOAR RAGE. Giving worlds to Khorne is just a bonus.

* Fulgrim - No one knows where the fuck he OR his ultimate pleasure world/palace is, but it gives relentless [[Promotions|incentive]] for other traitors to find it. Abaddon met with him on a different planet, so he does get out sometimes, but it's probably pretty rare. After all, with a planet that's supposedly the ultimate pleasure planet, why would anyone want to leave it? Confirmed to have responding to Roboute getting back up by ''pouting''. Fucking '''weak''' man.

* Magnus the Red - He rarely leaves his private tower, but he theoretically constantly aids in Tzeentch's vast plans to conquer everything and sometimes comes out to beat up [[Space Wolves]]. /tg/ likes to joke that he spends most of the time screaming [[Just As Planned]] every time he manages to accomplish common household tasks like dusting the blinds or pouring hellmilk over his daemon-cereal, just to massage his fragile ego after the monumental fuckups his plans seem to keep running into.

* Mortarion - Has his own sweet planet, which he made into a home from home. Like most of the others, he rarely leaves his private quarters, in case his presence makes the plot edge forward. Oh, and the last time he left his planet, a [[Kaldor Draigo|certain someone]] graffiti'd his heart. Change, after all, is anathema to a Nurgalite. Plus, well... would ''you'' invite someone whose B.O. could devastate an entire world without him lifting a finger to your [[Black Crusade|little party]]? [[Typhus]] canonically despises Mortarion for just sitting in his planet and never doing anything.

* Konrad, Horus and Alpharius (maybe) - Too dead to bother with looting and conquering. Jury's still out on Omegon.

* Lorgar - He is meditating. Which he has done for thousands of years. Because Chaos likes to fuck around and give its enemies too many chances. Easily the laziest primarch, and the one with the least excuses for it.

* Perturabo - Mostly stays sulking on his private planet because his sore mood prevents him from getting down to the hard and heavy of fighting. Occasionally he gets off his couch to devastate a Forge World or two.

* Abaddon the Despoiler - Jokes about his incompetence aside, Abaddon didn't get to be the Warmaster of the Black Legion for nothing. If your force runs into his in the Eye, it's probably in your best interest to either submit to the Legion and be subsumed, or run for the hills and pray to your evil gods he's got [[Cadia|something better to do]].

* Fabius Bile - A key player in the Eye, as he produces clone warriors for the traitor legions to boost their ranks and seeks ways to further improve on their genes. Such biological evil pleases Slaanesh immensely.

==Gathering Storm==
During the events of the Gathering Storm, the Eye of Terror changed dramatically. The launch of the 13th Black Crusade coincided with [[Belisarius Cawl]] realizing what the [[Cadian Pylons]] actually did, rushing to Cadia to help. [[Trazyn the Infinite]] then rocked up, and helped Cawl try and close it, because he was bored and wanted to participate in some galactic historical event. The effords of both of these characters actually managed to succeed, and the Eye started to close, but Failbaddon decided to crash a [[Blackstone Fortress]] into Cadia, which destroyed the pylons and allowed the Eye to expand to the point that it enveloped Cadia and connected to the [[Maelstrom]].

The destruction of Cadia and the Pylons created a chain reaction that gave origin to the [[Great Rift]], a massive warpstorm/anomaly that cut the galaxy in half.

==See Also==
*[[Chaos]]
*[[Chaos Space Marines]]
*[[Pit of Raukos]]

[[Category:Chaos]] [[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Eye of Terror

2018-05-18T16:48:58Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5:

[[Image:Warhammer40k_galaxy_map.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The Eye of Terror is the swirling purple vortex of doom...?]]

The '''Eye of Terror''' is the light years-wide black hole of chaotic psychic energy that is also the largest dimensional vortex between the [[Warp]] to the [[Materium]] and the birthplace of [[Slaanesh]], created from the entire Eldar race's collective unconscious when they participated in a mass psychic resonance of galactic proportions. (In layman's terms: [[Anal Circumference|they fuck-orgied each other so much all their orgasms merged into a living God Of Rape that ripped open a massive asshole into the very fabric of spacetime itself.]] The Eldar race had become decadent, hedonistic, and indulgant in every possible sin and sexual vice imaginable. Yes it is as <s>hot</s> hot as it sounds.)

The creation of this galactic laceration killed off the mass majority of the species in its boundaries, with any planets that remain being utterly [[Rape|fucked beyond comprehension]] after the Birth of Slaanesh. As a result the rest of the Eldar are living on Craftworlds or faraway planets, save for the [[Dark Eldar|BDSM addicts]] who are living inside the [[Webway]]. Currently, the Eye of Terror is home to the [[Chaos Space Marines|legions of traitor astartes]], most of the surviving [[Primarchs]], the greatest concentration of [[heresy]] in the materium and some unlucky Eldar who still live despite the fall (but more often than not in eternal rape). According to the [[Warhammer Fantasy]] 8th Edition Daemons of Chaos army book, the Eye of Terror connects to the same Warp as Fantasy.

It seems in certain fluff, the Eye of Terror was named Cygnus x-1.

==[[What it's like]] in there==
Inside the Eye of Terror, nearly all is subject to the nutty whims of the Chaos Gods and their daemons. What this means is ANYTHING is possible inside this weird vortex. (And not possible, hey it's chaos after all!) So you have worlds in constant fluxes of change; worlds of decay where everything is kept horribly alive somehow; worlds of crystal lit from within by witchfires; and worlds made entirely from the bodies of slaves all merged and molded together... and again, somehow kept alive! It is literally a living physical hell, and any normal person going in without [[Call of Cthulhu|sanity checks]] will have their brains imploded. There are no maps or regions in this place - just the constant shifting battle-lines as the gods, daemons and their mortal followers battle to claim the worlds for their own.

As mentioned above, a lot of the worlds in the Eye of Terror were the old Eldar homeworlds, now referred to as the Crone worlds. There are lots of goodies still stashed away on these worlds and up for grabs, if you don't mind risking your eternal soul. Despite this, the Eldar (and other individuals cough [[inquisitor]]s cough) make the risky journey into the eye to acquire some loot, but most end up being corrupted or [[Chaos Spawn|usually much worse.]]

Despite it being an endless tempest of raw eldritch power in the very fabric of physical creation, home to some of the most powerful and brutal warriors in the [[41st millennium|setting]], it still does not deter or even frighten the [[Ollanius Pius|Balls-of-Steel]] [[Imperial Guard|Imperial Guardsmen]]. This is because of the Cadian Gate.

The scariest part? The closer you get to the centre of the Eye (referred to as the Byysos) things get weird, even by Chaotic standards. Demons and Traitor marines will avoid getting close to it as things going near it don't tend to come back.

==The Cadian Gate?==
Yes, the Cadian Gate.

Y'know how in those war movies, there's that one part where the soldiers are all hanging out partying before the shit hits the fan and they're pressed into service? That's kinda what the Cadian Gate is like to the Eye of Terror. Named after the [[Cadia|planet]] nearest to it, the Cadian Gate is the most stable region around the Eye of Terror owing to the fact that [[Necron|large, strange artifacts of ancient alien design]] are found all over Cadia and its neighbouring planets. Because of its location in the Eye and because it's the only place not constantly fucked with Warp storms, Cadia (and indeed the entire Cadian Gate) is an enormous flash wherein the Chaos Legions raid the Imperium from their Daemon worlds - [[Creed|only to be completely and utterly WTFPWN3D in an ambush by 100 Baneblades and 75 Imperator Titans hiding behind a lamppost]], the biggest of which happened during the Black Crusades.

===The Black Crusades===
There have been 13 of them in total led by a [[Abaddon|certain armless failure]]. Despite his title and the jeering of /tg/ or the retconning of GW, the last Black Crusade managed to really fuck things up - not just for the Imperium, but for EVERY SINGLE FACTION INVOLVED! Chaos Legions splintered and broke off, Guard regiments and Space Marine chapters turned renegade, Warp storms swept the area, Orks are WAAAAGH-ing all over the place (most often against themselves), Tyranids are <s>going on feeding frenzies</s> reeling from the Chaos fallout and [[Hive Fleet Kraken|other crazy shit]]. Serious! Check the numbers from the Eye of Terror campaign and the Disorder forces actually won it. Cadia itself got massively fucked up.

The Disorder forces, however, got creamed in the specialist games, resulting in the Imperial Navy (and the fucking OP Necrons and Eldar) shoving it's metal cock up Abaddon's ass.

==Known worlds in the Eye of Terror==

* Belial IV: An Eldar crone world, it was one of the capital worlds of the old Eldar empire. Now it is a ghostly shell but rumoured to still house countless Eldar treasures....which of course is the perfect line to have a constant string of the elf-y bastards trying to loot the place without getting their [[Anal Circumference|assholes ripped apart in 11 dimensions by Slaanesh]].

* Medrengard: The Iron Warriors homeworld in the Eye of Terror. It is basically one big city in constant industrial motion. It is here Perturabo sulks eternally, annoyed his playmate Rogal was silly enough to get himself killed.

* Bubonicus: A daemon world owned by a daemon prince of the same name in service to Nurgle. Visions of this place give psykers across the Imperium terrible <strike>taco-shits</strike> nightmares that probably have some sort of plague mixed in as a bonus.

* Sortiarius, the Planet of the Sorcerers: The world given by Tzeentch to Magnus the Red and the Thousand Sons as their new homeworld after the end of the Horus Heresy. It is a world wrecked by warp storms and with towers thrusting out of the crust of the planet. Magnus mostly stays on the planet in his tower with a big eye on it, which is totally not ripping off Sauron, and plans his legion's campaigns <s>against the Imperium</s> for getting more books to nerd out. UPDATE: No longer in the Eye, because Magnus pulled it into real space. [[Just As Planned | JUST AS PLANNED!]]

* Plague Planet: The generically named world of Mortarion.

* Oliensis: Devoted to Slaanesh, the entire planet is actually a [[neckbeard|colossal, morbidly obese man curled into a fetal position]]. The planet itself will eat you like a Dorito if you try to start shit there, as an [[Judged|unfortunate Space Marine chapter]] found out during a [[Abyssal Crusade|totally fun company-sponsored vacation trip]]. Home of the [[Noise Marines]].

* Xana: the first and the biggest of the [[Dark Mechanicus]] Hellforges, and the primary place where traitors go to get new ships, tanks, daemon engines, armor, [[Dakka | guns and bolts to shoot]] at loyalist scum and each other. Unlike most other Hellforges that were normal daemon-worlds until DarkMechs colonized them Xana used to be a Forgeworld before the Heresy, and get teleported into the Eye after the Heresy failed in pretty much reverse of the ritual that Magnus used later to teleport Sortarius out.

==Important Personages in the Eye of Terror==

* Chaos Gods - You can't get higher then the arch-dukes of evil themselves. They each claim the worlds of the Eye as their own and spend every second warring to gain control of them, like supervillains trying to outdo each other in world-conquering plots. Khorne's plots focus on [[Exterminatus|slaughtering everyone off each planet]]. Slaanesh tries to recreate his super dick move orgasm attack to take over worlds by [[Anal Circumference|overloading the inhabitants' very own metaphysical assholes into impossible geometries that would make Euclid's brain asplode]]. Tzeentch tries to use his [[Just As Planned|clever plots]] and [[Tomb of Horrors|elaborate deathtraps]] to take over, even if [[Abaddon|Failbaddon the Armless]] is the most frequent victim of such elaborate superdickery. Nurgle just prefers to wait patiently for everything to wear out and rot everything away - good for him, not for anyone else.

* Daemon Primarchs - Each a major or at least legendary player in the Eye, some of the traitor Primarchs have their own worlds while others head the efforts of the different Chaos Gods to claim more for themselves. Because each traitor Primarch is nuttier then a fruitcake by now, they each have different, diverse reasons for warring in the Eye for control.

* Angron - He just wants to kill and rage, as the nails in his daemon-brain make him ever crazier with each passing aeon and his only relief from the rage is MOAR RAGE. Giving worlds to Khorne is just a bonus.

* Fulgrim - No one knows where the fuck he OR his ultimate pleasure world/palace is, but it gives relentless [[Promotions|incentive]] for other traitors to find it. Abaddon met with him on a different planet, so he does get out sometimes, but it's probably pretty rare. After all, with a planet that's supposedly the ultimate pleasure planet, why would anyone want to leave it? Confirmed to have responding to Roboute getting back up by ''pouting''. Fucking '''weak''' man.

* Magnus the Red - He rarely leaves his private tower, but he theoretically constantly aids in Tzeentch's vast plans to conquer everything and sometimes comes out to beat up [[Space Wolves]]. /tg/ likes to joke that he spends most of the time screaming [[Just As Planned]] every time he manages to accomplish common household tasks like dusting the blinds or pouring hellmilk over his daemon-cereal, just to massage his fragile ego after the monumental fuckups his plans seem to keep running into.

* Mortarion - Has his own sweet planet, which he made into a home from home. Like most of the others, he rarely leaves his private quarters, in case his presence makes the plot edge forward. Oh, and the last time he left his planet, a [[Kaldor Draigo|certain someone]] graffiti'd his heart. Change, after all, is anathema to a Nurgalite. Plus, well... would ''you'' invite someone whose B.O. could devastate an entire world without him lifting a finger to your [[Black Crusade|little party]]? [[Typhus]] canonically despises Mortarion for just sitting in his planet and never doing anything.

* Konrad, Horus and Alpharius (maybe) - Too dead to bother with looting and conquering. Jury's still out on Omegon.

* Lorgar - He is meditating. Which he has done for thousands of years. Because Chaos likes to fuck around and give its enemies too many chances. Easily the laziest primarch, and the one with the least excuses for it.

* Perturabo - Mostly stays sulking on his private planet because his sore mood prevents him from getting down to the hard and heavy of fighting. Occasionally he gets off his couch to devastate a Forge World or two.

* Abaddon the Despoiler - Jokes about his incompetence aside, Abaddon didn't get to be the Warmaster of the Black Legion for nothing. If your force runs into his in the Eye, it's probably in your best interest to either submit to the Legion and be subsumed, or run for the hills and pray to your evil gods he's got [[Cadia|something better to do]].

* Fabius Bile - A key player in the Eye, as he produces clone warriors for the traitor legions to boost their ranks and seeks ways to further improve on their genes. Such biological evil pleases Slaanesh immensely.

==Gathering Storm==
During the events of the Gathering Storm, the Eye of Terror changed dramatically. The launch of the 13th Black Crusade coincided with [[Belisarius Cawl]] realizing what the [[Cadian Pylons]] actually did, rushing to Cadia to help. [[Trazyn the Infinite]] then rocked up, and helped Cawl try and close it, because he was bored and wanted to participate in some galactic historical event. The effords of both of these characters actually managed to succeed, and the Eye started to close, but Failbaddon decided to crash a [[Blackstone Fortress]] into Cadia, which destroyed the pylons and allowed the Eye to expand to the point that it enveloped Cadia and connected to the [[Maelstrom]].

The destruction of Cadia and the Pylons created a chain reaction that gave origin to the [[Great Rift]], a massive warpstorm/anomaly that cut the galaxy in half.

==See Also==
*[[Chaos]]
*[[Chaos Space Marines]]
*[[Pit of Raukos]]

[[Category:Chaos]] [[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Chaos Casino

2018-05-18T16:44:36Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* Casino trivia */

{{template:awesome}}
"Step this way gentlemen, step right in to the greatest gambling establishment in the multiverse. I do apologise that we are so difficult to get to but the depths of the chaos wastes provide us with all the security we could need and after all, if you made the effort to survive all the fellow patrons then clearly you are worthy of stepping through our doors."

"Let me take sword, gun and coat sir. No no! No need to be so defensive. While on the casino property you are perfectly safe from attack. Our contracted demon prince security consultants see that no harm comes to our patrons. You are of course bound by the same obligations not to assault any other clients though while on the grounds. Yes, our lovely cloak room [[daemonette]] Lisette De’Tease will look after your items. There is your ticket for collecting when you leave."

"Let me show you to the main hall and give you a quick tour of our facilities. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Hmm? Why yes it is true sir, anything in the universe can be won right here. We pride ourselves on providing anything and everything you could wish for. Immortality? Win it in our gladiator pits. Wealth to buy everything? Gamble on our divine blackjack tables with the brightest sparks amongst the immortals. Wanting to find that one true soul mate just for you? Take part in cosmic bingo or hunt down damned souls in our forest of woe and win casino credit to score big."

"I trust though you have sufficient funds to be able to play here at the Casino? No no sir. Mortal coin won’t do at all. What else do you have?"

"Hmmm, it appears just your own soul then. Pity, that won’t be much currency here but don’t be disheartened. Try to build up some starting credit in our spiritual slot machines. It is the least risky of our games for our new clients. You seem panicked sir. Truly you knew this wasn’t somewhere you could come without any risk to yourself? That is unfortunate but the truth. Truly we are an all or nothing stakes venue, the best and most thrilling of all…"

==Venue and Games==

The Chaos Casino covers every form of entertainment imaginable, inspired and created as it is from all the forms of entertainment and showbiz across existence. From slot machines that use parts of the spirit as coin to living games of chess using petrified losers of the Casino’s games to gladiatorial pit-fights it caters for all amusements possible.

Hidden within the depths of the Chaos Wastes, the Casino can only be reached by one insane enough to battle legions of daemons that roam the Wastes constantly. The reason for it's presence in the Wastes is because the Casino is not part of and bound to the will of one of the major Gods; it is a seperate entity itself, one made from the collective mental image of a place of entertainment and gambling formed from the minds of the mortal races.

The size of the casino has never been truly figured out; the few that have tried to make a rough guess through exploring have been driven insane by the sheer variety and randomness on display. Because of its limitless size and it’s constantly expanding nature, it is said you could never grow bored of the Casino even if you had an eternity to spend there.

In addition to classic methods of gambling, here a few of the most popular entertainments on offer:

* Big Brother: A game where a group of ‘volunteer’ contestants are put into a house-like structure and forced to live and work together to survive. The reason for it’s popularity is the interactions of the house mates, even chosen as a theme (Slaaneshi harem, Collection of Pskyers) or chosen at random, the latter which can cause some hilarious and unforeseen results. A [[Space Marine]], a [[Genestealer]], a Klingon, a Dalek, a Sith, a Borg, and something called a [[Miley Cyrus]] were put into the house one night and the resulting chaos bought in the highest viewing figures in the game’s history.

* Role-play simulation: Hosted in a different dimension modelled on a classic fantasy world, it allows clients to assume a completely new life and identity, complete skills selected prior to their soul being downloaded into the new body. Oddly enough this is the one game the four gods of chaos can agree to play together without arguing and every once in a while they take a break from conquering and evildoing to spend an afternoon questing together. Their party consists of [[Khorne]] (Barbarian warlord); [[Slaanesh]] (Elf Princess); [[Tzeentch]] (griffin-man Archmage); and [[Nurgle]] (Gnome Necromancer). Hearing their excited gamer talk as they enjoy themselves has a strange perplexing charm to it.

* Slaanesh orgasmatron: Not so much a game as an entertainment, the Slaanesh officially sponsored orgasmatron promises to “…Stimulate you to the maximum limits of pleasure”. Of course, this being a Slaanesh-made device, it is not as you would think pleasure as and anyone foolish enough not to think beforehand has very much regretted the choice after their gasping becomes screaming.

* Guard Hunting: Think of fox hunting except replace the fox with an imperial guardsman and the hounds with [[fleshound|fleshhounds]].

* Hell factor: Mortals compete to win the prize of daemonhood from a panel of expert immortals. Failures are turned into chaos spawn while the winner does become a daemon, one of many to their patron god...

==Pact of non-aggression==

In order to maintain the fun times and thrills of the Casino, the owners hold a pact of non-aggression with the four major Gods of Chaos. In reality this would not be nearly enough to deter some of the Gods from still trying to undermine and control the Casino but the owners are crafty and have taken an additional step to secure their independence; [[Khorne]] has been hired to act as the muscle deterrent to the Casino. In return he charges a protection racket fee of souls and blood. His legions then patrol the boundaries of the casino, constantly warring with anyone trying to attack the Casino. Of course being Khorne he would have happily done this for the fighting alone but the blood and souls given to him are a juicy extra.

==Paradox Poker Tournament==

Once in an age, the Chaos Casino hosts the [[Paradox poker]] Tournament, one of the biggest events in its calendar. Hosting the best players of fate and destiny across existence, the tournament attracts crowds that swarm the venue, packing the halls and corridors with beings just trying to get a glimpse of the star players.

The prize is a single wish with no negative consequences granted by the Gods of Chaos; as one can imagine this is a prize worth any risk and many sensible beings take the chance to make their dream a reality. To succeed however you must defeat the grand masters of the tournament, the four top players Tzeentch, [[The Emperor]], [[Cegorach]], and [[the Deceiver]].

In all the history of the tournament only one person successfully beat the four one after the other; a single girl with a tiny black dog. When asked about the identity of this winner the tournament officials, the grand masters and the Gods of Chaos go strangely silent and no hint or clue to her identity is given. No one knows the reason for this but few rarely ask such questions, not if they want to keep themselves in one piece anyway…

==Casino trivia==

* The Casino never shuts, like, never. Totally 24/7!

* The four [[Gods of Chaos]] are lifelong premier members to the Casino.

* [[Eldrad]] was banned for dicking at the tables one too many times.

* Few mortals ever leave the Casino; if they keep playing, eventually they will lose at some game and their soul will be forfeit to the Owners; such is the fate of those that would damn themselves playing the games of gods after all. It is best to take the winnings and run.

* [[Cegorach]] is banned but he always manages to sneak back in thanks to a new disguise.

* [[Creed]] has played many games and lost some, but when the Soul Grinder comes to claim him its [[Anal Circumference|rear armor]] is penetrated by a Leman Russ Vanquisher at the other table.

* [[Nurgle]] is banned from brewing plagues in his private suite, especially after the last outbreak.

* [[Khorne]] has to be constantly drunk to prevent himself breaking the no violence rule of the Casino; it is the only way to keep him too disoriented from managing to lash out at anyone.

* [[The Masque]] holds a weekly dance class for anyone interested; you succeed the class if you manage to escape alive.

* [[Malal]] is banned for always cheating when it comes to playing.

* Cheaters caught forfeit their souls to the Casino and have to spend an eternity working off their debt as an employee at the Casino. Considering the games and clients this is as nasty as it sounds.

<br />
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Chaos Casino

2018-05-18T16:40:48Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* Pact of non-aggression */

{{template:awesome}}
"Step this way gentlemen, step right in to the greatest gambling establishment in the multiverse. I do apologise that we are so difficult to get to but the depths of the chaos wastes provide us with all the security we could need and after all, if you made the effort to survive all the fellow patrons then clearly you are worthy of stepping through our doors."

"Let me take sword, gun and coat sir. No no! No need to be so defensive. While on the casino property you are perfectly safe from attack. Our contracted demon prince security consultants see that no harm comes to our patrons. You are of course bound by the same obligations not to assault any other clients though while on the grounds. Yes, our lovely cloak room [[daemonette]] Lisette De’Tease will look after your items. There is your ticket for collecting when you leave."

"Let me show you to the main hall and give you a quick tour of our facilities. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Hmm? Why yes it is true sir, anything in the universe can be won right here. We pride ourselves on providing anything and everything you could wish for. Immortality? Win it in our gladiator pits. Wealth to buy everything? Gamble on our divine blackjack tables with the brightest sparks amongst the immortals. Wanting to find that one true soul mate just for you? Take part in cosmic bingo or hunt down damned souls in our forest of woe and win casino credit to score big."

"I trust though you have sufficient funds to be able to play here at the Casino? No no sir. Mortal coin won’t do at all. What else do you have?"

"Hmmm, it appears just your own soul then. Pity, that won’t be much currency here but don’t be disheartened. Try to build up some starting credit in our spiritual slot machines. It is the least risky of our games for our new clients. You seem panicked sir. Truly you knew this wasn’t somewhere you could come without any risk to yourself? That is unfortunate but the truth. Truly we are an all or nothing stakes venue, the best and most thrilling of all…"

==Venue and Games==

The Chaos Casino covers every form of entertainment imaginable, inspired and created as it is from all the forms of entertainment and showbiz across existence. From slot machines that use parts of the spirit as coin to living games of chess using petrified losers of the Casino’s games to gladiatorial pit-fights it caters for all amusements possible.

Hidden within the depths of the Chaos Wastes, the Casino can only be reached by one insane enough to battle legions of daemons that roam the Wastes constantly. The reason for it's presence in the Wastes is because the Casino is not part of and bound to the will of one of the major Gods; it is a seperate entity itself, one made from the collective mental image of a place of entertainment and gambling formed from the minds of the mortal races.

The size of the casino has never been truly figured out; the few that have tried to make a rough guess through exploring have been driven insane by the sheer variety and randomness on display. Because of its limitless size and it’s constantly expanding nature, it is said you could never grow bored of the Casino even if you had an eternity to spend there.

In addition to classic methods of gambling, here a few of the most popular entertainments on offer:

* Big Brother: A game where a group of ‘volunteer’ contestants are put into a house-like structure and forced to live and work together to survive. The reason for it’s popularity is the interactions of the house mates, even chosen as a theme (Slaaneshi harem, Collection of Pskyers) or chosen at random, the latter which can cause some hilarious and unforeseen results. A [[Space Marine]], a [[Genestealer]], a Klingon, a Dalek, a Sith, a Borg, and something called a [[Miley Cyrus]] were put into the house one night and the resulting chaos bought in the highest viewing figures in the game’s history.

* Role-play simulation: Hosted in a different dimension modelled on a classic fantasy world, it allows clients to assume a completely new life and identity, complete skills selected prior to their soul being downloaded into the new body. Oddly enough this is the one game the four gods of chaos can agree to play together without arguing and every once in a while they take a break from conquering and evildoing to spend an afternoon questing together. Their party consists of [[Khorne]] (Barbarian warlord); [[Slaanesh]] (Elf Princess); [[Tzeentch]] (griffin-man Archmage); and [[Nurgle]] (Gnome Necromancer). Hearing their excited gamer talk as they enjoy themselves has a strange perplexing charm to it.

* Slaanesh orgasmatron: Not so much a game as an entertainment, the Slaanesh officially sponsored orgasmatron promises to “…Stimulate you to the maximum limits of pleasure”. Of course, this being a Slaanesh-made device, it is not as you would think pleasure as and anyone foolish enough not to think beforehand has very much regretted the choice after their gasping becomes screaming.

* Guard Hunting: Think of fox hunting except replace the fox with an imperial guardsman and the hounds with [[fleshound|fleshhounds]].

* Hell factor: Mortals compete to win the prize of daemonhood from a panel of expert immortals. Failures are turned into chaos spawn while the winner does become a daemon, one of many to their patron god...

==Pact of non-aggression==

In order to maintain the fun times and thrills of the Casino, the owners hold a pact of non-aggression with the four major Gods of Chaos. In reality this would not be nearly enough to deter some of the Gods from still trying to undermine and control the Casino but the owners are crafty and have taken an additional step to secure their independence; [[Khorne]] has been hired to act as the muscle deterrent to the Casino. In return he charges a protection racket fee of souls and blood. His legions then patrol the boundaries of the casino, constantly warring with anyone trying to attack the Casino. Of course being Khorne he would have happily done this for the fighting alone but the blood and souls given to him are a juicy extra.

==Paradox Poker Tournament==

Once in an age, the Chaos Casino hosts the [[Paradox poker]] Tournament, one of the biggest events in its calendar. Hosting the best players of fate and destiny across existence, the tournament attracts crowds that swarm the venue, packing the halls and corridors with beings just trying to get a glimpse of the star players.

The prize is a single wish with no negative consequences granted by the Gods of Chaos; as one can imagine this is a prize worth any risk and many sensible beings take the chance to make their dream a reality. To succeed however you must defeat the grand masters of the tournament, the four top players Tzeentch, [[The Emperor]], [[Cegorach]], and [[the Deceiver]].

In all the history of the tournament only one person successfully beat the four one after the other; a single girl with a tiny black dog. When asked about the identity of this winner the tournament officials, the grand masters and the Gods of Chaos go strangely silent and no hint or clue to her identity is given. No one knows the reason for this but few rarely ask such questions, not if they want to keep themselves in one piece anyway…

==Casino trivia==

* The Casino never shuts, like, never. Totally 24/7

* The four Gods of Chaos are lifelong premier members to the Casino

* [[Eldrad]] was banned for dicking at the tables one too many times

* No mortal ever leaves the Casino; eventually they will lose at some game and their soul will be forfeit to the Owners; such is the fate of those that would damn themselves playing the games of gods after all

* Cegorach is banned but he always manages to sneak back in thanks to a new disguise.

* Creed has played many games and lost some, but when the Soul Grinder comes to claim him its [[Anal Circumference|rear armor]] is penetrated by a Leman Russ Vanquisher at the other table.

* Nurgle is banned from brewing plagues in his private suite, especially after the last outbreak

* Khorne has to be constantly drunk to prevent himself breaking the no violence rule of the Casino; it is the only way to keep him too disoriented from managing to lash out at anyone.

* The Masque holds a weekly dance class for anyone interested; you succeed the class if you manage to escape alive.

* Malal is banned for always cheating when it comes to playing.

* Cheaters caught forfeit their souls to the Casino and have to spend an eternity working off their debt as an employee at the Casino. Considering the games and clients this is as nasty as it sounds.
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

Chaos Casino

2018-05-18T16:40:05Z

2602:306:39D6:CBA0:499B:DA2C:93A7:67C5: /* Venue and Games */

{{template:awesome}}
"Step this way gentlemen, step right in to the greatest gambling establishment in the multiverse. I do apologise that we are so difficult to get to but the depths of the chaos wastes provide us with all the security we could need and after all, if you made the effort to survive all the fellow patrons then clearly you are worthy of stepping through our doors."

"Let me take sword, gun and coat sir. No no! No need to be so defensive. While on the casino property you are perfectly safe from attack. Our contracted demon prince security consultants see that no harm comes to our patrons. You are of course bound by the same obligations not to assault any other clients though while on the grounds. Yes, our lovely cloak room [[daemonette]] Lisette De’Tease will look after your items. There is your ticket for collecting when you leave."

"Let me show you to the main hall and give you a quick tour of our facilities. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Hmm? Why yes it is true sir, anything in the universe can be won right here. We pride ourselves on providing anything and everything you could wish for. Immortality? Win it in our gladiator pits. Wealth to buy everything? Gamble on our divine blackjack tables with the brightest sparks amongst the immortals. Wanting to find that one true soul mate just for you? Take part in cosmic bingo or hunt down damned souls in our forest of woe and win casino credit to score big."

"I trust though you have sufficient funds to be able to play here at the Casino? No no sir. Mortal coin won’t do at all. What else do you have?"

"Hmmm, it appears just your own soul then. Pity, that won’t be much currency here but don’t be disheartened. Try to build up some starting credit in our spiritual slot machines. It is the least risky of our games for our new clients. You seem panicked sir. Truly you knew this wasn’t somewhere you could come without any risk to yourself? That is unfortunate but the truth. Truly we are an all or nothing stakes venue, the best and most thrilling of all…"

==Venue and Games==

The Chaos Casino covers every form of entertainment imaginable, inspired and created as it is from all the forms of entertainment and showbiz across existence. From slot machines that use parts of the spirit as coin to living games of chess using petrified losers of the Casino’s games to gladiatorial pit-fights it caters for all amusements possible.

Hidden within the depths of the Chaos Wastes, the Casino can only be reached by one insane enough to battle legions of daemons that roam the Wastes constantly. The reason for it's presence in the Wastes is because the Casino is not part of and bound to the will of one of the major Gods; it is a seperate entity itself, one made from the collective mental image of a place of entertainment and gambling formed from the minds of the mortal races.

The size of the casino has never been truly figured out; the few that have tried to make a rough guess through exploring have been driven insane by the sheer variety and randomness on display. Because of its limitless size and it’s constantly expanding nature, it is said you could never grow bored of the Casino even if you had an eternity to spend there.

In addition to classic methods of gambling, here a few of the most popular entertainments on offer:

* Big Brother: A game where a group of ‘volunteer’ contestants are put into a house-like structure and forced to live and work together to survive. The reason for it’s popularity is the interactions of the house mates, even chosen as a theme (Slaaneshi harem, Collection of Pskyers) or chosen at random, the latter which can cause some hilarious and unforeseen results. A [[Space Marine]], a [[Genestealer]], a Klingon, a Dalek, a Sith, a Borg, and something called a [[Miley Cyrus]] were put into the house one night and the resulting chaos bought in the highest viewing figures in the game’s history.

* Role-play simulation: Hosted in a different dimension modelled on a classic fantasy world, it allows clients to assume a completely new life and identity, complete skills selected prior to their soul being downloaded into the new body. Oddly enough this is the one game the four gods of chaos can agree to play together without arguing and every once in a while they take a break from conquering and evildoing to spend an afternoon questing together. Their party consists of [[Khorne]] (Barbarian warlord); [[Slaanesh]] (Elf Princess); [[Tzeentch]] (griffin-man Archmage); and [[Nurgle]] (Gnome Necromancer). Hearing their excited gamer talk as they enjoy themselves has a strange perplexing charm to it.

* Slaanesh orgasmatron: Not so much a game as an entertainment, the Slaanesh officially sponsored orgasmatron promises to “…Stimulate you to the maximum limits of pleasure”. Of course, this being a Slaanesh-made device, it is not as you would think pleasure as and anyone foolish enough not to think beforehand has very much regretted the choice after their gasping becomes screaming.

* Guard Hunting: Think of fox hunting except replace the fox with an imperial guardsman and the hounds with [[fleshound|fleshhounds]].

* Hell factor: Mortals compete to win the prize of daemonhood from a panel of expert immortals. Failures are turned into chaos spawn while the winner does become a daemon, one of many to their patron god...

==Pact of non-aggression==

In order to maintain the fun times and thrills of the Casino, the owners hold a pact of non-aggression with the four major Gods of Chaos. In reality this would not be nearly enough to deter some of the Gods from still trying to undermine and control the Casino but the owners are crafty and have taken an additional step to secure their independence; Khorne has been hired to act as the muscle deterrent to the Casino. In return he charges a protection racket fee of souls and blood. His legions then patrol the boundaries of the casino, constantly warring with anyone trying to attack the Casino. Of course being Khorne he would have happily done this for the fighting alone but the blood and souls given to him are a juicy extra.

==Paradox Poker Tournament==

Once in an age, the Chaos Casino hosts the [[Paradox poker]] Tournament, one of the biggest events in its calendar. Hosting the best players of fate and destiny across existence, the tournament attracts crowds that swarm the venue, packing the halls and corridors with beings just trying to get a glimpse of the star players.

The prize is a single wish with no negative consequences granted by the Gods of Chaos; as one can imagine this is a prize worth any risk and many sensible beings take the chance to make their dream a reality. To succeed however you must defeat the grand masters of the tournament, the four top players Tzeentch, [[The Emperor]], [[Cegorach]], and [[the Deceiver]].

In all the history of the tournament only one person successfully beat the four one after the other; a single girl with a tiny black dog. When asked about the identity of this winner the tournament officials, the grand masters and the Gods of Chaos go strangely silent and no hint or clue to her identity is given. No one knows the reason for this but few rarely ask such questions, not if they want to keep themselves in one piece anyway…

==Casino trivia==

* The Casino never shuts, like, never. Totally 24/7

* The four Gods of Chaos are lifelong premier members to the Casino

* [[Eldrad]] was banned for dicking at the tables one too many times

* No mortal ever leaves the Casino; eventually they will lose at some game and their soul will be forfeit to the Owners; such is the fate of those that would damn themselves playing the games of gods after all

* Cegorach is banned but he always manages to sneak back in thanks to a new disguise.

* Creed has played many games and lost some, but when the Soul Grinder comes to claim him its [[Anal Circumference|rear armor]] is penetrated by a Leman Russ Vanquisher at the other table.

* Nurgle is banned from brewing plagues in his private suite, especially after the last outbreak

* Khorne has to be constantly drunk to prevent himself breaking the no violence rule of the Casino; it is the only way to keep him too disoriented from managing to lash out at anyone.

* The Masque holds a weekly dance class for anyone interested; you succeed the class if you manage to escape alive.

* Malal is banned for always cheating when it comes to playing.

* Cheaters caught forfeit their souls to the Casino and have to spend an eternity working off their debt as an employee at the Casino. Considering the games and clients this is as nasty as it sounds.
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]